#but also she had a screaming tantrum that lasted one hour and 45 minutes and also tried to slap me in the face when i brought her some water

[elipsi]

when visiting the baby cousin i always swing between "i need to hang out with babies 24/7" bc he's very cute and it overwrites my rational thoughts, and "i need my tubes tied asap" bc his older sister is a nightmare of legendary proportions

[awkward-and-indecisive]

The Lazy Chose Me

Gif by @crowleysfavouritedemon

Summary - Y/n wants to have a lazy day but her boyfriend, Dean, wants to take her on an impromptu date. Will she have a good time at the date or will the date, the green eyed hunter organised, be a total wreck?

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Female!reader

Warnings - FLUFF!!! A little language, crack, lots of kissing a certain green eyed man, Dean being the best boyfriend ever, Dean being an adorable dork. Reader’s thoughts are italicised. If I’m forgetting anything please let me know!

Word Count - 4224

A/N - This randomly came to me at four in the morning. Also, I love Stitch with everything in me. 🥺😩

This is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine.

Please tell me what you think about it.

FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!!

Happy Reading :)

*****

You were having the laziest day of your life. Sitting on your side of the bed in a hoodie and sweatpants, you were stuffing your face with popcorn while watching reruns of your favourite show. With no hunts for the day, you were having a lazy day after months and you were enjoying it way too much. Crumbs of the snacks you’ve had earlier were scattered on the bed, decorating the sheets like confetti. Little pieces of popcorn were falling everywhere but you didn’t care. And you didn’t care that you didn’t care. You were loving the fact that you had nothing to do all day but lie in bed and eat junk and be lazy and messy and ugly and dirty. You were basically a zombie for the day.

Ah! This is what dreams are made of. You thought to yourself, sighing after another episode ended. You stretched your body, a few of your joints popping due to not getting any movement for so long, and hummed happily to yourself. You pressed play on the remote, the next episode playing, and changed your position on the bed. Lying on your side, you brought up your knees to your chest, one of your hands supporting your head, and kept the popcorn bowl within arm’s reach.

You had only continued your munching for a few minutes when your green eyed sex god of a boyfriend entered the room, excitement making his huge frame shake. He stopped at the foot of the bed, bouncing on the balls of his feet and you got a little annoyed at how energetic he was being. Your eyes were still glued to the screen, hand going in the direction of the bowl, blindly picking some popcorn and gorging yourself with it.

Dean moved in front of the tv and switched it off. You let out a ‘hey!’ in protest and he came to sit beside you. You scowled at him for interrupting your plan of being a zombie all day and he kept a hand on your hip, a cheeky smile playing on his lips which told you that he was up to something.

“Get ready, sweetheart. We’re going on an impromptu date.” He said with eagerness, clapping his hands together, and you still kept scowling at him. He seemed to have figured out what was swirling around in your head and started shaking you lightly.

“Come on, Y/N! It’s been so long since we had a date night and I have the perfect thing in mind.” He whined, making puppy dog eyes. You almost gave in right there but the lazy part of you stopped you from saying yes.

“But whyyy?! I don’t want to get ready or dress up or do my hair or look pretty or take a shower. I want to spend all day in bed doing absolutely nothing.” You whined back.

“Y/n, come on! You can be lazy all you want tomorrow. And look at all this mess and you haven’t even showered?!” Your boyfriend exclaimed. You just shrugged in return. So what if I didn’t shower today? It wasn’t like I smelled. Or did I?

You shook your head to get those thoughts out of your head and pulled the covers over your head, trying to hide under them and not let Dean force you to get out of bed. He tried to snatch the covers from you, going to stand at the foot of the bed again, but you had a deathgrip on them. Of course you were no match to him when it came to strength and he managed to steal them from you, throwing them on the small chair in the room. You groaned and folded your body more, tightly wrapping your arms around your knees and burying your head in the space between your knees and chest.

Dean grabbed a hold of your ankle and easily pulled you to the end of the bed and you screamed in protest, grabbing whatever you could to hold on. To anyone else the scene would surely look extremely comical, you clutching the sheets like your life depended on it and Dean dragging you towards the end of the bed. You knew you were being childish and throwing a tantrum like a kid whose mother refused to give in to their unnecessary demand they made in a public place right now but you didn't want to leave your bed. You were so comfortable and happy spending the day there and your boyfriend was bursting your peaceful bubble of lethargy.

“Why. Are. You. So. Damn. Lazy?!” Dean huffed exasperatedly, pulling you more and more towards the edge with each word.

You finally gave up on your plan, knowing you were no match for your stupid boyfriend’s stupid strength. You swiped the strands of hair that stuck on your face from all the scuffle in annoyance, when you stood up on your feet, and looked him in the eyes.

“I didn’t choose the lazy Dean. The. Lazy. Chose. Me.” You huffed with every step you took to leave the room and go to the bathroom to get ready for your impromptu date.

Dean chuckled and shook his head at your antics, taking a pair of your jeans, your undergarments and a jumper out of the drawer to give to you since you didn’t take any with you. He dropped the clothes on the bench of the bathroom, shouting ‘don’t take too long and get ready in 45 minutes’, and came back to change his clothes too.

Rolling your eyes for the millionth time in the last hour, you dragged your boot clad feet to the bunker’s garage. You would have been spending the whole day in sweats and a hoodie and here you were now, wearing jeans and a bra. Oh how cruel life is to break my dreams like that! You internally groaned.

You found Dean humming a tune to himself while leaning against his precious Impala, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded. His head perked up when the sound of your footsteps reached his ears and he immediately opened the passenger side door for you. You grumpily took a seat and Dean, still acting all gentlemanly, closed the door and rounded the car to take a seat in the driver’s side.

He jammed the key into the ignition and turned it, driving out of the garage. The green eyed man turned on some soft rock tunes, his fingers drumming to their tune. His whole demeanor was annoying you, testing your limits. How was he so happy after literally dragging me off the bed and stopping me from being the sack of potatoes I so desperately wanted to be all day?

“Why couldn’t we have a lazy date night in the Cave?” You asked, turning your body towards him.

“Because I can’t remember the last time we went out on a nice date and what I have planned is gonna be so much better than a lazy date night in the Cave.” He replied with confidence.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You grumbled, folding your arms.

“At least tell me where we’re going!” You whined after a few minutes had passed, stomping your foot like a child. You were really in a mood today.

“Then it won’t be a surprise.” Dean said, like it was obvious. You faced him and gave him your best puppy dog eyes, jutting out your lower lip to make the pout he could never say no to. He gave you a glance and then chuckled, “Nice try, sweetheart. But my hands are tied.”- he raised his hands in defeat and shrugged, -“I’m sorry but no can do.”

You let out a groan of frustration and decided to give up on prying information from him and just wait to see what this great plan of his was.

After a little over an hour of driving, Dean put Baby in park and you could see a tent with some lights and stuff. It was a carnival.

He brought you to a freaking carnival?!

“A carnival.” You said, judgement dripping from your voice.

“What? It’ll be fun!” He shrugged, a huge smile plastered on his face.

“I swear to god Dean if i don’t have any fun-”

“If you don’t have a good time then I’ll do whatever you want for a month.” He rambled out before you could complete your threat.

“Whatever?” You asked him, wanting to know if he was sure what he was signing himself up for. He nodded in reply and you thought about the little deal he was presenting you.

“Make it two and you have yourself a deal.” You countered, giving him a huge fake smile and putting your hand forward so you could shake on it.

“Deal!” Dean said and instead of shaking your hand, he crashed his lips on yours, kissing you like he hadn’t for years. He parted from you and you weren’t sure if you were out of breath because of the kiss or because of how good he kissed you. “That’s the way to properly seal a deal, sweetheart.” He winked and got out of the car, leaving you breathless and in a daze in the car.

You shook your head to get your brain back to working and got out of the car. You rounded and saw Dean holding his hand out for you. You couldn’t help the genuine smile and warmth that graced your cheeks. You hated how a tiny gesture from him made your heart do somersaults like a teenage girl even after all these years of knowing and dating him. Intertwining your fingers with his, you started walking towards the entry to go inside.

You were mesmerised by the hundreds of lights that were acting as a roof over your heads, looking like a galaxy of stars, as soon as you stepped foot into the carnival. You uttered a ‘Whoa!’ and could already see the smug smile forming on your boyfriend’s face. He gave you a ‘Hate to say I told you so’ look which you just ignored, pulling him towards the first stall your eyes fell on.

Dean suggested that you two eat a little before indulging in any activities and you quickly agreed since you didn’t have anything to eat all day other than those few snacks. You both opted for a hotdog and quickly finished it, feeling the hunger once the food was in your hands. The both of you roamed a little around the fair, watching everything that was on display.

The various games that were hard for normal people but to you both were as easy as pie and all the different prizes they had. A particular prize caught your eye and you memorised the stall number to visit later. The numerous contrasting foods and their delicious aromas wrapped around you like a blanket as you passed their respective stalls.

You saw a stall with flavoured lemonade and urged Dean to try some. You continued exploring while drinking the flavours of your choice. You reached the end of the ground, where the carnival was set, where a huge Ferris wheel waited for you and Dean.

You could only imagine the view you would get from the top. You tugged at your boyfriend’s jacket sleeve, stopping at the queue for the giant ride. You quickly emptied your plastic cups and threw them in the trash. You couldn’t help but notice Dean being a little nervous about the ride and found it so adorable. Dean Winchester, the best hunter in the world, was scared of a Ferris wheel.

It wasn’t long till it was your chance to sit in one of the carts. The crew guy locked the bar over your laps, securing you in. You heard Dean start humming Metallica, which you knew he did to calm himself down, as the ride started to take you up. You took his hand in yours, your thumb caressing the back of his hand. His grip on your hand tightened and you squeezed it back in reassurance, resting your head on his shoulder. You knew he was a little scared but couldn’t help and find the whole situation utterly adorable and amusing.

The wheel stopped when you were halfway to the top and you looked down to see that a couple was getting off a cart and another taking their place. You looked back at Dean, sitting next to you, and he had a funny expression on his face.

“Hey! You okay?” You asked, your brows furrowing.

He scanned his surroundings for a few seconds and then gulped, looking at you. You raised your eyebrows in question and he opened his mouth but no words came out.

“I uh...I think I’m gonna throw up.” He stuttered.

“You WHAT?!” You said, voice getting louder with shock while you let go of his hand and put as much distance as you could between the two of you. Your turn had just started and you were approximately 50 feet above ground and you had nowhere to go. Your thoughts started spiralling and you quickly rambled out, “I swear to god Dean if you throw up here I’ll kill you. Don’t even think about throwing up. Swallow it down if you have to. Don’t you dare throw up.”

“I can’t just not throw up Y/n!” He screeched.

“I don’t care!!” You said, shaking your head from side to side.

You both stared at each other in disbelief for a minute when Dean started laughing hysterically, his whole body shaking the cart. Your eyes widened when realisation hit you. He was messing with you. He wasn’t nauseous. Ugh! You hated him so much. The ride started again, taking you both up and he was still laughing.

“Asshole!” You said, smacking his arm and the cart shook a little bit.

“Whoa Y/n! I might fall!” Dean shrieked and you grumbled ‘Good!’ in reply.

You crossed your arms, rolling your eyes and looking away from him. It wasn’t long until you reached the top and as soon as you took in the view, your annoyance vaporized into thin air. You could see the whole town from up here, hundreds of lights twinkling in the distance, the cold wind blowing through your hair. It all looked so heavenly stunning.

“This is so beautiful!” You whispered in awe.

“Yeah it is.” Dean agreed with you and when you looked at him, he was looking at you. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

You rolled your eyes while a blush crept up on your cheeks making your face warm even in the cold breeze. A smug expression made its way on Dean’s face and he wiggled his brow at you, thinking of how easy it was to win you over. But before he could make a smartass comment, you crashed your lips onto his, shutting him up. He didn’t seem to mind, bringing his hand up to your cheek, his thumb caressing it, while the other one still held onto the metal bar which was your only safety.

You made out like horny teenagers the whole ride, giggling when your noses collided. You both got out of the small cart, hands entwining and began to make your way back. You were walking quietly, taking in your surroundings when out of nowhere a guy ran past you, drenching you with the milkshake he had in his hand. You gasped at the contact of the cold liquid with your body, which quickly started seeping into your clothes and making you shiver.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean cursed looking at you, anger filling him straight away and then his green eyes gazed behind you to catch sight of that guy.

“Let it go, Dean. I need to change before I get sick.” You said, tugging at his hand.

“Okay okay. I think I saw a souvenir shop a little ahead. Let’s get you some clean clothes from there.” He said, his anger disappearing and worry taking its place.

You nodded and let him guide you to the shop, hoping they had some clothes you could wear. As much as you disliked coming here at first, you were having a good time and didn’t wanna go back home so soon.

You went into the shop, thanking everyone in this world when you found some clothes at the back. You quickly took off their tag and handed them to Dean so he could pay for them while you changed in the fitting room. You quickly got out of your milkshake soaked clothes and put them in a plastic bag. You left the fitting room, your eyes meeting with those gorgeous green ones and he chuckled, shaking his head and looking down.

“What?” You asked, feeling a little conscious.

“Nothing. I’m just not that surprised at your choice of clothing.” He said with amusement, waving his hand up and down towards your body.

You glanced down at yourself and realised that you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. You were back in your lazy clothes and chuckled too. You looked at Dean and shrugged while smirking, “What can I say? The lazy chose me.”

He grinned at you, pulling you in for a kiss. The kiss was all sweet and loving. He parted when the need for air became too much and rested his forehead on yours, whispering on your lips, “I’m starting to think it did.”

You pecked his lips one more time before taking his hand to exit the shop. You both roamed around a bit more, going on some rides and eating some food. You lost a bet to Dean, getting dizzy before him on Chair-O-Planes, resulting in him making fun of you before you kissed him to shut him up while he lost a bet to you, getting scared in the fun house once while you didn’t. You made fun of him before he applied your method of shutting him up, kissing you. You both tried a hybrid of a cake and a pie which was so fucking delicious that it left you two moaning with each bite and you instantly got a whole one packed to take home. Dean kept convincing you to call it Pieke which you kept ignoring. You also tried something called a ‘pizza cone’, it looked like a normal ice cream cone but instead of the ice cream, it had cheese and pizza sauce and the cone was made out of dough. It was easily the best kind of pizza you’ve ever had and got a few of them packed for everyone back at home.

It was safe to say that both of your stomachs were full with finger-licking food and your hearts with irreplaceable memories from tonight. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this carefree and had so much fun. You hated to admit it, but Dean was right and you were definitely not going to say that out loud and give him one more chance of being all cocky and boastful.

Both of you were lazily strolling with one of your hands carrying the bags with the food and the other interlaced with each others’. You could see the opening from where you had entered, meaning you had done everything there was to do.

“You ready to go home, sweetheart?” Dean asked, his head tilting to you while his eyes darted towards the entry/exit point.

You hummed while nodding, Dean pecking your forehead and beginning to walk again. You had just stepped out of the carnival when your brain reminded you of that stall number you had thought of visiting before and you quickly shrieked, “WAIT!!”

He stopped in his tracks, turning to you with his brows raised, “What?”

“Uh, I remembered something I have to do.” You gave him a vague reply, not looking him in the eye.

“Okay, let’s go do it then.” He said, turning to walk back inside.

“NO!! No no.” You yelped, pushing on his shoulders to turn him back. He gave you a perplexed look and you awkwardly said, “You don’t have to come. Plus I kinda gotta do it alone.”

“Okaaay..” Dean said, unsure.

“Alright! So I'll meet you at the car in 20.” You hastily rambled out, pecking his lips and made your way back to the stall you had earlier seen in the night, leaving a dumbfounded Dean behind.

You were walking back to the car, a giant rainbow slinky in your hands, which were behind your back, to hide the toy from him. You saw how heartbroken he was, when the one Sam had gotten him on a case, got broken. You just wanted to see his whole face light up and give you that huge smile that lit up your world. You had seen the slinky displayed as a prize on the Ring Toss game and had won it for your boyfriend easily, your hunter skills coming handy.

You saw Dean leaning against the Impala, a mischievous look on his face, something blue and huge peeking out from where he was hiding it behind him. You squinted your eyes to figure out what he was hiding but failed to make anything out.

“What you got there, Y/n?” Dean questioned, nodding to your hands, amusement painted all over his face.

“I could ask the same.” You smirked, raising one of your eyebrows.

“Well as they say, ‘Ladies first’” He winked and you chuckled.

“You’re gonna need your hands for this one and they’re a little busy as far as I can tell.” You said, wiggling your brows at him.

Realisation hit him and you chuckled at his puzzled expression at what to do with whatever was in his hands. He told you to close your eyes and not open them until he shoved the thing he had in his hands in Baby through the window. He gave you the green light to open his eyes. You gave out a count of three out loud and then brought the slinky in front of you. Dean gasped, his whole face lighting up with a million megawatt smile, just like you had imagined, lighting up your whole world in the process.

“No! Oh, you’re the best girlfriend EVER!!! I LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!” Dean blurted out, voice raising with each word, probably on cloud nine right now. Your face heated up at his words but you just dismissed them, mumbling ‘yeah yeah’ while looking down at your feet.

“Okay time for your surprise!”- He said, remembering what he had stuffed in the window earlier, -“Close your eyes.”- he insisted, turning around to get it out of the car while you shut your eyes, -”And no cheating!” You chuckled at his childish behaviour, loving it all the same.

“You need some help with that?” You teased him, after a few minutes passed and you heard him struggling to get it out of the car. He grunted an ‘almost done’ making you chuckle again.

“Alright, open up, sweetheart.” He said.

“YOU DID NOT!!” You gasped as you saw what he was holding in his hands, happy tears making your eyes blurry, reminding you of your childhood.

You instantly took the giant, almost as big as you, Stitch stuffed plush from his arms, squeezing it tightly against yourself. You couldn’t believe he got that for you. That little alien meant the world to you.

“I saw it at a shooting game after you left and I just couldn’t not get it for you. I know how much you love the movie and this weird guy. And also this is compensation if you didn’t have a good time tonight.” He told you and you looked up at him.

“Dean I...this...YOU are the best boyfriend in this universe and all the others. You don’t know how much this means to me...I...I love you.” You stuttered, words not coming to you as your feelings overwhelmed you, your voice getting smaller at the end.

He stepped forward, crashing his lips on yours, kissing you passionately while his large hands cupped your face. You kissed him back with the same passion, pouring all the feelings you felt into it, immense love for a certain green eyed man being the biggest. You parted when the need for oxygen became too much and rested your forehead on his.

“You should find yourself a new bed to sleep in because I just found a new cuddle buddy I won’t be letting go of any time soon.” You teased him, a smile playing on your lips.

“Pfft yeah right.” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, sorry Stitch, unfortunately I kinda love him the most.” You said with mock sadness in your tone.

“Unfortunately my ass!” He grumbled and you laughed at that.

“I love you. So so much.” You said, pecking his lips.

“I know. Now get your cute butt in the car. It’s getting late and we gotta go home.” He said, lightly smacking your ass as you rounded the car to take a seat.

“Plus, I gotta show you just how much I love you for getting me that slinky.” He winked, suggestively, getting into the car.

“Oh I can’t wait.” You winked back.

*****

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT IT?!

TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!!!

Tags - @agirlwithdemonblood | @eevvvaa | @msmarvelouswinchester | @waynes-multiverse | @deanwithscissors | @jay-and-dean | @stitchintimefan

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

no shirt

Park Jinyoung x Wife!Reader

Summary: Jinyoung has to take your daughter to the studio with him last minute which results in an uncharacteristically messy day for him

A/N: this is my first time posting for got7 (kpop in general) so feedback is appreciated!

--

Unorganized, late, and a mess were not typically words to describe Jinyoung. However, this morning was different. The night before you had laid your babies’ schedule out for Jinyoung. It was a rare change in your daily routine, having to go to work much earlier than normal. Of course, he was the father, he knew, he just wanted to be sure that a change in schedule wouldn't affect your daughter negatively.

He knew she had to be at daycare at 9:30 in the morning, 10 at the latest but pay a late fee, and be in the studio by 10:15 to record. If the plan had gone accordingly, there would be enough time to even stop and get a coffee, maybe have breakfast with his daughter, but that didn’t happen. When you left bright and early at 6 am, Jinyoung had a sneaking sensation his daughter sensed you were gone. She started screaming and crying as soon as you stepped out the door, though it hurt your heart, you had to get to work. If only she had stayed asleep for just another hour, Jinyoung would have been more alert and ready to take on her toddler tantrum. He had already been up later than he planned the night before, but who could blame him for spending a little extra time with his wife after not seeing her in what felt like forever?

Because he was so thrown off he managed to get his daughter to sleep but the quiet and calmness of the room managed to make him fall asleep too. He didn't set another alarm simply because he only ever needed maybe 3 max. When he woke up to a wet baby fist hitting his face, it was already 9:45, he had 15 minutes to get his daughter to daycare and 30 minutes to get to the studio on time. He started moving at what felt like the speed of light but realistically was a panicked run. He warmed up a bottle for her daughter and gave it to her so she could eat while he changed her diaper and changed her into her clothes for the day. He managed to wrangle her feet together in record time and set her among the pillows on his bed while she finished her bottle and he got her diaper bag ready. 10 minutes down. He could quickly wash his face and change into a decent outfit and hopefully get her to daycare on time. 

But that didn’t happen, he got out of the house and strapped the baby into her car seat with 6 minutes to spare until she would be left with dad all day. Well, just his luck, everyone seemed to be on the road at this time. 

“Ok, my love looks like we’ll barely be getting you to daycare on time.” He told his daughter as he looked into the rearview mirror to see her big, confused eyes. 

Just his luck! Just his luck, traffic only seemed to get worse the closer he got to he daycare. He had 10 minutes to get to the recording studio, he was just going to have to take her with him and hope someone would be willing to watch her while he recorded his parts. 

Lucky for him, Yugyeom’s car was parked in the parking garage, so Jinyoung could force him to watch his daughter. 

“Tsk tsk tsk Hyung, 1 whole minute late, that’s not like you- oh hello little lady!” Yugyeom greeted upon seeing Jinyoung walk through the door with a diaper bag over one shoulder and the baby on the opposite hip. 

“Can you please watch her while I record?” Jinyoung asked, nearly begged Yugyeom. The younger didn’t answer, he just began the baby talk as he held his niece in his arms and bounced her around. 

“I’m sorry for being late, shall we start?” Jinyoung asked the producer with a bow. 

After a couple hours and a few breaks to bounce the baby around and help Yugyeom feed her, he got the nod that meant he was good for the day. Jinyoung plopped onto the couch for a quick break and closed his eyes. But just like a few hours ago, a tiny, slobbery fist interrupted his peace. 

“Ok, my love, let’s get home then, thank you Yugyeom. I never thought I’d say this, but I owe you one.” Jinyoung sighed with a playful cringe.

“No worries Hyung, she was an angel, anytime. Goodbye baby.” Yugyeom smiled as he pressed a kiss to the babies’ cheek. “Don’t keep her away from us for too long, I miss her.”

“You got it, thank you both. Have a good day. Let’s go home.” Jinyoung smiled. 

When he arrived home, you were already there, on the sofa enjoying the quiet of the house. Jinyoung set your daughter on your lap and flopped onto the other couch face first.

“Well hello, my loves, did you have fun at the studio with daddy today baby? Did you miss your Uncle Yugyeom?” You asked in your baby voice.

“Please, wake me up next time this happens, it was a disaster.” Jinyoung pouted.

“I can tell, our daughter doesn't have a shirt on today.” You giggled.

His head popped up, a confused noise leaving him and he stared at the baby intensely. What did he miss?

“My love, these are overalls, so that means she also wears a shirt under, at least usually she does, but this is a cute look too.”

“She was wiggling like crazy this morning, I could barely run a comb through her hair while she watched her weird, colorful baby videos this morning, so I picked my battle. Does she usually act like that in the mornings for you?”

“Act like a toddler? Yes, you’re just used to her in the evening when she’s more sleepy and calm,  if she ever has energy then, it only lasts for maybe 2 hours. You’re both alive though, that’s a plus.”

Jinyoung gasped, “Of course we’re alive!”

You let out a laugh, “Yugyeom made it sound like you were a complete mess while he texted me updates today. He said you ran into the room panting while dragging the diaper bag. I believe he also told me you had mismatched socks on today, which doesn’t seem to be a lie.”

“That brat, I’m going to ki-”

“Kiss! Daddy is going to kiss uncle Yugyeom! Let’s go start dinner baby!” You exclaimed while bouncing your daughter on your hip on the way to the kitchen.

“Naptime for me.” Jinyoung sighed while he made himself more comfortable.

“My love, did she get a nap today?” You called out.

He let out a groan, “Bring her to me, we’ll nap together I guess.”

[rosemarypasta]

monday afternoons ♡ 9

➤  pairing : oikawa tooru x female reader (karasuno manager)

➤  chapter warnings : slowburn (?)

➤  summary : You just recently joined the Karasuno boy’s volleyball team as their first year manager. As you grow closer to your teammates, you also unexpectedly grow closer to one of their biggest rivals, Oikawa Tooru

➤ chapter word count: 2355

♡ masterpost ♡

-ˏˋ chapter nine ˊˎ-

WEDNESDAY

4:45 PM

“Kindaichi, nice kill!” Iwaizumi’s voice boomed in the midst of the constant squeaking of volleyball shoes against the wooden floor. It was yet another busy afternoon practice session for Seijoh’s boy’s volleyball club for Iwaizumi Hajime. As the vice captain, he has a range of responsibilities to fulfill.

These responsibilities include keeping trouble makers in line.

“Kyotani! You’re late! Start stretching already!” Iwaizumi yelled at the second year student who came almost two hours late. The blonde buzzcut haired boy clicked his tongue at his senior but complied anyway.

Additionally, a vice captain should also help those in need.

“What’s the matter, Yahaba?” Iwaizumi approached his troubled looking junior who was staring at the volleyball in his hands. “Ah, Iwaizumi-san, I can’t seem to set the ball accurately enough in a high toss.” He muttered out of frustration. Iwaizumi being the resident wing spiker swallowed the lump in his throat as he attempted to find advice for the younger setter.

Of course, Yahaba’s worry can be eradicated with a snap of a finger if the club had one of the best all rounder players in the whole prefecture. Iwaizumi’s workload can certainly also be lifted if he had a reliable captain on his side.

If only Seijoh had such a good ace setter as their captain.

In reality, Seijoh did have one. Until that specific player, who happens to be the captain, decided to throw an emo fit suit for a thirteen year old boy going through puberty.

“I’m sorry, I know I should be asking Oikawa-san for advice but he’s just er…” Yahaba quietly said, confused on how to act around Oikawa with his sudden character change. “It’s fine, I’m sorry I can’t really help you with this but I’ll try asking that idiot when I can.” Iwaizumi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed at himself that he couldn’t help his junior.

As Yahaba shuffled away to practice his tosses, Iwaizumi caught the coach signaling him to come over. “Iwaizumi, are you sure you can’t do anything about him? We have a practice match after this.” Coach Irihata sighed, his eyes signalling to the brunette setter sitting absent minded in the corner of the gym. Iwaizumi closed his eyes and took a deep long breath before answering his head coach, “I’ll get him moving, don’t worry.”

Coach Irihata gave the vice captain a sympathetic smile. It has been two week since Y/N last spoke to Oikawa and his performance as a setter and human being in general has quickly deteriorated. Two to three days into the last two weeks, he was still acting normal though Iwaizumi has caught him spacing out a bit too much than usual but now that the two week mark has passed, Oikawa appeared to be a completely different person.

“Oi, Shittykawa.” The wing spiker huffed, kicking the setter’s foot lightly.

“What.”

“Get up.”

“You’re not my mom, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“I said GET UP” Iwaizumi snapped, kicking Oikawa’s foot harder than before. Oikawa rolled his eyes at his best friend but did as he was told.

Iwaizumi gathered the rest of the team towards Oikawa and him with his broad shoulders wide. “Alright everyone, we have Date Tech coming in a few minutes for a match or two so we better get straight sets okay?” Iwaizumi announced to the rest of the team. “Alright!” the array of high schoolers chanted.

“Whatever.”

4:50 PM

“Oikawa, it’s your turn to serve.” Matsukawa said as he handed the ball to his captain. Oikawa turned to the score board and sighed as it showed the ten point gap between his own team and Date Tech’s.

Oikawa walked over to the end of the court with the ball in his hands, bouncing it up and down before cracking his neck in an attempt to focus though all efforts diminished as high pitched screams filled the room.

“Oikawa senpai! Good luck!” A second year girl who Oikawa doesn’t even recognize screamed from the bleachers. The collection of high pitched squeals filled OIkawa’s ears. Iwaizumi smirked at himself, thinking that his girl-crazed friend would at least improve his mood by a little bit from hearing his female fans’ support but instead widened his eyes as he watched OIkawa click his tongue and gave them a death glare.

The court immediately fell silent from the unexpected gesture of the usually charismatic captain. Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s jaws dropped at the sight of him ignoring his fans he usually fawns over.

Oikawa took several steps back and proceeded to run forwards towards the court, throwing the ball up and slamming his hand hard at the ball.

“Out!” Sakunami, Date Tech’s libero yelled out a second before the ball slammed against the area beneath the white line that marked the court.

“Shit.’ Oikawa swore out loud as the rest of the Seijoh team swallowed the lump in their throats.

6:12 PM

Oikawa walked home under the quickly dimming sky with his hands in his pockets. His heart was far from content especially after losing to his opponent of the day. His phone was still in his right hand. His fingertips still had a sliver of hope for a buzz or two signifying Y/N’s texts.

“Quit following me.”  Oikawa stopped in his tracks to whip his head back towards the ace of the team who was five steps away from him

Iwaizumi walked over to his friend and put his dominant hand on his shoulder before hitting him on the head. “We’ve been going to the same train station for three years now, don’t get ahead of yourself, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi growled.

Oikawa giggled, contradictory to Iwaizumi’s expectations. “What’s so funny? Have you finally lost your mind?” Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow at the boy.

“Nothing, it’s just that...Thank you, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa sighed softly, a bittersweet smile on his face.

“Ha? Are you thanking me for hitting you? Cause I can do a lot more after your shitty behaviour today.” Scowled Iwaizumi.

“I know I’ve been such a pain in the ass, I mean, more than usual, and surely if I were you I would’ve ditched my ass ages ago.” Oikawa started as Iwaizumi gawked at his unusual self awareness. “I know it sounds silly but hearing you call me that just made me relieved. At least someone in my life doesn’t hate me, y’know.” He continued softly.

“She doesn’t hate you.”

“She does.”

“You’re right.”

“Iwa-chan’s an idiot! You’re supposed to comfort me more. Boo!” Oikawa pouted, throwing a fake tantrum before starting to walk forward again towards the station.

Iwaizumi jogged to catch up with his best friend, whose head was tilted down once again. Though he couldn’t see his face clearly through Oikawa's obnoxiously big hair, he could tell his facial expression went back to the one he has had for over two weeks.

“What would you say to her if you get to talk to her again?” Iwaizumi started the conversation again after walking in silence for a handful of minutes.

Oikawa hesitated, fumbling his walking pattern for a second. “I don’t know. I just want to see her again. Am I bad?” He asked though it sounded more rhetoric to Iwaizumi.

“No.” Iwaizumi put his hand on the lighter haired boy’s hair and ruffled it.

“But you better have something to say.” he said under his breath, quiet enough for Oikawa to not notice at all.

THURSDAY

6:08 PM

“Goodbye everyone!” You exclaimed to the rest of the team before hopping off the steps of the gym. You ran your fingers through your hair as you began to walk towards the school gates. It has been a while since you walked back home yourself. Kageyama had an english test the following day so Daichi made him and Hinata stay back so Tsukishima could tutor them for a while. Though you insisted on helping them, Kageyama affirmed that you should go first before it gets too dark. Though Kageyama was never the talkative type, not hearing a second set of footsteps along with yours made you feel a little bit lonely.

You skipped your way to the gates, feeling oddly happy before your eyes unexpectedly caught sight of a certain school’s white jacket. Your legs stopped moving instinctively. With the turquoise text printed on the back of the jacket, you had no doubt that it was an Aoba Johsai student.

Though upon further inspection, you sighed in relief as you noticed the back of the person’s head was nowhere close to Oikawa’s hair style. There was just simply no way for OIkawa’s curls to stand spiked up like the boy’s hair.

You quietly began to walk again, not giving the student a second thought before he promptly called out your name with his unrecognized raspy voice.

“Y/N?”

“Y-Yes?” You turned your head slowly towards the Seijoh student. You didn’t know how he knew your name or what business he had with you but you already had a bad feeling in your gut about him.

“Ah, Um, please don’t be afraid, I mean I guess I would be if I were in your shoes.” He said as he scratched the back of his neck, lowering his head slightly. “You might’ve heard of me. I’m Iwaizumi Hajime.”

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up immediately. That name didn’t take you long to recognize. With the amount of times Oikawa brought him up in conversations, only an idiot would forget the Iwaizumi Hajime, despite never meeting him.

Though fear, quickly turned to anger. Your head started to heat up as you balled your fists, turning sharply to face Oikawa’s best friend directly.

“Look, if Oikawa-san told you to come here just ge-”

“He didn’t tell me to! I’m not here for him- well, I am...but whatever you have in mind, it’s not it.” Iwaizumi frantically said, his hands waving in front of him though he retracted them quickly, avoiding giving you the wrong idea.

“Please. Just let me explain.” He started to speak again, but this time much softer. You watched as his thick eyebrows drooped as the amount of hope slowly began to slip in between his fingers.

“Make it quick.” You crossed your arms and prayed that none of the Karasuno team would bump into you and Iwaizumi.

“Oikawa...He really does care for you.” Iwaizumi started, biting his tongue right after to avoid the cringe expression he was dying to show after saying the phrase he just said to you. “And I don’t want to overstep anything, well I guess I already am since Oikawa doesn’t know that I’m here, but I’m not lying Y/N. I-It’s amazing how you actually managed to tame that bastard, actually. I’ve never seen him act like this before in the whole twelve years I've known that idiot.” He sighed.

Your eyes widened at the things the stranger you just met have said. Tame? Acting differently? You didn’t know what he was saying and you hate yourself for even having a conversation with Oikawa’s partner in crime but your curiosity got the better of you.

“What do you mean by acting differently?” You tried your best to remain indifferent and unbothered though snippets of your true intention probably have slipped out in between your words.

“Where do I even start! Man, Matsukawa and Hanamaki have been going insane after seeing him like that for too long.” Your ears perked up at the sound of two more familiar names you recognised from Oikawa’s conversations. “Well, for a start, all life and light has been sucked dry from him. He has resorted to one word replies and sighs to everything compared to his usual sickening monologues he drops every now and then. He, the guy who checks the mirror as many times as he blinks, shows up to school without even brushing his hair anymore. He has abandoned his pride and joy, volleyball, completely now, not even being able to serve properly without hitting the net or out of the court.” By the time he had finished saying his last word, Iwaizumi was gasping for air which you admittedly laughed at.

“Trust me, I could go on and on and I’m even sugar coating all this shit I’ve had to go through ‘cause of his dumbass!” He sighed.

“Now, I’m not going to force you to do anything but please, could you hear him out just for a while at least?” He begged, the desperation evident in his eyes. You bit your lip as your gaze traveled from the third year to the ground.

Before you could open your mouth, a sudden ringtone filled the surroundings of the deserted Karasuno school gates. “Ah shit, it’s Oikawa.” He swore as he checked his ringing phone. “I gotta get going, he’s not supposed to know that I’m here. Y/N, I’m sorry if I crossed a line, you don’t have to give me an answer now, just think about it, ‘kay?” He calmly sighed after sliding his still ringing phone back into his pocket. You didn’t know how to respond so all you could do was nod and bid him farewell.

The moment you got home, you threw all your belongings to a corner of your room and jumped into bed face first. It was all too overwhelming. You didn’t know what to do or what to say.

To forgive or to not forgive?

Did you want to see Oikawa again? Of course you did. But could you take the truth he would reveal? You knew deep in your heart ignoring him and leaving him without even hearing an explanation was childish and unfair but you knew you wouldn’t be able to take the truth. It would hurt even more if you heard it from his mouth instead of Hinata’s.

You grabbed your pillow and shoved your face into it harshly, drowning all light and letting yourself seep into the comforting darkness.

“I just want all of this to be over.” You whispered to yourself.

next:  -ˏˋ chapter ten ˊˎ- 

previous:  -ˏˋ chapter eight ˊˎ-

tag list (open):

@hey-there-demonss​​ @bumbledunce​​ @teasbees-knees​​ @angrylittlezizi​ @hvneymun​

[niamint]

Don’t Forget H.O

A/N: I’ve been getting into my Demi Lovato mood and have been listening to some songs on her first album. When the song came on I was like, “damn this is would be a sad imagine,” then BAM! Here I am writing it lol. Please, please, please, give feedback! I appreciate it!

Warning: break-up

Harrison x reader

It’s been 4 months since I last heard from her. The last since I saw her eyes, her lips, her hair, everything about her was beautiful. Our relationship was so strong and nothing could have stopped us. We could have grown old together and have children of our own, but I messed it all up and now I can’t imagine a day without her. I barely go out anymore and when I do, I’m such a party downer that everyone feels pity for me. I just wish I could see her one more time.

Flashback

“I’m getting the snacks for the movie already, I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” Harrison said on the phone to Tom.

“Hurry up, Paddy is starting to throw a tantrum because he doesn’t have his candy yet,” Tom said and you could here Paddy in the background getting defensive about him not throwing a tantrum. Harrison chuckled and hung up the phone to start looking for some candy. When he found what he needed he went to register number 11.

“Do you want a plastic bag for an extra 10 cents?” The cashier said. Harrison was looking for some change in pockets and he looked up, he swore he never saw the most beautiful girl before in his life. He was starstruck for a moment just staring at all her features. How beautiful her eyes shined in the light and how her lips formed a small smile.

“Excuse me sir? Are you okay?” She said again looking a little concerned about him.

“Oh yeah, yeah I’m sorry about that… I just got distracted.” Harrison said looking straight into her eyes. She blushed and continued scanning the items. “I’m sorry to ask but, what’s your name?” I asked still looking into her eyes.

“It’s on my name tag,” she said smiling. I looked at her name tag, “You have a very beautiful name, “ I thought and to later realized I said out loud too. I could tell my face became very red and her face got red as well. We continued talking for a bit feeling that instant connection until the person next to me started to get impatient. I left and when I looked on the receipt and I saw a number on it. I got my phone out and texted her and she didn’t text back until she got off at work. 

At that moment, we texted each other everyday and even met up, but Tom and his brother’s always wanted to come along. I didn’t mind, but I wished they would get the hint and just let it be y/n and I. I told them that I wanted to have a real date with y/n and they knew, but they love to butt in and ruin the romantic moments (arseholes). When they were helping me practice to ask y/n out on a real date I got really nervous, but she still said yes. The only thing was that the boys kept teasing me about it as much as possible.

A Few Years Later…

We got an apartment together after dating for a year and everything started to feel in place. Everyday I could start picturing our life together, like getting married, finding the right house for us and our future children. I got too excited to share a life with her. I was coming home from a party to celebrate Tom’s premier for Chaos Walking and when I opened the door she was sitting on the couch on her laptop working on one of her papers for school. I wrapped my arms around her watching her type away on her laptop.

“How was the party babe?” she asked looking up at him and kissed his jaw. That’s what I loved about her, she always kissed me when I got home, whether on the lips,cheek, jaw, or the top of my head.

“It was alright, but I wish you were there babe. Tom was even asking where you were.” I told her kissing the top of her head.

"I know, I wish I didn’t procrastinate on this paper, it’s kicking my ass man,” she said chuckling. I chuckled as well and made my way to sit behind y/n on the couch so we can cuddle together.

“I think you need to take a little break love,” told her kissing her shoulder and trailing up to her neck leaving a hickey.

“For how long?” she asked giving a smirk. You smirked too thinking how long her break should be.

“Maybe 45 minutes or an hour,” you said slowly getting off the couch taking y/n’s hand to go to the bedroom.

Everything seemed to fall into place and we seemed like those perfect couples you see on the screen, with some fights here and there, but always talked about it to work it out, but that one night. That one stupid night was worse than just talking about it.

The Night That Changed Everything

 “Why,” was all she told me when I cheated on her. I went to the club with a couple of friends and got too drunk to think straight. There was a girl who looked like y/n and I took her home. We were making out on the couch with the lights off. I took off my shirt and so did she. Next thing I knew the lights were turned on, I felt my stomach drop when I looked at the door and i see y/n standing there shocked. I tried to grab my shirt quickly to talk to her, but in my drunk state, my vision was blurry. I got my shirt on and saw the door closed, but no y/n. I wobbly ran to the door to see y/n walking to her car really fast.

“Y/n wait I can explain!” I yelled, but she didn’t stop walking. She got into her car and drove away. I went back to the apartment and saw the girl put her shirt back on telling me how sorry she was for letting this happen. I looked at her and started to notice that her eyes didn’t shine like y/n’s or how her lips weren’t shaped like y/n’s either. She left and I didn’t feel like going to the bedroom tonight because I hoped y/n would come back in the morning.

I woke up with a huge headache and I looked around remembering that I was in the living room. Suddenly I remembered everything that happened last night and tried to look for my phone. My head was still in pain so I took some Advil and then when I found my phone I immediately called her. She finally answered after my 4th call and asked her if we could meet up somewhere. We met up at a cafe and Tom was there too. I looked in confusion at first then Tom said, “ I’m her ride, she slept at my place and she didn’t feel like driving here alone…” Tom stopped because of how much tension there was on this table. “I’m going to be over there,” Tom said and quickly left leaving you and y/n sitting across each other. Her eyes were red and so were her cheeks, I felt so terrible because I did this to her.

“Why,” she told me and I couldn’t think of any good excuse to give her. I told her everything truthfully and she just sat there listening. I felt more anxious when I finished and she didn’t reply right away. “Harrison… I’m going to start getting my stuff at the apartment tomorrow. I’ll see you then.” was all she said and got up from her seat and left, with Tom following behind. Tom looked back to give me an apologetic look, but I just looked down at the table hating myself for what I did.

Present Time

 Tom and Jacob dragged me to a store because Laura was having a movie night at her place and even though I told them thousands of times I didn’t want to go, they still took me anyway.

I was walking through the aisle’s following Tom and Jacob for snacks while I just followed behind already bored and just wanted to go home and stay in bed. Someone walked into the aisle with some headphones on and was looking at the shelves. I turned to look and I swore I felt everything stopped moving and it was just us two in the world. Y/n was listening to headphones not knowing I was there yet, and my God she still looked so beautiful. I slowly walked up to her and tapped her shoulder. She looked at me and her eyes widened. She took off her headphones and you could barely hear the song she was listening to. It sounded like, “Don’t Forget,” by Demi Lovato.

“Hi,” I told her and she looked at me not believing that I here right now in front of her.

“Hey,” she said and I couldn’t think of anything to say to except for that day when we met up at the cafe.

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like song

You can’t forget it.

“I miss you… and I keep missing you more and more everyday I can’t stop thinking about you and I’m so sorry.” I confessed with tears about to spill from my eyes. Y/n’s eyes were also watery, but she tried to keep herself together. 

“I’m trying hard to forget what happened that night Harrison… but it just hurts me every time and I just don’t wan to feel that way anymore.“ She said her voice cracking in the end of her sentence.

“Then you won’t! I changed and I promise I’ll never hurt you like that again… I promise. Don’t you remember everything we’ve been through y/n?” You asked hoping to win her back someway somehow.

“I do remember Harrison, and I loved every minute we had, but I just can’t trust you again. Don’t you remember how much I trusted you Harrison? Don’t you remember that you were my first time? That you were the first that I ever fell in love with and wanted a future with? But you threw it all away Harrison because what? You were drunk and you didn’t think straight? That because the girl looked like me and just decided to take her home to fuck, Harrison? I kept thinking to myself that maybe you wouldn’t do it again, but I’m scared to be wrong… I’m scared of falling in love again because of what you did.” She told me and the tears were streaming down her face as mine were streaming too. I didn’t know what to say to that and I feel I couldn’t say anything because of how much it had affected her.

And at last

All the pictures have been burned

and all the past

is just a lesson that we’ve learned

I won’t forget

Please don’t forget about us.

“Let’s just be each other’s past okay Harrison?” she told me still tears falling down her face. I wanted to say no, I wanted to scream it to the whole store how much I wanted her back. That I would get on my knees for her to come home, but instead I just looked at her crying and nodding my head. The song she was playing, the lyrics synced together with y/n’s words that it felt like it was the end for us and I didn’t want it to be. She grabbed what she was looking for and started walking to the cashiers. She ignored Tom and Jacob, and when the guys saw me crying they went over to comfort me, but nothing could because she’s out of my life forever. Our mistakes were lessons for the next guy or girl were going to end up with. Reality hit me and I realized that I lost the girl I dreamed to be with forever.

But somewhere we went wrong

Our love is like a song

but you won’t sing along

You’ve forgotten

About us

[madamspeaker]

In which I rant about my landlady.

I don’t normally do personal posts on here but I’ve sort of reached the stage of just needing to rant somewhere about the situation I’m in. Suffice to say, if something seems too good to be true, then take it as a given that it is indeed not true.

I thought I’d found a pretty perfect living situation for myself back in January. I had previously lived with another live-in landlady, but I had to move home for a time and so eventually she had to rent my room out to someone else. Which is how I found myself flat searching for a place in December that I could move into come January when I started at the NT. I thought I’d done pretty good with the place I’d discovered. Decent rent, nice area (just down the road from where I had lived), great travel links by both Tube and bus, and a few famous neighbours on the next street too. And the landlady seemed pretty nice; a former stage manager, who had at one time worked at the NT when it was still at the Old Vic. So yeah, it felt like kind of a perfect situation. Boy was I wrong. The trouble with viewing flats on your own and with a time scale on moving is that invariably you’re so anxious to find somewhere that you don’t take everything in as you should. On reflection, the closed door to the living room should have been the red flag that something was amiss, because I only discovered after moving in that I’m stuck with a pathological hoarder (among her other “qualities”). The living room is just… well, she doesn’t allow me to enter it, and to be honest I don’t want to either, but from the door way I can see enough to know that it’s probably not been vacuumed since the 90s, and that there’s only about 10% of the carpet visible now. The rest is covered in books, leaflets, junk mail circulars, cat stuff, dvds, and a bloody great big pot plant that has no business being inside, and frankly looks like it agrees with me - I’m fairly sure it’s dead or close to it. The kitchen is no better. Awash with paper, her clothes, supposedly drying but which in fact never get moved (this also includes her swim suit, which frankly makes my skin crawl), and an assortment of bottles on both shelves and on the floor which appear to have been stationary for years given the amount of encrusted dust on them. The bathroom is likewise awful - with the tops of the cabinets etc. again covered in a thick layer of dust so old that it won’t budge. Oh and there’s a corner with mold that I’m reasonably sure is past the stage that bleach could clean. The dirt is appalling; this woman lives like the worst of teenage boys, but then to add insult to injury she has a go at me for the tiniest of “offenses”. I’ve been lectured, bordering on shouted at for mis-folding and mis-hanging the bath mat, for leaving a few drips of water from my hair on the bathroom floor, for a single spark of water on the bathroom cabinet mirror. She actually stuck a post-it note on the cabinet with an arrow drawn on it pointing out the single water drop mark, whilst the same cabinet has a layer of dust on the top of it so damn old now that it’s encrusted on there. Among my other offenses; my hair apparently clogs the vacuum cleaner - it’s remarkable that she actually owns one because I can’t see what’s she’s actually cleaned with in the last decade. She again got extremely narky with me when I asked her to turn the heating on one night - it turns out she switched it off in March after one single good day of weather. Her response to my request was to tell me to go put on a couple of sweaters and then to throw a blanket at me. Today, she accused me of leaving my laundry in the dryer for “hours”. It was in there all of 1 hour and 38 minutes, which is standard given the program only runs for 1 hour and 45. And then I made the woeful mistake of knocking over a small watering can that was sitting on the window ledge, which I had to reach over to close the window (long story short, I have to feed a pipe like thing from the dryer out the window to get rid of the dryer air, so when I went to close the window, I unfortunately knocked the can over). Her reaction was what I can only liken to that of someone who had seen someone pour acid all over their floor. I was cursed and shouted at - she banged things, seethed, basically acted like a bad tempered child throwing a tantrum. She just a deeply unpleasant woman - bad tempered, with the shortest fuse I’ve ever known, and more than likely with some mental health issues, because I have no idea how a woman who lives as she does, in the dust that she does, can turn around and say to me with a completely straight face, “there is nothing sitting around here gathering dust”. EVERYTHING IS SITTING AROUND GATHERING DUST!!! So here I am - with just over two months left on my lease and wishing the weeks would fly by. She’s buggering off with a few days next week, and then for three weeks in mid-May. I can’t wait. I used to think the dirt was the worst thing - but at least I can keep my own room clean to my standards - actually the worst thing is her. I’ve taken to referring to her as Miss Havisham to friends, because essentially that’s what her flat feels like, but it’s her attitude, her personality that is the single most awful thing. She’s permanently moody. The slightest thing sets her temper off. I’ve heard her scream at customer service people, who I know did nothing bad to her. She rants and raves about the smallest of things - she consistently imposes a double standard where by I have to live by the strictest of rules regarding things like water droplets on mirrors, but her layers of years old dust I have to put up with (you have no idea how much I want to get a bottle of bleach and just wash everything). Oh and I know for a fact that she regularly goes into my room when I’m not in. She even walked in this morning, waking me up. She forgot it was my day off work, and had clearly fancied another snoop. She got a surprise when she found me still in bed. The thing is, I don’t think I’m that bad a tenant. I feel like I am with her because she’s constantly at me, but I’m really not that obtrusive. I don’t cook in her place (I’d want to scrub the kitchen down several times before attempting to cook anything). I’m always on time with the rent, and basically use the bathroom, washing machine, dryer, and stick to my room the rest of the time when in. I try to live by her rules as best I can, including towel drying the shower every sodding morning, but somehow she’s managed to find fault every week, and I’m at the stage of being so sick of it, so sick of being a proverbial punch bag for her. She clearly doesn’t like living with someone else, so why she advertised for a tenant I’ll never know. But at least I now have a very good understanding of why the previous girl left. And the ones before that.

[whole-dip]

That Time My Ex Girlfriend Got Possessed

A couple years back I had a roommate, Rick. Rick was a very weird person. He was very quiet and kept to himself. His time with me was the first time he had ever lived away from home. He loved to watch videos on LiveLeak, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to watch videos of people getting hurt or dying. He always walked around with a thousand yard stare, I didn’t know why. 

He needed a lot of help living on his own. I taught him how to use a dishwasher, how to cook basic foods, how to do laundry. One time he needed help straining pasta water and while I was holding the pot and he poured from the colander, he splashed on me and I burnt my hand. When I pulled back in pain, he just laughed and laughed. Another time, I was in the living room and he stared at the coffee machine for about five minutes straight, absolutely silent. He turned to me and asked, 

“Do you use the coffee machine?”

“No, I don’t drink coffee,” I replied.

He stared at it for five more minutes. 

“Do I?”

Needless to say, Rick was a very strange guy. A lot of this strangeness came from the fact that he was very lonely. The main reason why Rick was even living away from home at this point was because his parents had moved to Vero Beach, where it was impossible to find anyone that wasn’t a retired senior. The only person Rick’s age that he had spent any time with was a summer in which he and his cousin went to Crossfit almost every single day. 

I, on the other hand, have always been a fairly social person. While I was living with him, I was attending technical college for live television. I had made a bunch of friends and I would go out fairly often to hang out with them. Rick spent most nights watching videos online at the apartment. I began dating a girl, the first person I’d ever dated actually, at that time. Her name was Ashley and we got along well. My classes would start every morning at 7:45 AM and go on until 1:00 PM. Typically, Ashley would come over in the evening after working her shift and then stay the night if she didn’t work the next day. I’d wake up early for class and she’d sleep in. By the time I got back after class she’d have been just waking up and we’d go get food and spend the rest of the day together. 

Rick was enamored with her. I remember one time when I got back and the two of them were in the living room in absolute silence, I could tell the two of them had been that way for a long while. Right when I got in she took the opportunity to say hi to me and ran into my bedroom. Rick immediately retreated to his room. Turns out, they had been in near silence for about two hours, every time Ashley tried to leave he’d try to talk with her but then would get quiet. She was too uncomfortable to force the “conversation” to end. Any time she was over Rick would try to talk with her, if he thought I wasn’t around or couldn’t hear he’d be more personable (or at least as personable as he could be) but if he detected me he’d get very quiet. He’d ask me when she’d be coming by when she wasn’t around. 

One night I realized Ashley had locked the door to my bedroom. I didn’t have a problem with it, but I did ask why. She told me that she had been repeatedly having nightmares that Rick would come into the room and attack her. I, notorious for being such a heavy sleeper that I needed an alarm designed for the deaf, couldn’t be awakened by her screaming and flailing. Ashley believed in the power of dreams and so she locked the door, just to be safe.

One day, Ashley told me that she needed to have a serious conversation with me. It was important. She informed me that she had been lying about a mental diagnosis she had. Early on, around our fourth or fifth date, Ashley revealed to me that she had multiple personality disorder. She would regularly switch from one personality to another, often at random times, though sometimes it was induced by stress. She had Sean, the quiet boy who loved video games. Esther, the old Vegas lounge singer that loved to flirt. Raven, the mysterious goth. Florence, the thirteen year old girl that wanted to grow up fast. Many more existed inside her as fragmented characters, but those were the fully fleshed headmates that could switch over. Some, like Esther and Sean, would announce their presence and she would completely change her demeanor. Others, like Florence, would try to see how long they could go without me noticing, though certain tells would come through if you knew what to look for.

That day she revealed to me that she did not actually have multiple personality disorder. In fact, the other “personalities” were ghosts that lived inside her. Waiting for her to get pregnant so they could be born anew. Allegedly, Sean was first in line. Not only that, she could see ghosts and even speak to them. Many of them were respectful, but she was always wary that new ghosts would try to invade her body and force her to eventually give birth to them. 

I have never believed in ghosts, or anything supernatural. I just don’t think there’s any evidence for it. Having said that, I don’t believe any ghost story is improved by someone explaining why it can’t be true. Ashley would take great offense if you even hinted at disbelief, so I usually stayed quiet. 

One time, she was with me at my parents’ house and I asked her if it, the house I grew up in, was haunted. 

“Do you really want to know that?” she asked me.

“Yeah, sure, I bet it’s totally haunted” I sarcastically responded.

“It is. You have a ghost named Emily living here”

“Why the fuck would you tell me that” I said. 

Weeks later we were at my parents’ house one morning and I was making coffee for her. My dog pawed at the backdoor and Ashley went out with him as she enjoyed the sunny weather. When the coffee was ready I stuck my head out to call her in but she was crouched by the pool, staring into nothingness. I walked over to her and, with no exaggeration, the bright sunny day turned into  an overcast drizzle within the ten steps from door to where she was. I yelled as I called to her, even shook her, but she was silent. She finally came back after a couple seconds, the sky instantly became clear blue and bright and she blinked a couple times, almost resetting before she rejoined our plane. 

“Emily was telling me how she died,” she said.

----------------

One day, Ashley and I were at the apartment (which was also haunted by the way) and, still somewhat in the beginning of our relationship, we shifted our cuddling into full on making out. As we were kissing, I noticed her voice and hand movements were a bit off and I realized that Ashley had switched out with Florence, the ghost/personality, that was thirteen years old. Me, being nineteen at the time, was very uncomfortable with the idea of doing anything of that nature with her so I immediately pulled away and refused to do anything. I got dressed, told her that I was uncomfortable and that I’d like her to get dressed. Ashley/Florence, immediately laid down, still naked, by my closet door and threw a tantrum. I told her I wouldn’t be entertaining it and began to work on a school assignment on my laptop. After about thirty minutes of whining, she got silent. I asked her if she was finished, and she began to complain again, so I resumed work. Another thirty minutes passed and she began to mumble. I continued to ignore her as she mumbled but I eventually heard a strained, “help me” in her voice. I looked towards her and she began to get up. In this moment, without defying the laws of physics but still in a way I can't explain, she slithered up like a snake and looked at me with eyes that were clearly not her own. She immediately pounced on me with a sexual energy I had never seen before in her. She was so forceful, but so insistent that it was her, the real Ashley, I got scared. I ended up having to force clothes on to her, and nearly dragged her out of the apartment to go for a walk.

After about ten minutes of walking she snapped out of it and, incredibly confused, asked where she was and what happened. I informed her about how she threw a tantrum, asked for help, rose up, then pounced, and she remained quiet as she processed it. 

“I got possessed,” she said. “I got possessed and whoever is in your apartment, wanted to use your sexual energy to take over my body, maybe even forever” The only other thing she said about that time was that the ghost was soaking wet in appearance.

Months later, Rick and I were both moving out. Rick’s family arrived the day before I left to help him and so my last night there, Ashley and I spent alone. I jokingly asked her if the ghost would miss us.

“Your apartment isn’t haunted,” she replied.

“It’s not? Then what possessed you?” I asked.

“There was a ghost, but he wasn’t in the apartment. He was Rick’s. Since Rick was always here, so was the ghost” 

Ashley didn’t know this, but Rick’s brother had drowned just a few years before I met him. 

--------------

Ashley and I only lasted a couple of months after that. She had broken up with me and began dating a coworker of hers a week later. Soon after, she and him had a baby, not a boy named Sean as she often predicted, but actually a girl she named Leia, the same name I often said I’d like to name my future daughter.

[attina-the-responsible]

1, 4, 8, 14, 21, 24, 28, 42, 45, 50 - All, or whoever speaks to you for each one

jesus fucking christ.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Belle: Belle Marie Beauton – belle bc it means “beauty” and also, tech, her mom’s name was charisse which means “grace” and she was like into a #theme. marie bc it sounded nice, is also probably maurice’s mom.

Simba: Onyango Simba Lyons – onyango bc it means “born in the morning” and simba because it means “lion/warrior”. 

Toulouse: Toulouse Henri Bonfamille – why did ber get hector’s name as his middle name and not lou? /waves hand lou was named after the artiste of course! tres bien. 

Bambi: Bambino Daryl Basurto – bambino is basically like “my little one”, it’s an affectionate italian term tho it’s also used in other parts of europe. daryl means “deer” sooo his full name lowkey translates to “little deer of the forest”

Perdita: Perdita Mariel Faye – all of perdy and her sibs are named after shakespeare characters bc her mom is #obsessed. edmund, perdita, rosaline, and ophelia. perdy was named after her mother’s first role on broadway. mariel is jewish – it is a variant of mary, which means “wished-for child/bitter” soo

Sweet: Joshua Strongbear Sweet – named joshua because his parents liked it. his middle name used to be quietcub, but after he came back from his spirit quest it became strongbear after the animal that guided him. (also look i looked up if spirit quests were still a thing in the tribe sweet comes from and they ARE so don’t @ me pls)

Maui: Maru Akalana – he doesn’t have a middle name. maru means “correct” apparently, but in the original myths of maui maru is one of the names of maui’s brothers. (or it is his name when he is human before he gets abandoned i foRGet it’s been a hot minute)

Hercules: Hercules Odysseus Persaud – herc doesn’t know where his first name came from, only that his birth mother gave it to him. he was named after two greek heroes, ofc cuz his mom is a big nerd.

Attina: Attina Morgan Triton – attina is a derivative of athena and morgan means “sea chief” or “sea defender” and since she would be in line for the “crown” so to speak, it made sense.

Akela: Akela of the Seeonee Wolf Pack – seeonee is the name taken from the area where the pack sort of officially “formed” and akela means LONELY LMFAO i just looked it up that’s hilarious.

Peach: Peach Blossom Clearwater – literally constructed her name. she just liked the idea of peach blossom–and she made her fake mom have a flower name too. and clearwater she straight up stole from harry potter.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Belle: well, belle never really knew her mother and her relationship with her father is estranged.

Simba: big ole momma’s boy. he loves his mom, though their relationship is a little tense these days. loved his dad a lot, his Biggest Hero, but his dad also put a lot of pressure on him and basically brainwashed him oops.

Toulouse: loves his mummy, tho he has a deep seated resentment towards her that is just now coming to light, but general he is like #mustprotect. had an extremely contentious relationship with his father as a child, the best thing for their relationship was not living together lol. lou can tolerate his father for short periods of time and even gets along w him 90% of the time, but he has a deep seated resentment towards him too lmao

Bambi: ughhhhhhhh he loved his mommmmm his mom was his best friend they did everything together. they were never apart. esp bc he was homeschooled a good bit and he was sick. she doted on him and i cry. he is still getting to know his dad but he loves him.

Perdita: really contentious relationship w mom. she was verbally abusive and neglectful, held perdy to a hire standard than her sisters. when perdy rebels abigail just like cuts her off, punishes her in the worst ways. made comments about her weight/clothing/etc. total daddy’s girl tho, she loves her daddy.

Sweet: momma’s boy. he tends to shut her out a lot tho bc he knows things in his life would hurt her and he wants to protect her from that. didn’t really know his father but he treasures the memories he did have.

Maui: dad was verbally/physically abusive. real Macho Man–which obviously made him kind of a dick. but maui’s mom is the sweetest ugh i love kai.

Hercules: loved both his parents BUNCHES AND BUNCHES but then he found out that they lied to him for 22 years and he is still reeling from the betrayal.

Attina: athena was her best friend. she told her mom everything and wanted to be just like her when she grew up! was obviously devastated when athena died. loves her daddy, but does think he needs to chill out some.

Akela: hates them.

Peach: never knew them and never will (spoiler alert: they’re dead.)

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Belle: Philippe! fun fact: had another horse named Royale when she was a child, but her father sold him for cash before he left. now she has: vincent the cat, philippe, and shuck! she isn’t a huge animal fan, but she likes them well enough. doesn’t go out of her way.

Simba: his mum had a persian named guinevere growing up. she was a bitch. simba and her did not get along. esp cuz simba was a handsy child lol. he begged and begged for a dog for his entire childhood, but never had one. has two beautiful goldens now–bowie and simone– and they are his literal children. loves all animals–except cats, snakes, and spiders, those are the devil’s creatures.

Toulouse: never had a pet growing up. marie has dauphine now and he’s kinda helping coparent simone. tbh should get a dog. lou ADORES animals.

Bambi: lol

Sweet: never had pets, doesn’t have time, likes them well enough

Perdita: didn’t have any pets growing up. doesn’t really like animals they’re dirty. viola has made her change her mind somewhat.

Maui: no, no, yes.

Hercules: his mom has a cat named baset after the goddess. herc loves animals, horses esp 

Akela: lol

Attina: likes animals in the abstract sense? loves sea creatures. never had a pet as a kid. has a long list of stipulations for pet as an adult.

Peach: has never had a pet. will buy a cat probably. the cat will run away bc she’s irresponsible. she will be devastated. she loves animals, except ugly ones.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Belle: all the food she ate in bournemouth was?? so good??

Simba: ugaliiiii, it always makes him think of kenya

Toulouse: frozen grapes are his fave, he is a picky eater lowkey

Bambi: food is the bane of his existence cuz he’s allergic to EVERYTHING

Sweet: not particularly

Perdita: misses the russian tea room in NYC it was her fave brunch spot

Maui: misses the fresh fruit in hawai’i

Hercules: one of his fave thigns to do at the places he lives is eat at the local restaurants. 

Akela: eh not really

Attina: also not particularly

Peach: eh

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Belle: yes but it is VERY hard to trigger it. and she like??? throws things or hits u if she is really mad. she’s not gonna like punch you in the face but she’ll shove or pinch. if she yells it’s all like teary and voice cracking and pathetic. 

Simba: yes–and it’s easily triggered haha. when he’s angry he gets loud. can throw something down if he is holding it (like a dish in the sink or something) but he isn’t really physical w his anger–he’s v conscious of that fact that he is like a big bloke and that could be rly scary and his anger is scary enough. but if u really piss him off his anger can be p cold.

Toulouse: cold and scathing. lou is a master of converting his anger into like the smallest space possible, which is why he’s so good at just delivering cold, cutting lines designed to just destroy you. his father had like Big Loud anger and lou refuses to be like that. 

Bambi: doesn’t really have a temper, like–at all

Perdita: screaming/yelling/throwing/hitting–throws a tantrum when she is really pissed off.

Sweet: he has a temper but it is rarely seen. he will get Loud and Angry though. but it never lasts long. he gets more annoyed than angry.

Maui: literally like?? never gets angry–too chill.

Hercules: cries. lmao. if he is angry he just cries and like “why would u do that” sniff sniff puppy eyes

Akela: cold and level-headed anger

Peach: rarely gets angry–and if she does she’ll smile to your face and then fuck you up behind your back.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

(i love sleeping questions why?)

Belle: rn it’s shit, she barely catches a few hours. when she was sleeping reguarly she gets a good 6-7 hours. doesn’t have trouble falling asleep unless she’s trying to solve a problem. has a lumpy old mattress tbh. also she does snore a lil bit but like cute snores and only when she’s sleeping really deeply. also she normally wears like ratty tees and silky or sofie pajama shorts – in the winter like sweaters and fleece pants bc she gets cold, tho not as much of a problem now lol

Simba: sleeps in the nude. can fall asleep in .5 seconds. wakes up intermittently from nightmares–usually exacerbated by stress. wakes up at sunrise naturally almost every morning. gets like 4-5 hours usually and cat naps. idk his mattress is prolly middle ground wow do u think simber argued about their mattress bc i bet ber is a wimpy soft-mattress boi

Toulouse: has a really hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. a ridiculously light sleeper. wakes up several times in the night. has night terrors. sleeps in, but not that long most mornings. sometimes goes days without sleep if he’s having a manic episode. soft plush mattress w lots of pillows and blankets. wears silky fancy pajamas to bed bc he’s fancy (it’s my hc that he has like adorable pjs that he wears on the lowkey with like fish patterns or something ridiculous little duckies.)

Bambi: can sleep anywhere, would sleep 20+ hours a day if allowed. growing teenage boy. snores (allergies man), will sleep on any mattress. is used to an uncomf one bc his mom couldn’t rly afford a good one.

Perdita: before the babies perdy didn’t have trouble sleeping. would totally sleep in on the weekends and such. her mom would yell at her if she slept too long. now she takes naps throughout the day to survive. hard mattress, tbh. wears fancy pjs

Sweet: sleeps in boxers/t-shirt most of the time. sleeps wherever, whenever, what is a good night’s sleep? he doesn’t know.

Maui: will sleep anywhere. in any position. in any level of undress. sleeps in briefs usually. 

Akela: sleeps in the nude tbh he like barely wears clothes anyway. can sleep a decent amount of time but never for more than like 7 hours.

Peach: a princess. she actually has a lot of trouble getting to sleep but sleeps hard once she is. wears cute pjs. likes a soft mattress. lots of pillows, only one sheet thou.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Belle: being inadequate/being overbearing/annoying/stupid/worthless – she doesn’t get genuinely frightened that much tbh but she’s like a gasp-clutch-at-the-chest overdramatic kind of scared lol she fights through it tho

Simba: not being Good enough, in the sense of like…a good person. he also lowkey doesn’t like the dark. and he gets angry when he’s scared he confronts fear face on.

Toulouse: being pointless/irrelevant–also does not like the dark lowkey prolly sleeps w a night light lmao – he internalizes his fear, but will freeze up when confronted w something scary.

[thelazyadventurernz-blog]

St James Walkway and the mice...

My first ever tramp was a few years ago. I had four weeks off, I spent 3 weeks of them in Japan snowboarding my little heart out. A good friend of mine Helen convinced me to giving a tramping ago in my last week of holidays. I caught a red eye flight from Japan to Brisbane, having 3 hours to get from the international airport, to my friends place, to swap my snowboard bag for my backpack that was pre packed, then turned around and headed to the airport to catch our flight to Christchurch. Lots or flying and minimal sleep.

My very kind friend Helen let me sleep in the next morning, whilst she sorted out our rations. That day not long after I got up, we headed out picked up a gas bottle, topo maps and hut tickets then headed out to Lewis pass.

DAY ONE

Due to us getting a late start (completely my fault, may have slept in...) we didn’t get started until about 1530/1600ish. The track starts at Tarn Nature Walk picnic area, its a boggy bushy area, as described by DOCs and descends in a zigzag into Cannibal Gorge on Maruia. We crossed this long swing bridge with beautiful clear water running underneath. Then we came to a look out where we had our afternoon tea. We always try to eat with a view... As the sun set and only had a bit of twilight left, stressing somewhat, we got to Cannibal Hut. We were greeted by an older lady, when questioned if it was just her, she let us know it was just her and a “little” friend... It was a this point Helen realised that my mouse phobia was legitimate. That night I left my pack on the floor, already stressing about the mouse in the hut, I kept hearing scratching on the packs.... Minimal sleep was had this night.

DAY TWO

We woke early, I took the top bunk, Helen took the bottom. Even though I knew better I was convinced that the mouse was more likely to stick closer the ground. Helen asked how I slept. I told her about the scratching on the packs that was freaking me out overnight. Helen wasn’t sure whether to tell me or not but she had ear plugs in when she went to bed, and we she woke up one was gone and she found in the corner across the room torn into little pieces... We left Cannibal hut shortly after breakfast and made our way to Christopher hut. The track was an easy graded path and intermittently followed the river. The terrain varied from beech forest to beautiful open spaces of long grass. As we got to Christopher hut, guessing we had about 1k left to go we noticed storm clouds heading towards us, winds picking up. We both agreed, those were snow looking clouds... “What the HELL!!! Its February!!!” We made it to Christopher hut, dumped our packs on the bed to get unpacked and food out for dinner and a mouse ran across my feet. Well I held my breath and talked myself down, honestly whats the worst that could happen right?!? We had dinner out on the deck away from the mouse and with amazing views of the mountains as seen in the photo above. Not long after sunset we went to bed, well for a bit anyway... At approximately 0030, Helen turned on her head torch, which I woke too, I asked her what was going on, she said nothing, when pressed further she told me she thought there was a mouse on the bedding, but not to worry she couldn’t see anything, I pulled my sleeping bag closer in and Helen turned off her head torch. Not 10 minutes later I feel something slightly pull on my hair, I woke up, and then I felt it a mouse crawling through my hair!! Well to say I screamed would be an understatement! I turned on my head torch, told Helen what had happened, then tried to convince myself that I had imagined it, then while my light was still on the mouse ran over my sleeping bag, I was out of there! Over to Helens bedding FREAKED, Helen said that was IT, she was done, and the decision to set up the tent at 0100 was made. 

DAY THREE

After waking up after a much better sleep in the tent we ate our breakfast and admired the snow that had fallen in the Alpine. We headed off from Christopher hut to make our way to Anne Hut. About 1/2hour into our tramp we came across approximately 30 wild horses and foals, it was absolutely incredible and made the terrible nights sleep fade away as a distant thought. Once again we had a day of varying terrain, long grass, beech forest and wide open plains with dead trees and dry shrubs. We were followed by bees (which we found out later are attracted to blues, which both us us were wearing...) and small baby birds almost seemed to be intrigued by us, however, when we stopped the sandflies were crazy!! Today was the day I was coming to realise that perhaps doing a 5 day tramp after 3 weeks of snowboarding wasn’t the greatest idea, my legs were sore, I was fatigued and the lack of sleep was starting to catch up with me. Thankfully Helen, kept me in check with Dark Chocolate when I had my first tantrum that day. We got into Anne hut at a very reasonable time, set up the tent (as we weren’t wanting to do it again at midnight) even though the hut looked very well sealed were weren’t taking any chances! After dinner we headed to bed, the rooms in this hut had doors, I scoped the room out, decided that there weren’t any mice in there and when we got ready for bed I shut the door then stacked all the spare mattresses against the door, just to be safe.

DAY FOUR

OH! I SLEPT SO WELL!! No signs of mice overnight, I was very happy and caught up on some much needed sleep, however, we still had to get up early to dry the tent and be ready for 17k day which was our longest and included going up and over Anne Saddle 1136meters above sea level. It was my job to get the fire going to dry the tent out and cook breakfast (this turned into our routine which continues on even now) and Helen was to pull down the tent and clean up after brekky. As I was completing my first job (getting the fire ready) I was sitting nice and close to the fire place, throwing in wood etc... when a mouse pops its head out! Well, shocked and surprised once again I slammed the fire place door and locked it... I think I may have accidentally killed it... whoops. Here I was thinking I would get one, mouse free day... We left Anne hut and headed to Boyle hut, it was a big day, Helen kept me motivated with dark chocolate and snakes (snakes are the big guns that come out and load me full of sugar to keep me going), talked me up the to the highest point, let me have regular breaks and constantly waited for me to catch up. Today was also full of laughter there was this big boggy mess and small landslide. As Helen tried to make her way over it (of course I made her go first) she placed her feet either side of a small tree, hoping to place her feet on solid ground, which she did very briefly, as the tree started to give way and leaned to one side, with herself together with her 18-20kg pack it was too much she crouched down to give herself some stabilisation, but it wasn’t quite enough, thankfully I made it to her in time, I was able to grab her pack and stop her from falling into the mud. Today was again a big day, Helen’s first upset was today, we were running out of water and were a little behind in time, we found water shortly after and then it was my turn to give her the dark chocolate (turns out this is the big guns she needs when she is tired and exhausted from walking and being out in the sun). It was nice to be the one who was needed for 5 minutes ;-). We were very happy to get to Boyle hut. Once we got there it was the most run down hut we had on the track. We decided to just stay in the tent that night. Once we were ready for bed it was still twilight, Helen had her eye masks on and asked me what I was doing. I responded nothing, but take your eye mask off and see for yourself... We had a resident mouse on the roof between the fly and tent, the mouse then slid down on my side of the tent, run underneath the tent, up and down my side and under my legs... haha, I mean of course it did... I woke up at 0300 the next morning to scared to get up and pee in case the mouse was outside the tent.

DAY FIVE

LAST DAY! 14.5k until civilisation, real food and most importantly a shower. We headed out after our usual routine and ran into two guys about 45 minutes into our walk. We then realised that apart from that lady we met at the start on the first day, we hadn’t seen or spoken to anyone else expect each other for nearly three full days. It made me realise how isolated we had been, it was so quiet, my mental batteries were fully recharged. We spoke to the guys who were hunters for a little bit, then continued our way. The terrain changed from the beech forest to farm land, to more beech forest (it reminded me of what I would imagine Hansel and Gretel fairy tail to look like) and then back out to Lewis Pass, where were met my Helens awesome parents who the took us to Hanmer Springs for a weekend there with her family to recover.

[themomsandthecity]

How to Take Your Toddler to Their First Movie

Date night used to mean grabbing a bite to eat and heading to the movie theater. Ever since my son was born, most opportunities to go out now consist of just food because there is no way I'm staying up late enough to see a picture. Still, I miss going to the theater, especially with all of the Summer blockbusters coming out. Now that my 2-year-old is old enough to enjoy TV shows like Thomas and Friends, I figured why wait for a date night when I could take him to the movies instead. Despite my willingness to get out of the house, the prospect of taking a child so young to the movies for the first time seemed a little daunting. Mostly my reasoning for going was because I wanted him to have fun, and if I got to eat a little popcorn while I was at it, that was fine too. The last thing I wanted was to be one of those parents who let their kid scream the whole time, especially since I wanted him to feel comfortable and excited by going to the movies. Using a lot of forethought and learnings from our little adventure, I've devised a plan of attack for any parent who wants to take their toddler to the movies. Related 8 Movies You Have to See in Theaters With Your Family This Summer * Research the theater. One of the reasons I'm lucky to live where I do is there are so many theaters within a relatively close proximity. As such, I had the opportunity to be very selective about where I took my son to watch his movie. The one I decided to go to had "baby friendly" showings, which meant that the lights were a little brighter and it was generally acceptable for a kid to walk around if they needed to and no one was going to give me dirty looks if he talked. Even if your theater doesn't have this option, try to find a theater that is aware that children exist and that sometimes they make noise. Some theaters show older movies at a discount rate, and since kids don't care when a picture was released, these might be better and cost-effective options. * Pick your movie well. As much as I would love to take my 2-year-old to see Wonder Woman, there was no way he was going to sit still for that long and it would probably scare the bejesus out of him. By picking a children's movie, like any of the Pixar and Disney features, I knew that it would be appropriate for his age group. Take into consideration your child's interests. While my son loves music, I decided instead to take him to Cars 3 because if there is anything he can watch for hours on end, it's cars. Getting your kid excited is key, and they'll be much more inclined to be thrust into a new situation if you're also excited. * Bring reinforcements. I went to the movie with my mom in tow, in part because she wanted to watch him experience his first big-screen show, but also because I wanted the help. My son is super energetic, and I knew that any extra help I could get would be useful. If I could do it again, I probably would have also invited some of his friends and their moms because children tend to behave better when they can see what other children are expected to do. Maybe if he had had his buddies with him, he might have been able to last longer than he did. * Manage expectations. I would love to say that my son lasted the whole movie and applauded at the end begging for more, but that would be a bold-faced lie. We made it about 45 minutes into the film, but plus the additional 20 minutes of trailers, that to me was a successful visit. When planning your trip, it's important to keep in mind that this is a very new situation to thrust your children into: the screens are huge, the sound is loud, it's dark, and even with their favorite characters to watch, it can be very scary. * Skip the trailers and (if possible) pick your seats. I am #blessed to live near theaters that let you pick your seats ahead of time. This allowed me to pick chairs near the exits in case it all went south, and it gave us time for him to walk around and explore this new room without the risk of losing our coveted spots. However, by getting there early, we wasted a lot of his energy on the trailers. Although I normally love seeing what kind of exciting new pictures are coming soon, I had never realized how amazingly loud and long trailers can be. What made the situation worse is that one of them was clearly designed with a much older kid in mind and suddenly I had a terrified 2-year-old in my lap. I had to keep him calm with Sesame Street on my phone for about 10 minutes before he was willing to sit in the chair again. * Bring a lovey. The next time we go to the movies, I'll be sure to bring Roosevelt, his favorite stuffed bunny. If he'd had his lovey, I believe he would have been more calm and able to enjoy the movie more than he did. A little extra comfort can mean the difference between getting to finish the movie and having to leave early. Related I Still Have My "Lovey" at 25 - and I'm Completely Normal (I Swear) * Bring or buy their favorite snacks. Sneaking food into the movie theater, while not necessarily allowed, is a common practice for most moviegoing audiences and practically a necessity for toddlers. I'm not ashamed to admit that I may have brought an apple and some peanut butter crackers because having copious snacks was very helpful to maintain his attention and reduce the risk of tantrums. We still bought from the concessions, though, because who doesn't love a little movie popcorn? http://bit.ly/2tMwULo

[milenasanchezmk]

Success Story Follow-Up: My Primal Journey Has Been a Steadying Force in a Tumultuous Time of Life

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I first wrote to Mark in September of 2015 after transitioning to a primal lifestyle in 2014. As a quick review I was coming off six or seven years of living in a post college frat house devouring IPAs, nachos, and pizza; spending late nights at bars, and running four or five miles four or five times a week in the name of staying healthy. I look back on my twenties with fondness and nostalgia, but I have no desire to go back to those dive bars that I used to frequent with such ferocious regularity.

When I last wrote I had a 4-month-old son who was born a month early and only screamed during times when he was not sleeping (so that was awesome), was beginning graduate school, was a week into a new administrative job, and was transitioning to a suburban lifestyle. Stressful times! Now I find myself with a thriving but demanding two-year-old son, a two-month-old daughter who only screams about a quarter as much as our son did (still awesome), three months from finishing graduate school, and about to successfully finish the second year at my new job. Still stressful times!

During the hardest moments of the past couple of years, I have again and again found myself grateful for the primal lifestyle and way of eating. I have taken a great deal of comfort from knowing that I am nourishing myself and giving myself the best chance to be more patient, loving, and fun for my family and everyone in my community.

I have had some revelations in terms of food and movement since I last wrote, and I’ll get into those in a moment. However, as I examine my life I am more and more aware of the acute importance of self-care and the incredibly powerful ways that living primally allows for that. I am not proud to admit this, but being a dad was (and, at times, still is) really difficult for me. There are some moments that feel really dark, trying, and interminable. Amidst a storming sea of violent diaper explosions, tantrums about which shoe my son should put on first, and orange slices being thrown all over the dining room, the primal lifestyle has been my anchor.

On the good days I feel like I don’t need a trip to a spa, a slow, romantic dinner at a restaurant, or even half an hour alone to recharge my battery. I don’t desire those things because the food I am putting into my body and the choices I’m making around sleep and wellness feel like a luxury in and of themselves.

I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture, and I almost made myself cry writing that sentence about a slow, romantic dinner. However, I am also consistently reminded that, as Mark says, my wife and I are investing in our family and ourselves with the nutritional and lifestyle choices we are making on a daily basis. During the moments when I can project past getting thrown up on or hearing the first dreaded thump in the crib at 5:45 a.m., I am at peace knowing that our priorities and choices are exactly where I want them to be. The primal life is a bit of a compass with which I can navigate the confusing map of parenting young ones while trying to maintain some contact with my wife and myself as well.

In terms of nutrition and body composition, I have found a way to eat a bit less than I was before. First of all, I am using a compressed eating window by skipping breakfast every day, and I am thriving with this change. Though not starving, I am genuinely hungry by lunchtime, and I enjoy a giant salad with sauerkraut, a fried egg, a small piece of protein, and any veggies I can get my hands on bathed in some homemade dressing. Mercifully, my work has a salad bar and I can get healthful food (thanks to a chef who let’s us know what is Whole30 compliant) even in the middle of a busy workday. Dinner is some form of a few veggies and a good piece of protein.

In terms of macros, I am really enjoying experimenting with the minimum effective dose of protein. At around 180 pounds and between 13 and 14 percent body fat, I am trying to nourish around 155-160 pounds of lean mass. Over the past couple of months I’ve been getting by on around 70-80 grams of protein a day. There’s a chance I could put on a few pounds of muscle if I ate some more, but I am sleeping well, my energy is good, and my mind is sharp. That seems like more than a fair trade for slightly stronger boobs. I’ve read mixed things about the conversion of excess protein to glucose, but ingesting less feels healthy and sustainable to me.

Fat is a mainstay as I stay in ketosis almost all of the time. After winning the Grok Pose contest two years ago, the family is making its way through $1,000 of Primal Kitchen Mayo one gallon at a time. When I’m hungry, I go grab a broccoli floret or twenty and get a heaping bowl of mayo to dip until I’m satisfied. It beats a bowl of ice cream any day. Okay, that might be a stretch, but no one ever hated himself for snacking on broccoli.

In terms of exercise, I am lifting quite heavy (for me) twice a week, sprinting once a week (possibly twice if I play basketball), doing a bunch of push-ups, pull-ups, air squats, planks, and belly flexes whenever the spirit moves me. One of my lifting sessions is pushing and pulling (failing around four or five reps once I am warm), and the next one is very heavy lifting with my legs along with some core work. I focus on my hamstrings every week to keep them healthy for sprinting and play. My performance in the weight room is slowly improving (like I said, maybe not as quickly as it might if I were to eat some more protein), and I’m not consistently sore or lethargic.

On the lifestyle side of things, I have recently reconnected with meditation, and that has been incredibly powerful. Like I said, there are some moments where I am not sure that parenting tiny people is something I’ll be able to keep doing, and the meditation has allowed me to be better for my kids by highlighting that, just like everything, it is temporary. Similar to my relationship with food, I am realizing that I cannot compromise meditating and live the life that I want to live. It has been costing me forty-five minutes of sleep every morning and a little time in the evenings with my wife, but if I wasn’t meditating she wouldn’t want to hang out with me anyway…I don’t even want to hang out with me when I don’t meditate.

In terms of struggles, my biggest one has been the unadulterated joy that I get from food. My favorite thing to do is experiment with cuts of meat from Wild Harmony Farm, and roast some veggies doused in homemade melted lard. My cooking is getting better and better, and I’ve created some truly wonderful meals. On the hard parenting days, it can be the only positive stimulation I get, and it is easy to overdo it when there are three pounds of juicy pulled pork shoulder braised in coconut milk and curry with some cauliflower rice on the counter just waiting to be devoured. I’ve been working hard to increase the positive feelings I get outside of food with meditation and connecting with friends more regularly, and that has reduced the need to have fifths seconds of whatever I am eating.

Reading over my last “success story,” I still have the feeling that the more good choices I make, the more good choices I will make. It’s amazing that this journey started with the goal of LGN, and has ended up being a really steadying force in a tumultuous time in my life – though I still wouldn’t mind LGN. I feel a sense of purpose and forward momentum associated with these choices, and it allows me to improve just a little bit. The lifestyle feeds on itself, and I love how empowered I feel to make knowledgeable, healthy decisions as I commence my life as a parent of two.

[watsonrodriquezie]

Success Story Follow-Up: My Primal Journey Has Been a Steadying Force in a Tumultuous Time of Life

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I first wrote to Mark in September of 2015 after transitioning to a primal lifestyle in 2014. As a quick review I was coming off six or seven years of living in a post college frat house devouring IPAs, nachos, and pizza; spending late nights at bars, and running four or five miles four or five times a week in the name of staying healthy. I look back on my twenties with fondness and nostalgia, but I have no desire to go back to those dive bars that I used to frequent with such ferocious regularity.

When I last wrote I had a 4-month-old son who was born a month early and only screamed during times when he was not sleeping (so that was awesome), was beginning graduate school, was a week into a new administrative job, and was transitioning to a suburban lifestyle. Stressful times! Now I find myself with a thriving but demanding two-year-old son, a two-month-old daughter who only screams about a quarter as much as our son did (still awesome), three months from finishing graduate school, and about to successfully finish the second year at my new job. Still stressful times!

During the hardest moments of the past couple of years, I have again and again found myself grateful for the primal lifestyle and way of eating. I have taken a great deal of comfort from knowing that I am nourishing myself and giving myself the best chance to be more patient, loving, and fun for my family and everyone in my community.

I have had some revelations in terms of food and movement since I last wrote, and I’ll get into those in a moment. However, as I examine my life I am more and more aware of the acute importance of self-care and the incredibly powerful ways that living primally allows for that. I am not proud to admit this, but being a dad was (and, at times, still is) really difficult for me. There are some moments that feel really dark, trying, and interminable. Amidst a storming sea of violent diaper explosions, tantrums about which shoe my son should put on first, and orange slices being thrown all over the dining room, the primal lifestyle has been my anchor.

On the good days I feel like I don’t need a trip to a spa, a slow, romantic dinner at a restaurant, or even half an hour alone to recharge my battery. I don’t desire those things because the food I am putting into my body and the choices I’m making around sleep and wellness feel like a luxury in and of themselves.

I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture, and I almost made myself cry writing that sentence about a slow, romantic dinner. However, I am also consistently reminded that, as Mark says, my wife and I are investing in our family and ourselves with the nutritional and lifestyle choices we are making on a daily basis. During the moments when I can project past getting thrown up on or hearing the first dreaded thump in the crib at 5:45 a.m., I am at peace knowing that our priorities and choices are exactly where I want them to be. The primal life is a bit of a compass with which I can navigate the confusing map of parenting young ones while trying to maintain some contact with my wife and myself as well.

In terms of nutrition and body composition, I have found a way to eat a bit less than I was before. First of all, I am using a compressed eating window by skipping breakfast every day, and I am thriving with this change. Though not starving, I am genuinely hungry by lunchtime, and I enjoy a giant salad with sauerkraut, a fried egg, a small piece of protein, and any veggies I can get my hands on bathed in some homemade dressing. Mercifully, my work has a salad bar and I can get healthful food (thanks to a chef who let’s us know what is Whole30 compliant) even in the middle of a busy workday. Dinner is some form of a few veggies and a good piece of protein.

In terms of macros, I am really enjoying experimenting with the minimum effective dose of protein. At around 180 pounds and between 13 and 14 percent body fat, I am trying to nourish around 155-160 pounds of lean mass. Over the past couple of months I’ve been getting by on around 70-80 grams of protein a day. There’s a chance I could put on a few pounds of muscle if I ate some more, but I am sleeping well, my energy is good, and my mind is sharp. That seems like more than a fair trade for slightly stronger boobs. I’ve read mixed things about the conversion of excess protein to glucose, but ingesting less feels healthy and sustainable to me.

Fat is a mainstay as I stay in ketosis almost all of the time. After winning the Grok Pose contest two years ago, the family is making its way through $1,000 of Primal Kitchen Mayo one gallon at a time. When I’m hungry, I go grab a broccoli floret or twenty and get a heaping bowl of mayo to dip until I’m satisfied. It beats a bowl of ice cream any day. Okay, that might be a stretch, but no one ever hated himself for snacking on broccoli.

In terms of exercise, I am lifting quite heavy (for me) twice a week, sprinting once a week (possibly twice if I play basketball), doing a bunch of push-ups, pull-ups, air squats, planks, and belly flexes whenever the spirit moves me. One of my lifting sessions is pushing and pulling (failing around four or five reps once I am warm), and the next one is very heavy lifting with my legs along with some core work. I focus on my hamstrings every week to keep them healthy for sprinting and play. My performance in the weight room is slowly improving (like I said, maybe not as quickly as it might if I were to eat some more protein), and I’m not consistently sore or lethargic.

On the lifestyle side of things, I have recently reconnected with meditation, and that has been incredibly powerful. Like I said, there are some moments where I am not sure that parenting tiny people is something I’ll be able to keep doing, and the meditation has allowed me to be better for my kids by highlighting that, just like everything, it is temporary. Similar to my relationship with food, I am realizing that I cannot compromise meditating and live the life that I want to live. It has been costing me forty-five minutes of sleep every morning and a little time in the evenings with my wife, but if I wasn’t meditating she wouldn’t want to hang out with me anyway…I don’t even want to hang out with me when I don’t meditate.

In terms of struggles, my biggest one has been the unadulterated joy that I get from food. My favorite thing to do is experiment with cuts of meat from Wild Harmony Farm, and roast some veggies doused in homemade melted lard. My cooking is getting better and better, and I’ve created some truly wonderful meals. On the hard parenting days, it can be the only positive stimulation I get, and it is easy to overdo it when there are three pounds of juicy pulled pork shoulder braised in coconut milk and curry with some cauliflower rice on the counter just waiting to be devoured. I’ve been working hard to increase the positive feelings I get outside of food with meditation and connecting with friends more regularly, and that has reduced the need to have fifths seconds of whatever I am eating.

Reading over my last “success story,” I still have the feeling that the more good choices I make, the more good choices I will make. It’s amazing that this journey started with the goal of LGN, and has ended up being a really steadying force in a tumultuous time in my life – though I still wouldn’t mind LGN. I feel a sense of purpose and forward momentum associated with these choices, and it allows me to improve just a little bit. The lifestyle feeds on itself, and I love how empowered I feel to make knowledgeable, healthy decisions as I commence my life as a parent of two.

[fishermariawo]

Success Story Follow-Up: My Primal Journey Has Been a Steadying Force in a Tumultuous Time of Life

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I first wrote to Mark in September of 2015 after transitioning to a primal lifestyle in 2014. As a quick review I was coming off six or seven years of living in a post college frat house devouring IPAs, nachos, and pizza; spending late nights at bars, and running four or five miles four or five times a week in the name of staying healthy. I look back on my twenties with fondness and nostalgia, but I have no desire to go back to those dive bars that I used to frequent with such ferocious regularity.

When I last wrote I had a 4-month-old son who was born a month early and only screamed during times when he was not sleeping (so that was awesome), was beginning graduate school, was a week into a new administrative job, and was transitioning to a suburban lifestyle. Stressful times! Now I find myself with a thriving but demanding two-year-old son, a two-month-old daughter who only screams about a quarter as much as our son did (still awesome), three months from finishing graduate school, and about to successfully finish the second year at my new job. Still stressful times!

During the hardest moments of the past couple of years, I have again and again found myself grateful for the primal lifestyle and way of eating. I have taken a great deal of comfort from knowing that I am nourishing myself and giving myself the best chance to be more patient, loving, and fun for my family and everyone in my community.

I have had some revelations in terms of food and movement since I last wrote, and I’ll get into those in a moment. However, as I examine my life I am more and more aware of the acute importance of self-care and the incredibly powerful ways that living primally allows for that. I am not proud to admit this, but being a dad was (and, at times, still is) really difficult for me. There are some moments that feel really dark, trying, and interminable. Amidst a storming sea of violent diaper explosions, tantrums about which shoe my son should put on first, and orange slices being thrown all over the dining room, the primal lifestyle has been my anchor.

On the good days I feel like I don’t need a trip to a spa, a slow, romantic dinner at a restaurant, or even half an hour alone to recharge my battery. I don’t desire those things because the food I am putting into my body and the choices I’m making around sleep and wellness feel like a luxury in and of themselves.

I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture, and I almost made myself cry writing that sentence about a slow, romantic dinner. However, I am also consistently reminded that, as Mark says, my wife and I are investing in our family and ourselves with the nutritional and lifestyle choices we are making on a daily basis. During the moments when I can project past getting thrown up on or hearing the first dreaded thump in the crib at 5:45 a.m., I am at peace knowing that our priorities and choices are exactly where I want them to be. The primal life is a bit of a compass with which I can navigate the confusing map of parenting young ones while trying to maintain some contact with my wife and myself as well.

In terms of nutrition and body composition, I have found a way to eat a bit less than I was before. First of all, I am using a compressed eating window by skipping breakfast every day, and I am thriving with this change. Though not starving, I am genuinely hungry by lunchtime, and I enjoy a giant salad with sauerkraut, a fried egg, a small piece of protein, and any veggies I can get my hands on bathed in some homemade dressing. Mercifully, my work has a salad bar and I can get healthful food (thanks to a chef who let’s us know what is Whole30 compliant) even in the middle of a busy workday. Dinner is some form of a few veggies and a good piece of protein.

In terms of macros, I am really enjoying experimenting with the minimum effective dose of protein. At around 180 pounds and between 13 and 14 percent body fat, I am trying to nourish around 155-160 pounds of lean mass. Over the past couple of months I’ve been getting by on around 70-80 grams of protein a day. There’s a chance I could put on a few pounds of muscle if I ate some more, but I am sleeping well, my energy is good, and my mind is sharp. That seems like more than a fair trade for slightly stronger boobs. I’ve read mixed things about the conversion of excess protein to glucose, but ingesting less feels healthy and sustainable to me.

Fat is a mainstay as I stay in ketosis almost all of the time. After winning the Grok Pose contest two years ago, the family is making its way through $1,000 of Primal Kitchen Mayo one gallon at a time. When I’m hungry, I go grab a broccoli floret or twenty and get a heaping bowl of mayo to dip until I’m satisfied. It beats a bowl of ice cream any day. Okay, that might be a stretch, but no one ever hated himself for snacking on broccoli.

In terms of exercise, I am lifting quite heavy (for me) twice a week, sprinting once a week (possibly twice if I play basketball), doing a bunch of push-ups, pull-ups, air squats, planks, and belly flexes whenever the spirit moves me. One of my lifting sessions is pushing and pulling (failing around four or five reps once I am warm), and the next one is very heavy lifting with my legs along with some core work. I focus on my hamstrings every week to keep them healthy for sprinting and play. My performance in the weight room is slowly improving (like I said, maybe not as quickly as it might if I were to eat some more protein), and I’m not consistently sore or lethargic.

On the lifestyle side of things, I have recently reconnected with meditation, and that has been incredibly powerful. Like I said, there are some moments where I am not sure that parenting tiny people is something I’ll be able to keep doing, and the meditation has allowed me to be better for my kids by highlighting that, just like everything, it is temporary. Similar to my relationship with food, I am realizing that I cannot compromise meditating and live the life that I want to live. It has been costing me forty-five minutes of sleep every morning and a little time in the evenings with my wife, but if I wasn’t meditating she wouldn’t want to hang out with me anyway…I don’t even want to hang out with me when I don’t meditate.

In terms of struggles, my biggest one has been the unadulterated joy that I get from food. My favorite thing to do is experiment with cuts of meat from Wild Harmony Farm, and roast some veggies doused in homemade melted lard. My cooking is getting better and better, and I’ve created some truly wonderful meals. On the hard parenting days, it can be the only positive stimulation I get, and it is easy to overdo it when there are three pounds of juicy pulled pork shoulder braised in coconut milk and curry with some cauliflower rice on the counter just waiting to be devoured. I’ve been working hard to increase the positive feelings I get outside of food with meditation and connecting with friends more regularly, and that has reduced the need to have fifths seconds of whatever I am eating.

Reading over my last “success story,” I still have the feeling that the more good choices I make, the more good choices I will make. It’s amazing that this journey started with the goal of LGN, and has ended up being a really steadying force in a tumultuous time in my life – though I still wouldn’t mind LGN. I feel a sense of purpose and forward momentum associated with these choices, and it allows me to improve just a little bit. The lifestyle feeds on itself, and I love how empowered I feel to make knowledgeable, healthy decisions as I commence my life as a parent of two.

[cristinajourdanqp]

Success Story Follow-Up: My Primal Journey Has Been a Steadying Force in a Tumultuous Time of Life

It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

I first wrote to Mark in September of 2015 after transitioning to a primal lifestyle in 2014. As a quick review I was coming off six or seven years of living in a post college frat house devouring IPAs, nachos, and pizza; spending late nights at bars, and running four or five miles four or five times a week in the name of staying healthy. I look back on my twenties with fondness and nostalgia, but I have no desire to go back to those dive bars that I used to frequent with such ferocious regularity.

When I last wrote I had a 4-month-old son who was born a month early and only screamed during times when he was not sleeping (so that was awesome), was beginning graduate school, was a week into a new administrative job, and was transitioning to a suburban lifestyle. Stressful times! Now I find myself with a thriving but demanding two-year-old son, a two-month-old daughter who only screams about a quarter as much as our son did (still awesome), three months from finishing graduate school, and about to successfully finish the second year at my new job. Still stressful times!

During the hardest moments of the past couple of years, I have again and again found myself grateful for the primal lifestyle and way of eating. I have taken a great deal of comfort from knowing that I am nourishing myself and giving myself the best chance to be more patient, loving, and fun for my family and everyone in my community.

I have had some revelations in terms of food and movement since I last wrote, and I’ll get into those in a moment. However, as I examine my life I am more and more aware of the acute importance of self-care and the incredibly powerful ways that living primally allows for that. I am not proud to admit this, but being a dad was (and, at times, still is) really difficult for me. There are some moments that feel really dark, trying, and interminable. Amidst a storming sea of violent diaper explosions, tantrums about which shoe my son should put on first, and orange slices being thrown all over the dining room, the primal lifestyle has been my anchor.

On the good days I feel like I don’t need a trip to a spa, a slow, romantic dinner at a restaurant, or even half an hour alone to recharge my battery. I don’t desire those things because the food I am putting into my body and the choices I’m making around sleep and wellness feel like a luxury in and of themselves.

I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture, and I almost made myself cry writing that sentence about a slow, romantic dinner. However, I am also consistently reminded that, as Mark says, my wife and I are investing in our family and ourselves with the nutritional and lifestyle choices we are making on a daily basis. During the moments when I can project past getting thrown up on or hearing the first dreaded thump in the crib at 5:45 a.m., I am at peace knowing that our priorities and choices are exactly where I want them to be. The primal life is a bit of a compass with which I can navigate the confusing map of parenting young ones while trying to maintain some contact with my wife and myself as well.

In terms of nutrition and body composition, I have found a way to eat a bit less than I was before. First of all, I am using a compressed eating window by skipping breakfast every day, and I am thriving with this change. Though not starving, I am genuinely hungry by lunchtime, and I enjoy a giant salad with sauerkraut, a fried egg, a small piece of protein, and any veggies I can get my hands on bathed in some homemade dressing. Mercifully, my work has a salad bar and I can get healthful food (thanks to a chef who let’s us know what is Whole30 compliant) even in the middle of a busy workday. Dinner is some form of a few veggies and a good piece of protein.

In terms of macros, I am really enjoying experimenting with the minimum effective dose of protein. At around 180 pounds and between 13 and 14 percent body fat, I am trying to nourish around 155-160 pounds of lean mass. Over the past couple of months I’ve been getting by on around 70-80 grams of protein a day. There’s a chance I could put on a few pounds of muscle if I ate some more, but I am sleeping well, my energy is good, and my mind is sharp. That seems like more than a fair trade for slightly stronger boobs. I’ve read mixed things about the conversion of excess protein to glucose, but ingesting less feels healthy and sustainable to me.

Fat is a mainstay as I stay in ketosis almost all of the time. After winning the Grok Pose contest two years ago, the family is making its way through $1,000 of Primal Kitchen Mayo one gallon at a time. When I’m hungry, I go grab a broccoli floret or twenty and get a heaping bowl of mayo to dip until I’m satisfied. It beats a bowl of ice cream any day. Okay, that might be a stretch, but no one ever hated himself for snacking on broccoli.

In terms of exercise, I am lifting quite heavy (for me) twice a week, sprinting once a week (possibly twice if I play basketball), doing a bunch of push-ups, pull-ups, air squats, planks, and belly flexes whenever the spirit moves me. One of my lifting sessions is pushing and pulling (failing around four or five reps once I am warm), and the next one is very heavy lifting with my legs along with some core work. I focus on my hamstrings every week to keep them healthy for sprinting and play. My performance in the weight room is slowly improving (like I said, maybe not as quickly as it might if I were to eat some more protein), and I’m not consistently sore or lethargic.

On the lifestyle side of things, I have recently reconnected with meditation, and that has been incredibly powerful. Like I said, there are some moments where I am not sure that parenting tiny people is something I’ll be able to keep doing, and the meditation has allowed me to be better for my kids by highlighting that, just like everything, it is temporary. Similar to my relationship with food, I am realizing that I cannot compromise meditating and live the life that I want to live. It has been costing me forty-five minutes of sleep every morning and a little time in the evenings with my wife, but if I wasn’t meditating she wouldn’t want to hang out with me anyway…I don’t even want to hang out with me when I don’t meditate.

In terms of struggles, my biggest one has been the unadulterated joy that I get from food. My favorite thing to do is experiment with cuts of meat from Wild Harmony Farm, and roast some veggies doused in homemade melted lard. My cooking is getting better and better, and I’ve created some truly wonderful meals. On the hard parenting days, it can be the only positive stimulation I get, and it is easy to overdo it when there are three pounds of juicy pulled pork shoulder braised in coconut milk and curry with some cauliflower rice on the counter just waiting to be devoured. I’ve been working hard to increase the positive feelings I get outside of food with meditation and connecting with friends more regularly, and that has reduced the need to have fifths seconds of whatever I am eating.

Reading over my last “success story,” I still have the feeling that the more good choices I make, the more good choices I will make. It’s amazing that this journey started with the goal of LGN, and has ended up being a really steadying force in a tumultuous time in my life – though I still wouldn’t mind LGN. I feel a sense of purpose and forward momentum associated with these choices, and it allows me to improve just a little bit. The lifestyle feeds on itself, and I love how empowered I feel to make knowledgeable, healthy decisions as I commence my life as a parent of two.

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I Love My Toddler, but I Sure Don't Like Him (and That's OK)

I had just begun the nightly ritual of contemplating what on God’s green earth my son might be willing to eat for dinner. A list of 20 or more food items raced through my head, but I mentally dismissed each one as a contender. Blueberries? Maybe yesterday he’d eat them, but tonight he’d surely pitch a fit. Goldfish? He’ll see straight through that blatant attempt to nourish his growing body. Yogurt? Maybe… maybe I could get him to eat a cup of yogurt.

I was nearing the end of an exhausting 13-hour day at home with my children, ages 22 months and 2 months. Eight weeks after giving birth to my youngest, I was recovering from a small surgical procedure, but my children were too young to know that I was in a fragile state. But just as I settled on my dinner game plan and started walking to the fridge for the yogurt cups, my toddler made his move. I looked up just in time to witness his tiny body hurtling through the living room… right before he joyfully bit my rear end, ramming my raw, swollen surgical incision into the wooden rim of the dining room table.

Did I anticipate birthing a child who appears to have a Dahmer-like, persistent need to bite those nearest and dearest to him? Or a kid who, at 2 years of age, still has not uttered the word "Mommy," although he can name every other relative in his extended family tree and once casually dropped the term "percussive" into a conversation? No. Like most parents, I naively made the decision to procreate without considering that my delightful, chubby, curly-headed baby would one day be stolen in the night and replaced by a skinny toddler with lightning-fast mood shifts that would make a seesaw look well-balanced.

I thought I knew what I was getting into when my biological clock, which had obliged me for so long by remaining blissfully silent, began loudly and insistently ticking the day I hit 30. I had babysat since I was 12 years old, and in my 20s, I had worked a two-year stint as a nanny for a little boy. It was this little boy, his personality, and my memory of our days together that gave me the added confidence to forge ahead with parenthood. It was the kind of deluded thinking that leads retirees to purchase beachfront real estate in Florida. Sure, it’s a bad idea for most people, but in my case, it just might work out.

My young charge turns out to have been an exceptionally chill toddler. Each morning, after his parents left for work, he would quietly play with his toys while I cleaned up the kitchen. And he was perfectly happy to play at my feet while I knitted and listened to NPR. That’s right: I held shiny, sharp knitting needles and used colorful balls of yarn right under his nose, and he didn’t grab them, desperate to ram the needles into an electrical outlet and hog-tie the cat with the yarn. If I wanted, I could leave the room to use the bathroom knowing my Fair Isle socks or tiny hat would be in exactly the same place when I returned to the living room.

I thought I knew what I was getting into when my biological clock, which had obliged me for so long by remaining blissfully silent, began loudly and insistently ticking the day I hit 30.

Later in the morning, he would lay still enough for me to change his diaper and clothe him, so we could leave the house for an outing. Was there some occasional bribery to get him not to wiggle while I dealt with a particularly bad poopsplosion? Sure, but never did I fear his changing table would end up resembling the walls in a Russian orphanage. Later, he would voluntarily eat food—virtually any kind of food I put in front of him. And then, wonder of wonders, he would take a three-hour nap, leaving me to sit in peace with a novel and cup of tea.

Initially there were some signs that my own son was not going to be the kind of kid that quietly played while I got things done, but I was so enamoured of this happy, outgoing, joyful baby that I looked past his fussy periods and need for constant activity. Almost from the beginning, my son was excited to see new people, and never cried when he was handed off to a relative or friend. He would laugh and scream when the dogs walked by, reaching out pudgy, fat-ringed hands to grab their fur as his heart beat faster than I was certain was healthy. Taking him to restaurants, the biggest hurdle for most new parents, was never a chore because he was so easily occupied watching the people around him. Although he was a handful, he was also a joy to be around.

But as he entered his toddler years, he came to resemble the baby of my imagination less and less. I was more than just surprised by his behavior; I felt guilty. This was the phase of parenting when everyone told me I was supposed to be enjoying all my son’s new skills. Now that he could run and walk, say a few words, and eat without choking, things were supposed to be getting better. Life was supposed to be easier. Instead, everything seemed more difficult, and I would find myself almost resentful that this iteration of my son had replaced the newborn and infant version that had brought me so much joy.

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Surely this made me not only a very bad mother but also a very bad person. What was wrong with me for feeling this way when my Facebook feed was full of friends posting pictures of their perfect apple-picking expeditions and visits to Santa with their toddlers? I found myself wondering if I had created this monster through subpar parenting and some kind of psychic neglect. Eventually, I realized that parents who don’t seem totally exasperated by their toddlers are either saints or the world’s biggest liars.

As I considered those pictures of my friend’s kid smiling out from the pumpkin patch in her adorably coordinated holiday ensemble, I began to have an inkling of what it took to get her there. Parents dragging a reticent toddler into the mall to find the perfect outfit, all while she screamed and kicked because a toy that hadn’t been obligatory yesterday had been left behind; a morning spent bribing her with cookies and her favorite show if she would only allow them to dress her in said outfit; the world’s longest car ride to the little farm, as they struggled with a kid who had woken up six times the night before and refused to eat breakfast, followed by an agonizing 45 minutes posing and reposing, bribing and cajoling, to get that one perfect picture to post on Facebook.

Maybe, like me, these parents had a toddler that was challenging, exhausting, and sometimes downright unpleasant. And perhaps, like me, these parents pushed through and were careful to document the truly joyful moments as a reminder of why they were struggling so hard for a kid that didn’t always seem to appreciate them. And maybe some people were just posting these pristine photos to save face... because living with toddlers is frequently a nightmare.

Looking back at pictures of my son when he was 9 weeks old and 9 months old, I certainly miss the good old days. Now I try to remember that fat, happy baby when the 2-year-old staring me down has used up every last bit of my patience. Sometimes it’s easier to muster some sympathy for his 20th tantrum of the day if I imagine it’s that baby in front of me who needs to be comforted. Someday, I remind myself, he’ll be potty trained and able to tie his own shoes. He’ll be someone who doesn’t need everything from me, and I’ll look back wistfully on the days when he relied on me for every cheese stick and story book. Eventually, he’ll be a full-blown adult with his own toddler driving him crazy, and I’ll be able to tell him stories about all the night wakings, public meltdowns, and emotional blowups he put me through.

The other day, when I went to pick him up from daycare, he actually ran across the room to me and smiled. Sure, his classmate Chester was the only one who yelled "Mommy" when I walked through the door, but at least my son stopped smashing his truck into the wall long enough to let me know he missed me. And that’s enough for now.

Olivia Williams is a full-time attorney turned stay-at-home feminist and mother of two. She enjoys craft beers, yoga, and the rare opportunity to read a Victorian novel in the bathtub. Follow her on Twitter @oawillia.

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