#but anyway yea i remember talking to these older men and how excited they were to know how young i was and its like..

[preatoreyna]

that post i just reblogged about lorde and being a teenager really like Hits hard bc literally from like age 12 i was aware that this won’t last forever and that i can’t take a second for granted bc i wanted my older self to be able to look back and say it wasn’t all bad i made some good memories and i stuck by that all the way to the end of high school but even tho i have my journals and all the archived posts i made on here at like 15 i still get sad bc i’m hung up on the fact that i Didn’t get to live the life i wanted bc my home life was so bad and i didn’t get to have The Experience of being a teenager and i dont just mean going out and getting drunk i think The Experience is different for everybody like my gf for instance used to cosplay and go to conventions and she looks back on that fondly and wishes she still did it and it’s like that’s it!! that was her version of her teenage freedom and i feel like i didn’t have one other than what i did in the 7-8 hours we were in school and now ibe spent the last three years in college trying to do what i want when i want and i do but it still hurts to know that those precious years are gone ):

[enigma-im]

Eighth day of Christmas...

Trope: Heat (NSFW) Relationship: Werewolf x Human Word Count: 7,058

I knew the moment I stepped off the bus that I was in trouble. From the horrid heat and melting pot of people, this was going to be a challenge. The dry air nearly made me cough the second I got off the steps. Everyone seemed as annoyed with the environment as I, which is a small relief. Looking around at all the people was both a relief and a nightmare. We all had no idea what was going on but I knew I stood out like a sore thumb.

"You," someone shouts, silencing the crowd. I look around till I spot a hardened older Soldier making his way towards me. The crowd splits before he can charge through. The man glares daggers at me before stopping uncomfortably close.

"Me," I ask, pointing to myself with unease.

"Yes, you," he shouts," what other mutts around here would I be talking to?"

"Right," I nearly drop my shoulders," what do you need?"

"I wanted to get a look at the first werewolf soldier who gets to become my guard dog for this year," he answers, appraising me with discontent," I expect excellence from you, mutt, this few months you will be chewed up and spit out a better dog than a better man. You have big shoes to fill, guiding your kind into the future and not a single one of us will give you an inch or centimeter to make mistakes. Do I make myself clear, private!"

I feel a bit wobbly at his words," uh, yes."

The man leans closer to my face, shouting despite the distance," What was that, mutt? Stand tall, be loud! Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," I stand at attention, my stomach rolling into knots.

"That's better," he steps back," Now follow me."

The crowd splits again as the Drill Sargent stomps onward. As he passes, the young men and women look to me, a good mix of intrigued and disgust decorates the group. I straighten my shoulders and march after the man, keeping my head held high with pride.

The first werewolf to join the military, I got a lot to prove.

Conversation with the higher-ups of the camp was tense. I didn't expect it to go as well as it did, though a few sly jokes were made at my expense. They were all weirdly supportive of having me at the grounds, looking forward to trying out their new regimen for my kind. Having a stronger and more capable creature in their boot camp came with its own challenges it seems. They all seem excited to see what I can do.

A lot was explained, trying their best to just keep things running smoothly. No one was going to go easy on me and I'm expected to surpass even the best of their squads. I'm oddly invigorated to take on this challenge.

"With everything all situated, is there anything else we may need to know," the Executive officer asks. He is a sweet man, to my surprise, and has been appreciatively thorough with his preparations.

"Yea, we don't want any issues to come about with having you here. A lot of the soldiers are looking to make an example of you already, though you've done nothing wrong. So if there is anything we have to prepare for then please make light of it now," the senior drill sergeant explains.

"Nothing that I can envision happening here. I'm here to work and become the first in a line of werewolves to join the armed forces. Things will remain respectable on my end so if anything does go wrong I promise it won't be my fault," I answer. A big moment like this I can't even fathom screwing it up with some stupid actions. Let the people make their jokes and rude comments, I'm not bothered in the slightest.

"So we aren't going to catch you humping one of the other recruit's legs, right," the senior drill sergeant jokes.

"Don't want you going into heat and trying to fuck every woman in a mile radius of you," the executive officer joins in. I smile despite the discomfort, shaking my head before explaining.

"No, no, I may turn into a big mutt but I'm not so savage as to do something like that. Don't believe the women would be too receptive to me doing such a thing either. When little Fido does it, it's funny. When I do it, it's enough to get me sent to jail," I joke with them. The two laugh, easing some of the tension.

"But you do go into heat, don't you," senior drill sergeant asks," we look out for medical emergencies and if that will become an issue, let us know ahead of time."

I shake my head," no, that won't be an issue. We only go into heat for a specific person and finding them here would be one hell of a terrible time but I highly doubt it will actually happen. I'm sure I would have smelled them in the crowd if so."

"Specific person," the officer snickers," how romantic, Fido."

"Sounds romantic but I've seen some friends go into rut over their mates, it's not that romantic," I wince, remembering all the fights," it's not a hallmark movie moment, sir."

The officer cocks a brow, wary," I'm almost tempted to ask but I'll refrain for now. Either way, I'll have sergeant Crews bring you to your barracks, and hopefully, we won't have to speak again anytime soon."

I drop off my things at my bunk, sorting them into a chest before heading off to P.T.

The first week of basics is easy, though I'm warned about next week after some miss placed words. My squad takes to me nicely, though I can do without the nicknames. It's a better week than I could hope for after the horror stories from active duty members.

We all sit in the crowded mess hall. Murmurs of conversations can be heard over the disgusting chomping of food. In times like this, I almost wish I didn't have such great hearing. The wet slobbering is beginning to turn my stomach.

"Hey, Spot, is it true you transform on the full moon," Casey, a fellow recruit, asks beside me. I snort, picking at the slop on my tray.

"No, I can do it whenever I want," I answer," full moon thing was for you people to pin some other garbage on the magnetic effects the moon has on the earth."

"oh, wow, movies lied to me again," he lightly bangs his hand on the table," what about silver? Does that do anything for ya?" I scoff, looking at him a bit amused. It has been a lot of teasing but I haven't had anyone sit down and ask before.

"No, silver doesn't do anything for me. Neither does holy water, crosses, or garlic," I tease. Casey rolls his eyes, looking back to his meal with a pout.

"I'm not an idiot, those are for vampires," he grumbles. I chuckle, amused by this human's questions. As I tease the man some more I catch a wondrous smell.

"Besides, I know a normal bullet would work on you anyway," Casey points his fork to me. I can't pay him any mind as I slyly glance around. My heart is racing and pounding against my chest as the smell completely engulfs me. Please no, not now. As I'm looking towards the door I freeze as someone walks behind me. As if everything slowed to a halt I look to the recruit walking over to her table. I can't help but gawk though her attire isn't much to be aroused by.

Brown hair pinned up in a bun and terribly fitted brown and camouflaged clothing. It's meant to be plain and nonattention grabbing but she makes it work. My body thrums with need as I watch her sit at the end of the bench. I can't look away as she eats, looking at her lips like a starved man. I want her, I need her. It's the only thought that runs through my mind.

She couldn't come into my life just a few months later could she?

The whole day I feel like I'm on fire, sickly and distraught. I haven't even been here this long and I feel like I'm about to ruin everything. Surely I can just explain to the XO that I have to deal with this and get right back to basics. I nod, it won't be such a long delay, I'll be right back here shortly.

I head straight to the office, stubbornly marching past the groups still running about. The heavenly smell barely permeates the hot dry air but still nearly knocks me on my ass. My attention snaps straight to her doing push-ups with her squad. She makes quite the sight all sweaty and focused. I can't help but stop and watch.

The squad's drill sergeant walks the rows, screaming motivating insults to them all. My little mate grits her teeth as he passes by, her arms shaking each time they straighten. The sergeant stops before her, crouching down as she stays propped up.

"Getting tired there, private," the sergeant baits," want to take a little break, perhaps?"

"No, sir," she barks out.

"Then get that face in the dirt, let's go," he snaps back at her. The urge to run to the man and deck him in his hooked nose is strong. I have to shake my head of the thought to actually get some semblance of control. She gets back to her exercise, going hard and strong into her next set with a stiff focus on her face. It's admirable to see anyone as determined as she looks. It picks at my heart a bit.

I'm not just taking away this chance for me momentarily but her too. Would she want to take the time off to deal with me? It can't be that big of an issue but starting over has to be something she rather not do. I sure as hell don't want to start the week over even if it wasn't too difficult. She is human so it had to be hell for her. I hum, chewing my cheek.

With fist clenched I turn away from the offices and head back to my barracks. I'll just wait this out, three months is nothing. I can keep my cool that long.

I kept that line of thinking all up till I got to my bunk. The barracks are quiet, the snores of the recruits barely registering to my non-idle thoughts. Every part of me is racing, my heart, thoughts, limbs. I have way too much energy to just sit here. Closing my eyes does nothing but let the thoughts keep me up. I've never had such an issue before, especially here.

Staring up at the ceiling I think of my little mate. She's a cutie, that's for sure. Even with the unflattering get up I can't ignore the appeal of her body. She has strength, as does most of the people here, but watching her do exercises with her squad showed more than just basic strength. I smile to myself as I think about the determined look she had while finishing her set. I have a strong little mate.

I groan as my mind keeps replaying the scene over and over. I can only pray that the rest of the month won't be like this. Turning onto my side I force my eyes closed, trying my damndest to get even a few hours of sleep.

The next week I'm weirdly filled with energy. Every morning I wake up excited to do runs, outpacing everyone by miles as I speed down the dirt track. Exercises become a blessing and every moment I spend sitting down is one where I'm anxious to get back up. The nights are no better, my body humming with unspent energy. It feels amazing to get out there and work.

Sitting at the lunch table I shovel food into my mouth, leg bouncing under the table. I want nothing more than to get back out there and get rid of this energy but lunch is kind of important. As I unflatteringly gulp down the muck an erotic scent ceases my tension. Flowing over my body like a warm shower. I close my eyes, taking in the calm.

"So, I gotta ask," a woman before me asks," do werewolves generally have this puppy energy, or is it just you because watching you hall ass down the track is almost inspiring."

As I open my eyes I'm left gawking at the woman. My beautiful mate sitting just across the table, smirking with her arms crossed. I swallow hard, feeling oddly nervous at this moment. What should I say? Should I say something? She quirks a brow at me, waiting for a reply.

"uh," I clench my pants under the table," depends on the person?"

She hums," is that a question or an answer?"

I straighten," a-a answer, ma'am."

"Hey, lighten up," she knocks on the table," don't need any of the ma'am business. I just wanted to ask, you have been buzzing like a bee this past week and I was kind of hoping it was something I could learn instead of it being genetics." my palms feel clammy the more she speaks. She's so casual, I almost wish she wasn't. I can handle stupid full moon questions over this. I wipe my hand on my pants.

"Sorry, it's all genetics," I give her a half-smile," blessings of the father I'm afraid to say."

She props herself up on crossed arms, her breast squeezing together," so was your mom human? I didn't think you can cross-breed like that." my eyes flick down to her pushed out chest, gulping hard I look down to my hands. I wipe my palms on my pants.

"No, a werewolf can b-breed with anyone," I meet her eyes," just has to be their mate."

"Awe, that sounds cute," she coos. Before she can add anymore the sergeants come in to collect their squads. I watch her look to the crowd, her shoulders dropping. She turns back to me," well, was nice talking with ya, Cujo." with that she leaves.

I remain seated as everyone begins filling out. Looking to my lap I groan in frustration, I never felt more like a measly runt than right now. Couldn't even talk to her and I'm sitting here with a full chub. I look to the crowd once more, catching sight of her turning out of the doorway. Fisting my pants I whimper lowly in my throat.

If I knew talking with her would make things worse then I would have never done it. The night we first spoke was tenser than any before. I feel like ants are crawling all over my skin, my body unbelievably hot. My blankets feel scratchy and too rough on my sensitive skin. I can hardly sleep as all I can think about is that beautiful woman smiling at me from across the table. Her ample chest just perched on her crossed arms. My loins lurch at the thought, aching to a degree I've never experienced.

I fall onto my back, panting as I kick the blanket off myself. Looking down myself in the dark barracks I see the tent in my pants. I groan, thumping my head against the pillow. A boner over a minute conversation with a girl, surely I couldn't stoop so low. I peak at my lap, groaning again as I flex my toes. Perhaps a little attention can soothe the beast?

Timidly I slide my hand down my stomach, fingers sneaking under the hem of my pants. I grab the base of my shaft, squeezing it while slowly closing my eyes. Just have to do this quickly and I got to get some sleep. With the task in mind, I aim for fast. I pump my fist, going harder than I've usually started. My callused hand feels uncomfortable, not helping the smooth glide I need. I take my hands out of my pants and lick my palm before trying again.

I jerk off, feeling itchy and frustrated as I do. I try to get it out and done before anyone can wake up to notice but I can't get into it. Trying a new tactic I relax on the bed. Keeping my eyes shut I slowly pump my fist up and down my shaft, pleased with the torturous glide. An image of my mate sitting across the lunch table pops in my head, my cock twitching at the picture. I admire her harden face, the beauty in her full cheeks when she smiles. I wince as my fingers glide over my tip.

The image shifts as I stare at her tits resting on the table. They are laid bare, her sweet little nipples hard from the cold lunchroom. My cock pulses as I think about reaching over the table to grab her, grazing my hand over her little buds. A whimper tries to bubble out from my throat, the sound surprising. I can't pay it any mind as I imagine tweaking her nipples, watching her face twist in pleasure. In my palm my cock aches, demanding more as I pump harder.

The scene twists, she's bent over the table with her tight ass presented to me. I whimper again, bucking into my fist. A bulge nudges against my hand with every descent. It would be something to investigate if I wasn't so tempted to continue. I picture lining my dick up with her weeping slit, gently pressing my tip in with a retrained grunt. Another whine leaves me, the base of my cock throbbing worst than the rest of me. As fantasy me bottoms out inside her I bite my fist to reject the whimper trying to cry out.

"Fuck," I mumble in a cry. I jerk till I can feel my body shiver in its impending climax, utterly debauched at the fantasy playing out. As I reach my breaking point I grip the hard bulge at the base of my cock, squeezing as hard as I can as I cum in my boxers. My grip pulses as I unload all over myself.

My grip eases slightly as I catch my breath. I feel disgusting as the wet fabric sticks to my tip. Looking down my body I wince at the damp stain. I tug down my pants and catch a look at my still hard dick, I furrow my brow confused. Generally, I'm soft shortly after, not still ragingly hard. I look to the bulge still cupped in my hand. Well, that's new. I test a squeeze. A shot of pleasure jolts up my spine making my head feel fuzzy. I nearly curl into myself at the surprise. That's definitely new.

I take one more glance at myself, wincing at the sight. I'm no fresh pup, I know what's pulsing at my base. I just didn't think it would come out without being buried inside someone. Sighing, I tuck myself away and attempt to get some sleep. I wince at the sticky fabric, suddenly regretting not waiting till a more opportune time to do this.

Circling the track for the 2nd time I catch up with the squad. Everyone is taking a breather, panting hard after the three miles. I casually jog up to them, still vibrating with energy.

"How can you even do this, air bud," Scott grabs at his knees," I knew there would be running but…fuck."

I look at him bemused," air bud?"

"Well it's like my dog, Rufus," another squad member claps me on the shoulder," would just run around for hours once I let him outside." I look between the two.

"I just like running," I answer," I feel rather energetic lately."

We all talk as I bounce on my heels. The sergeant rounds us all up before heading off to the next part of PT.

We begin jumping jacks in our lines, listening to the drill sergeant scream encouragements. Looking off to the side I catch sight of another squad doing their miles. They all seem rather calm, must be their first mile. I watch them go by, just briefly catching sight of my little mate in the middle of the crowd. A smile curls on my face as I watch her run along. Her arms pumping and chest bouncing. A raging need thrums into my veins, my cock standing to attention. I watch her in a daze.

"What are you doing, boy," someone shouts, grabbing me by the back of my shirt. I stumble as I'm tugged backward, torn from my stupor. Catching my bearings I realized I've tried to walk out of formations, ignoring my exercises in favor of following her delicious smell.

"uh," I shake my head," Sorry, saw a squirrel." I half-smile, hoping the joke would land. He grits his teeth, tugging me back in line.

"I'd make you run another set but I think you would enjoy that, instead you're on patrol tonight, Fido," he shouts, walking back down the line," Let's start again, from the beginning. One, two, three…"

Lunch has me excited, feeling like my tail is ready to sprout out and reveal my pleasure. I quickly shovel down my muck, looking around like an eager pup for any sight of her. Spotting her coming out of the line and heading my way I can't help but wipe my face and straighten my clothes. I nearly bounce in my seat as she gets closer.

"So you do have a tail," Scott tugs on something behind me. I grunt, twisting around with a growl. Out of the corner of my eye I catch sight of my fluffy black tail.

"Ah, fuck," I grumble, looking to her coming closer then back at my tail. Without much thought, I pin it between the bench and my thigh.

"Hello, Cujo," she greets," you're endless energy for exercises will never cease to amaze me." she sits down at the table, her tray clanking against the metal. My tail tugs, wanting to break free. I open my mouth to answer, interrupted by someone clapping me on the back.

"Yea, it's making the rest of us look bad. He makes three miles look easy," Tyler jokes as he sits beside me.

"well, it is easy, you guys are just out of shape," she jokes back. I snort, glancing at the offended men on either side of me. My mate has a sense of humor I see.

"haha, hilarious, G.I. Jane," Tyler deadpans.

"It's funny you should say that because I caught you slacking behind your crew today," Scott props his smug face on his hand," it's bad enough they let dogs in the military but you women have a lot more to prove." I can't help but sneer at Scott.

She glares at him, crossing her arms and leaning forward." yea, well what's your excuse, cadet?"

Scott leans forward as well," got a handicap, love, hard to run with three legs."

My mate snorts a chuckle, shaking her head as she grabs her food," What kind souls the higher-ups are to let you join with such a clear handicap."

Scott bounces his brow," you know it, baby. I'll be happy to show you my treatment options, perhaps you can help?" I stiffen at the suggestion, my limbs and chest tightening as Scott continues to flirt. A low rumble climbs up my throat, back arching as I glare at him.

"Think I'll pass, I heard that men with large dicks tend to need too much prep work for a minute of entertainment," she bites back. Scott shrugs as Tyler chuckles, them all going back to their meal. The growl comes out louder, my teeth pricking at my lip as I snarl at him. Scott looks at me, recoiling at the clear aggression.

"You ok, Fido," Scott asks," looks like I'm trying to take your food or something." I feel everyone's eyes on me, confused and concerned. A possessiveness boils under my skin, demanding action against this male. I swallow hard, shaking my head as I glare down at my tray. Reigning back the shift, I shake my shoulders.

"Sorry," I growl," just feeling tense today." everyone nods, quietly eating their meals. I pass a glance to my mate, worried I pushed her away with my lack of control. We look to one another, the edge of her lip tugging up. She looks away with a shy smile gracing her beautiful face. I smile to myself as I eat.

After lunch I go for a run, feeling more anxious than yesterday. I dig hard, making record speed over my fifth mile. My body feels invigorated but anxious as I run. My brain goes a mile a minute, demanding attention to the one person driving me crazy. With Scott's words ringing in my ears all I can do is think about the threat. Someone is encroaching on my territory, challenging my claim.

I shake my head, I haven't claimed her. Hell, I don't even know her name. I run harder. Pictures of her flash through my head, my fantasy of the other night forcing discomfort to my groin. I shake again. Just running isn't doing enough, I need more now.

Slowing to a stop I take off my shirt. Crouching and pressing my fingers to the ground I allow my skin to break. I grunt with my bones snapping and rearranging. The pain feels great, an action my body agrees with greatly. With my claws digging into the dirt and fur bristling in the breeze I bolt down the track on all fours.

cadets and Sergeants gawk as I high tail it around the trail. I breathe heavy, tongue lulled to the side as I hear the air roar in my ears. Everything feels so open and free. This is something I've missed all week. Changing in front of everyone made me feel embarrassed, self-conscious. I'm not like them and proving that could lead to problems. Right now, I couldn't care less. I have other issues to deal with.

After running around for hours I fall in the grass near the tree line, laying on my stomach to bask in the sun. I should be exhausted now, all this mating energy out for the time being. Closing my eyes and resting my chin on my paws I relax. It's a lovely day out.

Sitting there for a moment I feel a burst of energy. I growl. Two hours of running on top of PT this morning, how can I be nearly vibrating with need? This mating business is getting harder and harder to ignore. All I think, hear, smell is her. My cock stirs against my stomach, the hot length pinned to the ground. I growl again.

Making my way to the showers I angrily toss my torn shorts and turn the water on. I step into the cold stream, shocked at the temperature. This should help, I can chill out before patrols tonight. Closing my eyes I press my head against the tiled wall. Not even a second in and I see her. I see her wet and naked before me, giving me eyes and beckoning me forward. I clench my fist and grow as my cock throbs.

"Fine," I grab my erection," you win again."

I jerk myself hard and fast, snarling as I picture pounding into her sweet cunt. Bucking into my fist I imagine her bouncing breast and wonderful cries of pleasure. I need her, I need her so damn bad. Baring my teeth with clenched eyes I feel my base ache. I grab at my knot, pinching it in a tight grip. I can feel my seed go up my shaft, spraying the wall. Whimpering, I pulse my grip on my base, sighing as each drop is let out.

"I can't keep doing this," I whimper," I'm so tired." my cock doesn't soften, even as I turn the water off and dry myself it still aches for her.

Walking the perimeter I look around the dark camp. My uniform feels scratchy and tight as I step. There are bags under my eyes and I'm still filled with energy. I'm tired and hyper at the same time. The walk around the base feels like a dream, hollow and dazed. I'm so sleepy.

The sound of a door opening catches my attention the same time a wonderous perfume punches me in the nose. My head snaps to a shed out a bit of way from the main building. A light is shining out the open door, a shadow cast on the sidewalk. I take another inhale of that sweet scent, my cock pulses.

Like a zombie, I shuffled to the shed. The corners of my vision are distorted as I turn into the doorway. My eyes snap to the person standing at the opposite end next to a shelf. She looks over her shoulder, smiling when she realizes who it is.

"Hey, Cujo," my mate greets," you look like shit, you ok?" she takes a step to me, concerned. A growl snaps out my mouth, my shoulders sagging forward. She recoils, taking a step back. I match her, taking one forward. "Cujo," she tries to say casually but comes out a little worried," you need something from the shed?" I take another step. Her back hits the shelf, startling her as she watches me stalk forward. With all my control out the window, I storm towards her, bracing my hands on either side of her head. My face buries against her neck, taking a large inhale.

"What's your name," I growl out, using the final bit of control I have to ask.

"S-Samantha, my friends call me Sam," she jokes with a timorous hilt. I lick up the taunt tendon of her throat, she shudders. "Cujo," she timidly runs her hand up my arm," what's happening?" I nearly purr at her touch. Her words barely register as I lap at her skin, drunk on her already. I hear the smallest whimper from her, making my ears perk up.

"W-what's your name," she asks as her hand glides up my back to card her fingers through my hair.

"Trevor," I bite at her shoulder," and I can't take it anymore."

"Take what," she says nearly breathless. I can't answer, only having enough thought to grab her thighs and lift her. Her legs wrap around my waist easily, pulling me against her heat. My eyes nearly roll with the friction. With little thought I slowly rock my hips, my tongue licking up her neck to her cheek then licking over her lips. Her fingers tug on my hair, scratching at my skin.

"You want me," she asks. I buck hard into her in answer, she chuckles. "Am I your mate," she asks. A spark starts in my loins at her saying such a thing. Does she accept this? Accept me?

Aching and primed I get her on the ground, licking her as I feel my tail stuck in my pants. My brain is muddled and unfocused, wanting to tear her clothes off and mount her right here. It feels wrong- it feels right. I bite at her shoulder again, frustrated beyond belief as I grind into her.

"S-sam," I whimper," Please."

She tugs on my hair again, snaking her hand under my shirt to pet at my sprouting fur. "What do you want, Trevor," she asks.

"You," I dig my teeth into her skin," you, you, you."

She laughs, rubbing her cheek against mine," then have me, big boy."

In a flurry of need, lust, want, I rip her shirt. I can't bring myself to feel guilty as her nearly naked torso is before me. I lather at her chest, plucking the little strap between her cups with my clawed finger. My tongue wets her nipples, chest, stomach, listening to her little adorable whimpers. I feel frenzied as I shove her pants down and bury my face against her cunt. She smells sweet, tastes like ambrosia.

"Oh, good boy," she grips my hair too tightly. I lap are her folds like a dying man, feeling my body pulse and rejoice. She is amazing and all mine, open and pleasured by me. Her body wiggles and grinds against me, forcing me to hold her hips. Her thighs clamped around my face, nearly covering my ears. I'm pleased to hear her cries and feel her tighten around my tongue as I force it inside her. Oh, by the gods, she's divine.

I continue showering my attentions upon her as she tries to push me away," that's enough, Trevor, I need you." my head perks up at her words. She needs me? I sit up, ripping my already torn shirt off my shifted body. I rush to undo my pants, tearing at them enough for my cock to poke through. I look down at her cunt, licking my chops with excitement. I fall over her, hands framing her head. My hips gravitate towards her, needing her more than air. I whimper as I can't bring myself to plunge into her like a savage. Whimper again I meet her eyes, begging her.

She smiles, reaching up and petting my cheek," go ahead, Trevor, I think I understand." overjoyed I lick her mouth, tail wagging freely now.

Now free to do as I need I look between us and nudge my cock against her. My tip spreads her folds but delving into her awaiting heat is hard. I can't think, instincts taking all my control. I whimper again, looking at her. She smiles sweetly, reaching down and guiding me. I wait eagerly for her to lead me, feeling her place me at her entrance. I shove forward, engulfed easily. I whine and growl as I push as far as I can go. I try to nudge further but my base is already swollen. I chuff.

With my new addiction wrapped around my cock I withdraw before plunging into her divine heat with a heavy breath. This is what I've needed, what I've craved. I can't stop myself from bucking into her hard and fast, demanding everything with each thrust. My ears ring as I'm taken to a world of pure bliss.

Samantha writhes and whimpers with me, grabbing at the fur on my chest. I lean closer, pressing my body to hers. My thrusts begin to shorten till I'm rutting into her with shallow humps. Short uncontrolled bucks that leave my knot knocking at her entrance. An overwhelming need overtakes me. I bump my knot harder and harder against her, demanding entrance with every nudge. With a hard push, she opens more for me. I grunt as I force it, locking her to me with a satisfied sigh.

We both wriggle against each other till I'm left whining against her shoulder, with a well-timed clench on her part I'm bursting inside her. I bite down on her shoulder, marking her as my cum paints her insides. Her walls flutter around me. I listen to her melodious cries as I cum. It's too perfect, too beautiful.

With my cock locked inside her I can't help but wag my tail and lick at her face. She giggles, allowing me to shower her in affection as she rests on the floor. I pamper her, licking at her sweat and cleaning every part I can reach. She is mine now, my wonderful mate.

As my knot begins to deflate I feel the week catch up with me. I collapse on her, my cock softening and falling out. She grunts as my weight is on her. My eyes begin to flutter, my body coming back to its original state. I drift off to sleep without a care in the world.

I awaken in an unfamiliar bed with unfamiliar clothes. Without much thought I sniff out my mate, wanting to roll into her comforting arms. A disgusting chemical smell greets me instead of her warm scent. I jump awake, scared, and worried immediately.

"Whoa, cool it, Spot," someone catches my attention. I snap my eyes to them, seeing a skinny man in normal military attire. The brown shirt and camo pants.

"Where is Sam," I growl, disoriented as adrenaline fills my veins.

"The girl? Probably talking with the XO," he shrugs," should be back here soon." the man looks to his computer on his medical trolley. Feeling he is distracted I jump from the bed and bolt to the door. I can hear him shout but I'm too busy taking in the scents around me. I look left, nothing. I look right, I smell her.

Charging down the halls I turn this way and that as I follow her trail. I feel stressed and angry, to an unbelievable degree. I need her in my sight, in my arms. Her scent leads me to a door, the words on the sign not registering in my mind. I slam it open, spotting her immediately.

"Oh, hey," she smiles as she turns in her chair. She has more to say but I interrupt her. Plucking her from her seat I slam her against my body and bury my face to her neck. I take in her scent, assess her health and the environment. The smell of another makes me stiffen but her fingers scratching behind my ear makes me purr. I can feel my tail wagging behind me.

"Tamed the dog, how cute," someone says. I snap my head to them, nearly growling at my XO. He sits at his desk smug, but still intimidatingly powerful. Though I hold back a sound I can't help but bear my teeth to him.

"Let's not antagonize the pup, alright," Sam jokes. She guides me over to the seats, parting to take her own. Looking from her to the XO I feel the urges again, a primal need to get her out of sight of this male. I shake my head to put myself back into a normal mindset. Reluctantly I sit down.

"Now the excitement is over, Cadet Trevor Galius. You are relieved of training till further notice along with Cadet Samantha Backster," he says calmly. I stiffen at the dismissal, looking at Sam in clear worry. Will she be mad? This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, taking her choice away. Sam glances at me with a disarming smile. I remain wary.

"For how long," I ask.

"Till next January, that's when winter training starts. For now, I encourage you two to settle all that needs to be settled before then," he glares over to me," I'd hate to have a repeat of this semester." I wince, looking down at my lap.

"Will this put a delay on werewolves being allowed in the armed forces," I peak up at my XO. He smiles to himself, dropping it quickly.

"I admire your dedication to this cause but no, there be no delay for werewolves. I hope you don't mind too much not being the first one," he answers. Most of my worries melt off at his words. The only person I'm potentially holding back is Sam, no one else has to suffer for my lack of control.

"That won't be a problem, sir," I answer.

With no final notes, we are dismissed. I walk with Sam out into the hall, fidgeting all the while. We walk out of the main building in silence. Should I say something? Is she mad? I pass glances at her, looking for any signs of distress. She gives nothing away.

"Just ask, I know it's killing you," she bites her lip to stop her grin. I fall apart, reaching out and pulling her against me. I can't take not touching her.

"Please don't be mad at me. I didn't want to force you out of training like this but trying to hold back was killing me. I'm so sorry," I whimper into her hair. She awkwardly pats at my back as I apologize.

"I'm not mad," she answers," far from it. I'm rather excited about all this. Like, it's not every day something like this happens."

I recoil from her, confused," you're not mad?"

She shakes her head," no, I actually had some guesses around our second conversation."

I look at her bemused," you did?"

"Yea, I knew about the werewolf mate thing from my cousin. I went to her wedding about two years ago and she was mated to one of your kind. She wouldn't shut up about how they met and the utter romantic garbage she experienced from him," she scoffs," it was almost sickening how sweet they were but I got to learn some signs. You have been tense and full of energy lately. I figured that was normal but you perked up a lot when I showed up. It was really cute. Still, I had some guesses and when you came to the shed it was heavily validated. So in the end, I'm not mad. Lowkey a little happy you didn't do some over the top romantic gestures like my cousin's man did."

I listen to her rant amused and amazed. She knew? A part of me thinks she just had some hopeful thoughts and wanted the signs to be for her. Or maybe I'm not as good as I think at hiding this. Either way, it doesn't matter because she doesn't hate me. She wants me and I can't do anything but be thrilled.

With a snort, I pull her into a kiss, ecstatic with the turn of events. She smiles against my lips, pulling me close. As we kiss a few people walk back, whistling and making sly comments at us. We part, chuckling with one another at their jokes.

"So you aren't mad you have to join back next year," I ask just to be sure.

"Maybe a little," she shrugs," I guess your just going to have to make me forgive you."

I growl, leaning down and nipping at her neck. Her shriek of laughter makes me giddy. I have my mate, and she's perfect.

[imnotwolverine]

The Wolves Return - Part 3

< Part 2 | Part 4 > 

Summary: Who’s more annoying: the goat or the girl? 

Word count: 2.131 (7,5 minutes) 

Disclaimer: 16+ - Mentions of injury, Geralt being sour old sock

--

‘There’s my girl! My sweet little girl!’ 

Eskel’s voice sounded at the other side of the dormitory, where Geralt lay tucked into one of the beds. With a soft grumble the bed-ridden Witcher cracked open an eye. What had happened? Why was he here? Swiping a tired hand over his face he watched the closed door from which some footsteps were heard. What was Eskel on about? 

‘Ha! You are silly, you know that. Much like your father.’ Eskel chimed. 

Geralt frowned. Who was he talking to? 

‘Do not tell me she’s still here..’ Geralt whispered with a low growl, as he pushed his aching body away from the mattress. He felt like he had been thrown in a mangler and it took all his willpower to not let out a cry. 

Back in the day he would have recuperated easily from his wounds. But age at last, though not quite visible, seemed to have caught up with him. And the less visible scars - those deep within, were there to always remind him that his young years were long gone now. 

Eskel had gone quiet and a moment later the door opened. With powerful strides he came in, looking dangerous with his facial scars and gigantuous physique. Eskel was however tender as a butterfly, and it showed in the way he kept his favourite goat safely in his arms. Gertie. The black-and-white flecked cause of plenty of mayhem when her adoring human ‘father’ wasn’t around. 

‘And she’s right!’ Eskel laughed, kissing Gertie atop her bony head. The goat blankly stared at Geralt. 

Geralt silently rolled his eyes. ‘Eskel.’ 

‘Hi there old man.’ Eskel grinned. His weight made the floorboards of the dormitory crunch. And the light, hmm.. It must not be late in the day. Morning probably. 

‘No older than I am.’ Geralt complained as he pushed his legs over the edge of the mattress. His legs were bandaged. Properly this time. Another good note was the lack of buzzing of his head. He did not know what kind of potion the woman had given him, but it had been a bad one. Even now he could feel a faint tingle in the far ends of his fingertips. 

‘Couldn’t quit the hunt, huh?’ Eskel plopped down on the bed beside Geralt, who warily watched the goat. Gertie already air-chewed in that testy little way only she could unnerve him. After some minor incidents, Geralt had locked most of the rooms in the keep, so he wouldn’t have to chase down this darn goat as she’d sneak around eating everything and anything. 

‘She’s a little on the thin side.’ Eskel said, scratching the goat beneath her chin. The goat continued to stare at Geralt. 

Geralt shot an unamused look back at Eskel. ‘Gertie? Well..It’s her own fault. She escaped again.’ 

‘Ah, well they all come back in the end, don’t they?’ Eskel winked at Geralt, who grunted softly. Why was Eskel always so upbeat? 

‘Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that --’

‘HI!’ Another pair of feet entered the dormitory. The woman. Geralt’s face fell into an ever deeper grimace.

‘Ah f--’ 

 ‘I thought I’d bring some food!’ She said, raising a small plate with some dried meats and fruits. Eskel whooped. 

‘A woman to my heart!’ 

The woman smiled and walked towards the men. 

‘Interesting taste in women you have.’ Geralt whispered beneath his breath. 

‘Well I--’ Eskel looked up as the woman stepped in before the two Witchers. ‘Hi.’ He smiled and looked at the plate of food in her hands. ‘Great! Shall I eh…’ He eyed Geralt who looked at him with widening eyes. ‘Leave you two..?’ 

Geralt started shaking his head. 

‘No?’ 

The woman giggled. ‘Don’t worry Geralt. I don’t bite as hard as Gertie does.’ 

Before Geralt could utter a complaint Eskel and Gertie had left and Geralt was left alone with the woman. Bouncing from one foot to the other she looked around the dormitory. She was wearing some old clothes Ciri had left behind, and though the clothes didn’t look too bad, it was clear they weren’t fitting quite as they should. A little too tight in some places, a little too loose in others. 

‘Oh and the food.’ She quickly placed the plate of food next to Geralt. With long lashes she looked away as he pulled away the last of the sheets from his body. He was wearing no more but some knee length breeches and it was clear from the hot blush on her cheeks that she was very aware of how close to nudity he was. 

‘Never seen a man before?’ Geralt quirked an eyebrow. With a swift move he landed a cut of dried sausage in his mouth. Sausage. The woman’s cornflower blue eyes looked at him with slight puzzlement. 

‘You have no idea who I am, huh?’ She said, shoulders drooping. 

Geralt blinked, chewing on the sausage. ‘I’ve recovered from my amnesia well enough to..remember..’ He frowned. Thoughts bubbled faster and faster up from the dusty corners of his mind. After years of close to no adventures, it felt truly like a lifetime ago last he traveled The Trail. Corn..flower..blue. 

I’m going to be a father, Geralt. 

‘Jaskier.’ Geralt whispered, ‘Son of a..’

‘His daughter Isabella, yes.’ The woman interrupted, offering a hand in greeting. 

Geralt looked up at her hand and hesitated. Shake? Kiss on knuckles? Swat away? He studied the deep blue of her eyes that he could have recognised anywhere. She definitely had her father’s eyes. Hopefully, for her good, that was were the resemblance ended. She smiled. 

‘Goat got your tongue, Witcher?’ 

Nope. She definitely inherited more. 

‘Look I don’t know why you are here, but--’ 

‘Oh please!’ She sat down and plopped a dried piece of apple in her mouth. ‘If I wanted to hear stories about my father I’d just go to the local whorehouse. Sure enough the two of you left plenty a --’

‘Isabella.’ Her name tasted strange in his mouth. It sounded too regal for a woman who sat here dressed in something close to rags. 

‘Yes.. Geralt of Rivia?’ 

Geralt contemplated his question for a moment. With a guarded gaze he watched her look around the dusty room. 

‘Why ARE you here?’ 

‘Oh that.’ She looked back at him and smiled. ‘I eh.. Guess I need a Witcher?’

‘I don’t go out on The Trail any longer. Ask Eskel.’ 

‘Yea yea I know. And I also learned you gentlemen don’t work during the winter, so there’s that for timing. Besides, the weather truly has gone atrocious in moments. I do not know who else you expect to arrive, but they’ll surely freeze over before --’

Too much talking. Geralt growled softly and turned his head away, eyes squinting closed. ‘Woman!’ He inhaled sharply. ‘I mean..I-Isa-bella.’

She bit her lip. ‘Sorry.’ 

Geralt grunted and swiped a tired hand over his face. Why couldn’t all women be like Roach? ‘No, no I’m sorry. Argh.’ 

Isabella watched Geralt as he started chewing on a piece of cheese. His square jaw was dusted with a speckle of grey that would soon grow out in a beard. It’d probably look good on him. 

‘Are you mad at me?’ 

Geralt’s chest rumbled softly, but he did shake his head no. ‘Let’s just say you take after your father.’ He looked up and shook his head in bemusement. 

Isabella smiled. ‘Horny old bastard he was.’

‘I didn’t mean that you --’ 

‘OH!’ She gasped in shock at her own words. ‘Apologies! I didn’t mean.. I mean.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I am..neither a bastard nor am I..’ Her gaze involuntarily flew over Geralts chest. ‘horny.’ 

Geralt knew women well enough that he best keep quiet to prevent any further embarrassment on her end. She sure as hell took after her father with that mouth of hers. 

With a slightly uncomfortable tug he pulled the sheets back over his abdomen. 

‘Alright. We’ll eh..talk later.’ Isabella said, before hurrying off with a long string of near silent curse words on her lips -- something that unfortunately for her, Geralt’s Witcher senses picked up quite perfectly. 

--

Kaer Morhen smelled differently. It was not only because of the stew that was cooking, or Gertie who had been bound to a ring to keep away from the furniture she had started eating earlier this afternoon. No. There was something strangely familiar about the scent of a woman. 

As Geralt sat perched on a comfortable chair near the hearth, his fingers absentmindedly carved away on a piece of soft wood. It was a new pass-time of his and he had gotten quite skilled at it by now. Without so much as looking he could carve out small horses, goats, swords.. and if he felt adventurous: women. 

Right now the little piece of wood in his hand was only becoming slimmer. No shape there to be defined. Geralt had a difficulty to keep his mind keen now his nose continued to drift off towards the herbal sweet smell of this strange new guest in his keep. 

On the other far end of the keep’s main room sat Eskel, who was reading. Though brutish in appearance, Eskel had always been one of the more refined of the School of the Wolf. Much to Vesemir’s amusement, the late keep-holder of Kaer Morhen. Yes, those darn books. Geralt had despised them. And so father, so daughter: Ciri had taken on any chance to go out and train come rain and come shine in the courtyard. 

‘What are you up to?’ Geralt finally said, focussing his eyes on the woman that sat huddled over a table with an avalanche of books folded open. 

‘Reading.’ 

‘Hmm.’ Geralt sighed and turned a little more towards the woman. In the far back he could see Eskel look up in mild curiosity. 

Scratching her arm, the woman kept her focus on the sheets of paper before her. She seemed not just curious. She seemed nervous. That is, what Geralt had been smelling. Her sweat. A thin aromatic layer of sweat that basked this whole room in her presence. 

‘Is it exciting?’ Geralt pushed himself up with a teeth-gritted grunt and walked over.The potion the woman had given him had thankfully worn off, so he was back to the same old aches he had to live with in cold and humid weather. 

Making his way to the table, he noted she was not really reading-reading. Before her lay maps. Charts. Prints of the surrounding grounds of the keep. 

‘Planning for an escape already?’ 

Isabella finally looked up. ‘Gotta keep my options open, no?’

Geralt looked down at the map. Her finger was resting dangerously close to one of the secret paths. Paths that he thought not even Jaskier had known about. 

Isabella continued. ‘I think I came this way. The local hunter a few villages north told me far too good a tale for it to be all lies, so I set out and--’

‘What tale?’ 

Isabella looked up. ‘About a dangerous troll, who lives up here.’ She sniffled as she saw Geralt’s face sour. 

‘You know we can’t let you live if you know the path to and from the keep.’ He sat down with a pained grunt. ‘For hundreds of years only a select group of Witchers and friends have known these tracks, and we very well like to keep it so.’ With a quick swipe he retrieved the maps and started to fold them away. 

Isabella sat back and sighed. ‘Shouldn’t have shown my dad then.’ 

Geralt looked up. ‘He told you?’ 

Isabella sniffed. ‘Have you met my father? If there’s one thing he was truly blessed at, it was talking.’ She looked at Eskel who quickly reverted his eyes to his book.

‘I remember that unfortunately too vividly.’ Geralt stacked the papers together and eyed Eskel. The other Witcher made a statement of not returning his gaze. Urgh, he needed Eskel in this right now. What did he have to do with this woman?! 

‘Geralt I --’ Isabella started when she noted with a gasp that something had gone terribly wrong at the other side of the room. Geralt turned his attention to that corner of the room as well, only to note what it was; Gertie. Gertie was gone. 

Before he could say it, Eskel had already jumped up from his seat and the three of them set out to look behind the crates, open doors and where not. 

She couldn’t have gone far, right? 

Geralt slowly hopped on behind Isabella. Again, like when he met her, he felt a strange feeling come over him. And his medallion.. He reached up and noted that Isabella started turning around with a sheetpale face. 

‘Geralt..?’ 

His medallion started humming.

--

Part 4 >

--

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[nineteenninety-six]

Arguments of Concern - Part Three

The love I got on ‘escapism’ was so great, thank you so much <3

I also don’t remember much of the beach scene so ignore inaccuracies pls lol

WORD COUNT: 2105

[PART ONE] [PART TWO]

Adam was fast asleep on (Y/N)’s lap as Tommy drove them towards Margate. He was excited when he was told that he was going on a trip to the beach and spent the first couple of hours excitedly chatting and asking his parents a hundred questions before he became bored and tired, allowing his parents to spend the remaining hour of the journey to talk without the chance of having little ears overhearing anything that was said.

Whilst their relationship had slightly improved compared to before, (Y/N) was still bitter at Tommy for getting involved with Mosley and subsequently dragging them into the mess too. Adam was her number one priority and despite how much she hated the idea of it, she would take him and leave Tommy if she needed to. Tommy was the love of her life and has provided her with everything she could ever need but slowly the bad was overtaking the good and she didn’t think she could just watch from the sidelines anymore.

Tommy’s hand on her thigh brought her out of her thoughts,

“You okay?”

“Hmm, just thinking about this mysterious friend of yours” (Y/N) teased, pulling his hand off her thigh before lacing their fingers together.

Tommy brought their conjoined hands up and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand, “Don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise...” (Y/N) scoffed, “Don’t tell me it’s one of your old flings or girlfriends?”

Tommy snorted a laugh, “If I did that, I wouldn’t have to worry about Mosley killing me since I know you’d kill me before he’d even get a chance.”

(Y/N) made a vague noise of distress before she pulled her hand free of his and whacked him on the arm,

“Don’t joke about dying” She scolded him.

“ ‘m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not.” Tommy threw her a smirk and wink causing her to giggle.

If (Y/N) tried her hardest briefly forget about the actual reason why they were going to Margate, she could pretend that they were just taking a small holiday as a family.

“When all this is over, we’ll go away somewhere. You, me and Adam. Just the three of us eh?” Tommy spoke up after a few moments, glancing at her.

“Hmm, we can go to Wales or Ireland.”

Tommy smiled at her, “We could stay in a caravan. Adam would enjoy it.”

(Y/N) bit her lip before she spoke again, slightly hesitating, “When this is done...you’ll take a step back right? From the more dangerous stuff?”

Tommy sighed ��(Y/N)...”

(Y/N) also sighed, “I’m not being unreasonable Tommy, I’m not telling to completely stop with the illegal side of the business. All I’m asking is to not get involved in dangerous situations with dangerous people like you have nothing to lose, because you do Tommy. You have us.”

“We’ll talk more about it when everything is over.”

(Y/N) simply nodded, not wanting to fight and wake Adam.

They had arrived at Margate now, driving right by the coast, no doubt close to their final destination.

“It’s gorgeous.” (Y/N) gasped as she peered out of the window, gazing at the beach and at the people making the most of the end of the summer heat before autumn fully settled in. The scent of the salty air and the sound of the seagulls made (Y/N) smile, she found the place somewhat calming.

Five minutes later and they were pulling into the drive of a mansion and even though the hedges were preventing her view, (Y/N) knew they were still close to the seafront as she could still hear the crashing of the waves and the faint sound of people.

Tommy got out of the car first and made his way over to her side of the car and opened the door for her. (Y/N) missed the figure step out of the mansion and make his way down the stairs that were in front of the mansion as she tried to step out of the car with Adam in her arms.

“Here lemme take him.” Tommy took Adam in his arms, the young boy still fast asleep. As grew older, he also grew heavier meaning that (Y/N) couldn’t hold him for long periods of time, making her miss the days where he was tiny and never wanted to leave her arms.

“Mrs Shelby! It’s wonda-ful to see ya lovely face again, shame you brought ya husband along with you though.”

(Y/N) whipped around to where the voice came from, instantly recognising it. She couldn’t believe her eyes and when she looked back at Tommy to make sure that she wasn’t hallucinating, she received a nod that told her that he was real.

“Alfie? Jesus Christ…” (Y/N) murmured as she made her way over to him.

Her eyes caught on the large scar on his face, “What happened to you? Tommy only told me you had died.”

“Oh, this thing ‘ere?” Alfie pointed at his scar, “Yea well, you can blame your husband for tha’”

“You asked me to kill you, Alfie.” Tommy sounded like he’d had this conversation many times before.

“You what?!”

“In my defence luv, I did think I was going to die anyway.”

“I...uh..” (Y/N) was speechless.

“I’ll explain  when we get inside.” Tommy told her as he moved to stand next to her.

Alfie’s eyes catch on Adam who was clinging on to his father in his sleep, “If it isn’t little Tommy Jr, he’s grown a lot hasn’t he?”

Alfie had only met Adam once when he had visited Tommy at the house, (Y/N) had just come home from a walk with a then two-year old Adam when Adam had run into Tommy office to say hello to his father. Alfie had immediately taken note of how similar the father and son looked and the started to call Adam, ‘Tommy Jr’. (Y/N) was pretty sure that he had only done it to annoy Tommy, which it did- not that Alfie would ever find out.

“I think we need to talk, don’t we? Let’s head inside yeah” Alfie led them into their house and sent his maid off the make them some tea.

Tommy placed Adam on the couch so that he was laying down before taking a seat next to him and (Y/N) sat on Tommy’s other side so that he was in the middle.

“Right, so what happened?” (Y/N) asked as she shrugged off her coat.

Alfie a slightly guilty expression on his face but Tommy began talking before she could question him.

“Remember the boxing match a few years ago?” Tommy asked his wife

(Y/N) sat up slightly, “When you were dealing with the Italians? Yeah, why?”

“Alfie had betrayed us-- me and sent Changretta’s men undercover as his to kill me, except they attacked Arthur instead.”

(Y/N) stared at Alfie, gobsmacked, “I..why would you do that? Actually, why am I surprised, you’ve betrayed us before!”

Alfie just winced and kept silent.

“And so when I went to confront him, he tells me that he’s suffering from skin cancer but he wanted to go out his own way--”

“He wanted you to kill him?” (Y/N) caught on.

“I didn’t wan’ to die because of fuckin’ cancer. The doctor said that I most likely got it from the trenches in the war and that’s not how I wanted to die. He also said that it would be painful and long an’ that’s no way for a gangster to go out is it?” There was both pain and anger in Alfie’s voice.

“So you betrayed Tommy because you knew that he would kill you?”

Alfie nodded, “(Y/N)...I wanted it to be quick and painless. I didn’t want to die from cancer.”

“Oh, Alfie.” (Y/N)’s heart hurt for him.

“I didn’t want to shoot him at first but then he shot at me so I shot at him back.”

“You got shot?! You told me you were dealing with Arthur after he had one of his episodes.”

“If I told you I got shot, you would have killed me.” Tommy smiled at his wife.

“You’re absolutely right.”

Whines and grunts came from Adam as he slowly woke up, his body shuffling against Alfie’s couch. (Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh as he sat up, his face was puffy and his hair was a mess, there was also a frown marring his face, clearly not appreciating the fact that he had been woken up.

“Mama?” He croaked as he crawled over Tommy and into her arms.

“Hello poppet, did you have a nice nap?” (Y/N) ran her fingers through his hair, trying to tame it.

“Uh-huh, I had a dream that there was a big lion but dada saved us before it could eat us!”

“Dada saved us? How lucky are we huh” (Y/N) pressed a kiss to his forehead

“Here, drink this Adam” Tommy passed Adam a glass of water that he easily gulped down.

Feeling refreshed and no longer tired, Adam twisted on (Y/N)’s lap but froze at the sight of Alfie sat opposite them.

“Hello there, I’m Alfie Solomons.” Alfie lent forward and held his hand out.

Adam silently stared before leaning forward and shaking his hand “I’m Adam Shelby.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr Shelby.”

Adam paused before he spoke again, “What happened to your face?”

“Adam!” (Y/N) hissed but she didn’t know why she was surprised, he was a kid and kids were curious.

“Nahh it’s orright, he’s fine. I had an accident and hurt myself”

“Did it hurt?”

“For a bit, yeah, but I’m fine now”

“Okay!” That seemed to satisfy Adam who no longer seemed interested anymore.

Tommy shifted as he pulled his watch out of his pocket and sighed when he checked the time, “I have to go.”

“We’ve just got here.” (Y/N) whispered, upset.

“Do you like ships Adam?” (Y/N) smiled at Alfie, knowing that his plan was to distract Adam so that she could talk to Tommy.

“I don’t think he’s ever seen one.” (Y/N) laughed.

“If we’re lucky we can see one from the balcony, wanna see if can see any?”

Adam looked up to his parents for permission, excited at the prospect at seeing ships. (Y/N) and Tommy nodded and he eagerly jumped up off of (Y/N)’s lap and allowed Alfie to take him to the balcony.

“Can you not stay any longer?” (Y/N) asked her husband.

“I wish I could. You have no idea how much I want to stay with you and Adam and hide from everything back home.” Tommy pressed his head against hers and wiped away the tears that slowly began to fall down her cheeks.

“You must come back to me. You must come back to us because I don’t know how I survive if you’re dead.” (Y/N) sobbed.

“I will come back to you but if something does happen then you must promise to do what we planned yeah? You take Adam and you go.”

“Thomas!”

“Promise me (Y/N)” Tommy made sure she was looking at him in the eye as he made her promise.

“I promise. I promise you, Tommy. If something happens, I’ll take Adam and go.”

“Good.” Tommy pressed a kiss to (Y/N)’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I love you so much, Tommy.” (Y/N) kissed him back and they continued kissing before Tommy pulled away and stepped back.

“Adam, come say bye to dada!” (Y/N) called out so that Adam could hear her from the balcony.

“Bye? Why?” Adam wondered in with Alfie’s binoculars in his hands.

Tommy knelt down in front of him, “Dada has to go back home for a bit but I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Adam frowned but nevertheless nodded, “Can we see the ships together when you come back?”

“Of course. We’ll go to the beach as well okay?”

Adam grinned excitedly and hugged Tommy, “Okay. See you soon! Love you!”

Tommy tightly wrapped his arms around Adam and kissed the side of his head. “Love you too”

Alfie took Adam back outside while (Y/N) followed Tommy to the car to say one more goodbye.

“Come back to me okay?”

“I will. I love you.” Tommy gave her one last kiss before getting into the car.

“I love you too.” (Y/N) said before Tommy drove away.

[gothpanda]

A Little Bit of Attitude Ch. 12: Ten Times Worse

WORD COUNT: 5.7K

A/N: I’m happy writing this story Thank you for reading my story! 

WARNINGS: None

Read On Ao3

Previous/Next

MAY 28TH, 1983

The summer sun beat down on the open field, heating up the enormous crowds of people that walked the U.S Festival. San Bernardino had almost every sunset strip regular come to watch bands play for Heavy Metal Day on Memorial Day Weekend. The Bass Sisters alongside Amanda and Britney, strut down the fields aiming to find their sole reason for coming.  

“You’re not hot in this black cape?” Athena asked, touching the loose black lace bell sleeve, curling her lip. Sammi smiled at her sister, raising her arms to show off her new kimono. “Clearly you haven’t paid attention to Stevie to know this is not a cape. Also, I’d rather not burn just wearing this leopard halter top. I’m still impressed Tommy actually got me something rather fashionable for Christmas.” said Sammi. Athena nodded, “Yeah yeah Stevie Nicks we get it.” Sammi gave a short giggled, putting on the black sunglasses.

Walking a bit ahead of the sisters, Amanda and Britney could not help but look at the festival with curiosity. “Man there are so many cute guys here,” Britney said, looking back at Sammi and Athena. “Yeah, rock concerts do have the best dudes sometimes. Or the grimiest depending on the show,” said Athena, tieing her long hair in a ponytail.

“Maybe you think all these random guys are cute due to Sammi’s influence,” Amanda said peeking through her sunglasses at Britney. Sammi tilted her head for a moment, looking at Athena.

“I don’t think Sammi has an influence on Britney for liking a different breed of guy than you, Amanda,” Athena said, swinging an arm around Sammi. Amanda turned back to see the girls, giving a sarcastic giggle.

“Well I mean Britney wanted Vince for a while and all of a sudden she stopped liking him,” Amanda said with a smile directly at Sammi.

“Because being horny goes away, Amanda.” said Britney, frowning at her roommate. Amanda only shrugged her, “Whatever you say,”. Sammi stayed silent, crossing her arms, staying close to Athena.

“Did the guys tell you where we’re even supposed to go?” Britney asked as her head slowly turned from catching eye contact with a long haired man.

Athena shakes her head looking around the field, Sammi mimicking her actions. The shows hadn’t started yet from the obvious lack of extremely loud instruments. Every fan prepared in front of the main stage, putting blankets on the ground as other’s got drinks for themselves. As the girls continued to walk aimlessly, Sammi soon noticed a crowd of photographers and reports near a small pond left of the field grounds.

The younger sister pulled away from Athena, trying to get a closer look as she squinted her eyes. From the outside, Sammi could only see a blonde and a brunette in the middle as they spoke to an older man.

“Holy shit is that Nikki and Vin?” Athena asked, walking next to Sammi.

“I wanna say yes. I can’t see for shit.” said Sammi, closing her eyes tight to then blink for some focus back in her vision.

Amanda and Britney walked beside Sammi and Athena, one with a scowl and the other with a happy smile. “How about you two go see if you can get their attention? Britney and I are gonna see what the hell you can eat in this place.” Amanda said, looking back at the festival. Sammi nodded looking back at Amanda and Britney, “Yeah you girls do that. Might take a while for them to notice us.”

Athena grabbed Sammi by the hand, playfully pulling her away from her friends trying to get closer to the crowd. “We’re definitely gonna need to push some people away,” Athena said squeezing past men, holding Sammi’s hand tighter. Sammi smiled as she passed the multiple men, remaining polite, unlike Athena. “Athena let's just stay here. We’re almost right in front of them.” Sammi said, holding Athena back slightly.

“So boys like we’ve been talking about, how do you want your image seen by the crowd and others today?” a man with a thick mustache asked Nikki and Vince as he wrote down on his small notepad.

Nikki took a sip of his drink as Vince only stared straight into oblivion, not bothering to answer. “Well you see, Man, we want everyone to know how much a couple of crazy delinquents who are ready to blow your mind.” Nikki said with a smirk on his lips as he took another sip from the solo cup. Sammi chuckled at Nikki’s response just as Athena rolled her eyes with a smile. “I swear this dude’s meant to own this shit,” Athena whispered to Sammi. “They all are. A good weird balance they all have.” Sammi said with a smile.

Vince pursed his lips out, toning out anything Nikki and the reporter were saying. It became boring for Vince to answer questions when he didn’t want to in the first place. This crew only caught him when he and Nikki walked around before their show. As Vince grabbed Nikki’s cup for a sip of whiskey, the blonde was able to notice a small girl off the left from the crowd. A smile grew on him, seeing Sammi and Athena happily whispering at each other.

“Is that smile from playing Heavy Metal Day?” the reporter asked Vince.

Vince blinked a few times as his attention got pulled back to the interview, “I-I’m sorry, what?”

“That smile you’ve got on. Is it because you’re happy to be playing your first festival on Heavy Metal Day?” the reporter asked again

Vince nodded, raising his eyebrows “Yea-Yeah I’m smiling because of that. Just happy to be here! Really excited!” Nikki looked at Vince from behind his sunglasses, studying his change in mood.

“I think it’s time for us to go, gentleman. Don’t want to be late at our own set,” Vince said patting the reporter on the shoulder as he walked into the crowd of men. He walked straight to Sammi and Athena, grabbing Sammi’s hand and hanging his arm on Athena’s shoulders. The threesome walked out of the crowd, Nikki following from a distance right as Vince engulfed Sammi in a tight hug.

“Finally you guys are here!” Vince yelled out into the sky, swinging side to side with Sammi still wrapped around him. “Tommy told us to look for you, but we got caught up,” Vince said pulling away, smiling down at Sammi.

“Well I mean you guys stand out all the time so it was easy to find you instead, Vinnie,” said Sammi, giving Vince a quick kiss on the cheek. From behind Sammi, Athena raised an eyebrow with a smirk at Vince who began to feel warmth in his cheeks. “Hi Vinnie,” said trying to withhold a laugh as she hugged Vince. “Shut up, Athena.” Vince whispered.

“You’re not gonna say hi, princess?” Nikki whispered behind Sammi causing her to jump slightly. Sammi turned on her heels with a smile on her face, hugging Nikki from the waist. “Hey, Nik! You looked like a natural talking to that reporter dude,” Sammi said looking up at him with her chin against his chest. Nikki smirked down fixing a piece of her hair. “Yeah have to get used to it, don’t I? By the way, hot outfit” pulling away from Sammi, holding her hand as he scanned her, “Been looking extra good every time we have a show.” Nikki said. Athena rolled eyes at Nikki, thankfully covered by sunglasses. “Thank you, Tommy got me everything for Christmas,” said Sammi.

“Correction, I got you that for Christmas.” said Vince, stepping closer to the youngest girl in the group. Sammi and Athena exchanged looks for confusion from the words of Vince.

“What? You really think Tommy would’ve remembered to send you out presenst?” Vince asked with a smile on his lips

“So the strap for my acoustic was from you?” Athena asked getting a nod in response from the blondie. “Damn, well thanks for the outfit then,” Sammi said, wrapping an arm around Vince’s waist. “Anytime,” said Vince, hanging his arm around Sammi’s neck.

Nikki looked away from the two, realizing Athena never gave him the time of day. “Hey Athena, you’re not gonna say hi?” Nikki asked smirking at the middle child.

Athena frowned, “Hi. Anyways, where the fuck is our brother?” asked Athena. Nikki chuckled dryly beginning to walk away from the group. “Follow me and I’ll take you to him,” Nikki says only to stop in his tracks at the sight of Amanda and Britney walking towards him.

“Hey girls! Nikki and Vince are gonna take us to Tommy and Mick.” said Sammi, peeling away from Vince as she took the pretzel Britney held out for her. “Nikki, Vince, you guys remember Amanda and Britney.” Nikki and Vince exchanged quick glances to each other, not knowing what to say.

“Hey boys, it’s really awesome to see you guys. Can’t wait for your guys' gig later on.” Amanda said with a broad white smile, making the boys cautious of the blonde.

“Sammi said you guys have been insanely good while on tour!” Britney said cheerfully with a giggle, Vince pressing his lips together, eyes growing as he heard the laugh. He took a quick glance at Sammi seeing her have a poker face.

“It’s great to see you girls,” Vince said smiling stiffly at the girls while Nikki only remained silent, averting eyes from everyone in front of him.

“So let’s go get your brother then girls,” Amanda said still keeping her smile on her face.

“Yes please, I’d like to ask why the fuck he doesn’t do shit on his own.” Athena said walking past everyone with Nikki following her. “Just follow us,” Nikki said, glancing back to the group to see Vince lace his hand around Sammi’s, making him groan silently as they walked towards the trailers and buses. Amanda took note at this as she walked behind the two, smirking to herself, readjusting her sunglasses.

*

Walking to the trailers showed the girls rockstar they’ve never thought they would see on a normal day. Athena grew a gigantic smile as she saw Ozzy Osbourne walk right past them, giving a quick high five to Nikki and Vince. Ozzy gave a nice smile to the girls behind the band members, ready to hit the stage.

“Oh my fucking god,” Athena gasped, stopping her tracks as she grabbed Sammi by the arm having her stumble slightly back.

“The fuck, A?” Sammi asked, scrunching her eyebrows together. “Look who’s talking to Tommy,” Athena said with a goofy smile. Sammi looked ahead of her, removing her sunglasses, to see her brother talking to a tall shaggy-haired blonde that resembled someone she’s seen on MTV. “Is that David Lee Roth?” Sammi asked straining her vision.

“You are correct sweet Sammi. Van Halen are the last act for today, another blondie lead singer,” Vince said, smoothing out the wrinkle lines between Sammi’s eyebrows.

“He isn’t jealous of the new cute blondie that’s going on before him,” Sammi asked raising an eyebrow to Vince.

“You think I’m cute?” Vince asked with a smirk on his face as he looked at Sammi. She rolled her eyes, linking her arm with Athena, walking to their brother.

“Tommy! Gotta surprise for you!” Nikki shouted, grabbing Tommy by his bare stomach, making the skinny drummer laugh. Tommy looked to see his favorite people smile up at him, “Athena! Sammi! Finally! I’m so sorry for missing the holidays!” Tommy said, engulfing both of them in a group hug. The girls patted Tommy’s back before pulling away from him, “It’s okay, Vince made up for it with the nice presents with your name on them,” Athena said with a bright white smile. Tommy shot a dagger to Vince, raising his arms in a questionable shrug. Vince only blew a kiss to the drummer.

Amanda and Britney stood in between Sammi, like the devil and the angel on her shoulders who smiled at him. Tommy returned the smile, “Hi Amanda. Hi Britney. Good to see y’all came as well. Everyone, meet our buddy David. He sings for Van Halen.” Tommy said, swinging an arm around David and patting him on the chest. David smirked at the girls soon noticing the sisters beauty.

“These are my sisters, Athena and Sammi.”

“Well aren’t you a cutie, Athena. You’re not bad either Sammi but I rather not touch,” David said, seeing Vince put an arm around Sammi as she smiled up at him. Athena giggled shyly, running her fingers through her hair as she looked at David. “Hey man careful with the sisters. You can look but no touching, unless ya ask.” Tommy said, pointing a finger at David’s face, making the singer laugh.

“Come on T-Bone we have to get ready, Mick’s already at the trailer. You girls are gonna finally see our updated era of Motley Crue,” Nikki said with a smirking, walking backward to the white trailer behind him labeled MOTLEY CRUE

“Hey can you and Athena help us get ready? Our asses are gonna need it,” Tommy asked his sisters, as Vince followed Nikki to the trailer. The sisters look at each other than to their guests, answering with a shrug. “Sure!” they said in unison. Tommy punched the air with a smile on his face, jumping on the balls of his feet. “Fuck yes! Amanda and Brit, you two can have a beer from the cooler right there by the door!” Tommy said to the blondes, bringing Athena and Sammi to the trailer.

Inside the cramped narrow trailer, the Bass sisters at first hand saw the mind of Nikki come to life for the band. The four men each had studded leather pants, ones with red stripes while Mick had a dark blue. The girls raised a smile at the new aesthetic. “Nice heels, Sixx,” Athena said, walking towards Tommy as he looped the buckles around him. Nikki glared at Athena as he buckled the front of the leather straps. Sammi stood in between Nikki and Vince, taking off her sunglasses as she looked at the costumes carefully.

“These outfits look sick. Reminds me of something off of Mad Max,” Sammi said, lightly gliding her hand over the studs from Nikki’s straps. Nikki smiled in the mirror, “Glad someone gets it. Help me buckle up?” Sammi nodded as she tightens all of the back and adjusted the spiky shoulder pads Nikki had on.

Patting Nikki on the back, Sammi turned her attention to Mick, giving him a thumbs up with a smile. “Hey Vin, you don’t need help?” Sammi asked, peeking over the shoulder of Vince, looking at him in the mirror. Vince smirked at the brunette, passing a bottle of hairspray to her, “Make sure the back looks good, Doll.”

With a quick fix of the hair, Vince thanked Sammi with a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the trailer. “Sam! Please help me with my makeup! Please!” Tommy yelled at Sammi, placing a stool right in front of her, looking up with a smile. “Red lipstick?” Sammi asked with a raised eyebrow. Tommy nodded with puppy dog eyes, “Nik said it looks cool!” Sammi only shrugged her shoulders, carefully playing with the black eyeliner and red lipstick she was given. Black smudged eyes and red lips on her brother’s face, Sammi never was an artist but didn’t want to make Tommy look bad. “Done!” Sammi said smiling proudly at her work.

A knock on the trailer came out of nowhere, walking in a younger man with a clipboard and lanyard around his neck. “Uh Motley Crue, you guys are going on in 30 minutes!” the young man said. He glanced at Athena and Sammi for a moment, “Are these special guests?”

“Yeah we’re his sisters. We also came with the two blondes outside” Athena said. The man nodded, “Alright then, come with me. I can show you to the stage while the talent finishes getting ready.” He said walking out. “Good luck guys,” Athena said, kissing Tommy on the cheek. “Good luck,” Sammi said, hugging Tommy.

Stepping out of the trailer, Sammi stood at the top of the three steps, attention immediately gravitating to Amanda. In front of her, Amanda suddenly turned on another side to her in front of Vince. The two stood in front of each other, closer than ever with Amanda’s tank top a tad bit lowered before. Athena looked between the tension, walking down the steps trying to not intervene. Britney paid no attention as she had another random guy talk to her. Sammi rested a hand against the railing, pursing her lips out. “Ahem” Sammi cleared her throat loudly, gaining a look from Amanda. “It’s time to wait by the stage, come on.” Sammi said giving daggers to Vince before putting on her sunglasses, walking straight to Athena only.

*

“Vince looks really hot in his new outfit,” Amanda said, popping her gum to the other girls, eyes glued on Vince. By the side of the stage where the girls stood, they saw the boys seconds away from performing their set. Sammi scrunched her eyebrows with a frown, looking back and forth at the two blondes, thankful Vince had his back to them. “They all look good in their new outfits. They look like villains,” Britney said, eyeing Sammi’s reaction seeing her cross her arms in discomfort.

“Well, I don’t think you’d be Vince’s type, to be honest, Amanda.” Athena said, swinging a protective arm around Sammi. Amanda looked at Athena straight ahead, “Why not? I’m blonde and hot. What more is needed to be his type?” Athena only shot daggers to Amanda, right as Tommy began beating his drums

The crowd was the biggest Motley Crue had ever had since being on tour. It was amazing how in the time of not seeing the boys for months, they changed again as they were able to take over the giant crowd. Vince’s voice echoed all across the field, getting even people who weren’t in the crowd look his way from a distance. Nikki and Mick were able to be in sync throughout every song. The new songs added made Athena excited for their album, “I’m so proud of Tommy,” Athena whispered to Sammi who only nodded. She cracked a smile when Tommy stood on his drum set, yelling with adrenaline. Sammi saw Vince for a moment not noticing Amanda’s smirk on her face as she also saw the singer.

After close to 40 minutes, the boys ran off stage covered in sweat to the girls. Tommy gave a hug to his sisters, even with their protests from his grossness. “Hey Van Halen is gonna go on in like an hour! Wanna all hang out by the trailers?” Tommy said, goofy smiling at everyone around him. The girls at each other for a moment, Amanda stepping aside. “I do have a question though? Where the hell can I find a decent restroom? I’m not going in a gross porta-potty.” Amanda said with a grim face at the band.

“Yeah, I could take you to the buses. Ours isn’t far from the trailers.” Vince said walking to Amanda. “I was gonna go change anyway,” Amanda raised an eyebrow to Vince. “Perfect let us go. I’ll see you girls later” said Amanda, smiling back at Sammi. The younger girl didn’t make a face or say anything, she only turned on her heels to the trailers. Britney and Athena exchanged a look as everyone scattered to their own thing.

*

“After you, Ms. Amanda” Vince said, holding the bus door open wide with a gestured arm. Walking in, Amanda couldn’t see anything out of place on the bus. Everything looked somewhat clean even if she could smell the stench of smoke in the air. “Toilet's all the way to the end over here. I’m gonna change in here.” Vince said, walking into the spare bedroom. “Thanks,” said Amanda as she disappeared.

Vince changed quickly out of the leather and into loose jeans with a vest, going to the front of the bus on a mission to find his baggie. Walking out of the restroom, Amanda leaned against the walkway from the bunks seeing Vince search for drugs. “You looked really good out there,” Amanda said, Vince slowly looking to her with a proud smirk.

“Why thank you. Glad to know you can give out compliments. Want a beer?” Vince asked, pointing to the small fridge. Amanda nodded, sitting down on one side of the miniature booth. Before Vince could get a beer, he opened a drawer next to the fridge, finding the hidden baggie that he aimed for. Grabbing the drugs with joy, Vince got two beers out of the fridge for his guest, sitting down in front of her. Amanda only smiled flatly as a thank you, eyeing the bag Vince held in his hands.

“Do you mind if I snort in front of you?” Vince asked, pointing at the pile of white powder on the table. “No, just don’t offer any to me,” Amanda said taking a sip of her beer. Vince cut up three thick lines for himself with a random thin card from his wallet, dipping down to snort fast, wincing at the feeling as he wiped his nose clean. Amanda only drank her beer in silence, seeing and thinking about Vince snorting. He looked happy snorting but Amanda was curious.

“Why exactly do you do coke?” Amanda asked, raising an eyebrow to Vince. Vince leaned back into his seat, pursing his lips out as he gave thought into the question. “I don’t know. I just like feeling looser faster, it makes me feel like superman.” Vince said with a shrug.

“Is that how you get all the girls? By feeling like superman?” asked Amanda with a mischievous smirk.

Vince narrowed his eyes at Amanda, “Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

Amanda shrugged with a coy smile, “I’ve always thought you were pretty hot.” Vince tilted his head slightly, smirk still remained.

“Even though you’ve been pretty much cold to me from the few times I’ve seen you.”

“It’s how I flirt. Like to see who’s brave enough to actually make a move,” Amanda said, finishing her beer.

“Well I’m flattered that you’re on the list of girls that find me attractive but I wouldn’t wanna mess around. For Sammi’s sake.” Amanda raised an eyebrow from the sound of Sammi’s name, extending her leg to rest on the lap of Vince. Vince looked down for a second, not knowing what was next.

“And why do you care what Sammi thinks? It’s your life,”

Vince cleared his throat as he shifted in his seat, “Because, I mean, you’re her best friend. I didn’t get with Britney and I’m glad because she’s Sammi’s other best friend. I just wouldn’t want to disrespect her.”

Amanda nodded, “I see. Oh, by the way, it was really sweet of you to get her flowers for her birthday,” Amanda said, leaning on the table smiling, “I think the only times Sammi’s gotten flowers were from guys who really liked her.” Vince shrugged, averting his eyes to the window next to them.

“And then buying her clothes that she loves, it’s really nice…. It’s too bad she likes Nikki.” Vince whipped his attention back to Amanda who smiled at him.

“What? What do you mean she likes Nikki?” Vince said in an almost whisper.

Amanda nodded, “She told us how they kissed when visiting and the flowers. Sammi even pressed the roses in a book to keep them. Brit and I could tell she was really into him when she came home. We just waited for her to tell us.”

Vince bit the inside of his cheek, taking big sips of his beer. “Damn, didn’t think she’d actually fall for his ass. You sure she said this?”

“100% sure. Why? Did the playboy catch feelings?” Amanda asked

Vince only shook his head, looking down at the table. Amanda slid out of the booth on her side, switching right next to Vince. He looked down at her chest first by accident for a moment, making close eye contact with her. “I know you said you don’t want to disrespect Sammi, but she wouldn’t care. Trust me I can take your mind off of it, Vince.” Amanda said, grazing her hand over Vince’s hair. He inhaled deeply and swallowing hard, “Okay,”

*

Sammi sat down on the steps of a random trailer, anxiously bouncing her leg and tapping at the neck her beer bottle. She looked up to see Athena flirting with David, Tommy talking to Ozzy, and Nikki leaving with other people. Sammi could only run her fingers through her hair as she then took a long sip. She didn’t need a watch to know it was taking long for Amanda to come back. Her mind ran wild, trying to calm down with the power of alcohol and not drugs even if she was offered twice already.

From afar, Britney could tell Sammi had been bothered by the actions of Amanda and it was getting worse. She grabbed herself another beer by the steps and sat next to Sammi. She turned to Britney giving a short forced smile. “Hey, having fun?” Sammi asked.

“No. I’m not. Something is going on with you. You’ve been looking nervous since the show ended and I think I know why.” Britney said taking a sip of beer, eyeing Sammi

Sammi’s smile began to crack, looking away. “I’m fine-,”

“Don’t lie. If you think something is going on, go find Amanda” Britney said looking straight ahead of her. Sammi looked at Britney, “What if I find something I don’t like?”

“It’s better than imagining something 10 times worse, and not fully knowing.”

“If A or Tom asks where I went, just make up a lie,” Sammi said, finishing her beer and getting up from the steps.

The walk to the bus felt like a slow descent to Sammi’s fear. She could feel her stomach twist and her chest grow heavy as she saw the Motley bus grow closer.  As she stood in front of the door, Sammi inhaled deeply to calm her nerves slowly reaching out for the handle. She quietly opened the door, and took silent steps up onto the bus. At first, she didn’t see anything from the front. Only two bottles of beer along with a baggie were on the table, Sammi soon began to hear faint noises towards the end of the bus.

With even more silent steps reaching the spare bedroom door, Sammi pressed her ear against the wood. The muffled sound of moans echoed in the room with the sound of the bedframe hitting against the wall. Sammi was able to hear everything especially in the way Amanda moaned out Vince’s man. She wanted to pull away but was frozen as her chin began to tremble and eyes turned red. Sammi covered her mouth trying not to wipe loud, closing her eyes tight from the burning of tears almost escaping her eyes. She peeled herself off the door, walking fast out of the bus not caring about Vince and Amanda knowing someone caught them.

Sammi sunk to her knees on the grass, back against the industrial tire letting the built up tears leave her eyes slowly. The heaviness from her chest spread all over her body, trying her best to calm her breathing as she looked up at the sky. Sammi swallowed away the lump in her throat, wiping the makeup tear stains from her cheeks, picking herself up. She sped walk to the trailers aiming straight to Britney.  

When Sammi got to the trailers, she found Britney talking to the same guy from before. Without saying anything, Sammi grabbed Britney by the arm, pulling her into the corner away from everyone else. She clung onto her best friend, hiding her face into her neck. Britney only wrapped her arms around Sammi, cursing in her mind.

“Amanda and Vince are having sex on the bus. It was 10 times worse,” Sammi whispered to Britney. Britney hugged Sammi tighter, rubbing small circles on her back.

“Sammi, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t think she was going to be like that.” Britney whispered into Sammi’s ear.

“I wanna go home.” Sammi said pulling away as more tears rolled down on her splotchy face. Britney frowned, wiping away Sammi’s tears with her thumb. “Sam we can’t your sister brought us here. Do you really wanna explain why you want to leave?” Britney asked, Sammi shaking her head as she sniffed. Sammi only fell back into Britney’s arms, burying her head in her shoulder. “It’s gonna okay, I promise.” Britney whispered.

All of a sudden, Sammi felt a hand on the small of her back, almost scaring her. She pulled away from Britney, seeing Nikki smile softly at Sammi. Nikki first noticed the black smudges around Sammi’s eyes, growing concerned.

“Everything okay, Sammi?” Nikki asked. Sammi wiped away any dried tears from her face, “Yeah I’m fine. I just really needed a hug.”

Nikki nodded slowly, “Maybe I can help with that,” Nikki said opening his arms up with a smirk. To his surprise, Sammi wrapped her arms around his waist making him hug her. Britney looked at the two for a moment, “I’m gonna go get a beer. I’ll leave you to it,” Britney said walking away. Sammi rested her chin on Nikki’s chest looking up at him with big brown eyes. “You sure you’re okay?” Nikki asked again as he wiped away smudged mascara, Sammi nodding with a small smile. He looked behind his shoulder, checking if the older Bass siblings were looking anywhere near them.

“Will a kiss make you feel better?” Nikki asked with a smirk. Sammi shrugged with a dopey smile on her face, “At this point, anything’s better.”

Sammi stood on her tiptoes, closing the space between her and Nikki. Truly it didn’t help Sammi, but feeling Nikki’s lips pressed softly against hers numbed the pain for a moment. Nikki deepened the kiss further, slipping his tongue past her lips. Sammi only accepted it with no hesitation, kissing him back. She relaxed around him, hoping memories would fade.

*

“Hey is Sammi mad at me?” Amanda asked looking over at Britney, sitting on the sofa together watching anything that was on tv. After the U.S Festival, the car ride back from San Bernardino was quiet. Athena was able to see a shift in her sister's demeanor but only put it in the back of her mind for later. Sammi fell asleep from the long ride home while Britney only looked out the window with no desire to speak either. Night had already fallen by the time Athena dropped the girls off at their condo.

“Ask her yourself,” Britney said, avoiding Amanda with coldness in her breath. Amanda scrunched her eyebrows together, “Are you mad at me too? Neither one of you has talked since getting home.” Britney bit the inside of her cheek, sinking into the sofa. As if her ears were burning, Sammi walked down the stairs fresh out of the shower. She didn’t bother to say a word to her roommates, only aiming for the kitchen.

“Samantha! Come in here and sit down,” Amanda ordered. Sammi stepped back into the living room, scowling at Amanda.

“Excuse me?” Sammi said, narrowing her eyes.

“Sit down. We need to talk,” Amanda ordered once again, pointing to the sofa seat from the far right of her.

“First off, don’t call me Samantha. You are not my parents. And secondly, don’t give me orders you are also not the boss of me.” Sammi said crossing her arms.

“Well, you’re not talking to me so I have to get your attention somehow!” Amanda said standing up to Sammi.

“I don’t have to talk to you if I don’t want to, Amanda! Sometimes I rather stay quiet with you,” Sammi shouted, turning to the kitchen with Amanda and Britney along her trail.

“And why don’t you want to talk to me? You and Britney have been giving me the silent treatment almost all day!” Amanda said to Sammi who grabbed a soda from the fridge.

Sammi rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her drink. “Amanda use your fucking head for once. Maybe you’ll figure out why we’re giving you the silent treatment.” Sammi said pointing to Britney by the dining table.

Amanda looked at the two for a moment, blinking rapidly “I still have no idea why you’re mad at me,”

“Oh my fucking god, Amanda! Really?! You’re not gonna admit it?” Sammi shouted, banging the bottle of coke onto the counter.

“Admit what?!” Amanda yelled, her ears easily showing a red tint.

“That you fucked Vince! You fucked Vince at the show!” Sammi yelled, breathing becoming heavy.

“Sam,” Britney said with caution, looking with pleading eyes.

“Why did you have sex with Vince?” asked Sammi, pressing her lips together.

Amanda pursed her lips out as she tilted her head to one side, “Why do you care if we fucked? Huh, Sammi?”

Sammi swallowed away the forming lump her throat. “I mean, if it’s because you like him then you really are dumb,” Amanda said smirking at Sammi. “Vince, or even Nikki, is never going to go for goodie good like you.”

“You don’t know that…” Sammi mumbled, eyes glossing over.

“Yeah, I do. He’s only nice to you because he feels like he has to be. Told me himself before he took me to the backroom. It was actually a pretty comfy bed.” Amanda said smiling. Britney grinds her teeth, shooting daggers at Amanda.

“And what do you have to say about Nikki, huh?” Sammi asked

“Sweetheart, he’s just a future druggie that wants attention. Nothing else.” Sammi nodded, looking down at the ground

“Sammi it’s better you found this out with me instead of finding him in a bed with a random. In the end, I’m helping you.” Amanda shrugged.

“Yeah well thanks for the help,” Sammi mumbled, bumping shoulders with Amanda as she raced upstairs to her room.

She fell on her bed, tears running down her face nonstop, weeping out any emotion. Sammi covered her face, turning on her side as she faced her wall of photos. Opening her eyes, she immediately saw the one photo of Vince pinned right by her head. Sammi ripped off the photo from the wall, throwing it on the floor.

She knew everything was too good to be true.

[imagodwithnodess]

Moving-Park Jisung

Genre: fluff

word count:1,600

Whhyyyyy!!???. You thought as you look at your dirty room. Today you have to pack to move out of your room. You currently live with your aunt as you wanted to go to an American boarding school In Korea, but your sister and her husband recently moved to Korea so you and she decided that It would be best for you to move In with her. As you all know each other better, and you missed each other dearly. You sit and look at your room and wonder how you are going to stay level-headed through this process. You call the only person you know that can help you through such a stressful sItuatIon.

(M=mark lee

Y=you)

Y: heeeeeey

M:.....what do you want

Y: I can't just text my best friend to check and see how he's doIng????? I'm Insulted!

M: 1. No...no you can't 2….well what do you need!

Y: ok so I need a strong man (or men) to help me with my room

M: your room? You're literally stronger then half the boys…..also that sounds more like you need help with organIzatIon...not strength.

Y: but maaaark

M: just…….text him already

Y: ok but no….we are playing a game. Whoever texts or calls fIrst loses….I ain't no loser.

M: call hIm...bye

Y: you're the worst

M: call your boyfriend!!!

Y: fIne!!!

You close your textIng app and go Into your call logs and begrudgIngly hIt the phone Icon.

“Heelloooo”

“Shut up”

“I knew you would call me today”

“Shut up,I know I didn't want to….but I realIzed I have too”

“ so babe what do you need?”

“I'm movIng today and I need help keeping a level head”

“Fear not my lady for I will help you”

“.........”

“.......”

“you are so lame omg haha”

“Ok but so are you so...ok I’ll be there In 10”

“Ok, love you bye”

“ yeah whatever I love you too bye”

You put away your phone and start a prIorIty lIst with what you need to deal with.

10 or 15 minutes later you hear a knock on your room door, “Come In!” you say towards the door. JIsung leans In “someone order a mental paperweIght??” he says making you laugh as you turn around and get off your seat and walk towards him “hello love,” you say as you kiss him. “ hI babe,” he says after you finished your kIss. “So! I have a list of things we need to do...so let's do them” “wow I have never seen you like this” he says as you walk away from the list and he picks It up to read It. “Like what?” you say as you start to pack up your bed set “ so effIcIent, so organized,” he says as he walks over to help you. “Well, I guess there has never been a need for It” you say as you shrug your shoulders “yeah I guess not,” he says slowing down on the last couple words.

You 2 work hard to get your room all packed up…..well 1 of you anyways. If you took a tImelapse of that day It would consist of:

You running around like a mother that's kids were down for a nap and she only had 30 minutes to clean the entire house

jIsung sIttIng and gettIng up every now and then

You guys dancing to music that we put on the speaker

Your aunt peakIng In the room sometImes

You guys pIllow fIghtIng, and clothes fIghtIng, and wrestlIng

And you guys face timing dIfferent people like your family, you guy’s friends, and of course the boys at the dorms

“Hey, babe you need help with that” jIsung asked you as he saw you about to pick up a chair/reclIner “nah I got It” you say with a smile that melts his heart. You pick the chaIr up with eas and take It to the living room. JIsung Is left dumbfounded In the room, as you come back Into the room he asks “ have you always been that strang?”, you laugh and nod your head yes “ yea, but I like seeing you be all gentlemen like and manly so I let you pick things up for me” you say as your working on packIng up your closet “huh” JIsung said as he got up to help.

2 hours had passed since the chaIr. “Im hungryyy” you said layIng on the bed”    “well do you guys have any food?” jIsung says layIng on the bed next to you proppIng himself up on his elbow “nah aunt ray hasn't gone shopping this week” you say as you turn over “well….thats all my Ideas out the window” you chuckle at how easily he gives up “oh! Oh!” you say getting excIted searching for something “ what gIrl? what Is It!?” he says like your a dog trying to tell hIm someone Is stuck In a well. You find your phone and look at hIm” pizza!!!” you say as you dive on him from the floor. You both laugh and you lay there for about 10 minutes not realIzIng what you set out to do.

You remember the pizza call the pizza place. JIsung has never heard you talk to a place of business so he sits up and sees how you handle It. “Your staring at me” you say as the phone Is rIngIng “sshh order the pizza” he says wavIng his hand In a ‘shoo’ motIon. You were about to speak when someone answers the phone. All jIsung here's Is you talk In your professIonal voIce. “Hi can I get one large cheese pizza please” you say In a voice jIsung does not recognIze. After you get off the phone jIsung Is starIng lovIngly at you “what?” you say laughing through your words.

“You just...contInue to surprise me” he says smIlIng. You blush slightly even tho you can't really see It consIderIng your complexIon. You both ate as soon as the food got there. You then packed up the last of your stuff and sat down on jisungs lap In the one seat left In the room and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for helping me today love” you say as you nestle yourself deeper In his arms “no problem baby,” he says then kisses you on the top of your head.

As he is about to leave he looks at you “ babe I want to tell you something” “yees??” then he walks back over to you and grabs your hands. He then says something that you will never forget “Y/f/n y/l/n I love you so much, I know we haven't been together very long but I feel like I learn something new about you that makes me fall more In love with you every day” he says then kisses your forehead and stares into your eyes. You were dumbfounded at how sweet and loving this state Is and how It came out of nowhere. “ I honestly don't know what to say other then I love you too babe, more then.. A Lot of things...maybe even more than pizza” you say the word pizza In the most dramatic way you can think of “whaaaaaat????” he says being as dramatic as you. You laugh and contInue to sIt there until he has to leave.

He gets In his car driving off and honkIng as a goodbye from the car. You wave from the doorstep then go back In the house when you can no longer see him. You run Into your almost empty room and laid there think about how lucky you are. As your sister calls “haay giirl” she says “so how was your day with boo??” “omg I can't even right now” as you start your story about how much you love your boyfriend.

Jisungs pov

I get to the dorms and am greeted by all of my bandmates in the living room. I guess since it's our day off they all decided to come to the dream dorm. “Hi hyungs,” i say taking my shoes off at the door. I hear alot of sounds and i assume it's because i was just at y/n’s “i'm sorry” i say being confused but still wanting to be polite. “Soo, how was the girlfriend?” Lucas says i start to blush just thinking about her “i know that face, come here and tell us all about it” teayong says. I sit on the couch and start to talk about her. Hyungs have only met jahrra about 5 times, shes really shy around newer people, so shes only just been coming out of her shell the last 2 times. So they know her just not nearly as much i do.

I didn't realize it but as i talk about her more and more they got more intrigued and slowly but surely they were all listening and looking at me “shes just, perfect, everyone has there flaws but hers pail in comparison to everything else about her.” i finish finally zoning back in “AAHHH! Our little maknea is in love!” yuta says “it sounds like you got it bad too” mark says “i guess i do” i say as they al start making fun of me (in the fun older brother way)

y/n pov

“dang sis you got It bad,” she says laughing at how her little sister fell In love “yeah….I guess I do”. you didn't realize how whipped you too were for each other till right now. LIttle do you know jIsung was realized the same thing at the dorms. You 2? Truly, t r u l y In love.

[peaches-of-1]

Demon AU: 666 So Fresh- Chapter 10

Some notes before you dive in, dear reader. If some things don’t make sense when it comes to Taehyung’s thoughts, that’s the point. It’s supposed to be messy and choppy and illogical.

Chapter warnings: Suicide attempt by a member (by drowning), panic scenario, so much fucking angst ok let me know if there are others you’d like me to add

< Previous | Next >

All three products of Hell’s splendor had just opened the door to their front door. It would be the last time they’d see it before tonight since they’d be spending the night in a hotel. Taehyung was looking at photos he’d taken of them in the hot air balloon ride, deciding which ones he was going to print out.

Yoongi lifted Zula up so that she could check another thing off of their list.

“I’m gonna get the portal started.” He kissed her lips.

That’s how they got to and from many places that weren’t exactly physical, portals. Only Yoongi could make them since he was the only one with full demon blood. Zula and Taehyung would have to learn them the human way, blood sacrifices and all that jazz. Ain’t nobody got time for that, so they just let Yoongi deal with it.

“Alrighty, I’ll go hang with Tae before changing.”

Zula made her way through the maze-like house to her boyfriend’s dark room. She knocked and he let her in. She was always surprised by the amount of photos he was treating. There were some from their earlier escapades as well. He hugged her around the waist as she looked at the ones of her watching the club portal open for the first time. The orange light reflecting off of her skin and her awestruck face was a photo op Taehyung couldn’t miss.

Not all of his photos needed to be treated inside of this room, only the ones used on the older cameras. He had three of them that he used regularly: The old Polaroid, the DSLR, and the his phone. Today, he decided to bring along the film one and was dealing with that one now.

“You’re really talented. I’m proud of you, Tae.”

“Thank you~” He crooned and hugged her closer. “Um...”

Zula looked at him, “Yea?”

He moved from her waist and grabbed her hand, “I want to show you something.”

“Ok.” She said, amused and curious as to why he was being so gentle with her instead of his overly excited and puppy dog self.

Taehyung carefully got the two of them out of the room and then opened the door to his mother’s room. Zula decided not to comment on how she thought the room was supposed to stay locked as he had warned them on their first day here. When the doors swung open, she audibly gasped. Tae led her by the hand with a smile. Each wall was covered in different photos of her. There was even a wall lined with pictures of Zula sleeping.

“I’ve taken a picture of you every morning since we’ve been together. If you think it’s creepy or weird, I’ll stop. I just...feel like I have to make sure you’re real.”

Zula squeezed his hand, “You can keep going. I love candids.” She gave him a genuine smile and waited for him to return it.

Taehyung did return the smile, box and all, “Well, take a look around and tell me which ones are your favorite.”

Their hands parted as she walked around the room and he watched her take in all that he had done so far. Sometimes she could tell what they had done the night before depending on how much glitter was on her body or how smeared her makeup was. Other times she asked Taehyung if he knew. He did. The background was usually his bedroom or her bedroom. Other times it was a hotel they had crashed in for the night.

The most recent one had three bodies in them instead of two. The third being Yoongi. Zula pointed at yesterday’s photo of herself. Her hair was all over the pillow, and a gloved hand was on her chest. Taehyung was taking a selfie wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt.

“This one is my favorite. It’s our first night as an official 3, huh?”

Taehyung nodded, “Yep.”

Zula snuggled against Tae, putting one hand on his chest and the other around his waist. “I wanna get to know you better.”

So the two did a back and forth with questions and walked to where Yoongi was. He asked them questions too, mostly what hobbies that had. Parent situation. Tae didn’t say much. The bright haired blonde decided not to press on, but Zula was curious.

“How come your mom’s room was locked in the first place? I know she’s...gone, but still. Why open it up now?”

Taehyung stayed quiet.

“Come on, Tae.” She said sternly. “You haven’t told us anything about your childhood other than the light stuff. I told you about my teachers and the amount of close calls. I deserve to know your deep shit too.”

Yoongi looked at him, “She’s right, y’know.”

Still no sound came from Wrath’s demi spawn. Zula decided whatever it was, then it was much worse than she thought. She got up and sighed.

“Fine. If you don’t wanna talk then you don’t have to. Just thought it might do some good to get it out in the open. Y’know, talk about it with people you trust. I’m sorry for asking.”

She touched his shoulder and was on her way to get dressed for tonight when he caught her wrist. Zula didn’t say anything, just looked at him and waited for him to say something.

Taehyung’s deep voice felt like chasm, “My mom slept in the room whenever I hurt myself as my punishment. Away from dad and I because she couldn’t bare knowing the two men she loved were monsters. Dad sometimes went out to hurt and destroy other people, to feed his demon while I tried to destroy myself.”

His grip on Zula’s wrist got tighter, “She made herself stay because she loved us but didn’t know of any way to help us. That’s why I kept it locked even after she passed...because I could pretend she was still waiting for herself to feel good enough to see us. I used to wait and try to be good, but sometimes she’d stay in there for weeks. I miss her and it’s crazy. I know.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

“No, it’s fine. I trust you guys. I love you so much. I don’t want to hide anything from you especially since you shared so much with me.”

Yoongi spoke up, “So why open her room now?”

Tae’s eyes lit up, “I’ve got better memories to put in there now.”

He looked at his partners and smiled. Zula kissed him and went off to get ready for tonight’s party at Hoseok’s club. Yoongi answered more demon related questions for Taehyung to help him feel better and told the kid how proud he was of him.

Taehyung smoothed down his mullet as they entered the main room and dance floor. It was “Angel Night” where everyone was to be dressed in mostly white outfits. At the party, Zula waved at some dude who introduced himself as Jimin. He was walking over to the group, so Yoongi asked what Zula’s end goal with him was. She assured her boys that it was nothing serious and they’d only maybe kiss on the dance floor.

“And who are these nice men?” Jimin asked, looking at Zula’s partners.

Her eyes flashed gold, “My supervision. Let’s dance.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the center of chaos.

The two other boys decided to join some random demons for several rounds of drinks. Taehyung tried to have fun, but ever since earlier, dark thoughts started flooding back. He felt his childhood loneliness creep inside for when his mother hid and his dad set out to do what he was borne to do. Taehyung’s father went out to pick fights and cause strife, usually coming back with bloody fists. His mom used to yell at him for getting blood on the carpet, but stopped after he looked at her strangely.

During his confused adolescence that he fought through, one thought consumed Tae. He wasn’t meant to be loved. Everything was temporary. That smell. Why live when you didn’t enjoy life? It was a thought that weighed him down. He thought he’d gotten over it. Taehyung thought he had stopped following in his father’s steps. It pissed him off that he was wrong, but he kept it inside.

That smell, what was it?

It felt like he was a kid again. Scared. Teen. Worried. Empty adult. No one tried to save him. Lonely. Lonely. No one. “You’re sick!” That smell. “You’re weird. I like that.” But they didn’t know how weird until they found Tae bleeding profusely and cried until he woke up. Scared about how underwhelmed he was. His dad’s hands.

A loud voice on stage gave him distraction.

“How is everyone doin’ tonight?” The platinum blond man on stage asked. “We’re The Rose, and I’m Sammy. As you can tell, I’m a fallen angel.”

So that’s what that sweet smell was. Taehyung thought.

Sammy continued, “My vice? Envy. I wanna be remembered. Anyways, fun game time! First person to Charm me from where you’re standing during this speech that I’m doing right now gets to come up on stage and we’ll sing to them.”

He looked at the crowd and his eyes suddenly became a glowing green and he bit his lip.

A smirk formed on face, “Looks like we’ve already got a winner.”

Following his line of sight, it was Zula who was being lifted on stage to join him. It was Jimin who helped her up the stage steps and Sammy who held her hand for a short greeting to lead her to the microphone with him.

“What’s your name, beautiful?”

“Zula, Demi Spawn of Lust.”

Several demons were outraged that they had been beaten by a Demi Spawn. Others wondered how she even got in. Yoongi laughed from his spot at the bar and downed a shot. Taehyung filled his glass for him again. Zula admitted to being a fan of them, not knowing the front man was anything but human.

“Wanna sing along?” Sammy offered.

“Hell yeah!”

The band began to play and he started to sing first. Zula sang along rather quickly and basically Charmed the whole room with her voice. Taehyung smiled, but his mind returned to it’s deeply conflicted state. He wanted to protect Zula. He loved her so much, but he wasn’t meant to be loved. There was no way a girl with so much talent, a girl that could get even angels that had already fallen once to fall for her could want him.

A hand on Tae’s lap made him jump.

Yoongi peered into his face, “You good?”

“Yeah, I just...I’m not feeling it tonight. Can you send me home and apologize to Zula for me?”

Ne nodded, “No problem. Hope you feel better soon.” Yoongi placed a finger on Taehyung’s head and basically made a mental portal that sent mullet-boy home. “Bartender, another if you will!”

Zula made sure Jimin knew that she didn’t want to be anything more than club friends with him, and he said that was fine. He only liked playing with her as a fellow demi, anyways. She asked him about the last time they met, how he tried to Charm her. It wasn’t something she knew how to do. Jimin assured Zula that it was in her demon blood, all she had to do was find a target she wanted and get them.

“You’re a Lustie, after all.”

She gasped and turned around in shock as she heard Sammy speak, “I know him!” left her mouth as a surprised whisper.

The blonde rocker mentioned Charming him for a prize.

Jimin moved his lips to her ear, “Do it. Charm him right now.”

“But I--”

“You want to get closer to him, right? Then do it. All you gotta do is want his attention.”

Zula took a deep breath and silently willed Sammy to look over at her. She felt a dull electrical spark behind her eyes accompanied by a calm breeze when they finally made eye contact. The introvert inside her threatened to break it, but another soft whisper came from Jimin’s lips.

“You’ve almost got him, Zula. You are more than worth his time.”

She felt herself penetrating his brain and making him want her. Yeah, Zula was the one who wanted him to notice her, but she was going to force him into craving her attention  and her presence more. The green twinkle of his eyes got more intense.

“Looks like we’ve got a winner.” Sammy spoke.

Jimin grinned and cooed, “Good girl, now let’s get you up there.”

Zula sang her heart out using her air power to expand her diaphragm. Everyone clapped and Sammy put his arm around her waist.

“Is this ok?” He asked.

She smiled and nodded, “I stopped charming you a while ago, though.”

“I know.” Sammy winked at her.

Before the crowd could completely die down, he thanked her for Charming him and then said her name once more as she left the stage to go find her boys. She quickly kissed Jimin on the cheek and told him “thank you” before her search. Yoongi was chatting with and old demon buddy. He pulled his girlfriend closer and kissed her.

“You were great up there! I didn’t even know you were practicing your Charm.”

She smiled, “Only took two lessons with Jimin. Where’s our other boyfriend?”

“Went home, said he wasn’t feeling it.”

Zula nodded, “I wanna check on him. Send me home for a bit?”

Yoongi drew a pentagram on her palm and then something else, “You’ve got 10 minutes to come back or you gotta find another way to return.”

“‘Kay!”

And she found herself with feet on a shiny wooden floor and silence instead of the busy and loud club.

Taehyung now new why his dad left the house when he was itching for blood. He didn’t want mom to see his anger. Tae was mad for no reason, and it was all spilling out. He didn’t want to be like his dad. He was mad at himself for making Zula and Yoongi have to pretend to care about him. He didn’t want to hurt them or make them lock themselves away.

A small voice told him to calm down and be reasonable, but his demon side fanned angry flames that made him want to hurt somebody. He chose is usual target of himself. He filled the bathtub with cold water, hoping it would clear his head and douse his flame. The sink was too small.

He was on fire. His whole body burned and he couldn’t control it. I twas devouring him. Taehyung had to stop the flames from eating himself whole. He sat on the edge of the tub and leaned back like the times before when he had bound his arms and legs.

This time he was free to move, but he didn’t since he was scared. There was peace here. So what if he froze to death? No one would miss him. Drowning or suffocation in the water would be easy clean up. He wanted to laugh at these thought that had come a million times before, but bile rose in his throat instead. Instinct told him to keep his mouth closed.

He felt himself going towards the white corridor. Taehyung might see that demon from his childhood again when he was so lost.

Air rushed into his lungs as his body collided with the treated wood floor. He saw green. Not white, and it was soft. The warmth over him came with yelling and rocking. His world was shaken. Light appeared again and his brown eyes saw hazel.

“Zula?”

“Did you really come back home to do another attempt? I thought you were going to try and live!” She had tears in her eyes.

No one had cried for him in a long time. There was a green towel around his shoulders. He looked at her, making sure of her tears. Zula sobbed as she continued to dry him off. Tae said two words he meant for the first time in forever.

“I’m sorry.” They tasted strange. “I’m sorry, Zula. I didn’t mean to. My brain was a mess, and I didn’t know what to do. I went backwards in a really bad way. I’m sorry.”

A fire was still lit inside of him, but it wasn’t raging like it was before, trying to claim him and make him into a beast. This flame was cool and consistent. She was angry at him, but Taehyung was glad that she was. No one in years had seen his destruction and worked to help him through the aftermath or tried to save him.

His mom ignored him. His dad told him to embrace it without telling him how to. Friends stopped being friends after they found out. They ran away.

“How do you define love?”

Confused, Zula looked up at him and place his hand in hers, “Why are you asking me this?”

“I don’t know what love is, but I just want you to be happy no matter the cost. I don’t want you to lock yourself away because of what I do. I love you, Zula. I really really love you.”

Zula grabbed Tae’s face and made him look at her, “Then live. I love you too, and I’ll be happier with you alive and taking pictures of us. Our adventures. Our love. Ok, Taehyung? Don’t do that again and live.”

He nodded, “ I want to live. I want to keep seeing you. I want you happy. I’ll live.”

“Good.” She kissed him softly and helped him stand and walk on the wet floor.

Yoongi was in the living room, sitting on the couch, with tea on the coffee table, “I’m glad you made the right choice, Tae. I’ve been waiting for you to make it. Sit. Tea and blankets for you to warm yourself up.”

He nodded and sat, now in dry clothes but hair still a bit damp. The older demon wrapped him in the lime green fleece and handed him the mug.

“What do you mean you were waiting?” Zula asked, pure fury lacing her voice. “Did you know?”

Yoongi’s eyes glowed as a warning for her to calm down. She folded her arms, knowing she was still no match for someone who knew what he was since birth and had been training long before she was even thought about being conceived.

“I knew he hadn’t fully decided whether or not this new life was for him or not. He’s been unsure about a lot of things. Mostly things pertaining you and if he was truly going to move on or not. I couldn’t make any of these decisions for him.”

“I do love you, Zula, and now I know you love me.” Taehyung spoke up, still fragile in some way, still processing everything that had happened. “Not because you saved me, but because stayed with me afterwards.”

She smiled and felt exhausted all of a sudden. A starving pain shot through her stomach as her body finally relaxed. Yoongi got her to sit down before she fainted and gave her a huge bowl of pasta.

“You’re already a good singer. You don’t need to use your powers for more air, especially when you’ve got someone or something charmed already.”

“Ok, I won’t. It was hard to focus on the singing part anyways.”

Tae asked, “What’s Jimin like?”

Zula smiled and swallowed, “Jimin’s a Pride Demi, so he’s confident but also unexpectedly shy at times. He used his Charm on me last time and helped me to learn how to use it. He also called me a Lustie...several times. Was I supposed to be offended?”

Yoongi laughed and shook his head, “That’s just a cutesy nickname for Lust demons. They call us Greeds. Then there’s Wraths, Vans or Vanities, Gluts, Envines. Just slang.”

“I wanna meet Jimin again. Seems cool.” Taehyung stuck his hand into a bag of chips that had probably been out all day.

Zula made a face that Yoongi’s eyes caught. She remembered something. He didn’t say anything about it. It would be her choice to say something or not.

She shifted in her seat, “Hey, Yoongi, um...Jimin and I were talking about my being human upbringing and I told him about my dumb baby names. And he made this comment that was like ‘Oh, you want kids?’ which...which made me wonder…”

“Yeah?”

“Can demons or demi demons have kids or are we just so biologically fucked that it’s not possible? I’m not even sure if I want kids, but I just don’t like the idea of not having that option.”

Zula was a girl, raised as a human. The pressure to have kids of her own must’ve been a constant thing in her life. Also, Zuzu was a “do anything” kind of girl. The possibility of not being able to do something...Yoongi told her the truth.

“The short answer is yes. You could have a biological kid if you wanted.”

She smiled and kissed Taehyung, leaning against him, “Whenever you feel better, I wanna practice.”

Taehyung nearly spit out his tea. He wiped his mouth with his arm, “I’d like that.”

Yoongi sat next to Zula and put his head in her lap, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

[luwucas04]

About 4000 (I am so sorry) Words Concerning Films that Helped Define My Existence

Ah, movies. So much in one package. Story, music, visuals, what’s not to love? Today I shall be elaborating on the most noteworthy films in the thrilling ever-changing saga that continues to be my life. Screenplay alongside a screenplay, if you will (please take this statement as modestly as you can).

The first ever thing in my entire life that I remember being an avid and enthusiastic fan about was the original Star Wars saga, written and directed by George Lucas, spanning May 1977 (A New Hope) – May 2005 (Revenge of the Sith).

As mentioned in the podcast and as you may be able to tell from said podcast, I can’t really pinpoint an exact point in my life where I was introduced to it as it was kinda integrated into my upbringing from the get-go—and due to this it’s a very near and dear franchise to me. And oh boy fun fact my first ever childhood crush was Luke Skywalker (I vividly recall my uncle asking why I had his page bookmarked haha). I remember it was something that I would always watch with my dad and or grandpa, and then when I couldn’t find the VCR set that we had for it, I officially commenced my illicit streaming career (not really though, I didn’t get very far. Only crappy 20-minute clips on YouTube). Star Wars for me was the first thing that I actively sought out stuff for or showed genuine interest in pursuing if that makes sense. Like, you’d watch whatever movies or shows were thrown at you and you never thought much of them. Ohoho not Star Wars, though, that one lasted years. My cousin and I would always bring our little action figures to play with whenever we visited—or we’d find long-ish sticks in the backyard and have lightsaber fights, I got the video games, posters, Lego sets of ships (X-wing and Y-wing to be exact), an entire encyclopedia that I still own to this day (I just checked and there’s a date written inside, April 9th 2010 (which is my 7th birthday)), and of course inspiration for my own art and such. I remember I made this magazine that was essentially just me redrawing pages from the guidebook I had. I still have it, too! Sitting at the bottom of a drawer right now. Also, later on for some reason I absolutely loved drawing Ashoka Tano. Over and over again man. I drew her taking up my cousin’s entire driveway in chalk once.

Not only are the Star Wars films a nostalgic and comforting series, but it held onto its marvel throughout the. Wow well over 10 whole years, I’m getting old. Additionally, because at the time we didn’t have as much access to the things we can achieve with modern technology, I was basically all on my own with it. I fueled my own fascination. And shockingly, not a lot of people in my elementary school (up until maybe grade 6-7) showed much interest in it either. So it was pretty much just me myself and I, and occasionally my cousin whenever he visited, and I think that made it all the more special to me. Also, at the time I think it was geared way more toward kids. There weren’t series like The Mandalorian or active internet communities that were obsessed with the series as far as I was aware, so there wasn’t the same quantity of content nor overall enthusiasm around it. Nonetheless, it was and still is a very personal series due to how engrained it is into basically every aspect of my childhood. I’ll try not to be too repetitive with what I said in the podcast, but ultimately the clear nature of the franchise (attractive character designs, colours, setting in general (it’s an action-packed space adventure what’s not to love)) is what really made me latch onto it, and it kickstarted my interest in the very essence of media and understanding the film medium and what it has to offer. I remember asking how they got Jar Jar to exist on screen and he told me they made him out of CGI, and I interpreted that as they somehow made a real-life computer model out of him and that they were actually interacting with like a physical, solid hologram. Anyway, revisiting the franchise and diving into more of its intricacies now (like the production diaries) is like an absolute goldmine. There are so many aspects of it that 100% contributed to and nurtured my goals, passions, and ultimately who I am as a person. Here is some of my very recent art for good measure:

Up next up we got Lord of the Rings (dir. Peter Jackson, December 2001 – December 2003) or I guess a better way to put it would be those plus The Hobbit (December 2012 – December 2014) trilogy. I think it was earlier than the Marvel phase (which follows this section) because like Star Wars I can’t really remember my first viewing of it, but I definitely watched it all. It might’ve been around grade 3 so 2011-ish? Quick anecdote, one time I had a sleepover I was really excited for, and as we all know when you’re excited for something as a kid and it’s later on in the day, time doesn’t actually pass at all, and so my genius ass decided to flip on The Fellowship of the Ring and boom it was 5 pm and time to leave. Also my grandparents from my mom’s side of the family (they’re German so we call them oma and opa) were visiting once and my opa (grandpa equivalent) wanted to watch something so I was like “omg Lord of the Rings is perfect there are so many characters he can feel empowered by (Gandalf and Saruman because they’re old)”. Phenomenal logic—now thinking back it was probably much too violent for his tastes but yknow.

I love Lord of the Rings so much because it’s the true embodiment of an ideal fantasy story; there’s such pure character dynamics and personalities and Tolkien created such an incredibly solid world in which these stories take place. Man knew his stuff, and in turn provided a charming and utterly wonderful scape for young minds to roam free within. I was going to talk about this if I did my other culminating idea regarding masculinity within the media, but I have the perfect opportunity to do so here: something so great about said world is how sincere and genuine a lot of the male characters are (yknow minus people like Denethor and Alfred). Namely the fellowship, they all openly care for and are affectionate towards one another, something we rarely see between men both in modern media and in real life. Aragorn is a perfect example of someone owning and being comfortable in his masculinity. He is kind to and uplifts others, and communicates openly with them. He isn’t afraid of being intimate and vulnerable towards them, either. We see this in Boromir’s death scene. Aragorn doesn’t patronize him for trying to take the Ring, he consoles Boromir in his last moments and they treat each other with the utmost tenderness and respect—not callously or stiffly. Right after decapitating an orc, Aragorn is still able to run to his side, hold him, and kiss him on the forehead following his passing. Aragorn also isn’t afraid to share fame or glory, in fact he never seeks it out in the first place despite his lineage. It was at the battle of Helm’s Deep that he embraced that destine to be king, not out of lust for power, but because these people needed guidance and leadership and he could provide it for them. He elevates others in an incredibly positive and empowering way, especially Frodo and Éowyn, and is content with the fact that the story is not about him. Even at his own coronation, he directs every single person’s attention to the literal earth-saving feat that the hobbits have achieved in light of his own massive accomplishment. He is such a great role model to have been able to look up and aspire to be like, and I wish there were more characters and people like him.

I was a fan of those original films at an earlier point in my life, but the thing that brought that interest back a little stronger was undoubtedly the release of the Hobbit prequels. Like the Star Wars prequels, everyone can say what they want but they are very gorgeous to me. I skipped out on seeing Frozen with my class to go see The Desolation of Smaug with my dad and that was SUCH a good decision. Although, I’m rewatching them all now and Battle of the Five Armies kinda sucks at the beginning. They kill Smaug in like the first five minutes and like it wasn’t bad but it was very anticlimactic. I also don’t like how they shoved Legolas in there, his personality is really jaded and he’s kind of a big prick in those films. But it’s fine I love Martin Freeman and Richard Armitage and the rest of the dwarves the most. They were obviously the most significant and I like them a lot, and there are three movies as opposed to the one book so there’s even more content!

WHEW sorry about that anyway The Hobbit really was the revival/rekindling of that past love for Tolkien’s world. I also had a good close friend who was also along for the ride as well—being able to be into these things alongside someone is always fun and I’m grateful she was there and shared my same energy. She had the Lego game for that one, very similar free-roam concept as my Marvel one (coming up next), so we had lots of fun with that too. To reiterate, I am rewatching these movies again now as an older person with like an actual conscience, and my takeaway from them is vastly different on more of like… a philosophical level, I suppose. I appreciate the process of things more and the backstory behind Tolkien’s lore and the timeless characters and deeper meanings that he’s conceived. But that wouldn’t be very chronological of me to go into it here so moving on.

Proceeding next, around grade four at the most (so just after it came out), I watched The Avengers (dir. Joss Whedon, 2012). Not only did this single-handedly make my art convictions explode (in a good way), it also instigated my love for soundtracks (and also the entire Marvel universe but we’ll obviously be covering that very soon).

The Avengers was like an epiphany for me. Literally ground-breaking and earth-shattering. Changed my entire 10-year-old life. It was all that I ever wanted and more, and since it was around 2012-13 that I became aware of its existence, the internet community was blossoming with possibilities and content. That same friend liked it as well! My Avengers/Marvel phase definitely rivals my Star Wars phase; I think I watched The Avengers first, and then my dad was like “yeah ok you need to watch everything else now” and so henceforth Captain America and Iron Man and Thor. Those were very good times, and I actually remember experiencing all of them for the first time ever. The Christmas of 2013 was absolutely wild. I only got Marvel related gifts which was incredible at the time. My first ever ‘art of’ book was for the Avengers film, too! I also got an arc reactor shirt that actually lit up and I thought that was the absolute coolest thing ever, and then I remember I cut my tongue on this candy I was eating and my mouth bled profusely for a while. However the most iconic gift of all was my copy of Lego Marvel Superheroes for the PS3. I finished it in about 2 days, and it’s the only Lego game that I’ve gotten 100% completed progress on. I love that game dearly and still play it sometimes. The thing that I love specifically about it was the ability to free-roam the entirety of New York City as any character you wanted, me and that friend would do that exclusively for hours on end and make up our own stories with all the characters. Here is Galactus perusing the streets

Speaking of characters, this was the first thing that really got me making up and drawing a shit ton (apologies for lack of a better phrase) of original characters. I’d make superhero characters for me and my friend (ok I guess I should give her a name huh), Mackenzie, and even for random people in my class cause we needed to fill in some blanks in the stories we’d make. I’d create comics, write little stories, make variation after variation of these people we came up with, and of course like normal children me and Mackenzie would go to the park near my old house and pretend we were said characters. Man it was so fun. Then we’d do all those personality quizzes to find out which member you were most like. Mackenzie and I would do these quizzes on none other than our state-of-the-art BlackBerry playbooks. For me it was usually either Iron Man or Thor, and Mackenzie had this weird curse where she’d only ever get Loki as a result for anything at all which was very hilarious to me. Circling back to soundtracks, The Avengers OST was one of my first full album purchases. The main theme was my favourite track out of all of them for obvious reasons, but I still paid respects to all of them and listened to it often. Since I bought it with my dad’s Apple ID, it’d show up on the communal iPad that we used for music in the kitchen and I have full recollection of my grandpa playing it on blast in the morning to wake us up one time. I was aggravated at first but then when I realized what it was I was like ah yes of course. After the Avengers soundtrack, I got the Wolverine (2013) OST and that was fun but I didn’t like all the tracks in the same way, but THEN I got the Days of Future Past soundtrack. THAT is a good soundtrack AND a phenomenal film.

Anyway, after that I was a Marvel connoisseur for a little while. Like Star Wars I got an entire character encyclopedia, a bunch of comics, posters, you name it. My parents and sister also enjoyed dabbling in stuff too; we’d watch the animated series together on Netflix and eventually ended up seeing all the new movies together when they came out in theatres (except not my mom though cause she gets motion sickness from action films). Marvel was a staple in the adolescence stage of my life before I was introduced to anime (then it was all downhill from there (I am kidding anime was a part of my life that I look back at with great fondness)). It was reason for so much of what I explored with my art and my own imagination, and was one of my first experiences in what it was like to be a part of a fandom-esque community. There were also memes ripe for the picking when it came to Marvel; as one can assume I had no access to memes in kindergarten to grade 1 in the late 2000s. It was such a lovely and warm point in my life, something that established what kind of passion I really poured into something when I really liked it. And akin to Star Wars, there’s just so much to like about it. There’s so much to offer, an array of colourful characters and storylines—and of course, creative liberty when it came to superpowers and that whole narrative. The sky was literally the limit. Here is some of my ancient 2014 portraiture that I dug up for the sake of this assignment

Ok heads up we are now veering AWAY from childhood content and touching on a film that played a more personal part, namely during a very pivotal point, in my life. I picked up The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky, 1999) at a bookstore and read it at the speed of light; I was crying in my room on my bed by the time I finished it. I love how we see Charlie’s character change over the course of the novel, not only through what he describes or how he perceives things but his style of writing in general. Anyway, I wanted to read the novel first before I watched the movie (dir. Stephen Chbosky 2012), and I was pleasantly surprised by how accurate the movie is to the book (well duh the author directed it). I read/watched this right before I started high school, so I was kind of (but not really considering the built-up childhood trauma he has yikes) in the same position as the protagonist, Charlie, as he was starting out (minus a lot of the major aspects of his character and what he went/goes through (like drugs)). A lot of the things that he learns were really important takeaways for me before heading into that new chapter of life like he did.

Contrary to the title of the (I know it started out as a novel but I’m just gonna say film) film, you need to put yourself out there and advocate for yourself in life. It’s great to be a trustworthy individual whom everyone is vaguely aware of and likes, but you need to approach things with reason and make yourself known somehow. At the time, both before and during grade 9, and even still sometimes in the present (though I do it more deliberately now), I found myself just standing on the sidelines as life happened before me and I let it sweep me away without having any feet planted on the ground. It was like I wasn’t in control of it, and in turn I might’ve struggled in some areas more than I should have. I didn’t own anything, like I wasn’t totally present. Similar to Charlie, I was a person who’d always be there for others, someone people could talk to and confide in, and ultimately someone people truly enjoyed having around—which is pretty great. But I didn’t fully know my position or what I ultimately wanted in any of those situations. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for my entire freshman experience and I absolutely wouldn’t have wanted it any other way considering all personal circumstances, but with that foreknowledge of the importance of making a name for yourself, especially in high school, I think I was able to branch out with ease a bit more than I would have without it. I at least was aware of what was going on in that sense. That movie is really special to me because it ended up being a pseudo-mirror of my own experiences. Charlie’s English teacher, Bill, embraced his writing abilities and urged him to participate more, share his own thoughts, and express more of his personality by giving him books for extra reading. My first ever semester of Laurier did the exact same for me as Bill did for Charlie. It fostered my interests and intellectual abilities, and you guys constantly urged me and everyone else to go above and beyond what we were used to because you knew we could do it (even though I feel like I could’ve done a lot better on some things as my marks in grade 9 are a bit lower than I’d like them to be, but hey it was a time of adjustment and I did my best and that’s what matters). As a direct result of Laurier, I’m really lucky to have been surrounded by an amazing group of passionate students, a handful of which became my closest friends throughout high school, and that my very first teachers of the day were people who uplifted me and genuinely cared not only about furthering my academic work, but about my growth as a person.

Whew let’s wade out of the sap and get into some more energetic stuff!!! To tie off this recollection of my life through film the most recent and notable movie that impacted my life was, the one and only, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (dir. Peter Ramsey, Bob Persichetti, Rodney Rothman, 2018). Similar to The Desolation of Smaug and Frozen, I went with my dad to the cinema but parted ways with him to watch this movie by my lonesome (he went to the Aquaman theatre instead smh). Again, phenomenal choice. I talked about this in my grade 11 blog, but Spider-Verse is an absolute masterpiece in every way shape and form.

At the point I watched it, I knew what I wanted to generally do with my life (be part of the art industry) and the visuals of this movie alone were enough to make me want to elope with it and never see or talk to anyone ever again. It is such a gorgeous film. The way they strayed from the yucky 3D conventions norm—and there is literally no way they could’ve done the majority of what they did in that movie effectively if they did it live action. Or, they could definitely try and make an attempt, but it’d look like garbage. For example, a lot of the action scenes in general and also when they become abstracted like with the particle collider. 40-60 fps would not do that sense of movement justice at all. Too smooth. Not enough grit and personality.

Anyway, they also pioneered new animation techniques in mixing 2D and 3D, and explored a newer superhero trope where the main character’s own mundane life struggles are equally as important as him trying to sort things out with these new powers. It’s more of a battle between what Miles wants with his own personal life—new school, the friends he won’t be able to see because of said new school, owning his own abilities and adjusting to change. Then on top of that he’s met with all these alternate-dimension people that he has to work and be on par with. Aside from the art, I thought the overall message was every special: Miles learns through trial and tribulations, unsureness—and most importantly, failure. Confidence and optimism, in regard to what he thinks he can and can’t do, is vital. Amidst everything he is faced with, he starts out as just another kid who wants to be just another kid. But we all have something special inside us that we must choose to embrace if we want to truly flourish. We see him come to terms with the fact that he really is capable of greatness if he sets his mind to it—and that’s the main message: anyone can wear the mask. And can we talk about that soundtrack??? Not only the instrumentals, but the actual songs were great too! “Sunflower” and “What’s Up Danger”? Lovely and fitting. And back to the OST, the Prowler’s theme??? Shivers.

There is such a unique and beautiful vibe to this movie, and it’s inspired me in more ways than one. Aside from that nice motivational stuff, it also has recently played a tremendous part in developing my own art. All of the artists who worked on the film are people I immediately tried to find on social media so I could see more of their work. I purchased the art book, and even bought a 2D sequence illustration course provided by one of the art directors, Patrick O’Keefe. That course also came with the (digital) brushes he uses, and I’ve used them in pretty much every single one of my pieces since downloading them. This movie really showed me the possibilities of what could be achieved in the art industry, and it made me want to be a part of it so much more than I was before. I want to be involved in revolutionary visual achievements, and I want to develop characters and stories and worlds that are as interesting and loveable as the ones in Spider-Verse. (my stuff featured below)

So there you have it folks, 5 (five) of the most significant movies in my life relayed in a whopping just over 4000 words. I hope this has been enlightening for all you readers out there, perhaps you now have a better understanding of how I came to be personality/interest-wise, and I hope you can catch a glimpse of that same importance these pieces of media have in regard to me and my values.

[apvxoxo]

Apple Girl Pt.1

I randomly thought this up, and I actually like where this is headed more than my other story lol. Hope you guys enjoy <3

The store clerk was giving Paula a hard time again. Every time we ever went into the record store he would badger us without fail. Trying to push us to buy more than we could afford. "Sir," I shot my eyes to her in fear . She has the worst temper for a 16 year old girl. I can only imagine what she'll conjure up. "Could you please give us some space. We know what were looking for and we don't need any assistance." He eyed both of us head to toe. Putting both hands in the air in surrender, "Well I'm over here if you can't find your way"

 "Oh we will, thank you." She pushed a caustic smile at him rolled her eyes and went back to shuffling through the records.Her finger nails filed through the bin so fast her nail polish started to chip right on the edges.  

"Paula you don't think there all gone do you? I will be so devastated I just need this album I just.."

"Renee, enough. Look at me," she grabbed both of my shoulders positioning me in front of her,

"We will get it I promise. If i have to go to Jimmy Page himself. Were going to get this album." I only let out a small laugh, I felt defeated. All I wanted was the album, and I knew it would be gone by the time school was out.

" Paula what about the store on main st.? Could it be there?" She kept flicking through the music without hesitation of my inquiry.

"Renee, why don't you start looking through that box over there. Take a deep breath, and look." I scuffed my shoes on the floor slinging my arms at my side making my way over to the box. I knew it wouldn't be in there.I lazily flopped my hand onto the first record flicking it back with only one finger, nope. nope.. nope... This is hopeless.

"Paula lets just go home. I don't even want to look anymore it's just a waste of time." She sighed and rubbed her eyes with her thumb pinching the bridge of her nose in defeat.

"I can't believe you want to give up. This isn't just another album Renee this is Houses of the Holy were talking about. This is definitive of our music experience that we get this and you just want to give up?"

"Do you think I want to stop! I told you it would be sold out, I'm just as mad as you. And for the record, I'm the one who even got you into zep. So don't take this into your own hands as if you were the one who discovered them. You wouldn't even know jack shit about them if it wasn't for me."

She narrowed her eyes at me while sucking her lips in. I was defeated what can I say. It had been a long day and at the rate we were going I didn't even want to look at another bin of records ever again.

" Alright Renee. Have it your way. And next time I happen to discover something I'll be keeping it all to myself."

Not like you'll ever find something as incredible as led zeppelin.. moron

"Then you can just walk home alone! Fuck this!" She stormed out of the store pushing past customers, the old bell on the door almost fell clean off. I'm surprised the handle didn't bust. The kids stared back at me for some sort of apology, as if I was responsible for her actions. I just gave them that fake smile and slung my bag over my shoulder.

Fuck this is right.I made my way down the sidewalk avoiding all eye contact with the women who always fed the birds right on the bench near my apartment. I usually always strike conversation with her, she gives the best advice. But today, I was in no mood. It must have been at least 6:00 and I hadn't eaten since lunch, I pulled out the apple my mom insisted that I bring with me, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.I hate green apples and there was little bruises on it. I opened my mouth wide to take a bite, fuck being lady like. But my foot skid along the uneven grooves in the pavement and the toe of my shoe caught the divet where the sidewalk ends.I lunged forward just enough to toss my apple about a foot away.

"You have got to be kidding me " I leaned down to scoop the apple, I always avoided bending over on the street. You know how men can be. So I squatted down level to the apple it had rolled under the bus stop bench,

"That's weird" A snake-skin boot stood at the exact same spot ,and it was a huge boot at that. I'm not talking size 9 or 10 I'm talking at least 11..and a 1/2. Reaching my hand mindlessly under the bench a grasped the stupid apple. While sliding my hand out I accidentally swiped the boot

"Oh sorry, I'm just trying to grab something." A soft voice that sounded almost ..familiar replied. Wait, was he was British?

"That's quite alright love, what's got you on all fours down there anyway?"

I finally looked up to see who the hell was wearing snake skin boots in mid June,

"It was just this app.."

The snake skin boots, the British accent, the recognizable softness of his voice.. It can't be.

"An apple? All that for an apple huh? Must be a hungry girl." .. It was "Your.."

I had to stop while I was ahead. I couldn't let him see how starstruck I was. I would look like the million other girls. I had to stand out in some way or another. Paula always told me to act older, I still don't know what that means.

"Um yea, You know no big deal." Maybe act like I don't care? Is that what being older is like? His face grew warm and his smile grew, he patted the spot next to him on the bench.

"Would you like to sit down?"

"Oh sure, " play it cool, play it cool I moved my bag over my lap, neglecting to remember all my Led Zeppelin pins that covered it edge to edge. I scooted a comfortable distance to him as he peered down at my bag. He glared up at me without raising his eyelids.

"Nice pins. I uh, hear their alright."

The underlying tone of humor in his voice relieved some of the tension, of which I created.

"Thanks, Robert. Er..can I call you Robert?". Can I call you Robert? Was I brain dead? I guess it just felt polite.  What a great time to practice my manners. 

His eyes squinted when he laughed, and all his teeth were exposed. Oh how I loved the little chipped tooth.

"Well it is my name, I'd hope you'd call me Robert. But I guess that leaves out my introduction doesn't it? What's your name apple girl?"

"Renee," I could see the wheels turning in his head, how can I mess with her.

"Hmm I much prefer apple girl. Renee is so mundane . Doesn't really fit a girl like you, maybe a 30 year old but not quite you."

"Well, I think my mom assumed I would be 30 at one point so that's probably why she chose that name."

He laughed exposing his teeth again, and a newly discovered dimple. One deeper on the right cheek. Just one more thing to love.

"very true, but your what 18 19?" Oh shit. I can't blow this.. just lie. A little white lie wouldn't hurt, definitely not now.

“Uh yeah, 18. I just turned 18."

"Oh well, happy birthday then Renee. Perfect timing."

Jesus Christ this man had me in a trance. I wasn't even really listening to what he was saying just watching his mouth as he talked. The length of his upper lip would curl every time he spoke. I counted the times he would adjust his hair in between sentences.. 6

"Perfect timing? For what?" "Well to celebrate of course! I'm off to a party tonight and I still need someone to bring. Lucky enough I've run into you. You would like to go, yeah?"

Oh..my.. this couldn't be real. I shook off the excitement/nervousness building in my chest and conjured up an answer. "A party?.." He interrupted me,

"Well to be fair, it's much more of a get together if you like. Only a couple of people nothing crazy like the typical New York parties I'm sure your used to."

What New York parties. Hell, the best party I went to this year was my Nana's birthday and it was only fun because she got tried blowing out the candles and face planted the cake. So I'm not well versed in parties. But I couldn't turn this down. No fucking way. I'm going, Plus I could bring Paula. There is no way she could be mad at me after I tell her this.

"Well, could I bring my friend? I mean it's a bit last minute and I'd like to bring someone just in case."

"But of course, she can accompany our Jimmy over there. Have you met him? Well of course you haven't. Would you like to? Come on. He loves to meet the fans." My face was pale and expressionless, Robert got some sort of kick of seeing me so nervous. It must have been a control thing for him. I was able to hold enough composure around Robert, I can do the same for Jimmy. I hope.

"Jimmy ,c'mere someone you should meet"

 He stood with his back facing us, his black curly hair caught the almost setting sun making it look almost auburn. He was just as tall and long as I'd imagined him. He spun around balancing a cigarette in his mouth, he immediately put it out when he saw us approaching.

"Well hello there, whose this?"

Robert held me around my waist with one arm. He was nudging me forward to shake his hand, I extended it apprehensively god he was beautiful too.

"Hi Jimmy, my name is Renee. It's really nice to meet you, an honor really. I just love your music and...well thank you for everything."

He kept my hand in his and smiled, such a sweet smile. Tilting his head to the side and nodding as I spoke. An unsaid thank you. It's my pleasure darling.

Robert spoke up after the extended exchange between me and Jimmy.

" Well, that's more than I got for an introduction. Wheres my bloody thankyou!"

Jimmy lessened his hold on my hand and looked to Robert impassioned, "Robert would you leave her be. Bloody hell, have you always got to be the center of attention?"

Surprisingly I wasn't shocked by their banter. I grew up with 3 older brothers. I learned to be comfortable around boys fighting. However these weren't exactly boys. I figured I should speak up, cool the air.

"Robert, you didn't let me finish. I was going to say, thank you both for everything. Your music has really changed my life. Goodness, you should really let people finish Robert."

He bit his lower lip and looked down to his shoes. Hands on hips, like a little boy who'd just been scolded. It felt kind of nice talking to him like that. Getting through the elation barrier he created. It was quite funny seeing him flustered actually.One more dig, then I'm done

"Patience is a virtue you know."

He blew air out of his mouth, lower lip covering the top blowing the frizzy curl from his forehead. He cracked a smile and looked to Jimmy,

"So, I've invited Renee here to Richards party. I figured it was perfect since I haven't got someone to bring and she's just had a birthday."

Jimmy looked back to me grabbing my hand once more he kept his eyes closely locked on mine. Lifted my hand to his mouth and placed a soft, kinda wet if I'm honest. Kiss

"Your birthday is it. Well isn't that lovely, how old? 16?" How the fuck did he..Well I can't be too taken back. I didn't exactly pass for 18 or even 16. Hell, I still got the occasional kids menu at restaurants. I just nodded my head in a neutral rotation. But I'm sure my expression read as, of course I'm 16.Robert interrupted looking to me shaking his head brows furrowed,

"No. She's just turned 18 Jimmy. Not as young as the ones you like. And besides she's got a friend for you anyway. What did you say her name was?"

"Her name is Paula, she will be so excited to meet you guys. I should probably go and tell her actually it's getting kind of late."

Jimmy looked to me eyes squinted still smiling, "And is she 16 too then?"

"I'm not 16!" I blurted out with a whine in my voice. These boys just give it right back, they love to tease you. But I know Paula could take it. She had a way with older men. Jimmy just kept that derisive grin on his face.

"Well, it's been a pleasure Renee. Tell Paula I can't wait to meet her, if she's half the lady as you I should be delighted." He walked back to the limo that had been waiting and shimmied his skinny boy inside. Robert took me under his arm again and cleared his throat,

"Sorry about Jimmy, you know boys. Once they've see someone else have it, they've got to have it too."

"Isn't that just all kids though? Not just boys?"

"Alright, you win. All kids do that don't they. Now can we get Paula on the way or she can meet us there?"

He thought I was going with him in the limo. He thought I was 18, he thought I had it under control.

Okay that may be pushing it a little. I had to go home anyway I needed to give my mom some excuse.

"Well do you think I could swing home first I've got to get ready and..You know how us girls are."

"Oh nonsense you look divine! Just come along with us I don't want to be late. We can swing by Paula's and then off we go. See just that simple."

Just that simple.

"But Robert, I don't.. I mean I have to.." He started pulling me along toward the limo urging me to the door, "Not another word. I've had enough, your coming with me and that's that." He shoved me into the back seat with Jimmy and Jonh Bonham. I sat closest to the window dividing the driver from the backseat, what was I doing. Robert shifted his way in close to me, he placed his hand on my leg. Might I add the size of this hand.

"Alright altogether right? Wheres Paula's house we'll get her first."

"She's right off of.."

My mind trailed back into the conscious, Paula's mom would see me get out of the limo. Paula's mom would see Paula get into the limo. Well if she even got that far.

"Well go on spit it out Renee" Jimmy chimed in while lighting another cigarette

"Cat got your tongue darling?"

I got myself this far I can keep going. Just keep cool. I replied to Robert while still looking to Jimmy who was now smiling,

"No, I'm fine. She's right off of porter street I'll tell you when to stop. "

I kept my eyes to Jimmy, Jesus it seemed like some sort of initiation to give the new girl a hard time. It wasn't like I was already a nervous wreck or anything.He put the cigarette in between his lips and crossed his legs. Softly batting his eyes.

Once we pulled up to Paula's apartment I tapped on the drivers glass, It was just transparent enough that I could see the irritated glare he gave me through the rear view mirror.

"It's right here, this tan brick one here." Thank god, her mom wasn't home yet I had just enough time if I scrambled.I touched Roberts hand that was still draped over my upper thigh,

"Okay I'll be back. She might be a minute but just wait okay."

"Not too long now, we don't want to be too late. We are the life of the party you know?" I can only imagine.

I smiled while my cheeks blushed and moved out of the limo. I lightly shut the door behind me and walked steadily to the door. Slowly made my way up the steps, opened the door. And as soon as I shut it behind me, I ran like hell.

I tripped and stumbled up the flight of stairs down the hall and twice to the right. I kicked and pounded my fist onto the door. My breath panting,

"C'mon Paula please.." She opened the mail slot to see who it was, once realizing it was me,

"Go home Renee I don't want to hear it. "

"Paula open up this is an emergency"

"Your definition of emergency isn't exactly accurate Renee. What could it possibly be."

If she makes me ask one more time I'm breaking down this door. "Paula, what does 3 of the four members of Led Zeppelin are downstairs in a limousine waiting for us to go to a party with them define as?"

It was a drawn out silence until I heard the lock switch, she even had the bolt locked. 

She slowly opened the door stood in the doorway, hand on hip.

"Renee, what kind of a story.. I mean really you could just apologize you don't need to make up some lame story searching for my forgiveness."

I had no time to beat the shit out of her, I just pushed past her grabbing her arm and dragging her to the window. Both Jimmy and Robert were standing outside of the limo leaning against it. Jimmy still, cigarette in hand puffing out smoke through pursed lips,

"Look for yourself." Her eyes widened to the max, she put her hand over her mouth to muffle the scream.

"Renee! Tell me how you puled this off. What on earth are they doing here, I'm so proud of you" The rightfully deserved praise put aside, we needed to go.

"Just thank me later. C'mon Jimmy is waiting for you." She smiled and jumped in place squealing out of excitement, I grabbed her hand leading her to the door.

"Wait wait, what about Mom?"

"Forget it I'll just tell her your at my house."

"But didn't you tell the same thing to your mom?" Shit, I had left one component out of the equation. Something came over me, I didn't care, I needed to go to this party. I don't care if I never left the house again after this.It was well worth it.

"We will worry later just come on." We ran down to the lobby and looked in the mirror quickly before leaving. We looked to each other once more grabbing each others hands, lets go have the night of our lives.

We opened the door and looked to the boys still leaned against the limo arms folded.I was more desensitized to seeing them in real life. But Paula was just in the midst of the shock phase. She squeezed my hand all the way down the stairs and until we approached them. Jimmy smiled and stood up straight, Robert looked at me the whole time not taking his eyes away from mine.Jimmy flicked his cigarette and put out his hand palm facing up.

"You must be Paula, well I'm Jimmy." Paula apprehensive, placed her hand in his. Mouth slightly agape nodding her head, "Jimmy Page..Jimmy.."

He laughed a breathy laugh while putting his other hand on her forearm, he seemed to loved the girls who fawned over him. I assumed it just reminded him who he really was and what he really meant to people.

Robert was much more modest. So humble so..

"And I'm Robert, its a pleasure to meet you. And no need to thank me love. Renee has taken the liberty."

So dense.

Robert spoke up again, "Well girls let's get on then, enough of the run around yeah?" Jimmy puffed his cigarette once more before flinging open the door. Extending his arm to invite us in,first Paula then me.Robert followed sitting closest to the window Paula opposite to Jimmy and me in between them. Jimmy leaned into me softly whispering

"She's lovely. But ever so nervous, weird.." I only looked to him confused saying nothing with words, but my expression dumbfounded.I replied,

"What's weird? "You strike me as the nervous one. I guess I shouldn't be so quick to judge huh?"

He smiled again his eyelids heavy and peering down to my legs.I guess he liked more of a challenge. Which oddly, I had no problem giving it right back to him. I hope that Paula will loosen up, I'd like to divert most of my attention to Robert.

"Yeah,you know I thought you would be a lot cuter in person." He stifled his breathy laugh bringing his hand to scratch his chest, he kept his eyes on me while rubbing it

"Your nerves must have clouded your vision then yeah?"

“Maybe so Jimmy.."

Enough of this.I looked back to Robert who was fiddling with his fingernails,

"You know you shouldn't bite at your cuticles. It's really bad for your nails"

He paused to look up at me curling that side grin lips slightly puckered. He adjusted his belt buckle and extended his arm around me,

"I do a lot of things that probably aren't good for me love. I'm a big boy I can take it.But what about you? You must do something bad?"

I tried to think of something sexy to reply to that.. not a shock, I got nothing. I mean don't men like good girls anyway?

"No,nothing really. I'm pretty much a good girl." He bit at his bottom lip again. His eyes had that devious look like he is going to attack,

"A good girl huh? We'll have to fix that."

[mamaredd123]

Close Encounters part 4

WARNINGS: none really, maybe a little anxiousness, and some memory lapse

PAIRING: Dean x Reader

WORD COUNT: 2204

Shout out to @feelmyroarrrr  for this unusual tidbit. Sharing the link with y’all in case anyone is interested. Obviously, I may have twisted and changed some facts to make it work for my fic. http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/10/25/necropants-iceland-human-skin-trousers-rich-picture_n_4163741.html

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Un-beta’d so all errors are my own. Plus I have had a little to drink tonight so I will probably blush tomorrow when I re-read this but anyways, I hope y’all enjoy.

Please feel free to leave some feedback. I accept it all, the good and the negative. You love it, tell me you do. You hate it, please tell me that also.

The next several weeks flew by. They say that’s what happens when you first fall in love, something that I truly never thought would happen to me. Dean was such a joy to be around. Even Sam was more of a clown with us lately.

Dean and I had practically been inseparable since our “Prom Night”. There were exceptions when they had a case and had to leave though. Those were usually the worst nights for me. Dean would usually call me though, and stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep.

This week the boys were gone on a really weird cases and they had asked me to do some research for them. So, I was a little excited. This was the first case I would be able to help them with. Dean and Sam had called me yesterday evening to give me any info that they had been able to scrape up and this was definitely one for the books.

There was a family up in Plano, Texas, who was dealing with their grandfather’s property. The grandfather had recently passed away of old age and now the family was trying to sort through his belongings. One of the family members, who had known the brother’s dad back in the day, came across an extremely disturbing find in grandpa’s attic. It appeared to be a pair of men’s pants made entirely of flesh. So of course he called the people who he knew specialized in “weird”.

The “weird” was what looked to be a pair of pants actually made from human flesh. The brother had stumbled across them in an old box at the very back of the attic. The box was sealed with yellow ‘caution’ tape. After he opened it and saw the contents, it was quickly brought downstairs and left in the kitchen. The main reason the brother called Sam and Dean was because after the box was brought downstairs, two different family members at two different times had picked up the pants and now they had mysteriously vanished. No one could locate them anywhere.

Since yesterday I had been digging through all kinds of lore books and had found nothing to match so far. I was beginning to get frustrated. I didn’t want to have to tell Dean I couldn’t find anything when he called this evening. So, giving up on the books for a little while, I pulled out my laptop and started a search online for ‘flesh pants’. That search ended up with absolutely nothing useful.

My second search, ‘pants made of flesh’, was a tab bit more interesting. The very first thing to pop up in the results was an article titled Necropants, The Pants Made From Human Flesh.  (see link to article above the keep reading link)

I skimmed through the article and found myself shaking my head as I got to the end of it. Pants made of flesh to get a lot of money? People really had some crazy ass notions back when they didn’t know anything that was for sure. As I read the article, however, something tickled the back of my brain. I thought maybe I had found something about this after all in the lore books.

Leaving the computer up, I pushed back from the table and started going through some of the books again. About an hour later, I found it. In 1614, there was a man named Jón Einarsson who was supposedly burned alive for being a witch. From the recount that I found in one of the older books, his daughter had spotted him wearing a pair of pants made of flesh and had reported him to the authorities. After many days of interrogation, torture is probably more like it, he confessed and was consequently burned alive in front of the entire village. A week later, his wife, daughter and two sons all committed suicide in their humble home.

I was still making notes on that case when Dean called me. I answered excitedly and told him what I had found so far.

“So what do you think?” I asked him after I told him everything.

“Well that’s a good job on digging that up. Hold on let me get Sammy.”

I waited patiently as I heard them murmuring on the other end. I was sure Dean was relaying all the information I had just shared with him. Finally they both came back on the line.

“So this Einarsson, are there any mention of curses he may have said, threats, anything of that nature when they were burning him?” Sam asked.

“No, nothing like that in this book. It simply states he was burned.”

“Well, keep digging and see if you can find anything else on him in the books there. I’ll do some digging online from here and see if I can find anything too.” Sam informed me.

“Ok, no problem. Is there something in particular we are looking for?”

“From what we found in Jake’s grandfather personal diary, there appears to be some kind of curse associated with these pants. But from what you discovered, and finding out there is a museum in Iceland with a pair of these on display, I don’t know for sure if these belongs to your guy or not. Considering Jake’s grandpa’s history and the story of Einarsson though, I think they could be the same pair.”

“Ok Sam. I’ll stay on it.”

“Hey baby.”

“Hey love.”

“So other than pouring over books all day, how’s your day been?”

“Lonely.”

“Yea, I know. I miss you too.”

Dean stayed on the phone with me for the next hour. We only hung so we both could grab our showers. I was in his bed, surrounded by his smell, when he finally called back. We talked about all things not having to do with the case until I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning with my phone dead, again.

----------

It was after nine and I was really beginning to worry a little. I had not heard from Dean or his brother all day. Dean always called me by seven every night. Glancing up at the clock again, I noticed it had only been a minute since I last looked. I was torn between picking my phone up and blowing his up or even calling the cops down there to see if anything had happened. Deciding not to risk Dean’s wrath just in case he was super busy or something, I turned my back on my phone and continued pacing.

It was nearing midnight and still nothing from either brother. I was new to this whole way of life so I really wasn’t sure how to take this. I had given up my pacing about and hour earlier and was now curled up in Dean’s bed holding onto one of his pillows. My nerves were shot and all I could think about was every bad thing they had told me about other not so great hunts. I kept picturing Dean and Sam lying dead somewhere or hurt so badly they couldn’t get to help.

My sleep that night was plagued with bad dreams. All kinds of images went through my subconscious that night. I tossed and turned all night and awoke the next morning feeling like I had not slept at all. After a moment to toss the cobwebs from my brain, my first coherent thought was ‘Dean’! I snatched around the covers trying to find my phone and almost panicked. Luckily, I heard it hit the floor as I had grabbed one of the pillows out of the way.

Quickly, I picked it up and unlocked it. To my relief I saw I had twelve missed calls from Dean’s number. I hit the voicemail button and was happy to see he left ten messages. I played through each one of them, smiling to myself each time I heard him say ‘Baby, I am so sorry’. After I got through each and every voicemail, I couldn’t get his number dialed fast enough.

“Hey baby. I am so sorry I missed our call last night.”

“It’s ok now.”

“I hope you didn’t worry too much.”

“No, not really. I barely noticed that you didn’t call.”

It warmed my soul to hear him laugh at me even though I was pretty sure he knew better.

We talked for the next thirty minutes or so, touching briefly on the case. I was glad to hear that the reason he missed our call was because he had been out at the ‘client’s’ house digging through other old stuff in their attic and just didn’t have any signal. I guess because I was comforted by just hearing his voice, I didn’t pay any attention to the headache that had started while we were on the phone. By the time we hung up though, my head was pounding like someone was working a jackhammer on my brain.

The pain was so intense twenty minutes after hanging up with Dean, I stumbled back to his bed and tried to lay down. As I crawled back in his bed, I remembered a friend from school who used to suffer from migraines. I vaguely wondered if that was what was going on. I curled up in the bed, gripping one of Dean’s pillows again, and finally fell asleep.

--------

“Baby. Y/N!”

I pulled myself from sleep still believing I was dreaming about hearing Dean’s voice. When I opened my eyes, however, there he was, sitting on the edge of the bed. And Sam! Everything was kind of fuzzy but I kept my focus on Dean’s green eyes. How was he here? WHY was he here? I just hung up with him before I went to sleep. In a daze, I tried to voice these questions.

“Shhh baby. It’s ok,” Dean told me in a reassuring tone of voice.

“Dean, you are making me nervous. What is going on? Y’all were in Texas. What are you doing back here so quick?” I asked nervously.

“So quick?” Dean replied sounding confuse which only made me more confused. “Baby, you haven’t answered your phone in almost a week. Five days to be exact.”

“Oh whatever. I just talked to you a few hours ago.”

“No you didn’t Y/N,”  Sam interrupted. “It really has been five days since Dean talked to you.”

“Stop messing with me guys. Seriously, I hung up the phone with you Dean like a couple of hours ago. My head started hurting so I came in here and laid down.”

“Baby, are you one hundred percent positive that’s all you remember?”

“Yes. Without a doubt. Today is Tuesday. I talked to you a few hours ago and you were telling me about how you lost track of time because you were in old what’s his name’s attic with no cell signal. I hung up and my head was hurting so I came in here and laid down. Next thing I know, here you are, waking me up.”

“Y/N, today is Sunday. We drove all night to get here this morning,” Sam threw in.

“No, It’s Tuesday,” I replied shaking my head. I slept for five days straight? There was no way possible.

“It’s ok. We will figure it out,” Dean said.

I watched as he made a slight motion to Sam and then Sam left the room. I looked at Dean feeling like my world was slipping away. On a sudden notion, whether to check I was correct or that they were, I snatched up my phone. At first glance, I felt vindicated because the battery was at eighty percent. There was no way I had any battery life left after five days of not being charged. On second glance, I noticed the date on the phone and it matched what the guys said, it really was Tuesday. How in the hell did I miss five days?

I clicked the message button on my screen and there were no new messages. Seriously, what the fuck? Dean didn’t hear from me for five days and didn’t send the first message? Next I clicked on the voicemail icon. Once again, nothing. Not one single voicemail from anyone at all. My brain was trying to sort all these detail at once and was having no success. Dean hadn’t heard from me in all that time yet there were no messages, no voicemails, from him the entire time? It was obvious that checking my phone did nothing to help the situation, it just aggravated everything.

“Dean, I don’t know what to say. Everything is so confusing.”

“I’m sure it is. But baby, we will get to the bottom of it al. I promise you.”

“I don’t know Dean. You say you haven’t heard from me in five days. Five days? My phone says you are right but then there are no messages, no voicemails, from you the entire time. How can that be?”

“I don’t understand it either baby. I can show you, I’ve called you like a thousand times and your voicemail is full, all messages from me I’m sure.  But I swear we will get to the bottom of it. That’s what me and Sammy do. Do you trust me?”

“Yes, I do. One hundred percent.”

“Then come here. Let me hold you.”

I crawled across the bed and took solace in the feel of his arms around me. He had not been gone that long as far as MY memory recalled. But trying to include an extra five days? That I had no memory of? The one and only thing that made any sense was the fact that he was here now and that I could actually feel his arms around me, I could feel his breath on my neck. If that was what it was like to have migraines I can promise you, I truly didn't want anything to do with those!

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[justonehappyvictory]

hi!!! i love all your au sosoo stories and i have this au prompt... it's a little cliché tho. instead of being invested in cosmetology, hajin is involved in music. and then so is a part of a band probably with baek ah and eun and idk i just love the idea of two lovers who loves music as much as they love each other and i pictured hajin and so in it 😭🙈

Ahh, first prompt request ever! I love it! I hope I am/was able to deliver, anon.

EDIT: Posted on AO3

The door to their apartment flung open, making Wang So and Baek Ah jump in surprise. The cymbal So had been polishing fell out of his hand and clanged on the floor. Baek Ah had been tuning his guitar and the slamming door caused him to tighten one string too tightly and it snapped smartly against his hand. An angry welt formed on his hand and he grabbed the nearest object and launched it at the disturbance, So’s younger brother, Wang Eun. Eun dodged the projectile easily enough and eagerly waved a flyer at their faces.

“Guys, check it out,” he said gleefully. “There’s going to be a talent competition! The winner gets a contract deal!”

So picked up his dropped cymbal and resumed his polishing. “Are you sure it’s legit?” he drawled. “Last time you said contract deal, you lost all of our money.”

“Yeah, Eun,” Baek Ah said. “I’m all for a contract, but we just started eating real food. I don’t want to go back to living off ramen and gimbap again.”

Eun sat down in front of them, pleading. “No, it’s real. My friend is a secretary at the company. She told me about it. I promise it’s not a scam this time.”

So slipped the paper out of his hand, still skeptical. Baek Ah set down his guitar and walked over, reading the flyer over his shoulder. “Eun, this isn’t going to work,” So sighed. “This says we have to have to an original song. We only do covers. Unless you magically gained the ability to write songs, we have no chance.”

Eun wiggled his body emphatically at them and whined. “You guys don’t even want to try? Baek Ah’s good at the poetry thing, he could write a song.”

Baek Ah held his hands up. “Uh, writing a song is more than just putting words down on paper. I know absolutely nothing about creating a melody from scratch. So, yea, I think we’re going to have to sit this one out.”

Eun plunked on to the couch and crossed his arms, an angry pout forming on his face. “You guys always spoil my fun.”

So tousled his hair. “Look, we don’t like to be the bad guys, Eun, but we have to be realistic sometimes.”

“Seon Deok! Seon Deok,” Soo yelled, running full speed across the campus. She clutched to the paper in her hand like it was a map that would lead her to the world’s greatest treasure. “Seon Deok!” she yelled again as she saw her friend in their usual spot by the cafeteria. Seon Deok looked alarmed at her friend, noting all the attention she was garnering. Soo was all sweat, red face, and gasping breaths when she reached her. She tried to talk, but it took several minutes for her to breath to catch up to her. “Look… look at this flyer. It’s my shot!”

“Your shot?” Seon Deok said dubiously. She took the flyer from her clenched hand and flattened it out on the table, reading over the contents. “This is like your fifth shot this year. Remember when you lost two thousand dollars? Your mom almost murdered you. Also, this says you have to bring your own instruments and your mom made you sell your guitar. And your keyboard. And your bass in order to pay her back. You have nothing except your beautiful voice and I don’t know if that’s going to cut it in a competition.”

Soo pouted, resting her head on the table and lamenting the loss of her instruments. She had spent her days humming all the new melodies in her head into a tape recorder. If only she hadn’t been scammed in her eagerness to become famous, then she’d be on her way to a real contract. She new she was destined for musical greatness, she just needed to convince the rest of the world.

“Eun!” Soo heard Seon Deok yell, a blush forming on her neck. Soo laughed, she never could keep her wits about her when her crush was around. “Over here!”

The tall and lean boy with pink hair slouched over to them, he looked completely put out, like someone had snuffed out the fire inside him. “Hey Seon Deok, Hae Soo, what are you guys up to?” he said forlornly. He kicked at a rock underneath the table.

“Oh, nothing really,” Seon Deok said, fluttering her eyelashes at him and scooting closer to him, but her efforts went unnoticed. “Unnie is sad because she can’t enter this talent competition, which is such a shame because her songs are always amazing.”

Eun’s ears perked up at the sound of “talent competition” and “songs.” “Wait, what do you mean?”

Soo slid the flyer towards him. “You have to have an original song but I had to sell all of my instruments. So, even if I could write a song, I have no instrument to play it on.”

He slammed his hands on the table and stood up, leaning across the table so that his face was inches from Soo’s. Seon Deok huffed jealously next to him. “Soo, you can write songs? You know how to write songs?” Eun asked, his usual enthusiasm returning to his demeanor.

Soo leaned away. “Um, yea…”

Eun jumped up and whooped. “Soo, I have a band! You can write a song with us and we can be your instruments!”

Soo’s eyes lit up. “Are you serious? Are you sure? Will your bandmates be okay with this? Oh, my god, you will not regret this!” Eun and Soo grabbed hands, jumping and dancing together in their excitement.

For the second time that week, Eun slammed into the apartment, this time with Soo trailing behind him. Her excitement had begun to give way to nervousness when she realized Eun was taking her back to an apartment of men. Even with Seon Deok’s glowing review of why Eun is such a wonderful person, she had heard stories about his older brother and why he wasn’t such a wonderful person. One time, she had heard that he ripped an entire door off its hinges with just his hands because someone sneezed on him. She shuddered at what he would do if Eun was bringing her there unannounced. He didn’t seem the type of person to like surprises.

“Hyung? Baek Ah?” Eun called out. A second later, Soo saw a man come out of the bathroom in just a towel. He was using another, smaller towel to dry his hair, but her eyes were focused on his still damp and gleaming chest. He looked lithe, but toned. Her eyes trailed the defining lines of his abdomen, but he still had soft spots that looked like they would be really nice to grab onto and squeeze. She noticed that he had several scars strewn across his body, but they just gave him wild, rugged look she wanted to dig into.

“What is it this time, Eun?” she heard him say, still raking her eyes over him.

“Uh, hyung, you should get dressed,” Eun said, struggling to push a wonderstruck Soo behind him.

And that was when So noticed the small woman next to his brother and her trailing eyes. He took his extra towel and hid his exposed body from her. “Do you want to die,” he screeched.

His shout woke Soo up from her reverie and she felt her whole body turn red from being caught. She smacked her hand over her eyes, knowing she was too late. “Um, I-I can just come back later,” she squeaked. She quickly turned and ran head first into the door frame, causing her to fall and cry out in pain. “Ahh, I’m fine. I’m okay. Just a small bump.”

As Eun picked up Soo from the floor, he gave So an apologetic smile, who only glared at him as he stomped off into his room. He poked at the bruise forming on Soo’s head. “You can look now, he went to his room. Sorry about that.”

“I mean, you could have told me there was a naked man in your apartment before I entered,” she scolded.

Eun rolled his eyes at her. “It’s not like I keep a schedule of who’s going to be naked. That would be weird and perverted.”

She sighed, walking over to their couch and sitting down. “Who was that, anyway?”

“Oh, that’s my older brother, So.”

She gawked at him. “You mean… that was… he’s the one that ripped off the door?”

“I ripped off a door?” So asked, coming back into the room, this time fully clothed in black ripped jeans and a black slouchy shirt. Soo averted her eyes, the flush returning to her cheeks. “That’s a new one. Did you also know that I killed a man because he took my milk? Or maybe you know about the time I ran over my teacher for failing me? Or maybe you heard, and this one’s my favorite, that I ate a live duck?”

Soo pressed her lips together. With every word he said, he leaned closer to her and he was only centimeters from her. His scent invaded her nose, lemony and floral. She swallowed thickly, but didn’t break the eye contact between them. His gaze was hard, but she couldn’t help fall a little bit into them. “I-I may have heard that you sold a kidney on the black market to buy a motorcycle.”

“Hyung, knock it off,” Eun said, pushing him away from Soo. “Why do you always have to scare everyone away? She’s here to help us.”

So leaned back in his chair, his gaze still penetrating and sullen. “Help us with what?”

“With the talent competition. She knows how to write songs!” Eun was bouncing again. So looked over at him, slightly shaking his head and Eun stopped. “Come on, hyung. This is a golden opportunity. She can write the song. We can learn the song. And together we will race to the top of the charts. We’ll be unbeatable.”

“Eun,” So said, almost consoling. “I thought we discussed this already.”

“I’ve heard some of her stuff, though. It’s good. Come on, at least give her a chance before you completely dismiss her. It’s not her fault you came out almost completely naked.”

She noticed his face redden and a small giggle escaped her lips. He shot a glare at her and she immediately schooled her face to hide her emotion. “Alright,” he said. “Let me hear something and, if it’s good, then you can work with our other bandmate, Baek Ah, on something and we’ll,” he sighed and rubbed at his eyes, “we’ll enter the competition.”

Soo pulled out her phone and some headphones from her bag. Carefully, she placed the headphones over So’s ears and pressed play. She watched his expression. It ranged from annoyed to intrigued. “You wrote this?” So asked and she nodded. “All by yourself with no help?” She nodded again. He pulled the headphones off and tossed them back to her. He stood, looking like he was going to regret the next words he said. “We practice every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday.”

She smiled brightly at him and So, for one second, felt his heart flutter in his chest before he walked away.

There was a knock on the door and So thought it was weird that Baek Ah would knock when he lived here, whom he had expected back from the store sooner. “Maybe his hands are full,” he said to himself.

When he opened the door, it wasn’t Baek Ah, though. It was Hae Soo and he was taken aback. “Uh, Baek Ah’s not here right now.”

She smiled and his breath caught in his throat. He hated the way she smiled, how it brightened her eyes and rounded her cheeks and scrunched her nose just a tiny bit at the bridge. Mostly he hated the way his heart always skipped a beat and made him breath a little bit faster and filled him with a foreign warmth. “That’s okay,” she said. “I can wait. He said he wanted to talk about a chord in the song. Oh, are you cooking? Something smells amazing.”

He almost found himself saying that it was her that smelled amazing because she always did, crisp like apples and sweet like lilacs. As she walked underneath his arm holding the door open, he caught a whiff of her perfume and took a moment to savor it before pulling himself together. “Yea, I sent Baek Ah to the store to pick up some things we needed. Um, he didn’t mention you were stopping by.”

She was in the kitchen, a spoon in her mouth as she tasted his food. Her eyes widened in delight. “Wow, you made this? This tastes as good as it smells. Does Baek Ah need to tell you when I come by? He told me I can come over whenever I want.”

“You don’t feel nervous coming into an apartment filled with men?” So felt a stab of jealousy over Baek Ah and the way she said his name so casually. “Do you like him or something?”

She sucked on the spoon, considering the question. “I mean, what girl wouldn’t like handsome men paying attention to her and Baek Ah is extremely handsome. He’s got soft hair and kind eyes and perfectly calloused fingers from years of playing guitar. He’s a dream come true for many girls.”

So bit the inside of his cheek, felt the blood pool there. “Right. Yea, I’ve heard he’s got some groupies. Does this mean you’re one of them now?”

“Did you really just call me a groupie?” she asked, clearly offended by the insinuation.

He was saved from answering when Baek Ah came in. “Hey, I got that stuff you wanted. Oh, Hae Soo! Great, you came! You want to have some lunch with us before we get started.”

“That would be great, but I don’t want you thinking I’m going to sleep with you just because you’ve given me some food,” she said, her annoyed gaze never leaving So’s. He could feel the heat rising in his neck.

“That’s a weird thing to say. If you slept with me, I hope it would be because you like me rather than because I give you food.”

So felt sick to his stomach. “You’re not actually considering sleeping with her, are you?!”

Baek Ah looked between the two people in front of them, both glaring at each other determinedly. “He can sleep with me if he wants to,” Soo shouted. She grabbed Baek Ah by the hand and yanked him towards his room. “Come on, Baek Ah,” she seemed to yell just for So. “Let’s go work up an appetite.”

Baek Ah saw So kick at the sofa before Soo slammed his door shut. She huffed and paced around the room. “I’m not actually going to sleep with you,” she said.

“I know,” he laughed at her. “Because I know you’re crazy about him. I see the way you look at him and how you lean closer to him, trying to smell him. Which I don’t blame you there, he does smell good. You’re always way more interested in what he’s doing instead of focusing on writing a song. And, when he talks, you do this lip biting thing. You cant fool me. I’m very observant.”

“Too observant,” she said. “Sorry, for using you like that.”

“It’s fine. I like being used by pretty girls every once in awhile. Also, if you didn’t want me to know, you shouldn’t have lent me your notebook that you littered with doodles of him and little songs about him and little hearts with his name in them.” He picked up the aforementioned item and tossed it to her. She blushed furiously. “Since we’re in here, let’s talk song lyrics.”

“Uh, what made you start writing songs?” So ventured. Practice had just ended and he was completely flustered. Eun and Baek Ah had just left them to clean up and now the two of them were all alone. He wanted to know if she was still angry at him. She seemed closer to Baek Ah after he basically called her a groupie and he wasn’t sure if the two of them had slept together or if they were dating. He noted every casual touch she seemed to give him on the shoulder, on the arms, and once on his knee, which seemed too intimate for his liking. He had asked Baek Ah on several occasions if they were a couple but he would just laugh and say, “A gentlemen never betrays a woman’s secrets.” And So had no idea what that was even supposed to mean. He couldn’t help but feel jealous and angry and hopeless. Soo with her silky black hair and plump, pink lips. Soo with the voice of an angel and button nose. Soo with such delicate soft skin and a laugh that bore fairies into being. He was going insane with wanting to get to know her better but also trying not to seem too obvious or too eager.

“Because I have a song in my heart that’s always bursting to be free,” she said simply, like it was most obvious answer in the world. “Why do you like playing the drums?”

“It’s good anger management,” he shrugged. “I can play other instruments, though.”

“Really? What else can you play?”

“The piano, guitar, the violin, and, now I know you’ll be impressed with this one, the xylophone.”

She laughed and he laughed with her. “Those all seem like such … delicate instruments compared to you.”

“Are you saying I’m not delicate?” He leaned in a bit and he saw her eyes flicker to his lips.

“Uh, I’m sure in… some areas… you could be.” Unconsciously, Soo licked her lips and, before he could stop himself, he found himself kissing them. Her lips were just as soft as he imagined them to be and he could taste the vanilla in her lip balm. Her breath was warm and sweet. He heard her whisper his name and it just spurred him to deepen the kiss, pulling her closer to him and plunging his fingers into her silky strands. Her hands grazed up his chest and settled on his neck. He shivered when her fingers curled in his hair. He wished they had been doing this sooner. Kissing her felt like he was coming home.

She pulled away from him. Her lips were puffed and red and he tried to catch her lips again but she stepped away and avoided his gaze. “Oh, uh, I have to go,” she said. She quickly gathered her things and left, leaving So confused and hurt.

“He kissed you?” Seon Deok shrieked. “And you just left? What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve been dreaming about kissing him for weeks now.”

Soo pounded her head on the table before taking another shot of soju. “I know. I’m an idiot. I panicked. I didn’t think he was actually going to kiss me. I didn’t even know he liked me enough to kiss me!”

“So, what was it like?” Seon Deok poked her friend, eager for details.

“Well, it was… perfect. Slow and warm and … delicate,” she sighed and Seon Deok sighed with her. “And then he tugged me to him and his chest really is as solid as it looks but in a good way and the kiss was firm and thrilling and… god, it was so hot. Seon Deok, what is wrong with me?” She poured herself another glass of soju before knocking it back. “How am I supposed to fix this?”

“Go back and ravage him? He’ll probably forget all about it. Nothing like hot make-up sex,” she giggled and Soo smacked her lightly on the arm.

“I’m serious. I’m looking for serious solutions only.”

“I was serious, but, um, why don’t you write him a song or something? It’s kind of your thing.”

“Hmm… yea, I guess that makes sense.”  

Soo was avoiding him. She hadn’t been to any of their practices since he kissed her and she ran off. Why had she ran off? She seemed just as into the kiss as he did. He pressed his face into the pillow and screamed into it. It didn’t make any sense to him. Why had she run off?! He punched the pillow, punched the bed, punched the headboard. Was she really dating Baek Ah? Would she kiss him back if she was dating Baek Ah? Did he just betray his best friend? Everything would’ve been fine and solved and wonderful if she had just. Not. Run. Away! He flipped on his bed and started kicking the air. This was driving him up the wall.

There was a small knock on his door and Baek Ah poked his head through. “Hey, is there something going on with you? Because you’ve been terrible at practice. You’re off beat, or you’re too loud or you’re too soft or, sometimes, not even paying attention. It’s not like you.”

So pouted at his friend. “I think I did something really bad. And you’re going to hate me.”

“It would take quite a lot for me to hate you.” So pulled the pillow over his face and mumbled his troubles into it. Baek Ah walked over and pulled the pillow off his friend’s face. “So, just tell me. Can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s broken.”

“I kissed your girlfriend. I didn’t mean to, but she’s just so beautiful and always smells so nice and she licked her lips and I just couldn’t help myself and I kissed her.”

“Okay, let’s backtrack. I don’t have a girlfriend. Unless you count that poster of Seohyun from Girls’ Generation. Have you been kissing my poster?”

So sat up and squished Baek Ah’s face between his hands. “You’re not dating Hae Soo?”

“Hae Soo?” he asked, pushing So’s hands off his face. “Why would I date her? She likes you.” He gasped loudly. “YOU KISSED HAE SOO?! Oh, tell me everything? Did she kiss you? Man, I was wondering how long she was going to hold it in. She never shuts up about you.”

“She likes me? She said that? You heard the words ‘I like Wang So’ come out of her mouth?”

Baek Ah furrowed his eyebrows together. “Wait a second, start from the beginning.”

So fell sideways on his bed, his head dangling over the edge. “It was last week. It was after you and Eun left us to clean up. We were talking about instruments and I just… I kissed her and it was amazing and then she just left. And I haven’t heard anything from her since then. I thought she was avoiding me because you two were dating.”

“Okay, we will talk about how easily you would kiss a girl you think is my girlfriend at another point in time, my friend, but we’ve never been a thing. She’s cute, but she’s like a sister. I did suspect you had a thing for her, though, when I saw you kicking the couch after she dragged me into my room saying she was going to sleep with me. She likes you, though, so I’m surprised she would just leave and she didn’t even mention it to me.”

“You’ve been talking to her?” So asked eagerly, pulling himself up. “She hasn’t been coming to practice though.”

“Oh, that’s because she has exams and she’s been studying. She’s still been working on the music, though. She gave me the finished sheet music this morning. She said as long as we nail the melody, she’ll come through with the lyrics and she’ll meet up with us at the competition.”

“Right. The competition, which is another couple weeks. Do you think you could ask her why she left? Or like give her my number? Or should I write a letter? Do you think she would like flowers? Should I write a letter and send flowers?”

Baek Ah slapped his hand over So’s face. “Just stop talking. I’ll talk to her.” So just nodded.

Eun was off in the distance, on the phone with Seon Deok asking about Soo’s whereabouts. She was late and they were supposed to be up any minute now. Eun got off the phone and rushed over. “Seon Deok said traffic is really bad, but Hae Soo is definitely on her way.”

So rubbed at his eyes. Baek Ah smacked his face. “Okay, Eun you know the lyrics right?” Baek Ah asked. “If, for some reason, she doesn’t show and we go on, you’re going to have to sing.”

“Uh, I don’t know. Keyboard, I’m good at. Singing I’m good at. Playing the keyboard and singing at the same time in front of all those people, maybe not so much.”

“Face it,” sighed So, idly twirling his drumstick to hide his rising panic. “We’re screwed.”

“Well, aren’t you just a beacon of optimism,” said a voice behind him. All three men turned to see Soo and they gaped at her. So stood quickly, tripping over his feet and stumbling before her beauty. She looked stunning in a simple red dress that lightly hugged her small frame before flaring out the knees. Her usual straight hair fell down her back in waves and So wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through the length of it. The most beautiful part of her, though, was the way her eyes sparkled with excitement. “Sorry, I’m late.”

Eun pulled her into a hug before So could get to her. “It just matters that you are here,” Eun said close to her ear. “Come on, we’re next.” He took her hand and dragged her towards the stage. She gave So a fleeting but encouraging smile. She had hated how she had left things, tried texting him and calling him a thousand times, but nothing seemed right. She would make it right tonight, though. She had to.

A stagehand came up to them. “Ready in five,” he said and then hurried off to prepare the next act. They took their places behind the curtain. So tried to get Soo’s attention, but she was too busy talking to Baek Ah, going over last minutes notes. I guess I’ll just have to wait until after the show, he thought to himself. He cursed Eun for taking away his small window of opportunity.

“Alright, all you music lovers,” they heard the emcee call over the speakers. “Give it up for The Wolf-Dogs.” The crowd roared as the curtains rolled up.

“Wow,” Hae Soo said into the mic. “What a great crowd, tonight. Thank you all for letting us play our song for you. I know you’re pumped and ready to dance, but we’re going to slow it down for you a little bit. This song was written as an apology of sorts for someone I like quite a bit, maybe more than a bit. This song is called ‘Through the Night’. We hope you like it.”

The light dimmed over them as the first notes chimed over the crowd, a soft note escaping her lips, lulling the crowd into a hush. As she serenaded the audience, So felt the rising tide of euphoria sweep through him and felt the ebb of his anxiety and confusion over her radio silence flee with every romantic lilt and intonation that rippled from her. He watched as the crowd one by one by one brought out their phones, waving the bright lights in the air, creating a sea of fireflies. He clung to her words, the ones that told him she loved him, that told him she missed him, and said he was a blessing. He wanted it all with her, every touch, every smile, every conversation and she was telling him, telling everyone, that she wanted it too. He didn’t care anymore if they won this competition because somehow, inconceivably, he had won her love and that was the greatest prize of all. As the last silvery notes resonated through the night, the crowd’s howling and thunderous applause returned to the venue. The four of them took a bow as the curtains lowered. Stagehands rushed them off the stage so they could set up for the next competitor.

“Oh, man, Hae Soo, you were great!” Eun applauded. “I’ve never heard anyone sing like that before.”

Once again, Eun brought her in for a hug, completely cutting off his older brother from her. This time, without any time constraints, So pulled his brother off of Soo. “I need to talk to you,” So said to her and she let him take her hand and followed him to a quieter place they could talk.

“Before you say anything,” Soo said when they stopped. “I just want to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just left like that. I could give you a thousand different excuses, but I’m just going to say that I like you. I like you a lot. I liked kissing you and I love that you can be wild and free playing the drums but that you’re precise and nimble enough to play the violin and I love how you smell like flowers but you taste like cinnamon and I like that you don’t care about what other people say about you. I just like every bit of you and I’m all in. That is, if you still like me.”

So felt his laughter bubble in his chest and burst from his lips. “Are you laughing at me?” she said, pouting.

“No, I’m laughing because this is all so unreal. You just sang a song for me. You wrote a song about me, about us, and sang it in front of all those people and now you’re standing in front of me listing reasons why you like me and I just can’t contain myself. Because I like you, too. I like you so much. I loved kissing you and I love that you smell like apples and taste like vanilla. I like how you put your whole heart and soul into every word and note you write. I like that you go after what you want no matter the consequences that lay before you. And I’m all in, too, every bit of me.”

It was Soo that initiated the kiss this time and So found he liked that a whole lot better, the way she jumped up into his height and crashed her lips into his. She dropped down, a playful smile on her lips and her eyes shining with glee. It wasn’t enough for him, he wanted more of her. He wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her closer, and his other hand reached up to brush her hair behind her ear. “Don’t run away from me this time,” he said and as a giggle spilled from her lips, he drank it in. He stole another kiss and his own heart created a song just for her, bursting to be sung.  

[meluvsalldatshit]

The Bridge Where You Once Stood

-I hurt myself today-

Jongdae walked into the local coffee shop, ordering a muffin. He had just arrived at his cousin’s house yesterday and had decided to go out for a walk.

“Hey JONGDAE! Is that you? Long time no see man!” Sehun said from across the room. Jongdae turned to him and his face lit up as he walked towards the taller male.

“Oh my god SEHUN? Been a minute since I've seen you around here!” he replied.

“I know man! Dude we need to catch up! What have you been up to these days?” Sehun said as he threw his arms around Jongdae.

“Actually I found work in a different state. I got my own place and I’ve been living there for a few years now.”

“Woahhhhh really? That’s great man!” Sehun said releasing the older male from his clutches.

“So what are you doing here man! Jesus it’s been ages.”

“Actually, I just came to visit my cousin. I haven’t seen her in a while and decided it was time to come back since she’s the only family i got left, you know?”

Sehun’s smile lowered a bit, remembering the hard times in their childhood together. Jongdae had gone through so much. “Yea man, I get it. Anyway it’s nice seeing you! You’re still a looker, eh?”

Jongdae laughed.

“Hey how about a drink? It’s only like 8pm and I just got back from buying clothes and stuff for my cousin.” he offered.

Sehun nodded almost frantically, happy that he could rekindle his friendship with his distant hyung.

Jongdae had left the neighborhood a while back, finding a life for himself. They were all friends, hanging out in one of the tree houses the neighborhood kids built. They grew up together basically, watching each other grow into well refined, okay mildly refined young adults, and later into grown ass men. Their group of friends later expanded, gaining more love and friendship along the way. There were 12 of them; and that’s all they needed. But unfortunately all good things must come to an end. Eventually, friends started leaving the neighborhood, going off to abroad or out of state schools, others finding differents passions and pursuing their own path. The only ones left where Sehun, Jongdae, Minseok and Chanyeol. These four had been the last to leave, feeling like their lives were incomplete, not really knowing what to do with themselves. Chanyeol eventually went off to find his passion in helping people (specifically smol people), becoming a social worker, eventually a father to two beautiful children, and a loving husband. Sehun had found a job at a local shop, inheriting the position as shopkeeper from his family business. He had decided to stay in the neighborhood, helping out his family. Jongdae and Minseok however, stayed together though the local community college, sticking together like superglue. They each had really no direction, and after two years, Jongdae realised he didn’t see the point anymore. He dropped out of school and decided to work instead. Minseok stayed in school, but the three of them continued to hang out together. Until ultimately, they each took their own path.

Once at the Bar, Jongdae and Sehun caught up on each other’s lives, Sehun talking about how his family business has been going good, and how he’s been helping his family even though he’s the youngest. Jongdae told him about his struggles with getting used to a new environment where he currently lived, and how hard it was for him to get back on his feet. They drank all night, talking about their future plans, and what they should do while Jongdae is in town. They ended up going back to their own place, making it safely by taxi. Jongdae entered his cousin’s home, making sure to lock the doors behind him. He walked into his assigned room and fell on the bed, almost immediately losing consciousness.

--

Jongdae opened the door and smiled as he heard laughter coming from the room. He had just returned from his class, walking into his house. Minseok had wanted to come over for a while, and because Jongdae’s class got out later, Minseok just let himself in.

“Mini what are you doing in there?” Jongdae called out.

Minseok came out of the room, running into his arms.

“Welcome home!” he said with the widest smile possible.

Minseok was the cutest thing ever, and he made Jongdae’s heart melt everytime.

“I was watching this really funny show. Come watch it with me!” Minseok said tugging on Jongdae’s shirt.

Jongdae smiled softly.

“Alright hold on i have to put my things away.”

Jongdae set his things down on the couch, and walked into the room with Minseok.

“Scoot over.” Jongdae said, motioning for Minseok to move over on the bed so he could fit next to him. Minseok moved over and Jongdae scooted closer to him, laying on their backs, Minseok pressing play on the TV in front of the bed. Minseok scooted closer to Jongdae, resting his head on his shoulder. Jongdae thought nothing of it, actually liking the warmth it provided him. They both lay there in the room, laughing and enjoying each other’s company and the show.

--

-I focus on the pain-

Jongdae opened his eyes and groaned as he sat up. He had a slight headache from last night. He got up from his bed, moving over to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. He had planned to just take it easy at home, but decided it was probably a good idea to walk to the store to help his cousin with food while he stayed there. So after he was ready, he put on his shoes, and walked out the door. He walked the streets of his childhood, remembering the good old times all 12 of them had together. The familiar streets forcing him to reminisce, and he smiled at the thought of them all playing hide and go seek or tag or other made up games that were passed purely on their creativity and imagination. It had been a good childhood. So many good people surrounded him, and that helped him grow. It helped him to not be lonely, and it gave him a sense of hope when he needed it most. Now, none of them really kept in touch with him. He didn’t really know what any of them were doing. They had all been inseparable, but now they all had their own lives; they had no time to be contacting each other. He wondered why things had to turn out the way they did. Why couldn’t he go back to that time where they had no worries in life, where the climax of their problems was not having enough toys for all of them to play, when going to the park and getting hurt was a fear, and stealing their moms money for some ice cream was the ultimate crime? He wondered why there was such a dramatic ending to their “close” friendship. That’s why he had a hard time trusting others now. Apparently people always leave, no matter how close they may seem to be.

--

Jongdae was sitting on the couch; going over an essay he had to turn in by tomorrow. He had been putting it off for the past week and he hated himself for procrastinating. Minseok walked in the door then, Jongdae realizing he forgot to lock the front door.

“Hey Mini.” He said from his seat.

“Hi Orange.” He responded.

“I told you to let that go. Cmon.” Jongdae whined.

“Nooo! It’s too funny!” Minseok laughed.

Jongdae just sighed and turned his head, returning to focus on the paper he had to write. Minseok came around the couch, and wrapped his arms around Jongdae’s chest and shoulders, leaning down and placing his face next to Jongdae’s ear.

“Mini let go, i’m busy.”

Minseok only shook his head, cuddling closer to Jongdae. He leaned in and whispered,”you should have done it sooner, cutie.”

Jongdae didn't miss the way Minseok’s voice whispering low in his ear made him tingle.

“Let go! I have to do this by tomorrow!” He said trying to squirm out of the hold.

“Are you hungry” minseok said,”I can make you some food.”

“Goddamnit mini let GO!”

Minseok giggled as he released Jongdae, skipping over to the kitchen. Jongdae ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. Minseok liked to play like that, always seeming like he had an ulterior motive. After about half an hour, Minseok called out from the kitchen,”Jongdae come eat! I made your favorite!”

He sighed but couldn't resist the alluring smell emitting from the other room.

“Coming!”

--

-The old familiar sting-

Jongdae walked into the store, searching for a cart to put his groceries in. He walked down the long aisles, reaching the candy section, and stopping when his eyes grazed over a particular chocolate bar.

“Jongdae, valentine's day is coming up!” Minseok said way too excited.

Jongdae looked at him in disbelief.

“Yea so what? All the stupid couples in school are going to be sucking face.” He grumbled.

“Who are you gonna give chocolates too?” He asked.

“Why would I want to waste my money buying candy for some smutty ass women?” Jongdae said.

Minseok shrugged.

“You can just buy them for me instead.”

Jongdae looked over at him and laughed.

“What, are we gonna go on a date too? Hold hands and take selfies together? No thanks.”

Minseok pouted and hit him in the arm.

“No! I was just saying it might be nice to give each other chocolates as a nice gesture.”

Jongdae scoffed. Minseok looked down at his feet.

“Alright whatever why not? What's your favorite kind?”

Minseok smiled and his face lit up. “Kit Kat!”

Jongdae didn't really like chocolate, but he could appreciate the occasional bar or cake. He looked into Minseok’s gleaming eyes and smiled. “You’re such a nerd.”

After that valentine's day, Jongdae made it customary to buy Kitkat for Minseok every now and then, just because he liked to see the smile that would never fail to bring warmth, never lose its light. Jongdae continued to walk down the aisle, trying not to resurface any more memories. After he gathered his groceries and paid for them, he headed home. As he walked down the streets in the afternoon, he came across a certain spot in between buildings. He stopped on the street and was hesitant at first, but decided to walk towards the familiar opening. It was like an alleyway between two now abandoned buildings, the businesses having been run out. On the other side of the alley, there was a large hill and at the bottom, a small river. It was more like an aqueduct but the grass reached all the way down to where the water ran. He walked close to the edge, sitting on the small grassy area, looking up at the sunset that was beginning to fall in the west.

“Look at how beautiful it is from here.” Minseok said with a smile, sitting down on the grassy area. Jongdae followed him through the alleyway, coming out and seeing the nice view from where he stood.

“How did you find out about this place?” he asked.

“Well, I was walking on that street to your house one day and i saw a bunny in the alleyway. Of course I followed it, and well I came across here.” Minseok said.

Jongdae looked around. “No one had ever told you to leave?”

“Well, no, I think this building doesn't run at this time. It’s always quiet here.”

“How did I never see this?”

“I don’t know, you are pretty oblivious Jongdae.”

“Hey shut your mouth ok?”

Minseok looked out over the river, picking at the petals of a nearby dandelion.

“Hey Jongdae?”

He turned to look at Minseok. “Yea?”

“What do you think will happen to us?”

Jongdae looked back at the river. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll become rich and famous one day.”

Minseok let out a chuckle. “Please. With your singing?”

Jongdae looked astonished and hurt. “What do you mean? Of course with my singing! I’ll take lessons to get better! You haven't actually heard me sing for real!”

Minseok laughed and hit him lightly on the arm.

“Shut up. I’m just kidding. You sing good. Also come to think of it, you haven't ever shown me or any of us your singing skills ‘for real’. I know baekhyun has a great voice. No wonder he went for a degree as a musical major.”

“Now that you bring it up, you’re right.”

“Sing for me.”

“No.”

“Cmon Jongdae please? No one’s around.”

“Maybe later.”

Minseok pouted and hugged his knees, both sitting in silence watching the sky.

Jongdae laid back on the grass, not caring that he would probably be itchy later. He looked up at the sky, and outstretched his hand. Then he suddenly started singing a small tune that he remembered from far back in his memory. It was a melancholy song, one that sang to his heart, one that spoke to his soul. He hadn't heard it in a while, but for some reason knew all of the lyrics.

“ I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that's real…”

Jongdae traced the clouds floating in the pinkish-orange sky with his finger.

“I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar's chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time

The feelings disappear

You are someone else

I am still right here …”

A breeze blew over Jongdae, and he realised it was probably time to go home. He grabbed his groceries and dusted himself off. Why was he suddenly thinking of Minseok now? No one had brought him up. Not even Sehun mentioned him when they went drinking last week. Maybe it was the town.

--

“Minseok what are you doing?” Jongdae said.

Jongdae had found himself suddenly in a peculiar position. He was on the couch, and Minseok was straddling him, hovering over his body. They had just been together all day. They had come back to eat and were messing around. Minseok was probably playing like he usually did, saying inappropriate things for laughs. Jongdae had gotten used to it a while ago, and decided to just roll with it.

“You look really hot in that shirt.” Minseok breathed.

Jongdae looked down. He was wearing a slim tank top, revealing most of his arms and clavicles. He had changed because it was a hot summer; the day had consisted of the sun trying to fry everything.

“Thanks. You like what you see?” Jongdae smirked up at him.

Something in Minseok’s eye twinkled.

“You really shouldn't be walking around like that. It’s dangerous for me.”

Jeongdae brought his hand up to Minseok’s thigh.

“What are you gonna do, huh?”

Minseok looked down at the hand slowly climbing up his knee.

“I might ravish you.”

Now listen. Jongdae wasn't gay. He had fallen for a lot of girls and appreciated their efforts, but he never seemed to want a relationship with any of them. He found it a waste of time and decided he would just fuck around. He didn’t think Minseok was gay either, because he too, has been with women. He just thought Minseok liked to mess around since they were so close, and sometimes he went too far. This was probably one of those times.

“Is that a promise?” Jongdae smirked seductively.

Minseok leaned closer to his face, their lips hovering over each other. “Don’t test me.”

He dismounted Jongdae and walked over to the kitchen to get a drink. See? He wasn't serious. Jongdae knew Minseok was just messing around, but sometimes he wondered if he would one day actually go through with it. And in the back of his mind, he wondered if he would let it happen.

They went out drinking later, deciding the test that they took today in school was enough an excuse for celebration. They didn't know whether they passed or failed, but they were free from studying nonetheless. They laughed together, making jokes and messing around. After getting snacks, they went home. They had not gotten drunk, but they were a tiny bit tipsy. And maybe it was the heat of the alcohol in his system, but Jongdae thought Minseok looked pretty alluring today. He had taken off his shirt, changing into his pjs. The toned muscle of his abdomen and arms glowing under the bedroom light.

“Are you gonna stay here? Or go home?” Minseok said.

“I’m too lazy to go home right now. Let me stay over?” Jongdae pleaded.

“Alright here, take these.” Minseok said as he handed Jongdae a pair of pjs.

Jongdae suddenly had an idea just to tease.

“Can you help me change into these?” he smirked.

Minseok looked up at him as if to say,’are you serious?’ with a raised brow. Minseok walked over to him and placed himself directly in front of Jongdae, hands finding their way to his hips; a smirk spreading across his lips. He looked Jongdae directly in the eyes, not breaking the gaze as he lifted his shirt, pulling it up and over Jongdae’s arms. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Jongdae thought Minseok’s eyes were unbelievably the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. Minseok leaned in and tugged on the necklace that sat around Jongdae’s neck, forcing their faces close enough to feel each other's breath.

“Don’t start something you’re not willing to finish.”

Jongdae just swallowed hard. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Minseok being this way was almost making him knowledge the warmth accumulating in the pit of his stomach. Jongdae felt sweat forming at his temple, and he watched as Minseok started to turn away from him. Maybe that was an invitation. Maybe Minseok wasn't just playing around anymore. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he wanted to test the waters.

“I never do anything half assed.”

Minseok took that as initiative and leaned in, placing their lips together, closing the small space between them. It was just a long peck so he looked up expecting to see Jongdae’s surprised expression. He was surprised to see Jongdae looking down at him, eyes half-lidded, cheeks turning a pink shade, lips glistening.

“Jongdae, don’t worry ok. It was just a joke.”

Minseok started to pull away when Jongdae grabbed at his hips, keeping him close, pulling him closer, his tongue running over his lips quickly.

“I’ll finish what I started.”

Minseok had wide eyes as he looked up at him. “Jongdae you’re drunk. You’re gonna regret this later. Let it go.”

Jongdae smirked. “I’m not drunk. I didn’t drink that much tonight. I’m well aware of what’s happening.”

Maybe Minseok was right. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of want. he had an itch in his stomach somehwere. it didn't seem to want to leave anytime soon. It was an unbelievable annoying itch; one that could only be soothed by Minseok.

“But-” Minseok started, but was cut off by Jongdae’s raspy voice.

“Shut up.”

He leaned in and kissed Minseok full on the lips, their mouths moving in synch. Hands making their way around necks and waists. Jongdae never let go of Minseok’s lips as he pushed him back onto the bed.

--

-I remember everything-

Today was hotter than usual. Jongdae was used to it being cold… Seeing as it was fall. He was lying in bed just enjoying the sunshine even though it was heating him up slowly. All he had to do was open the window and it was the perfect combination of hot and cold.  Yesterday was fun for him. He enjoyed the day with his cousin, playing games and just talking about their lives. They talked about everything and it was nice to confide in someone you trust. She was living alone now, because her parents were off on A business trip. They ate food and listened to music together, and they even did karaoke. He had missed this kind of fun. With everything that had happened in his life, it was nice to not care about life's struggles for a day. Jongdae walked into the kitchen, greeting his cousin who was cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

“Hey I'm going to be home late today.” His cousin said.

“Alright. I'll be fine.” Jongdae said.

“I left food ready for you so help yourself.” she said.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, thanks though.” he said.

“You’re gonna be fine on your own?”

“Yea. I’ll find something to do.”

“Why don’t you head down to the bookstore nearby? You can maybe find something to read.”

Jongdae looked at her. That actually wasn't a bad idea. He could go calmly read about anything he wanted to and relax. After they had eaten breakfast together, Jongdae’s cousin headed to work, and we walked over to the bookstore. He walked in the quiet still building, looking around trying not to disturb those who were immersed in their books. He walked by a section of poetry, his favorite section. He picked up a small book with a teal cover, opening to a random page and reading from it:

The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have

Is yours

The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have

A rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause

For the peace of my years

In the long green grass

Will be yours and yours and yours.

Jongdae starred at the words on the page, long enough for the letters to blur. Why was this so familiar? What was this sudden feeling in his gut? What is it? He searched the archives of his mind for something, anything that could shake his memory.

“Mini where are you taking me?” Jongdae complained.

“Just follow me and be quiet! This is a library. Inside voice.” Minseok smiled.

“What are you doing?” Jongdae whispered.

They turned the corner and went to a certain area of the library, the section of poetry. Minseok had pulled out a book that contained a bookmark, opened it to a page and cleared his throat.

“The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have is yours…”

“Are you reading poetry to me?” Jongdae whispered in disbelief.

“Shut up! Listen.” Minseok said straightening himself out again and taking a breath.

“The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours…”

“Oh my god I can’t believe this. Give me that.” Jongdae said, snatching the book closed.

Minseok just stared at him. “What’s your deal?”

“Nothing, I just think this is dumb. Why did you even bring me here?” Jongdae said,"i have better things to be doing right now."

“I thought you liked poetry.” Minseok said dejected and annoyed, arms slumping at his sides, eyes darkening.

“Not right now. Did i ask you for a reading? i have things to do. What is the point of all this?” Jongdae said as he placed the book back on the shelf.

“Nothing.” Minseok said as he left the aisle without another word.

Jongdae remembers. He remembers Minseok’s little efforts in trying to make him happy. Why did he continue to try to make him happy? Jongdae was not interested in such an emotion. He had been a sour child, what with his family situation going to shit. Life was hitting him hard at that time, and he knew no better than to exert his frustrations out on those around him. He failed to see Minseok's intentions and efforts, brushing them completely off, not showing any remorse or gratitude.

He read the poem again and realized why Minseok had picked that specific one. As if it had started a domino effect, memories of Minseok started flowing into his head, everything and anything that ever happened between them. Every time Minseok tried to do something nice, every time Minseok tried to get closer to him on an emotional level. Jongdae had just realised it, now, years after it was relevant. Minseok probably took hours to find this one poem, trying to find something that would properly express his feelings. And Jongdae had shut it down like it was nothing. He must have been so hurt. All Minseok wanted was for some sort of acceptance of acknowledgment of his love, but Jongdae never paid any mind. He now realized how much of an emotional toll that must have taken on him, but how could he know? how could he possibly have known about Minseok's feelings? He was struggling with life and didn't have time to be in love. But Minseok didn’t say anything on the matter, or any other matters.

He never said anything.

--

Minseok was in the TV room, laying down watching his favorite show. Jongdae had walked in and greeted him from the door. Minseok got up and hugged him with a huge smile, reveling in the warmth that was Jongdae, loving his scent.

“Let me go.” Jongdae said.

“Did you have a bad day today?” Minseok said.

“It’s none of your business.” he said as he shoved Minseok off and walked away into the other room.

Minseok frowned and went to sit back on the couch, sighing into the cushion. He wanted to reach out to Jongdae so bad, but there was never an opportunity. Minseok felt like anything he did, he couldn’t get to Jongdae. There were several brick walls around him and Minsoek couldn't find a wrecking ball strong enough to tumble them all down.

Just then, Minseok had an idea. He would try his best to make Jongdae feel better. They had been together for a while now, spending most of their time with each other, so he felt entitled to making Jongdae feel better. He went into the room and dragged Jongdae into his car, driving to their special spot, behind the buildings.

“Why are we here, Minseok?”

“I know you’ve had a bad day and so i’ve decided to try and make you smile!” Minseok said with a huge grin.

“Stop being annoying. Let’s go back.”

“Come here!”

Jongdae groaned and walked passed the buildings into the grassy area in front of the small river. Minseok was standing there with his arms outstretched, standing in front of a small teddy bear, and some food. Minseok had set up a picnic.

“What is all this?” Jongdae said.

“It’s for us! This way we can eat and talk about your day and eat food!” Minseok said excitedly.

Jongdae watched him as he sat down on the blanket, and motioned him to come over.

“You think I want to sit here with YOU and talk about my day?” Jongdae said, brows furrowing, his tone dangerously treading on anger.

Minseok looked up at him, smile immediately fading. “Well, we don’t have to talk about your day, but we can forget about it by having fun," hands scrambling for the homemade sandwiches.

“You think throwing me some pity party is gonna lift my spirits? I just need to be left alone. Why do you even bother?” Jongdae said.

“But I thought we could-”

“Stop doing shit like this. It’s annoying and a waste of my time. I’m going back. Get in the car unless you want to walk back.” Jongdae said turning around.

Minseok didn’t say anything, just shook his head.

“Um, actually I have something to do-”

“Alright then. Don’t say I never offered to do anything nice for you.” he scoffed.

As soon as Jongdae was gone, Minseok looked at the food in front of him. He grabbed the teddy bear and hugged it tight to his body, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion. The tears came hard, and he couldn't seem to stop them from flowing. Jongdae didn’t mean it. He was mad and Minseok meddled with his mood. Jongdae was right. He should just stay out of it. Maybe if he went back to apologize, Jongdae wouldn’t be mad at him. Minseok dried his tears and stood up. As the sunset started setting, he picked up the things and threw them all away in a nearby trashcan. He walked back to his home heart in his hands, ignoring the intense pang it gave off, ignored the tightness in his throat and tried to go to his room before his family noticed he had arrived.

“Minseok I told you to come home early today! Why are you such a horrible child? I get back from work, and you’re out messing around? You don’t even help me at home!” his mother yelled.

Minseok only looked down at his feet, not saying anything.

“This is why your father left us. You better change this attitude of yours. Clean up your act. I don’t need a useless son around here. ” she said as she walked away.

Minseok walked up to his room and closed the door. She’s right. He was out all day sticking his nose in places where he shouldn't. He was a useless son. probably an even worse friend. He couldn't help anyone. He couldn't make anyone's day. Maybe if he apologised nicely, his mom would not be angry with him. And then maybe his dad wouldn't be so disappointed in him. Maybe they would talk again someday.

--

-What have I become?-

Jongdae walked out of the library, deciding it was time to see Minseok. It had been so many years since they last saw each other. He wanted to see how Minseok was doing. Then maybe he could apologise for being such a dick to him all the time. Was Minseok still even in the town? Jongdae just hoped Minseok was reachable. Even if he was out of the state somewhere, maybe he could still contact him. Where would he even go looking for Minseok? There was no other place but his childhood home. Jongdae walked across the streets turning past a familiar fence with a house behind it. He remembered this place. They would all hang out in the lawn and play pretend firefighters.

Jongdae walked up to the porch, fixing his shirt, not knowing what he was going to say once Minseok opened the door. A million things pondered his mind. Why did he even show up here? What was he trying to prove? No. He had to do this. He had to see Minseok again, even if Minseok hated him to his core and told him he never wanted to see him again. If that were the case, Jongdae would just accept it, apologise, and leave forever. But he needed to do this so that both their souls could be placed to rest. There was an aching feeling in his heart. He had gotten used to it over the years after he left but he now realised Minseok was the cause to that. Now that he was here, standing in front of his doorstep, his heart raced and all the nerves in his body tingled. He reached out with a shaky hand and rang the doorbell.

A child opened the door, looking up at him then calling out to someone in the background.

“Yes? Can I help you?” a tall man said.

Jongdae bowed his head. “Ah yes, sorry to disturb, but does anyone by the name of Minseok live here, by any chance?” he asked.

The man looked at him confused. “Ah no, sorry. No one by that name lives here. Are you looking for him?”

Jongdae’s expression immediately fell. Of course he didn’t live here anymore.

“Yes, actually. It has been a while and this used to be where he lived.”

“Oh really? I’m so sorry. We’ve been living here for a few years now.” the man said.

“Of course. Sorry to bother your home. Please forgive me.”

The man nodded and bowed, and so did Jongdae.

Why would Minseok still be living there? He felt so dumb. Minseok had dreams and aspirations, even though he didn’t really know what to do with them. Jongdae remembered seeing potential in him. Maybe this trip just proved his uselessness. He never seemed to do things right, and now that he wanted to comfort a long time friend and maybe have a chance at re-kindling their friendship, he fucks up. Maybe he was just doing it out of selfish reasons, wanting to lay to rest the uneasiness his heart has been harboring for the longest time. Where could he have gone? Jongdae walked into Sehun’s family business, looking for the tall waiter. Maybe he knew where Minseok could have gone off to.

“Hey Jongdae! Nice seeing you again! Come to visit me at work now, are you?” Sehun smiled.

Jongdae smiled gently.

“Hey Sehun you got a minute?”

Sehun nodded his head.

They sat at a nearby booth, Jongdae meddling with his thumbs.

“What’s up, man?” Sehun asked.

“Dude ok, so like, i’m back home right, we grew up here, and of course i’m gonna be hit with all of our friend’s memories. I’ve been trying to contact Minseok. I’m trying to find him. Do you happen to know where he is?”

Sehun stared at Jongdae for a long time.

“Minseok? Why all of a sudden?”

Sehun looked like he knew something, or was hiding something, and Jongdae didn’t like the unsettling feeling it gave him.

“Do you know something about him or not? Why are you looking at me with those judging eyes?”

Sehun shook his head, eyes darkening into something he couldn't read, his posture completely shifting.

“You were a complete asshole to him, you know.”

Jongdae stayed silent, all thoughts and motor functions coming to a halt. The dramatic change in Sehun's tone came suddenly, and he wasn't prepared for the bitter taste it left in his throat. But Sehun was right. He knew. He most definitely knew. And now he regretted everything.

“I-I’m trying to find him because of that. I know what I did was horrible, and I can’t make up for it, but I want to see him at least, to try and apologise... or something, I don’t know! I just want to see him!”

Sehun looked at the table, eyes cold and hard, trying to search for any reason not to glare directly into Jongdae's soul.

“I know what happened between you two, you know. I didn’t mention it the other night because we were just catching up and it would have brought the mood down. But I knew what was going on.”

Jongdae looked up at him, heart wavering in its chest cavity, blood running cold.

“I didn’t judge. We were all doing our own things, and whatnot, but he was crazy for you. He was happiest with you. I could never understand.” Sehun said, his hard eyes softening unbelievably at that last word. Even Sehun knew. He knew all the pain Minseok was probably going through. Why couldn't he tell sooner?

Jongdae swallowed hard against the thickness in his throat. “I know….why are you telling me this?”

Sehun ran a hand through his hair in frustration, suddenly letting out a long sigh. “Because you didn’t deserve him, man! I could never and will never understand why Mini would keep running after you, when all you ever did was kick him while he was down!” Sehun said sternly, his expression morphing into something that resembled rage and sadness. "You must have really gotten a kick out of that, huh? watching him break."

Jongdae almost forgot what words were. The ones that Sehun was spitting at him felt like daggers and he had to hold back the tears that were wanting to form at his eyes. “He never said anything!” he said.

“He didn’t have to say anything! It was written all over his face! You could feel the struggles oozing from his body! I could fucking cut through it with a knife! How could you never notice? How could you not pay attention? Did you know he was going through shit times at home too? Did you even care?” Sehun said way too loud, the rest of the people in the shop turning to look at them.

Sehun was a wolf at this moment, baring his teeth at Jongdae, malice seeping through his jaws. He quivered under the intense glare, swallowing hard before responding in a broken whisper.

“I- I don’t know, at the time I was just-” Jongdae started, barely audible.

“Look. You left. You were gone. I’m glad to see you back, but as a friend, you need to know that what you did was horrible. It's something you can never repair, and i almost hated you for it. Almost. I couldn't bring myself to hate you, Jongdae. I really, really wanted to.”

Jongdae stood up from the table, fists clenching at his sides.

“I know. I’m sorry. there are not enough apologies to fix any of this, I know. I hate myself for not noticing it until now, but I just want to go see him, maybe try really hard to show him how really sorry I am.” The tears finally showing themselves.

“Look man," Sehun said as he leaned back on the chair, diffusing and softening his gaze," I forgive you ok. I hold you as a dear friend to me, and I know you weren't in your right mind. But what you did can't be taken back. Maybe its best if you leave him alone. Maybe he’s better off without you saying anything.” Sehun said.

“Can I just-” a tear trickled down his face, hi voice failing him, the break indicating complete remorse,”see him? I want to see his smile again, or his face, anything.”

Sehun’s heart immediately sunk. He didn't need another one of his closest friends falling apart in front of him. he didn't want anything like that to happen again, and even though he knew what Jongdae was going to face, he couldn't help but give his friend some closure.

“Here man. Im telling you, you should just let it go. But I know you're a stubborn bastard. Just keep this in mind: You were everything to him. He never hated you even after everything you did. He won’t ever hate you. Ever.” Sehun took out a pen and a piece of paper. He wrote something down and passed it to Jongdae.

“Thanks.” Jongdae said, wiping at his face.

“Good luck.”

--

Minseok had just gotten out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. Jongdae followed after him, leaving wet footprints all the way to his room.

“You’re gonna slip on this later.” Minseok said.

“It will dry.”

“I’m gonna go make food alright?”

“Whatever.”

Minseok walked into the kitchen, pulling out things to make food. Jongdae came out after, sitting on the couch and turning on the tv, flipping through channels. Minseok brought food to the table, and Jongdae ate some. Minseok settled himself next to Jongdae, snuggling into his side. After a while, Minseok looked up at him. They had been hanging out together like this for a long time now, but none of them had ever said anything about making it official. Maybe they were just too shy or scared to say anything.

“Jongdae…” minseok started.

“What’s up?”

“So, we’ve been...like this for a while. Um.”

“Like what?”

Mines swallowed,“Well, um you know, I know we haven’t said it officially, but I think we should start... dating.”

Jongdae looked over at him.

“I’m not gay,” he deadpanned.

Minseok looked up at him, his heart suddenly twitching.

“I didn’t say you were, but-”

“Sorry no thanks. I’m not interested in dating.” Jongdae said, getting up from the couch.

Minseok looked after him, his form completely fallen. He gave up. He was tired of this. Jongdae would never open his heart to him no matter how hard he tried.

“Jongdae...do I mean anything to you?” he said more angry than anything else.

Jongdae looked at him in silence. “I mean, yea. You’re special.”

“Are you sure? Because I feel like I don’t mean shit to you.” Minseok said, standing from the couch, exhausted and done.

Jongdae looked at him with a raised brow.

“What are you talking about? Of course you mean something to me. Do you think I would just let anyone stay in my house?”

Minseok look up at him and smiled a bit, straightening out. Does that mean-?

Jongdae walked into the kitchen and grabbed something to drink.

“Do you like me, Jongdae?” Minseok said softly from the doorframe.

“Yea, you’re an okay guy. We’re friends member? We grew up together. Of course I like you. Plus you’re a good rider.”

Minseok balled his fists, brows furrowing, teeth clenching.

“Is that all I am to you? A good fuck?”

Jongdae lowered his drink to the counter.

“What do you mean? That’s a compliment. I’m not insulting you.”

Minseok knocked the cup over, having dealt with enough of this shit.

“I’m being serious! We’ve been together all this time, and that’s all you think of me?!”

Jongdae looked genuinely confused. “Mini why are you getting angry? Do you think….” he paused,”Do you think we are dating?”

Minseok stepped back, not paying attention to the pain of his nails digging into the skin of his palm from how hard he was squeezing his fists.

“You tell me that I mean something to you, but your actions prove otherwise!”

“Do you think all this time I cared for you THAT way?" jongdae scoffed," Oh no, sorry dude. I let you stay cause I don’t mind your presence.” he said.

Minseok’s eyes teared up at that, his heart feeling way to heavy as he turned around to grab his things on the couch. He payed no mind to the set of eyes on his back as he put on his shoes and headed out the door.

“Where are you going?” Jongdae called after him.

“Leave me alone!”

Minseok slammed the door behind him.

--

-Everyone I know goes away-

Jongdae looked at the piece of paper that Sehun had given him, and looked at the small house in front of him. He took a deep breath and walked up to the porch once again, heart in his hand. He rang the doorbell and this time, a small woman opened the door.

“Uhm, hello. My name is-”

“Jongdae.” the woman interrupted.

Jongdae looked at her, confused. How did she know his name?

“Uhm yea. How-”

“I’m Minseok’s sister.”

Jongdae looked at her surprised. He had forgotten about her. She had grown up so much.

“Uhm-”

“Come in, come in.” she gestured.

Jongdae followed her to the living room where they sat on the couch.

“So what’s up? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.” she said as she smoothed out the wrinkles on her skirt.

“Yea. It has. I came back into town to visit my cousin- that’s where i’m staying right now- and I was just remembering old times. So… I wanted to see Minseok again. Is he here? I’ve been looking for him.”

She looked at him with a straight face, body suddenly tensing up and swallowed hard before answering.

“You...you what?”

“I know I might be intruding. You’re his sister. I’m sure you know everything that happened in the past, so I know what you might be thinking, but I’ve come here with my heart in my hands, coming to beg for some sort of forgiveness.”

She looked at her hands for a long time, the house silent enough to hear their breathing. “Okay,” she finally said,”I’ll take you to him.”

Jongdae followed her out of the door, through the streets, not saying or questioning anything until they passed a large green field, surrounded by trees. Jongdae’s heart sank and he tensed up when he realised where they were going. His legs almost stopped moving, forgetting how to walk. She led him through the field until they came up on a tombstone which was labeled:

“Here lies

Kim Minseok

May you be at peace”.

The engraved letters staring straight at him, Jongdae realizing the weight of the situation.

“No. this- this can’t be…” his voice cracked.

“Minseok died, Jongdae; 3 years ago.”

Jongdae’s entire being shook with emotion and he fell to his hands and knees, not being able to hold himself up, suddenly hyperaware of gravity. He looked hard at the tombstone, burning a hole through it with his eyes.

“No! No this Isn’t real! This can’t be real!” he yelled as hot, angry tears flowed down his face.

He suddenly couldn’t breathe. Memories of Minseok started flowing through his head once again, and he cried harder. Minseok was dead. He really was dead. How could he be dead? How could that shining person, full of hope, full of passion, full of love just leave the earth? How could the sun shine so brightly in the sky when clearly tragedy has been roaming these grounds? How could the town be so lively with the absence of the only person that could change the world for the better?

He punched the ground hard as more tears flowed from his eyes. Why did this happen? Why did it have to turn out this way?

“WhY?! WHYY?! WHy MINSEOK!?”

The sister stood there, with a hand over her mouth, masking the silent sobs coming from her mouth, as she watched Jongdae's world completely fall apart.

Jongdae realised it then. Minseok was gone. He would never be able to see him again. He would never be able to say anything else to him, never able to see him smile, hear him talk, watch those glowing eyes. He had so much to say. He had wanted to see him so badly. He didn’t realize how important Minseok really was to him until this very moment. It was not Minseok who had left. In reality, Jongdae was the one who had left. Jongdae was the one to leave unspoken, leave Minseok tattered and broken. He felt like his world was crumbling. He held his heart as he held himself up with one hand, fearing he would completely lose it if he didn’t stay grounded.

What was he supposed to do? Why didn’t anyone tell him? There were no words to describe the physical aching of his heart at this moment. Jongdae had never cried so hard. He struggled to keep breathing, each breath feeling like he was inhaling shards of glass.

“Jongdae…...Jongdae…” the woman beside him said softly with a quivering voice. She fell on her knees next to him, caressing his back with shaking hands, trying to calm down his violent sobbing.

When Jongdae remembered where he was, he mustered up enough strength to ask,”What- what happened?”

She wiped at her eyes and said,”He committed suicide.”

Jongdae couldn't even look at her. He couldnt take his eyes off the engraven name in front of him. He only squeezed his fists together until his knuckles were white.

“Tell me. Tell me how it happened.”

She took a deep breath, trying not to sob as she told Jongdae everything. How Minseok became depressed soon after he left, how life at home made him even worse, how his psychological state worsened day by day, but the only thing constant in his life was his love for Jongdae. Before Jongdae left, Minseok had loved him. He had fallen hard, and he was the rope that would save him from falling into eternal darkness. Jongdae was the only good thing in his life, and Minseok held on so tight, it almost tore his limbs off. She told Jongdae of how Minseok dealt with his departure, how he had cried for days on end, until eventually he stopped everything altogether. She told him of how he lost his hope, his dreams, his aspirations. She told of the longing despair he had felt in the next year, completely losing himself as a person, giving in to the depression and turmoil. She had tried to help him, tried to soothe his worries, tried to grab onto the rope that was severed when Jongdae left, but was too late. She said he would go to a place behind buildings, sitting in front of a river, emotionlessly letting tears roll down his face as he looked into the sunset, staying there for hours. She said he had forgotten how to smile, and she knew helping him was futile. The only thing that could save him had already left, and she knew her brother was gone. She said that during his last days, She had seen Minseok staring out of the window with the saddest smile she had ever seen. It had shook her to her core, and she had cried because she was useless. She had to sit there and watch her brother be ripped agonizingly slow to pieces. She hated that her hugs or love could never reach him, she hated that even when he said he was going for a walk, she couldn't stop him from leaving. She had been yelling and crying, holding onto Minseok begging him not to leave her, to stay and fight. She had begged with the entirety of her soul, but it was all futile. The last thing Minseok had said to her was “I’m sorry, Nani. I’ll be safer where I’m going. I’ll be able to smile again,” and kissed her cheek. He had resisted her last plead, leaving her unable to move, drowning in sobs on the floor of their house.

Jongdae looked at his palms through blurred vision, where they rested on his knees, letting every emotion flow through him. Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t Minseok ever say anything? Jongdae wondered how he could have been so fucking blind. How could he have turned away from helping someone who was desperately pleading? Mines was yelling loud enough for the whole town to hear, and Jongdae was oblivious to all of it. Why did he have to add to the negativity Minseok was already dealing with? He wanted to be there, he regretted everything that he ever said, regretted every action, regretted ever rejecting each act of kindness. Minseok had only given him kindness. He only ever gave him smiles, love, hope, positivity; Jongdae had ignored it all.

He had ignored everything.

--

“Minseok wait! Slow down!” Jongdae called after him.

After Minseok had stormed out of the house, Jongdae had followed him, because he felt bad about leaving things how they were.

Minseok continued to walk, until he reached the bridge over the river that led to his home. Jongdae had caught up, pulling his arm back and looking at him in the eyes.

“Look i’m sorry ok. I don’t know why you’re so pissed off, I didn’t mean to say bad things.”

Minseok looked up at him, softly sobbing, tears streaming down his face.

“I only ever cared for you, you know. I just, I just wanted to be happy.”

Jongdae looked down at him, not saying a word.

“I know now, that you don’t want anything with me. I was in the wrong to think you could ever develop any feelings for me. Why did I stick around?”

Jongdae let go of his arm and said,”Why do you care so much what i do with my life? Why do you take my problems personally? Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

Minseok reached his hands up and pounded at Jongdae's chest."BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” sobbing strongly,” I LOVE YOU, KIM JONGDAE!” He took a deep breath and said,”You mean everything to me.”

Minseok leaned his head against Jongdae’s chest, and let himself cry.

Jongdae only looked at him, not doing anything, just standing there.

“I’m sorry. I can’t ever love you. I don’t have that luxury.”

Minseok stepped back, looking up at him with immense sadness.

“This is probably not the right time to bring this up, but I couldn’t find another way to say it. I’m leaving this place. And i’m never coming back.” Jongdae said with no remorse.

Minseok stopped breathing and had wide eyes. “What?”

“I’m tired of living in this shit-hole of a town. I’m not doing anything with my life, so I’m leaving. I’ve been putting money together for a while, and I found a place in another state. I can start over.”

Minseok said nothing. He only stared at Jongdae.

“It was nice having a friend like you. I really had good times."He brought his hands up around Minseok's back and neck, bringing him in for a hug,"Thank you for being special to me. Take care, Mini.”

And without another word, Jongdae had turned to leave, heading back to his place.

Minseok stood at the bridge, wind blowing cold air through his body as he watched helplessly at Jongdae’s figure getting smaller in the distance. He couldn’t find the strength to say anything. He couldn't move. He couldn't even feel. He just watched. He hoped Jongdae would turn around to look at him one last time.

He never did.

--

-And you could have it all, my empire of dirt-

Jongdae stood at the top of the wooden bridge, looking over the river in silence. The bridge where Minseok once stood was cold and dark, lifeless and empty. Jongdae felt empty at this moment. He had walked there after the visit to the cemetery, and after he had said goodbye to Minseok’s sister.

Now he stood there, watching the sunset until it was dark, listening to the trees blow in the wind. All of his tears had completely dried up, and he felt numb.

There was nothing he could do. Minseok was gone, and all he could hold onto was the memories he had. He chose to keep a mental picture of Minseok’s gleaming smile, the one that always warmed him up.

“I love you Kim Jongdae! You mean everything to me!”

Jongdae looked up at the stars, feeling the breeze through his hair, listening to the sound of water running under him, hoping Minseok was somewhere up there listening.

“I love you, too.”

‘If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way’.

-END-

[imnotwolverine]

The marriage pact - Hitch

Henry Cavill x OC Alice - multi-chapter

< Part 17 | Part 18 Hitch | Part 19 >

Disclaimer: sad fluff, some body insecurities

Author’s note: Can you tell it’s Monday? It’s Monday. Gosh I feel like I need a hug after writing this. 😭

Word count: 1.764

(Link to my Masterlist)

Dear readers,

Do you ever look in the mirror, just to study the way you are slowly changing? I don’t want to say older. Just, changing. My eyes are practically always the same shade of brown, like milk chocolate, and my hair is often an equally chocolaty mess, pulled up in a bun. And I like it like that, too. 

And then there is my skin. Sometimes pale like porcelain, sometimes sun kissed with a hundred small freckles, dusted over my cheeks and nose. I don’t understand why people wouldn’t like their freckles by the way. I absolutely love mine. Unfortunately now that winter has come, I mostly look tired. Thank heavens for concealer!

I wonder by the way if men also look at themselves in the mirror like that. Especially since it’s generally far less accepted and normalised for them to wear make-up, even if it is just a simple concealer.

Anyways. It’s winter and I look like a walking, talking zombie, my once fresh looking skin now showing some mean little creases and fine lines. Admittedly, I do sometimes rub my skin with a little bit of extra cream when I see those lines. Not that I am willing to invest in those luxury treatments or get my panties in a twist, but still. It does, in some way or form, influence the way you feel about yourself.

I embrace change, but today? I am most definitely wearing make-up. Thank you very much.

Done-with-winter-already,

Ali

With the loudest of sighs I flung the refrigerator door closed, my shoulders slumping visibly as I plopped down on my chair at the dinner table, dinner long cleared away from the table but my parents still sitting there. 

My mom was the first to pick up on my sulking mood, her careful eyebrow raising up over her reading glasses as she put down her Swedish crossword, pen still in hand.

‘Looking for something?’ She asked casually.

‘No.�� I grumbled, looking over at dad who was still hiding himself behind a folded open newspaper. Mom sniffled and shook her head. ‘Then what is it, Ali dear?’

‘It’s just…’ My lip trembled - not even make-up could make me feel any better today. ‘..things are not working out like I want them to and..’ Sniff. ‘..it’s so frustrating.’

Slowly my dad lowered his newspaper. Usually it was my mom who dealt with any off-days on my end, which truly were sparingly. I didn’t really wish to share my troubles and thoughts with my parents too much, fearing they’d continue to see me as “their little girl”. I wasn’t a little girl for crying out loud. I was a grown woman of 37-years. I shouldn’t need my parents anymore, right?

‘Is this about eh..’ My dad started, squinting his eyes as if looking for any signs that I would go for his jugular right here and now. I didn’t. ‘..eh..Henry?’ He swallowed as I started to cry, shaking my head no.

Mom quickly moved aside her crossword and pen, reaching out her arms to smooth her warm palms over my shoulders. Even through the tight knit of my dark grey sweater I could feel the soothing calm of her touch. ‘What’s the matter baby? Tell us.’

‘UGH..it’s just.’ I sniffled and angrily wiped a few rogue tears away. ‘I..ugh..this feels so stupid. I just thought I had found a place of my own. I’ve been looking at some apartments..and..I thought I had found one. Ten minutes from here. Perfect. Finally. But..’ I furrowed my brows. ‘..I couldn’t get it. The owners chose someone else, despite me being first choice. I just got the news.’

Mom was quiet for a moment and dad swallowed harshly, the two of them deciding on how to go about it. I sniffled again and looked up. First at mom, then at dad, the both at them suddenly looking even older then I remembered them to be.

‘Oh..’ Mom finally exclaimed, seemingly relieved. ‘I thought it had to do with Henry. Woof! Thank god for that.’ She quickly pushed her chair closer to mine, wrapping a bony arm around my shoulder and pulling me in for a mom hug. ‘Come here.’ She hummed, squeezing me even tighter to her chest. ‘Hmmm! Well, you know you can stay here for as long as you want. We love having you here with us. Close to us. It gives our life a bit of…’ She leaned back and smiled, shrugging slightly. ‘..joie-de-vivre!’

I snickered, shaking my head in disbelief. ‘You could get a dog too, you know.’

‘Hahah oh we might, we might. We actually discussed it the other day. Would you like that, a dog?’ She asked at me, dad snuffing in amusement - either because he absolutely didn’t want a dog or because this whole shift of moods was amusing him.

Women.

‘That is yours to decide mom…dad.’ I gave him an exasperated look and he chuckled, quickly grabbing his newspaper again, hiding the cheeky grin that lingered on his lips.

‘But really, I am just glad that it’s not Henry. You and him are just such a fine couple together.’

‘Thanks mom.’ I smiled, wiping the last remains of my tears. I laughed. ‘I eh..actually confessed I love him the other day.’

‘OOOHHH.’ Mom near jumped with excitement and my dad quickly duck even further away behind his newspaper - he really felt uncomfortable with all this girl chat. Me and mom both grinned and before long we were deep in conversation about what had transpired between me and Henry the past few weeks. A talk that was long overdue honestly, because of course mom had HEARD  a gazillion things, but in her motherly role she had decided to wait for me to spill the beans.

Well. The beans were spilled. And I couldn’t be happier to hear how enthused and adoring my mom was about everything Henry concerned.

—

Henry carefully read the words on the screen of my phone, the both of us sitting on my parents couch, the rest of the house quiet as my parents were out. 

It was an e-mail I had received that afternoon. Bad news. Again. As if losing that house wasn’t enough, of course more shit had to happen. He slowly furrowed his brows as he licked his lips, scrolling back up - as if checking he didn’t miss anything in his careful read.

‘O..kay..’ He finally said slowly, sighing visibly. ‘Yea..’ I bit my lower lip and reached out for my phone, retrieving it from his hesitant fingers. ‘Are they even allowed to..’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘..make such a suggestion?’

‘I don’t know Hen. Ugh. What is it with this week?! I hate it. Two weeks ago it was all fine and now this? Please let it be over..’ I sulked, reopening the e-mail of the fertility clinic and giving it a once-over. Yep, there it was really in black and white; due to a rapidly growing waiting list they suggested that me and Henry would perhaps first check out “other means of fertilisation”, before enlisting for a sperm donor. Meaning, most probably and quite rudely; just forgo the condom and see where that takes you.

There went my plan B. My back-up plan. At least for another extra 6 months of extended waiting as they had simply pushed me back on the list now I had a “partner”. Could they do that? I don’t know, but it sure was a blow in the gut.

‘What would you do in this situation, Hen?’ I asked quietly, seeing him shift his weight to turn towards me. ‘Well, believe it or not. I think this is my situation too now.’ He swallowed and reached out for my hand, tentative fingertips stroking my palm.

‘True.’ I smiled with watery eyes.

We were after all a team now. Together. Boyfriend and girlfriend.

‘I eh..’ He shook his head. ‘Okay this is going to sound so stupid now, but I want to get it off my chest. Before I did the Durrell challenge, just really a few weeks before, I had a chat with a..’ He sighed. ‘..a woman who would wish to surrogate a ..-’

‘WHAT?!’ I sat up a bit and swatted his hand away.

‘No no..Ali. It..nothing happened. I just..’ He swallowed awkwardly. ‘I guess I just started my very own path in trying to become a father. It’s a thing that’s been on my mind for a long time now. I want it. Though it immediately became clear after that conversation with that woman that I could not do it like that.’ His eyes searched mine, hoping I would not hate him for it, understand him.

I sighed. ’Gosh..I thought you were going to say you had like a kid on the way and..-’

‘Ali.’ He grabbed my wrist and looked me even deeper in the eyes. ‘There is nobody else. There is no kid on the way. It’s just you and I.’ - ‘Okay.’ I quietly nodded and swam through the depths of his stormy blue eyes. I near drowned in them. 

‘So, you want to be a dad, hmm?’ A tear rolled down my cheek before I could stop it and Henry’s eyes instantly tracked it as it moved over my cold skin. With a tender finger he brushed it off, his lips curling in a sad smile. ‘Badly.’ He swallowed harshly.

He suddenly looked so fragile, like I could see right through those big bulking muscles and handsome features and see within, see the most deep and hidden away piece of Henry that I had ever gotten to see. 

With pensive blue eyes he was looking down, his hand re-interlocking with mine, his other hand now aimlessly hanging by his waist. He looked a bit forlorn, lost at the sea that I had found in his cerulean gaze.

The sea that was Henry. Sometimes calm and soothing, something strong and unbending. 

A sea that wanted what I wanted. Badly. 

Without words I crawled over to him, using whatever strength I had to pull him into my chest, his head resting in the crook of my neck and his breath slightly shallow. He was such a large man that it was hard to actually make him surrender and lean into me. Usually he was the one who was to protect and be strong. Now it was the other way around. Sighing harshly he finally gave in, his nose sniffing as his arms slowly folded around my waist.

‘All I learned is that I don’t want to do it alone.’ He finally gulped, softly.

I closed my eyes and let a hand roam over the soft material of his sand coloured cable knit sweater. Poor bear. My poor bear. I nodded.

‘Neither do I, Hen. Neither do I.’ I pushed my nose in his neck and whispered into his skin: ‘And I think you are going to be an absolutely great dad.’

He swallowed back a cry.

‘In fact I KNOW it is so.’ I smiled, pressing up a number of kisses on his skin until I reached his lips. ‘And all other things are just a hitch, a hiccup. What I really, really need.. is.. you. Let’s..let’s make this work.’ I sniffled. 

--

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[729renegades]

UP CLOSE & PERSONAL – TOM DEAN

Hello and welcome to another edition of Up Close & Personal for the Renegade magazine. I think it’s fair to say that we have a bit of a young superstar with us today.  It’s not all stale and grey here in Renegades.  I first met this guy about 12 months ago and was super impressed with his thinking and maturity.  He’s truly a great guy and normally whatever comes out of his mouth makes perfect sense.  So, let’s hope that happens today. . . From a very profitable paper round to a manufacturing apprenticeship, he’s lived the story from shop floor to boardroom. He’s had a rental property from the age of 21 and he just got married this year, so it’s been a big year for him. I think it’s fair to say, he’s the youngest old bloke I know.  He has the level of thinking and experience of a 50-year-old but he’s only 26.  He’s the Managing Director of Screentec, a screen and digital print company employing 26 staff in the back end of the Rhondda Valley, in Ferndale. Where men are men, women are men and sheep are scared. I’m allowed to say that obviously because I’m Welsh.  So, without further ado, let me introduce you to the Prince of Print, Tom Dean. How’s tricks Tom?

Tom Dean: Yea, not bad buddy. As busy as ever.

Steve Matthews: How’d you like my intro?

TD:  That was the best intro… In fact, I might borrow this recording just to play it for my Mrs.

SM:  Yea, get a bit of kudos in the house.  Put it on your Facebook profile… Listen to this, it’s all true. So, come on, normally in these interviews we have 30 years of job experience to go through before we get to anything decent and why your part of Renegades.  But you’ve got about 8, so we should be done in about 10 minutes. So, tell us how it all started, tell us about that paper round.  Where did it all begin for you Tom?

TD:  It all began in school.  I never really had a firm idea of exactly what I wanted to do through school.  My thoughts and opinions changed like the weather. . . I wanted to be a firefighter because I liked the athleticism of that and I thought they earned good money.

SM:  Nothing to do with all the girls screaming when they turned up?

TD:  No, I get that anyway!  Then I wanted to be a plumber, because again I thought they earned good money.  You’ll notice a theme, whatever career I wanted to do, it had to revolve around money. But my opinion changed a lot and so whilst I realised I had to do well at school, or I thought I had to do well at school and get good grades; it was more because I wanted my options to be open than to have any particular passions, other than sport.  The sad realisation that I wasn’t going to make it as a professional football player came at the age of 13, so I knew I was going to have to find a proper job.

SM:  So, you’re not playing for Liverpool this year?

TD:   No, unfortunately not.

SM:  Let’s not talk about Liverpool or we’ll fill a whole hour with Liverpool.  So, no professional sports then?

TD:  No, the closest I ever got was trials with Cardiff.  I remember my Dad sitting me down and saying, ” Look, if you want to make it as a footballer and you want to play for Cardiff, you’re going to have to dedicate your time to them. They do training courses 3 or 4 times a week and I’ll happily take you to them”.  This was when I was about 10 or 11 but I just wanted to be out playing with the boys, so I passed on the opportunity to do that.  Growing up I never wanted for anything, I was quite fortunate on that regard.  If I had a football under my arm, that’s all I needed, I’d be out for the day.  But one thing I did always have, was an interest in money.  I always wanted my own money and to save.  So, when a friend of mine, who was a year older, got a job in the local newsagents, I was fascinated by it.  He was bringing home his own money, he never had to worry or ask Mam or Dad for it.  So, from the age of 12 I knew I wanted to be a paper boy and went to the local newsagents. He was great, as soon as you were 13 he gave you the opportunity to work and he’d let you work whatever hours you wanted.  So, for the most money you’d actually have to be in the shop by 4:45 am to start writing the addresses on the papers.  There were maybe only 5 or 6 boys willing to wake up that early. So, I was up at 4:30 am.

SM:  Most people that age don’t even know there are two half fours in the day.

TD:   Tell me about it.  I had a twin brother sleeping in the same room and my alarm was going off at 4:30 am. He absolutely despised me for that for about 3 years.  But it was great.  This owner must have had 20-25 kids on the books, he paid well, he appreciated hard work and the longer you were there, the more you were paid. When I started I was earning about £40 a week, but I was doing 3 hours a day, 7 days a week.  By the time I finished, for the same amount of hours, I was earning over £100 a week. I pulled my weight and if any of the boys had any questions, they came and asked me.  So, that was my paper round and I loved it.  It was a hard slog, especially with the bad weather in Wales but I loved the fact that I never had to ask anyone for money. I had a little pot of savings because as I said, I never wanted for anything, so I never really used to spend it.  I used to have a £100 a week that went straight in the bank.

SM:   You were probably too tired to, in bed by 6 every night after Blue Peter.

TD:   I think only one day my parents didn’t let me go to school, because I came in from my paper round in the snow, absolutely knackered and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. They were red raw, and my Mother said, “I can’t send you into school like that”. But it was a great opportunity. Loved the fact that I could work and earn a living and then I never really looked back.  I knew I’d have that job for as long as I wanted it.  Then when I was 16, I was just taking my A levels. This will show you that I didn’t know what I really wanted to do. I took biology, maths, law and business studies, which was quite a spread-out mix.  I enjoyed maths because I never really had to work particularly hard at it and I was good at it.  Business just interested me in general, law was one of those that you can make a good career out of, and biology, just because of the element of sport and athleticism that went with it. But at that time, Dave and Darren who were running Screentec, realised that they had a load of other irons in the fire and they wanted to build a succession plan. Essentially work their way out of Screentec so they could focus on their other business interests.  I was about 4 or 5 months into my A levels I think and wasn’t particularly enjoying it, but because I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do, I stuck it out. And when that opportunity came up, Dave asked if it would be something I’d be interested in, I said, “yes, definitely”.  It was a step in the right direction of being a senior manager in a company, and that really interested and excited me. Unfortunately, the conditions were, that you had to work from the bottom up.  So, it was sweeping the floors and general lacky. I can’t tell you the amount of times I was sent to get a glass hammer or a tin of tartan paint, but it was good.  It was great for me and I think it set me up really well because other employees had respect for me.  It wasn’t as if I was going in as a manager straight away, I didn’t have a clue.  I knew I had to move between each aspect of the business… Digital print, screen print, pvc welding, print finishing.

SM:  We’ll come onto Screentec in a sec but there’s a couple of things I want to talk about. . . For a start, people who are listening around the globe at this, don’t understand the perils of being a paperboy in Ferndale for a start.

TD:  Porth actually.

SM:  Even worse.  Obviously, you had to carry a weapon with you… A rolled-up newspaper in your case. But for me, I think people will marvel at the fact, a young guy getting up at 4:30 in the morning, 7 days a week. It shows a massive independence and a work ethic. Do you think that stood you apart from the rest of the guys?

TD:  Yea, I think so.  A lot of my mates used to think I was crazy but then the minute we go out and I buy a pair of trainers or something, they wanted to know where I got the money from.  Many of them had the opportunity and got a job within the company but only lasted a couple of months.  Two of my close friends lasted as long as I did, but they were willing to work at it.

SM:  It’s amazing though isn’t it.  I wonder if we could get away with that now? Everything is so politically correct now.  Like you said, you were working 3 hours a day, 7 days a week and getting paid £40.  I wonder if they could do that now?

TD:  Yea… I don’t actually know what the rules were.

SM:  I think that’s sad though isn’t it, it must teach you so much but how many perspective employers are put off from doing that because of bureaucracy legislation.

TD:  It is.  I remember having to fight for that job.  Not with the employer, he was happy to hire me.  But I had to fight with my Mam and Dad.  My Dad was an easier sell than my Mother, but they didn’t want me to wake up at 4:30 in the morning because it would affect my schooling. And they thought I wouldn’t make the money I said I would. So, I said, “let me try it for a month and if I’m coming home tired and not making the money, I’ll stop”. And it was fine, but I had to put some work in for my parents to allow me to have that job. . .

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