#but anyway 2 of my friends didn't even know i spent like a year and a half completely infatuated with her and the shock on their faces was
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today i met up with my high school friend group for the first time in 3 years (i had seen all but one individually or in smaller groups ocasionally at parties or something in the last year but never all of them together and never somewhere just us where we could really talk) and we spent hours talking and laughing and remembering but also catching each other up in our current life events and just having an overall great time and like man life really is worth living
#we aren't the type of people to hang out or even text frequently so we go long periods of time not interacting#but i have such a fondness for them like i really love them#and today was super fun too cause apparently i hadn't even told 2 of them about my high school crush and my dramatic ass story regarding it#i was barely out to them during high school so i was too shy to talk about crushes with them so i only told most of them about#like a year after and 2 only today lmao#anyway the story involves events spanning a year and a half including me almost confessing to my crush through multiple ways#and ending up doing it via an anonymous valentine card that made it obvious it was me lol#at the time i was really heartbroken and not only cause my crush rejected me but because like 3 months later in a party#she asked me if i still liked her and when i said no (like a liar) she asked me if i would kiss her so i did and we kissed for a while#and on the next day a mutual friend of ours who didn't know that i liked her nor that we had kissed asked me if i knew about her kissing#someone that party cause it had been a log time since she had last kissed someone and she wanted to do it again before her#date with her own crush as practice#like ouch that really hurt me :/ she knew i liked her and she used me#but anyway 2 of my friends didn't even know i spent like a year and a half completely infatuated with her and the shock on their faces was#priceless lmao especially considering i was really obvious about liking her back then despite not saying anything dasdpns#i love them so much#my post
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need to vent in the tags a little :(
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#so there was a highschool reunion this week where i could've met my old class mates and teachers#originally i had planned to go and had already confirmed i would#it takes several hours to drive there. then on the day there was a big traffic jam which would've increased the travel time even more#blocked roads due to insane car and truck accidents you know the likes#anyway so i decided to not go. bc of the long drive#but now i horribly regret my decision and i feel so sad and angry. like i haven't seen these ppl for years and i was indeed#curious to see how they're all doing. however out of my 5 best highschool friends only 2 were there anyway#and im not in contact w them anymore anyway so we're basically all strangers. still i feel maybe it would've been worth it#it's not like i owe it to them to come see them after years but it is tradition still. maybe it would've been nice#i mean i know it would've been nice and i sure would've had some fun#but it seemed like a waste of time. half a day wasted to meet w ppl i don't know anymore and don't rly care abt that much#ugh but now looking back it would've been a pinprick in the fabric of my life right. what is half a day compared to the years#the years we've spent together and the years we've been apart#god i feel so bad now. but i can't turn back time and make it undone. what do i do w the guilt regret sadness anger now#let them pass? push them away? im sure there will be another highschool reunion. maybe in 5 years. maybe in 10#by then ill also be on T and have had top surgery. it would be nice to introduce myself to them as who i actually am#still. some of the ppl might be dead by then. the teachers i mean. then again. i wasn't the only one who didn't come#i also wasn't the only one who canceled on the very day. and i know plenty of ppl who hate to go to reunions#bc they weren't friends w anyone or don't care abt the ppl or are just not interested in a social gathering like that#however i was interested and i uses to be friends w ppl. mh. i def made the wrong decision âšď¸#still. can't undo it. gotta work through it
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If only I had a healthy relationship with sports and felt comfortable in my body! Alas, I was a lonely and weird kid for most of my school years.
#and by that i mean that school sport class is only fun if you have friends to spend it with#otherwise it's an exercise in showing you how much you don't fit in#the locker rooms. the fact you had to pair up or find groups for every single thing.#and i know it's all about friends because in my last year/last two years of highschool and sports classes i HAD friends!#and immediately it felt less bad#in ping pong when i kept missing the ball and having to pick it up across the room:#with a random girl it was humiliating with my friend i didn't even notice after the first few times#when we were - the closest american equivalent is runing the mile#when we did that in middle school i was with someone else who didn't have friends. it was perfunctory and lonely.#in highschool we spent our breaks chatting and my friends cheered on me loudly from the sidelines when they'd already finished#it made a world of difference but it was TOO LATE.#because by then by relationship with my body was already irremediably fucked up :)#and i've never been fat! and i'm white! and i'm abled!#but every time i failed every time i was awkward or clumsy it felt worse and worse#every opportunity i had of changing at home or in the toilet i took it#i'd rather stay in sports clothes than change with everyone else#1) because i don't like wearing bras dammit 2) because i am SLOW at changing#and it's fine! but in a school context where the teacher is waiting for you to lock the room it's not#also if you don't have class afterwards people leave without you if you're not friends :(#ANYWAY. brought to you by me trying to unfuck my back by doing core strength exercises and Suffering#thankfully it is late at night in my room and there could not be less pressure#wow i have a ramble tag now
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Dark! House Of The Dragon x Game of Thrones! Reader|Part 2
<<<Part 1
Through the years spent at Dragonstone, you managed to strengthen your ties with your siblings, your mother, Baela and Daemon.
You even visit Rhaenys and Corlys, and became best of friends with Rhaena despite Rhaenyra feeling possessive of you leaving her side.
This is all necessary to keep strong connections with the Velaryons, knowing very well that Rhaenys and Corlys know that you and your siblings are not their son's children
You even wore House Velaryons color at all times to please them and it worked very well.
Rhaenys and Corlys even requested to stay with them at Driftmark but Daemon and Rhaenyra rejected the idea.
Strangely enough Queen Alicent and your grandsire request the same thing, but of course, they got the same reply.
Rhaenyra felt threatened by the idea of you leaving her side and wed you to Jace earlier then expected.
Rhaenyra sensed your nervousness at the wedding and hugged you in assurance.
"Don't worry, I will be with you every step of the way, my sweet girl"
She didn't know that you remembered yours and Robb's wedding.
Daemon and Rhaenyra agreed to have the wedding on Dragonstone in the old valyrian custom.
They didn't invite anyone except the family members on Dragonstone.
Viserys was disappointed but not more angry then Alicent who found offense.
It's not like she invited Rhaenyra to Aegon and Helaena's wedding anyways.
Or maybe she did, but your mother didn't want you anywhere near the Hightowers.
Rhaenys also held grudge against Rhaenyra for doing such a thing, meanwhile Corlys was furious as he wished for the wedding to be on Driftmark.
Aemond felt heartbroken and stopped writing to you while Aegon drank away his pain.
Meanwhile Luke felt a bit jealous as he kind of had a crush on you, and your other younger siblings just enjoyed the celebrations.
Daemon encouraged Jace to impregnate you and ignore Rhaenyra's advice against having babies early.
And when you announce your pregnancy, Rhaenyra became so fearful for your life.
Especially when she saw how weak you were during the pregnancy.
You reminded her of her mother, Aemma.
Her paronia reflected on Jacaerys and Lucerys, thinking that you might not make it.
Meanwhile, in reality, you weren't ill, you were sad, because you wished for Cersei to be here.
Despite what she did to your previous husband, but still, Cersei loved you and this was clear.
On your fifth month, Rhaenyra announces that she is also pregnant just so she can support you and ease your worries.
You and Jace already chose the names for the babies, if it was a boy he will be named Aenar, and if it's a girl, then she will name Aemma.
Luke and Joffrey chose the perfect egg for the baby from your dragon's clutch.
Baela would read you stories as to pass time while you stay in bed.
When you want into labour, the whole castle went in chaos to ensure you have a safe delivery.
Daemon threatened the maesters that if anything happens to you, he will feed them to Caraxes.
Jace was on his way to support you during labour, but when he arrived, you were already holding his daughter.
Everything was going on well, with your new small family.
Until your grandsire, Corlys fell ill, and Vaemond decided to question the legitimacy of you and your full brothers.
Part 3>>>
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â love of my life // yoon jeonghan
jeonghan x gn!reader, 2k+ words
tags: technically requested by lots of people bc everyone wants jeonghan fluff, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, crack, mutual pining, almost-confessions
warnings: light swearing
summary: in which your relationship with jeonghan isn't exactly platonic and isn't exactly romantic... but rather, it's a secret third thing.
It has to be at least two in the morning when Jeonghan's ringtone blares throughout his bedroom, and he rolls over with a groan, grappling blindly at his nightstand before finding his phone and pressing it against his cheek.Â
âWho is this and what do you want?â
âJeonghan, let's go on a date.â
He recognises your voice in an instant, even in his half-asleep state, and he huffs a laugh, flopping back against the pillows and rubbing his eyes.Â
âGee, at least ask me when it's not ass o'clock in the morning, won't you?â
âNo, no, this only works if you get up right now,â you say. âCome on, Jeonghan, just go on a date with me. Right at this very moment.â
Jeonghan rubs his eyes, before taking his phone away from his cheek and peering at the screen so he can read the time. âSee, youâre not presenting a very good argument,â he says, once heâs put the phone against his ear again. Itâs almost three in the morning. What are you thinking? âI donât wanna date you that much.â
You make a sad sound on the other end of the phone. âWhat will it take to get you out of the house?â
âWire me an obscene amount of money right now and Iâll think about it.â
Thereâs a pause.
âNo. Best I can offer is a pretty please.â
Jeonghan canât help smiling at your dry tone, and he rubs his eyes once again with a yawn. âFine. I guess I canât expect anything better from you, anyway.â He can almost see you biting your lip in annoyance, wanting to quip something witty back at him but also wanting to keep quiet so heâll actually come.Â
âYou know me so well.â
âYes I do,â Jeonghan teases, and groggily hauls himself out of bed. âIâll be ready in ten. Where do you want me to go?â
âDonât worry, princess, Iâll pick you up,â you say, suddenly sounding excited. âJust wait for me and Iâll come over to take you out.â
Jeonghan raises an eyebrow. âIs that a threat?â
You laugh, bright and happy, like itâs not two in the morning and youâve asked your best friend to go on a date with you. Jeonghan canât help but smile again, even as he grapples blindly through his dark room to find some clothes.
âDonât worry. Itâs a promise.â
âââââââââââââ đ
Jeonghan is, admittedly, more than a little confused when you just take him to the nearest playground.
Sure, maybe this entire thing is weirdâyou calling him up during ridiculous hours of the morning to âgo on a dateâ is definitely not something youâve done beforeâbut thatâs just the kind of friendship he and you have.Â
Itâs like how, last year, he spent an entire month calling you increasingly ridiculous pet names, ranging from âbelovedâ to âhoney butter snuggles bunny bearâ, and purposefully took you out to public cafes and restaurants to test them out for everyone to see and hear, preventing you from punching him as hard as he probably deserved.Â
So this is, like, nothing new. Just a funny and silly thing the two of you do, because you've known each other for the whole of your lives, and when it comes to the way your relationship works, the lines separating âplatonicâ and âromanticâ have always been curiously nonexistent.Â
It doesnât mean anything. Itâs never meant to mean anything.
But sometimes, sometimes, it feels like it should.
âI think Iâm going to end up alone forever,â you say abruptly, and Jeonghan looks over at you in surprise. Youâre sitting on the swings next to him, dragging yourself back and forth as you look up at the sky. Thereâs nothing to see up there, with the clouds obscuring any moonlight, so it's obvious that you're just looking away so he can't see your face.Â
It's so quiet; Jeonghan didn't realise that the world could be this quiet at 2 in the morning, and it makes your words echo extra loud into the abyss, before they're swallowed by the darkness.Â
Jeonghan shrugs. âMaybe you will.â
Instantly, you're leaning over to swat him on the arm, and he laughs.Â
âAsshole,â you say, but there's no venom in your voice, even as you level him with a glare. âYou're really no help. I'm trying to unload all my deepest fears for you, here, practically begging you to reassure me, and yet all you can do is be mean.â
âYou said one thing,â Jeonghan points out. âI don't think that counts as unloading all your deepest fears.â
âYeah, well, maybe it's my only deepest fear.â
âWhy are you unloading your deepest fear on me?â Jeonghan asks, kicking his legs out in front of him. âWe're on a date. Our first date, mind you, so this hardly seems appropriate.â
âAsshole,â you say again, but like before, the word has no bite. You glance over at him, before realising that he's looking at you, and then quickly raise your gaze to the sky. âI'm being serious about this, you know.â
Jeonghan says nothing for a long moment. Watches the way the pale light from a nearby lamppost gives you an unearthly, almost otherworldly glow.Â
âI'm being serious too,â he decides to say, looking up at the cloudy sky with you. âYou shouldn't be saying that stuff on a first date. Kinda makes it sound like you don't think things will work out between us, you know?â
You huff a confused laugh, looking over at him again. âJeonghan, whaâ?â
âAnd maybe you will end up alone,â he carries on, thoughtfully, as if he's talking to himself, forgetting that you're sitting there too. âBut maybe you won't. I think you probably won't. And even if you do, it's fine, because I'll still be with you.â
It's a painfully vulnerable thing to say, made doubly so by the quietness of the night. Like a love confession, almost. Except it's not, because he's not in love with you.Â
He isn't.Â
âThat's really sweet,â you say, almost begrudgingly, as if it pains you to admit that Jeonghan actually said something nice, and he laughs. âThough wrong. If youâre with me, then I'm not alone, am I?â
âOh, I see. When you said alone, you meant in general. I thought you meant, like, romantically.â
âWell, maybe. But maybe I also meant overall,â you shrug. âI didn't think you'd want to spend the rest of your life with me.â
Jeonghan swallows, tilts back on the swings, head still raised to look at the sky. âI want to spend every life with you.â
You look away from the sky at his words, turning to face him in surprise. The echoes of what heâd just said were already fading away, muffled and pressed into the velvet dark of the night, but the surprisingly soft air that followed in its wake still remained.
 Now, he's the one avoiding your gaze, keeping his eyes firmly locked on the shapeless, misty blur of clouds above him so he doesnât have to look at you. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see you tilt your head, and smile.Â
âOh, look at you, you sap,â you say, bright and teasing. âFace it, you like being with me. Oh! I bet you're in love with me, seeing as how you agreed to date me and everything! Isn't that right, Jeonghan? You love me.â
Jeonghan pulls a face, and you burst into laughter, so ridiculously loud and happy even though it's two in the morning and the whole playground is silent, the sound of your happiness ringing against the cool air of the night. He can't help but look at you then, exasperated and fond, shaking his head as you grip the swing chains and sway back and forth, still giggling to yourself.Â
He sniffs, feigning annoyance as he leans to the side, making a dramatic show of pulling his swing away from you.Â
âThis isn't a real date. I could never date you.â He scrunches his face in faux disgust for good measure, and you laugh again, rolling your eyes.Â
âYeah, yeah, whatever. And yet you still came out when I called, didn't you?â you tease, smiling widely, and Jeonghan has to admit that you're right. He's here because you asked him to be here. Heâs here for you.
Hm. This was getting weirdly soul-baringly truthful for what heâd thought would be a silly little hangout in the middle of the night.
âNext time you call me at 2am, Iâm blocking you forever,â he says dryly, giving you an exaggerated look of disdain just so he can revel in the laugh that it pulls out of you.
âNo you wonât,â you say cheerily. âBecause you looove me.â
âUm, lies.â
âNo lies. You literally love me so much.â
âI donât.â
âYou do.â
âNo, I donât.â
âYou do. You do, you do, you do, youâre actually genuinely in love with me and thereâs nothing you can do to deny it, because itâs so obvious that Iâm literally the love of your lââ
Jeonghan makes a clicking sound with his tongue and leans over to shove your arm, causing you to swing to the side as you cackle with delight at his reaction. He glares at you, again, sighing with exasperation as you continue to laugh.
âYes, yes, I love you, just as much as you love me. Now if weâre not actually doing anything of importance, then can I go home?â
âWhat?â you say indignantly. âOf course not! If I canât sleep, then that means youâre not allowed to sleep either.â
âI knew it. You called me out here because you couldnât fall asleep.â
âDuh. Now come and push my swing, will you?â
Jeonghan rolls his eyes and stands up from his swing, groaning and holding his knees like heâs some kind of grumpy grandpa. You laugh, mocking him for his bad joints as he walks around to stand behind you, and he snarks back something ridiculously funny and rippling with light, twisting through the cool air.
And then his hand presses against the small of your back, soft and yet sure, and suddenly all you can focus on is that gentle, feathery point of contact that connects you to him.
Your laughter subsides as he begins to gently push your swing, and you move up, and down, and up, and down, the fleeting warmth of his hand an intermittent pressure against your back. He doesnât say a word. Everything is quiet, in your head. Like his touch alone could silence any worries that still floated around in your brain.
Itâs one of the things you adore most about Jeonghan. He makes you feel safe.
âFor the record, by the way,â you say, voice quiet, âI really do love you.â
Thereâs no noise but the metallic creak of the swing, sounding weirdly small in the yawning abyss of the dark. Jeonghanâs hand is still steady as he pushes you, again and again.
âAs a friend?â he asks, eventually.
You canât see him, and maybe thatâs for the best. His voice is tinged with a colour, an emotion, that you canât quite name, warm and cool and fleeting and present all at once.
Yet more silence greets his words. You continue swinging, and he continues helping.
Itâs hard to know what he means by that. As a friend, in a hopeful way? As a friend, in a meaningful way? Or as a friend, in a way that could maybe, maybe, signal that he thinks, or wishes, that you mean... something else.
More.
These things are difficult to tell, when it comes to Jeonghan. Who wears his heart on his sleeve and yet also hides it away where no one can see.
âYeah,â you say, after it has been far too long since heâd asked, but itâs clear that you were both waiting for your answer anyway. The word leaves you as a sigh, threadbare and thin. âAs a friend.â
Jeonghan huffs a soft laugh. Maybe because he believes you, or maybe because he doesnât. Youâre not too sure.
âOkay,â he murmurs, pale as moonlight. âIn which case, I love you too.â
fics tags: @jeonginssa @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @zozojella @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @abibliolife @doublasting @wonranghaeee @icyminghao @sweet-like-caramel @your-yxnnie @odxrilove @kyeomyun @crackedpumpkin @jeonride @kellesvt @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @starshuas @raevyng @isabellah29 @hrts4hanniehae @mcu-incorrect @dokyeomkyeom @suraandsugar @haodore @tulsa24 @melodicrabbit
#fairyhaos.works#k-labels#svt#seventeen#jeonghan#seventeen fic#jeonghan fic#svt fic#svt jeonghan#svt x reader#jeonghan x reader#yoon jeonghan#jeonghan x you#seventeen x you#jeonghan x y/n#seventeen x y/n#seventeen x reader#seventeen jeonghan#seventeen yoon jeonghan#svt yoon jeonghan#svt fluff#seventeen fluff#jeonghan fluff#jeonghan imagines#seventeen imagines#jeonghan au#seventeen fanfic
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oh my god, they were roommates
part 2 to and they were roommates. no cws, just silliness.
you're not talking to tooru.
he's not sure how you manage it so effectively. you eat all your meals in your room while he's home, except for when you manage to sneak from there to the door while he's in the bathroom. his only clue that you've gone out is that you leave your bedroom door open when you do, really hammering home how empty his life suddenly is.
"even when we're in the same room," he sighs, resting his cheek on his fist. "it's like trying to grab a fish out of the water. i turn around or blink and poof! gone!"
"your sleeve is dipping into your drink," says his date. "and i really think you need to discuss this with your roommate. at home. alone."
tooru waves goodbye forlornly as they stand up and walks out of the restaurant, leaving behind a half-eaten ball of rice and a broken man.
"you are like a sad, sad," akaashi says, pausing to really linger on the word sad, "wet cat. please stop bringing your dates here to mope aboutâto them. you are forming bad associations between our business and your terrible romantic etiquette."
akaashi keiji is a mangaka now, or an editor for one, anyway; he works at onigiri miya (tokyo location) on the side because it's the only way he routinely leaves the house; tooru brings his dating drama here to brighten up what must surely be a terribly boring life.
"what would you do without me, akaashi-kun," tooru stretches his arms high with a languid sigh that makes akaashi worry that he has comprehended none of his words. "wouldn't you be so miserable if you didn't have me to bring romance and excitement to your life?"
"i have a boyfriend of several years," akaashi says, which is rude to remind tooru of while he's in such a vulnerable state. "i have plenty of excitement with him in my life."
"inconsiderate!" tooru snorts. "please break up with him to show me solidarity."
"i will not be doing that." akaashi picks up the nameless and now-vanished date's plate and takes a bite out of the leftover food.
"understandable," tooru nods, "that's very reasonable. i just don't know what to do, or how to fix it, or what i did wrong."
"you come in here every other night to whine about what you did wrong."
"do not."
"do too," akaashi sticks out his tongue at him. there's a grain of rice stuck to his lip. "you spent several months going out on dates trying to make your friend-turned roommate jealousâduring which, I'll note, you basically exclusively talked about the person you were and continue to be obsessed withâthen initiated... romantic physical contact, then ran away. because you have the attachment style of a stray cat."
"ah, akaashi-kun," tooru says. "are you saying i get around?"
"i am saying you are lurking outside the window and begging for attention and then biting the hand that feeds you when you get it.â
âoh.â tooru is quiet for a moment. âcan i get the check?â
âitâs on the house if youâll just go home and talk to your roommate and never come back here with another date.â akaashi says, finishing off the onigiri.
âdeal.â
your room is empty, your bedroom door ajar when he comes home. mournfully, tooru sits on the bed, reminiscing over the hours he'd spent gossiping with you here.
he'll just wait for you to get back. when he used to take you dancingâwith your other friends, but you'd wind your arms around his neck and he'd run light hands over your waist, your hips, and you would look at him like no one else even existedâyou always wanted to leave before midnight. it's ten-forty-nine now, according to his watch, so he's sure you'll be back before long.
you get home at two-oh-four. you had never seen the point in staying out longer when going home and chatting over a bowl of cheesy noodles with tooru was so much more appealingâyou didn't want to dance with anyone else anyway. now, though, you don't want to be home, and you have something to prove. to who, you're not sure, but you find yourself staying out later and later.
even though you always return home alone. you'd thought about really upping the ante, about moving on as abruptly as possible, but you couldn't. it felt like going too far in this petty revenge game. after all, you stillâ
you stop short, dropping your shoes on the floor. the devil is in your bed, lying on his side, knees tucked to his chest to fit his absurdly long frame. his breaths are even and deep, his face peaceful.
"oh, tooru," you sigh, and climb over him to tuck yourself against his warm side.
you blink your eyes open slowly, sleep still gleaming in the corners of your vision. there's a weight on your hip and something that smells really, really good surrounding you, nearly lulling you back to sleep.
"oh, please don't," says a voice you haven't heard in days. "my arm's circulation has been completely cut off. i may never serve again."
you jolt away from the soft source of warmth, which you realize belatedly is oikawa's chest.
"what happened?" you say, swiping at your face with the back of your hand.
he looks frustratingly perfect as always, brown hair rumpled, eyes soft like you aren't in the biggest spat of your friendship.
"i was waiting for you," he admits, leaning on his side and casting his eyes down, his lashes shadowing his high cheekbones. "because i wanted to apologize, to be clear. i must have fallen asleep, and then i woke up, and it was likeâ"
"yes," you cough. "i see. um."
"i'm sorry," he says. "hey, look at me. i'm really sorry."
"for what, oikawa?" you laugh nervously.
"for being stupid," he rolls one shoulder in a shrugging motion. "for trying to make you jealous and instead just being, like, a complete fucking clown during all of it."
"make me jealous?" you say, blinking at him.
"please don't look at me like that," he says, scrubbing over his face with the hand that's not propping up his head. "it-you make me nervous."
"we've been friends for years," you say, still apparently lost. "how can i make you nervous?"
"you always will," he laughs, but it's strained. "lookâi like you. probably more, but i'm trying not to scare youâany more than i already have, i mean. i'm not sorry for kissing you, is what i mean. i should justâi should probably go."
"wait," you say firmly before he can untangle himself from your sheets. putting a hand on his shoulder and pushing yourself up to meet his lips, which are soft and dry and parted slightly with surprise.
the kiss is warm and lingers, even after you pull away. tooru stares at you with dazed eyes that make you shy, dropping your own. his voice is quiet but hopeful, contrasting his words in tone when he speaks.
"what the fuck?"
#haikyuu!! x reader#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#hq!! x reader#oikawa x reader angst#oikawa angst#oikawa fluff#oikawa tooru x reader#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa x reader#oikawa x reader fluff#oikawa tĹru x reader
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Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now Iâm confused because I donât want to publish it. I donât even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but itâs still far and away the longest thing Iâve ever written) for? I know people say âwrite for yourselfâ but like⌠am I just wasting my time? Help?
(p.s. you can leave this off anon)
(p.p.s your blog is really great đ)
There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing
I'm going to tackle this two ways...
#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.
I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.
And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."
You know what I mean?
#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.
So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! âĽ
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Iâve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what Iâve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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summary: you and matt had previously dated for a few years until him and his brothers grew famous, where matt became arrogant and self centered. fast foward to to present, a couple years later. you have moved on from matt completly until you run into him at an influencer party, what will unfold when you approach him? will you two rekindle or will the wall stay strong between you two.
contains: angst, arguing, swearing, fluff, making out.
â---------------ââââ °âââ° ââââ--------âââ
(2 years ago)
i lay on the couch next to matt, my head resting on his shoulder as the tv rambles. hes invested in his phone, typing every few seconds.
hes been filming videos with his brothers, chris and nick, for the past year or two, and they've just hit 3 million subscribers.
matt clears his throat before moving my head off him, "i gotta talk to you, yeah?"
my eyebrows furrow, i look over at matt who has an unreadable expression on his face. I nod slowly with a hum, "i don't know how to say this, but uh-... nick chris and i have decided to move to l.a with laura."
what?
"what?" i instantly reply, my stomach drops to my knees.
"gotta chase them dreams." he shrugs casually, picking up his phone.
anger starts to bubble inside of me, why the fuck is he being so nonchalant about moving across the whole country? what am i gonna do, just be left here and forgotten about?
"what the hell matt!" i say, raising my voice and slamming the phone out of his hand, he throws his hands up defensively. "are you being fucking serious right now?" i yell, "calm down bro?" he mumbles, picking his phone back up.
i stay silent, waiting for matt to speak, or atleast a solution. he just stays silent, looking around the room. "matt, what am i gonna do." i sigh, trying to contain myself.
"uh.. not sure?" matt leans back on the couch. "like you can come with if you want but i won't really.." he pauses for a few seconds
"have time for you..? i mean we're staying in lauras apartment which doesnt have enough space anyway but you could always sleep on the couch or something."
i scoff, "so this is it?" tears start to roll down my cheeks. "if you can't handle my fame and me moving then thats not my problem." he runs a hand through his hair before standing up.
without another word I'm upstairs and packing my suitcase, I'm leaving.
(Current time)
ever since matt and i's messy breakup ive been moving around alot, i spent the first month or so living with my parents, where i started content creating on various platforms. i would be lying if i said i didn't get popular, over the past 2 years ive gained a few million followers.
a year ago today i moved to l.a, where i've been thriving.
9:38pm
"y/n come on!" i hear yolanda, my roomate, shout from downstairs, today i've been invited to a party for influencers, i think. i run downstairs in my baby pink stiletto heels. yolanda is wearing a long shimmering black dress with a large slit up to the mid thigh. "hottie" i tease as i walk past her.
"shush" she replys with a wide grin, i walk outside to find our uber waiting patiently "yoyo!" i yell back to her as she scrambles around to find her purse.
i climb into the uber, "my bad, my friends coming now."
yolanda comes running outside, swinging open the door to the uber and crawling over me. i laugh slightly at her, she glares at me while applying lip gloss.
"you okay?" i ask her, "just nervous, its weird being a plus one to a party where i know famous people will be." she replies with a breath.
"you'll be okay gorg, i have no idea whos even going so we'll just stay together hm?" i say comfortingly, watching the lively streets of l.a outside the window.
the uber comes to a stop outside a large beachside mansion, i give him a quick thankyou before grabbing yolandas hand and approaching the house. the blaring music is audible from outside the house.
we walk up the stairs together, our heels clicking in sync on the marble steps. the doors to the house are wide open, the first person i see when i come inside makes my heart drop.
christopher sturniolo
my breath hitches in my throat, theres thankfully no sight of matt, i mean hes never really been one for partys. i feel physically sick when me and chris lock eyes, i guess i look different since the last time i saw him, 2 years ago.
I haven't really thought about matt since i moved to l.a, the last person i wouldve expected to see here is his triplet brothers.
i shoot yolanda a look, she looks equally has disturbed as me.
i decide to keep navigating through the various bunches of people, i look back and yolandas gone, flirting with some random instagram male model. i scoff with a smile.
i turn my body back around, an audible gasp escapes my mouth as matt sturniolo stands infront of me,
alone.
he smiles awkwardly with a wave, he looks me up and down while he clutches the cup in his hand so tight his knuckles go white. "you look different." matt says, his voice shaking from nerves
"charming." i roll my eyes.
"no!- no i meant in a good way, i mean in a platonic way, but you look different, sorry-.. how are ya doing.." matt rambles, stammering over every word.
a small smile forms on my face, which instantly drops when i remember the events of what happened the last time i saw him. "i've been doing really good actually." i reply, nodding my head slowly.
"yeah, i saw !thats awesome you got selected for that peoples choice awa-rds..." matt says before stopping himself, i laugh slightly.
has he been stalking me? that got announced an hour ago.
"thanks matt, how have you been?" i ask, he takes a small breath "i've been good, yeah.." matt says, he clearly doesn't think the world revolves around him like how he did 2 years ago.
another silence fills the air between us, but he breaks it. "do you wanna come with me?" matt asks abruptly, my eyebrows furrow "sure?"
he reaches out a hand subtly, i take it.
he guides us through hundreds of people, yolanda eyes me down with her jaw slack, i shrug my shoulders with a smile back at her. the night hair hits my revealed skin as matt lets my hand go slowly.
"should we go sit on the sand?" i ask quietly while we walk side by side on the footpath.
-
10:12pm
matt and i have been walking side by the shoreline for a few minutes, catching up on the past 2 years of no contact
"wait so you're at 6 million?" i laugh in shock, he shakes his head with a smile "shut up!!"
"no like, congratulations matt thats really awesome."
he shrugs it off with a playful nudge to my shoulder,
the past 30 minutes or so neither of us have brought up the last time we spoke, our last interaction, the final fight. i think we both don't want to ruin what we have going on right now.
a silence forms as the ripple waves crash onto the shore, my palms are sweating from the warmth from the night. "wanna go sit up there? in the dunes?" matt asks, pointing up the beach. "oh-..oh yeah!" i agree chirpily, snapping out of my somewhat 'trance'
he leads us away from the water up into the sand dunes, the mound of sand and grass behind us acting as privacy. he flops down onto his back, laying down on the sand. I lay down close beside him, our legs touching against eachother.
"i want to talk to you about what happened that night." i blurt out softly, just from the plain moonlight i can see matts cheeks are a deep maroon. he nods "yeah." with a shaky sigh.
"i was an asshole, like proper crazy." he says in a serious tone.
"honest to god i think the fame was making me go insane, i thought i was so much better than.. everyone? i never shouldve told you like that, or moved in general" he rambles, guilt painted in his voice.
"matt, moving was best for you." i cut him off, but he instantly snaps back
"i don't think it was? i miss you so much."
i sit up, the loose sand falling off my back "and i never really moved on, i'm so grateful i found you tonight 'cause the guilt has been eating away at me, and im so sorry, i am so fucking sorry." matt mumbles slightly.
i nod understandably "i think we needed the break, i can see you've changed a lot, for the better."
matt sits up too, sand grains scattered in his brunette locks as his tongue pokes out quickly to wet his lips. his eyes stare into mine before he reaches out a hand to grab my jaw, right under my ear.
"can I kiss you?"
i nod frantically "yeah-of course"
matt leans in, his body shifting on the sand while the calm waves crash onto the shoreline.
his lips meet mine, a distant familiar feeling that i hate to admit but ive really missed, even though ive forced myself not to.
his tongue asks for enterance, which i quickly allow. his tongue slips into my mouth,
i move my hair to one side before hooking one leg over his thigh, moving my body to straddle him while keeping our lips connected.
our kiss turns from gentle, to desperate. craving what we've missed for the past 2 years.
after a well-needed few minutes, we finally pull away from each other to catch our breath. panting fills the air before he pulls me into a tight hug his arms moving over my back as i stay seated on his lap. leaning onto his chest.
"i think we should retry, everything." he matt says into my hair as i rest my chin over his shoulder
"gotta agree with you on that one matthew." i laugh, joy overpowering me.
-
"matt there you fucking are!" a familiar voice yells from a few meters away. i look up, breaking matt and i's hug.
chris and nick are standing side by side with a shocked expression on their face. "holy shit!" nick laughs,
nick used to be one of my closest friends, but after the breakup with matt and i we were forced apart, i think after his brothers caught me ontop of matt it gave them the all clear to interact with me again.
i climb off of matts lap, running across the sand towards nick before leaping into his arms, the long fabric of my dress drowning nick.
"someone please fill me in" chris says cluelessly.
matt walks over to us 3, nick puts me down "uh yeah, we are retrying stuff after a chat, a really good one actually." he says, scratching the back of his head.
"oh my god thank you y/n, matt has not shut up about you for the past 2 years holy fuck." chris says after a dramatic gasp.
-------------
this took so long to write i hope u guys really like it!
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo imagine#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x you#chris x reader#nicolas sturniolo
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The First Taste
DBF!Joel Miller x F!Reader
Summary: You meet Joel, your dad's best friend, for the first time after your dad begged you to join them at the lake to keep Sarah company. Both you and Joel become fascinated by each other the moment the two of you met.
Warnings: SMUT!!! DUB CON, heavy sexual tension, drug usage (weed only), petnames, age gap (Joel is 36 and reader is 21), masturbation (F and M), fingering, voyerism, daddy kink, dom!Joel, Joel is a perv and an asshole, cursing, swimming??, no outbreak
Song inspo (feel free to read if you want): The First Taste by Fiona Apple
PART 2 PART 3
A/N: This takes place four years before Blow My Load, but can be read as a standalone.
Please share, comment, like, and reblog...enjoy lovies! <33
"Dad, I thought it was supposed to be a "boy's trip," and the last time I checked, I am not a boy." You point at your body as you tell your dad. For some reason, he is begging you to come to the lake with him and his friends the day before they leave. "Why won't you just tell me why you want me to go? And maybe I'll give you an answer."
You finally got him to crack.
Your dad let out a defeated sigh as he scratched the back of his head and avoided eye contact. You mentally prepared yourself for whatever bullshit your dad was about to say. "Well, you see, honey, one of the guys couldn't get a babysitter for his kid, and I offered you to keep her company." He winced.
And there it is. The thing he was holding back from you
You let out a sarcastic chuckle. You really couldn't believe this shit. "Are you serious, dad? I refuse to babysit some random kid because you offered me up without even asking me first!" You exclaimed at him. "I don't even know a damn thing about this kid."
"Look, I know it was wrong for me to do that, sweetheart, but I swear Sarah is a good kid. Most of the time she has her headphones in and minds her business." He tries to reason with you, almost pleading with you. You began to feel bad for blowing up on him like that, but it really did piss you off that you had to watch someone else's kid. "I'll even pay you."
This weekend, you planned on doing nothing but self-care. You wanted to do nothing but stay home, watch movies, get a mani and pedi, go get a massage, drink, and maybe even play with the new toy you just bought yourself at Spencers.
You feel yourself giving into your dad; it wasn't the money that made you say yes, but the fact that he always found a way to make you feel bad, even if he didn't mean to do it. "Ugh, fine!" You scoff as you turn to look away from him. From the corner of your eye, you can see his body perk up.
Your dad lets out a sigh of relief, saying, "Thank you so much, sweetheart! You're such a lifesaver; you know that, right?" He slaps your shoulder playfully, causing you to shrug it off and narrow your eyes at him playfully as well.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old is your friend's daughter, anyway?" You asked him, unfazed by it all.
"I think she's around 14?" Your dad said cluelessly. "Not too bad, right? I'm sure that you can find something to talk about with her."
It wasn't that bad, but what the fuck would you, a 21-year-old, have in common with a 14â15-year-old girl?
"I guess. I'm gonna start getting my stuff all packed up," You tell him as you turn around to go up to your room.
"Alright, sweetheart, and thanks again!" He exclaims to you as you make your way farther up the steps.
"Yup!" You yell it out dismissively.
As much as you hated the circumstances, you were happy you were finally able to get away for a little bit.
...
It was the next day, and you were tired as hell after only getting four hours of sleep. You had spent all night packing and stressing about what you were going to wear. It wasn't like you were trying to impress anyone, but this was your first time meeting your dad's friends, and you wanted to look decent.
You had left it up to your dad to pack your things into the car as you were too tired to do anything besides shower, put your clothes on, and lay back down for a little until it was time to go. As you lay face down on the bed, knocked out, you heard your dad knock on the door. "Hey, kiddo, are you ready to head out?" He asked you as he stood at the door.
You slowly sit up on your bed as you yawn and stretch your arms over your head. "Yeah, let me just get up and grab my purse and stuff."
"Got it." Your dad says this before turning around and making his way downstairs.
After moments of sitting on your bed, stairing into space, you got up, grabbed your purse, and began to leave your room. However, on your way to the door, you see the pouch that contained your weed and weed paraphernalia. You hesitantly swiped it from your dresser, dropped it into your bag, and went downstairs.
If the men got to have their fun, why couldn't you?
Once you get to the last step, you hear your dad saying bye to someone on the phone before turning to you. "My buddy, Joel, just got to the lake house, so we should start headin' out." He says this as he grabs his keys and motions for you to follow him to the door.
After making sure the security alarm was set and locking the door, the two of you were finally on your two-hour journey to the lake house.
...
You and your dad finally made it to the lake house. It was a three story house that sat on top of a hill, surrounded by nothing but trees.
You and your dad hop out of the car and start bringing your bags to the front door. All of a sudden, the moment you sat the last bag down and brought your fist up to knock at the door, it swung open, revealing a man who looked to be in his early 30s with short, dark, curly hair.
Beside him was a woman with long locs, smiling warmly at you. Meanwhile, the man looked at you with confusion, trying to piece together who you were. You looked familiar to him, but he couldn't put a name to your face.
"Tommy!" Your dad said loudly behind you. You could hear the excitement in his voice as he greeted him. Tommy's eyes moved to look behind you at your dad, and his eyes lit up.
"Oh man, y'all come on in!" He opened the door wider as he and the unnamed woman moved out of the way to allow you to walk in first, followed by your dad. "I'll grab the rest of the bags out there." Tommy says.
Tommy brought the bags in as your dad greeted the lady. "Hey, Maria!" He asked her as he gave her a side hug. "I didn't know you were gonna be joining us this weekend as well."
So that was her name.
"I didn't think I was going to be joining either. Tommy invited me last minute, so I just decided to take some time off of work," She replies back.
They stood near the entrance as they began to get deeper into the conversation, talking about God knows what, leaving you standing there awkwardly as you watched them. You decided to take that moment to observe the room. Even though the house was spacious, it still had a cozy feel to it.
As you were in your own world, your dad gently slapped his hand on your shoulder unexpectedly. "And this young lady right here is my daughter." He smiles at the two as Maria and Tommy turn their attention to you.
"Nice to meet you, kid," He says as he offers his hand to shake yours, which you accept. You shake hands with him before dropping them to your side. Tommy then points to Maria. "This is my wife, Maria."
You shake hands with her as well while you tell them your name. "It's so great to meet you two!" You beam at the couple.
They begin to ask you a series of questions about yourself, such as what university you attended, what your major was, and so on, to which you gladly answer.
However, in the midst of your conversation, your words are abruptly interrupted by the sound of the sliding door opening, followed by heavy footsteps. "And here comes my asshole brother, Joel, and my niece, Sarah," Tommy says to you, prompting both you and your dad to look behind you. You can hear Maria let out a loud laugh at Tommy's words.
Your eyes immediately focused on him as he got closer to you, not even paying attention to the fact that his daughter was right behind him as well.
The man named Joel had short, dark, curly hair like Tommyâs; the only difference is that he is a lot shorter, and the roots of his hair were slightly gray at his temples. Joel also had a patchy beard with a thick mustache. He has this rugged and mysterious look to him that completely enraptures you.
He and your dad greet each other, giving a quick bro hug and pulling away. Joel then turns to you, and you feel your hands quiver. His dark, dominant eyes intensify the intimidating aura that surrounds him, yet it still makes him even more interesting to you.
Holy hell, you think to yourself. This man is so fucking fine.
You continued to stare at Joel, saying absolutely nothing, until you realized that he was giving you a confused look as if he were waiting for something. Your eyes darted down, and you realized that he had his hand out, waiting for you to shake it. You felt your face heat up with embarrassment as you went to shake his hand.
"Joel," was all he said as the two of you shook hands before he let go and discreetly rubbed his hands into his shirt. You could feel yourself shrink with embarrassment as he did this. Not only did he not even give you a chance to introduce yourself, but he wiped his hands after shaking yours.
What a fucking jerk! Tommy was right; he is an asshole.
You quickly snapped out of your feelings when you realized that Sarah was now in front of you. She wore a pink crop top and jean shorts, while her curly hair was placed in a low ponytail.
She suddenly brings you in for a hug with a massive smile on her face, catching you off guard. Nonetheless, you still happily return the hug.
"I'm Sarah. It's nice to meet you!" Unlike Joel, Sarah was a lot more friendly with you. She had this radiant energy to her that made you wonder where she got it from because it definitely wasn't from Joel's grumpy ass. You tell her your name.
"It's nice to meet you as well, Sarah!" I return a smile back to her. She seems like the sweetest 14-year-old you've ever met. "I think we're gonna get along just fine this weekend."
"We sure are!"" She agrees.
"Sarah, sweetheart, how've you been?" Your dad asked her.
As your dad began to talk to Sarah, you decided to check Joel out while he listened to the conversation, occasionally putting in his two cents. Unlike the rest of the group, Joel wore a dark gray shirt, jeans, and some boots.
How is he not hot?
I mean, he is hot, but I meant temperature-wise, you think, causing yourself to let out a low chuckle.
You guess you said that out loud because Joelâs head, along with Maria's, Sarah's, and Tommy's, suddenly snapped over to you with eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Your dad's voice slowly began to fade when he saw the mortified expression on Sarah's face.
"Wait, what happened?" Your dad asked cluelessly as he looked around the group. He was so in his own world that he didn't hear what you said. Thank-fucking-goodness. "Everyone just stopped talking all of a sudden."
"Nothing!" You quickly tell him as you give him a disengenious smile before looking at everyone else. Sarah looked embarrassed for you, as Tommy and Maria still looked shocked. You get a glimpse of Joel as you wince in embarrassment and close your eyes; he had this smug look on his face.
You gathered that Tommy obviously loves to fuck around with people because he let out a stifled laugh, causing his wife to slap his arm and tell him to shut up.
You just wanted to die right then and there. This is now the second time today you've embarrassed yourself in front of this sexy ass man.
Your dad, being the clueless person he is, continues on with whatever he is talking about, not even realizing that no one is paying attention to him. Maria interrupts your dad as she clears her throat to catch your attention. She had a sympathetic look on her face. "Sweetie, your room is on the second floor next to, uh, Joel's, if you wanna get settled in," She offered to you. "We're going to head out to the lake and start putting some things on the grill around 2 or so." You just nodded your head because you were too afraid to speak.
"Hey, Joel?" Tommy looked at his brother with a teasing look on his face. "Why don't you go show her to her room, yeah?" He nods his head in the direction of the staircase.
You wished that you could just punch Tommy across the face at this very moment.
"Umm yeah..." Joel agrees slowly as he gives Tommy a dirty look before glancing at you. "Follow me," You nodded your head and grabbed your purse and other bags. As you followed Joel, the group quietly picked up their conversation again.
Without saying a word to each other, you and Joel arrive in the room. He steps aside, allowing you to enter, and turns around to make his way down the hallway to go back downstairs, but you quickly stopped him before he could get any further. "Hey, I'm sorry about what happened down there." You apologized to him. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable or anything."
Joel just turns around and gives you a small smirk. "Oh, darlin', I'm far from uncomfortable. I'm actually flattered...more than flattered as a matter of fact." He winks at you before departing down the hallway, leaving you shocked.
You were somewhat relieved that Joel wasn't disgusted by you, but it still didn't help with your embarrassment as much as you hoped it would.
You scanned the room, taking in the room that you were going to be spending your weekend sleeping in. The walls were painted a light gray. There was a queen-sized bed that looked really comfortable and had bedside tables on each side as well as a TV, which was mounted onto the wall opposite the bed. There was a door that led to a balcony. You could see an overview of the calm lake and the tall trees. It was a beautiful view.
...
It's been a while since you went downstairs with everyone. You were still so embarrassed by the incident this morning that you decided to spend most of your time scrolling through social media and catching up with your college friends. The only time you came out of the room was to go to the bathroom.
You eventually rolled out of bed and worked up the courage to join everyone.
After changing your clothes that you had on earlier and putting on your swim suit, you slipped on your oversized shirt, put on some waterproof mascara, and put on some lip gloss.
You made sure to grab your sunglasses, put on your flip-flops, and jogged down the steps.
Once you got down there, you realized that Maria was in the kitchen. You headed towards her, quickly greeting her. "Hi, Maria," You say while positioning yourself behind the chairs on the island. She was gathering something that she needed to put outside.
"Hey, sweetheart!" Maria happily greets you back with a smile as she turns her attention to you. "How're you feeling?" She asked you gingerly as she looked at you with sympathy. Her goal wasn't to embarrass you; she truly wanted to know if you were okay after earlier.
You felt yourself begin to get flustered. "I'm fine. Thanks for asking." You sheepishly replied. You avoided her eyes, beginning to feel awkward.
"Of course. They're out in the back; you should join them." She points to the sliding door. You just nodded your head and made your way to the door. Before you went out there, you stood there looking outside. You could see Joel's tall figure standing over the grill as he flipped the meat and sipped on his beer.
You felt yourself getting nervous just looking at him.
You then looked and saw your dad helping Joel take the food off the grill and start to place it on the table. Meanwhile, Sarah and Tommy sat at the table, talking to each other. Whatever Tommy had said made them let out loud laughs, causing Joel quickly turned around, let out a chuckle, and shook his head. He then went back to putting things on the rest of the food on the serving platter.
His smile is so gorgeous, it almost takes your breath away.
"Are you going out, sweetheart?" Maria asked behind you, startling you. You had forgotten that she was still here.
You turned to her as you began to stammer over your words and realized that her hands were full with plasticware and plates. "Do you need me to help you take those?" You asked her without even answering her question.
"I do actually," She just looked at you with a questionable look before speaking up again. "Can you just grab the forks and spoons from the top and place them on the table out there, please?" She asked. You grabbed the utensils before turning back around and opening the door.
They didn't notice you at first until Sarah caught sight of you and loudly called out your name as you got closer, causing Joel to look over at you as he closed the grill's top.
"Sarah!" You exclaimed dramatically. Once you reached the table, you sat the plasticware down and went over to sit next to her.
You noticed that her hair was wet and that she was wrapped in a towel. "What've you been up to, girlfriend?" You asked her as you sat down in the seat.
"Nothing much; I just took a quick dip in the lake, and now I am starving," Sarah whined out as she looked over at her dad, who was coming over with the food.
You can hear the sound of Joel's heavy feet approaching behind you and stopping at the free seat at the end of the table, which was next to you. He first put the food in the middle of the table, then plopped himself down. We all began to put things on our plates and begin eating.
Tommy grumbled something about starving, causing Sarah to make a joke about how he was always starving. In reply, Tommy stuck his tongue out at the young girl in a teasing manner.
As Joel ate, he was manspreading under the table. You could feel his hairy, bare leg graze against yours, making you move your leg away. Joel wiped his mouth with the napkin, took a sip of his beer, and looked at you with a blank stare, not saying anything.
You decided to speak up and compliment him on the food. "Joel, this is really good," You smile. Everyone hummed in agreement as they ate.
"Why thank you, darlin'?" Joel says, going back to eating.
...
After eating, we all sat there with our tummies full as we sat around talking about whatever came to mind. That was until Sarah ran into the house without saying a word.
"Oh goodness, that girl." He sat back as he watched his daughter running around the house through the sliding door before running back outside with a box of Uno cards.
"Who wants to play?" She asked the whole table as she ran to her seat and plopped down.
We all agreed. She began to shuffle the cards, dealt them out to everyone, and then set up the game. It first started with you, Joel, Maria, Tommy, then your dad, and lastly Sarah.
Sarah was the first one to get Uno, even though she had the most cards at one point. We all accused her of cheating, which she was quick to deny. No one at the table believed her, especially Tommy and Maria. She just rolled her eyes and helped your dad while he was stuck figuring out which cards to play next.
While the two silently argued about which card was the best, you looked over at Joel and saw that all his cards were showing. You looked around and noticed that no one was paying attention to his cards. Tommy and Maria were sitting there watching your dad and Sarah.
"You're bleedin', Joel," you whisper to him as you point to his card. His face scrunched up with confusion as to what you meant. He looked down at himself and saw no blood.
"What, sugar? I ain't bleedin' anywhere," He said as he tried to recall if he had maybe scraped himself anywhere, but it wasn't coming to him. You couldn't help, but laugh at his confusion.
"It means your cards are showing, Joel." You giggled at him as he chuckled a bit and put his cards up so that he wasn't "bleeding" anymore.
"That's so stupid, who taught you that?" You just shrugged your shoulders at his question and looked back over to see if your dad had finally picked up his card yet.
"Oh my gosh, this isn't rocket science, dad! Just pick a card already!" You exclaimed it, causing everyone to laugh.
"I'm tryin', I'm tryin'!" Your dad waved you off as he went back to silently arguing with Sarah about which card to choose.
The game got drawn out longer than it was supposed to because every other minute someone (usually Tommy) would start arguing about another person cheating. And in the end, Tommy lost the game.
We put the cards away as everyone except for Maria decided to hang out by the dock and take a swim. She said something about having to get on the phone with a client of hers, but she would come join us when she was done and would bring popsicles.
You and Sarah walked in front of your dad, Joel, and Tommy until you yelled out, "Beat you there!" to Sarah as you both haphazardly ran down the steps to get to the dock.
"You girls, be careful down those stairs now! Don't want y'all gettin' hurt," Joel yells out from behind. The two of you don't respond or slow down; you just keep giggling and running. Joel had to suppress a smile from appearing on his face. It brought him joy to hear how much fun Sarah was having with you.
Once you make it to the dock, Sarah flings off her towel and jumps into the lake with a squiel before she goes under water and floates back up. You quickly kick off your flip flops, throw your sunglasses down, and take off your shirt. Unlike Sarah, you didn't jump into the water, you sat down on the dock and scooched into the water.
Oh, come on! You should've jumped in!" She says this to you as she splashes you with water. You splashed her back.
"I'm too afraid, Sar-bear!" You yelled out to her, and she gasped. The men appeared from the concrete steps just as she did so. Joel dropped the towels in his arms before walking over in front of us, while your dad and Tommy moved to the other side of the dock with their beers and their folding chairs.
"Dad, can you believe that she's too afraid to jump into the water?" Sarah yells out to her dad.
He looked down at you from the dock with his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Really? It's not that scary, sweetheart," He tells you.
"Then how about you get in, Joel?" You say to him without even thinking.
"Yeah, come on, dad. Get in and show her how it's done!" Sarah yells out as she encourages her dad to get in.
You watched Joel as he took off his shoes and shirt, all while keeping his eyes on you. You couldn't help but suck in a breath and bite your bottom lip when he pulled off his shirt. You got a glimpse of his shirtless chest. Joel wasn't the most muscular man, but whatever his job was, it kept him fit, and you loved it. Your eyes quickly scanned over his neck, then his broad shoulders.
Those damn shoulders of his. You wished you could hold onto them as you rode on his co-
Your thoughts were abruptly shattered when Joel took a big leap into the lake, causing a splash of water to hit your face and go up your nose. You tried to make an attempt at turning your head, but it was too late. You coughed as you tried to clear the water from your lungs. As you do so, Joel comes up from beneath the water.
He gasped as he allowed the air back into his lungs and used his big hands to wipe his face. Once he noticed that you were coughing, he quickly swam over to you with a look of concern.
"You okay, sweetheart?" He asked you as you let out one last cough and nodded your head. He brought his hand up to stroke the side of your head and gave you this tender look before pulling away when he noticed that Sarah was coming over.
If it were just you and Joel on the lake, he would've probably pulled you into his body and placed a soft kiss on your lips.
Even though he had just gotten into the lake, Joel decided to get out before he did something that he would regret.
"Alright, girls. I'm gonna get out now." He says more to Sarah than to you. Once again, you just nodded your head at him. You knew that if you spoke, you'd embarrass yourself again.
"Wha-Dad! You literally just got in." She tries to convince him, but he just shook his head and grabbed onto the rails. He pulls himself up with a grunt and walks onto the dock.
"I'll get back in in a little bit." He dismissed her as he went to get a towel.
Sarah began to say something to you as she swam around you, but you were too focused on Joel to listen to what she was saying. She was too busy talking to notice that you weren't listening. Your attention was stuck on Joel, and his wet shorts stuck to his surprisingly nice ass. He then turns around as he dries off. Your eyes drifted down and widening when you saw his bulge. You were taken aback by the sight.
Oh my god, you thought to yourself.
You looked back up at his face to realize that Joel was already staring at you and smirking while he wrapped the towl around his waist.
Oh fuck!
He obviously saw you staring at his cock because he was fucking smirking.
Joel walked over to have a seat with his brother and your dad. You diverted your attention back to Sarah, acting as if you knew what she was talking about. You just nodded your head a couple of times, and she believed it, but again, your mind drifted.
You were thinking about her dad; snap out of it for Christ's sake.
For the rest of your time at the lake, you refused to look at Joel. And just as promised, Maria finally joined you all about an hour later with the popsicles she said she would bring. Once we ate them, Maria convinced the other adults to have a swim in the lake, to which they all agreed after some groans and pressure from her and Sarah.
...
After spending most of the afternoon outside, everyone went off to do their own thing. Sarah decided to take a shower and then go to sleep while your dad, Tommy, and Maria opted to go out to a bar that a local had told them about, and Joel refused to go out tonight because he said that he was beat from the lake. As for you, you took a quick shower and decided to watch the sunset on the balcony that was connected to your room and smoke.
Before slipping onto the balcony, you grabbed a preroll and a lighter from the pouch, your headphones, and a water bottle from the bed.
When you first got here, you didn't notice that there was a door connected to the balcony that led to Joel's room. However, the sheer curtains were closed, so you could only assume that he was asleep, meaning it was safe for you to smoke without him seeing you. You sat down on the lounge chair, put your headphones on, turned on some music, and began your session.
After two hits of the preroll, you felt the effects of the weed. Your body began to relax, and your eyelids felt slightly heavy. As you continued smoking, you couldn't escape the thought of Joel. You know that he is your dad's friend, and you would never think to go after him, but you have to admit that he is an attractive older man. Just your type.
You barely spoke to him throughout the couple of hours you had been there, yet you could tell the type of man he was. He is very reserved, doesn't speak unless spoken to, and likes to observe. Joel is respectful, but he didn't take shit from anyone. It was very visible that he was protective of not only Sarah but also Tommy.
Everything about him drew you in more and more.
With a few more hits of your preroll, you see a figure standing in the corner of your eye just a few feet away from you, causing you to quickly pull off your headphones and flick the preroll from your fingers and off the balcony. You look over to see Joel watching you with his eyebrows frowned and his hands on his hips. Your eyes widen with shock.
"Shit! I mean, hey, Joel..." You smile up at him awkwardly, trying to seem as sober as possible. "What are you doing out here?" You asked him in a sickly sweet voice. He continues to stare at you before answering.
"I just came out here to check on you. Heard you out here, so I decided to see what you were up to." Joel grumbles as he switches his weight to his other foot.
You prayed that Joel didn't know you were out here smoking weed; your dad would kill you if he heard about you doing this. Little did you know that your attempt would be a complete failure. As soon as Joel walked outside, he could smell the smoke and aroma of weed. He could also see your bloodshot eyes.
"Oh, yknow, nothing much really, just out here enjoying the view and listening to music!" You say this while waving your hand, gesturing to the view in front of both of you. You visibly cringe after this sentence because, even though it was the truth, it wasn't the full truth. He seemed to buy it, so you relaxed a bit.
"Mm, you enjoyed yourself today?" he asked.
"Yeah, I had a lot of fun today. Sarah definitely made it fun for me, she's amazing." You admitted to him, and it was true. His daughter was truly a joy to be around.
"Yeah," He laughs out as he looks out at the sunset, his handsome smile threatening to appear on his face. "She's amazing, for sure." He whispers. You can't help but smile at his words. It was refreshing to see that there was someone who was able to crack his hard exterior.
A silence falls over the two of you before he speaks up again. "Y'know, when we were walking back to the car after the lake, she talked about you the whole time. I couldn't shut up about how much cooler you are than Tommy and me." He scoffs as he rolls his eyes playfully and folds his arms to his chest. His confession made you laugh so hard that you couldn't stop, which caused him to laugh as well.
"I mean, she isn't wrong." You teasingly say it to him, causing him to shake his head.
"Yeah-fuckin'-right, darlin'. I can be cool, too."
"Mmhmm.." You reply back to him as you turn your head to look back at the view. However, Joel's eyes remained on you, but you didn't mind too much.
Once again, silence fell over you two. You wanted to look back at Joel, but you knew that if you looked at him in the eyes, your heart would beat out of your chest.
"Did you enjoy yourself, Joel?" You asked him without looking at him.
"What?" Joel asked.
Was he that engrossed in my face that he wasn't even paying attention, or were you not loud enough?
You suppress your laugh as you turn your head to look at him again. "I asked if you enjoyed yourself today." He quickly snaps out of his trance and looks away.
"Oh, yeah, it was enjoyable for the most part, sweetie," Joel sighs out. You said nothing else after this.
You didn't realize it until now, but you were starting to grow tired from the weed. You also wanted a snack.
"Well, I'm going to head back in, maybe fall asleep to a movie or something." You tell him as you grab your belongings, get up from the chair, and walk to the door.
"Alright," He says as he watches every step you take. "And one last thing, darlin'," You stop with your hand on the doorknob and look up at Joel as you wait to hear what he has to say. With a mix of your high and the nervousness you were feeling because of Joel, your heart was pounding out of your chest at this point.
"You don't gotta lie to me, sweet girl. You know that, right?" He says lowly as he motioned to his eyes.
Fuck!
Your body tenses up, and you freeze. You decided to play dumb, even though you were caught. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Joel," You say as you let out a nervous laugh. Your eyes shifted to the ground, avoiding eye contact with Joel like a guilty puppy.
"Oh, no need to play stupid with me, sweet girl; I won't tell your daddy." Something about the way he said these words made you want him so bad; it was almost like he was teasing you.
You felt your walls crumbling, no longer feeling the need to lie to him. "You swear, Joel?" You asked him as you looked at him with pleading eyes.
Joel wished that you would look at him with those pretty eyes while you were on your knees, pleading and begging for him to feed you his cock. In all honesty, he'd give you the world if you asked for it with that look. You made Joel feel something he hasn't felt for a woman in years, and he was willing to do just about anything to have you. However, he could tell you weren't ready for that yet, but he knew in due time he'd have you.
"You have my word, darlin'," He nods his head. "Just don't lie to me again," Joel tells you as he points a finger.
You frantically nod your head in agreement as you bite your lip. "I won't do it again, Joel."
All Joel could think about was how obedient you are, so eager to please him and do as he says. He could feel his cock getting hard in his shorts as he looked at your bare thighs and had these thoughts. Not once did you realize that Joel was checking you out.
Oh, how badly Joel wanted to grab your chin and kiss those lips of yours. He kept reminding himself that he needed to be patient.
"Good." He says before speaking up again. "You should go inside, darlin', maybe get some rest." Joel insisted as he made his way to the door and gave you one last look before walking inside, leaving you outside by yourself.
You stand there dumbfounded for a moment as you think about your interaction with Joel. You weren't sure if it was just you thinking too much into the interaction, but you felt like there was some sexual tension between you and Joel.
Any time you're around him, nervousness takes over, and a sense of yearning aches deep in your bones.
You needed him badly.
"Don't," You say to yourself. "Don't fucking think about it." You say it lowly as you try to shake the thoughts out of your head.
Joel is off limits; he's your dad's best friend.
You realized how crazy you must look standing at the door thinking about Joel, so you went inside.
Once you entered the room, you noticed that it was a little too warm in there for your liking, so you decided to leave the balcony door cracked to get some fresh air.
You put your things away, got into bed, and watched a movie on the TV across the room.
...
You weren't sure when you fell asleep, but you did during the movie without even realizing it. You felt very discombobulated, so you sat in the dark for a few minutes. Your clothes felt disgusting on your body as you sweated through them, and your throat was dry.
You quickly got out of bed, slipped off your clothes, got back into bed, and took a sip of the water bottle that lay next to you. During this, you got a glimpse of the digital clock that sat on the bedside table. It read 12:48.
The house was quiet. You were sure that Maria, Tommy, and your dad were back from the bar by now and asleep. Sarah and Joel were probably sleeping as well.
You laid back down on the bed, pushing away the uncomfortable blanket, leaving your body bare. You should have gotten up to close the door because if Joel were to come to your balcony door, he'd surely get a glimpse of your naked body. However, you were still sleepy and a little high, so you lacked the motivation to get up.
It really didn't matter anyway; he's probably still sleeping.
You had laid restless in the bed, constantly flipping the pillows to get the cool side and changing positions, but you still couldn't sleep. You decided to lay on your stomach; it helped you fall asleep sometimes.
You knew one thing that would definitely make you fall asleep, but with a particular someone lingering in your thoughts, it felt wrong. It is completely wrong to have these thoughts about him.
He's way too old for you, and he's your dad's best friend.
Though you tried your best to resist these thoughts, you couldn't help yourself.
Fuck it, it's not like I'm gonna actually fuck him, you think to yourself.
You were suddenly taken back to earlier, when you first laid eyes on him. Those eyes and the curve of his nose. You wanted nothing more than to feel his beautiful nose rub against your clit while he ate you out.
Or when he shook your hands and you felt those thick, rough fingers against your smooth hands.
You were sure that Joel knew how to use them very well.
Subconsciously, your hips had bucked into the bed, trying to get friction onto your clit causing the headboard to hit against the wall ever-so-slightly.
"Shit!" You cursed out loud, hoping that Joel didn't hear. Your heart was pounding at the thought of being caught by him, but your pussy dripped with your wetness.
You waited a couple seconds until you took your hand from underneath the pillow and slowly moved it between the bed and your body, allowing your finger tips to graze against your pussy. You couldn't help but whimper at the feeling. Your arousal ran down your fingers, to your knuckles, and onto the bed.
What you didn't know was that Joel wasn't even in his room; he was sitting out on the balcony. He had been sitting out there for about an hour or so because he couldn't sleep, not with you on his mind, so he decided to sit out there and bore himself to death until he got some sleep. When he first came outside, he checked on you and saw that you were knocked out. The room was dark, and the only thing that brought some light to the room was the bright moonlight reflecting over the lake.
As Joel got up to check on you one last time before he went back to his room, he heard you let out a whimper. He slowly walked to your balcony door so that he wouldn't scare you in case you were having a nightmare, but that wasn't the case at all. Again, Joel heard you let out another noise.
First, you sharply gasped, then moaned out, "Oh, Fuck!"
Joel became more intrigued with whatever was going on in your room because it became very apparent that you weren't having a nightmare. In fact, it didn't even sound like you were sleeping anymore.
Like a thief in the night, Joel peered through the door that was half open. What he saw before him could've brought him to his knees.
You were lying down on your stomach, fully naked on the bed. He noticed that with your right hand, you were touching yourself. Joel wasn't hard before, but he's definitely hard now. He felt as his cock strained against the fabric of his shorts.
Joel knew it was wrong to watch you masturbate without knowing, but he couldn't take his eyes off of you. It had been nearly two years since the last time he had been sexually active, and quite honestly, it was catching up to him at that very moment. He had been so busy with everything in his life that sex was the last thing on his mind until now.
As Joel watched you hump your hips into your fingers, you were imagining a shirtless Joel sat up on the bed, with you sitting in between his legs. Your legs would be wide open, propped up over his, as you allowed his calloused middle and ring finger to collect your arousal from between your folder and rub it into your clit. With his deep Texas accent, he would be whispering into your ear about how much of a good girl you are and how wet you were for him. Your head would be laid on his sexy, broad shoulders as your eyes rolled with pleasure. You imagined that as he played with your clit, his other hand would touch your breast and quickly tweak your nipples as they continued going up and firmly wrapping around your neck.
You were so caught up in your thoughts and pleasure that you hadn't realized that you were moaning out Joel's name.
"J-Joel, please," You quivered out quietly enough so that you weren't too loud, but loud enough for Joel to hear. "I'll be good, p-please, daddy." You followed up.
Even though you thought that Joel was in the next room over (which he wasn't) and there were other people in the house, you still continued to touch yourself as the headboard faintly knocked against the wall.
Yet you were so blissfully unaware of it all. So unaware of the fact that Joel was standing right outside the door, watching you rubbing yourself completely nude, and unaware that Joel had pulled his cock out while he watched and listened to you.
Joel didn't care that what he was doing was wrong. He didn't care that watching you, this freshly 21-year-old, masturbate without your knowledge was bad.
The sounds of your panting, moans, and dirty talk made him want to walk right into the room and give you the pleasure you needed.
Joel has always been a selfish lover when it came to the bedroom; he liked to be the one who was dominant and always took control. He could tell you needed someone like him to fulfill your desiresânot some foolish 20-something year old, but a real man.
As you continued to grind against your fingers, Joel saw how your ass moved back and forth. He wanted to spank you for being such a naughty girl. Touching yourself without asking for his permission. He would remind you that only slutty, bad girls did that.
He jerked his cock at the same speed as your hips moved. "Oh my god, daddy!" You moaned into the pillow, causing it to be muffled. The thrusting of your hips had sped up. You were on the cusp of cumming, but that changed when you suddenly pulled your hands from between your legs and got up to change positions.
You were now lying on your back with your legs bent up to your chest as far as they could go. Using the hand you just used to grind up against, you bring your middle and ring fingers to your mouth. You began to suckle on them intensely, pretending they were Joel's fingers. You could taste yourself as you did so.
A minute later, you pop your fingers out of your mouth and bring them down to your pussy. As you sink your fingers inside yourself, you can feel the wetness, allowing you to slip deeper into your tight hole. You squirmed as you felt a little discomfort due to your fingers. You decided to slowly thrust your fingers in and out, allowing yourself to get used to the feeling. With your free hand, you brought it up to your mouth to muffle your soft whines.
Oh, my baby, she can barely take her own fingers, Joel thought as he watched you.
To Joel's surprise, you still didn't see him standing by the door, hastily jerking himself off at the sight of you. It wasn't like he was being discreet about it either. He was almost fully through the door at that point. Your eyes were closed as you fingered yourself.
Finally, you were able to adjust to your fingers. As you picked up the speed, Joel could hear the wet, slick sounds coming from your pussy all the way across the room. Hearing this only heightens the pleasure for him.
"Joel, I'm-oh my god-I'm gonna cum!" You moaned lowly.
Joel wanted to be the one to make you cry, but he knew he couldn't at that moment.
Your messy wetness had allowed your fingers to go deeper inside, causing you a certain spot. Your legs shuddered as your finger tips grazed the spot. In a 'come here' motion, you continued to hit the spot over and over again. "Fuck! That's it, baby. Keep going just like that." You purred out.
Joel convulsed at the way you said these words. He was ready to cum at any moment, but he wanted to cum with you.
With his hand still rapidly moving up and down his length, he finally heard your release.
"Yes! I'm cumming all over your fingers, Joel!" You moaned a little louder this time. Joel could hear you breathing hard as you continued to ramble about how good it felt.
Instantly, Joel was cumming. He withheld his groans and grunts as the hot cum hit the palm of his other hand. Instead, he was breathing hard through his nose, hoping to God that you couldn't hear him.
Finally, your orgasm began to die down. "Oh my god," You sighed out blissfully, as you pulled your finger from your pussy. Your legs moved from your chest and you dropped down on the bed. You were still trying to catch your breath. With his mind still cloudy from cumming so hard, when Joel saw you move your legs, he thought that you were going to get off the bed, causing him to panic and move away from the door so that you couldn't see him.
You could feel the cum webbing between your two fingers. You decided that you wanted a look, so you opened your eyes and brought your hand close to your face. You could see the bright moonlight illuminate your cum. You'd never come so hard. Not with any of your hookups, let alone when you masturbated.
You felt spent after that, but you needed to get up to clean yourself off. You decided to rest your eyes a bit before getting up, but without even realizing it, you had dozed off into a dreamless sleep.
Less than five minutes later, Joel heard light snores coming from your room, so he decided that it was safe to look again. You were dead to the world. Joel saw your limp hand hanging off the bedâthe same one you had used to fuck yourself with. He could see the wetness gleaming on your fingers. He wanted to come over them and suck your cum off of your fingers, but he stopped himself.
The post-nut clarity had hit Joel, and he realized that he must've looked like a creep with his cock out while he watched you sleep. So he closed your balcony door and headed back into the house to wash the cum from his hands.
Joel knew that he would have you one day; it didn't matter how long it took for him to get you. He would get you right where he wanted you eventually.
...
You woke up feeling like a brand new person that morning. Your limbs felt loose, and you felt like you could conquer the world.
You could feel the sun on your naked body as you rose out of bed to stretch. The sounds of people moving around let you know that everyone was awake.
You suddenly realized that the balcony door was now closed. You don't remember getting up to clean yourself, and you definitely don't remember ever getting up to close the door.
Realization had hit you hard, and your heart dropped.
Shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
There was no way anyone could have come into your room because you had locked the bedroom door. However, Joel had access to the shared balcony.
He was the only one who could've closed that door.
Whatever, you were going to enjoy yourself this weekend and act like nothing happened.
=============================================
A/N: I had a lot of trouble writing this for some reason, but next one is going to be a lot better. I got so much planned already hehe
#smut#the last of us#joel x reader#joel miller#joel the last of us#joel miller smut#tlou fanfiction#joel miller x reader#neighbor!joel#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal characters#dads best friend#dbf!joel#dbf!joel miller#dbf!joel miller x reader#dbf!joel x you
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hello how are you?? hope you're doing amazing<3 by the way,can u request for a part 2 for the lacy fanfic? (idk fanfic?hc?idk) if it's possible?For the characters,can u make one for Sae and idk Kaiser? anyways you can ignore this if you want! no pressure! thankyouu<3 (sorry my english is kinda bad.Not my first language)
â・Ë. lacy - michael kaiser, itoshi sae
⢠sfw (mentions of sex in kaiser's but nothing too explicit)
⢠notes: this is my first time writing for kaiser.. hope this is okay ( ⢠ᴠ⢠・)
. Ë ď˝Ąâ michael kaiser
it wasn't easy being the girlfriend of the michael kaiser. before he met you, it was known that he'd go off with any girl. he was a player and he had no means of changing that, until he met you.
of course, he didn't change immediately upon meeting you. you and him had your hook up and he went the rest of his week like he normally would. that was until he found out that you, who just so happened to move into town, were a very close friend of one of his teammates.
kaiser had acted nonchalant about the whole situation, pretending that he was just meeting you for the first time, like he wasn't balls deep inside of you just earlier that week. but on the inside, his mind was going rampant with thoughts of you and the night you and him had spent together.
after a while, kaiser finally got ahold of himself and did the unthinkable. he asked you out.
the whole thing went well and in the blink of an eye, you had been the most important part of his life for three years now.
you and him had your ups and downs but for the most part, neither you or him had ever been happier than with each other. though, his history of hooking up with various girls seemed to get to you more often than not. you knew that it was over now and he was loyal to you, but it was a hard thing to forget.
"are you alright, my love..?" michael was pressed up against your side, once again forgetting what personal space was.
a soft hum came from you as well as a small nod. immediately, your boyfriend knew that there was something else that you were hiding. it was a common occurrence and yet he still didn't know exactly what was wrong at moments like this.
"you sure?" he pressed closer into you, making you squirm.
"stop it, micha.." a soft giggle fell passed your lips and kaiser smiled gently at you. "you don't like me anymore then?" his eyes met yours and you immediately looked away with a dramatized sigh. "uh huh.. I absolutely hate you. glad you figured it out"
instead of acting as he usually did and continuing the drama routine, kaiser gently turned your head to face him once more and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "i wish you'd be honest and tell me what was wrong.."
your eyes met the faint scarred mark on his neck from one of his previous hookups rather than his eyes. the sight made you swallow roughly, now finding it hard to make eye contact with him now that you were thinking about your boyfriends past once again. sometimes, you'd even convince yourself that he wasn't serious about the relationship. like you were just a toy to him like those other girls were on the nights he decided he wanted them.
kaiser noticed the way your eyes flickered towards his neck, and it finally clicked.
"my love.." he once again brought your face towards his own, kissing your soft lips this time while his hand gently ran up and down your arm in hopes of soothing you. "they mean nothing to me, okay..?"
waiting for you to nod, kaiser brought you in for another kiss. "you mean everything to me, darling. three years of my life have been filled with you and I could've never been happier with that fact.."
"i love you."
the two of you spoke at the same time, making your eyes meet in surprise, the both of you finding absolute love and admiration in the gaze you held towards each other.
"i love you a lot.." you whispered and wrapped your arms around kaiser's neck to pull him into a deep kiss, trailing your kisses down until they reached that scar on his neck to replace it with a mark of your own.
. Ë ď˝Ąâ itoshi sae
"are you gonna come eat?"
you jumped at the sound of your boyfriend talking to you, quickly slamming your phone down on the desk before turning around to smile awkwardly at him. "uh huh.. just give me a second"
sae eyed you suspiciously, sighing and crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorway.
"you're hiding something" he said simply, the usual blank face returning. "what is it?"
with a shake of your head and a slight shrug, sae grew visibly annoyed, stalking over to you and holding out his hand as if he was expecting something from you. "what.." your eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "give me your phone" sae's gaze was stern as well as his intimidating tone.
a sigh fell passed your lips as you hesitated, meeting his eyes once more which made you give in and hand sae your phone. you watched his reactions as he looked at what you were looking at, though you were disappointed with the lack of reaction he gave you. it was hard to tell if he was mad because you were stressing about something he had already assured you about.
"didn't i already tell you not to trouble yourself over dumb shit like this?" his eyebrow was raised as he gazed down at you, not yet handing your phone back to you as he began scrolling.
a soft sniffle sounded from you as you gently wiped the bridge of your nose, gulping the suffocating feeling in your throat. "yeah.. sorry.."
sae sighed softly, placing your phone back down on the desk. he looked at your for a few seconds, noticing how you were beginning to tear up. it wasn't a secret to sae that you were sensitive and he was careful with that fact. he was almost annoyed with himself for being the cause of upsetting you.
"im not mad.." another sigh came from your boyfriend. still, you refused to look at him again, feeling embarrassed that he had to tell you to stop overthinking again.
you knew that his last relationship was apparently a pr thing. sae had been getting articles written about him for his poor attitude and his manager had thought a pretty girlfriend and public outings would fix that. of course, it worked. though, the girl got a lot of hate from fans of sae, saying she was a distraction or she didn't deserve to be with him.
and when sae began dating you nearly a year later, this time because he actually wanted to be dating someone, he kept you hidden from prying eyes.
it was easy for sae to have a private relationship and you enjoyed yours and sae's quiet and intimate relationship together. no one knew that sae was gentle with you, unlike how he was with everyone else. but that was also the issue. it was hard to be a secret when his last relationship was so public and there were so many pictures of them being all over each other, though sae claimed he hated it, said it made him uncomfortable.
"we shouldn't have to have a public relationship for you to believe that i love you," sae spoke, pinching the brim of his nose. "i know you love me.." you looked up at him, sniffling softly. "its just hard when other people are claiming that you don't because you don't want to be public with me.."
with another deep sigh, you were pulled into sae's arms, your cheek pressed into the warmth of sae's chest. "i just want to protect you. is that so hard to believe?"
you gently shook your head no, wiping the few tears that slipped passed your waterline. "its because i love you, you know" a careful hand moved to card through your hair, soothing you even more with your boyfriends rhythmic heartbeat that slightly sped up when you wrapped your arms around his torso.
"love you, too.." you whispered, moving your head to look up at sae, who pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead.
"yeah, i know you do, crybaby.." sae grumbled with a slight roll of his eyes, annoyed that you so easily got him to show you his sweet and gentle side. but it made you feel at ease knowing that side was reserved for you and you only.
#bllk#blue lock#blue lock x reader#bllk headcanons#blue lock fluff#bllk fluff#sae itoshi x reader#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi sae fluff#michael kaiser x reader#michael kaiser fluff#sae itoshi fluff
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One of Deuce's old delinquent "friends" was being weird with Yuu (Allen)...
Reblogs are extremely appreciated! đđ
Allen suffers from major insecurities and trauma caused by people commenting on him and bullying him for his rather feminine appearance, and Deuce, who's already quite protective over casual friends, DEFINITELY ain't taking it.... That said, these two have a massive "cute mutual protectors" dynamic and Allen protects/defends Deuce equally much!
YEAHHH the third part of my Allen x Deuce ship introduction is here!! I'm brainrotting so hardâ
Previous parts: part 1 // part 2
Next up is most likely the ship event post I mentioned before đ
Below is the second part of Allen & Deuce's relationship timeline! Its first part can be found here.
SPOILER WARNING for Book 5 & Book 6!
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BOOK 5:
Between Book 4 and 5, Allen finally had his top surgery (he's intersex & used to wear binders). Deuce not only accompanied him to the hospital, but also stayed in the next room for the entire duration of the surgery and made sure to immediately visit Allen once it was over. He sat by the blonde boy's bed, his mere presence comforting Allen and making him feel at peace. The following days, Deuce spent even more time at Ramshackle and strictly slept over every night as he wanted to be 100% attentive and take perfect care of Allen all around the clock. Needless to say, Allen constantly thanked Deuce for being there for him, and it only intensified his own feelings... Allen had never been taken care of this much before, and it was probably more than what an average friend would do for you, right...? Did this mean...? No, Deuce couldn't love him. Nobody could. That's what Allen had been taught all those years, after all. And if so many people had said it, it had to be the truth...
Unfortunately, the VDC got announced shortly after Allen's surgery, and his recovery included a strict prohibition from sports or anything exhausting. Allen, being an aspiring musician and good dancer, cursed to himself â this would've been THE opportunity to go viral â and the Heartslabyul freshman listened to him rant. That's when Deuce ultimately decided that he'd audition... he wanted to support his mom with the money and keep an eye on Epel anyway, and now, he could not only fulfill his recovering crush's dream for him by performing and hopefully promoting Allen through it, but also impress him...
Little did Deuce know that Allen didn't need to be impressed. Watching Deuce practice â yes, even when he didn't get a single step right and tripped over his own feet â was super cute and gradually attractive to Allen, not to mention that the blonde boy really liked Deuce's voice as well...
Training was hard for Deuce, but knowing that Allen was watching certainly helped... He did his absolute best and followed Kalim and Jamil's guidance as closely as possible. Couldn't mess up in front of his crush, right!?
When Deuce got selected to be a performer and Allen became the manager, both of them celebrated in joy. While neither of them mentioned it, this meant that they'd get to spend even more time together...
...and when Vil decided that everyone would stay at Ramshackle for the preparation period, these two mentally celebrated even more. Now they'd officially live together for a couple weeks...
In order to prevent shenanigans and an angry Vil, Allen searched for sugar-free alternatives of Deuce's favorite snacks as well as food tasting similar to them. However, Allen would occasionally let Deuce snack on his own secret reserves whenever the two were together in Allen's room, away from prying eyes.
Deuce had problems sticking to Vil's prescribed skincare routine, so Allen decided to help him with it. He reminded Deuce of the routine every morning and evening and also helped him apply the products.
Deuce also struggled with the set bedtime and asked Allen to remind him to go to bed early. Considering that Allen had been struggling with his own sleep schedule for some time and would often stay up until past 3 am on the worst nights, the two decided to simply share a bed on most days so they could "force" each other to sleep on time. Not only did this intensify their relationship even more and excite both of them, but it helped Allen fall asleep much sooner... Deuce's presence was soothing to him and distracted Allen just enough for him to not overthink his life prior to going to bed.
During the preparation period, Allen offered to help Deuce with his vocals, which the Heartslabyul student excitedly accepted. Not only could he improve his own singing through it, but spend even more time with Allen and listen to his beautiful singing voice a lot, too... Additionally, Allen was able to efficiently teach Deuce due to being a self-taught singer with little knowledge on technical terms and theory, resulting in extremely easy and comprehensible explanations that could actually be understood by Deuce.
On occasion, Allen also taught the blue-haired boy basic makeup skills and sometimes even did Deuce's makeup for him. Needless to say, there were TONS of eye contact and blushing involved...
In addition to this, Allen kept helping Deuce with his gradually improving self-control and school work. Deuce, too, assisted Allen with the rest of his recovery and was super attentive.
Due to the combination of the shared dorm, their close friendship, their study sessions and the intense VDC preparation, Allen and Deuce were quite literally spending the entirety of every day together by now. While they had always been around each other a ton, this was what ultimately made them come off as inseparable.
You would've thought it would be impossible for Deuce to fall any harder, but oh boy... with every passing day, it only got worse. Deuce basically had heart eyes like a lovesick puppy at the mere mention of Allen.
While Deuce tried to hide his ginormous crush, it was impossible to deny. Everyone could see the way Deuce looked at Allen with nothing but admiration and love in his eyes, and Ace even started getting concerned due to how down bad & out-of-character Deuce appeared to be.
Whenever Allen wasn't around, Deuce would even ask Vil and Rook for advice on his appearance and compliments. He was desperate to impress and woo Allen and awkwardly admitted this to the two Pomefiore housewardens, too. Neither were surprised as they had already Deuce's crush on Allen, and they ended up actually giving the boy some advice.
When Deuce once came over to visit friends and pick up some things at Heartslabyul, Cater was blown away by the strong scent of his cologne. The fact that Deuce had suddenly bought something like that sure was surprising, especially considering that the boy was usually more of an Axe guy...
Not only that, but Deuce practiced the dance in front of his mirror extremely often, too. It had to perfect... HE had to be perfect for Allen. After all, the blonde boy was way out of his league...
Being around Deuce so much made Allen's feelings grow quickly, too. However, unlike Deuce, Allen absolutely HATED them and tried to get rid of them out of fear of being rejected and hurt again. All those years, he had been taught that nobody could ever love him and that developing a crush on him was basically impossible, so why would Deuce of all people like him back?! Allen actively denied his feelings... he couldn't risk this friendship or the possibility of having a broken heart again. He'd just wait for this phase to pass...
Grim noticed that Allen was suddenly spending even more time with Deuce and that the two also got progressively touchy. He confronted Allen with something along the lines of "Why're ya spending SO much time with him?! Do you have a crush on him or somethin'? Myahaha!". Shit, Allen thought to himself. His cat knew.
Vil knew, too. So did Rook. So did Jamil, Kalim, Ace, Epel and even the ghosts! The only ones who somehow didn't know about each other's feelings were Allen and Deuce...
Allen tried his best to deny the way he felt whenever Deuce would flash him a smile during practice performances. Deuce, on the contrary, would melt internally at every proud grin Allen gave him...
The fact that Deuce was now a better singer allowed him to approach one of Allen's favorite impulsiveness control methods with more confidence: singing and rapping out one's feelings and frustration.
Additionally, Allen admired the fact that Deuce was now trying his hand at ballet in order to overcome the last few traces of his old internalized toxic masculinity. Allen, struggling with some toxic masculinity himself and having been ashamed of his curves and rather androgynous appearance all his life, saw this as an inspiration to try his hand at more feminine fashion. He had wanted to do this for a long time, but held back out of fear of being seen as even less of a man because of it... and now here Allen was, wearing more feminine clothing for the first time and making Deuce fanboy even harder than usual.
Deuce was not the only one fanboying, though. During the entire VDC performance, Allen was cheering like a madman and couldn't keep his eyes off Deuce. So what if they had Vil, Epel and Jamil? To Allen, Deuce was the star of the show.
When Deuce finally discovered his Unique Magic, Allen was not only incredibly proud and happy for the Heartslabyul student, but was also reminded of an old character he had created as a younger teenager who had had the exact same skill as Deuce. Was this a sign...? ...nah, he must've been delusional.
BOOK 6:
During the invasion, Deuce immediately jumped in front of Allen in order to protect him, but got hit himself instead. When he got injured and passed out as a result, Allen absolutely panicked. He wasn't even really concerned about how the dorm was being damaged â only Deuce's wellbeing was on Allen's mind. Additionally, he felt overwhelming guilt that this had only happened because Deuce had protected HIM...
Instead of going to S.T.Y.X., Allen decided to stay at NRC in order to take care of Deuce. He spent most of his time in the infirmary, sitting by Deuce's bed and waiting for him to wake up. Why was he doing this?! Out of guilt only? Certainly not... Was he crazy?! Deuce was just a friend... just a friend... just a friend who he loved a lot and had undeniable feelings for. No matter how much Allen tried to fall out of love, it was impossible. Deuce had given him so much and it was the most Allen had ever been cared for...
When Deuce finally woke up, Allen immediately pulled him into a relieved, loving lung-crushing hug and didn't want to ever let go. Deuce felt as if he was about to pass out again due to the happiness caused by Allen cherishing him so much.
Deuce and Allen kept doing their usual activities â hearing each other out, helping each other, spending fun time together â while hoping for Grim and the housewardens to finally return.
Considering how often Deuce stayed at Ramshackle anyway, him and Allen decided that he could simply leave some of his belongings from the VDC preparations at the dorm. This only prompted Deuce to visit Ramshackle and sleep over even more...
Every night before going to bed, Deuce wrote about Allen into a little diary. Hell forbid Ace found it, but at least it allowed Deuce to openly express his feelings without being judged or teased. As he kept reading through the words he had written already over and over again, Deuce realized even more just how much Allen had helped him with various highly important things over the past 5-6 months of knowing each other... and that's when he decided to buy the giant Shiba plushie Allen had recently mentioned as a thank-you gift. Sure, he had already occasionally gifted Allen stuffed animals before, but maybe this huge Shiba would convey his gratitude and crush even more...
Needless to say, Allen was blown away by the gift and pretty much jumped Deuce out of joy. He had wanted this Shiba plushie for weeks now, and receiving it as a surprise gift from his crush was an indescribable feeling. However, Allen strictly viewed it as a platonic thank-you gesture and didn't (want to) get the hint. After all, why would Deuce be pining after him...?
Near the end of Book 6 [= during the time when the game's canon Yuu is still at S.T.Y.X.], Deuce suddenly received a call accusing him of highly offensive vandalism in his hometown. Both Allen and Deuce were absolutely furious at this unreasonable accusation, and it was a no-brainer for Allen to prove Deuce innocent. While Deuce broke down and complained about never being able to escape his past no matter how much he tried, Allen not only encouraged him and told him that he had become a much better person, but was also determined and already had a plan. Having excellent manipulation skills and a way with words, Allen got Crowley to give him access to all private cameras around the school to prove that Deuce had been at NRC the entire time and couldn't possibly have been the culprit. He mailed the recordings to the police station in Deuce's hometown, managing to prove that the Heartslabyul student was innocent. Allen also suspected that the person blaming the vandalism on Deuce was likely the culprit or one of their friends, encouraging the police to continue their investigation with them. Deuce, on the other hand, couldn't have been more grateful that Allen had successfully cleared his name and stood up for him like that. A week later, a call informed the two boys that one of Deuce's former friends had admitted to the crime and had tried to blame it on Deuce out of anger that he had distanced himself from them. Hearing how his old "friend" had betrayed Deuce only made him cherish his current friendships and especially the relationship he had with Allen even more...
BOOK 7:
[I haven't played Book 7 yet, so I'll either update this section later or share it in a separate post! Until then, we're assuming that they realized just how much they loved each other even more.]
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That's everything for now! The final part of their relationship timeline (post book 7), including when they FINALLY get together, will be in my next Allen x Deuce introduction post!
However, my next overall post is likely going to be the announcement for my ship art/writing event đ
Thank you for the support on my previous Allen x Deuce posts! It means ridiculously much to me đĽšđĽšđĽš
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst art#twst fanart#twst deuce#deuce spade#twst yuu#twst mc#twisted wonderland fanart#allen alagona#yuu twisted wonderland#twst yume#yuu twst#yumeship#oc x canon#my art#twst oc#twisted wonderland oc#oc twisted wonderland#yuu x deuce#deuce x oc#allen x deuce#spade of storms#twisted wonderland yuu#twst writing#twst ships#twst drabbles#deuce fanart#twst comic#twst prefect
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slipping through my fingers [2] (myg)
title: and the hits just keep coming 1.0
pairing: min yoongi x reader
genre: dilf!yoongi, exes and co-parents au, angst!, fluff, smut
summary: you lean on your friend for support and an escape, but the reality of your situation keeps flashing before you.
warnings: [there's a prologue and part 1 that should be read before this one!] just some insecurity, some sad vibes, you know the drill.
Taehyung fails to dodge the fifth pillow you launch at him. "Let me explain!" Repeatedly begging you to stop, he crashes into your kitchen counter.
A pillow to his leg.
"Wait! Please!" He's dodging for his life.
Another pillow to his chest.
"You're an angel! Pleas-" Headshot!
"Ough! Not the face..." He pauses to soothe his aching nose.
By now, you're out of energy too. But, there's still a lot of anger in your stomach. You're too guilty and too tired to let it out on the wrong person.
You spent over twenty minutes reprimanding him for hiding Yoongi's fiancĂŠe from you.
Finally having a fraction of a minute of peace, your friend sits you down by your dinner table.
He disappears into the kitchen, leaving you to cradle and console your heart by yourself.
You hear a few utensils clashing and see him juggling four things in his hands; your cat mug, his designated frog mug, a bottle of white chocolate liqueur and a carton of what looks like chocolate milk.
Pointing your finger at the tetra pak, you protest, "Excuse you, that's the expensive chocolate milk and itâs for Nao."
He looks at the half-empty carton in his hand and back at you.
"You're telling me Nao drank more than half of this bottle in a day? And you let her?" Taehyung deadpanned.
...
"Yeah." Your eyes wander as you insist poorly.
He ignored you and poured you a glass of the milk.
Sitting across from you, he grew solemn, "_____, I swear I didn't know it was like this." - "But you knew about her?" You asked before he said anything else.
Taehyung couldn't deny it, "Yeah. But I thought she would just be like the others."
Yoongi had others.
All grumpy, you sigh. "The others?"
Momentarily, he froze and exhaled. "Yeah, there have been a few. He was... I don't know. He kept saying he was serious about each of them but nobody ever... stuck around? So, we thought he was lying or something." Taehyung regretted his choice of words.
You want to believe him, but you both know that Yoongi isnât someone who lies like that. Let alone big lies, Yoongi won't even tell little white lies.
Over the years, you naturally assumed he was dating around, but you didn't know. Nothing was confirmed. You never asked and he never told you anything himself.
"Who all knew?"
"Everyone. But nobody even imagined that they'd be getting hitched." He shook his head in disbelief.
âObviously. This is Yoongi youâre talking about,â you pause, âBut didnât you notice anything different with them?â
âIâm telling you, _____, we had no idea.â Taehyung cringes after taking a sip of the sweet liqueur. âI think he wanted to tell you first.â
You wish he never had.
"What are you thinking?"
You dip your head in between your palms, âI feel terrible. Itâs like I know I want to cry but Iâm so emotionally stunted right now, I cannot get it out. Itâs like a stuck yawn.â
Taehyung caresses your arm, "Can I do anything to help?"
You shake your head, "I don't think so, Tae."
"Oh! Do you want to watch 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas?' Maybe that will help you cry." He tilts his head, eyes filled with hope.
At that, you let out a surprised laugh, "Taehyung, no!"
Basking in the little moment of success (by making you laugh), Taehyung internally pops confetti.
But, the moment was just that. A moment. Your happiness faded away as quickly as it came.
So, he pulled his phone out and placed it in front of you.
Taehyungâs hesitant to ask you this but he does it anyway. âDo you want to see her?â
You donât know. (Youâd rather pretend she doesnât exist.)
If it werenât for Nao, youâd have no problem ignoring Yoongiâs girlfriend. Even thinking of the words âYoongiâs girlfriendâ makes you want to end it all.
Itâs no secret that youâre still madly in love with your ex-boyfriend.
This situation felt so ridiculous to you, you couldnât digest it. You couldnât believe this was actually happening to you.
As a young girl, you never thought it was in the books for you to go through this kind of pain. And, you donât have a whole lot to lean on. So, Yoongi has always been it for you. He always told you heâd be there for you no matter what.
Even after your breakup, he was by your side.
When you unexpectedly caught the chicken pox from Nao, he took care of you. Even when Taehyung insisted on helping you instead, Yoongi sent him away.
You shared every birthday with him. Heâd throw you a small party. Every year, it was a different theme. This year was âenchanted garden.â He always ordered you a custom cake from out of town. It made everything special.
He even helped you open your quaint little bakery. Yoongi was the one who helped you finalize your menu. He tasted everything and even got himself sick because of it.
He stood by you when you got sued by your competition, another old-timey cake shop, for stealing their clients and recipes. He acted as your lawyer free of charge.
Now, you wonder if it was all out of convenience or⌠an obligation. Had you read it all wrong? Was he simply being polite because youâre the mother of his daughter? Would he stop doing things for you now? Did he ever do those things for you? Or were they simply for your daughter by extension?
Would he be too focused on his wife now?
Even for Naoâs sake, you never once got the urge to know the woman who did the unthinkable.
As a co-parent, you trusted Yoongi. You knew Yoongi would never let just anyone around Nao. If he wants to introduce his daughter to a woman, you knew it was safe. She could be the next Mother Teresa for all you know.
All this blind trust has been earned by him throughout the years youâve spent with him, youâre not a careless mother.
However, as a woman and Yoongiâs ex-flame, you werenât eager to know the woman who replaced you. You donât want to see or meet her. In your eyes, she was able to compel Yoongi to do something he wouldnât do even after you begged him to. Maybe she didnât even have to try. She was probably just that perfect for him.
This is apart from the fact that he fell in love with another woman after you while youâre still hung up on him.
You donât think you can afford to willingly take a hit to your self-confidence like that.
Nao looks up to you. You know you cannot lose yourself when you have so much relying on you.
Taehyung was kind enough to let you get lost in your thoughts.
âNo.â You finally answer his question.
You did not want to see what she looked like.
Taehyung nodded once, âOkay. Thatâs fine.â
Just when Taehyungâs about to put his phone back into his pocket, it rings.
And on the screen pops this gorgeous woman. She looked like she stepped straight out of an issue of Harparâs Bazaar or even Vogue. You werenât surprised, you smiled and involuntarily snorted. Taehyung did have a type.
He hurriedly tried to pull his phone off the table, knocking your (thankfully, empty) glass of milk in the process.
âYou donât have to hide her from me, Vincent.â You tease him, using his artist alias. âIs she your new muse?â
Taehyung awkwardly laughed, blatantly ignoring your question.
Suddenly, he changes the topic, âOh! Do you have to go into work today?â
Your smile drops a little. âHey. What are you doing here?â
He offered a strained smile, âItâs like I can feel the alcohol in my veins.â
âHeyyy... Whatâs up with the model babe? Why are you deflecting?â This time you pout.
You hear his phone ring once again. But he immediately declines.
âTaehyung⌠Whatâs the matter?â When he refuses to acknowledge you, you grow more concerned.
âYou donât have to stay, you know?â You continue to reassure him.
âItâs not,â he cuts himself off, âThat wasnât my girlfriend.â
Taehyung hopes he doesnât have to face your inevitable question in line.
âWell, who was that theâŚ.â When you trail off mid-response, he knew you had figured out who that woman really was.
The two of you are silent for a moment.
Sullen, you whisper, âThatâs his fiancĂŠe?â
Taehyung wishes he never came over to your place. He didnât want to be the one to make you feel this way.
He nods once. Not that you needed that confirmation.
Quickly moving on to your next thought, you question, âWhy is she calling you?â
Already on it, Taehyung visibly cringes at the messages on his screen when you push yourself forward to peek into his phone. This time, he doesnât try to obstruct your vision.
Hyejin (3)
Sorry! I forgot you were at _____âs. Itâs nothing important, I just had a question about Nao-chan. Does she like lemon cake? How is _____ doing btw?
Your mouth dropped open.
You donât even acknowledge the fact that sheâs speaking about you so personally; as if you were a friend or even an acquaintance.
You ignore the fact that sheâs fucking stunning, owning the most symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing face youâve ever seen on a grown woman.
You donât even dwell about how you do not stand a chance against this woman.
The only thing you see is her nickname for your daughter. You squeak, âShe calls her Nao-chan!â Â
Thatâs YOUR name for YOUR babygirl.
âAngelâŚâ Taehyung begins but has no idea what he could possibly say to comfort you.
Pull yourself together. You mentally discipline yourself. It takes a minute for you to get there.
Instead of dealing with whatever you just felt, you push it away in an instant and beam at your friend.
âWhatever. Letâs get cheesy naan and shrimp skewers!â
Of course, your faux smile didnât fool Taehyung, but he went with it anyway.
âË.đ§ âŠď˝Ątears are in your eyes by yo la tengo âË.đ§ âŠď˝Ą
note: i hope i'm doing this series justice lol the ideas in my head run too wild for me to actually make note of them. please let me know what you guys think!
#fic: slipping through my fingers#yoongi series#yoongi drabbles#min yoongi x oc#yoongi fic#yoongi fluff#yoongi x oc#min yoongi x you#reader x yoongi#yoongi x reader#min yoongi x reader#bts yoongi smut#min yoongi smut#suga angst#suga fic#suga smut#yoongi scenarios#yoongi dilf au#dilf yoongi#yoongi x you#yoongi x y/n#yoongi au#yoongi angst#suga x reader#suga au#min yoongi angst#min yoongi au#dilf yoongi au#dilf bts
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the guy from the record
store wasn't a guy?
ellie williams fanfic
ââ chapter 2 wc: 3.1k
read the chapters here !!
you've managed to become closer with the guy you're interested in! this feels like a dream, everything feels like a dream but maybe this (or he) is too good to be true.
hiii omg this chapter is way longer than the first one but i had to do it, i'm sorry !!! anyways i hope you like it <3
based on the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all !!
friendly reminder that he/him pronouns are used for plot purposes !! so please imagine ellie when i use them. i'm not writing about a man, i'd rather die, honestly.
7 in the afternoon. ellie spent the entire day looking at the phone number written on her wrist, scared that the black ink may erase at any time. she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose planning a whole dialogue in her mind that she probably would forget the second she heard your voice, she didn't even know what she was supposed to say to you, the girl that was basically interested in her.
but she knew how excited you were about this, everytime she closed her eyes she could imagine the look on your face if she called you. she knew that you needed someone to share your interests with and she couldn't deny that having someone to talk to about music sounded like a good idea to her too. ellie'd been alone at school for almost a year now and even if you didn't know that the guy you were wishing to date was actually her, you were going to find out at some point and, if you didn't get mad at her, you two could be really good friends, then ellie wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
the whole idea of finally getting to know someone running through ellie's mind while she stared at her phone and her fingers anxiously tapped the desk where her phone laid. she started to type your number on the screen of her phone. she breathed in, blinked quickly and cleared her throat when she pressed the 'call' button. she could already feel her heart pounding so hard threatening to get out of her chest at any second.
you walked in circles around your room with your phone in your hands. you could already feel your eyes drying for you couldn't even blink, you desperately stared at the screen waiting for that call.
but what if he didn't call you? what if he thought you were annoying and he was just being nice when he lent you that album? all kind of negative thoughts ran through your mind. just the idea of being rejected broke your heart into pieces and you could feel that knot in your stomach.
or maybe a worst scenario was that he actually called you. what would you say? would he expect an opinion about the album? would he want to talk to you or would he prefer a shorter conversation?
you fidget with your fingers and bit your nails from time to time as you too planned a whole script in case you had to carry a whole conversation with your crush. you wanted to impress him, show him that you could be as cool as he was.
bzzt
the sound of your phone took you out of your trance and you froze for a second. an unknown number, but you know very well who was calling you. your face lighted up and you immediately picked up the call.
maybe it was because of your excitement that you couldn't help screaming at the phone awkwardly "i loved the album!" you immediately frowned and closed your eyes regretting your whole existence. the cringe was physically hurting you and the seconds you had to wait for his answer felt like an eternity.
"hi to you too," you heard his raspy voice followed by a chuckle that warmed your heart in a second "i'm glad you liked it, it's became one of my favorites."
you started to play with a string of your hair. "i know, i liked it very mussh!" once again you'd embarrassed yourself, it felt like you couldn't stop shouting and screwing things up. just when you thought nothing could make this moment even worse, you heard the loud voice of your mother coming from the kitchen.
a shout of your name followed by a "dinner's ready!" you closed your eyes and sighed hoping that some god had heard your prayers, had mercy of you and avoided that your crush listened to your mom calling you.
but that was asking too much and you could hear a soft laugh coming from your phone. just when you were already feeling the drops of sweat on your forehead reminding you that embarrassing moment, that husky voice blessed your ears one more time. this time it sounded like a whisper, one that warmed your ear and it almost felt as if he were only inches away from you. he called your name and you stopped dead.
"tell your mom i say hi." you hummed trying to hide the panic and the butterflies that only one sentence caused inside you. all the fear you felt seconds ago was replaced by pure ecstasy.
you two talked for a few more minutes and ended the call. ellie felt on her knees and buried her face in her hands. the initial plan was to talk to someone from school and make friends, but why was she unconsciously flirting with you? was it really unconsciously or she didn't want to admit that she was doing it on purpose?
"hey, did you do the homework for today? i didn't do it and i can't have more bad grades. i was wondering if you..."
the voice of one of your classmates called your attention. you sighed and rolled your eyes, you were ready to deny the request, but you frowned when you looked up and realized that the request wasn't for you.
you turned to your right and there it was, your classmate jesse talking to ellie. or rather than talking, he was disturbing her, interrupting her so much preciated tranquility.
"i didn't do it."
the response felt ice cold but she didn't seem annoyed, just nonchalant. you bit your lower lip in order to stop the laugh coming out of your mouth.
"really? but you look like a nerd..."
now the soft smile on your lips slowly faded and your teeth bit your lips so hard they were turning a dark red, the blood threatening to come out from the corner of your lips. you furrowed your eyebrows and scrunched your nose. the conversation was none of your business but you felt the sudden impulse to say something, you couldn't stay quiet and see how someone insulted your classmate.
"so you ask for help and then diss her?" your words came out like a bark "how childish." both of them were now looking at you in surprise. ellie's mouth half opened, the green orbes grew bigger than ever. she blinked a few times before fixing her glasses with her index finger while she cleared her throat.
you just watched jesse leave without saying a word but you could notice his embarrassment miles away. you smiled proudly as your eyes fell on ellie. she mouthed a 'thank you'. you nodded and couldn't help smiling.
only the sight of her felt familiar, had she always been like that? with that little sparkle in her eyes that tickled your stomach and in some way made you feel a connection with her, feeling as if something about her would be able to captivate you any time.
you stared at the notebook in front of you trying to make up your mind. maybe she was a nice person and this was a sign to talk to her, maybe it was the sign of the beginning of a good friendship.
you opened your eyes as soon as you heard the sound of your alarm. never in your life have you been happier about waking up at 8 in the morning on a saturday. you got up from your bed and appreciated the cute outfit laying on your bed, the one you'd carefully chosen the night before. spending hours on choosing the best clothes from your closet and doing your makeup to make you look stunning was worth it if it meant seeing your crush one more time.
you held in your hands the album he had lent you some days before and you couldn't hide the excitement that the butterflies inside your stomach caused. your left hand brushed your cheek and you felt the warmth of your skin almost burning.
you hadn't payed attention to the weather outside because what could go wrong? all the past days had been okay, why would this one be different?
before you cross the front door of your house, tough, your frizzy hair was already warning you something. the bright and warm sun that was beautifully shining the previous day was now all covered in heavy gray clouds that were taking with them the shiny colors of the flowers on the porch of your house.
it was just a 10 minutes walk from your house to the preciated record store but it took only 5 minutes for the pouring rain to start soaking your hair that had taken hours to get done.
but not a single thought of going back home crossed your mind, that was definitely not an option. nothing was going to stop you from having that desired love life you'd prayed for so much for so long. some rain wouldn't screw it up.
your path to the record store consisted of you running to get there faster taking little breaks under the trees that covered you from the rain. you inhaled and prepared yourself to start running again, it kept like that until you finally were only one block away from the place.
the light coming from inside the store gave you an immediate feeling of warmth. the characteristic music of the place was softer than the other days for the sound of the raindrops falling onto the floor was mostly the only thing you could hear.
you sprinted towards the door, the familiar ring of the bell welcoming you once again to your now well known record shop. your eyes scanned the room and stopped at the stunning figure you soon recognized.
it was the guy, your guy. it seemed like he'd also been outside because his hair and face, which was still covered with a mask, were adorned with tiny raindrops. he was drying his forehead with his shirt revealing his well toned abdomen, the small freckles highlighting his pale skin.
soon you felt the warmth quickly coming back to your body almost rushing. your uncolored cheeks now growing crimson while you clenched your teeth afraid that your jaw would fall to the floor if you stared too much.
it didn't take too long for him to notice your presence. he turned around to look at you with those hypnotizing emerald eyes, you could notice the concernment in his eyes as soon as they fell on you. he quickly grabbed the gray hoodie laying on the counter.
"hey, you might catch a cold."
his raspy yet soft voice blessing your ears and before you realized it, he handed you his hoodie.
"you can wear this."
this was the moment you coul swear that that was not rain at all, that was holy water. the day you thought was ruined had became a day you'd remember your whole life. it took you a minute to go back to reality and confirm that this scene was not a product of your imagination.
"oh, thanks." you couldn't hide the sweet smile on your face and you could tell that he was smiling too by the way his eyes looked at yours.
you put the gray hoodie on and all you could think about was the nice smell coming from the fabric, a mixture of a sweet yet woody perfume combined with his natural scent invaded your nostrils and was quick to make you head over heels.
meanwhile, ellie was sweating just by the thought of the possibility of her clothes smelling. but there's no chance that you could find this new fragrance other than pleasant.
after spending what felt like minutes but was actually more than an hour in the record store talking about the things that you had in common, which was not much more than music, but that was enough to make your heart flutter and giggle at his spontaneous jokes and at times sarcastic behavior.
minutes felt like seconds and you had the feeling that you two had something special. the natural conversations and casual jokes made everything feel right and, in some way, it made you think that all the scenarios you made up at midnight before falling asleep while you listened to a playlist you'd made specially for him, could become real. because you were like that, only a few days of seeing this guy and you'd already made a playlist for him with all your favorite songs in it.
"i wanted to share something with you." you hold your breath as you waited for a response.
"yeah? what is it?" you heard the curiosity in his voice.
"it's kinda stupid but i..." you doubted for a second before finishing your sentence "i made a playlist with my favorite songs, maybe you want to listen to it?" your fingers fidgeted with your rings.
his gasp was almost inaudible but loud enough to let you know that he was actually excited about this. "that's not stupid at all, that's awesome." the green eyes looked for yours "send it to me right now, please."
you immediately looked down at your phone in an attempt of hiding the sparkles in your eyes while you sent him the link of the playlist, little did you know that it would soon become that guy's, or ellie's, favorite playlist.
the feeling of your empty stomach reminded you that it was time to go back home and after chatting a bit more with your favorite employee of the record store, you waved and said goodbye to him with a sweet smile, his own eyes smiling at you too thanking your for your visit.
you'd always been fond of participating in every festival that your school organized. this time wouldn't be the exception, your mind was already full of ideas for the spring festival and just the thought of being in charge of it excited you. you'd already decided the music, decorations and organized the little shows that some of the students would make, everything carefully organized by yourself.
but your plans couldn't be as perfect in reality as in your mind, it was when you heard your professor's voice that you knew this was going to be harder than you thought.
"you'll work with jesse, he needs extra points." your jaw fell to the ground when the professor basically forced you to work with one of your classmates, one that you'd already had a little argument with. it wasn't like you hated him but you'd never worked with a boy before, let alone being close with one, with the exception of the guy from the record store, of course.
"i can't... i won't work with him alone, i-" you looked around your classroom with the hope of finding someone who could save you from this situation, someone who you knew would be helpful and would make the atmosphere less awkward.
your face lighted up when your eyes noticed the person next to you, a smirk placed on your face for you'd found the perfect one.
"i think ellie'd do great if she helped us with the organization too." you patted her shoulder. she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and looked into your eyes for an explanation "you can help us with the music. you have good taste after all, right?" your voice softened when you turned to her, your face expression almost begging for her to accept your offer.
"i- uhm..." she swallowed when she noticed you were watching expectant at her "i guess i could try?" her rising tone making it sound as a question rather than an affirmation. the familiar sweet smile on your face thanking her was everything she needed to confirm that she wouldn't regret this decision.
you spent some minutes thanking her after everyone left the classroom, this being one of the first times you had a conversation with her that lasted more than two words exchanged. it wasn't too deep though, some instructions about the organization of these festivals mixed with words of encouragement for her before she left the classroom.
the room all empty now, every sound you made echoed between the walls as you packed up your belongings and put on your backpack ready to leave too, but the shinning screen of the phone lying on the desk next to yours called your attention. you grabbed it in your hands and carefully examinated it. "it's ellie's phone" you thought.
you turned to look at the door expecting ellie to come back looking for it, but not a single soul seemed to be near there. your attention went back to the mobile. the unlocked screen with a song playing on it, a song you well knew, awoke your curiosity. you'd always hated people who snitched in other's phones but you couldn't help it, plus, there wouldn't be any damage in looking into someone's playlist.
a little grin placed on your face as you noticed the so much similar taste in music you two seem to have. what a coincidence that these were all your favorite songs!
your smile faded and turned into a frown as you read the tittle of every song, one after one. the cold sensation at the back of your neck hitting you when you reached the end on the playlist. all you favorite songs, all in one playlist, the playlist you'd made which only one person was able to listen to other than you. the phone fell from your shaky hands onto the desk, your breath getting faster with each thought running through your mind, the sudden realization hitting you like cold water.
the sound of the door opening took you out of your half-conscious state. "oh, you're still here." you couldn't even face her, now it all made sense "i forgot my phone." the voice you soon recognized making you shiver.
you took a deep breath before turning at her and faking your best smile as you handled ellie her phone "yeah, here." you tried to hide the shaky voice caused by the knot on your throat. "thanks, see you next week!" you watched as she left the classroom once again, then your hands fell on the desk in front of you as you tried to catch your breath and swallow the incontrollable feeling of crying.
these past few weeks, the days you spent talking to what you thought was a guy, was actually a girl? it was not only a girl, it was your classmate, ellie.
taglist: @ohnopoteito (and the editor đđ thank u for your help you've won a crocheted gift đđđ parabĂŠns) @bready101 @everegretseverything @idk-sam @jupitersversionn @seraphicsentences @fatbootymuncher @ilovetocas1 @blackandwhitewindows @nombreuxx @mooneylou
#ellie williams#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie x you#the last of us#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie x y/n#ellie headcanons#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams the last of us#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams tlou#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x you#the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all
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For your recent event can I request
Blue Ocean and #2
Thank you
Three Little Words (Gojo x Reader)
CW: rejection, blood, slight spoilers for the jjk movie, implied past satosugu i guess, mutual pining, reader is female, implied death, brief mentions of blood, mentions of injury
Event Masterlist | Event Guide | JJK Masterlist | Blog Navigation
"Sorry, not interested."
Three little words. Three little words was all it took to shatter your heart.
You had spent the last three years of your life trying to track down the person attached to the other end of your soulmate thread.
All that time spent hoping. All that time spent daydreaming about what he would be like, only for this.
For you to meet him because he was your new coworker, and fellow teacher at Jujutsu Tech. For him to reject you upon first sight.
You hadn't even spoken a word yet. All it took was him glancing at the red ribbon connecting the two of you for him to shut you down.
Your mind went blank. There was no way you heard him correctly, right...?
"What?"
"I'm not interested."
He stated casually, as if he was just commenting on the weather.
"You-You don't even know my name yet!"
With all logic having flown out the window, this was the best you could come up with.
"Oh, you're right. What's your name?"
Stupefied, you told him.
"That's pretty. Anyways, it's not you, it's me."
Taking your blank gaze as understanding, he perked up.
"My name's Gojo Satoru. I hope we can be friends!"
With an enthusiastic handshake, he was off, leaving you standing in shock, unsure of what just happened.
Reaching up and touching your cheek, you were surprised to find that it was wet.
Huh, that was strange. When did you start crying?
âââ â
â â â˝ ŕź âž â â
â
âââ
Days turned to weeks turned to months.
At first, things were a little awkward between you and your soulmate.
You were hurt, angry and confused. But the more time you spent with him, the more those feelings ebbed away, his presence a balm that soothed all your hurts and insecurities.
Why. Why did he have to reject you? Why did he have to be so insufferable? Why did he have to be so goddamn attractive? Why did he have to be aware that he was so goddamn attractive?
Why couldn't he send you any clear signals?
One day he was playfully calling you his 'best bud' while the two of you played pranks on Nanami or got into mischief.
And the next he was tenderly cupping your cheek and running his thumb over the dark bags under your eyes; concern evident on his face as he quietly asked if you were doing okay, and telling you to take a break.
And if he really wasn't interested, why didn't he officially break the soulmate bond? Why did he change the subject every time you tried to bring it up?
It was driving you insane. You were falling for him. And hard. But the echo of his words replayed in your head every time you considered broaching the subject.
You didn't know what to do.
So you did the only thing you could; you kept it professional. After all, the two of you were coworkers, nothing more, nothing less.
âââ â
â â â˝ ŕź âž â â
â
âââ
Gojo was tired of just being your coworker.
He wanted more. Had wanted more from the moment he laid eyes on your breathtaking face.
Sure, it had broken a visceral part of him to reject you, but if it was to keep you safe, he would do it a million times over.
However, no matter how much he told himself he couldn't be with you, that he had to officially sever the soulmate bond, he couldn't bring himself to officially break the tie that made the two of you soulmates.
The more time he spent with you, the more time he got to spend with you, the harder he fell.
He had never felt like this towards anyone. The only person that had ever come close before this had been Suguru, but his relationship with him had been soured by the fact that they both knew Gojo's soulmate was out there.
But when you were in his life, his entire world lit up. Everything was brighter and more vibrant. He felt like you saw him for Satoru, the man he was, instead of the burdens fate and Jujutsu society had placed upon his shoulders.
So selfishly he had kept the soulmate bond intact.
And now, staring at your mangled form laying before him, the precious blood that belonged in your veins leaking out onto the floor as you struggled to breathe, he remembered.
He remembered why he wasn't allowed to love. Why he had pushed you away.
God, he was so stupid to think that Suguru wouldn't go after you. He was so stupid for believing that his friend wasn't irredeemable.
And his stupidity and selfishness could very well cost you your life.
"You never change, do you."
Only then did Gojo realize that he had been speaking aloud, voicing his inner turmoil as the two people he cared for most lay dying before him.
Suguru coughed, wincing as the motion aggravated his injuries.
"You say that she's injured because you selfishly clung to your soulmate bond, right?"
"What are you implying Suguru?"
Gojo asked, weariness and heartbreak in his voice as he applied pressure to your injuries. He couldn't take you to get help until he took care of Suguru, but he wanted to give his former best friend a chance to say his last words.
"What I'm saying is that she got hurt because you were selfish, yes, but not in the way you think you were. You aren't selfish because you refuse to break the bond. You were selfish because you kept your distance. You could've come to her rescue much earlier, but you didn't because doing so would admit that she meant something to you. And you were more comfortable keeping her at a distance, because you didn't want to have to fear losing her."
Suguru sighed, shifting to a more comfortable position.
"You know, I never hated the people at Jujutsu Tech. If she survives, tell her how you really feel. She deserves at least that. And after that, tell her I'm sorry, okay."
Gojo barked a laugh, tears burning the backs of his eyes as a looming sense of grief and apprehension filled him. He knew what he had to do next.
"Okay, I will."
He smiled.
"Wingmanning me till the end. My best friend."
His face softened as he reminisced on better times.
"My one and only."
Suguru returned the smile, and Gojo finished him, gently closing his eyes afterwards.
Standing and wiping the tears from his eyes, he turned and picked you up, before stepping into a new chapter of his life.
âââ â
â â â˝ ŕź âž â â
â
âââ
When you woke up, you were greeted by the bright white of the hospital ceiling.
Groaning, you attempted to sit up, only to be stopped by the massive man-child sprawled across your lap.
With a snort, he shot up, disoriented as he rejoined the land of the waking.
Noticing you were awake, he froze, before reaching out and grabbing your hands.
"Can I say something?"
"Right now?"
You asked, a little confused as to what could be so important that he was waiting at your bedside for you to wake up.
"Yes."
His unusually somber tome threw you off.
"Of course. What's the matter?"
"I'm so sorry."
"Um, I'm confused. For what?"
"For rejecting you. This is by no means any excuse, but the last person I was close to abandoned me. I was afraid to let anyone get close to me, but instead of facing my fear, I excused it by telling myself that if I let myself care for you then curses would target you to get to me. So I told myself that it was to protect you instead of acknowledging that I'm selfish coward who was just trying to protect myself-"
"Hold up."
You cut off his rambling, needing a moment to process.
"Are you trying to tell me that you rejected me because you were afraid that in the end I was going to betray you, but you were too emotionally constipated to acknowledge that, so instead you convinced yourself that you were pushing me away for my own protection?"
Downcast he nodded.
"And you're apologizing for that."
"Yes. If I had just protected you by staying by your side, you never would have gotten hurt! The only reason you're in here is because I was too scared to admit that I love you!"
You froze.
"Say it again."
"What."
"What you just said."
Realization dawned on Gojo's face, and his cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink.
"I love you."
He murmured shyly, looking at the comforter.
You leaned forwards and hugged him, burying your head in his chest.
"Again."
You whispered, lips brushing against the fabric of his uniform.
"I love you."
A content smile spread across your face.
"I'm still sorta pissed at you, but you have no idea how happy you just made me."
You said, nuzzling into his shirt.
"I love you too."
He froze in disbelief. There was no way you returned his feelings. He didn't deserve that.
"Do you really forgive me?"
"Mmmm, say it one more time for me."
"I love you."
"Okay I forgive you."
Finally at peace, you basked in the warmth from being in the arms of your soulmate.
Who knew that those three little words were all it took.
Three little words to heal your heart.
Cuddling with soulmate, you knew that you would be okay, as long as he continued to tell you those three little words.
You deep personal reflection was interrupted by Gojo's voice.
"Oh, by the way, Suguru says sorry."
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â â â˝ ŕź âž â â
â
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#lee's brain asks#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#soulmate au#angst to fluff#mutual pining#lee's 1 year anniversary event#crack ending#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x female reader
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wait can you talk more about christmas 2018?
Anonymous asked: Just what you said in your post! "the first christmas where they publicly spent that much time together" did they usually keep quiet about where they were?
i can't speak to the 2014-16 era because i fell out of touch with the fandom at that time, but i was absolutely around during 2017 & 18. both of those years marked HUGE shifts, and both of those huge shifts came at the tail end of gamingmas/dilmas. you can check out my original frog theory post and my frog theory tag for elaboration on the function of gamingmas irt all of this. as just like. prerequisite framework reading.
ANYWAYS. the thing that was such a big deal was that dan was openly visiting the lesters with phil. yes, you can visit friends' families during the holidays. but it's much more frequently something you do with a significant other. so the ruckus was because dan and phil knew the conclusions people would jump to if we knew dan visited the lesters at christmas, and they still let us know that it happened.
(this got disgustingly long, so i'm putting the rest of this post under the cut.)
part of what made that such a big deal was having that happen after the no homo/closet era, the "we're not together we're not even that close of friends we're just roommates" era. the significance of their trust & openness was MUCH more tangibly felt. a way larger percent of the fandom at that time had been present when the vday video leaked/had joined shortly afterwards when that was one of the biggest things impacting both phandom culture and our relationship with dnp.
so in 2017 when we got a glimpse of dan up north at the lesters' in a couple of cornelia's instagram stories? we lost our fucking minds about it. it was only 2 (i think) background cameos, but it was quite literally unprecedented. it's not something that qualifies as openly spending time together at the holidays because of the method throug which we found out about it, but like. there's no way they didn't know that cornelia was posting those, and no way that they didn't know we'd know about it.
when i say we, i mean dedicated phannies. people who could possibly be reading this post, not casual subscribers to the gaming channel. because when it comes to casual viewers, or even people who aren't a part of dan and phil's usual audience at all? there's a lot of methods of communication that they just plain aren't paying attention to and won't be aware of.
the most direct, permanent methods dan and phil have for communicating are videos on either of their individual channels or on dan and phil games, and after that is instagram grid posts or tweets, as well as videos on their side channels. twitter replies, insta stories, livestreams, and their public likes on any social media platform? those are for a more private audience. their appearances in other people's posts reaches a similarly small audience.
knowing that they were starting to be more and more open through the communication channels only open between them and dedicated fans, and that it was a trend - december 2017 is also when phil, in a liveshow, read out someone's "you and dan are so married" comment and just.. laughingly said "it-it's a useful thing". (link to gifs of that). it wasn't a one-off. it was a trend.
and compared to 2018, it was dust. they spent the whole year becoming increasingly open with us, through increasingly direct methods. it was a whirlwind. even for people who've watched all the videos and liveshows, you don't have the whole picture. the onslaught was coming at us from every angle at all moments. you'd have to also explore the full archives of social media posts, insta stories, meet and greets , social media likes, and like.. the archived recordings of every interactive introverts tour date. it was batshit.
it was genuinely one of the most insane years of my life. i was having physical symptoms. we all knew what was coming, we all could tell they were working up towards coming out, but nobody wanted to trust that we were right about that. my dashboard was regularly at a fever pitch.
and december 2018 was the culmination of everything. and then they were talking directly to us in a liveshow and being. insanely open. they told us that dan was going with phil to visit the lesters. and they told us that pinof was ending. and then dilmas started dropping, aggressively cementing the fact that dab and evan were sim-universe proxies for dnp, while dan and phil posted instagram grid and story updates about visiting the lesters. and then dab and evan came home to the howlter house for the holidays. and got engaged.
and then they went on hiatus, and we pretty much did not hear from dan until he came out.
the point is. we knew there was a fucking insane energy. we KNEW something big was coming. we fucking knew. it was a two year build up to dan and phil being the most publicly gay they'd ever been on the gaming channel and every single other platform - and part of that insanity was them being open about dan visiting the lesters, which coincided with them having their proxy sims get gay engaged while visiting family.
"did they usually keep quiet about where they were?" anon, the last time before all this that they had openly acknowledged dan visiting the lesters during the holidays was 2009.
the way they were acting over christmas of 2018 had me experiencing shrimp emotions to such an intense degree i was having verifiable psychic visions.
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Part 3: Shades of Grey
Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7
That's the thing about illicit affairs (they lie and they lie and they lie)
(In which a masochistic writer makes things difficult for herself and makes things even messier than they were before)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst, Pining, a little bit of Hurt/Comfort and Fluff as always
Words: 7.2K (nice and short as always)
TW: Explicit Sexual Content (MINORS DNI), Swearing, Cheating
A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of sticking to my deadlines, who woulda thunk it? Fun fact, I'm at ~ 50 google-doc pages with this fic and despite my constant "trying to write less" rants, I'm actually lowkey proud of that. Anyways, there's a pretty clear hint (I am not a subtle person) as to why what happens at the end happens and if you pick up on it, I promise it'll save you from losing your minds till I write part 4. Also a couple of logistical details about the Cayman Islands are probably off but it's what worked so it's what I did, just pretend lol. Per usual, I did edit, there's probably still typos any way, feel free to point them out. And as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't and what you'd like to see in the future. Happy reading and have a wonderful rest of your week lovelies!
August 2021
The fight was inevitable but neither of them can tell you what really lit the flame. One second they had been fine (well as fine as two girls who knew tonight was their last night in a while could be), the next they were hurling bullets at each other. Thereâs a subconscious part of Azziâs brain that tells her to grab Paige and duck for cover, to preserve whatever little bit of friendship they can. But her whole body vibrates with anger as Paigeâs words crash around her like a tsunami, drowning out the good angel on her shoulder thatâs pleading with her to stop.Â
âItâs a good thing really. You and your non-existent nerves would have never survived playing for UConn,â Paige sneers, and that mean smirk on her face just doesnât quite fit right, âI donât know what I was thinking with that honestly. Youâre not built like that.â
Azzi flinches, eyes blazing, âsome of us want to be more than just another good UConn player.â
âThatâs what all the people not good enough to play for UConn say,â Paige retorts bitterly and Azzi doesnât think she knows this girl standing in front of her, one whose words are aimed to make her cry instead of laugh.Â
âNot good enough and yet you still wanted me on your team.â
âNah you know what, my bad, I didnât realise youâd fucking stab me in the back like that, â Paige hisses, âyouâre a fake as fuck friend and youâd probably make a shit teammate.â
Azziâs never had a heart attack. She doesnât even fully think she knows what a heart attack really is. But sheâs certain this pain in her chest canât possibly be anything less than one. It starts at her heart and then spreads to her lungs and then floods through her body, until she canât move, she canât breathe.Â
âYou donât mean that,â she whispers.Â
Paige hesitates, as if suddenly aware of the fragility of the moment, her voice considerably softer when she speaks but she doesnât take it back, â real friends choose each other.â
âOh my god,â Azzi laughs, itâs the worst thing she could do in the moment and Paigeâs eyes flash with anger, âyouâre so fucking full of yourself.â
âWatch your fucking mouth-â
âDonât you even dare. You say all that shit to me and now you canât hear some of it back? Contrary to what you might think Paige, my whole life doesnât revolve around you. My decision for where to spend the next four fucking years, does not revolve around you,â Azziâs voice rises with each word.Â
Fighting is cathartic in a way. Theyâve spent almost a year delicately tip-toeing around the subject, growing further and further apart and yet still holding on for dear life. And Azzi doesnât want to let go, but everything feels burning hot, and her hands are starting to blister.Â
âOh youâve made that very clear,â Paige bites back, âyouâve made it very clear just how little I mean to you.â
âBecause I chose a different school? Thatâs all it took Paige, seriously? Thatâs all it took for you to call our friendship fake?â
âNo what it took Azzi was you being a fucking liar.â
âI didnât lie about anything.â
Paige scoffs, her voice taking on a pitchy mocking tone, â âIâd love to play with you Paigeâ, âbeing on the same team would be nice Pâ, all of that fucking bullshit when you didnât mean any of it.â
âOh weâre playing that game,â Azzi seethes, âhow about âAz Iâd support you no matter whatâ huh? Where did all of that go?â
âMaybe if you didnât make stupid decisions then.â
âNo, actually choosing not to play with you might have been my smartest decision yet,â as soon as the words are out, thereâs a part of Azzi that wishes she could wrench them back in.Â
âRight,â Paigeâs voice is eerily quiet now, âwell I hope that works out well for you then. Go to UCLA Azzi, have a great fucking life and stay the fuck away from mine.â
âI didnât mean it like that,â Azzi takes a cautious step towards the blonde and almost immediately, Paige steps backwards, her expression suddenly blank. The change to indifference is somehow worse than the previous malice, âPaige-â
âFuck this, Iâm going home,â Paige says resolutely, her fingers fidgeting with themselves as she reaches for her phone and wallet.Â
âWe need to talk this out, we need to try and fix this,â Azzi all but pleads, trying to position herself in front of the persistent older girl whoâs trying to make her way to the door.Â
âI donât know if I want to fucking fix this,â Paige yells, shaking away Azziâs hand on her shoulder, âI donât know if itâs worth it,â her voice breaks as she says the next words, âI donât even think I wanna be friends.â
When Azziâs 14, Paige Bueckers dribbles through a USA basketball camp court straight into her life and teaches her all about how one person can come into your life and carve out a permanent shelf. When Azziâs 16, Paigeâs casual smiles and not-so-insignificant touches teach her all about the complicated space in-between just friends and something more. When Azziâs 18, Paige says those words, ones that sound a lot like giving up, and teaches Azzi that sometimes in life, even the people you thought would never make you feel this way, are the ones who'll break you the most. And thatâs the day Azzi makes a promise to herself that sheâll never give someone that part of herself again, unaware that when sheâs 20, Paige will teach her that some promises are meant to be broken.Â
***
July 2023
Azzi doesnât know what god she pissed off to get herself into this position, stuck in a booth with Zoe on one side and Paige on the other. Her girlfriendâs left hand is placed firmly on her thigh and Azzi has to fight the vehement urge to shake it away because Zoeâs normally soft, sweet touch feels itchy and heavy. But the way Paigeâs biceps are pressed against hers might be even worse. Every time the blonde moves a little, the sliding of her smooth skin against Azziâs arms, sends a jolt of electricity through her veins. And Azzi doesnât know when she became that girl, the girl who already has someone to hold her but is desperately craving somebody elseâs touch.Â
When peopleâs girlfriends surprise them with an unexpected visit, the appropriate reaction is to be overwhelmed with happiness. Except since sheâd met her, Azziâs summers have always belonged to Paige. With them having lived in separate states most of their lives, it was the one time they got to be with each other for an extended period of time. It was an unspoken rule really, one that they had subconsciously still followed the year before when Azzi had shown up at Paigeâs door, even if theyâd only gotten the last couple of weeks of the season; summer was theirs. So, when Zoe had shown up that afternoon with a bright smile and shining eyes, all Azzi had been able to register was a sense of loss as Paige pulled her hand out of Azziâs.Â
Introductions had been somewhat awkward. Her parents knew of Zoe, but hadnât met her yet. They were nice of course, her dad pulling the shorter girl into one of his bear hugs and her mom giving her a warm smile. Jon and JosĂŠ were more awkward, nodding their greetings but making no move to actually welcome her. Paige had managed to muster up a smile, one that didnât quite reach her eyes, and shake the other girlâs outstretched hand. And then there was Drew, whose normally goofy smile seemed to have disappeared.Â
âWho are you?â the young boy had asked quizzically, his eyebrows crinkling together.Â
âOh umm, Iâm uh- Azziâs girlfriend,â Zoe had replied, the last word causing Paige to involuntarily flinch.Â
Drew had looked over to Azzi then, his eyes wide and accusing, âyou canât be Azziâs girlfriend.â
âIs that so?â Zoe hummed, clearly not taking him seriously.Â
âIt is,â Drew had said petulantly, ignoring Paigeâs warning squeeze, âsheâs Paigeâs.â
The silence after had been deafening, as Azzi tried to stop herself from choking on air. Eventually Paige had regained her senses first, apologising for her younger brotherâs lack of filter (âhe says stupid things all the timeâ) and then Azziâs dad had swooped in before things could possibly get any more awkward, proposing that they all go out to dinner. And thatâs how Azzi has ended up here, shuffled in a booth, opposite her parents, with Paige on one side and Zoe on the other. Life really and truly isnât on her side these days.Â
âSo girls, what are yâall pizza orders?â Tim asks jovially. Azziâs brothers and Drew, desperate to go enjoy the sun (and avoid Zoe), had already told them their orders before zooming to the park right outside the restaurant.Â
âOh uh- Az you wanna share a Margherita pizza?â
âAzzi and Iâll just have our usual.â
Itâs as if the world wants Azzi to suffer as both Zoe and Paige immediately look at her expectantly. The girl in question keeps her eyes focused on the menu in front of her, unsure how to best handle this predicament by doing anything other than maybe just running out of the restaurant.Â
âWhatâs your usual?â Zoe asks, her voice all curiosity and no ill-intent.Â
âGrilled chicken and bacon with spinach and onions.â
âBut Azzi doesnât like onions, she says they make-â
âThey make her breath smell I know,â thereâs a hard edge to Paigeâs voice, âbut she-â
âShe canât pick them off. She canât pick anything off of her pizza because it takes-â
âIt takes the cheese off, I know that too. Thatâs not what I was going to say. She doesnât eat them because she thinks they make her breath smell but she does like them. Itâs just-,â Paigeâs eyes flare with mischief, âshe only eats them around people who are close to her. Guess youâre not quite there yet.â
Since Azzi had mustered up the courage to finally tell Paige about Zoe, right before summer break started, Paige had been nothing but respectful, supportive even. Until tonight apparently and Azzi doesnât even know to react to the fact that her best friend has started a pissing contest over fucking onions.Â
âRight,â Zoe bites her lips, her ever-present smile slipping slightly as she slowly pries the menu out of Azziâs hands and looks at her with hopefully eyes, âbut weâll get the Margherita tonight babe?â
âI-â and Azzi really should say yes, side with Zoe like the good girlfriend she is, except, well, all she can think about is that Paige hasnât smiled since the California girl had arrived in D.C., âI think um- Iâll stick to my usual Zo, Iâm sorry.â
Sheâs a terrible girlfriend, because immediately Zoeâs smile fades, and Azzi barely notices it, too busy watching Paigeâs grin light up her face. Her baby blue eyes sparkle as if sheâs won some important battle and itâs not even dark yet, but Azzi swears it feels like the stars have come out.Â
âOkay,â Tim says slowly, looking between the three younger girls, as he waives over the waitress, âif thatâs decided then.â
The issue with Paige being pretty, is that nobodyâs really immune to it, including the cheerful waitress that practically skips over to serve them. Her eyes glaze over a little bit as they roam across the blondeâs face and then to her arms before drifting down to her torso. Paigeâs tank top doesnât leave much to the imagination, exposing both her muscled biceps and toned torso and Azzi doesnât need an x-ray to know the widely appropriate thoughts going through the waitressâs head. The feral roar of mine takes birth in her stomach and the quieting whisper of sheâs not does little to subdue it.Â
âIâm Libby,â the waitress says, tongue darting across her lips, eyes solely focused on Paige, âand Iâll be your server today.â
Libby collects orders dutifully, polite and agreeable, but doesnât once fully look away from the blonde, practically drooling once she finally gets to her, âand what can I get for you to drink babe?âÂ
Azziâs not sure whether itâs the sultry tone or the nickname that gets Paigeâs attention, but all of a sudden her best friend is staring up at the waitress with her own flirty smile. She likes to think sheâs not a particularly violent person, but Azzi thinks she might end up in jail for homicide tonight.Â
âWell babe,â Paige winks, Azzi wants to die, âwhat would you recommend?â
Libby smirks, clearly feeling triumphant as she leans on the table, one hand reaching out to brush Paigeâs forearm, âsex on the beach.â
Several things happen at once. Tim chokes on a breadstick. Katie immediately thumps him on the back. Zoe lets out a laugh. Azziâs nails break the skin of her palm, drawing blood as she fists both of hands. And then-
âShe has a girlfriend,â itâs a blatantly untrue but all Azzi can think about is stopping this random girl from eye-fucking her Paige. It does the trick, Libbyâs eyes go comically wide, as she steps back from the table, from Paige.Â
âShe does?â Tim asks. Next to him, Katie, shoots her daughter a knowing look that veers on the edge of disappointment.Â
Azzi stutters under the heat of Paigeâs glare, the blonde clearly unamused by her lie, âI uh- I mean um- itâs not official but um yeah,â she doesnât even sound convincing to herself, âIâm uh- Iâm gonna go to the bathroom.â
She practically shoves Paige out of the booth so she can climb out of it herself, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Her heart hammers in her chest and she tries to block out the sound of Paigeâs being questioned by her dad, as she rushes into the restroom.Â
Thereâs no amount of water she could splash on her face to make this heat go away, but she tries anyway, unsure of when the tap water starts to blend in with the tears streaming down her face. The unsettling anger of how dare she flirt with another girl beating in her heart is replaced by the guilt of iâm not allowed to feel this way thrashing around her rib cage. It hurts all the same, as Azzi clutches her chest, trying to even out her breathing.
She doesnât hear the door open or close until, âWhat the fuck was that?â
âGet out,â Azzi whispers, closing her eyes and leaning her head on the mirror, âjust give me a second okay?â
âOh no, no, no, you owe me a huge fucking explanation right now,â Paige hisses, âwhat the fuck was that bullshit? I donât have a girlfriend.â
âIt was a joke-â before Azzi can even finish the sentence, thereâs a hand on her biceps, forcing her to turn around. When she opens her eyes, Paigeâs face is far too close to her own and when she tries to move back, sheâs trapped with the cool edge of the sink. Itâs too much, the proximity, the tension, the lingering touch of Paigeâs fingers curled around her arm.Â
âStop lying,â Paige bites out.Â
âIt just slipped out babe,â and fuck, Azzi absolutely hadnât meant to add that last part, hadnât meant to make it so obvious what exactly had triggered her little outburst. Realisation flashes across Paigeâs face, as she takes a step back, letting go of Azzi, and the distance should be freeing, but instead it just makes her feel lost. Â
âThatâs what this is about?â the blonde asks in disbelief.Â
âYes- no- I donât know, okay,â Azziâs voice is high-pitched, âIâm sorry okay. Iâll tell the waitress it was a joke,â she lets out a humourless laugh, âI didnât mean to fucking cockblock you.â
âCockblock me? Dude I wasnât trying to fuck the waitress what the fuck?â
âCouldâve fooled me babe,â Azzi sneers.Â
Something menacing flashes in Paigeâs eyes, âstop calling me that.â
âWhat? You donât like me calling you babe. You didnât seem to have a problem when it was her.âÂ
âOh my fucking god Azzi,â Paige throws her hands up, âyou donât get to do this. Not when your girlfriend is sitting right there.â
The reminder of Zoe is like being splashed with cold water and Azzi feels everything inside of her freeze. She grips the edge of the sink, trying to find some semblance of balance as Paige continues to glare at her.Â
âFor the past few hours, I have had to hear your girlfriend call you every fucking nickname in the book. I have had to watch her kiss you and move your hair back and grip your fucking knee under the table,â with every sentence, Paige inches closer and closer, until sheâs accentuating every word by pushing her index finger into Azziâs chest, âand you canât even fucking deal with me calling some other girl babe?â
âPaige,â Azzi whispers when Paigeâs voice breaks on the last word. Their faces are so close, she can feel the other girlâs uneven breathing all over her skin. And it takes everything in her to not cave in and reach a hand out to caress away the tear that's threatening to fall from the blondeâs tearline.Â
âItâs been hell Azzi,â Paige spits out, âso you donât get to be upset if I want to fuck someone-â
Something snaps and before Paige can complete the offending sentence, before she can imprint an image that will forever haunt Azziâs mind, Azzi silences all the warning bells of why she really shouldnât, and pulls her best friend into a searing kiss. Immediately, Paigeâs hands come to rest against Azziâs hips, pressing her firmly against the edge of the sink. Itâs as if theyâre trying to meld their bodies together, both of them gripping each other as close as possible. Outside, itâs a summer evening of clear blue skies, but here in this random restaurant restroom, lightning strikes.
Paige bites at Azziâs bottom lip and then traces her tongue over the bruise sheâs created, smirking when it elicits a gasp from the younger girl. Lips still firmly moving against Azziâs, her hands work expertly on the buttons of Azziâs tight shorts. The sensation of everything Paige is all-consuming and Azzi feels like sheâs drunk on the taste of her best friendâs skin, as she moves away from Paigeâs lips, to pepper kisses on her neck, before moving down to suck a mark into her collarbone. Mine, mine, mine.Â
âFuck Az,â Paige moans when Azziâs teeth grate against her skin and itâs the brunetteâs turn to smirk. But her cockiness is short-lived when Paigeâs fingers finally find their way into her now unbuttoned shorts. They press down on her clit through her underwear, making her whine.Â
A cry of âPaige,â escapes her lips when the blonde slides Azziâs panties to the side, her middle and index finger beginning to rub circles around the younger girlâs clit in a tantalisingly slow rhythm.Â
âSo wet, so fucking wet for me,â Paigeâs voice is wrecked with want, as she brings her free hand to cup Azziâs jaw, forcing her best friend to look her in the eyes. It scares Azzi, the sheer amount of emotion she can see swirling in the blondeâs eyes. Thereâs lust and then thereâs something else, another l-word that she canât bring herself to acknowledge, knowing itâll ruin her, ruin them.Â
âPlease,â Azzi whispers against Paigeâs mouth, as the older girlâs fingers slip from her clit to tease against her soaking entrance, dipping into her folds but not giving her what she wants.Â
âIf you want something baby,â Paige traces Azziâs lips with her thumb, âyou have to ask for it.â
Azzi's hands moved away from where they had been firmly gripping Paigeâs waist, to wrap around her neck. She bites softly against Paigeâs left earlobe, eliciting a low groan, before bringing her lips as close to the blondeâs ears as she can, âI want you to fuck me.â
Itâs all it takes, Paige finally gives Azzi what her bodyâs so desperately craving, for far longer than sheâs willing to admit, pumping two fingers into her pussy, while her thumb stimulates her clit. And fuck, Paige knows exactly what sheâs doing, fingers curling in the exact right spots and Azzi feels like sheâs floating or flying or falling, maybe all of the above.Â
âPlease, please, please,â Azzi babbles incoherently, burying her face in the crevice of Paigeâs neck, tears beginning to blur her vision. Because, itâs too much, the ecstasy, the fact that itâs Paige behind the ecstasy, the fact that this is better than her wildest fantasies.Â
âDoing so good for me baby,â Paige praises, fingers starting to move faster, âtaking my fingers so fucking well Az, think you can handle one more?â
Azzi whines in response. Paige pushes in a third finger, both of them letting out identical sighs of pleasure. Sheâs slow for a second, giving Azzi time to adjust but-
âFuck, Paige, faster, please,â the younger girls moans, grinding fervently, desperately, Â against Paigeâs fingers, trying to create more fiction.Â
âAnything for you Az,â Paige whispers, and even in the high of the moment, Azzi knows those words are about more than sex, âwhatever you want.â
As Paigeâs fingers begin to move at a rapid pace, curling around her g-spot, over and over and over, Azzi can feel that familiar pressure building in her stomach. Her fingers claw at Paigeâs neck in warning, too worked up for words. Paige nudgeâs Azziâs face out of her neck, free hand cupping the younger girl's jaw.Â
âCome apart for me baby,â she whispers before pressing their lips together.Â
Azziâs hips stutter as her orgasm rolls all over her, pussy clenching around Paigeâs fingers, as she moans into the older girl's mouth. Spent, her body goes limp, her best friendâs firm grip pressing her against the edge of the sink, the only thing anchoring her and keeping her uprights. Paige slowly pulls her fingers out of Azziâs pants and the loss of contact feels wrong. Itâs instinct really, as Azzi reaches for Paigeâs hand and brings it up to her mouth, sucking each of the older girlâs fingers clean one by one, and itâs worth it for the way Paige looks wrecked.Â
âAz-â she begins softly, eyes filled with questions but before Azzi can even think about any answers-Â
âAzzi,â reality crashes and burns around the two girls as Zoeâs voice calls out for her girlfriend. The sound of footsteps gets closer and closer. Panic takes the place of pleasure as Paige and Azzi jump apart from each other and the realisation of their surroundings hits both of them at the same time. Sweat sheens against Paigeâs collarbone and Azziâs lips are bruised, her eyes still glazy. Their identical dishevelled demeanour gives away far too much. Just as the restroom door creaks open a little, Azzi dives into one of the stalls.Â
âOh, hey Paige,â guilt pools in Azziâs stomach at the sound of Zoeâs innocent voice, as she presses her ear against the stall door, âis Azzi in here? Sheâs been gone for like 20 minutes.â
âShe- she was,â Paige stutters, and Azzi hates herself even more for putting her best friend in this position, âI-uh I think she um- she wanted some fresh air.â
âAh okay, Iâll go try and find her,â Zoe pauses, âare you okay? You look a little flustered.â
âMe? Oh yeah, Iâm fine,â Paige assures in a high-pitched voice, âjust uh miss my girlfriend you know.â
Azzi flinches at the lie. Sheâd made such a fucking mess today. The lying, the cheating, all of it was so out of character and all of a sudden, she feels dirty. Tears brim in her eyes as she begins to process the gravity of what sheâd done. And perhaps the worst part of it, is that she canât find it in herself to fully regret it. If she could turn back time, she doesnât know if sheâd do anything different. Because when it comes to Paige, Azziâs fine living in shades of grey.Â
âYeah, I didnât know you had a girlfriend,â Zoe says slowly.Â
Thereâs a pause and Azzi knows the words neither did I are floating in Paige's mind before she answers, âyeah, itâs uh- itâs new.â
âThatâs good. Iâm happy for you,â the sincerity in Zoeâs words hit like stones, rupturing whatever built up image of i am a good person Azzi had ever had of herself
âThank you,â Paige replies quietly.Â
âIt just-,â Zoe draws in a breath, âAzzi she- she worries about you a lot you know. Even before- you know- when you guys werenât- you know? Like I think she thinks about you a lot,â thereâs an unmistakable wistfulness in Zoeâs voice, â like- if youâre doing okay and all that. And I donât- I donât even know you but I know she wants you to be happy- and- and I want whatever Azzi wants- so- so if youâre happy- thatâs good.â
âThatâs- thatâs really sweet of you,â Paige sounds as guilty as Azzi feels.
Thereâs quiet for a minute until, âdo you think I make her happy? Does she- does she talk about me?â
Zoeâs voice is laced in insecurity and hopefulness and Azzi wishes sheâd never brought this girl into her mess in the first place. The sun-kissed Californian had been a classmate who had accidentally stumbled upon Azzi mid-breakdown on a random Thursday. One second she was hesitant, the next she was spilling her woes to a stranger, tired of holding it in. And from then on Zoe had been on a mission to just be there. Sheâd never hidden her intention, always clear that she wanted more than friendship and Azzi, despite knowing that her heart didnât really have space for anyone else, had let her loneliness be her guide and given in to the urge to just let someone hold her. But the truth is that while every other second spent with Zoe was filled with mentions of Paigeâs name, every moment spent with Paige was never about anything else other than her.Â
âShe- she does, she seems happy,â Paige canât bring herself to say the with you. The blonde sounds defeated, as if the admission that Azzi could possibly be happy with someone else has taken everything out of her.Â
âGood, it means a lot,â Zoeâs voice is lighter now, like thereâs a smile hidden in it, âespecially from you. Thank you. Iâll uh- Iâll go see if I can find her.â
Azzi waits for the sound of footsteps shuffling and then the sound of the door clicking behind Zoe, before prying herself out of the stall. Paige is hunched over the sink, face buried in her hands. And the words my fault, my fault, my fault imprint themselves all over Azziâs heart.Â
âYour girlfriendâs looking for you,â Paige says, not bothering to look up.Â
âPaige I-â
âJust go Azzi, weâll justâ Paige scoffs, âweâll just play pretend again,â the walls are up again and Paige is unreachable in her castle built from the ashes of the purity in their friendship that theyâd just sacrified for a fucking quickie in a barely-lit restroom. And maybe Azzi should say something, maybe she should stay and see if she can fight her way into Paigeâs castle. But Azziâs no knight in shining armour, not Paigeâs, not Zoeâs, not anybody elseâs because knights donât cheat and they donât lie and they donât break peopleâs hearts. So she listens to what her best friend says, she walks out, and she pretends she doesnât hear the sob thatâs let out behind her.Â
***
November 2023
UCLA is up on UConn, it should be a pretty momentous occasion and it is. Azziâs had one of the best games of her career to get her team mere seconds away from getting their first win over the powerhouse. For UConn, so has Paige, except thereâs nothing but frustration gleaming in the blondeâs face. The game had been bad for UConn, the cracks created by injuries on full display. And the competitor in Azzi was more than happy to take advantage of that. But the part of her that was Paigeâs best friend was stuck on how tired Paige looked. Someone fucking help her, Azzi had thought throughout the game, she literally just came back from injury.Â
The outcome of the game is clear and Azziâs already on the bench getting rest, cheering for her own team of course, but keeping a subtle eye on whatâs happening with Paige. Azziâs eyes follow Paige as sheâs finally subbed out. The older girl walks to the end of her own bench, hands coming to rest on her thighs as she hangs her head, face scrunched up in irritation. Paige does that thing where it's like sheâs trying to bite of all the skin on her lips and Azzi has the familiar urge to march over and make her stop, preferably by kissing her, not that thatâs a thought sheâs allowed to have.Â
Itâs ironic really, the 2,943 miles that had once been the reason theyâd fallen apart, is the only thing holding them together. Being out of each otherâs reach makes it easier to ignore what had happened over the summer, makes it easier to not give into that same vice all over again. And it makes sense, Azzi thinks, because since sheâs met her, whenever Paige had just been a blurry goofy face on her screen, theyâd been good at the just friends thing. The moment they could touch though, thatâs when lines got blurry. As much as Azziâs not sure how she survived a year without Paige, sheâs even less sure about how sheâd survived that one year where theyâd practically lived in each otherâs skins.Â
Things in the handshake line are somewhat icy with both teams being overprotective of their star players. Muhlâs eyes are full of disdain once she reaches Azzi and Arnold barely shakes her hand, only doing as much as she has to, to keep up appearance. Azziâs teammates arenât any better, Angelica smiles at everyone until she reaches Paige, and Kiki rolls her eyes at the point guard. But it doesnât matter what anybody else does, not when Paige practically falls into Azziâs arms, her tense body finally beginning to relax a little.Â
âYou did good,â Azzi whispers into the blondeâs hair, tightening her hold on the other girl as she soothingly strokes her back.
Paige scoffs, burying her face further into Azziâs neck, âyou did good, I did what I had to.â
They break apart reluctantly, the shutter of cameras ruining the intimacy of the moment. Their hands hold on a touch longer but the minute they finally slip away from each other, the familiar feeling of iâm tired of missing you that seems to always be lingering within Azzi, prickles against her heart.Â
***Â
UConn and UCLA donât have a rivalry but if you were sat at the hotel restaurant in the Cayman Islands on a lovely November evening, you wouldnât know that. Thereâs multiple womenâs basketball teams present at the restaurant and everyoneâs mingling with each other but the Bruins and Huskies seem determined to avoid each other at all costs. At one point, Angelica and Muhl, of course it would be them, accidentally bump into each other and Azzi holds her breath at the icy glare shared between them. Sheâs not sure how she and Paige ended up with something akin to the womenâs basketball version of the Montagues and the Capulets, but it seems fitting with the way her lifeâs been going, that it would eventually start to take the shape of a tragedy.
Itâs around 10pm when Azzi notices Paige moving in the direction of the door, towards the beach. Azzi hesitates for a moment, knowing her need to go after the blonde isn't just one born out of a best friendâs concern, but itâs Paige. It doesnât matter if thereâs inevitable destruction on the other side, itâs Paige and when itâs Paige, Azzi will follow.Â
Paigeâs silhouette on the beach, glowing underneath the moonlight, with waves crashing onto the shore beyond her, is straight out of a dream. Azziâs not an artist by any means, but she thinks if she were, this moment would be her muse. The sea wind causes Paigeâs hair to flutter with it. Her eyes are closed in concentration, knees pressed against her heaving chest as she takes in deep breaths of salty air. Azzi traipses across the sand, sandals in hand, before falling to the ground next to the other girl. A whisper of a smile is the only acknowledgement Paige offers her as they let a comfortable silence glide over them.Â
âIt would be nice to live here,â Paige says after a moment, âitâs peaceful.â
âExcept when it storms,â Azzi surmises.Â
âItâs not peaceful anywhere when it storms,â Paige counters matter-of-factly, âcan you just let me have my moment?
âRight, right, continue.â
âWell now I donât want to.â
Azzi laughs. Paige grins. Itâs so easy. Itâs so fucking scary.Â
âWhyâd you leave the restaurant?â Azzi asks cautiously.Â
âFresh air.â
âAnd?â
Paige sighs, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, âitâs gonna be a long season.â
âIt always feels like that at the beginning.â
âI know- itâs just- after last year- I just thought it would be different. Weâd show the world this time. Be like the other UConn teams of the past. Maybe I just wanted something easier.â
âNo you didnât,â Azzi nudges Paigeâs shoulder, âyouâve never wanted easy in your goddamn life Paige. If itâs not a challenge, then itâs not for you. Because youâre Godâs strongest soldier, and Heâll give you his hardest battles, right?â
âRight, but sometimes I just donât feel so strong.â
âRemember what I said in LA? Itâs okay to feel that way P. Itâs okay to feel however you feel. Let yourself breathe sometimes, itâs good for you. Fall down, let things go, just- remember to get back up and hold on again. Itâll get better, I promise.â
âYou always say the right things,â Paige says quietly, and then even quieter, she whispers under her breath, âyou make it so hard Az.â
Azziâs not fully sure what that means. Sheâs not sure she wants to. Instead she tangles her and Paigeâs fingers together, ignoring the way it feels a little too right, Â and lets them fall back into a peaceful quiet.
âSo,â Paige begins again, after a couple of minutes, âZoe didnât make the trip here?â
Iâm holding your hand and youâre thinking about my girlfriend. Maybe youâre a better person than me.Â
âShe canât just leave all her schoolwork and follow me wherever,â Azzi says, trying to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. Itâs true except the part where Zoe had asked if she wanted her there and Azzi hadnât been able to give her the enthusiastic yes she wanted, starting an unspoken argument that quashed any chance of a nice romantic island getaway for the two of them.Â
âShe did for the Elite 8 last-â Paige bites her tongue.Â
âHow did you-,â Azziâs brain feels dizzy with confusion, âhow could you know that? You left- after the Sweet 16, you- how did you know Zoe was there?â
âI didnât leave,â Paige keeps her eyes adamantly on the ocean, âthe team wanted to stay longer,â thatâs a lie, Azzi knows her too well, âand so I stayed and you know me, I love watching hoops so I uh- I watched your game.â
âYou were there,â Azzi whispers more to herself than Paige at this point. Sheâd been so sure she was just hallucinating, her heart trying to trick itself into seeing what it wanted to see, âwhy didnât you tell me you were there? Why didnât you come see me after the game?â
âI did- fuck Azzi- I did-â
âWhere? I wouldâve seen- I didnât see-âÂ
âI saw you,â Paige cuts through Azziâs frantic questioning, her voice heavy with unspoken emotions as she continues to refuse to look at the younger girl, âyou and Zoe. Together.â
âPaige-â
âAfter the game, you were looking for someone in the stands and I- I thought maybe you were looking for your parents but then I saw you- with her- outside the locker room and- it hit me that- that you were looking for her,â Paige spits the last word out as it feels like lava on her tongue.Â
In the grand scheme of things, maybe Azzi should let Paige keep this misconception, maybe it would make things simpler if she let Paige believe in the idea that there was someone else Azzi sought out when she was struggling. But-Â
âI thought I saw you,â Azzi breathes out, âI should have been looking for Zoe but-â she has to draw in a breath when Paige whips around, piercing blue eyes that feel like they can see straight into Azziâs soul, âPaige, I was looking for you-â
The last bit of sound is stolen away from Azzi as Paigeâs lips crash onto hers. And itâs so different from summer and that wretched bathroom. Something softer, more gentle, but still desperate and passionate. Time slows down, as Azzi pulls Paige into her lap, hands caressing her waist, mouths still moving against each other with perfect rhythm. They only pull away when air becomes a necessity, resting their forehead against each other, as they breathe in sync.Â
âYouâre so beautiful,â Azzi whispers, moving a strand of hair out the blondeâs face.Â
The way Paige blushes is everything, âstop.â
âYou are,â Azzi insists, pressing a kiss against the corner against the edge of her lips, âyouâre perfect P.â
If she goes blind tomorrow, in the next second even, Azzi thinks that would be okay. As long as this, Paige with her soft Azzi smile, looking at her with that sparkle in her eyes, face illuminated by the shine of the stars, is the last thing Azzi sees.Â
Slowly Paige climbs off of her, stretching out a hand to pull Azzi up.Â
âYou donât have a roommate right?,â she asks with a soft smirk that transforms into a shy grin when Azzi nods. And this isnât a version of Paige that Azzi's ever met before, so different from her cocky loud best friend, but sheâd like to learn her all the same.Â
The hotel staff probably think theyâre a little drunk as they giggle their way to Azziâs hotel room. Azzi barely manages to get the door open, before Paigeâs lips are all over her again, drifting everywhere from her lips to her neck to her collarbone.Â
âOff, off, off,â Paige urges, hands pulling away Azziâs shirt and she canât help but giggle at the older girlâs impatience. She keeps her eyes firmly on Paige as she unhooks her bra, smirking as her best friendâs eyes glaze over. Paige moves to touch her, and Azzi moves back immediately.Â
âNuh huh. I show you mine, you show me yours.â
âYouâre so fucking annoying,â Paige groans but does as sheâs told, discarding her shirt and Azziâs smirk widens. She moves towards Paige, slowly tracing her tongue down the older girlâs neck.Â
âAm I?â Azzi whispers, as she backs her best friend onto the bed. Paigeâs eyes follow her every movement as Azzi slowly slides down Paigeâs pants, and then her underwear. She runs a finger down Paigeâs soaked folds, causing the other girlâs body to shiver, âso wet already, for someone so annoying?â
âFuck y-â Paige cuts herself off with a groan, when Azziâs fingers find her sensitive clit.
Settling herself in between the older girl's legs, Azzi grazes her teeth against Paigeâs left thigh, satisfied when it makes the other girlâs breath hitch, âif Iâm so annoying maybe I should go?â
âDonât you fucking dare,â Paige warns breathlessly, head propped up against Azziâs pillows.Â
âThatâs what I thought,â Azzi smirks, as she peppers kisses up Paigeâs thighs, her right thumb lazily flickering against Paigeâs clit.Â
âYouâre such a fucking tease,â Paige lets out a frustrated whine, âjust fuck me already.â
Azzi bites down hard against Paigeâs thigh, wanting to leave a mark in the one place no one would ever see it, before looking up at Paige, âwhatever you want.â
Paigeâs entire body writhes as Azzi fucks her tongue into Paigeâs pussy, building pace with every thrust. One hand fists around the sheets, as the other moves to grab at Azziâs head, trying to guide her in deeper.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck shit Azzi please,â Paige curses, eyes rolling into her skull, âjust like that fuck.â
Sheâs so close, words becoming incoherent noises, thighs beginning to shake, when Azzi pulls her tongue off.
âWhat the fuck-â Paige almost yells but it turns into a groan when Azzi replaces her tongue with two fingers instead, âshit- FUCK.â
Azzi attaches her now-free lips to Paigeâs clit and she can tell itâs too much. Paigeâs back arches off the bed as her eyes go hazy. And then Azziâs above her, fingers still rapidly pumping into Paige, as she places a delicate kiss against her lips.Â
âLet go baby, Iâve got you,â Azzi whispers into Paigeâs ear as the blonde closes her eyes, letting her orgasm wash all over her, âIâve got you.â
Paige is still for a second, as Azzi slips her fingers out, continuing to press lazy open-mouthed kisses against her best friendâs neck. She squeals when she feels herself being flipped over, back hitting the mattress.Â
âWhat was it you said?â Paige asks cheekily, as starts to unbutton Azziâs jeans, âI showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.â
Azzi rolls her eyes, a laugh escaping her throat. Trust them to be dorks even in a moment like this. And then Paige attaches her lips to Azziâs clit and the giggles turn into loud desperate moans. When she slips her fingers in, itâs clear Paige remembers exactly how to push Azzi over the edge.Â
âSo fucking perfect,â Paige whispers from between her legs, eyes looking up at a blissed-out Azzi with awe, âyouâre so fucking perfect.â
âThatâs you,â Azzi manages to get out in between bated breaths, before her own orgasm hits her, and Paigeâs name waterfalls out of her lips like a prayer.Â
Thereâs no more words after that, only shared looks and soft grins as they make their way into the en-suite bathroom, lazily washing each other between stolen kisses. They fall asleep, wrapped in each other's arms with matching content smiles.Â
***
Azzi wakes up alone the next morning. Thereâs no scribbled note, or even a text. In fact thereâs really no proof that Paige was ever there to begin with, except for the ghost of Paigeâs touch written all over Azziâs skin. For a second, Azzi sits in bed and stares out her window. There's a thunderstorm brewing outside (it's not peaceful anywhere when it storms). She watches the raindrops slide down one by one and decides that, thatâs the only water thatâll fall today because she wonât shed a single tear and she wonât cry and she most definitely wonât sob.Â
She replies to Zoeâs i miss you text with a me too she doesnât mean.
And then she gets up and goes on with her day.Â
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