#but also i can't sleep grrrrrr

[xcziel]

i hate being sick

[smudged-kaleidoscope]

I need it to be morning rn so I can make myself some scrambled egg whites

[tom-foolery-incorporated]

Does Shockwave ever get jealous of how much everyone else is having fun with his pet? Surely he gets to noticing how much less one-on-one time he's getting with them and it makes him feel more pent up when he finally gets them to himself, right? Or what if the human is too sore to play with him so Shockwave has to find means of satisfying himself alone? Imagine he realizes it isn't enough tho, he can't cum without his human ever again? He thought he ruined his pet but he's also ruined himself to ever be able to jerk off normal again 💀 I want to make this mech so sexually frustrated and blueballed I can't even explainnnnnnn. I would love to see your take on this if you're up for writing something !

GRRRRRR RUFFRUFFRUFFURUFFRUFFAHSJDHFJFUGRRRGGGRRRR

YESSSSSS!!!! Shockwave absolutely cannot nut without his little pet human. While he’s absolutely ruined you for anyone else, you’ve unintentionally trained him to not be able to cum without your help!! His servo isn’t tight enough, the lube he used isn’t wet enough, and while he does have all of your noises saved to his processor it’s just not the same. You’ve ruined him for anyone else and for any hope that he would be able to satisfy himself while you rested.

All poor Shockwave can do his tug on his needy spike as frustration fills him. His optic is on your sleeping form and he thinks about how easy it would be just to slide into you and fuck you while you slept. How cute you’d look being woken up by your master’s thick spike using your already sore pussy. However, you made it clear you just wanted to rest and Shockwave would never dare cross any boundaries you set.

However he can’t help but feel a tingling of envy at the memory of how Frenzy plowed into your squelching cunt and how Rumble used your throat for his own pleasure. Maybe sharing you was a bad idea, a greedy part of Shockwave’s processor suggests. But what kind of owner would he be if he didn’t show off how well trained his pet was. You were finally able to take his spike and he knew Soundwave would want a taste soon. Your cute pleadings and frantic moans. How you basically went braindead the second you were stretched over his tip.

Despite all of these delicious memories, Shockwave was no closer to his overload. He might as well have been playing with his canon at this point. Nothing could replace how you slobbered all over his spike and valve. How you worshipped his node and let him cover you in his spent.

You have officially made the Decepticon’s top scientist a pussy whipped deviant.

[daddys-submisive]

Over the last few days I've been really happy.

I'm now just getting worried something bad will happen now to ruin it.

My mind is now over thinking everything and I can't sleep grrrrrr.

😟 what should I do internet people 🤔

Also I would like more cuddles in my life

[oulkheir]

hi!!! it's okay i just threw all of that to your face and i told you to take your time (which you sure did jkjk) but it's completely fine don't worry a bit :)

first after reading all of that i can tell you that you don't suck at romance at all. i can't see that, and since you put a lot of effort into trying to understand each characters' feelings, it doesn't matter if you think you aren't experienced in that or whatever who am i to judge that???

i agree on the first part(s) because i also think that liking someone doesn't mean you necessarily want something with them. the part where i decide to believe hiiragi is when he says he's okay with watching yuki holding mafuyu's hand, it seems like he even puts some distance between their relationship and himself. and him not even trying to call his own feelings (as tiny as they could be) a crush shows how he couldn't think of it this way. that was impossible to him for anyone else to interfere between yuki and mafuyu so having a crush on yuki wasn't something to consider. on the other side, he knew shizu was always with him so he could be free in loving him at his full.

for shizu's part, i actually LOVE the idea of him using this small crush as a defence mechanism! i've often thought of him trying to push hiiragi to admit how he really felt, but not as some words to protect himself from rejection and i think it's an interesting point of view :0 and yeah hiiragi being the rollercoaster he is... WELL i guess even shizu gets confused sometimes, especially if he's jealous himself.

don't worry i get you hiiragi was BLIND about yuki and mafuyu and that's something no one could make me doubt about :D

for the last part ngl i was tired when i wrote the ask so YEAH now that i'm in better shape (wrong it's 1am) i can tell you that this part was kinda extreme like.... hiiragi unconsciously not saying anything about yuki and mafuyu because he doesn't want them to be this relationship? a bit contradictory since he still idolised them as soulmates. and it seems more accurate that, as you said, he couldn't say anything because it's awkward to comment out of the blue on something that developed naturally between your friends, meanwhile uenoyama appearing in mafuyu's life at another moment from another context gave hiiragi the opportunity to act as annoying protective as he had wanted with mafuyu! hiiragi also says that he used to quarrel with mafuyu a lot but somehow it feels like it was some one-sided teasing from mafuyu, with hiiragi only getting mad at this alone, because how could he clash back to mafuyu when yuki was always around (because you don't dare stirring yuki's boyfriend grrrrrr (omg that sounds so childish but isn't that how it was?? (hmmm yeah seems a bit extreme as well but the idea is funny to me i swear)))

thanks for the very complete answer!!! wasn't expecting less from you though haha! if i'm being honest i had to reread a few lines to make sure i understood them but don't worry the overall is so clear especially for someone lacking of sleep!! have some rest!! (jk rest is forbidden in college good luck)

i also had a lot to add about the quartet but i guess i'll wait for december :))

hi! how you doing? you told me you would be more specific if i put an ask but you seemed busy so i didn't want to rush you smh? well here it is anyway take your time

do you think hiiragi liked yuki ?

okay uh put like that it sounds a bit easy but i'm really confused about this part of the story because when i read given for the first time, hiiragi made clear that he didn't like yuki this way and i went like "okay whatever shizu was wrong and hiiragi was only admirative of yuki it's okay" BUT.... by re-reading i've obviously learnt that you can't trust hiiragi whenever he says something because even he is unconsciously lying to himself. and the way he's convincing himself that shizu is his only love interest since forever is quite conflicting... it feels like he doesn't want to admit that shizu is right. he can't accept the fact that he had a crush on his friend's lover, or that he loved someone else than shizu even though he had apparently always wanted the perfect romance with him. shizu's revelation is crushing his feelings and offending him. he even confesses to prove him that he's wrong. but saying "i like you" is not a real proof? and that's what shizu reproaches to him?

so yeah, i first thought that shizu was wrong. but when you get into shizu's character a bit more, he's absolutely not the type to get wrong about people's feelings. usually when you're the quiet type it means you have more time to pay attention to the others' feelings. he spent so much time with both yuki and hiiragi, and from an external point of view anyone could clearly tell either there was love involved between the two or not. shizu already showed that he could see ritsuka's inner conflicts, mafuyu's hesitation, and even hiiragi's feeling of loneliness after yuki's death. it's crazy how he can read people, so how could he be wrong on hiiragi's feelings? just because of jealousy deceiving him? i don't know it doesn't match to me...

BUUUUUT at the same time (the reason why i want to hear about your opinion), hiiragi thinks about it thoroughly and figures that the answer he was looking for was simply admiration of yuki's love to mafuyu. like he just wanted to have that with shizu. but if it was really the case, why realising it only after his death? because he listened to umi e completed? really? why didn't he understand his feelings for shizu when yuki was still here? even though they had always been stuck together? hiiragi was clearly blinded by yuki back then. it's even an obsession that kept him from seeing shizu's love (which was obvious since long enough according to mafuyu) SO I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE because this moment hiiragi is kind of depressed, it seems like he's making up arguments to prove himself again that shizu has always been the only one. and i get him, it would be tough to admit that you loved your friend's ex, and that the one you love now isn't the one you've always wanted to be with even if you know him since forever (the most unclear sentence i'm sorry lololol)

AND another thing that i've just thought about, but it'd almost feel devious from hiiragi? maybe him liking yuki in the past would explain why he had never talked about mafuyu and yuki's relationship. maybe he didn't make it to real jealousy but he clearly didn't do anything about that, not even supporting them, even though he's someone pretty open about what he thinks of others. he immediately gave his opinion about mafuyu and ritsuka's relationship but didn't have one on mafuyu and yuki's? could it be because he simply couldn't lie to them by showing support? or by claiming he's against their relationship? even he didn't know how he felt but maybe it's true that shizu had understood it from the beginning?

i leave you with my 2am inner-conflicts about given again good luck girl

first and foremost, this has taken me so long - my bad, I had what I'm nicknaming a hell-week of assignments and midterms.

I also want to say thanks for this ask, every part of this was so fun to write because Hiiragi is such an interesting character! I do want to preface though and say I suck at romance - do not let me other essays trick you, so I apologize if anything doesn't make sense, it's because of my own lack of understanding on romance. that being said, I do think I did decent at least on putting Hiiragi's possible feelings into some sort of a light - probably a dramatic red spotlight.

also I wrote this super late, if anything doesn't make sense I was running on 3 hours of sleep and stress, so please ask for clarifications when needed!

anyways, now onto Hiiragi! (with appearances of others)

so in terms of Hiiragi having a crush on Yuki - yes but also no. I believe that he had one, but it was never something big enough that he realized it. in fact, I think that Shizusumi would be the only one to pick up on it - and that's for a reason I'll get into.

I think that he idolized him deeply, admired him in a way that was more than friendship but also not quite love. There was a thin line that Hiiragi would walk between the types of love, but he always stayed platonic in the end. he was always thinking of Yuki in the highest way that one could, and he loved him fully. still, I don't think he ever wanted a relationship with him, I don't think he ever had a crush that was fully developed - it was minuscule at most.

another thing is, he knew about Mafuyu and Yuki's dynamic, which I think would help him to not realize his own feelings even more. I do believe Hiiragi is a complete hopeless-romantic archetype, so I can see him believing in soulmates. Hiiragi is the one who really mentions how Yuki and Mafuyu's personalities grew to compliment each other and how their dynamic was a natural shift, something that I believe he felt like he couldn't question. I think that Hiiragi would think of the two as soulmates in a way, perfect halves meant for each other. with this, Hiiragi would likely then shove down and not realize - really compartmentalize - any possible attraction to Yuki. he wouldn't acknowledge it because he saw them as the standard.

so that's the basic on whether or not I think Hiiragi had a crush on Yuki. he toed the line, leaning towards idolization with a petite cute little crush that he would never actually realize. I think that would be in part because he's a hopeless romantic who saw Yuki as someone who already had his soulmate.

now as for Shizusumi. he is incredible at reading people, but I am willing to suggest that his feelings around Hiiragi would be able to skew his ability to read him. I believe there's a high probability of projection because of jealousy.

I believe that Shizusumi picked up on the tiny crush that Hiiragi had and then proceeded to exaggerate it. Hiiragi is his first friend and the first person who he'd ever had a crush on. in a healthier way than Mafuyu and Yuki, Hiiragi is Shizusumi's person since childhood. in order to defend himself from any sort of possible rejection, it's possible that Shizusumi decided to focus on the idea of Hiiragi having a crush on Yuki, ignoring how in reality it was barely there, so much so that Hiiragi himself didn't know about it.

in the end, when Shizusumi confronts Hiiragi about his feelings, I think him bringing up Hiiragi's own possible feelings for Yuki is still a defence mechanism. it's a way for him to explain why Hiiragi would reject him. he projects his feelings for someone he considers his life onto Hiiragi, who held Yuki on a pedestal as well. Shizusumi believing that Hiiragi has a crush on Yuki is his way of defending himself for the possibility that Hiiragi wouldn't return his own feelings.

I think that this also means that Shizusumi cannot read Hiiragi as well, not in terms of romance.

(also, Hiiragi's mood shifts are on the high end, the man scores high in neuroticism, I promise. I think that Hiiragi would be hard for anyone to read, including Shizusumi. I don't mean this in a bad either, I just think that Hiiragi's a very expressive person.)

now, onto the point of Hiiragi on Yuki and Mafuyu. I've said it before and I will say it a million times more, even if I'm screaming into a void - Hiiragi looked at those two with rose tinted glasses, both idolizing and romanticizing their relationship.

Hiiragi by no means had a healthy view on the Yuki/Mafuyu dynamic. he saw them as the ideal relationship - childhood friends to lovers, hero/damsel, quiet + loud dynamic. he saw them as soulmates (which I mentioned before, I don't think he would ever really realize his feelings because of that, he would just be admiring of that dynamic and therefore think 'how could they love someone else when they're perfect?').

but this view absolutely blinded him. he was so totally not able to see the flaws within their toxic codependence. so, Hiiragi kind of being like 'hey, I super idolized that relationship, that's probably why Shizusumi thinks I had a crush' ain't the wildest thing. I also do believe that those can be confused - him wanting their relationship versus him wanting someone in the relationship.

I do think that Hiiragi solely brushing it up to this is inaccurate, I think he was in denial about anything else being the truth. he probably doesn't want to be that person who's in love with his dead best friend who was fully enamoured with his alive childhood best friend. it would be a weird situation, and I can't blame him if that was part of the denial.

overall - this section is me saying that Hiiragi may have brushed off the small feelings he had as him idolizing the relationship, but overall it's not too wrong for him to say that as it's very true.

(I would not be surprised if him romanticizing Yuki and Mafuyu's relationship is also part of why Shizusumi thought he had a crush. he mistook the romanticization to be actual, deep romantic feelings. I just think that the projection argument is better and that this fits better down here as I just thought of it.)

as for Hiiragi possibly not being outwardly supportive because of his feelings? I think he's grown bolder. not as a person, the audacity has always existed, but specifically around Mafuyu. I also think he's grown more protective.

Mafuyu and Hiiragi, while childhood friends, kind of had an interesting dynamic. Mafuyu was, in a way, very much Yuki's. Mafuyu was introduced through Yuki when younger and he was always at Yuki's side, complimenting Yuki's personality, keeping comfortable with Yuki. while Hiiragi tried to get close, there was always a gap between them that could be bridged, the gap was Yuki. as dark as it sounds, Yuki's death created a bridge to let them really be around each other.

I think that Hiiragi is more open about his feelings around Mafuyu and Uenoyama because of there no longer being someone connecting them, instead they're able to actually communicate.

another reason would be how I keep bringing up the idea of him thinking of Yuki and Mafuyu as soulmates. who could criticize soulmates, meant to be together? he couldn't, he wants his own soulmate to hold like that. his own other half like they appeared to be. he couldn't see a flaw to speak out against and their relationship developed naturally to him, so when would he comment on them? to compare this with Uenoyama and Mafuyu, they don't have that prestablished soulmate dynamic to Hiiragi, they formed later and so he was more able to speak up, speak his mind on their relationship. one of the key ways this is seen is how he says that the Mafuyu and Yuki fight was 'small' and over 'something pointless', whereas he is more than willing to tease Uenoyama and Mafuyu over their arguments.

this is the main focus of the essay I have planned - how Hiiragi views the relationships between Yuki/Mafuyu versus Uenoyama/Mafuyu and how that affects his relationship with Mafuyu and his partners. that's why I was like - if you want something more specific on Hiiragi and Yuki, ask me that outright because otherwise I may not get exactly what you want.

thank you so much for this ask, I do hope that I managed to shed some lights on a way to think of this. the whole messy mystery behind Hiiragi and his feelings. I can never be confident when I analyze him, and I know that this is probably kind of confusing because I'm saying that he both did and didn't having feelings, but I am also really bad at even understanding romance, so that's probably why.

I think that Hiiragi may have had very minor feelings, that Shizusumi picked up on those feelings but exaggerated them as a defence mechanism (aka projection), and I think he didn't comment on Mafuyu and Yuki because he not only romanticized them but also because he was kind of not close enough with Mafuyu the same way that he was now.

again, sorry this took so long to get back to you on, I should be around more often with random mini things - as I do want to start to do mini analysis pieces that aren't massive even when informal like this is haha

(also, writing this has also lead me to conclude I straight up might do an essay on the quartet because yeah, they're really complicated to think about in terms of dynamics. it's a great group, they're close, but there's still holes within them and their bonds. but that would be after the Hiiragi essay which is my next one after I'm done one for a completely different fandom. my Given Essays will probably return late November to early December, because I've grown to be a bit more obsessive in my writing. but thanks for the new topic idea)

[gaypinebabe]

I HAVE 5 HOURS LEFT TO SLEEP AND I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M TO FUCKING ANGRY AT THE WORLD

a few month ago a fat disabled guy told me that he didn't respect nonbinary people because 'if they don't like when they put into boxes why do they put themselves in one' and man fuck that so much how much can you misunderstand being trans? Being a person? Gender as a hole???

Back then I was already pretty pissed and drunk so I couldnt just tell him that he got it all wrong and just needs to get it right but I'm so mad about this for so long and the damn nonbinary person just sat there and was like 'yeah what ever did you know your wive is the prettiest woman in the world?' (he was way more drunk and also on drugs it was maybe the worst day of my live but I could not stop pretending everything was fine because esp when I'm drunk I don't want to act stupid and tbh the guy wasn't the worst person ever he was very nice to us and our other trans friend and it was his house) BUT ANYWAYS I WANT TO PUNCH HIM BCS HE GOT IT SO WRONG and is hurting himself and the people around him with his brain and sure as fuck I do that too but he was so grrrrrr like do cis people do not see what they do?? He was talking about how much he hated bit being able to wear a bra(breastholder) because he as a fat man with back problems would get comfort out of wearing one and I asked him why he didn't just do it and of course he had no answer to that bcs the only reasons he has is 1 to thing he isnt allowed to and 2 he would be embarrassed to wear 'woman' underwear...

I mean we also talked about bdsm maybe he didn't wanted to make it look like it was something kink related but then just wear a sports bra be a little brave make yourself more comfortable too