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mittai · 4 years ago

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Omg! Only just noticed ur tag on the rb, idk if u were joking abt any of these but... if you /do/ have e thoughts on voting rights, parenting culture and/or cereal brands id love to hear them ✨👀📝

wow 2 asks in a row true bestie <3

voting rights: ok this mostly us-centric, but i’ll be referencing several other countries’ policies. obviously voting rights in the us are kind of a hot mess. from voter suppression to gerrymandering to the actual counting system to felons’ lack of rights. so here’s a couple priorities, not in any particular order: 1) popular vote national elections. none of this electoral college bullshit. the idea that a state is a fundamental unit that needs rights in a national election is bullshit. it drowns out minorities in each state (california conservatives, wyoming democrats, etc). 2) limits of voter purges. this one is kinda obvious, but states use really fucked mechanisms for voter roll purges as a form of voter suppression. 3) automatic voter registration + same day voting registration. the fact is that the system is designed to be as inconvenient as possible on purpose. we need to make it way easier to register + vote 4) some sort of geographic / population requirement for polls + ballot dropboxes. again, one i haven’t fully hammered out in my head, but we need to actually put numbers into the law wrt to how much time and effort a state can legally make a voter put in to vote. 5) universal mail in voting w/ the deadline according to the date of post-marking, not the date of arrival. this is obvious. for people in rural areas, disabled people, people who are simply too busy. 6) make election day a national holiday + make it a saturday + make it illegal for employers to give any less than 6 hours off. most laws are state based, and some don’t even have laws forcing employers to give any time off. obviously, this affects the working class the most. frankly, one of the most common reasons cited for not voting is that people were simply too busy. 7) ranked voting. this is the one where you rank n candidates from 1st choice to nth choice. it would stop people from strategically voting one of the 2 parties’ candidates because independents can’t break through. would also probably decrease polarization, and takes into account the people you really don’t want in power. another option is ranking each candidate from 1-5 or smth. 8) independent districting. a few states have this, but it needs to be national policy for independent committees w/ equal republicans, equal democrats, and equal independents. here’s an example of what some states do. in many states, the politicians currently in power draw the redistricting map for the next election. gerrymander away i guess. an interesting tidbit: iirc HR1 proposes this + has some actual numbers like “if a candidate can win with x% of the vote or less your districting isn’t allowed” and those could have real power. 9) dc statehood + puerto rico statehood + some form of congressional representation for all the us territiories.

parenting culture: ok so i have lots of opinions on this like i know i’ve never been a parent obv, but i’ve been doing tutoring and daycare work for kids ranged 6 from 8th grade to high schoolers more recently. first of all, grounding is like such a fucked concept in general, especially as a punishment for bad grades. like it makes total sense to be like “hey you gotta time block x hours for homework, put ur phone away during hw, and check in with us every day until shit gets back on track” or something like that. but i’ve seen parents (not often luckily) be like “you’re grounded so you can’t go out with friends, do fun extracurriculars, or have the internet or read books for fun (<- that last one is less common but my parents did it 💀)” which in general is like wtf. that’s basically an exhaustive list of all the things a kid uses for relaxation. taking all of that away and only allowing a kid to do work is the fastest recipe for a kid that’s burnt out, unable to focus, and frustrated. you need to link the consequences to the problem, and the consequences should also be remedial in some form. that often does mean added supervision, but some of this is just like detrimental and damaging. also, if schoolwork, if scheduled and time managed properly, is taking so much time a kid has no time for fun, there’s a bigger problem that’s either a) the school is teaching your kid poorly / assigning too much work or b) your kid genuinely needs extra help and accommodations in the classroom. outside of more supervision during hw time, there’s no reason to like ban socialization + activities, all of which are essential to a child’s growth and mental health. your child needs to unwind after a school day and homework, which might i remind you, is a lot of work for children!!! also, this is kind of a pet peeve, but the entire you can’t have the opposite sex in ur room with the door closed is just so funny like it doesn’t even inspire rage in me just mocking laughter wow the heteronormativity really jumped out lol. also, this is kind of weird again, but you should probably have a conversation with your children about religion + religious freedom at some point, especially if they grow up in a household that practices religion actively. like at some point if your child is like “i don’t want to go to church / the kovil / other religious house of worship” or expresses desire to drop other religious practices like prayer, or fasting, or something of the like, you should let them. like i am a very big believer in children’s religious freedom lol. uhhh finally this one is more geared towards parenting culture around teenagers + high schoolers, but i generally feel like the correlation of grades with how “good” your child is is really fucked. like i’m sorry if you raised a kind, polite, honest child and you made them think they were “a bad kid” or deserved to be punished for bad grades get out. like obv encourage academic growth if your child is into that, but don’t punish a lack of academic success. a few positive things tho: you should teach your child how to do chores and also cook food. like when hammering out a chores schedule, i’d suggest allowing them some freedom in what time of day they do the chores, but they’re life skills that need to be taught, even if kids complain (i certainly did). another strange one: uhhh immigrant parents from outside the anglosphere please take care to pass on your mother tongue to your child. like this is one of those things where it’s better to teach them now than later. growing up bilingual is a lot easier than relearning a mother tongue. speak your mother tongue at home. if you’re worried about your child learning english properly for school, most public schools have language remedial courses or something of the like. also your cuisine if possible. a final one: your high schooler is probably stressed the fuck out. studies show that the increasing amount of homework, the increased competitiveness of college, and the fact that the school start time is way too early for teens’ sleep schedules. like we know there are pervasive mental health and depression problems linked directly to how much work and stress high schoolers have to deal with, which leads to poorer sleeping habits, poorer mental health, and increased substance use as a coping mechanism. before you add more stress to their lives by “pushing” them towards more competitive colleges, maybe take this into consideration. also maybe consider if this is why you feel like your kid went through the stereotypical teenage phase. was it hormones making them cranky or was it sleep depression and stress? just try to avoid adding pressure onto them, especially in junior year and the first half of senior year. finally, there’s no need to make your teenage daughter shave. period. also, liberal families please maybe check yourselves on this one. maybe think about why you pressure your daughters to shave your legs but not your sons, and then go on to talk about gender equality. stop pretending it’s “a part of hygiene” or “basic grooming and self care”.

cereal brands: ok this is the most light hearted one 😊. ranked in order of acceptably health to wtf, i like a few cereal brands, specifically raisin bran (unpopular opinion i know 🙄), honey bunches of oats, and if i feel like a treat, cinnamon crunch toast :)

Ask Game: thoughts on “________”

#00 #hiba #inbox #this got so long i'm sorry i don't mind if you can't bring yourself to read all of that 😭#fghjk so many topic tags #ask game

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skiller0dani · 4 years ago

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Abandon Ship | Monty De La Cruz

M A S T E R L I S T Timothy Granaderos Masterlist

smut requests info

important notice: 13 reasons why covers some really heavy stuff and their material can be extremely triggering. seeing as my writing is supposed to be for fun only I won’t be including many of the topics seen in the show. in fact, unless I say otherwise most of all my writings for this show will take place before Hannah Bakers suicide. if you or a loved one ever needs to seek professional help please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

also: MONTY DESERVED BETTER AND HE WAS A VICTIM AS WELL YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. mkay that’s all. enjoy, my loves xx

why are all the men named timothy hot as hell??? first timothee chalamet and now timothy granaderos?? wtf???

You doubt Monty knew you were Alex’s twin sister. At least you hoped he didn’t, because if he did and continued to beat Alex to a pulp then that would show how much you actually matter to him. You held a bandage in your hand, carefully dabbing at Alex’s eye which was split open. “Don’t tell Dad.” You nearly laughed at how ludicrous his request was. Alex looked as though he’d gone 4 rounds with a boxer, there was no way Dad wasn’t going to notice. “I can’t cover this with makeup Al, Dad is going to notice.” You tell him and you see the subtle eye roll and the oncoming lecture he knew he would receive. His eye was swollen shut, and there were cuts and bruises all over his face. “So what did you say to piss Monty off?” You ask, you know your boyfriend pretty well. He’d been trying to get a handle on his anger management issues and normally he could keep it together...unless provoked. In no way was what Monty did to Alex justifiable, but you knew Alex could get fired up and he says shit without thinking. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t change the fact that your boyfriend is a psychopath.” Alex says with a heavy sigh as he shoves past you out of the bathroom.

“Like how do you know he won’t turn that anger on you someday?” Alex says, both anger and concern deep in his eyes as he watches you. You begin to clean up the bandages and bloody rags, “Monty would never hurt me. He loves me.” You argue gently, you trust Monty with your life. Alex scoffs and you can tell he’s still stood behind you. “So he says. I don’t know how you trust him at all.” With that last grumble Alex retreats back to his bedroom, leaving you to finish cleaning the bathroom. When your Dad gets home, you know he’s going to ask where Alex is. Although it’s not unusual for Alex to hide away in his room these days, he’s getting...angrier than he used to be. You heard the kids at Liberty High whispering about what happened, Alex picked a fight with Monty. Alex approached him first, Alex egged him on. Alex knows about Monty’s explosive temper so why on Earth would he do that?

“Hey honey, where’s your brother?” Your Dad smiles as he presses a kiss to your head. You return his hug as he wraps his arms around you, “room.” You tell him simply and when he releases you to head for Alex’s room you wait for the yelling to start. After the door opens, it does’t take long for the bomb to go off and soon they’re screaming at each other. Your Dad is obviously very upset that someone nearly beat Alex half to death, but you get upset after Alex opens his mouth and a barrage of words spill out. “It’s only because of Y/N’s freak boyfriend! He’s a fucking lunatic, he’s the one who did this to me! How could you let her date someone like that?” As soon as the words leave his lips he sees the shift in Deputy Standall. Your eyes widen, first of all your Dad didn’t even know you were dating anybody. Second of all, this is his very first impression of Monty. “Alex you are such an asshole!” You yell as you slam your bedroom door before propping your office chair against it to keep it closed.

The next morning you emerged from your room only when Monty texted that he was out front. This is the first time Monty has picked you up from your house but you figured it was time he knew who your family was. Your Dad was of course waiting for you by the front door with a look of both concern and anger on his face. “Y/N why didn’t you tell me and your Mom you were seeing anybody? I don’t want you to see him again, look what he did to your brother.” Your Dad said sternly but you shook your head forcefully as you pulled your shoes on. “Well I’m pretty sure Alex left out the part where he egged Monty on. Alex started the fight Dad. That fight was both of their faults. I don’t want to be late for school.” You snapped as you shoved past your Dad and out to Monty’s car. Offering a smile, Monty noticed right away that something was off with you. You slid into the passenger seat as Monty leaned over to press a sweet kiss to your lips. “What’s up with you baby?” He asks, genuine concern in his eyes. He looked up and spotted Deputy Standall standing in the doorway and his eyes widened.

“Woah shit, is that your Dad?” Monty asks as he pulls off down the street. You’re silent in the passenger seat, your arms crossed. Your silent treatment and tense body language is starting to freak Monty out as he fidgets with a seam on his jeans. “Baby did I do something?” He asks, his panicked eyes glancing over at you. You smiled bitterly as you turn your head to look at him, “yeah Monty you did. You beat my twin brother to a pulp yesterday.” You snap and Monty looks confused for a second before a look of understanding dawns on his face. “Alex is your brother? Ah shit baby, I’m sorry I didn’t know.” Monty says with a sigh as he pulls into his usual parking spot at the school. You stay silent, but honestly you feel a bit relieved that he didn’t know. Monty turns to you and takes your hand, “I’m sorry Y/N. Is uh is he okay?” Monty asks but from the tension seeping into his voice you can tell he really doesn’t care if Alex is okay or not. You exit the car, with Monty not too far behind you as he slings your bag over his shoulder. Just like he does every morning.

“What was the fight about?” You ask, remembering how Alex completely avoided the question when you tried to ask him. Monty looks uncomfortable as his hand slides into yours, your eyebrows pinch together. “Monty.” Your voice is angrier then you intended but you were angry. Why wont either of them tell you what’s going on? You pulled your hand from Monty’s and snatched your bag from his shoulder. “I have to go meet with Jess.” You snap angrily as you stomp down the hallway, leaving a very dejected Monty behind. You spent most of the rest of the day avoiding Monty and Alex, having had enough of both of them. Monty leaned back against the lockers, his eyes on you as you stood and chatted with Clay. “Yeah I saw the fight from yesterday, Monty went kind of crazy.” Clay commented, and you sighed while pinching the bridge of your nose. You had been really good friends with Clay since 6th grade and you can honestly say he’s one of your closest friends. “Neither of them will tell me what happened either. It’s pissing me off.” You grumble, catching Monty’s agitated gaze. Clay shut his locker and turned to face you, “I think I heard one of them say your name but I’m not sure. Anyway I should go, Monty looks like he wants to kill me.” Clay says, his eyes also meeting Monty’s before he turns and heads down the hall.

You roll your eyes at Monty and you turn to follow the path Clay took when you feel a hand wrap around your arm. You’re not at all surprised to see Monty forcefully, but gently, dragging you to a supply closet. When he shuts the door behind you two, you can practically feel the frustration coming from him. “The fuck Y/N! I said I was sorry about Alex I don’t know what else you want from me.” Monty snapped, crossing his arms as you glare up at him. “And seriously, Jensen? You avoid me all day and I see you hanging out with fucking Clay Jensen.” Monty snaps, and while most people would see anger you can see a flicker of insecurity flash behind his eyes. “Monty what I want is the truth. What happened with Alex? You know Clay is my friend Mon, he doesn’t mean anything to me.” You tell him gently, your anger melting away when you see how big of an issue this is for him. “You wanna know what happened with Alex? Fine! What happened was that he reminded me how bad I am for you, how fucking badly I’m going to fuck up your life.” Monty snapped, nothing but fear and self-hatred pooling in his eyes.

“He reminded me how I’m just some stupid prick from the wrong part of town with a drunk Dad who beats on me for fun. He reminded me how I have no idea how to love people or how to let them love me. My life has been in a downward spiral from the moment I was born, my life is a sinking ship Y/N and if you knew any better you’d find a fucking lifeboat and abandon ship.” By the time Monty was finished there were unshed tears in his eyes and he refused to look at you. His chest is heaving and you can tell what Alex said really got to him. You take a step forward and reach up to cup his cheeks before you’re forcing him to meet your gaze. “I love you Montgomery. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” You whisper but Monty pulls away, his eyes sad and his body language tense. “No I’m not. I nearly beat your brother half to death yesterday because he had the balls to tell me the truth. We can’t be together, you’re too good for me. You deserve to be with someone like Clay.” Monty says, turning for the door.

Your heart is broken even though you know he didn’t mean it. Your heart is fucking broken even though you know his is too. You lay back on your bed, the tears still fresh and rolling down your cheeks. Monty broke up with you today. He thinks he’s saving you, but he’s hurting you. Alex knocks on the door before pushing it open, guilt weighing heavily in his chest when he sees the tears. “Well what you said must have resonated with Monty because you got what you wanted. He broke up with me because you’ve convinced him he’s going to ruin my life.” You said, your voice weak from the crying. Alex stayed silent as he pushed his hands into his jean pockets. “I didn’t want this, I just wanted you to be safe.” Alex says sadly but you laugh bitterly as you roll to your right side. “Don’t worry Alex, my body is safe but my heart has been fucking shattered now get the hell out.” You snap as sobs begin to choke through your chest again. Alex leaves and closes the door behind him, leaving you alone with your quiet crying.

School the next day was awkward. And painful. You’d arrived with Alex, but as soon as you crossed the threshold into the school you bolted to find Clay. You couldn’t be around Monty or Alex right now. You could see Monty out of the corner of your eye in his usual place against the lockers with the football guys. You felt tears thickening in your eyes as you turned towards Clay, who had been gracious enough to endure a 3 hour phone call last night about the breakup. He’d listened to you cry and he comforted you and promised he’d walk everywhere with you today. Monty spotted the bags under your swollen eyes, he felt guilt upon the realization you must have spent most of the night crying. In the long run this is better for you though, you’ll get over Monty and find someone who could treat you better. Or at least that’s what Monty repeatedly told himself to stop from caving and begging for your forgiveness. You had your back to Monty and firmly on Clay- who had been babbling on about some robot comic he reads. You’d asked him to talk about literally anything to keep your mind off Monty.

Alex sat on the bleachers, his elbows resting on his knees. He didn’t only see how messed up you were, he also saw how messed up Monty was. He was stalking through the halls like a ticking time bomb, as though he’s waiting for someone to give him a reason to hit them. Alex knew he messed up, and he also knew he needed to be the one to fix it. He pushes from the table and after checking the clock he figures Monty will probably be out back, it’s his off hour. When Alex pushes through the schools back doors he sees Monty send his fist into some kids face, “you wanna say that about my girl again?” His voice was tense and his fist was holding the kids shirt tightly. The kid, who apparently said something about Y/N, quickly shook his head while reaching up to pinch his bleeding nose. Monty released the kid, watching him scramble inside and his eyes land on Alex. “Y/N send you?” Monty asks, looking down at his bruised and bloody knuckles. Alex shook his head as he took a few steps towards Monty, “no but I am here because of her.”

Monty reached into his backpack to pull out a rag, which already had bloodstains on it to wipe his knuckles. “I think breaking up with her was a mistake. She’s like really sad.” Alex says, itching the back of his neck as Monty pauses for a second before continuing to wipe his hand. “That’s funny coming from you. Nice face by the way.” Monty says, a snide smiling crossing onto his face. When he’s in pain he deflects and lashes out. “I know. Look I’m sorry about what I said yesterday, I know you have a crappy home life but I guess I didn’t realize how happy you make Y/N. Even though you’re an asshole to everyone else, you’re really good to her. Don’t punch me for saying this but I think she’s changing you, you’re way less of an asshole then you were 6 months ago.” Alex said and Monty turned to look at him, an unreadable expression on his face. “I might have been right about a few things but definitely not about everything. I was wrong when I said Y/N would be happier without you, because I’ve never seen her so sad. She was up all night crying on the phone with Clay.” Monty’s eyebrows rise at the mention of Clay.

“I mean you can do what you want but I genuinely think the best thing for Y/N is you. So, yeah.” Alex says, clearing his throat awkwardly before turning back inside the school. “Also she’s been with Clay all day. Last I heard they were getting pretty friendly in the Library.” Alex quips before the door closes. That’s a lie of course, while it is true you’re in the Library with Clay you two are in no way getting ‘friendly’. The comment is enough however to set Monty off, so he yanks open the door and storms for the Library. When Monty nearly barrels into the Library he sees you and Clay looking for a book near the back, but you’re not really near each other. Just talking. “Fuckin’ Alex.” Monty grumbles and as Monty turns to leave he hears his name come from your angelic lips. “I haven’t heard from Monty yet. He hasn’t even glanced in my direction.” You say to Clay sadly. Clay reaches up to grab a book from a higher shelf that you were struggling to reach, “well if he’s not a complete retard he’ll come around. I don’t know Monty very well but I know he cares about you.” Clay reassures and while you smile you’re not sure you believe him.

As you and Clay keep searching for books, you feel a large, familiar hand wrap around your arm. “Can we talk?” Monty asks, his eyes boring into yours. Clay continues down the isles of books, a small smile on his face. You nod hesitantly as you pull Monty to a back corner of the Library. Monty awkwardly itches the back of his neck as you wait for him to say something. Desperately trying to form the right words in his head Monty rolls his eyes as he cups your cheeks. He’s always been more of an action guy than a word guy. He desperately presses his lips against yours, his hands pulling you impossibly close to his body. You melt into him as your arms wrap around his neck. “I love you.” Monty whispers against your lips, his hands sliding down to rest on your hips. There is nobody in this secluded area of the Library and soon the kisses grow more frantic, as Monty reaches for your ass to haul you up. You wrap your legs around his waist as he rests you on a table, his lips fervently moving against yours. Monty’s hands press flat against the table on either side of your legs. He grinds his hardening cock into you, causing a breathless gasp to escape your lips.

“Monty we can’t, not here.” You whisper through the kisses as Monty’s fingers begin to dance up your thighs. Your head falls back as Monty’s lips trail down your neck to your shoulder, “sure we can baby. You just gotta be quiet for me.” Monty whispers into your skin as his hands make contact with your core through your jeans. You bite your lip to prevent a moan from slipping out, you grind your hips into his hand in an attempt to get more friction. “Think you can keep those pretty sounds you make nice and quiet so I can fuck you right here?” Monty asks, his hand rubbing tortuously slow. You bite down hard on your lip as your fingers grab tightly onto Monty’s shoulders. “God Monty,” You moan softly into his ear as his knee presses between your legs to part them. His lips work magic on your neck as he sucks and bites all the right places, “please tell me this is makeup sex.” You whisper as your fingers gasp onto the short hairs on his head.

“Baby this is ‘I never should have let you go’ sex.” Monty whispered, his fingers gently popping the button of your jeans open. Monty quickly glances over his shoulder, and when he sees nobody in sight he pulls your jeans down to your calves. “I love you,” Monty whispers, his eyes looking into yours as his hand dips under the waistband of your panties. Your fingers gently rub along his neck as his fingers dip into your wet opening, “fuck I love you Monty.” You nearly cry out as he begins to slowly pump 2 fingers into you. Monty’s forehead is nearly pressed against yours as his hand comes up to clasp over your mouth. His pupils dilate as he lustfully watches your eyes roll back in your head when he crooks his fingers inside you. Your fingers curl around his wrist to ensure he keeps pumping his fingers into you but much to your dismay Monty pulls his hand away when he notices your thighs beginning to shake. Reattaching his lips to yours Monty lets you reach for the button of his jeans.

You desperately fumble with the button of his jeans before you finally pop them open and yank the zipper down. “Condom?” You whisper against his lips and Monty nods quickly while digging into the pocket of his jeans. He always has one with him just in case the two of you can’t wait until school is over. Like now. After Monty has rolled the condom down onto his hard cock he presses the head against your entrance. “Now baby I need you to be nice and quiet or we’re going to get in a lot of trouble mkay?” Monty breathes softly against your lips and you nod as your arms pulls his body closer to yours. Monty wraps one arm around your body as the other reaches down to help guide his cock into your tight opening. “Shit Y/N.” Monty hisses quietly as he stretches you open, inch by inch. Your mouth hangs open as a quiet gasp escapes your mouth at the feeling of Monty sliding inside you. Monty begins to slowly but forcefully thrust into you, his hand coming up to cover your mouth when a tiny moan escapes. You’re softly crying out against his palm as he pushes into you over and over again. “Christ baby you feel so good around me.” Monty huskily whispers into your neck as you hold his hand over your lips. You’d cry out in ecstasy if his hand wasn’t there.

Monty’s other hand reaches down to thumb at your clit, “need you to cum around my cock baby. Fuck I need to feel you cum around me, need to know I’m making you feel good.” Monty breathes, his face still nuzzled into your neck. You feel the heat spreading through your body like liquid fire as you keep your knees spread wide open for him, your chest heaving against his. Your hips begin to buck against his and with one more sharp, forceful thrust into you Monty slams the head of his cock directly into your g-spot and you cum instantaneously. You clench hard around him as you cum on his cock and Monty groans softly as he also cums into the condom as you cum. Monty presses a long kiss to your sweaty forehead before he pulls out and tosses the condom into a large trashcan sitting nearby. Monty tucks his cock back into his jeans as he pulls your jeans back up your legs. After Monty buttons your jeans again he looks up into your eyes, “baby I’m sorry. What Alex said just really got to me because he said literally everything I have ever worried about, out loud, straight to my face. I’m really good at pretending to be confident but I can’t act around you. You always see right through me, and I got scared. So I ran. If Alex didn’t come and tell me to get off my ass and fix this I don’t know if I would have and that scares me more.”

“Wait Alex came and talk to you today?” You ask and Monty nods, his hands resting on your hips as you stay seated on the table. “He told me to fix this, and well I’m glad he did.” Monty smiled, a loving look crossing onto his face as he studies your eyes. “I’m not about to be a presumptuous asshole and assume you’ll take me back because you let me fuck you so, Y/N baby will you please take me back?” Monty asks and you can see that flicker of fear in his eyes that you’ll say no. You press your lips against his again, nearly taking him by surprise as he stumbles back a step when you completely throw yourself into his arms. “I love you and you’re stuck with me.” You smile and Monty smiles widely, pressing his forehead against yours. “I love you-” “God ew I’m happy you two are back together but seriously ew.” A voice sounds from behind you. You step back onto the floor as you turn to see Alex with a grimace on his face. “Will you two just hurry up? There’s a fight out back and for once Monty isn’t involved.” Alex says with a roll of his eyes as he watches Monty smack your ass. You lace your fingers with Monty’s as you two follow Alex out of the Library.

#13 reasons why #monty de la cruz #monty de la cruz smut #monty deserved better #13 reasons why smut #Smut #alex standall #sister!standall #timothy granaderos #timothy granaderos smut

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madeofitzits · 5 years ago

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In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x)

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x)

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7. ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x)

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x)

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x)

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x)

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x)

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x)

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x)

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x)

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58. … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x)

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

youtube

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x)

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x)

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x)

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

youtube

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x)

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

#99 reasons to love #andy samberg #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #a masterpost for the best boy there is

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moons-and-stars-and-shit · 4 years ago

Note

Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)

So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.

I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.

I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)

🍰 for @shotosimp2

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

Ok im ngl

Y'all had know clue who each other were

Well that's a lie

Of course you knew who Oikawa was

But you just didn't care

Now Oikawa always saw you around school

You know...in the school uniform

But one day

He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory

And apart of him was like bitch wtf

And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗

So he approached you and complimented your outfit

And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading

Wait

You just said thanks???

No fan girling????

Not even a blush??????

Nothing????????????

OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street

But you went to school with him?

So you had to know who he was right?

Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction

The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you

And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know

Oikawa: >:o

Then Iwa had a brilliant idea

Get this

Maybe

Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him

Wild theory I know

So now Oikawa had a new goal

Befriending you

It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together

Soon enough you guys became close friends

And oikawa was happy with just being your friend

At least...he thought he was

But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months

And even though you had each others numbers

Everything without you just seemed so dull

Omg

Did he really have feelings for you?

The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you

Like LIKED liked you

So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you

And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too

So you said yes

What they love about you

He loves how normal you treat him

Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity

Expected it even

But the more time he spent around you

The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally

Ok screw what your friend says

He loves your humor!

Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit

If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages

85% of it would be dumb ass memes

And honestly

This boy makes jokes about his trauma too

“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure”

“My existence”

“...”

“Ayyyyy”

He loves how easy it is to talk to you

Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before

And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE

So yeah

Trust between you two

ASTRONOMICAL

What you love about them

You love how supportive he is

If you say you wanna do something

He is right behind you cheering you on

You could tell him you want to commit arson

And he'd just be like

Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅

You can always count on this man to be in your corner

Speaking of

You can always count on oikawa period

Which is another thing that you love about him

If oikawa is anything

He is a man of his word

If he says hes gonna do something

You know he's gonna do it

He's just overall a really reliable person

You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better

Fr after you guys started dating your grades went

Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him

But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better

And if you do improve on something

He is HYPING you up

“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”

Favorite things to do together

Yall love to just go to the store and window shop

Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes

So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room

Taking pictures of your outfits

Then leaving

Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…

But who cares what they think

And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things

Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food

Cause why not

Random Hc

He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME

But like, can you blame him????

You're not even 5 feet tall!!!

“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”

Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”

“Touche”

He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE

Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗

He called you every day while you were studying abroad

He even sent you a oikawa plushie

You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it

When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport

Astrology

Virgo + Cancer

Compatibility 80%

Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.

The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.

If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.

In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.

If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.

If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.

Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.

If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.

This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.

This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.

Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.

Overall Aesthetic

Grunge Glamour ✨

Songs -

Tia tamera (Doja Cat)

Verbratem (mother mother

Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)

Hayloft (mother mother)

Stupid (ashnikko)

#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu matchups #oikawa hcs #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa x y/n #oikawa headcanons #oikawa tooru

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vanityloves · 4 years ago

Text

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

#rip lol i feel annoying but my blog my rights ig #brainworm ivy #gorillaz rambles

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lastsonlost · 5 years ago

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Oh gasps, I'm shocked.

Who would have thunk it?

The story:

Updated with Sunday figures: In the wake of Terminator: Dark Fate’s failure at the B.O., and Paramount’s recent decision to make Beverly Cops 4 for Netflix, we have the further breakdown of cinema IP in Sony’s Charlie’s Angels reboot, which is tanking with a God-awful $8.6M domestic opening, $27.9M worldwide (from 26 markets), 3 Stars on Screen Engine-Comscore’s PostTrak, and a B+ Cinemascore.

The Elizabeth Banks-directed-written and produced pic is also opening in 27 offshore markets,

China being one where it’s also bombing,

with a $7.8M 3-day take in third place behind No. 1 local title Somewhere Winter ($13.1M).

All of this is primed to further spur a WTF reaction and anxiety among film development executives in town in regards to what the hell exactly works in this have-and-have-not era of the theatrical marketplace. Many will make the hasty generalization that old, dusty IP doesn’t work, or is now deemed too risky when it’s not a superhero project. However, moviemaking is an art, not a science, and annoying as it might sound, good movies float to the top, and this Charlie’s Angels reboot didn’t have the goods going back to its script.

<Maybe somebody should have been working on a good story instead of pushing an agenda.

We’re going to break down for you what went wrong in another graph, but we don’t want to bury the success of Disney’s release of Fox’s James Mangold-directed Ford v Ferrari, which looks to be coming in at $31.5M, well ahead of the $20M+ many were seeing, with an awesome A+ CinemaScore and 4 1/2 stars and a 68% definite recommend on Screen Engine/Comscore’s PostTrak. After a franchise-laden summer which buried originals, now an original pic is sticking it to the IP.

When it comes to the bombing of Charlie’s Angels, the takeaway is this is what happens when you have IP, but there’s no reason for telling the story.

In the walk-up to developing Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, and in the wake of its near $1 billion success, a fever broke out at the Culver City lot in the post-Amy Pascal era to reboot former Sony franchises or extend them, i.e. Zombieland: Double Tap (well over $103M at the global B.O. now), the upcoming Bad Boys 3, and, of course, Spider-Man, the latter electrified by Disney’s Marvel. Development studio executives define their being by getting films greenlit, and whenever that happens, it’s 90% of the job.

And the pressure is on to fill a 10-12 picture annual slate in a world where Disney vacuums up all the best IP. A third Charlie’s Angels with McG directing and Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu starring, wasn’t made immediately after the second chapter, 2003’s Full Throttle, as the sequel turned out to be 29% more expensive than the 2000 original at $120M, and also made less worldwide, $259.1M to $264.1M. With Elizabeth Banks coming off her hot feature directorial debut with Universal’s Pitch Perfect 2 (which over-indexed in its stateside opening at the B.O., going from $50M projections to $69.2M, and finaled global at $287.1M); after she expressed interest in September 2015 in taking on a Charlie’s Angels reboot with a modern feminist spin, there was no question in Sony’s mind that the project should move forward.

<Yeah Sony, how's that working out for you? You think they would have learned their lesson...

Guess not.

Back to the story.....

However, there were script problems, I hear, that could never be resolved. A few months after Banks boarded, Evan Spiliotopoulos came on to write. By the time cast was assembled in July 2018, Banks had penned the latest draft off a script by Jay Basu (The Girl in the Spider’s Web), and earlier drafts by Craig Mazin and Semi Chellas. Andrea Giannetti oversaw the project on the lot. However, I hear that the script for Charlie’s Angels didn’t really attract top talent, i.e. Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone and Margot Robbie (a trio that would have potentially jazzed up business). Hence, why the production opted to go with largely a fresh face cast outside of Kristen Stewart. While we overwrite that stars mean nothing at the box office, they do, sometimes, when it comes to propping IP, and unfortunately and arguably, no one in Middle America knows who British actress Ella Balinska is, and they’ve only became recently acquainted with Naomi Scott from Disney’s Aladdin and Lionsgate’s Power Rangers. Stewart, who is hysterical in the movie and even needed more funny bits, is in a different place in her career professionally, publicly, and privately. It’s unfair to think that she could delver her Twilight fans now.

Had she done Charlie’s Angels promptly in the swell of the Twilight whirlwind (like Snow White and the Huntsmen) then maybe it would have popped.

But she has largely been dormant from popcorn wide releases for the last seven years since 2012’s Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, busy excelling and wowing in specialty awards season and festival fare like Clouds of Sils Maria, Still Alice, and this year’s Seberg, to name a few. Stewart needed to be paired with equal or bigger-name actresses.

was a one quadrant movie, eyed at women 13-39, especially given its lack of action scenes, and wisely limited their exposure to what I hear is 50%, with co-finance partners 2.0 Entertainment and Perfect World. Sony claims the budget is $48M net; we’ve heard in the mid $50Ms. Tax incentives were taken in the pic’s Berlin and Hamburg shoots. Perhaps Sony should have spent more, because Charlie’s Angels biggest problem is that it has very low-octane, we’ve-seen-it-all-before action scenes. Heck, there’s more action in a 1980s Chuck Norris movie. After watching Charlie’s Angels earlier this week, I put the first two McG movies on Netflix, and it was like watching Star Wars in comparison to this reboot, with his sharp production design, camera movements, unique action, and comedy set pieces, and, of course, the first movie blasted Sam Rockwell out of a cannon. Understand that the first two movies in the series were able to compete and hold their own in an action space where, yes, Mission: Impossible and Fast & Furious (the first two films came out in 2001 and 2003) also thrived. Mission and Fast sequels distinguish themselves on multiple 10-minute action sequences that we’ve never seen before on screen; it doesn’t matter who the villain is. This Charlie’s Angels doesn’t have that. And not even a super-duper hit song “Don’t Call Me Angel” for the movie from Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, and Lana Del Ray can trigger lines at the multiplex; the music video clocking over 116M views on YouTube, per entertainment social media monitor RelishMix.

Some will claim that Banks’ version was never intended to emulate the meat and potatoes version of McG’s films; that this version was expected to be more comedic, and more feminist. Unfortunately, after McG set the table here with the franchise as an action film, you can’t reverse it. You can only outdo him. And with a franchise movie like Charlie’s Angels, you can’t make it for a one quadrant audience.

The film arrived on tracking with a $12M-$13M start, and really never budged, but sank. That means marketing didn’t work. I heard that a $100M global P&A was first planned on Charlie’s Angels, with the studio now reducing that overall cost greatly to around $50M and pulling back on expensive ads. Another hurdle in activating the young girl demo is that much of the pic’s cast isn’t on social media. RelishMix says that Banks is the social media star with over 6.6M followers across Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, with Scott counting 3.4M.

Sony kept pushing Charlie’s Angels, which in hindsight means there were development issues. In May 2017, a release date was announced for June 7, 2019. When the cast was locked down in July 2018, Charlie’s got moved to Sept. 27, 2019. In October 2018 when Warners pushed Wonder Woman 1984 from the first weekend in November to summer, Charlie‘s took over the autumn spot, which was the same exact place the original 2000 opened. However, when Terminator: Dark Fate moved onto the same first weekend in November, Charlie‘s relocated to this weekend as they vied for a China release which they ultimately got.

Charlie’s Angels drew a 66% female crowd, split between 36% over 25 and 30% under 25. But both demos respectively graded it low at 68% and 79%, with men at 35% giving it a 68% grade on PostTrak. Diversity breakdown was 52% Caucasian, 21% Hispanic, 14% Asian/Other, & 13% African American. Charlie’s Angels best markets were on the coasts and big cities. But again, nothing to brag about in Friday’s $3.2M gross, which includes $900K from Thursday and Wednesday previews.

Says RelishMix, which also foresaw this disaster approaching on social media chatter, “Angels is the latest example in a ‘woke’ effort to reboot a franchise that many were not all that interested in to start with. In fact, many references to the 2000 version get a call-out as a reason this one doesn’t seem to compare – whether it’s the cast or the action teased from the film.

And, as observed with other recent films, some action/adventure, unfortunately fans say they’re steering clear of this one because of its ‘girl power’ messaging.”

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ozis-paradise · 4 years ago

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ØZI for Hypemagazine published: August 4th

Who is ØZI?

From the outside looking in, who is ØZI?

I am a Taiwanese-American singer-songwriter, music producer, and visual director that wants to bring something fresh to the table. I’m an artist who likes to push boundaries and experiment with every aspect of artistic expression, from visuals to music style to fashion. I am a trailblazer on a mission to introduce an unprecedented approach to the game in hopes to attract the worlds attention to my culture and put Chinese/Mandarin music on the the map.

What brought you to the entertainment industry, music specifically?

I don’t think there was a specific moment in my life that brought me to the entertainment industry, I’ve been in it all my life. My mother was a well-known pop artist and singer-songwriter in Taiwan, and my dad was the go-to photographer for all the fashion magazine covers and album artworks from the 80s to the mid 2000s, so I was very much raised in this environment. I began taking music classes since the age of 4, and formed my first rock band in the age of 7. If I were to really try to pin-point a specific time that made me want to pursue music as a career, it’d probably be in middle school when I fell in love with Eminem and Linkin Park. It was them that made me feel like music is the way I want to express myself as an individual. From then on, I’ve developed interests in music production and film making. I used to shoot music videos of myself performing in my dad’s photography studio, and asking my friends to hold my phone on a 3-axis gimbal and just do music videos on the streets of Taipei. This continued all the way throughout high school and until I decided to leave Boston after a semester in Berklee to really get into music for real.

What do you want people to get from your music?

It’s hard to say what I want people to get from my music because each song I make represents a different piece of my artistic expression. I am constantly inspired and stimulated by different styles of music and therefore I find a hard time categorizing my music into one genre. The only common denominator of my music would be me, and what I as an artist want to express at the time of my life. Being a third-cultured kid is most certainly a big factor of this identity crisis, but I learned later to utilize it as my own way to bridge the gap between not only the east and the west, but between different cultures in it.

Tell us about your current project

I am currently finishing up my second full-length project since my first album in 2018, and will be the first project to be mainly in English. The project will include several collaborations with oversea artists and will showcase a side of me that is unheard of from ever before.

For new listeners, what song of yours would you pick as an introduction to you as an artist?

I think my new song “LAVA!” is a good introduction of me as an artist. You get to hear a bit of me both as an R&B singer, rapper, and director too. “Missionary” or “Diamond” would be good follow-up songs to listen after.

Tell us a bit about your work and passions OUTSIDE of music…

I play a lot of games during my leisure time. I'm a huge fan of the Dark Souls series by Miyazaki, and a heavy Super Smash Bros player on the Nintendo Switch. Other times I play ice hockey for sport; I’ve been playing it since the 5th grade. Recently, I’ve also been tapping into the world of culinary arts and bartending. To a certain extent, the pandemic is allowing me to explore and unlock next skill sets in life.

Last but not least, HYPE wants to know…What’s your CRAZIEST WTF?! moment…

My craziest WTF moment to date is me getting nominated for 6 awards and receiving the “Best New Artist” last year at the GMAs in front of 10 thousand people, including some of the most iconic artists in the music industry. Right after receiving the award I had to stay on the stage to perform my song in front of these legends since my childhood. That whole entire experience to me was so nerve-racking and surreal.

#øzi #ozi #hype magazine #interview #200804

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dalekofchaos · 5 years ago

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My problems with LIS:BTS

I love Before the Storm, but I do have some problems with the game in relation to the first game. Here I will explain the problems i had with BTS and why I think Deck Nine did not understand the characters. This is very long, if anyone has the time to read it all, I’d like you to finish to the end!

1. Continuity issues

Rachel’s parents. I always got the feeling Rachel’s parents were neglectful, which REALLY showed when Chloe said they are in denial that Rachel is missing. Rachel having neglectful parents and Chloe having an abusive stepfather and abuse enabling mother, would show just why Rachel and Chloe wants to leave Arcadia Bay. What happens in BTS? Rachel has kind and loving parents and a bio mom that is a horrible representation of drug addiction(everything about how D9 wrote Sera sends a horrible message, wtf D9?) and all of sudden James just pretends that Rachel isn’t missing? The fuck? Also, Rachel’s parents are not called James or Rose. Rachel’s student information we see in Episode 3 about her parents is not readable, but he Initial letters of the names written within the Parent(s) field on Rachel’s file do not appear to match the names James or Rose (or even Sera)

Rachel’s address. Rachel’s Blackwell Student Information Sheet shows Rachel’s home address. Rachel Amber has an address of “6 Sa(?)u/n(?)tle Road, Arcadia Bay, Oregon”. There is a piece of paper covering the Home Address field, but we can make out a “gon” from the end of “Oregon”, so we know it is within the state. As her address in the top-right corner is different to what appears to be the dormitory address on the other student files, we can assume that “6 Sa(?)u/n(?)tle Road” is implying her home address (just like on Chloe’s file). However, in Before the Storm, her home address is 2420 Blackfriars Road, Arcadia Bay, Oregon.

My friend/one of my Amberprice favs @thelittle-scribbler‘s idea of Rachel’s parents makes more sense. “the idea I had of Rachel is that she was a relocated student from Cali from a very problematic absent family who didn’t give a fuck about her, coz well they gave up looking for her! And if her dad was the city da, he would have never gave up on the search and also, he would have known about her being involved with drug dealers. Unless he got his ass fired after hiring those guys to kill his ex wife lol”

Chloe’s blue hair. In Episode 3 of Before the Storm, Chloe is shown dyeing her hair blue for the very first time. However, we know that in Life is Strange, Chloe had been dyeing her hair with a blue streak on or before her 16th birthday (two months before Before the Storm takes place). indicating that Chloe had already been using blue dye in her hair by the time of her 16th birthday. It would have made more sense if we had seen Chloe with a blue streak in Before the Storm Episode 1.

Max’s contact of Chloe. "You were happy to wait five years without a call, or even a text.“ In Before the Storm’s Episode 1, "Awake,” Chloe’s phone clearly shows that Max has been texting her during her time in Seattle and had even initiated text messaging after admitting to being “bad about emailing”. Max has texted Chloe on the following dates in November 2009: 2nd, 13th, and 28th. Max was supposed to have not emailed, called or text Chloe ever since she left for Seattle, it should end in 9/28/2008, but it began again a year later.

Joyce and David’s relationship. In Before the Storm, David and Joyce are currently unmarried and had started dating not that long before the game’s events that are set in May 2010 (Chloe is 16 years old at this time). David is also about to move in to the Price household, which is seen happening by Episode 3. But in Life is Strange, a chronological timestreammontage shows that Joyce and David were already married before Chloe’s 16th birthday. A picture of a married Joyce and David appears prior to an image of Chloe on her 16th birthday in this timestream montage

The Blackwell problem. Victoria Chase’s sole reason for being at Blackwell is Mark Jefferson. Jeffershit is not in BTS. Victoria is introduced as a sophomore at Blackwell Academy in Before the Storm and wants to be in theater for…reasons, but the age for Victoria in the first game suggests she should be a freshman in BTS. Warren is a Blackwell student at age 13. Max is said to be a sophmore with Chloe in her own school in Seattle at the time, but problem there is Max turned 14 in 2009 after the September 1st cutoff date. This means that she wouldn’t be starting high school until September the following year (fall 2010). The normal age requirement to start high school as a freshman is age 14 (i.e. turning 14 before the September 1st cutoff). It is currently unknown why Max has advanced two grades in 2010. She has a 2.8 GPA on her 2013 student information sheet, which suggests she is a low B / C / high D student (not an exemplary student). Her GPA is also said to fluctuate and she acknowledged in 2013 that she should be doing better. and there’s the fact that Chloe is in Blackwell with some of the characters in the first game and dialogue (or text messages) between these characters seems to suggest that she did not know them as fellow students or even classmates prior to the original game’s events. For example, Stella is in Chloe’s class photo, problem with that is that Stella doesn’t even know who Chloe is, she just refers to her as “some girl” Warren. Warren does not know who Chloe is at the beginning of Episode 2, yet in BTS class photo he is seen with Chloe. Other dialogue gives the impression that Warren does not know Chloe beforehand. For example, the text messages Max receives from Warren in Episode 4 if she kissed Chloe/but declined Warren’s invitation to the drive-in or didn’t kiss Chloe/ but accepted Warren’s invitation. There is no mention of the fact he knows Chloe from when she was going to Blackwell, her complete change of appearance, or that he’s surprised that Max knows her too! There are also a couple of points in Life is Strange where, if Warren knew Chloe from the past, he would have likely opened a dialogue with her about that it’s good to see her again or even asking how life is outside Blackwell. Not even Chloe seems to recognize Warren, as she refers to him simply as “your friend” to Max. Justin. When Max encounters Justin at the Blackwell Campus in the first episode of Life is Strange, “Chrysalis”, she has the option to talk with him about Rachel and “her punk friend”, as Max does not yet know the identity of the blue-haired punk girl that she had saved in the bathroom earlier. "I can’t remember her name… But she was hot. Tats. Blue hair. Hardcore. She stopped hanging out with us after Rachel disappeared… or ran away.“ As we see in Life is Strange, Justin refers to Chloe in a very vague way as Rachel’s "punk friend” and as though he only knows her second-hand through Rachel. Yet the Before the Storm prequel game puts Justin in the same Blackwell student photograph as Chloe (standing directly in front of her), furthermore implying they are in the same classes. He would have had frequent contact with Chloe as a classmate of just that handful of students. Also in Before the Storm, Chloe interacts with Justin at Blackwell and they seem very familiar with each other. Justin refers to her as both “Chlo-ee” and “Price”, so he definitely knows both her first name and surname. They also are texting with each other in Before the Storm. Then again, they ARE friendly with each other in episode 4, Justin not remembering who she is in episode 1 might be the case of him being blazed and just narratively teasing Max of the girl she saved. Nathan. In Life is Strange Episode 1’s Cliff chapter, Max will ask Chloe about Nathan. Chloe will tell Max:“I met him in some shithole bar that didn’t card me. He was too rich for the place and too wasted. And he kept flashing bills…” in Before The Storm, Chloe knows Nathan from Blackwell. but the way she describes her predicament to Max sounds like she is describing her first impressions from the first time she ever met or had one-to-one dealings with him (i.e. no previous encounters before that).

Chloe is left handed in the first game and right handed in BTS. Yes she does use her left in some points, but Chloe’s dominant hand in the first game is her left hand. Throughout BTS, Chloe smokes and drinks with her right hand, lights the Amber House candles with her right hand and even writes graffiti with her right hand. In the first game Chloe smokes and drinks with her left hand and lockpicks with her left hand. DONTNOD confirmed she was left handed. I am just baffled by this decision. The only time I remember Chloe using her left hand as her dominant hand in BTS is when she burns evidence for Damon.

Chloe is expelled in 2011 in the first game. Chloe is expelled in 2010 for BTS. Max looks at a report card in Chloe’s bedroom which shows that Chloe was still attending Blackwell Academy up until the end of her junior year, which was in May 2011. BTS gives us the choice to defend Rachel and get expelled or suspended if you don’t. There is also no mention by the Principal of a recent suspension for “spray-painting graffiti in the parking lot” as was clearly mentioned on her school file in his office in Life is Strange, nor any mention of the “police reports.” Although the suspension is temporary and she is to be hopefully reinstated in the fall to start her junior year on condition of her good behavior, the suspension was not over graffiti. Being expelled in 2010 completely contradicts the circumstances of the original game, and the suspension (although being the least non-canon consequence) is over the wrong reasons. Even if Chloe was suspended, it is not unreasonable to believe that she would be expelled anyway over the extensive graffiti she left in the bathroom.

Chloe being good at chemistry. It is never stated in her report card in the first game if she were ever good at chemistry. Chloe comes off as someone who doesn’t care about getting grades, hell Chloe seems only interested in the Arts class as shown in her report card. A friend pointed out to me it kind of feels like “BtS took away a lot from Warren, as if it were a "competition" "Warren is good at chemistry" and so the BtS crew thought "Let's make Chloe good at chemistry too!" Another point is also that Warren has green as his personal color, and in Farewell Chloe he wears a green shirt. Chloe in episode 1 uses Warren's phrase "Power". I don't know, I felt like they took things from Warren to give to Chloe, and that really pissed me off.”

Chloe knows about Pompidou’s name despite not knowing the pupper’s name in the first game. Also "The only way you know my dog’s name is if you broke into my RV.“ Why would he say that if he told Chloe Pompidou’s name?

Frank was just a drug dealer to Chloe and who she and Rachel hung out with in the past. Now Frank kills someone to protect Chloe. Chloe and Frank are not friends.

2. The first LIS game told a different story for Chloe and Rachel’s relationship

Chloe’s “Rachel was my angel” comment showed a lot to how Chloe loved Rachel and how much she meant to her. Chloe tells Max that Rachel entered her life when was at her absolute lowest and that it was she who helped her deal with the grief of having lost her father but the entire game is centered around Chloe being the one who is supporting Rachel as she deals with a serious family drama of her own. What Before The Storm should have been. Rachel helping lift Chloe through the worse point of her life. If Rachel had stopped Chloe from committing suicide… as was the commonly believed interpretation to what happened between Chloe and Rachel up until BtS, then Chloe’s ”“she was my angel” would have meant it was truly special and real. But instead they bump into each other at an illegal concert and Rachel distracted some thug who works for Damon and we spend the game finding out who Sera is in a reveal we all saw it coming and only to have Rachel taken out of the third episode where Rachel never talks to her and makes the whole thing feel pointless. What the game should have been was Chloe and Rachel together having fun rocking out, becoming girlfriends and Chloe starting to live again and show that Chloe Price loves Rachel Amber and Rachel loves Chloe.

3. Deck Nine did not understand Chloe.

I don’t feel that Deck Nine did Chloe justice. The writers attempt to evoke empathy with Chloe feeling grief which is done via exactly one emotion- which is a very childish understanding of how loss and coping works. She had no character arc, considering she was the exact same character that we already knew in LiS Episode 1 (A bitter disaffected teenage youth with no regard for authority) so we didn’t get to see Chloe evolve into the character we loved in the first game. She just already was it. The gameplay undid the narrative we were given about Chloe being a loner in that you can talk to and make friends with pretty much anybody and they all acted like they liked and were genuinely happy to see Chloe. Very rarely were there interactions with Blackwell students that ended with Chloe’s presence not being welcomed, only Wells, Victoria and Nathan showed contempt for Chloe(even with Nathan that goes away when he claps for her at the play) The reason this is done is because the game wouldn’t be fun if Chloe actually was a loner. The core mechanic of Life is Strange is being able to talk to people and experiment with your surroundings. A game where nobody wanted to talk to Chloe works against the core mechanic. But in making her the main character it undoes the weight of the narrative of Chloe being alone until Rachel/Max. I just strongly feel that Deck Nine did not understand Chloe as a character and did not do her justice. We should’ve gotten Chloe at her lowest, evolving from Max’s best friend to the character we know in the first game and Rachel helping lift Chloe through the worse point of her life. Chloe and Rachel together having fun rocking out and Chloe starting to live again and show that Chloe Price loves Rachel Amber and Rachel loves Chloe. Chloe losing Rachel and showing how Chloe has to deal with Rachel missing, how she became in debt to Frank and how she got involved with Nathan and how Chloe ends up in the bathroom.

4. There is no plot...until the last minute

The biggest problem I have with BTS is there is absolutely no plot. In the first game we absolutely KNEW what the plot was. There was a storm, a missing person/serial killer and all of our friends have problems that Max has to help them with. In Before The Storm....there really is nothing. We go to a concert and because we ruined an asshole’s shirt, we were threatened and saved because Rachel was there. Then the rest of episode 1 spends on spending time with Rachel. Same with episode 2. They only gave the plot at the last minute cause Deck Nine probably went “oh shit, we just realized we don’t have a fucking plot” then we spend the majority of the game trying to get the identity of the woman Rachel’s scumbag father was seen kissing. Turns out the girl is Rachel’s biological mother! James and Sera's story doesn’t make any sense. He still loves her, gives her a final goodbye kiss and then orders some drug dealer to kill her because she was a drug addict?! Damon was hired to kill Sera and protect Rachel, but stabs her instead?! He wants Sera to die because she was a former addict....despite Sera wanting to be clean and Sera doesn’t want her to ruin Rachel’s life???? What kind of fucking message is that to send to people struggling with addiction??? They dropped the fact that Sera was supposed to have powers and it was passed down to Rachel and that Rachel is the storm. Hell, Rachel was taken out of the final episode 90% of the fucking episode. Damon was a lazy thrown at the last minute villain. The first game shows you what’s at stake right away, with Before The Storm there’s no clear danger, conflict or mystery. We only get it halfway through the second episode and even then it’s a bad mystery and conflict and if it takes that long to add conflict or mystery, then I really think they failed the game. The best parts about the game are Amberprice, episode 2, Steph, Mikey & Drew and Samantha. But that’s kind of it. Before The Storm was kind of a disappointment.

5. Forced to give David a chance

Deck Nine doesn’t understand that Chloe does not have a good relationship with David, or even Joyce. Deck Nine forces us to be nice to David and every time we choose to pick the most Chloe like choice we are punished. The game outright makes us look like jerks for being true to Chloe’s character regarding David. Deck Nine screwed up everything when it came to Chloe and David. Before even meeting David in episode 1, Chloe’s only complaint is he calls her “girly” that...that’s it? The only thing I felt they got right was his comment about “vacation from not having a father figure” and saying he’ll show what a stable home is like. The way he said that he can FINALLY show Chloe what a stabilized home looks like…..like she didn’t have a stable home when her father was alive. That really got under my skin. But let me explain, Deck Nine did not understand Chloe’s relationship with David and did their best to villainize Chloe for not giving him a chance. I do not want to feel bad for David. Stop trying to make us feel bad for this abusive piece of shit and make Chloe out to be the villain for not giving this asshole a chance. He emotionally, mentally and physically abuses her and joyce normalizes it, violates her privacy, installs cameras in the house without her or Joyce’s knowledge cause he will not trust her and Rachel, David makes Chloe feel like a prisoner in her own home. David getting a job at Blackwell makes her want to get expelled, whenever he is around she does not feel safe. He makes her so afraid that she feels like she’s living with a Nazi. They are not meant to have a good relationship. As for Joyce. The fandom likes to paint Joyce as this great mother to Chloe, and she was when William was alive but she chose her own happiness and interests over the safety and well being of her own daughter. Joyce enabled an abusive stepfather and ignored her daughter being hit and verbally abused (and there is a word for that: culpability. Joyce is guilty of child abuse. If we do not back up Chloe in episode 1 and we tell Joyce David hit Chloe, Joyce just brushes it off like it’s not a big deal…and this is who the fandom perceives as a good mother? What Deck Nine should have done is have it open with it stated that Joyce and David are married. Chloe’s life is a living hell. David does not understand nor does he care about Chloe’s depression and grief for losing William and Max moving away. Show that David physically, mentally and emotionally abuses her. Joyce normalizes it like saying “you keep pushing him, what did you think was gonna happen” you might think that’s out of character for Joyce, but she put her own interests over the safety and stability of her own child. Joyce didn’t want to be alone anymore, so she settled down with the first guy that came her way. The abuse is normalized in their household and Chloe’s definitely internalized it. Keep in David’s comment about “vacation from not having a father figure” David violates her trust and feelings and boundaries and bosses her around and calling her a loser who has no friends and burdens her mother. Show why Chloe is terrified of him to the point where she labels him a Nazi and to the point she feels like he will kill her if he finds Max in her room, so make a hint that David starts to put surveillance around the house because of his unwillingness to trust Chloe and Rachel. Chloe and David do not have a good relationship and fuck Deck Nine for making us feel bad and look bad for not giving David a chance. Fuck you.

6. The choices D9 made with Nathan make no sense.

I already explained why Nathan being in Blackwell with Chloe doesn’t make any sense, but the choices Deck 9 did with Nathan doesn’t explain anything about the character he would become in the first LIS. If Nathan had to be in the game, I don’t think Samantha should’ve been in the game. Nathan’s social circle is Rachel, Victoria and Hayden. There is no missing persons posters in Arcadia Bay aside from Rachel. Samantha being the first Dark Room victim does not hold up. And that’s the problem, we don’t get to see Nathan being friendly with Rachel, Victoria or Hayden. We see him being bullied by Drew North. Wouldn’t it make much more sense for Nathan and Victoria to be bullying Drew and Mikey and Chloe and Steph defending them and Nathan and Victoria trying to get Chloe expelled for that? Okay if what they were trying to do was a timid Nathan who slowly gets to become the king of Blackwell who was being mentally and emotionally abused by Sean and Jefferson, it did not work. We never see Nathan with his friends. We never see Nathan with Rachel aside from one picture. We do not get to see Nathan and Hayden. Nathan and Victoria are as close as brother and sister, we never get to see that and I think that’s where BTS failed Nathan. Hell, if they were to keep Nathan’s character as it were in BTS, I think Chloe and Nathan should have been friends. I cannot find the video because the person who made it deleted their YouTube account, but a few years ago when BTS was first out, someone made a video suggesting that Chloe and Nathan could’ve been friends in Blackwell. The video was SO convincing that I was so on board with the idea and Samantha pointing out how similar they are. If Hell Is Empty wasn’t a bad episode, maybe they could’ve gave Chloe and Nathan a chance to talk. depending on our choices it could go good or bad. If it goes bad, then they remain on bad terms. But if they are on good terms depending on our choices, you are given a choice to choose to become friends with Nathan. They bond over their similar music taste, their mutual love for Rachel and find common ground with everyone expecting the worst out of them and their abusive father/stepfather. And Nathan could thank Chloe for stepping up for him. And they share a smoke together. I think Chloe and Nathan being friends before their lives goes on a downward spiral and hits rockbottom would’ve been nice and sure as hell would’ve been better than giving Chloe, Stalky McFuckboy as a “friend” instead

7. Deck Nine does not understand Rachel Amber

I don’t feel that Deck Nine understands Rachel Amber as a character or understands what made the fanbase love her from the first game. Rachel is a character shrouded in mystery. The vibe I got from Chloe indicates that Rachel Amber saved her at her lowest and made her feel like she could live again. I also got the vibe that Rachel had neglectful parents who cared very little of her and Rachel was tired of the pressures of being little ms perfect and the bullying she suffers at Blackwell. So Chloe and Rachel wanted to be free from Arcadia Bay. Chloe wanted to be free of an abusive step-father and her mother who allows the abuse to go on and Rachel wanted to be free from everything at Arcadia Bay. Started a knew life as a model in LA. It was their Santa Monica Dream. The characterization of Rachel Amber in BTS just feels like D9 does not understand Rachel. Rachel Amber is meant to be a morally grey character. There are hints that she wasn’t this perfect angel Chloe thought she was and then backed away from that perspective out of fear fans would be angry at their depiction of Rachel. Rachel Amber who I knew in the first game was just not there. She had no interesting perspective or enlightenment to offer to Chloe or be the positive force to Chloe or even showed why she was this mysterious chameleon who fit in so perfectly with everyone who was adored by everyone. She was just a pretty looking character model with a great voice actress that would sometimes say very wistful, wide-eyed things. She would also quote boring poetry. Rachel in BTS has no aspiration to be a model and instead of Rachel helping Chloe deal with her grief, the game makes it about Chloe helping Rachel with her family drama. We never get to see Rachel meet Joyce(Joyce in LIS makes it seem like her and Rachel got along) we never get to see Rachel defending Chloe from David or Rachel as this ambiguous character. She’s portrayed as this character that must be protected at all costs, like she’s neither ambiguous nor does she have any agency. It is perfectly okay to show her drift away from Chloe. Yes they were in love and had this great relationship and they loved each other. It’s important to see and know the people we romanticize are not who we thought they were. Rachel was looking for a way out of Arcadia Bay. She first thought both her and Chloe can escape to LA together. But over time she did not think that was possible anymore. Chloe dodges her car payments and her family is in debt and Chloe is in debt to Frank. She still wants to leave with Chloe, but Rachel needed an alternative way so she and Chloe can escape. So Rachel turned to Frank, she used him for her drugs because as time goes on, Rachel turns to drugs to numb the pain. She parties with The Vortex Club and as Nathan said “Rachel partied like a fiend on her own.” Hell, she was so desperate to leave Arcadia Bay she even asked the trucker to take her to LA. Then, Rachel meets Mark Jefferson. Rachel saw him as her way to LA. She wanted to have her pictures modeled by a professional, which he was, but Rachel never saw him for what he was. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, a monster. He saw her as the perfect subject. A human chameleon with many visual possibilities and he felt they had a connection. Manipulating her into believing that he is the father figure that James never was for her. Rachel wrote a letter to Chloe in the shack but discarded it. She feels that he changed her life but the discarded letter shows that she felt ashamed about the whole relationship. Her shame indicates that she was apart of the Dark Room. At first she just saw it as a big photography project outside of school, but then Rachel started to look into Jefferson’s past models and figured out something was wrong. In Jefferson’s own words “Not like Rachel, who was always looking in the wrong places. Poor Rachel.” Jefferson of course finds out because The Dark Room is under 24 hours surveillance. So out of fear of Rachel telling everyone, Jefferson kills Rachel, doses Nathan and poses Nathan’s unconscious body with Rachel’s lifeless body. The vibe I got from the first game is that Rachel and Chloe have this very important and special bond. But Rachel just wanted to be free of Arcadia Bay by any means necessary. Rachel would go far to get what she wanted. Someone who is willing to lie to the people she cared about to satisfy her own needs and goals. Personally, I see Rachel as being okay with manipulating everybody BUT Chloe, which gives everybody a foothold to try and gaslight Chloe and Max about her, trying to get them to doubt that Rachel genuinely cared about Chloe. Rachel wanted a way out and she thought she had her way out, but in the end she played with fire and got burned.

8. The last episode

It was lazily thrown together. The actual GOOD aspects were cut altogether. Rachel does not dye Chloe’s hair. Chloe and Rachel do not work on the truck together. Rachel does not stand up for Chloe against David. Rachel and Chloe do not kick Eliot’s fuckboy ass. Rachel has to be taken care of instead of Chloe and Rachel working together to save Sera. All the good Amberprice stuff is in the montages. Hell Is Empty was a huge disappointment.

9. Unlike Max, Chloe has no agency in defeating the villain of the game.

The difference between LIS and BTS is the player has a hand in defeating their villains, while in BTS, we do not. Max Caulfield who was tied up and was about to be killed, guides David in defeating and capturing her abuser and villain of her story Mark Jefferson. Max is instrumental in defeating the villain of her story. Chloe Price is knocked unconscious and saved for doing nothing while Frank kills Damon Merrick off screen. Chloe is not instrumental or has any agency in leading to the defeat of the villain(the rushed villain at the last second) of her story

10. Farewell.

While Farewell is cute and tragic to play, it ultimately does not make any sense. If this is the same day as Max’s last moment with William and before Joyce comes home to tell Chloe the news of William, WHY are Max and Chloe in different outfits? Wouldn’t it make more sense for this to be Max’s last day in Arcadia Bay instead of the last day of William? I feel this especially cause in the BTS Graffiti side of the notebook, it is shown that there is one final episode under episode 3, I kind of feel like this was meant for Farewell and it was meant to be Max’s Farewell, but something changed. It also kind of comes off as wanting the player to hate Max for not staying to say goodbye. What I would prefer is this takes place on Max’s last day in Arcadia Bay and despite William’s accident, Chloe wants to do her best to make sure her best friend gets the best damn send off before her farewell. And Max and Chloe part on good terms instead of Max’s asshole father preventing Max from saying goodbye lol

#Life Is Strange #Amberprice #Life Is Strange Before The Storm #Chloe Price #Rachel Amber #Max Caulfield #Victoria Chase #Nathan Prescott

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tsukidotcom · 5 years ago

Text

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

35 notes · View notes

doc-pickles · 4 years ago

Text

it’s nothing funny just to talk (p.2)

What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out. - In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.

Saturday 12:09 PM

you know what might be worse than pyramid schemes?

bridal showers

this is horrendous

Same woman you were drinking in solidarity to?

obviously, I have like four friends

I thought teachers were like outgoing and bubbly?

oh hell no, socializing is not my cup of tea

one of the other bridesmaids just asked who i was texting so I told her jack the ripper

Oh you couldn’t even give me a good one

i’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that

My day off and the weekend finally coincide, which means I’m not leaving my couch all day.

I wish I were you this shower is gonna kill me

teachers on the weekend are a fun sight to see

You’re not partaking this time?

no i’m DD

it’s for the best, I did throw up on my shoes last weekend

How crazy is a bridal shower that you need a DD?

there’s a mimosa bar and they’re already playing never have I ever

the mother of the groom is starting something with the mother of the bride

I gotta deal with this

Saturday 3:11 PM

I deserve bottle of wine for all of the shit I dealt with today

I never wanna be a maid of honor ever again

Maybe we should rename you Maid of Dishonor?

wooooooow

I throw up on my shoes ONE TIME

How’d the battle of the mothers go?

oh it was horrendous

groom is from a rich family and bride grew up on a farm… you know how it goes

Doesn’t sound fun. Glad you made it out.

barely

how’s your day off going

Amazing. I get to watch baseball and sit on the couch with a bag of chips and a beer. I’m living the dream.

I envy you

they’re making us go out again

Do you get to drink during this escapade?

yes thank god

manhattan or moscow mule?

A whiskey drinker? You might be the perfect woman.

don’t try to butter me up, i’ve never even met you in person

We can change that.

Saturday 6:14 PM

Do you think birds have dreams?

I thought I was supposed to get drunk

You were talking too long. And I’m not drunk.

I can’t think of another reason why you’d ask me about bird dreams

You’re a teacher. I was curios.

i’m not a bird specialist

personally I do not think that birds can dream

I’m telling them you said that.

the birds?

Yes. They deserve to know the truth.

have you just been sitting on the couch drinking beer all day?

did you even eat

Yeah I had pizza for lunch

what about dinner?

It’s not dinner time yet.

dude it’s 6

Oh shit really?

Hahaha that explains it

psh and you said I was bad when I was drunk

you’re freaking Snow White

Is this ebcause I asked about the birds

yes it is

I gotta go, Maggie says i’m not netting the quota for fun

Maggie sounds like a buzzkill

she’s the assistant principal, i’m scared she’ll fire me if I don’t listen

jk… kinda

Saturday 12:32 AM

Incoming Voice Call

“Jo! Put the phone down! You should not be calling anyone right now!”

“Hello?”

“Doctor Evil Spawn! I’m so glad you picked up.”

“Are you drunk now?”

“Noooo….. maybe. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi princess.”

“Your voice is nice. It’s a good voice, it’s sexy and I like it.”

“You’re kinda crazy, you know that?”

“Josephine Wilson! Give me the phone!”

“Woah who full named you? They sound angry.”

“That’s Maggie, she’s trying to get me to go home. I can’t go home Maggie, I’m talking to a hot doctor! And he has a sexy voice!”

“You’ve never even seen me, you don’t know if I’m hot.”

“I’m judging off your sexy voice and what few characteristics I know about you. I’d be shocked if you weren’t hot.”

“You have too much faith in me.”

“I have to go, Maggie is dragging me out of the bar. Byeeee hot doctor!”

“Goodnight princess, don’t throw up on your shoes this time.”

Sunday 9:58 AM

How’re your shoes looking?

Sunday 11:22 AM

You’re still dead? I mean you did call me half past midnight… but I thought you’d be up by now.

Sunday 1:46 PM

Are you embarrassed because of what you said on the phone? Frankly I found it endearing.

Sunday 3:18 PM

As a doctor, I’m advising you to drink more fluids and get food in your system. Maybe a banana. It’ll make you feel less shitty, trust me.

Sunday 6:17 PM

Hope you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere.

Monday 7:23 AM

oh my god I am so sorry

I dropped my phone in Maggie’s car and I just got it back

wait you were worried about me weren’t you

Well you fell off the face of the earth… so yeah.

awwww well it’s nice to know that someone would notice if I was kidnapped and murdered

Didn’t you say I was the one that would kidnap and murder you?

yes but i’m having a change of heart

Is it because of my sexy voice?

I was kinda hoping I didn’t say that out loud

whoops

I told you I found it endearing.

flattery will get you everywhere

gotta go, class is lining up and they’re already screaming

I’ll pray for you.

Monday 8:08 PM

dude the thai place on 7th across from old navy?

amazing

i’m in heaven

Oh so we’ve reached the stage of giving each other food recommendations?

obviously

this is a serious relationship

Chinese place across from Joe’s Bar has the best egg rolls. Perfect drunchies.

i’ve never been to joe’s

I live right around the corner from there

So we’re neighbors then? I’m off of Fullerton.

I guess we are

that’s exciting, i bet i’ve seen you at the grocery store

Bold of you to assume I make it to the grocery store.

honestly same

I usually guilt steph or izzie into it

You’re the chaotic good of the group aren’t you?

obviously

I keep things balanced

what’re you doing?

On a break, almost done for the night. I have to round on post ops and then I’m done.

nice!!! did you get anything fun today?

Not really just surgeries I could do in my sleep.

typical monday’s

I have to go, we have a field trip tomorrow and i’m not emotionally prepared

Oof. Have fun, don’t die.

who the hell ends texts like that?

A doctor. Obviously. Night princess.

goodnight Snow White

Tuesday 12:18 PM

whoever decided to bring 42 fourth graders to the science discovery museum should be fired

Isn’t that you?

maybe

maybe not

It was totally you. How about a deal?

deal with an internet stranger?

fine but if I die i’m gonna be pissed

How about I drop off a bottle of wine on your porch on my way to work? I work the night shift again.

hmmmm I don’t think i’m supposed to give my address to strangers

but i’m pretty sure if you were going to kill me you would’ve done it by now

See you’re getting the hang of it.

okay i’ll give you my address

but if there’s a bomb we’re going to have words

If there’s a bomb you’ll be dead.

Tuesday 4:54 PM

red wine AND egg rolls?

if I didn’t know better i’d think you’re trying to woo me

I think I need to meet you before we can say that.

thank you!!!

my roomies are teasing me about taking wine from a stranger

You’re welcome. And I’m not a stranger. I know your name and where you live.

aaaaand way to make things creepy

BTW your blonde roommate was checking out my ass.

hahahahaha that’s izzie for you

she has a boyfriend don’t worry

I wasn’t too concerned about her, just thought you might want to beat her up or something.

intentionally trying to start a cat fight? classy

she says you’re “super dreamy” so that’s a plus

Glad to know I passed the checkpoint. Does this mean I get to meet you now?

maybe maybe not

we have learned one good thing though

And what’s that?

even if you are a serial killer, you have a good taste in wine and your attractive

i’ll die happy

Tuesday 7:32 AM

If I never work another overnight again it’ll be too soon.

yeah you’ve been working a lot of those

wtf is up with that

I lost a bet with Arizona.

oof that doesn’t sound fun

at least I have nice stable working hours

summers off

i’m living the dream

Why do you do that?

do what?

Send forty texts. There’s a button to put in a period and start a new sentence. In the same text.

you really do text like a 60 year old

I’m sophisticated, obviously.

I know we’ve never met but I need a favor

Oof. After I dropped off wine for you?

the favor includes free food and alcohol

I’m listening…

that wedding i’m in is next weekend

and I don’t have a date :-)

I wish I could, I’m going out of town.

booooo

it’s okay, after i’m done being a brides bitch my weekend will open up

i’ll also be done with school for year

So I can take you out on a proper date? Instead of texting you all day?

you do realize that you’re texting a girl who found your number at 11 pm while shit faced in a bar right

That’s always how I pictured meeting the woman of my dreams.

oh shut up

I suppose i’ll go on a date with you, man I know nothing about

I’m Alex, I’m 27 and I don’t think pineapple belongs on pizza

deal breaker sorry

pineapple + pizza = deliciousness

Well at least you know more about me.

that I do

jo, 25, who’s favorite color is purple and eats cinnamon toast for breakfast everyday, has to go educate the tiny humans

talk to you later old man

Oh come on you’re two years younger!

Tuesday 1:26 PM

have you ever had to hot glue rhinestones to candle votives

because I am

and I hate it

WTF is a votive?

those tiny little glass things you put a candle into

Oh. Why are you bedazzling them?

wedding prep

today is a half day so bridezilla has us crafting for her

Are all of you brides bitches teachers?

yes

it’s hell

you try to talk about your class and all you hear about is peonies and roses and baby’s breath

I’m glad I’m a dude then.

ha! you better be

oh my god, she’s gone psycho

if I don’t text she took my phone

Don’t die, I’m looking forward to our date.

Tuesday 7:17 PM

RIP Jo, Avid Cinnamon Toast Eater

Killed by Her Insane Bride Friend

I made it out!!!!

barely

Nice, I’ve heard a rabid bridezilla is hard to escape.

it was the worst

but she let me go when I told her I had to finish putting in grades for the year

(I finished last night)

I for one am proud of you. That’s badass.

lol i’ll keep that in mind

thursday is our last day before freedom

I think I might get shit faced as soon as I leave work

I support it wholeheartedly.

good because you’ll probably get more bar princess texts

Or if I’m lucky a phone call where you call me sexy again.

hey hey I didn’t call you sexy

I called your voice sexy

there’s a difference

Oh sorry, I don’t know how I overlooked that.

mhm sure

tomorrow is crazy hair day

Does this mean I get to see a picture of you? Because I’m definitely interested in seeing what you do with this spirit day thing.

i’ll save it for when we meet

I’m determined not to see you until our date

Suit yourself. Gotta go remove stitches.

oooohh how exhilarating!!

Wednesday 9:42 AM

How goes the crazy hair?

oh just dandy

half my hair is pink

You seem like the type to be able to pull of pink hair. Plus it’s pretty rad.

you’re too kind

I bribed the kids with cookies and a movie

i’m totally winning today

I just took out an appendix, I think I win.

just saying I don’t think that our jobs are comparable

but taking out an appendix sounds cool

Not as cool as cookies though.

I have a bunch left over

should I drop them on your doorstep?

Only if you want to. I wouldn’t say no to a good cookie. I’m here till 5.

i’ll stop by after work!!

we have another half day

Sweet. I’m glad you’re the one that found my number.

Wednesday 12:56 PM

Dude. George says you look like an adorable preschooler.

I FORGOT I HAD MY HAIR LIKE THIS

he was very understanding

Rave reviews on your “kindness and beautiful eyes”

oh my god

I have to die now

He might’ve mentioned your ass too. I’m painting a beautiful mental picture.

oh lord

brb gotta wash out this stupid hair dye

maybe bang my head against the shower wall

Oooh tell me more. I love a dirty shower fantasy.

oh booo

you’re not even trying anymore

Wednesday 5:55 PM

remember the titans is on tv

and it’s really good

in case you didn’t know

That movie is 20 years old, of course I know it’s good.

well clearly I didn’t

i didn’t have cable growing up

Oh neither did I, I just stole it from the neighbors.

that’s pretty bad ass for a kid

Had to keep my siblings entertained. You know how it is.

nope i’m an only child

That sounds like a dream. I have two younger siblings and they’re both a pain in the ass.

if you knew the half of it you’d be begging to trade places with me

I’m looking forward to hearing all of it.

Thursday 11:53 AM

FREEDOM!!!!!!

I AM FREE!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I’m assuming school is out?

Y E S

$20 says I can sneak out of here without bridezilla roping me into a stupid arts and crafts project

I hope so, I’m enjoying talking to you today.

aren’t you at work??

Nope. Today is my day off.

and you’re not watching baseball and drinking beer?

It’s not even noon yet.

time is an illusion

it’s shots o clock somewhere or whatever they say

I’m now learning that the only cultural education you have is the Backstreet Boys. I think our second date will have to be a movie marathon.

already planning our second date?

ambitious

I like it

My conversation is fairly limited if I can’t drop a pop culture reference or two during the day.

I can see your points and i’m willing to sit myself down and watch the classics

okay gotta sneak past bridezilla… wish me luck

Good luck

Thursday 4:35 PM

Pork shoulder, corn, and potatoes all on the grill.

i’m jealous

I can’t cook to save my life

thank god we’re going out tonight

To celebrate finally breaking free for the summer?

exactly!! steph and izzie decided we needed to go to a club after dinner

i’ve never been to one before

Overpriced drinks and random guys grinding up on you all night. Not the best experience.

oh so random guys grind on you when you go out?

Shut up.

hahahaha

I’ve never even been to a club before. Not my scene. I just live with women so I know these things.

well i’ll update you on the happenings

let you know if I have to pay $20 for a drink

who’s grinding on my ass

you know normal everyday things

Woah woah woah.

what??

are you jealous??

I’m just saying if you’re gonna be shaking your ass, you might as well get random guys to buy you overpriced drinks.

you’re making some very good points

Of course I am. By the way, George wants me to tell you that you have a very shakeable ass so you should be taking in free drinks.

great I have to go die again

brb gonna drOWN MYSELF IN THE SHOWER

Thursday 10:38 PM

good news

i’ve secured three free drinks and a round of shots for all six of us

this ass is making money baby

I’ve created a monster. Who else is there?

steph, izzie, april, maggie, and levi

You brought the whole staff out didn’t you?

yes and I’m quite skilled at getting them drunk

You’re three drinks in and still texting correctly?

I think I danced it all off

need more fireball

And that’s another thing. Who willingly shoots Fireball?

me bitch

Ohh I love it when you call me names.

mmm i’m sure you do

okay i’m gonna go get more drinks

wish me luck

Good luck, I’m sure your ass will take in more than enough.

Thursday 11:57 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Helloo?”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“I can afford caller ID, I knew it was you.”

“Were you sleeping?”

“No, I was about to head upstairs but I’m not tired.”

“Oh good. I just got home.”

“You sound tired. Did you have fun?”

“It was nice, Steph went home with some guy she met and Izzie went to her boyfriends so I’m home alone.”

“So you decided to call me?”

“I missed your voice, I told you that you have a nice voice.”

“You said that I have a sexy voice.”

“Oh shut up. I wanted to call before I went to sleep.”

“You’ve grown fond of me haven't you?”

“If you’re gonna say it like a weirdo then yes… I have grown fond of you, Snow White.”

“I guess I can say the same about you Bar Princess. Are you yawning over there?”

“Just a little bit, but I like talking to you.”

“It’s midnight, I wouldn’t blame you for falling asleep.”

“I don’t wanna fall asleep, I wanna keep talking to you.”

“How about I tell you the story of the time I was bridesman and I had to go to a bachelorette party?”

“Okay I’m listening…”

Friday 10:15 AM

I feel like a teenager

who the hell falls asleep on the phone

i’m in a bad rom com aren't I

Your snoring is really cute.

oh christ

well at least I didn’t take body shots off a male stripper

I was really hoping you’d be asleep before I got to that part.

oh nooo I remember that very clearly

i’ll be filing that away for blackmail

Rude. I guess I’ll save your snoring in that file too.

touché, I like the way you play the game

I’m an experienced player. Gotta go scrub in on a fundoplication.

have fun!!!

Friday 2:41 PM

I got bored and googled a fundoplication

that’s some crazy stuff, you’re kind of a badass

Easy peasy, all in a day's work.

nooo that’s amazing stuff!!

i’m in my classroom scraping gum and glitter off of the desks

Well you’re the reason people become doctors so I'd say you’re pretty important too.

awww you’re still trying to impress me

it’s a good look on you

I’m trying to be a gentleman. Maybe I’ll bring up your puke shoes just to be an asshole.

you know what even the mention of that can’t bring down my good mood

do you think I could get in trouble for drinking wine in my classroom?

Well there’s no kids around so… no. But I like the rebellious attitude you have towards the situation.

if i’m gonna sit in a classroom with no AC and scrape boogers off desks all day then I deserve some damn wine

You’re right and you should say it.

I DESERVE MY WINE I EARNED IT

oh shit maggie is outside i’m so fired

Hey you got her free shots last night, she should be thankful.

you know what you’re right

oh shit it’s bridezilla

Run.

whew

forgot we have our final dress fitting tomorrow

i’m not dead yet

Oh good. I kinda don’t want the first time I see you to be your funeral.

hahaha very funny

gotta go, we have to do this stupid year end meeting

I hate it here

Have fun, and remember don’t stab yourself with a pen!

Saturday 8:13 AM

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING

I wanna die

bridezilla is making us jog

and she took away my donuts

Saturday 9:53 AM

Jesus Christ. You need new friends.

honestly she’s not that bad when she’s not stressing over this wedding

she’s crying because she has a pimple

Oof that’s a tough run. Unfortunately, I have to spend the day out on a boat.

boohoo I don’t not feel bad for you

unless like… you have some childhood trauma from a boat

Nope. I get to relax and drink beer all day long.

yeah well then screw you

I have to try my stupid dress on and go to a stupid lunch and I CAN’T EVEN HAVE DONUTS

Aren’t you at home?

yes, steph invited everyone here since we have the space

why?

Check your porch.

YOU BROUGHT ME DONUTS?!

you’re my favorite

thank you thank you thank you

You’re welcome, I’m happy to be of service.

ohhhh I might just kiss you when we finally meet

I wouldn’t say no to that.

okay I gotta go hide in the closet and eat my donuts

thank you for thinking of me!!

It’s all I ever do.

Saturday 2:16 PM

How goes the dress trying on?

it was good!! mine fits and we have a beautiful bride on our hands

Good. I’m glad your day is getting better. I think I’m getting a sunburn.

you better not

that shit is dangerous

go find sunscreen

Now you’re concerned about me huh?

always

did you put the sunscreen on

Yes because I knew you’d spontaneously implode if I didn’t.

good

I didn’t want to you to burst into flames sitting in the sun

As a doctor, I can tell you that most likely would not be what happened.

now we have to sit through a boring ass lunch

it’s what the mother of the groom insists on

Is she paying for it though? …. yes

Well then stop complaining.

okay okay fine

hey quick question

which fork do i stab myself with

Go order a steak and drink an expensive glass of wine.

Saturday 10:39 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Well well well, how the tables have turned.” “Bar Priiiiiincessss.” “Oh my god. This is so going in the blackmail file.”

“No don’t do that. If Jo finds out I was singing to another girl she’ll be mad.” “And why don’t you want Jo to be mad at you?” “Because I want to kiss her. And hug her. And see her face.”

“Well do I have a surprise for you.” “Oh I love surprises!”

“Jo and Bar Princess are the same person. I’m Jo.” “Holy crap! NO way!”

“Yes way, isn’t that crazy?”

“Can you tell Jo that she’s the nicest person I’ve ever met.” “I will relay the message. Jo is going to bed now though. Goodnight Alex.” “Good night Bar Princess, I miss you!”

#jolex #jolex fanfic #jolex fan fiction #jo karev #jo wilson #jo wilson karev #alex karev #alternate universe #jolex fic #jo x alex #greys anatomy #greys fanfic #INFJTT

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skzhabibi · 4 years ago

Text

An Old Crush (A Long, Bittersweet Personal Storytime/Rant)

When I was in Junior High, I had really, REALLY low self esteem. I was still very much in the awkward phase of puberty and all of those hormones paired with the fact I was having lots of problems at home resulted in some pretty severe mental health issues (which I won’t get too much into, because I don’t wanna trigger anyone). Not only that, but I’m naturally pretty sensitive, so any negative comments people had made about my appearance in the past, whether they were trash talking my hand-me-down clothes, pale ass skin, acne, big nose, etc., it really stuck with me. I was a mess, basically. And I’m part Arab on my mom’s side, so seeing a psychiatrist was never really an option.

Anyways, I was 13 or 14 (8th grade) when I took my 1st Spanish class. This had a bunch of the more “popular” kids in it, because they were trying to get the credit out of the way before High School and there were only 2 teachers who taught Spanish at my school, so it was bound to happen. There was a popular boy in my class, called T for the sake of the story, who sat a seat in front and to the left. I don’t know how we first started talking, but it was probably because of many factors. I laughed at his jokes, he sat near me in Spanish and English which we had right after, I was pretty solid academically at the time and he wasn’t, we had a couple mutual friends/acquaintances, etc... I guess it’s also good to mention he was known for his good looks and the fact he was A-string quarterback on our shitty little football team while I was kind of a social floater; a decent amount of people knew of me, but not many people actually knew me well, if at all.

I didn’t really pay him any mind in a romantic way at first, to be honest. I just thought he was reasonably attractive, but I figured he’d think himself “too cool” to be associated with me since that’s the vibe a lot of the other popular boys in the class had given me if I ever tried making friends with them. People really just gave me the cold shoulder in general, which hurt my feelings, so I wasn’t gonna risk it anymore. But what really made that first little crush for him start was when one day as I was rushing to get out the door first after the bell rang (which I always did because I’m impatient as fUCK and hate that huge ass crowd you had to shove through or come out last), he rushed forward, squeezing through the door around the other jocks and practically pushing them out of the way, to catch up to me and ask me to walk to English together. As an inexperienced little simp, that shit really looked like something out of a movie. It gave me such a needed boost of confidence that I actually started beaming, which was REALLY out of character for me (I’ve always been known for my “resting bitch face”).

So this became such a regular thing, walking to English, that we actually began waiting for each other by our desks to pack our stuff up, and we were usually around the last 2 to leave the room. At some point I finally plucked up the courage to ask him for his number, which was TERRIFYING because I’d never done anything like that. I think I made some excuse that since we had 2 classes together if we forgot about the homework we could remind each other (holy shit I was such a nerd). We texted a few times, but it never got super deep that I remember. I never really initiated the conversations because I didn’t want to make it seem like I liked him even though at this point I REALLY did; I even told a couple of my friends, which I didn’t normally do either. I was always someone to bottle up that shit and bury it so it never saw the light of day because I was so fucking afraid of rejection (Fragile Ass Self Esteem wants to know your location).

I literally thought that I was unlikeable in every sense of the word, so a bunch of the signs that he liked me back at the time never dawned on me. He could’ve literally screamed in my face that he liked me and I’d probably be like “As a Friend, right???”

I guess I’ll just take this moment to tell you about a bunch of the things that should’ve bee HUGE ASS signs he liked me:

1.) This girl on the volleyball team at our table in English that T knew would make passes about how he was really sought-after by a shit ton of girls and then look at me. He also looked at me afterwards like he was shy but gauging my reaction. She had a sort of Jade from Victorious vibe to her so I figured she saw through me and was trying to embarrass me by getting a reaction, so I kept my face straight.

2.) He would compliment me more than anyone else I spoke to (which was uhhhh never. I never got complimented.) For example: He was always calling me smart or a “try hard” to joke with me. I took it as an expression of friendly jealousy. When I curled my hair one day he noticed and literally said, “Can we all take a moment to appreciate (my name)’s hair?” It made me blush so hard, but I thought he was making fun of me. He would also insist on reading my shit or me reading his when the English teacher made us peer review/journal check and would compliment the work I did or my handwriting or how organized it looked. Living that emotionally stunted Y/N life.

3.) The Spanish teacher made us partner up any time there was group work, and she moved his seat to right next to mine every routine seat change. I was gullible as shit thinking that that was coincidental when he had other friends in class. I figured it was cuz I was good and he sucked at Spanish lmaooo. I’ve since read posts on reddit where teachers have confirmed that they can tell when kids have crushes on each other and they’ll play wingman/woman. When I read that I was like WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. Mrs. G was a real one and I was so fucking oblivious to it.

4.) Another girl on the volleyball team asked if he and I were dating. I was taken aback and said no, we weren’t (conveniently leaving out the “I wish”) and asked why she would think that. The reason she gave was that since people saw us walk together between classes, a lot of people figured we were together. I chalked it up to stupid gossip that had no roots in anything he said, so I laughed it off to keep from getting my hopes up.

5.) A similar thing happened AGAIN with a guy who was also on the football team. When he learned my name, he was like, “Wait, (my first and last)?” And I was like yeah wtf how did you know my last without me telling you? And he’s straight up like, “Oh, you’re the girl T has a thing for.” AND I WAS SO FUCKING BLIND OMFG I was just like well he’s never told me he likes me so even though multiple people at this point have said something I think that is completely baseless fake news.

6.) One of the MOST telling signs: he would always say hi to me outside of classes when I was alone. He found me outside my locker one day and started talking to me. The coaches would make the kids on sports teams run back to locker room, and one day he was doing that when he saw me at my locker (which was right by the sport locker rooms since I was in girls’ athletics). His teammates would glance at me while they ran by, and he told me to wait for him while he changed so we could walk to Spanish (1st period) together. Ngl, this really sealed the nail in the coffin for my huge ass crush on this kid. I was taken aback because I thought our friendship was just for convenience and he didn’t actually see me as a real friend he would be seen outside of class with. But in the end I still psyched myself out by saying I was just something to entertain him.

7.) One time in the library, I was working on printing out some paper. An annoying ass kid who was overly friendly and rode the bus with me was talking to me a lot, and I was pretty clearly not interested in my mind at least. T walked in for some reason and smiled and said “Hey, (my name)” pretty loudly. I wasn’t expecting to see him, so I was just like “Oh, hey, T,” because I lack social skills. He glanced at the kid and back at me and his face kinda dropped before he kept walking. I think the kid asked me to hang out with him and our mutual friend and I was basically like no thanks man I’m kinda busy.

8.) Other times he would do this as well. One time my girl friend and I were sitting across from each other at a lunch table in the morning after getting off the bus. Out of LITERALLY NOWHERE he just swoops in and sits next to my friend across from me and starts talking to me about some project in Spanish he finished, showing me excitedly what he wrote and asking if it was right. He pretty much ignored my friend, and she was hella socially anxious and knew about my crush on him so she kinda got huge eyes and shut down socially. He and I talked for a bit before it got awkward because we ran out of shit to say and it was awkward now that we had an extra person and we pretty much only talked to each other without anyone else in the conversation. He left after that and my friend and I freaked tf out.

9.) One time while I was waiting for the bus in the cafeteria after school, I was alone because my friends were taking too long. I was on my phone when he comes up and starts talking to me. I was hella fucking awkward because for some reason I‘m always a fucking stiff around the person I like. Then my guy friend who rode the same bus came up and cock blocked the shit out of T because he’s super fucking loud and just starts fucking around. He and I are super close even to this day and I guess T got intimidated by how easily we were joking around and kinda saw himself out before I could say anything.

10.) THIS LIST IS GETTING TOO LONG SKDJDJASKDJDJ BUT I FUCKIN FORGOT whenever we would walk between classes we would sometimes not even talk. Like whenever the conversation died we would just kinda stare into each other’s eyes 😂 I thought I was just being creepy, but he fucking smiled at me when it happened why am I so dUmB fUUUCK. Also sometimes the popular kids would run up behind us and fuck with him like make fun of him or make some sort of awkward pass that I wouldn’t react to before running down the hall ahead of us. My guess now is that he was meaning to make a move but my neutral reaction to whatever dumbass thing they said made it impossible to tell if I felt the same so he chickened out.

ANYWAYS I think our little friendship/mutual pining fizzled our after one time he made a more up front attempt because at this point he was probably fed up with waiting for me to get the hint but this exchange really fucking backfired:

Basically he got a girlfriend, this girl on GUESS WHAT??! THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM. I heard about it straight from him while we’re walking to English together and that shit hurted but I was like whatever I still want him as a friend and this pretty much confirmed in my mind that he NEVER liked me. So basically he’s talking about how he’s been seeing her to pass the time but he doesn’t actually like her. And I was like why not? She’s really cool/nice and REALLY pretty. But if you don’t like her then why date her? Seems like a waste of time. He’s like yeah well basically she said she liked me so I asked her out but tbh I think she’s annoying. And I’m like what did she do something on a date that was annoying? STILL UTTERLY CLUELESS AND HES DEADASS LIKE what are you jealous like in a flirty way and my DUMB. ASS. Is like.... WHATTTT PSHHH NO I MEAN WE’RE JUST BROSSS AHAHA.

Can I get an F in the chat pls?

Basically we just stopped talking after a while. I think my friend texting his brother officially knifed the shit out of that ship’s sail. Years later I confessed that I liked him back then and asked if he liked me back back then so I could stop worrying about gaslighting myself and he’s basically like yeah I would’ve tried something with you (came across really unenthusiastic). And then one time in like my freshman year of community college I was with my bio study group in the library going to where we were meeting up for a project when I felt eyes on me from the computers and literally LOCKED EYES WITH HIM AND HES JUST LIKE 👁👄👁

LMAO I PRETENDED LIKE I DIDNT KNOW THAT BITCH

OH TO SEE WITHOUT MY EYES

1 like = 1 smash of your head against the wall at my fucking idiocy

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