#but also now my brain is full of ideas around Jeremiah with long hair and holy shit i'm never getting out of this one alive

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Luke Hunter: Girlfriend Material

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[peakysabrina]

Heaven

How Jeremiah met his wife, how they got married, and the story of how Isaiah was born.

TW for miscarriages, sorry!!

Jeremiah Jesus had tried to become a priest before, but because of the reasons stated above, had been pushed out of the noble calling of God. Time and time again, he had gone to the seminar, and had done what all the white boys had done, better than them, and was still rejected with a snare and everything short but a kick to the backside. Somehow, his devotion to God wasn't good enough, his oratory wasn't good enough, and him as a man wasn't enough. Every time, he knew very well why it had been: because he was black, his parents were from the Caribbean, and he didn't fit the Church of England's image of a good shepard for their sheep. The sheep, better known as citizens, weren't big on other ethnicities, and a coloured pastor could drive them away from church, and away from the brain-wash that went on inside such venerable buildings.

So Jeremiah Jesus gave up, tired of wasting his time studying the Bible and the great Classic masters of oratory, given that it was of no use. Instead, he decided it would be much better to make it on his own, to go off into the world, make his money, find a job, one that he could excel at, despite the colour of his skin, or the place of origin of his parents. The first step to make that happen was to go around to the shops, to try and find someone who would employ him, even if it was in the backrooms, or warehouses. No one agreed, so Jeremiah moved on to the farms and factories around Birmingham. There, in the small property of Jacob Steadman, he found what he was looking for: a steady position as farm hand, doing whatever was needed.

The Steadman family was composed of seven people: the father, Jacob, who was married to Lucinda; the eldest daughter, Lucy; and four younger siblings, named Jacob Jr., Alphonse (who went by Alphie), Henrietta and Julius. They had a couple more men on the property, who mostly dealt with the produce the family sold at nearby markets. The Steadmans weren't rich, but they lived comfortably, which allowed them a bit more independence, and an education for their children. The eldest one, a beautiful red-haired girl in her early twenties, was especially gifted, and wrote stories for her younger brothers and sisters, which she also illustrated with all the care in the world. She was, unfortunately, prone to bouts of coughing fits, with no apparent reason, and the fairy-tale sessions were often interrupted by these moments, much to her sadness.

"Hey. You need any help?" the same Lucy came asking, carrying a tin full of water and a plate of food. "You've been at it for hours, eh?"

"It's my job" Jeremiah replied, looking up from the car tyre he was trying to patch up, and seeing that blessed apparition, made even more welcome by the food she was holding. "I will accept some lunch, though"

"Yeah, thought so" she replied, chuckling and handing him the plate and the water. "How's it going with dad's car? That tyre's busted"

"Busted is... an understatement. You feeling better today? I heard you coughing yesterday"

"I uh... I'm better, I think, yeah" Lucy sighed, obviously not one bit better, but refusing to look weak, even in front of the help. "To be honest with you, I don't think I'll ever get any better. But that's just my opinion"

"Have you been to a doctor?" Jeremiah looked up from his plate, still chewing a bit of meat. "Nothing they can do about it?"

"I've been to a couple doctors, and none of them know what the hell is going on. Shit, sorry, shouldn't curse, you're religious" Lucy let out, apparently unaware that it hadn't been offensive, but rather funny, to hear someone so proper speaking like that.

"No problem, I'm not that religious" he assured, observing closely the process of his boss's daughter crouching, and then sitting on the ground. If he was asked, a lady sitting on the ground, talking to the coloured help would be much more scandalous than all the cursing in the world. But he liked how pratical she was, how she didn't let her obvious beauty and good manners get in the way of doing what she wanted to do. "I have a chair somewhere over there, if you want"

"Nah, I'm alright, thanks" was the quick answer, accompanied by a shrug. "I'm sorry if I kept you awake with my coughing"

"You didn't. I couldn't sleep anyway"

"Anything worrying you?" Lucy kindly asked, taking a nearby wrench and playing with it, throwing it in the air a couple of times, and catching it with precision. "Well, anything I can help you with? Even if it's just talking"

"On second thought, maybe it was your coughing" Jeremiah joked, finishing his lunch and taking a big swig of water. "No, it's nothing. I was reading, and I lost track of time"

"I know that feeling. You know what I was reading? That one author you showed me, Jane Austen. Really like her stuff" Lucy informed, dreamily looking into the distance. Truth be told, Jeremiah was terrified of her when she looked like that, terrified of the way it made him want to lunge forward and kiss her. It was unspokenly agreed between the two that whatever the thing between them was, it was friendship, and just that: friendship.

"Glad you like it, I came across some stuff of hers through a friend of mine in town" he replied, clearing his throat, and coming back to reality. "His dad knew her dad, or so he says"

"That's interesting. What about you, what were you reading?"

"Do you even need to ask?" he laughed, drinking what was left from the water. "I go back to it a couple times a year, to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. Helps me keep my mind in the right place"

"Fair enough, Jimmy. No shame in that" she responded, using that name that only she was allowed to use. She didn't like the name Jeremiah for some reason, didn't like the way it sounded; but Jimmy sounded good, it suited him. Reading the Bible and losing track of time because of it also suit him, and Lucy was very aware that it was just one of the manners in which he was perfect, in which he made her fall for him.

"You've read the Bible, haven't you?"

"Might have... when I went to Sunday School. Ah, and on Sundays, they always read a bit, don't they? Can't say I remember reading it from start to finish in one go, though" she admitted, tapping her fingers on her lips as she gave the subject some thought. "I prefer novels, You know the ones, where the girls have pretty dresses, and always end up marrying the man of their dreams and living in a mansion"

"That what you want to do?"

"Pfff" Lucy let out, a strange and humorous sound that made Jeremiah laugh along. "I don't really care about dresses, and mansions are too much maintenance. As for the man of my dreams, he knows where I live, he can come get me if he wants" she added, looking down, and then up at him. Another good thing about Lucy was this: she knew what she wanted, and she knew how to get it. The ball was in his court, so to speak, and there was no religion that could provide an answer.

That conversation was the latest of many they had shared, and hints had been coming all along. But it was all in good fun, a bit of light flirting between friends. There had never been anything like that very particular jab, and it wasn't mistakeable for banter. So, it was time to make a decision: to stick to friendship, maintain everything as it was, and resort to reading the Holy Book to drown the noise of his very obvious attraction; or to go ahead and go get the girl he wanted. It was true: he knew where she lived, and knew which room was hers. It had to be the one which still had light coming from underneath the door. She had to be awake, and alone, for them to be able to talk through what they needed to talk through. As softly as he could, he knocked, and the door opened instantly, like she had been waiting. Knowing Lucy, she probably had been, although she would not admit to it.

"Thank God, I was starting to think you hadn't gotten my hint" Lucy scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Took you long enough"

"It wasn't an open invitation, was it? What happens if your parents come around to check on you? And what if they hear us?" Jeremiah asked in return, fully regretting what he had done. It would mean being dismissed on the spot, and he couldn't really afford to go back to his parents' house. "I can't lose my job"

"You won't, don't think about it" she guaranteed, going around Jeremiah and locking the door. "See? They can't come in"

"What does it mean, then? What do you want to do?" he asked, bearing in mind that a decision had to be made, and the sooner the better, before someone caught them.

"Do I need to know? Do you really need an answer to that?" Lucy asked, biting her lip repeatedly, obviously nervous for being put on the spot.

"If I didn't need to know where we stand, I wouldn't have come here, now would I?" Jeremiah asked, losing a bit of his cool. It was in his nature to need everything decided, and defined. The idea of puting them both at risk for nothing was annoying, to say the least. "I came here for nothing, wasn't it, Lucy?"

Her reaction was completely unexpected: instead of pouting, or retaliating, Lucy simply walked up to him, placed her hands on his neck, and pulled him down, kissing him on the lips. For good measure, she took Jeremiah's own palms and placed them on her waist, where he could feel the warmth of her skin through the cotton of the nightgown.

"Would this be considered nothing?" Lucy asked, breaking the kiss but making sure Jeremiah's hands stayed where they were. "Because if so..." she continued, taking his writs, and making his hands move to her thighs, and then up, and up, until the nightgown was over her head and on the floor. "...would this be better?"

For once, Jeremiah was speachless, and torn between looking at her face, or looking down at her body, which was wrong, but pretty damn irresistible. He didn't know whether she was aware of what she had done, but it didn't seem to be a problem when he bent over to kiss her, taking her into his arms without thinking too much about it.

After that night, things only escalated: from sex, to talks of marriage, and to a proposal, done beneath the apple trees on a warm Spring day, complete with the best ring the sparse money Jeremiah could buy. At the same time, he'd started making efforts to find a new job, whereas Lucy had gotten employment at the Birmingham library, in hopes that some day, they could tell her parents about their engagement. Once that was out of the way, they could get married, and move into their own house, living their lives, building a family, having a good existence. Luckily, there had been an opening for Bible Studies teacher, under mysterious circumstances, but that were probably connected with the imprisonment of the deacon. Hence, it was time: Lucy's parents had to know.

"Mom and dad, me and Ji... I mean, me and Jeremiah have something we need to tell you" Lucy started, getting her mother's attention, while her father kept on reading the newspaper. "We're engaged to be married"

"You're what? To... to each other?" mrs. Steadman asked, absolutely caught off guard.

"Yeah" her daughter responded, showing her mother the engagement ring.

"No"

"What?"

"I said no" mr. Steadman chimed in, lowering the paper, and looking at his daughter with the utmost disgust. "You are not marrying a coloured man, let alone a poor one"

"Excuse me, sir, but I don't think the colour of my skin has anything to do with this subject. I love your daughter, I am prepared to offer her the best life I possibly can" Jeremiah protested, forcing Lucy to take his arm, to pacify him a little.

"Look son, I have no problem with the colour of your skin, but I am not letting my daughter marry you" Jacob replied, as if he was simply commenting on the weather outside. "You have no idea how people will treat her if she marries you"

"I'm not unaware of that, dad, I know how stupid people are; I don't care about any of that, I'm prepared to deal with whatever is thrown at me. Jeremiah asked me to marry him, I said yes, and that's that. You can be by my side on my wedding day, or not. That's your call" Lucy stated, beggining to feel the burn of anger on her throat. "He's the man I want, he's the man I love, and that's that on that"

"Out" Jacob simply stated, his eyes as clear as day, pointing to the door. He didn't even raise his voice, but the message as loud: he wanted the both of them out of his house, and he wanted them to go without missing a second. As for his wife, she just lowered her head and went back to sewing, pursing her lips but saying nothing. It seemed like the only one affected by that demand was Lucy, whose eyes filled with tears, and fists clenched. "I said out, didn't you hear me? Out of my sight, both of you. And don't you dare come back"

Matter of fact, they didn't. Lucy packed her clothes and some books she'd bought with her own money, wrote a letter to her siblings explaining why she had to leave, and was out of her childhood home before dinner time. As for her fiancé, a completely distraught Jeremiah, there was not much to be said: the guilt he felt in his heart was so overwhelming he wanted to simultaneously punch Jacob Steadman and hug Lucy, to cry on her shoulder. It was her spirit that never waivered, it was her that got him out of the property her parents owned, and it was her who found them a room to rent while they saved up for an apartment or house of their own. Their landlord, Arthur Shelby, was a strange man, but his wife, named Elizabeth, was an angel, who looked after the young couple with as much care as she did her own child, a lanky, sickly-looking boy named after his father.

As for their wedding, there was not much to be said: there was the priest, the bride, the groom, and two witnesses, namely Elizabeth Shelby and her husband, who signed the paper with a disgruntled look on his face. It wasn't much of a party, but then again it didn't need to be, as Lucy and Jeremiah didn't have the means to provide one. The bride had a bouquet of wildflowers, and a simple everyday dress, but her groom was so in love it didn't matter. To Jeremiah, she was an angel, something from high heavens.

"... I now pronounce you husband and wife. Mr. Jesus, you may kiss your bride" the pastor announced, causing both Jeremiah and Lucy to smile at each other, before chastly kissing to the sound of Elizabeth Shelby's subdued clapping, echoing off the walls of the empty church.

"Congratulations, I wish you nothing but happiness, truly" Elizabeth wished, hugging Lucy tightly and patting Jeremiah's shoulder. As for her husband, he was already outside, smoking a cigarette and probably trying to make a pass at any woman who passed by. "Now would be the time to leave your bouquet at the altar and make a wish. I'll wait outside"

"Oh, I forgot" Lucy let out, turning to the altar and trying to think of a wish. "You have anything you want to wish for?" she asked Jeremiah, who in all honesty, was just happy to be alive and married to the girl he loved.

"Not really, I'll leave the wish to you" he replied, accompanying her back to the altar, where a figure of Jesus Christ on the cross looked over them.

"Well, I wish for..." she started, a sweet smile on her features. "I wish for a happy and healthy baby. And since my husband doesn't want to make his own wish, I'll take his and ask for some te ability to carry my child safely"

"That's a good wish" Jeremiah replied, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Both of them are, really. Can't wait to have a little one with you"

"Me either. You reckon it will take long to... should we be talking about this in church, though?" Lucy laughed, putting down the simply bouquet of flowers and taking Jeremiah's hand as they exited the temple. "I feel bad now, for talking about baby-making at church"

"God doesn't care, don't worry" Jeremiah assured, as they walked over to the Shelbies, who were waiting for them. "Can't wait, though"

In the end, it did take a fair bit for a baby to make its appearance in their life. Elizabeth Shelby had four children by the time Lucy Jesus managed to carry a pregnancy to term. Her disappointments had taken its toll on the girl, who became more and more fragile as time went by. Her coughing became constant, and her body slowly started giving in. However, Lucy had gathered every bit of strength she had, and, in 1905, Isaiah was born. He was healthy, beautiful, and strong, much stronger than his mother. In due time, the little boy had to say goodbye to his father, who departed for war, and then, to his mother, who couldn't survive another miscarriage. Elizabeth Shelby and Polly Gray, her sister-in-law, raised the Jesus boy, who grew up playing with the Shelby boys, and who would, in time, become one of them.

The second part of this (focused on Isaiah) is on AO3

[b4dluckbin]

I am evil but- 1 to 50, answer them all!! hahaha (if you only want to do this for one oc- then michaleas)

Hello, I hate you. I'm also not going to cut this because I have no idea how so have fun everyone.

This is for Michaleas Lament.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

His full name is Michaleas Ermiah Lament. First part is because Michael,,, sounds tOO WHITE. Ermiah I came up with my myself but looking into it, it is kinda close to Ermias or Jeremiah. Hmmmm. Lament? He's a sad boi.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

One personal title he was given while in the military was "The Lamenting Giant". It was more to poke fun at their commander more than anything because of how tall he was and usually he has a distant, kind of sad look on his face like he was constantly thinking.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

Yes he did- until he was 9. It was pretty modest but comfortable until then. Fond memories he had would be are listening to his mother hum as he helped her clean around their little house, and looking over his fathers woodwork that he sold in town. For the last bit..... *SCOFFS* His entire life after 9 years old. That's all chock full of bad memories but if I have to limit it of his childhood,,, everything from 9 to 20 years old.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

He knew both his father and mother! He had a very good relationship with them both. They were very nurturing but stern when they needed to be (like when he wanted to go outside or into town with his father). A good memory he has of them is just them sitting together for dinner and his father telling him stories about the places he had been when he was younger.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

He has no siblings.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

He never went to school. He was taught what his father and mother had learned.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

He didn't have any childhood friends as he was cooped up in his house until he was 9. Then he was enslaved for about 10 or so years.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

No he didn't have any pets. He is neutral about animals.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

He's never really interacted with animals before.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

.... CONNA YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXCLUDED SOME OF THESE- Oh god... He thinks children are cute from a distance but are very annoying. He has a son named Adiren. Because of the situation (no I'm not saying it to validate him in just trying to be like vague with how I'm saying this. He is a terrible father in main canon) he was a neglectful father. But in AUs I've had for him he is decent. He's just a tad bit over protective. As a god father? Uhhhh depends on if this is AU or Canon dad Michaleas. If it was an AU and all is Gucci then he'd be decent enough at being a caregiver. If it was main story well- he wouldn't really be worried about them.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Michaleas is actually not allergic to anything. Except love. Also no, this big boi is a meat eater.

12. What is their favourite food?

Steak and potatoes.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Id have to say maybe fish? He doesn't really like the smell.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Stew,,, his mother made that a lot.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

He is actually fairly decent at cooking! He does enjoy it because it's something to take his mind off of whatever he's currently thinking about. He's been told it's really good but he doesn't,,,, care for compliments.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

If there is a flower he has never seen before you best believe he will press it into his journal.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Lmao in a modern AU? He'd probably have a little blog or something dedicated to flower pictures. He won't take a picture of himself because he hates how he looks.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

If my boy was literate, I'd say he'd be into adventure stories. He loves acoustic jams because he plays the guitar. Tv or films??? Maybe family movies and comedys. Video games?????? Medieval-esque stuff. He'd be too into Dark Souls and rhythm games.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Tragedy (They just make him sad). For music it's anything too loud.

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

I don't think he'd be a fan of musicals very much. Music in general? He likes. If his favorite song were to come on he'd probably just sit and hum along with a smile.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

*insert laugh meme* Yeah. Yeah he fucking does and his blood curse revolves around it. Oh boy he's prone to yelling.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

He likes to use the word "privileged" a lot against people that are acting out.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

He has a good memory but he can remember faces better than the names that correspond to them.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

It isn't much sleeping as it is lying awake and staring at the wall. When he does sleep ooooh yeah he snores. Not like,,, super loud but noticeable. He likes a more soft bed because hard beds make his back hurt.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

,,, he has a dark sense of humor unless it's just something you really can't have a straight face at. Someone almost choke on bread? He will have a fit. He isn't really one for telling jokes himself.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

When Micha is happy he usually just has a smile plastered on his face for a while. He is capable of singing but doesn't like doing it, so he opts to humming. He doesn't know how to dance.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Remembering his past trauma. No he doesn't cry regularly and if he feels he will he will hide off somewhere and call himself a dumb ass. When he's sad he's desolate. He makes himself scarce and when he is around you get that brooding feeling.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Going back to the slave ring. Nothing really scares him. Maybe little jump scares but eh. When he's actually fucking terrified? He will close up on himself and leave. Fast.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

Like Kai it really just depends on what the fear is. Spiders? You can handle that yourself. Groups of unknown people in an unknown place? Yeah no, come here and walk with him now so he can watch out.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Post military Michaleas hardly worked out any more, but when he was still there? Totally.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Oh gOD THIS IS PART OF THE PROBLEM WITH HIM BEING A PARENT. He falls into a deep depression because of some shit and picks up drinking more so than he did before in the military. He really just wants to forget so badly. When he's hungover he's a complete asshole. When he's drunk it's just sad boi hours.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

He gets his clothes at any normal clothing store. Nothing fancy at all just basic shirt and pants. Sleeping is just pants no shirt. His hair? Messy short brown hair parted in the middle with Short cut bangs.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Hi, the image of granny panty Micha is scared into my brain thanks- boxers my fam.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body

Me, explaining Micha to anyone: Bara. But,,,, smaller,,,, he's like 6ft6-6ft7. Does he like his body? Eh. He doesn't like the scars that litter it.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Guilty pleasure? Spending time with a certain fucking vampire. Unguilty pleasure? He likes,,,, sweets.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

He's good at playing the guitar and fighting. If he was allowed I'm sure he'd pick up gardening. Who knows if he can sing? :3c

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

*quietly sobs* he's shit at reading.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

How some people can go about their lives so easily without a care in the world.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

Talk to him,,, face to face. Dont be a coward.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

I mean,,,, does trauma count as a natural way to stay awake and alert? Because I feel like it is personally.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

*leans into mic* He's gay. He is more both when it comes to someone. He needs someone who isn't just using him for,,, sex because hi- sex drive? There, but honestly kind of hates it. He wants someone to talk to and help him through his bad moments. Someone who won't talk shit to him about being weak because he does that to himself enough.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

*leans into mic further* To be able to have a decent relationship with said vampire from earlier.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

He isn't religious at all. He's Atheist actually. He thinks they're just sheep following a Shepherd. Non religious people, in his eyes, are smart to see through that shit.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

Michaleas likes the time around the end of winter because that's when the flowers start to bulb up. He thinks its beautiful. He fucking hates the heat. You can't escape it.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

They look to him as something like a pillar. He doesn't waver and they believe if they try hard enough they won't either. Which is,,,, completely different than how he sees himself. He hates hIMSELF AND THINKS HE'S WEAK LMAO.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

I mean,,, no. He's very fucking blunt with his observations of people. Yes and no with reflecting him accurately. He is very observant but he isn't like,,, that when you warm up to him. He plays around more and talks shit. Michaleas introduces himself as such. Michaleas.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

He hates fancy events. He will wear what he has to but he isn't going to have his tie tied or creases ironed. He doesn't give a shit. He wants to leave.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

Regular parties where he can just drink and have fun? Totally. No one prissy there just a bunch of rough dumbasses. He doesn't plan parties he just turns up if he hears about it and is like "where is the booze".

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

He doesn't have anything like that. He has his sword for protection so I mean that counts as a need everywhere and anywhere. Edit: I lied. He has a journal with pressed flowers he normally has on him always.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Water, food, things to start a fire, tools and his sword.

[jam2289]

88.9 Hey Radio, Cloudland, and Me

I love the name Cloudland. Let me paint you a quick picture about a time I went mountain climbing.

I was 19 and I was halfway through a crazy adventure. I had ridden a bus from Michigan to Washington State for four days. I rode my mountain bike across the desert and over the Cascade Mountains, from Yakima to Mount Rainier, in three days. Now, I was on the second day of my two-day climb of Mt. Rainier. It's a fast climb, and today we are supposed to reach the summit.

There's a glacier that we need to get up before the sun gets too high. Apparently, the idea is that we are going to climb through this section while it's still really cold in the morning. Then, as the sun rises the ice and snow is going to heat up and there will probably be a small avalanche. Then, we're going to come back down this section again later. For the plan to work, you need to not be there when the avalanche happens.

But, one of the guys that I'm roped to is having problems, major problems. He has mountain sickness, he's walking and talking like he's drunk, really drunk, and he keeps falling off of the cliff. This thing is an almost vertical 2,000 foot drop down a glacier. We are weaving our way up it. But he keeps falling off the edge, and we keep catching him with the rope and pulling him back up. It's exhausting. Eventually, our guide tells us that we aren't going to make it in time, we're just moving too slow like this. He's going to radio for help.

The radio doesn't work. We still need help though. My guide anchors us into the ice face and leaves to find help from one of the other teams. Now, it's just me and Jeremiah standing on this little ice ledge looking out from this mountain. The other guy was there, but we couldn't understand the nonsense mixture of sounds he was making, so he doesn't count. Jeremiah and I had a unique experience, to say the least.

As we stood there talking about how stupid it is to die by waiting in an avalanche zone until said avalanche arrives, we watched the marine layer of clouds rise in unison with the sun. Of course, this beautiful sunrise was also the thing that was going to kill us, but... it was amazing. The clouds slowly climbed their way up the mountain. You couldn't tell they were moving, they just kept getting closer and closer, until they were right at our feet. The 2,000 foot cliff no longer existed. It looked, it seemed, it appeared, as if you could just step out onto that cloud. Like Heaven or Olympus had invited us. It seemed like the cloud would just catch you in its soft embrace.

None of us stepped onto the cloud, not even the guy that had tried to step into pure air a few times before. The guide came back with two other guides and a couple more people. My guide took some people back down the path, and I continued on with a new guide. Later that day I summitted Mt. Rainier, and I have a picture at the top where I look a bit dazed. By the time I got to the bottom again my boots were full of blood, and I still have spots where hair doesn't grow on my shins. I've had some brain damage since then from complications after an adventure in Africa, but I still vividly remember that scene of me and Jeremiah standing on that cliff, watching the sun and the clouds rise, and talking of death.

The band Cloudland probably has a different story behind their name choice. Here is their own introduction from their website: https://www.cloudlandband.com

- - - - - - -

We’re a four piece alternative rock outfit based out of Athens, Georgia.  Hope and honesty drive our songs, walking the line between what is sacred and what is secular in an attempt to bring you something you might not find anywhere else. We thrive off of fast-paced, energy-filled shows and an honest, homegrown fanbase. We want to love what we do just as much as the people listening. Connect with us on all social media platforms and email, and let’s get a show together.

With love,

Karmen Smith, Hogan Heim, Zach King, & Aidan Hill

@cloudlandband

- - - - - - -

The song we are looking at today is "Over Again". You can listen to it on Spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/album/3BXgF5hBn7QzGbaKDwC0Uk

Let's do the lyrics stanza by stanza and see if anything interesting emerges, or leaps out at us.

- - - - - - -

I’d been thinkin’ this was it

It would all just settle in place

If this is patience I feel spent

I guess I didn’t think it’d be this way

Then I think back to the start

Oh it all just seemed so far

Then I focus back to now

You’ve had a plan for every part

- - - - - - -

This first part seems simple, but it's really rather complex. It's very contemplative, and centers around this idea of thinking back over your life in a nostalgic way, almost from an existential perspective. Whoever wrote this seems to be quite the poet, and poets often create sentences that mean multiple things. I think that's the case here.

I'm not going to be able to unpack everything. But, the first four lines are a little morose, they have a feeling like the acceptance of dissatisfaction. Then, the fifth line is a turning point. We move back in time, "to the start", where the future seemed so incredibly distant. In the seventh line we come back to the present with a new perspective on life that is revealed in line eight. Life seems to have some cohesiveness, it seemed chaotic going through it, but now looking back on it there appears to be order.

This idea of meaning-making is a powerful concept. The great psychologist Viktor Frankl will provide us with a little insight about how meaning-making works when the incidences of life seem chaotic, but maybe the whole makes sense.

"Now let us turn to the question of meaning itself. To invoke an analogy, consider a

movie: it consists of thousands upon thousands of individual pictures, and each of them

makes sense and carries a meaning, yet the meaning of the whole film cannot be seen

before its last sequence is shown. However, we cannot understand the whole film without

having first understood each of its components, each of the individual pictures. Isn’t it the

same with life? Doesn’t the final meaning of life, too, reveal itself, if at all, only at its end, on

the verge of death? And doesn’t this final meaning, too, depend on whether or not the

potential meaning of each single situation has been actualized to the best of the respective

individual’s knowledge and belief?"

Also in that last line our singer is addressing a personified and personal greater power. That's no small thing. My views on it are unusual, to say the least. But it's a little too much for me to address here. I have an article with an obscenely long title that does address it simply and quickly though - "God, the Other, and the Self; Or, The Emergent Concept of God; Or, The Re-Creation of the Self Through the Discovery and Conceptualization of God; Or, The God Without and the God Within": http://www.jeffreyalexandermartin.com/2019/04/god-other-and-self-or-emergent-concept.html

- - - - - - -

So I will do this over again and over again and we’ll be fine

Oh I can see you all over this all over this so take your time

And I’ll have my eyes set on the lights you keep leaving on

- - - - - - -

I'm not sure which way to go with this repetition. Repetition is important for learning, it's how we develop the myelin sheath that wraps around our neurons, which is largely responsible for all of our developed skills and acquired knowledge. Maybe meaning-making is a skill that is developed over time, and needs repetitions. That actually makes a lot of sense.

That last line about leaving the lights on is interesting. The lights are guideposts, I assume. They are signs of opportunity, right decision, and right action. They are trying to lead you in the right direction.

Here's the thing, we don't perceive everything in our environment. It's just not physically possible to process that much information. We are aware of a tiny fraction of the available data in our environment. It's important that our brains and minds become aware of the right data. To do that you need a framework that you're operating in. This is actually called the frame problem.

The psychologist James Gibson created the theory of affordances, the idea that things offer an ability to interact with them, and that's how we first perceive them. We see things as either tools in getting what we want, or obstacles in the way of getting what we want. If something isn't a tool or an obstacle, then we never even become aware that it exists. We truly don't process the data.

So these lights, that are guiding beacons, that the singer speaks about here are tools that have been set in his path to help him on his journey. The journey that doesn't seem to make sense while he's going through it, but makes perfect sense when he's looking back on it.

After repeating this process of looking back over his life to see how it is orderly, he seems to be developing some trust in the process and the guide, so he has faith in these guiding lights, you could even say confidence. Confidence comes from the Latin con fidere, meaning "with faith."

- - - - - - -

Something’s telling me to quit

But then I think to if I did

I’d have the rest of my life

Spend sitting with the could of beens

- - - - - - -

The singer's doubt here is general, it covers everything, doubt and thinking about quitting for any reason. No matter the reason, he navigates through this problem by thinking about what he would regret, the missed opportunities. This is a common strategy for approaching life. The billionaires Mark Cuban, Jeff Bezos, and Ross Perot all cite this as an idea that they use when making big life decisions.

- - - - - - -

So I will do this over again and over again and we’ll be fine

Oh I can see you all over this all over this so take your time

And I’ll have my eyes set on the lights you keep leaving on

- - - - - - -

I'm sure I could go over this one again, but I'll let you think of some instead.

- - - - - - -

Oh take your time

Oh won’t you take my time

Oh won’t you take your time

Oh won’t you take my time

- - - - - - -

Alternating between "your time" and "my time" is intriguing. Is there a difference? Is it my time? Or God's time? Or our time? Powerful questions indeed.

- - - - - - -

So I will do this over again and over again and we’ll be fine

Oh I can see you all over this all over this so take your time

So I will do this over again and over again and we’ll be fine

- - - - - - -

And that's it folks. That part where he says "we'll be fine", the "we" interests me. Is it the singer and God? Is it the singer referring to himself as a plural? (Which is a major psychological concept.) Is it humanity? Is it a specific set of people? I'm not sure, you'll have to make your own guesses about that one, and see how the song speaks to you.

That went quite a bit differently than I expected it to. Here are the original notes that I wrote down.

- - - - - - -

meaning making

self and other

past present and future

regret

guilt

confidence, with faith

split between self and other

basic trust

rise and fall of israel narrative

eliade, the sacred

otto, the holy

- - - - - - -

I included some of that, but other things were left out entirely. The idea of walking the sacred/secular line from Cloudland's description of themselves intrigues me, but that subject will be left for another day.

________________________________________________

Read more of what Jeff deems worthy of attention at: http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com

[actually-impostor]

Heroes and Anti Heroes (6)

Wednesday update, this might seem short but its because i had to cut this chapter down in two parts, im sorry!. Reminder that Anxiety is called Enhos in this fanfic

Tagged list @deafinatelyfangirling, @fearinghope, @mira-jadeamethyst, @featuredfander

Warnings for this chapter: Logan has an emotional breakdown, talk about cryptids (im... somehow sorry but at the same time no)

Prologue, Chap 1, Chap 2, Chap 3, Chap 4, Chap 5[part1] (You are here!)

AO3

-0-0-0- Chapter 5: Cavalry, Chivalry. Tomato, Solanum Lycopersicum -0-0-0-

When Enhos reached his house he put his back to the entry door and slowly slid down it. His legs felt like jelly and he was afraid he might pass out, but he needed to compose himself. Jeremiah and Aaron shouldn’t see him like that; it would just worry his parents without reason

“Enhos, kiddo, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah” He coughed, his voice was shaking “Im just really tired”

“Okay, come sit in the living room like a responsible human kid”

“I’m going to sleep first, you know, tiring day”

Jeremiah stared at the direction his son voice was coming from with a frown, Enhos wasn’t acting like normal. Yeah Enhos usually fell asleep everywhere and was constantly tired thanks to the insomnia the kid had. But he was used to coming home and sitting in the couch, no matter if he fell asleep there.

He knew his son would come to him at his own time, but he couldn’t help but to be worried, Enhos was his son after all. He stood up and went to the hallway, just in time to see Enhos slip into the kitchen. There was something wrong

-0-

Logan threw his phone against the wall, making the electronic devise shatter in different parts. His hands were shaking, and he could feel a desperate scream trying to escape his mouth. He covered his mouth just in time to avoid retching. There were tears going down his face. He felt sick enough to vomit

He sank to the floor on his knees and started laughing. It was like his worst nightmares had become true. He stopped when he felt two arms encircle him in a warm embrace

“Logan, Lo, what’s wrong?”

“He’s out, he fucking disappeared! Pat we are fucked”

“Hey, no. No, remember what my dad said?”

“I’m not involving you two!”

It was weird for Logan to completely lose his composure, but he had stood up and was screaming. His hair was all over the place, the room looked like a hurricane had passed by, and Logan still had tear tracks on his face

“What are you doing here Patton?”

“Dad called me. He got a phone call saying… well, he told me. And here I am”

“Go back home, is safer for you there”

“I’m not leaving you alone, you are my best friend. Let me help, please”

“You can’t. I have to go home”

He started throwing clothes into a small suitcase, all the rage and frustration going into the luggage. He was fucked; there was no running away again. He needed to be home with his mom and sister.

“If im not back by Monday let Roman know I had a family emergency” Patton nodded, a sad look on his face “And, Pat?”

“Yes?”

“…Thank you, I’ll be back”

Patton stared at his friend, he felt so frustrated. There was nothing he could do to help his friend, not this time. He sighed and stood up; the least he could do was fix the room

-0-

When Monday rolled around the four friends found each other in the entrance door. Patton looked tired but happy, Roman was shinning, Enhos looked like death warmed over, and Logan looked exhausted

“So, why is Roman sparkling?”

“Mamá insisted on having a spa weekend. Oh yeah, you all are invited for the next one” He put his hand forward “I even got a manicure, guys this is the most relaxing thing in life”

“I feel like all of us could use it” Logan noted, seeing the eye bags under Enhos eyes “You look dead”

“I stayed up till five AM watching cryptic videos” he yawned, but his eyes were shinning “Did you knew Nessy is a lesbian monster? Im happy for her” Roman smirked

“And the Babadook is gay”

“Yeah, I wonder if Monthman is gay too”

“Oh come on Enhos, Mothman is bisexual” Logan said, like it was the most normal thing to be talking about

“He could be Pansexual! Or just Homoromantic”

“While that’s a really good point Pat is obvious he’s bi and dating the Babadook”

Enhos nodded and seconds later stifled a yawn. He directed his tired eyes at Logan and for the first time noted how tired the boy looked

“And you? What’s your excuse?”

“I had a family emergency” He raised his hands in a placating gesture “All is fixed now, don’t worry”

They nodded, ones more concerned than others

“And you Pat? You look almost as happy as Sir-sing-a-lot here”

“Dad took the weekend off and we went on vacation! He took me fishing!”

“I can’t see Thomas fishing… doesn’t he forgets to tie his shoes a lot of times?”

“Yup, he forgot the prey and almost forgets the fishing rods here. But it was fun!”

Enhos chuckled, that sounded like his Specialist. The two tired boys shared a look and a small smile, they knew they weren’t saying the full reason they were tired but they also knew the other three were there for them. It was going to be fine.

They separated ways to go to their different classes and waved goodbye. Once Logan and Roman entered the classroom they sat down on the middle road. They shared small talk (“I mean Patton raises a good point, Mothman could still be Pan” “Yeah but if he is then i cant make the He’s getting bi joke!” “You are almost as bad as Patton with the jokes”) until the teacher entered the room.

Their teacher was named Joan, and they were strict in the classroom. They made the classroom shut up and took out their notepad

“So, today we have a few things to discuss. But first” They stared at the class over the top of their glasses “We are preparing for the Sport Festival. I’m sure all of you have seen it on your TVs the last few years but is your turn to live it”

The class erupted in a flurry of sound and movement, Joan stared at their class until the students calmed down. They nodded and started reading

“You are allowed to use your hero suits, please go pick them up tomorrow. What else? Oh yeah”

Here Joan smirked, and the whole class sweated cold

“The other departments have a chance of getting into the Hero course. So do your best to not lose your spot”

A panicked silence followed his words, Logan stared at Joan with disbelieve and Roman cursed under his breath. They could lose their spot in the Hero Course. That was hard to swallow.

On the other hand, the General Education course was excited shouts. They still had a shoot, they still could become heroes.

“Calm down, calm down” Talyn made a hand movement and the class was silenced “We have to show the Hero Course we are better than them! I can’t lose this bet against Joan!”

Enhos chuckled at that, but Patton was raising his hand

“Yes Sanders?”

“Anyone could go to the Hero Course?”

“Exactly, no matter your Quirk, as long as you get to the final you guys can become heroes, no matter your abilities. Look at me for example, im short and unthreatening but I’m still a hero. You all have the chance to become one too, and I believe in you”

Talyn smiled, and the class felt like they could conquer the world. The rest of the school day went by without much importance; the teachers of each course gave them the date for the Sports Festival but that was the most remarkable thing of the day.

 The four boys were currently in Roman and Logan’s room. The owners of it looked stressed, and the two boys were worried. It was a common expression of them to look stressed but today it somehow seemed worse

“Okay, spill. What’s wrong?”

“Im assuming you all know about the Sport Festival?” Both boys in Gen Ed nodded “For someone of the other classes to go up one of the people in the Hero Course has to go down”

Enhos scoffed “Since when do you both worry? You can move objects with your mind and get inside other people’s heads. I’m sure you can also control them like a puppeteer”

Patton nodded “And Roman can make swords appear out of nowhere and is incredibly skilled with them, besides he controls them at will!”

“See? You two are worrying for nothing” Enhos patted Logan’s leg and smiled at him “More importantly Nervei, Regal. We need a hand”

“What for?”

“We need hero names too!” Patton was beaming, and he didn’t need his Quirk to make them all feel better “Since we kind of helped you two we were thinking you two could also help us!”

“Optimism” Roman was pointing at Patton “Wait, that’s too long… maybe Opti?”

“It sounds like him” Enhos and Logan nodded, it fitted

“So now we have the emo nightmare”

“Thanks Disney Reject, any idea?”

Roman shook his head. It was slightly harder to think of something fitting for his best friend

“Nightmare”

Three sets of eyes directed themselves to Logan, who looked slightly troubled and deep in thought. Enhos looked slightly offended, Roman was shocked, and Patton was face palming. His friend needed a filter between his brain and his mouth.

“Why?”

“Think about this rationally, your Quirk allows you to show people what they fear the most once they are inside the dome, and when Shadow touches them they feel a general sense of fear and anxiety. You could be known as your enemies worst nightmares”

Another shocked silence followed his sentence, but the air was slightly different.

“It… might work” Enhos was deep in thought “Maybe not the best idea for a Rescue Hero but it could work.  Makes a strong first impression”

Roman stared at his friend slightly surprised and then smirked; Enhos wasn’t one to just accept something that might seem slightly offensive to him, so that meant there was something there.

Once both boys had agreed to their names the group of friends focused on their homework, it wasn’t easy being a high school hero. However ones were more distracted than others. Enhos was uneasy, but to be fair he had been uneasy since that man grabbed him and gave him such a cryptic message. What did he meant by dad? His parents were Jeremiah and Aaron, no one else. Enhos couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Weeks passed, and the sport festival was here. Enhos stared at the public with a slight panicked look on his eyes. What if he messed up? Or worse, what if all of them ended up scared of him?

He shook his head; he wouldn’t allow himself to be scared right at the door of his dream. He was going to fight, he was going to win, he was going to move to the Hero Course, and he was going to show everyone that no matter your Quirk you can still be a hero.

He just needed a little bit of confidence, someone to talk rationality into his brain. Without thinking about it his feets took him to the place were Logan always was when he needed to think. The library

“Enhos, what brings you to my secret place?” Both knew it wasn't a secret place, but it was the less visited part of the library

“Logan, sorry”

“Sorry for what? You haven’t done anything wrong”

“I know just, you have to prepare too for the festival and I’m interrupting”

“I’m your friend Enhos, im here for whatever you might need”

Enhos nodded, that was an embarrassing thing to hear

“I’m just… scared”

Logan looked at the boy in front of him, so powerful, so talented, with such an amazing control over himself and his own power. But now he looked so vulnerable, he looked scared and insecure. And Logan wanted to protect him.

“You’ll do great Enhos, I promise” He petted his head for a few seconds and gave him a soft smile “You are one of the best in our group. If someone can do this then that’s you”

Enhos looked at him through his bangs, a soft blush decorating his cheeks. He could do this, Logan believed in him

[goallin1shortstory]

Adriana Woody - Short Story

Hello, my name is Marvin Graves and I’m gonna tell you about how i died. Of course when i found out I was completely shocked like how could this happen to a person like me but looking back now I get to notice flaws in certain situations I didn’t see at that moment. Like how when i was fourteen and liked a girl named Candice. She had long black hair ,pale white skin ,and the rosiest cheeks. It was 2 days before homecoming and i wanted to ask her to the dance. I remember it like it was yesterday I was next to my locker 10 lockers away from Candices and very very flustered and so I walked up to Candice. Next to her stood her best friends Jenny and Janice Milton they twins and everybody loved them even the teachers. I never knew why Candice hang out with them she could do so much better the twins obviously the duplication of plastic surgery. Despite the fact that everyone loved the twins my love was only for Candice. As soon as I walked up the twins walked away in what looked like a mouth full of laughter but I didn’t care their kylie jenner plastic lips didn’t phase me. There she was. My only chance to be with my dream girl. It was now or never. I stuttered “H... H... Hey C... C... C... Candice I *cough* I was wondering if you wanted to go to homecoming with me.” She was hesitant. Candice looked down then looked up at me and smiled she said “I’d love to go to the dance with you Maven!!!” She wrote her number down on a blue index card “(773-457-009)” and said “call me.” Skipped away in her bright pink dress and I yelled out “MY NAME IS MARVIN!!!” I heard a laughter in the corner of my ear and before turning around I said “ What you laughing at?” The senior said “ You, You really think a girl like that would want to be with a boy like you

you must be insane.” I walked towards the stairs and whispered to myself “asshole.” Out of nowhere the senior pushed me down the stairs and i cracked my front tooth blood was everywhere. Homecoming day i was filled with excitement all of the thoughts flowing through my brain “WHAT IF SHE LETS ME HOLD HER HAND!! MAYBE I COULD GIVE HER A BIG OLE KISS!! OR I COULD TOUCH HER BOOB!!” I stood there at the door wearing an oversized blue suit, a face full of zits ,and a half smile because of my cracked tooth. I waited there for 45 minutes as the minutes went by I began to feel vexed. “Did she stand me up? Did she forget about me? Where is she?” After another 10 minutes and basically an hour of public humiliation I decided to go in. I walked into the snack table grabbed a cookie and a small bag of hot cheetos. It was 7:10 and the dance ended at 9:10. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to dance and have some fun.” So I ate my snacks and and made my way to the dance floor. I met a girl named Abby and we had a great time she told me she had to take the bus home and I offered her a ride in my mother’s car. It was one of the best nights of my life. The night went on and I got a text from my mom that she was outside. Abby declined my offer and said “see you later” and gave me a kiss on the cheek for goodbye. I gathered all my things and left. On my way out I noticed a couple up against the wall kissing. The boy had brown hair and up against the wall on the girl who had black hair in a ponytail and a yellow dress. They stopped kissing and headed back into the school. I accidentally tripped over a rock on the ground on to the boy with the brown hair I look up at him and noticed it was the senior to avoid confrontation I tried my best to walk away. He yelled “GET THE FUCK OFF ME WIMP I’LL BEAT YOU TILL YOU CAN’T FEEL EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY!!!” Honestly I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying. The only thing I noticed was her. Candice. She, she stood me up. She couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

Candice had a gold yellow dress had her black in a ponytail and was trying to get the guy in the school away from me. All of a sudden everything went black. The only thing I remember is Candices ponytail in the palm of my hand and the sight of her head hit repeatedly against the brick wall of the school. There was blood everywhere tears everywhere. The guy she came with just ran away in fear. He wasn’t a real man. He didn’t even like her. I would’ve treated her right ,like a queen. She left me high and dry and this is what she deserved. Candice screamed in pain begging for mercy “PLEASE LET ME GO!! I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT!!” Seconds later my mom ran out of her car as fast as she could to break grip from Candices ponytail. She peeled me off and dragged me into the car. In the car it was as cold ,dark ,and silent as a cemetery. The next morning the only thing I hear is my mother telling a officer that I didn't attend homecoming and that I stayed with her the entire night. From the on years later I dedicated my life to helping out my mom in any way possible. Took out the garbage, washed the dishes, and took the groceries in the house. This was the first time I expressed my love for anyone but not the only. When I was seventeen my mom sat me down at the kitchen table and looked me in the eyes. But it wasn’t normal I didn't see the bright caring eyes that I saw as a child. I didn't see the bright eyes that lit up the room without a blink of an eye. I saw dull grey eyes that honestly scared me. My mom came close to me and held my hand and looked even closer in my eyes and said “Cancer I have Breast Cancer Marvin.” By the tone of her voice I knew it hurt he to say it. My entire life she has shown me how much of a strong independent woman she was. I replied “W...W...What do you mean? Are you okay? You look fine. How much will treatment be?” I, I was in disbelief the only person who truly loved me would be gone in a split second. Vanished to wherever she will go but all in all not by my side forever. Call me

a momma’s boy I didn’t care she loved me, cherished me, and supported me. Usually when someone receives this type of information they cry and pray give the victim a big fat hug and tell them they will make it through but no I... I was angry why would I waste time with her just to say goodbye at the end of the day. So I pushed her off me ran to the kitchen draw and grabbed the sharpest knife. Searching for the knife I could hear my mother scream “MARVIN STOP!! YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!! I LOVE YOU!!” I replied “LIES LIES ALL LIES IF YOU’LL LEAVE YOUR GONNA GO NOW!!!” I held the knife in my right hand with a tight grip. I watched my mother cry and beg for mercy. But I couldn’t do it. So I dropped the knife grabbed by keys and and ran to my car. I put the key in the ignition and drove off. I slowed down and stopped at a diner I had 50 bucks on me and decided to get pancakes with a side of sunny side up eggs. It wasn’t as good as moms. I kept thinking of my mom I loved her but I also felt betrayed. I finished my food and headed my way out the door. Making my way out I brush past a hard leather jacket, a cold hard leather jacket. I looked up and saw a long grey beard. biker looking dude who looked frustrated and his solid black eyes pierced at me. He shoved me down and yelled “STAY OUT MY WAY KID!!!” I didn’t say a anything, I didn’t even look him in the eyes. I stood up, brushed the dirt off me, and walked out silently. I grabbed my switchblade from my back pocket and cut the tires of the motorcycle. I stabbed repeatedly and sat near the motorcycle and waited minutes for him to come out. After an hour the biker came out with two girls wrapped around him. Before he could see me I grabbed him by the beard and stabbed him in the knife. I got blood on my hands but I didn’t care. The two girls were so wasted they didn’t have a clue what was going on. One of the girls passed out and the other was trying to get a ride back to her pimp. “Hey sugar pie my name’s Nancy but all my friends call me Apple

could you pitch me a ride I’ll make it worth your while.”I ignored her and I took the walet of the biker and all the money he had on him then drove away in my car. I didn’t know where I was going I just wanted to be away from my mom, my school, my life. I traveled far till I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I ended up in an old town with lots of campsites and only men maybe this was what I needed a slight isolation from my life. In the camp they trained me to be a man one of them. I was 19 years old and the police were still on the look for me. On televisions warning signs everywhere WANTED: Nelly Monroe, Kelly Kingston, Marvin Graves, Jeremiah Blakeview. I told the guys my name was Alex Martin so of course they wouldn’t turn me into the police. Over these 2 years I have changed. I’ve become a man. A strong man. A man filled with courage. The man. I didn’t know where my mother was or what happened to her. One day T 3:00 in the morning everybody heard sirens blasting and saw a flash of red white and blue through there blurry morning eyes but no one was frightened. Alvin the head leader walked up to th4e officer and said “What is your purpose?” Despite the fact everyone wasn’t scared I was beyond anxious and shaking but I didn’t let it show. The officer replied “We were just passing through sir, just making sure you all were safe. We have suspect to believe there is a very dangerous man here. A killer may be amongst you.” All of the men looked up and down and corner to corner questioning all around. Alvin yelled out “Go back to slumber we will address the situation when the sun rises.” Every man went back to their tent but I hid behind a bush to listen to their conversation. The officer “All of your men are in danger .” The man replied “Nonsense my men are the bravest they are the strongest they are fighter.” The officer said “I understand but he is a killer this man is completely looney.” Alvin replied “I’ll keep an eye out.” The officer left and Alvin went back to his tent to get some sleep. I headed to

the bathroom to make a decision on what to do. In my head all the idea. “Maybe I should just leave start in another town and maybe they won’t catch up to me. Or I could confess and just take the jail time like a man so many ideas. I looked myself in the mirror. “What have I done with my life?” I said silently to myself. Out of nowhere a gun was held to my head and i saw long long blonde hair perfectly curled wrapped around my shoulder. “Who is it? Who could it be? Why did they target me?” I looked up and saw those bright eyes I saw as a kid. Those eyes that lit up a room without a blink of an eye. And I smiled and after that everything went black.

[amberfyresdreamscapes]

concealed longings

written for recruitedbyhydra background fic

“Sugar, you look terrified.”

There was a Southern drawl to the brunette’s voice that brought up memories of being an orphaned mutant caught in the Bible Belt. Growing up in Oklahoma was an odd mix of Southern and Southwest but enough people had a drawl it could still prick at Sam’s past. It didn’t make this situation any easier for him. In fact, he’d argue it made it much worse.

But he didn’t have any more choice in this than the girls who’d been hired by his guardian. That had been made imminently clear to him. It’s not even that Sam didn’t know it was part of what Jeremiah wanted him for. The man had enough of a fortune to rival Stark and more connections than Sam could even begin to untangle. Besides all the HYDRA training, Sam had learned Jeremiah expected him to help in his various corporate espionage schemes. Which often meant observing competitors at parties and various functions as well as using his dimples to charm. He hadn’t expected seduction to be part of the game though and Jeremiah had been extremely displeased to learn of Sam’s significant deficiencies in the area. Sam was informed it was unacceptable, which was what had brought them here.

He hadn’t expected to spend his summer break during his sophomore year at MIT being taught by professionals how to have sex adequately. Jeremiah expected this of him and the threats of losing everything he had fought to gain over the last four years wasn’t even thinly veiled this time. Which did nothing to help Sam’s more than simple anxiety about the whole thing.

Cady was the third girl in as many weeks. Sam and the first had not only not gotten on well, she had been less than impressed with Sam’s very physical and altogether unflattering response when all was said and done. Which could possibly have had more to do with him not making it out of the room before he threw up violently and her clothes being part of the unfortunate real estate so decorated.

Shana and Tess, the first two, had both been in their early 30s, professional down to the last inch. They’d both intimidated the hell out of Sam. Not just by virtue of knowing what would happen if he failed, but because it drove home just how little control he had over his life.

Cady was 23, closer to his own age, and while she was professional there wasn’t the same feel about her. The other two women had been all business, almost clinical in their approach. Cady had an entirely different look and feel, as evidenced by the actual concern lighting her grey eyes. She didn’t look anything like what Sam would have assumed a ‘working girl’ would look like. She was dressed casually, her brunette hair falling in soft waves around her shoulders and looked more like a cheerleader.

She hadn’t moved to get right to things so they were both still fully clothed and sitting on the foot of Sam’s bed while he tried to hide the way his hands shook. He felt like an idiot. He wasn’t even a virgin. Technically. But sex…

Cady touched his shoulder lightly, her grey eyes studying the way Sam tensed up, averted his face and shoved his hands between his knees. While she’d had those clients who were shy for whatever reason, Sam seemed terrified and it seemed to go deeper than the situation.

“Sweetheart, how ‘bout if we just talk a bit?” She kept her voice soothing and not at all sultry, nothing implying sex at all. Her time had been paid for the week but she couldn’t do her job with this gangling teen who was more than just awkwardly shy at doing something new.

She also felt sorry for him. She got the distinct feeling this hadn’t been his idea at all and it went against her nature to force him to do anything. She’d been hired to teach him about sex, not force him.

Sam lifted his head enough to give her an uncertain look, confused terror lurking in the backs of them like shadows threatening to swallow him whole. “Talk?” Talking seemed like a much safer subject but not one that was any easier. When he knew the rules of the game he was good at charming, saying just the right thing. But this…

Cady gave him a small smile even as her heart hurt a little at the shadows in his eyes. “We ain’t gotta do nothin’ you don’t feel like doing right now. So… we talk. Don’t have to tell me nothin’ ‘bout you if you don’t wanna. Could ask me questions if you like.” Anything that might put him at ease.

She didn’t expect the sudden flare of suspicion in those hazel-green eyes or the way his look suddenly turned penetrating.

Sam studied her intently for a moment before brushing lightly over her thoughts. The suspicion in his eyes melted back into confusion as he realized she was being honest. It wasn’t a trick. She meant what she said. Which was a rare thing for him. She also wasn’t asking him questions about himself, which everyone always seemed to want to do.

Unfortunately, he was also aware of the price of failure and butterflies fluttered briefly in his stomach.

“How’d you end up in this line of work?”

The question was hesitantly asked, a flicker of curiosity highlighting the confusion and Cady gave him a wry smile. “I expect you know how expensive college is? Sometimes you start doing something with one idea in mind and end up doing something completely different along the way. Strippin’ paid more than waitin’ tables, sugar. The rest jus’ grew from there.”

Sam nodded warily and looked back down. He couldn’t think of anything else in the moment to ask her, his brain running through all the various ways he would suffer if he didn’t end up performing to Jeremiah’s exacting standards.

Cady, feeling the tension ramp up in him again pulled her hand away and continued to study him thoughtfully. “You do like girls, yes?”

Sam’s eyes flew to her face but instead of fear all she saw was confusion. Like he wasn’t sure how to answer the question.

“I mean… do you wanna have sex with girls or do you prefer to think ‘bout havin’ sex with boys,?” The question was asked gently. She’d heard that there were some parents who would try to straighten out and ‘fix’ their gay sons by forcing them to have sex with prostitutes and the man who’d engaged her services seemed controlling enough to fit the bill. But it wasn’t a practice she subscribed to or believed in and if that was the case here she wanted to know. She’d give the man his money back. He was paying her well but not anywhere close enough for her to compromise the few principles she still had and possibly contribute to traumatizing someone else.

Sam continued to blink at her in confusion, seeming to think the question over. It was honestly the first time anyone had ever asked him and for a moment a slew of memories from his two years in the Boys’ Home flickered through his mind. He looked away from her inquisitive grey eyes and swallowed hard. “I… don’t really think about having sex at all.”

The way he said the words made Cady wonder what had happened to him. She didn’t ask, it wasn’t her business. But she could tell whatever it was made Sam think something was wrong with him.

“Some people don’t, you know?” She said it lightly, no judgment. “There are some people who never want to have sex ever. An’ some people that it’s somethin’ they can take or leave. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Sam’s shoulders curled. He could hardly explain to her he didn’t have that option. It didn’t matter what he wanted.

Cady wanted to pat his shoulder but she’d noted how he’d tensed when she’d touched him before so she didn’t. Instead she studied him and tried to figure out what to do. She wouldn’t force him. But she had a good idea if she did decide to not keep her contract for the week he’d only be shoved at someone else. And she got the distinct feeling Sam was rarely given a choice in things.

“Could do somethin’ else instead. I could… show how we girls give each other makeovers.”

The comment was said in jest, trying to provoke a reaction other than terror. The way Sam looked at her, eyes slowly studying her face, made her suddenly wonder how much of himself Sam hid on a daily basis. He took her in silently, her hair, her face, her clothes before meeting her eyes, head tilted to the side and his eyes hesitant.

“Is it hard?”

Cady blinked and tried to stifle a soft laugh. “Well, sugar it entirely depends on your definition of makeover. I tend to stick to makeup and maybe a nice outfit an’ my hair. My roommate though… he thinks it means facials and full mani-pedis, whole brand new ensemble from jewelry to shoes an’ likely a whole new color for his hair.”

Sam’s eyes widened slowly and she could see him seriously trying to make that fit into what he seemed to know of the world.

“He’s also a clothes horse, a bit of a diva an’ the reason we’re often broke. He’s also my best friend.” She did grin at that, imagining Sebastian’s reaction to being called a diva.

Sam’s eyes flicked to study her face again and she could swear she saw something almost like hopeful curiosity flicker through his hazel green eyes for a moment.

“Can we do that?”

It was the hesitance in the question that got to Cady. The feeling that he expected to be turned down. Did he ever ask for anything he wanted, this one?

She studied him in turn, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I didn’ bring a lot with me since I was thinkin’ we’d be doin’ somethin’ different. But your colorin’s not too far from my own. I could show you some basics if you like?”

Cady wasn’t expecting the sudden shy smile and the dimples that sprang up in response. When he wasn’t terrified, Sam was absolutely beautiful. Without the defensiveness that she suspected he always had up, he seemed like a younger boy. He’d assured her he was 18 but at the moment he seemed closer to 16. Oddly Cady didn’t think he’d lied about his age but she got the distinct impression Sam didn’t socialize willingly often.

It was the shy dimpled smile that made her decide to keep the week’s contract she was hired for. The man had paid her to teach Sam about sex. The implication was by practical application. But there were other ways she could still fulfill the letter of her contract without compromising herself or putting Sam through more than he could handle. And she rather thought he desperately needed someone, even if only for a week, who didn’t actually want something from him.

Sam watched her retrieve her bag, scared at this fragile feeling. He rarely socialized with people on his own terms. He went where Jeremiah told him to when he was told to. Even at school Sam spent far more time buried in his studies and pushing, always pushing himself. He didn’t talk to people in his classes, avoided people in his dorms. Even the casual rivalry he had going with another of the top computer science students wasn’t a social thing.

He’s not even sure why he went with her suggestion. It had the feel of something she hadn’t really meant, something to be a joke or innocuous comment. But he’d had such a strong, visceral want flare in him at the thought. Sam hadn’t really given much thought to it, was pretty sure it had never occurred to him before tonight, to wear makeup. But then, there were a great many things he’d learned to not even let surface in his head.

He knew what he was. He knew why he was here under Jeremiah’s care. Personal wants and desires meant nothing at all to a weapon, a tool. Not if he wanted to keep what he’d fought so hard to get. Sam had just started feeling like he wasn’t that same boy he had been four years ago, had started feeling like maybe he had left him behind. He had accepted and adjusted to what was wanted from him. Until the last few weeks.

Cady didn’t make him feel that way. She wasn’t pushing him, forcing him. She didn’t expect anything from him, want anything from him. Sam was well aware he’d likely never see her again after the week and fear still fluttered in his gut at failing in Jeremiah’s expectations.

But he’d rarely wanted something like this before. Like his music, it was like something in him fighting not to suffocate under the weight of who he was expected to be and had been dying bit by bit. He didn’t know what it was and he’d long since learned hope was a dangerous thing to have. But for this moment, just this moment, he wanted to see if he could figure out what it was and why it felt so fierce.

So he sat, following Cady’s bewildering instructions and listened to her soft explanations interspersed with conversation about her roommate Sebastian and a few other friends she had loosely tied to what her steady hand were doing. He could follow directions easily enough, and he soaked up more than he thought he did listening to her. And once she was done and sat back on her heels to study him, Sam saw something honestly appreciative and delightedly surprised in her eyes.

“You should look at yourself, sugar.” His hand trembled as she offered the compact to him, flipped open to show the mirror.

Cady really thought a full mirror would be better but he seemed so shy and uncertain she thought maybe starting with just the compact mirror would be good. She watched him take it with a hand that shook, watched his own eyes widen in surprise when he caught sight of himself, surprise and awed wonder.

She hadn’t expected how much just a little makeup would change his face, his look. He wasn’t delicately boned and his jaw was strong and square, but good God with the right tools Sam would be devastatingly gorgeous as a girl or guy. And while she was certain he was used to comments about his looks by now, watching the way his eyes just stared at his reflection as though he’d never seen himself before she rather thought he didn’t tend to put much stock in people’s opinions of his looks.

“I’ll make you a deal, sugar,” Cady said softly. “I was paid to teach you about sex, but it doesn’t take a genius to know it’s the last thing you wanna do.” She watched those hazel eyes shift from the mirror to her face, could almost see the color drain from his face.

“But teachin’ don’t always mean doin’, sugar. And you seem to be far more interested in learnin’ other things. So, this is my deal. So I can say I did my part honestly, I’ll be teachin’ you abou’ sex. But I swear on my life I will not touch you sexually unless you decide it’s what you want. While I do that, I’ll teach you about makeup an’ clothes an’ whatever else you might wanna know or have questions about. I’ll bring my full makeup kit with me every night an’ I will teach you how to do that on your own. Would you like that?”

Sam stared at her, trying to keep his breathing even. He’d forgotten, in the wonder of seeing his face once she was done, that she had been hired by Jeremiah. Glancing back to his reflection in the mirror, the way she had expertly done things to his eyes to make them seem bigger, the color seem brighter, emphasized his cheekbones and toned down the square of his jaw while softening the whole look of his face, he knew he wanted this. Wanted to learn how to do this himself. He didn’t know why but that part of him that had felt like it was slowly dying was lit up, lifting like a flower to the sun after a storm had passed. He didn’t want to give that up, wanted to keep that little piece, something that was him and not anyone else’s to hold on to under the weight of who he was being told he was.

He looked back up into Cady’s grey eyes to find her gazing solemnly back at him. She meant what she said. Even without dipping into her mind he could feel the truth of it. It was a rare enough moment for him that being given the chance even at a choice of any kind was overwhelming and he looked down, blinking rapidly as he tried to keep the tears in. He was horrified at showing such a weakness to a stranger and he shoved at the emotions until they were more manageable. When Sam looked back up his eyes were bright but no other sign of tears could be seen.

The simple act of Sam pulling his tears in so quickly told Cady almost as much about what he’d been through as every other thing he hadn’t said through the night and she became determined to give him this week. So when he suddenly gave her a small shy smile and nodded agreement she smiled back widely.

Cady would never know, over the course of their acquaintance, which ended up spanning much more than a week, that she was a large part of why Sam didn’t break that summer. That she gave him the strength to find a way to do what Jeremiah wanted of him, and do it damn well, without losing the last parts of himself to what was being demanded of him.

She would never know that she and Sebastian were the first two people in Sam’s memory who had never put expectations on him or how much it truly meant to him over the next few years that they were willing to teach him anything he asked without judgment, without censure. That they accepted him as is and never asked for anything more than he was willing to give or show.

But Sam knew. He never let himself think of them as friends. Never let the word slip his lips or surface in his brain. Jeremiah had killed a puppy he’d dared to bring home once. Sam had no doubts Jeremiah would feel anything about ordering two people who meant nothing to him in the grand scheme of things to be ‘taken care of’. Especially if he knew Cady and Sebastian helped to keep some small part of Sam alive under the weight of his being shoved into HYDRA’s mold.

He treasured every moment, learned to laugh without restraint. He stored every memory because he knew the day would come when he’d have to walk away. He’d have to leave without looking back to keep Cady and Sebastian safe. But for the moment, he reveled in the moments he had with them, in what he learned. Most of all, he learned it was possible that under all of the masks he wore on a daily basis he could still keep a part of him for him that no one could touch.

It wasn’t the first secret he hoarded, but it was the most intensely personal one.