#but at least i made a sketch so if i can i'll finish it tomorrow

[creamecafe]

Fate by "Design" | Salesman x Artist!Fem!Reader

Summary: While doing art in a subway, the Salesman offers you to play Ddakji, a chance to win money. But you wanted his number, when you win your acquaintance with the salesman becomes much more.

Pairing: Salesman x Artist!Fem!Reader

Warnings: fluff, flirting, allusions to smut/sex, but not explicit

Word Count:

Author's Note: This was requested by Crazy4herluv on my Wattpad book Squid Game Imagines/One-Shots. This is also my first Salesman work, so I hope you enjoy!

*Icon used for this header above that I made in PicsArt is from Pinterest. Divider is from @cafekitsune in this post*

Want a request for a Squid Game character like this one? Check out my post, read my request guidelines and send a request!

Read on Wattpad & AO3 here

The sounds of the almost isolated subway and people walking is the highlight of your daily routine. You had moved to Korea to work for a art company and you do sketches by hand.

It paid very good money but in your free time you liked to be in the subway and do art for others like New York. People would walk and stop to see what you possibly could be doing.

A lot of the time, couples, parents with their kids or even old people would ask for a drawing each day and you get paid at least $130-200 at the end of the day.

Your art simply consisted of charcoal sketches of the person who requested for the art as semi-realistic as possible with a watercolor splash in the back if they ask.

Sometimes you notice while you're drawing or sketching away looking for people to draw, you would see a man in a black suit.

He had black hair and was always carrying a suitcase with him. He was also very handsome, you thought. When you took the time to actually analyze him or look at him, not in a creepy way you thought, you noticed that he would throw something on the ground and slap people.

This guy must be insane, you thought. Slapping people everyday, but it didn't stop you wondering who he really was. You thought of going up to him and asking if he would like his own portrai. But you were nervous of asking such a good looking guy and you are an artist in the subway, so he was way out of your league.

Today felt like any other day. Until one person, the guy in the black suit came up to you. You were going to pack up for the day when you accidentally dropped pencils and other supplies on the floor, then rolled around. As you were on the ground picking up the supplies, you saw polished black shoes stop and turn in front of you.

You look up and see him. The guy in the black suit looks down at you while you're trying to pick up your stuff.

"Good evening ma'am. I have a question for you."

You got up from the floor and brushed off the germs from yourself from the subway ground.

"Hello sir. I finished my hours for the day drawing so I can't accept any art requests right now I'm sorry. You could always come back tomorrow if you like."

"I'm not asking for a drawing. I'm asking if you would like to play a game."

A game? Is this guy Billy the puppet you thought?"

"What game?" You asked?

"It's called Ddakji. Have you heard of it before?"

Ddakji. It should sound familiar but you felt like you don't know it.

"I don't think so. What is it?"

"It's very simple. You fold two pieces of paper, usually of bright colors as it's a children's game like an envelope and the goal is to throw down the paper as hard as you can so the other person's paper flips over."

"What's the point of playing the game?"

"If you win, I'll give you money. A hundred thousand won."

Your eyes widened at what he said. A hundred thousand won? That amount of money to get while doing art in a subway could take a year or two. Yet here's this handsome well kept money offering to you.

"And if I lose?"

"Well usually I slap people until they win or just give up." That explains why you see this man in the subway grounds slapping people and throwing stuff down.

"But seeing how creative you are. How about a portrait of me? Use all your creativity and imagination you can and give me something."

"Ok. I'll play. But I can change something?"

"What is it?" He turns his head to express curiosity. It's rare that people would ask for a change of things while playing, conducting he's the one in charge.

"If I win, I get to have your number."

The salesman is surprised at your boldness to ask him out.

"My number? You could walk out with a hundred thousand won. What could my number offer to you?"

"Well I might see a better prize than money. I see a real piece of art right here." You raised your eyebrow smirking

He smirks at you. This was going to be interesting he thought.

"We have an agreement then?"

You nodded. "I lose, you get a portrait. But if I win..."

"You get my number." The salesman nods smiling. "Five in a row you have to win." He then pulls out two colored orgami tiles of red and blue from his suit jacket.

"What color would you like?"

"Red/blue" you said.

"Alright then. Ladies first."

You look at him and then the ground. 10 in a row you can do this. You took a deep breath and slammed the envelope on the ground. The guy then slams his envelope on the ground flipping yours around.

It created a loud slapping sound and echoed that it startled you. You look up scared he was lying to his word and might actually slap you. You close your eyes and prepare for it.

"What are you doing?" The salesman asks

"Aren't you going to slap me?"

"You don't have to worry. I wouldn't slap a pretty face like yours. I only want a drawing."

Opening your eyes you took a deep breath. At least you wouldn't be slapped.

"1-0" The guys says. You assumed that was his keeping score

You pick up your envelope and roll up your sleeve. You threw it down but it didn't flip the salesmans. He picked his up and slammed it down flipping yours again.

"2-0". Now the chances of getting this guys number seems low and you might look like a fool. You were weren't to give up just yet. You relied on your skills of carrying an easel and so many supplies per day to the game.

Taking a deep breath, you slam down the card and it flipped the guys. You were smiled wanting to jump for joy.

"2-1" You put up 2 fingers with one hand and 1 finger to the guys face.

He said nothing but smirked. Talking wasn't his thing, you noticed. Probably why you found him attractive.

The salesman picks up his card and slams it and your flips over. It was a continuous picking up and flipping cards. You were getting better as the points were getting higher.

Now the score was "7-8". You were becoming tired and kinda wish you were home right now, sleeping. But

The salesman threw down his card and flipped yours. Now it was 8-8. A tie. Just two more and you get his number. You threw yours down and it flipped over. 8-9. Another slam from the guy and it was 9-9.

This was it. You weren't sure you would have enough energy to draw that portrait of his that he wanted. But you needed enough energy to finish this game.

You slammed it down and saw it flipped over. I won, you thought to yourself. Did I actually win? You thought.

"Congratulations. You won ma'am." The salesman smiled.

Those words felt unreal. "Yes! Yes!" You jumped around happy.

"Now, you asked for my number. I suppose you wouldn't have a piece of paper to write down my number, would you?"

What kind of question was that? You were a artist. Blank papers is all you carry. You grab your sketchbook from your bag and a pen to give to him.

He took it from your hands and wrote down his number fast. He gave it back to you and you saw it.

"What do you plan to do with that number, Miss?"

"I was wondering maybe you want to go out?"

"We can do that. Can I pick the place?"

It was the least you could let him do as he offered you money and kept true to his word to give you his money.

"Sure. I'll text you when I'm available. I might see you here too. Who knows?"

He nodded your response smiling.

"You have a good day madam"

"You too" God how you loved how formal he was and calling you madam and ma'am, even though you weren't really that old.

When you went home, you were exhausted but still smiling and excited that you got the guy's number. You texted your name so he could have yours saved as well. You went to bed, wondering what it could lead to. Possibly just one date or even more.

The next day, was the same thing. Wake up, eat breakfast, pack your things and head to the subway. You kept fixing yourself up for the salesman, wondering if he would come by.

He always comes by, you thought. He just has to. You scanned around the subway to see where he is as you didn't want to move your spot. After an hour had passed, it looked like he hadn't been around.

Maybe asking for his number was a bad idea, that he was avoiding to talk to you, you thought. A man walked by and dropped something not that far from you. It looked like money. Seeing this you get up, pick up the bill and try to call out for the man. But it looked like he was already gone. It was

Written in a black permanent marker, it says “Look at your phone ma’am”. Without thinking you check your phone and see a message. Meet me at the park at 4:30 PM. No need to dress so fancy but wear something you feel pretty in.

Blinking your eyes rapidly, you couldn’t believe what’s in front of you, more likely what’s on your phone. He’s actually texting you. The weird quiet but handsome black suit guy is texting you. You packed your things and went home and went to get ready to meet him in the park.

It was nothing special that you wore. Just a simple sundress/pantsuit but it was still one of the nicest outfits you had in your wardrobe. You kept wondering just what the man in plan for you. Walking around the park, you see the man still in his suit, hands in front looking around, possibly waiting for you, you thought.

Smiling, you walk up to him. When he sees you, he smiles with no teeth but still showing joy. He reaches out a hand. Looking at it hesitantly, you took his hand. The salesman then took your hand, bowed a little and kissed the back of your hand gently. You felt your heart skipped a beat when he did that.

“Hello ma’am. We meet again.”

“Hi. Were you the person that gave me the bill?”

“Maybe, a beautiful woman like you deserves more.”

Was this a dream? Were you dreaming or is this real. This man seemed to good to be true. You two walked to what would be your first date. The place he picked out for the first date was an art museum. It displayed the finest arts across the worlds and many different paintings. The salesman would ask about each piece and how did it make you feel. You responded to many of his questions but kept looking around. You guys kept talking and asking each other questions to get more acquainted with each other.

After the museum, he took you a some place to eat. Then you guys went to get ice cream. He paid for everything and asked if there’s anywhere else you would like to go. If you tried to pull out your card or even cash to pay for your own things, he would refuse so and said he got everything and that anything you wanted he’ll get for you. It had been late, so he dropped you off home and asked how was everything and if you enjoyed it.

You couldn’t thank him enough for the wonderful day you had comparison to just drawing in a subway for hours. Before you left his car, there was a slight tension between you guys that it could be cut with a knife. The man wanted to say something else but couldn’t stop looking at your lips. Looking at him, you see his hands reach towards your face and cup it as his lips softly touches yours.

His lips were so baby smooth and his cologne was so sharp from his neck, it felt like a gas hyptonixjg you. You cup his face, grazing it with your thumb. He pulls away, still looking at you with such yearning. Your thumb still on his face grazed his lips as you said goodbye and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Ever since that night, you two have been dating. He would take you on dates to other places. Mostly just walks in the park or art related stuff that you like. Your small kisses would turn into small makeouts into something more. He would sometimes, well mostly go over to your place and sleep over. In the mornings he would make breakfast in his underwear. You wish you could draw him right then and there.

He loves to pose for your art or whatever reference you need for your assignment in class. Once a month, he'll take you out to the art store to get whatever supplies you need. Your messy clothing consisted of paint or oil pastel stains is opposite of his clean, ironed and steamed suit. But he loves it either way.

The only time that he was out of the suit was when he was in bed with you. But other than that, you wanted him to be a bit more fun. You wanted to him have more color. Seeing those videos of online of couples doing painting of each others to see both of your art skills.

You begged the salesman to do wit you and he finally agrees. Squealing you get everything ready, canvas, paints, brushes, water and paper towels. You had 10 minutes to try to get each other’s features as accurate as possible

Time passes and both of you guys are done. You show your art of him and it’s him in his suit, pretty accurate and semi realistic but some details were missing. He nods and says it’s impressive of how much you can get done in less than hour.

You ask for his painting and he turns his Canva around and you see you in an almost renaissance like painting. Your mouth dropped and all felt like years of your art skills go away to just 10 minutes.

“What! How’s that even possible? Why didn’t you tell me you were good at art?”

“Well two people can’t be the artists in a relationship. One has to be a muse, to inspire the other.”

You scoffed at his bullshit. He just didn’t want to brag. An idea came in your mind. You grab a paintbrush and leave a stroke of red paint on his face.

“If you want to be a muse, why don’t you have some color on you?”

Smirking, the salesman takes this as a challenge and grabs his paint brush and paints across your face too.

Now you guys were having a paint battle. You tried to paint him more but he lightly grabs your arm and stops you. He leads you the floor, where he’s now on top of you. Seeing this as an opportunity, you grab a bottle of paint that’s open and smeared on his white shirt. He laughs at this and rolls you over where you’re now on top of him, straddling him.

Nothing was said between you both as you kept looking at each other. Like that night of your first date when you guys first kissed. Putting your head down you kiss him and he put his arms around on your back. The paint on your guys’ face mixed with each other. Breath was running out so you decided to stop. Your heart was beating so much just as he was trying to catch his breath too.

Now you’re forever grateful you asked for his number then taking the money. It’s a better reward than what the salesman had to offer you, as you got him, yourself. It felt like a dream come true. Even if it was, you didn’t want to wake up. Everything of being with him was like straight art. Maybe it was meant to be. That day you accidentally dropped your pencils and he came up to you. It could be called fate by others. Fate by design you like to call it.

He was right, one has to be the muse in a relationship and the other an artist. But to him, it was the thing he was missing the most. An new reason to be in the subway that fateful day.

Taglist:

@deffreal, @cocofia143, @sorry-meme, @elizabeth-hatake, @nini-0808, @hobinistaworld, @ineedsmootching, @alittlebitofeverything , @happyfrog7681 , @tiuhiatus, @goofiestgoober27, @jayyyourbabe, @ninahorikoshifr, @ikeithy , @vampiregirlxoxo, @ouwioworuuu, @cloudysxkura, @l4venderia, @anthea1239, @iidontwannadiealone,

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[a-s-levynn]

i was tagged by 🥹🫶🏻 @lovingache and @reveries-of-my-mind and edit: @absentviolet and @venomousiiserpent 🫶🏻🥹, i love this kinda stuff and it's been a while since i did one! thank you so much! <3

i'm tagging but no pressure, because i never know who to tag or not to tag so i'm sorry if i tagged you or did not tagged you.. if it's not your thing or just don't feel up to it rn, just ignore it happend it's totally fine: @hreog-like-frog @murderofcrow @moonchild-in-blue @foxgloveinspace @thejawsoffate ALSO if i haven't tagged you but you wan't to jump in on the fun, consider yourself tagged by me without a second thought

last song: Farewell by Bernth

last film: Scream VI, actually i was rewatching the entire franchise during the past week or so.. i like slashers and it's been a while so i might do it with the rest of the classics.

currently watching: i'm rewatching Prodigal son. I loved that show with all it's faults, and i'm still sad it did not got it's 3rd season.

currently reading: Starfall by Drew Harrison. I'm finally on my way to finish it, i kinda struggle with reading in general (i can't focus) but i got the audiobook version and it helps a lot. It's a really great sci-fy cyberpunk post-apocalyptic story with that classic noire-ish thing that fits so well with the neon distopias etc.. and it tackles really fun themes. i can only recommend either reading or listening to it.

current obsession: take a wild guess, i couldn't even hide it if i tried to, not that i'd want to anyway. yes it's sleep token. what a surprise, i know.. besides that.. something different basically every other day? currently it's over an extremely stupid idea i'm working into a drawing and so far it's not a complete disaster so here is to hope it get's finished before i fixate on something else

[omgahgase]

more charthur headcanons/drabbles bc i'm mentally ill over them

charthur cuddling can go one of two ways: they're both suction-cupped to the other octopus style, limbs thrown over hips and hands twisted in hair or night shirts, their legs tangled together so tightly that, in the morning when their bodies ache and their joints click, they have to gently maneuver out of the pile they've made themselves. or, and this one is more likely bc they're both human furnaces so it gets hot under the covers, they're on totally opposite ends of their bed, their blanket lost somewhere on the hardwood floor of their room, but one of them has a hand stretched out, either gripping a hip or gently placed on a broad chest. sometimes both of them do, just to feel the easy rise and fall of their breath. just to know that the other is still breathing

arthur is an avid tree climber. charles will find him sketching out the scene from a branch that should've been difficult to scale to for a man of his size, but arthur somehow got up there. charles will follow him bc of course he does, and when he's sitting pretty next to arthur, their feet dangling and shoulders pressed together, he finds himself giggling. arthur would ask him what's so funny and charles will remind him of the dumb song jack used to sing about his parents when they'd share a kiss in front of him. "charles and arthur, sitting in a tree," charles would sing. "K-" arthur says before he pecks charles on the lips. "I-" another kiss. "S-S-" two more, right on charles nose, the curve of his brow. "I-N-G," he finishes the song by kissing charles twice on both of his cheeks and then plant a big one right on his lips, smiling into charles' laughter

arthur loves dogs, that's a given. he's the type of guy to bring strays back to camp and him and jack would spend all day bathing them and feeding them, making sure they're patched up from injuries and the like. charles doesn't mind dogs, he's fond of cane, but he'd rather his lover bring home a quieter pet, maybe one that charles can tend to without getting slobber all over his clothes. it's not until one day, charles is reading under the shade of a tree when arthur runs up to him, more eager than a honey bear in a bee hive. "guess what i found you." charles doesn't want to guess, but still, he indulges. "more fiber for my bow?" "no." "moonshine for flaming arrows." "no, but i'll get right on that. tomorrow." charles shrugs, dog ears his page and stands so him and arthur are level. arthur also kisses him in greeting bc he can't help himself. as if charles can't help himself either when he pulls away. "what, then?" arthur reaches into his pack and pulls out the most least likely thing charles ever thought he'd have. "you found me a...turtle?" arthur nods, happily, nearly sending his hat flying off his head. "you said you wanted a pet that don't spit on you, an' i thought cats were outta the question too, then i found this 'lil guy in the grass near the pond!" arthur scratches the turtles head with his finger, and charles, despite himself because what the hell? almost coos. the turtle is pretty cute, about the size of arthur's palm, and something in charles' chest tells him to hold it. so he does. and within in seconds, he's in love all over again, with both this small creature and his cowboy. "thank you," he says, reeling arthur in by his handkerchief and kissing him soundly on the mouth. arthur responds in kind, kissing him back and winding an arm around charles' waist. "never thought our first kid would be a reptile," he jokes, smiling into charles' shoulder as charles tucks his new friend against his chest. "it could be worse. you could've brought home an alligator." arthur hums, trails his arms around charles' middle, hooks his chin over his shoulder, and sways. "what a strange 'lil family we got here, huh?" charles chuckles, and sways with him. "i wouldn't have it any other way."

[crowtaclysm]

I also got into pressure and made a Pressure self insert sort of!

Meet Rivet Stitch!

He got yoinked by UrbanShade because he along with a coulple of friends were tryin to gather intel on the company to expose all the horrible things they had done, plan didn't go as accordin though when the hacker of the group accidentally triggered security, Rivet and his friends had to make a run for it but in their desperation to escape they threw him under the bus, leavin him to get caught. As punishment he was used for experimentation and kept in the site, forced to comply and work as "The Warden" via various control devices they had on him.

He seemed to get along with Sebastian and tolerated anyone he considered innocent working at the site(like janitorial staff and such), when the lockdown happened the control devices he had on went off, leavin him paralyzed and in pain, with no hope to escape, it was Sebastian who found him first and removed them for him.

Nowadays he stays in the site as he knows he has no chance at returnin to society while lookin like this. He resents his ex-friends, not only for usin him to save their asses but because he knows(and it's true) that they never again tried to get in, hack or even contact him to see if he was still alive.

After years of knowin Sebastian as well as spendin time with him after the lockdown, they grew close together, started datin and are currently "married". Rivet is not a big fan of marriage and would rather avoid it, but he went along with Sebastian because he seemed happy with the idea, he likes matching marriage rings with him and loves bein called husband/hubby by Sebastian.

Rivet has the DNAs of a Leopard Seal, a Lion Fish, a Lancetfish, a Shortfin Mako Shark, an Inland Taipan, a Flashlight Fish and [REDACTED]

Size wise he's not as long as Sebastian but he's larger than him, Seb reaches at about Rivet's shoulders. The redacted creature in his DNA is what gives him his size. Rivet is also both venomous due to the Inland Taipan as well as poisonous due to the Lion Fish. His bite as well as anything green and sharp are to be avoided if you want to survive.

His game mechanic has him stalkin the player most of the times, he always spawns in thouse rooms with windows that have Naval Mines outside, he'll be hidin behind thouse, makin constant eye contact. He only becomes a threat whenever the player is underwater, be it crossin a big openin on the site followin the beacons or in flooded rooms. His tell will be the loud scratchin of his claws against the floor and walls as well as his hissin and growlin as he rushes towards the player. If he doesn't see you he very much acts like an Angler(will rush in and out at least twice and at most five times), minus takin the lights out. If he does see you however you'll have to hide in a locker and will get a minigame similar to Pandemonium's or you can avoid him by hidin somewhere out of reach like a vent or a small crevice, he'll claw at it for a bit before givin up and leavin.

Lastly he also has a mechanic in which he will use his natural glow to make the player think it's a beacon and lure them into a hole in the wall that leads to water before swipin at them and draggin them in, if you have another player close by you'll be able to be rescued by them at the cost of 50 points of damage that continuously drain overtime due to his poison unless you use a medkit or pay Sebastian to remove the poison out of you(if you pay him you'll get an easter egg of Rivet laughin and lookin at you from the hole on the ceilin of Seb's shop, Sebastian will also let out a small amused chuckle at Rivet's mockery), if you're solo or your friends are too far it's an instant kill, the tell is easy however as real beacons also have smoke comin out of them while Rivet's fakeout only has the green glow.

And now, a WIP of the gays under the cut:

Lord this sketch is so messy, I'll try to finish it tomorrow.

[rottentiger-art]

Quogan Drabble:

I said on an ask "I imagine Quinn staying up late working in her quinventions and him coming to pick her up and carry her to bed bc he misses her and wants to snuggle awww."

couldn't stop thinking about it so I ended up writing it, dedicated to that anon <3

Edit: Posted on Ao3

Settled a few years before the movie, you can imagine whatever time period you wish tho:

Logan tiptoed into Quinn's lab, a smile already on his face as he watched his girlfriend hunched over a the mess on her desk. Her hair was tousled, her eyes tired, and Logan could tell she'd been at it for hours. No doubt working on her new invention. Or Quinnvention as she still called, much to his delight.

"Hey there, beautiful," he whispered, walking up to her and hunching over her to hug her. "How's it going?"

Quinn turned around, grinning at Logan's arrival. "Hey, you!" she exclaimed, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "I'm actually making some serious progress tonight. I think this invention might be the one that finally works!"

Logan chuckled, looking around at the piles of sketches and gadgets strewn across the desk. It was something she always said, Quinn had been feeling blocked lately when it came to her inventions. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to make any progress. It was frustrating, to say the least. She had been spending most of her days locked away in her lab, determined to make it work, even if it meant working until the early hours of the morning. Logan had noticed how hard she was pushing herself, and it made him feel helpless. He wished he could do something to help her, but he knew Quinn was stubborn, and while he usually just tell her to take a break, she's been sensible about it, so he didn't want to pressure her. He just wanted her to know that he was there for her, no matter what.

"I'm sure you're right, babe" he said, not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm.

Quinn went back to work, and Logan stayed quiet, watching as she focused intently on her work. After a few more minutes, he stood up and walked to her side.

"You know what's more important than this invention, though?" he said, crouching down beside her.

Quinn looked up, her eyes questioning.

"You. You need to remember to take care of yourself, Quinn. You're working too hard. Come on, let's go get some sleep," he said, holding out his hand.

Quinn was about to refute, but all that came out was a long and exhausted yawn. She couldn't resist the gesture, so she took his hand and let him pull her up. As they walked towards the door, Logan suddenly swept her into his arms, making her laugh.

"What are you doing?" she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I'm carrying you to bed, of course," he replied, grinning mischievously. "You need your rest, can't revolutionize the world with no energy."

Quinn snuggled into him, feeling supremely content in his arms. She nuzzled her face into his neck and breathed in his scent, feeling him slowly walk them towards their bedroom.

Once they were there, Logan gently laid Quinn down and pulled the blankets up over her. "I'll let you finish your work tomorrow," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

Quinn smiled up at him, feeling thankful for his care and love. "I love you" she whispered back.

"I love you too, Quinn. Now get some sleep," he said, turning off the light and crawling into bed beside her.

As Quinn drifted off to sleep, she couldn't help but feel grateful for having someone like Logan in her life. He always knew exactly what she needed, whether it was a shoulder to cry on or a gentle push to slow down. She knew that no matter how much they bickered and argued, they'd always have each other's backs.

[studynxiety]

06/09/2023

Lately, I have been tired. I am not sure if it's burnout, a random depressive episode or executive dysfunction. All I know is I haven't been really doing as much as I could be. I didn't want to admit it since I was still doing enough to get 80% on most tests and things could be worse.

Looking back, however, I haven't really done much that enjoy lately. I don't remember the last time I turned on some good music and wrote away, burning the midnight candle for something that made me alive. And there has been this constant knot of anxiety at the bottom of my stomach. So, things haven't been vibrant but things aren't exactly bad. It's like waking up on the wrong side of the bad; nothing's horrible but everything's off nonetheless.

All this is to say, I think I need to bounce back and I'm done being passive for this year. I've always been ambitious and I'm going to start pursuing things I want again. I woke up today feeling weirdly motivated so I've decided to start the 100 days of productivity challenge!

Things I hope to achieve from this challenge:

Become good enough in Physics that I can enjoy it again

Finish at least half of the CS50 course

Study for SATS

Make a complete compilation of which Unis to apply to

Finish at least two WIPs

Get better at French

Extra/Less-prioritized goals:

Get abs

learn to cook

Sketch/Draw more often

I think there will be two main obstacles in the way of me accomplishing these things. The first will be finding time. Most of the goals I've mentioned are things I have been putting off for more immediate concerns or just, generally, people needing me for things in the present that need to be dealt with but don't have much of an impact in the future.

The second problem is my undeniable internet addiction. Okay, I feel like internet addiction is too broad; my addiction to constantly consume some form of creative media, be it in the form of books, movies, TV shows, anime, cartoon, comics, or fanfiction. I really need to cut down on that. I think this will be the most difficult part. I'll try cutting out serialized content and instead explore more indie books and movies again. They're usually less addictive but fulfilling in the same.

As always, I'll be ending this post with some talk about the most recent shows that I have been enjoying, which is kind of ironic given the previous paragraph is me just complaining about my inability to stay away from them. Lately, I have been into the ongoing Kdrama "My Lovely Liar." I think the chemistry between the main characters is great and the mystery is alluring. An 8/10 in my books.

Other than that, I've been watching "The Boys." Currently, in season three. It's one heck of a show and it's just so believable and feels like a mirror to reality. The corporate greed of pharmaceutical firms, the corruption among the people who have sworn to protect us, and how hard the world works ... only to maintain the status quo. I think it's very interesting and directly draws parallels to the real world. It's definitely a 10/10 for me. The world building, characters, humour; everything hits just right.

That's all for today. I'll do some chemistry, look over the CS50 course and fill out some forms for some official stuff today and kickstart the productivity challenge tomorrow. I'll try to be more active on tumblr during the 100 days as I need something to keep me accountable. Here is to hoping for better me's and better days and better outcomes.

[xxmissarichanxx]

✨XMACX Monthly✨ | February 2024

Happy February! Thank you again so much for voting for the Cover Model last month! March's Cover Model Poll drops tomorrow!

You may read this month's update as a public post on PTRN or below the cut! You can also see the previous issue here.

Last month went by way too quickly and now Valentines' Day is just around the corner! Then I'll blink and be another year older... This month, I'll be focusing on adding the final touches of Froot Basket: Dark Chocolate and prepping for a White Day (March 15) release. February is a short month, so I know it'll fly by... but we've got a lot of fun stuff including two OC birthdays!

Schedule

February 1 - XMACX Monthly

February 2 - Cover Model Polls

February 7 - Valentine Cards

February 9 - Cover Story

February 14 - Valentines' Day, Sidney's Bday

February 15 - Kurosaki Twin's Bday

February 16 - Art Process

February 23 - FBDC Voice Update released for Patrons!

February 28 - Sketch Dump

Cover Story Preview | Momo's Special Chocolate Recipe

Momo made some special Valentine chocolate for his beloved senpai. This month, he's sharing his special recipe!

Valentine Special

I'll be dropping some Valentine cards for everyone to download and send to your pals! I'm saving Valentines' social media post for Sidney because it's his birthday, so I'll drop the Valentine cards on social media before then.

February's OC Birthdays

This month we're celebrating Sidney, Ken, and Maya's birthdays! Sidney is an adorable red head from my project After-Party Chemistry! Ken and Maya are fraternal twins. They're not associated with any one project right now... But I'll be dropping some fun illustrations and OC lore about them on their respective days for everyone!

VN Development | Froot Basket: Dark Chocolate Release 

I'll be releasing Froot Basket: Dark Chocolate's voiced update for patrons this month! You can play before I drop it on Itch on March 15. Last month, I added a "recustomize Jordan" menu in case you want to swap between Jordan's voices or looks in-game. I also messed around with the Gallery and Achievements screen, but you'll have to see in the update.

Other than prepping for FBDC's Voiced Update Release, I have some marketing art for release to work on lol... I'm planning two different pieces: a new poster featuring all the characters and a piece which features the four different color combinations of Jordans. I don't expect to finish these this month because day job's looking pretty busy, BUT I'm hoping to at least get some sketches done.

Other Goals this Month

I'll be wrapping up some zine pieces and commissions. :^)

Next Month

March 1st falls on a Friday so the Monthly and Polls will drop all on the same day. I can't wait to see who'll make my birth month's cover!

Aloha nui~ Ari

[daisies-n-ducks]

“Oh, by the way, what’s your name?” Sally fortunately remembered to ask, before time passed her by and she needed to make a full-on investigation to avoid the mortification of having to ask her three months later. “I mean, it could be Daisy Pond, but... Just in case,” she finished saying with a little shrug. Daisy Pond was a wonderful name for a fashion brand, truly. In any case, it was certainly more inviting than a name like Deville.

The seamstress nodded, wondering how much experience her new designer would have. She seemed relatively young, so maybe she was just starting out. Sally knew what that was like: making a whole portfolio was a daunting task, she thought, recalling when she applied to work at Community Theater and had to take pictures and highlights of about ten years of self-taught sewing skills.

“Um... What about the Enchanted Rose café?” she suggested. She had already become a regular. “I’ll bring some of my sketchbooks too, so you can get a better idea of what sort of style I lean towards.” As soon as she finished saying this, Sally had a moment of pause. It felt strange to know herself as calm and collected when making these sorts of decisions, especially when so often she had the job of following someone else’s instructions. That was what a seamstress did, after all. When she was allowed to design for the theater, it was under someone else’s guidelines. The closest thing, it seemed, was when she made the designs for Miss di Rossi, and she was given freedom to try new stuff.

Sally smiled, squeezing her hand under the sleeve of her coat. This is what rich elegant ladies must feel like, she concluded, requesting their own custom gowns.

~

"Oh!" Daisy laughed, flustered and embarrassed for the first time in what felt like forever, "yeah, it's- I'm Daisy Pond. Design student and well..." Daisy gestured vaguely to the space around them, "...retail worker." Daisy found it funny that she was always able to flaunt an act of professionalism and allure when it came to selling Ms. DeVille's designs, but when it came to selling her's...well, it was clearly a work in progress.

Once again, Daisy found herself out to be a bad neighbor as she had never heard of the cafe Sally suggested. She shrugged and beamed regardless. "Ooh, sketches! Sounds great to me, I can't wait to see what we come up with." Oh, yeah. She'd be sounding professional, at least, in no time.

Daisy pulled her phone out of her back pocket and input the woman's phone number that she had given earlier. "We can meet up as soon as tomorrow if you want! I'll text you. Or call? What do you prefer? Oh, but I'd hate to assume your schedule. I'm free all week in the mornings so just let me know-" Just not too early, she thought.

[korissideblog]

ohhh i'm lowkey very proud of this one <333

sillie little characters: Hiroharu [@compoundhero ] Michiko [@residentquirksupport ] and Ikuto [@the-heartbeat-hero ] <3

i didn't finish all the sketches i wanted for this fic, but i also wanted to get it out today, so maybe i'll reblog it or edit it later with the drawings <3 there are like two that i finished on time, but ahugghieisdifs whatever. it's officially midnight and i have work tomorrow <3

(also, if heartbeat-hero is reading this, thxs for reading over it for me, and i changed the ending a tiny bit so you could have something new to read <3)

“And then he’s going to put the ring on you-”

“But the ring is poisoned.” “Yes, we’re not gonna let it touch you. We’ll be there before anything happens.”

“Alright and- you can go tighter than that Mich.” Aito said, looking over his shoulder to Michiko, who was busy tying Aito’s corset.

“Any tighter and you won’t be able to breathe. You’re gonna be wearing this for longer than you think.” Michiko warned, tying the knot as flatly as she could. “Plus the dress is already fitted, if your waist gets smaller the fabric would look baggy.” Aito fought the urge to roll his eyes and turned back to Hiroharu.

“You know Jeje, I thought you would have brought me a gift.” She said, crossing her arms. “New silverware or something.”

Hiroharu closed the file in his hands as he looked at Aito in confusion. “Why would we have done that?”

“Because!” Aito said, walking to the other side of the dressing room, passing Ikuto- who’s been nervously rearranging Aito’s bouquet for the last 20 minutes- and unzipping a huge dress bag. A short but fluffy white dress spilled from it, and Aito unhooked it from the hanger.

“I’m getting married!”

______________________________________________________________

Aito was kinda spacing out a bit.

In his defense! He’d already done the walking-down-the-aisle-over-pretty-rose-petals bit, and that’s all he was really looking forward to at his wedding.

He knew Haru and Michi and Iku would be here any moment to break up the arrangement, but he had to play it cool, smiling and giggling at her groom as he read his vows.

Haruto Suzuki, better known as the White Phantom, was Aito’s target. He was cunning and malicious and a hopeless romantic to anyone who could get ahold of his list of ebooks. Aito spent almost half a year in this role-Ichika Yokoyama, for the time being- and worked a bit harder than necessary to get close to Suzuki. She just liked her cases ending with a bang, and what was more exciting than a wedding?

______________________________________________________________

Hiroharu listened intently to the wiretap under Aito’s dress, trying to time the ambush while the support team rounded the back, ready to catch any of the villains in attendance. The support team was being led by Michiko over radio as Haru focused on Suzuki.

“-I promise to always remember that you are indeed human. That you may sometimes make questionable decisions, decisions I don't agree with, like when you got a red velvet wedding cake when I asked for vanilla”

The reception laughed and Haru could hear Aito smack Suzuki’s hand playfully. At least she was staying in character.

“But that’s just it, isn’t it? You’ve always been like that, headstrong and sure of yourself in ways I could never be. You’re always right in the end- red velvet is my favorite flavor, I was just worried about other people’s opinions.- and… and I think that’s why I love you, Ichika.”

“I don’t think I would poison someone if I loved them.” Ikuto huffed, trying his best to stay in his chair in case pacing would alert anyone to the ambush.

Hiroharu remembered the call well. The one where Aito told him that he found messages between Suzuki and another villain, messages describing how Suzuki knew that Aito was speaking to someone behind his back. Secret calls to Michiko and Ikuto about the mission turned into hidden calls from a lover in Suzuki’s eyes, and he was going to take his revenge. Hiroharu was ready to pull Aito out of the mission then and there but… Aito wanted to continue.

“He didn’t tell me that he knew.” she reasoned. “If the wedding goes as planned, there’ll be at least 3 villains in attendance, as well as a few people who might have information that we need! He’s not gonna kill me before the wedding, so let’s keep going!” Hiroharu hated this plan, but Aito was stubborn enough to get her way.

Hiruharu noticed a slight change in Suzuki’s voice, silently getting Michiko’s attention with a wave of his hand. The vows were about to end.

“And that’s what today is all about… it’s not about arguments over cakes or venues or honeymoons… it’s about getting past all those arguments and realizing that… that I would go through a thousand more if it means I get to wake up next to you tomorrow.”

And Aito laughs, tears threatening her makeup as she gives the signal that the ring is in his hand- it’s time to go.

______________________________________________________________

The small reception turned to face the doors of the building as the heroes crashed through it, but the entire room stood still as the scene settled.

There he was, Aito Takao, Ichika Yokoyama, the blushing bride… with a golden band on her finger.

Aito’s eyes drooped a bit, as if she couldn’t figure out what she was looking at. Her hands clutched weakly at Suzuki’s lapels as she tried to regain her balance, his breathing getting heavy as he tried to stand up straight. “H-Haru…?” she asked just above a whisper, nobody sure of which one she was talking to as her body leaned back and she fell to the floor, limp as a corpse.

… a corpse…

Hiroharu could… he could feel Michiko’s hand clutching his wrist, but it was like he was remembering it, not like it was happening currently. Like he was asked to describe what happened as he watched his friend collapse into a pile of lace and satin, white and cold like a dead dove. Asked to describe the feeling of loss as he felt Ikuto slump onto his shoulder, holding onto his sleeve as if he couldn’t stay upright, like his body told him to meet Aito on the floor. Asked to describe Aito, her breath shaky and pained, the last one leaving her chest like a deadly flower wilting.

Something wicked… but also delicate in it’s own way.

What Hiroharu couldn’t describe was the sound. He knew there was silence, the telltale ringing of the room as no one dared inhale, as if Aito’s death would proceed all of their own, but there was also something else.

There was laughter.

Laughter Hiroharu recognized well. Notes and melody that he could recall from his high school years, a finger pointed at him as his friend laughed at whatever trick she had just pulled.

And oh what a trick he had pulled.

Aito sat up lazily, looking up at her groom- the villain shocked and nearly shaking as he looked down at his corpse bride- laughter spilling from her lips like blood as he gazed at the man in black through her eyelashes, batting them playfully as he finally calmed down enough to speak.

“Oh, you think I’m stupid, right?” He asked, one hand sneaking under her skirt. “Thought you could just kill me- didn’t wanna talk out our issues, baby?” He spat, his teeth pearly white and dangerously sharp as she smiled. From under her garter she produced a short poll, which when swung extended into his iconic golden colored staff. Aito took the ring off his finger as he stood, holding it up to Suzuki like a prize.

“I switched the rings~”

______________________________________________________________

“I can’t believe you did that.” Ikuto sighed with exhaustion, the fight was finally over, looking over the party as Michiko and the support team made quick work of arresting everyone involved. “I was so scared- I thought you died.”

Aito shrugged and continued eating the small slice of red velvet cake he somehow managed to salvage after Haru threw a guy into it. “That happens sometimes. Who’s feeding Jiji while I’m away?” He asked, as Ikuto realized that Aito really didn’t know what he did wrong, and also realized that he didn’t have the energy to explain.

“One of your neighbors. She’s like 2 doors down-“

“You got Hasegawa to feed Jiji!?” And now it was Ikuto’s turn to roll his eyes at something he saw as minuscule. “I hate her! You know that!”

“You don’t have to like her for her to feed Jiji.” Ikuto responded, his dismissal similar to Aito’s. Aito responded with her usual dramatics, shoving his plate into Ikuto’s hands as he turned to the gift table, sorting through the things that could be evidence (all of it) and the things he wanted to keep (also all of it). He held up a little envelope, and read the words on the front aloud. “Suzuki, for you and your new wife- and two bodyguards.” He tore it open with curiosity and four tickets fell into his hand. “Oh they‘re for-“ Aito gasped quietly as he read the name on the ticket, immediately holding it out to Ikuto. Before Ikuto could actually read the tickets, Aito stepped away and jogged over to Michiko.

“Mich~” Aito sang, holding up the tickets, but failing to catch Michiko’s eyes as she watched through the open doors, Suzuki in handcuffs being escorted into a large black SUV. “guess what?”

“Do you… Aito?” Michiko started, as if she was unsure about whether she wanted the answer to her question or not. “He… I know he’s a villain and he’s done terrible things but…” she leaned her head so she could see the SUV drive away. “He thought… I mean… he really thought he was going to kill the love of his life today.” she held herself, as if just the thought of it brought a coldness that would make her shiver. “I mean could you even imagine-” and then… she looked at Aito. Aito, with his droopy yellow eyes, completely unfazed by what Michiko was describing.

She knew Aito could love. She knew that Aito loved his mama, and Ikuto like a brother, and she knew that Aito loved her and Haru like best friends but… given the blank stare… she wasn’t sure if Aito…

“You dated him for half a year- Aito, he even asked you to marry him.” Michiko said, trying her best to describe her ideas in a way that Aito could understand. “That whole entire time did you ever… you know…?” Aito seemed as though he was about to respond, but paused, as if he really wanted to think about his answer.

“He… he really had a thing for poker.” she started, watching as the last of the SUV slipped behind the horizon line. “He’d play with his friends and… if he won big he’d…” Aito raised her hands gently, as if holding something delicate. “He’d buy me a dozen roses… and he’d tell me I was on his mind. That I was his good luck charm.” he laughed, recalling how silly it all sounded. “And… for just a moment… I’d forget it was all a job.”

“Hope I’m not interrupting.” Both of the women jumped a bit as Haru came up from behind them, quickly turning to face him and forget their prior conversation. “Ikuto said Aito found something and she wanted to show us.”

“Ohh Boss!” Aito chirped, immediately snapping out of whatever mournful spell him and Michi were under. “You’d never guess!” she then held out the four tickets for them to examine. “Pack your bags! I know where we’re going next!!!”

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[sweetsmellosuccess]

Sundance 2020: Day 4

Number of Films: 5 Best Film of the Day: Bloody Noses, Empty Pockets

Promising Young Woman: It would certainly make sense that the world would be ready (and awaiting) a revenge thriller in the #metoo era. Unfortunately, this peculiar mish-mash of a film has far too many abrupt tonal shifts — more like a fly zipping around an outdoor picnic — to keep itself together. Carey Mulligan plays Cassandra, a young woman with a traumatic past, who seeks revenge against piggish men by posing as black-out drunk at clubs, going home with one hoping to score, only to turn the tables on them when given the chance. What she actually does to them is strangely vague (in the film’s opening sequence she dispatches Adam Brody’s character in a way that leaves blood spatters on her blouse — but we find out later he’s apparently fine), as is her exact motive, for a time. More confusingly, writer/director Emerald Finnel veers wildly in tone from one moment to the next: One minute, it’s a sweet romantic comedy; the next, a dramatic revenge thriller; before shifting to an archly satiric social commentary, all jumbled up into an unwieldy collage. In one crucial, dramatic scene, a character admits to her wrongdoing, but does so in a living room so notably gouache, with pink carpeting and frilly furniture, the characters actually acknowledge the weirdness of the setting to one another. The plot, which involves several unlikely convolutions, too often works against itself, all the way to a supremely unbelievable (if satisfying) ending. Milligan is strong, and the chemistry she shares with Bo Burnham, as a potential real love interest, is sparkly, but its tonal ambiguity eventually does it in.

Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets: Filming the last day and night of a dingy, hole-in-the-wall bar in Las Vegas, the Brothers Moss imbibe their neo-doc appropriately enough with a distinct ‘70s vibe, in keeping with both many of the clientele themselves, some of whom display a post-hippie vibe, and the concept itself, which plays like something out of Cassavettes joint. We start at the beginning of the day, as Michael, the bar’s chief barfly, is woken up from the counter, goes to shave in the bathroom, and again takes his customary seat at the bar. For the day shift, he’s being served by the genial bear of a bartender, who has a surprisingly good singing voice on those occasions where he is inspired to pick up his guitar and croon. Shortly thereafter, Michael is joined by a bevy of the other regulars, including Pete, a sweet-faced man with a long pony-tail and many stories of past relationships; John, a large Aussie, who bring a heavy, mysterious paper bag with him and tells the bartender to hide it for him. There’s also a former military grunt who gets mildly belligerent, a smattering of younger people who saunter in, and a host of others, at various levels of decay. As the day progresses, and the sweetly fierce Shay comes in to tend bar on the last night, the clients get more and more soused, and things turn drunkenly chaotic. Amidst numerous confessions, admissions, and exhortations off the clientele being “family,” a claim the saucy Michael instantly refutes (“we’re bar friends,” he says sternly, “not family”), the cameras capture the anarchic spirit of the place, even as it exposes the fissures in the nature of their relationships. Michael, the bar’s patron saint and conscience, seems to best crystallize this dichotomy: When he finally does shuffle off the next morning he does it with zero fanfare, as if no longer having to maintain the illusion that the place is anything other than a sad, dilapidated wreck, where patrons get to shut off their minds from whatever pains have driven them there.

The Nowhere Inn: Carrie Brownstein, of both Sleater-Kinney, and “Portlandia” fame, has a penchant for slightly oddball riffs; Anne Clarke, aka St. Vincent, is known for many things, none of them personal, details she protects vigorously. The “documentary” they have made together, along with director Bill Benz, then, is somewhat predictably a mash-up of concert footage (albeit limited), set-up scenes with Brownstein attempting and failing to make a doc of her own, and creative flights of fancy that half play like sketch comedy bits. It’s certainly interesting, concerning itself with issues of performative identity and audience expectation  —  including, naturally, the film audience  —  but I found myself less than enthralled with these various manipulations. I understand all documentaries, even ones that purport to be straightforward, are still formulations, but by the end of this one, not only have we not learned much new about the pair, it’s possible we know even less.

The Nest: It has been 12 long years since Sean Durkin has made a feature film. His debut, the brilliant Martha Marcy May Marlene, earned him richly deserved praise, so this was one of the films most anticipated by critics at the festival. He does not disappoint. The film is an exceedingly slow burn concerning wealthy commodities trader, Rory (Jude Law), his wife, Allison (Carrie Coon), a horse trainer, and their two children, as he moves them from a comfortable life in New York, to a huge English mansion outside London. Shrewd and successful, Rory is still moving too fast for his own good, a fact that puts tremendous strain on his familial relationships. Played as it is, a bit like a monsterless horror film  —  the actual horror being our own alienation from ourselves, as well as the people we love most  —  Durkin’s careful, precise filmmaking, and attention to character detail, really pays off in the later scenes. Law is brilliant, as per usual, and Coon is a bloody revelation. Ironically, it’s a film that the hyper, inattentive Rory wouldn’t have been able to sit through.

Downhill: Well, we knew this was coming the second this film, an American remake of the remarkable Ruben Ostlund helmed Force Majeure, was announced. Ostlund’s film, about a family on a ski trip in the Alps, where the hapless husband flees for his life when a controlled avalanche seems to head straight for them, deserting his wife and children in the process, is all about the subtle mechanics of interpersonal relationships, and the lies we are forced into believing about ourselves. This film, from comic team Nat Faxon and Jim Rash, eschews many of these delicate details to focus on a more broad comic premise. True to form, Farrell plays his character without genuine delusion  —  unlike the original, it’s clear to him from the start that he ran from his family, and doesn’t really try to believe otherwise  —  which makes his denial far less palpable. Meanwhile, they have added in various bits to generate enough plot momentum to carry through to the finish, some of which seem to counter the film’s very premise. There are some funny bits, and enough of the original is kept in place to keep it at least mildly provocative, but everyone is still vastly better off watching the original instead.

Tomorrow: A little bit of a mix-n-match type thing: We will likely begin with the comedy Palm Springs; then switch to horror for Amulet; and take in Assassins for a lighter day.

Into the frigid climes and rarefied thin air of the spectacular Utah Mountains, I've arrived in order to document some of the sense and senselessness of the 2020 Sundance Film Festival. Over the next week, armed with little more than a heavy parka and a bevy of blank reporter's notebooks, I'll endeavor to watch as many movies as I can and report my findings.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. There was a big stressful part of the beginning but the majority of the day was very good. There was even a special surprise. And yoga.

I slept super poorly last night. I couldn't fall asleep for forever because I felt sick and nauseous and bad. And then when I did fall asleep I woke up a few times again. Air conditioner turned off in the middle of the night and James rollover next to me and I woke up just horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't turn the air conditioning back on that because he always takes care of me. And I was able to sleep until about 7.

James was awake and told me I could keep sleeping but I didn't really want to. I wanted to lay there so I just played on my phone for a while. And then I got up. I got cleaned up and dressed and I felt okay.

I hung in my hammock for a little bit and then James told me he made a waffle. And I was like okay. And I was confused because he had asked me what I wanted for breakfast last night and I said I was going to have the avocado scramble thing I made the other day. And then he remembered that after he made the waffle and felt very bad. But it was fine. He made the thing I wanted and he had the waffle for breakfast instead.

I got the best boyfriend.

We hung out for a while and then left to go to the bus. James walked me there. And then bus proceeded not to show up for almost a half an hour. I was very frustrated. Because it was supposed to be there at 9: 30 but it didn't come until almost 9:50. And we had been there since 920. So I was very stressed out and I hate being late!! I texted Tiffany and let her know and I was just very distressed.

I was about 15 minutes late in the end. Sucks. I'm going to try to get an earlier bus tomorrow. So even if it runs late I will hopefully have the same issue. Because seriously we were three blocks away from access art and our bus driver saw someone on the street that he knew and he park the bus and got off to go have a conversation with him. I was losing my mind.

But I got there and everyone was fine. We're just lesson planning so it wasn't like I was missing anything yet but I hate being late. We all kind of bullshitted and talked for a little bit and then the teacher from holistic Life Center came.

He was a really nice guy. He told really funny stories and he was young and covered in tattoos and wearing a Orioles yoga shirt. He mostly talked about mindfulness. A little bit of yoga. And we learned a lot about breathing exercises. I felt very Vindicated and validated about the types of breathing exercises I already do with the kids when they're upset or hurt. But I learned some really interesting ones today. Specifically that I breathe wrong and I'm trying to retrain myself but it's very hard. It was very enjoyable even though I hated sitting in the folding chairs for that long. My feet don't reach the ground and it's uncomfortable.

But we also played a couple mindfulness games at the end of that was cool. Stuff that we can use in the classroom and it's awesome. I'm really glad that we were able to do that.

We had a late lunch. Marcus went down the street and got me a spring roll. Was very good. And I worked on my lesson plan. Almost out. I think I'll probably end up finishing it tomorrow. And then I'll go back in and make sure it's all good. I also think I want to use a couple other visual things for the classroom. And maybe add some tutorial images of some kind. We have tomorrow and Friday to finish lesson plans. And even with my brain breaks where I sketched tattoo ideas I still got a lot done.

While I was taking a break on my lesson plan I was looking at eBay and I got a crazy good deal on a Furby buddy. Something that I've been trying to get for 2 months now there's a little plush versions of the Furbies. I don't absolutely love them but people use them to make the long Furbies. And I'd like to try my hand at that. And I got one for $5. Usually they go for $35 to $40. I am very excited. I think I'm going to use it slightly as part of my example for my quilt making lesson. I'm going to make its belly pattern based off of Victorian crazy quilts. I'm very excited.

At 3 we finished up. We all decided on which weeks we should be teaching our lessons and when. Was decided that my quilt project would go first which makes me slightly nervous but it's probably a good idea. Because it's community building project we're going to kind of have all the kids get out there art things right away before they jump into other projects and I think that will work out nicely.

And then me and fitsum went home. His driving kind of makes me nauseous. Lot of fast speed up and then stopping. But we had a nice conversation about capitalism and its downfalls. And talked about apartments because he's moving as well. We saw a couple meet cars that we pointed out and talked about. It was a good time.

He dropped me off and I made some food. Did a couple packing things. Made a pile of the furniture and getting rid of. And just kind of hung out. Me and James were going to have dinner together but I kind of just wanted to be by myself a little bit. My dad's going to come visit this weekend and he's going to take the bed. So really these are the last couple days I'm ever going to live alone if all goes according to plan. And it feels very strange. I've lived alone for a long time. But I am excited. Nervous but excited.

I was just kind of chilling. Even though it was too humid in here to call it chilling. Playing Animal Crossing and watching videos. And then I decided to go check the mail.

I was excited because I had a package. But then I saw that there was a letter in there as well from the Minneapolis Apartment project. Which means it's from the class action settlement. Which means it's a check. When we won the settlement last year they said that we would get all of our rent back. But of course it was going to go into appeals. So we would probably just get a portion of our rent back. And honestly getting any amount of money from living in those apartments would be fine. But I was so nervous about opening this check. So he opened my package first. And it was socks! very exciting. I was looking forward to those socks. They're black and they have little hearts on them.

But I couldn't put off opening the check any longer. And I did and if I did my math right I thought about nine months worth of rent back. And the checks that this might not be the only check. That I might get more? Like after all the lawyers and fees are paid if there's anything left over there going to send another check. That's wild. And like all of my money stress. The $40 me and James got scammed out of the other day. James his bike breaking. Moving. All of it. This kind of feels like a buffer. We don't have to worry about it now. Least for a while. And I'm making more money and if he gets this job he's going to be at making more money. And even if he doesn't get this job he's going to keep looking until he does get something good. Don't have to be so stressed out and nickel-and-diming ourselves all the time. it's exciting. It feels Like the universe is telling me everything's going to be okay. That means using my white privilege to help make the lives of my neighbors and Minneapolis better is being rewarded. And that sometimes being a good person and trying to help other people does pay off in the end. And sometimes in cash.

I kind of didn't know what to say when I open the check. So I called James and let him know. And then I called my dad. We talked about taxes and he's going to check with the tax lady to make sure that I have put enough aside next year. I don't want to have an issue. But yeah it's exciting. And it was good to hear dad. He sounds a lot better. And he's looking forward to coming on Sunday and I'm looking forward to having him here. We're going to patch holes but hopefully we'll also do something else. Maybe we'll eat some good food and maybe we'll go see something interesting. Unsure of what yet but I'll figure that out.

I called Jess next to let her know. And she was very excited for me. And then I went back to packing. I brought more stuff from the basement. I broke down all of my Furby boxes. I don't know why I'm keeping them but it feels weird to throw them away. So flat in the Middle East to put them in storage. And I use the box that I have been storing them in to put kitchen stuff in. Paper towels and Ziploc bags. That one bottle of alcohol I always have. And then I took a shower. I painted my toenails and I'm just watching videos and enjoying my night.

Back to lesson planning tomorrow. And then I think falafels with James. No matter what it's going to be a good day. I can feel it. Hope you all have a good night tonight. Be kind to each other. Go out of your way for someone else. Don't expect anything in return. Good night

[tentacle-stylograph]

Tuesday 18 October '22

what i’m doing: is this what i want to be doing: if no, what would i rather be doing: if struggling to do the above, why, and why do i want to do the above in the first place:

11.13 am what i’m doing: looking at my Twitter notifs is this what i want to be doing: nah. and i was clearing my computer desktop for FAR longer than i wanted before then even. (the Twitter thing lasted like 10 seconds 'cause of my check-in) if no, what would i rather be doing: HUM. DRINKING WATER AND GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND CLEANING UP MY RAT'S PLAY THINGS if struggling to do the above, why, and why do i want to do the above in the first place: just stuck to the couch. need to put on some music. -LOUD NOISY OBNOXIOUS EXHALE- OEUNFJQKSNTJKQNQTJSKTSQJ

(the following two wid's are either from today or yesterday. i think today)

12.45 pm what i’m doing: chilling to clear my mind 10 mins before starting on hw is this what i want to be doing: ye. altho i do wish i'd gone faster in the morning, but, typing this, i also realize i ordinarily would have done not even close to as much as i have today nor possibly been dressed, so i'm doing pretty okey-dokey :) if no, what would i rather be doing: if struggling to do the above, why, and why do i want to do the above in the first place:

11.58 am what i’m doing: cleaning up Mark's (pet rat) play mat is this what i want to be doing: yuh ☺️ if no, what would i rather be doing: if struggling to do the above, why, and why do i want to do the above in the first place:

__

8.41 pm what i’m doing: sitting on the couch. just. sitting on the couch. is this what i want to be doing: not in the least if no, what would i rather be doing: working on my character design homework if struggling to do the above, why, and why do i want to do the above in the first place: i'm worried i might not be able to finish it before tomorrow, so i'm avoiding it altogether. i want to give my best attempt at passing this class, or at least get some progress and knowledge in it for next semester if i retake it. but i really want to try passing.

so. okay. i'm resigning myself to not having completed character sheets for tomorrow, which will be miserable because i haven't really gone to class for a month and those sheets were due on week two or something. ...okay. i'll do the prop design sheet -- i can probably finish that at least in an hour (my hands might not be able to do much more than that) -- and then continue working on the character sheet. maybe i'll get up early to get another hour in before class tomorrow

okay, so what's the plan?

x check Canvas for how many angles we need for the prop

---> need "front, back and 3/4 view at a minimum" for prop

send myself a picture of the prop sketches i've made

digitally clean prop sheet

[pbandjesse]

Im real tired. I somehow lost the last hour. Just laying here. I am going to try to go to bed very soon.

I did not sleep well last night. I just couldn't turn my brain off. I think I fell asleep around 2. So getting up at 8 when my alarm went off was not going to happen.

I sort of half slept until 10. A little before 10. I got up and took a shower. I tried to not feel miserable. I had really wanted to work in my studio but I just couldn't shake it off.

I had a small breakfast. And I packed a lunch. I mostly just hung out on the couch. And then I decided I would just go to work. I left the house at 11. And got the bus pretty quickly. I was at the school by 11:30.

I spent my time there making some posters with our daily schedule and with some jobs. I made a whole new system which ended up working out really well and the kids seem to very much respond to. I did some cleaning and organizing. I'm mad at a few of the kids pieces that had accidentally gotten left behind. It was a nice morning.

Fitsum came around 1 and I got a little annoyed because he had made a lesson plan and just didn't send it to me for whatever reason. So even though I wrote one I wasn't going to argue. I'll just save it for later. But then Tiffany talk to him and we are going to possibly be switching teachers. I'm going to stay with 4th grade and fitsum might be moving too 5th. While Liz will stay with 5th and Mister Dee will come to 4th grade with me. That could go either way. I like Dee. I'm just hoping that it'll be a positive change for everyone. We'll see what happens.

But today would be the same. I went and collected the kids and then we went over our new rules and we made a class agreement and it was really good. They were really responding to us and being very respectful today. It felt pretty awesome.

We went out to recess and was cold out but I have some nice conversations with the kids. Couple of them confided in me about how they knew I would listen to them. And it was really nice.

Dinner was fine. They had french fries and they let me get some french fries too. So that was exciting. The kids cleaned up the tables and then we headed to the classroom to do art.

We decided that on our schedule 3:45 to 4 would be quiet instruction time. And only gets stuck to that basically. There was a little complaining and grumbling. About when we would start actually making art. But I think being consistent with the schedule is going to help them with some of the behavior issues that we tend to come across.

And having the 45 minutes of solid art time really seemed to work for them. They never really seemed to get bored in it. And even the ones that finished a little too fast I was able to redirect them a bit. We just drew and it was really good.

Cleanup could have gone smoother. My new system for who's in charge of cleaning up what got a little Askew. I think it's just going to be repetition of explaining what the cleaning groups me in. But in general it went really well and I'm very happy with how today went.

I took the kids to pick up. And there was a couple issues because one of my students had a watch it went missing. And the mom was saying that the kids were thieves and all the stuff and I promised I would shake them down tomorrow. And then 20 minutes later she comes back because they were halfway home and my students covered the watch was in his pocket. Which is what I said. That it was probably in his backpack or something. But whatever. And then we spent the next hour and change hanging their work for the show next week.

Honestly it all looks great. Me and fitsum we're basically done hanging all of our stuff at around a quarter to seven. So after some fussing with the tape and putting sculptures in the case in the hallway we headed home.

I got in the door right at 7. I that sweet pea and I have a sandwich. And then I messed around with my 1998 Furbys. I put batteries in Pascal, the baby oh, and he has the sweetest voice. He's calls me Mama and giggles and sings. His ears move which I was excited about. And I was hoping that he would communicate with Pongo but she was having issues turning on. So I had to do some vinegar wipe Downs of her battery pack to get her to turn on and then because she doesn't talk they didn't really communicate. But that's okay.Lil John will not turn on. I think I have to take the skin off and manually restart the motor. Because she's in a down position and not sleeping position? At least that's what my research has shown. I still don't feel completely comfortable doing that but we'll see what happens. I might try that on Saturday when I have the day off.

I played with those for a while and then watch the video. At 8 I went down to the basement to work on some art finally. I traced all of the watercolor flowers I have made and cut them all out. And I'm very pleased with how they look. Talking to Jess I think a tentative plan is that we're going to do one wreath a month. So this will be a much smaller scale project. But I want to be able to spend more time on the research and the sketching and all of the parts that go behind this project. So this one will be for the month of January even though it's mostly done at this point. I want to get some more research done for one's going forward and not rush. And if I can make more than one a month that's fine. But Jess is also doing it actual Hands-On part and she works differently than me. So I don't want to rush her either. Or make her feel like it's homework. It's supposed to be a fun thing.

I went and checked the mail and the Magnetic eyelashes I had purchased came. They are very silly. I cut them in half because I felt like they were too long. And it's definitely a look. Maybe for like a special event or something but I can't imagine actually wearing them for more than an hour or so. It's a very bizarre product.

I've been laying in bed for a while now though. Trying to get this post done trying not to be distracted by sweet pea. I really just want to get some sleep.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to wake up and work on some art again. Maybe clean something. Teaching all afternoon. Finishing hanging up our art. And then I'm supposed to have dinner with James. I have Friday and Saturday off. We were going to go to DC to go to the National Gallery on Friday but the government is still shut down. So I probably am not going to see that Rachel Whitehead show. But that's okay. I think we're going to try to do something else on Friday and then we might go ice skating. I hope it's just a nice day what's my favorite guy. Sleep well everyone. Stay warm.