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fumifooms · 6 months ago

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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we don’t #get that many moments with her. So there’s ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me #As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it #I’m doomed. I’m getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #analysis #character analysis #meta #autistic reading #aroace reading as well. Sort of. It’s mentioned #The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity you’re expected to #As always this is just my interpretation blablabla #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor #Laios touden #he’s here too bc they are an unit #If you’re not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falin’s character u are missing an opportunity imo #Fairy’s child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised she’s hard to fully pin down #Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laios… Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out #I’d like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. I’m not satisfied by the level of clarity #Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles #Crazy style #I give a TLDR at the end if you’d prefer. It doesn’t have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think

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ceruark · 10 days ago

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trick, or treat?

gorgon! dr. ratio, zombie! blade, vampire! aventurine, & ghost! sunday x gn! reader [separate] synopsis: monster encounters are rather unfortunate, but perhaps your luck is better than others' ;) words: 3.6k cw: none! a/n: happy halloween!! <3

DR. RATIO - GORGON

Everyone in your university’s town knows that the cavern at the end of the river is haunted. With what, exactly, no one knows, but what you do know is that everyone who goes in never comes out— not even law enforcement officers pursuing cold cases and trying to quell the worries of distraught families.

So when your friends suggest visiting said cave on Halloweekend to get into the “spooky spirit,” you vehemently decline and insist on returning to campus to find some stupid frat party to get shitfaced at instead.

“Come on,” Kakavasha laughs, pulling you by the sleeve. “I grew up here, and no one’s actually gone in there in decades. It’s probably some stupid rumor that parents made up so their kids didn’t go play in the cave and get hurt.”

And that’s how you end up walking into the dark, damp cave with a large group of boisterous college students. You’re at the very back of the group, sandwiched between Kakavasha and Jelena and clinging onto them for dear life. You jump at every little sound, prompting those nearest to you to laugh at your paranoia. It’s all fun and games until you hear the distinct sound of hissing beside you, far too close for comfort.

“That’s not funny,” you complain, glaring at your friends. “You’ve had your fun, you scared me, so can we please get the hell out of here?”

“That’s not us,” Guinafen responds. She looks a little nervous herself. “That’s near you guys, and the rest of us are over here.”

“You’re overreacting,” Caelus says. He turns his phone flashlight brighter, swiveling it around the cave. “It’s probably noth—”

The light catches onto a stone statue. The subject’s face is frozen in a horrified shriek, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. He holds a flashlight in his right hand, and his left hand is clutching what seems to be a walkie-talkie. As you take in the man’s clothes and the badge on his chest, you realize it’s a police officer— or rather, a man with a mullet wearing a very outdated police uniform.

You hardly have time to process this, though, because behind the statue stands a foreboding figure with writhing, violet snakes for hair and glowing red eyes.

And he’s starting right at you.

With a shout from Stelle, the cave descends into chaos. She rushes forward and claps a hand over her twin’s eyes, pulling him back toward her and away from the statue. Your friends’ screams drown out your own panicked breathing, and you stumble as some of them shove past you and each other, fleeing toward the cave entrance in an ‘every-man-for-himself’ fashion.

You take off in a sprint, following the sound of Kakavasha and Jelena’s voices calling for you from up ahead and using them to navigate your way in the darkness. You struggle to move your limbs, your joints feeling as if they’re growing stiffer with each passing second. As you draw closer to the exit, someone slams into your shoulder from behind, sending you crashing into what feels like another statue. You shove yourself off of it, but your foot catches onto the statue’s own foot, and you trip, tumbling toward the floor.

As the footsteps of whoever left you for dead grow fainter, a strong arm wraps itself around your torso, catching you and keeping you upright.

The hissing is deafening in your ears. You shudder as you feel a few snakes make contact with your skin, sliding along your ears and the back of your neck. Your heart races as a hand makes contact with yours. It presses some kind of glass container into it.

“Watch your step,” a deep, rich voice says against your ear. They let go of your waist and gently nudge your shoulder, and as if snapping out of a trance, you take off running again.

When you reach the outside of the cave, half the group you arrived with is gone. Guinafen and Sushang sit by Stelle, who is cussing out Caelus while cleaning his scraped knee. Kakavasha and Jelena fuss over you, checking you over to make sure you’re okay and trying to coax you out of your shocked state.

“Oh no,” Kakavasha whispers suddenly. Jelena’s face has drained of color.

You bring a hand up to your cheek. Your fingers graze over it, and your heart skips a beat as your fingertips meet cold concrete instead of warm flesh. A sob leaves you as Jelena and Kakavasha latch onto you, saying words that your brain isn’t registering right now.

You look down at your hand. A glass vial is clutched in it, filled with a thick red liquid that almost looks like blood. Without thinking twice, you rip the cap off the vial and bring it to your lips. Grimacing, you force the liquid down your throat as the taste of iron coats your tongue. You gasp out a breath once it’s all gone, and bring your hand back up to your cheek.

Your friends watch with wide eyes as the gray patch stops for a minute, and then begins shrinking. You keep your fingers pressed against it until all you can feel is the smoothness of skin beneath them.

You spare a glance back at the entrance of the cave and tilt your head, curious.

BLADE - ZOMBIE

You were just trying to be a good samaritan, doing your due diligence as a fellow human being to help someone out when they appeared to be down on their luck. You were admittedly intimidated when you saw a tall, broad man stumbling slowly down the street while you were driving through the woods, on the way home from your friend’s Halloween party. You intended to mind your business, until your headlights shined on him and you saw blood dripping down from his forehead, standing out greatly against his pale skin.

You pulled to the side of the road and tried to talk to him, asking what happened, but he merely stared down at you without response. His red eyes made you nervous, but he didn’t seem to be hostile or aggressive, so you sat him down in the backseat of your car and treated him with the first aid kit you kept in your trunk. After more failed attempts at conversation, you drove him to the nearest police station and left him at the front doors, bidding him well wishes before driving home.

And then, things got weird. To begin with, the day after the strange encounter, your friend, Firefly, messaged your group chat saying that local police were investigating a defiled grave, and that whoever had messed with it had taken the entire corpse out of the coffin. More concerning, though, was that you constantly felt as though you were being watched, and when you peered out the windows at night, you could notice the silhouette of a large man lurking somewhere near your house.

After a week, you’re at your wit’s end and overcome with fear. Rushing out of your house and not in your right mind, you make the poor judgment of walking to the police station— and turning down an alleyway as a shortcut. Alone, and clearly afraid, you’re an easy target for some bad actors who hold you at gunpoint and demand money.

In the blink of an eye, one of them has been tackled to the floor, and the other is firing bullets at a large man who rises to his feet with jerky movements. The robber grows hysterical as the bullets lodge themselves into the man’s flesh, but no blood comes out. You watch, in horror, as the man walks up to the robber— the bullets doing absolutely nothing to faze him— and grabs the other by the neck. He wraps a hand around the robber’s neck and lifts him off the ground, then throws him into the wall. The robber crumples to the ground, unconscious. You hold your breath and press yourself closer to the wall behind you as he slowly begins to turn around.

Confusion and alarm shoot through you when he faces you and you realize that it’s the man from the other night. Slowly, he stumbles forward, and you tense when he reaches into his pocket. He takes your hand in his impossibly cold one, and then gently places your wallet into your waiting palm. He lets out a grunt, then releases you.

A defiled grave! The entire body went missing, it’s unbelievable!

You have no idea how you’re going to tell Firefly you know where the body is without having her think you’re a grave robber and a weirdo. You also have no idea how you’re supposed to house an entire zombie who enjoys looming menacingly a few feet behind you, but, well— maybe it’s a little endearing.

AVENTURINE - VAMPIRE

Your friend is strange.

Granted, Jelena had complained to you about Kakavasha’s odd habits long before she ever introduced you to him. He’s a picky eater, always asking about what ingredients are in a dish before deciding if he wants it or not. The dishes he refuses seem completely arbitrary, at least to you; he insists that it’s an allergy, but you’ve yet to figure out what he’s allergic to, and he’s yet to tell you. He also refuses any alcohol that’s not wine, claiming that his tongue is sensitive. (You’re convinced he’s just a drama queen who can’t hold his liquor.) He loves being in pictures and often uses his phone’s front-facing camera to fuss over his appearance, but he avoids mirrors and reflective surfaces like the plague. For someone so self-obsessed, I’m surprised he doesn’t carry a mirror on him, she’d said once.

That being said, you’re fairly certain you’ve taken all of his oddities into proper consideration and made your home as comfortable for him as possible. Kakavasha is one of your only friends who doesn’t scare easily and isn’t squeamish with gore, so when he agreed to binge slasher movies with you on Halloweekend, you were ecstatic. You purchased two bottles of high-end red wine, and prepared a nice steak dish with mashed potatoes and asparagus for dinner. You even covered every mirror in your home to make sure he wouldn’t be antsy all night.

Just as you toss a blanket over the full-length mirror in the corner of your room, the doorbell rings. You lift the blanket up a bit and fix your hair, then rush to answer the door. As you open it, Kakavasha grins at you, his eyes lighting up with it.

“Hey, Vasha.” You smile back at him. You turn around and begin to retreat into the house, but pause when you don't hear him following you. You look back at him and raise an eyebrow when you see him still standing on the porch, away from the doorway.

You snort. “What are you waiting for? An invitation?”

He smirks at you, clearly finding something funny. “I wouldn’t want to overstep.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Come in already.”

At your words, he happily bounds inside and follows you into the dining room, where the table's already been set. He gasps happily at the smell of the steak— apparently he was able to guess what it was before he even saw it.

Your smile grows a bit at his pleased expression. “Bloody and still breathing, just the way you like it,” you joke. You pause, mentally reviewing the list you and Jelena have compiled of Kakavasha’s suspected allergies. “No cayenne pepper, nuts, garlic, thyme, or turmeric.”

He grins again, open-mouthed this time. His oddly pointed canines glint beneath the lights. “Oh, how you spoil me.”

After a nice dinner filled with friendly banter and Kakavasha’s on-brand gossipping, you two move to the couch, taking the bottles of wine with you. You put on the first Scream movie as he pours you both a glass. The night is filled with snarky commentary on the movies and debates on who in your friend group would survive in a slasher film. (You don’t count, you tell him, you’d be Ghostface and we’d all die.) By the time the credits for Scream 3 roll, you’ve both drained your wine supply dry and a sleepiness has settled into your blood, accompanying the pleasant buzz from the alcohol. Kakavasha is still wide awake, but he’s always been a night owl. You stifle a yawn and turn to him.

“I would bring out more wine, but unfortunately, I’m a bad host and didn’t buy extra,” you say, smiling sleepily at him.

He hums, then reaches out to brush a strand of hair out of your face. You ignore the way your heart skips a beat. His hand lingers by your neck. He smiles, a little too wide and a little too friendly. Your eyes are held by his, which emit a strange glow.

“No worries, friend. You’ve been so kind to me all night,” he says, leaning in a little closer.

“Besides, there’s something else I’d much rather have a drink of.”

SUNDAY - GHOST

Your condo being haunted isn’t exactly news to you— the previous owners had disclosed this to you. They said that while they didn’t believe the spirit to be malevolent, it was too active for their liking and the thought of something else in the home freaked them out too much to stay there. Desperate to sell the condo, they listed it at a price far lower than was reasonable, and you were more than willing to put up with a little paranormal activity if it meant finally moving out of the hell house you grew up in.

You expected things to be like the movies and take a while, but that didn’t happen at all. The day after you moved in, you noticed drawers and cabinets being left open, some of which you hadn’t even approached that day. The contents inside were always just slightly out of place, as if someone had grown curious and decided to look through them. While cooking or watching TV, you would feel the occasional gust of cold air brush past you, even if the windows were shut tight. If you were losing your mind searching for something you misplaced, it would show up shortly after you returned to the room you’d been in, placed out in the open and easy to spot.

It did creep you out at first. But with time, you became accustomed to the spirit's presence, and even began talking to it, rambling out loud about your day, the show you were watching, and any gossip you had to share about your coworkers or friends.

Five months later, and here you are, scurrying about the condo in a frenzy to make a nice dinner and get yourself dressed up. At this point, you’ve thanked the spirit at least five times in the past two hours, your frazzled mind making you misplace your belongings more than usual.

Your longtime boyfriend is visiting today. He’s studying abroad for his Master’s degree, so you don’t get to see him very often. The few moments you get with him are already special, but this time, he’s seeing your condo— what you hope will be your shared future home— for the first time.

Everything has to be perfect.

The doorbell rings just as you finish plating the pasta dish you put together. Quickly, you rinse your hands off in the sink and pat them dry with a dish rag. You swipe the bouquet of flowers you purchased earlier that day off the coffee table, then you answer the door.

You beam at your boyfriend, which he returns half-heartedly, but you don’t notice. You throw your arms around him and pull him in for a kiss before handing him the bouquet. He takes it, expression slightly pained. “I missed you so much,” you say, guiding him into the house. He says he missed you too, then steps inside, taking a look around.

He lets out a low whistle. “It’s nice,” he says, nodding approvingly. “I still can’t believe you got it for as much as you did.”

You grin. “It is, isn’t it? A little haunting here and there is worth it.”

Your boyfriend raises an eyebrow at that. “Haunting?”

You relay what the owners had told you when you bought the condo, along with some of your own experiences. “I don’t mind it at all,” you say as you pour him some white wine. “It’s been so helpful, I’d honestly be running around like a headless chicken without it.”

Dinner is pleasant. You talk about work and your friends, and he talks about his thesis and ongoing research. You love it when he’s like this, speaking passionately about his life’s work and getting lost in the details. It’s what drew you to him in the first place.

“I hope you’re not working yourself to the bone,” you say as you stand to collect the plates. “Have you made any friends? Gone out anywhere?”

He freezes in place at your words, prompting you to, as well. Your hand hovers by his plate, hesitant. He looks crestfallen, and refuses to meet your eyes.

“Is something wrong?” You ask when the silence grows unbearable. After another long moment, he mumbles something under his breath that you can’t hear. “I’m sorry,” you say, “I didn’t catch that.”

He looks up at you with a guilt-ridden expression. Slowly, he repeats, “There’s someone else.”

The room goes cold, and this time, you’re not sure if it’s because of the spirit, or if it’s just you. Your plate slips from your hand and clatters to the floor, and for a fleeting moment you think about how grateful you are that it isn’t porcelain. You stare at your boyfriend, mouth slightly open, and tears welling in your eyes.

“What?” You whisper, heartbroken.

“I was lonely over there,” he mumbles, fidgeting with his sleeves. “One of my research partners, he was flirting with me and I— I turned him down the first few weeks but then we all drank together one night, and one thing led to another, and—”

“You slept with him?” Your voice sounds so far away from you, like you’re somewhere else entirely. “Just that night?”

He swallows. “I’ve been with him for seven months.”

“Seven—” You gasp out a sob, and clench your hands into fists. “Seven months. You were with him the last time you visited, and you didn’t bother to break things off then?”

“I didn’t think it was going to last this long.” He shakes his head. “I thought it was just a rough patch. I was going to end things when I got back.”

You laugh, harshly and without humor. “You were gonna end things, and what? Act like you never fucking cheated on me?”

He takes a step back, defensive. The guilt on his face twists into disdain. “You know, this wouldn’t have happened if you just came with me to Xianzhou.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, just uproot my entire life in Penacony to keep you company while you pursue your career and make me abandon mine.” You glare at him. “Don’t try to make me feel bad for something that was entirely your fault.”

He looks as if he’s about to yell back at you, but he smooths his face out into something apologetic before he does. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he says. He starts taking large steps toward you, and you back away from him with two steps for each one he takes. “Please, we can work through this—”

He crosses in front of the table. The tablecloth flies off the table, pulled out from under the dishes. The dishes go flying, and his half-full wine glass hits him in the shoulder, spilling all over what you’re sure is a very expensive shirt.

He looks around, eyes blazing with rage and fear. “What the hell?”

The chair he was sitting in creaks, then shoots toward him at an impossible speed, skidding horrendously across the floor before it crashes into his leg. As he keels over, the picture frames and cooking utensils hanging from the racks on the wall start clattering against the walls, a tremor sweeping through the house. The lights flicker, before going out completely.

The room is freezing.

Your ex-boyfriend looks at you, alarmed. Despite your own fear and racing heart, you manage to keep your face impassive.

“Get out of my house,” you whisper.

The cabinet doors begin opening and slamming shut. The room shakes more violently. Your ex scrambles to his feet and rushes to the entrance, where the door is already wide open. When he steps foot on the porch, it slams shut on its own behind him.

The cabinets close gently. The tremors stop.

You collapse into the wall and sink to the floor, sobs pouring out of you as you bury your face into your knees. Your heart aches in your chest, an ache that echoes in your knees as you clutch onto and dig your fingers into them.

Suddenly, you feel two gentle hands settle on your shoulders. A chill shoots down your spine, but still, you will yourself to look up.

Moonlight pours in through the windows, illuminating the man kneeling before you. His hair falls just past his shoulders in grayish-blue waves. He dons men’s casual wear from what must be the 1920s. Your gaze linger on the very blatant stab wound in his stomach before shooting up to his face. Golden eyes gaze down at you, his expression so soft it takes your breath away. The beams of light cut straight through him, pronouncing the wispiness around his being. Slowly, he pulls you into an embrace that you cannot return. He holds you for a brief moment, then the lights flicker back on, and he’s gone.

The room is still freezing, but you’ve never felt warmer.

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