#but also he got mushy so like 🧍🏼//

[myristicisms]

Ever since his escape there's been a lingering dread within his heart, heavy lead sinking it into the depths of his belly enough to leave his appetite damn near permanently sullied. The wounds have long since healed but the scars still linger, memories clinging to the front of his mind like an ichor that refuses to wash away with the rain. There's blood of hundreds that stain tawny fingers, many that he had once known to some degree, many who had families back home, lovers and friends, and he'd ripped their lives from them without a second thought. The lives of many sacrificed for two escaped subjects, that was the ugly truth of ShinRa, of Zack Fair himself because he'd chosen to fight back, chose to continue forwards instead of laying down belly up and allowing them to sink their blades within his flesh once more.

Sure, for now ShinRa thought him to be dead but for how long? There's no body to return to Hojo and given the man's insatiable lust for knowledge, it would only be inevitable the Turks would be dispatched to find his non existent corpse and then what? Assume he'd been found by some kindly stranger and buried yet not reported as gone? Unlikely, Tseng was smarter than that, smarter and relentless even with their prior friendship many years back and now he's sat here, wasting space and valuable resources in a country he'd helped ravage and biding his time hoping to God that ShinRa won't think to search for a rogue corpse in the foreign country all the while endangering the people who were kind enough to take in a wounded man.

His dedication to helping others never waned, seeing and living among the villagers of Wutai had only strengthened his resolve to see a free Wutai in his lifetime once more and slowly that loyalty once reserved for ShinRa and SOLDIER eased into the resistance, once he'd been able to fight again the former SOLDIER jumped head first into divulging what secrets he could with little hesitation at all. Vengeance maybe or just because he had to make amends, Zack will never know. He's just grateful to be welcomed by those around, happy to have eased his way into some sort of normalcy even if he still got the occasional odd glance, even moreso with how much time he's been spending with Kusakabe, his heart wept for the loss of the other's younger sister but time waited for none no matter how intense the grief was. ( Even if I hardly knew her. )

“ You say that now, ” It's mumbled, soft and near bitter as the beginnings of his woes start to boil over. “ But I've done some pretty shitty things, it's hard not to feel like I'm awful. ” And that's been an ever present feeling lingering within his thoughts even before the mess he'd unintentionally landed himself in. Crimson oozing into the fabric of his pants, curtain bangs having strands stand tall from residual lightning magic blasted at him and a familiar hoarse voice apologizing having been the catalyst, Angeal's death was on his hands even if it was by the older man's will. Killing Genesis hadn't done him any favors either but he'd guess where the guilt really truly began was falling victim to ShinRa's propaganda, killing the warriors of Wutai during the invasion and capture of Fort Tamblin had been weighing heavy upon his mind for years.

“ But since you're the one saying it, I s'pose I gotta take it seriously eh? You're a good man Sonon, wish I could've been more like you. ”

@sleeplesswork | Sonon Kusakabe

“ i don't think you're a bad person. ”