#but according to ✨some people✨ that’s morally wrong. so. I’m not doing that.

[shippingfangirl013]

Gonna go give into the horrors now ✌️

[nerves-nebula]

Lol I'm at a point where I'm trying to make myself more miserable, that's what I've idealised. The fact that you're willing to live for the sake of other people bewilders me. It's noble. I've never considered people close to me while wishing to die. Maybe it's because they don't really depend on me, my life doesn't benefit them in any way outside of my ✨fun personality✨. Death doesn't really feel like something I want but more like something that's logical. I wish everyone would die honestly it'd make everything much easier.

Basically I wish I could say that I genuinely only want to die. I'm jealous.

I mean good news for you: everyone is going to die. In a relatively short time frame too. We only live like 100 years tops.

Sorry, I guess I’m not really sure what you mean by wanting everyone to die. What would be made easier? Your own suicide? Is this some eco fascist “humans are the real virus” shit ? (I’m joking but like I said, not sure what you’re getting at with that)

I think it’s funny that you don’t think of other people when you contemplate suicide, because you’ve written this as if them not depending on you them means there’s not much to miss. Like it’s a joke about how little you matter. As if your personality isn’t what they would stay up at night missing and sobbing over. Have you ever had something you didn’t want to lose? It doesn’t tend to matter how much you need that thing. You don’t want it gone. Idk, maybe I’m reading it wrong. I just see a bit of myself in that. Thinking “they’ll get over it if I die” but being unable to convince myself it’s true. Because I know that’s not what id think if my friends died.

Anyway I don’t see the point in making yourself miserable regardless of if you plan to die or not. If you’re going to die, then do whatever you want before you go. If you’re not, why torture yourself? I get it’s more complicated than that tho.

It’s less that I live for people and more that I’m not so cruel as to put them through losing me. I know about pain and I’m not going to do that to someone. People don’t really get over losing each other. They keep going because they have to. It’s more of a moral stance than anything else on my end. Like how I’d probably like to kill some people, but I don’t believe really has the right to murder just because. I can feel one way and still act in accordance with my values.

To be clear I don’t think suicidal people are like selfish or anything if they attempt, but I think most suicidal people are more actively suicidal than I am. my urge to die is more like a deep desire within me than an urgent pull. And it seems cruel to hurt people when there’s less overall pain in just toughing it out.

I mean, it’s like you want right? We’re all gonna die eventually. And maybe I’m an optimist, because even if I don’t believe I’ll ever feel like it’s worth it, things can change. It’s not inherently impossible. So, whatever.