#but anyway not being at least a little bitchy or self serving or sarcastic is. so hard

[kimmkitsuragi]

oh i actually see what people mean now by astarion hating good characters with passion in early game. hmm. i thought Lou was good too (at least when it mattered lmao) but now im actually trying to play a Nice person (which honestly does not come naturally to me) and he's like "ughhhh not you again 🙄 what do you want?!"

[sporadic-writer]

Mrs. All American pt. 2

Harrison x Reader

Warnings: my usuals - swearing, mentions of alcohol, fluff idk

Summary: you see Tom's parents, visit around London, and get closer with Harrison

Part 1 here!

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You woke up in Tom's guest bed to the sound of chatter in the kitchen and light peaking through your curtains. As you stretched you smiled and went to fix the makeup you slept in. It never bothered your face, but didn't always look great the next day. Plus you never wore foundation or stuff like that, so it's just eye makeup to worry about. Your hair was in a messy bun, large sweatshirt from school looking cute, and everything looked good. You wouldn't admit it out loud, but you wanted to look cute in case Harrison was down there. The boy caught your eye right away and you felt bold and like your confident self around him. Almost like you have known him as long as Tom.

Walking down stair you were met with the sound of the twins watching TV and saying good morning to you. Then you walked into the kitched and instantly saw Tom's mom. She smiled and pulled you in for a hug.

"Oh darling you've gotten so much more beautiful since I last saw you! You look like such a beautiful young woman. How's school and your parents?" Her hug was a great start to the day and you replied that both were wonderful. You found a chair and sat by the kitchen island.

Dominic walked in not long after, "Thought I heard you, did you sleep well?" He hugged you as well and you smiled.

"Yeah although I don't even know what time I slept til. I never checked the time. Is it even the AM still?"

A voice from behind you answered your question. "You just barely made it. It is only 11:38." Turning, you met Harrison's eyes and smiled lightly at him. "Sam and I bet Harry and Tom that you would push it past noon. I just lost 5 pounds because of you."

"Sorry? Although to be honest I did think I would sleep til at least 12:30." Nic asked you if you would like a cup of tea and you responded yes with sugar.

"Is it cool if I make some eggs or something?"

"Certainly not darling. Dom grab a pan. You are a guest, he can make you some!" She looked at you kindly and you insisted it was fine.

"No no I can make them myself it's no trouble at all." You smiled at their hospitality, but didn't need them doing your cooking for you.

A hand brushed your back and you heard Harrison's voice in your ear. "I wouldn't fuss on it love. You won't win this." As he walked past you he grabbed your cup of tea and took a sip. He cringed as he handed it to you. "Ugh you take sugar in it. Nasty."

After responding to Dom about your eggs you looked at him and replied. "Serves you right for drinking my shit. I'm a sarcastic, bitchy person, the only source of sweetness I get is from the sugar in my diet."

"Luckily, I still like you love. I think you're sweet enough." He kissed your cheek just before Dominic and Nicky turned to face you. The cheesy line made you blush despite your efforts. For some reason this guy was making you blush more than you had in your whole life. While eating your eggs you engaged in pleasent conversation before Tom emerged from somewhere and said you him and Haz were going sight seeing and such in town soon.

Running to your room put on some jeans your boots, a simple dark red top, and a jacket. You also made sure to grab your bags since Tom's place was the next sleep spot for you. After saying goodbye to Tom's parents and Sam and Harry, you and followed the 2 men out the door and you took a seat in the back of the car.

"Where do you want to go for sure? I remember you saying that you would rather have us lead you around, but what is one place for sure you want to visit."

After thinking a moment you answered. "The London Eye. It looks so cool and I wanna see the view. Other than that, just basic tourist stuff and cool places you guys know." Soon he parked in a garage you assumed was close to his house and London.

"Someone from Marvel needs to drop of a schedule for me and said they could grab the bags from my car. So don't worry about them." Tom explained to you.

"Sounds good to me. Now let me play tourist!"

After a couple hours of seeing Big Ben, the Palace, and a few other spots, you finally got to the Eye.

"Tom let me pay. I can afford this and you have already done enough! Not that I don't appreciate it, just I don't want to take advantage man." You looked at him, eyes trying to convince him.

With a sigh he gave in. "Fine but I really don't mind. I have too much to know what to do with anyway."

"We get it your rich. Now let's go!" The line moved and it was your turn to enter. You grabbed Harrison's hand and eagerly went in. Tom laughed and followed behind. Somehow, the 3 of you had a whole pod thing and area to yourself. Tom probably made that happen you thought. As it rose you moved to the window and exclaimed, "Holy shit this is amazing." Harrison moved his hand from yours and pulled you close by the waist.

"Glad you're enjoying yourself. I live around here and cannot remember the last time I was here doing this stuff."

"Yeah we do get to see cool stuff when traveling, but it isn't the same as this. We never visit as often as we could." Tom comes to the other side of where you and Harrison were.

While still having Harrison's arm around you, you looked around as the pod thing got higher. "How could you not visit this view." Looking out caused you to miss the look the boy was giving you. To him you were so lovely and the wonder in your eyes while enjoying and taking everything in was beautiful. Tom caught him looking a laughed lightly. His friend glared in response and he stepped aside, not getting in the way of you both.

"I'm enjoying my view right now." He spoke softly to you and you turned to face him.

"I appreciate that, but if you ever give a line that cheesy to me again, I may hurl." Despite your joke, the sparkle in your eyes let him know how you really felt. Plus, he could see the blush on your cheeks form ever so slightly.

"Y/N I can't help it. I speak the truth." His face was close to yours.

"Mhmm sure. But try to be more original next time." Regardless of the teasing, you lightly kissed him, just as you did the night before. It still amazed you how bold and forward you were with him. Pulling back, you just reached the top. You continued looking around, but you and Harrison remained close. Even after the Eye and throughout the rest of your visits in London, he was either holding your hand or an arm was around your shoulder. At one point, you went to the bathroom and the 2 friends talked.

"You and her seem very close." It was a simple statement, no specific tone behind it.

"I like her. A lot. She is really cool and we get along so well. She's witty and funny. She's just genuine." He spoke honestly.

Tom looked at him then spoke. "Well you know she is only here for a little while right? She is a really good friend, I have known her for a while. She doesn't just do this with anyone so I can tell she's got a liking to you also." Those words made him happier than he thought, even though he already took a good guess at your feelings.

"I know she isn't from here, and won't be here long. But I want to roll with it and see where it goes after."

"Fair but if you hurt her, both me and her will kick your ass. But she is very easy going so you're good." He smiled to Harrison, who saw and waved as your approached. Next the 3 of you went around looking around in London with a handsome man's arm around you.

Fast forward a few more hours and the 3 of you trecked into Tom's appartment. First thing you did was plop down on the couch and turn on Netflix. You made yourself comfy, but knew you weren't being rude. You knew Tom didn't care in the slightest that you made yourself at home despite this being your first visit to his place. The boys were getting the pizza you ordered and some drinks ready. After searching for a bit, you found Grand Tour and put on the pickup truck episode.

"Hell yeah! I have been meaning to pick back up on this show. Now seems like no better time and place to finish this new season." You tucked your feet up and eagerly watched. "Wait! Can someone bring me a couple slices of pizza please?"

Harrison looked to his best friend, "Man she watches Grand Tour too?! This girl's amazing! Again. Cannot believe you didn't have a meet sooner in some fashion." He made sure to grab your food for you while scolding this friend.

With a chuckle, Tom responded. "Maybe you should tell her that then! And shut up. You guys were attached at the hip while we were about, I felt like I was crashing a date. I think you have made up for lost time now."

Harrison simply rolled his eyes and headed towards you on the couch. Tom noted how he did not disagree. Handing you the pizza he sat next to you and smiled as you thanked him.

Looking at the slice you smiled. "I didn't even tell you which box was mine. Thanks for getting the right one."

"Y/N you get the most random combo, of course he knew it was yours. Tomatoes, ham, and olives? Who get's that?" Tom gestured to your slice as he spoke.

"Psh whatever, I still appreciate it. Plus, he said nothing about my adventurous pallet!" You stuck your tongue out at him. Then you followed it by turning to Harrison and kissing his cheek. "You're very sweet Haz."

Luckily your voice was low and kiss was discrete, so Tom said nothing. But Harrison blushed and tried to remain calm at your random affection. Your perfume yet again makhing his mind stir. He wasn't complaining. It was just something you did to him.

"Mmm! I forgot to say! Tom at the party tomorrow. I have one request. Liquor. Liquor and lots of it. I have not had a good party since the semester ended. I hear you guys can drink here across the pond. So prove it." You spoke with bold excitement and the boys knew it was going to be a grand night simply because the guest of honor was so pumped.

"Not to worry my friend, I planned on making sure we run to the liquor store tomorrow to get all that you want." The way you clapped your hands once and said yes made them smile.

"Plus the outfit I packed makes me look damn good. I'm not that girly but I do occasionally like dressin up and getting ready like that." As you spoke you returned your focus back to the show and laughed at something Clarkson said. In addition to that, you also leaned into Harrison a tad. You didn't even realize you did so until his hand brushed your shoulder.

"Can you 2 not get lovey on my couch? I nap on this couch." Tom joked casually at you both while his eyes remained on the TV.

Arm coming around you tighter. You smiled as he pulled you closer. "Piss off mate, no need to be jealous she finds me comfier than you." You laughed againt Harrison. It was real, and you realized how glad you were that Tom talked you into this trip.

The 3 of you chatted and watched more of the funny car show as the pizza was eaten and time passed. At some point during that time you felt Harrison playing with the ends of your hair. Figuring he was trying to be subtle and nonchalant, you said nothing. However, that failed to stop the butterflies in your stomach. Between that and his colone creeping up, you were a flustered mess. Once another episode ended, Tom got up and put the dishes and pizza away. You and Harrison were left on the couch and you decided to shift to face him.

"I had a fun time today. Thank you for that." He smiled lightly. You took note of the kitchen faucet running and dishes clinking

He smiled and looked down a bit. "No need to thank me, or just me at least. It was Tom's idea."

"Yeah but I can't thank him like I want to thank you."

His eyes snapped up to meet yours and luckily he got the hint right away. Lips met each other in the middle and hands brought you both closer. This was more intense than the kiss you shared your first night in England. There was desire and a spark to it. Each of you were obvious of the flirting back and forth that has occurred all day. Now this was just a day's worth of tension being released. The hairs on the back of his neck were soft through your fingers. Sadly, like most good things, your small make out session was ended. Ended by the celebrity who you claim to be your friend, reasoning lost currently.

"Really guys? What did I say about the couch? Take it to a room or some place I don't relax." Even though you were being scolded like horny teens, Tom's eyes held an amused glint. He was happy for his friends.

You pull apart, but stayed close to each other. You spoke first with a small laugh. "I promise, next time no couch. But since you so rudely ruined the mood... I'm going to bed. After all, there is a big party tomorrow. Night guys." As you got up you kissed Harrison's cheek. You giggled as you heard him mumble 'next time?' to himself. With a wink you nod yes. Knowing he was looking, you made sure to walk back in a manner that would keep his attention until you were out of view.

Tom looked at Harrison and laughed fully. "Dude. You're drooling."

He looked at Tom with awe struck eyes and a blissful expression. "I am so whipped aren't I?" Even though he asked, he didn't need to look at Tom nodding his head to know. The boy wa gone for.

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Hope you liked this! There will be more than 2 parts I have decided. This is written on my phone so sorry if there are errors.

As per usual, like a reblog and feedback is encouraged!

[fortheloveofcringe]

For the past six months I have just been on a ride where I extract the very best and worst of what I have, put it in a wall, examine what will propel me to a better future and make elaborate quick choices that taught me that life is more than just examining it. Although Socrates had said that a life unexamined is a life not worth living, I also found out that there is much freedom with a life that is just lived and not constantly questioned. I live my life wondering about the what’s and the if’s and I honestly have figured out a lot of things but none of the  stays in my head for extended periods of time. All of my realities at the very moment they are happening are shaped by my exact reaction and opinions about it and dare I say my life has been a shit mess because I’ve always pictured it as  a shit mess. When I came to that PRIDE activity where I posed as a living book and shared my life story, I made a conscious decision about how I approach my life from that point forward. I made sure that I will never be defined by the rejections that I will face and called my book “Turning Sorry’s to Thank You’s”  kind of like a little nod to Ariana’s Thank You, Next.

 When I backtrack, I’m always sorry about being myself when I shouldn’t be. I have always felt guilty even for the things that I shouldn’t even feel guilty about (I honestly feel like anyone can frame me for murder because I would sweat a lot just by being accused.) Anyhow, it’s just how I lived I have always been my own support system, with a  sprinkle of Mom and brother’s love, but ultimately, I try my very best not rely on other people. But that’s not what I figured out this year. I figured out that there is more to life than just cracking the equation and believing yourself. Sometimes you have to make sure you talk slower, and listen harder. You have to look around, not questioning things, but making sure you absorb enough reality so that you wouldn’t make-up some scenarios in your head that you worry about for at least 5 hours later after 12 in the midnight.

 Right now, I’m glad that I’m able enough again to write this journal here on tumblr because my last post, damn, I was ready for sweet death, which by the way I am and will always be, I think that’s my edge amongst my age group. I have accomplished enough to understand that reputations and lifeways have very distinct characteristics that affect my super conscious  perception of my exact self, in a society orchestrated by government systems, traditions and religion that I have always complained about, which by the way, I should just ignore because, well, life is a heck more fun than focusing on the things I can’t actually control. There is much more power in accepting the range of your capabilities more than believing a delusion that will just upset you in the end, or have an upset stomach for in the end, as latest experience says.

 This is about my body and my mental chemistry. I have always made sure that I am not body negative or body positive, I was just neutral, like I’m not cheering for what I have and degrading what I have, I was just, I just respected what I have always had. But my recent experience about an ex who was always conscious about his macho exterior had me thinking if I needed to be macho as well to be accepted in the society. I have a full understanding that money figures are mightier than physical figures and you don’t need a hot body to be hot, you just need a perfect bank account to be a trophy, but I just figured, why can’t I have both?

 But then earlier this week I just had a run at some hospitals and it was disappointing for the first one but quite a relief for the second hospital that we went through. The first hospital had very problematic and almost scary people working on it. Here are a few things they’ve done during my stay in the emergency room:

 1.      Blasted Camila and Shawn’s Seniorita while people are dying in the E.R. talking about how concerned they are for Shawn’s social anxiety than US who are in their immediate contact.

2.      They have an off-putting way of asking questions which will make you feel like you are lying about your condition even if you can literally see blood dripping on the floor from your body.

3.      Talk bout death of other celebrities while PEOPLE ARE DYING IN FRONT OF THEM. HEY.

4.      They keep asking me as to when my mother would arrive, which translated to me at that moment as “Can your mom pick you up, we don’t want to serve a lot of people here.”

5.      HAD SNACKS AND ALL TYPE OF SHIT FOOD IN THE E.R.

6.      One of the witchy Doctors was just so bitchy she had to remind my mom later in the evening in a very SARCASTIC WAY when we returned that I refused to be confined in their hospital so they can’t accept us ad we have to be reffered and that such is a long LONG process (which in translation is, we can’t serve you). WELL OF COURSE I REFUSED TO BE CONFINED BECAUSE I’M CRAZY AND I WANT TO DIE. She  needs to know that I refused because I have observed them well enough specially with their very unwelcoming way of handling patients that I can’t put my self under their care.

7.      Puncture my body twice for IV after making an error in my vein. Nothing too concerning.

8.      The same witch Doctor said these things on the course of my stay: “I’m gonna die in this place” “People can’t demand quality service from us because we don’t get quality service ourselves. Even us doctors have to get in lines and shit.” “I feel sorry for Shawn Mendes for having social Anxiety.”

 Now the second hospital I gotta make sure that when I become successful, I have to donate equipment in their facilities because they did me a solid. RTR hospital is the best. It was a choice of which hospital was nearest and both where nearby. So anyway, this hospital did me a solid. Here are a few things they’ve done:

 1.      Ran a helpful assessment to my condition with careful tones acknowledging the fact that there was something wrong with me as opposed to the other hospital which assumed stuff.

2.      Reviewed my medical history CAREFULLY.

3.      Assisted us in our laboratory tests (which was yes, recommended by the other hospital but damn they were just so ready to kick us out that I wasn’t feeling staying for laboratories in their facility for that long.)

4.      Reviewed my prescribed medicines and filled out EXACT times and dates for intake WITHOUT RAISING EYEBROWS.

5.      Allowed us to ask questions and responded without being sarcastic. Professional Vibes only.

6.      Compared to the other hospital, they were able to NAME what was wrong with me which was actually Abdominal Discomfort. Damn I have been waiting for that. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with my body.

7.      Compared to the other hospital, they were serving a lot of patients that night (the other one was just serving at lest three people and their doctors are already shouting I’d ie in here!” not to mention they have high tech equipment and a full nurse force) and they still remained calm and helpful.

8.      They pretty much had an awesome Doctor and Nurse force that night, shoutout to the hand some nurse who I kept taking a peek at when I was looking like a bag of shit on the E.R. bed, I guess flirting doesn’t have a time.

9.      I was fixed. I mean thank God I’m making this right now because of them

 Ultimately what I want you to take from this is that everything is a reciprocation. If you’re a doctor or a nurse who cusses out, rejects people or whatever, your gonna get the same rejection from your patients. If you give out hate, you receive hate, if your give out lies, you receive lies, I think that should be a golden rule in everything that we do. If you harbour negative energy, that same energy will whip you right back because when we came to that first hospital I remember giving the doctor who spoke to my mom in a very pointed tone the death stare after she gave me a left eyebrow. Anyway.

 Also, if you do good to other people good stuff will come back to you. now I do pledge that if I make my first million from my youtube account, I’m going to donate some equipment to RTR hospital for saving me. I went home that evening feeling like angels carried me home even if I was limping from a bad stomach.

 What I’m trying to relay here also  from that long intro about my body is that I fucked up my body by eating less these past few months. I thought the best hack to lose weight was not to gain weight at all. The trend is intermittent fasting and boy do I say the internet is still not the most credible source for everything.

 When I broke up with my ex, I had a revenge plan of making my self look like one of the boys he was drooling endlessly for on instagram; macho muscular guys who sound like bats when they talk. Anyway, shade aside, I figured one common pattern from them. It was sourced from a deep form of social anxiety that they rip and shred their bodies from pimple insuding protein shakes and rigid muscle enhancing work-outs just so they would feel accepted, and I get it, there is nothing more hot than being objectified by a low life as what they say, but it just didn’t feel right to me that I would shave off the outside just so I could start shaving in the inside. But I still tried. No harm on that, well there is. When it’s done in the wrong way.

 I got sent to a hospital for abdominal discomfort from a very weird diet. I eat, I don’t eat, then I do something which I will call, “tickle my throat” but not in a sexual way, more like a very bad idea of making sure I don’t gain weight by having a controlled mechanic of what stays in my body and what goes out. Some people call it bulimia, I call it being a master of my own universe.

 SO I tried that, and again, it just didn’t seem right. The food I was wasting, or the food I was holding myself back from enjoying. The stupid videos I watch on Youtube about how to be a perfect human wasn’t striking a cord. One of my instructors and ex-classmates have notified my that my ex was looking shredded lately and boy I just wanted to punch them. I didn’t need that. I need no reminder of how I’m failing in the body department. I get it.

 But looking from a Google Earth view, this is what I came to see.

 I saw myself changing my way of interpreting new information. Everything is suddenly a mind exercise on how I would react to a certain info and acknowledging my behaviour about it. Now this is much more important to me more than just having a hot body. New information became new habits.

 I can’t elaborate on how I do it, some of us have a distinct and unique way of mastering our soul lessons but right now, I’m just very happy with how I can look at myself in the mirror and say, I love and accept you exactly as you are.

 There is no baggage of doubt or whatsoever. It’s like I finally ran out of excuses not to love myself and everything is just a growth opportunity. All I can say is wherever you are, I want to remind you that our lives are programmed in way for us to combat in peacefully. We have to have that internal battle so that we can manifest it in our outside world. Because people think it’s the other way around.

 When really, the glow is from within.