#but apparently just because someone else is a vaguely outcasted teen does not mean they think the same

[annoying--moth]

Sometimes I forget that most people don't have a fucked up chronically online sense of humor because one time I was in a group chat with a bunch of kids from my high school (we were all in the school show at the time) and one of them posted a picture of some eldritch horror thingy and for some god awful reason I decided it would be funny to say "looks breedable" in response

They didn't... They didn't think it was funny

[emy-loves-you]

Sanders Sides AU-gust Day 3: Soulmates

Your shadow is the current silhouette of your soulmate. Only you and your soulmate can see your shadow. Shadows of animals and objects (non-humans basically) can be seen by everyone. Most people have human soulmates that grow up with a human shadow. Logan is not most people.

Logan POV, Intrulogical, Prinxiety and Moceit

Day 2 | Masterlist | Day 4

Logan was smart.

At just four years old, Logan could count to one thousand, tie his shoes, and knew how to read books meant for kids twice his age. Logan knew other things too. He knew that the earth moved around the sun, not the other way around. He knew that Mrs. Smith didn’t like Mr. Smith and that they were getting a ‘dee-vorce.’ He knew that rainbows were like giant water mirrors. And he knew what soulmates are.

Soulmates mean different things to different people. They appear as shadows, but your shadow is actually your soulmate’s shadow. Logan didn’t really understand how that worked, but he didn’t ask about it. Mama’s shadow disappeared when she was little, and she doesn’t like to talk about it. Logan didn’t understand why Papa married Mama if they weren’t soulmates, but he didn’t ask. Because Logan was smart, and he knew that if he asked about their soulmates, they would ask about his. And while Logan didn’t know a lot about soulmates, he knew that his shadow was different.

Logan’s soulmate was big. Bigger than Mama and Papa. Sometimes Logan would lay in bed and his soulmate’s shadow covered him like a blanket. It made him feel safe and protected. One time Logan was almost hurt by a big doggie, but the dog saw Logan’s shadow and ran away. Logan knew that big shadows weren’t good. He heard about how Susie from down the street had a ‘peddle-file’ for a soulmate. But Logan knew that his soulmate wouldn’t hurt him.

Sometimes the shadow would change into something smaller, closer to Papa’s height. Sometimes the shadow grew so big that Logan couldn’t see the end of it. But most of the time, Logan’s shadow stayed the same size and shape. Logan knew it wasn’t normal to have a soulmate that changed shape. He knew it wasn’t normal for his shadow to have long, spindly arms with pointed fingers. He knew that most shadows didn’t have long devil horns, or give off an aura that scared all animals and most humans away. Logan knew that Mama and Papa wouldn’t understand if he told them.

Because Logan was smart enough to know that his soulmate wasn’t human.

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Logan was brave.

Most people wouldn’t see that at first glance. Logan was a 17-year-old nerd. He was such an oddball that even bullies steered clear of him (Logan never commented on that. He knew it was his soulmate’s aura scaring them away. Which was interesting since human shadows don’t have detectable auras). Logan always had his nose in a book. Most people expected him to be a teacher’s pet, but Logan never answered questions. He never reached out to others, and he never spoke unless he was spoken to, so most people didn’t know how brave Logan actually was.

Even those who considered themselves close to Logan didn’t see him as brave. In fact, most people saw him as emotionless. He rarely smiled or spoke out of turn. He was the perfect child in terms of behavior and intelligence, but he never showed signs of actually enjoying the world around him.

But there was something that Logan enjoyed: his shadow. While it was disappointing to have no one to talk to about his soulmate, Logan wouldn’t give his soulmate up for anything. It was fascinating to watch, and every time Logan interacted with his shadow he felt safe and loved. Most people would scream if their shadow’s jaw unhinged to impossible lengths, most likely to swallow something whole. Logan watched with rapt attention, itching to write it down. He never recorded anything about his soulmate, paranoid that someone would find it. Instead, he attempted to memorize every new detail on his soulmate. His soulmate was 8 feet tall exactly, with an extra four inches added for the horns. While his largest form was immeasurable, his smallest form stood at 6 ft 6 in with no horns to see. Logan assumed that this form was meant to mimic a human, though he had no other data to support that hypothesis. Logan’s soulmate was also extremely fast, occasionally moving its limbs at a speed that Logan couldn’t track with his eyes.

Logan participated in activities that made sense to him yet baffled others. He spent hours holed up in his room, his shadow comforting him as he read a book. He ran for an hour every afternoon, though he had no interest in joining any races. He also went to the gym every other day. Logan’s logic behind this was that he needed to be quick and strong in case his soulmate meant him harm (this was a lie and Logan knew it. Not only did Logan still believe that his soulmate wouldn’t harm him, he also doubted that he could physically run away from a creature that could potentially travel at inhuman speeds, much less fight one. The truth was that Logan wanted to have something vaguely in common with his soulmate). While Logan liked to read philosophy and chemistry books, he could also be seen reading books on soulmates, fairytales and cryptids. While Logan did not believe that humanity was aware that Logan’s soulmate existed, he hoped he would one day find something that would even slightly match his predicament.

Logan was actually reading another book about soulmates as he sat under the apple tree outside of the library. The tree’s shadow loomed over him, but Logan could still easily see his soulmate’s silhouette. He wasn’t sure if that was a soulmate-thing or a my-soulmate-isn’t-human-thing. That’s actually why he was reading this book: Everyday Occurrences for Soulmates. It was mainly a description of how soulmate customs were treated around the world, but Logan hoped that it would give him more insight into how human shadows should look and behave.

“Get back here, freak!” Logan’s head snapped up to see another teen run past him. Logan vaguely recognized the patchwork hoodie from his biology class. Virgil Storm, Logan’s memory supplied. Emo and social outcast. Logan watched as another group of teens chased after him. Virgil continued to run until he tripped and fell. Logan stood up as the gaggle of teenagers approached Virgil. This won’t do at all.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The teens looked afraid for a moment before they turned and saw Logan approaching.

The one in the middle laughed. “Run along, nerd, before you end up like this freak!” Micheal Scott, if Logan’s memory was correct (it always was). Senior, quarterback, was held back three times. 

Logan continued to step forward, ignoring the way his shadow lashed around his ankles. “Virgil has done nothing to warrant your ire, Micheal.” This was true; Virgil talked less than even Logan did. Other than being exceptionally talented in art, Virgil was essentially a nobody (and while Logan knew that looks could be deceiving, he- like everyone else- saw reason to interact with Virgil).

Micheal scoffed. “Of course he does! He’s a freak and he deserves to be put in his place-”

Now, Logan was very smart. He knew that acting violently would most likely result in negative consequences. But Logan also knew that Virgil didn’t deserve Micheal’s… anything, Micheal’s an asshole. But either way, Logan knew what it was like to be the odd-one-out. And while Logan was nervous of the consequences, when he heard Micheal call Virgila freak, Logan’s bravery shined through.

Logan was satisfied to feel Micheal’s nose break from under his fist. Those visits to the gym were actually useful. Huh. Logan watched impassively as Micheal fell down to his knees. Logan kneeled so that his face loomed just above Micheal’s. Micheal started shivering, and Logan couldn’t tell if it was him or his shadow that was causing him distress. He also didn’t care. “If you even look at me or Virgil the wrong way I will not hesitate to make your life a living hell. Understood?” Logan’s voice remained cold and emotionless. While his surge in confidence was making him slightly uncomfortable, it produced the intended outcome. Micheal blanched before scurrying away. It took only a look to get the other teens to do the same.

Logan knelt down next to the now safe teen. “Are you alright?” He held out his hand for Virgil to grab.

Virgil stared at the hand in shock, seemingly surprised that someone had stood up for him. “Yeah, thanks.” He took the offered hand, pulling himself up onto his feet. His sketchbook fell out of his hand, which Logan didn’t realize was even there. Logan bent down to grab the sketchbook for Virgil when he froze.

The sketch was of some kind of fae/eldritch horror combination. The creature’s face was youthful, appearing to be a man in his early twenties. Its arms were long and spindly, and his nails were sharpened to a point. It wore a white prince suit with a red sash. But what really grabbed Logan’s attention was the pair of devil horns that sat on top of its head.

Logan looked up at Virgil, who was suddenly pale and shaking. “Virgil, what was your inspiration behind this piece?”

Virgil grabbed the notebook and shook his head. “It’s nothing, just a nightmare I had. Nothing more.” He went to walk away.

Logan grabbed Virgil by the hoodie sleeve. “Please do not lie to me.” Virgil stared at Logan in horror. Logan stood there, feeling his desperation claw at him. “Please,” He whispered. “Please tell me I’m not alone.”

Because Logan was brave, and he didn’t want to be alone anymore.

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Logan was observant.

While his observations didn’t help him in finding his soulmate, it did help him take care of his two new (and only) friends.

Virgil Storm apparently had a soulmate similar to Logan’s, as did Virgil’s best friend Patton Heart. Virgil also had a nightbond, a rare form of soulbond that allowed soulmates to visit each other in their dreams. Apparently, the creatures did not have a name for their species. Roman, Virgil’s soulmate, appeared to have very little knowledge on his species. While this did disappoint Logan, he was still grateful to have someone to share his findings with. After knowing each other for over a year, the trio were never seen apart, finally having friends who weren’t scared away by their shadow’s dark auras.

Virgil and Patton both had similar opinions to Logan on their inhuman soulmates, mainly that it was more fascinating than terrifying. Virgil was interested in the darker aspects of their soulmates, while Patton was just happy that he had a soulmate. Logan grew to care for the two teens. While Virgil was quiet and awkward around others, Logan learned that he was actually very snarky and cynical. Patton pretended that life was perfect, but Logan had seen enough to know that Patton only genuinely smiled when thinking about his soulmate. Logan had become quite protective of the two, as his shadow tended to scare off more potential threats than Virgil’s or Patton’s did.

Logan was currently running around the perimeter of the highschool as he waited for his friends to finish their activities. He had asked if they would like to join him, but Patton was asthematic and Virgil detested running. So, it had become a common occurrence for Logan to do his running while Patton and Virgil participated in their after school clubs.

Logan allowed his mind to wander as he completed another lap. He was disappointed that he’s so far unsuccessful in terms of meeting his soulmate. None of them had met their soulmates in person, even Virgil. According to Roman, the creatures had a much deeper connection to their souls compared to humans. He had also said that the creatures wouldn’t be found by their soulmates until “our loves are ready.” Ready for what, Logan didn’t know. But that didn’t stop him from exhausting every possible way to find his soulmate.

Logan saw a flash of yellow and almost tripped over his feet. Not stopping as to draw suspicion, he glanced towards the forest behind the school and saw something… odd.

Standing at the edge of the treeline was a man. He was tall and young, probably in his mid 20s. He wore an impeccable black suit with yellow accessories, which was odd since he appeared to have came from the forest. Logan followed his gaze and just as the gym doors opened. Patton sprinted out of the school, most likely grabbing something from his car. Logan watched as the man’s gaze followed Patton as he walked towards his car. Logan tsked as he darted into the treeline, attempting to not be spotted. The man was stalking Patton, and that was not acceptable. But Logan was observant, so he’d learn more about the man before making his move.

Logan had just reached where he’d last seen the man when he noticed something important: his shadow wasn’t moving. Any time Logan was heading towards potential danger, his shadow would move erratically around his feet, as if it was trying to stop him. Any time potential danger was heading towards him, Logan’s shadow would lash towards the danger, it’s natural aura deterring most creatures. But his shadow wasn’t moving. It was calm. Complacent.

Logan was so busy analyzing his shadow that he almost hadn’t realized that the man wasn’t there. Logan felt a chill go down his neck and he spun around, to find himself less than a foot away from the man. Logan stifled the urge to scream. His shadow wasn’t acting up, and Logan trusted his soulmate to protect him. But now that he was almost touching the man, Logan quickly realized something. How his smile was a hair too wide. How just standing close to him made Logan’s fight-or-flight reflexes go haywire.

Logan was observant, but it didn’t take much to realize that this man isn’t human.

Logan cleared his throat as he forced himself to articulate a response. “Hello. Might I ask why you’re trespassing into a high school to observe minors?”

The man looked guilty (bullshit) as he spoke. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met before.” He held out his hand, presumably for Logan to shake. “My name is Declan Brown. I was sent by the school board to observe the school’s management of extracurricular activities-”

“Stop.” Logan suddenly said, resisting the urge to physically shake his head. A part of him was already nodding along to what he said. It’s a perfectly reasonable assumption- Logan did his best to shove the thought away. The creature obviously had a talent in mental manipulation.

The (not)man gaped for a second. “Excuse me?” He seemed shocked. The thoughts became more intense and repetitive.

Logan started rambling, less focused on his words and more focused on getting Declan’s (that’s probably not his name) manipulations out of his head. “Stop lying to me. No member of the student board would support stalking a minor from the school’s perimeter. Check up on your human facts before stating such a bold lie. And will you shut up with the thoughts!” Before Logan could acknowledge what he had said, the thoughts ceased completely.

The creature looked at Logan with unguarded curiosity. “Who are you?”

Logan crossed his arms as he ignored how terrified he felt. “My name is unimportant for this conversation. Now I’ll ask again: Why are you stalking my friend?”

Logan’s shadow chose that moment to respond, shifting forward so it brushed against the creature’s ankles. Logan then realized that not only did he seem to acknowledge Logan’s shadow, he also didn’t have a shadow. Which means that he has a soulmate. The creature stared at the shadow before laughing. “Ah. That makes much more sense.”

Logan frowned. “Please answer my question.”

The creature’s smile seemed more genuine as he held out his hand again. “Call me Janus. I was sent by Roman to check on his soulmate. And I wanted to check on my soulmate at the same time.”

Logan blinked as he processed the information. The creature knew Roman, so it was most likely the same (or similar) species. And since it was staring at Patton…

Logan grabbed Janus’ hand, giving it his firmest shake. Logan was not submitting to this creature. “My name is Logan. I assume you are Patton’s soulmate, correct?” At Janus’ smirk, Logan tightened his grip. “If you harm him in any way- physically, emotionally, you name it- I will find a way to make the rest of your existence a living hell.”

Janus laughed as he also tightened his grip. “He’s gonna LOVE meeting you.” Logan remained impassive, knowing that a single sign of weakness could cause his end.

Because Logan was observant, and no way in hell was he letting his friend get hurt.

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Logan was loved.

Logan never really realized that. Sure, his parents said that they loved him, but Logan never really depended on his parents the way most children did. When Logan had a question, he read a book. When Logan was scared, his shadow protected him. When Logan was hurt or lonely, his shadow would comfort him. Most people depended on their parents to raise them. Logan raised himself. Most people saw shadows as a way to find their soulmate. Logan saw his shadow as a friend.

Maybe that’s why at 21 years old Logan confidently (and drunkenly) states that he’s never felt true love. Sure, he’s felt kindness and support (Patton and Virgil) but he’s never felt love. Sure, some nights he has long conversations with his shadow and lets himself believe that the way it twists and turns means that his soulmate can hear him. Sure, he sees Janus a few times every year (Logan knows by this point that Janus is letting himself be seen. Logan never told Patton about meeting Janus and they have yet to officially meet. If Janus wanted to be seen by Patton or not seen by Logan he could) and every time he begs to learn more about his soulmate. But that’s not love (he never says that around Janus. The creature can smell lies like Logan smells Patton’s perfume).

Maybe that’s why he drunkenly kisses a stranger at his 21st birthday party, ignoring the fact that he’s too short and his hold doesn’t feel safe.

Maybe that’s why when he goes to visit Patton weeks later and sees only a note that says His name’s Janus he crumples it up and throws it away. Maybe that’s why when Virgil texts him the same day simply saying Found my soulmate TTYL, Logan lets hope claw its way through his chest. Maybe that’s why when the sun sets and Logan gets no sign from his soulmate he curls up in a ball and sobs. Maybe that’s why he decides that he can’t wait any longer and he leaves his shitty apartment in the middle of his shitty town and heads towards the shitty forest that he knows is empty but he has to try.

Maybe that’s why when Logan’s so deep in the forest that he can’t find his way out and the moon hangs high over his head and he hears wolves in the distance he doesn’t get scared or sad. No, Logan gets angry. Angry at the world for rejecting him because of his menacing shadow. Angry at Patton and Virgil for leaving him for their own soulmates. Angry at his soulmate for making him believe for 21 fucking years that he had a chance at being truly happy.

A wolf broke through the tree line, lowly growling as he approached Logan. Logan growled right back, his irritation and heartbreak and anger clouding his judgment. The wolf howled, and Logan screamed. It was an odd feeling. Logan hadn’t screamed in a long time. He trusted his shadow to protect him, so he never screamed in fear.  But the way his throat burned from his anger was exhilarating.

The wolf lunged, and it took Logan a few moments to realize that it never reached him. Logan heard a satisfying crunch as the wolf head landed inches from his feet. Logan looked up and saw a monster of nightmares.

It was at least 8 ft tall, with long, spindly limbs sharpened to a point. Green horns protruded form his head, and his eyes glowed acid green. His bloody teeth stretched into a too-wide grin, and Logan did not smile back.

Instead Logan screamed again. But it wasn’t out of fear (never out of fear). It was out of anger, and exhaustion, and relief, and something else that Logan couldn’t name. He lunged at the creature, wrapping his arms around the black and green tunic as he continued to scream. The creature continued to smile, using his too-sharp claws to hold onto Logan’s back. And Logan broke. He started to sob, losing the ability to stand as he leaned further into the creature’s chest.

They stayed there for almost an hour, Logan sobs being the only sound in the vicinity. Eventually, the creature spoke up. “It’s nice to finally hold you, Logan.” Logan continued to stay silent, burrowing his face into the creature’s chest. “My name is Remus. I know that it hurts, but you weren’t ready until now. I wanted to come get you the moment I saw your shadow, I swear. But I’ve always been there, even though ya couldn’t hear me. And I promise I won’t leave ya ever.”

Logan felt himself smile as he relaxed further into the creature’s his soulmate’s hold, listening to Remus babble out apologies and promises. Logan allowed himself to finally feel. 

Because even though this was the first time they touched, Logan knew this wasn’t the first time they’d met. Remus had always been there to support Logan, even if he was hiding in Logan’s shadow. He was always there, and even though Logan was hearing him for the first time, Logan knew that he was in love with Remus.

And as they separated and Remus asked if Logan was okay, Logan let himself admit it. “I love you.”

And Remus repeated him, with no doubts or uncertainty. Because even though Logan refused to believe it before now…

Logan was loved.