#but also i will say that i'm pretty sure none of my mutuals are involved in this

[riddlerosehearts]

little vent about a silly b*ldur's gate 3 fandom thing below the cut

ever since i finished my first playthrough i have been DYING to get a new graphics card that isn't an ancient thing from 2014 so i could make decent gifs of gale and my tav but now today i'm seeing drama going on between gifmakers in the fandom, particularly ones who i've felt inspired by and who have made me want to make b/g/3 gifs because the ones they make of their own OCs are all so beautiful, that genuinely feels kind of overblown in a way that's also confusing to me like... i can't recall seeing fellow gifmakers treat each other like this in any other fandom i've ever been in?? and it's making me wonder if i should even bother at all even though i love gale and elenion so so so much and want to make gifs of them so bad. but idk maybe this isn't a community i want to get involved in if this is what it's like 😭 just makes me worried that posting the kinds of things i want to post would ultimately not be fun and that i would have to pick one side of this discourse and have everyone on the other side hate me. and tbh i'm also worried people would be weird about me having a very gender non-conforming transmasc tav romancing the one companion who certain parts of the fandom love to call "straight-coded".

[branmuffins22]

Every once in a while, I come across an Owl House fic in which someone does something romantic/sexual with someone who isn't their established partner, and I see it tagged as "Cheating". Which, in the context of that fic, is almost certainly exactly right! (I wouldn't know for sure, I don't really read these fics.)

But I can't help but imagine the leadup to this, how this situation comes about in the first place. And wonder how, at no point, did the previously-involved character bring this up to their established partner. And wonder how, at some point, they decided that doing these things with someone who isn't their established partner is bad, and wrong, and "Cheating".

The Boiling Isles were made to have few or none of the usual biases which brought about our cisnormative, heteronormative, amatonormative, allonormative, perisex-normative, etc. society. Some real-world biases remain, like ableism, classism, and (although it's quite different from its real-world counterpart) racism, but they're mostly reserved for the real jerks, not applied on a wider scale. In all, it's an absolute queer haven, and I somehow doubt that polyamory is where they draw the line.

Since the most recent ship I saw with this was Luz/Viney (cheating on established Luz/Amity), let's imagine two scenarios.

Scenario A:

Viney sends Luz some Signals: she wants something romantic and/or sexual from her. Luz, oblivious as she is, doesn't notice the implications until things have already progressed to a certain point with Viney's desparation to get the point across and/or mounting inability to reign in her impulses, so something has already been done, by Viney, to Luz. Stolen kiss, slap on the ass, whatever, doesn't matter. They're impulsive teens, so everything feels like the Most Thing. Luz talks to Amity about it in a panic, because of COURSE she does, those two are modern media's single most communicative leading ladies. Amity is like "Oh shit, but did she mention me?" because she's also kind of a massive lesbian, and Viney is the triple threat of Confident, Competent, and Chaotic. Even if Amity has no particular feelings for Viney (which is admittedly pretty likely), she must still admit that Viney is a hell of a catch. So far, she has no reason to feel anything but happy for Luz, and doesn't understand why Luz is panicking. Luz, having grown up in the modern, compulsively monogamous United States, is confused as fuck about Amity's seemingly blase attitude toward this development, and says something like "But isn't that/wouldn't that be cheating???" and Amity is like "What? Cheating how? Who's being cheated out of something? Viney? Me? You?" 'Cause like. Nobody loses. Luz gets to kiss or whatever with Viney and also kiss or whatever with Amity. Nothing about one says she can't do the other. Hell, dating someone who's dating someone is a great way to get to know someone, and a great way to gauge mutual interest, should you ever want to date someone. Luz predictably brings up that whole weird monogamous people thing with like. Assumed exclusivity, or whatever you call it. And Amity is like "Okay, but I don't own you??? I can't control everything you do and dictate who you can interact with and how, because what the FUCK, that would be super evil and controlling and manipulative and weird. And way too much like something Odalia would do." And Luz is like "Oh shit. Wow. Polyamory. Awesome. Once I'm done disavowing all notions of infidelity, and figure out my own feelings on the matter, will you hold my hand for moral support as an excuse to come along with me when I get back to Viney about it?" And Amity is like "Hell yeah. Let's fucking go." And then they do and maybe something comes of it but who fucking knows or cares because they Communicated. Like they are wont to do. Sike, actually. I care, and I think Viney/Luz/Amity is AWESOME.

VS

Scenario B:

Viney sends Luz some Signals. Luz reciprocates these signals immediately, despite herself, because she's an impulsive teen, I guess. One thing leads to another, and WHOOPS, now Luz is in some kind of not-strictly-platonic relationship with Viney, even though she was already in such a relationship with Amity. Luz internally berates herself for her infidelity, all the while still doing said infidelity. She doesn't tell Amity because she's way too deep now, it would ruin the relationship, or something! Amity finds out anyways and becomes so heartbroken that she breaks up with Luz on the spot and probably drinks herself into a coma or something. I don't know, this isn't really my subgenre. Luz only realizes her mistake after it has already cost her the love of her life (whom she already knowingly and willingly betrayed, somehow), and I dunno how much further into this scenario I need to go for you to get the point.

Which of these do you think is more likely? Which of these appeals more to you, personally? Which of these completely butchers the existing characters and their dynamics for the sake of a "hey wouldn't it be fucked up if ___" hypothetical? For the record: you and I might disagree on any or all of these.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just too poly for this. Or not allo enough for this. Or too much of a multi-shipper for this. Or haven't actually read the fics in question enough for this. Or haven't felt the touch of another recently enough for this. It sure has been almost a decade. Gosh. Who can say.

[ask-andrew-montrose]

[Polyjuice Swap 2024]: The One Where Alsius and Lilith Are sort of Friends

(thank you @lil-grem-draws for being the mad genius behind this very special event

Disclaimer: No Espresso Beans were involved (this time)

Logically, Montrose knew he was simply wearing a different face. Logically. 

The night felt almost felt like a bit of a masquerade, and lucky for him he had the good fortune of drawing a pretty good mask to wear. After throwing back the frothy polyjuice potion, Andrew was pleased to find none other than @ask-alsius-vafer's fine bone structure staring right back at him.

His usual deep blue eyes were now much more piercing and lighter, his features were sharper, and Montrose's golden blonde had transformed to a neary white blonde. He nodded in approval.

Handsome bastard.

It was an odd feeling, but perhaps a few hours of not being himself would do him some good. A fake sort of freedom. But besides being handsome, Als's face was also a trusted one, being one of the most talented healers training in the hospital wing. Maybe he could use it to his advantage.

And maybe he could see if he could get Will to play Doctor with him later. He couldn't wait to see if his Fox would be able to tell who he really was. Will always did have such great ideas when it came to these types of events....Montrose just hoped he could make it through the night without anyone actually needing medical assistance from him. His hands were talented, but not in that way.

As "Als" walks into the Great Hall, there are several people already passing him far more friendly smiles than usual. At first, Montrose had to fight the urge to demand to know what they were looking at, but then again….he was Alsius. So Monty tried smiling back, even if it felt somewhat weird on "his" face. Did Als even smile when not around Felix? Montrose was probably biased considering his first introduction to his fellow Ravenclaw was when he was teasing their mutual friend about...erm...belts.

Finally, a familiar face distracted him. "Als" spots Lilith over by the stained glass windows, and what better test to see if he could pass for someone else than to approach the no nonsense witch? Lilith had certainly been able to see through him before, but she had no bread this time!

As he approached, he couldn't help but notice she did seem slightly preoccupied. Lilith was too busy shifting this way and that as if trying to get a better view of her thighs…. she didn't even notice "Als's" appraoch.

“Lilith, are you alright?” 

Her head snapped up, an odd noise squeaking out of her as if she had just been caught doing something she shouldn’t. 

“Yes, I'm all thighs! I mean yes, alright. I’m alright!”

Montrose wasn’t sure what to be more concerned about, how flustered Lilith looked at the moment….or the uncharacteristic blush on her face. Never the less, Lilith finally seemed to remember who she was talking to before straightening her shoulders.

“Oh, Alsius. Good to zee you. Hope your hospital ving has recovered nicely from my beans. I’ll try not to accidentally send anyone else your way tonight! ” 

Monty’s mind struggled to find any concept of what on earth she was referencing, but it was hard to tell what she was even saying through what seemed like a poor imitation of a Russian accent. 

Before he could put two and two together, Lilith punched his arm in what might have been a playful attempt, but had Montrose rubbing the sore arm that was slightly slimmer than he was used to. 

“Ow!” 

Lilith's eyes went immediately wide in panic, accent completely gone

“Oh hell - I didn’t mean to.. Are you okay?!”  Als's face just reflected a very, very raised eyebrow. Monty knew Lilith’s particular brand of tough love, and this wasn't it.

“I’m fine, Lilith." "Als" didn't bother to hide the the accusatory tone he used while saying her name. "How very nice of you to ask...." Maybe it was something in the way he had let the sarcasm sneak back into his voice, but all of a sudden Lilith’s own eyes narrowed in return.  

“Montrose?!” Lilith hissed incredulously, and he had certainly heard a certain witch say his name said that way before. 

“Theo?!”

At his response, “Lilith”  was quickly hooking her arm around his neck and yanking him into the corner hurriedly,

“SHHH not so loud!!! I don’t know if the others know yet. You got Alsius? Really? Of all the people....don't do anything stupid. People actually like him."

"Als" gave "Lilith" a dirty look before continuing with pure sarcasm, “Oh, sure. Why not!! I'll promise to behave if you can stop staring at your own thighs for one second, you’re not exactly doing a great job as passing as Lilith either.” He pointed out, effectively offended. 

Theo used the newfound strength she had in Lilith's body to bop Montrose a little harder on top of his head. “Noted.”

She gritted between her teeth, before rolling her eyes and looking around the room. “I….I haven’t seen where “I” am tonight yet….have you seen any sign of me? I’m starting to get worried….” 

"Als" shook his slightly throbbing head, “Not yet. Maybe they decided to hide in the bathroom once they found out who they were transforming into.”  He teased cooly, and "Lilith" hit him again. 

“Okay!" He hissed, "...Merlin, it’s one thing when it’s you….but Lilith’s punches hurt.” 

"Lilith" crossed her arms stubbornly, “Aren’t you a healer, Als? You’ll be fine.” 

Montrose grumbled, he was wasting precious time bickering with Theo/Lilith and had to find Will and the others. He had a lot of people to sing his own praises to tonight, after all. 

“Your concern is touching, as always. If I happen to see “you” show up, I’ll send them your way. Now, excuse me…Als has some compliments he wants to share about …well, me. Who wouldn’t trust this face, after all?” 

“Lilith” rolled her eyes again, declining to respond and deciding there was no need to put Montrose in his place for a third time. Someone else would surely take care of that for her this evening. If only she had some wet bread to smack him with to truly do her current body justice. 

For now, Theo just waited anxiously as she peered into the crowd of hundreds of faces except her own. It was going to be fine, right….???? 

“Als” left “Lilith” to her own devices, turning only to find @adallegra right by the snack table. Oddly enough, she seemed to be very preoccupied with admiring the cream on the cupcakes. “Als” shrugged, deeming it as good of a time as any to approach her. 

“Allegra, how good to see you! I’ve been meaning to find you. Did you hear what an impressive job Andrew Montrose did the other day during Defense Against the Dark Arts class? With that, and his proficiency in arithmancy ... surely he’s going to make a wonderful curse breaker…don’t you think?” 

It wasn’t until he was done flattering himself that he noticed “Allegra” still seemed more preoccupied with looking at the dairy products on the table, rather than her usual response of pointing out several areas in which Montrose could improve, or correcting him in any fashion. 

In fact, she hadn’t negated a single point he had made, which felt oddly disappointing. 

Unless it wasn’t really Allegra. Perhaps….the polyjuice potion was going to make things trickier than he thought.

With that realization, Montrose decided it was officially time to go and find @ask-elland-n-willl. Hopefully, his fox was having better luck with the potion than he was this evening….

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 37 of Harrow the Ninth

In that case, I'm kind of wondering where exactly Mercy looked that she saw the beast in the last chapter

That's from the Vulgate, apparently, the full quote means "The Lord is the source of my light and my safety, so whom shall I fear?" and "Dominicus" is just, essentially, "associated with the Lord", except that in the Latin this referred to the Christian god, whereas John is using it to refer to himself, which is kind of remarkably hubristic, haha

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that most main line stars are not in fact destined to become black holes when they die, and that our sun is either not big enough or not bright enough to ever become a black hole

Are we meant to believe that John is like a battery that is keeping all the resurrected planets and the star going? That would mean that John's resurrection isn't true resurrection - if something still needs some outside power source to sustain itself I'm not sure that counts as the same thing as life, sort of in the same way that Harrow being able to manually control a skeleton isn't true resurrection, or the skeletons at Canaan House that were ultimately controlled and powered by Teacher weren't truly resurrected, and this would just make John a more powerful necromancer piloting a bigger corpse. So I think either this isn't true, or the generally accepted idea of what the resurrection was isn't true, and possibly both of those things are the case

Oh god, there really is a None Pizza with Left Beef reference. Maybe I'll have to eventually make a poll on which of these modern memes in this story has the earliest sell-by date

I mean, based on the story so far, I think the actual Nine Houses answer to "how is babby formed?" (and honestly thank god Muir didn't actually put that literal phrase into the book at this point) is "in a vat"

Also, John really is everyone's embarrassing dad, isn't he?

I do appreciate this little nod to the fact that sex and romance aren't the same thing and can exist independently of each other

So, based on him calling her "First" and "One" and her being "not a normal human being", I'm guessing A.L. was the Earth, and I gather his resurrection of her involved creating a human body for her, for some reason. I'm not sure from this whether the death of Earth was caused by climate change or some sort of mutually assured destruction nuclear war, but neither of those things should have had any effect on the rest of the solar system, so even if this is remotely true, there are still some big questions left unanswered. Also, I think if resurrected Earth lived to see the Lyctors become Lyctors, then John couldn't have become a god by absorbing her soul, since he would have had to be a god already for the Lyctors to follow him, and Mercy and Augustine actually have memories of A.L., so John can't be making that part up. Unless there was also some memory fuckery that happened as well, and I mean, that definitely wouldn't be a first for this book. I don't at all believe that A.L.'s death had anything to do with resurrection beasts, as he's implying here. Maybe John gained some godlike powers some other way, and then absorbed A.L. to gain more powers, maybe she attacked him and his Lyctors for committing the indelible sin and he killed her a second time and locked her in the Tomb, but I'm pretty sure that this version of events that he's telling Harrow did not happen, exactly because like Harrow is thinking, it's just sad and boring and there's no way this was sad and boring in actual fact. Also very curious how John managed to be the last person left alive on Earth

Going back to the John absorbed A.L. idea, I wonder if what he actually means here is that him absorbing her was a proof of concept for Lyctorhood

Gideon is really not thrilled about her reaction to this, huh?

He could be saying this because he just critically underestimates Harrow, or overestimates his own abilities, but I think another possibility is that he needs to her to believe she didn't really open the Tomb because there's some information that you could get from doing that that that would unravel a bunch of his bullshit. I don't know if he knows that she is schizophrenic at this point, I think if her schizophrenia was caused by opening the Tomb, there's a good chance he could guess that she was, especially since she's told him things that I don't think he believes, like that Gideon the First was fucking around with Cytherea's corpse or that Cytherea's corpse was the one who tried to murder him, so he might be intentionally using that to gaslight her, before she figures out whatever he doesn't want her to figure out about the Tomb and the Body. We know that Harrow did not in fact hallucinate doing this, because Gideon saw her do it and reported it, but Harrow doesn't remember that anymore. I guess in her false memories she told her parents about it herself?

Is he seeing whatever she did to remove Gideon, or is he talking about the schizophrenia? Because the temporal lobe does control memory, but it's also affected by schizoprenia, and there's a possibility that Harrow's schizophrenia was artificially created by something that happened after she opened the Tomb

[sterdas-blog]

Retroactive Jealousy!

I think it's very important to remember to be kind to yourself. My thoughts, behaviors, or struggles don't mean that I'm a bad person or inferior. Knowing them and actively trying to work on them are actually the signs of someone who is incredibly brave, forward-thinking, self-loving at its core, and high-value ;) I don't judge nor question myself but instead am kind and understanding.

Ironically and funnily enough, I'm really not bothered by any specific ex-lovers in my partner's past at all. I'm not bothered by my partner's sexual past; what I'm really afraid of is what it represents.

They're representations of my own insecurities.

I'm insecure about my performance and her enjoyment and satisfaction: I'm a bit insecure about my inexperience, however: Experience doesn't mean that either person was any good, it's more or less just a number. And likewise, inexperience doesn't mean that I'm not good or that Cat doesn't enjoy being with me sexually either. (She's openly expressed her enjoyment with me and told me out of the blue that I am good.) About my partner's enjoyment and satisfaction: if she says it, I should believe her. (that's just how she is v.v) It doesn't make sense to compare also, because it's just different and pretty much impossible to do.

A little article that's relevant:

But on the other hand, when it comes to measuring sexual satisfaction within a heterosexual relationship, there is so much more than exclusively the orgasm.

This goes for both sexes, both men and women.

Pleasure comes in different forms and on different levels. Being intimate with your partner, enjoying their company, enjoying their body, finding satisfaction in the connection, and enjoying giving just as much as receiving can be just as satisfactory without an orgasm.

On both a physiological level and a psychological and emotional level, the arousal, the stimulation, and the process of getting there can be in some cases more and better than the relief provided by the orgasm. The pleasure is not limited to the genitalia and the touch, it involves all other senses, the sight, the smell, the sounds, and the taste of the other. These are proven to start to release the feel-good hormones even before the touch comes on. This is how foreplay doesn’t definitely need even physical presence and how some well-placed words can already be a huge turn-on, and this is how women can orgasm even without being touched.

Less is sometimes more. Not digging deep into the different orgasm types that women can experience, from very mild to mindblowing, sometimes one single orgasm is all that is needed. It can be so earth-shattering that going for another one seems impossible at best or torture at worst anyway.

I was writing before about a perfect one-night stand, with incredible chemistry and unexpected connectedness. The smell, the taste, the touch, everything was just magical. We shared a cosmic experience, in a way neither of us experienced before, leaving us breathless, craving for more and more, not sleeping at all — that would have been just impossible. What? Should I miss a second of touching him and feeling him on me and in me? No way!

I left out one tiny detail. We made love three times which lasted 6 hours. He had one orgasm. And I had none. I left this out because it was unimportant. There was an orgasm gap. One to zero. I left it out because what we had was more than an orgasm competition. It was better and more than anything I have ever experienced with anyone. Would I have wanted an orgasm? Maybe. I’m not sure it would have been better by that.

Final word:

For me, the formula for good sex:

mutual pleasure (not orgasm but pleasure),

connection on some (or more) level,

and being present together.

The increasing number of female orgasms can start to close the orgasm gap, but just the quantity itself is not compensating for quality, chemistry, or connection.

And I, personally, would go for quality, chemistry, and connection over quantity anytime, without a second thought.

Using orgasm count as a measure of enjoyment is stupid because there's so much more to sex than just that (for women a bit more than for men. It doesn't matter that much for me already, so I can probably imagine how my female partners would feel about it), the mutual pleasure, the connection, the presence, the dynamic,... and more are so much more important, arousing, and amazing). It also is incredibly cringe and a hallmark sign of insecurity to focus so much on orgasm count and use it as validation. It makes the sex pretty terrible and shows disrespect for both parties and low self-esteem/self-confidence. I know also that I'm pretty amazing already(not to toot my own horn here hehe); the lack of self-confidence and fitness gets in the way a bit sometimes though :c. But that being said, I know that I'm a great lover, and as I continue to work on myself, I know that there's absolutely nothing I should be worried about hehe.

I'm afraid of losing her: It's a blow from my self-esteem and confidence issues. My conscious mind knows that she loves and cares for me, that she won't sleep with anyone else, that she won't get into a relationship with anyone else,... It's my subconscious mind and my insecurities that attack me. The fear of her not being satisfied sexually and us breaking up for it is just another way those feelings manifest and get to me. I know now where they come from, and I'm doing my best to counter them ;)

Coping/moving forward:

I care so much about my performance because of what sex means to me, and the stakes it carries: I'm not doing my partner a service here:( It's mainly me using sex and using my partner as a way to regulate my emotions and issues, and that's not nice. Ironically enough, worrying so much about performance is actually what diminishes it and makes sex less enjoyable. Caring for myself and my own sexual satisfaction, and taking away the pressure, stress, and tense-ness, actually points directly to the formula of great sex - mutual pleasure, connection, and being present.

Stop Believing the Stories Created by Your Mind:The sex my partner had in the past wasn't some crazy extravaganza, but more just plain (and most likely had its fair share of problems and insecurities from what I could deduct). Comparing is stupid of course cause it's just different, but if it had to be done, then I would say it was probably more or less the same-ish. Run-of-the-mill. However, that was the me of the past that didn't know better, but now it's different hehe. The sex that me and my partner would have in the future, however, that's a different story ;) I know also that I'm pretty amazing already(not to toot my own horn here hehe); the lack of self-confidence and fitness gets in the way a bit sometimes though :c. But that being said, I know that I'm a great lover, and as I continue to work on myself, I know that there's absolutely nothing I should be worried about hehe.

Be in the moment and remind myself of who Cat wants right now: Does she still think about him now? No. Did she get on better with him than you? No. Would she rather be with him than you? No. Your partner, right now, probably has no interest whatsoever in these ex-lovers, and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now than here with you. 

[thebananwithaplan]

@getblammed (cont.)

Though at first surprised by @thebananwithaplan ‘s instinctual reaction, Pico did seem to get it, with a chuckle and a reassuring nod following the banana’s sheepish apology. He couldn’t help but be glad that he wasn’t on whichever game show the guy hosted, because god only knew the amount of censoring or sudden commercial breaks they’d have to do with how often a curse slipped without care. “ Yeah, it’s cool, man. It’s disorientin’ though, all th’ new faces. Been seein’ Nene n’ Darnell around more lately, that’s dope. ”

Had the growth taken some getting used to? Of course it had, people weren’t drawing the flash portal’s “mascots” with a mouse in shitty drawing programs from sketchy websites anymore, and they certainly weren’t animating them in Flash anymore. Not as commonly, anyways. Today is the age of flashy tablets, and entirely bypassing the ‘just getting started’ age of scribbled hands and circle tool heads. Pico couldn’t complain though, just meant content of him and his fellow icons at a higher quality.

“ Course I got good on th’ mic, B! I’m more than my guns these days, ya know? Everybody’s been gettin’ into th’ music game lately, s’ pretty wild. ” He’d always had an interest, really. He’d even wanted to be a DJ when he was younger, either that or something with computers. Now he’s neither, but that wasn’t important right now.

------------------

Honestly, it's for the best. Sorry, Pico, but he really can't afford to lose the SMART Technologies sponsorship. DB promises there's still ways you could win prizes without having to set foot in the studio, though!

. "Really? That's nice! At least you still have some friends that got developed with you along the way. I didn't even really had a 'universe' to be in, so to speak. Like, there were other fellow dancing fruits in similar gifs, but none who I'd call an actual friend. Not even mutuals. We just... co-existed, I guess...."

It truly were different times. The Dancing Banana couldn't even talk, let alone have much of a thought in the world outside of dancing; the most 'communication' he could do then was all through his body language, whether it was by his signature dances or by waving his pompoms around. (Depended whether he was in his pixelated or animated 2d glory) of course. Maybe sometimes also holding up signs that had questionable phrases on them.

The upgrade of these art and animation programs sure helped with his update to his current design. But good lord were many 3D attempts steering too close to uncanny valley - it's only the Shovel Team that finally got his look close to that of a likable funny toon character.

A character that still had some questionable morals lingering close to 'dangerous' territory by others to the point of having 'WANTED' posters, that also had a school theme involved in their lives at one point, and who has gained a greater taste and talent for music. Sounds familiar?

. "That's great! I'm a big fan of Blammed, by the way! And the way you were basically shooting down an entire army to the bpm in Stress? Honestly, I call THAT talent! I can't help but be pr-"

. "....pretty impressed!"

No, he wasn't absolutely about to say 'proud of you' to Pico like he was some old out-of-touch uncle. A side effect of having an urge to cheer kids up and actually having any sort of a family with actual younger nephews. Pico isn't even that young anymore, either. He has to remember that now.

. "Between you n' me, you've definitely got skills to pay the bills. And I don't just mean that with your, uhh, more 'renowned' talents."

[vernith]

"Ykw fuck it,

I'm not fruity but women sure are pretty,"

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「 GENERAL SECTION 」

- - about me: vernith/aira. afab. she/her. heterosexual. music enjoyer. reverist. borderline writer. often busy. forgetful.

「 FAVORITISM!? 」 - - what do i like? what do i enjoy?

-> I love, love playing games. - - edit. 5.12.24

Genshin impact. Honkai Multiverse. Roblox. Terraria. P:GR. OBM!. Aether Gazer. Counter: Side. PJ:SK.

「 . . i enjoy listening to music as i do other things, or just to pass time. My favorite music artists are some of the following; Dutch Melrose, ATEEZ, ENHYPEN, DM Dokuro, chase atlantic, Isabel LaRosa, HoYo-Mix, Artic Monkeys, etc. 」

-------------------------------------------------------

「 Tags ! 」 z z - - the tags i use, and why? -- last edited 7.7.23

-- #verniwrite ;; for my writings in general, novel, xreader, povs, hcs, you name it.

-- #aire;blogs ;; a re-blog of another user's blog.

-- #vernihow? ;; a tutorial blog, sort of.

-- #airacot ;; a blog where i ramble about a thing or two- in general, just me talking.

-- #sailt ;; salt. A blog bragging about my achievement/luck in games or.. more.

-- #aintroduction! ;; exclusive tag for this post, only.

--#vershitpost ;; for my shitpost posts.

-- #airanswer ;; answering my inbox!!<3

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「 WRITINGS SECTION 」

Requests are strictly xreader or, povs with you as the center and no other characters involved. ++ genre that you desired listed and stuff like that. Just the usual.

! . . 「 Heads up!! 」 - - a fair warning.

I do not write for male reader. My apologies, i'm not really comfortable with that. And i also reject requests that has NSFW contents within it. Suggestive contents are acceptable but not too far. Gore is also acceptable since i'm not very sensitive with blood.

♪ . . 「 Currently not accepting requests.

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「 USERS SECTION 」

☆ . . anons: currently none.

-> this is an anon-safe zone. Feel free to give yourself a code name/nickname when you contact me as an anon, so i can remember you!

#++ . . mutuals: @caramelpancake , @astylea

-> interested to be my mutual? Just contact me! Say a hello' or two :].

// ☆ I'll see you, till' then! ☆

note: inbox is always open.

[atypicalstrong]

vent incoming

So two of my friends moved to South Korea and weren't able to take their cats with them immediately, so I agreed to foster them for 6 months until their first vacation so they could come collect them.

Little did I know that 3 years later I would still have these cats, because it turns out that importing pets more than 6 months after you immigrate is incredibly difficult, and the owners didn't do any proper research beforehand, and also didn't save any money to get it done. And STILL aren't saving money to get it done, and are instead begging all their associates for money (by taking commissions they aren't actually doing - a mutual friend has literally 30 works they still haven't received) every step of the way when we have to get health tests and certificates and lab reports done.

And it turns out everything we've done so far has been for nothing because its all been in my name, and they're gonna have to redo all the expensive and time consuming tests in their name. Which means finding a vet that will do all this legal paperwork in someone else's name who isn't in the country to verify anything at all and is just taking my word for it. Which is uhhhhhhh an issue to say the least.

I found all this out today first thing in the morning when my friend was like "the pet relocation company says none of this will work so can you and your vet fix it?" And when I was like "I'll ask but I'm pretty sure we have to start over bc anything else would legally be fraud since technically I own your cats right now" (because its been 3 fucking years) they had the fucking GALL to break down crying and say it hurts so much to hear their pets aren't legally theirs, and I have to make my vet fix it because they've been doing a "trash job" (they haven't, they've actually been very helpful and the only fuck up that happened before this was a lab's fault, not my vet's), and they can't afford to do it all again, and that they "need me to be in their corner right now".

And then they just shut down when I tried to offer any solutions that DON'T involve legal fraud. Like coming back and doing it themselves instead of using a company, which is "just not possible" (no reason given when asked why not, literally just silence), or doing it as a "sale" so it makes sense that its all in my name ("that won't work because the regulations are probably different").

Like, I'm sorry you waited until the last minute to check if we were doing everything correctly! But that's not my fault, or my responsibility! I never wanted it to take this long, and I certainly don't want to keep your fucking cats! They keep destroying all my stuff, which you've offered to replace but noticeably haven't! Even if I wanted to, I CAN'T keep your fucking cats because I'm moving next year!

Nevermind I've got a bunch of my own shit going on that y'all don't seem to care about at all, like fighting for disability benefits, and being sued for medical debt (my court date is LITERALLY tomorrow and they haven't asked about it once since I told them last month), and affording rent and food! They're over in South Korea spending all their money on take out and "retail therapy" (and to be fair some genuine unforseen costs, but that just makes the other stuff more infuriating) not saving anything for the cats, while I'm over here going to food banks and hygiene pantries just to stay afloat!

I don't even want to be friends with them anymore at this point! And that really hurts, because there was a time when they were the best friends I'd ever had. But now? After all this? How can they expect me to trust or rely on them, for anything? After everything I've done for them THIS is the thanks I get?

I don't even know what else to say. If they don't SINCERELY apologize for this, and also accept they fucked up by not doing the research or saving any money, and ALSO come to terms with the fact that we have to start over, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Stop being friends with them and rehome the cats, I guess. I don't WANT to do that but I don't think I'll have any other choice.

I've put up with so much and for what. For fucking what. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[grison-in-space]

I'll just fill out my own read more here, @gosuperdonnie: I never mind things being out in the open, but I deeply appreciate the care for privacy and I want to make sure I can respect yours back by redacting anything you'd like. Anyway, none of this is going to make any sense without the context of your bit. I heavily encourage my followers to read your full post.

No, really, doxxing holds no terrors for me: I write here under the cheerful assumption that I can be easily identified with the right context, and the main reason I have switched names even ONCE since 2007 is that I, uh, very publicly flipped off a pack of MRAs using both my real name and my last pseud, it got pretty viral, and I was kind of concerned it might get big enough that some chucklefuck might try to SWAT me or dig out the AO3 account to wave at a boss. Never happened, and I care even less now. I get the doxxing concerns and I am gratified by the care and kindness with which you've approached me, a stranger, after I was rather rude to you: I totally did use your comment as a launching pad to think about the shared sphere of our work, invoking both of our shared communities, and then I plastered it all over everywhere you'd be likely to see assuming we shared the same primary social network (ie tags, which I almost never do). Which I did not consider because, frankly, I'm a thirty something millennial who had long since assumed all the youths had decamped to cooler, greener pastures. This says way worse things about my manners than yours.

Truly. I get exactly why you were embarrassed and pissed. I did, without thinking about it, a pretty rude thing socially! For that, I apologize.

Okay, that little mortification out of the way:

My memory is also awful, but what you're saying sounds about right to me. I think you did provide that context about IDD spaces, because I was smiling and nodding along to it and thinking about how true it is: how even among those of us who can contort ourselves into passing without supports or even acknowledgement, I have seen a lot of neurodivergent people just collapse out of graduate programs, usually either from burnout or (disproportionately commonly) being actively targeted for bad treatment by a mentor. I've been around the block a time or eight and I have observed a lot of bad behavior in a range of fields.

Academia is not exactly an accessible profession. It relies incredibly heavily on the affirmation of relational networks and requires a level of investment that presumes a full time spouse-caregiver, a role for which it does not pay. Those relational networks are prone to abuse and distortion at the best of times. My PhD left grievous scars because my relationship with a supervisor crashed and burned for reasons impossible to untangle from our mutual neurodivergency. Like most people, I find myself hyperattuned to my own experiences and viewpoint, you feel? So that's what I was talking about as I was thinking out loud to myself.

The things you're hearing in your IDD/higher support communities come from true experiences, too! That's actually a branch of neurodiversity politics I happen to share! Like, that's the political end of the quote unquote movement that I align with, thanks. I'm uncomfortable with my animal research models self on that panel, too! The only reason I was willing to go into this field while, I have to stress this very much, desperate, terrified, and in the most severely damaged mental health of my life is that my PI agrees with me that most of the animal autism model work is bullshit and frequently goes on rants about marble burying!

Here's a little of my context: I've been consciousness raising and trying to build networks of support among disabled academics for something like seven years. The past two years of my postdoc have been literally the first time in my life that hasn't involved tightly compartmentalizing my life about my neurodivergence and closely guarding who gets to know what. Fuck, it's been like desperately pretending not only to be straight around all the other players in the professional women's soccer team, but also pretending that there are no other queers in the league either!

The observation you were making was poignant, accurate, and clear. Your broader point was eminently understandable and relatable. Let me just underscore that again: that context is important and worth discussing. I picked up the tip of that glacier that set me thinking and toddled off with it because your critique was true, valuable, and not new to me: I was chewing my thoughts over, and it didn't occur to me to go over the parts that I had already integrated. That does not mean that it was a bad idea to make that critique again. Not everyone has heard it yet, and not everyone understands its implications. And being reminded is always useful, too.

I also agree wholeheartedly that the project of including more IDD folks in the room is a wholly different thing from just throwing more neurodivergent folks at it. In no way do I want to dismiss that! You have zero reason or context to know this about me, but I believe strongly that passing is an important inflector of marginalized experiences because it's a powerful tool that comes at enormous cost. So if you want to understand marginalization from all angles, you need to be talking to people with a wide range of options to pass: people who cannot pass tend to be more keenly attuned to the consequences of being perceived as marginalized while people who can act so tend to be more attuned to the consequences of being isolated from anyone who could perceive them. Do you see what I mean?

And that means that you have to be including people who can't pass long enough to make the credentials at every level of your field, including conceptualization of the goals of the field of study. Which is what I pulled from your commentary, and—yes! Of course! So obvious that it was just a pleasure to hear it articulated and agree!

When I was a kid, the decision my mom made was to literally train me like a performing seal if that was what was necessary to avoid anyone Finding Out about me. I was explicitly and repeatedly scolded for even talking about it well into adolescence. I used to have a lot more brainpower at my disposal, so I more or less could, up until I hit my thirties right into COVID... when I hit burnout really, really bad. I am actually coping with becoming significantly more visibly disabled because I can't always maintain passing anymore, and that's always a journey. I have been performing that mask nonstop for long enough to be hitting the long slumps and crashes that many of my peers describe. It's a mask that must be glued to the face each day and ripped off at night, leaving irritation and exhaustion in its wake, but it lets me go places and achieve things I might not have been able to do otherwise.

Unrelated, but I was just complaining the other day that no one seems to know about Jim Sinclair these days. What a clear eyed, clear headed writer and thinker they are. I should try to knock together some kind of neurodivergence reading group again; I haven't had a chance to try and organize such a thing in Psychology but I had a really wonderful conversation last spring with Dr Williams over in the CDSC and it would be so nice to connect more directly on a regular basis...

Losing it is terrifying.

Also, let's be frank: I assumed you were talking way more to your classmates, continuing with them on a meta-conversation that a random like me doesn't have full context for, than like. TO me.

Your program of research sounds, bluntly, desperately needed and incredibly valuable. And way, way more likely to change things immediately for the positive for folks on the ground than mine. I'm so sorry people have told you that your work isn't worth doing or interesting; I won't pretend I'm surprised but I want to underscore that those people are fools. I'm incredibly glad and gratified that folks like you are here. I thought about working on autism from a psych or neuroscience perspective before I graduated undergrad, but I decided against it then and went for animal behavior because I found the experience of reading the autism literature too dehumanizing. I am so genuinely delighted and impressed that you can be here, getting your foot in the door to do this work. If I had any connections to people who know what they're doing re giving your precious, precious perspective a place to set root, I would give them to you immediately.

The work I'm currently doing mostly involves building up enough expertise and credit with mainstream "autism researchers", especially in the animal model world, to carve for myself a platform upon which to perch while I shriek invective at much of the rest of that field. I think it's necessary work, too—they do have a lot of money and power—but it's a longer game and it also relies on not collapsing and letting the academic PTSD win.

But yes: I am so sorry I didn't craft my post with the understanding that you might see it and correctly recognize yourself in mind. I would have provided a lot more context, for one thing! I hope that gives you context for the direction of my commentary the other week. Regardless, thank you for all the subsequent food for thought and for such a gracious comment in an awkward situation.

yesterday's talk to the neurodivergency activism program also included a fun "ethics in research on neurodivergence" panel conversation at the end when one person expressed this real frustration with the academy: that it's so unfriendly to neurodivergent people who can't navigate the social structures of academia, and it is so frustrating to this person to know that they want to go back to school and get the PhD but it's so unfriendly to neurodivergent people--

bear in mind, I'm the only openly neurodivergent researcher on the panel and by far the most junior (the others are all established faculty), plus I do animal research which is probably as far from the rather clinical focus of the folks in that program as humanly possible. and I've discussed openly how relational academia is, and how much it relies on the approval of your supervisors. we've even had a nice conversation about the same thing in clinical practice.

but I'm sitting here going... you know what, the interpersonal fuckery that almost ended my career actually was a result of blundering into another neurodivergent person's unacknowledged shame spiral, actually? you know that neurotypical research PIs are a distinct minority in my experience? you know that this is an incredibly dysfunctional institution, I ain't arguing that, but it's also one that has been by and large built for, by, and around neurodivergent people's needs and desires?

it's just they don't know it, so if you talk about it openly you get panic reactions. but it's so, so, so funny to see. (as I expanded on this theme the lady I liked best, a black woman working on intersections between developmental disabilities, race, and access to health care, is just grinning SO wide and almost giggling to herself.) you label yourself and people go OH NO A LABEL but if you know how to see the shape of the thing the label is supposed to describe, you can see that they oughta have a label, too.

so on the one hand, real consequences for being too open about yourself, but on the other hand, things actually have gotten so much better in the last 5-10 years. and on the gripping hand, just being in a space with only other neurodivergent people does not necessarily fix the problem of inadequate communication, hurt feelings, bad relationships with power, and weird insecurities. it just doesn't fix it. what works is understanding how to resolve conflicts, building structures that are less reliant on single dyadic relationships, and finding alternate ways to make connections with scholars in your field.

dammit, this means I should probably poke my bluesky again. fff.

[monstersinthecosmos]

Anne has written countless sex scenes. Vampires are not ace. Some are. Gabrielle for example. She's also trans, or gender queer. But broadly claiming them all as ace has no grounds at all. You assume that sex has to involve genitals. It doesn't.

So I received this anon within like literal minutes of making this post, which TLDR said hey can we stop invalidating every time someone has an ace read of VC. And I debated whether or not to answer this because frankly, I find it quite mean-spirited and rude in context to the post I made, and as a rule I don't really like to publish salty anons in my space. 

I also don't feel like a long response is necessarily warranted here because you don’t seem interested in a conversation and I’m not sure it’s productive to discuss this to you directly when you might not hear it. I have, many times in fandom, been laughed at for being too passionate or vulnerable and if you’re the type of person who’s gonna shut down what I have to say by making fun of me, I can’t do anything about that. That's a You Problem. Still, I can talk about this topic because it's important to me and because I want to, and the fact that I received this message in my inbox at all proves to me I need to talk about it even more lol.

And honestly, I REALLY hate the vague post bullshit culture on tumblr, like I've always tried to qualify my posts by saying I'm not the only person with an opinion that matters. No one has to agree with me and I know that fandom is not a monolith and I cannot possibly capture every person’s perspective at all times. And honestly? I shouldn’t have to. None of us should have to. It takes very little for someone to just read a post with good faith and not assume the worst of somebody for sharing something personal that doesn’t match their exact life experience. And I've always been open to a conversation if I get something wrong, I think I have a pretty good track record of being genuine about that. 

Cause I can just see it already that if i respond to this rude, worst-faith-possible anon with a huge essay, people are gonna be like LMAAAO IT BOTHERED YOU SO MUCH and like so what if it bothers me? I'm a fucking person, dude.  Like I have feelings just like everyone else? Idk man like I'm not a fuckin edgelord 22 year old who thinks having feelings is cringe, sorry I want to be a person. Yes it bothers me. I don't appreciate this. It's fucking rude and you know it's rude.

But I want to repeat some of the points I made in case you missed them, also because of the overwhelming support I've gotten from fellow aces in fandom. This is exactly the type of attitude I was talking about. I said "There is room for an ace read and you don't have to invalidate asexuals to share your version" and you immediately (within minutes of me posting) come to me saying that I have "no grounds" and then explain genitals to me. Thank you! I appreciate the stereotype that you think I've never had sex, that's very forward thinking .

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: My point is that you don't have to invalidate aces to share your opinion.

Let's get into this though.

"Anne has written countless sex scenes."

This is funny because it depends if you think the sex has to involve genitals (I don't think it does) and it depends if you read a vampire pleasuring a human as mutually satisfying. Some examples I can think of are: Armand watching Daniel with others, Lestat eating out that chick in Memnoch, all the Marius/Armand content, Marius & Armand with Bianca,  & that weird shit in Vittorio. Even so I wouldn't necessarily call that "countless", I think I can actually list these scenes on my fingers lol. 

Like this is what I'm saying. I can read those scenes as vampires playing with their food and offering a physical human experience. I really love this dynamic between Daniel & Armand in particular as sEEN BY THE MESS THAT IS MY AO3 PAGE LOL, because it's a constant push-pull of miscommunication of how to physically pleasure each other.

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: You don't have to invalidate the aces in fandom by denying it so loudly. 

And like, yes she has written countless scenes! The other half of her career was erotica!!! But the vampires were specifically not sexual. She talked about it a lot. This is a quote I really like from her: 

"I see the vampires as deeply loving all sorts of people. Once they are made vampires, they transcend gender and sexual desire. Their loves have to do with the essence of the person."

I can think of twice in VC where two vampires have sex, and both were Pandora/Marius in her book. 

Which brings me to:

"Vampires are not ace."

Both Marius/Pandora scenes are full of commentary about how it feels like nothing. That they're capable of doing it (same goes for Ursula/Vittorio) but that it's useless and doesn't excite either of them. It’s not a matter of their parts not working, it’s a matter of them not desiring sex. 

There are also three examples I can think of where vampires are experiencing sex for their own pleasure: the two scenes in TOBT when Lestat is in the human body and his fuckin like vampire sex injection in PL. And this is a larger conversation about what asexuality means and I’m happy to entertain all angles, because this is a conversation about “does the Dark Gift fundamentally change your sexuality or does it stay with you in your mind?” (My entire point was that it DOES change your sexuality if you do an asexual read, even though I stated it wasn’t the only read.) But I personally see Lestat as wanting these things out of curiosity for the experience. Even in TOBT when he’s trying to get with David he’s making it more about needing to get to fuck a man while he still has the body, ie: an experience. 

This resonates with me a lot!!!! I know a lot of ace people who are into sex conceptually like kink, or who will try it sometimes out of curiosity. Everyone I’ve fucked in the past 10 years since I accepted my asexuality was out of curiosity LOL. It’s a thing that ace people can do, we’re not all sex-repulsed.

I want to share a quote from the AVEN website--which I really recommend to EVERYONE because it’s a great resource-- ”Many asexual people may experience forms of attraction that can be romantic, aesthetic, or sensual in nature but do not lead to a need to act out on that attraction sexually.”

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: … it's this thing in the universe that they are no longer restrained by human social constructs. They love everyone, they can be attracted to anyone. But similarly, they don't have sex, and that attraction is not sexual in nature. Asexuality does not mean celibacy, but it does mean you are not experiencing sexual attraction.

This point that Pandora makes, the evidence that it feels like nothing and means nothing, also goes back to the idea of servicing a human as a favor to them that the vampire doesn't receive pleasure from. 

Another helpful quote from AVEN: “Asexual people may still feel physical pleasure from activities that are sensual, but not sexual. This may include things like cuddling, kissing, or other forms of physical contact or embrace that fall short of sex while still fulfilling their needs. Different people have different levels of intimacy they require, and that’s no less true for asexual people – aside from not needing sex.”

As a counterpoint to your claim that there are “countless” sex scenes, I’d say there are countless examples of vampires explaining that sex feels like nothing and they only want to drink blood. 

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: (There is of course space here to translate what hunger/Blood means in regards to sexuality and I get that. You can read it more than one way.)

To come at me like I stated this is an absolute is really unfair, like. Again I’m here wondering if this is worth responding to because it’s in such horrifically bad faith, but. I think fandom needs to see this. 

I say: There is ample evidence in the text that the vampires can be read as ace, even if you see other ways to read it, but being a dick about it is not necessary.

You, immediately in my inbox: Being a dick about it.

Cool, got it.

“Gabrielle for example. She's also trans, or gender queer.”

I’m really curious your logic on this one, because Gabrielle was never confirmed trans or genderqueer. I don’t understand why you’re allowed to state this as an absolute, but I’m not allowed to say that vampires can be read as asexual.

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: Basically, I think younger folks in fandom need to understand that ace identity is still fairly new, especially considering how old these books are. I mean even AR herself spoke often about how she was genderfluid or non-binary without once ever adopting it as an identity. Perhaps she wasn't aware? I barely expect regular people TODAY to know about asexuality. I have to explain it every time I come out to somebody. I don't expect 20, 30, 40 year old novels to get it.

Anne Rice spoke often about gender, both in regards to herself and to her work. We see this several times in her books, too. Gabrielle is the most beloved, but Bianca was doing stuff like this too. 

Fans even asked Anne if Gabrielle was trans, and she said no. 

But I like the idea that Gabrielle is trans! I think it reads!!!!! It totally makes sense. But I see the way Anne spoke about her OWN gender and I wonder if she didn’t have the tools to articulate it back in the 70s/80s. That was the point I made about asexuality as well. 

It doesn’t have to be literal, on the page. Lestat doesn’t have to tell us he’s ace in those words. 

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: I don't think she wrote them intentionally to be ace rep.

In fact, there’s a really interesting timeline of the history of asexuality as we know it, like when it was first discussed, when the term was coined as we use it today, etc. It’s almost entirely confined to academic papers in the 70s & 80s when this universe was being built. I also think it does good to remember that tumblr is an echochamber and you’re probably surrounded by likeminded queer people, and the reality is that the normies outside do not know what asexuality is. It’s STILL barely discussed. 

And there is such a rich history of literature where characters are queer-coded, whether intentionally or not, because the author either wasn’t allowed to talk about it or didn’t know how to talk about it. There are so many historical figures that we are looking back on and asking if they were actually trans. Ask how often queer theory involves combing over old texts for clues lol.

There are also several points in VC that imply autistic/neurodiverse traits in the characters and like. That was not talked about until quite recently. So many times you see these traits in older novels and you have to wonder if the author was modeling it after themselves or someone they knew, and it’s interesting to wonder what it was based on. But just because it’s not on the page, literally, doesn’t mean it can’t be discussed. Especially books from decades where these concepts weren't readily available to the general public.

Anyway, I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: The way you read the book isn't the ONLY way to read it, and there's space for everybody. And no one is asking you not to read your version or have your headcanons. You can do all those things without telling ace fans that they're wrong.

“You assume that sex has to involve genitals. It doesn't.”

Tbh I’m a little lost on this point because I’m not sure where I said that, but in case you missed it, I did say: I'm not really thrilled about some of the conversations I see in VC fandom around asexuality. 

Like, again. Yknow what, I try really hard to be kind to people in this fandom, and I’ve always done my best to be approachable, but this is such a condescending, fucked up thing to message to a stranger. 

(I also said: Like, I'm not here to give a sex ed lesson, but asexuality is a spectrum.) 

Honestly how dare you. I don’t even know what to say to this. Thanks for allosplaining genitals to me, Anonymous Tumblr User Who Has Never Met Me. 

“But broadly claiming them all as ace has no grounds at all.”

I saved this one for last because what a completely preposterous thing to say.

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: So basically, I don't want to hear that VC vampires aren't asexual. Even if it's imperfect or unintentional, there is room for that reading. 

I’m not sure what you hoped to accomplish by dropping this in my inbox, to be honest. Like, I said numerous times all over the post that there’s more than one way to read it and you don’t need to be an asshole to people. 

I think YOU claiming that there’s no grounds at all has no grounds at all! HOW BOUT THAT!

Like there is AMPLE evidence in the text, I’ve pointed a few parts out but like, ??? Did we read the same books? 

I love this topic, honestly. I said so in my post about how it made me feel seen and less weird reading these books, and you can see in the notes on my post that it isn’t an uncommon response to VC. This resonated with a lot of people. 

But I’m not gonna sit here and go through all of it on your ask, because frankly the aces in fandom deserve better than that. We deserve to talk about this when we feel like it without acephobes jumping in our inboxes to tell us we’re wrong. We shouldn’t have to be on the defense every time it comes up, and have to fight for space in a fandom for books about arguably asexual vampires. Like idk maybe I’m an Old Person but I’m not sure when Don’t Like Don’t Read fell out of fashion. If you don’t like asexual reads of VC, you could simply continue to scroll and not take time out of your day to hurt someone’s feelings! How did it make you feel to tell me I'm wrong? What was the outcome supposed to be?

You aren’t even the fuckin first, that’s what’s so sad about this. I say, “It would be nice if people could discuss asexuality in VC without a bunch of dickheads trying to invalidate us” and you saw that as an opportunity lol. And I’m glad to share this ask as an example, because this does happen, and it’s honestly so sad.  

It’s absolutely laughable for you to say there’s no grounds. I don’t even know where to start, it’s all over every one of the books lol. 

And tbh I not going to try to make more points about this. It’s done to death. And for you to come in my inbox saying this is just honestly so insincere. 

Every other day I’m seeing posts from people saying they wish this fandom wasn’t so nasty to each other and it’s like. I don’t get it, why are you behaving like this?

As a policy I try not to post salty anons, and as a policy I try to be friendly and approachable to everyone, but I didn’t survive being violently bullied as a kid to lie down for mean jerks on tunglr dot com.

This isn’t something I tolerate and I’m going to publish it so that everyone else knows they don't have to tolerate it either. 

I hope people write more about asexuality in VC and bring up more meta and quotes and all the other ways it comes up and that they feel safe doing so, because this is honestly ridiculous. Anne did enough damage to this fandom HERSELF, there’s no need for this infighting and high school bullshit. 

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it:  I just think in some of these fandom conversations it wouldn't hurt to be more sensitive to these other takes, because it was personal for us too.

I’m not sure how you took my post as an invitation to invalidate my read, tell me there’s no room for my interpretation, and mansplain my orientation to me while simultaneously erasing my experience of it. I can’t see a situation where a person does this for any purpose except to be hurtful.

So idk man, mission accomplished I guess?

[myvirtuesuncounted]

INSANE ANON BACK ty for your kind messages ily mwa mwa hello Diya's mutuals on your dash I love you guys too mwa <3 ANOTHER STORY- I remember one time a while ago me & my friend got like SUUUPER into Greek mythology, as all cool and mentally unstable gay kids do. But anyway- we were both really into it and our favourite god was none other than the madlad himself Dionysus. And y'know, we're both stupid and dumb so we decide to bring back ancient Greek traditions and start our own cult of Dionysus because fuck it. We somehow managed to recruit a large majority of our friend group into this cult, and a handful of other random kids too. Which meant yes, if you knew me during this time you most likely would've been faced by a short kid carrying a copy of Mythos by Stephen Fry walking up to you and asking if you'd like to be involved in a cult dedicated to the ancient Greek deity of alcohol. Oh, the folly of youth. So anyway, my friend and I went ALL OUT on this cult business. We made a discord server and everything it was wild (we also may or may not have created a spin-off cult for Priapus whom is an.... interesting being to look at, I'll say that much). And let me tell you we were DEDICATED to this business like I remember for alot of lunch breaks my friend and I would make a circle out of sticks on the ground and leave some of our food there as a sacrifice to him which must have been. So humiliating on his behalf. Imagine being an ancient immortal god who's been worshipped for thousands of years and getting summoned to a random ass high school only to see 2 sleep deprived adolescents bowing to a circle of sticks on the ground with three grapes inside of it. Couldn't be me. And no one in the cult even drank or had sex or anything cuz we're all minors so it's pretty much just a handful of children overdosing on grapes and reading Greek myths on Wikipedia. Wild. Anyway not much of a "crazy story" if we're going by my standards but I figured you would like this one. Byyyeeee love U make sure all your salami is safely packed away at the back of your fridge cuz if not I'm coming and I haven't eaten in three weeks <3333

sometimes i think your stories are complete lies then i realise no one can make up shit this insane

[ladykatakuri]

First Dance and First Kiss

Commander Fox x F Reader

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Mention of assault, mention of bullying, body awareness

It is a Fluffy piece mostly !

This is my One Shot for Commander Fox and though he might seem too OOC for some, I still hope that you can enjoy it ❤

Summary: You sigh and stand up to face the commander. “I don't have a lover and even if any of the guys here were willing to take me out dancing, I would still want you to do it.” As he relaxes his posture you pat his arm. “You are one of those good guys Fox and I trust you. You never judge me and well…. I like you. It is just this once, after that I will never ask you to do something for me again, I promise.” The smile you show him does not reach your eyes which he notices. But before he can even respond, you walk out of his office.

“You want me to do what exactly?” Fox had to ask, he had to be sure that he heard you right.

“I want you to go dance with me tonight. Did something happen to your ears commander? I thought you had a perfect hearing, at least that is what you claimed after the last health check up.” You look up at the commander currently standing in front of you, hands planted in each side, his helmet slightly tilted to the side as if he was trying to hear you even better than he already did.

“I….. I don't dance.” It comes out with a grumble, almost impossible to hear, yet the way he stands there in front of you makes it all too clear what he is saying. “Why ask me in the first place! Ask your lover or friend or whatever. I'm certain there are enough people around to take you out for this kind of thing.”

You sigh and stand up to face the commander. “I don't have a lover and even if any of the guys here were willing to take me out dancing, I would still want you to do it.” As he relaxes his posture you pat his arm. “You are one of those good guys Fox and I trust you. You never judge me and well…. I like you. It is just this once, after that I will never ask you to do something for me again, I promise.” The smile you show him does not reach your eyes which he notices. But before he can even respond, you walk out of his office.

Puzzled by your request, he takes off his helmet and sits down behind his desk. His ever present caf at hand, Fox scratches the back of his neck when one of his fellow guard members steps in.

“Sir, I have some reports here for you to look over and a request from one of the senators for a guard during a trip.” Stone stops in his tracks when he sees his commander staring at his caf. “Everything alright sir?”

“Stone, yes, sorry. I was just … thinking. You have something for me?” Reaching out to Stone, he looks up at a grinning commander staring at him. “What ? “

Stone can not help but grin. There was only one person that would have his commanding officer so puzzled and she had just left his office. “What did she do this time sir? I know Y/N was just here. That girl always seems to confuse you somehow.”

Knowing that Stone was one of the very few that actually knew you very well, Fox decides to have a small chat with him. Standing up he waves at the chair in front of his desk. “Take a seat, Stone.” Closing the door to his office he turns around to take a seat as well.

“You know Y/N pretty well, right?” He grabs his caf and takes a big sip. Thank the maker for caf, without it he would not make it through these days on Coruscant, especially not when he is faced with an alluring person such as you who comes with the strangest requests sometimes.

“We go back some time sir. Met her at Dex's Diner and we hit it off right off the bat, Have been good friends ever since.” Stone knows all too well that you have a thing for his commander and you finally seem to have decided to do something about it, with a lot of encouragement from Stone of course. But, whatever it is you asked his commander, it has left him completely confused and Stone would make sure to enjoy this for as long as he could without having to suffer the wrath of said commander.

Fox seems to think things over for a minute before he speaks up again. “She…. She asked me to take her out dancing tonight.” A slight heat creeps up on his cheeks as he looks at Stone.

“So? What's the problem? You don't want to go out with her or you have other plans?” Stone can not help but chuckle as he watches his commander not only have a tinge of dark coming up on his cheeks , but even fidget with his cup of caf. It is so unlike Fox to be this nervous. He has had others ask him out on dates before and none of them ever made him even the slightest bit nervous. Yet here he was, fidgety and asking him, Stone, about you!

“No plans Stone, just…. I don`t know. She is a great person and, how can I put this? Different…. Why would she suddenly ask me to take her out dancing? I don`t dance!” Confused and bewildered, Fox throws his hands up as he looks at the commander in front of him. “She asked me for things in the past, and sometimes … Well sometimes she would just ask things I did not even understand. I mean, seriously, what in Makers name did she need a box of Jawa dolls for? Or why did she want me to escort a Gungan to a brothel?”

Stone gasps and then can not help but grab for his sides as he wheezes. The thought of his commanding officer escorting a Gungan to a brothel is just too much for his sanity. “She -wheeze- asked you to -wheeze- escort….?”

Fox stops him by holding up a hand. “I seriously don't want to talk about that.”

For a moment it seems as if Stone is unable to gather his wits again, but then he deeply inhales and calms down. “Sir, I know that she can come up with the weirdest things sometimes. But, how well do you really know her yourself?” He looks at Fox, who scratches his chin and reaches for his caf.

“I know she is kind, actually, one of the sweetest people you can meet here on Coruscant. She helped senators Amidala and Chuchi once with relief goods on Ryloth. She also tried to petition for clone rights once and she seems to be involved with some orphanage.”

To Stone`s surprise, it seems as though Fox knows more of your activities than he ever led on in the past. He must have been keeping tabs on you without any of his brothers knowing it. “That is just part of her story though. When I met her at Dex`s, she was just back from the hospital. She was attacked by some hoodlums that tried to assault her.”

That bit of information has Fox perk up, ready to ask questions and the glint in his eyes told Stone enough. Holding up his hand this time, he stops Fox from asking anything. “Please, let me continue.”

Reluctantly, Fox nods at the request and remains silent, holding in the questions that arose with that last bit of information.

“I got to spend some time with her while I was waiting for my order and well, we hit it off. Before we knew it, we would spend time together watching cheesy holo vids or having lunch or dinner at Dex`s, or if i could convince her, she would join me for a night at 79`s. She also opened up to me on her past and…. Sir, you know she has issues with how she perceives herself?”

This question has Fox raising his eyebrows. “Issues? How she perceives herself? Why would she have issues like that?”

Stone chuckles at that answer, clearly his commanding officer has a thing for Y/N and he is happy to hear and see this. “She grew up with people bullying her because of how she looks. Full body, stretch marks that she tried to hide all the time, scars from fights and accidents and when she was old enough, she decided to cover up some of those marks with tattoos. That only set her apart more from the people around her. No matter how beautiful she was, inside and out, I would like to add, she was bullied for it. Those who did not bully, would take advantage of her kind heart and when they no longer needed her, discarded her. When she made enough credits with the odd jobs here and there, she left for Coruscant and tried to make a living here. She managed to make some friends here who recognise her as the good and kind person she is and the beauty that is her own, but we both know that judgement is everywhere, no matter who you are and where you come from.”

Stone stops telling the story for as far as he believes he can tell it without compromising your trust in him. Your greatest secrets, he will not divulge, no matter who asks him. He will explain to his commander why you had asked him to take you out dancing and then, hopefully, you will both have the happy ending to this story that you both so deserve. You because of the amazing person you are, the commander because this man protects his family at the cost of his own health and sanity. Two peas in a pod the two of you are and you deserve every bit of happiness you can get.

“She asked you to take her out dancing because a friend of hers is getting married. The party she was invited to is at a nightclub in the city. She will have some friends there but also people who look down on her. For once I convinced her to ask someone to take her on a date and enjoy herself. We both know why she asked you though, right commander?”

Looking at the wide grin on Stone`s face, Fox can feel a burning sensation creeping up on his cheeks and quickly grabs his caf to take a sip. From what Stone has told him and the hints that he has given him, he finally realised that you felt the same as he does. And now, you were giving him the chance to show you that the feelings are indeed mutual.

Fox smiles and quickly types a message on his comm. “Guess I should look up some tips on how not to look like a complete di`kut on the dancefloor.”

That night changes everything for you and Fox.

When he came over to your apartment to pick you up for your date, he was both surprised and the most happy person in the galaxy. You wore the perfect dress for the evening, black with red trimming and to honor him and thank him, a small, red fox brooch just above your heart. The dress was showing just enough of your cleavage and loose enough on other places to cover for what you considered to be the less attractive places of your body. A little bit of makeup and the perfume you wore was intoxicating, as if you were covered in pheromones that wreaked havoc on his senses.

“You look amazing.” Fox had no words to truly describe how beautiful you looked, standing in your door while the neon lights were reflected in your eyes.

A blush creeps up on your cheeks as you smile at the man standing in front of you. For a moment you don't know what to answer until you have a better look at him.

“Y...You look handsome.” Dressed in civilian clothing, Fox looked like a dream. Black pants and jacket with his always favorite colour red for a dress shirt. He looked every bit the part of a casually clothed sophisticated man. That combined with his handsome features and mesmerizing brown eyes had you stumble out the compliment.

“ What the kriff am I saying?! “ You slap your own forehead as you think about what you just said. But then, you did tell the truth, Fox is handsome and he looks amazing dressed as he is.

With a deep chuckle Fox looks at you. “Thank you for the compliment.” He holds out his arm for you to grab hold of and escorts you to the taxi that he came with to pick you up.

“So, commander, what made you change your mind? As I recall you said you don`t dance?” You grin as you turn your head to Fox. Sitting in the back of the taxi, on your way to the party with a handsome man at your side, you finally calmed down enough to get some of your spirit back.

“I just realized, I had a good reason to accept the gracious invite you made.” The soft smile and the gleam in his eyes has you wonder what he could mean by that. But before you could reply, the taxi stops in front of the nightclub where your friend celebrates her upcoming marriage. You take a deep breath as you take the hand that reaches out for you and step out of the taxi and make your way to a night of celebration and insecurities.

As you step into the warm, dimly lit club the first thing you hear is the music playing and the murmuring voices of people spread across the place. A sudden clear voice calls out your name and you see your beloved friend approach. A cloud of green lace and silk topped by a wild bush of black curls storms towards you and before you can even stutter out a hello, you are tightly embraced. “I am so glad you came! I know you hate these kinds of things, but I am so happy and you look so good! And who is your handsome boyfriend?”

Not even allowing you to answer any of the rapidly fired questions she turns around towards Fox and holds out her hand. “I am Keera. You two look amazing together! Thank you for coming with her, she deserves to be happy and have some fun.” With a bright smile, the whirlwind named Keera does not even allow Fox to answer and already walks off to the next person she sees entering the club.

You look at Fox, to say you blush would be the understatement of the year. “I… I am sorry Fox. Keera can be, well she can be a lot to handle when you first meet her. And this is her while sober, so imagine her drinking and you are in for a hurricane.” You sheepishly laugh while you scratch the back of your head.

Fox just laughs and looks at the woman that just left the two of you behind. Spread across the club, people are staring at the two of you and some quickly begin to mumble behind their hands when they notice him looking their way.

The music that begins to play is a slow melody and you begin to softly hum along with it. The song is old but has always been a favorite of yours and some of your friends and Keera has always claimed it as her wedding song.

“So, how about it? You did ask me to take you out dancing this evening didn't you?” Fox, standing in front of you. holds out his hand and waits for you to take it so he can guide you to the dancefloor.

Taking his hand you look him in the eyes. “ Will you tell me what the realization was and why you just had to accept my gracious invite then?” His mentioning in the taxi on the way to the nightclub still had you wondering so you took the chance to ask him.

“I might, or I will just show you.” Fox, knowing this only ignites your curiosity, guides you to the dancefloor and wraps one arm around you while he holds your hand with the other, tugging your entwined hands against his chest. Slowly he begins to sway with you in his arms.

As the two of you sway around on the floor, completely in your own world at that moment, people notice the two of you and every now and then you pick up a few mumbled words. “Cute….” “Clone trooper.” “Couple…”

The only thing you do truly notice however, is your dear friend, standing at the edge of the dancefloor together with some of your other trusted friends. She waves at you as you pass by in the warm embrace of Fox and when she notices you looking at her she forms a heart with her hands as she grins. A blush creeps up again on your cheeks when you turn your look at the man holding you.

“She is perceptive, your friend.” His lips softly brush your ear as he whispers.

Surprised you look up at him. “You…?”

Without even batting an eye Fox tilts his head and gently kisses you. It is a short moment where your lips meet and you both sigh and relax in eachothers arms. “Stone will have a field day telling us he knew.” He chuckles when he sees the look on your face go from shock to surprise and then a sweet mix of happiness and comfort.

Grinning, you put your hand in his neck and push his face towards yours. “I don't care what people say Fox. Let them talk.” Once more your lips meet for a sweet kiss as you both sway in place on a melody that already had stopped playing.

“Guess we will have many more days and nights to move on together runi .” The use of the pet name has you sigh as you rest your head against his shoulder, nuzzling his neck. You will find out what it exactly means another time, for now you will just enjoy being here with the man you admired and had a crush on for a long, long time.

@loth-wolffe@chaoticvampirejedi@hellothere-generalangsty@uponrightful@hellothere501stlover@catbustours@nahoney22@moonstrider9904@reluctant-mandalore@cyroku@kin-rokku@zinzinina@naboosunsets-blog

[quietduckpond]

Thanks for the tag @lockwie !

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope

2. When was the last time you cried?

Cause of my meds I can't cry much, but I've almost teared-up a few times this week tbh

3. Do you have kids?

Uhhhh no. The idea of Pregnancy specifically (whether mine or someone else's) freaks me out. But I'm involved in youth social programs alot, so about 60-70 kids call me Aunty/Uncle. (The language they predominantly speak doesn't have a gendered word for it).

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes. Absolutely yes. (Again, cause of work language is a tool where puns often go over people's heads, especially if it's not a well-known language, so sarcasm is the main form of humor for kids and grown ups alike).

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes. Often as a safety thing tbh. You can tell a lot about people based on what they look at, their emotions, etc. Also I'm a sucker for really deep, dark brown eyes but I'm sure that's not relevant

6. What's your eye colour?

HAHA that was completely unintentional. But like medium brown.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I promised myself that I wouldn't make this whole thing about my job BUT. I see a lot of really upsetting stuff in real life, so I love and kinda need happy endings once in a while. Even if it's fiction. Especially if it's fiction.

8. Any special talents?

Pfffffffft. Someone said teaching the other week. I'd like to say music. Again, bit of a master of none situation, but I can play trumpet, trombone, guitar, piano and bass, aaaand at one stage I was a professional singer until I realised I don't actually enjoy performing. I'm good at communicating with people who don't speak the same language, particularly with children (definitely an acquired skill).

9. Where were you born?

Uhhh Sydney, Australia. They will tell you that's where the good coffee is. They are lying.

10. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, painting. Gardening, but I'm pretty terrible at it. I've recently purchased an xbox, and I like playing halo (not a popular opinion, but I prefer campaigns).

11. Do you have any pets?

Yes! I have a cat, a dog, and a duck.

12. What sports do you/have you played?

Basketball, but not for years. Don't really enjoy it anymore.

13. How tall are you?

176 cm

14. Favourite subject at school?

Maths, until senior year. Then it was music, specifically music composition.

15. Dream job?

Ohhhhhh... probably a pilot. I'd love to be able to fly one day.

That being said, my dream ever since I was little was to be an astronaut, so i guess that'd be my actual answer. Either that or a cinematic music composer/writer.

Tagging @jaffacakerebellion @2broschillin @spocks-kaathyra @unave and my relatively new mutuals @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius and @badbatcher ! Of course, there's absolutely no pressure to do it tho. Much love <3

15 questions, 15 people:

I was tagged by my friend @thepointlessmasterpiece 💜

1. Are you named after anyone?

Kinda kinda not.

2. When was the last time you cried?

No idea, I cry super often so it's generally a non-event.

3. Do you have kids?

Not in the typical way but I have a bunch of young adults/older teens who call me their dad :)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think a normal amount. Usually for comedic + venting purposes.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their mood, probably.

6. What’s your eye color?

Blue

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

I'll watch both. But I normally prefer happy endings.

8. Any special talents?

I was going to say nothing because I am a jack of all trades master of none... But actually I think I am quite good at catching animals when needed. As you can imagine this doesn't happen often.

9. Where were you born?

In a city I never lived in but that's in the same region I currently live in.

10. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, playing the cello badly, learning bits of languages, random arts and crafts stuff

11. Do you have any pets?

A bearded dragon named Ziggy 🦎

12. What sports do you/have you played?

I don't play any sports, I hate competition. I enjoy swimming and rollerskating though.

13. How tall are you?

1.75m

14. Favourite subject in school?

Mostly consistently probably biology. But every given year my fav subject always depended on the teacher.

15. Dream job?

I agree with @thepointlessmasterpiece , garden hermit sounds perfect 😅 Otherwise anything that doesn't require shit loads of paperwork nor being exploited by some evil capitalist. It's a dream job because it doesn't exist ✨

I'm tagging @zefly @sirnica @hermitcyclop @perevision @fooolisher @quietduckpond @dirbanu @shieldmaidenofsherwood @coccinelf @eaion @mxmollusca @firstofficerkittycat @enterprise-come-in @wtfspocks @tocautiouslygo if y'all feel like it, no pressure at all though 💜

[azems-familiar]

get to know the blogger

i was tagged for this by @starknstarwars, thank you very much! i am tagging @ipreferfiction @tarrevizsla @darthsassacre @glitter-cronch @reliable-apprentice and anyone else who wants to join!

1) why did you choose your url?

so i've been through a few different urls in the past, but i ended up settling on this one when i switched over to primarily kotor stuff. the canon "revanchist" url is held by an empty blog, so i took the next best available thing. (my previous url was skywalking-across-the-galaxy and it was chosen exclusively for the pun.)

2) any sideblogs?

i made one as a joke to make in-character sith years revan, malak, and jedi exile in universe social media posts with a couple friends about a year ago. i don't actually do anything with it but it Exists.

3) how long have you been on tumblr?

since early 2016, i think my blog's anniversary is in april? oh god that was a lot longer ago than i want to think about.

4) why did you originally start your blog?

because i had just gotten into the doctor who fandom and i wanted to reach a wider audience with fanfiction. i was 16/17 and brand new to fandom as a group experience and ended up on tumblr after discovering that ao3 existed.

5) why did you choose your icon?

my icon and header change from time to time, when i feel like changing things up a bit, but for quite a while now my icon has been this absolutely stunning portrait of my Revan done by my beloved @stellorc, who is a dear friend and an incredible artist. it is the best piece of art i currently have of my Revan and since she's the main character i focus on and write about these days, i figured she should be the centerpiece! also i just love looking at that art.

6) why did you choose your header?

my header is a color-changed gif from the kotor remake teaser trailer done by @tarrevizsla, with a quote that someone stuck on an edit of the early kotor comics to describe Revan going against the Council to join the war, which has always stuck with me as very appropriate. I Just Think It's Neat and also symbolism.

7) what is your post with the most notes?

uhhhh that's hard for me to tell because my blog is old. a tcw art i commissioned in 2018 is pretty big. a few chat posts i made during my sequels era. the HK-47 locket shitpost i made has just over a thousand and is definitely my largest-note kotor/swtor related post!

8) how many mutuals do you have?

unknown and i'm not going through to count all of them. quite a few. my entire discord server (or the people who talk actively at least). hello beloved tor hell friends. (pspspspsps come join tor hell)

9) how many followers do you have?

2014, somehow. not many of them interact with me. a lot are from my doctor who or tcw days.

10) how many blogs do you follow?

2285. i should probably go through and prune that there are a lot of people i don't even know who they are anymore lol.

11) have you ever made a shitpost?

more times than i'd like to admit to, yes. my most popular recent one is definitely this gif:

12) how many times do you use tumblr a day?

let's just say i'm terminally online.

13) have you ever fought another blog?

yeah. i'm proship and have been known to ship some "problematic" things back in the day. i haven't been as badly involved in discourse but yknow how things go. also i will go to war to defend my friends.

14) how do you feel about "need to reblog" posts?

fuck those. if you say i MUST reblog something i am immediately going to Not Do That just out of spite.

15) do you like tag games?

absolutely, just sometimes i'm slow to respond.

16) do you like ask games?

yes! i love interaction! i crave it! however sometimes i can be bad at responding and then i feel horribly guilty whoops

17) which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

none who are tumblr famous but i am mutuals with @renesassing my beloved, who is a pretty damn popular artist, so there's that

18) do you have a crush on a mutual?

not particularly no. i mean one of my mutuals (i'm sure no one can guess which one) is my platonic partner and best friend but like. that's it lol

[gaymooshroom-archive]

No offense but like -- you're a popular blog with a popular fic and popular friends, I don't really think you're one to talk down to small blogs about not feeling frustrated.

hmm ok anon im not totally sure how to address everything here so bear with me

first of all, "talking down" is unfair because mish's post was extremely balanced and kind and well-written and in no way patronizing to smaller blogs. taking her words in bad faith is unproductive and just plain inaccurate.

i had one fic that did pretty well, im very grateful for that, but it didn't like... launch me to big blog status. i don't mean to dismiss the amount of success it had but i'm not really sure what you're trying to get at by saying i have " a popular fic." as far as im aware my single fanfiction from 5 months ago has very little to do with whatever popularity my blog has. speaking of which -- again, im extremely grateful for my blog and followers and mutuals and i dont say this to be ungrateful for any of that, but objectively, im not that big of a blog. i wont speak to my friends' "popularity" because honestly i think its kind of weird to use that against someone and im uncomfortable involving them in some random rude anon.

none of this is is me saying like "oh no guys im a tiny blog no one loves me how dare you accuse me of being a big blog im the victim" because Tbh i dont care about blog size and i never really have and also i know objectively im like... medium sized? but saying i dont have a right to comment on discourse because im "a popular blog" is not only a weird argument but also just kind of untrue.

the post i reblogged was about the relationship between art and validation and it was true regardless of follower count. if you need credentials for me to talk about that like... ive been online in fandom for a decade, i work in the arts professionally, etc etc etc. but i dont feel like you actually want a list of reasons i get to talk about this topic, i think you just kind of wanted to be mean.

[daisugababy]

i'm not the same anon who sent you all those asks just want to make that clear before i say what i have to say. i read your responses to these asks and i'm sorry but i have to call you out on what i perceive as hypocrisy. i don't know that you remember that or if it was someone else with a similar url to yours but either way you co-signed the idea that nico was "flirting" with josh, the patient he lost and at the time nico and levi were going strong and committed to one another

Bro, I literally don't know what you're talking about?? In what part of fandom have you been chillin? i asked @schmico-ing @glassesandkim and @pb-nj and none of them have encountered this kind of discourse/idea either. I have never heard about Nico flirting with Josh??? A patient??? While his boyfriend is right next to them, complaining about Nico possibly leaving for that new job?? When would Nico have flirted with Josh? I'm genuinely so confused my dude. Where did you read that? On tumblr dot com? No hate towards you, I am genuinely asking.

i don't know that you remember that or if it was someone else with a similar url to yours but either way you co-signed the idea that nico was "flirting" with josh

i'm pretty sure i didn't co-sign shit. i even checked an di did not entertain once the thought of a josh/nico flirting situation. fandom clown @glassesandkim said they had chemistry, but i'm pretty sure she didn't say that they were actually flirting with each other right in front of Levi, Bailey and Josh's grandpa. That would be really fucking weird.

i remember this clearly happening in the schmico fandom because everyone was trying to justify nico's actions by saying he was grieving

Yes, he was grieving. Because he fucking killed a 21 year old kid due to making a mistake during surgery. There's a difference between losing sb you (barely) know aside from work and making a mistake that kills someone. Nico. killed. someone. He's the reason this 21 old is dead. That shit is traumatizing. Everybody handles trauma differently.

so yeah i'm sorry but it comes across a bit hypocritical to get up in arms about levi entertaining the idea of another guy whenever he and nico are officially broken up and only hooking up

It was pretty clear that they were not broken up anymore, since Nico asked 'so did we break up or...?' While, infuriatingly, we didn't see them get back together onscreen, it is implied that they were back to being a couple. (This is also one of the main issues with Schmico. A lot of things are just implied to have happened through side comments. It makes it more difficult to follow their barely there storyline.)

and to finish off my thoughts on all this levi and nico were not only broken up but levi had been broken up with specifically because nico didn't want to open up, didn't even wanna talk at all

Nico told Levi he couldn't talk about this issue, but Levi kept on pressuring him. This is not the first time that Levi did so, so Nico will open up. Levi clearly did not respect Nico's boundaries and didn't give him the time to process, because he made Nico's trauma about himself. Repeatedly.

this wasn't a mutual split. so i can understand having a bit of emotional whiplash from going to being dumped to fuck buddies to in love and let's move in together.

I get what you mean, but again, Grey's relies heavily on implications when it comes to Schmico. And from them sleeping together (actual sleeping) and comforting each other (the on-call room scene + hand holding in public), it was kinda implied that they were just back together. But tbh I was also still confused until Nico said his 'did we break up or...' line.

i just don't understand why it's ok for nico to run from levi/push him away, last out at him whenever he is hurting/confused/going through it but levi has one second of hesitation, of wondering what it might be like to have an uncomplicated thing with a guy and we're ready to crucify him

Again, Levi kept pestering Nico about opening up. He acted like Nico not being ready to talk about his problems/trauma was a direct attack on him. This wasn't about Nico not trusting him, but Nico just not being to talk about it in general. If you can't respect your partner not wanting to talk about things that don't even involve you personally, then maybe you're not mature enough to be in a relationship. There's always a time and a place to talk about deeply traumatizing things, but I assure you, work is not that place.

My main issue here is just that Nico has always been so, so supportive of Levi. He gave him pep talks, hyped him up, stood by his side whenever Levi needed him, because he knew how to support him. Levi tried to comfort Nico the way he would've wanted to be comforted. But Levi never knew how to do that for Nico and he never asked.

I'm not crucifying Levi, I'm just annoyed, because relationship wise, from what we've seen, Levi is pretty selfish. He barely made any effort to learn how to be there for Nico, it has always been the other way around, always Nico adjusting to Levi's needs.

And yet, Nico always ends up as the bad guy... Hmmm... Very strange.