#but also that essay about uncle charlie being a vampire

[charlottenewtons]

Shadow of a Doubt (1943) / Nosferatu (2024)

[aidanchaser]

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Everyone Lives AU

Table of Contents

Chapter Nine The Midnight Duel

Dear Mum and Dad,

Classes have been a lot of work. There’s so much to learn, I don’t even know where to start. Was Professor Binns a ghost when you were at school? He’s very dull now, and I hope he was at least a little better when he was living.

Professor McGonagall says hello. She also said she hopes I’m as good at Transfiguration as Dad. But I don’t know. It’s very hard.

I like Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Professor Quirrell is pretty boring. He mumbles and stutters a lot, and we don’t get to do much, but it’s the most interesting reading. Fred and George said there’s a new teacher every year because the position is cursed. Is that true? Did you have a new teacher every year?

I don’t like Potions. At all. Professor Snape HATES me. I don’t know why. I thought my potion was just fine, but he liked Malfoy’s best, and then he yelled at me because Neville’s melted the cauldron. I wasn’t even working with Neville, I was working with Ron!

I also can’t stand Draco Malfoy. He’s rude, called the Weasleys blood-traitors, and then asked if I wanted to be his friend. I was going to punch him, but Ron’s weasel ended up biting Goyle and they ran away. Mum always said you were arrogant, Dad, but I hope you weren’t like that. He’s awful. And he’s always making smug faces at me.

But Ron and I get along really well. He’s great. We both like Quidditch. A lot. Can we bring Ron to the World Cup when it happens?

I had tea with Hagrid today. His tea isn’t as good as yours, Mum. You should send some scones. I miss eating at home.

With love, Harry

PS: Ron, Seamus, Dean, Neville, and I all checked under our beds. Neville has “Nymphadora Tonks” scribbled under his bed and Ron has, “Charlie Weasley” on his. Wasn’t Nymphadora in Hufflepuff? Maybe they move the beds around. I hope Draco Malfoy isn’t in your bed.

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Dear Harry,School sounds exciting. I know it can be hard, but just do your best. It will be enough. You’re very smart, and you’ll be able to do it.

Yes, Nymphadora was in Hufflepuff. But she was always getting into trouble. Try not to sneak into other students’ dormitories to carve your names under their beds. You don’t need to rack up a list of detentions like your father did.

The Quidditch World Cup is a long way away. If we go, your friends are welcome to come.

Here’s a box of scones, though they probably won’t be warm by the time they arrive. Sounds like you should give one to Ron’s weasel, too. He sounds like quite the valiant Gryffindor.

With love, Mum and Dad

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Dear Uncle Remus,

Thank you for your letter. I didn’t tell Snape that Sirius said anything. But I got in trouble anyway. Why is Snape such a jerk? I know you said I should get along with my professors, but I don’t think I’ll be able to with Snape.

I really like Defense Against the Dark Arts. It’s not as exciting as it is learning from you or Dad, though. Professor Quirrell doesn’t let us practice much. He talks about a lot of things, but your stories and Dad’s were always more exciting.

Quirrell said he met a vampire in Romania. Are there a lot of vampires out there? Also, he wears a turban that smells disgusting. Everyone says he keeps garlic in it to keep away the vampire. Does that really work?

Love, Harry Potter

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Dear Harry,

PROFESSOR Snape is your teacher, and you need to listen to him in class, even if he can be harsh on Gryffindors. Just do your best in Potions. There’s a lot to learn and remember, but you can do it.

Vampires are actually very common in Romania and there are several pockets of them throughout Eastern Europe. Much more common there than in the west. You’re not likely to run into one out here, unless they’ve been bitten, though I’ve known a couple of half-vampires. Vampires are protected under the Guidelines for the Treatment of Non-Wizard-Part-Humans (note: there is some record of vampires being wizards and it’s actually common among half-vampires, and the laws become even murkier there) but even though they’re protected, there is a lot of discrimination against them. I knew a very nice half-vampire who couldn’t get a job. Everyone’s excuse was that she could only work from dusk to dawn, and had to sleep during the afternoon, but it was pretty clear they just didn’t want to hire a half-vampire. Some even doubted her ability to do magic, though she has the strongest perfume charms I’ve ever seen. They’re quite nice. She’s doing very well for herself now, selling perfume and potpourri, but her shop is only open at night. When you’re home for the holidays, I can take you to meet her, if you like.

As for garlic, it does keep vampires away, but it’s not poisonous to them. They look at garlic the way you looked at Sirius’s cookies, that one time he tried baking while your parents were out. It’s very repugnant to them, and it will make a few of them sick if they ingest it, but it isn’t deadly. There are some cases of vampires claiming immunity to garlic, but there hasn’t been any real verification on the subject.

And, anyway, vampires are just like us. Except they drink blood instead of pumpkin juice. You should have no need to ward one off, unless you make him or her angry. As long as you treat them the way you treat anyone else, you’ll be fine. Some can be a little stuck-up, but overall, they’re very charming people with an interesting nightlife.

Good luck in your classes. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, but I won’t write your essays for you. I didn’t even write your father’s when he was in school. I just edited for him and Sirius. Don’t let them lie to you. Maybe I wrote an introduction or two. But I promise I made them do most of the work.

Love, Uncle Remus

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Dear Sirius,

I love Hogwarts! Flying lessons start soon. I wish I had my broom. I hear the school brooms are awful. And we have to learn with the Slytherins. I don’t like them at all. Especially Draco Malfoy. And Potions with them is bad enough.

Snape absolutely hates me. I didn’t say anything about you to him, and he still got me in trouble even though I didn’t do anything. What is his problem? I don’t understand.

Love, Harry

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Dear Harry,

I don’t blame you for not getting along with Slytherins. I grew up in a house full of them and couldn’t stand it. Draco Malfoy sounds a lot like his father when we were in school. Mind you, don’t let Filch catch you hexing him. Your mother would probably say don’t do it at all, but if he’s got it coming then it’s his fault, isn’t it?

Snape went to school with your mother, father, Remus, and I. He was friends with your mother but your father and I didn’t get along with him. I thought it’d be funny if he got a sarcastic hello from me, but maybe it’s better you don’t start off your school year making him think about me and your dad. He’s known to hold something of a grudge. Though he was always excellent with dirty jinxes. Stay on his good side.

Love, Sirius

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Dear Sirius,

Remember what I told you about Draco Malfoy? I didn’t know I could dislike him even more. Flying lessons went great, actually. Ask Dad. But after totally showing Malfoy up during flying lessons, he threw a fit and challenged me to a wizard's duel. OF COURSE I accepted. But when I showed up, Malfoy wasn’t there. He’d even given Filch a warning that students would be at the meeting place. Ron and I didn’t get caught, of course, but WHAT A COWARD. (Don’t tell Mum and Dad I snuck out of the dormitory to go to a duel with another student. Mum would send a howler.)

Please send me a good hex or two for Malfoy. Next time he tries to show off, I want to be ready.

Love, Harry

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Dear Mum and Dad,

You’ll NEVER guess what happened at flying lessons.

GO ON.

GUESS.

So, I was being a well-behaved Gryffindor. Perfectly good. Didn’t even say anything when Madam Hooch corrected my grip. (Which, speaking of, Dad, did you know if you pull your hands to the centre you can pull up faster? It totally worked!) I was being well-behaved, and then Neville got nervous and sort of took off and ended up falling and breaking his wrist. He’s alright now, though. Madam Pomfrey mended him up really quick. But while Madam Hooch took him to see Madam Pomfrey, Malfoy thought it’d be funny to take Neville’s Remembrall and hide it somewhere like in a tree or a tower.

You know I’m trying really hard to obey school rules, right Mum? And I haven’t gotten a single detention so far. Uncle Remus told me that Dad had three detentions by his second week. So you know I’m not trying to get in trouble when I tell you that I had to go after Malfoy. No one else was doing anything!

So I got on my broom and flew after Malfoy and told him to hand the Remembrall over. He said no and then ended up throwing it up. Well I CAUGHT IT after a 50-foot dive. Dad, it was amazing. I wish you could’ve seen it.

Then McGonagall saw me. I thought I was in so much trouble. She was yelling and everything. She had that stern look on her face. Dad, you always talked about her being mean but I didn’t get it. Now that I see her in school I know what you mean.

I was sure she was going to kick me out of Hogwarts. But then instead of expelling me, she introduced me to the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

I’M GOING TO BE THE NEW SEEKER FOR GRYFFINDOR!

I’m the youngest seeker in a century! That’s what McGonagall and Oliver Wood said. You have to come to all my games! And Uncle Remus and Sirius, too, of course!

Also, you need to send me my Nimbus 2000. McGonagall said to wait until you hear from her or from Dumbledore, but promise you’ll send it the moment they okay it? I want to start practicing!

With love, Harry

P.S. How are you? Is everything okay? Your letter was rather short. But the scones were delicious! Thanks a lot! Ron said they were almost as good as Mrs. Weasley’s (and, I’m sorry, but, he’s right. Her cooking’s always been a little better).

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Dear Uncle Remus,

BIG NEWS. But I don’t want to tell it three times, so ask to read the letter I sent Mum and Dad. Otherwise, classes are fine. Thanks for the information about vampires. I’ll probably use a lot of it in the essay due next Thursday. Want to tell me the secret to brewing a perfect cauldron of Twinkling Dew? That essay’s due on Friday.

What do you know about three-headed dogs? Are they very vicious? Can they be kept as pets?

Love, Harry

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Dear Harry,

I did not get three detentions my second week of school. Sirius and I, between the two of us, had three detentions our second week. One was shared, and then we each got one individually. Remus exaggerates and assumes we both always were in trouble for the same things. Not true.

AND CONGRATULATIONS ON MAKING SEEKER. WOW.

I never would’ve expected you to make the Quidditch team your first year! Mum and I are so proud of you. Write to us as soon as you know when your first game is. I know you’re going to be amazing! Sirius has already said he’ll be there for sure, and Remus has said he’ll gladly attend as long as it doesn’t conflict with any other obligations he has in his calendar, of course.

We’re all so excited for you. Mum says not to let Quidditch interfere with your studies, but I know you won’t. You’re our son, so you should do excellent in everything. At least, between the two of us. I was never very good at History. And your Mum was certainly never any good at Quidditch, but we make up for each other’s flaws, and so then you should have the best of both of us, right?

Everything is fine at home. Your mother’s a bit stir crazy without you to look out for. She started saying things like, “Maybe I should get a job,” which is ridiculous. She doesn’t need one. But we definitely miss having you around. Already counting the days until Christmas.

We’ll send your broom as soon as we get the okay from McGonagall or Dumbledore. Don’t worry. I won’t leave you waiting for that any longer than I have to.

With love, Mum and Dad

P.S. Sirius mentioned something about you getting into a fight with Malfoy? Please be careful. Just because I got detentions in school doesn’t mean you should too. Best of us both, right?

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Dear Harry,

CONGRATULATIONS.

You’re not only the youngest Seeker in a century, you’ll be the best Seeker in a century. I know you’ll be great. You’ve been flying since before you could walk!

Your father wouldn’t let me read the letter. Had to tell it himself. Said you dove nearly 100 feet for that little marble. That’s incredible!

This Malfoy kid sounds like he had it coming. Do me a favor and try out a good strong Bogey hex on him. Or a Hurling Hex on his broom next time you go out for flying lessons. The trick is not getting caught.

Best of luck!

Love, Sirius

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Dear Harry,

Congratulations on becoming a seeker! That’s incredible! I’m sure your mother’s already told you, but do keep up with your school work. You’re being afforded a wonderful privilege. Use it well.

I’m glad I was able to help with the vampires. And I’m afraid I hardly remember a Twinkling Dew potion. Potions really was my worst subject. Try your mother if you really need help with potions. It was one of her best subjects. Though I suppose, being friends with Severus helped her out there.

I don’t recall Cerberuss being on the list of creatures you study in first year. Did Ron mention one?

There’s not a lot known about Cerberuss. They’re very rare and hard to study even if you find one. I do not recommend keeping one as a pet. Ever. They’re very vicious dogs, who only eat raw meat and that includes living people! They’re known in mythology for guarding the gates to the underworld, because they can keep living people out, but let spirits in. Muggles have a legend about a man besting Cerberus without a weapon, though it’s not very true. There is a record of a wizard who tried stunning a Cerberus and had his wand arm bitten off before he could cast his spell.

I don’t know why you’re studying Cerberi but I don’t think you want to get too close to one. They can be charmed to sleep with good music, but I doubt you could get close enough to try.

If you’re looking for a good breed of dog, ask Sirius. He should be able to point you in the right direction.

Love, Uncle Remus