#but also because getting ardbert back at the end of 5.3 is like. you can put off thinking about what happened. but watch out!

[alackofghosts]

(say) all i need / is the air i breathe / and a place to rest my head

[tritoch]

the damsel and the hero: some thoughts on minfilia and elidibus

I get why many people have (understandable, justified, legitimate) gripes to this day about how Minfilia was handled, but I think you don't have to change anything about how she's presented in game to arrive at a reading that lets her feel like more than a sacrificial victim. Within the game as it exists, Minfilia is already a rich and layered heroic character. She is not a damsel or a tragic hero but a victorious figure whose very exit from the narrative affirmed her own ideals, and she controlled her own destiny to the end. All you have to do to see this more clearly is read her against one of her underexamined foils: Elidibus.

Spoilers through the end of Pandemonium (6.4) below.

After 5.3 dropped, the devs mentioned that because they basically had to develop and pay off Elidibus in the space of a patch or two, they drew conscious parallels between him and other characters. The game highlights the G'raha parallels in the scene just before Seat of Sacrifice. There's also the parallels to Alphinaud that people have noticed in both the broad strokes of their characterization (idealistic short kings who believe in the power of rhetoric and diplomacy to achieve true and lasting understanding between people, whose mission to save the world is forever held in balance with their duty to save those they love) and in specific lines of dialogue.

But a far more direct narrative parallel than either character is Minfilia. Like Elidibus and Zodiark, Minfilia offered herself to Hydaelyn, serving as the Word of the Mother, only to be called forth once more when an intractable conflict between her allies threatened the stability of the world. Both were messianic young figures who nonetheless lead their older allies by both example and command. Both, seeing an opportunity to save not just their close friends but everyone, offered themselves up to a higher power in an act not of desperation but of deliberate will. You can even poetically gloss both Antecedent and Emissary as "The One That Goes Before."

The difference between the two of them is that at every turn, where Elidibus failed, Minfilia succeeded.

Elidibus returned to broker peace between the Hydaelyn faction and the Convocation. He failed, and the result was the Sundering. Minfilia, entreated by Urianger, came back to resolve the conflict between the Warriors of Darkness (Hydaelyn's champions and Warriors of Light themselves) and the Scions, and succeeded in saving two worlds by her actions.

But more than that, Elidibus provided us a picture of what it actually looks like to lose your identity to a primal like Zodiark. He'd lived a thousand thousand lifetimes as himself and he was so broken he could scarcely remember anything more than his name and his duty. He is one of the most explicitly tragic figures in all of FFXIV, and his final sendoff in 5.3 was an image of him plagued by unanswerable grief, which for him was a consequence of his failure: "The rains have ceased, and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it."

Meanwhile, in the preceding expansion, you actually had the chance to spend multiple scenes with Minfilia and they're all extremely clear: unlike Ardbert or Elidibus, after 100 years this was still Minfilia, she remained resolute in her mission to see the First saved, but she had not forgotten the woman she was or the people she loved. In both 3.4 and 5.0, she went out as herself, head held high.

Speaking to the Warrior of Light before she departs for the First: "So many times have I watched you depart, my heart filled with worry, and ever did you return to me in triumph. Someday, when I have found a way to free this star from Her sorrow, I promise you I shall repay the favor."

Her final words to Ryne: "No one, however powerful, is immune to the whisperings of doubt and despair. Do not give in to them, but do not deny them either. Look instead to the light within, that you may continue to serve as a beacon to others."

In both instances, we were given a Minfilia who had not merely accepted her fate, but who had chosen it of her own volition and rose confidently to meet it, even imparting to her successor some final hard-won words of wisdom. And unlike Elidibus, she met her friends again at duty's end; they live, and they are happy, and she is content. She's already heroic, but the contrast to Elidibus (and Ardbert, and Emet) underlines the extent to which we should see her as extraordinarily driven, self-possessed and ultimately victorious on her own terms.

And in making the connection between Elidibus and Minfilia, we can begin to let Elidibus's characterization inform hers in retrospect.

Elidibus as we see him in 5.3 and earlier more specifically paralleled Minfilia as the Word of the Mother. Prior to that point in her arc, Minfilia's parallel was Themis, the pre-Zodiark Elidibus we glimpse briefly in the 5.3 Echo flashbacks and would only meet properly an expansion later in Pandemonium. The important thing about Themis for our purposes is that he was not some naive or too-young figurehead tricked into serving as Zodiark's Emissary. This was not a Crystal Braves situation for him. In Pandemonium, you can see how the kind of man Themis was very clearly lead to him choosing to be offered up to Zodiark. He took seriously the principles and duties of the Convocation. He valued dearly the lives of all people generally and his friends and comrades in particular, but held those truths in balance rather than prizing one. He was rational, clear-sighted, and decisive.

All of these, obviously, were true of Minfilia. And unlike Elidibus, whose ascension into Zodiark was forever somewhat obscured by the narrative, we were quite close to Minfilia before she became the Word of the Mother. We were quite familiar with her grief and guilt over surviving where Louisoix did not, her fear that she could neither fill his shoes as a leader nor serve in action as others did. She confided in us about the difficulty of her task in serving as the pillar of strength and guiding light for the rest of the Scions. She despaired alongside the player character at both the death of Moenbryda and the disastrous events of the Banquet. We know what she believed, what she valued, what she feared, what frustrated her. When she chose to depart for the First, it paid off very directly everything else the game has said about her through 3.4. Her arc was one of trepidation and doubt, and it ended in her ultimate victory and an astonishingly clean win that compromises none of her values.

Both Urianger and some fans raised the question of whether it was wrong for Urianger to ever offer her the choice of sacrificing herself for the First at all. Minfilia, for her part, got a chance to speak to this directly: "Have we not walked together in the light of the Crystal, and at Her bidding borne witness to the joys and sorrows of this land? Each and every one of you knows my heart. If this be the price I must pay, I pay it gladly." It did not matter whether she was given this particular decision or not. You could have offered her this dilemma in a thousand different permutations in a thousand thousand different scenarios. This was the choice she made. This was her choice, forever and always: to save everyone she can, in honor of those she loves.

Candidly, I understand critiques of Minfilia's writing far better than any praise it could ever receive. Nothing I've written above answers the clear and obvious truths that she is underwritten, that she does not get much to do or much screentime for a putatively important character, that it is very easy and common to read her death as a fridging, that she is unfairly dismissed by many due to her role in the narrative and the way she leaves it. Her sacrifice plays into specific gendered tropes that are disappointingly common to see. Those things all remain true.

But I think as we remember those things we should also keep in mind that she does still get a complete arc that is interesting and thematically rich in itself, and which puts her in some senses on the same level in the narrative as characters like Elidibus, Emet-Selch, and Ardbert.

Her sacrifice continues to inform the game. Her literal ghost returns to affirm the truth and value of her beliefs and the choices she made. Her guiding words ("For those we have lost, for those we can yet save") remain a mantra not just for the Scions but specifically for the player character. They are not an empty slogan. The phrase succinctly conveys an ideal of all-encompassing humanism and compassion arising from grief. The ideal those words represent is one of many organizing principles and responses to grief that the game examines (because a lot of FFXIV is about grief and how we respond to tragedy and change), it is Minfilia who develops and articulates it, and it is the one the heroes continue to align themselves with. It is the same principle that leads her to the First, and G'raha, and us too. It is Minfilia's ideals--Minfilia's heroism--which continue to serve as the model to which the Warrior of Light aspires, in the game's text.

Truthfully, my gripe is this. I think it is very easy to imagine a male Minfilia--same lines, same screentime, same blocking, same ass cut-out--appearing in place of the Minfilia we have. And I feel quite sincerely, and quite frustratedly, that if we had Malefilia, both the fans and detractors of that character would ascribe to him more thoughtfulness and more thematic depth than the Minfilia we already have, even though their lines would be exactly the same. We are so ready to see the damsel we expect in Minfilia that we are unwilling to see her as the hero she is in the text, and my hope is that by holding her up to her mirror, Elidibus, we may see her as a rich character in her own right all the more clearly.

[fheythfully]

Putting all my thoughts on the 5.3 MSQ under the cut. Beware of course of spoilers! Overall I really enjoyed the patch. There were a lot of times where I sounded like an excited dinosaur.

So first things first, the way the patch started with the kids was so cute. I was expecting more with the Ardbert-esque kid, especially when he said he wanted to adventure with friends because he felt like he was missing something... but then they didn’t? I’m not sure what the point of that line of his was then. Ardbert’s soul is inside ours, and also has been shown to have moved on, but I wonder if some fragment of it--the part that is bound to the specific world’s Lifestream--can be reborn? Anyway. A bit bummed we didn’t get more with that train of thought but it was cute nevertheless. Also, apothecary. I was going “IS THIS A HINT?” the moment the kiddo said she wanted to be one as a WoL.

Also, I am totally writing a shortfic of the twins, Satella and Ryne hanging out in the Crystarium library with Moren bringing them books of interest while they sneak in tea and snacks. Ryne falls asleep and is eventually found by Thancred. Alisaie teases him for being a doting father. When everyone leaves, Satella is left cozily snuggled up as the evening turns feeling almost like home at the Arcanist’s Guild.

I really liked the bit where Alisaie’s desire to surpass the WoL and competitive nature is shown, and that some part of it is due to insecurity. I love the character depth and growth SE gives her over the patches. I just about had a heart attack when she started getting woozy with a noise in her head.

Elidibus feeling summoned by the WoL and seeing an Amaurotine in their stead gave me feelings, because it means we are whole enough now to form some sort of connection to the Ascians. Only sundered ones are left now though, so I wonder if that will still stay true.

I did have a heart attack at hearing Thancred collapsed. I was not expecting him to be okay when we got back to see him. Dawn’s Respite scene was very sobering and set me up for something entirely different than the ending we got (thank god).

Alisaie being stubborn and sullen with the Exarch made me wonder if she’s seeing the past with Louisoux in him, and Alphinaud’s comment about how she handled their grandfather leaving all that well all but confirmed it. That’s very sweet.

I made a very loud note as I was playing at the fact that a Rejoining soul must recognize its part on the Source as itself. Not sure if that was just for the Exarch’s case (though there are comments about how we and Ardbert fused very easily too) but I have Filed This Away.

Seeing Shtola collapsed gave me another heart attack but she’s definitely possessed of nine lives. The duty with Elidibus was fantastic, though the lack of voice acting caught me off guard (covid? are duties never voiced?). Fighting the baby Scions made me full of glee and then it got even better from there. Answers playing over the city, and then the HW theme, and then SB--fantastic. I especially paused when it started snowing. I appreciate a lot what Elidibus was doing, which was trying to show to us that the people who seem so ancient and recreated only as puppets had once meant something to him and his own. The fight was a lot of fun. I took a screenshot of berserk-Ardbert for kicks.

Also, the bit where he calls you by your name, and the name is switched from Elidibus to Ardbert. My heart. I have a lot of notes about this for future writing.

Elidibus as Zodiark’s heart and primal weren’t a big surprise as it’s been confirmed before (I think?) BUT he’s basically the primal for the idea of the Warrior of Light and I think that is magnificent. I still don’t have a full grasp on Elidibus as shown in this patch: his memories are fractured, whether by age or Zodiark; he’s driven both by his own ambition and Zodiark’s influence. He’s all over the place and I’m going to have to take better measure of him as I replay everything in NG+.

I have a note that says, “Ella why are you picking up random things off the ground that your enemies have dropped???” but it all turned out even better than okay. I don’t understand how he could have dropped all those Convocation crystals other than as a plot point but whatever. It was a great sequence. “All that remains is to pray. To pray that we will one day meet again, beneath a blue sky.” Made me tear up. The twisting of the Convocation from the gentle, kind Amaurotines to what they are today is brutally heart breaking.

I made a note of how the trees in Amaurot are starting to wither--I am not sure if we’ve always had that? But if not, definitely a small sign of Hades’ magic fading?

Bear with me now but I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT AZEM. I of course didn’t get the title right (my 14th is Altima), but I got the duty/job so almost right. My Altima is the Shepherd, though to the souls on the planet living and departing to create and live alongside the Lifestream. The entire scene with Hyth had me shaking in my chair with excitement over how perfectly it described my headcanon 14th--down to her wandering the planet when she wasn’t in the city. Granted it fits with all our WoLs and is specifically made to be so, but I am so excited. Not sure what I’ll do with this when I write, whether I will alter my canon to fit the game or plow on ahead, but we’ll see. I’m just so excited. And the new TITLE fits my OCs to a T. God, thank you, SE. I also love that we are the “sun” and can’t wait for the future connections and theories about the 14th and Azeyma and Azim.

“After all, I cannot say whether I act of my own volition or by the will of my recreator!” Made me laugh-cry.

Scions confirmed that seeing Amaurot awoke a great grief in them, which was then supported by the random Eulmore NPC crying at the sight of it. So, it’s not even reliant on how whole your soul is: everyone who sees it feels something, a soul-genetic memory, maybe? I can’t wait to use this. Also makes me wonder if this is why in the patch the Scions are more wont to encourage you to talk things out with Elidibus, as in SHB they were pretty set against Emet-Selch.

The new dungeon was okay. I need to replay it again and look around more (is there a hint of Hildibrand there??). The Necromancer and Berserker class, though the latter may be Warrior same way Arcanists are called Ink Mage, made me pout a little. I want Necromancer. Also, THIER White Mages get Protect? Pffft.

I didn’t take any notes for the trial but. It was brilliant. The run through Crystal Tower with the Exarch was a wonderful callback (there were so many callbacks, it was great) and then when he told us to go ahead I was like, you better mean it that you don’t plan to play your trump card unless we’re present! The trial itself was breathtaking. When the Amaurotine first showed up I thought it was Azem, then when they snapped their fingers I was like cool we can do that too, and then they did the Emet-Selch wave and I lost it. HOW!? Shtola has a theory that even she admits is far fetched but. Wow. I am wondering which one it may be: Emet-Selch truly somehow having his soul live (we were just in the space where Ascians’ souls go between bodies) and assisted us; or was he called by Azem’s crystal as a memory; or was it a memory entirely? Just. That cameo. I miss you, Emet-Selch. For yours is the seat of the fourteenth broke me also and I’m just all over the place. Elidibus as the Warrior of Light was great.

I don’t understand why he went Baby in the end there. I can’t imagine the Convocation recruited and sacrificed a child. My headcanon is that it’s just meant to represent his childlike devotion and drive to his goals. He wanted to help his brothers and sisters so badly he detached himself from Zodiark. Seeing him sitting there cradling the crystals and talking about how it’s a beautiful day and they’re not there to see it was heartbreaking. The Amaurotines lost so, so much--and there’s no way to bring any of it back. I am glad the Unsundered have finally a chance to rest.

The goodbye scene with Ryne was a little lacking to me. I wanted Thancred to hug her, damn it. At least he told her he’s proud of her. She’s so brave with how she tries not to cry before them. She’s coming into her own, with her own ideals, but also so like Minfilia’s that it made my heart full. I will act as her post moogle to Thancred any time, kupo.

Also the one line she has in Twine about how Gaia is her friend who will be there for her is sweet and I laugh at the idea of Gaia’s reaction.

Okay, so, the ending. Probably the thing I did not expect at all. I expected death. No one died. The animations were beautiful, and Alisaie was such a joy to watch. Just. I don’t have words for it. I was so overcome with happiness at how perfect they all were: Alisaie sinking into her chain in a sulk, the Archons fondling their weapons, Alphinaud with tea and a book. Alisaie jumping off to go find a fight and Alphinaud’s brotherly exasperation. The banter between Urianger and Y’Shtola. My heart is so, so full.

On to the topic of the Exarch, which I did not expect to have this many feelings on: first of all, I expected him to die. We all did. How can one man survive SO many death flags!? When our WoL ran out of the Stones like a wound up mammet I was there with her, heart pounding praying for it to have worked. I am bummed that we didn’t get to experience him actually waking, but that means I can write about it... which I already did, actually. Because: I came out of this with a very unexpected, slowly unfurling Ella/G’raha ship. This was a surprise because ARR G’raha was not someone I even remembered all that well, as I played CT when it came out, but I remember thinking he was a bit too immature for romantic ships; and the Exarch always felt too distant and too much. I was fond of him in SHB but in a passing way, also because I was a little bitter that he put the Scions in such danger in the first place (though I understand all the good that’s come as a result, like uncovering the true Ascian plots). Seeing him at the end there, as a fusion of G’raha and the Exarch, somehow turned my view of him on its head and in that moment, I could easily see Ella and him running off and having proper adventures together. The driving attraction to all my ships is a form of shared experience, or at least understanding of what it’s like to bear a heavy burden on your shoulders. The Exarch was again, too much in his role, and I couldn’t see Ella feeling comfortable being close with him. But now, with this ending? Watching the two of them run off together? Oh, I am excited.

I even wrote four pages of fluff on how he got those bobby pins in his hair and I never write fluff. Please look forward to it being posted soon.

Lastly: Ardbert. If you’ve been around my blog long enough, you’ll know that I’ve been an Ardbert shipper since HW. SHB was so good to me in that regard. Personally, I got closure regarding him in the scene of him offering us his axe and was happy with it. I was overjoyed to see him get closure with Seto now, too. I’m not happy with Elidibus using his body and then tearing it apart as he did, but: it made for great angst and sometimes that’s actually okay with me. The confirmation that he can talk to and through us is interesting and I imagine that he does so rarely, as his soul is finally at rest with his friends--where it truly belongs. He lets us live our life, and a part of him is always with us, now. I imagine him and Ella at one point having a conversation about her burgeoning feelings for G’raha, as in my canon she’s never felt quite a strong enough connection or level of comfort with anyone but Ardbert, and him giving her his “blessing” and encouraging her that it’s okay to chase after the comfort and happiness G’raha can bring her. Especially since all of SHB she was in a very very bad place and this ending we got gives me such a sense of respite, no matter how fleeting.

Speaking of fleeting: Zenos and Asahi/Fandaniel. I am still hoping Zenos gets more interesting because I just can’t bring myself to like him, and seeing him destroy the Garlean empire before we even step foot into it is making me a little pouty. Fandaniel is interesting on a few accounts: he’s a sundered Ascians, so what will that mean? Clearly he’s been unhappy with the Unsundereds’ plans. He’s also pretty crazy for “the bringer of order”, if we follow the FF12 Espers. We didn’t get a lot so I am hesitantly interested. But also, Asahi? I hate that kid...

My last thoughts on this are: the Ascian storyline was meant to come to an end with this patch, but clearly we’re still getting content. So I am hoping that was for the Unsundered Ascians and we’ll find out more about the summon of Hydaelyn and all that. I... have exhausted myself typing all this. Wow.

BUT I AM VERY HAPPY WITH THIS PATCH AND WILL REPLAY THAT HAPPY ENDING MANY TIMES. I can’t wait for the future.

[inviouswriting]

Memories

This follows 5.3 lore. So if you are not caught up in it, avoid this story please.

Spoilers.

Aymeric x Kiya. 

Characters - Kivera, Aymeric, Kiya, Mentions of the polyship with Shuri. @maiden-born-in-snow​

Kiya had to have answers, about what her life was. When she explained what she had learned to Aymeric, he only embraced her. His feelings did not change at all, learning her life before. 

The question was, what was her life before she was brought to The Source. She had approached Divinity, with questions the Libra spirit could not answer. 

“I’m sorry, those are questions for Kivera. I can’t talk about them, without her around, or in general because it might break taboo.” Divinity answered enough to explain. Kiya had more questions, but the Libra spirit smiles.

“She’ll be glad to answer you though. I think you earned to know.” Divinity then goes into the house she shares with the rest. To talk to the reaper. She was found cocooned in her wings. Divinity pets her black wing then right to have her rouse up.

“Hm?”

“Kiya, wants to know. Ever since she has learned where she came from. She feels lost.” Kivera sits up at this and knew eventually she would have to explain and maybe give her a glimpse of her former life. Kivera dresses in a flash of her magic and wanders out to greet the miqo. Kivera softens her eyes seeing her.

“I’ll answer everything tonight. I do have a requirement though, to pray to your deity at both statues. I’ll meet you at Thal’s around midnight.” Kivera had to give a condition, before she opened up doors. 

Kiya nods and sets about the trip for the spots in Thanalan. Kivera watches her teleport, and folds her arms under her chest while Divinity hugs her from behind. 

“You’re getting better at not denying others.” Kivera shrugs Divinity off only to be snared by her and lifted up to be carried at her waist with a few flails from her.

“I swear you chose that form so you can do this!” 

“Maybe, I also like how some outfits look. But lifting you and Shuri has become a favorite. I see why Ardbert, and Estinien enjoy it the same. How do you think she’ll take the information?” Divinity sits with Kivera starting to pet her head, fingers weaving into dark hair.

“She’ll take it like anyone who has had their memories taken. She’ll be confused. However, it benefitted this realm greatly. Having memories of your life before can end up causing conflict. What if she had remembered what her calling was. Even with her defecting their cause. It only took a stray thought and this world would have died.” Divinity nods her head as she listens. They’ve witnessed realms that died, together. Worlds, and dimensions. Kivera being their reaper, she’s seen the grief on her face when faced with dying worlds.

“You did a good thing.” Divinity sits with her overlooking The Mist’s shores.

“You think so?”

“Your bits of interferences have helped. I know you guided her hand against that necromancer. I’ve seen you angry before, but to channel that through her? Preventing liches and catastrophes from them. I know you do good. Even if the world scorns you for what you do.” Kivera thinks Divinity’s words over, and sees a glimpse of the woman who she sat with on the burning pyre return her gentleness. The first and only time they had touched in the physical realm was Divinity’s own death.

“I think someone who takes away someone’s suffering as they burned to death isn’t someone to be hated.” Divinity adds on. Kivera shifts her form a bit to the one she keeps hidden under the disguises. 

“You do have a way with words, you’ve been hanging around Ardbert a little much.” Kivera comments, and is met with another smile.

“He’s full of insights. Still doesn’t know in depth of what we are and what we do. We’ve let him glimpse our pasts, but not our reasons.” Divinity hears Kivera sigh and feels her nod against her shoulder.

“Eventually. For now, I need to right one who doesn’t know herself.” Kivera disentangles herself from Divinity and goes about to prepare her end of giving some memories back. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Divinity offers.

“Nah, This is best done by myself. Keep Shuri comfortable.” Kivera goes back into the house to gather things she needs.

Kiya had returned to Ishgard to tell Aymeric she will be home late. She is met with a soft smile and him wishing her to stay safe. Kiya got lost in his eyes when he coaxed her to join him for a little enjoyment in his office. 

When she returned to her home, she found a box left on the bed from Kivera. 

“Wear this at the statue of Thal, I’ll know when you have completed the prayers.” Kiya sets off and goes to Nald’s Respite statue first. She kneels before the statue in prayer and respect. 

One of the few things she and Aymeric don’t cross is their beliefs. He remains devoted to Halone, while she is faithful to hers in Nald’Thal. She had long since remained faithful to him before she met Aymeric. Such being the way Black Mage are. Instilled from Thaumaturges guild’s teaching. 

Kiya stops before she approaches the final statue, and dons the unique attire. She looks herself over in the reflection of water. Her hair worn down in the way Kivera instructed her to wear it. Kivera nods once she sees her exactly how she wants the mage to look.

“Good, now the memories. I apologize for taking those. They were payment for revival. There is a unique balance to keep in the underworld. While you can be spared from a fate, something does need to be taken to cushion it. It’s a bit complicated.” Kivera begins with telling her about the exchange.

“I’ve come to terms with that part.. it’s trying to remember a part of you..” Kiya begins and Kivera nods.

“I understand that. I’ll give you the chance to see and know that former self. I do however want to pose a question. Aren’t you happy with the way things are now?” Kivera asks, and sees Kiya’s eyes light up.

 “I am happy with how things are, yet I want to know.” Kivera smiles and steps back to give her, at least her name. Her voice coming out as a double echo.

“Solaris. Ricorda.” It is a simple phrase, and one that has her remembering. Everything up to the fall of the star of the 14th. How she chose to leave, how she witnessed the last days, she had fallen the creature Therion. From there plucked from the aether by Hydaelyn and given a new life. Her form itself she couldn’t recall except like every other Amourtine. She notices her own appearance resembles the reaper before her, slightly altered. Then every memory from there on was what she knew.

“My form, that was your doing?” Kivera nods.

“Just a smidge of my likeness. But everything else is all your own. Memories, friends, loved ones, children, those you’ve protected, those you’ve lost. The memories you have now, those you fought for. If you had remembered that former life, would you have followed the same path as now?” Kivera questions, and moves to press her forehead to Kiya’s. A simple gesture.

“We’ll never know that answer, for it didn’t happen.” Kiya smiles though in her answer. She knows. Kivera knows. They can’t rewind the time. Not with what they’ve done already.

“Do you have any regrets?” Kivera asks.

“No, none. Just glad to know my name. Solaris. If I have any more children, it might fit for a son maybe.” Kivera places a finger over her own lips as hers are sealed.

“I can’t tell you anything more. You should get back to your husband now.” Kiya eyes her wearily, then shakes her head. Kivera takes her home, and Kiya takes the offered hand.

“Is it true you have such a dislike for people that raise the dead?” Kiya asks, and Kivera glances to her.

“You felt my rage right? At that necromancer? That is your answer. There is no good from people who raise the dead for their own means. They start innocent, but quickly lose themselves to madness. Like your friend Edda, whose scythe you wear so proudly on your back. Or those that have stained Tam-tara deep with their ill magic. You’ve seen their madness. What it does. Such in Dusk Vigil with the frozen in time soldiers who were kept alive through ill magic too.” Kiya nods.

“Underworld beings, such as myself are death bringers. We obey that. Anything that abhors that nature shouldn’t be celebrated. The acolytes, the white mages, those that have the blessing to revive someone who freshly fell before the soul leaves. They’re different, but even they can’t revive what is truly lost to the aether. I’m sure if you take the white robes you would understand more in depth to that difference. But those who use bodies are defilers and need to be ended.” Kiya nods at the end of her words. Kivera stays with Kiya till she is on the steps to her home with Aymeric.

Aymeric stands in the doorway, he waited for his love to be returned to him. He regards the ethereal being with a look of reverence. Kivera flits out like smoke as if she was never there. Kiya turns to Aymeric and is guided under his arm inside, to get much rest and spend the night better with him. It has been a few months after Alyse came into the world, and Edmont took their daughter to give the two a night to themselves.

So Kiya could get answers about herself. 

Kivera returns to her lovers. She makes a face to herself as the spots next to Divinity and Shuri was taken up by Ardbert. Leaving the space between Shuri and Estinien open. She opts for that spot, not without first planting ice cold hands on Estinien’s back. The dragoon jolts from the cold, but only eyes Kivera and pulls her between him and Shuri. Letting her wrap her arms around her and pulling her closer.

“ Non desidero mai prendere nessuna delle vostre anime.” She murmurs a protection spell. 

[katzenkrieg]

Headcanon trivia on Cam’s muteness and the events of Shadowbringers/5.3

Cam’s been mute since the Calamity due to aetheric/physical injury inflicted by the same Garlean PoW-marking device that gave him his facial tattoos. Cam’s version of the Echo helps him be understood by others--generally people are able to get a sense of what his signing means, even if they know nothing about sign language. 

Events near the end of Shadowbringers brought some big changes to his relationship to his muteness/speaking, so I wrote up some of that lore.

Spoilers for ShB and 5.3, of course!

Emet-Selch had no idea what Cam was doing when Cam first tried talking to him--sign language isn’t a concept Emet-Selch ever bothered to realize anyone would have a need for. Once he realized what Cam was up to, he could understand Cam’s signing perfectly well, but he still felt personally affronted by the fact Cam was mute. Whenever Azem chose to be quiet, it meant he was up to something; Emet-Selch never got past feeling like Cam’s muteness was Azem intentionally trolling Emet-Selch by acting like he was up to something *all the time.* 

During his time following the Scions around the First, Emet-Selch made a point of making sudden appearances usually close to and behind Cam, intending to make him jump, and goading Cam in conversation--and it irritated him every time that no matter what he did or said, whether startling or angering Cam, the Hyur just wouldn’t speak. Of course, Emet-Selch had enough power as an Ascian to know that Cam’s muteness was from a genuine physical/aetheric injury, but that didn’t stop him taking it personally. 

Emet-Selch was very satisfied to see that one of the immediate effects of Cam’s transformation into a Lightwarden in all but form (and control) was the replacement of his damaged voice box by sin eater mutation; he was less satisfied to discover that Cam *still* chose not to speak and still resisted being goaded into it, even when Cam arrived in the Tempest with his ability to maintain control over himself obviously nearly exhausted. Emet-Selch would have gotten sadistic pleasure out of seeing Cam use his new voice around his friends--a voice that sounded much more like Innocence’s than anything human’s--disturbingly resonant, seeming like it came from all directions and none at once, and almost metallic in its clarity and precision.

Yelling G’raha Tia’s name as G’raha tried to channel the Light from Cam and sacrifice himself to save him was the first time Cam spoke in years and also the first time he spoke using his new sin eater voice. His new voice was very rough at the time--the mutation had only just manifested and hadn’t fully formed--but it was still disturbing. And just being suddenly *able* to speak was incredibly disturbing to Cam, even without yet knowing it was the first sign of a permanent sin eater change to his body. He tried speaking again right after waking up in the Crystarium with Ardbert watching him, and it both hurt (due to the incompleteness of the growth) and sounded just as inhuman as it had the first time he used it. Even more than seeing the Light in the sky and having his vision washed by Light, the sound of his voice confirmed for Cam that he’d become a Lightwarden.

The Scions never told Cam, but he did talk in his sleep during their time in the Tempest--the way someone having really bad nightmares they can’t wake up from does. Hearing him both in such obvious distress and sounding so alien hurt them all.

When Cam got back from the First and saw Cid for the first time in a year, he immediately grabbed Cid in a massive desperate hug and proposed at the same time. Unfortunately, he was carried enough away in the moment that he proposed *out loud,* using his new voice, which resulted in Cid going WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT and shoving Cam away to look for whatever made that incredibly disturbing sound and was probably about to attack them. Cam almost took off right then from shame and the lingering sense that he hadn’t fully escaped becoming a Lightwarden permanently, but Cid recovered quickly enough to realize the voice had been Cam’s, to register what Cam had actually *said,* and to *very quickly* accept to keep Cam from running away. (And also because he genuinely wanted to, but mostly, in the moment, to keep Cam from sprinting off into the hills looking like someone had just stabbed him in the chest.) 

If Emet-Selch had still been around, he would have been pretty pissed to realize that apparently all you had to do to get Cam to speak was be someone he loved and wasn’t sure he’d ever see again.

After arriving back in the First, Cam was extremely self-conscious about the sin eater mutation around (and in) his throat that had replaced his original voice box/vocal cords. Until Cid managed to adapt a caster’s torque Cam had recovered years ago from one of the Coils of Bahamut to aetherically modify Cam’s voice to sound human--and to connect to and fit over the sin eater mutation (partially cybernetically--Cam can remove the torque, but it hurts to do so, since some elements of it do embed themselves in the mutation tissue when it’s worn), Cam went around wearing clothes and armor with high collars, like someone trying to hide hickeys. Which Nero, predictably, asked if he was trying to do.

The primary reason Cam *did* occasionally speak without thinking about it after returning from the First was his Rejoining with Ardbert. Ardbert had no history of muteness and no reason to ever hesitate to use his own voice; since that life experience is now also Cam’s, Cam does now speak if he’s startled, emotional, or just decides it’s called for. He still prefers to sign around anyone he’s not close to, both out of habit and the feeling that people are often more forthcoming with him if he *doesn’t* speak out loud. (They’re also less apt to ask him to make speeches.) 

Before Cid adapted the Allagan torque to modify Cam’s voice, this new tendency to speak out loud caused both Cam and anyone around him a lot of discomfort, since his new Lightwarden voice was so alien. (Cam avoided going to see his family until he was able to sound normal; since he had no idea that Cid was working on the torque, he’d essentially resigned himself to never seeing his family in person again because he didn’t want to risk accidentally speaking around them.) 

Cam continued to have nightmares that he didn’t remember after returning from the First (and continues to have them occasionally up to the present day). Cid, like the Scions in the Tempest, never told Cam that he talked in his sleep, but Cid did spend a lot of time awake unable to sleep because of Cam’s voice until he was able to perfect the voice-modification torque.

After defeating Elidibus and aiding the Scions’ full return to the Source, Cam is much more comfortable speaking and can be almost talkative if he’s around people he knows well.