#but anyway it was really good highly recommended lmao i'm like 12 years behind

[so-make-the-moon]

GUYS I SAW FALL OUT BOY

IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS

TWENTY. TWO. ZERO. YEARS. THAT I'VE BEEN A FAN OF THEM.

I've bought tickets THREE TIMES in the last 5 years. First Covid happened. Then my cat needed SPINAL SURGERY. and finally FINALLY

I saw Fall Out Boy.

(I also saw HAMILTONNN!!!!!! and Book of Mormon! And got to go to New York a second time. Am I in incredible credit card debt? Yes I am. Would I do it all again? Abso-fucking-lutely.)

[social-buttface]

the other day i was putting on a shirt i wore the day before and i smelled it and it smelled very strongly of me (kinda sweaty lmfao but overall a nice smell. kinda flowery/earthy i guess). idk, i guess I was just surprised i smelled good lmao? so i tossed it to my partner tyler on his bed and asked "hey is this what i smell like" and he put it on his face and took the slowest, deepest inhale ever, and when they took it off their face they had such a loopy, happy, contended smile on their face. it was like they just took a hit of nicotine or something. i'll never forget it lol; it's exactly how i feel when i smell something of his. then i said "it's not a bad smell i guess huh" and still smiling, he went "not bad at all." and we just sorta gazed lovingly at each other for a couple of seconds and then i kept getting dressed.

it's just moments like this that lets me know how much he really loves me. i wanna write about it on here so i can look back one day and remember it.

other things:

- some nights i have a hard time in the middle of the night, particularly if things are really stressful, and my brain hamster wheel won't stop spinning into overdrive with all the upsetting thoughts, so i'll start crying. when i'm sleeping with him he reaches over in his sleep and either holds my hand or he'll wrap his whole arm around me until i calm down, which is always pretty fast after that happens

- the other day we were standing and folding clothes and talking, and he sort of randomly went "oh hey, what's that?" and pointed behind me. i immediately knew what he was gonna do but i turned around anyway, nothing was there of course; so i turned back around and his face was right there so he could catch me in a "surprise" kiss. it was so cheesy and i loved it.

- when we were kids (me 12 and tyler 14), one day our class went on a small field trip to a farmer's market and someone got a bouquet of roses - yellow roses with red on the edges. the girls in my class convinced tyler to give me one of the roses, because everyone knew i had a big ol crush on them, and when they did i was so happy i remember feeling like i was literally floating around. it was the first time i felt that way. i let it dry out and kept it for a couple of years, and then in a moment of angsty 14 year old rage after a fight between us i burnt it in a sink LOL. regretted it ever since. but for my 21st birthday this year, they made me a bouquet, which they picked out and put together themself (i was so proud). it had purple, white, pink, and red roses, and those tiny little white flowers, and one single yellow and red rose. now i have three dried out roses hanging in my room including that one and i intend to keep them for as long as life allows me to. i didn't even think tyler remembered the type of rose they gave me that day. it's fitting because yellow symbolizes friendship, red symbolizes romance, and yellow + red symbolizes friends to/as well as lovers. (bit of a dark note but i'm 99% sure that day was 12/14/2012, the day of the sandy hook shooting, yikes)

- they got an ASL dictionary app and have been learning signs during their free time to learn it with me

- they were with me while i held my cat as she died last week, and supported me through that whole thing

- they help me get dressed sometimes, like pulling down my dresses or putting on/taking off socks and shoes

- he's always making sure i've eaten and that i'm warm

- sometimes i'll look over at them and they'll just be silently staring at me lovingly

- we recently bought the same brand of deodorant and body wash separately without realizing it, lmao

- we also listened to the same artist (tatseo yamashita, highly recommend) all day the other day separately without realizing it

- we call each other's moms "mom"

- we have similar goals and if we have kids, we agree on parenting styles and behaviors

- we are always always always communicating, even about the hard stuff; and we learned the other night that we both unknowingly had the same fears for our relationship, that each would eventually get bored of the other and move on to someone more enticing or interesting, and we both agreed that even if someone like that did eventually come along we would talk about it and take steps to address the root of the problem

that's all i can think of for now but i just needed to gush. mostly this is for me to read in the future if ever i forget about the magic of discovering what it's like to love him and be loved by him. i know we'll hit rocky roads down the line but in the end we have the same goal and that is to make each other as happy as we can and to support each other. communication and mutual respect is the foundation of our relationship.