#but also fundamentally does not care about his feelings and if anything enjoys prodding at him to see how he reacts

[batsplat]

and dipping into the laguna 2008 collection... from a few days before the race, when casey still had hope for humanity

there's their little parc fermé exchange, when valentino (glowing after the race) innocently wandered over to shake casey's hand - where they just happened to be surrounded by around two hundred cameras and mics to record casey (just wants to go home and scream) refusing the handshake. fascinated and compelled by the expressions here

you have casey finally accepting valentino's handshake. some real self control needed not to shove valentino off the podium I reckon

then you have valentino leaning down to talk to casey. just. supremely annoying

and valentino sharing a laugh with casey. lovely

valentino continues to give casey his space to digest this tough loss throughout the podium ceremony

heartwarming! really adds something to the entire experience of the race. this isn't even a particularly common valentino reaction to his most dramatic victories, like he just decides to non-stop hassle casey specifically

here's them two races later at misano post-qualifying, where casey would once again crash out of the lead. feat. casey's injured hand

and three races later - more photos from the great big unionising of indianapolis 2008, when they ensured the race wouldn't be restarted by both petitioning the dorna ceo. sometimes you have to set aside your feud for a greater cause, like 'not having to ride a motorcycle in high winds'

lots of firm hand jabbing. solidarity

just so you know bc I don’t think enough people tell you this but every time I check your blog (a bit compulsively at this point? your compilations and opinions are very enlightening on the general psychology of those crazy motherfuckers and also the uhhhhhhhh other part) and see that you answered another ask I honestly break into the hugest grin and settle down at the next given opportunity to read the newest batssay (batsplat essay) like it’s an academic paper (it is to us sports scholars, I believe)… please never feel the need to cut short your thoughts on any subject. the longer the better! connect all the dots, bat! we are listening!!

thank youuuuu this is so sweet, I know this ask is a little older but trust whenever I get something kind in my inbox I very much read and appreciate it and it very much makes my day. and I love the term batssay. a lot

so I thought it'd be fun to do a follow up post to the casey/jorge/valentino one where I just dumped a bunch of photos with a wee bit of context... for the culture, y'know. and I'm doing this with just casey/valentino, mostly for 2007-09 but with one 2005 photo chucked in as. build-up. for flavour

we know from the #archives that the two of them did have like. a reasonably warm dynamic pre-casey's motogp debut. they'd talked... also at least one race where casey shows up to valentino's podium and chats to vale's crew chief and fellow aussie jb... I think about it often. what did it all mean

casey's first win!!! qatar 2007, very first race with ducati. he'd gotten very close to a win before - in his third ever premier class race at turkey, lost at the final chicane. casey's goals going into that first season with ducat had just been winning a few races... he notes that valentino congratulates him warmly, but reckons it's just because valentino didn't take him seriously as a threat, which. I don't think that quite stacks up with supplementary evidence from the time, but we'll allow it

one of my fave photos for a reason, idc it's sweet. I was trying to figure out when this photo was from through like, normal means of reverse image search, but then instead I had a horrifying moment of 'oh yeah I'm pretty sure I remember that specific presser backdrop is at mugello that year' and. I was right. which. god. anyway yeah mugello 2007 pre-event presser. by this point casey was 21 points clear in the championship standings

more mugello 2007!!! look at casey constantly sipping from his lil cup. this will have been after qualifying, where casey snagged pole. I'd forgotten valentino actually makes front row in qualifying because he makes a typically horrendous start. I'd also forgotten that this race is like. proper good. one of the best that year. slows down eventually but the first ten or so laps are some of the most exciting of the entire alien era

catalunya 2007, which unfortunately I also dated solely through the presser backdrop. idk I just like the vibes of this photo. anyway!! this race is ofc the one where casey won an all timer late race duel against valentino (+ dani). it is after this race that valentino said casey was, and I quote "riding like a god". a seminal moment

the championship is already extremely over by the time they get to estoril, but casey still needs to formally wrap it up: this is his first match point race. depicted here is valentino getting one of his few Ws that season. an account of this event: “valentino was playing table football in the yamaha hospitality and somebody spotted casey outside. so they invited him for a challenge. it was all good fun”

motegi 2007. valentino had managed to put off the inevitable the race before and temporarily stopped casey from sealing the title, taking his last win of the season (cool duel with dani in that one). but motegi... well honestly it's just a bit of a flop all round, nobody's bike is working the way they want it to, casey seals the title with his worst result all season of a sixth place (the horror) and in his autobiography he was kinda like 'well I was very happy but also. meh race' (I paraphrase). but really, who cares, he had his title

bit of a time skip!! after both of them have put their sketch early 2008's behind them, the pair of them had a proper fun fight at catalunya for p2. a continuation of the battle the year before with valentino once again coming from lower down the field, this time he gets the better of casey. still, things are finally looking up at ducati... and the post-catalunya test might be enough to put casey right back in title contention. the above photo is from donington, where casey confirms the progress ducati made by winning his first race of the season after the opener in qatar

still donington, both of them watching each other etc etc. valentino is in a much better place than the year before, given both casey's rough start to the season and how they're both now on the same tyres. but it's not a good sign if casey's hitting his stride... at assen, valentino makes his one mistake of the year and crashes on the first lap, remounting to finish eleventh (he still beats casey's teammate melandri). this puts dani in the championship lead - and with casey's second win in a row, he is now very much closing in

look at them chatting here!! cute imo. this is casey's third win in a row, at the rainy sachsenring. dani crashes out from a few miles in the lead - while casey had stayed sensible and brings it home for a pretty straightforward victory. valentino needed to fight his way through from further down the field and in the end he loses too much time to put any serious pressure on casey, but it's still damage limitation and he retakes the championship lead from dani (who will miss the next race due to an injury sustained in the crash). and yet, momentum really is firmly on casey's side now... and the rest of the calendar does looks like pretty casey-friendly territory. next up, they're headed to a race track where casey had won very comfortably the year before. would he seal his fourth consecutive win at laguna?

now with my sincere apologies to casey stoner, every photo that came out of laguna 2008 is objectively pretty funny. I have limited myself to a mere two podium photos, but lbr there's a full collection. casey had already rejected valentino's handshake in parc fermé - which some might have taken as a social cue to give him some space. whereas valentino, local dickhead, just will not stop yapping at casey on the podium. this is quite possibly as genuinely delighted as he gets after a race, and it's simply a beautiful contrast with casey who is not quite rude enough to actually tell valentino to shut the fuck up - but may be fantasising about pushing valentino off the podium. this, to me. is art

gather around body language experts, we need to have a conversation. this is at the pre-event presser of the race immediately after laguna, aka brno. by this point, casey's less than flattering remarks about valentino's riding at laguna had already been distributed near and far... everyone's been talking about them, people have Opinions. the captions for these photos are all something along the lines of 'stoner extends olive branch to rossi to apologise for his post-race comments after losing laguna'. now, I don't know if he literally is apologising in these actual photos - though of course he did publicly walk back his comments, saying all riders can react badly to losses and that he'd overreacted when he'd said he'd lost respect for valentino. he has since walked back his walking back, doubling down on his criticisms of valentino's comportment at laguna

still, for all the talk that the feud properly started after laguna, it's kind of fun to have the presser immediately after it showing... well, it does look like casey is actively engaging valentino in conversation, right? whether he's apologising or not - this isn't just valentino yapping at him, if anything it's the reverse. laguna had been right before the summer break, so casey had been given a month to cool off... and also be viciously criticised by the press. brutal, isn't it? it's not just the loss that sucks, it's also being excoriated by the press and fans for having the audacity to get mad over it. is all of this just him being forced into pretending to play nice to get the press to leave him alone? were there any genuine regrets over his laguna comments? what ARE the vibes between them like at this time? what story do these photos tell us

casey went on to crash out of this race from the lead, the first time he had done so in the premier class and his first dnf with ducati after their one and a half seasons together. when he crashed, he'd had a fairly comfortable lead over valentino - though valentino was steadily closing in, and the commentators were already rubbing their hands in anticipation of another laguna

the next race is at misano - and casey is struggling with an old hand injury, see the bandages in the photo. the previous year had been the first time valentino had gotten the chance to race at this circuit, so close to his home... but he'd suffered a mechanical dnf, not his first or last in a frustrating season. this year, everything is different - and casey once again crashes out of the lead as valentino takes victory in front of his worshipful home fans

another trip to america, this time for indy: their first time racing at the track. after the double whammy of brno and misano, casey's title charge is essentially over... but you never know, right? indy kinda gives off the vibe of being a good casey track

in the end, the race is extremely wet and very, very windy and is eventually red-flagged. because of how many laps they still have to go, it is initially unclear whether they would restart... at which point first valentino (who was leading), then casey (in fourth) go to dorna ceo ezpeleta to tell him they have less than zero interest in going out in that weather again. a beautiful moment of solidarity - long live the power of unionising, capable of overcoming even the bitterest of feuds. blast the internationale over the footage, I've seen enough. the race is called off and valentino wins his fourth consecutive race

by the time they get to phillip island, valentino has already won the title, courtesy of his fifth consecutive win at motegi - the same circuit casey had won the title at the year before and the home race of valentino's old enemies at honda. a couple of nice photos of jorge congratulating his teammate and casey spraying vale with champagne here. casey, known phillip island goat, would of course finally end valentino's win streak at that circuit, which is where the photos are from. idk they're fun to me, like this is still not that long after laguna. I'm aware being able to chat normally with your coworkers and share a smile with them isn't normally that high a bar, but canonically valentino has been known to completely blank some of his rivals. it's not like casey is particularly cold towards valentino either, eh

case in point. this is from sepang 2008. #TheEstablishment does not want you to know casey and valentino canonically still regularly yapped in pressers post laguna. they won't silence me. sepang was valentino's last win of this season, after a good scrap with dani - and the season is rounded off with a casey victory at valencia

jerez 2009, where valentino gets past casey with a block pass at the final corner on his way to victory. unlike in 2005, he actually manages to not barrel into his rival. this is just a fantastic photo... I don't even have much to say about it. a+ vibes

a lot of the photos from this season were already included in the jorge/valentino/casey post, which reflects how casey wasn't consistently a factor in the same way the other two were. this one's from assen, the race right after catalunya when all three of them were tied on 106 points. very good side eye here, excellent job casey. unfortunately, casey is now in mystery illness territory - and he can't really compete with the two frontrunners in this stretch of the season

this is the first race after casey's return to competition - valentino goes up to casey after qualifying at estoril to congratulate him for his front row grid position. casey would win an early race scrap with valentino in the race itself, eventually finishing second behind jorge and swiftly silencing all the people who had declared him mentally weak and done for in his absence. a race that brought back suspense to that year's championship

phillip island 2009, another important moment in the canon where I've limited myself to just the one photo. casey wins just his second race back - and he also hugs vale pretty warmly in parc fermé. jorge was kind enough to crash in the opening lap, meaning valentino can very much be pleased with a second place here

and at sepang, valentino seals the title, while casey wins another race. casey ended up crashing in the warm-up lap of valencia, apparently due to an issue with the tyre warming? just kinda... the general vibe of his 2009, really. valentino closes off the season with another podium at his least favourite track, while dani takes the win

anyway after that they spent three years getting into increasingly. dumb arguments. like. so dumb. by the end of 2012 you feel you're killing your brain cells by even engaging with this stuff. it's beyond undignified. there's zero competitive justification, but they just couldn't shut up about each other. that being said, they're still capable of doing a small talk with each other even during the dark years, so that's something. maybe one day they'll finally be able to get that dinner and talk about all the good times

[theawkwardterrier]

things left behind and the things that are ahead, ch. 22

AO3 link here

Harvard is, in some ways, everything Drea wanted. She’s on her way, she's gotten to this place, earned her spot: as supportive as Mom is, she would never allow herself to use whatever friends or influence she might have to get special consideration, and Drea would never want her to.

Everything is different from high school. It’s easy to find people who love learning the way she does. They’re everywhere. There are trust fund kids and legacies, of course, plenty of them, but there are also talented people who want to make the future. And all the sorts of things Rose talked gleefully about when she started college - staying up until 4 AM one night to write a paper then staying up again the next to go see a band, people being so casually passionate about this cause or that protest, sliding with your friends into your regular booth at your regular off-campus pizza place, having a regular off-campus pizza place - it’s all happening for Drea too, just like she had hoped.

In some ways it’s just as bad as she feared. Worse.

She’s gone from being one of the youngest in her class to being one of the oldest, and she feels like she should be wiser for it. She has stories to tell during icebreakers or house mixers; when called to it, she can speak honestly about the year she took off between high school and college. When it's her turn, she talks about volunteering and getting a different type of experience before coming back to the classroom. She can see that it impresses the people around her, both professors and fellow students. It makes her different and special and interesting in a way that’s acceptable.

She never talks about the parts with doctors or surgery, the relief of it and the pain. Keeping her business to herself has always been second nature, and she had thought it was something she was used to, going on with that background tension, that worry. All those years of carefully using school bathrooms and accepting rare sleepover invitations...It’s not the same as living with suitemates. She had thought that having her own room would be enough. She wasn’t prepared for the emotions of it: not being able to go home at the end of a day or maybe two, to the people who knew everything, who she didn’t have to put up walls around. Even as she makes friends and laughs with them, joins study groups, finds a favorite spot in the library, it feels as if she is more guarded than ever.

Those blending-in tricks that she taught herself still work, and she starts using them more and more. Each time she puts on a blouse instead of a T-shirt, laughs and says that of course she couldn’t have a second bowl of ice cream, she feels a bit less exposed. She has a deft hand with makeup now, and when the boy next to her calculates the tip wrong at the pizza place, she doesn’t say anything, only puts in the extra money herself. She makes little errors, doesn’t try as hard as she might on exams or papers, averages somewhere between a B and B-plus instead of her high school As. Her group of friends gives in to tradition, going to see the Red Sox play a Saturday afternoon game, and she doesn’t cheer without looking purposefully at the others, never gets up to shout at a batter, doesn’t list off any of the stats or rules that are still in her head. But there’s a frustration even with feeling the need to do those things. College, for everyone else, means pushing boundaries and exploring who they really are. Drea thinks she knows who she is, still, beneath it all, but digging it out and showing the world seems so dangerous a proposition.

There’s a group for gays and lesbians on campus, small and pretty quiet, but she could find out where they meet if she wanted to. She thinks they might understand, at least a little, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Even beyond the fear of calling attention to herself, she isn’t gay or lesbian and she won’t pretend to be just so she can talk to people who might have experiences something like hers. These are people who know lies well; she won’t add more. And she does not know whether they would be any more accepting of the truth than anyone else - perhaps even less, if they considered her a distraction, someone who would only serve to confuse their cause to outsiders.

She isn’t ready to be a cause. She’s trying hard enough to be a self.

The last week of April, people start talking about their summer plans, none of which are even being planned anymore, all foregone conclusions: travel, a job, summer classes, going back home to laze around or help with the family business. In some ways Drea craves the idea of home more than anything in perhaps her entire life. She imagines lying on her old mattress in Maryland and thinks that she would sleep for days as soon as she touched it. She wants Dad to hand her a bag of green beans to tip while he makes Surprise Meatloaf simply because he knows it’s her favorite, wants to talk politics with Mom and ask how she works with people who are vehement about opinions that are just entirely wrong. She wants to be shocked at how tall Nate is getting and go to the roller rink with Emma. She wants Rose to talk to, even when she’s pretending that she doesn’t. She wants everyone back in their place, how it was. She wants to be back in her place.

“If I come home,” she tells Dad one night, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to make myself come back.” It is late and she knows that she’s woken him, but this is the only time to take a turn on the hallway phone without anyone overhearing. She shivers a little and tucks herself closer; her nightshirt is fairly thin and she forgot to bring her robe.

“You worked so hard for it, and you've nearly exhausted the library here anyway. You need a challenge for your mind. A few months and I think you’ll want to go back.” He says it gently, lightly, but with such confidence that she can’t bring herself to tell him that just hearing his voice makes her throat feel thick and teary, that just saying the words “come home” gives her an ache along her breastbone. Never mind how Harvard is important, how she did work hard for it and has found things to enjoy despite it all. Never mind that once she makes it through, no one can take it away.

But he must hear something in her breathing, in that extra beat of silence. “Let me talk to your mom,” he says. “I think she’ll have an idea.”

She hadn’t realized until now just how much she’d missed hearing that.

Mr. Jarvis wears glasses now. He gazes at Drea over them, then looks over at Tony, who seems entirely absorbed in assembling an elaborate structure using blocks.

Jarvis doesn’t look convinced by his demeanor. Drea decides that she won’t either. She knows for a fact that the blocks are only a last resort anyway; Aunt Maria said that the chemistry set and the electronics kit aren't allowed to stay in Tony’s room until he's at least nine.

“Well, I shall leave the two of you to it,” Jarvis says. “I’m sure I don’t need to remind you to remember your manners, Master Stark?”

“I always remember my manners,” says Tony with solemnity, still stacking busily. Jarvis makes a dubious “hmm” sound as he leaves, but Tony waits until he’s out the door before adding, “But sometimes I don't want to use them.”

Drea snorts, then coughs to cover it up. To Tony she’s an adult, and she’s pretty sure that means she isn’t supposed to think sassing the other adults is funny.

Tony looks over at her. She suspects that he’s seen through the cough.

Crouching on the floor beside him, she picks up some blocks herself, trying to add them in places that won’t disrupt the careful architecture. Tony watches her silently for a minute, then seems to decide that she’s foolish but fairly harmless and goes back to his own work.

“Are you supposed to be my babysitter?” he asks after a minute.

Drea pauses, nudging a block carefully into place before answering. “Kind of, I guess. Just for the summer. I think Mr. and Mrs. Jarvis have other work to do.”

The Jarvises have been somewhat old for practically Drea’s whole life, but there’s a difference between general fitness despite graying hair or a little slowness to the limbs, and the energy required to keep up with Tony. Mom always says that one shouldn’t underestimate the Jarvises, but at this point even they seem to be open to the idea of some type of help, at least to tide them over until Tony starts school. She just has the feeling that she wasn’t exactly what they had in mind.

“What kind of babysitter are you?” Tony asks, as if he's interviewing her for the position. She doesn’t think he’d take kindly to her reminder that she’s already gotten it (on the merit of a call from her parents to Uncle Howard, but still).

“A pretty good one,” she lies, trying to inject some reassuring boisterousness into her tone. Her childcare resume is fairly sparse - her own siblings don’t count - but he doesn’t need to know that. Tony looks her over consideringly.

“I hope,” he says, prodding another block into place, “that you’re different from your sister.”

He means Rose, who has watched Tony along with the rest of them when they’ve gone away together to Maine or when the Starks have come to visit and the parents have gone out for the evening. Rose has very strict ideas on exactly who needs to listen to her, and how immediately, with which Tony has fundamental disagreements.

“I’m not exactly like Rosie.” She stops one of the pillars from toppling, straightening the blocks. Tony evaluates it and then gives a firm nod. “But if you want a really good babysitter, you should get Emma. She’ll bake you cookies, and maybe even teach you her secret recipe.”

“Do you bake?”

“Sure, but I don’t have a secret cookie recipe.”

“Not a secret’s okay too.” He blinks at her.

She finds herself grinning over at him. Drea doesn’t do that a lot; usually she just gives nice little smiles. “You want to go bake some cookies?”

The remaining blocks shed off his lap as he stands. “I have a better idea, actually. It’s all mostly just chemistry anyway.”

An hour and a half later, the big kitchen downstairs is covered in powdery white - flour and yeast and baking soda all floating into a snowy layer. It’s drifted even onto the pages of the still-open cookbooks that hadn’t offered what they’d needed. Drea rests the tray of hot pretzels on the counter just as Jarvis comes in and looks around in dismay.

“The baking soda is important,” Tony tells him. “It’s how the outside gets crispy and the inside stays soft. Just like for bagels.” He reaches to break off a piece, but Drea pushes his hand away, looking up to shrug at Jarvis.

“I have to support his science education. He can’t fall behind just because it’s the summer.”

“Or because he’s a child,” Jarvis says, raising a wry brow, and hands them damp clothes while he goes to fetch the broom.

They go to Central Park often, and Drea lets Tony think it’s her first time being there. He shows her all of his favorite things, a surprising number of which involve nature for someone who is being raised by one of the foremost technological minds of the century and seems happy to follow in his footsteps. He frequently requests a picnic basket for them to carry to Sheep’s Meadow or Cedar Hill, standing on a stool at the kitchen counter while Jarvis suggests sandwich fillings as if they are a Victorian lady and her cook putting together a dinner party menu, selecting fruits only after careful consideration, a miniature and bull-headed connoisseur.

Tony eschews the zoo in favor of the birds and bugs and flowers of the Ramble, the turtles in their pond. She can’t find it in her heart to tell him that all of that is human-created nature too. Though perhaps, she thinks to herself as Tony crouches to silently watch a butterfly land on a branch near him, taking in the careful and beautiful converging details of abdomen and wings and coloration, nature has taken over here anyway and made it all its own.

“How come you’re always fancy?” Tony asks as they stand at the edge of the Gill, watching the stream flow away. This deep in the park, it’s hard to remember that she isn’t in the woods back in Maryland. “It would be easier if you wore pants. Then you could get really close and not be worried about getting dirty.” He frowns at the way she has edged back from the mud and water.

Drea switches the picnic basket to her other hand. It’s gotten lighter since she made a rule that he has to carry it for one minute per every ten that she does. “I’m just being safe. What if you slipped and fell in? I’d want to be able to make a plan and rescue you instead of falling in too.”

“I wouldn’t fall in. And anyways, it isn’t that deep.” He crosses his arms. “What the real reason?”

“I’m just more comfortable this way,” Drea says, the basket in her hand preventing her from crossing her arms too. It’s too hard to explain the difference between her actual comfort, and the comfort she gets from avoiding scrutiny. “Now, come on, let’s go have lunch.”

They visit the Planetarium with frequency, clearly not Tony’s first time there. One of the attendants greets him with a smile and a welcoming sweep of the arm, nodding a cheerful “Mister Stark” as they enter the theater. Another watches them approach with eyes glaring, muttering “Mister Stark” through clenched teeth and trying to glance toward Drea with some sort of solidarity as she passes.

“The universe is so big,” Tony says with satisfaction as they sit, still staring up, after the show has ended one afternoon. The rest of the visitors are getting to their feet around them. “I bet there are aliens out there, huh?”

“I wouldn’t be too surprised,” Drea says. “Anything could be out there. There's plenty right here, after all.” And, to her own surprise, she laughs.

Each Wednesday, Tony goes to spend the day at Stark Industries with his father. It’s been a tradition since Tony was little. There’s a famous picture of Uncle Howard sitting at a big table during a presentation, a baby seat set up next to him. Uncle Howard is pointing to something, and baby Tony is leaning forward in his seat to do the same.

Among the SI scientists or outside contractors coming to pitch ideas, agreeing to a meeting on a Wednesday is seen as either extremely confident or extremely foolish, or both. Tony has a habit of interrupting with loud questions, and Uncle Howard has a habit of making decisions based on whether his son falls asleep or wanders off during a particular presentation.

Drea uses her Wednesdays for herself. She takes long walks down the city streets, and even as she revels in not having to answer a million questions a minute, she misses the way Tony makes her think and how his chatter quiets her mind. Settling herself into the oddly wonderful smell of books and old carpeting at the New York Public Library, she pages through the favorites of her childhood and doesn’t think for a moment about getting a leg up on class readings for next semester. (She does think, however, of her favorite carrel deep in the confusing stacks of the Widener.) Once, she goes out with Aunt Maria to the rehearsal of a play called Mrs. Murray’s Farm at the Circle Theatre, which they both agree probably won’t have very much success off-Broadway, much less on. Another time, she’s invited to some sort of philanthropic lunch. When she declines, Aunt Maria just laughs and says, “I’m sure you’re having plenty of opportunity to get involved with causes at school and you don’t need to listen to us prattle on.” Drea gives something like a smile and crosses her arms and doesn’t mention that she’s scared to attend protests and even sign petitions. It feels as if it would call too much attention to her, and she’s ashamed of herself.

Tony is actually fairly well-behaved in museums, chattering, pointing to everything, but not throwing tantrums or incessantly requesting to leave like some of the other children she sees (unless she really overdoes it). Still, there are some exhibits which hold so little interest for him that making him attend would be selfish. She goes by herself, walking with slow steps through the galleries, trying to take in all the art and history. She sends her dad a postcard of the prints from the Museum of Modern Art: It’s not the same, she writes, without getting a lecture about shading or how lithographs are made. And, of course, it’s no National Gallery.

Some afternoons she makes her way to the Stark Industries building too, giving her name and waiting for Uncle Bucky or Aunt Layla or both to come out and join her for lunch. There’s something grown-up about walking beside them with a pocketbook over her shoulder, asking about what they’re working on and telling them about Tony or something she read recently, as if they are fellow adults out for a bite to eat together. She’ll be twenty in the fall, voting next year, and she still isn’t quite used to that sort of feeling.

One morning in early August she sleeps in, spending several hours reading lazily in bed and then taking a long bath sometime in the afternoon. In some ways it’s relaxing. There are several bathrooms back at home, but she rarely gets to lock herself in for an hour or more without being disturbed, having someone pound on the door and beg (or, in Rose’s case, order) her to just get out of there already. Also, the Starks have much better bathtubs. Even the one adjoining her guest room feels like a small swimming pool.

She holds her breath beneath the luxuriantly hot water, eyes open, long hair billowing outward. She finds herself wishing that Thursday would come already, so she will have Tony’s whims as an excuse for laughing and expelling her energy and getting messy.

When she gets out, she puts on her robe and sits on the edge of the bed. She holds the remote control in her hand, but doesn’t turn on the television set.

There’s a knock on the door and she startles a little, settling when she hears Ana’s light, chiming voice saying through the wood, “I have your blouse, dear.” She had asked Ana a couple of days ago to repair a tear for her; she does know how to do it herself, but Ana is fast and neater.

She stands to answer the knock, smiling at Ana as she takes the blouse without bothering to examine the stitching. “Thanks,” she says, going to close the door again.

“Oh, Drea, dear,” Ana says quickly. “I see that you’ve washed your hair. Would you mind—It’s been a long time since I had a chance to braid someone else’s hair. Could I possibly try my hand with yours?”

Ana’s hair is always so carefully arranged. As hard as Drea tries, her long, dark hair never seems to lie as evenly or stay as neat and pretty.

“Oh,” she says. “Okay, I guess.”

She’s directed to sit on the floor while Ana sits on the bed. It’s quiet except for the sound of the brush working through her hair. Ana’s concentration seems to be on smoothing out the knots and tangles. It actually feels very soothing.

“Sometimes,” Ana says, still untangling, “even today, a person will make a terrible remark in front of me about Jewish people. And when I say that I am Jewish, they will say of course I’m not, because they know those people and I don’t act like one of them.” Her voice with its familiar slight accent, still there after all this time, is calm. Even the non sequitur feels dreamy and relaxed. She sets the brush aside and picks up a comb, tracing out sections along Drea’s scalp. “And sometimes, I will tell a person that I am Jewish and they will ask then which synagogue do I attend and where are my Sabbath candlesticks and my Jewish husband.” Her hands work gently with the strands of hair. “But no matter what these people or those people think, I still am who I am and very proud of it.”

She must hear Drea’s intake of breath but she does not pause to allow for any sort of answer or interruption. “I know very well how dangerous it can be to reveal yourself for the world. My friends, members of my family, were hurt or killed as people began to say that they were fooling everyone by pretending to be ordinary Hungarians. People who were kind can become cruel, even if simply with their words or by turning away with sympathy in their eyes. But caring so much for the way that others’ think and look at you, changing yourself and trying to pretend it all away - what kind of life is it to live?”

The braid is weaving into formation behind her. Drea feels tears in her eyes. “It’s too dangerous,” she whispers. “It could ruin everything. I know I should be brave and say to hell with everyone, but I can’t. It’s terrible, sometimes, trying to be just what people expect from a girl, but it’s so much easier, too.”

“Hmm.” Ana’s cheek rests briefly against the top of Drea’s head. “I understand. But there are so many different types of girls, the way that there are so many different types of Jews, and we are allowed to be a little of this and also a little of that - multitudes, as the poet says. Letting the person you are out into the world, perhaps just a little, might not be as dangerous as you think.”

The next Wednesday, Drea goes to Central Park by herself. She starts up one of the trails of the Ramble and before she knows it, she is running. Despite her skirt, despite what people might think of her, despite the man who yells, “Are you alright, young lady?” as she passes - she runs until she is panting, until she is laughing, broad and triumphant, until she has no breath.

She goes home for the last two weeks of the summer. Tony expresses his disapproval both vocally and by planting himself outside her door the day she is meant to leave.

“I’ll come back,” she promises, allowing him to keep a hold on her wrist even as Jarvis pulls the car around and parks.

“Next week?”

She ruffles his hair. “Try next summer, kid. I have things to do until then.” He has that mulish look back on his face, so she adds, “And so do you. You think three months of activities are going to plan themselves overnight? You have to show me a good time. I need you thinking about this until next year.”

“How very delightful the next months are certain to be,” Jarvis says dryly, picking up her suitcase and hefting it into the car.

She knew that Dad was going to come get her at the station, but Nate is there too, and Emma, and Mom, and even Rose.

“I don’t start again until next week,” her big sister says as they pile into the car. “And I couldn’t exactly leave without seeing you.”

There’s news to share all around, and souvenirs to hand out. They ask so many questions that Drea feels like a traveler back from exotic lands rather than the familiar premises of the Stark mansion.

Dad has made Surprise Meatloaf, and she doesn’t even have to tip the green beans. “Well, there’s always tomorrow,” he tells her with a wink, and she laughs.

There’s no chance to speak to him and Mom alone until late, when she comes downstairs from talking with Nate in his room to find them having a cup of tea together and probably waiting for her. There’s a third cup sitting empty; Mom pours, adds sugar, pushing it across the table as Drea sits down.

She stirs her cup thoroughly, staring into the cloudy heat of it, before she starts. “I’m going back,” she tells them. “Because I deserve to be there and to make the most of it. Because I want to. But I’m also—” She takes a breath. “I want to start seeing someone. A psychologist or a counselor, whatever you want to call it. There has to be one who’s safe to talk to, because I don’t know that I can keep everything hidden away anymore.” They are both watching her with care, neither preparing to interrupt, but she barrels on as if they might. “I know that you'd be here if I wanted to talk. And I know that you’ve worked hard to just let me be an average girl, and so much of my life has been normal and wonderful for it. But I’m not really average, I never will be, and I need some help dealing with that.”

Her parents trade glances. They don’t look upset or betrayed or anything of the sort, but Drea can’t bring herself to relax just yet.

Mom stands, and walks over to the front hall. Drea starts to get up to follow her, but Dad places a hand over hers, and she sinks back down. Her mother is back in only a minute, holding a manilla file folder.

“There are five in the area who seem reliable, but if you find someone else you’d prefer, I can certainly look into them as well.” She hands the folder over to Drea, who flips it open. “And if you’d like, we can contact the group at Hopkins to see if they might have former or potential patients who live close by who would be willing to speak with you. A bit more of an insider’s opinion.”

The list is neat and slightly clinical: names, office addresses, educational and occupational history. The typed Gs are a little wonky - Mom’s typewriter in her home office makes them like that; she’s been complaining about it absently for years without actually finding a replacement.

“I’ve put blue stars beside the ones that you would have to travel to using the bus system, and red stars for those accessible by subway,” Mom adds. “And tracing those routes was truly a nightmare. Why anyone would live in such a poorly designed city is outside of my comprehension.”

Drea looks at Dad, a bit of a question in her face. “Well, don’t expect me to stand up for Boston,” he says, eyes crinkling softly at the edges as he looks at her. He squeezes her hand.

It was this she was missing all year: being able to collapse, to allow truth into the open air, and to know that someone would have some sort of answer or at least be holding her hand after it all.

She’s the second one to arrive at the new suite in September.

Her parents help carry her things up to the fourth floor, take her for lunch, put up her posters where she directs them, lay fresh sheets on her bed. It’s several hours before they prepare to leave. Her mother holds her tightly. Her father kisses her forehead. “Have a good year,” he tells her, looking her directly in the eye, and she nods.

“Did you have a good summer?” asks Marnie, leaning in the doorway as Drea goes to finish unpacking once they’re gone. They had been roommates last year too. Alice won’t arrive until tomorrow. Kim had decided that she wanted a house close to the Yard instead of the Quad and joined another group instead, so a new girl called Bethany will benefit from their four South singles and big common room.

Drea tucks an orange T-shirt on the top of the pile and slides the drawer closed. It’s bright and sort of ugly, and will be the perfect thing to stand up wearing the next time they go to Fenway. “Yeah, summer was good. But I’m glad to be back.”

More chapters here

[emotional-support-demon-crowley]

I can’t stop thinking about Good Omens...

SPOILERS AHEAD. This is mostly based on the show though I’ve read the book many times over the years. Though it’s not the point or the purpose of what follows, you could boil this whole theory down to ‘god shipped an angel and a demon so hard she made the earth and humanity so they could meet and fall in love and then she created an ineffable plan in which they also managed to save it’.

So here goes. Both Aziraphale and Crowley are very different from their respective counterparts. 

Aziraphale is genuinely nice and agonizes over being good and doing the right thing when all of the others of his ilk that we meet really don’t. 

There’s a lot of evidence that Crowley is basically the same. Sure, he rolls his eyes at the other demons methods because they aren’t thinking big enough, but really, I think he just can’t stomach targeting evil towards a single individual. In truth, he’s pretty appalled when he encounters the evils dreamed up by humanity. And yeah, he’s stylish af and full of bravado, but that just makes the rest of the demons resent even him more.

So one day, bam! god creates the earth and both heaven and hell have the same thought. They both independently seem to have said to these misfits, “We have a very important job for you. The humans must be monitored. Go very far away from us and keep tabs on that. For 6000 years.”

So Aziraphale and Crowley show up on earth and I think in general they’re thrilled to be away from the repressive, toxic environments they came from. But they’re still fundamentally lonely.

From this perspective, their first conversation in the garden is so perfect. They are both adorable cinnamon rolls that are starved for attention and desperate for camaraderie, so Crowley decides to just strike up a conversation. What has he got to lose? And they both seem sort of excited/amused that they have a pleasant interaction. It’s probably the best conversation they’ve had maybe ever based on all the other angels and demons we meet. 

I think it’s very telling that Aziraphale never admits to anyone else that he gave the sword away. He tells Crowley, one of his mortal enemies, after like half a minute of nice chit chat. And he gets all happily flustered when Crowley, despite the light sarcasm, says that he doesn’t think Aziraphale could do the wrong thing. This is in stark contrast to how he’s treated by everyone in heaven who constantly reinforce that he’s not measuring up to angel standards at every turn.

This scenario would explain why neither side really seems to check up on them. They’re reporting back, sure, but no one is bothering to verify facts on either side. Crowley does make the presentation about the highway, but honestly, that really looks more like hell’s monthly mandatory torture luncheon than an actual exchange of information. Everyone in attendance looks like their soul is being crushed, their brain is about to dribble out their ear, and they are keenly aware that they are currently in actual hell.

So Crowley and Aziraphale progress through all of human history and they just keep meeting up. And sure, maybe they disagree a little on their fundamental view points, but the interactions are always respectful and pleasant. Before long, they begin to do a series of increasingly large favors for each other.

In the church, Crowley set the rescue into motion, but he relied on Aziraphale to actually keep him from being discorperated. We know demons don’t trust each other, but Crowley has perfect faith that his angel will go against what heaven would expect him to do and save them both. And while we’re here, I’ve seen a few posts implying that Aziraphale might struggle if forced to chose between books and Crowley, but when the literal bombs were literally falling from the sky, we all saw where his priorities were.

I’ve also seen posts that propose the theory that Crowley didn’t realize he loved Aziraphale until he lost him, but I don’t think that can possible be the case. In my mind, Crowley realized what Armageddon would actually cost him well in advance. When he’s gently prodding about no more old book shops or classical music, he’s actually trying to get his angel to think about what else he might never see again. When he’s talking about how horrible eternity in heaven will be, the worst detail is who it will be spent with or in this case, without. Crowley isn’t trying to manipulate or trick Aziraphale into saving the world, he’s trying to get him to realized that the end of the world is the end of their relationship. That might feel like a stretch at first until you consider that as soon as Crowley accepts that saving the world might not be possible, he immediately goes into panic mode and suggests they run away together. Crowley has realized that Armageddon is going to rip them apart and take away the only place they’ve ever been happy. No matter which side wins, they’ll both be facing their own version of hell - spending all of eternity suffering because they can’t spend it together.

This explains why Crowley is so set on convincing Aziraphale that the two of them have to reject their origins and chose each other. When he says Our Side, he isn’t talking about their arrangement, or rebelling, it’s about the fact that all of heaven and hell put together does not deserve either of them. And that’s why he becomes so agitated when he gets shut down. Aziraphale has that moment where his voice catches when he tells him “You can’t leave Crowley” like he felt a pang of that same sense of loss, but he still hasn’t thought through the larger implications because he’s still so sure there must be a way to stop it.

And then Crowley tries again and fails again and responds in anger again. And before he can try a third time, he loses Aziraphale.

I agree with the theory that Crowley has some supernatural method to kept track of Aziraphale. His frequent last minute appearances are too timely to be pure luck. So when he gets discorperated, for the first time in centuries, if not millennia, there’s silence. 

This explains why Crowley gives up. Because Crowley wasn’t fighting to save the world. Crowley was fighting for a safe place where he and his angel to continue to exist together. Without Aziraphale, there’s no point, the thing he feared most has already happened.

Which also means that everything he does once his hope is restored, he does for love. He sacrifices the Bentley for love, because deep down some part of him had to know the car would never be the same after what he was about to put it through. And yeah, he mourns it, but he doesn’t go to a bar and give up on stopping the end of the world because it’s gone.

And he recognizes Aziraphale instantly, even in a different body. Initially I assumed angels and demons could just see and identify soul, but based on how they resolve things in both heaven and hell no other angels or demons posses this ability. And Crowley compliments the outfit! Considering this is probably the first time Aziraphale has worn anything that isn’t a shade of white since the French revolution, it’s just a terrific example of positive feedback and support.

And then somehow, they manage to succeed. Apocalypse averted. And when Gabriel angrily asserts that everyone knows who is responsible, Crowley grins like a silly, love struck idiot. Did he just save the world just so he could stay with his angel? Hell yeah! He’s proud as fuck.

But then he feels something gut wrenching and he realizes that they saved the world, but they won’t survive to enjoy it, and Crowley gives up again. I imagine somewhere deep down he had the horrible, tragic thought that at least this time he wouldn’t be left alone - they would both die, but his suffering would be brief. And then Aziraphale threatens to never speak to him again. And Crowley’s brain does some math: 

Dying together = We are FUCKED! 

Dying together while Aziraphale is refuses to speak to me = No, fuck that noise!

Crowley is inspired and the world is well and saved, for now anyway, He FINALLY gets Aziraphale to agree they truly are on their own side, so they prepare to face the combined wrath of heaven and hell. During the proceedings, they both have a moment and it looks like fear, like they’re gathering themselves for the grisly end they’re about to face - until you know about the switch. When you consider they are both fully aware they aren’t facing any danger, I think that moment is actually both of them processing not only the fact that this could have been how they lost the other, but also that this is the shitty way that the person they love and cherish more than the entire world itself has been treated since the beginning of time. I’ve re-watched it a few times and I like to think I see anger and that sort of hopeless empathy feeling you get when you wish you could undo the pains someone you care about has already felt.

So yeah, I think the ineffable plan was that god decided all those ass-hat angels and demons who only wanted a war deserved to be disappointed in the biggest way possible, all except for these two lovable cream puffs who decided to chose love instead. Also, Crowley could have avoided a lot of wasted time, heartache, and shenanigans if he’d just said “I love you, angel, and the thought of being separated from you is more painful than anything I ever experienced in  hell.” But honestly, I kind of love that everything they do whenever they’re together basically screams how much they love and care for one another without them ever actually saying it. 

[eponymous-rose]

Dating stuff:

I mentioned chatting with a cute girl on a dating site and that’s still going really well and I’m enjoying the conversation a bunch, but I also heard from several dudes and decided to just go for it and set up a couple dates and...

I may actually be done with trying to date guys altogether, man. Had a very, very nice first date on Friday night with a dude who shared a lot of interests, but there were a few red flags. Any female friend I mentioned had him ‘casually’ going, “Oh, was that a romantic thing?” When I mentioned that I don’t eat beef or pork but it seriously doesn’t bother me that he does, he kept ‘jokingly’ prodding at how little sense that made, even after I told him I knew it was a weird thing and shut down the conversation a couple times. He offered me a drive home afterwards and kept ‘jokingly’ going too fast, revving the engine, etc.

Fundamentally, I know I overthink stuff, but someone not respecting minor boundaries ain’t someone I’m gonna trust to respect any other kinds of boundaries, so after worrying about it for a couple days (I mean, I had a huge party on Saturday and another date on Sunday), I sent him a message today saying that I just didn’t feel a romantic spark, would be interested in continuing to hang out in a platonic way (he brought that up as a possibility on the date when I mentioned to him that I’d had some very scary experiences with dating not too long ago!), but also understood if that would be too uncomfortable and wished him well.

... yeah. Dude called me up in a fury, saying that I didn’t ask him anything about his life (he grilled me constantly, I had trouble getting a word in edgewise), and how he’d never had anybody in all the years he’d dated met someone as inconsiderate as me. It turned into the world’s most obvious guilt trip, made me realize that he’d clearly planned to have this ammo at the ready to soothe his own insecurities, at which point I instantly stopped feeling bad, told him, yup, that’s on me, I’m the worst at caring about other people, you’ve cracked the code, Sherlock, but that I wished him the best and thought we probably shouldn’t try to hang out again.

The way dudes react after being “dumped” (it was one date!!! I had someone I actually really liked say “sorry, it’s not working out” after like a month of awesome dinners and my response was “aw man, that’s disappointing, but I wish you all the best!” and then I went home and got weepy and ate some ice cream and got the fuck over it; I’m not a paragon of emotional maturity but even I figured that one out) unfortunately seems to be the best litmus test I’ve ever discovered as to how much I’d even want to date them in the first place.

Now I get to wait and see if this dude’s gonna be like the last one I stopped seeing after one date who friggin’ stalked me and slipped handwritten love letters under my door for months. I feel sick. 

[nardaviel]

nutritional facts of spinach: an atsushi analysis

i tried for days to think of a better title and i couldnt so y’all are just gonna have to live with this one

I initially wrote this Atsushi analysis for an RP application. The chat told me I should adapt it for the fandom on Tumblr and post it here, and I think they’re right because I’m always saying that Atsushi’s an interesting and complex character, not average/boring/whatever, so at some point I need to explain what I mean. The analysis itself doesn’t have a thesis, it’s just talking about what Atsushi’s like as a person, but maybe people will be interested anyway?

There are some canons where most people are so strange that if someone so much as approaches normalcy, even if they fall short, they stand out. In Boueibu, that person is Atsushi.

To put it simply, Atsushi is just a nice Japanese boy from a good family. He's the most genuinely polite member of the main cast. His life's ambition is to have a calm, conflict-free existence and take care of his friends. If he's more than he seems, it's not by his choice, and he would take the lovracelet off his wrist if he could. He didn't ask to be a magical boy. In fact, he rejected the offer, for all the good it did. He's not interested. It's too much responsibility.

Atsushi's most important distinguishing feature is probably his gentleness. He's kind and concerned about others, whether they're friends or total strangers. He tries to see things from others' perspective, or at least understand that they have a perspective, even when those others have wronged him or the people he cares about.

He's almost too forgiving, judging from the way he immediately forgives Kinshirou for trying to murder him and Yumoto. Indeed, he asks hopefully if Kinshirou will be his friend again. He does have an occasional tendency to surprise you with smartass comebacks and clever put-downs, but it's never anything too serious, and if he does accidentally go too far, he feels bad and tries to fix things.

He’s not all sweetness and light, all the time. He switches his chair with En's because his is wobbly, for example, and he has significantly less sympathy or concern for Wombat, who's caused him a lot of pain and inconvenience. He can get snappish when annoyed. But, on the whole, he's a kind person who cares about those around him.

Because he's so caring (and well-adjusted and normal, compared to the others), his role in the group is the long-suffering mom friend. He keeps the group together, makes sure everyone is comfortable, and scolds people, when necessary.

Just a few examples:

He gets outright stressed when En won't let him help make his own birthday cake.

His entire second image song is about how tiring it is being everyone's mom friend, keeping them all together and making sure they're acting at least kind of socially acceptable.

Even though he gives En a hard time about his laziness, he still comes to pick him up in the mornings, probably not always, but on a regular basis.

That last example says a lot, especially when considered in relation to his history. Kinshirou was a high-maintenance friend in his own way, although his demands were more emotional. He seems to have been the type to need a lot of reassurance about their friendship, and he would have taken the news that Atsushi was getting curry so badly that Atsushi didn’t even feel like he could tell him. And when he left, Atsushi immediately attached himself to En, who, frankly, wouldn't do much of anything without someone there to prod him into it. Of course, En was there when Kinshirou stopped talking to Atsushi, a new friend already being supportive.

But there was more to it than that. En needs Atsushi, and Atsushi needs to be needed.

That's not to say that Atsushi doesn't care about En or enjoy his company. Left to his own devices, Atsushi tends to be serious and perhaps too prone to worrying. En's laid-back attitude and frequent digressions into random, pointless conversations amuse him and help him relax. If En suddenly became more independent, Atsushi would feel lost, but he wouldn't want to be En's friend any less.

He does have the same lazy, slightly selfish streak as the rest of the Defense Club, minus Yumoto. None of them have any interest at all in fighting monsters. They didn't volunteer, so it seems unfair to expect enthusiasm, especially from En and Atsushi who explicitly refused Wombat's offer more than once. Still, even if they don't enjoy fighting, they know that the monsters are real people, often their fellow students, that have been transformed. They could at least want to help those people out, or, if not that, prevent the damage the monsters often cause. Instead, by season 2, they are completely done with the whole situation and want to avoid fighting entirely if they can get away with it.

This comes back to bite them when they're willing to fight for Goura, but the Beppus have given up on battling it out and moved on to a new, more dangerous plan. But at least that shows that they'll make the effort when it's someone they personally know and care about.

The third drama CD is similar in spirit. Atsushi, as well as all the others except Yumoto, is completely willing to throw anyone else under the bus if it means he doesn't have to serve as the president of the Defense Club. This is a manifestation of the same impulse that made the four of them find a small, remote room and hide in it during club activities to begin with. All of them, including Atsushi, want to spend their free time relaxing and doing their own thing.

People make a few references to a possible hidden “dark side” of Atsushi’s throughout canon. All jokes about sadism aside, there are some aspects of himself that haunt him and make him unhappy, a quiet darkness that conflicts with the calm, essentially happy manner that he tries to portray.

As a child, Atsushi was cheerful, open, and relaxed. He stood in sharp contrast to Kinshirou, who wore suspenders as a tiny child and worried about seeming childish while still in elementary school. In the flashbacks, Atsushi is open with his affection and excitement.

However, as a teenager, he's become more reserved. It's harder for him to express his emotions. Although he himself is polite and friendly, his body language tends toward the closed and unwelcoming. He crosses his arms over his chest...

...and he puts a hand to his chin when he thinks, which has the same effect of placing a barrier between him and whoever he's talking to.

Even when he's clearly unhappy or preoccupied, he tries to smile anyway and act like he's fine. And he doesn't like any of this. He feels like it's a character flaw. His first image song is about how insecure and guilty it all makes him feel.

He struggles, as well, with confrontation. When Kinshirou refused to talk to him in middle school, En urged him to talk it out, but Atsushi said he'd rather let Kinshirou have some space. That space grew into years of bitter silence and hesitant, awkward attempts at small talk. In season 1, episode 8, history seems to repeat itself when his best friend once again gets mad at him for no reason that he can see. The first time En runs away, he follows, attempting to learn from past mistakes, but as soon as En tells him to fuck off, he gives up.

It's not a stretch to think that during episode 8 Atsushi wonders what's wrong with him, that his best friends all decide after a few years that he sucks. Luckily, the situation gets sorted quickly, and in the season finale, he takes a more active role in his reconciliation with Kinshirou. (It was a step in the right direction when he got angry at the monster in episode 8, but in the finale, he actually talks about things with Kinshirou.) Still, those two fights highlight Atsushi's biggest weakness. When it comes to the big things, he's too gentle. He makes it a fault. He has such a hard time dealing with confrontation that he'll let his friendships be destroyed first.

He's also insecure in some areas. As I mentioned, he thinks he's too cold and closed off. He also thinks he's kind of boring.

Because he thinks his company isn't interesting or emotionally rewarding, it's likely that he doesn't understand his value outside the role he's given himself as a caretaker. It doesn't cause him too much angst, because he is in a caretaker role and his personality is fundamentally not that angsty, but the thought is still there, in the back of his mind. This is probably partly or entirely why he needs to be needed like he does.

However, now that he and Kinshirou are friends again, a lot of the sadness from season 1 is starting to fade. The two of them are still awkward with each other and don't quite know how to act after so long apart, but Atsushi is happy to have him back and he's determined not to mess it up this time. Regaining Kinshirou’s friendship has helped him learn to be more assertive, less inclined to just let bad things happen. ...But the day before he goes to all that effort to see Kinshirou off at the airport, he does this:

So he's still pretty nervous about conflict.

He can get kind of annoyed with En or impatient with Yumoto, but he rarely gets truly angry. It happens in episode 8 when En is yelling at him and being completely unfair, and later, when he confronts the monster that's made En like that.

It happens again when Kinshirou is smashing up the school to try to kill him.

And that's pretty much it for genuine anger from Atsushi in the anime; even in season 2′s climactic episodes, he doesn’t show as much of it. When he is angry, though, it can be startling how intense he becomes and, given his usual demeanor, how unwilling he is to back down. Even so, he stays on topic in arguments and doesn't try to hurt the other party, even when the opportunity presents itself.

It's because of things like that, as well as his politeness and general normalcy, that he has some of the most mature behavior among all the main cast. Arima is the only one who might have him beat. As another sign of his maturity, he gets very good grades due to study and diligence, as opposed to En, who usually gets mediocre grades but occasionally surprises everyone with a streak of 100s based on (he claims) excellent guesswork.

He’s clever, too. He doesn't think quite as quickly as En in the moment, but his grades are the second best in his year, and he has a good memory, where En often does not. Because of his memory, an intellectual strength of his is synthesizing information.

Despite that, he can be a little credulous sometimes. For the most part, it shows up when Kinshirou is there to serve as a counterpoint.

And even though he’s smart and often reaches the right conclusions, there are times where he comes up with some very unusual theories.

That naiveté might be a result of his upbringing: He's from a rich family, although not an obscenely wealthy one. He seems to have a good home life, because instead of being snobby or cruel, he's just sweet and, as mentioned, a little naive. Even after the events of the show, he thinks the world is basically a kind place. After all, nothing disastrous happened in the end, right? He talks about his sister, both in the stargazing flashback and in the game, and he mentions that the reason his family bought their very fancy TV is because his dad wanted it. (But he doesn't use it much, because he has another one in his room.) Also in support of the idea that he has responsible parents, or at least parents without unlimited funds: He's expected to go to college and become independent, instead of living off their money forever. On the other hand, he's also under the impression that most people go to college...

...which suggests that he's somewhat sheltered. He doesn't know yet what he wants to do with his life, so right now he intends to just go to college and hope something presents itself.

He's image-conscious, and doesn't enjoy drawing attention to himself. He finds the Battle Lover uniforms and scripted lines extremely embarrassing. There are others in the cast who are more easily embarrassed, for sure, but it's still not hard to make him feel awkward or self-conscious. In particular, it's possible that he's self-conscious about being too skinny: En tells him he is twice in season 1, and then in season 2, he's seen weighing himself after a bath.

He's also a pretty bad actor.

He enjoys reading, jigsaw puzzles, baths, anime, and video games. In other words, he enjoys calm, relaxing indoor hobbies with a playful or escapist feel. According to the fanbook, he hates needles. He knows a whole lot about anime, particularly older shounen and sentai shows.

That’s all for this analysis. Thank you for reading about Atsushi :D and as always, please comment with whatever you want!!

[dothewrite]

the law of attraction: my smol volley squad.

In response to Aki’s previous ask here, this is my small opinion/character analysis on what kind of person they’d fall for, how they would fall in love, and what kind of person would be best for my volley squad, based on what little i know about human beings and relationships in real life. Here goes!

Kuroo Tetsurou.

How They Fall: We can all agree that Kuroo’s pretty adept at reading people, picking out their underbelly and prodding at the right places. But it might be because of that acute observation that he doesn’t really listen to his gut very much (when it comes to attraction, he cares about rationality less when it’s with friends- when he doesn’t have a motive or goal). I feel like Kuroo would be the type who thinks he knows what he wants and goes for it, but somehow it doesn’t really click until it’s too late that he’s missing something, or he made a mistake (usually about himself, not the other person), and then he’s in a pickle, because he also doesn’t seem like the type to be able to discard people easily because he’s decided in his mind that this person is someone he chose, and he should bear the consequences.

However, I think Kuroo would be the wary type. He might find himself attracted to people easily (probably because he seems such an easy-going/flexible person), but it’s just a small electric shock kind of feeling, or a ‘oh, wow, they’re cute’, and because he knows himself to some extent, he brushes a lot of these feelings away because he thinks that it might just be a false alarm. But that’s just for attraction. I think for someone like Kuroo to really fall in love with someone, he’s level headed enough for it to be a slow and deep process. They’re more than just a significant other, this is someone he’s trusted in, he believes to have his back. I think they’d start off as friends, then very good friends, and perhaps after some soul searching, they become actually intimate confidants and perhaps one day Kuroo will realize that the reason why he hasn’t particularly been interested in other people lately is because everything he needs, he already has fulfilled in this one friend, one person. Precisely because Kuroo doesn’t seem like a fickle person, to me, he would fit the slow to trust, yet incredibly trusting and loyal once he opens up to you.

Fall For: He’s confident, he’s capable, and he probably knows from observation how everyone sees him, especially girls, when he’s in his Captain role and smirking and probably giving some slight fanservice just because he can. Because of this, he might go for the beautiful, tall girl/guy with the gorgeous smile and the genuinely kind heart. He’s not the type to undervalue himself (he’s realistic, not insecure) and he honestly wants to spend his time with someone he finds he can’t look away from, and a good personality is always a must. He probably realized he had a crush on them after seeing them interact with others, or have his friends nudge him in class whispering how good they’d look together. Kuroo doesn’t seem like the type of person who’d go for a person because of status, he has to genuinely like them, and because he can be manipulative (when necessary), he probably values honesty and kindheartedness in others because he knows how ugly things can get if they’re both the same type of person.

Most Compatible: If given enough time for him to mature and understand his own preferences/the actual purpose and meaning of being in love with someone, he might be able to pick out the person that’s best for him instead of the person that gives him butterflies. Not to say that both can’t happen at the same time, but it’s definitely your own hormones/instincts acting against your understanding of yourself a lot of the time. The type of person that would bring the best out of Kuroo would honestly be someone like him at heart. I’ve noticed that despite his bravado and his image in the anime/manga, his best friend is still Kenma, someone who doesn’t seem like they’d fit with Kuroo. I think that inside, the inside that sometimes Kuroo misses being able to express, is his actual dorkiness. Someone who shares his interest, not only laughs at his lame jokes but actually makes their own lame jokes, someone who surprises him with different facets, someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and above all, is compassionate and not needlessly argumentative and arrogant, that kind of person he’d actually be able to stay with for the rest of his life. Someone he can truly be himself around, and even if himself changes, they’ll still understand, accept him, and be genuine. They don’t have to be the prettiest, in fact, they don’t have to be pretty at all. If Kuroo begins to understand how rare it is to actually find someone like this, I think nothing else would matter. Kuroo needs a home in someone, a partner in crime and a pillar.

Bokuto Koutarou.

How They Fall: I actually have a hard time seeing Bokuto fall in love with someone who doesn’t truly fit him, however, that doesn’t mean that Bokuto isn’t the type to date people he doesn’t quite fit with. I don’t think this guy is capable of falling in love many times, not because he’s aloof or afraid, but for someone as warm and welcoming as Bokuto, it would take a lot for him to understand what love really feels like. For him, ‘going out’ with someone might be more than enough, because he’s having fun, he likes them, he’s enjoying their company, so that’s enough right? That’s what all couples do- hold hands, make out, go on dinner dates, etc. Of course, people in love do all these things too, but I don’t think it would occur to Bokuto that there’s more to this. He’s no stranger to pain, but perhaps the type of pain he’s used to is the shallow pinpricks of either rejection, or being broken up with, or people badmouthing him or even being cheated on, but perhaps not the pain of something like unrequited love, loss of a best friend, having to let someone go, etc. I fully believe that Bokuto has great potential for learning all those things and have them change him for the better, but the him right now doesn’t see the need to actually search deeper.

If Bokuto falls in love, and love, not fall in like, I think his heart will realize far earlier than his mind. He seems like the type to automatically gravitate to the person, to spend as much time as possible with them (even if the other person doesn’t want to!), and he’ll start to highly value their opinion and their view of him. Someone with monochrome owl horns for hair kind of gives away that Bokuto is not conventional, and does not bow to others, but for this person, he will. If it’s someone who fits him, he wouldn’t need to, but for the first time, he’ll realize that he wants to bend. They’ll definitely start off as friends, then become incredibly close, and I think for Bokuto to realize that they’re more than just ‘friends’ or a normal ‘significant other’, a painful wakeup call might be needed, someone who if they leave, he’ll feel like he’s missing something fundamental, and will do anything to get back.

Fall For: I honestly think he’ll fall for anyone who gets him. Bokuto falling seems like it’d be a quick thing, especially for a high school relationship, but I think that for someone so focused on volleyball, the other person would have to approach him first. He’d notice, I’m sure, but I think he’d only pay it attention if it were made very obvious, very persistent, and might pique his interest a little. Whoever Bokuto ends up attracted to is not going to be a normal person- in fact, they might even be really similar to him, because he’s the type to become very enthusiastic if someone share’s his point of view and think that they’re pretty cool to be around. Bonus points if they’re attractive, of course, but if they’re quirky and funny enough, that’s enough for him. This will be, above all, someone who makes time around them far different than time without them, someone with incredible character. Bokuto’s an all or nothing kind of guy, so no pity dating. That person has to earn his attention, and they’re going to have a pretty grand time.

Most Compatible: We all know what I think by now, and I’m not saying this because I ‘ship’ it, but because this is one of those few relationships where regardless of gender, is honestly the healthiest kind of couple for these two people. Akaashi Keiji’s personality fits Bokuto’s incredibly well. Like I said in my other post, they are opposites attract in the best way possible, because it’s not simply ‘attraction’, but compatibility. Someone calm and down to earth in behaviour is almost on the other end of the spectrum from Bokuto, who’s chirpy and excitable and doesn’t take things slow. In order for Bokuto to grow and become someone who is less extreme and more balanced (balanced is good, it means you’re more equipped to deal with different situations in life in a healthy way), he needs someone who grounds him. Whoever this is, they will truly be beautiful in his eyes, because of the way that they change how he sees the world, the way he seems to see more clearly with them around. He doesn’t feel burned out, he knows that there’s someone who’ll have his back if he goes too far. Why do I choose someone who’s opposite rather than simply balanced that Bokuto can copy? Because I think that Bokuto is, to some extent, proud of himself too. He can’t just sit there and be submissive, he wants action, he wants to help, and if he also makes his significant other’s life better because they bring the best out of each other that way, it’s a healthy, fulfilling relationship that doesn’t leave one person feeling like the benefactor and the other like they are in a more powerful position.

Akaashi Keiji.

How They Fall: Throughout the manga/anime, I noticed that I rarely see Akaashi attached to someone other than Bokuto, yet he is perfectly capable of making easy conversation with other people. This shouts to me that Akaashi doesn’t have difficulties socializing (which some people may think so because of his personality), he just doesn’t want to. So, when put in a romantic context, I think that Akaashi is the type of guy who chooses, and sticks with it absolutely. Come hell or high water, even if he realizes that he’s made a mistake, he’s the type to stick it out to the bitter end to see if it works, because he trusts in himself, because he doesn’t want to have wasted his time on someone he’s sure he saw some good in at the beginning. Perhaps slightly one-track-minded, but Akaashi would probably have no issues pinpointing his feelings either. He’s not the type to go ‘why is my heart going doki doki?’, he’s the type to sit and realize, when one day his face blushes harder than usual that ‘oh. I’m in love with this person.’ Perhaps this is just my judgement, but I think that he is a very good judge of character, and I believe in whatever Akaashi chooses because this boy doesn’t make decisions lightly.

You might ask how exactly, does he make his decisions then? I think he might have slight problems with opening himself up to someone, which means that by whatever category he deems fit, it’s going to take a while. Although he’s loyal, I don’t see him as the type to imprint. I think he needs to test the waters first, make sure this person is even worth his attention before he starts to think about developing it further. That might be why he seems a little icy at first- because honestly Akaashi is fine with or without a significant other. He’s perfectly capable of functioning by himself and his close friends, so for him to fall in love, it’s a pretty big thing. Trust is probably going to be incredibly slow to come (he’s had a lot of screen time, but how much do we, as viewers, really know about him?), and perhaps he might realize that he’s in love with someone yet have barely revealed much about himself to them. They probably won’t realize he’s in love with them, and he’ll have to say something obvious for them to find out.

Fall For: He might fall for someone like him at first. Someone who he’s comfortable being around, perhaps even slightly easier than volleyball players who are usually quite active, which means that Akaashi might need to try a bit harder. He’d go for the quiet, kind person who’s not afraid to speak their mind but doesn’t volunteer information and their time like they have a lot to spare. I think for someone who might end up exhausted by the end of the day from social interaction rather than physical exercise, this is the best way for him to prefer time with his significant other over any other activity, hence the ‘let’s be more’. I don’t think looks would matter much at all. Akaashi seems like the picky type when it comes to personality (not that he judges, but he has his preferences), so for him to find someone that fits his preferences, he’d probably treasure them a lot. I don’t know if this relationship is balanced, however, because Akaashi might fall into the pit of just ‘taking’, and doing what he finds comfortable. This isn’t because he’s not considerate, but I think because he might view his significant other as his safe place, or automatically as someone who ‘gets him’, he might forget sometimes that he still has to put effort into figuring out what the other person might like.

Most Compatible: Here we run into the same problem as Bokuto! I think someone who balances out Akaashi is the best for him. Not someone he can hide away from the world with, but someone who changes him, teaches him that maybe it’s not so bad to be in the world. Maybe he doesn’t have to find it so tiring, and that maybe it’s even a little fun. Bringing out the best in someone isn’t just making them comfortable, but making them better than the person they were before they met you. Someone honestly like Bokuto- a little quirky, not judgmental in any way, enthusiasm not depending on Akaashi, and just a sort of independence that allows him to have his own breathing space and choose to join in if he wants to. This person would be incredibly kind and gentle when need be, but also be strong-willed enough to drag this reluctant man out for activities and such. Someone who makes Akaashi give out of willingness, not out of obligation, someone with such natural charm and zero manipulative tendencies. As I said above, looks wouldn’t matter very much, but I think that it might speed up the process slightly.

Oikawa Tooru.

How They Fall: This is probably the hardest thing to guess. Oikawa’s level of self-sabotage and denial sometimes makes me headdesk, but although I think he definitely plays volleyball genuinely, he’s probably the utter opposite when it comes to people. I think that he has very little trust in others. Maybe not because he’s been betrayed and battle worn, but perhaps because of all the expectations others have had for him as a kid, and then to find that even his good friends can’t even take the edge of his incredible stress- this might lead him to think that people aren’t that useful after all. Incredibly self-sufficient (not healthily, but he survives), Oikawa probably won’t realize he needs help more than he thinks he does. Even now in the anime/manga, he has an entire support system that he appreciates, sure, but I don’t think he knows exactly how poorly he’s going to do without them. This might be the same for his relationship. 

However he falls, it’s probably going to be in denial, if it’s actual love. It’s going to be a slow burn, because in my opinion, love involves being incredibly vulnerable at almost all times, and Oikawa probably will hate feeling like this the most. They will definitely be friends first, even if slightly unwillingly, because if he doesn’t trust this person, there’s no way that he’d let them in any further. Perhaps it might start off as someone who forcefully brings out the better side of him, and maybe Oikawa resists that because I don’t see him as the type who likes being told that maybe he doesn’t know what’s best for himself, but if it’s a good relationship, he’ll see the difference. If anything, Oikawa’s good at grudgingly admitting when something’s either good or bad for him. Although he might be in denial about his own feelings, he might not be when it comes to tangible results (e.g. his diet, or his mental health, etc.) This man is probably going to be an absolute pain when it comes to romance, and probably doesn’t really believe in it or only indulges in it for the fun factor, but I think there’s a lot to him that even he doesn’t realize.

Fall For: I honestly can’t see Oikawa taking romance very seriously. Instead of wanting to find a soulmate, he probably had a few attempts trying to find people that he actually liked, but after being disappointed several times, he goes for an entirely different group of people. Because in the anime/manga, he seemed so flippant about being dumped by his girlfriend, it seems that he doesn’t really care for her either, and the only iffy bit is the fact the he is the one who got dumped, or that he’s single now. With his tendencies to fluff his own feathers by flirting with his fangirls, I think Oikawa would jump at the chance to date a beautiful, popular person that has other people chasing after them already. It’s a little shitty, but he seems like the type to think ‘since I can’t really get into this ‘love’ thing, I’ll get the best alternative’, which is whatever strokes his own ego. I don’t really see him wasting his time on mean, manipulative people, but he probably doesn’t take much stock into personality, or overlooks many flaws he finds out later he can’t stand because if he doesn’t like them very much, all he needs to do is avoid them by playing volleyball. It doesn’t matter to him if they like him back, as long as they’re officially dating, he thinks he’s done his part at ‘living like a normal person’.

Most Compatible: I might be pissing some people off by saying this, but again, I’m not ‘shipping’, but using one of the existing relationships that Oikawa has canonically. I think that Iwaizumi, or someone with his personality, goes with Oikawa very well. Left as it is, a high-school, immature relationship, it would probably be destructive because of how many issues with communication they might have, but I think that someone grounded is essential for Oikawa’s flighty nature to calm the fuck down. Someone who does’t just leave him when he’s feeling insecure (hence taking it out on others or acting extra asshole-ly); someone who doesn’t give up. Oikawa needs that kind of security in his life, because everything else is so up in the air that it’s made him who he is. He doesn’t listen well, so someone strong needs to tell him what to do to take care of himself. Someone who doesn’t back down when they’re being bitched at, someone who doesn’t run away when inevitably Oikawa does something deliberately stupid to hurt them. In this case, looks really don’t matter. This person Oikawa will definitely allow into his life reluctantly, simply because they’re so different and it drags him out of his comfort zone, but life without them will definitely smack him in the face because of how much worse it is. Someone who worms their way into Oikawa’s river of denial until one day he absolutely can’t function without them anymore. Paired with some growing up, introspection and communication, I think that this kind of relationship will really allow both people to flourish and balance themselves out.