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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 4 years

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Azula x female reader series: Part 6

Azula learns details about your relationship with Zuko and is furious leaving you isolated in a dangerous situation with few allies. You learn Zuko’s plan to escape during the eclipse and are torn between telling Azula or escaping with Zuko. Azula feels betrayed and no longer trusts you but do you give up on her that easily?

Tag list: @saucy-sapphic @justastranger-passing @azulasprincess @888-rising @sighsam @theblueslytherin @lucyrocks86 @halcyon-arts

Part One here

Part Two here

Part Three here

Part Four here

Part Five here

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Your POV

"So that was a good effort" Zuko said breaking the awkward silence that settled as soon as you walked into his room. You managed not to roll your eyes as you moved about the room readying it for the night. Your training sessions were usually okay but today you'd done particularly bad and you were feeling hopeless you'd ever get better. "Seriously" Zuko said offering you a small smile "you're a new bender it will take time". Your practice sessions had been numerous, Zuko was suprisingly enthusiastic about training you but you hadn't been showing much improvement. He tried teaching you how his uncle taught him but the technique wasn’t compatible with you or something because you’d barely been able to match any of his stances. "Maybe I’m just not that good" you shrugged "you and Azula are royals it makes sense you’re such strong fire benders". Zuko went quiet at the mention of Azula and you scolded yourself for bringing her up, you weren’t meant to do that but you were seeing her tonight so she was on your mind. "Yes well..' Zuko started when there was a knock at the door. "Dammit I was supposed to meet Mai a while ago" Zuko frowned "y/n hide". "What?" You asked confused. "Things with Mai have been difficult lately" Zuko said awkwardly "she’s still not happy you’re my maid and if she sees you she’ll know we’ve been training and it will make her mad, so can you hide?". You nodded ignoring the blush on Zuko’s cheeks and looked for a spot. "Under the bed?" Zuko offered and you frowned "why don’t you just tell her what happened? We were training and lost track of time, maybe if you tell her the truth she won’t be mad". Zuko was thinking it over in his head when she knocked again and he jumped. "She won’t understand so please just hide y/n, I’ll tell her I’m coming soon and get her to leave". You sighed but nodded and rolled under the bed. Zuko sighed with relief and turned the door handle "I'm so sorry Ma..." he started but he stopped abruptly and you heard a voice that was certainly not Mai's. "I dont know what youre apologising for but im sure it's justified”.

Azula's POV

Azula loved catching her brother off guard and it seemed she had done just that. She waited until she was sure you'd have left the training room and came to Zuko's room. Azula wasn’t really sure why she was here, she hadn’t arranged this with you and it wasn’t that she didn’t trust you or anything. She just wanted proof nothing was going on, to see you two together in a non formal setting and see for herself what your relationship with her brother was like. Azula walked into the room amused Zuko looked so angry. She looked around for you but noticed you weren’t here, she imagined you were hiding and that sparked doubt in her mind. If Zuko was hiding you from Mai he must have a reason....

"Azula what do you want I'm late to meet Mai". Azula smirked turning to face him "she's already angry at you zuzu I doubt being late can make matters much worse between you, I don’t think anything can really". Zuko turned red in anger and embarrassment and Azula continued "how was your training session by the way? You’ve been having a lot of them lately haven’t you?". "None of your buisness" Zuko snapped "now get out". "My my not in a good mood" Azula replied "I’m only here for y/n". "Y/n?" Zuko asked and Azula nodded "yeah you know your maid..that's her name". "I know who she is!" Zuko snapped "but what do you want with her?". Azula smirked but she noticed another thing she didn’t like, the suspicion and anger Zuko showed at the mention of your name. "None of your buisness" Azula mimicked Zuko "have you seen her or not? I was sure she'd be here for some reason...seems she's been spending a lot of time with you according to the servants, I’m glad you've made a friend Zuko but if she works for you does it really count?". "You’re one to talk" Zuko spat and Azula frowned confused "I am?". "The way you've treated y/n, is it no wonder she likes me better?". Ow that hit a sensitive spot. What did he mean? Azula wondered. How dare he insinuate you liked him more. It wasn’t true and Azula knew that but it still made her nervous. "and how have I treated the maid brother?" Azula asked her temper already growing. "She told me all of it" zuko explained "how you blackmailed her to be loyal to you! How you lied and manipulated her, used whatever emotions she had for you for your own gain, how she never did any of it because she wanted to but because you made her! Honestly you're a monster". It wasn’t the first time Azula had been called a monster but it was the first time in relation to you so it stung. "And i’m supposed to believe y/n trusted you enough to confess this all?" Azula asked. Zuko nodded "i promised her i’d keep her safe from you and she confessed it all, everything I said came from her lips directly, she hates you Azula but she’s not scared of you anymore, because you can’t touch her now, she’s my maid and you can’t boss her around anymore". Azula was so shocked it took her a while to think of a witty response. You'd really told Zuko all of that about her? Did you really feel that way? How could you say it to Zuko of all people? All Azula wanted to do was run away but she couldn’t, she spun to Zuko and decided to let her anger out on him. "You think she’s untouachble? Nobody is" Azula spat "I am the best fire bender this nation has seen in aeons, you know i can beat you zuzu, speak to me like that again and I’ll give you a scar to match the one father did!". Zuko grunted and lunged for her but Azula was ready, lightning danced on her hands and she aimed. Zuko ducked and it hit his wall instead narrowly missing him. Zuko stared as the spot he’d just been stood on now smoked and Azula smiled satisfied. "Next time I won’t miss" and slammed the door.

Your POV

You made your way down the coridoor still shocked from the events in Zuko’s room. You couldn’t believe the horrible things Zuko had said but for Azula to fire lighning at him. She could have killed Zuko, murdered her brother over an argument. You reminded yourself she missed on purpose, she would never actually kill Zuko...not over something so petty as this anyway. Azula surely didn’t really believe you meant all the things you’d told Zuko, she surely knew it was all for the mission she’s assigned you and understood. You pushed open the door to your room and saw Azula stood there. The look she gave you told you, you’d been wrong. Azula turned to face you her face showing anger as she looked at you. It intimidated you and weeks ago you’d have been terrified but this was Azula, your Azula. You could reason with her and explain everything. She’s listen to you.

Azula’s POV

Azula felt she’d been very understanding. She’d allowed the private training sessions, she understood letting Zuko teach you fire bending and she hadn’t even got angry when you’d accidentally shown Zuko your abilities. What Azula couldn’t get over however was you creating this bad relationship for Zuko’s benefit. Azula watched as you stepped into the room and waited to see if you’d speak first. She was suprised you looked her straight in the eye as you went to speak “Azula I know you’re angry...”. “Of course I’m angry” Azula burst “how long have you been telling Zuko horrible stories about me”. “Well since the day he found out I was a firebender but they were all lies Azula”. “They’re not lies to Zuko, he thinks they’re true...you must’ve been pretty convincing, maybe they weren’t all lies”. “Of course they were Azula! I just made him think i disliked you so he’d trust me, he wouldn’t trust me any other way” you argued. “You couldn’t think of any other way besides bad mouthing me to my worst enemy? To someone I’ve despised since being a child?” Azula asked. “You wanted me to get close to Zuko” you cried “you asked me to do this and so I did, it’s clearly worked”. “No, I seem to recall telling you I could find another way y/n, that I’d use another plan, after your...slip up. I didn’t ask you to carry this on, you carried it on y/n and this is the way you chose to do it”.

The worst part was Azula could actually see the logic to your plan. Zuko hadn’t thought fondly of Azula since she’d learnt to walk, it was instinct for him to blame and hate her, to believe she was a cruel person. And yes Azula had been rude and cruel to many servants so the story would been easily believed but she had been nice to you, nicer than she was to her own friends! She’d protected you, trusted you and even grown to care for you more than she ever had for anyone else. You didn’t need rescuing from her, least of all by zuko but that was the story you’d sold him. As everyone did, even your mind made Azula the villan and Zuko the hero. Azula was snapped out of her rumination when you spoke. "Azula..." you tried again "please I was just doing it for the mission, I didn’t want to have ruined your plan, I wanted to salvage it by any means necessary, it’s working really well but I will stop if you want me to, I won’t keep up this act with Zuko anymore". “I think it’s a bit late for that” Azula snapped “you’ve already convinced Zuko I’m a monster to you and you’ve convinced me that what you really think of me”. “But Azula..” you tried but she cut you off aware she had to end this conversation now while she had control over her emotions. “No” she said raising her voice “the deal is off”. As Azula said those words she felt them hang in the air and saw your face change as you registered what she was saying. “I no longer want you to try and learn Zuko’s secrets, I don’t want you to report back to me, I don’t want to see or hear from you again” she yelled.

Your POV

Azula’s voice rang in the air and you stared at her. You felt scared, shock and sad but mainly angry. Azula had been fine with complicating your job by making you a spy, by making you lose the respect of your colleagues, by making the royals all despise you as a servant girl trying to sleep her way to the top and was only annoyed when Zuko believed a lie about her. "But it’s not true" you cried "Azula you know that! I know that! Who cares what zuko thinks? You’re throwing all this away because of him?". “This is not about Zuko y/n this is about you and I no longer trust or want to be around you”. Azula turned to leave and your anger turned to desperation. "Azula you don’t have to do this" you said reaching for her but she spun around brushing your hand away "who are you to tell me what i have or don’t have to do? I am the princess of the biggest kingdom in the world and you are a mere servant! You don’t speak to me that way ever!". You lowered your eyes and tried not to show how upset her words left you. A mere servant? How many times had Azula told you that you were more than that? And now she was pulling that all away, she was leaving you with Zuko in the middle of a web you’d spun on her orders, you’d manipulated Zuko and almost ruined his relationship on her orders and now she was abandoning you to it. Again as always Azula seemed to read your mind “have fun with zu zu y/n, he’s all you have left” and she stormed from the room.

1 week later

Your POV

"The room is prepared Prince Zuko" you declared. Zuko looked around shocked, you hadn’t been working long but it was true you’d done all he’d asked. He looked around for another job for you to do to make you stay but couldn’t spot any. You been cold and distant as of late and Zuko didn’t like it. "Is there anything else you require?" You asked. Zuko shook his head "no that is fine y/n" and you nodded going for the door. "Wait" Zuko called as your hand touched the door handle. Your shoulders slumped but you turned around passively "yes?". "Y/n are you okay?" Zuko asked. You wanted to scream that question seemed so stupid. Instead you just nodded your head "yes Prince Zuko". You were itching for him to leave you alone but Zuko wasn’t giving up that easy. "No you’re not" he replied. You shrugged not having the energy to argue and Zuko sighed "is it Azula?". You wanted to tell anyone it hurt so much but instead you met his eyes and calmly shook your head "no". Zuko frowned but you didn’t look away from his stare and he sighed "so what is it? You cancelled our training sessions for a reason! And i’ve noticed you’ve been sad y/n, I do notice other people besides myself you know!". You swallowed scared to comment and Zuko frowned again "is it the rumours about us?”. Again you were unsure how to comment, you didn’t want to encourage him or at the same time offend him, he was your employer and the only friend you had left now. "Rumours?" You asked playing dumb and Zuko rolled his eyes "i know you’re aware of them I think everyone is, they all think my interest in you is physical and unprofessional, is that why you’ve distanced yourself from me? If so y/n yo don’t have to I can stop the rumours and we can go back to training". "It’s not about you" you burst before you could stop yourself "I’m not worried my colleagues all despise me or think bad things about me, I dont care the nobels all think I am seducing you for power, I don’t care what they whisper about us as we pass" you burst. You wanted to add the most important one, that you didn’t care Azula didn’t like you anymore but knew that was a lie. Zuko stared at you shocked and you realised you’d just shouted at the heir to the throne and your only ally. "Prince Zuko i’m so sorry..." you started but he cut you off. "No it’s okay I pushed you it’s I who should apologise...but we are friends y/n you can tell me these things". You nodded your head “thank you” but made no move to carry on talking. "You are not happy" Zuko said thoughtfully and he turned to face you. You shrugged in response not seeing the point in denying it anymore. “what if i told you I could help get you away from this? From here?" Zuko asked. You looked at him shocked but truthfully you’d been expecting to be dismissed now Azula didn’t want you here but still it hurt. Regardless you handled it with composure and nodded "where will you resassign me?". "Reassign you?" Zuko asked surpised "y/n i don’t want to send you away!". "You don’t? Then what would you do?" you asked frowning. Zuko paused looking around to make sure his door was closed and lowered his voice “I’m planning on leaving soon and I could take you with me if you wanted". You paused shocked at this statement "you’re deserting the fire nation?” Zuko flushed "well i wouldn’t call it that but yes i guess i am but I never should’ve come back here, it was a mistake, I have to get out of here". "And you’d take me with you?" You asked "why?". Zuko paused "well we know the rumours aren’t true but my family doesn't, if I disappear they will interrogate all those close to me and they’ll turn to you, when I think of what they’ll do to get answers from you, my father alone will...." zuko trailed off before shaking his head "I don’t want to leave you behind to deal with the consequences of my actions, I could sneak you out with me...you could get away from this all if you came with me...what do you think?" Zuko asked. “This is a very kind offer Zuko” you frowned. “But...?” he asked sensing you weren’t totally on board with this plan. Leaving with Zuko would get you out of your situation but something was stopping you. Azula. If you left that would be it for your chances of reconciling what you had with her, you would prove to her she was right and you’d be another person who chose Zuko over her. You’d ruin all you’d had and maybe even Azula. You sighed and looked at Zuko "can i think about it?". Zuko nodded "of course, think it over but don’t take too long y/n the escape is in 2 days".

Azula’s POV

The day of the eclipse was fast approaching and the whole palace was busy finalising plans. Azula too was rushed off her feet ensuring the barracks were sufficient and she’d liked to have said it distracted her from what happened but it only put it off. Azula could go all day without thinking about it or wondering what was happening right now between you and Zuko but as soon as the silence settled or the planning was done it all came back. She’d hear your voice as you told her you didn’t mean it, how you tried to explain your actions away by blaming them on her. It still made her angry. She heard Zuko’s voice as he told her all you’d said and his promise to keep you safe from him. Azula would give up trying to sleep as the voices got too loud and go back to planning whatever she had left to plan. She double checked, triple checked everything but still she found an excuse to keep her mind from thinking but there were some ocassions she couldn’t help. Azula entered the dining room expecting to see her father and Zuko but saw Mai and Ty Lee instead. To be fair Zuko had been avoiding Azula so she didn’t expect him to be here but she thought her father would want to see her before the move to the barracks. “Where’s my father?” Azula barked and Mai shrugged but Ty Lee tried to smile “we’re not sure but we we’re summonded here instead. Nobody else has shown up so guess this is all ours” Ty Lee smiled looking at the food. Azula grunted but took a seat, she had nowhere else to be, she hadn’t realised how much time she’s spent with you until she cut you out of her life. “We were just talking about the move tomorrow” Ty Lee explained although Azula hadn’t asked “I was saying how I’m jealous Mai’s family got such a good spot! Then again I guess it’s understandable, Zuko probably put a good word in” Ty Lee said making Mai smile slightly. Azula had heard things had improved with Zuko and Mai, she guessed now you were no longer making things difficult Zuko had been forgiven and it was like it had never happened. That made Azula angry, she had lost her plan, her favourite maid, her only confidant, her well...whatever you two had been to one another all because of Zuko and he was happy while Azula was alone and miserable as always. Well not if she could help it, Azula was guessing Zuko hadn’t told Mai everything....

“Yes I’ve heard Zuko’s been keeping his favourites close to his chest lately”. Ty Lee shot Azula a wary look but Mai narrowed her eyes “what does that mean?”. “Ow nothing” Azula smirked “I mean you and Zuko have moved passed that whole buisness I’d hate to drag things back up...”. “Tell me” Mai snapped and when Azula raised an eyebrow she sighed “please”. Azula smirked “well it’s nothing really just that night you and Zuko went to go watch the ember island players and he was late...well he was with the maid. I went to his room to tell him father needed to speak with him and he thought I was you, he had her hid under the bed so you wouldn’t see her. He was late for your date because he was busy with another woman”. Mai slammed her cutlery down and stood up so suddenly the table shook. She threw her chair back and strode out of the room. Azula grinned watching and Ty Lee frowned at her. “Did you have to do that?” Ty Lee asked. “I think she should know my brothers cheating on her, would you rather I lie to her like he’s doing?”. “No but you didn’t have to tell her like that” Ty Lee sighed “it was just mean” and she stood up going after Mai. Azula brushed of Ty Lee’s comment, everyone thought she was mean, evil, a monster so why shouldn’t she act like one? Azula savoured her win over Zuko and smirked thinking about what Mai would do to him but the happiness was short lived. Azula looked around the now empty room and felt the familair pang of loneliness she’s felt growing since she’d dismissed you. It just seemed to be getting worse and if ruining Zuko’s happiness couldn’t even get rid of it could anything? She swallowed hard and stood up, she should get back to work.

Your POV

“Those boxes need going to Prince Zuko’s private room in the baracks” you told the servants who had come to help you move Zuko’s belongings to the bunkers for safety during the eclipse. It was all for show really, Zuko was planning on leaving during the eclipse so wouldn’t really need a room in the baracks but you had to pretend he’d be there the whole time. You’d organised all his possessions and managed to save the few he would need on him when he made his escape without arousing suspicion. You still hadn’t decided if to stay or go and time was running out to put it off any longer. The servants all got to work helping you automatically but none of them would look at you. You knew most were scared of you, they figured you had Zuko’s ear and they weren’t wrong you supposed but it was in a different way than they thought. You picked up a stack of boxes too, determined to show them all you weren’t just Zuko’s accesory and led the way to the barracks. You hadn’t gone far down the coridoor when someone came around the corner. Mai and Ty Lee appeared and they seemed to be arguing or atleast Mai was, she was walking ahead as Ty Lee tried to keep up and seemed angry. You hoped they wouldn’t look up and almost made it past them when Mai’s eyes fixed on you you felt your heart stop. “Stop” she called and all the servants halted. Ty Lee was saying something to her, sje seemed to be begging her not do this but Mai didn’t seem to be listening. She looked at the boxes you were carrying clearly marked as Zuko’s things and that seemed to make her angrier. You always found the girl terrifying but now she looked plain evil. The look she sent you told you she wanted you dead, no worse than dead. “Leave us” she spat at the servants. They were all too happy to leave and rushed off, even plucking the boxes from your hands as they passed leaving you very much on your own. You instantly feared what Mai was going to do to you. You thought her and Zuko had made up since you’d distanced yourself from him but apparently Mai wasn’t ready to move on. Ty lee watched Mai stare at you and frowned “Mai don’t...". Ty Lee go" Mai said her voice flat "i wish to speak to the servant alone". Ty Lee looked at Mai but sighed seeing Mai’s eyes were fixed on you unmoving. Ty Lee looked upset but obediently turned and walked back the way she’d come. Mai stared at you and then moved forwards soundlessly and you instinctively went to step back. “Does Zuko often hide you in his room everytime I visit or just when he’s already an hour late to our date?” Mai asked. You paused confused why Mai was bringing this up now, that night was ages ago why was she angry about it now? Mai didn’t seem to care what you had to say though and carried “do either of you think you’re fooling anyone? Do you think the rumours of the two of you haven’t reach us all? That we don’t know you’re together?”. You stared at Mai not wanting to move, breath or do anything to anger her any more. "Do you deny it?" she asked stepping closer again and you backed up into the wall. You looked at her helplessly, what could you say? You couldn’t tell her you were just training with Zuko, she’s definitely tell Ozai to have you thrown out of her life for good. "You should speak to Prince Zuko" you told her shakily "I don’t know what I’m allowed to say". Mai gripped you so suddenly you would’ve flinched but her grip didn’t permit it. She had a hand of your throat and the other on a knife you hadn’t even seen her draw. "Not allowed" she spat "acting now like you’re someone who follows all the rules! What being Azula’s pet wasn’t enough to make you feel special you had to have Zuko too? Bet you brag to all your little servant friends, think you’re going to secure your place here through Zuko and some bastard child?". You shook your head "no Mai! That’s not what I want!". Mai only hissed slightly pressing on your neck harder "I should kill you both for the insult to me!". "Mai it’s not what you think" you couldn’t help saying "please talk to Zuko!". "Zuko?" she spat "you dare be so casual about him to me!". You paled more "no Mai i’m sorry, I just meant...". "I always had my doubts, i knew you couldn’t be trusted, i knew Azula did this on purpose, I bet she told you to do this didn’t she? You think you have no choice but we all have choices y/n and you made yours". Mai raised her knife and you closed your eyes ready for her to kill you. Seconds passed and nothing happened. You opened your eyes to see Mai staring at you hard, her face unreadable. You could barely breathe, she was deciding what to do with your life. Finally she let go and you collapsed back against the wall gasping. You looked up at Mai shocked and saw her fist just as it came down and punched you straight in the face. You cried out and fell down against the wall as blood trickled down your face. Mai straightenned looking at you with disgust "you can tell Zuko i gave you that, if he thinks i’ll allow him to keep doing this to me with you he’s wrong, tell him we’re done, I think it should come from you" she said with a twitch of her lip "also tell Zuko to make sure I don’t ever see you again, if I do I won’t be so forgiving, you’ve both been warned" she spat before she turned and left. You breathed haggerdly your heart pounding as you pressed your sleeve to your nose. You were terrified of Mai but also couldn’t help feel sorry for her. If Zuko had just trusted her with your secret or found a less provocative cover none of this would’ve happneed. Now you had an assassin ready to kill you the next time she saw you and your only escape was with Azula’s brother. The bleeding stopped and you stood up slowly. You either stayed and got killed or left with Zuko abandoning Azula here. You wiped away the blood and carried on walking. If you were going to be killed by staying here for Azula you’d atleast do what she hired you to do.

It was early in the morning and you moved through the palace taking back routes so nobody would see you. You didn’t want what you were about to do getting back to Zuko. You went to knock on the door to Azula’s room when it suddenly opened. You’d been prepared to see Azula but still after not seeing her for a week you felt your heart speed up in anticipation but it wasn’t Azula behind the door. “Ow” Ty Lee frowned seeing you and you stared at her. Azula never entertained her friends in her own room and especially not at this time in the morning. You got suspicious and jealous as your mind worked overtime to work out why Ty Lee was there in Azula’s room at this time of day but you couldn’t think of a plausible solution. “Can I help you?” Ty Lee asked and you heard Azula ask who she was talking to. Azula appeared beside Ty Lee and stopped midsentence when she saw it was you “ow”. Shaking away your jealousy you remembered why you’d come here "I need to speak to Princess Azula" you spoke clearly and slowly. Ty Lee looked to Azula whose face was a mask. "Well i'd love to chat about laundry or mopping floors but I’m busy" Azula said going to shut the door. "Please" you said forcefully meeting Azula’s eye "it’s important”. Azula’s face changed as she met your eye and you saw her nervously look to Ty Lee as if making sure her friend wasn’t getting suspicious there had been any sort of relationship between you. "Go" Azula told Ty Lee "I’ll just see what this is about?". Ty Lee nodded “Okay” and Azula watched until she was gone and turned to you.

Azula’s POV

"Well I suppose you should come inside" Azula snapped "I won’t do this is the hallway, what were you thinking coming to be so publically?" She scolded you as the door shut behind you. "I had to" you said annoyed "it’s urgent". Azula rolled her eyes "what’s so urgent?". Azula had been expecting an attempt to get back together or confession of how much you’d missed her. Instead it was nothing about her. "I know what Zuko’s planning". Azula paused unsure if she’d heard you correctly "what?". "I know what Zuko’s planning" you repeated. So she hadn’t imagined that, you’d actually said what she'd dreamt of you saying for ages. Well true more recently she dreamt more of you giving a grand apology that justified forgiving you but that wasn’t going to happen. "Well what is it?" Azula asked as silence settled and you frowned at her. Azula was aware she'd been the one to pause but she hadn’t seen you in a while and you seemed annoyingly fine. Sure you hadn’t looked at her when you first spoke but you’d practically demnded to speak with her, even infront of Ty Lee too. You’d grown confident and Azula could even tell now by how you snapped back at her or only just caught your eye rolls, you weren’t afraid of her anymore. That both annoyed and pleased her. Caught up in her thoughts Azula almost missed what you’d said. "Zuko’s escaping?" she repeated "tomorrow?". You nodded your head "during the eclipse, that’s what he’s been planning". Azula noticed you looked guilty and her jealousy rose again "so why tell me and betray your precious Zuko?" Azula asked aware she sounded childish but she didn’t care. You actually did roll your eyes this time "I know you don’t believe I didn’t mean the things I said to Zuko but i didn’t Azula, I did all of this to get you this information and well it seemed pointless to not tell you so here i am". Silence settled and Azula felt miffed, your answer hadn’t been what she expected at all. "Well if that is all you can go" Azula said coldly turning away. You fixed your eyes on her in disbelief and Azula felt a mixture of anger and guilt. How dare you look at her like she was the bad guy here. She had told you to drop this and didn’t owe you anything. But as you turned to leave Azula got a sinking feeling, this felt final...you’d said this was happening in 24 hours, that was so soon. Why had you told her? Azula knew her brother, he wouldn’t leave you behind. No he’d take you with him and yet you still told her. Was it just because of loyalty to her or had you wanted to see her? To prove you were on her side? Azula frowned, if she told her father Zuko would be imprisoned or killed and you would be dragged down with him, especially when she was forced to reveal where she got this information from. Azula was still angry and confused at you but she didn’t want to be the cause of your death. She couldn’t be even if it did mean bringing down her brother...could she?.

Your POV

The talk with Azula hadn't cleared anything up for you it just made you feel guilty for betraying zuko. You been split by your loyalty to both of them but your feelings for Azula won you over and all for nothing. Azula hadn't responded how you'd wanted her to and now Zuko was going to suffer for your lapse in judgement. You decided you were going to tell him, apologise and maybe convince him to leave early while he still could and so has been waiting in his room for him to return all morning. You were unpacking the last of his belongings while you waited when the door suddenly opened. "Zuko we need to talk" you started but stopped dead in your tracks to see Azula stood there. “Azula? what are you doing here?”. "Well i heard Mai’s got a bounty out for your head so figured you'd be hiding out in here". You paused but realised she hadn't really answered your question “That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here”. Azula huffed at your tone but carried on “I don’t have long the war meeting starts soon so just let me talk”. You pouted but nodded for Azula to go on. “This escape plan?” Azula asked “the one taking place tomorrow, my brother has extended the invitation to you hasn’t he?”. You paused and Azula nodded “I knew it”. “He has” you tried to explain “but i...” but Azula wasn’t listening. “I am not bothered about Zuko being here or not” Azula explained “I will do you this one thing y/n, I will not tell my father about Zuko’s plan to give you the chance to escape, but as soon as you are out of here I will have to hunt down my brother". "Azula" you tried to explain but she cut you off "no just listen, i will have to do that y/n whether i want to or not so my advice to you is to escape and get away from him, leave Zuko as soon as you can and head for the colonies, you can get away there and be safe I won't follow you there”. “Azula” you said annoyed but she carried on “of course you'll need to find work and money to survive, you could steal some of Zuko’s possessions to help start you off, or even ask him for them I’m sure he won’t mind and use the money to build a life in the colonies...”. “Azula” you yelled and she stopped looking at you clearly annoyed “what?”. "I’m not going with Zuko" you told her and she frowned. "Well why not?" She asked exasperatedly and you sighed "I’m not leaving with zuko, I can’t, not after all I’ve done to him” you sighed and saw Azula roll her eyes. “And I know you think that's stupid” you said noticing her expression “but Zuko isn’t as bad as I thought he’d be and don’t take that personally Azula just because I don't hate Zuko doesn’t mean I dislike you”. Azula pouted and you shook your head ”I feel gulity for what I did to him but that’s not the main reason I’m not leaving” You told Azula “I’ve lied and manipulated Zuko and yes i feel bad for doing it but I did all that for you because you needed me to do it and well I’d pretty much do anything for you". Azula paused taken back and unsure how to respond just blurted "so why does that mean you can't leave?". You smirked slightly at Azula's blunt response and smiled "because if I leave I‘ll be leaving you here alone, and i know you don’t trust me or even like me but I don’t want to do that Azula, I won’t leave you here alone, I promised you I’d be here for you Azula and so there’s no way I’m leaving you, I won’t, not even if you command me to".

Azula’s POV

Azula was taken back by your confession and all the emotions it made her feel. She felt scared, vulnerable, angry at you for not saying it sooner, suspicious, confused why you still felt this for her but mainly she felt hopeful. What you said made her excited, it made her feel warm and happy, something she hadn’t felt since she'd parted from you. She felt safe. Azula stared at you softly and you paused "so yeah...you don’t have to reply but i just wanted you to know that". You looked down and turned away “you should go, the meeting will have started now”. Azula reacted too slowly and when she went to call your name tell you not to leave you’d already gone. Azula moved to follow you but the door behind her opened and her father appeared "Azula?" Ozai asked "what are you doing in here? Are you ready for the meeting?". She nodded although her eyes kept flickering to the door you'd just walk out of and she itched to follow you. "Azula!" her father snapped and reluctantly Azula followed him.

All through the meeting Azula couldn’t concentrate, all she could think about was what you said and how much that meant to her. And more importantly how she couldn't let anything happen to you. As soon as the meeting was over Azula grabbed zuko "i need to talk to you". He glared at her pulling his arm away and it took everything in her body not to just yank his arm and force him to speak to her. "please" she said through gritted teeth and Zuko raised his eyebrows but followed her out of pure shock. As soon as he shut the door Azula started to talk. "You have to take y/n with you" Azula told Zuko and he paused eyes wide "what?"."When you leave tomorrow" she explained. "How do you..." zuko started but Azula cut him off "it doesn't matter, what matters is I know y/n doesn’t want to go but you have to make her! By any means possible". Zuko glared "I’m not forcing her to do anything Azula". Azula sighed angrily he didn't understand. "Zuko if you disappear and she stays do you have any idea what will happen to her? Can your small brain even comprehend what father will do to get information out of her?". "I know that" Zuko snapped and Azula glared "so what's the problem?" She snapped back "she doesn't leave with you then she gets hurt! Or worse! You think your life is worth more than hers! That you can run away and be happy knowing you did that to her?". "No..." zuko frowned and Azula nodded "then make her leave with you! Get her out of the palace and away from here, you have to! Scare her, pay her, guilt her! I don't care what it is just save her!". Zuko stared at Azula shocked to see his sister so desperate. In all his life he'd never seen her so scared, so worried about someone who wasn't herself. "You care about her?" Zuko said shocked "like really care for her". Azula rolled her eyes annoyed it had taken her family this long to notice "just do as i say Zuko, if she get's hurt because of you i'll...". "Got it" Zuko nodded "I'll try and get her to safety Azula I promise". Azula nodded her head suprised she was once pleased with Zuko and grateful for him. "Good" she nodded "i guess it's a good thing I didn't kill you when we were kids". Zuko frowned "thanks?". "You're welcome" Azula nodded before walking away.

Your POV

Zuko knew you wanted to speak to him by the way you kept fiddling with the sleeve of your uniform. Zuko had grown suspicious of you since his meeting with Azula and figured he’d just start the ball rolling. "You told Azula about our escape plan didn't you?" Zuko asked and you froze. Guilt overcame you and you spun around "Zuko I’m so sorry". Zuko nodded his head in recognition but wouldn’t look at you "I suppose it’s okay, she's not going to stop us so it hasn’t changed anything...". "I know but i feel so bad, I could’ve got you caught or worse by telling her, i don’t know what I was expecting to happen when I told her...I don’t know what I wanted from it" you sighed but zuko frowned. "I think i know why you did it, i think Azula does too...I never realised you were...you're close aren’t you?". You sighed but nodded "I mean I thought we were but I’m not so sure anymore". "That’s why you don't want to leave isn’t it?" Zuko asked "you don’t want to leave her". You were terrified to admit it but also it felt so good just to confess your feelings. "Yes, I can't leave her Zuko, i know you don’t like her but she's not like you think she is...I can't leave her behind to deal with this this all alone". Zuko frowned "well she actually asked me to get you out of here". "She asked you that?" You said suprised Azula went to Zuko for help of all people! Zuko nodded "I’ve never seen her care for anyone before but she was certain I had to get you to leave with me, I think she’s scared of what will happen to you once im gone and I am too y/n". You were grateful and touched Azula and Zuko both cared about you so much but it didn't change your mind. "I can't Zuko" you sighed firmly "I guess Azula won’t be happy but I haven’t changed my decision I can’t leave her behind I...I just can’t". Zuko nodded "I understand, well I don’t but I won’t force you". You smiled sadly "thank you for helping me though I never thought i’d grow to count you as a friend but I did, I just hope i haven’t ruined everything". Zuko shook his head "I don’t like what you did but i get it...you did it for Azula because of how much you like her". You blushed but nodded "still it doesn’t excuse what i did and I’m sorry". Zuko smiled softly and placed a hand on your arm "you're forgiven y/n".

The escape had gone fairly smoothly. You wanted to see Zuko off so waited by the airships for him when sure enough he appeared out of breath and shaken but he looked fine. “It went okay with your father?” you asked noticing the smell of burning on him. “As well as I expected” Zuko nodded as you passsed him his supplies and the keys to the airship. Zuko took them from you and paused “You still won’t come with me?” Zuko asked and you shook your head smiling sadly “no”. “You know what they’ll do to you?” Zuko warned you “are you sure you’re willing to accept that?”. You nodded your head “just hurry up and overthrow your father”. Zuko smiled but it was a sad smile and he sighed “y/n...”. “Go” you said hearing the sounds of someone approaching “now!”. Zuko nodded and turned to the airship when Azula appeared. “Honestly I ask one thing of you and you even fail at that” Azula snapped. Zuko looked just as suprised as you that Azula was here. “Azula why are you here?” Zuko asked as if unsure if she was here to help or stop him from leaving. “I came to make sure you got y/n to go with you but as usual you failed”. I won’t force her” Zuko glared “unlike you I don’t just ignore what my friends want”. Azula rolled her eyes “this isn’t a difference in opinion Zuko this is her life you’re letting her throw away” Azula snapped and you stepped inbetween them. “Azula stop, you can’t blame Zuko for this it’s my decision”. Azula finally looked at you and her expression confused you because she genuinely looked scared, something you’d never seen on her face before. “But it’s a stupid decision, do you know what my father will do to you? What I wont be able to stop?”. “I know” you nodded and Azula groaned “so go!” she yelled “run now! disappear! I won’t blame you y/n you have my blessing to do this”. “Sweet as that is I don’t care” you replied. Azula glared at you “you’re going even if I have to put you on the ship myself!”. Zuko watched amazed as you stepped towards Azula and she didn’t back away or push you back. "I told you i’m not leaving" you told her "there no way you’ll get me on that ship atleast not without you". Azula shook her head, you couldn't be serious. "Y/n you have to leave because you’re in danger i’m not" she told you “please go”. Azula stared at you willing you to say yes but you couldn’t. You gently touched her arm and lowered you tone “Azula you know that’s not true, you’re not safe here none of you are”. "You don’t know what youre talking about" Azula glared and you frowned feeling her tense. “Azula your father burned Zuko for speaking out of turn as a child! He’s neglected you emotionally since you were an infant! He sent you out alone across the world to capture the avatar and pitted you and Zuko against one another just because he could! He uses you because you’re valuable not because he values you, you are in danger here Azula just like me and that’s why I’m not going anywhere unless you’re with me". “That’s ridiculous” Azula muttered “my father would never harm me...Zuko was wrong to do what he did...I won’t make a mistake like that ever”. You smiled sadly “you don’t know that Azula and if you do how would your father react?”. Azula flinched away from you and turned so her back was to you “no I can’t”. Azula walked away from you and stood cradling her arms, the sight almost broke you but you had to do this, you were so close. “Azula” you said softly and she shook her head “stop it y/n”. “Azula please come with me”. She didn’t reply so you walked closer "Even if you think you’re safe here you’re not happy here Azula" you told her "i know you’re not, and that’s not fair Azula”. Azula looked at you and you could see there were tears in her eyes. “I know you’re scared and so am I” you nodded “this life is all we know but it isn’t all thats out there Azula, there’s more for you...for both of us besides this” you said gesturing to the palace “you deserve better than this Azula, you deserve to be happy and loved and appreciated and if we leave we can find all that, we can have all that! All you need to do is come with me" you said standing inches away from here. “Please Azula come with me” you begged hand outstreteched. The silence stretched out and the tension was thick in the air. You held your breath waiting for Azula’s reply, not even contemplating what it would mean if she said no. You lowered your eyes figuring Azula didn’t want to come with you when she moved so quickly it made you jump. Azula grabbed your hand and nodded softly her eyes fixed on you “Let’s go”.

Epilogue

You, Azula and Zuko fled the firenation and helped Zuko find the avatar as he planned. From there though you seperated from Zuko. Azula was still torn by her decision to abandon the life she’s knew and joining the rebels didn’t help her process that decision so together you left. You followed Azula’s plan of traveling to the fire nation colonies. It was a rough journey but together you avoided detection and made it to a quiet village where you could lay low. The news from the war was continuous and not easy for Azula to hear. She was struggling to come to terms with what she had done, she’d always planned every inch of her life but now she was without a plan, without a role, without a clear path. Azula considered going back numerous times, not because she missed her father or felt guilty for what she’d done but because she couldn’t see how she could just be Azula and not the firenation princess or a prodogy bender. But each time the thought of leaving you stopped her and you helped her adjust the best you could, reassuring her it was going to be okay and it would all work out. Once the war was won you didn’t have to hide away and Zuko helped you aquire the help Azula needed. Azula started trying to work on herself and you helped her unpack all her unconscious beliefs and traumas. It was hard work and there were many arguments and bad days but you were there for every breakdown, every outburst, every insecurity and you worked through them together. You never wanted Azula to feel alone ever again. As the months passed azula adjusted more to the idea of just being herself, not a weapon, not a firebending prodogy, not an opponent to her brother, just Azula. And you helped her see being just Azula was good enough, brilliant actually.

10 years later

You sat down in your garden on the bench you'd made a few years ago and smiled. The summer was coming to an end and while it was still warm it was a more relaxed heat you could happily enjoy. You closed your eyes feeling the sun on your face and enjoyed the smells of your garden when you felt someone sit next to you. Azula eased into the bench beside you and rested her arm around the back of your chair as she always did. You smiled placing your hand on her knee out of habit and looked at her. "We've been living here for 10 years now but the view still gets me on days like this" Azula smiled "it’s beautiful". You nodded just watching Azula and admired how content she looked. Azula was still the same strong willed confident woman but she was different now. She was no longer terrified of not being good enough, no longer chasing approval or using manipulation and anger as her weapons. Azula felt your gaze and looked over at you "what?". "Nothing" you smiled lowering your eyes. You both knew you'd been caught admiring her. Azula smirked and rested her head against yours "moments like this feel perfect" Azula smiled "and they only happened because of you". You shook your head "not just me, you chose to come with me, you made that leap not me". "Well yes but I did it for you mostly" Azula shrugged "so it was...inspired by you?" Azula asked and you smiled. "Fine I’ll accept that" you rolled your eyes making Azula grin. "Thank you" Azula said softly watching the turtle ducks in your pond "I don't think I say it enough". "You don't need to thank me" you smiled "I did it for you and being here seeing you be happy and grow as a person...that’s all the thanks I need". Azula blushed, something you still found adorable after all this time, and smiled "well still thank you, you saved me and made me the person i am i'll never forget that...ever" she told you holding your face. You blushed too and Azula smirked. She leant in to kiss you when your gate screeched and you heard a small voice. "Aunt azula! Aunt y/n were here!" Izumi yelled and Azula grinned. "About time!" Azula called "did you dad get lost again?" she asked scooping Izumi up into her arms making her laugh. "Yeah" Izumi giggled "mom’s angry he wouldn’t ask for directions just because he’s the firelord". You chuckled and waved to Zuko and Mai who were in sight at the bottom of the path. "Did you miss me?" Izumi asked and you smiled resting an arm on Azula's back "of course we did" you grinned "our favourite niece". "I'm your only niece" Izumi smirked jumping from Azula to you and you laughed "true but you're still our favourite" and tickled her. Izumi laughed and Azula smiled at the two of you. Izumi ran off to her parents and Azula followed. You stood watching your family and smiled as Azula and Zuko greeted each other warmly and Azula hugged mai like the old friend she was. The sun caught Azula’s face as she laughed at a joke Mai made and her eyes glowed as they had years ago when you'd first started dating. You smiled just seeing her smile and felt the familiar warm happy feeling in your chest. You were both safe, happy and together, still in love after all these years and you couldn’t picture it any other way, your life with Azula was perfect.

-----

So that’s it!!! Sorry it was suppppper long I just had so much to write about Azula! I know the ending might be a bit optimistic or idealistic for Azula but I want Azula to be happy and loved so don’t really care. Plus with help support and therapy I think Azula could totally live a healthy happy life and overcome all her past trauma so wrote that. Thanks for all the likes and support!! I’ve really enjoyed this series and it’s been great to see so many Azula fans are out there. Thanks again!!

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eljhmlnr-blog · 5 years

Text

hello pals !! im el (22, est, she/her pronouns) and this is my newest muse elijah ..... can’t wait to Absolutely Ruin Him!!!! i’m still in the process of fleshing out this Soft Babie so pls enjoy getting to know him at the same time & pace that i do aksjdhasd. if this mess of an intro isn’t enough to scare u away pls feel free to smash the like button OR hmu on d*scord @ suffering!#1968 for a good time ;))))

( axel auriant, cismale ) did you hear how ELIJAH MOLNAR is applying to columbia university as a PSYCHOLOGY major ?! the TWENTY-ONE year old is living in the WATT HALL. i heard that they got in because they are +DYNAMIC and +EXPRESSIVE, but honestly i think HE can be -INSOUCIANT and -FICKLE. they’re a real CHAMELEON. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end.

STATS ✷ WANTED CONNECTIONS ✷ PINTEREST

B A C K S T O R Y

elijah was born in manchester, english but definitely not bred there because he was constantly moving. his parents are successful house flippers who travel around the country renovating houses for a living which meant he was never in once place for too long? and honestly... he felt like he was living the dream?? he loved his home, his friends, his life. but when he was 13, his parents decided that it was time to put down roots for the family, so the molnars packed their bags and settled in nyc.

it was at this point that he kind of started.....acting out? it wasnt necessarily for attention or anything, but he wasn’t happy with the change and found it rlly difficult to adapt to a stagant and american life? this was difficult for him because, with a life that is constantly changing, he had never had trouble adjusting before.

(tw: drugs) elijah has never been much of the studious type?? so that paired with his newfound behavioral issues meant you were more likely to find him stoned off his ass doing graffiti throughout the city than you were to find him studying

he wasn’t doing the graffiti just cos he likes petty crime but bc he just loves art??? he leans more towards painting and murals but art of all kinds and all mediums just make him rlly happy. and even though his parents are house flippers, he kind of felt like this profession was not something they necessarily approved of? maybe it was because they had spent their due time in corporate america before becoming renovators or tbh maybe this was all in his head but he was just Popping Off and being Dumb.

but at some points his parents had just??? had enough??? the molnars are (clearly) a very close family and they refused to allow their son to fuck around and just . not “”””do anything”” with his life. so they gave him an ultimatum: get his shit together or go to boarding school. the thought of being away from his family at some random boarding school in america was enough to scare him into trying to get his life together

with a lot of handholding from tutors, he was actually able to raise his grades his junior and senior yr!!! and his sat exam??? honestly he aced that shit bc he had a one on one tutor who taught him exactly the right way to study for it kjshd. he did well enough that his school stats + him being a two generation legacy was enough for him to land himself into columbia. which....he chose to go to on random solely bc his sister would be attending.

C U R R E N T L Y

so now eli is a junior at columbia and studying psychology. a major that he .... could not care less about. he knew that studying art would not be an option for him (big sad!!) so he picked psychology on his college apps just so he could submit them. he was hoping that inspo would strike in another educational field ..... but now here he is 3 yrs later still struggling thru the major akjsdh

he hated how hard his life became once he moved to the states, so he promised himself that he would never let himself do such a bad job of adapting ever again.

what does that mean, u ask?? it means that he’s bsc trained himself to fit in any situation JKASHA. it’s not that he’s a snake or anything and he’s not doing it to hurt people, it’s all just for self preservation. but does that prevent some hurtful snakelife behavior from occurring?? definitely not.

since coming to columbia, he’s kind of taken up a Soft Babie personality/lifestyle??? and it’s not an act, he definitely expresses himself the way he wants .... but he also hides a ton. he doesn’t want people to know about his vices, would prefer if they just saw him as perfect??? esp. bc his parents have a lot of connections at columbia and, even tho his relationship with them has improved, he’s scared of them pulling some dumb “boarding school threat 2.0″ shit on him

if u get to see the real him with no mask on??? phewwwww u are LUCKY.

bc he literally hides ... some of the biggest parts of himself? he’s bisexual with a preference for men, but most of the population (minus like. hookups and close close friends) think he’s straight. he’s never given them any reason to think otherwise and he’d like to keep it that way

it’s not that his family is bigoted or anything but he’s just gotten back into a good place with them and the last thing he wants to do is “””rock the boat””””??? so quiet he stays! this mentality goes along with other parts of him as well: he tries not to seem too enthusiastic about the arts, he doesn’t really ever talk about himself (this means he is a FABULOUS listener akjsh), etc etc etc.

he is just..... so fucking Cynical lol

anyway hello hi if u made it this far then i Truly love you? im so fucking bad abt rambling :(((( uhh this is where i again encourage u to plot with me so .... hit that like/message me and let’s do that :P

ok bye y’all!!

#columbia.intro #god i ramble so much i apologize in advance for this mess #also this is prob a terrible time to post this bc honesty day but . asK ME IF I CARE #(i do care. but ima still post it :///)

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namisashimi · 7 years

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The Gamer Youth from the Turn of the Century - Baolan

source. profile by danneergou (丹尼二狗) for pentaq.

translator. this needs a little context - baolan is the former name of ig’s support, megan. i started translating this article when it first came out in january 2017 but got too busy to finish it. i think i’ve jokingly referred to it a few times as the ‘baolan manifesto’ since it’s so long and dense (and no one cares about him). since he’s been doing very well in playoffs, i thought i’d pick it up again since it’s a truly fascinating look at both him personally and the path new players take to the lpl.

Now, you can call him by a new name: Megan.

Ask anyone – playing botlane for IG is not an easy task, especially in 2016. That year, IG's botlane often changed: Rain, Kitties, Marge, Ben – even their starting midlaner Rookie was forced into playing ADC for a game. 'Finding a strong, reliable, promising botlane pair' is the conundrum IG's manager Su Xiaoluo has spent the spring and summer splits bitterly trying to solve.

At NEST at the year's end, IG allowed their fans hope for an answer – their 'Baolan + Jackeylove' botlane successfully helped their team defeat LGD and win the championship. Of these two, Jackeylove had long made his name as 'China's Best Draven' and 'High Elo KR SoloQ Player,' while the support Baolan was a new player who was born in 1999, only just jumped from TGA to LPL, and had barely played 10 matches in 2016.

On January 6th, we met this true newcomer in the IG team house. This unhappy rainy day, Baolan accepted our interview while on his bed, dressed in his IG uniform and wrapped in blankets. Perhaps because he'd never had this kind of one-on-one chat with a stranger before, Baolan spent most of his time with his head lowered, almost talking to himself. If we reached a subject he found interesting, he would show it with a simple smile or by speaking slightly louder.

An eighteen-year-old boy's story cannot be too complicated, and Baolan is no exception. He dropped out of school to play professionally, struggled bitterly in the TGA, seized the opportunity to come to the LPL, and in the even more furious competition desperately adapted to finally achieve his dreams.

'Dreams are that which can always excite you,' Baolan said to this journalist.

It sounded like his answer was describing a process, rather than a tangible result.

a childhood without worry.

Seventeen years ago, Baolan was born in Yingtan. This place is so tiny that without an detailed description, you wouldn't even know it's in Jiangxi Province. Before boarding that plane to Tianjin and embarking on the first step on his professional journey, Baolan lived, grew up, and spent his childhood here, as carefree as any other child.

'The air was very good there.' Baolan's description of Yingtan was minimalistic. Compared to the busy major city – Shanghai – now surrounding him, 'air quality' was the only exceptional trait he could bring up about his hometown.

Normally, there are two requirements for a glowing childhood: good grades and sensible parents. And it was just Baolan's luck that he lacked neither – in elementary school he always had exceptional grades, to the point where he didn't even have to do his homework to be the teacher's favorite and was always the center of attention among his peers; as for the other, he had the kind of mother almost every youth would wish to have.

This mother allowed her son to play games in netcafes in elementary school, and she even took on the responsibility of transporting him and his friends there. Her reasoning for this was exceedingly straightforward: 'Because his grades were good, I thought it wasn't an issue. If he wanted to play he could.' These words of course showed the love a mother has for a son, but also showed the progressiveness born of long years of business experience.

Under these circumstances, Baolan advanced smoothly into middle school. But the talent and intelligence he once had was not enough for the increasingly complex classes, and more importantly, he still didn't do his homework. His grades slipped, turning his childhood from 'glowing' to 'ordinary' and his good fortune to disaster.

'I was done.' Saying this, the expression on Baolan's face was like that of a toplaner who had just eked out a 10cs lead over his opponent before dying to a sudden gank and being forced to watch a wave of minions die to his tower.

Because of his grades and attitude towards learning, Baolan was exiled by his middle school teacher to the back row of class, like falling from the technologically advanced Piltover to the slums of Zaun. Suddenly, he realized he was between a rock and a hard place – on one hand, from Baolan's perspective, being in the last row was 'bad;' on the other hand, the frustration he had learning made it hard to muster the enthusiasm to regain his glory, and besides, he was starting to develop some nearsightedness and even seeing the blackboard from the back of the class was a hard task.

'I didn't want to be that kind of person, but I was at the back of the class. So I didn't interact much with either the good or the bad circles in class. It was very lonely.'

Most of the time, Baolan only spoke with his tablemate, and he wouldn't talk about games. Just like his distaste for the 'last row of class,' he thought games were a 'bad element' and not something students should talk about.

You could imagine that if Baolan's parents didn't have such a practical and effective discipline style – then having gone from 'genius' to 'loner,' he would have faced resentful scolding from his parents for failing to meet expectations. Luckily, his mother once again showed her consistently lenient and noble-minded ideas: 'If he's not good academically, then he should try something else.'

Baolan begin to search for a new path: go, piano, guitar, art … even the hulusi (t/n: a niche chinese instrument). Saying this, he mimicked a rather proper playing posture.

'My mother often said I needed to learn things. I tried practically everything, but I couldn't find a passion for any of it. When I saw something fun, I'd be briefly very enthusiastic and really want to learn it, but after a while I'd find it boring and give it up.' This persisted until he encountered League of Legends – the first thing that could make Baolan settle down and study it at length.

'At the time, only League of Legends could make me not give up halfway, and it had a very high skill ceiling.'

the abyss of the tga.

It's hard to imagine, but even though Baolan has already become a professional player, he still doesn't think playing video games counts as a proper career. When he goes home for the new year, he'll rarely bring up what he's currently doing to his relatives. In the beginning, he walked into this world simply to mediate his own loneliness.

When he first encountered League of Legends, Baolan would play every day, watch videos, and while losing think to himself, 'I shouldn't have played that so poorly.' At the time the ladder was ranked by MMR. 1200 points was the default; if you won you gained points and if you lost you lost points. At his lowest point, Baolan dropped to 800 points. 'Should've been bronze, that rank.'

When he thought he had stagnated, Baolan was suddenly re-inspired after watching highlights of the Korean support Madlife; this also decided which role he would main. 2012 happened to be the year Madlife first showed himself. This support's boundless genius led him to be called 'M-God' and his team MiG to be nicknamed 'Madlife is God.' After finding his first League of Legends idol, Baolan tried support and found his game ability increased immensely: even when winning a game would only give him 3LP, he went from Platinum V to Diamond V in a week, then reached Diamond I in another week, and finally Challenger.

'I didn't know then that you could decay from Challenger. I was so happy when I reached Challenger, but after seven days, I discovered I'd dropped back to Masters.' After that, Baolan left the Bandle City server for the first server, Ionia. At the same time, his sudden improvement showed Baolan an opportunity, and he decided to leave school, try a new path, and expand his horizons.

There are many ways to become a professional player, and the most 'straight-forward and easy' one is to join a TGA team and play with them in TGA (now known as City of Heroes), and go step-by-step to higher and higher levels of play: LSPL, LPL, Worlds. Of course, this requires you to have enough skill and luck.

In 2014, Snake fought their way from TGA to LSPL, then from LSPL entered the LPL. In 2016, IM promoted from LSPL to LPL, then from LPL made it to Worlds. This kind of 'success in many short hops' miracle seemed to be happening every day, but these 'good things' weren't guaranteed to happen to you. Survival bias tells us the 'dead' say nothing.

For the teams that participated in TGA, this is even more true. Every round of TGA includes more than thirty teams from all parts of the country; only two of them can join the LSPL. The high probability of elimination and the clustered matches made the TGA competition very cruel: perhaps some team would have just defeated a strong enemy, but within half a day, they'd have to face their own elimination from the tournament. For those who hoped to go pro, TGA was like a boundlessly deep sea they were trying to find a treasure in. It was just that difficult.

Of course, the inexperienced Baolan never considered this, and he quickly came to a decision. Thus, that mother who once brought her son to the net cafe to play games now sat with him on a plane from Jiangnan to Tianjin, where he joined a local team for a 3000 RMB salary.

What Baolan didn't expect was that just as quickly as his first professional journey began, it ended. For a few special reasons, the team Baolan joined in Tianjin disbanded quickly. Baolan didn't even have a chance to play in a proper match. Of Tianjin and that team, his only impression was being in a small house, unceasingly, unceasingly playing soloq.

That is the truth of many TGA teams: an owner with too much money to spend, players with only dreams and no skill, an organization that's only in it for fun, and an endless series of sorrows and joys, meetings and partings.

Afterwards, Baolan met Zoom. At the time, he was a part of a Ningbo team called BOE. Zoom took care of Baolan like a big brother and Baolan listened to everything he said. Afterwards, they also met Gear – a young man who had chased his dreams from Hong Kong to the mainland. The three quickly became friends so good you could say they 'wore the same pants.'

baolan's former 'big brother' - zoom.

'At the time, we thought the three of us could definitely get into the first division,' Baolan said very emphatically. But in actuality, Baolan didn't even have the chance to start on BOE, because 'that person (the starter) had a higher soloq rank than I did.'

Although the team's overall skill wasn't bad and it had his good friends, being entirely unable to play made Baolan anxious. At first, he thought, 'Doesn't matter, as long as I play well, I'll have the opportunity to start,' but the end result was: he, who had not played a single game with BOE, chose to leave, leaving Zoom and Gear behind, for a team that would let him play – a Hangzhou team, not too far from Ningbo, called MSC.

'From when I started with him (Zoom), I was always a sub, up until I left him and played a starting role for another team.' This departure was almost a means to 'prove himself.' In a team, players with close relationships are often very competitive, and by taking a starting position, Baolan hoped his own performance would tell his good friends Zoom and Gear: he, too, had the abilities of a starter.

the midlaner from hong kong - gear.

Instead, reality gave Baolan a vicious slap to the face. In that year's City of Heroes province-level competition, Hangzhou MSC encountered Ningbo BOE; Baolan met Zoom and Gear as opponents. In that match, toplaner Zoom played Darius, midlaner Gear played Lissandra, and they practically abused Baolan and his team 2v5. In that game, Zoom's Darius scored a pentakill.

After the game, MSC lost their chance to advance, and Baolan's spirits were low to the point where he didn't even say hello to his former teammates. 'After losing the game, I directly went back. That day it was raining, rain is the most tragic thing.' As he said this, a thin drizzle still fell outside the window.

Prepared to do whatever he could, Baolan circled back and forth in TGA for two years. In these two years, he went to Anhui, to Tianjin, to Hangzhou, to Ningbo. Every half year, he'd play in TGA; every half year, he'd lose.

But to him, no loss had as much of an impact on him as this one. Finally, after changing to yet another TGA team, Baolan couldn't take it any more. He stood in front of his boss and very steadfastly pronounced his feelings that he 'absolutely could not play any more TGA.'

After failing in the groups again, he hoped he could be recommended into the LPL. If he didn't have enough qualifications for that, LSPL would do.

'In all my years of playing TGA, every time I lost the boss would tell me: 'You're still young, you have to play TGA, practice harder, learn more.' Their words surely had some use for me, but I still felt...' Baolan stopped here. After a few moments of silence, he started talking to himself: 'Ah, there's not much to say. If I hadn't played so many years of TGA, perhaps I wouldn't be able to play in the LPL.'

Faced with the two years of his TGA career, it's hard for Baolan to not sink into this kind of ambivalent thinking. The unreliability of TGA and the difficulty of performing well always made it hard for him to find his confidence, but at the same time, he couldn't deny that those two years of chaotic fighting had helped him grow. Furthermore, he simply didn't want to look back on those years; his departure had an air of 'fleeing in panic' to it, because he 'just never wanted to experience again that feeling, that feeling of loss, that feeling that came every half year, that feeling of gambling.' Here, he used three descriptors in a row.

Luckily, he came to the LPL. Looking at how things have been going, everything is still okay.

the stress of the lpl.

LPL is the top-tier circuit in China. This place has the greatest exposure, the craziest fans, and the highest level of play; this place is every Chinese player's dream. For Baolan, who came from city-level competitions, being able to enter the LPL is very lucky. At the same time, he still missed how on the TGA stage, both sides' players would crazily yell 'Nice!'

In June 2016, at the beginning of the summer split, Baolan came to IG. Su Xiaoluo introduced him thus to the team's coach: 'This kid is not bad.' Because he wasn't old enough to participate in the LPL, Baolan was placed in IG's youth training team to practice and improve. At the time, IG's botlane issues were becoming increasingly serious. When Chris talked about that iteration of IG, he said that the Korean soloq king Rain was playing unreliably because there had been some problems in his family, and at the same time Kitties, who had been IG for a long time, was equally unreliable. To resolve that problem, Chris called in Tabe, hoping the competition would let Kitties return to form, but the final results were not exactly ideal. The roster changes and Tabe's inclusion caused the entire team to go through a trial-and-error phase, and they faced a lot of negative public opinion.

To IG, Baolan represented possibility; to Baolan, IG was his only chance. Before coming here, he had already thoroughly analyzed every LPL support.

'For some teams, I just didn't have a chance. VG's Caveman was a new player, and he wasn't too bad. There wasn't a chance EDG would lose Meiko, and LGD's Pyl had played with them for a long time.' Baolan used the most simple terms to approximate the chances he'd be able to start. In the end, IG was the choice where he had the 'highest chance of playing.'

For a young man who hadn't even hit 20, this kind of thought process was a little rigid. But it could undeniably find the best opportunity for a player to seize his already limited chances, and no matter what, it was very practical.

'Wherever I go, I give myself an objective. When I was in the TGA, I thought one TGA support was very good, so I would follow his soloq summoner name and check it every day to see how he'd climbed. When I went to MF's secondary team, I made the first team's support my objective. Every time I woke up and saw him, and I'd be motivated enough to play a whole day of ranked; then I'd go to bed very tired. For a while, I thought Tang Chi Sa's support Liu Qingsong (t/n: now Pinus) was very good, so I'd watch his ranked games every day and found he was really very good.' When Tang Chi Sa was relegated from LSPL, the support Lqs and his ADC Lwx showed up on Newbee's main roster, and these former TGA opponents once again met in the LPL. Like a sieve, LPL catches the best players in the secondary leagues and city-level competitions.

'Actually there are still very talented players in the TGA, but they haven't had an opportunity yet. I don't think I'm particularly talented – I'm just lucky.'

When talking about LPL's young support talent, EDG's Meiko is an unavoidable topic. From being discovered in the TGA to being moved to the LPL, to quickly meshing with EDG and becoming a top-tier support domestically, and then becoming winner of countless championships, winning MSI, becoming a part of the Worlds ranking... 'Meiko and I are about the same age, but I haven't even seen the glory he's received. If I'd call RNG's Ming someone I can look up to, then Meiko is a god.' When the topic of Meiko's almost legendary career was brought up, Baolan very naturally showed signs of envy.

'Of course there are some differences, but it's not just because I think he was lucky. He plays well, and on top of that he's lucky, so he can get what others cannot.'

'Will you take the initiative to go make friends with these players you respect?' this journalist asked.

'I'd prefer it if I can play well and then have people take the initiative to make friends with me,' Baolan replied.

July 24, 2016 – Baolan first entered the stage as IG's support; the ADC who joined him was Marge, and their opponents were Snake. In TGA circles, there was a popular saying: If you play in the LPL, if you're always a sub and don't have a chance to start, maybe you will never have the chance to start. If the team gives you a chance and it doesn't go well, you will never have a second chance.

'So, many players won't take the risk of playing in the LPL. They'd rather stay and keep playing in TGA,' Baolan said.

In the end, in that best-of-3, IG went 1-2 and lost in the end. At the end of the game, Baolan thought, 'It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was like we were all still human.'

In the first game, Snake had an immense lead in the early-game. SofM's Graves straight-out bought a Runaan's Hurricane, but at 35 minutes in the game, IG took a teamfight and turned the game.

In the second game, both teams played a slower game, and at 29 minutes in, Snake took the game after gaining a teamfight advantage.

In the third game, Snake had a small advantage in the mid-game, and at 28 minutes in, miscommunication between the initiator and the carries caused IG to lose regrettably.

In the three games, Baolan played Braum support, and allowed Marge to successfully and safely farm in the botlane, so at the very least, he was not a liability.

After this set of games, Baolan played increasingly often until Jackeylove joined the team and IG's botlane went from 'regularly surviving' to 'able to get a few small advantages.'

'I want to prove with him that we're the best, but that will probably take time. We're a little competitive among ourselves and try to see who plays better.' On his lane partner Jackeylove, Baolan had this kind of assessment.

Besides Jackeylove, another teammate who had a close relationship with Baolan was their jungler Kid. Beginning with Baolan's arrival in IG, Kid, who shared a room with him, took on the role of an older brother, just like Zoom did in the past. 'I've never spent any money when I'm out with Kid. Every time, he'll pay for me and invite me to eat.' Of course, Kid also has his own problems – such as snoring really loudly when he sleeps.

'In the future I'll try to sleep earlier, or at least sleep before he does.'

In the two days before this interview, Baolan had gone through a few sleepless nights: during the day, he'd play ranked until very late, and at night he'd lie in bed and be unable to sleep, then wake up and play more. But the reason for this were not the loud noises from his roommate, but rather that he was seeing the goals ahead of him.

'Because Ming has more LP than I do, a lot more, one or two hundred. So in the past few days I've been feeling like I can't sleep, like I have a rock in my chest. Yesterday I finally accomplished my goal and had 2LP more than he did. That night I slept very well.'

After all, he's still understandably a new player, and in the LPL, the stress is unending. In the new 2017 season, Baolan changed his summoner ID: Megan.

epilogue: those who are eternally in conflict.

Like Baolan, Zoom and Gear found their own ways out. The one regret is – they never managed to make it out of TGA by playing.

Zoom went to MF in the LSPL, where he was called the 'strongest toplaner.' After MF merged with WY and changed names, he once again appeared on the 2017 LSPL stage as the toplaner for DS.

Gear left the mainland, and went back to the LMS to join HKE (Hong Kong Esports). There, after one season (Summer 2016), he continued to play as their starting midlaner in 2017.

Baolan came to IG, putting on an entirely different uniform and picking up new teammates. When you become stronger, it's impossible to not leave your current environment. This requires you to say goodbye to many of the people you don't want to leave; this is a conflict.

But doesn't every young person live in this kind of contradiction?

To Baolan, the contradictions in his heart are not just those. He used to believe that 'those who look strong should be really strong,' but now he feels 'those who don't look that good might be truly good.' For example, he brought up SKT's ADC, Bang. Because he 'was in Faker's shadow, it's rare for people to say Bang is very good, and there are very few people who discuss him, but he always plays very well.'

On the other hand, he always desires a few external, self-serving things, like the recognition of others and fans. In fact, when he was analyzing the support players of each LPL team, 'popularity' was something he paid heavy attention to. 'I feel like veteran LPL players are not likely to be swapped out, perhaps because of their fans, or maybe it's because they're the core of the team and can't be changed.'

Whether it's better to be 'someone who looks good,' or “someone who doesn't look very good, but is very good,' Baolan didn't have any answers.

But a fish and a bear's paw cannot coexist, and he will eventually face this kind of choice. Of course, this is something every young person will encounter.

At the end, this journalist asked Baolan, 'If you weren't playing professionally, what would you want to do?'

'I would want to be a waiter, I think waiters are good people. When we go to The Bund to eat, I always feel like waiters are very impressive people, they can always give you what you need the most, and their attitudes are very good.' This kind of answer is very unusual, to the point of being somewhat nonsensical.

But this at least proves that Baolan is very young and still very childish. He still hasn't experienced the kind of life-or-death battle between WE and IM, he hasn't had to struggle in relegations like OMG, he hasn't left the domestic stage like EDG and battled for the world championship.

But when these 'hasn't yet' eventually turn into reality, I believe Baolan will have even more stories for people to tell.

editor's note.

At 'The Hero's Heart' competitive event (t/n: donation event), we saw IG, who were just coming back from winning NEST. Their manager, Su Xiaoluo, mentioned that they hoped we would interview IG's young player Baolan.

When we talked about why, Su Xiaoluo said, 'As a manager, the most common question many young players will talk to me about is salary and benefits. When he tried out for IG and played a few competitive matches, Baolan's salary was actually very small. After NEST ended, I brought up giving him a raise, but he didn't seem to care about this, and told me 'I came here to play.''

When he was 14 and League of Legends first showed up in his life, he chose this professional path, and without even hitting 17 he'd played two years of city-level competitions. In IG's weakest moments, he joined the team as a rookie, rich with potential and yet very young. As a manager, in this impulsive time, to find such a pure player in the generation of young players is a very lucky thing.

As we walked into Baolan's world, we discovered not only his pure love for the occupation, but also the loneliness and confusion so common with young people.

The biggest difference between young esports players and regular students comes from the different people they meet at this most critical point of life, and the way they understand society is different from that of those who go through school before walking into society. Compared to Baolan's chance to become a superstar, we're more interested in how these young players can find their identity in esports.

The experience of spending two years in TGA without any results can make someone ashamed to talk about their job to their relatives and make them call video games a 'bad thing.' The strength of other players in the same team can cause someone to undertake absurd training burdens; Ming's ladder position can cause them to not sleep at night, but instead wake up and chase LP; Meiko's professional journey can make them lonely, yet unable to take the initiative to meet these other players, instead hoping to prove themselves and have them want to meet him.

Before leaving, I noticed on the desk in the IG base, there was a copy of Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. The book describes how the 16-year-old protagonist, Holden, was born in an affluent middle-class family, but after being expelled from school for the fourth time, began to go into the world of adults and discovered the hypocrisy of this world. His idealism made him cynical, but he had to make compromises to continue to survive, making his life always in the midst of contradictions.

Abusinesswoman mother and the complicated feelings he had in this new world are just a few similarities between the real Baolan and the novel's protagonist, Holden. I don't know which fan sent this book to be signed by Baolan, but for this book to appear here, there's something to think about.

The road forward is long, and I hope this professional career will give him all he seeks, and teach him the truth of life.

#league of legends #source: pentaq #i really wanted to get this out before the ig vs edg series #but i thought it was tomorrow rip ;w;

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godsgirlrachelart · 8 years

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Space Ace Stickers! (+ other stickers!)

EDIT: I can’t get the links to work on this post for whatever reason, but I made a new post specifically with only the links to everything in here, so if you search the tag links on my blog, it should pop up! I’ll leave this in the comments as well, so people can see this even if it’s been reblogged~ Thank you! So if you're wondering why you were tagged here, you probably reblogged ---> this And I felt obligated to gather all of you together to update everyone on how you can now officially get these, since so many of you/your followers liked them and left such sweet comments 💜 SO, getting right into it!

• Yeah, these are stickers and not buttons. YET! The (short) post explaining why is ---> here

• Once I have another $265 to buy a button maker for 1" buttons, I promise, they'll be buttons~! In fact, once they're buttons, they probably won't be available as stickers anymore. I just decided to make the Space Ace into stickers because they got so popular, and the rest as fill-ins until I design more, better, stickers • Most of these are Space Ace buttons, but the other buttons (Steven Universe, Over the Garden Wall, Wander over Yonder, and Black Butler) available can be seen ---> here and here

• I'm gonna be honest, the edges on this first batch (excluding the Black Butler stickers) are horrible, and I'm so sorry about that 🙃 I need to do some very simple and quick edits to the PS file before I print out any more, but this is my first time making stickers, so forgive the Learning-By-Trial-And-Error stage just starting out. As I space them better, and save up to buy a circle Matt cutter, the quality will improve~!

• They will probably be available through most, if not all, of the summer months, and the remaining spring months, as that'll be the time I finish up my animation class, and make more things to sell over summer break~

• S+H will be added to the price after they're sent, because I'm still learning how the heck you figure out adding that stuff into the charge before sending them, but unless you live outside the US, that should be under $10 (also if anyone that does this all the time wants to teach me how to figure that out, you’d be such a blessing, cause I’m horrible at math, and don’t even know what to look for/where to start looking for it to learn :’ ) )

• I do plan to make more stickers/buttons for the LGBT+ community like the Ace ones I made (even if they don't match the theme), but I have to be very careful, as I'm closeted to the family I live with currently, and still a little ways away from moving out (tho hopefully getting closer to doing that~), so it may be quite a while before I make more, sorry about that :' ) If you're not a big fan of the original art I do/fan art I draw for (Yurio on Ice, Wander Over Yonder, Steven Universe, Star vs, Black Butler, Hamilton, Heathers, Revolutionary Girl Utena, etc.), but you want me to tag you whenever I do, at last, make more of those, leave me a CHAT message and I'll be more than happy to~!

• Sameless Advertising below Ko-fi My YouTube My Instagram (all tags under the cut~!)

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#LGBT #MOGIA #Ace #Asexual #stickers #gray-sexual

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aprito · 8 years

Text

SasoSaku Xmas Collab

notes modern college au bc im a sucker for cute couple holidays and cringy refs to social media. sasori and sakura have a 2 yr age difference. collab with the amazingly talented and super sweet friend YakumoDT!! you can find them on Pixiv and Twitter and they are definitely worth checking out!!!

AO3 || FFnet

…

“Wait, keep the door open!” Sakura shouts from the other side of the subway entrance towards an elderly man planning to enter the transport, dragging a very, very out-of-breath Sasori behind her. She enters into a sprint, and successfully manages to close in on the door before it could close in on them.

Sakura quickly thanks the man before sitting down in the relatively empty wagon, and Sasori plops into the seat beside her, struggling to breathe properly through the stitches he must undoubtedly be suffering through right now. Looking around, Sasori concludes that no one of knowledge was around to see him in - what he loved to say - this despicable state, and he lays his head on her shoulder to continue his recovery from near death.

“We wouldn’t have to run if you had told me earlier you wanted to go to the park, y’kno.” Sakura crosses one of her legs over the other, taking out her smartphone in a course of habit. The startup sound is loud, and she briefly flinches at the echo in the wagon. Damn, forgot the headphones, again. “It’s on the other side of the bridge, after all.”

Sasori doesn’t reply through his irregular breathing – but he probably would if he could.

Sakura was feeling less exhausted than she should, considering they’ve been walking around the city for hours now, stuffed to the brim with dinner and the cakes after, and she hasn’t visited the gym in a good while this season.

Sasori, well–

Let’s just say that Sasori wasn’t enthusiastic about any sport clubs at their University.

“I mean,” Sakura punches the password combination in with one hand while Sasori worms his hand around her other, his eyes glued to a poster about a famous drama stuck to the wall across from the duo. “I wouldn’t have guessed you to be so spontaneous twice in the span of-” A brief calculation of the time between the end of November and today. ”Three weeks.”

In fact, Sasori was the exact opposite of spontaneous, planning all of his projects and events so thoroughly in advance it even kind of helped Sakura improve on her procrastination habits; not that she was all that bad on waiting for deadlines, but she snuck in breaks more often than she likes to admit here and there. Needless to say, she was surprised when he brought up the idea of a date around Christmas, right after she informed him of such event.

The only sound cutting through the quiet was the intercom, informing them that they’re five stops away from their destination, and Sakura opts for silence for the rest of the ride. It wasn’t that she particularly enjoyed the peace - especially when she was around friends; her need to fill empty spaces with new bits of conversation was an equally stubborn habit of hers -, but the streets of Tokyo just loved to blast whatever fits the mood in this season as loudly as they can over speakers – and on a long term, sometimes a free day at home alone was a needed luxury. The subway in comparison is almost like a liminal space, save for the occasional robotic announcements and opening of doors.

Sasori doesn’t seem to mind either – but that was expected of his person, anyways.

He nudges her shoulder when their respective stop is announced, and the station is completely devoid of any living souls when they exit the Subway, no doubt that everyone was to be found on the other side of the bridge. Sakura takes the time to shoot a picture of the ghost scenery, and Sasori scoffs.

“Instagram?”

“Duh.”

The park isn’t any better in that regards, but the few streetlights and beautiful scenery of the city across from the river they were near at make up for it.

“Thank you for the dinner, by the way. That was really sweet of you.” Sakura says, scrolling through her social media feed not touched in approximately two days. Pictures of her friends amongst cakes and pets, some choosing to stay inside while others were spending time with their significant others. “Will you let me brag?”

“I don’t even look as presentable as you do in this state.” Sasori huffs beside her, puffs of air disappearing into the dark night, his face reddening from the biting frost. He’s always been more prone to colder temperatures than her, which was no surprise when you knew the south was currently sporting 20°C and above in December. “So, no.”

“Aw, you think I look good.” Sakura doesn’t look up from her phone, but she can clearly imagine the frown adorning her boyfriend’s face.

“Quiet.” His gloved hand around her tightens, and she smiles. Her humor is short lived, however, when Sasori grabs her pink beanie in a swift moment of distraction.

“Hey-” she cuts in, being surprised at all, but her complaint is muted when she sees how utterly ridiculous it looks poorly adjusted on his head, seeing as he was only using one hand to put it on. She huffs, putting her phone away to help him put the beanie on, properly. They’re nearly the same height to begin with, so it poses less of a problem.

Sasori’s warm breath fans against her face, and she’s aware that protesting his theft is futile. “Pink really suits you. You’re cute.”

“I’m cold.” Sasori corrects when she pats her hand on his head, beanie successfully covering those red ears of his. She can make out vague mutterings of ‘didn’t bring mine’ when they close their hands back together, and she rolls her eyes at his antics.

“You mean you keep forgetting to bring the ones you stole from me.”

“That is such a harsh wording.” His lips twitch into what almost passes for a smile. “I borrowed them because pink looks good on me, obviously. I fail to understand your lack of empathy in that situation.”

“Uh-huh.” Her tone is laced with sarcasm, but his silly reply makes her smile all the same. “I can’t believe you’re already graduating in a few months with that attitude.”

“And I-” He nods towards a path that lead a bit astray from the riverside, and they continue their walk into that direction. “Cannot fathom how you still have two years ahead of you.”

Far more if she decided to specialise further, but for now becoming a surgeon was a pretty good plan to accomplish within six years. She squeezes his hand, and he turns his head to look at her.

“Well, if you hadn’t quit medical school.” And didn’t need the money to from tutoring freshmen, like me. “We probably wouldn’t have met in the first place.”

Sasori hums, but his expression doesn’t seem all that regretful. “It just wasn’t the thing for me.”

“I still remember the campus headline about the star student who poisoned cadavers and openly shit-talked my professor in front of everyone just to get kicked off the program. I still wonder who that was?”

Knowing Sasori for a good while now, the culprit didn’t seem to be that far off the mark. She laughs as he shoves her half-heartedly to the side, him being banned from her campus surely a fine reminder of his stint. That didn’t stop him from picking her up once in a while, of course.

“I have to admit, if my mother ever found out I quit medical school for art, she’d surely kick me out of the house. Remember how horrified she was when you admitted it to her?”

“She called me a low life and a freeloader.” His face turns grim at the memory, and she can’t blame him for it, the utter hostility her mother radiated at the dinner table a sight in itself.

“Mom barely missed you with the butter knife, too.”

Sasori shrugs, and Sakura wishes the memory of that humiliating evening would eventually escape her mind as quickly as possible. But hey, at least Dad likes him and his tragically bad puns.

They come to stop before a bench that seemed to not have been used at all, today, and Sasori uses his foot to kick the powdery snow off the surface. It remains as quiet as when they entered the park, streetlamps being the only source of light, and the absence of any curious glances feels vaguely foreign to her.

“To be fair” Sasori begins, their hands still clasped together, their bodies squished close for a tiny bit of shared warmth. “I didn’t expect us to work out either, at the beginning.”

His comment completely throws her out of the loop, and she’s ready to question his line of logic, when he cuts into her own thought before it can escape her mouth. “I’m not ungrateful, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t think we didn’t turn out to be that different from each other, if that’s what you assumed.” She replies, her eyes focused on a streetlamp in front of her instead of the man beside her, but she can see the brief confusion crossing his face, out of the corner of her eye. “I mean, you rubbed off on me a lot, too. Take the sarcasm, for example.”

Sasori snorts. “Bad example.”

“You’re right, we’re also both prone to get cold feet whenever I suggest love hotels.”

“That is even worse.”

“You’re right, how about that one time Deidara nearly walked in on us and we-”

“How did I survive this for four years, again?”

She moves to tap his nose, and he sticks out the tip of his tongue in response. “You deserve four medals of honor, soldier.”

“I deserve a lifetime supply of medals.” He mimics her movements, but opts to pinch her cheek instead, and when he draws his hand back, there’s small chunks of highlighter on his dark gloves. So much for that wonder setting spray.

The past few months flash before her, and as if on cue, she feels oddly melancholic.

“It’s been nearly four years already, huh.” She rests her head on his shoulder, knowing that the mere thought of it shouldn’t be making her depressed, but here it is, crawling it’s way into her mind on restless nights. “I can’t believe you’re going to New York, after this. I always wanted to go there.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to see it, someday.” Sasori is tracing her gloved knuckles with his fingers, but he doesn’t look at her.

She would love to punch herself for her moods, sometimes.

“Promise me you’ll call me at least once a day.” A beat. “Facetime. On Skype.”

“Is American Internet even good enough to sustain the distance?” Sasori’s tone is light, and she’s tempted to box him just for that horrible implication.

She’s glad that he isn’t able to see her from this angle, but she can feel the familiar sting of tears swelling her eyes. Shit.

“I’ll miss you.”

“Sakura, are you crying?” He’s probably heard the irregularity in her voice, damn it.

“I’m just” She separates their hands to wipe her eyes before they can expose her any further. “I’m just really happy for you, that’s all.”

“Ah, about that, actually.” Sasori’s blank expression is mostly in place, of course, but he avoids her gaze, and she’s rarely seen him nervous around her. “I contacted my manager the other day, and called the deal off.”

Sakura’s eyes widen, and she’s utterly dumbfounded at the statement.

…

“What?!” She has to get up just to process her thoughts, because she can’t believe what she just heard. “Why?!”

Sasori looks equally caught off by her reaction, and he buries his hand in the pockets of his outer coat, his body leaning against the bench, relaxed. “I didn’t want to do it.”

It’s not sadness that’s ruling the forefront of her mind right now, but indignation.

“What are you, 12?!” She says, her nails digging into her palms, her loud voice cutting sharp through the quiet, empty environment. “You can’t just call off your future!”

“The decisions mine to make, Sakura.” A beat. “I’m an adult as much as you are.”

She’s not angry at his attitude – tries not to be – but it’s hard when Sasori looks so completely detached from it. He grabs her wrist, suddenly, and she’s back on the bench, fuming.

“I just turned 24.” He begins, brushing a strand of pink hair that’s hanging flat in front of her face to the side. “I have a good amount of sponsors and commissioners in Japan to begin with. Throwing that away would be just as pointless. Besides” He meets her gaze, and his eyes are devoid of any hesitance. “I wouldn’t want to go where you can’t follow.”

A sense of guilt washes over her anger, and she breaks the eye contact to watch the fresh fall of snow.

He can’t leave because I’m stuck here.

“But…didn’t you say yourself how hard these opportunities were to even come by?”

“They’ll come by again.” He huffs. “You’re more important than my paycheck.”

A drag. You’re a drag, Sakura.

“Why don’t you just break up with me then?” She can’t believe she’s even blurted that out now, but her mouth has always it’s way of getting her into regretful decisions. “That way you don’t have to-” She’s getting teary again. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Sasori doesn’t seem stunned by her suggestion, however, and the thing’s said faster than her ability to jump into worse confessions. “I believe a proposal would be the complete opposite intention, though.”

“You can call your manager and- wait-”

Did he just-

“What?”

Sasori’s answer is just as elegant as her’s. “Uh, yeah. I-” He seems to fumble for words, almost as if he was flustered. “I want to get married. To you.” He tacks on, like she required a clarification.

The snowflakes are uncaring to the deafening silence around them, and several catch in strands of red hair that poke out of his beanie. Sasori’s pretty brown eyes are glued to her, and she’s sure he’s actually waiting for some sort of response.

Sakura’s face feels warm, and she’s sure that she must be looking like a tomato. The tears she’s been holding back, however, flow freely, grazing her chin and ending in her scarf.

“I hate you so much, right now.” She sniffs, her vision blurring. That’s the last thing she expected to happen, god.

Sasori’s regarding her with worry, and his hands freeze in mid-air, unsure if he should grant her comfort or distance; but her tears weren’t rooted in anger, or sadness, not at all.

“I….I guess if you don’t want to-”

But before he knows it, Sakura buries her face into the crook of his neck and wraps her arms around his shoulders, her voice coming out muffled.

“Of course I want to.”

Arms rest around her torso, and she feels his breath tickling her ear. When she’s calmed her own breathing, he speaks. “Let’s do this properly, then.”

Sasori moves to stand before her while she blows her nose with a tissue, and when he feels that she’s fully back on track, he coughs into his hand to get her attention. Her eyes are straining to keep themselves open in the biting cold, but something inside of her cracking and bleeding warmth is making her even more jittery.

Sakura hasn’t been this nervous since entering medical school.

Slowly, in all his grace, Sasori – the ever so bashful, arrogant, proud Sasori – lowers his legs until he’s kneeling front of her, one foot propped on the ground to give him balance in the snow, resembling nothing less but a prince from a distant kingdom wishing to whisk her away in the dead of the night.

He takes her gloved hand with both of his, gently, and she blushes.

“Will you, Sakura Haruno, marry me?” he says, and the words are melodic to her ears – this was her fairytale story.

“A thousand times” She surely must look awful, her makeup smeared and her smile reaching from ear to ear, but there wasn’t anything in this world that would ruin her mood. “Yes.”

He gestures her not to move, fumbling for something in the pockets of his coat, and she patiently waits in anticipation, her hands propped on her knees. He narrows his eyes as he pats around his body impatiently, before realisation finally hits him. He swears quietly, and she’s already knowing what must have happened.

“I… left the ring in the wrong coat, in my Apartment. We have to go back right n-” Sasori is interrupted as Sakura tackles him into the snow, effectively knocking all air out of his lungs. Sakura doesn’t let him collect his bearings as she moves on her own accord, lowering her face until their lips touch. He hugs her, and they embrace each other, there, in the snow, without a care in the world. It’s not until they run out of air that they part, and she speaks.

“I truly hate you so much, right now.”

There are no fireworks, no grande festival, no masses to share this moment with, but Sasori’s smiling at her, and she wouldn’t trade this view for anything else in this life.

“And I love you, you absolute mess.”

She laughs, teary, and sweeps in for another kiss.

When they’re back on the subway, having caught the last train, Sakura stares at the red string tied around her finger, Sasori’s temporary alternative, said hand intertwined back with Sasori’s and she’s longing to squish the last of her doubts.

“Is this really okay? Not going abroad, I mean.”

“Hey, I surely won’t starve if I were to marry the brilliant future doctor and show-off, Sakura Haruno.”

“Oh, shush you.”

#sasosaku #noni writes #sasori n sakura are so cute i love them :(#sakura's emotions are all over the place bc she's an aries but also a mess. my daughter #so many thanks to yakumo the sweetest gal and long time jpn mutual #i wanted to draw 4 this but i had to work during break rip #if its not late is it really from me

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