#but also genuinely and truly feel hatred and resentment and revulsion at the same time. both are true and mix together

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When Siffrin first asks Loop why they’re helping him, their response seems uninteresting at first. “Because I think you should be helped. I won't always have the answers, but I think having someone on your side to talk to is better than dealing with this alone.” Well, of course. The guide is helping you because they want to, and obviously it’s important to have someone not looping to talk to or else you’d go crazy.

But once you learn more about who Loop is… once you learn that they have this deep revulsion and bitterness and resentment eating away at their heart, that they’re so upset that Siffrin has unintentionally replaced them and stolen away everything they had that they tried to kill him. They knew that killing them wouldn’t bring their friends back, their place in their party back, but they wanted so desperately the satisfaction of taking everything that Siffrin stole from them, away from them too. To make them even. They needed that catharsis so desperately, to break him down, to bring them back to the desperation and hopelessness that Loop felt in that moment. Their role was up. The curtains had fell. They had no reason to be there anymore. They needed Siffrin to feel the same way that they did, for them to be one again. “You’re me, so why can’t you feel this pain too? We should both drown, I should drag you under, take your helping hand and pull you into my coffin, let’s be buried together.”

But at the same time, they weren’t lying, when they said that. They do truly and wholly think Siffrin should be helped. That he deserved to be helped. And they pushed themselves so hard to help them in every single way that they could. They told him that he could confide in his friends, in the very beginning. They say “Don’t make the same mistakes that I did.” when teaching them to zone out. They desperately plea and beg and make a mess of themselves trying to prevent them from killing themselves with the dagger. They tell him to help his friends, advise him on how to escape the loops, creates their own theories to propose to him while he’s gone, even listens when Siffrin explains his plan to talk to the King, despite thinking it was a horrible idea. They remind him of his parties names, when in a moment of panic and hopelessness, he looses it. They talk them through the panic, calm them down, remind them to breathe.

Loop cannot stand looking at the party. It hurts too much, to see these ghosts of the family that they loved, the family that they doomed. They say they cannot possibly see them, cannot let them see them. No matter what. It’s impossible for them. Despite that, when Siffrin goes off the rails in Act 5, breaks, they find them. They look at them. They tell the party what Siffrin is going through, they guide them through the whole House, give them everything they need to succeed. They devote themselves so truly to help, to their own detriment, because they want Siffrin to escape so desperately.

Siffrin says it himself. He could not have escaped without Loop. He would have resorted to something similar if he didn’t have them. He would have been doomed, without them. Without the loops in general? If he never made that wish? If his party split up? I truly think he might have killed himself then, too. The only way that Siffrin survives is by standing on the corpse of himself. Loop was always doomed to be the only reason why Siffrin was blessed. And even yet, Loop still truly believes that he deserves to be helped, genuinely wants to help him to be free.