#but also it's two characters we've known for longer and yeah it's so sad

[karelysse]

listened to ‘ruin’ one more time after this revelation and oh boy… (warning: long post ahead)

“I will bring you ruin in everything I do / It's never my intention, but it happens all the same / It starts with love and comfort, becomes a strength of will / But all that strength made rubble of the towers we built” — is this not… is this not an encapsulation of their rivalry. ‘we’re better because of each other’ but also you’re still direct competitors fighting for the same medals. 2014, when yuzuru wins in sochi. 2015, when javi wins at worlds.

“Cause brick by brick, you built us and I'd fill in the cracks / Nothing quite prepares you for when they don't come back / I wish I'd done things different, I wish that I'd been brave / I wish I'd known these stones were something I could save” — the 2016 season. yuzuru’s injury. boston (that last line… yeah it’s boston). javi winning again. the distance and the no-longer-training-together. fast forward to 2019 ‘i wish i [could compete] with javi too’.

“Our mortar was your laughter / And you hurled curses at the land / We didn't talk, we made universes / Out of bitten lips and broken hands” — we both speak english as a second language, but you still manage to make me laugh. when words fail, just hug me close until our hearts fall into synch.

“You said, "I love you less than when it all began" / And I said fewer 'cause I make jokes to show how broken I really am / And in the wreck of all we burnt, stands our piano like a wound / I play our song to see if it's in tune (I'll sing silence)” — deviating from theme for a second. isn’t this the epigraph for their potential FaOI reunion?

(skipped the next line because i think you covered it well!)

“"We can rest," you say, "in the pieces of what's left / Or what what we've found" / I wish I'd done things different, oh, I wish I'd made it right / But we'll burn a hundred theatres / If it means we get the wallpaper right” — 2017 worlds. ‘i told you last year, right? you work hard, you can get it’. yuzuru putting his medal on javi, because the passing of the world crown is never easy.

“I'll, brick by brick, rebuild us / Out of how's and why's, not when's / Nothing quite prepared me for when that piano sang again / Tomorrow I'll do things different / Tomorrow I'll be brave / (You'll make me brave)” — 2018 pyeongchang. javi redeeming himself after sochi. yuzuru winning his second Olympic gold when he had only started retraining quads two weeks prior. yuzuru breaking character during seimei when he realized he had done it. ‘i think i owe what i won to him’, ‘i’m glad we could share a podium at the olympics’. the tears and the hugs and the joy and the smash-cut to ‘i can’t do it without you’. maybe this is it. maybe this is the best shot the two of you will ever get at a happy ending.

…this is so long and completely ridiculous. but i hope it was fun to read! as always thank you for your input, it’s great to hear your thoughts 💞

Song title : Ruin by The Amazing Devil 🎼

ahhhhhh my fave anon strikes again!!! 💞 this was a RIDE and I loved every second of it. contender for possibly the angstiest yzvr anthem ever? adore this.

The part that hit me the most at my first listen (apart from the first line ugH) was really the mortar/laughter part you summed up so well. I really have an ESL fascination. that whole verse just!!! hits so hard for them!!!! the whole song!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!

I was a bit sad at the « tomorrow I’ll be brave » part at first listen because I picture both Javi & Yuzu as very brave people, as high leveled as they are and with all the achievements behind them, but imagining the line as pre-olympics 2018 really hits the spot. Guess even them needed courage at some point (and still do!!! I believe it’s a conscious choice you have to keep making & making, not a permanent character trait).

Well oh my! Thank you again so much for this lovely message 💞 sharing so everyone can benefit and cry about it like I am ✌️

[xlovelyyoongix]

don’t leave me alone | ksj

(I do not own this gif) 

summary: how were you supposed to say goodbye to the only man you ever loved?

pairing: Seokjin x f. Reader (ft. Yoongi)

warnings: zombie apocalypse, main character death, violence,  final goodbyes, blood, use of a gun, cursing, panicked reader, and panicked Yoongi.

Genre: heavy angst ( i’m so sorry for this...)

w/c: 2k ( one-shot )

a/n: so, instead of writing a warm and fuzzy holiday fic, I wrote this... wtf is wrong with me 😅? Anyways, huge thanks to @excusemin​ for being a sweetie and overlooking this and also crying with me 😭. Maybe make sure you have tissues before reading, yeah? I promise I’ll write a Jin fluff soon to make up for it. 💕

"Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!" Yoongi repeats with a dry throat, hands gripping onto Seokjin's shoulders to drag the older male's limp body into the room. "Close the fuckin door before they get in, Y/N!" he yells with a panic.

"Got it!" Ignoring the grunting of the undead chasing behind you, your hand slams the door shut the second you make it into the room. You make sure to lock the nob, but even that wasn't enough to keep the walking dead at bay; you need something big enough to barricade the door. Frantic, your eyes scan around the office-like room and spot a large desk that could be put to good use.

You sprint over, hands gripping at the metal of the desk but immediately met with the heavyweight of the object. "Y-Yoongi..." You grunt with clenched teeth, attempting to move the desk. "I can't move this on my own," you mutter in struggle.

"Can't you see I'm fuckin busy, Y/N!" Yoongi was never one to cuss or even raise his voice, but with the gravity of the situation, he panicked as he propped his best friend's body against a wall.  

Seokjin releases a sick cough, body wincing at the pain rippling throughout the damage of his legs. "I... I'm alright for now, Yoongi." His voice, weak as he struggles to speak. "Go help Y/N, please." Even being this close to death, Jin was still as polite as ever.

"Yeah, but..." Yoongi's eyes saddened as he gazed upon Seokjin's wounded state. His once flawless skin, now tainted with bloody cuts and purple bruises. Lips, formerly known for their pink, plush appearance now swallowed by a deep blue. It was clear Jin didn't have long to live, leaving no time for Yoongi to argue. "Fine," he releases a heavy breath. "I'll be right back."  

Following Seokjin's orders, Yoongi sprints towards you, assisting with pushing the heavy metal desk against the door to help keep the zombies outside.

With the task completed, your body lunges to your boyfriend's side. "Seokjinnie..." You whimper at the sight of color, leaving his precious face, and when your hand reaches to cup his cheek, you're met with skin as cold as ice. "A-are you in any pain?"  

Seokjin was definitely in pain, so much pain that his brain began to fog, making it hard for him to focus on anything other than the blood oozing injuries in both of his legs. "I... I'm fine, love." He lied, not wanting to make you worry more than you already have been. "All the blood leaving my body is starting to turn me numb." He grunts.

"Y-you'll be fine." Your breath staggers in your throat. "E-everything will be fine, baby," words rambling with a trembling lip. "We'll get you back to the compound, and the medics can look over your wounds and-"

"Listen, Y/N," The sudden power behind Seokjin's voice knocks you from your train of thought. "We both know I'm not making it outta here alive." Despite the grimness of his words', Jin somehow managed a smile as if coming to terms with his approaching demise. "I'll turn before we can even make it back to the compound."

You knew it was true. You knew that nothing could save your boyfriend at this point, but you refuse to believe it. "No, you're wrong!" You shout, a warm tear slipping down your cheek. "You're going to be alright, Jin! You just have to hang on! We can make it to the compound and-"

"Y/N, please" Seokjin's weak voice breaks your sentence. "I don't want to turn into one of them." His cold hand gives yours a comforting squeeze, wanting to feel the warmth of your lovely skin again before he leaves this world. "I don't want you to see me as one of them, so..." His darkening eyes rolled over to Yoongi, who was sitting at his right side. "Yoongi is going to shoot me."  

Your heart drops, jaw falling open from disbelief. "W-what?" Blood running cold as your body begins to tremble because he couldn't be serious, right? "No, absolutely not!" You protest in a frantic state. "We are going to take you back home-"  

"Y/N,..." Yoongi's eyes narrow towards you with a clenched jaw. "You know what happens after someone is bitten." He knows not to sugar coat it for you because the longer the two of you just sit there, the less time Seokjin has. "Don't make this harder on him."

Even though you hated it and didn't want to believe it, Yoongi was right. Seokjin was bitten, and the blood in his body was growing colder and colder by the second. "I... I know b-but," The whites of Jin's once dewy eyes become taken over by the virus, leaving them a deathly pitch black. "Don't leave me alone, Jin..." Your words, barely audible as your tears become potent. "I love you, I love you so much, and this hurts. I don't want to be without you..."

Using what strength he had left, Seokjin leans in for a kiss. His cold lips press onto the warmth of your own, basking in the serenity of your beauty. His thoughts start to wander, and he doesn't know if this is just his brain's way of coping with death, but he notices he's beginning to slip into a peaceful fantasy with you.

A fantasy where both of you stand in a lovely field of white flowers, the sun shining down so bright, your adorable face radiates and youthful glow that only enhanced all the beautiful features Seokjin loved about you.    

Standing tall, Seokjin places a loose strand of hair behind your ear. With eyes so big and your smile so bright, it melted him inside. It felt amazing, seeing you like this one final time, and Jin wished he could stay in this euphoric-like dream with you forever. A dream where he could use his strength to hold you, kiss you, and make love to you. However, the quick stabbing of reality begins to set in again, ripping him from his tranquil daydream.  

Seokjin slowly pulls away from the kiss, his thumb caressing across your cheek to help soothe your sadness. "I love you too, Y/N." He manages a smile, thankful for his short fantasy because now he has the strength to say goodbye. "I love you more than you could ever know, but please..." Jin's thick brows crinkling together, gulping in the air around him, preparing for what was next. "Let me leave this world while I'm still human. While I'm still the man, you love."

You don't want to believe it. You want to say no and drag Seokjin back to the compound and force someone, anyone, to save him because you can't imagine the man you love gone from this world so soon. But, no matter how much you wanted to change his fate, Seokjin was already destined to die this way. "O...Okay." You whimper, teeth gnawing at your lip to hold back any words of protest. Leaning in, you place one final kiss across Jin's cold lips before looking at your friend. "Yoongi..." And for the first time ever, you saw Yoongi's tears.

Yoongi's body trembled with despair, the gun shaking in his hand at the very thought of having to end his best friend's life. He's done it before, killed someone. It's nearly impossible to survive through the apocalypse without having to do so, but he'd never thought he'd have to use a bullet on someone that he loved.    

"Brother," Seokjin's voice creeps in slowly, placing a hand over Yoongi's shivering one. "It's going to be alright." He manages a weak smile, looking up at his dearest friend. "We've had fun together, right?"

A breathy chuckle vibrates from Yoongi's throat as he remembers all the eventful times spent with Seokjin. Friends as teenagers, graduating from college and becoming roommates as the two struggled to find their place in the corporate world. Every laugh, every smile, all of it flashing before Yoongi's eyes. "Yeah, we had a shit ton of fun, hyung." Yoongi laughs, rubbing tears out the corner of his eyes.

"So don't cry for me. I've lived a good life." A smile stretched across Seokjin's face, but he couldn't fool the fact that he was in pain. "I need you to stay strong and look after Y/N." His weak hand, gripping tightly onto Yoongi's. "Can you do that for me ?"

Yoongi rapidly nods his head in agreement, "I will. I'll look after her for you, hyung." Voice cracking in the back of his throat.

"Good." Seokjin grips the barrel of Yoongi's gun, guiding the weapon to be placed against the temple of his head. "I can feel it. I won't last much longer." Taking hold of your hand, Jin takes a deep breath to ease the anxiety rippling throughout his body. "I'm ready," he said, coming to terms with his inevitable end.

Yoongi's somber orbs glide to yours, grabbing your attention. "Close your eyes, Y/N. You shouldn't watch this part." Since the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, you've seen plenty of death, but Yoongi knows this will be the death that haunts your dreams at night.

There was no time to object or whine. Despite the growing ache in your heart, you had to let Seokjin pass on the way he wanted. "Okay," Your lips tremble, giving Jin one final glance before your lashes flutter shut.

Gun shaking in his hand, Yoongi attempts to let his mind fall blank, fearing if he over-thought it, he wouldn't be able to follow through with Seokjin's final wish. He takes an anxious bite of his lip, finger seconds from the trigger, waiting for Jin's signal.  

Closing his eyes, Seokjin grips onto your hand as tight as he possibly could. Of course, he was scared, and of course, he didn't want to leave you but, he'd rather die a man than turn into one of them. Taking a deep final breath, Jin nods, giving Yoongi the confirmation that he was ready.

BANG

The loud sound of the bullet echoed throughout the air. Maroon blood splattering across the office wall as Seokjin's hand grew limp in yours. Your lashes flicker open to the discovery of your boyfriend's body now slack and lifeless. "S-Seokjinnie...?" Your weak voice calls, but when he doesn't respond, a tsunami of anguish crashes over you. You can't catch your breath, your chest begins to tighten, and hot tears run down your face, streaming heavier than ever before. "NO!"

Before your body could collapse, Yoongi catches you from behind, pulling you in between his legs to cradle your sobbing body into his chest. He wants to tell you not to cry, that Seokjin wouldn't want you to be sad, but Yoongi couldn't even stop his own tears from falling. The only thing his weak body was capable of doing was stroking your hair as he rocked you in his arms, his mourning tears sliding onto the top of your head.

Eventually, the two of you would leave the building. You'd take your rage out on the zombies and let your bullets rip through their bodies as you escape back to the compound, but right now the two of you were too weak with grief. Only capable of clenching onto one another as you allow the hot sting of your tears to burn your eyes.

You would cry, and cry, and cry until you physically couldn't cry anymore...

[an-idiot-but-a-bit-more-refined]

I was laying in bed thinking of something and this made me laugh  for like a split second, then I got mad and then I started crying a little because, I imagined that I was a lecturer and I had to teach a group of Baby Swen about why their new fandom home was the way it was.

Me: Hello Babies, Mommy's back!

Student in the back: Sweet! Evil Queen references.. Umm, professor, I have a question.

Me: Yes?

Student: Why are our fandom grandmothers, mothers and aunts against Eddie and Adam writing Swan Queen?

Me, sighing gently: Darling, we're not against them writing it, but we have our reservations on the way they ARE writing it and most likely would attempt to write it.

Student in the back seems confused. Pauses slightly before nodding. I write down a topic that blankets the class discussion. "Swan Queen". BABY SWENS WHISPER AND SNICKER WITH EXCITEMENT, but I sigh once again. Someone notices

Student: Professor?

Me: Yes?

Student: What's the matter?

Me, slightly conflicted to do said discussion, but I feel it is needed.

Me: The issue the fandom is facing my dear younglings has to do with an ever running war on Tropes, Tokenism, Sexism and just all around 'fandom fuckery' as we've coined it. Some of you- rather, most of you may be familiar with how savagely Swen are dogged for wanting something that represents this current day and age. Be it a fairy tale that's never been told, or simple recognition in a way that does not make us feel as though we've been given a half-assed story that's tossed after it's done what writers and show runners believe it's supposed to...no-no, Your home- THIS home is a home that has to fight for the equality so that the younger generation may reap the benefits of the fight. Now, this may sound tragic- or seem catty, but I assure you, Swen are not known to be such. We like to leave that to...what was that other group's name, again?

Student with all the smart ass comments whom I adore: Crap tainted Swan!

Me: Yes, them.

I begin to write down a few categories and immediately hands go up.

Student: Professor, what exactly do you mean when you say- they will fuck it up?

Me: Precisely what I wrote. The Swan Queen fandom is not fond of being lied to, deceived or played for fools my young one. We know as well as anyone that 'pushing' is a thing for two overly hetero-normative men who run to Captain Swan with open arms and away from Swan Queen with eyes shut and ears deafened, will somehow manage to mess up a perfectly good story to tell.

Student somewhere in the corner: And when you say they'll make it more difficult- what does that mean?

Me: It means that Our ladies are difficult apart- NOT together and yet the writers seem to bring that as some valid way to deter the pairing. They believe by forcing these characters to appear as though they'd be difficult together would make it hard for them to have a lasting relationship. Trying to deter someone by creating this aura that they simply can't be around one another long enough before they become snarky and catty for all the wrong reasons is absolute bull. If anything- we have proof of countless times they have preferred to be with one another simply because it was obvious of the safety they felt. The care and concern they felt.

Student: Oh, so you mean like- Regina's stubborn and sassy and sarcastic when she and Emma are apart and when they work together, she's still sassy and sarcastic it's just in reference to everyone else and not Emma... it's like they're trying to make you think that Regina can't stand being around Emma when the only time we see the real Regina is when she's with Emma-or Henry-

Me, highly impressed: -exactly!

Another student in the front raises their hand: So, that ties into your next point of it being predictable doesn't it?

Me: It does. Have you all seen the consistent template that's written for a queer character?

They all nod and someone with a good bit of brains stands up to go on a miniature rant.

Student: Yeah, I have and it sucks. There's always the one gay character- (he manages to say with an eye roll.) But then there's all these other 'templates' that are stereotypical. Like if they do marry Emma off to Hook and she magically realizes she doesn't love him or that she's gay, they use Regina and it becomes that thing where the lesbian or in Regina's case- the bisexual, quote on quote 'turns' the straight housewife and she realizes she never needed a man; just some good love.. Or one of them dies- or in their case, both of them apparently.. isn't that what was happening in season six?

Someone whispers, Lexa deserved better and puts up a fist. Other students nod at the other baby Swen and agree.

Student who laughs sarcastically all the time: Or how about this one, She realizes she's not gay either after a bunch of passionate nights with Regina and then she goes back to.. the one handed wonder.. God, don't let her get pregnant-

Other Student yells in pain: -DEAR GOD, PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME IMAGES OF ANOTHER WHINY VERSION OF HOOK! But let's not forget the ones who argue all the time and can't keep a stable relationship and are secretive and all that other junk the L Word made beyond obvious.And if that's not bad enough, they both get beards and are tortured for seasons with men they have no chemistry with and these are women who have chemistry with brick walls and can't even make that shit work-

Me: -Alright.. alright, focus. Yes, these are the templates I'm referring to. But let us not forget the ones that gay male characters also go through.

Someone snorts because they only have one template for gay males.

Student: You mean they're difficult and mysterious and cute little twinks who get thrown with other cute twinks or big buff guys with daddy issues and bam- magical ending?

Me: Correct..moving on.. The third points says-

I'm interrupted as they all say it together

Students: Tokenism!

Me: This is just the TV way of saying affirmative action.. Fanciful in meaning isn't it?

Student: It's trash!

Me: Yes, I do suppose it is... however, would someone like to express why the word tokenism still would apply to Swan Queen?

Hands immediately go up.

Student: Well, if we're being honest here, We already got it once before and we don't even know what the deal is with that story anymore...Swen fears that tokenism can still be a thing for Swan Queen because Eddie and Adam only attempt Swan Mills episodes when their ratings drop and as that becomes a case, so does the question of will they just do Swan Queen to stay on the air and never explore it the way they should... We've been hearing of season seven being the final season and our worry is no longer that they will fuck it up. Quite frankly we don't even want them to write it anymore, we'll take it off their hands and make our own show out of it. The problem arises when they create the asinine plan to use it as a last minute crutch to 'go out with a bang' or something. Like, What if this season completely tanks it and season seven is in fact the last season,right? They get the plan, Hmm maybe we should do Swan Queen in the last episode and that'll justify all of the crap we've put these people through, just to say they did something some grande and amazing thing for us, when in reality, they were trying to save their shitty revenue.

Student directly adjacent: Can I add on to that?

Other student nods.

Student: It really is sad though when we were willing to settle for anything- any sort of thing, just to know we were being heard no matter how much we fought- no matter how much our fandom grandmothers have fought. I think deep down, a lot of us know they just won't do it, like they really won't and even if they do, the luxury of it has just faded. The luxury of it would have faded and they'll try to force it to be overly gooey and 'loving' or cutesy when that's not what we asked for. We asked for a story that was true to life and very much so a proper representation for us all. We asked for a story that proved that strong women can work together and fall in love with one another. That they go through ups and downs and doubts and sticking things out and believing in one another and all of the other good things we've seen.... If we get it, if we are blessed enough to have Swan Queen- We'll be happy, but we'll be tired. We'll be exhausted and still disappointed that it had to come to this for us to be heard... I don't think we'll ever be as happy as we were the first day in season one when they met, if only because of the pain and heartbreak and the amount of horrible things that have been said to us just seems to, hit too many nails in our coffins. The fight will never be over, and we have accepted that, but I think everyone's getting tired of having to fight for something that shouldn't even be in question... and it's not to say we've lost our drive or we're losing hope. We're just done with trying to tell men who clearly don't understand that this is a revolution that needs to happen. This is a change that needs to be seen.. we're done trying to prove something we have too much evidence for to still be called delusional and reaching and all those other things. Everyone's tired of watching some forced 'chemistry' dictate how women should be treated and seen in this world. We're tired of seeing people be criminalized and denied a second chance at a love that won't leave or die on them i.e Regina.. We're done and we are tired of feeling like what we watch is what it will always be- nothing but a dream, an illusion... A fucking fairytale.

Silence encompasses the room and everyone thinks on it. (I legit cried when I thought about this part, so I'm sorry)

Me: We are tired, young ones.. we are, but we fight for us and we fight for you until it's over. We march for us and we march for you until we die and you are right, we have not lost hope.. we've just lost that many damns to give on speaking to a group of people who choose not to understand.... And maybe it is true, maybe we truly won't be fulfilled even if they do give us what we asked for.. what we've pleaded for.. and maybe it will make it all seem like it was in vain and maybe we will feel like we've accomplished nothing because we had to force hand for them to cave or pressure them... your grandmothers, mothers and aunts for this fandom realized many things.. we will not force anyone to give us anything. We will peacefully protest the injustice, but if we are not given what we rightly deserve.... we move on from trying with them and you know what we do? We make a world of our own. Eddie and Adam didn't give Swan Queen life... we did, and you did. They didn't see what we saw. They didn't understand it and they clearly didn't want any part of it, but the dream lives on. The reality lives on- the world keep spinning and life goes on and guess what, so will the memory of Swan Queen....Now I need you all to say this last point with me..together we will do this..

Even if nothing happens. Even if your words fall on deaf ears to some, remember the many that you have made hear you. Remember the many who sat with you and held your hands and kept you together...when things fall away and the glamour goes goodbye, remember your reality, your worth and yourself in all of this- Remember YOUR fight.. Through all things, every hard moment and every distressing situation.. for every negative message- comes ten thousand positive soldiers. Fight on and keep hope..

When you open your mouth and words come out and you say "May I have your attention please?" Remember that those who listen are those who wish to hear.... Remember that your fight is a plea to be heard and someone will listen.. remember that actions and words are one and you fuel them. Remember that when the world around you dies- you are to flourish and bring light back to it... remember that you fight for you just as you fight for me and I do the same... remember from now until the end of time that you've done your part in this world and if it never happens... still, keep hope, because maybe, just maybe...one day it will

With Love, Megan