#but also i hate the idea of being forced to sympathize with the surgeons daughter

[klysanderelias]

no y'know what, I care more about talking about the last of us 1's ending than I do about getting any sleep today

so from the very beginning. The first thing we see of the fireflies is a botched attack on a guard post that (I have to assume) results in the situation that joel and tess end up in, where they find marlene gutshot in an alley with all her support dead. Marlene's driving goal at that point is to get ellie out of the city. That's the whole plot, right? is that joel and tess get swept up in it because marlene doesn't have another option. But that's the thing, that's the establishing character moment for the fireflies as an organization, and for marlene - and I HAVE to assume this wasn't intentional - they're all fuck-ups.

Marlene is the 'queen firefly'. She's the head of the whole organization, at least for her region, and she's in deep shit from the get-go. It's clear that, whatever is going on, the fireflies are losing. That's not something you can really argue. The government is in complete control. Sure, the fireflies still have safehouses and guerrilla forces, but not for much fucking longer from the way the game portrays them. We see almost no firefly power within the city, sans one car bomb, and when tess and joel get to the meetup outside the city, all the fireflies are, surprise surprise, dead as hell (and clearly because they colossally fucked up their opsec), so it's pretty straightforward from the intro that, yeah, the fireflies are not good at their jobs. And to be fair, they're civilians! I get it! But even MARLENE isn't getting results. Anyway, joel and ellie get to tommy, because plot happens, but here's the thing - tommy is EX-firefly, right? He LEFT. He was disillusioned with them and doesn't want to have anything to do with their mission. He gives joel supplies and information to continue the mission, after the attack on their compound, but still seems to be trying to convince joel to stay and not continue on. He's competent, he's capable, and he's pretty clear that he thinks the fireflies aren't worth the effort.

But joel and ellie keep going and find the university! The voice logs and shit there are kind of darkly hilarious because they're all basically 'well shit we fucked up', 'we're abandoning this facility and moving STATES', "We haven't had a breakthrough since the passive vaccine test we ran ... what? ...Five years ago?", 'oh shit I failed basic lab safety and got my ass bit by an infected monkey, triggering a new outbreak of the deadly pathogen we've been completely failing to cure'. Like, the whole university section should really just hammer home how fucking incompetent the fireflies are. They wasted all their time and resources for nothing. One of their researchers earns himself a darwin award because a) he sticks his hand in an infected monkey's cage, and b) he was gonna let INFECTED HUMAN-ADJACENT ANIMALS RUN FREE, LIKE DID THIS DUDE NOT READ ANYTHING ABOUT ANY PUBLIC HEALTH EVER?? DOES HE NOT KNOW WHAT A ZOONOTIC DISEASE IS? WHY IS HE ALLOWED WITH 100 FEET OF A RESEARCH LAB?? anyway they get to salt lake city, and ellie nearly drowns, and joel starts doing cpr. A firefly patrol walks in on it, and the absolute geniuses decide that a man doing cpr on an unconscious girl is an active threat and nearly kill both of them. Literally, I have no idea how ellie lives, except that it's a video game and video game devs have no idea how cpr works, or why, so it's not worth fighting. The point is, at BEST these guards nearly kill two people out of ignorance, and at WORST they nearly kill MAYBE THE ONLY IMMUNE PERSON IN THE WORLD but it gets better.

"In the hospital, Marlene tells Joel that Ellie is being prepared for surgery: in hope of producing a vaccine for the infection, the Fireflies must remove the infected portion of Ellie's brain, which will kill her." (thanks wikipedia) Let's start with the basics. You can't vaccinate fungal infections. That ain't a thing. There are currently people TRYING, but up until now in human history, it hasn't worked (for more information, try here). But for the sake of argument, let's assume that they CAN make a vaccine. That somehow, in the intervening time between now and before when the outbreak in the game takes place, in, uh, 2013, someone DID make a fungal vaccine, so it's not completely unprecedented. Let's also assume that the fireflies have the capabilities to make any sort of vaccine, at all, which is MUCH more complicated than most hospitals have equipment for.

I'm actually struggling to explain all this here. Look, it's a BRAIN PARASITE. It lives in her fucking brain. They cut it out, it doesn't live any more. That's how parasites work. That means they have, what, a couple of pounds of dying fungus to work on for a few days? They couldn't make a vaccine from the DANGEROUS fungus variant in 5 fucking years, at MINIMUM. What's their plan? Just stick it in someone else's head if they don't have a breakthrough on day 2? Literally, when I saw that a surgeon was the head researcher, I laughed, because of course a surgeon would cut first and ask questions never! Literally no one on their team apparently thought 'hey, the normal cordyceps infection is passed through saliva, right? What happens if the girl bites someone? or kisses someone?' How is that not THE FIRST FUCKING TEST you run? If ellie bites someone and they get normal cordyceps, that's HUGE information! and if she bites someone and they get NO cordyceps, that's likewise MASSIVELY IMPORTANT! It's just shockingly bad science, and bad medicine, and it's a sign that no one on the dev team the research team understood any medical microbiology. The point I'm trying to make here is that the firefly medical team makes literally the worst decision they could make, which is to immediately cut a PARASITE out of a GIRL'S HEAD while she's UNCONSCIOUS because they can't wait A WEEK????? to run extra tests? There's absolutely NO justification to do it as soon as she came in. It's wild-ass bullshit. Maybe, MAYBE, if there was something like 'oh when she almost drowned it did major damage to her brain and she might not actually pull through so it's now or never' but that's a COMPLETELY different scenario!

And like, it's CANON that the research team doesn't know what they're doing! Quoted from the head surgeon's voice recorder, "The girl's infection is like nothing I've ever seen. The cause of her immunity is uncertain. As we've seen in all past cases, the antigenic titers of the patient's Cordyceps remain high in both the serum and the cerebrospinal fluid. Blood cultures taken from the patient rapidly grow Cordyceps in fungal-media in the lab... however white blood cell lines, including percentages and absolute-counts, are completely normal. There is no elevation of pro-inflammatory cytokines, and an MRI of the brain shows no evidence of fungal-growth in the limbic regions, which would normally accompany the prodrome of aggression in infected patients."

I don't know about anyone else, I guess, but if a surgeon told me 'hey I've never seen anything like this, I don't know what's happening in there, and nothing I've done gives me any actionable results,' the LAST thing I'd expect to hear next is 'so I'm gonna cut your brain out lol, yolo am I right' So medically, the research team doesn't have a leg to stand on. Their decision is completely unjustifiable. And, I would argue, if there's only one person anyone knows of who's been immune to the world-destroying fungal infection, and someone was gonna kill that person, you should probably stop that from happening. And if a bunch of heavily armed paramilitary idiots tried to stop you from keeping that immune person alive, maybe they deserve what's coming to them. And politically, the fireflies are non-entities. They're nonfunctional as an organization. Salt lake city was their last major base in the last of us 1, to the extent that joel and ellie had to go from boston Massachusetts to salt lake city, TWO THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED, and SIXTY FIVE MILES, and that's if you took the fucking interstate straight fucking there. You're really gonna tell me that there wasn't a functional firefly holdout anywhere closer aside from tommy? Who wasn't affiliated with them any more?

Like, it's just wild to me. I understand how people could think the ending was ambiguous, because the devs WANTED it to be, but there's nothing supporting that in the actual game. There's no information, no experiences, no narrative, no METANARRATIVE, in which the fireflies are anything but colossal fuck-ups with a specialty in winning darwin awards en masse.

I get it, murdering a whole hospital full of people is wrong, but like, if you justify ANY murder in the last of us, you have to justify murdering a) the pedophilic cannibal rapists and b) the paramilitary organization with a suicide fetish that's hellbent on bringing everyone else with them.

And yeah, maybe shooting marlene at the end was a little much, but joel was STILL. RIGHT. She agreed with the decision to go ahead with the surgery. She did what she did because she believed in the cause, and nothing joel did was gonna change that. Plus, if she'd just lied to joel's face and told him that ellie had drowned, she would have 'won' and the surgery would have happened.

Joel was fucking right, and like I said before, the real impact of the ending is that he doesn't know that, just like ellie doesn't. He made a decision based on his own feelings, his own trauma, and that drives the drama of the moment, but the devs were morons and decided to completely justify the decision, in its entirety.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

You Can Run... (S2, E11)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:03 - Baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley playing together is so cute. <3 

0:05 - Malcolm is playing with Batman (the hero) and Ainsley is playing with the Joker (the villain). But Ainsley wants to play with Batman. Coincidence? Foreshadowing? I’m torn. 

0:20 - ....I can’t tell if this is regular “kid fake crying to get sibling in trouble”, “bad fake crying because kid actors are still just kids who are learning”,  or “Ainsley is a psychopath and she’s never been able to cry properly fake crying”.

0:50 - “I’d much rather stay at home with my favourite guy.” UgH. Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep. No wonder Malcolm has so many Daddy issues. This broke my heart. Malcolm clearly idolized Martin. Martin was his hero. :( 

1:35 - “Where are you? Talk to me.” This hurts because it makes sense. Malcolm’s one constant in life was his father’s voice. For better or for worse. It reminds me of anxiety disorders/depression. Part of you doesn’t want to heal. You don’t know what to do without the pain and fear. You don’t know who you’d be. The unknown is scarier than the pain and misery. That’s Malcolm right now. He knows Martin is bad for his mental health but he’s afraid to lose Martin because without Martin’s voice Malcolm has no idea who he is. 

1:55 - I can’t decide if I love or hate Ruiz. She’s really combative? Like Malcolm didn’t say “You’re here to take over” aggressively. At all. I respect the hell out of her for being a total badass and good at her job....but she’s also kind of verbally aggressive? And pretending she doesn’t know Martin is Malcolm’s father? Like - I know she was probably trying to break the ice but it was really unprofessional and kind of a dick move? IDK something about Ruiz just kind of rubs me the wrong way (no this isn’t sexism. I’m a woman working in a male-dominated field. I respect the hell out of career-driven women. This is purely just something about her personality that bothers me.)

2:41 - Oh yeah. Gil did not like the joke about Ruiz not knowing The Surgeon = Malcolm’s father. Look at Gil. He’s annoyed but he’s also worried af about what that little comment did to his already mentally fragile profiler. 

3:22 - Just how many times has Malcolm played that voicemail since the end of 2x10? It looks like Gil’s already heard it. Dani’s probably heard it. How many times did Malcolm listen to it - desperately searching for clues? This is not good for Malcolm’s mental health. He needs a hug - not to listen to his manipulative serial killer father on repeat (although, that’s kind of the show isn’t it?). Also, where’s the “we’re the same” part of the message? Did Malcolm delete the end of the message? Maybe so he doesn’t become a suspect? 

3:32 - Look at how utterly furious and concerned Gil is. Guys. Guys. Papa!Gil is BACK. <3 <3 <3 <3 Oh how I’ve missed him. Seriously though, Gil looks absolutely livid (at Martin) because he can see how upset Malcolm is and he knows it’s all Martin’s fault. Plus the concerned looks he keeps shooting at Malcolm? <3 My heart <3 

3:39 - “Of course not.” LIAR. I truly believe this episode is an excellent example of a character “knowing something as fact in their heads but feels the opposite way in their hearts”. Malcolm is still a little boy desperate for his father’s love. Problem is, Malcolm is also a highly educated adult man who knows that his father is incapable of truly caring about him. 

3:55 - Gil watching Malcolm’s hand shake. <3 I have no words. Gil looks so concerned. We’re getting so close to a full Malcolm breakdown and I’m here for it. If we get a full on intervention and/or hospital scene I will be the happiest person alive. 

4:15 - A couple of things 1) look at how Capshaw is glancing around the room when Gil, Malcolm, and Jessica are talking about how Daryl tried to kill Jessica. Capshaw is showing equal amounts of disdain, envy, and guilt. 2) Gil making a joke just to make Jessica and Malcolm smile is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Gil is single handedly, emotionally, holding these two together and it’s the content I’ve been desperate for. 

4:42 - <3 <3 My heart is melting. <3 Gil’s little smile when he looks at the picture of baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley. Look me in the eyes and tell me Gil isn’t their dad. I’ll fight you. 

4:50 - “All the kooks will come out. I know the drill.” Poor Jessica. She’s really been through a lot of crap. :( 

4:55 - Did Gil shoot Capshaw that suspicious look because he was about to show blatant physical affection to Jessica or because he suspects Capshaw knows something about Martin? Maybe both?

5:00 - Sooooo Gil and Jessica just flirt openly in front of Malcolm now? ....Look at Malcolm’s reaction to their little moment. That boy has heart eyes. <3 Forget Brightwell - Gillica is the ship I will die on. 

5:50 - I promise you. Jessica’s eye roll+huff when Malcolm says he’s going to stay with Capshaw for a minutes is defensive. She’s knows that Malcolm is trying to get information that will help recapture Martin. But right now? She just wants a hug from her son. She wants to keep him in her sight; where she knows he’s safe. 

6:12 - soooooo Capshaw is definitely a psychopath and she’s 100% acting in this scene. Look at her. She’s angry but she’s trying to act calm. She’s trying to justify everything she did but it never quite connects. She’s just a little bit....something. Vacant? Insincere? Malcolm seems to believe her though...because she told him exactly what she knew he would sympathize and empathize with...the next two episodes are going to be incredible. 

7:00 - Damn. Malcolm looks so destroyed in this scene. He looks scared, sad, angry. This boy is riding an emotional elevator that only goes down. I’m just waiting for it to hit the ground. 

7:14 - This is fake. Capshaw’s “crying” here? How completely put together she seems? Fake. She’s trying to act distraught and guilt-ridden but she just seems too put together and angry to make it believable. 

7:25 - How much do you want to bet that Capshaw is either 1) after Martin because one of her family members was killed by the Surgeon, 2) some sort of already established serial killer/psychopath who thinks killing the Surgeon will make her a serial killer legend?

7:30 - Malcolm being kind is everything. <3 Ugh. This little cinnamon roll is such a sweetheart. <3 

8:12 - I’m on Malcolm’s side. Ainsley can’t think about work? Bullshit. Ainsley is somehow in on this whole thing. Istg.

8:21 - “Dad is out there and I don’t know. I’m just not okay.” ....this whole exchange between Ainsley and Malcolm felt forced? Like Ainsley is really off here. It seems out of character that Ainsley would admit that she’s not okay so calmly. She’s too passionate (generally speaking) to just be this calm right now. 

8:24 - Ainsley is way too calm for the daughter of an escaped serial killer. Malcolm looks utterly terrified. Ainsley just looks....indifferent. Sure, maybe she’s processing things different or she’s in some state of shock but I find it unlikely. 

8:41 - Awwww. Looks like Gil let a Whitly near his car. <3

8:51 - Awwwww...Malcolm literally jumping into the ambulance is adorable. <3

9:00 - “So it’s official. The Surgeon’s killing again.” THE LOOK. The look that JT, Dani, and Gil exchange everything to me. It’s concern. For Malcolm. For what they know this is doing to him. It’s fear. For what may happen next. 

9:19 - “Dude.” Some people think JT is being a dick to Malcolm here. I disagree. Sure, it’s not what Malcolm wanted (or needed) to hear. BUT the way I interpreted that ‘dude’: JT is concerned about Malcolm. JT knows that Malcolm is having a hard time right now and JT is worried that Malcolm is reverting back to ‘scared little boy who doesn’t want to believe his dad is a killer’ instead of his usual ‘profiler-mode’. I don’t think JT is upset with Malcolm. I think this is JT acting like Malcolm’s big brother. 

9:26 - “I’m not saying I believe it. But I’m sure he believes it.” Gil isn’t buying that. Look at his face. Gil knows Malcolm is struggling to separate his complex feelings about Martin ‘Dad’ Whitly and Matrin ‘the Surgeon’ Whitly.

9:33 - Again. The phrasing here may have been a little blunt but I think this is JT trying to remind Malcolm that his dad is a monster who doesn’t love him. It’s not a pleasant thing but it is a reminder that Malcolm needed to continue working the case effectively. 

9:38 - JT and Dani exchanging looks of concern when Malcolm raises his voice (and again when Gil sends them to canvas the area for missing cars) <3 WHERE IS MY INTERVENTION?!!? <3

10:01 - “You think I’ve lost it.” :( This breaks my heart. It’s not enough that Malcolm has been on a downward mental health spiral this whole season. Now, Martin escapes and Malcolm is so fragile that he can’t tell the difference between concern and disapproval. He genuinely can’t see that Gil, Dani, and JT are concerned about him. He’s interpreting their concern as distrust and disapproval. :( 

10:30 - .....where’s Gil’s car? Did he leave it with Dani and JT? 

10:45 - “He lived here with my mother before I was born.” Excuse me? What? My brain is short circuiting. I want more details. I find this information utterly fascinating. Were Jessica’s parents alive? Is it a Milton family home or did Jessica and/or Martin buy it themselves?

10:51 - “If my father was a serial killer I may have fortified my house a little better.” .....no. This felt wrong. I don’t like that Gil said this. Why would Malcolm fortify the house more? Martin was literally chained to a wall. PLUS Gil’s been to Malcolm’s place before. If Gil (the cop) was concerned about safety he would’ve said something to Malcolm about it before now. 

11:44 - I want to punch that US Marshall in the face. Don’t you dare suggest that Malcolm should’ve seen this coming or that he has anything to do with Martin’s escape. I also love this interaction. It really shows the story of Malcolm’s life: his colleagues don’t trust him because of who his father is. Malcolm’s skill is never enough for the cops/FBI/law enforcement to trust him because Martin is a serial killer. Shouldn’t it count for something that Malcolm is the one who turned Martin over to the cops AS A 10 YEAR OLD? ALSO - WTF did Malcolm have ammo for his antique weapons??!?!?

11:54 - Look at Dani and JT. They look ashamed and concerned. Almost as if they just realized that they’re the only ones in the precinct (other than Gil) who have ever given Malcolm a chance. 

12:02 - The hand tremor <3 Damn. Someone hug him. He is so close to a full mental breakdown. I can’t wait. 

12:17 - “I’m not fine.” I. Am. So. Proud. Our broken boy just told the truth about his mental state. Look at Dani. She’s shocked and she’s more concerned than ever. Malcolm admitting he’s not fine means he’s really really not fine. This is bad. Malcolm is going to lose it soon. 

12:35 - “You were in control” I understand why that would be comforting for Malcolm. HOWEVER, when it’s said like that Malcolm probably draws the parallel between himself and Martin (the manipulative control freak). :(

12:55 - Malcolm expressing his self doubt is shattering. He’s being so vulnerable with Dani right now and I don’t even care about the Brightwell ship at the moment - I’m just proud of him for opening up to someone. 

13:03 - “Usually his voice is in my head all the time” Yes. Because even though Martin was chained to a wall, he was still in control. The constant phone calls. The verbal chess games. The traumatic memories. Malcolm has never been able to escape Martin. Ever. Now 2/3 of his regular Martin exposures have disappeared and Malcolm doesn’t know how do go about daily life without the constant harassment. 

13:40 - There’s no way Jessica was actually in enough pain to ask for a painkillers. Jess overheard Malcolm and Capshaw talking and she came to ask Capshaw about it. 

14:14 - “I feel like I’m in Hell’s waiting room.” “Been there for 23 years.” Ouch. Capshaw is lying through her teeth but Jessica? Jessica is being sincere. My heart breaks for her. Also - the fact that every time we’ve seen Jessica bond with another woman (Eve, Capshaw, Birdie) that woman is a manipulative woman trying to use Jessica’s connection to Martin for her own personal gain is very upsetting. I petition for Jessica to bond with Tally and/or Dani. 

14:40 - Look at Capshaw’s face when Jessica mentions Martin’s open casket. She’s hopeful. Like she just found a potential partner in crime. Or at least she just found another reason to justify what she’s about to do to Martin. 

15:15 - I can’t anymore. It’s been driving me CRAZY that Dani’s curls are extremely different sizes in almost every other scene this episode. Sometimes the curls are reasonably tight and a little frizzy, Then in scenes like this one her curls are big, loose, and clean. Her hair is gorgeous both ways but the inconsistency is really bothering me. 

15:52 - Americans - help me out. Is this a thing? Do your bowling alleys serve alcohol? Specifically wine? My Canadian ass is curious (our bowling alleys serve pop and bottled water. And maybe fruit juice). 

15:52 - Look at how cautious Malcolm is as he approaches the boy. He’s afraid. Afraid that he’ll see evidence that the Surgeon is killing again. 

16:45 - Who did Pete steal those clothes from? It wasn’t the EMTs.....did he raid Malcolm’s closet?!?!?!

17:15 - Pete was 10 when he found a quasi-sanctuary from his abusive father. So was Malcolm (in the sense that Martin was arrested and physically removed from the home). 

17:40 - I love this about Malcolm. Pete helped Martin escape. Pete is a killer. But Malcolm is standing there talking to Pete like they’re friends. Malcolm genuinely empathizes with Pete’s childhood. It’s messed up but it’s also beautiful. Malcolm truly has a good heart. 

18:00 - And now Malcolm is scared. He’s just remembered that Pete is a serial killer and he’s in danger.

18:15 - Look, Pete’s a bad guy. But his childhood? Damn. That sucks. :( 

18:33 - “Tell me where Martin’s headed.” Not “The Surgeon”, not “Dr. Whitly”, not “my father”. “Martin”. Because Malcolm doesn’t know “Martin”. He’s met his father/dad - the man who loved him and cared for him during the first 10 years of his life. He’s met “The Surgeon” - the man who chloroformed him, manipulated him, and emotionally abused him his entire life. He’s met “Dr. Whitly” - the man who tried to teach him about the human body as a child and the man who gives him valuable medical insight on cases. But Malcolm’s never met this side of Martin Whitly and he doesn’t know what to expect. So he’s calling him “Martin”.

18:56 - Malcolm, you moron. Pete can see that you’re already suffering.

19:07 - I’ll be honest. I was kind of shocked that they killed off Pet like this. I knew Christian Brole was a guest star so obvious something would happen to write his character off the show but....this was intense. 

19:16 - “Bright I saw it too.” Thank you, Dani. Calm this boy down. He’s about 10 seconds away from being arrested for being a moron at a crime scene. 

19:30 - “It is my job to find my father.” This runs deep. Malcolm isn’t just talking about how it’s his job to profile where Martin might be. This is Malcolm admitting that he’s been subconsciously looking for his father for 23 years. He’s just a little boy who keeps visiting a serial killer in prison because he hopes that one day he’ll find the father that loved him (or at least acted like it). :( Someone hug this boy. <3

19:44 - I found how Malcolm pushes Dani off of him interesting. He’s clearly furious. He clearly is not in the mood to be touched but as soon as Dani starts manhandling him he sort of calms down? He’s not calm but he gains better control of himself. He listens to Dani when she guides him away from Ruiz, (he’s not perfect by any means) but he walks away and you can see his body language relax slightly. 

20:11 - I kind of feel bad for JT. Gil and Jessica have blatantly flirted in front of him twice now (2x5 and now). That’s got to be awkward for him. hahaha

20:14 - “Where is Ainsley?” Good question Gil. Malcolm (who is on the verge of a panic attack) is working himself ragged to find Martin. Jessica is terrified and going through old photos to see if she can find anything that might give a clue to Martin’s whereabouts. But Ainsley? Not only is she calm - she’s not reporting on the prison break. She’s not actively trying to find Martin and she’s not terrified. Why? I honestly think (hope) she’s working with Capshaw. 

20:20 - That look Gil shoots JT. Yep. Gil definitely suspects that Ainsley’s involved. I’m pretty sure Gil has pieced together what happened to Endicott and now he suspects Ainsley. 

20:30 - hahahaha the way that JT stares at Gil as Gil leaves the room. hahahaha. He’s like: “This is awkward. I don’t want to babysit your rich girlfriend (and the Mom of the most annoyingly endearing profilers in existence). I am uncomfortable and I hate that you’re leaving me here alone.”

21:05 - I LOVE THIS SCENE. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.  I love how Dani is slouching in Gil’s chair like she owns it. I love that Malcolm is sitting on the couch like a scolded child. I love that they’re talking about Gil’s birthday. 

21:32 - “I’m already drafting an apology letter.” “That’s not enough.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI. This. FINALLY we get someone calling Malcolm on his passive suicidality. Yes, Malcolm is driven and obsessed with the case (any case). But he also risks his life needlessly to solve them. As though he thinks he’s not worthy of saving. As though he believes he deserves to suffer for what he did to The Surgeon and for what The Surgeon did to his victims. Malcolm is passionate and dedicated to his job. But he doesn’t care about his life enough to protect it. That’s passive suicidality in my books.

21:43 - “For a killer who has done nothing but make your life a living hell.....he’s not worth it.” THIS. Malcolm doesn’t hear this enough. People always suspect him of being like Martin. People rarely take the time to realize that Malcolm was just a little boy who was traumatized by the things he found out about Martin. Strangers judge and treat Malcolm like a criminal just because his father is a publicly bad person. It’s been happening for so long that Malcolm believes he’s a bad person who isn’t worthy of happiness. 

21:52 - Poor Malcolm. His little face. :( He looks so sad, angry, and scared all at the same time. This is another case of “the logical part of my brain knows I’m acting irrationally but I can’t stop it because the emotions are too big and strong and everything hurts.”

22:05 - “I’m sorry.” MALCOLM WHY THE HELL ARE YOU APOLOGIZING TO DANI?!? Because you yelled at Ruiz and now Dani’s worried about you? Dude. You’re having a mental health crisis and a really really bad day. You don’t need to apologize right now. Dani doesn’t want your apology. She wants you to take care of yourself. 

22:25 - “Jury’s still out.” Ouch. 

22:32 - Oh look. Another old person with a landline. hahahahha

23:11 - JT being a sweetheart to Jessica. <3 I love this man. This is so cute. I feel like this is the first time JT’s truly seen Jessica as a full human with a personality as opposed to Malcolm’s rich mother and Gil’s love interest.

23:18 - “I get a call like that once a week.” OH HELL NO. 

23:30 - I love the fact that Jessica and JT are bonding over the fact that they’re both being harassed and judged for something outside of their control. 

23:41 - SOMEONE IS CALLING TALLY?!?! NO. NO. NO. NO. I’M FURIOUS. 

24:04 - “I don’t know. Why did you pretend no one was on the phone earlier?” I love this line. Jess didn’t tell for the same reason JT didn’t. They’re independent, strong people. They don’t want bother other people with their problems. They’re embarrassed that this is happening to them and on some level they probably think (wrongfully) that they deserve it. 

24:46 - Oh look. All of Malcolm’s worst nightmares are coming true on the same day. The look of pure terror on his face. <3 

25:20 - I want more Gil + Ainsley scenes. I find them fascinating. Ainsley looks like she resents Gil (probably because he spent so much time with Malcolm instead of her in the 90s+00s). Gil looks remorseful, sad, concerned, and fatherly. Like, even though he didn’t spend a lot of time with Ainsley - he still loves her. Because he loves Jessica and Malcolm so he loves Ainsley by extension. 

25:30 - “People always suspect him” THIS. Ainsley is trying to manipulate Gil into believing she’s innocent by drawing parallels between her actions and Malcolm’s. What Ainsley doesn’t seem to realize (and why Gil is so cold when he says “People always suspect him”) is that Gil watched Malcolm grow up. He watched the cops question him in 98�� because they thought he was a suspect. He watched Malcolm grow up as people bullied him and locked him in closets because he’s the son of a murderer. Malcolm was fired from the FBI for being the Surgeon’s son (and punching a sheriff). Ainsley though? She forwarded her career by televising Malcolm’s mental health issues and proudly announcing that she’s the daughter of a killer. She still has a job. People still treat her with respect. Malcolm wasn’t granted that luxury. Gil knows it. He watched as Ainsley used Martin as a tool for success while Malcolm struggled under the weight of Martin’s crimes and abuse. 

25:34 - “Ouch”. Malcolm’s not offended. Look at the little smile he sends toward Dani. <3

25:36 - Ainsley is furious. That’s the look she had in her eyes when she confronted Malcolm about the pig’s blood incident. She has no remorse. She’s pissed that her brother is overshadowing her.

25:49 - “We didn’t plan a prison break.” Who’s the ‘we’. Her and Malcolm? Or Ainsley and Martin? Or all three? Or Capshaw and Ainsley? ....this 3/4 of those options are definitely true. But one of them might be a lie. I think Ainsley was purposely vague to make it harder to Malcolm, Gil, and Dani to tell if she’s lying. 

26:17 - Ainsley isn’t scared, stressed, or anxious when she picks up the phone. She seems annoyed but hopeful. I find that interesting. 

26:46 - That smile. Ainsley loved talking to her dad. As a girl who grew up without a father - I feel for her. BUT GIRL - he’s a killer and this is not healthy. 

27:08 - Malcolm suspects Ainsley. And he’s scared. Bring me my popcorn. I’m here for the show. 

27:18 - This must be killing Ainsley. The fact that she knows Malcolm, Gil, and Jessica are a quasi-family unit. It’s probably making her feel more left out than usual. 

27:30 - “Maybe I should’ve done more for her when she was growing up.” :( My heart is shattering. This isn’t Gil’s fault but damn, does this hurt. 

27:40 - “No matter what we did, all roads led to Martin.” More confirmation that Jessica and Gil co-parented Malcolm. <3 This is amazing. I’m so happy. 

27:53 - Really Jess? You’re turned on by the fact that Gil has a secret plan while your daughter is being questioned about helping a murderer escape prison?!?! It’s adorable (especially how Gil starts flirting back with her) but also - not the time. 

28:14 - This is why I think Ainsley is somehow involved with Capshaw and/or is a budding serial killer. She’s so cheery. She’s being questioned by the police because they suspect her of committing a crime. Even an innocent person would be a little anxious or defensive. She’s just....numb but also cheery at the same time? Something’s not right here. 

28:19 - “This room is under surveillance at all times.” ....but is it under audio surveillance? Is this interrogation going to become a bigger part of the plot later in the season? Because Ainsley verbally questions if she’s like Martin.

29:17 - As much as I hate Martin, I agree with his analysis of Ainsley. She’s high on charm, low on compassion and empathy. She doesn’t have normal reactions to traumatic events. She never appears scared or sad. We’ve only ever really seen Ainsley happy, determined, or angry. 

29:20 - ....I fully believe Ainsley is fake crying to manipulate Malcolm during the interrogation.

31:25 - “Do you think I’m the reason he broke out?” Ugh. Ainsley is so starved for parental attention and it’s heartbreaking.....maybe that’s how this killer was made.

32:00 - Gil doesn’t think Ainsley’s a credible source of information. Let’s all just sit on that information for a bit. 

32:19 - “It’s not him I’m worried about.” <3 <3 <3 <3 Papa!Gil <3 I’ve missed you. <3 <3

32:34 - YO Gil, Malcolm. Have you two knuckleheads really never watched Criminal Minds?!?! This dude is showing textbook “I’m a hostage” behaviour. 

33:19 - Gil calling Malcolm his ‘partner’ is so precious. <3

34:50 - Sooooo 400K is a LOT of money. Did Martin use Milton family money for his murder agenda?!? Did Jessica never notice that much cash missing from their accounts?!? Where did all this money come from?! 

35:32 - Ahhhh lovely. Martin had a fake Canadian passport. 

35:46 - Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep because Martin put Malcolm’s batman toy in his murder escape bag. It’s so twisted and yet, sweet? 

35:50 - “What’s that?” <3 My heart has shattered. Look at the unshed tears in Malcolm’s eyes. Listen to how soft Gil’s voice is. Look at Malcolm’s sad little heartbroken, hopeful smile and Gil’s heartbroken look of concern. <3 I adore this exchange so so so so much. This is the Papa!Gil content I’ve been hungry for. 

37:38. -”Bright, she said no.” ....and Gil doesn’t want him going in there either. It’s not safe for anyone. But especially not for Malcolm in his current mental state. 

38:25 - “Don’t ever imply Bright doesn’t want to save lives.” YES TELL HER GIL. YES. I’m living my best life. The Papa!Gil fans were FED this episode. <3

38:51 - “They’re going to kill him.” I love this because I get it. My dad was abusive. I don’t like him and I don’t respect him. I think he’s a shitty human being. But I still love him. A part of me always will. Malcolm’s relationship with Martin is a little more complicated but it boils down to the same thing - no matter what a part of you will always love your parents. You might hate that part of yourself. You might try to suppress it. But it’s always there. Whether you like it or not. The idea that Martin will be killed? That’s terrifying for Malcolm because a dead Martin Whitly means he’ll never ‘earn’ his father’s love. It means his chance of finding the father who loved him pre-age 10 is gone forever. And that’s terrifying. Malcolm will grieve what he lost but he won’t grieve Martin as a human being - just who Martin could’ve been for Malcolm. 

39:22 - Gil chasing Malcolm <3 I’m in love. 

39:55 - Again, where the hell did Hector get these clothes? He sure as hell didn’t steal that plaid shirt from Malcolm’s place or the EMTs. 

40:10 - Hector is my favourite killer. I love him and I don’t know why. 

40:50 - This sequence is haunting. Watching Gil, Jessica, and Malcolm terrified and concerned in isolating shots. <3 *Chef’s kiss*. AND THE FACT THAT JT is still with Jessica?!?! <3 Glorious. I’m here for it. 

41:35 - I don’t like the way Capshaw looked at Malcolm when she said, “He’s your father.”.....it was appraising. Almost like she’s considering killing Malcolm to snub the whole Whitly family of potential killers. 

42:17 - That line about karma......holy shit. Capshaw is evil #confirmed. Malcolm is a moron for not spotting it right this second. 

42:55 - I have so many questions. 1) how did Capshaw get Martin in the car without anyone noticing? Like, why didn’t the security cameras catch it? 2) ....how much air circulation is in a car trunk? 3) How long has Capshaw been planning this? 4) is it really Martin in the car? Or someone else? ....maybe she had a goon kidnap Martin and take him to a secondary location after he left Claremont grounds? 5) Did Capshaw ever have a romantic interest in Martin? Was it ALL show?

AHHHHH this episode was amazing and I can’t wait for Tuesday. Thanks for hanging out. <3 

[elvesofnoldor]

i never hated this game. even back when it first came out about a year ago.  even now i still appreciate the sort of the story that the devs were trying to tell. they had good ideas. Did they do a great job executing these ideas though? i don’t think so, which is why i can never sympathize with people who thought the game was a masterpiece, it’s like, oh you mean a masterpiece on a technical level? yeah absolutely, but the story is riddled with problems and you gotta be a giant meathead if you don’t see them

i really do come to like abby’s story, even though it’s still extremely hard to stomach the fact that she took up HALF of the entire game, she’s not even on the cover of the game! (not gonna lie it’s a bit false advertising on the devs’ part lmao) The fact that abby’s father was literally a faceless npc from the first game is still blowing my mind now. joel dies because a faceless npc’s daughter is angry at him. Still hilarious. This random npc also the best surgeon on board with the fireflies, even though his name wasn’t even mentioned once in the first game cause he doesn’t exist yet! and also he’s only doctor who could have perform the surgery to develop the life saving vaccine. Again, hilarious. I would have been more opened to learn about abby if abby is connected to marlene instead. This random npc becoming more important to merlene is just wild to me. Even now, having seen all of abby’s campaign, it still doesn’t feel like she should take up that much time in the game. sure i appreciate lev’s part in her campaign, in fact lev is the best part of her campaign, and i wanted to see that as perhaps an attempt at paralleling her with joel. she’s bonding with lev as joel bonded with ellie in the first game, becoming parental figure to an orphan and whatnot. except that i dont think abby realizes this at all? it does not factor into her getting closure either? at no point does abby realize that if lev was ellie and she was in joel’s position, she could have cut down somebody else’ father too. so this joel parallel is not working that well. no, she’s supposed to parallel with ellie. 

i think the story is supposed to say that sometimes bad things happened to your loved ones and it’d left a hole in you and you would want closure and you would want justice, but these things are not that easy to come by; and when the circumstances is right, you could have been the one to make bad things happen to other people’s loved ones. joel took away abby’s loved one and abby took away him, who was in turn someone important to ellie. ellie retaliated by taking away abby’s other loved ones while looking for her, and abby killed ellie’s loved ones in response. it’s just a cycle of pointless violence all stemmed from grief.  in the right circumstances, they each could have play the part of the villain in one another’s life. the story is about dealing with grief and loss as the last game, except that this game emphasized on the darker side of the process. it’s about the anger that’s stemmed from grief and how that anger drives one to do pointless things for empty justice, dealing further grief and damage, destroying their own life in the process. Only by letting go of that anger can one truly be free. In theory! it could have made a powerful and heart wrenching tragedy! only in theory though! 

let’s go back to the cover shall we. who’s on the cover? Ellie. this is marketed to be ellie’s story. it was supposed to be ellie’s story. abby’s part, especially after it’s over, just feel like an HOURS long distraction. im still amazed that we learn more about abby and owen’s relationship with one another than we did ellie and dina’s relationship. by amazed i mean angry, actually. i don’t hate owen and abby’s story, i like it actually, but this shouldn’t have been about them. this game should have been about ellie’s complicated relationship with joel after she discovered the lies he told her, it was supposed to be about her grief over losing the only family she has left in this world. this is supposed to be the core of the story while we learn about the life she’s building while befriending dina and jesse. As we become invested in dina and jesse as characters, we’d also learn about the life she would have gone to destroy as she grieves for joel. this game is supposed to be ellie’s story and ellie’s grief, as the last game is joel’s story and joel’s grief. abby simply doesn’t make the most meaningful contribution to ellie’s story. 

not only that, we are supposed to beat the SHIT out of ellie as abby!! my fucking god!! im not angry about anything else in this game up until that point in the story. joel’s death was very rough, but i get it, i get the part it plays in the narrative, but what the fuck is this? Am i supposed to identify with abby here? it seems like we are supposed to considering we are forced to take control of her here. she brutally murdered a guy in front of his loved one, and then now her friends are dead because of what she decided to do and i guess she’s pissed about it and wanted ellie dead? “you killed my friends. we let you live and you wasted it” yeah that line is not registering abby, you tortured someone to death in front of their loved one so honestly idk what you were expecting. im having immense difficulty sympathizing with abby here and honestly i can’t imagine most people in their right minds being able to sympathize with abby here either. And if the players can’t sympathize with their character and want to do what they want to do, then the story fails and the game fails, it’s that simple.

i forget about this boss fight before starting to watch the full playthrough. this entire time i was thinking how fun the combat is and how i would definitely check out the game when im able to, right until that stupid boss fight. somebody talked about how that boss fight mirrored ellie’s fight with the p*dophile from the last game. you know, the guy who was trying to groom her and later kill her? that piece of shit? except now, ellie is in that piece of shit’s place, and you know, unlike him, she is not a piece of shit! And just in what goddamn game, do i want to beat the shit out of one of my most favourite video game characters of all time? devs gotta be out of their goddamn minds thinking people would want to try to kill a well loved character in a boss fight. 

they could have delivered a tightly-packed well-curated experience with a clear albeit potentially non-linear story about ELLIE--as they advertised this game to be, as the players expected it to be. And it would have been great, it would almost definitely still win as many awards as it would now. it would definitely still be the game of the year because it would still be the only game that tried to tell a story as meaningful and soul searching. abby is a good character, i’ve seen people saying she was a fascist? she became a part of a militant resistance group that has evolved to exert authoritarian control over its populace after it destroyed the previously authoritarian military presence, but idk if that’s enough to label the group she’s part of as fascist. And all of that shit happened before she joined. plus she’s not fanatic about the group she joined either, and she defected for most of her story, so yeah i don’t see anything concrete and definitive backing up that claim.  she is not a significantly worse person than ellie, but she sure shouldn’t have been in her story.