#but actually kinda sick that sweden invented that sport

[kattangeln]

I did not get any burn scars or worse than a concussion from my parents somehow. I was 10 when I saw inglorious basterds. Also guys, titanic is overrated

[chiyohlecter]

so imma put this under a cut because at this point all of my followers must be sick of me. and yes you guessed it it is about the winter olympics. since it has been over now for a little while i have assessed all my thoughts and since all my friends are sick of me talking about this too, tumblr it is

1. all the sports/athletes i don’t care about enough to warrant their own point:

- when i made fun of the winter sports i jokingly tossed out the idea of a team luge and as i have learned the double’s luge is actually a thing and it looks… well google it

- also about luge, i have learned that it is actually more dangerous than the skeleton. that sounds fake but ok…

- those korean curling girls really were the cutest, but there’s not enough cuteness in this world to make me enjoy curling

- snowboarders get to name the tricks they invent, from what i gather they must really fucking love mcdonald’s

- elizabeth swaney is following in the footsteps of the all-time greats eddie the eagle and eric the eel, fortunately for her there is no animal that does anything even remotely resembling freestyle skiing, so no nickname like that for her

- in my post that i have mentioned earlier i also joked about hockey being first and foremost about people punching each other and listen i’m not gonna pretend that i saw even one full hockey match, but i saw a part of lots of hockey matches and holy shit i was right

- speaking of hockey, it yielded my favourite piece of commentary ever: “young has basically no teeth left, so what has he to lose?“

- i don’t even really like nordic combined (even though it combines two things that i do like so it doesn’t really add up, whatever, don’t think about it), but i do sometimes watch it and have a fav and holy shit he fucking won, johannes rydzek won, i’m really happy for him

2. speed skating (short and long track, but there are really only two things i want to say so whatever):

- ireen wust becoming the most decorated speed skater of all times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a bisexual icon!!!!!!!!!

- listen i’m as far from patriotic as one can be, the only time i even remotely feel any positive feelings about my country is during the olympics, the summer olympics that is, because let’s face it winter sports? not our greatest strength. BUT the short track speed skating relay won hungary’s first ever winter olympics gold and i’m so happy and proud and just??? agfshgfhdgfgj

3. biathlon:

- laura dahlmeier is precious and also a two-time olympic champion and i fucking love her

- is martin fourcade even human??? but joking aside i have really warmed to him in these past few years and i’m glad he did so well

- also finding out that johannes boe is only like three years older than me fucked me up, because he looks at least fourty, but good on him for that gold medal

- also arnd peiffer&simon schempp my german boys, love them. sad they only got bronze in the relay though

- and on the topic of relays: what the actual fuck were both of those relays?

4. figure skating:

- if anything this olympics just comfired that i love watching figure skating programs, but hate watching actual competitions

- like it’s beautiful and all, but any sports with judges can suck my dick, seriously scores are bullshit and someone will inevitably shout “robbed“ (believe me, i used to be that person, but no more, because i stopped giving a fuck after sochi)

- that being said there will never come a day when i don’t love carolina kostner

- or tessa and scott the pair who made me care about ice dancing, like even though i know every competition is bullshit i can’t help but be supper happy for my canadian angels

- but not as happy as i was for aljona savchenko, bullshit scores or not FUCKING FINALLY, now i can go to my death in peace, she has her gold medal

- and really now that she has achieved her dream i don’t really have any more reason to give a shit about who wins/loses, so i will go back to watching these amazing performances on yt and not worrying about wining

- also i am probably the only human on earth whose least favourite skating event is the men’s, but it’s just how it is

5. cross country skiing:

- first of all: marit bjoergen is an absolute fucking legend and i bow down before her, 15 medals, 8 gold medals, wow, just wow

- second norwegian i bow down before: johannes klaebo (i have no idea how to spell his middle name, or pronounce it for that matter), like i have seen him race like once before the olympics, but holy cow that is one really fast kid

- dario cologna winning the 15k AGAIN and it made me really happy actually

- the usa winning the women’s team sprint was just??? i mean i’m still not over it, like good on them??? but to me it was disappointing

- disappointing, because it meant only silver for sweden and charlotte kalla, who is my absolute fav and won 4 medals!!!!!!! only one of them is gold, but still i love her and am so proud of her!!!!!!!!

6. ski jumping:

- andi wellinger winning the normal hill???? FUCK YEAH

- the conditions were… let’s say rough, but in the end i think the win was well-deserved, but they didn’t have to put some of the jumpers through THAT (cough simi cough)

- i was otherwise obligated during the large hill and literally only caught the last 5 jumpers of the second round

- i know his second jump wasn’t as good, but not having seen it and then having the commentator announce that michi hayboeck was in second place after the first jump made my heart swell so much

- as for the winner i love kamil stoch, but i would love to have seen wellinger take both, and also this was the second time he jumped right onto that green line, same situation with kasai four years ago, he won then, i think wellinger should have won this one, but still a good result

- and oh the team competition… just take me back to vancouver… i don’t really like team norway (and i know this is fucking superficial, but all of them look like very specific fuckboys i have known at various points in my life, yes even the moustache man), i would have much preferd germany or poland taking this one, but really please do take me back to vancouver, because austria being 4th a mile behind the podium is just too much for me, i want them to win, always

- kasai noriaki is a fucking ledgend and i love him!!!!! 8th olympics bitch and he said he was gonna do one more!!!!!!

now hold on to your butts because alpine skiing is coming starting a whole new list!!!!

1. team event:

- i didn’t really care about this to be honest, i was rooting for austria as i usually do

- they only got second, but it’s good enough for me since they didn’t even get a medal in st moritz

- switzerland won which i guess i’m kinda sorta happy for, because i love wendy holdener and she got to round out her medal collection

2. women’s alpine combined:

- so i didn’t get to see any of this, not even reruns, i was unable to watch the slalom run because i was on my way to uni at that time and i didn’t get to watch the downhill run, because it was at 3 am and that day i already got up at 2 am to watch something else (we’ll get to that later) and after the disappointment i went back to sleep because i needed it

- anyways, i really wanted wendy to win this and her getting only a bronze was kind of a disappointment, i mean i was prepared for mika maybe beating her to it, but not gisin

- still happy for the medals wendy and mika got, i never cared about gisin, but after her win here i will definitely pay attention to her more

3. women’s giant slalom:

- okay so no viktoria or tessa on the podium is a big wow, like i was prepared for mika to win this one too (lmao i was prepared for her to come in and win literally everything), but i thought the podium would be rounded out by those two

- but it was ragnhild mowinckel and federica brignone and i couldn’t be happier about it like??? mowinckel if i’m correct was on the podium the last gs race before the games, but still what a surprise

- as for brignone? FUCK YEAH, i really really wanted her to get a medal and she did, way to go girl

4. women’s slalom:

- mika not getting a medal in slalom, finishing 4th, you must be kidding me

- but frida winning and wendy being second AFHGGASDHJFHJHJK I LOVE IT

- also katharina gallhuber winning bronze, fuck yeah austria

- this was a surprising result, but i absolutely fucking love it

5. women’s super-g:

- ester ledecka winning was the biggest shock of the games hands down, but her winning this and then another gold in snowboarding, legends only, like i do not care one bit about snowboarding, but i was rooting for her to win that one too

- but not gonna lie now i love that she won, but at first my reaction other than shock was sadness and disappointment, because she knocked anna to second place by 0.01 and anna is my absolute fav and i wanted her to win so badly, so my heart broke a little

- but still anna my fav and tina my second fav being on the podium is great and i love them and they are beautiful and talanted and amazing, but it was ester ledecka’s day

- also ngl i was kinda sad for lara too, not even getting a medal… next time little one, next time

6. women’s downhill:

- SOFIA GOGGIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOFIA GOGGIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- seriously i am so happy for her, i was hoping for this but i didn’t dare dream it would actually happen, but she won

- mowinckel second again? holy shit, look out for this girl

- lindsey taking bronze… i know she wanted something shinier, and honestly i would have been okay with her winning, because this was probably a last for her and sofia will have another chance, but still this is how it is and she said it felt like gold and i hope she means it, because what a fucking legend

7. men’s downhill:

- speaking of legends: aksel lund svindal, his win was so well-deserved and he waited for it for a really long time and i’m happy for him

- even though by far my favourite member of the norwegian team is kjetil jansrud, who took silver, but honestly i am okay with svindal winning and kjetil being only second

- i also would have loved to see an austrian on the podium, but oh well, this is how it is

- i know beat feuz was a favourite to win this, but i actually much prefer the two norwegians over him, still a medal well-deserved for him too

- also aksel lund svindal became the only man in olympics history to have won both the downhill and the super-g at the olympics, that is until…

8. men’s super-g:

- MATTHIAS MAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE MY AUSTRIAN BABY

- seriously after the downhill in sochi now he wins the super-g, both of those to my delighted surprise, i honestly love this boy, he can only ever be my second favourite austrian son, but still that is a very high place of honour at my table

- also another medal for kjetil and for beat feuz, feuz placing higher in the super-g than in the downhill might be a little bit of a surprise, i think kjetil was hoping for something better, but still he’s going home with two medals

9. men’s slalom:

- aka my death aka sochi 2 electric boogaloo, wait no i’m kidding it was actually worse

- so let’s start off with the podium before discussing crushed dreams

-andre myhrer winning at the tender age of 35? good for him, i seriously can’t muster more than this, did he deserve it? probably, yeah. do i have to be happy about it? not really. i mean he is the last slalom globe winner not called hirscher or kristoffersen, so i guess it’s fitting that he’s the one who won. and like he had injuries, he dnf-ed from second place in sochi (what goes around comes around, i guess), so yeah he is a deserving winner, but i am a salty bitch what can i say

- zenhausern winning silver… i literally have no opinion of this guy whatsoever other than yelling “jesus just how fucking tall is he????“ everytime i see him, but good for him

- michi matt winning bronze, now this one i have forseen just not behind those two people, again well-deserved, but if i’m being honest there are two austrians i would rather have seen on the podium, but i take what i can get

- now on the crushed hopes and dreams

- listen, i don’t like henrik kristoffersen, i never liked him, i don’t hate him or anything, he’s just not on the list of my favourites (which when talking about your fav’s biggest rival i think is pretty normal), but holy shit my heart broke for him a little bit, like i nearly cried on public transport, because of a guy i don’t even like. he had the chance of a lifetime, like honestly there is one person on the planet who is as good as him and he gave him a huge fucking chance, yet henrik wasted it, and i would have said that he wasted it if he came second, but this way he really, really wasted it, and honestly the reason i was so sad was not really henrik himself, but the fact that if marcel couldn’t win this then i at least wanted it to be someone who might as well have beaten him in a really tight race and that person would be henrik, but alas, no finish for henrik

- and no finish for marcel hirscher either. did it destroy me? absolutely. did i cry myself to sleep afterwards? you bet. am i still kinda sad about it? unfortunately. will i ever get over it? probably not (well there is one way i’ll definitely get over it, but i’m trying not hold out too much hope for that). would i have prefered him losing the gold, but finishing the race? i’d say so, yes. but didn’t i say at the very begining of this post that i assesed my feelings? i did say that, and i did do that. so if you want to know how i feel like overall…

10. men’s alpine combined:

- I AM REALLY SUPER FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCEL!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCEL HIRSCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY TINY CHILD THAT I ADOPTED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO FINALLY DID IT, YOU HEAR ME HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT SLALOM RUN WITH THE WIND, BUT HE’S LIKE YO FUCK THE WIND AND ALSO THE BEST DOWNHILL HE EVER HAD, I AGREE WITH HIM ON THAT ONE. HE’S THE FUCKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

- there were other people on the podium too, alexis and victor, i am happy for both of them, but honestly jesus mary and joseph could be on the podium for all i care so long as marcel is first and he is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- also i absolutely did not cry through this entire event, whoever tells you that is a fucking liar… i also didn’t have to change my shirt because i cried into it so much just fyi…

11. men’s giant slalom:

- HEY YOU KNOW WHAT’S BETTER THAN MARCEL HIRSCHER WINNING A GOLD MEDAL? IT IS MARCEL HIRSCHER WINNING TWO GOLD MEDALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE DID THAT HE WON THIS ONE TOO, A FUCKING LEGEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- seriously he won it by a huge fucking margin, he left nothing up for questioning and honestly after 4 globes (not to celebrate too early, but possibly five), this was so fucking well-deserved and like he was 4th in vancouver and 4th in sochi, they say that is the worst place to be, but he came back a third time anD HE FUCKING WON

- as for the rest, henrik at least is not going home empty-handed, he won a silver medal with a second run that was amazing, and alexis the second best gs skier of the past few years won a bronze, so another well-deserved podium

- MARCEL HIRSCHER IS A TWO-TIME OLYMPIC CHAMPION AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CAN’T FIND THE WORDS TO EXPRESS IT

ok that’s it, bye

tl;dr the olympics was fun and i really love alpine skiing and marcel hirscher