#but anyway this episode on ez has pain and forgets he can help that

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

keep forgetting i got new compression gloves today and knee braces a few weeks ago and i'm like "my hands hurt and they're cramping, and my knees hurt too bad to get off my floor" homie you have remedies for this

[staticscreenwriting]

It sounds so sweet // Angel Reyes

Synopsis: Lips of an Angel by Hinder is a cheesy song but it makes for a good story.

A/N: I have wanted to write about Angel since I watched the first episode. Please let me know your thoughts :) thanks. 

I guess we never really moved on It's really good to hear your voice saying my name It sounds so sweet Coming from the lips of an angel

The wind is softly blowing through the curtains of the open window. The air is hot and sticky that night and Angel can hardly bear to sleep with even the sheets covering his body. His skin sticks to Bianca’s like they’re one person instead of two and it’s driving him crazy. How is anyone supposed to sleep like this.

He thinks back to another hot night many summers ago with another girl. Only that was different because the girl was different. Back then he couldn’t get close enough and if it meant he was forever intertwined with her, he would’ve done it in a heartbeat just so he didn’t have to let go.

But that was another life. Things were different then. He was different then.

There’s no sleeping happening anytime soon so he entangles his limbs from Bianca’s, crawls out of the bed and grabs his phones and cigarettes.

Sitting on the front porch in only his boxers and a wifebeater shirt feels way better than being stuck to another person and covered by what felt like a shit ton of fabric.

He takes one puff of the cigarette, then another as he stares into the night sky and wonders. Angel will never let anyone know this because he has a reputation to uphold after all, but his mind works on overdrive sometimes. Like there’s so many thoughts and they’re all so loud and none of them make proper sense. And he can’t explain it either. EZ is the one with the photographic memory. The smart one. He’s just — just Angel.

(Y/N) always understood, even when he didn’t. And when she didn’t understand she was there for him anyway. To let him ramble or just hold him.

It’s on cigarette number 2 that his phone starts to ring. Not the burner phone. His actual cellphone.

When he sees the name on the display he can’t suppress the chuckle leaving his lips. It’s not one of amusement though. He thinks that maybe the universe is playing a trick on him or it wants to fuck him over. He doesn’t know.

Why today of all days she’s calling him, he has no idea. There have been days where he hardly thought of her. So caught up in family shit and club business that there was no time to wallow in self pity in think back to the one meaningful relationship he ever had. The one he ruined for dumb and ultimately selfish reasons.

For a moment he thinks about ignoring the call, pretending like he didn’t hear it. But this is (Y/N), his (Y/N). She’s the one person outside of his family that can call him at any day of the year, at any time.

(Y/N) was, and he assumes still is, this wonderful warmth in his world. This bright light in the darkness. One good thing in a life that is so tainted by misery. By his mother dying, EZ getting locked up, his dad shutting everyone out. By all the things he’s seen and done with and for the club.

(Y/N) is that one spark that keeps reminding him there is good in the world. Even if it hasn’t been in his life for a few years now.

When he picks up, it feels like there’s a knot in his tongue and he’s unable to say anything. Like some stupid teenager or something. It’s ridiculous and he’s acknowledging that alright, but that’s just the effect she has on him.

“ Angel ? “ it’s been too long since he’s heard her voice. It feels really good. Especially when she’s saying his name. It sounds sweet. Like it comes straight from the heart. There’s no sultry promise of pleasure. No expectations. No disappointment, like when his father says it.

It’s like it was some kind of ethereal being that softly lulled his name into the phone.

“ Angel ? “ he notices then, that he still hasn’t said a word. He’s just too overcome with a mess of emotions to reply. It makes him feel so weak and out of control.

“ I’m sorry I called. I shouldn’t have called I — “

“ — no it’s okay “.

Really it’s not. Those are not the boundaries he set when he broke up with her. He wanted to quit this relationship cold turkey. To spare her the heartbreak of having to see him chose the club over her. When he joined the MC he knew she’d have to take be on the backburner for a while and she didn’t deserve that. She deserved the world. A world that was safe and happy. His was all but those things. And the last thing Angel ever wanted was to drag her into a life of constantly dancing on the tightrope between legality and crime.

And maybe, if he’s being completely honest with himself, maybe he also didn’t trust himself then. He was younger and more reckless and there were women at the club all but throwing themselves at him. He couldn’t even imagine the heartbreak he would cause (Y/N) if he ever as much as slipped up and touched another girl.

“ It’s so good to hear your voice “ she says and Angel can tell she’s been crying. It breaks his heart to think of her being sad. That’s all he ever wanted to shelter her from. Crying girls in itself he can hardly deal with, that is his soft spot for sure. But (Y/N) crying ? His girl crying ? That is an absolute no.

Only she isn’t his girl anymore. He has to remind himself of that.

“ Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay? “ it’s not like him to outright show that he’s concerned about someone, especially a girl. But this woman has been by his side when he was so close to the edge. There isn’t ever gonna be an instance where he doesn’t worry. Where he doesn’t care.

His heart is hers for the taking and he knows that’s fucked up because he’s the one who took it away from her again. But it will always be hers and that’s the sad truth of it all. So he buries the feelings deep down for no one to see and distracts himself with meaningless sex and fleeting flings with girls who are nice enough but don’t mean shit in the long run.

EZ doesn’t know that half of Angel’s heart is permanently missing because he let her go, pushed her away. His dad doesn’t either.

They don’t have to. EZ and Emily, that’s the tragic love story of this family. The one that comes with longing glances and questions of what-if. That’s the Hollywood worthy tragedy being put on show for anyone to witness and wallow in pain with the protagonists.

Angel would suffer in silence while hoping that he made that right decision.

“ I uh — sorry I’m calling so late. I just had a shit day at work and just went through some old pictures and came across some of us. I found one of us and EZ and Em and your dad. When they went to prom and your mom made us dress nice so we’d look good on a photo with them, do you remember ? “

Of course he remembers. Those were the days he was happiest. Those are the memories he goes back to when things get too overwhelming and sad and dark. When he hates himself too much for becoming such a bitter old fuck.

“ Yeah. Of course I do. I looked ridiculous. “

“ You looked handsome “

He blushes a little and immediately scolds himself for that. He’s in an MC for fucks sake. Bikers don’t blush because girls call them handsome.

Only he does anyway.

There’s a moment of silence between them but even through the phone they can both feel just how heavy the air is. How many unspoken words are hanging there. How many feelings they both forbid themselves to feel.

His eyes wander towards the front door. There’s a girl in there who worships the ground he walks on. Who dotes on him like a fucking housewife. It’s not fair to her to do this. But it’s not fair to lie to her either. To pretend like he’s perfectly in love and satisfied and happy when he’s not.

“ Angel ? “

“ Sorry It's kinda hard to talk right now. I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud “.

She takes a moment to reply and he hates himself even more now.

“ Is there — are you having a girl over ? “

What’s he supposed to say ? No ? That would be a lie ? Yes ? That’s just gonna hurt her. But he’s never been a liar. Not to the people he loves most at least.

“ Kinda yeah “

“ You seeing someone ? “

“ Mmh “

“ Oh “

“ Yeah “

“ Does she know you have an ex-wife ? “

“ Wife. You’re still my wife. “ he doesn’t really know why it means so much to him to set that fact straight, but it does. It means everything.

“ Wife. So does she ? “

“ Nah. I don’t think she has a clue “

And then she laughs and it’s like a million suns rising at once and that stupid butterfly metaphor finally makes sense. God, he’s missed her so much.

“ I guess we never really moved on, have we ? “

“ No “ he’s never going to but she doesn’t need to know that. Maybe it just takes her some time to forget him. That would be the ideal situation, he thinks. For her at least. To forget him and start a life she deserves with a man who can give her more than Angel could ever imagine giving to her.

He remembers one time he saw her at a grocery store with some guy who looked like he was as rich as he was cocky. They had an awkward conversation and the dude clearly didn’t like the way the two were still so familiar with each other. He started a huge fight outside of the store. Angel wanted to step in then but it wasn’t his place then and (Y/N) managed alright by herself, getting into her car and leaving the guy stranded on the curb. She never needed his help and yet he always offered because that’s what good husbands do.

“  Hey uh — about that rich kid I saw you with that one time. Does he know you're talking to me? Will this start a fight? Cause if it does, just let me know. I’ll teach that dude some manners. Tell him how to fucking treat a woman “.

She laughs again. His heart grows 3 sizes.

“ Angel, there is no ‘he’ anymore. I went on a few dates with him. The last time I saw him was that day when I left him at the grocery store. He was controlling and mean and he was jealous of you “

“ Jealous of me ? Why would a rich boy be jealous of me ? I mean, I know I’m good looking but still “

“ Because I love you and I will never love him “.

He’s not sure if that’s the moment he dies or actually starts to live. He knows his mom loved him. He knows EZ loves him. Most of the time he assumes his dad loves him. And for a long time he was sure of the fact that (Y/N) loved him. But that was the past. He thought that this was well over. With how he has treated her and all. With the pushing away. The no contact.

And yet after all their love apparently persisted.

Maybe they weren’t the tragic love story. Maybe they were the one that would last in the end.

“ You know, I dreamt of you the other day. And no it was not a sex dream “

“ Were we fighting giants squids again ? “ she asks, laughter clouding her words.

“ Nah. No squids this time. “

He also misses this about her. He could be so silly with her. Never annoying or dumb. With her it was endearing. It’s like for a short time he could shed the tough outer shell that has been built over time and just be dorky and fun. Like he got to be a kid again.

“ Was just you and I on a bike driving along the coast. Wasn’t anything special .”

“ That sounds lovely “

“ Yeah it does, doesn’t it”

“ Angel “ her voice is serious again and it scares him a little. “ I know why you broke up with me. I know that you thought that pushing me away and getting out of the relationship, the marriage, was gonna make me chase a dream that I didn’t even really have. Something you thought was bigger than you. Bigger than what we had and could have. You’ve done this with EZ before. You do it a lot. But maybe for once you should stop and think about what you deserve and that maybe you are the dream I’m chasing. Let yourself be happy for once. “

“ I don’t deserve you “

“ Yes you fucking do ! Angel I love you more than I have ever loved another person in my entire life. That has been a fact for years and it’s still a fact. It kills me to know that you deny yourself this happiness because you don’t think you’re worthy. Which isn’t true but even if it was. Suck it up, man. Some things you don’t have to earn. Some things you are just given. No fees. Nothing asked for in exchange. I love you. I love you still “.

There’s a girl inside his house, inside his bed. She’s tangled in his sheets and wearing his shirt. He has gorgeous eyes and luscious curls and a great smile.

And as he walks through the door and into the bedroom he knows that breaking that girls heart might just be the first thing he’ll ever do right in his life.

Her door is cherry red, like the lipstick marks she used to leave on his cheek. The ones EZ and his dad would always tease him about. The ones Angel wore like a trophy.

When he knocks, his mind is silent but his heart is beating a thousand miles an hour.

It doesn’t take a minute for her to open the door and be in his arms and my god, she’s so warm and soft and familiar.

And he still doesn’t think he deserves even a second of her time, an ounce of her love. But if she’s willing to give, who is he to deny ?

Her lips on his is a feeling so familiar and comfortable and yet so exciting still. He never wants to stop feeling this way.

“ You wanna come in ? “ she asks jokingly after they pull away, having to breath after all.

“ Yeah. Yeah I do. And I never wanna say goodbye “

“ You know what ? “ she says and placed another soft kiss on his lips “ maybe you don’t have to. “

The wind is softly blowing through the curtains of the open window. The air is hot and sticky that night and Angel can hardly bear to sleep with even the sheets covering his body. (Y/N) is cuddled into his side, her skin sticking to his like glue. Angel looks down at her, places a kiss on her head and pulls her even closer.

Maybe sometimes we’re granted a little spark of light in times of darkness. Maybe without being deserving of them. Without having done anything to earn them. Maybe we only get them for a little while.

Maybe forever.