#but all of these added baggage headaches and the stress on top of it is just making this completely defeating

[idsb]

I just can’t believe I’ve wanted to be here my entire sentient life and I’ve accomplished it and like. Lol sorry we’re Qantas & we’re incompetent and now u got no clothes1!!1!1!1!1

[rainbowshawn]

Pure Devotion

A/N: I got lots of requests for fluff with some angst so this is what I came up with. Not sure it counts as true angst but I gave it a shot. This is entirely me projecting my issues into a fic after a rough couple of weeks so hopefully y’all like it!! Comfort!Shawn is my fav

Summary: Things have been hard for you lately and Shawn knows just how to comfort you. 

Warnings: Language, detailed experience of an anxiety attack, angst I guess? Laced with a ton of fluff

Word Count: 3.7k

It was no secret that life had been really hard for you lately. It felt like anything that could go wrong, did and the stress had started to eat you alive. As things pile up, your mental health goes down and quite frankly- you’re just fucking exhausted.

You’re a chronic bottler, though. It’s very rare that you ever unload your baggage by talking about it because usually, you’re too busy helping everyone else. You’ve always been strong but somehow being strong is one of your weaknesses.

Today had been especially hard. Not particularly for any reason; just little things all day. But your tolerance had been fizzling out for weeks as the stress added up and now you’ve found yourself spiraling. Anxiety was eating at your mind and you couldn’t find any way to make the thoughts stop. Your mind is moving at such a fast pace, you can’t even think straight anymore. You’ve tried everything; music, meditation, deep breathing, and even a short run. Nothing seems to ease your mind.

Now you’re laid on the couch; feeling overwhelmed and empty at the same time. There’s only so much you can take; you know that. But stripping your walls down felt nearly impossible. You would rather suffer in silence than burden others with your problems. It’s only a matter of time until it catches up to you though.

Everything feels exceptionally heavy today and you know it’s only a matter of moments before you break. But you decide to grin and bear it when you hear the front door closing shut behind Shawn. You blink back the tears pooling behind your eyelids and take a deep breath as he toes off his shoes by the door.

“Hey sweetheart,” he says in his incredibly soothing voice, walking over to the loveseat where he haphazardly drops his backpack and guitar case.

“Hi, baby,” you murmur in response, “how was your day?”

You busy yourself by pulling your hair out of the ponytail you had it tied up in; avoiding his gaze. Luckily, he doesn’t take notice, giving you extra time to pull it together.

“Goooood,” he draws, smiling down at you as he approaches the couch, flopping down next to you. “Got lots done at the studio. I’m so excited for my muse to hear all the songs about her,”

He wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you towards him to press a sloppy kiss to your forehead before moving to press a kiss to your lips. He watches a small smile break across your lips but it feels oddly wrong to him. It doesn’t meet your eyes. Those beautiful glowing eyes.

“I’m excited to hear,” you chirp, rubbing his thigh.

You can tell by the way he’s squinting that he’s onto you and your anxiety grows tenfold. You can tell he's in a good mood and the last thing you want is to take it from him by dumping your problems on him. Before he can even pitch out a question about your day, you’re halfway across the room; waltzing towards the stairs.

“M’gonna go take a nap,” you say, glancing back towards the confused boy on the couch, “My head is killing me.”

“O-okay. Can I do anything to help you?” he asks, shooting you sympathetic eyes.

“Nah, thank you though,” you shake your head, turning back towards the stairs, “Just need some quiet I think,”

He nods slowly behind you, still squinting a bit at the slight wobble in your voice. He watches you bound up the stairs and he wonders if something else is going on in that head of yours. It’s not like you to be so quiet. So short with him.  And that damn smile. Something just wasn’t right about it. But ultimately after a few moments he supposes it must be your head. After all, it was true that you frequently got headaches. So he decides you just need some space to sleep for a bit and then everything would be okay. At least he hoped.

Once you reach the dimly lit room, you swing the door shut and climb into the plushy bed. The lump in your throat feels like barbed wire and tears prick at your eyes. You know you’re about to break and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You take a deep breath before pulling the covers over your shaking figure and nuzzling into Shawn’s pillow, breathing in his comforting scent as your emotions begin to pour over.

Your body shakes as quiet sobs start to roll out of your body. Pain courses through your veins and it feels like there isn’t enough air in this entire world anymore. You do your best to keep quiet but sniffles and choked sobs escape you every so often. You do your best to take deep breaths but it feels like absolutely nothing in the world can help you anymore.

The sound of the bedroom door opening moments later makes you wince, burying your face further in Shawn’s pillow.

“Babe, I found your pain meds in the cabinet do you-“ he blurts out before stopping in his tracks at the sight in front of him.

Your eyes are bright red, soaking your cheeks in hot tears. His eyes widen at the sight of you, clutching onto his pillow for dear life and breaking down right in front of him. Your breathing is jagged as you gasp for air and choke out pained sobs. He swears he feels his heart break in his chest and its only a second later that he’s bounding towards the bed you’re laid out on.

“Honey, what’s going on?” he says, climbing onto the bed where he sits next to your aching body. You’re laid on your side with your back facing him and you hope to god he can’t see your face. Your heart thrums in your chest at the sheer embarrassment you’re feeling. This was the last thing you wanted him to see.

“It’s nothing, Shawn,” you try to whisper, burying your face into his pillow in a lousy attempt to reassure him.

“Y/n,” he pleads, brushing your hair behind your ear, “Something that’s making you cry like this isn’t nothing,”

“I’m okay Shawny,” you whine, choking on another sob.

He sighs, looking down at you hopelessly. A lump grows in his throat as he watches you cry. He’s felt an off energy from you for weeks and he knows you’ve had a lot on your plate. Socially, professionally, and personally. It would overwhelm anyone.

“No you’re not,” he insists, reaching to swipe his thumb across your tear-soaked cheek, “Come here, baby. Let me help you.”

You lay just lay there, trying to find the strength to let your guard down. Trying to find the courage to let it all go. You hated putting all this pain on him.

After a moment, you reluctantly sit up, hesitating briefly as you try to suck in a deep breath before turning around and slowly leaning into his embrace. His warmth envelops you immediately, wrapping you in a shield of comfort as his strong arms pull you into his lap. His presence is where you feel safest and somehow that thought makes you cry even more.

Your body shakes with sobs; ebbing and flowing with uneven breaths. Shawn’s heart aches deep in his chest and he feels the familiar sting of tears behind his eyelids. Your pain is palpable, radiating off of you uncontrollably. Your legs are straddling his hips and his face smothers into the crook of your neck as you rest your head on his shoulder.

His breath fans across your cold skin as he presses kisses to your shoulders. You feel his hands rubbing up and down your sides comfortingly as he slowly rocks you back and forth.

“Shh, baby you have to take a deep breath,” he whispers soothingly, “Can you do that for me?”

“I-I can’t breathe, Shawny,” you stutter, tears still flooding down your flushed cheeks.

He pulls back from you, shifting to brush your tangled hair back from your soaked face. His eyes are drowning in sympathy as he watches your panic and he wishes he could just take it all away. Take all your pain as his own so you would never have to feel like this again.

“Remember grounding, lovey? I need you to do that with me, okay?” he says softly - as if he was afraid the sound of his voice would worsen your state. You give him a frantic nod, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Need you to tell me five things you can see,” he says, still rubbing your sides soothingly.

You take a shaky breath, blinking more hot tears out of your eyes. You gulp and squeeze your eyes shut momentarily before opening them again.

“Umm, I see you,” you whimper, feeling overwhelmed.

“Mhm,”

“I see the lamp... the candle... the um, the blankets,” you stutter out, trying your best to focus on the task he gave you, “I see the floor.”

“Good, good, sweetheart,” he praises, petting your hair softly, “Now tell me four things you can feel,”

Your senses shift, zoning in on his touch. His hands take turns sweeping through your hair and trickling down your back. “I feel your hands,”

He smiles softly, waiting for you to continue.

“I feel my body on top of yours,” you whisper as you feel the backs of your thighs press against his lap, “I feel my sweatshirt.”

“Mhm, good. One more?”

“Umm,” you huff, feeling a bit frazzled as you struggle to find something else. He notices your struggle and his large hand grabs yours, tugging it to his chocolate curls.

“Feel my hair?” he prompts, aiding you in fishing the task. You nod, still sniffling as cries left your aching body.

“What can you hear? Three things, babe. You’re doing so good.”

“I hear your voice,” you croak, smiling incredibly weakly; realizing just how comforting the sound of his voice is. “I hear the fan. And the birds.”

He hums, kissing your hand that isn’t slotted in his hair.

“Gimme two things you can smell?”

You breathe deeply for what feels like the first time in forever, trying your best to find something in the familiar air.

“I smell your cologne... you. My shampoo,” you shrug, feeling underwhelmed with your answers. He chuckles a bit at your demeanor.

“Last ones kinda tricky but one thing you can taste?” he raises his eyebrows, hoping you could come up with something since he was at a loss at the moment and he didn’t want to make you trudge into the kitchen to find something.

“I-I don’t know,” you whimper, bottom lip quivering again.

The minuscule movement sparks an idea for him and he pops up at the thought.

“Kiss me, honey.”

You quirk your eyebrow, shooting him a confused look as you wipe tears from your face. You go with it though, pressing your quivering lips to his. The kiss is slow, saturated in tender love. It doesn’t demand anything from you; just serves as a reminder of his undying love for you.

“Taste me?” he whispers against your lips. You hum into him. He kisses you for a second longer before resting his forehead against yours. “Did so good, lovey. Think we can take some deep breaths now?”

You don’t realize until now that your breathing has started to even out. Your limbs are still tingling and your mind still races but by some miracle - you’re breathing.

Grounding was something he had taught to you months ago when he found you crying on the bathroom floor amid another panic attack. The sight sent chills down his spine and he vowed from that day that he would never ever let you feel that way if he could help it. Seeing you in the same state today broke his heart on another level and somewhere deep in his soul, he feels as though he’s failed you.

“Y-yeah, I think so,” you say, huffing in ragged breaths.

“Okay, dear. Follow my lead, yeah?”

With tear flooded eyes you watch as he fills his lungs with air, puffing his chest out dramatically to keep you in time with him. You follow his movements, sucking in as deep of a breath as you can and holding it for a few moments until you feel your heartbeat slowing in your chest. He smiles softly as the two of you sigh the breath back out, into the still air of your shared room.

“Good, good,” he praises, reaching up to swipe some stray tears from your face, “Keep going.”

You continue on for a while, breathing deeply with him as you search for solace in his amber eyes. They’re softer, more sympathetic than usual and part of you hates it. It reminds you that this is hard on him as well. Your emotions shouldn’t be his issue too- at least that’s what you’ve convinced yourself.

After your breathing returns to a semi-normal rate, the unbearable wave of exhaustion hits you and you find yourself wrapping your arms around him, burying your warm face into his neck. His fingers ghost up your spine, leaving nothing but love in their wake. Goosebumps riddle your skin as the feeling returns to your tired limbs and you sigh lightly into his skin.

“What’s going on, honey? M’so worried about you,” Shawn croaks after a while, breaking through the quiet moment.

You hesitate, still sorting through your thoughts. Images of the past month or so swipe through your mind and you have to remind yourself to blink them away before it became too much again.

“It’s everything, Shawny,” you whimper, beginning to sniffle again, “and I’m just fucking exhausted.”

He gulps when hears your voice break once again. As if your vocal cords were being weighed down by pain. His hands shake as they trail down your sides; completely in tune with your emotions. It was a blessing and a curse to be so in sync with each other. To be connected at your cores. But he takes a deep breath, reminding himself that you need him. He needs to be strong for you.

“I know, baby, shh,” he soothes, seeing tears leak down your face once more, “don’t cry, baby, I hate seeing you cry.”

Warm kisses are stamped onto your forehead softly by his soft lips and you feel him slowly sway your distressed body. Your nose nuzzles into his pulse point, inhaling his warm scent. You stay silent for a moment, hoping and praying your body wouldn’t betray you and send you into another panic.

“Work has just been so stressful, my family life is in shambles, my friends barely talk to me anymore, and now it feels like the world is fucking ending,” you rant, voice wobbling uncontrollably, “it’s just fucking everything. I feel so alone,”

“You aren’t alone, my love. You are never, ever alone. Not as long as I’m around. I’ll be there for you until my last dying breath, you know that right?”

“Mhm,” you hum, nodding quickly as you lift your head up and wipe your face, “I just don’t like putting all this on you. I know how you carry it all.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. Your pain is mine and mine is yours. That’s just how we are. And I love that about us,” he starts, brushing your hair behind your ears before continuing once he knows he has your attention, “You can’t bottle things up, lovey. You can try to hide it all you want but you know I feel it. Like some Long Island Medium psychic shit,”

He shoots you a smart ass look and you actually crack a smile. A real smile. The smile that could knock the world off its axis and stop people in their tracks. The smile that could make his heart skip and burst at the same time. The smile he loved more than anything.

“There’s my girl,” he smiles back, leaning in to ghost his lips across your soaked cheek. You groan and hide your face in his shoulder again before his fingers tap your chin, pulling your attention back to him.

“Listen, I know I can't fix or change what you’re going through,” he starts, staring into your eyes, “and I know that it’s a lot. It would be too much for anyone to deal with. But that’s just a testament to how resilient you are, hm? God, if I were in your shoes I would’ve had a nervous breakdown months ago,”

You blush at his words, heart thumping with adoration for the boy holding you.

“I can't make it all stop as much as I wish I could. I would take all this pain from you in a heartbeat if God gave me that chance. Feel it all so you wouldn’t have to,”

“Shawn-“

“I’m serious, baby,” he insists, “I would. But I can’t. But what I can do is be there for you. Be your support. Your shoulder to cry on. That’s what I’m supposed to do,”

“But you have your own things, I don’t want to-“ you interject before he stops you with a long finger pressed against your lips.

“Ah ah ah- no buts!” he cuts in, “I’m your lover. That’s what I do. You wouldn’t hesitate to be there for me, hm? You’re always there when I need you, so let me do the same,”

His eyes search yours, noticing every ounce of pain hidden deep behind your eyelids. Your forehead leans into him, nose resting against the tip of his and you breathe him in while he whispers to you.

“I’ll be damned if I ever let you feel like you’re alone in this world. That’s my job- making you feel loved and attended to. Always. You’re my whole heart, baby. You don’t know how lovely you are,”

A single tear escapes your eye as his words hit you. Shawn’s a beacon of love and light. Your shelter from the storm and nothing he has ever done has made you feel like he didn’t love you. It was just your stupid mind; a master manipulator of convincing you that your problems were a burden to everyone around you. Your mind forces you to push his comfort away when you need him the most.

“I know it doesn’t help much but I’m here. I’m with you. You’re my person, remember?” he whispers into the quiet air, hoping that his words could alleviate your pain somehow, “You’re not alone in this,”

“It does help. Thank you,” you whisper weakly; sniffling air through your stuffy nose. “I love you so much. I’m sorry I’m like this,”

“Don’t apologize, baby. There’s no reason to. Just remember you don’t have to carry it all by yourself, okay? I cant help you when you don’t talk to me about it,”

His face drops to your shoulder, littering the skin with loving kisses. Stamping you with little pecks as he moves up your neck and eventually, your cheeks. You nod in response and close your eyes, focusing on the feeling of his lips.

“You’re sad and you’re scared. And that’s okay. But things will get better. I promise you that,” he whispers, popping his head up to meet your gaze. You smile softly, glancing down at his pink lips. He wastes no time in connecting them with yours, hoping you could feel his love through the kiss.

You sigh into his lips, wrapping your arms around his shoulders while his hands trail up and down your spine before resting at your waist. The kiss isn’t demanding; no underlying motive other than to remind you of his pure devotion to you. His lips are soft against yours and his arms take purchase around your waist, holding onto you tightly. Reminding you that he’s here.

You break away breathlessly after a few minutes of lazily loving on each other, just gazing into his honey pot eyes. He smiles up at you with a hopeful glint in his eyes, turning over some ideas in his head.

“Until then, it’s my job to keep you stress-free, hm?” he prompts, pecking your lips again, “How does taking a nice long bath with me sound? I’ll get your favorite bubbles and your favorite candles set up for you,”

You beam down at him, eyes squinting more than usual from the slight swell your crying had brought to your eyes. “That sounds lovely, Shawn,”

He hums, kissing you again and again, “And remember that bath bomb I got for you a couple weeks ago when Aaliyah dragged me into lush? M’thinkin we could use that.”

“Oooo the rainbow one?!” you smile, remembering the night he had come home with bags full of soaps and lotions insisting that ‘everything in that damn store reminded me of you,’

“Mhm,” he nods quickly, even more excited than you, although he would never admit it. “Nothin' but the best for my lovey. We can even watch Tangled again if you want. I know how much you love it,”

You take a moment, nearly cooing down at the soft boy slotted between your legs as he lays his plan out in front of you. You know he would do anything to make you feel better and your heart that was just aching in pain is now saturated with love for him.

“I love you so much. Thank you for being you. I’d be lost without you.” you whisper as you rub his strong chest, feeling the need to remind him that he’s your safe space and not a second goes by that you don’t appreciate him.

“I love you too. More than you know,” he hums, kissing your warm lips, “Now let’s get in that bath.”

You don’t expect his next movement, standing up quicker than you can blink and tossing you over his sturdy shoulder with ease. You giggle wildly as you smack his back, blood rushing to your head as he trudges to the bathroom. The sound is like music to his ears and he decides right in that moment that it’s all he wants to hear for the rest of his days.

[followusontweeters]

Against the Wind - Chapter 4  - Zasha fic

Sorry this took so long - real life happened and let's be honest, it's the Christmas season so we're all busy.  But enjoy (and don't be afraid to send a message or a review or just review and send a like)!

Three weeks later and Rasha could honestly say that she was starting to feel better.  Her morning sickness actually seemed to end in the morning and her headaches dissipated and she had more energy than before.  Zoe had been away on a business trip for the past week and, surprisingly, had asked Lola to stay with Rasha just in case anything happened.  

“I swear you’ve gotten bigger.”

Rasha frowned and looked down at her abdomen, her hands cupping it softly.  “Maybe.  I don’t really know.  Zoe will notice when she comes home.”

The doorbell rang and the tiny girl flitted over to get the door and grabbing the food that they had ordered.  “I did text Zoe and told her about your cornflakes and cheese thing.”  Lola teased Rasha.  The curly haired girl blushed and poured the two of them glasses of water and grabbed plates.  Lola set down the food on the table, a vegetarian pad thai for Rasha made with tofu and spicy ginger beef and rice.

“Well, cornflakes and cheese is better than some cravings women have.”  Rasha retorted with a blushing smile.

Filling up a large plate, Lola shrugged.  “That’s true.  You aren’t eating pickles and pineapple sandwiches yet.”

Rasha wrinkled her nose and took a bite of her pad thai.  She was thankful for Lola, thankful for the girl’s help and company, but if she was being honest...she missed her wife.  

“So, have you thought about what you want?  Like, do you want a girl or a boy?”  Lola chirped as she started to plow through her food.  The girl still ran, and owned, her own restaurant, but even she needed a change once in awhile.  “And like, with the donor, do you know who it is?  What did you and Zoe look for in a donor?  Do you know what he looks like?”

Chewing silently on the noodles, Rasha worked on formulating a response before speaking.  “I just want a baby that’s healthy, I do not care if we have a boy or a girl.”  Picking at a few bean sprouts, Rasha shrugged.  “We had a file with information, but no name.  It gave us his health background, his specifics like his height and weight, his ethnicity.  There was a picture and we looked for someone with the same colouring as Zoe.  Because the baby will be half me, we wanted someone that looked like Zoe.”  Rasha shrugged.  “We wanted someone healthy, like a good family history, and someone who is kind of tall and Latino, but other than that…”  Her voice trailed off.  “I just really hope that our baby doesn’t look totally like him…”  She admitted softly.  Her voice trailed off and she fell into silence as she picked at her food.

“I’m sure your baby will be adorable like you and Zoe.”  Lola said happily as she ate.

Rasha nodded silently and picked at her food.  She was hungry, but her mind was elsewhere.  Her chopsticks poked at the food and Lola watched with an amused smile.  She knew that Rasha missed Zoe.  The two had hour conversations every night which usually ended with Rasha sniffling and wiping back her tears at the end.  She also knew that Zoe got an earlier flight and was coming in tomorrow around noon instead of Sunday.

“How about we watch a movie?”  Lola suggested.

The sound of chopsticks clattering to the table brought Rasha out of her reverie and she blinked a few times at Lola.  “Pardon?”  She asked, her face reddening.

A soft smile crossed Lola’s face.  “Movie?  I’ll clean up and you can go take a hot bath...then we’ll get in our jammies and we can watch something?”  She offered.

Returning the soft smile, Rasha nodded.  “That sounds great, Lola.”  She said getting to her feet.  “I’ll be back in a little bit.”  Heading up to the master bedroom, Rasha filled the tub with steaming water and added some scented bath oil before lowering herself in.  A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she closed her eyes as she leaned back.  Her muscles started to relax and unwind as she laid there.  She had more than a few cases on her plate at work, including one that brought back a lot of bad memories and feelings that got worse without Zoe.  She was attempting to help a young girl from Myanmar get landed refugee status in Canada.  She was alone, young, Muslim, gay, and terrified.  Just like her 8 years ago.  Soaking in the tub until she felt like she could get out and be social.  Finding her comfiest pair of pyjamas, a set with rainbows and unicorns, she pulled them on and matched them with a set of slippers.  Zoe teased her relentlessly about those pyjamas, but sometimes she just needed to feel comfy.  Speaking of Zoe, Rasha dug through her wife’s drawers and grabbed her well worn sweatshirt and put it on overtop.  She headed downstairs and gave Lola a smile.  The small woman had cleaned up the kitchen and had a bowl of popcorn ready.  She was wearing fuzzy pyjama pants and a tank top and grinned at Rasha.  “Come’on.  I’ve got Beauty and the Beast ready to go.”

Curling up on the couch, Rasha made it through most of the movie, waking up at the end.  She rubbed her eyes and gave Lola a sleepy smile.  Since Zoe and Rasha had been married, Rasha had slept very few nights alone.  That was part of the reason Lola was staying with her.  There was nothing sexual between Lola and Rasha, and Zoe knew that Rasha’s anxiety heightened when she was alone and she knew that the excess hormones would have made it worse.

Rasha wandered around and shut off the lights and double checked the locks before heading up to bed.  Lola emerged from the washroom bare faced and crawled into the far side of the bed.  Shutting the lights off, Rasha climbed onto her side and pulled one of her pillows to her chest.  Her eyes closed, but sleep was becoming harder and harder to come by.

----- ----- -----

The plane's wheels hit the tarmac and as soon as the seatbelt sign turned off, Zoe got to her feet.  Gathering her baggage, she called an Uber and headed home.  She loved her job, but helping with a campaign for a major party leader was stressful and took her away from her wife sometimes.  Climbing out of the uber, she almost ran up the driveway, her bag over one shoulder, a bag of gifts for Rasha, and one for Lola for all her help.  Zoe opened the door, spotting Lola sitting on the couch.

“Hey!”  The small woman said getting to her feet.  “Rasha is just upstairs taking a nap.”  She said with a smile.  “I’ll head out to the restaurant now.  She had a good week, well as good as she could considering she’s pregnant and hormonal and she was missing her wife.”

Zoe smiled softly and gave Lola a hug.  “That bad, hunh?”  Pulling a bottle of wine and different Montreal cheeses out of the bag, she handed it to Lola.  “A small thank you gift for being here.”  She said as Lola gathered her things.  Zoe watched as Lola left and pulled out of the driveway.  The woman had become a close friend and Zoe felt better knowing that they had someone to call on.

Heading upstairs, Zoe silently pushed the door to their bedroom open and watched as Rasha slept.  She couldn’t help but smile seeing her wife wearing her sweatshirt.  On tip toes, Zoe quickly changed into a pair of sweats and a long sleeved tshirt before crawling into bed behind her wife.  Rasha shifted away from her, sighing deeply.  Zoe wrapped her arms around Rasha’s middle and held her gently.  “Hey, sweetheart.”  She whispered softly.  Rasha tensed momentarily before turning, her eyes wide.  

“Y-You are not supposed to be back until tomorrow night.”  Rasha exclaimed softly, tears welling in her eyes.  Her arms wrapped around Zoe tightly, her face pressing into her chest.  “You came back early.” She mumbled.

Zoe grinned and wrapped her arms around, Rasha, kissing her head.  “I explained that I had a pregnant wife at home and I wanted to get back to her.”  She said softly.  Rubbing Rasha’s back, she waited until she felt Rasha lift her head up.  Zoe reached out and wiped the tears from Rasha’s face.  “And now I’m back and I bought you presents.”  She couldn’t help but laugh when she saw Rasha’s face light up.  “Come down stairs and I’ll show you.”

Rasha swung her legs over the side of the bed and climbed out, her back to Zoe.  She pulled on her slippers and grabbed her cardigan.  Turning she walked to Zoe whose eyes had grown, her jaw dropped.  

“What?”  Rasha asked softly, looking at her wife uncomfortably, shifting her weight from foot to foot.  Zoe closed the space between them, her hands pressing gently against Rasha’s abdomen.  

“You’ve grown.”  She whispered softly, her eyes trained on Rasha’s abdomen before looking up at her wife’s face.  “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown.”

A blush covered Rasha’s face and she shrugged.  “I guess so.  But the baby hasn’t kicked yet, so you did not miss anything.  I think they were waiting for their Mommy to come back.”  They had decided that Zoe would be Mom and Rasha would be Mama.  Taking Zoe’s hands, Rasha squeezed them and led her downstairs.

“I told you I am with you every step of the way and I mean it.” Zoe said simply.  When they got downstairs, she happily grabbed the bags she had with her.  Montreal bagels, a maternity sweater she could wear to work and a few other fashionable shirts, and a box of assorted baking from Rasha’s favourite bakery.  “Try them on.”  Zoe urged, as Rasha pulled out a flowing white top.  Rasha pulled it over her head and gave Zoe a shy smile.  It was loose enough that Rasha could wear it through her pregnancy.  She tried on the soft grey sweater and the pastel coloured top.  They were both longer and Zoe knew that they would allow Rasha to grow without making her feel self conscious about herself.  “Now come on, let’s eat some treats.”  Zoe sat down on the couch and pulled Rasha towards her.  There was a small Syrian bakery in Montreal that had some of Rasha’s favourite delicacies that they had a hard time finding in Toronto.

Snuggling up as close as she could to her wife, Rasha sighed heavily and rested her head on Zoe’s shoulder.  “I missed you.”  She said softly.  

“I missed you too.”  Zoe replied, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Rasha’s lips.  She tasted like honey and pistachios.  “I’m glad to be home.”

Rasha grinned and picked up another piece of dessert.  Zoe watched with a smile and reached into her bag and pulled out one more thing.  Rasha’s face blushed and she started to laugh as Zoe handed her a box of cornflakes and a brick of cheddar cheese.  “Just in case.”