#but also the fact that chewby is VERY intense. total sweetheart. 2 years old so still quite puppy like.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

CW for animal death mention and alcoholism under the cut

I just need to vent

So...Mercedes probably doesn't have long left

She hasn't eaten anything but her wet food and treats for the past week. And she's been drinking way less water. She's lost a lot of weight. She hasn't been this skinny since she was sick back in 2017.

If it was completely up to me....I probably wouldve called the vet days ago and had her put down...its hard to see her like this again. And I know she's not gonna bounce back from it this time. It seemed unlikely last time but...it was brought on by the medication she was on and not by the histoplasmosis and by the time the meds were affecting her that much the histoplasmosis had evidently been cleared up despite her not being able to finish the treatment. But this time...shes just old. And she's been steadily declining ever since she recovered from the histoplasmosis meds.

But shes my moms cat too

And I dont personally have the money to pay to have her put down and cremated.

And I know my parents haven't been doing well since layla died. They (or at least my mom) had cut back on drinking A LOT before layla died. I hadnt seen my mom drunk in over a year. Not since she quit her last job.

But now its back to what it was before. Shes drunk at least 3 nights a week. If not more.

I know she's hoping mercedes will just pass quietly in her sleep

And that might happen

But shes just...wasting away in the mean time.

Before layla went i definitely would be struggling with this. But id never lost a pet before layla. Not really. A couple fish. A cat my dad dumped in the woods cuz she would get into my room while I was napping and claw my face up. But I wasnt that attached to the fish and I was 3 when we had sparks so while I remember the day he took her away and being upset...the emotions aren't really there anymore.

I miss layla like crazy. And it was definitely not an ideal situation since it happened so fast and my parents were 2 states away so I was having to make all these decisions I was NOT prepared to make

But im kinda glad she went first. I think it wouldve been harder on her to lose mercedes than it was on mercedes to lose her. It went fast enough that she didn't have to slowly waste away but not so fast that I didn't get to say goodbye to her. And mercedes health took a bit of a dive right after so...I was able to make peace with the idea of her dying while coming to terms with laylas death.

But now its been 4 months of her living in a plastic pool in my moms office

And she did seem to improve after we put her in the pool. She was struggling to make it across the hall to get water in my room (and also to make it into the litterbox)

But. I think its definitely time now and I dont know if my moms ready. She still seems to be hoping mercedes will just go in her sleep.

Anyway...there's not really a point to this beyond just trying to organize my thoughts