#but at the beginning there was a lot and if i hadnt pushed through it i wouldve given up

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

Projecting all of my hatred for certain male colleagues in STEM onto Henry Masterson and then torturing him by making his experiments fail, his codes not run properly, and his fellow scientists and lab techs be dicks to him because it's cheaper than bailing myself out of jail for throwing a beaker at a coworker's head

[tacomicyuri]

copypasting stuff here…

THINKING ABT…tacomic, when shes getting domesticated and actually gets served a proper meal she only eats a tiny bit, mic asks why and taco says she needs to save it so that she doesnt starve. mic reminds her she has access to a bunch of food now, and she can eat what she wants! but this sorta backfires because when she gets comfortable eating more, taco binge eats to the point where she gets sick, but she getd the hang of it eventually, the first time taco got hiccups in over a decade because she hadnt eaten that fast before was super surprising for her, but she was so cute so mic held her as she protested her hiccups, “my body is DEFYING ME! lay low you horrid hiccups!”

this is Wonderful. Yees it would totally take taco a bit to get used to not having to scavenge in the forest. I think her getting used to it and then just eating a ton is great, like yeah what has she been living off of She needs this after going so long outside. I think people don’t talk about her literally living in the woods enough.. she’s like a real life warrior cat who after mic takes her to hotel oj becomes a kittypet (a bit begrudgingly) and then gets suuper used to the lifestyle and though she still thinks of her life in the woods she feels a lot more comforted in this home Why am I comparing her to warrior cats sorry wc is on the brain currently. Yeah I find domesticated tacomic really interesting because taco has a lot to get used to, but now she’s in a safer environment and has a better chance to reflect on herself and make amends. She slowly gets better and works on herself with mic by her side helping her adjust and rooting her on. I think they deserve to truly be happy together even if they might not ever reach that true state, taco’s still improving and still needs work on her morals and her ways of living and thinking before her and mic can actually see eye to eye. And that takes a while. The final breaking point that made mic choose to leave was because taco broke an agreement that went against mic’s morals, but she did it because she thought this one little slip up wouldn’t matter because she gave mic what she Thought she truly wanted, praise and attention. She read her diary in the beginning, she knew how she felt about herself and others and how she wanted to be Seen, just not in the way taco put upon her. She did it with the thought mic would just forgive her, and maybe even be appreciative of her, but she wasn’t thinking about what mic Truly wants, she’s pushing a bit of herself upon mic’s wants. In her head she was doing the right thing, but in reality she wasn’t quite seeing what mic actually had wanted. Mic wanted to be Heard, and taco went against the one thing mic told her not to, in doing so she wasn’t listening to her. That makes me so ill. She really was expecting mic to be Happy about what she had did, because of what it brought to mic, but then she leaves and taco gets to really think about how her choices and morals do have consequences and not everything will go the way she thinks in her head, or through her reasoning. I wonder what would’ve happened if taco chose to actually listen to what mic had wanted in that moment, but I guess she was a bit too full of herself and her abilities and thought in giving what she thought mic wanted to her on a silver platter it could make them closer, stronger, a tighter bond. Then their entire existing bond got cracked by her going against her word and shattered upon mic breaking ties. I wouldn’t say it’s shattered beyond repair, taco just has to think a bit more about others thoughts

[nightmyst14-blog]

Regaining Treasures pt3

Let's go Part 3!! I personally think this one is the saddest so far. Might change.

Blame the song "Mama's boy" by Dominic Fike for this one.

Setting: Golden Cheese Kingdom throne’s room. She was extremely happy to have Mozzarella back, but was taking a few days to recover for the second child. She had agreed to wait a week for them to revive Smoked Cheese, but something was bothering the golden queen. Dark Cacao volunteered to talk to her.

Golden Cheese; *sitting on her throne, staring t a wooden bird in her hands.*

Dark Cacao: *walks over Birdie?

Golden Cheese: *sniffles*...Will he even forgive me? Will he even forgive himself?

Dark Cacao: Who?

Golden Cheese: My son.. My second born, Smoked Cheese Cookie. He was the most adamant about my ruling, calling me an arrogant ruler, since I didnt care about what was going on in the outside my kingdom’s walls.

Dark Cacao: …I was told he was your advisor, tried to take your Soul Jam as well.

Golden Cheese: *nods* He and I were a lot alike. He even had the most beautiful red wings, so he would fly with me as I tended to my duties. But.. Due to learning what happened to him, he wanted to take things into his own hands.

Dark Cacao: Do you remember the last time you talked to him?

Golden Cheese: *nods* He was upset that I had spared him.After everything he did, he expected me to kill him. 

Dark Cacao: *frowns, remembering his past with Choco* ..And?

Golden Cheese: I..I spared him. As much as I was upset by his insolence, he.. He was right. If it hadnt been for that, I wouldve kept doing what I was doing, making history repeat itself. I..I couldnt.. After all of that, h-he’s my son…

Dark Cacao: *cups her cheek* I..I understand. Losing mine was difficult, especially since I banished him.

Golden Cheese: *shocked* D-Dark Choco? My nephew?

Dark Cacao: *looks away* Yes. Long story short, He went to find an ancient artifact that ended up leading him down a dark road. SInce the last Ive seen of him, he’s left that path. Before he left, I apologized for my idiocy of how I raised him. I have no idea where he is, but if he doesn't want to speak with me again, I’ll let it be.

Golden Cheese: Cacao… *reaches for his hand*

Dark Cacao: *takes her hand, looks at her* You still have a chance to try with yours. Take that chance, okay?

Golden Cheese: *sniffles, nods* Okay.. *gets up* Let’s go start the ritual again.

*the two meet up with the others, getting the ritual set up before midday. Olive sets up a bowl the incense of the falcon sarcophagus, letting it burn since others did their part. The smoke drifted into the coffin, the object beginning to glow as Golden Cheese bent light into the cracks of the sarcophagus.*

*Once it was done, Dark Cacao opens the lid. *

* A young man sits up, groaning a bit. He had long red hair that made it to his feet, scars all down to his right arm under his ruined cape. He had messy red wind, dirty and unkempt from his time in the sarcophagus, some even falling off*

??: *looking around in a confused start, soon turning to fear. His ear tufts were puffed up, shaking as he was trying to stand up*

Golden Cheese: S-Smokey…? Smoked Cheese? *reaches out to him* 

Smoked Cheese: *gasps, swats her hand away* *ends up falls out of the sarcophagus, starts running knowing Pure Vanilla and Olive out of the way*

Pure Vanilla: *falls* Ah! Oh no!!

Olive: *adjusting her glasses* He’s definitely awake!

Golden Cheese: Smoked Cheese, wait!! *spreads her wings, flies after him*

Dark Cacao: Golde- *grunts, helps White Lily up* C’mon, they couldn't have gotten far!

Pure Vanilla: Poor thing, he must be frightened…

Dark Cacao: *shakes his head* No.. worse than that.

*Meanwhile, Smoked Cheese was running through the hallway, pushing past other workers and Cheesebirds. He was trying to use his wings, but they were too stiff and messed up for him to fly. Golden Cheese flew after him, yelling his name.*

Golden Cheese: *flapping her wings* Smoked Cheese, slow down! 

*Smoked Cheese doesn't hear her, not watching where he was going.. He ended up tripping down a flight of stars. With the adrenaline rush slowing down in his body, he became too weak to stand up. Everything was hurting, but It didn't stop him though, as he tried to crawl his way out to the doors. But was stopped by vines, wrapped around him*

White Lily: *using plant magic* Gotcha!!

Smoked Cheese: *struggling, panicked breaths* Gotta get out, gotta get out- *crying, makeup streaks down his face* No, no nonononon…

Pure Vanilla: *gasps* Lily, put him down!! He’s panicking!!

White Lily: *immediately retracts the vines and sets Smoked down on the floor, seeing him hug himself tight*

*Golden Cheese lands nearby, walking over slowly while Vanilla and Lily stay by the stairs*

Golden Cheese: *kneels down, worried* Smokey..? Baby bird, can you hear me?

Smoked Cheese: *sobbing, hugging his arms* I-I… I need to..

Golden Cheese: Ssh.. *gently wraps her wings around him, pulling him close.* Ssh.. breathe, Smokey..

*Dark Cacao and Olive with Mozzarella, the archaeologist pushing the princess in her wheelchair*

Mozzarella: *gasps* Smokey!!

Golden Cheese: I got him, dear… *looks down at him, cupping his face* Smokey..? Smoked Cheese, can you hear me? Come back to me, my baby bird…

Smoked Cheese: *panting, looks up* Y-Your majesty..?

Golden Cheese: *shakes her head* No. Mother is here, Smokey..

Smoked Cheese: I-I… *sniffles, shaking* I can’t be here.. I t-took the Soul Jam… I-I tried t-to k-k-kill you…

*Pure Vanilla and White Lily gasp, while Dark Cacao gives them a nod*

Golden Cheese: *sighs*…That is in the past, Smoked Cheese. You had a point to your words, I was selfish. And arrogant. And being a brat..

Smoked Cheese: Mother…

Golden Cheese: But I could NEVER be mad at you. I love you so much, my son.. 

Smoked Cheese: *hugs her tight, sobs*  M-Mother…!

Golden Cheese: *smiles, hugs back* Smokey… *rubs his back* I missed you so much..

Mozzarella: *asks Olive to move her closer, smiling at her family* Smokey!! You’re awake!

Smoked Cheese: *looks up* Mozzi…? Mozzarella!

 *He tries to stand up, but Golden Cheese helps him hoddle over to her. He sat down besides Mozzarella’s wheelchair, resting his head on her lap*

Mozzarella: *Smiles, runs a hand through his hair* Told you Mother’s plan would work..

Smoked Cheese: Forgive me… I-I was a fool…

Mozzarella: We all were. I’m just glad I can touch your hair again..

Smoked Cheese: *chuckles*

Golden Cheese: *smiles* C’mon, lets get a bed for you to rest in. *goes to help Smoked Cheese stand.*

Dark Cacao: *walks over to Cheese family, nods* Allow me. * easily picks up Smoked Cheese to carry him

Smoked Cheese: Ah! U-um…

Golden Cheese: Easy dear. They are a friend of mine.

Smoked Cheese: O-Okay…

*Soon Smoked Cheese was brought over to the medical wing where he would be treated. Mozzarella stayed with him for comfort, holding his hand through the process.*

Smoked Cheese: *wincing as his wing were cleaned* Ow,Ow!

Servant: *add disinfectant* I apologize, your highness. But I do need to add on this so your wings wont get infected.

Smoked Cheese: Ugh, it stinks.. Who made this stuff?

Mozzarella: *tinkering with her bracelet* Lady White Lily. Mother’s friend.

Smoked Cheese; Right, right… I almost forget Mother has friends outside of the kingdom. Its..its nice we get to meet them.

Mozzarella: And I heard they have kids like us! Maybe we get to meet them one day!

Smoked Cheese: *chuckles* Maybe.

Mozzarella: You think we should do something nice for Mother? After all, she is the one waking us up.

Smoked Cheese: *thinks, sits up* *looks at the servant* Excuse me, do you know where the general's quarters would be?

Servant: across from the Royal Quarters and near the cold springs, my liege.

Smoked Cheese: *looks at Mozzarella, smiles* We have work to do.

[ifimdreaming]

Can you do something with Nolan Moyle ?

blurb!

im drunk

nolan moyle x reader

summary: you get very drunk and call nolan to come and pick you up (cw: mentions of throwing up, and drinking obviously)

authors note: this is not edited whtasoever its 3am rip

word count: 1.1k

-

It had been such a long time since youve gone out on a friday night and you were not about to leave because your friends decided to abandon you before midnight.

the club was starting to get busier and you were starting to forget how many drinks youve actually had by now. Just being able to dance with strangers and not worry about school or work or anything else was actually such a relief

After dancing to song after song by yourself, you squeezed your way off the dance floor to grab a seat at the bar. You were feeling a lot drunker than you normally would get and suddenly everything was catching up to you. You hadnt even found a seat at the bar yet before you begin tripping over your feet. you stumble slightly, and feel someone grab your arm as you almost reach the ground

“woah, you ok sexy?” an unfamilair voice says as you feel a hand placed against your back. This is exactly why you hated going out without nolan

“um. Im fine. thanks” you say shortly, trying not to let him get the wrong idea.

“yeah? you need another drink?” the tall blonde says and the hand he placed on your back begins moving lower and lower

“yeah no thanks. Im actually going to find my boyfriend” you lie, ripping his hand off of you as you run off quickly. and youre just silently praying you dont fall on your way down the long dark hallway to the bathroom

Being alone in the bathroom with the sounds of music and people now distantly murmuring in the background made you feel suddenly very vulnerable. The realization that you were in a crowded bar, alone, and you hadnt even told nolan you were going out tonight was fianlly hitting you. so you decide to give him a call

“Hello?”

“Nolaan? H-hiii”

“Hello? …Wher-” he starts and you cut him off, knowing hes probably about to ask a million questions just from hearing your inebriated voice. And honestly, rightfully so 

“I-im at the club! Im. im d-drunk” you say, “some guy cuaght me b-but im ok. Its ok”

“What? Where are you?”

“Um im. Imhere im just. Im drunk”

“Ok. just send me the address and ill come get you. Can you do that?”

If your mind was in its normal state you would be thanking god for how sweet of a boyfriend nolan is in this moment. But alas the alcohol is taking over and almost everything he is saying is flying over your head

“Where are you?” you say, forgetting you were in fact on the phone, and nolan wasnt at the bar with you.

“Im getting in my car. I have your location so im coming to get you alright?  Just please dont drink anymore, Ill be there in like ten minutes” he says and just the mention of alcohol makes you feel suddenly extremely sick to your stomahc 

You run into the bathroom stall, throwing up probably more than half of what you drank tonight.  nolans voice quietly echos through your phone that is now sitting on the grimy bathroom floor

“you there? What happened?” he asks worriedly

“i t-threw up” you say remorsfully. Suddenly your dizziness is gone, but an instant headache follows

“Yeah i thought so” “just try to relax ok? Im almost there just dont hang up the phone so i can find you”

-

“Nolaan?” “are you there?” you ask after just silently sitting on the phone while he is on his way to get you 

“Im here. Are you in the bathroom?”

“I-im. the toilet…”

“Ok just gimme a minute” he says and hangs up the phone, worrying you

Not even ten seconds later the bathroom door swings open and you see nolans feet from underneath th stall door

You push open the stall excitedly as he walks towards you, lifting you up slowly from your crouched positon beside the toilet.

“Hiiiii” you say with a giggle

“Hey baby. You ready to go?”

“S-sorry i got drunk… im...” you start, but are too tired to continue. You droop your head slightly against nolans shoulder as he maneuvers your arm around his neck, helping you walk out to his car

“Lets head home ok? And we can talk about what the hell happened in the morning…” he says with a laugh, shaking his head

“C-can we go home?”

“Yes baby.. I just said that” he says, unlocking his car and opening th epassengers side door. He is being as gentle as possible as he helps you into the car

nolan always looked insanely attractive when he was concerned. his eyebrows are slightly furrowed and his lips pursed as he buckles your seat belt for you, and you just watch him intently as he takes  care of you

“Hi” he says to you after noticing you just staring intently at him without a word

“can i have a kiss?” you ask keenly and face wrinkles as  a smile grows on his lips

He takes your face in his hands an dplaces a loving kiss against your forehead, and then squishes your cheeks in his hands

you wiggle your face out of his hands, “i meant on the lips..” you say with an exaggerated frown and pouted bottom lip

“Oh did you now?” nolan smiles and grabs your waist in one hand, stroking your hair softly with the other as you close your eyes in anticipation. he leans in towards you leisurely before moving his head to the side, blowing a wet raspberry against your cheek

 He giggles at your disgust and closes the car door, retreating to the drivers side.

“You have to admit that was pretty funny” nolan says, looking over to see you with your arms crossed over your chest, dramatically protesting his actions

“Im not talking to you!” you look over to your boyfriend as he drives you both home 

“Youre talking to me right now..” he says cleverly. Undeniably winning this feigned argument

“Then i, well you- then you dont talk to me then” you say,  nolans eyebrows contort as he hides a smirk and youve confused even yourslef with that sentence

“ok …lets just get you home baby..’ he says with a laugh and you huff in response

nolan places his right hand on your thigh as he drives, his strokes on your leg alleviating the annoyance of your dizzy mind and aching stomach

You place your hand over his and sink deeper into the passengers seat, basking in contentment as your drunken tiredness takes over

-

-

[larrythefloridaman]

Mayhaps some thoughts on Valentine?

Oh, dear valentine... so mysterious... and the weight of being the perfect, gentle showman is such a heavy burden to bear...

Val is fascinating to me, because even though theres so much we don't know about what he really wants, really feels, really thinks, because most of his screentime is on the sidelines in an obviously staged persona, theres a lot of interesting inferences we can make from what he says when he breaks character, doesnt break character, or expresses his (oft-ignored) agency, but, with so many details missing, I am forced to turn to thematic analysis and context clues to fill in the blanks. I say forced as though I dont love doing this shit lmao

Val's occasional awkward fumbling breaks with his presenter persona lead me to assume hes that flavor of theater kid thats sort of... reserved, passive, awkward, almost shy in their personal life until they're onstage, where they Come Alive before the crowd, but also, hes presented in his introductory episode as a man who 'walks directly into explosions just to see if he can survive them.' contradiction between the private and public self, risk and spectacle and, of course, performance are important things to consider when evaluating Val. He wants to put on a good show for the people, after all! Talented and radiant and powerful and good, Val is an instant hit with the audience- and Val puts his body on the line trying to 'save the day' in a very risky move, a shady deal with a shady being with shady terms. Keep in mind Crimson really hadnt done anything REAL bad at this point- a little theft, a little homewrecking, his greatest crime we saw was being kinda spooky, really.

We don't hear the terms of Val and Crimson's bet, their discussion of the terms entirely held through crimson's ability for psychic communication, but we do see the result. Valentine looked at the quiet, eldritch thing Crimson began as, and wagered his body as Crimson's prize. Crimson wins, a gentleman keeps his word, and the Captain Crimson era begins. It isn't long before theres reason to regret his choice, although the Grunk's death wasn't something Crimson exactly wanted to happen either. Captain Crimson, given the privilege of choosing who in the tie at the bottom of top 8 gets to move on to the next part of what was supposed to be a two part tournament, the Grunk is shortly after found dead. Val remains in Crimson's thrall for another several months, Team Crimson formed amid the hiatus's offscreen chaos.

I think a feeling of guilt in the situation hes avoiding does haunt him. He claims little memory of his time as Captain Crimson, but the Grunk certainly seems to blame him some, even saying that 'at least hes not dead this time,' when Val successfully defends his championship from the Grunk. And hes in good company! Culpable in the Grunk's Death Club: Crimson (oops!) Hamhel (catalyst for both his and his killer's presence at the tournament,) Val (unintentional accomplice to manslaughter) Larry, Iggy and Chartreuse (knowingly complicit for timeloop reasons!)

Which adds some layers to Val breaking from his professionalism and stage persona a bit in 23's intros to express Intense Concern with J0hn's puppeteering of a murderer and VERY POINTEDLY bringing up the Grunk's own murder charges, audibly upset by the Grunk explicitly taking pride in them, he's clearly pretty disturbed by it- although he never pushes too hard against the tournament's regular function, even when it would be pretty fair to. One must remember the P. Rool Arc- the tournament is not an unquestionable arbiter of good or fairness, the tournament's rules are not unbreakable impartial tenets of the universe but the personal, often petty, choices of a jesterly godking, a TURTLE in a CLOWNCAR, and so going along with them is, within their world, a choice that all the characters are making! Everyone in the cast is, for better or worse, somewhat complicit in the tournament's failings, at least as much as any one actor who willingly works under a questionable director or in a questionable industry, if that makes sense. Technically, Valentine's championship was won at Plum's expense. Valentine participated- alongside an assortment of other fighters, including Rights Sentience, a so-called sentinel of that which is good and right- in the group free-for-all to take P. Rool's win away from him, and happened to come out on top. Relevant information to recall on P. Rool Day.

And, also relevantly to 23, he's pretty disturbed by Quad too, as we see in his introduction in 17. I think Quad is critical to understanding what Val's got going on under the surface- of the clones, theyre pretty explicitly the most directly similar from base to clone, and ive said it before and ill say it again, the thing Ryan's said about Quad and Val thats stuck with me characterization-wise is that 'Val is like a rollercoaster, Quad is like skydiving.' Rollercoasters are a thrill, with ups and downs and twists and turns but a careful calculation for safe results along a planned path, placing an implicit trust in the engineers who designed it for you to enjoy, although the controls are left out of your hands, and so when something goes wrong all you can do is wait for it to be over and hope noone gets hurt. Skydiving is throwing yourself directly to the whims of the world and letting go for a very INTENSE and STRAIGHTFORWARD thrill, running on the often CAREFULLY CONFIRMED trust that your parachute will work and with direct, conscious, personal control over when it deploys. I think of how Val often rolls with the tournaments decisions despite his misgivings, often seemingly not even informed until DAY OF what he'll be dealing with, and I think of how Quad was part of the first forfeit in tournament history and on another occasion caught just a whiff of horseshit and marched right up to god and beat her ass. Quad is like Val without the tact, the nuance, the subterfuge, like Val if you intentionally distilled and intensified him to the point of parody, and in the process, boiled out all the subtleties and passivity.

The natural instinct to compare Crimson and Val's relationship during Val's possession and Quad and Order's is... I think not EXACTLY wrong, but I don't think it's one-to-one at all. If Quad is, thematically, like Val with all the subtleties and nuance (not to say quad is UNnuanced because of course he is, but like. yknow what i mean in this context) wrung out, then maybe the intensity and circumstances of the awfulness of Quad and Order's relationship is a much more black-and-white case, but the baseline dynamic was similar? Just. Greyer. More complicated. Less extreme. Another all-take and little-to-no-give relationship between a controlling person and someone only wanted and valued by them in the first place as a useful, disposable tool in the pursuit of their own desires, who was never really all that interested in them personally as anything more than that, because at the end of the day they always wanted something or someone else, until someone else gets rid of the taker, and the giver is left alone to reevaluate things in their absence. But i suppose we already knew that. Another difference of course being they were two people who happened to collide for a while by chance and made regrettable choices, while Quad was born and designed with the purpose of being used. (And, of course, got to overcome that.)

Considering other Crimson'd folks were very much able to dispel Crimson from their bodies when they didnt want him there anymore, Hamhel 'defecting' offscreen, Chessmaster casting it off with all the casualness of flexing muscle, when they had come to some kind of epiphany and wanted to better themselves, while Val needed to have it dragged out of him by force, and even, in a moment of weakness and spite in response to the humiliation of Dani's Rat Stunt may have even considered taking crimson BACK if jay's speculation about val's feelings after the exorcism in 11 holds weight... its... interesting. And while they're plenty professionally friendly, I do think theres potentially some... lasting resentment, between him and Dantoinette in the mix, too. She did not need to rub his face in losing to the rat, and that could just be a dani-typical weak-filter shit-talk moment. But he did not need to bring up the bear. and Val's usually more careful than that.

Val lost a bet. They were together for months. They had to have developed some kind of dynamic and rapport in that time. While he absolutely was a controlling asshole, even just by nature of How Possession Literally Works, there isnt much reason to assume crimson was uniquely cruel to Val in their relationship compared to his other partnerships, and most folks who were possessed for more than a day came out of that relationship rightfully hating his ass and not wanting to be around him but not like. Life-Wreckingly Transformed by Him or anything. He's not an abuser, hes not that kind of evil. hes your dickhead ex that brought out the worst in you, he's the sketchy mp3 downloader thats BEGGING for you to let him install viruses, he's the best employee at a scam company. Crimson is just as disgusted by people like Prism or the Doc as anybody else reasonable. He's just a selfish, negative, dirtbag asshole thats rebellious for the sake of it and pressures you into and gives you excuses to pursue bad ideas- both his and your own, and living vicariously through those he controls to escape his circumstances and get to be anybody but who and what he actually is for a while, and Val was perfect for that. He 'got what he needed' by 'being' him. Vibrant, beloved by the crowd and community, comfortable in front of the camera, seemingly so confident warm and happy despite everything, so in control of his own destiny, at least in theory. The heartless coveting that which he cannot have. Val reduced more than once to an idealized object on a pedestal. The perfect man, and a being that from certain perspectives might barely qualify as a person at all- he certainly didnt present himself as one to start with. Hell, hes still imitating Val just a bit trying to play presenter in his stead in Orange.

BUT. All that being said. Order isn't what Val chooses to compare his time with Crimson to, in a rare instance we see of him actually trying to talk about it. No. His choice of comparison is a different object of Val's disdain- Cupid. Heartbreak and Cupid.

Heartbreak and Cupid are friends. and Heartbreak does say he WANTS to find someone that meets his romantic standards- but Cupid begins to push through his boundaries, FORCING it, making this OVERWHELMING UNASKED FOR SPECTACLE out of his issues on live broadcast, and when he decides he DOESNT want to pursue it actively anymore, Cupid refuses to back down from trying, because he DID want it and Cupid doesnt want him to Give Up on what he wants, but the reality is Heartbreak just found some peace with being by himself and doesn't want it so bad anymore, but Cupid seemingly wont take him at his word that he's genuinely just changed his mind. Tempered expectations, mistaken for lost hope. And it pisses heartbreak off so much that at least when the wound's fresh he doesn't even want to look at the color pink.

Val made a bet. We didnt see the terms. Val, in contrast with his perfect gentlemanly persona, flirts with villainy from time to time- quite literally in the case of his exchange with Dr. Order at the start of 16 before Quad was made, sometimes less literally and more subtly complicit with the tournament's less than perfect ethics record, nobody's perfect, no exceptions, not even the perfect man is unflawed- but never truly falls from grace again after his time with Crimson, while using the same cunning and subterfuge the god of treachery employs in facing challenges and claiming advantages all the same. Tempered subversion, mistaken for submission to conformity. And Crimson's presence is enough to make Val just want to stay home.

Am i cooking or is this nothing? YOU decide!

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

The King Of Wishful Thinking

Spencer Reid had been in love before, he knew the symptoms as well as he did any other sickness. He could tell that it had started the first day he saw you, much to his dismay. Hotch introduced you to the team as his PA, but added that the title was vague because you were going to help out any member of the team who needed it. All of the boring parts of the job, filing and other office-based tasks that the rest of the team dreaded. While the profilers went away on cases, you kept all of their things in order back at Quantico, and you’d stay late to make sure you were there to give them a full report when they got back. You were efficient from the get go, a lifesaver amongst the team when you offered to take their piles of paperwork and sort them. But, of course, the one person who didnt need help with any paperwork was the one person more desperate than any other to speak to you.

At first, you offered Spencer help as much as you offered everyone else, but after he stumbled through the politest rejections you’d ever experienced, and the team continually joking that he definitely didnt need help, you stopped offering to avoid irritating him. He had hoped that the lack of communication would extinguish the fire you’d lit within him, but oh, how wrong he was.

“Good morning Doctor Reid!” You called gleefully as you entered the building, your eyes immediately landing on Spencer, who sat at his desk idly writing out impossible maths equations.

He didnt say anything in reply, just beamed at you, and you approached him to sit on his lap, the two of you laughing in between passionate kisses-

“Hey, kid, you alright?” Derek nudges Spencer, pulling him out of his daydream.

Spencer’s gaze had been fixed on the glass doors awaiting your arrival, and Derek was aware like the rest of the team that this distractedness was not common with the young genius.

“Y-Yes, Im fine!” Spencer splutters, clearing his throat and straightening his tie, eyes frantically darting around the room as though to prove he hadnt been zoned out staring at the door for several minutes.

“What’s been up with you lately, man-“ Derek begins to ask quietly, but he’s interrupted.

“Good morning Doctor Reid!” You call gleefully as you push through the glass doors, leaning on them with your back because your arms are stacked with papers.

“Good morning (Y/N)!” He squeaks back, waving awkwardly, causing your smile to widen into a beaming grin.

In his daydreams, Spencer manages to be an awful lot smoother, but your genuine kindness is not something his mind conjures up. He had hoped you not talking to him would kill his crush on you, but of course, you being as lovely as you are, you made sure to greet him every single morning so that he never felt left out. The rest of the team had the easy route when it came to speaking to you, Spencer had to wait for specific opportunities, such as the one Derek Morgan has happened to witness.

Derek laughs and sits back on Spencer’s desk. “Ah, I see.”

“What do you see? I dont see anything. You dont see anything!” Spencer is rising from his desk in what can only be described as sheer panic, literally walking into the rail of the stairs as he tries to walk around Derek to get to them, causing Derek to laugh even harder.

“Kid’s got it bad!” He teases.

“I dont ‘got’ anything!” Spencer snaps, but the nervous higher pitch to his voice gives him away.

The team head to the round table to discuss today’s case. Just as Penelope begins describing the victims, Spencer happens to glance at the doorway. And there you are, across the walkway, headphones hiding your ears as you dance around the printer.

“Given the extent of paperwork waiting for us in Florida, I’ve asked (Y/N) to join us on this case.”

Spencer’s eyes widen as he slowly turns back to Hotch, unable to believe the words that got through to him despite being completely distracted by you. He mentally scolds himself, of course the mention of your name is the only thing that can pull him away from staring at you.

“(Y/N)?” Hotch calls, but you continue dancing around the printer, completely oblivious.

The team chuckles as they watch you, smiling fondly as you pick up the files you printed and take your headphones off. Hotch calls your name again, and this time you jump out of your skin. Turning to face the round table, you already have your eyes closed and your mouth pressed to a thin line, realising you’d forgotten you were supposed to be with the team. You jog over to the round table, your headphones bouncing around your neck.

“Sorry about that! Ditziness is next to godliness!”

The team laughs, Spencer’s smile lingering longer than anyone else’s.

“Honestly, Im not sure why Im coming considering you have the world’s fastest reader right here!” You exclaim, gesturing to Spencer, who immediately sits up straighter.

“The world’s fastest reader is actually Howard Stephen Berg, who can read 25,000 words per minute, but Maria Teresa Calderon, from the Philipines, claims to beat that with 80,000 words per minute-“ Spencer pauses, then smiles bashfully while mentally facepalming. “-and you were just complimenting me, werent you? Thank you.”

Spencer lowers his head, blushing furiously as Derek and Rossi slap his back, everyone at the round table sharing a laugh.

On the jet, Hotch informs everyone that you’re just collecting your things from your bag, but you’ll be right with them. Spencer takes a window seat at the back of the jet, and Emily quickly plops down beside him.

“You should ask her out.” She says simply.

“What!?!” Spencer squeaks, trying to express his outrage as quietly as possible.

“You should ask her out!” Emily repeats.

“No way!” Spencer shakes his head furiously.

“Why?” Emily questions, as though he’s refusing the easiest thing in the world.

“She doesnt- she couldnt- the majority of outcomes would be horrific!” Spencer struggles, stumbling over his words.

“Would the outcomes really be horrific, or are you just too scared to admit you might actually have a shot with someone?” Emily asks in a hushed voice.

Before Spencer can reply, Emily’s eyes dart to the jet doors and she jumps out of the seat next to Spencer, leaving it empty just in time for you to arrive. He looks out of the jet window, pretending to be deep in thought.

“Is this seat taken?” Spencer hears you ask, and he discretely pinches his thigh to make sure he isnt dreaming.

He turns his head to look at you. “N-No!”

You smile and sit down beside him, pulling a blanket over yourself that Spencer hadnt even noticed you were carrying. You catch Spencer staring at it and shrug.

“This is a 13 hour flight, best thing to do is get a nap in before everyone else so that when I am awake everyone else is sleeping, then I can get some work done. Or, I can have conversations without worrying about a team of profilers listening in!” You raise an eyebrow, causing Spencer to chuckle, he understands your point on a spiritual level. He thinks you’re going to go to sleep, but you continue talking to him. “If you like, we can both sleep and then chat once we wake up. Since we’re next to each other and all.” You suggest, and his profiling instincts tell him you’re trying to be very casual about the suggestion, and the fact you’re avoiding eye contact makes him think you’re nervous about something. But what?

Spencer nods, also trying very hard to come across as casual about it. He hopes that because you arent a profiler you wont recognise that he’s trying so hard.

You smile at him and proceed to get snuggled up under your blanket. He waits until he hears your breathing slow, telling him you’re asleep, then he glances at you, to see you’re still smiling. His heart all but leaps out of his chest. Not wanting to miss out on an opportunity to have a private conversation with you that he doesnt have to initiate, Spencer settles in his own seat and closes his eyes, persuading himself to sleep.

The moment he drifts, you’re back again. What else would he dream about?

He was in his apartment, re-reading War And Peace, when he heard a knock at his door. He frowned, rose to his feet and walked to the door. When he opened it, he saw you standing there with two tubs of jello and two spoons, you held one of each out to him with a beaming smile on your face. Spencer wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his apartment, lifting you and the jello into the air and spinning you around, before placing you back down on the ground to rest his forehead against yours and hold you close. He didnt kiss you, he didnt need to in that moment, because even dream-him knew not every moment required a kiss, and he didnt just want to kiss you. Sometimes, all he wanted was to hold you.

“Spencer?” You asked quietly.

“Hmm?” He hummed in reply.

“Spencer?!”

He jumps in his plane seat, eyes snapping open as he realises you are actually saying his name and gently shaking him awake. You laugh quietly.

“What were you dreaming about?” You ask curiously.

Spencer swallows nervously. “Jello.”

You nod in understanding. “Jello is a very good thing to have deep dreams about, congratulations.”

“Thank you?” Spencer says, somewhat confused and still half-asleep.

You cross your legs and turn to face him, sitting sideways on the jet seat with your blanket wrapped around you. “So! Let’s play a question game!”

Spencer frowns curiously. “Why?”

You shrug, gesturing to the rest of the team. “Nobody’s eavesdropping, I wanna get to know you, why else?”

Spencer’s heart skips a beat. “Why do you want to get to know me?”

You roll your eyes at him, but you’re smiling, so he knows you arent making fun of him. “Because you’re interesting! So, questions, are you ready?”

Spencer straightens his back, shuffling around in his seat as he feels the tension rise. He’s considerably taller than you, so he cant quite sit sideways on the seat, but he does his best to face you.

“Okay, you go first.” He says, allowing you to set the tone of the questions so that he can figure out what to ask you afterwards, but also so he can try and deduce what you want to know, specifically. There has to be a reason that you want to play this game.

“Are you comfortable with the way the team make fun of you sometimes?”

Well, of all the questions he theorised you would ask, that was not one of them. He’s stumped. Spencer shuffles and repositions in his seat as he frowns, formulating an answer.

“Most of the time I know they arent being cruel, they’re my friends, but sometimes it does get to me, I guess. Everyone has bad days.” Spencer explains, and you nod, but he cant hold back from continuing. “I dont want to waste my question asking this, but could you tell me why you asked that?”

You smile at him. “We dont talk much, but I pay attention to you, which I suppose is a consequence of that. Since I dont know you very well, and dont get many chances to talk to you in order to change that, I try and figure you out by paying attention. I notice them making fun of you, and sometimes I want to jump in and defend you, but I feel it isnt my place, Im not quite in tune with the team dynamic just yet.”

Spencer feels his heart swell at your words. Despite barely knowing him, you care about him that much? And you want to figure him out?

You nod at him. “Your turn to ask a question!”

Spencer clears his throat. “Why do you make the effort to talk to me when it isnt in your job description?” He immediately sees how taken aback you are, and he’s quick to rephrase. “It’s not that I dont enjoy you talking to me - I very much do - I just dont know why you bother, because you have to talk to everyone else as part of your job. You dont need to talk to me, but you choose to, and I dont know why.”

You tuck your hair behind your ear and avoid eye contact, instead looking over to double check that the rest of the team are definitely asleep, as you try to find your words.

“Well, like I said, you’re interesting. I want to get to know you, and the fact you dont need my help means that I cant use that as an excuse to talk to you, like I can for everyone else. In order to get to know you, specifically, I have to make the extra effort.”

Spencer’s stomach drops. Is he just like everyone else to you? Do you simply want to get to know him in the same way you know the rest of the team?

“Why do you stare at me?”

Suddenly, the entire world stops. Spencer swears he can feel his blood freezing in his veins. He doesnt know how it never crossed his mind that during his zoned out moments, you could quite easily see him. Oh god.

“I...find you interesting, too.” He begins, intending to stop talking right then and there, but his mouth has other ideas. “What I mean is, you make me interested in you- but not in an objectifying way, I just mean that- you are so effortlessly mesmerising and I dont- I cant- and you dont feel the same way, which is fine, Im just somebody you work with that you barely know- you dont want to know me in the same way and that’s fine- I just-“

You lean forward and cover his mouth with your hand, silencing his ramble.

“Spencer, take a breath.” You tell him, but the smile on your face makes it very difficult for him to do that. Taking your hand away from his mouth, you settle back in your seat. “I said I wanted to get to know you like I do the rest of the team because I was trying to retain some professionalism, while being wrapped up in a blanket and sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce.”

Spencer cant help but laugh at that, and in doing so you put him completely at ease, despite his heart beating a mile a minute.

“But, since you just metaphorically threw the remaining professionalism out of the jet window, we’ll replace it with honesty. Im interested in you, Spencer, and in the same way you are interested in me.” You explain to him, your words deliberately slower so that they sink in.

And just like that, you have Doctor Spencer Reid speechless. He keeps his gaze locked with yours as he very obviously pinches his own arm.

“Dont hurt yourself! What was that for!?!” You grab his hand and take it away from his shoulder, holding it in yours so that he doesnt try and pinch himself again. The care you have for him could make him cry.

“Just making sure this isnt another daydream. It’s been difficult to tell the difference recently.” Spencer tells you, his words barely above a whisper. Before he can stop himself or overthink it, he asks the only question playing on his mind. “Can...Can I kiss you?”

Your cheeks flush pink as you nod slowly. The two of you lean in at a snail pace, it feels like someone is holding the brakes on gravity, slowing down a pull that cannot be resisted, it’s inevitable. His lips meet yours, directly above the arm of the jet seats between you. Every fibre of his existence is set alight. Spencer has a momentary worry that the fireworks have the strength to blow up the plane, but he’s reminded how irrational that is when the overwhelming bliss takes ahold of him again. One of your hands lets go of his, to feel up his chest and around the back of his neck, to card through his hair. Spencer’s hands hold onto yours, treasuring every aspect of this, savouring the ecstasy of this event being in the real world rather than just in his head. He pulls away first, breathless and grinning.

“Would this be a bad time to correct an earlier statement?” Spencer asks randomly.

“What statement?” Your brain is still rebooting after that kiss, you cant quite remember anything that was said before.

“My dream earlier.“ He explains.

“What?” You frown, even more confused after finding out what he’s referring to.

“It wasnt just about jello.” Spencer admits, his grin cheeky.

You laugh and shake your head at him, using the hand that’s still in his hair to pull his lips back to yours.

Maybe wishful thinking can get you somewhere after all.

[devouringcalamity]

Exactly! I don't even think before doing shit. I used to be way worse about it. Well actually, okay when I was super super insecure and self loathing and constantly sabotaged my own relationships to make people hate me, I never actually did anything to harm those people and it was all stuff that harmed me. But when I worked through my depression and self hatred with my therapist and got more self confident, and stopped thinking I'd end up a horrible person, I ended up finding out that I have horrible issues with impulsivity and hypersexuality, and I ended up like begging for sex and shit from my ex because I felt like so so insecure inside and instead of letting it get to a self hating and depressed place where I wouldve pushed him away, I started to feel like the only way I could be worthwhile was to like have sex with him, and yeah the dopamine from it was intoxicating and it improved my mood so much to have sex with him BUT he couldnt vocalize what he actually wanted and so he agreed to a bunch of stuff that ended up hurting him and like it was bad for us both, especially him though. But now that I've like done so much awful shit, I cant convince myself Im not a bad person, I cant forgive myself when I know Ive made his life so much fucking worse without thinking. I did so much shit I thought Id never do and that anyone who did is like irredeemably bad and now Ive done it, and like all that work on not hating myself is gone because I became a bad person, and me knowing I hadnt done anything really harmful was the only reason I was able to get over hating myself before. But, consequently, now that I hate myself more, I am more annoying, and I cant fix what I did, but in some ways Ive kinda been able to more easily stop doing impulsive shit just by constantly hating myself. Of course it comes at the consequence of me thinking I deserve to die every day but atleast Im not hurting anyone. I feel like its part of why I want someone to like completely care for me / own me so I can have someone else in control and so I dont have to risk hurting anyone. Also I dont know where Id even begin looking for a therapist who could help with these issues, I actually did try having a second therapist last year and it kinda helped he did like internal family therapy or whatever its called and that actually brought me some positive emotions which I havent felt independently of another person like as far as I can remember. Unfortunately he was a grad student and no longer works at my college. Theres new grad students but idk I dont know if I even want to get better I just want to never hurt anyone again, and so far hating myself and isolating myself has worked, but the guilt of what ive done before makes me feel like I should already be gone. Also sorry for how long this message is, idk ive never really had someone understand exactly what I mean and actually relate as much as you right now.

But now that I've like done so much awful shit, I cant convince myself Im not a bad person, I cant forgive myself when I know Ive made his life so much fucking worse without thinking. I did so much shit I thought Id never do and that anyone who did is like irredeemably bad and now Ive done it, and like all that work on not hating myself is gone because I became a bad person, and me knowing I hadnt done anything really harmful was the only reason I was able to get over hating myself before.

I promise you, theres so many people that have done worse, tbh i probably did worse but that doesnt mean you dont deserve forgiveness or youre a bad person, I have never seen someone say that i am a bad person. Despite me abusing people, almost making someone kill themselves, just being an asshole sometimes and knowingly hurt people because i liked it. Also just manipulated a lot of people for the sake of it and i get off on pretty grim things. This is all out in the open, i dont make a secret out of who i am but most people still see me as a good person because my good deeds outdo the bad ones. Youre only a bad person if you let yourself be, the worst people in history didnt feel much guilt you know, self hating wont help you heal and even if you think it keeps you from being worse it probably doesnt. i am a firm believer of the concept that you make your own reality, good and bad are definitions you can decide and being good is a decision, Yes you can hate yourself but you can also dedicate your life to being helpful and doing good, i dont mean in the sense of risking your own mental health and only helping others, but do use situations where you can make a positive difference. And acknlowdge when you did. Its important to realize we as humans arent black or white and you can make an effort to be here for others. Theres a delicate line managing your darker sides and your need to be a social good creature but its not impossible it just takes some work. Finding a therapist that knows what he is doing is hard but dont give up on it <3 if you find the right fit it can do wonders, also look into different types of therapies.

the truth is you cant live your life never hurting anyone, it is in our nature to influence others in our life, good or bad. dont hold yourself to impossible standars. Try to offset your sins. You hurt someone, you regret it, so you try to be a good and helpful person. Taking care of yourself is also a good act, you may not see it my way but your soul just inhabites your body. Taking care of your body is an act of goodness. You choose this body, even if you dont remember, so you should treat it nicely. Humans are social creatures, you should never isolate yourself. Most people who have done things such as murder were isolated. Contact and community can be healing.

im drunk btw so the spelling mistakes are because of that :,) any other mistakes too

[dayurno]

more than a woman is the ultimate kevin day song to me……. im so glad you agree…… i knew you would understand. i was listening to that playlist the other day and realized i HADNT added it yet and it felt like an oversight so i had to fix it immediately. it was very important to me the whole playlist wasn’t sad. i stsrted my kevin playlist in the height of me losing my mind about him last year in july (i read the books for the first time at the end of may!) but it only made me crazier so i held off making the jean one until november LOL. his is def a little more sad but i think a good portion of the songs are hopeful :-) and YEAH jean is soooo hozier to me. i gave myself a limit on how many hozier songs i could add. it will probably be broken eventually

UR PINTEREST BOARD that fic is going to kill me. im so excited every time you share something about it…. the dynamics seem so fun ^-^ also the richard siken tweet in there Took me Out. i own and have read crush by him so many times like it’s such a big part of who i am and relating that to kerejean makes me. sbdjebx. sweating. nauseous. so excited. the vibes are so good, it feels very nostalgic and warm already….. btw your jean playlist hit me over the head and gave me a.Concussion. i wanna get better???!?! under the table???? OOM SHA LA LA? that song changed my brain chemistry like three years ago and im going to associate it with him forever now. your kevjean playlist being so long is so very real too….. i need to sit down and listen to the full nine hours of it.

DBSIDBSID. the kandrew beef is Personal and it’s so funny. i am working on making them get closer it just takes a lot of time bc andrew simply does not like to stick around. he comes to a sort of truce with them at some point, mostly after he and jean have a Talk alone, but he still doesn’t like kevin for a while. there IS side andreil tho…. neil is 26 :3 he comes to visit kevjean in paris for a bit and immediately causes problems. but the problems help them get their shit together so it’s fine! andrew is of course intrigued. most of it happens in the background tho bc they like to disappear together…… but neil actually ends up in foster care and gets adopted by wymack when he’s around 13, which is around the same age andrew is adopted and meets jeremy, so they understand each other still :) they do a lot of sneaking around and do not want their relationship perceived at all vs jeremy knox head of the PDA committee and very happy for his own friend finding love.

the biting…….. jeremy falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum but he does suffer from the most intense feelings of love anyone has ever felt and will latch on like a dog and not let go sometimes. it really depends on his mood and what they’re doing how hard he bites ^-^ jean almost never complains but kevin always does. as is how they are. and they really both love attacking kevin. sitting there biting at his neck and shoulders and jean in particular likes gnawing on the wrist bone. jeremy is only a few inches shorter than kevin but will not hesitate to push him around….. dreamy sigh. at first he’s very nervous about overstepping Anything around either of them but once he knows that they actually like him he becomes such a menace. it’s his life’s duty to make kevin day, his childhood celebrity crush, a little embarrassed and whiny. both he and jean are soooo happy to tease kevin and kevin complains constantly about being ganged up on. jeremy is actually still IN college too, he turns 23 toward the beginning of the fic (i. hc him as a cancer!) and he and andrew have their fifth year to get through so he’s really just some college kid nibbling on and picking on them and taking over their apartment. trust that jean gets teased too he wouldn’t want anyone left out!

JEANFO….. jean….. my apple strudel….. there is so much i could say about him but it feels hard to do him justice…… he really is so special. he’s a little more healed of course bc he’s 28 and has always had kevin keeping contact with him. kevin got out at 14 so jean was there for 6 years without him and it’s really. it’s not a good time for him. but kevin refuses to lose contact and even sneaks across state lines to see him at 16 when he gets his license (with 14yo neil). jean has always had something to hold onto and live for. so jean is doing okay……. he still struggles and he’s very stubborn so he would rather AVOID things and kevin isn’t the kind of person who’s going to push him to face them (kevin has his own things to avoid) but he gets a good push from jeremy. and he LOVESSSS keremy. it’s one of his greatest joys that the two people he loves most care about each other the way they do. he’s so obsessed with them and so excited to show them off when they get together with friends. he’s really a little bit of a clingy freak :-) ESPECIALLY if he gets drunk. he’s a very needy drunk and if someone doesn’t kiss him (or if he doesn’t get to bite) his whole night is ruined and they certainly can’t have that. he learns quickly he cannot keep up with jeremy Party Boy knox tho. he’s a silly guy <3 sooo bitchy to everyone outside of his boyfriends but tender with them…. they’re trusted with his girlish little heart. i could talk about him for ages but i fear tumblr will cut me off LOL our responses to each other are getting so long like we’re writing letters by candlelight to be sent post-haste…..

HELLO MY LOVE im sorry for the late reply my pc was out of commission and answering asks on mobile is terrible but i am back now as your penpal. I LOVED MORE THAN A WOMAN OFC i understand i think i've had so many kevin day playlists since i first read aftg in 2020 (which feels like such a lifetime ago!), so i try not to keep too much track of them and not to take them or myself too seriously either. in a way all the playlists i've made have been an abstract of my life at the time of making so i want to preserve them that way! which is why my kandrew playlist is 6 hours long. because i am preserving.

THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY PINBOARD i wanted this fic most of all to be an ode to friendship. in kandreil i think theres so much history and tension there that sometimes it's easy to forget that there are other reasons people can stay together, so i wanted to write a kerejean where they felt like they were genuinely friends before it ever started careening into romance!!!! i think it's working. Probably. it's a very joyful and warm fic (or at least i hope it is) and i've been having a lot of fun with dialogue specifically because so much of friendship is just talking! anyway ah i have to stop myself before i spoil anything so just know it's going to be fun. hopefully. and there's a scene where jean calls kevin the first flower of edgar allen (direct rip off from tlt but bear with me)

I LOVE THEM BOTH TEASING KEVIN!!!! is there anything more genuine than teasing your crush together.......... that's the kind of thing i live 4 in relationship dynamics................ ohhh i just know this fic will get me so bad if it ever sees the light of day (heh).... ALSO HE'S STILL IN COLLEGE KEVINNNNNNNNNNN kevin youre letting a man still in college boss you around youve been better and more dignified endings. AND I LOVE DRUNK JEAN THANK YOU especially needy aiyayayaya..... my favorite senseless hc is that jean is a lightweight and he cant keep up with neither jeremy nor kevin nor renee. he's drunk off of one glass while the other three compete to see who can get liver failure first. he has been consistently getting drinked under the table by kevin for years. our beautiful apple strudel....... our little cabbage as the french say. :-)

i hope my candlelight letter reaches YOU post-haste and ofc im sorry for the wait!

[scrapperjoe]

Doesn't making keichos character disabled defeat the original purpose of him?

Yeah this ones a tricky one that's been on my mind. Huge spoilers for talks of abuse and ableism. Keep in mind this likely will not be the best written since its before work and stuff.

Yeah its no doubt that keichos introduction shows him to be verbally abusive towards okuyasu, and holding ableist beliefs at that, which is... Hm, not the best choice for making a disabled character, especially if you consider okuyasu autistic like i do. So why make him disabled?

The original theme of the au was to heal from trauma and abuse, a theme very much in my own life. Id also forgotten "wait cant josuke just heal him" before id put medical research into this so, yeah. Anyways... I thought, "hey, if he wasnt dead, him and okuyasu could willingly work on their relationship together!" Emphasis on willingly. Because keicho has minimal use of his legs and such, in the early days of his recovery he'd have to rely on okuyasu to help take care of him. (By the time keichos finally discharged okuyasus near graduation, don't worry.) The time apart with keicho in the hospital allowed them to rework their relationship in a less heated setting, and having to rely on okuyasu more, someone he once looked down upon, really shifted the dynamic and you can see things are working out more healthily between them while the both of them also seek counselling and had jotaro act as a middle man in the early days of the au. Even when okuyasu becomes a parent, keichos past abuse is NOT swept under the rug because okuyasu has several boundaries set in place such as keicho not being allowed to punish or yell at the kids no matter how fatherly he mat feel towards them. He is still just the uncle, and okuyasu doesn't want them to go through what he did.

And now for what this post is actually supposed to be about! As i mentioned, the aus core theme was different at the very beginning, but does try to tackle many complex themes because i can. And you guessed it, ableism is a hot topic! Ill admit it, i hadnt originally thought of it cause my autism brain thought, "wow, nijimura bros alive!" But as ive done research ive really been cracking down on how to handle this. Ive put in much medical research and what its like to live with what disabilities and conditions he has such as being an amputee, nerve connection issues, chronic pain (i actually live with chronic migraines myself), brain damage, organ transplants, etc...

Making keicho disabled and having josuke heal him was NOT to punish him for his abuse. Not in any way. If anything, it more so puts him in a state where he quite literally cannot run away from his issues and has to actually face them with CHOICE. The spwf faced the nijimuras with whether or not they wanted to stay together or split apart because of their complcated relationship, and they both chose to stay. Anyways... With keichos character who was depicted with low-key ableist veiws, hes undoubtedly going to deal with internalized ableism up the wazu. Im not going to go into way too much detail with that because if you're disabled you know what it's like. But there's a LOT of him trying to overcome it with the years. When they were finally home together for the first time in years keicho finally got to see okuyasus survivors guilt for himself and that was one big hurdle. Keichos self hatred at that time was adding to it and once he saw just how badly it was affecting okuyasu without realizing it, boy that had to freaking change. But every hurdle after that wasn't a hurdle, it was more like climbing steps of a stair.

As we all know, recovery is no straight line. A lot of times people will wish theyll be their former selves, but a lot of times that's an unreasonable desire. Keicho has a hard freaking time accepting that. He keeps pushing himself, wishing his recovery was faster, in turn actually pushing himself back. Over time keicho has to learn his limits which is a very bitter battle. You make advancements but then you go back a bit. With josuke and okuyasu doing so much for the family keicho often feels less than, and like he should be doing more. He pushes himself to do all the chores in the house even if it means puking from his migraines or wearing his stumps to the point the friction in his prosthetics start to bleed. Because we all know keichos as stubborn as a mule. The family is very adamant about getting him to rest, and i know i joke about them having to tape him down to the couch, but this feeling is a very real part of us who live with internalized ableism. Our society is so rooted in production and everything, that it can just be so hard to accept that our brains and bodies are simply incapable of doing certain things... What's more is that with keichos fluctuating condition its hard for him to keep a job. But even when he feels like crap, the family reassures him. Cause when your body won't let you do much more than bring up laundry without being in immense pain, or can hardly let you read for fun because of brain fog, it can be hard.

And because i worked it for josuke only to partially heal keicho because keicho told him specifically not to heal him, keicho obviously has disfiguring burn scars. And with his prosthetics and mobility aids, it goes without saying that he gets nasty looks and people staring at him. Those whispers around him when he goes into public. Those that lead him to often cover up even during summer time, that have the kids have to stand up for themselves and their own family at school because they get picked on because they have a VERY non traditional family. Those stares and comments can make him feel sub human, doctors constantly offering facial reconstruction surgery, and the way people can treat others is just... Appalling. Its taken keicho YEARS to feel comfortable in his own skin. From not getting that jarring feeling every time he looks in the mirror, not having to shower with a shirt on, not wanting to peel his skin off, etc... It was a bitter battle of self love. A bitter battle that sometimes he loses. But when that little hyakuko would play with his missing finger, boy did he feel less like a monster and more like the human that he is... Not to mention body positive josuke always being there to help him out. Since crazy diamond cant heal himself, josuke has lots of scars and stitches on his body from old stand battles and the sutch, and even if his scars arent disfiguring like keichos, they at least make him feel less alone, and okuyasu just being happy he's alive is always something that makes him feel better.

Overall, the au is centered around the theme of overcoming trauma and abuse much like my other works. In this case keicho is overcoming his old self and the abuse hed once done. And as time goes on, he does grow and evolve, becoming at least a somewhat better person and more understanding of others. Himself? Come on, its keicho. But no matter the hardships, when he sees how okuyasu has grown up and the happy family hes been able to have, and let alone keicho be part of it, its made all the hardships worth it. Disabled people are not a tragedy. Stop treating us like it.

[tentaipetto]

Chapter 15

Thoros sat at his place at the head of the large polished wood dining table and waited for his food to arrive, the guest too, but the food was what was on his mind at this particular moment. He had tried to be more 'present' with his guests, with affairs of the state, but he had found that his talents were best served smoking large cigars and eating fabulous meals. Guests started to file noisily into the dining room, they all seemed to be in good spirits, although to Thoros people were generally in good spirits around him, he had a party atmosphere. The men wore brightly coloured suits with metallic threads and shiny shirts, the women were a different matter all together. The were primped and preened to within an inch of thier lives, thier make up looked like it was applied with some industrial appliances and a lot of patience. Thier clothes were impressive to say the least, everything that could be 'fancied up' had been, corsets, threading, buttons, edgings. It was enough to give even the sturdiest farmer a migraine. Thoros watched as people found thier seats and settled down with drinks and smokes awaiting the first of many courses, small conversations were breaking out around him but he wasnt being his usual gregarious self, he was holding himself back for the guest that hadnt arrived yet. She entered through the main doorway directly opposite Thoros at the other end of the table, he hair had been tamed and shone like spun silk and she worn a beautiful dress that did impressive things with her assets. Thoros watched as she looked around nervously, waiting for someone to give her some direction. "Ismelda my dear child!" he bellowed across the length of the room, drawing every pair of eyes with it to the rabbit caught in the preverbial headlights at the other end, "come and sit yourself next to me, we have plenty to discuss!" he smiled broadly as Ismelda made her way unsteadily to his side and took a seat, apparently she wasnt used to walking in heels. He watched as Ismeldas eyes darted from one thing to another, traced along the other people, her mouth gaping open and a rather gormless look across her face. Dumbstruck was the word he couldnt think of. He was also struck by how attractive she was when she was properly attired and attended to. His mind began to wander into things and scenerios that shouldnt be considered proper between a ruler and a young chosen girl. Behind him, a waited called out "Wild Mushrooms stew with Roasted Red Onions" and a line of waiters all holding small bowls of steaming food appeared from side rooms and placed them in front of the awaiting guests. Thoros looked at his portion hungrily, almost forgetting himself as he began to slurp at the delicious offering. He had made sure to employ the best chefs that the Northern Bank had to offer when he had taken up residence as ruler, it was one of the few things in life that he truly got to enjoy so he figured he may as well have the best on tap.

-

"So, you are the chosen one, yes?" The question came from one of Thoros' advisors Hector Roberson, he was a portly fellow who was known to enjoy a good stew almost as much as Thoros, although he wasnt in a position to afford such capable chefs and had to rely on the talents of his wife. Hector watched Ismelda for any reaction to the question but she seemed calm enough under the circumstances. "That is what I have been told sir, I dont feel no different that I used to, except here I get to wear nicer clothes" she took another spoonful of her stew and Thoros found himself mesmerised by the movement of her mouth. "Do you know what it means though child?" Hector pushed her, he seemed to think she knew more than she had been letting on. "I know it means Im important" Ismelda seemed to wince as the words left her throat "I know it means that I have a part to play in how the world does, thats all I got taught, thats all I know sir" She was beginning to look a bit flustered. "Enough enough Hector, let the poor girl eat her stew! We will have plenty of time to discuss things after we have all had our fill!" Thoros interuptted before Hector could push the girl any further, he was finding himself in a strange position of wanting to protect her almost, she looked so lost and alone in this place. He guessed it must be very different to what she was used to at home. He took another spoonful of stew and savoured it in his mouth a little. "What is it like at home my dear?" He asked, trying not to sound patronising but failing completely. "Simple I s'pose sir, and alot darker, we only have one candle in a room" Ismelda had almost finished her stew, she always seemed to eat like it was her last meal, Thoros liked that in a woman. "Just one candle!" he laughed loudly and other people joined in. "Do you miss it?" "Yes sir, I miss my family the most, my mother and father, my brothers and sisters" Ismelda looked cold, and small. He could see this wasnt a line of questioning that was going to end without someone in tears so he tried to change the subject. "Ah, but I bet you do not have cuisine like this at your home!" Thoros attempted to lighten the mood a little, he smiled at Ismelda, who smiled back, not a big smile, more a gentle curve at the sides of her mouth. "No sir, I s'pose not"

[ididntpushher]

I watched her die.

I kept trying to convince myself of the insignificance. As her blood ran forth ironically quickened by the loss of life, her bones beginning the marathon to the surface, and all the warmth of a life compassionately lived flit into the open air and dissipate, I realized I hadnt found the solution to the puzzle, I had just broken it, and now I had twice as many pieces and no way, even were they able to be fit together, that a solution would become of my efforts towards an opposite outcome. What wad done was done. It simply could not be undone.

I kept trying to convince myself of the insignificance. That compassionate bitch, always looking at the world through eyes full of love despite the encroaching darkness and shackles pinning her still against the sting of unwelcome. Even for me, I could tell she held empathy, and not to save her own life, but to help me live the best life I could. We both knew that we wouldn't both survive the flux, but unlike me, she wasn't afraid. Perhaps it was more than her perogative to be so stoic and kind, perhaps it was her job.

I kept trying to convince myself of the insignificance. I kept trying to remain indignant. I didn't push her, but I refused to hold her back from danger. One life, a tiny ripple across time, effacing the negative space with decorative gestures and long ponderances. Surely, in the realm of the infinite, it held no meaning. No purpose could matter. This death, neither right nor wrong, would be truly insignificant.

I kept trying to convince myself of the insignicance. Then, I unintentionally began drawing the lots with which to lay the foundation of my failure. One life, sure, might be a speck; a tiny ripple. However, I looked upon the horizon and realized I stood atop specks that, grouped together, seemed to be larger than the rock upon which they tread. I was riding forth with furious energy upon the tidal wave each ripple helped construct.

I keep trying to convince myself of the insignificance, and then i realize that I have broken a chain of events that has progressed for almost one-third of the entire lifetime of the universe that allows it. Who or what among any of us or anything would be the same missing some one-third? Where would the hills and valleys be without the dirt that shaped their image? Where would any grain of sand go back or forth without the waves that rolled them out of the chaotic sediment?

To lose any part of that one-third is to lose the catalyst that would bring it forth to growing into one half, and eventually, effectively, one whole. That, and that alone, is of significance with incalculable consequence. It is with incalculable loss. Remove the specks from the pile, and once theyre gonw, all that is left is whatever space there once was between them, and that space is nothing. Remove the ripples from the wave, and all that is left is water so stagnant that within which organics will no longer grow and inorganics will no longer break down into something more or less.

I am convinced of the significance of this beautiful creature's death; an exile most foul. Forced from land and country, soul and body, mind and self, there is no refuge left for the dead. It is why I have to convince myself now: I didnt push her. What's more is having not kept her from harm is excusable in light of not having pushed her into it. This is much more difficult to ssy convincingly, because now that I am the hill, now that i am the wave, I no longer have that sense of scale with which to pretend I would need a telescope to spot meaning.

It is right there in front of me.

She is right there in front of me.

Meaning stares back at me with blood filled eyes and a chest that no longer pulls in breath.

I stare back and know I am a murderer after all, and no amount of ponderance can keep me from knowing what crime I have perpetrated upon so much of the universe unfortunate enough to have me.

[spicy-tomato]

Hi! So happy to see that you’re back! Can I request something about the reader being experienced and taking Sapnap’s virginity?❤️

hi hello, heres this, i made this very praise heavy bc i feel like he would be very into being praised

You had been with sapnap for around six months now and you guys hadnt done anything more than make out, you figured it was just because he was scared until he came out and told you some pretty shocking news.

“So you know how ive been putting off us sleeping together?” he says anxiously, “its because well...ive never...yknow” he blushes and looks down. Its hard to believe someone as attractive as him had never been with anyone, especially with how good he was at kissing.

“Thats okay, we can take it as slow as you want to. I dont mind waiting until youre comfortable.” you said to him, lifting his chin for him to look at you. “And if youre never ready or decided its not for you ill support you, i love you for you and i dont need sex to be happy.” he smiles and takes your hand.

“Actually...i think im ready to try it if you want to.” he says with a brighter blush covering his face.

“I promise ill take it slow and dont hesitate to tell me if you get uncomfortable with anything or if you want to stop.” he nods as you lead him to your shared room. You push him back to sit on the bed before moving to sit in his lap, “we can start with what we normally do okay?” he nods and captures your lips in a soft kiss, your hands moving to thread through his long hair, tugging softly. He lets out a soft moan and grips your hips and you begin to rock them against him. He lets out another soft noise before you pull away, moving to bite and suck at his neck roughly, causing him to buckle his hips into yours.

“Patience baby boy, wanna make you feel good first. Want this to be good for you.” he hums as you dive back to nip at his neck, his hands moving to your hips to guide them. You giggle before moving off of him, sinking to your knees in front of him. “Is this okay?”

“More than okay sweetie, please make me feel good.” he looks at you with pleading eyes as you slowly undo his belt and unbutton his pants. He whines as you go slowly before tugging them down, palming him over his boxers as he ruts his hips into your touch before you tug his boxers down. He lets out a hiss as the cold air hits his member before you take it in your hand, pumping it slowly as he grips the sheets. You lick the tip softly before taking him all the way in your mouth, gagging slightly as he hits the back of your throat. He lets out a loud moan and throws his head back, one hand moving to your hair.

“F-feels so good please dont stop.” one hand tugs at your hair, begging to guide you up and down his length while the other one grips the sheets roughly. You let him take control, him starting to fuck your throat softly, rutting into you to chase his own pleasure. You tug away from him when he starts to twitch in your mouth.

“No no no baby boy, dont want you cumming to fast.” he whines as you stand up, making a show out of taking off your clothes, causing his mouth to water. “Youre overdressed,” you say as you finish taking everything off, moving to straddle his hips again before tugging his shirt off. “Much better.”

“p-please ...please ride me need to be inside you so bad.” you chuckle at his words before pushing him onto his back and standing up.

“Lay back on the bed and get comfy, want this to be good for you.” he nod and shifts to lay his head on the pillows before you move back on top of him lifting yourself over him before sinking down slowly. He lets out a guttural groan and shoots his hands to your hips. Once youre all the way down you throw your head back and roll your hips, letting out a moan.

“Feel so good inside me, so deep.” he whines and buckles his hips into you, causing you to moan again and place your hand on his chest. “No baby, let me take care of you.” he nods as you start to ride him, letting out whimpers and moans as you do so. He continues to beg and moan below you, already growing close from the new sensation.

“G-gonna cum baby, fuck youre so tight.” you let out a louder moan at that and tighten around him before he spills inside you, throwing his head back and gripping your hips tight enough to bruise. You move for a little longer before he starts to whine from overstimulation. You move off of him and whine as the loss of being full, his eyes glued to the sight of his cum dripping out of you and running down his thighs. You move to lay next to him, giving him soft kisses.

“You did so well for me honey, such a good boy.” he smiles at the praise and gives you another soft kiss.

“Did you finish?” you shake you head, not minding that you didnt. You wanted this to be about him so you were okay with not getting off.

“No, but i dont mind, i wanted to make this about you, i can finish myself off later.” you say with a shrug, earning a frown from him.

“Could i maybe...go down on you?” he looks a little nervous, as if you would tell him no. you smirk and move his chin to have him face you.

“Does the baby wanna clean up his mess? Make me feel good?” he blushes and nods. “Then do it my pet, go get your reward.” he eagerly moves between your legs and you swear there has never been a more angelic sight than the one you have right now. He learned a lot that day and you were very content after he finished you off. What a way to lose his virginity.

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

I never expected you guys to like demon Senjuro so much lol I’m really happy to see that like it was such a random impulse thought but the au has a lot of room for growth

In this post Im gonna establish a few things about what happened to Senjuro and Kyojuro in the events between Senjuro’s “death” and the pillar meeting. I will only cover their relationship and a little bit of Senjuro’s relationship with Tanjiro. The others can come at a different post cause this post is gonna be long lol so I put it under cut cause no one really wants a post to flood their dash

TW: Mentions of death (some are children), mentions of cannibalism (If you’ve seen even the first episode of demon slayer and had no problem, you’re fine with this post. This post is slightly not anime only friendly as I make references to an upper moon and I show a manga only panel as of posting this) Shnjuro gets really depressed but luckily there is no attempted suicide

Senjuro Rengoku

- His class was at the bottom floor and they were cleaning the school (I heard thats a thing in Japan if someone has a better idea on what they’re doing feel free to shoot an ask) when they got attacked

- In canon we dont know his age but I’m gonna guess like 12-14 but in the au he is 13 so he was 12 when he became a demon. A rogue demon attacked Senjuro’s class and Senjuro ran to get help and was fatally injured but still managed run to get help as he was given a nichirin sword and even if it didnt change color he must have known breathing techniques at the very least on a basic level and the demon was too preoccupied with some of the teachers and others trying to kill the demon, of course unaware of what it was except for Senjuro

- Upper moon 4 was sneaking around when he saw the all but dead body of Senjuro and demons really dont have standards for turning people into demons so when he noticed he was alive, turned him into a demon mostly so that if he did find any “evil people” (demon slayers) he could use him as his meat shield alongside his personalities

- When Senjuro woke up as a demon (cause even if he was a breath user he was very inexperienced so Hantengu had no problem making him a demon), he had no memory of his life as a human and looked around trying to find a human to satiate his hunger and saw a human in the distance with someone and began to run to them to satiate his hunger when he felt himself being held back. 

- The spirit of Ruka Rengoku gently held her son back and instructed him to not eat humans as that’s not something he should do and even if Senjuro couldn’t recognize the woman holding him back, he found himself obeying her and running to go to a place to hide from the sun

- From that moment on for a few day he would hop from place to place whether underneath homes, in caves or any place he could find to avoid being seen and to be shielded from the sun and found himself growing sleepy so in the cave he hid in, far away from the place he was last in, he closed his eyes and fell asleep for a year

- When he woke up, he had unwittingly burnt away Muzan’s control of him and was unsure on what to do when Ruka’s spirit appeared again telling him that he needs to find his way home. Senjuro wasn’t actually listening to a lot of what she said except one thing stuck to him. 

- “Senjuro”, he didn’t know what his name was as a demon but the name seem to stick to him and he figured this must be his name (he would of course be correct)

- When he found himself staying with the Kamaboko squad, having been spared despite being a demon due to him not having any form of aggression to them (something they all noticed due to his general demeanor and their enhanced sense) and Tanjiro could smell he hadnt eaten one human and he invited him to join them. He joined Nezuko in her box (she can grow really really tiny if she wants or is tired)

Reference: 

Kny chapter 85

- He joined for two reasons: One, he was really scared of people and demon slayers especially so when Tanjiro offered him the chance to be able to be safe and hide he took it. Secondly, he wasn’t sure but the smile Tanjiro gave and his warm reassurance reminded of him of someone, when he thought hard he only saw blurry shadows and got a headache so didn’t try to push it

- Tanjiro did ask him in the wisteria house while Zenitsu was chatting with Nezuko and Inosuke was off being Inosuke about his past and Senjuro told him about his brief meetings with a woman with black hair and asks if they’ve met before as he feels familiar

- This is where he gets the idea that the woman with black hair (Ruka) is his mother and Tanjiro guesses that the person that he thinks is Tanjiro must be his father (right on the first part Tanjiro but wrong on the second lol, you tried)

- He wears a cyan yukata with a new hakama pants as the clothes he was previously wearing was the same bloodstained clothes he wore after turning into a demon and Tanjiro didnt want to leave him in that. Tanjiro thought to get him a gag but the idea made Senjuro uncomfortable so Tanjiro made him swear to never eat a single human

- In Mount Nagatumo, he was too scared to jump out to protect Tanjiro like Nezuko but when she gets sliced up he leaves the box to watch her while Tanjiro fights Rui, unfortunately he is caught in Rui’s webs like Nezuko and was saved from it by Nezuko flames (though it did burn him a fair bit, Nezuko would apologize to him for this later)

- Giyuu doesn’t kill Senjuro cause his resemblance to Kyojuro despite the different clothes and demon eyes is clear to anyone who can see and Shinobu also finds herself hesitating but shakes those feelings off as Kyojuro deserves better than to see his little brother as a demon. Luckily Giyuu stops him and Senjuro runs with Nezuko and Tanjiro but is later taken back to the demon slyer corps by a Kakushi who put him and Nezuko back in their box

- When Sanemi stabbed the box, he moved to try and protect Nezuko but the box was too cramped and they both got stabbed despite his efforts. Later when he tries to bait him with his marechi blood, he’s too focused on resisting the blood and on Nezuko who he had grown to see as a sister to care about the wide eyed looks the pillars were giving him.

Kyojuro Rengoku (I am so sorry in advance Kyojuro simps I put this man THROUGH IT)

- He had just finished a mission and was going to get another mission when a crow he hadn’t seen work in years came flying to him, obviously panicked telling him how Senjuro’s school was attacked and how no one can find Senjuro among the bodies. The crow was Shinjuro’s

- When he hears that, all the kakushi and other demon slayers present would say they had never seen the flame pillar run so frantically, he only stopped to apologize briefly if he bumped into someone while running but the only thing racing in his mind was his little brother who had no weapon to defend himself with. He forced the image of his brother being nothing but a corpse away only thinking about saving Senjuro

- When he reached the school, he forced himself to calm down. Panicking isn’t going to magically bring Senjuro to him so he needs to keep himself in check because with so many people dead, he’s not the only one concerned over the kids

- There were no survivors on the area that was attacked, the police were there investigating the deaths of the many children and teachers, Kyojuro had to spend time convincing the police he was with them and to be allowed to investigate as well

- With no survivors, he heard from the police that there was a blood trail when they got there and he went to find the trail, when he reached the end of it where there were no traces of Senjuro but since the people there were untrained civilians, Senjuro was the only possible person to have been there

- He spent multiple days searching, Mitsuri was at one point sent to check on him and it was clear he was pushing himself, as days passed by, his composure and bright demeanor were crumbling and he started latching onto any lead to at the very least find the body of Senjuro to take back home but it was becoming clear that he would never find it and a kakushi had to be the one to tell him that his body was likely eaten to the bone or eaten and discarded to either rot away or eaten by someone else

- Kyojuro took a week off, not just because of the grief he felt at that moment but because he needed to check on his father and make sure he would be okay, the man didn’t even face Kyojuro when he came in to visit, he forced himself to not cry in front of his father as he tried to talk to the man who couldn’t even say a word and just drank away even as his eldest son tried to talk to him

- Servants were hired to monitor Shinjuro by Kyojuro as he was concerned about his health both physically and mentally but he did notice how Shinjuro never resisted to being taken care of by the people he hired. They reported to him he could be heard muttering Senjuro’s name and even stares at his room for extended periods of time

- When he made his return, he apologized to the pillars for his behavior the past two weeks (even though no one blamed the man, some even said it was okay if he needed more time, they wouldn’t judge) but whenever he was told that he said he had to be strong to protect the weak so he could be someone that could stop families from ending up like his own

- He was far more determined in killing demons, demon attacks had become personal to him now, whenever he saw a demon eating people he found himself wondering what they must’ve thought in the afterlife as the demon desecrated their bodies

- In the pillar meeting, when he was informed of a swordsman who travelled with not one but two demons, he felt disgust as who knows how many humans they could eat. On the way to the meeting, he couldn’t help but notice Shinobu deliberately avoiding him a bit, Giyuu was doing the same but the man never really talked with them much to begin with

- When he saw Senjuro go out of the box with Nezuko, he felt the smile on his face drop and his heart practically sunk to the core of the earth as he saw the unmistakable hair of a Rengoku and the face was so clearly Senjuro’s despite his eyes having a black sclera and his iris and pupil becoming cat like, the pillars had all turned to see if the flame pillar was alright and he could hear Himejima mutter prayers and Mitsuri was on the verge of tears seeing Senjuro alive but as a demon

- He found himself going into denial until Tanjiro, who had been freed as Obanai left to comfort the distressed love pillar, ran and yelled Senjuro’s name and told him to resist his hunger

- “My sister and the other demon with us are different! They would never eat a human!”

- Senjuro was a good kid, he was innocent, kind and a bit on the timid side. He had helped raise him, he knew Senjuro would never want to harrm a fellow human even when threatened. 

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case Of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 5]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: Castle Byers scene. Meaning lots of angst, self destructive thinking, and misguided self punishing

📝: Started making it... had a break down [fr tho]... ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ bon appetite! 👩‍🍳 [edit: told ya 💀]

🔑: underlined and bold means they're talking in Russian

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

Warm rain spits from the angry blanket of clouds, falling through the sky and drenching Mike and Lucas to the bone despite their rain gear. Mud splashed up onto their ankles and drenching their socks as their bikes skid up the Byers driveway. Without a thought, they throw their bikes into the ground before racing up onto Will's porch.

It had taken far longer than they cared to admit to decide to go and find Will. To make things right.

Mike was realizing far too late just how right Will was. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. El had become such an important piece of his life, but he hadnt realized until now just how much he let his feelings screw up all the wonderful things he had in his life to begin with. He missed how things used to be. With the party. With Y/n.

With Will.

All the anger he feels towards himself is channeled into his fist banging on Will's front door.

"Will!" He cries. "Will, I'm sorry, man, alright? I was being a total asshole. I've been a total asshole. Please, can you just come outside and we'll talk?"

No answer but the thundering clouds rolling over their heads. He pounds on the door again.

"Will!"

Lucas hurries to the window, cupping his palms against the glass and peering inside. He knocks on the window, doing his best to peer around the curtains and furniture obscuring his sight.

"Hey, Will! Come on, man! We're sorry!" He knocks again, growing nervous. "Will!"

||���𝐈𝐋𝐋'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

'Sorry, man. Curfew,'

'For the last time, Will! No!'

-'What, so I should be locked up all day, too?'

-'Maybe!'

Huffing, I throw the wrinkling comic book into the old mattress. Nothing was working. Nothing was enough to distract me. I was too angry.

I looked down at the withered cover of the comic book I had just thrown, my chest sinking further. Dustin's X-MEN 134, he gave it to me after that night at the hospital.

Thinking about it now, I can't even remember the last time all seven of us hung out as a party. I don't count Dustin's welcome home. Mike and El couldn't be bothered to pretend to care, and Lucas and Max kept ganging up on Dustin. Dustin was understandably upset and not wanting anything to do with us, leaving just me and Y/n. And now, not even her.

How did everything get so messed up?

What was I doing wrong?

I looked around the walls of Castle Byers, a lump forming in my throat. Everywhere I looked, I was painfully reminded of the truth.

My friends don't want me anymore.

I keep telling myself that's bullshit, but the more I do the more it feels like a lie.

They're moving on without me.

Friends don't just forget you, I reasoned. They don't just abandon you.

Then why were they doing just that?

Maybe they weren't my real friends. Friend's don't do what they did.

Everything hurts. I've been telling myself I'm fine, that I'm overreacting but I don't think I am anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tried of feeling like this. I'm tired of being pushed aside, especially when I need them most.

They didn't use to be like this, I tell myself. But somehow that just hurts more.

I had people that cared about me, who were willing to risk their lives to save me. Twice.

And now they don't give me a second thought.

I was shaking now, but I don't think it's from the rain. The storm had finally reached me, seeping through the walls and dampening my clothes and hair.

Another painful realization hits me; Castle Byers looked just like it had the night I built it with Jonathan.

Even though this night was so much like the night Castle Byers was constructed, it couldn't feel more different. More unfamiliar.

My teary eyes find my first D&D manual, propped up against the wooden walls, soaked and forgotten like me. I'm painfully reminded of the night all this started.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, and yet it feels light-years away.

'Something is coming. Something hungry for blood.'

《•••》

"What is it?" I ask, edging further off my seat.

This time it's Dustin who cuts in, "What if it's the Demogorgon?"

Oh, great, I think, throwing myself back in my seat with an anxious huff. We're not ready to face a Demogorgon!

Beside me, Y/n draws in an equally anxious breath.

"Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed if it's the Demogorgon." Dustin rambles on.

"It's not the Demogorgon." Lucas says, assuring us all.

《•••》

My eyes trail to one of my favorite drawings; Will The Wise and Y/C/N. The one I had made when Y/n was first constructing her character. The one that hung in my room for so long, always cheering me up. The one that gave my mom the idea to help me communicate my now memories.

The one that Y/n always threatened to steal for her room as often and as recently as her last visit. The memory of her warm touch lingering on my cheeks burned as bright as the blush raging over me that night so long ago.

'Wait a minute... Did you guys hear that?'

《•••》

The anticipated silence in the basement left by Mike grew louder as he leaned in.

"Boom..." His voice grows louder. "Boom," Louder.

"BOOM!" Mike bellows, slamming his hands against the flat surface, rattling the table and all its contents.

The sudden noise was enough to make me and my friends jump, as was the sudden hand grabbing for my own.

All the more startled, I look down to see Y/n's hand grasping my arm like a lifeline. I feel my skin flush, my cheeks surely reddened as I catch her eye. She looked flustered, smiling a small smile before retracting her hand and returning to the game, unknowingly leaving me in a dizzying blush.

•••

"Will, your action!"

"Fireball!" I cry, throwing the dice to the board with a satisfying rattle.

"FOURTEEN!"

My friends erupt into cheers, all around me as we celebrate together.

"BOOM!"

"Direct hit!" Mike cries, beaming proudly at me across the table. "Will the Wise's fireball hits the Thessalhydra!"

Our excited shouts fill the basement, each and every one of us victorious. My smile can't get any wider when I feel Y/n's hands grip my shoulder and begin shaking me excitedly. We both laugh, feeling on top of the world with our cheering friends by our side.

《•••》

Pained, I look away only to find the proof right in front of my eyes. My three favorite pictures; all of them, my friends and me — happy — staring back up at me.

Our photo from the science fair, encased in the popsicle frame Mike had made bearing all of our characters' names along the side. I brought it here, I brought all my favorite pictures here, to Castle Byers — to my safe place — cause that's where I knew I would need their comfort the most.

But as I look at them now, all I feel is bitterness and pain. I'm reminded of just how much everything has changed.

The science fair was a reminder of the good thing I had before that night. Before everything started.

Y/n and me, at the Snow Ball. My arm wrapped around her, the two of us grinning nervously. It wasn't just the night Y/n and I had first kissed, it was also the first night I felt like the Party had gotten bigger. All of us, Max and El included had been happy. Everyone was laughing and getting along, the happiest we had ever been — the strongest. But now I see it was really the beginning of the end.

It had been coming for so long and I didn't even see it.

And Halloween. Last Halloween, everything had been perfect. For just one. Single. Stupid. Moment.

Shakily, I pick up the photo Jonathan had taken of all of us in our costumes. We were all smiling.

We were all happy.

'Who you gonna call?'

《•••》

I beam as I see my friends pulling up, looking just as excited as I felt.

"Ghostbusters!" I finish, watching as they look me over, happily surprised.

"Hey, Spengler!"

"Egon! Looking sharp!" Y/n grinned, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Janine!" I beam. "Venkman!"

《•••》

As I look at it now, my eyes and throat stinging as Mike's voice echoes louder than ever in my mind.

'I mean, what did you think, really?'

What was I thinking?

'That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day, playing games for the rest of our lives?'

How could I have been so naive?

'it's not my fault you can't move on!'

How could I have been so... so...

"Stupid." I tell myself, my voice splitting in my throat. "So stupid!"

My hands trembling violently with rage and my own sobs, I tear the photo in two.

I was stupid. Stupid to believe I was as big of a priority to them as they were to me.

I rip the drawing off the walls, tearing it to pieces.

Stupid to ever think they'd still cared about me.

I rip and tear and crumple up every meaningful piece of them in an act of defiance.

They won't care. I think bitterly. They won't miss these, they probably won't even notice. Not like I would have.

I grab my bat.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

Why was I hanging on to all this stuff anyway? Why was I clinging so tightly to something that was already gone?

Because I've been stupid. I'm just some stupid kid that won't grow up.

I storm out of the tent.

I'm just some stupid kid who can't grow up. They made that perfectly clear.

I stand in the pouring rain now, heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the piece of my childhood I couldn't let go of.

So. Stupid.

And I start swinging.

I swing and I swing, with an anger and frustration I've never felt so intensely until now. It's been building my whole life and I didn't realize it. Every swing is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever felt. Every slur I've heard from my dad, from Troy, is channeled into the bat. Every ounce of frustration and fear I felt since I came back from the Upside Down that nobody understood. Every laugh, every jeer, every single moment I've felt alone is channeled into the destruction of the one place on this earth I ever felt safe.

But it holds up and in the back of my mind, I hear Jonathan again.

'And it took so long cause you were so bad at hammering'

And I start kicking, and I start ripping the walls apart until it's a crumpled heap and I stop.

The sight of Castle Byers in ruins breaks me even harder.

I didn't want it gone, but I did it anyway. That part of me that was angry at myself, told me to keep going. Cause that's what I deserved for believing things could stay the same even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I finally stop when I see the castle in ruins.

Exhausted, I collapse to the ground beside the wreckage.

As I sob, stewing in the pain and overwhelming grief I felt I was drowning in, the rain pours heavily over me, soaking me to the bone.

Just as it had the night it had been built.

And now, Castle Byers was gone.

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

When blue meets yellow in the west.

8:41 pm. It was almost time.

The yellow and blue clock hands were illuminated by a flash of lightning, streaking through the mall's skylight. Starcourt had long since closed, and the real activity was just beginning.

Stationed at the loading docks near the back, standing under the worst storm Hawkins had seen in years were two guards. They watched through the downpour as the scheduled truck backed its way under the concrete cover.

And perched on the roof, just out of sight sat Dustin, Steve, and Robin, scouting from under their rain slickers.

"Look for Imperial Panda and Kauffman Shoes," she reminds them.

Steve wipes away at the rain dripping into his eyes, squinting even further to get a clear picture Dustin already has.

A man in a bright yellow raincoat emerges from a hidden side door, a trolley cart full of packages marked with a familiar insignia.

"They're with that whistling guy!" Dustin says suddenly, motioning out from behind the only pair of binoculars.

"What do you think's in there?" Steve wonders, eyeing the Lynx logo on the back of their many yellow jackets.

"Guns? Bombs?"

"Chemical weapons?" Robin tries.

"Whatever it is," Dustin says, now cautiously studying the heavily armed guards. He had to admit to himself, they really weren't trying very hard not to be obvious. "they're armed to the teeth."

"Great," comes Steve's sarcastic voice, once again rubbing at his eyes, silently wishing he had brought a coat with a hood. "That's great."

A soft clink that would have been obnoxiously loud had it not been for the noise of the storm brings their attention to another guard. Having pressed a glowing button on a small control panel, two large metal doors swung open to reveal another room.

"Hey!" Robin says, squinting through the rain as she tries to get a glimpse without the binoculars. "What's in there?"

"It's just more boxes,"

"Let me check it out," Steve says, grabbing for the binoculars.

Huffing, Dustin fought to keep his grip on the binoculars. "No, I'm still looking!"

"Lemme see it!"

"Hang on!"

Steve's grip had loosened with the slick of rain, sending the binoculars knocking into the cement. The issue had already been forgotten when they saw the guards' attention had been stolen. Simultaneously, the three of them dove to the ground in a panic.

The guards began to pace, grip on their firearms tightening as they gaze out into the night. Seeing nothing but empty roofs and angry skies above them, they unknowingly miss the trio huddled against the roof wall.

Just out of sight to the right of Dustin, Steve and Robin sat panting as they try to calm their racing hearts. Way too close a call. And neither of them had realized what they had done until their eyes landed on their entertained hands. Just as quickly as they notice, they break apart, embarrassed.

Down below, the guards were now on high alert. One of them, unable to shake the feeling of being watched, stalked into the rain with his eyes deadset on an open spot on the roof. He was certain he heard the noise come from that direction.

"Stay here!" He orders to the other. "Watch the door!"

Reluctantly, his partner complies and inches back towards the doors.

When he finally reaches the top of the stairwell, he hesitates only a moment before he throws the roof door open, gun cocked.

But he was met only with steady claps of thunder and an empty roof.

Had he been wrong?

Or had he just missed whoever had been here?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Clothes drenched, their shoes sloshing underneath their feet like sponges, Steve, Robin, and Dustin slip out from the shadows and make their way throughout the back halls behind the scenes of Starcourt.

"Well, I think we sound your Russians," Robin quips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Black Trans Travel Fund:

For The Gworls:

"The Black Trans Travel Fund is a grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black Transgender Women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options"

Trans Women Of Color Collective Fund

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Founded by a Black transgender woman and a Black nonbinary person, For The Gworls raises money to help provide funds for rent and gender affirming surgeries for Black transgender people across the country."

Taglist:

@dickkwad @iblesstherainsdown-in-africa @miscellaneoustoasts @happyandlonely-blog @peeperparkour ​ @ba-responds @bibliophilesquared @blogforhoes ​ @witch-of-all-things-soft @shawkneecaps @whothefuckstolemykeds @daughter-of-the-stars11 ​ @stranger-things4 @kpopanimegirl ​ @nightbu-g @lozzybowe @gizmofishersupremacy @spiderbitch69420

❥ Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist! ❥

[ankhisms]

going 2 briefly use my blog as my diary im doing ok rn dont worry im just wanting to muse about some thoughts and feelings on things

its been maybe like... four months maybe or something like that since my oldest friendship just suddenly fizzled out where for ten years we would talk literally every day and then suddenly for no reason i can think of he just stopped responding to me. we have each other on snapchat and the most interaction weve had is sending each other pictures of our pets and stuff occassionaly and sometimes exchanging a little bit of chatting about whatever we sent to one another on there but its like.. very much not the same yknow. like i guess were still on good terms at least i think we are i have nothing but deep love for him in my heart but at first i was so confused and hurt, we hadnt gotten into an argument or anything everything was completely normal and then one day he just stopped talking to me. ive been really sad about it off and on but this past like month or so i think that ive just come to accept it and its not hurting me as much. i do sometimes still feel sad about it, but im glad that we still have some contact even if its just sending pictures of our cats, and now im almost realizing that maybe this is for the better. idk thats not really the right wording for it but i feel like i tangled my own existence up in his for so long that maybe it contributed to my issues with my sense of self (not at all blaming him for that) and ive felt like. lighter recently where i know that i cant force someone to talk to me and i cant change how someone else feels. all i can do is care and have compassion and try my best, and ive already been trying and reaching out and i cant force someone to take my hand when i reach out to them with it. and like.. i do think that there were some times when we were younger that he didnt treat me fairly or was kind of shitty, but we were kids and i dont hold that against him or think that hes shitty now but it makes me worried that hes somehow going back to unhealthy mindsets or habits. idk part of me feels like maybe it boils down to us somehow becoming different people even though it didnt feel like anything was wrong at all or like we were drifting apart or becoming too different to still be friends. and yeah i guess thats all to say that im thinking about it and him and im sad about it but not in a soul crushing overwhelming way but in a way where i go i love you i hope youre well even if you dont want to walk through life together anymore

something else thats been nagging at me recently is just how looming and big my self doubt is and how much i struggle with confidence and not only not believing in myself but also being overcome with the feeling that no one believes in me. rationally i know that feeling isnt true and that theres so many wonderful people in my life who support me and believe in me but its linked to my paranoia issues and is really hard to shake off. i know that theres no easy solution to having insecurities like this and that really you have to just keep moving forward and trying your best despite them, but it can be really difficult in my situation where im essentially trapped in a toxic home and isolated by my parents who control as much of my life as they possibly can and i think because of that along with a life time of abuse its a lot harder for me to even to begin to build up confidence or push away the feeling of no one believing in me even if again, i know this is not rational or true

anyway thank you if you read this ily again im fine i feel alright rn i just needed to get some thoughts out. i want to learn to believe in myself and to be confident in myself

[novannna]

If your still doing the writing asks... can I get angst 27 please! Any renegade ship is fine (can't choose lol)

ahhh im so sorry this took so long to post, i kinda forgot it existed then saw the doc and remembered i hadnt answered it 😭

also, i am still doing these!!!! I'd love it for people to send me sentence prompts (here)

i did danissa bc im literally incapable of not writing sapphics asgsdak

danissa break up fic, wc: 1003

Narcissa had always loved fairy tales. The way things always seemed to work out.

They followed a simple path, never changing.

Always once upon a time, and happily ever after. The things in the middle didn’t seem to matter.

Maybe a bit foolishly, Narcissa had wished for a fairy tale of her own. Her own knight in shining armor, her own happily ever after.

It was silly, looking back, but the Age of Anarchy sucked, and fairy tales were all Narcissa had.

But she’d grown older, and those fantasies of living out her own fairy tale faded. She didn't have any hope of a happily ever after. Looking out at the things around her, she had begun to believe that didn’t even exist.

There’d be no fairy tale ending. Because, everywhere around her, there was pain, and suffering, and loss. Those weren’t things in fairy tales, those were things from nightmares. Narcissa couldn’t believe she was in a fairy tale, because no fairy tale would ever be that dark.

They were supposed to be light, and happy, and hopeful, but in Gatlon, there was none of that.

So, Narcissa simply gave up that hope of knights, and fairies, and kisses that brought you back from the dead.

Those were simply things from stories.

Those were as fake as happily ever after.

---

Narcissa sat curled in a ball, pressing herself further into the couch. “Danna, what do you want to talk about?” There was that sinking feeling in her gut, but she pushed it away. This was fine, Danna was probably just wanting to talk about some new, big step in their lives. Maybe she wanted to move in together?

It had to be something positive, right?

Fuck, it had to be.

“Narcissa…” Danna looked away from Narcissa’s face. Her arms, her shoulder, her long braid, refusing to meet her eyes.

“Yes?” It was a struggle to keep her voice light. The look in Danna’s eyes…

No. Narcissa refused to consider it.

Danna cursed, and looked at her own fingers, furiously twisting and untwisting the loose fabric of her shirt. “You aren’t making this easy,” she muttered.

“Making what easy?” She tried to smile, but knew it was more of a queasy grimace.

“I really care about you. I think you’re great, really, I do. But.. we need to start to think about our future.” Danna took in a deep breath. “And- and what role we’ll play in each other’s.”

Narcissa could feel the tears pooling. She tried swallowing past the growing lump in her throat. “Danna,” she whispered. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t want to do this, but I have to. This is one of the hardest things I’ve done, because it’s you, Narcissa and I don’t want to hurt you.” Danna finally met Narcissa’s eyes. “I think we need to split up.”

Narcissa blinked. Blinked again. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be.

She tried to breathe in, keep on taking measured, even breaths. Not give in to the panic threatening to overtake her.

“Narcissa,” Danna pleaded. She sounded apologetic. As if she could begin to comprehend the rush of emotion Narcissa was feeling. “Say something. Please.”

Narcissa shook her head. “What is there to say?” She whispered in a hoarse voice.

“Please, ‘Cissa..”

“Don’t… don’t call me that.” Narcissa looked up, blinking the stinging tears away.

Danna nodded. “Okay,” she whispered. “Just say something.”

“I… why?” Narcissa looked at Danna again. “We’ve been through so much.”

“I care about you a lot, but just… forever’s a long time.”

“And you don’t want to spend it with me,” Narcissa finished.

“I didn’t say that!”

“You didn’t not say that either,” Narcissa shot back.

“I just don’t think we’re right for each other.”

Narcissa shook her head. “I did. I used to think that I’d live out a fairy tale life, and that I’d get a happily ever after. But I grew up, and realized those weren’t for me.” She swallowed, trying to get air past the lump in her throat. “Then I met you. I started to believe that maybe I could make my own happily ever after with you. I thought you could be my knight in shining armor. I started believing in fairy tales again. And now… now you’re saying that nothing we had was real? Our feelings for each other.. They were just some temporary thing.” Or worse, they’d just never even had them.

Danna shook her head. “That’s not what I’m saying! Narcissa, I really loved you, that’s not fake. Just, feelings change over time. We aren’t who we were. Things changed, we changed. I’m not saying everything is over. I just think we need to think about long term, and I think that we aren’t the best thing for each other. We both need to move on.”

“What happened to our happily ever after?” Narcissa whispered, eyes shining with tears.

“Not all love stories get happily ever after, sometimes it’s just once upon a time.”

“No. I can’t believe that.”

“Well, you’re going to have to,” Danna said brusquely, but not unkindly.

Still, the words sent daggers into Narcissa’s heart.

“I think you should go,” Narcissa whispered.

Danna nodded. “That’s probably best.” She tried to smile, tears gleaming in her own eyes. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Will you be okay?”

Narcissa nodded jerkily. “I can’t do this. Please just.. Just go. Don’t pretend everything’s fine.” She looked away. “I can’t be around you. Not right now.”

Danna opened her mouth, but closed it just as quickly. Instead, she stood, and walked towards the door.

Narcissa followed numbly.

Danna paused in the doorway, looking as if she was going to lean in, and kiss Narcissa goodbye.

She flinched, and shook herself. “Good night, Narcissa. I’ll see you around?”

Narcissa nodded. “I guess.”

Danna waved awkwardly, and stepped outside, letting the door swing shut.

Narcissa slid to her knees, and buried her face into her hands.

Happily ever afters really were just a thing in fairy tales.