#but at least the heartache stopped for some time. we're just. anxious.
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euclydya · 1 month ago
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oh...
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sunny-mercya · 10 months ago
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Hey, Brother do you still believe in one another?
15. Osaka Trip - Survival
Heiji Hattori x Male Reader | Platonic! Shinichi Kudo x Brother Reader
Fandom -> Detective Conan/Case Closed
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My friend, I can't wait to see you again
You're my hope, you're my everything
We can fly if you believe in my love!
Getting shot two times in a row—even when the bullets were only grazing your right leg and upper arm and missing its target, burying themselves somewhere else deep into—wasn't fun and never would be to remember.
You stumbled a bit, cursing loudly when the pain flared up, but didn't stop in your running. You didn't even know where to run and hide to, not knowing the area—which looked more than just devastated empty of any civilisation—you're in.
Somehow you ended up in the ruins of a empty school—either elementary or middle school—it didn't matter, right now Conan and you needed a place to hide—to catch some breath and rethink of a new tactic to survive this psychopath.
Picking up on your speed, you run inside—trekking the stairs up to the second floor, kicking open one of the classroom doors and ducked inside.
Leaning against the wall, you pulled out your phone, reading Shinichi's SMS once, twice and a third time again.
Dialling your brother's number, holding the phone against your ear, you waited with bated breath for him to pick up—hoping to hear his steady voice of reassurance again.
„Apologies, this number is currently unreachable, please try again later.“
Biting down onto your lip, you slid the wall down—closing your eyes and taking a deep breath—clutching your (f.colour) flip-phone, with its silly keychains and the few even more silly stickers on it, against your chest.
Nothing had actually changed, hasn't it? How desperate stupid could you any more be—believing, especially in that false—hope crushing and heartache bringing—SMS, that Shinichi would come back at all.
Asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole—Shinichi is such a fucking asshole.
When you needed Shinichi the most—in a situation where you felt nothing but inner turmoil of being anxious scared—he wasn't there.
At least not when it comes to you, because you're certainly sure that he calls Ran—when she's scared—that's Shinichi's only priority, besides solving cases and being a wannabe detective.
»[Name]......?«
»I can't do this, can't do this......it's pointless.....I'm dumb, so fucking dumb....«
»No [Name], don't give up now! We're gonna–argh!« Conan couldn't finish his sentence, feeling a shock of electricity through his body—being grabbed and thrown to the sides.
When Daiki found you and Conan, he had easy play with you—pushing you onto the floor and kicking you against your already bruised stomach and you were like a helpless doll again.
»Mhm, should have destroyed the damned phone right away when I took you. Now, let's see what made you so defiantly.«
Daiki read the SMS, grinning wickedly as he kicked you in the stomach again when you were about to get up. A scoff left his lips, dropping your phone to the ground and stepping onto it—breaking it in half.
»No!« you shouted, looking at him with wide eyes.
The only message you've gotten from Shinichi—ever since his abrupt disappearance—the only sign of him, that he was still alive—still here, somewhere—and hadn't abandoned you—was now crushed like the last bit of hope left in you.
You glanced at Conan, feeling guilty with what you were about to say next—admitting defeat, for once, freely. Though with what Daiki had said next, brought a wave of anger back.
»Hah! You really believed such trash? Please, we both know that your dear brother is nothing but a liar. Don't fool yourself.«
»Shut up.«
»Huh? Repeat that, I didn't quite hear that, dear.«
»Shut the fuck up! Don't you fucking dare calling Shinichi a liar ever again!«
With an uproar you sprung back up, pushing Daiki with full force into the tables and throwing one or two chairs onto him. Grabbing Conan again, holding him against you, you run out into the hallway—overthinking every route of escape you could take and decided for another drastic move.
Setting Conan down, you pulled off your jacket—putting the jacket then onto Conan, hood over his head—and taken him back into your arms.
»What are you doing [Name]?!«
»It's gonna be okay, just close your eyes and hold on tight.» you hugged Conan closer to you, arms secured around him. Taking a deep breath and then you sprinted towards that one window where you knew was a roof overhang below.
Hah! Sport tournament was nothing against a good old jump—through the second floor window, you thought. Picking up on your speed, ignoring the next grazing bullet against your leg, you jumped—twisting your body in a way that your back collided with the window, sending you crashing down onto the tin roof and pressing the air out of your lungs.
The short moment, in your free fall, of where you had seeing a glimpse of the darkening sky above you—reminds you of what you always would fear, death itself.
And while death itself scares you, even though you had days where you are close to step into the realm of afterlife, the last shimmer of sun-rays brought back a wish of once lost dream.
Getting up, had you no time to regain your breath, smashing the next window and stepped with Conan into the first floor. Another sprint, time was sacred now, searching for another place to hide in.
~~~
Hiding in the girls restroom, was a good decision or at least sounded like one. Sitting Conan onto the counter, you barley took a glance at yourself in the mirror—not wanting to see the brutal truth of ugliness and insecurity in it, which is just a reflection of you.
Rubbing your face and leaning against the counter as well, you let out a tired sigh—breathing heavily as you tried to regulate your breath again.
Your lungs burned, feeling so sandpaper dry—like your voice used to be hours ago—and your body ached from exhaustion. You wanted nothing more than to sleep, god, does sleep sounds so promising—so peaceful.
Fishing out a package of cigarettes, a lighter and two small bottles from the jacket, you lighting one up and took a long drag from the cigarette, letting the burning smoke invade your already heavy lungs—why you had cigarettes packed in the jacket, Conan didn't know and he also didn't knew that you smoked, but that was a question for another time—before taking the cigarette and pressing the tip onto your wounds.
»You know Conan–« you begun, didn't know yourself why you start to feel so nostalgic—so sentimental—and wanting to share a memory—from your childhood, so pure and with so much happiness in it—about Shinichi and you with Conan.
Perhaps it was because time was running out and you wanted to cherish in the past again, once last time.
Or maybe—and that's sounds more likely—it's the mix of morphine and adrenaline you gulped down, seconds ago, in one go—like a shot of vodka—choking on it as the taste was anything but pleasant and taking it on a empty stomach was not good, wanting to vomit up right away—because apparently you still weren't feeling mad-hatter and joker enough.
Whatever it might have been, in this moment it just felt right to share this sacred moment.
»Just mere moments ago, I wanted to give up once more. For final this time.«
»And why didn't you?«
»Besides the asshole insulting my brother? A thunder of thoughts, a flashback, struck me.« you stopped again, smiling at Conan and ruffling through his hair.
And then you told Conan about the most treasured memory you had;
It was during elementary when Digimon had its rookie-start in the TV. Shinichi and I would've watched it everyday and the openings—and few songs in it—had me so awestruck with joy, that Shinichi once begged our parents to buy him a walkman with the tape.
Shinichi didn't wanted any other presents for his birthday, except for this and when they gave in and brought it—Shinichi, proudly and happily grinning, had giving me the walkman.
Telling me—in all seriousness he could muster with his chubby face—that whenever I would start to feel sad again—back then, our parents already knew what started to happen with me, but all Shinichi and I knew was that I was feeling immense sadness and sometimes pain—it was also during the time, where I tried to drown myself in the bathtub for the first time and I will never forget the frightful and worried face of my knightly brother on that day—I should listen to the tape.
Because Shinichi had believed, that when I listened to the tape, the sadness would go away and somehow it did—but not really because of the music itself, but because—and it took me some years to understand—of Shinichi himself, who always acts so selflessly just to make me laugh.
Conan never wanted to tell you so badly, that he's Shinichi—that he's here with you, like how he always promised you and that there's no need to ever be sad again, because your brother is here and everything is gonna be alright.
But Conan couldn't, just couldn't do that. It would brought you more trouble and in danger—making you another target for the Men in Black and being an achilles heel to himself—than you already had.
The truth would cause more harm to yourself and could bring you into, perhaps, final collapse with your fragile mental health—and the thought of you being mad at him, Conan just couldn't stand and wouldn't forgiving himself for it.
»And whenever we've listen to these songs, which I still do nowadays, Shin-Chan would tell that all our dreams and wishes would come true.«
»Did they come true? Your dreams?«
»They did. At least for Shin-chan, who is, besides my wonderful boyfriend of course, the greatest detective of all times«
»And what about you [Name]?«
»Me? Well, I don't think I ever really had something akin to a dream or goal in life. Till now. Meeting Heiji, you, having the people around me which I love so much, make me realise something,«
Taking off your necklace, which had Heiji's promise-ring—and a pendant with Shinichi's and your parents names (and birthstones) engraved on it—looped in and putting it around Conan, tapping his nose.
»Besides me wanting to die on some days, it is worth to live after all. So I'm gonna promise you Conan, here and now, that I won't die tonight and neither will you. We're gonna survive this night and see the sunrise once more.«
And then you told Conan the next steps of your new reforming plan. Telling how you will smash Daiki—even though the fucker deserves a headshot, but Shinichi once said; killing someone out of self-justice, makes you not better than a murder themselves—into the ground and making him regret everything he had done.
Living like you're dying isn't living at all
We are, we are, we are gonna be alright
We got, we got, we always got the fight in us
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delightfulclouddreamer · 5 years ago
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Why you are the one always beaten up?
TCW!Obi Wan Kenobi x Lover!Reader
Synopsys: You are a Jedi master and a General, but you and Obi wan have been together for quite some time, even before the war started. You two love each other, but every time he goes on a mission with Anakin he ends up beaten up, this time, not only on the outside; something has broken on the inside too.
Silence,
there were no sounds, no noises, no blasters, no yells, no death.
Peace,
everything was so calm.
The only moment of peace you could have was during a meditation's session, it helped you to think, to reconnect to the Force and to calm your emotions and your preoccupations; since the beginning of the war a dark aure followed your thoughts, the dark side was rising, everyone at the Temple could sense it, but no one could fear it, at least no one was supposed to. Meditating was something your master made you love, you were more of a combat person, but he made you see the real meaning of it, connecting, feeling.
You were worried, anxious, just like each time he goes on a mission like this, your heart ached at the thought of what could've happened to him, they, he was supposed to be back four days ago.
Obi wan was never on time when in a mission of that kind, he had the custom to return later than considered. Worries followed you around, trying to hit your strength and blind your mind, but you were stronger, right? Alone, never. But you had the Force with you, so you were going to fight the constant anxiety that never left you by meditation.
"Magistra Y/N?" a voice called out for you, still meditating, eyes closed and legs crossed you reply: "Yes, Young one? What's the nature of your visit?", you sensed something, a presence not seen for long, one much longed.
it was a second, but the silence that the young boy left felt like years, even centuries.
"Master Skywalker and Master Kenobi have returned from their mission" He said, with a light voice.
Your heart dropped, your eyes shot open, holding yourself, containing the wave of emotions, the urge to run, to reach them and to feel him again, after weeks of abstinence, after weeks of silence. His voice, like honey dripping from his mouth, his deep blue eyes, that made you drown, his touch, so light and kind, yet so meaningful,so loving, his lips, always sweet and soft. You missed him, all the emotins you were not supposed to feed, in a moment rushed through you keaving behind eagerness, impatience.
Breath,
you need to think, to stay calm, those emotions will lead you nowhere.
"Young one, where are they?" you asked, now standing up, leading the boy outside of the gardens, "they are in the medical center, Master windu and Master Yoda asked me to tell you to go there", again an uneasy feeling hit you, taking away a bit of hope each time, leaving fear behind.
"Thank you, now if you'll excuse I'll go" you said saluting the boy. As your feet walked toward the medical Area, your mind was troubled nd your heart was pained. You needed calm, you needed assurance that what you feared wasn't true, but you were a Jedi and you knew your feelings.
The walk was anything but short or peaceful, but as you arrived where you were needed, there ws no one in sight, "Magistra Y/N" Anakin call you, you turned your head scanning him to see if he was wounded, but he was fine, as Ashoka was.
That meant one and only one thing.
"Hello Anakin, Ashoka, how did the mission go?" you asked, covering your emotions with a thick layer of calm and peace. "LEt's say it ended, we're heading to the council, we need to report, why are you here?" he asked you, "windu and Yoda told me to come here, I don't actually know why" you replied, "Well, maybe is for Master Kenobi, he could use some company, he's there, if you want, now we're sorry, but we need to go," he said, gesturing toward a door, then he saluted you and left.
All of a sudden the emotions you built up, hid and covered found their way on the surface. Your heartache, your mind was scanning so many thoughts. Fear hit you, Hard, so much that a single tear escaped from your eyes. You swiftly dried it and then proceeded to enter the room Anakin pointed you.
Every step felt heavy and difficult to make, when you got to the door you hesitated a moment, took a deep breath to steady your mind and entered. There he was at your left, you saw him, he was still under the cure of the droid, he hissed a moment at the pain of the medicine. You walked toward his bed, scanning his figure, he was shirtless, seated, he was pale, tired and dirty. In the lighten room, while the medics wounded his back you could perfectly see all the marks all the injury he had on his torso, on his arms, the body you grew so attached for, the body you loved so much, how many times you lingered your fingers on his sculpted abdomen, on his biceps, you remembered the sensation of his soft skin under your delicate touch.
However now there were long red stripes, covering his whole chest, they were numerous, so many that you couldn't count. You started walking towards him, maintaining a calm expression, knowing full well he could read you like an open book.
He stopped for a moment, sensing your presence, then he looked up and saw your facade, felt your fear, your hurt, he tried to look you in the eys, but you couldn't instead you seated near his bed.
"How long no see you Y/N," he said in a joyful tone, however you felt the sorrow, the discomfort, and most of all the tiredness behind it. "Too much" you sighed, "How did the mission go?" you question, looking into his eyes, but as soon as you did so, he looked away, fearing your gaze, "Oh, we did it... we accomplished the mission." silence fell upon you two, a silence that spoke thousands of words,
"At what cost?" you asked staring at his wounded body; grief I in your tone, preoccupation in your mind, but so much love in your heart. Obi wan didn't dare to look at you, he felt lost, the truth is that the mission was much more painful and strenuous as he let you saw. He felt lost, alone, desperate, powerless, as he has never done. The thought of never seeing you again broke him, shuttered his heart into millions of pieces. Now you were before him, hurt, sorrowful, all for him, he was the cause of all your pain and he couldn't stand it, he couldn't bear even meeting your eyes for a split second.
"Could you leave us alone for a moment?" You then asked the medical droid, and it did as you ordered.
Now completely alone you took his hand and started caressing it, "Obi, what exactly happened to you?" you questioned, your voice breaking, he looks at you, absorbed in the action, afraid of looking at him. "It was hard, they.. they took me as a slave, and every time I tried to help someone they killed one of the other slaves. I was completely powerless, I felt... lost.... alone for the first time" you studied him, he was looking the other way, barely whispering, remembering.
"Obi...look at me" you whispered taking his chin with your hand, he stared in your eyes,
"I'm sorry" he sighed, barely audible,
"Don't be, why should you be?",
"Because I'm causing you pain, and I don't want that. It's my fault you're feeling like this right now",
"Obi, I would care for you whichever our relationship was, I'm not in pain, not so much, I'm just worried about you, I'm sorry that you're hurt, I'm sorry that you're feeling like this and I don't know how to help you, to let you relieve the pain."
"Y/N..." your E/C eyes bright again, filled with love and compassion, "You're helping me just by staying here", he said caressing your cheek,
"Good, because I've nothing to do today" he laughed, a bright laugh, pure, happy. "You don't know how much I've missed you", "Believe I know, because I've missed you just as much, if not more." "I believe I've missed you more" he joked, "You had something to do, I had nothing to do, so missing you were at the top of my list."
"I love you so much" he wasn't ok yet, he wasn't heled neither physically, nor mentally, but he was going to e. You were going o help him heal, you were going to stay near him and let him win this.
Together.
"I love you too," you said kissing his temples," However honey, I have a question", "Yes, what is it?"
"Why you are always the one beaten up?", "Because like that I have an excuse to see you, so you can help me heal" he laughed.
Your hand still in his, your cheek still in his hand, held up by yours, your eyes still in his.
A moment like this, filled with love, laughter, happyness, a moment like this helped you break the code, exactly, you could've left the order to always live a moment like this. With him.
Together
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