#but THEN i added some stuff that resulted in the REAL (reversible) fuck-up actually being the hearts so i lowkey had to fix that

[g0reoz]

you know what? i‘ve decided that taking the pianoXforteXscandal module and slapping random hearts on it was actually a very cool move on my part and not at all something that looks stupid

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck: Just Us Justice Ducks

This is it. 7 reviews, 10 episodes, 2 teams,  7 brave heroes, 13 villians but only 5 of which are relevant here. All leading to this. One big final review of one of the most loved, most important and most awesome Darkwing Duck episodes, the ONLY two parter outside of the pilot in the show’s long history. If your just joining us, as hinted at in the opening sentence i’ve been doing reviews of every episode of darkwing duck featuring the first apperances of the Justice Ducks and Fearsome Five. The only exception was Megavolt, but I ended up doing Negaduck instead, so I could cover both Megs and the original version of Negsy in one fell swoop (A great idea and comission from longtime supporter of the blog WeirdKev27). All so I could give this the build up  it deserved and get the background I didn’t have years ago when I wanted to watch this, wanted to see all of the first apperances first.. then just didn’t get around to it, not even finding out the episode order is an utter nightmare.  While i’ve given out about this before, allow me to do so again: Due to prioritzing what got done first over proper order, ALL of the justice ducks first appearances eps were aired after this and while Morgana at least got an episode before this, it was her second appearance. Same with LIquidator and Quackerjack though like Morgana, Quackerjack still got an episode or two before this one. So yeah as a result to most kids it was a bunch of heroes just introduced, up against two new villians and 3 old faviorites. You kinda see the problem. It’s why I watched it in chronlogical order: to have this be a gathering of established heroes against darking’s worst foes... and the debut of the worst of THE worst, the true Negaduck at long last. So with the proper build this deserves and not much else to say, let’s look at this two parter and see if all my effort was worth it and if the hype is real. Let’s, get, dangerous under the cut

We open in St. Canard in Darkwing Duck’s secret HQ over the bridge, where he’s getting ready to go out with Morgana and does... things to his hair. 

Excellently terrible hair do.. seriously I love a good pompadour as much as the next person, probably unheathily more than the next person, but this isa bit much and adding a curl to it is just.. 

I mean Superman’s hair looked better at this point, and for those wondering “Wait superman usually has a pretty good look”.. welll. 

Yeah.. post-ressurection.. he had a mullet. Look there are only 4 people in the world who can pull of a mullet: Brock Sampson, Patrick Swayze (God Rest his soul), Hank Venture and Daniel Cooksy as a teenager. And he ALSO put a curl in it and it still looked okay because that’s one of this things along with being selfless, and idiots calling him bland for you know, being a kind hearted symbol of humanity at it’s best. But man the mullet was just not for you bud. 

Morgana naturally tries to change it while Gosalyn watches and...

Yeah as you can probably guess a LOT has happened.. and all off screen. Morgana is not only fully on the side of good apparently, but she and Darkwing have gone from simply flirting with one another to dating AND Gosalyn has met her and they fought the astro mummies together.. no wait that was the Caballleros yesterday.. but still eveyrthing else is PRETTY important stuff and even with the messed up episode order the kind of thing you’d ASSUME an episode would be made about. I mean this is her meeting darkwing’s kid for fuck’s sake. That’s a big step in any relationship let alone one just starting out. And trust me, I didn’t miss anything: every other morgana ep seems to have them already in a steady relaionship. I DO think it’s stuff like this why some fans aren’t crazy about this relationship. Me I think he’s honestly too good for her. 

But before they can go out for whatever vauge date they were going to have the power goes out and DW notices it’s megavolt and prepares to go after him only for Morgana to question him about their date. 

Morgana.. sweetie.. the entire city is blacked out. Nowhere will be open.  But Gosalyn offers an alternative, Morgana go along with him and while both are reluctant they go with it. So Darkwing confronts Megavolt... and soon finds a bunch of chattering teeth. Yup, it’s Quackerjack as the two have teamed up, and together easily defeat Darkwing, putting him in an electric chair. The two also really get along which makes sense: Both have similar personalities, being kinda nuts indivdiuals with a singular obession , which compliment each other as toys often need electric power after all. THey strap darkwing into an electric chair, that got dark fast and he begs morgana to save him.. only for her to accidently turn him into jello. I mean.. they say pudding but.. their diffrent things. Just because world famous sexual predator Bill Cosby promoted BOTH for the jell-o brand doesn’t mean Jello is magically pudding. If he could magically make one thing 

Point is Darkwing is jello, the villians mock him then set up some kind of device and head off.. while also mentioning a mysterious boss. I wonder who it could be. 

Nah.. too obvious. Darkwing is humilated and of course blames. morgana.. for saving his life.. as while the jello humilated him he’s also you know not dead. 

Anyways Darkwing storms off while Morgana worries he likes her. Morg.. the guy got pissy because you saved his life the wrong way with some bad aim. And before that clearly just wanted you there as a trophy to impress you instead of because he valued you in any way but your looks, because let’s face it he’s shown no intrest so far in any way that isn’t superficial and neither have you in him. You both need to actually try to deepen this or end it.  Anyways enough me ranting at 90′s cartoon characters, it’s time for our next Justice Duck to enter the episode as Stegmutt is selling hot dogs now, but no one stops because they just.. run in terror. Poor guy, good thing he’s too oblivoius to notice. Maybe Dr. Fossil had a point.  Back to the plot and it turns out the next phase in the Fearsome Five’s plan is to take out the police... okay so wait are they the bad guys or not? Questions for later. Point is we get a nice mismatch as Bushroot’s timidity contrasts perfectly with Liquidator’s showman ship and he drowns them out. Darkwing prepares to attack, but gets interrupted by Stegmutt, refuses his help.. and we get the best and most iconic gag of the episodes: Darkwing makes a joke about playing pretend.. and senseing Stegmutt is a dummy have him pretend to “put out the darkwing”.. which equates to pulling a Droopy while saying “put out the darkwing”. So the two villians finsih their job and high five and this is one of the most charming parts of this 2 parter: the camradere between the five minus negaduck. The other four just.. easily bond and enjoy each ohters company, only fighting ONCE, and then being on the same page after that. 

It’s also what makes them so deadly: the go too for ANY superhero team in any medium is to simply get the vilians to fight each other as most vilian teams are built on REALLY shaky ground, a mixture of egos and ambitions that unlike with most superhero teams, can’t really be overcome with the greater good.. because their only in it for what they want. The thing that keeps any of these groups together longterm.. is camradere. I’ts why the Flash’s Rogue’s gallery is easily one of the most dangerous; while there are outliers like the reverse flash, most of them are part of the rouges, and ascribe to their rules and morals.. and thus the camradre and support that comes with it. One guy with a cold gun or a super flamethrower or a weather wand or mirror powers.. is pretty damn tough. All four and more together, willing to bail one another out, having their own tailor and weapons hookups. The four remind me of that: a bunch of guys who have the common goal of beating darkwing but likely just.. hang out when not trying to do crimes. Well except negaduck, hence the four thing. By not being able to just easily turn them on one another, it means you HAVE to take them all at once. Even if you got rid of negaduck as both the comics and the 2017 reboot have shown.. you still have 4 immensley powerful, quackerjack included, supervillians who easily can work together instead of a bunch of angry assholes who tend to work better one at a time and just with a united goal. Point is Darkwing Duck is Darkwing Fucked.  Darkwing once again refuses help and yells at Stegmutt, because he’s been evne douchier than usual, and then makes the mistake of yelling at Neptunia, who promptly has her octopus friend throw him into the distance because .. well he deserves it. So while Darkwing patches up that wound to his pride and his spleen, we finally meet our vilians new boss: NEGADUCK. And... they do not explain why a guy who looks exactly like drake is here, if he has any relation to the other negaduck he was inspired by, or why any of them would trust him. This would bother me more.. if A) it wasn’t too much of a stretch for darkwing to have foes we hadn’t seen given the whole casefiles thing and B).. well okay this isn’t really a logical opinon but since when have that stopped me. 

There’s a damn good reason that Negsy has one of the biggest episode counts of Darkwings villians. The guy is just.. the perfect foil to Darkwing, the Joker to his batman, the reverse flash to his flash, the green goblin to his spider-man, the sabertooth to his wolverine. He’s Drake’s equal and opposite number. While Drake can’t take two steps as Darkwing without wanting some attention, Negsy is happy to avoid having any until the moment strikes. While Drake wants attention as much as he wants to do the right thing, Negsy just simply loves doing what he’s doing. To quote the Spies are Forever song “Somebody’s Gotta Do it” “Can’t you see.. how much I enjoy this, i’d never avoid this, cause buddy i’m a diffrent breed. This is my calling, and though it’s appaling, I love making people bleed.” 

He just LOVES being evil. He’s as comically devoted to being a bad guy as Darkwing is to being a good one. He loves the idea of being able to shoot a bunny, he revels in his villiany and he loves every second. But as I said unlike darkwing he dosen’t let his flaws get in the way of his villiany as much. He still does on occasion, he’s still a version of Darkwing after all, but he has his eyes far more on the prize and is far less prone to distraction. He dosen’t care about toy deals or infamy.. he just wants to watch the world burn and laugh manically over the flames. While his obessions CAN be used against him.. as this episode shows it only lasts for a bout a second and he’s usually ready for it. He’s a Drake with no morals, no connections and few drawbacks. And he’s also every bit as clever, with him winning for most of the two parter. And not because the plot needs him too.. he’s simply THAT good at planning, with his plan here being geninely clever. I’m REALLLY hoping for Frank to lead the reboot because combining ALL of this with his reboot backstory will be divine if he gets to. Negaduck was very much worth the hype. 

So his next plan, itself clever.. is to dress up as Darkwing and inflitrate SHUSH, taking out the next possibly thing that could stop them. And he does so easily, even while Darkwing is there and to show off just how friggin awesome he is predicts what Drake will say. The only thing that trips him up is drake hilarious pointing out a cute bunny, because he and the other Negsy apparently share the same burning hatred, causing him to get out his shotgun. And can I just say how wonderful it is he can use a shotgun?  That’d never pass nowadays, which isn’t the worst thing but i do question why VILLIANS can’t be shown being reckless with fire arms. Their the bad guys, kids aren’t going to see it as a good thing. And they still equate laser guns with guns. They aren’t going to trivilaize gun violence because of Darkwing Duck or Looney Tunes. 

Even being found out Negaduck still acomplishes his goal and floods thing. So now both the cops and shush are down, and things aren’t looking great. Darkwing’s still determined he can do this himself and beat them.. but it’s transparent that not only he CAN’T and won’t admit he’s outnumbered but freely admits he just wants the biggest win of his career by taking them all out 4 to 1. Probablem is.. he’s not spider-man and this isn’t the sinister six. As I said he’s not fighting a villian group whose egos clash so badly , at least whent hey first formed, they have to take turns or in later iterations have some member blackmailed in> Their working in concert. He needs help but as we’ve seen multiple times now Darkwing just can’t accept it. He has to be in the limelight and while he does have to relearn the lesson .. it works better here as personality flaws aren’t the kind of thing that fixes itself overnight. Sometimes never. It feels less like it does sometimes in cartoons, where the character just.. never fucking learns, and more like Darkwing has learned it.. he’s just so very human and thus can’t resist sliding black. Less peter griffin more bojack horseman is what i’m saying. I mean there are still bits of just poor writing, but for the most part his ego is like most of his enimies: he just can’t get it to stay beat. 

So it won’t suprise you that when the national guard and gizmoduck are called he’s not happy. You may recall when I reviewed “Tiff of the Titans” I REALLY hated this verison of Gizmoduck. He was concited as Darkwing but treated like he wasn’t, treating the daring duck of mystery like a criminal for stupid reasons and was generally pretty useless and obnoxious. The fact that hamilton camps gizmoduck voice sounds not like a 20-30 something like Fenton is but like Grandpa Simpson mixed with a dash of dudley doo right dosen’t help. 

It’s not lost on me that Dan Castellaneta’s character is NOT the one that sounds like Abe Simpson either. But while that problem is still around... the rest of them.. aren’t. Gizmoduck’s character development actually stuck from last time, so rather than be a dick to darkwing he’s warm, friendly and happy to accept his help when Darkwing shows up, thinking his old “Buddy” is just volunteering to help instead of screaming at him for doing his job. Not only that but while he still has elements of a standard superman type “Cape” hero parody... their more toned down and actually funny with him giving giant speeches, and that being useda gainst him and being over the top.. but still being the noble, big hearted hero you’d expect from the roll, just wanting to do good not for the Glory he gets anyway, but because people need him. In short.. he’s 100% better thsi go round. Well okay 80.. he still sounds like this. 

Gos also brings Morgana along, because apparently she forgot the entire episode where her father was so obssed with being noticed he tried to upstage his 10-12 year old daughter... and you know the hundred other times Drake put his ego over his job. 

So he naturally wants to shoo her while Gizmo. .warmly welcomes the help because he recognizes that people are counting on them not counting on him.  Just then the villians make their move and activate the electro slave device from earlier which.. does nothing like that’d sound like and just creates a giant electrical wall, cutting off ST. Canard and bringing the plan full circle: The villains have now cut off the town and taken out almost anything that could oppose them. And despite you know everything Darking only gets more pissy when Stegmutt and Neptunia show up., Stegmutt because he still wants to return Darkwing’s change as Darkwing bought a hot dog from him and Stegmutt’s also a really sweet guy and Neptuina because well... .the ocean’s her thing and a bunch of bad guys just put a giant line through it she’s now on the other side of. Gizmo suggests the obvious: It’s a day unlike any other when a threat no one duck, or fish or dino duck, can face alone. It’s time to assemble! And Gos is more than excited about the idea, suggesting the name Justice Ducks which.. is honestly fairly weak in my opinon. Not BAD but very clearly just “Justice League” with Ducks in it. Given how good the series is at names, you think they’d of taken more than five minutes on this one. Maybe it was disney mandate I dunno.  But the concept itself.. is brilliant and I wish it came back in other epiosdes; Taking a bunch of other heroic characters in a setting and making them into a team is always a great idea, it’s why the tmnt unvierses have been using the mutanimals more and more lately, and they do ballance each other out nicely. You have a nice contrast of powers: while multiple have super strength, stegmutt is your bruiser, Gizmo is the tech guy, darkwing’s the strategy, morgana handles magic and Neptuina can swim in anything and is super strong and agile outside and inside water, so as long as she can keep hydrated, she’s useful> Which by the way has ALWAYS been the case for aquaman.. except the superfriends version. 

He really does suck and ruined it for the rest of them till Jason Mamoa and his mighty abs, coupled with Geoff Johns run on the charcter that served as the foundation for that movie, finally rescued the character from a fucking decades old cartoon’s smear campagin.  They have the makings of a great team.. it’s just Darkwing dosen’t want a team and screams at everyone to get out and that he dosen’t need them.. I mean he does try to be softer on Morgana but.. he’s still a dick and she really should dump him. Seriously, their attraction is superficial, at this point at least we’ll see in Feburary if it gets any bettter, he dosen’t respect her as a person, and now he’s having to restrain himself at yelling at her.. for HELPING HIM. When he clearly needs it. Holy shit... I was not prepared for that amount of douche. And this would sink the two parter.. were this not clever setup for one hell of a downfall and not a key part of his character. Like has been said: Ego is a massive part of him, and as Tad Stones has put it his real arch enemy. It’s been the basis for several episodes and as we saw in the pilot was his motivation for getting into crimefighting in the first place. He means well and clearly has a heart.. but this is just as much about thwarting evil as it is the attention. And here it’s used perfectly as in the reverse of the gizmoduck episode, where he wanted attention but for fully understandable reasons and judged Gizmo more on stealing his thunder, which while petty i’ll admit is a bit fair given Gizmo did NOTHING in St. Canard but got the key of the city while Darwing had saved it multiple times at this point. 

Here he’s being petty and selfish.. and he has no good reason. It’s just his own ego wanting the credit for everything when it’s not what he or the city needs. Honestly this feels like an ahead of it’s time parody of how Batman would be written when written poorly sometimes in the years after this episode:  a massive dick who thinks he knows better than everybody else and everything else should be entrusted to him because he’s the goddamn batman, the kind who throws people out as potential parts of his family for petty shit and acts like a controlling ass and okay maybe this is spiralling a bit. But the refusal to see any other way is right? Yeah that defintelyf its darkwing like a glove and eveyrone leaves either bummed or pissed at him. And the most pissed? Launchpad who while agreeing to it, his face and tone clearly mean he’s disapointed in his buddy for acting like this when now is REALLY not the time. 

And I wish.. we got more on this because Launchpad disappears till the ending scene after this. No really. Despite being Darkwing’s best friend and sidekick and despite warranting a spot on the justice ducks and despite having every reason to pitch in. he just vanishes. I mean Ducktales may of gone overboard in not having him around since Let’s Get Dangerous, but at least that’s a valid reason: he has another family, he’s really busy and Scrooge has another talented pilot to do the job for him. Granted he’s clearly still doing it offscreen at times but he was both a major part of an hourlong and will be part of any possible spinoff. And hell even back in season 1 when the character ballance was at it’s worst... Donald and Beakly at least HAD reasons for not being in a whole lot of episodes: Donald HATED his uncle, HATED adventure, and HATED the fact his kids were following in their mothers footsteps as he only saw death at the end of it. While they SHOULD have found ways to include him more and his exclusion was pretty bad... he at least had a reason. Here launchpad just has to go now his home planet needs him. And he’s not the only one Gosalyn gets more, she’s worried about darkwing, we’ll get to why in a second and wants to go but Gizmoduck refuses.. and then ALSO vanishes. Which makes even less sense as when has Gosalyn EVER listned to an authority figure? Especially when her dad might be dead? It’s just grossly out of character for her to agree to sit things out and not just tag along with steggmutt anyway once gizmo can’t stop her. I do get this is about the justice ducks but there’s no reason to neglect the other main characters. At least have Negsy capture them too or something. Cripes. 

So yeah the “thinking he’s dead part”. Darkwing sets out to find the five’s lair and misses the big honking flag Negaduck set up, but finds a crumb, puts two and two together and finds them.. as Negaduck planned. Down to the crumb thing as, in my faviorite line of the episode, he planned on Darkwing missing the flag and focusing on the flimisiit clue instead. Naturally they kick his ass, EASILY, and throw him out a window to his death and in classic bond villian fashion don’t check for proof of death. Krakoa would be ashamed. So part one ends with darkwing duck getting thrown to his possible death...

Only for part 2 to pick up with him landing in a trash truck before exiting. And this.. is what makes the ego parts tolerable.. Darkwing.. earnestly reflects, depressed he let his own ego get in the way of things and shoo off his only hope, and thus let the villians take over the city, with Bushroot’s plants harassing people, quackerjacks teeth running the police, and Megavolt having taken the power company and using it to shake down locals and Liquidator flooding part of the city for a plan we’ll get to in a moment. He’s at his lowest point and tht’s while it work: his hubris DOSEN’T get unpunished, he’s fully sorry for it and while he dosen’t out and out apologize to them, he’s not only genuinely contrite but does work well with them and evenly when he finally does get back to them.. but we’ve got a bit to go before that.  So with Darkwing missing Gizmo takes over as big good and not bein ga prick eagerly takes the others help Neptuina nopes out of helping, which fits her personality, so with only three left because he dosen’t consider children useful  which shame on you. I mean i’ts responsible from a real world standpoint but not from a cartoon show standpoint. But anyways they split up gang: Gizmo will go take the power plant back, Morgana will try and use her spells to find the lair and Stegmutt will find darkwing. I do like despite how they neglect Gosalyn that her friendship with Stegmutt was remembered and used as a plot point here. 

So we then get to a rather repttitive part of the two parter. It’s not lacking in good gags or character moments but it’s basically the same scene repeated 4 times just with a diffrent scenario and gag for each of the justice ducks and the fearsome five member they encounter. They do their respective schicks the hero is defeated.. this is 5 or so minutes of a 20+ minute episode. Not TERRIBLE stuff, iv’e seen worse repttition, but not terribly intresting compared to the rest of the four parter.  So, Neptuina encounters Liquidator, whose scheme is selling rafts to people to not drown in exhange for a millioin dollars.. or whatever they have he’s not picky, and they fight but Liqui ultimately wins, Gizmoduck, in the best of the four sequences, swoops in to stop Megavolt and not only lands on his foot.. but spends so long speechifiing Mega gets him from behind, phrasing. Stegmutt hilariously tries disgusing himself with Groucho glasses and is bested by Quackerjack, and Morgana finds the lair but gets taken out by bushroot, though her pet spider archie escapes to go warn the others. 

So after all that Archie makes it back to darkwing’s hq.. only for launchpad to squish him. “ew a bug!”.. just a great quick laugh. Thankfuly he’s more resilent than the average spider and is fine once Gosalyn scrapes him off and they now know the five are in trouble. Also I was wrong Launchpad does return.. for this one scene. And neither get into action once Darkwing returns and after an overly long bit of him deflecting blame to the point I was screaming. 

That being said it is nice when once Darkwing is aware of the situation he gloats a little.. but still goes to save them without any hint of caring about doing it all himself. He learned his lesson.  So at the Lair of the five, Negsy shows what a sadsitc bastard he is, another great side of him.. from a writing standpoint at least. It shows that like darkwing despite a comedic exterior.. he’s VERY dangerous. And he’s set up speciic tourtures for each of the five he has: He’s hooked up Gizmoducks armor to a device that lets him control it’s power flow, so right now it’s entirely drained.. but he can overload it and electrocute him to death when he flips THE SWITCH. Neptuina is stuck under a heat lamp and will fry when he hits THE SWITCH. Stegmutt is stuck in a weightless enviorment that will also loose air when he hits THE SWITCH and morgana is in a chair that will crush her tod eath when he hits.. THE SWITCH... he really loves THE SWITCH and props to him. A lesser villian would’ve had all the traps have a diffrent trigger which while making it harder on any rescuers is just a time waster asking for the heroes he hasn’t gotten to yet to break free. And while it is based in his sadism he still fully intends to watch the deaths personally. Seriously he’s got all his bases covered.. and would’ve won.. if it wasn’t for the rest of the five.  The rest of the five are fighting over territoiry: Buddies they may be but they all want the pie. Negaduck, in his most badass scene shuts them up by pulling out his signture chainsaw for hte first time and scaring the crap out of htem, then using it to carve up the model of the city: They each get a quarter.. and he gets all the loot. Which they dont’ like but agree to to not die today. Though really... what’s the value of that? They have a full city held hostage, control over a quarter each, and no real way to SPEND the loot without letting someone else, say scrooge mcduck, in to stop them. Just give him the money and let him sit on it Smaug style. You get a quarter of a new york sized city to yourself to live out your dreams. I’d love that... maybe nto become a supervillian for that but still, point is you have carte blanche jsut take the W.  Darkwing meanwhile uses Nega’s scheme against him and plans to be delivering skulls, after flowers only piss nega off, and then knocks the guy out.. though his attempt at playing Nega fails as the Four have wisely decided that since they outnumber him and a four way split of the loot is better than none of it, to kill him. Nega.. is not pleased and just wants them to attack him, and they do, and it seems darkwing’s going to have a front row seat for THE SWITCH. But Darkwing recovers, and we get a great tug of war between him and negsy as the switch is turnd on and off on and off till Darkwing finally wins, and then frees Morgana and apologizes and has her free Gizmo, and so on and so on. So our team is reunited, Darkwing’s finally ready to lead and thus we get our battle cries “Justice Ducks, ASSEMBLE!” “Fearsome Five, GET OVER HERE!” And the two face off

And the battle.. is fantastic. Easily the series best so far as everyone gets a moment to shine. Neptuina takes out both Liquidator and Megavolt, this time beating liquidator by creating a whirlpool inside him and turning him into a watery tornado and crashing him into megavolt before he can get stegmutt. Gizmoduck beats Quackerjack handily by using a drill on the teeth, great gag then giving Jacky some ansteic.. a boxing glove to the face. And Stegmutt takes on bushroot and when unsure of what to do.. we get a truly wonderous callback as Stegmutt.. honestly dosen’t know what to do.. so Darkwing gets some payback and tells him to “put out the bushroot, put out the bushroot” you can guess what happens next

Or if you want the more recent versoin

Point is three down two to go, and we get a call back to the pudding thing with Morgana trying to hit liquidator.. before Darkwing in a show of how much of a team player he is now, offers his help, simply having Morg teleport some instant pudding mix over the guy... I mean at least it’s brown this time even if i’ts still  in a jello mold. And to finish it off he and gizmo awesomely use a mixer on both sides. So our heroes have triumphed.. almost. Negs has the controls for the barrier and runs out planning to destroy st canard if they refuse.. then being Negaduck decides fuck it i’ll do it anyway... but Darkwing stops him and we get a slapstick beatdown as DW uses an anvil a pie and other classics and utterly curbstomps his nemissi in an wesome scne. The day is saved, the generator shut down and the city freed.  So we wrap up with the Justice Ducks celebrating.. with Gos and Launchpad. I have an inlking how that conversation went. 

Darkwing relcutnatnly is forced to eat his own words and admit he both enjoys the team and needed their help, before heading off on that Date with Morgana.. though Gizmoduck tries to make it a group thing. Dude no one likes a third wheel.. not even when i’ts ninja brian. So Darkwing uses the iris out to escape, but Stegmutt does try and give that quarter back first, with Darkwing, in a genuinely sweet moment, telling him to keep it and then going off, having earned his happy ending and grown as a person.  Final Thoughts: This episode was WORTH the build up I gave it. It turns out I really didnt’ need most of the intro epsidoes, as while it enhances the villians the heroes are all given decent enough introductions apart from morgana so tht even without the context of how darkwing knows these people it still works. It’s a thrilling, tightly paced for the most part, hilarious and wonderful two parter that ties a huge chunk of the show together into one hour long masterpice. I had my issues of course and i’ve stated them: Gosalyn and Launchpad doing nothing, the pacing towards the middle of part 2.. but otherwise.. it’s perfect. It’ has a great character arc for darkwing on top of everything, once again having his ego bite him in the ass but in a unique enough way it dosen’t feel like a retread of the pilot, and having him genuinely feel bad about it and grow. a bit smug when he learns he has to rescue them sure but he’s never smug to the heroes themselves. And ironically.. he gets his big moment. While he dosen’t beat the five himself he still infliatrated their hq, beat up their leader, saved his friends and then beat negaduck all by himself AGAIN. It may of not been the big moment he wanted.. but it’s the one he needed.  As for the road to the justice ducks itself.. it was a fun ride. Only one honestly two bad episodes; Tiff otf the Titans and Paint Misbehavin and even those had their moments, paticuarlly Misbehavin’s art sequences. The rest of the episodes ranged from alright to standout and overall it was a hell of a time.. so i’m going to rank all the ones i covered leading up to this review. Just Us Justice Ducks (Both Parts) Negaduck Beauty and the Beat Dry Hard Jurassic Jumble Ghoul of My Dreams Something Fishy Fungus Amongus Whiffle While You Work Paint Misbehavin Tiff of the Titans And i’m proud to say this is the first ongoing project on the blog, the first story arc or what have you, i’ve completed. While I DID do a four parter of catch as cash can, this is the first one i’ve done over several months that i’ve completed and i’m proud of it. Does this mean i’m done with Darkwing?

Next week we’ll be wrapping up some more unfinished buisness with another Darkwing Double Feature, this time covering the short career of Quiverwing Quack and in Feburary, and the reason I spent so much time catching up, we’ll be seeing both Morgana and Negaduck again just in time for Valentine’s day. After that?

We’ll just have to see won’t we? So until there’s another rainbow, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[homely-lunatic]

@fullysowerewolf ooh thank you for inquiring I've been waiting to talk about this! imo the show's decline post s2 comes down to three main points:

the uber-graphic violence and sex has been reduced to shock value while also becoming the show's *only* selling point. look I'm not a prudish person by any means, especially when it comes to fiction. I love horror stuff, I see why people are sometimes uncomfortable with sex scenes but I don't generally have an issue with them, I usually tend to veer towards shows that aren't held back by FFC standards because I find that creators being able to do and show whatever they want results in generally better and more realistic storytelling. that being said, there's a pretty fine line between "this has a purpose and a reason for being in the story" and "ooh look how shocking we are!" s1 of the boys was a rare bird in that it was chock full of said graphic scenes, and yet every single one of them served a purpose. transluscent's death? robin getting killed? popclaw's landlord fiasco? it was a staple of the show but it was never unnecessary, and the way the writers in s1 were able to blend it into the show was so so cool and unique, because it's hard to pull of that level of gruesomeness without seeming like it just exists for shock value, let alone so frequently. but then in season 3, we start getting these scenes cranked up, and none of them have any real reason for being there other than shock value. why did I have to sit through 15 minutes of ant-man's dicksplosion in the premiere? what was the point of dedicating an entire episode (in an 8 episode season that already had too much going on as it was) to a supe orgy gone wrong? why'd we need a full-on view of jensen ackles bashing a guy's head in? it's like they couldn't figure out a way of incorporating their specific brand of bizzare superhero violence into the actual plot so they just... threw it in there anyways while everything else floundered. and of course they have to do that because they've made it the show's selling point. they took the fact that the over-the-top gore in s1 stood out to audiences and ran with it. every single ad I see for the boys now is something along the lines of "oops we can't tell you what this is about because its so graphic! our bloodiest season yet! we can't even show you a promo!" there's no focus on the plot, there's apparently the perception that nobody wants to watch the show for anything but the violence, and it's disappointing because this was one of the major things they initially improved upon in adapting the comics.

The actual plot is going nowhere. to be fair I think this could've been predicted in season 2, but it really hits hard in season 3 because you start to see the pattern every season presents us with: the boys are given an opportunity to go after homelander and take down vought. they carry out a number of side missions and when they're finally about to make some leeway in their ultimate goal, they get overpowered (but not killed! because that would require committing to a storyline that might result in some actual plot development) and sent back to square 1. rinse and repeat. there aren't really any consequences, there are no plot points that lead to irreversible change for any of the characters, and any that do initially seem irreversible are (surprise!) eventually reversed. season 3 this is most apparent because so far it's been the season with the most potential gone wrong. imagine the season we would've gotten if the boys had had to grapple with taking V as a permanent fixture rather than something conveniently temporary. imagine the fallout of both maeve and a-train dying. imagine how fucking cool it would've been to watch homelander lose his powers and the grapple with being human for the first time while also trying to conceal it to the public. imagine the parallels to that arc we could've gotten if kimiko's loss of her powers had been permanent. not only were all of those things potentially there, they were explicitly set up and then just.... not realized because we needed to circle back around to square 1. that's not even mentioning the fact that a series that is so hell-bent on advertising itself as The Most Gory Show On TV Today only actually kills off characters whose absence from the show will have the least amount of fallout, which wouldn't necessarily be an issue if it wasn't constantly setting up other, more major characters to die and then backing out at the last second because, again, we can't significantly alter the plot in any way. why is the deep still here? why is a-train magically revived in the hospital when his death was such a perfect conclusion to his arc? why do a weird fakeout with stormfront's death only to bring her back and then kill her off camera? why bother with maeve's sacrifice when she literally shows up fine a scene later?

The subtlety from seasons past is just. gone. there's a reason conservative homelander fanboy nutjobs only started now realizing that the show is making fun of them and it's not because they suddenly got smarter. the rest of us get that homelander is a stand in for trump. we get that he represents extreme american nationalism. we get it, we don't need a thinly veiled MAGA rally or a whole scene with homelander going on a "build the wall" tirade on fox news lite to spell it out for us. obviously the show has always taken on current issues, but it used to do it within the context of the show and characters. so much of season 3 felt lazy — subplots ripped from the headlines and repackaged with a few name changes so viewers could know exactly what real-world equivalent we're talking about. it's tiring, I feel like I'm watching a rehashing of the news, and it feels like they're treating the audience as if they've suddenly lost the ability to think for themselves or read between the lines.

and then yeah, like I mentioned in the original post, there's so much irony just in the fact that the boys is distributed by the irl equivalent of vought and that it's franchising itself when one of the initial selling points of the show was that it was the anti-marvel.

and the whole thing is such a shame too bc the boys used to be one of my favorite shows! I'll still probably watch season 4 just to see if it really does go more downhill, but so far I'm not loving the chances.

the way the boys started as a sharp, darkly funny show criticizing the shiny plastic soullessness of modern marvel era superhero movies and our tendency to elevate celebrities to godlike status and has now turned into a multimedia franchise churning out spinoffs while the original show devolves into a one-dimensional gorefest where the main selling point in every single advertisement seems to be "it's so graphic we can't even tell you what it's about ���" leaving the actual story to run around in circles while plot threads are dropped left and right, no real meaningful narrative development is achieved, and it shrugs off every ounce of nuance it ever had is so like. deeply ironic.

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E10 LiveThoughts

Well since its my birthday, Im kinda bored, and there’s little else for me to do right now since I dont get food till later, lets catch up on last weeks episode in anticipation of tomorrows. 

Huh, starting off with a epilepsy warning. Thats...a good sign I suppose?

Probably not the first part with the RT logo if I had to guess. 

Opening shot looks like something outta Gundam or Halo. Ironwood looking thoughtfully out as a Manta cruses by randomly. Plus; sunlight. Second day dawns...damn, have they really been fighting for that long?

Brings up the wonder of how long Remnants day actually is.

More Mantas. One REALLY close by. Damn those things are QUIET.

Those poor Specialists. You can just TELL they’re bracing for Ironwood to kick their ass. The doors also still busted which is a rather nice choice.

Also interestingly the female Specialist’s coat is missing the top two buttons of her partners. No clue why. 

Actual sweatdrop on the girl. What is it with RT suddenly making their characters have body liquid?

Ahhh Qrow kicking ass. Excellent. I would expect nothing less. 

Also FUCK THAT TABLE IRONWOOD.

Homie loosing his SHIT XD

Oh. Whats this...energy blast? Looks like its coming out of the- Oh. Thats Oscar isnt it.

...my God. ITS. BEAUTIFUL.

(Cries in military nerd)

I love how the music cuts out when it hits, just like what happens when a nuke goes off. 

The fact the Aces have to CARRY the bomb in BY HAND is good shit.

Massed gunfire in the back, and for a second you can see the true thoughts of all of the members. Oddly enough Hare’s got her exoskeleton activated. HYuh, weird, everyone else is hauling it bare. Elm, obviously, she beefy. I guess Marrow and Vine are just capable?

Also based on the shot we see just before the entire screen goes yellow and it looks like the blast literally yeets marrow onto his ass (I assume its Marrow based on the weapon visible in profile) it looks like Atlas is actually WINNING the fight, they’re pushing forward towards the whale.

Grimm; PURGED. ...how much you wanna bet this was a one off? No way to weaponize it. No way to make this more effective.

The music is...dissapointing, truly. If I had scored this, it would have some orchestral choir, a little bit of Requiem for a Dream style kinda thing. Strings and intense flutes and maybe a bit of drums.

Everything goes white for an ABSURDLY long time

Annnddd the sun comes up JUST as the whale starts disintegrating. HA! DIDNT PLAN ON THAT DID YOU SLUT!

CUE NEO CASUALLY SKIPPING THROUGH THE HELLSTORM OF GRIMM BITS WITH THE LAMP

Wait wheres the bomb... Also Marrow being the only one who cares amuses me.

Ahh dont worry about it buddy, its probably MAGIC explosive force, if it didnt kill you it wouldnt kill them. Huh, part of the whales skeletons still there.  I think its dead. GOOD

Wait how tall is Marrow? Hes like a good six inches taller than Winter here and shes wearing combat heels

“Target destroyed, good work.” Oh how casual. I love how he thinks that was the bomb.

And he goes right on to the new issue as if this is the end of the Grimm situation

Oh they still have the bomb.

Cargo ship, huh. I thought it came in on a Manta? Maybe Im miss-remembering.

AND now everyone in Atlas is going to start suffering fucking RUSTLUNG like in Gears.

Oh. Wait. Most of the whale’s still there. Fuckin hell IF THIS THING REGENERATES

Watts is so casual about all of this. I mean it makes sense but like, damn bro, flexibility.

Mmm, I think Cinders about to get brainblasted on by Watts. Please do so. TEAR HER A NEW ONE.

Interesting that Cinder thinks shes in command here. Im sorry, Cinder, but one of you has a college level education and the other WAS A FUCKING DISH RAG BITCH AND PROBABLY A STREET WALKER.

Guess which one is which.

Heels. Interesting. I dont like them but interesting.

Mmm. Long way down.

Watts: STARTS LAUGHING. I love it.

Dude is speaking FIRE. And TRUTH! THIS CATHARSIS...

I know she wont kill him and Im already cool with that cause this alone has put Watts well above her in my book of awesome villains. 

Hope we get to see more of him after this.

Hey he actually got THROUGH to her!

NOW SULK WHORE!

AWW SHES CRYING

Yeah of course the heroes are okay. RIP whoever was in that Paladin though. Hes probably dead.

Oh, the Bees 

Where the fuck did Emerald go

Oh there she is. Just completely shattered. YEAH HE DEAD FRIEND

Agricultrual area, okay cool, glad we finally got a name for this place

Red Line...huh. Like in Metro Speaking of, theres the Metro. No power, lights out. Apathies maybe?

You got a prisoner now.

Scrolls as a light source too huh? No flashlights? Also, pink purplish pettles...whats that one for, GAY THOUGHTS?

...kinetic energy. Really. Thats it. HOW IN THE FLAMING FUCK DOES THAT WORK?!

For those of you not in the know, kinetic is just...movement. Thats it. The ACTUAL energy that results from potential energy being used. 

Its just physics. And they’re treating it like some kind of superweapon.

Talk about a bit of an ass pull. And of course theres only a little bit left, because duh.

Guess maybe its got to do with movement and stuff. An idea for later.

Imagine if everyone looked over at Emerald and shes gone.

Nope, still there. And t hey’re about to hit the civilian shelter...yep, theres everyone.

OH MAN THEY DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING GOING ON. Literally just people chillin on the sides of the rails. Boy that must SUCK

Depression everywhere. Damn the Grimm are gonna come right in and mulch em.

And back to Ironwood. ANGRY DAD FACE.

Glad they call it a payload.

Its hard to tell but I think the image hes looking at is a casualty report. If I h ad ot guess blacked out equipment is losses.

Closer look says “Status Report in the upper left (upper right reversed) 

So...based on this, Atlas has lost at least 4 airships, 8 Mantas, four Paladins, a bunch of troops...actually the more I look at this I think each one represents a bunch of units because there is no way that this is everything they had.

I cant really see the middle parts but on the right I cna see “First Fleet” and “Second Fleet” Seconds got fewer Mantas attached oddly. No clue what that means. Same amount of Airships, but nothing else.

Cant really read the middle points. I THINK it says “First Batallion” at the top and then under it is split into (Something) A, B, and C. Might be Squad or something similar, the breakdown seems to be identical across it. 48 diamond markings and four Paladins. 

Based on a quick check of Google, I believe these are, in fact, Platoons, the subsets of a Battalion. The numbers are flexible on there but it seems to fit.

48 men to a Platoon with four Paladins as heavy fire support sounds like a viable mix. If thats the case Im just gonna hope this is all that was depolyed and Atlas has other forces elsewhere BECAUSE IF THEIR ENTIRE MILITARY IS LITERALLY ONE BATALLION OF TROOPS IM GOING TO RIOT.

The number more or less makes sense. 

On the far right theres some kind of power core readings, no indication of what those are, and I cant read the wording over it. Maybe for the pylons. 

Ironwood then convinently walks past a window showing intel on the whale. Annoyingly all of the important looking text is blurred out.

Theres Hares thighs again.

Third ones some kind of profile on Cinder, the image is recent as well. Fourth one...I think its a map of some kind of the impact zone, perhaps the area lost to it. 

“Watts is either incompetent, or betrayed us.” WHICH DO YOU THINK IS MORE LIKELY.

Looks at hand dramatically while contemlating loss.

Hare loosing her shit is awesome.  Also, nice shot of her shoes. 

Maybe you should have put more faith in your military instead of Huntsman idiot.  I guess this KIND OF explains why he wants to leave. He doesnt thinkt hey can win no matter what. 

The look on his face is...disheartening.  Dudes gone the same way as Lionheart. Shit.

Also interestingly, the picograms above his office door show the phases of Remnants moon, rotating from full and unbroken to shattered.

What are you planning Ironwood.

Ohhhh. SEE NOW SOMEONE FINALLY FUCKING GETS THE IDEA You want someone in this world to do something YOU PUT A GUN TO THE HEAD OF THIER LOVED ONES!

Winters not having none of it of course. 

Ohhh shes in for a SPANKIN NOW

I love how Hare throws her under the bus like that. 

FUCK THAT TABLE

Radar. REMNANT HAS RADAR.

MOTHER...FUCKING... HOW?! HOW DO THEY HAVE RADAR.

Suns fully up now. Interesting.

Also, canonizing it now; the mountain just behind Atlas in this shot is where Fortress Academy is. 

This one.

Hang on. SDC Freighters literally look like neutered... ... GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

AGAIN! EVERYTHING IN ATLAS’S ARSENAL IS JUST SDC EQUIPMENT MADE INTO MILITARY FORM! FUCK. ME. SIDEWAYS.

WHY!? WHY IS EVERYTHING SDC MADE?!

LE SIGH

The crazy logic sit down thing is...weird.

Also, I see constellation on the floor of Ironwoods room. Looks like...chiron and Pisces. So why are Earth constellations on the floor of a Remnant building?

Damn, air cleaned the fuck up real quick. 

NEO YOU CHEEKY BITCH. THE RAISED PINKY FINGER

Yay, the teams reunited. NOW THEY CAN ALL DIE TOGETHER.

FAUNUS EAR WIGGLE

Rens first comment; wheres Nora.  Yay. Also, poor Ruby.

I like how the music just died.

I hear gunfire...

YEAH! Mantas for AA work, hell yeah! I know Im supposed to be mad but fuck that swarm attack! Oh its so good.

AND IRONWOOD WITH THE FUCKING POWER STANCE

MY GOD XD

I like how he specifically mentions Atlas’s technology like their technology is anything hot 

Seriously could you get any more fucking dramatic. I get the point but like, dude, your from Atlas, wasnt this shit BANNED in the Great War?

Boy, he really doesnt like Mantle does he. Then again at the same time, my hometown doesnt care for the homeless here. Its probably like that.

Not sure I follow your logic here. Hes probably bluffing. 

Oh wait Penny...right she never left the mansion, she got fucked over.

And thats it.

[warcrafttimemd]

Thoughts On The Criticism of AU!Draenei Direction

As the fallout from the revelations of the Mag’har Allied Race scenario continues to spread through the fanbase, I’ve seen plenty of good reasons why the decision to turn the AU!Draenor Draenei evil was a terrible one: it’s illogical, it invalidates the entirety of the Warlords of Draenor storyline, it’s a weak-ass excuse to set the Mag’har against a threat they need help with that they couldn’t get from the AU!Draenei that also completely ignores all the other nonsense going on like the crazy plants in Gorgrond, it’s the latest in the increasingly shameful exhibit of how Blizzard doesn’t know how to write female characters, it’s a pathetically lazy attempt to peddle the ‘both sides are evil’ narrative even though the AU@Draenei are not and have never actually been part of the Alliance, it’s just bad fucking writing, etc. It is an awful decision for all those reasons listed.

I have seen one that doesn’t work, though, and it’s been written a number of different ways:

“Draenei don’t/can’t work as oppressors because they’ve always been oppressed.”

“Draenei are victim-coded, so making them evil is wrong.”

“I can’t/don’t feel sorry for the Mag’har because they treated the Draenei so horribly in the past.”

It all basically boils down to this: Draenei, as villains, are impossible. Frankly, I don’t buy it.

“Draenei don’t/can’t work as oppressors because they’ve always been oppressed.”

Being oppressed or conquered in the past, whether as an individual or a group, doesn’t prevent an individual or a group from being oppressors or conquerors in the future. There’s no Ron Swanson-style card they get to hold up that says “I can do what I want.” What it does mean is that, having been treated in this awful way, they should know better than to turn around and do it to someone else. Unfortunately, you can look at the entire history of Azeroth to see how that lesson’s taken hold in others - or hasn’t, in most cases.

To the more severe version of the idea, that Draenei can’t be oppressors - that they are physically and morally incapable of the act on an objective scale, no matter the actual results of their actions - because of how they’ve been treated in the past, I also say bollocks. The ability to dominate and conquer is directly related to the power wielded by a person/faction; when we left AU!Draenor at the end of Warlords, the AU!Draenei were still on the back-foot (back-hoof?), but when we come back to AU!Draenor, even though we don’t have exact specifics yet, we can infer that they’ve grown in size and strength enough not just to challenge the Mag’har, but to become the dominant species/faction on the planet.

Whatever power of the Mag’har/Iron Horde wielded in the past, it’s now passed to the AU!Draenei. They have the power, and they’re happily using it to convert, enslave, and wipe out the Mag’har. When a faction starts outnumbering and enslaving other races, they don’t get to hold onto that ‘oppressed’ title. As Garrosh Hellscream himself said:

“Draenei are victim-coded, so making them evil is wrong.” 

This variation holds the most water for me, although I’d still argue it’s inaccurate. Is turning the AU!Draenei ‘evil’ morally wrong? No. Is it distasteful? Arguably. Is it a poor idea at this point in World of Warcraft’s story? Absolutely.

To a certain extent, I think I see what Blizzard is attempting to do: they’re pulling an ‘Arthas,’ showcasing how dire a threat is by showing that even the best and brightest can be turned into moustache-twirling villains by its influence. I think that Blizzard hopes that in doing so, not only will they add a huge amount of weight to Xe’ra’s actions in Legion, they’ll also be adding a huge amount of weight to the concept that the Light can be just as dangerous as the Void, which has, up until the Xe’ra stuff, seemed more like trite ‘all things in moderation’ philosophy than something concrete.

Xe’ra’s extremist approach was easy enough to pass off as a fluke for a number of reasons: because of existing in a fragmented state for so long, her sanity was questionable (wow, another insane female character, real original Blizz), she was ancient beyond reckoning, coming from a time and place far divorced from Azeroth (and Azerothian ideas about good and evil), etc. Xe’ra was really the first true instance of a Light-aligned character doing some really questionable stuff in the name of the Light; there have been other characters in similar circumstances (Arthas, the Scarlet Crusade, etc.) but all of those were shown to be ultimately under the control or direction of more nefarious forces. There’s no question what Xe’ra is up to. Xe’ra can’t be discounted as a rogue agent anymore. She isn’t the exception, she’s the harbinger, and the AU!Draenei (and potentially more characters in the future) are what she is heralding.

As to whether turning a ‘victim-coded’ race into conquerors is ‘wrong’...I guess I don’t even really understand that concept, that once a race/faction has been established as more likely to give ground than hold or take, then they’ll never, ever do anything but that, and that changing or reversing that behavior is morally incorrect on the behalf of the writers. Honestly, I addressed most of that in the first section. Yes, the Draenei have been shown to be naturally peaceful, and retreating from a fight or attempting to negotiate is their first instinct. However, they’ve also been shown to be easily swayed to drastic action when their faith is appealed to, something both Sargeras and K’ure took advantage of in the past, though for different reasons. A running theme in the Warcraft games is how absolute power corrupts, and there’s no good reason why any faction should be immune from that, no matter what they’ve been through. Dealing with shit in the past earns you nothing on a cosmic scale, which the World of Warcraft writers seem to enjoy reminding us a lot of lately.

That still doesn’t make the decision to have the AU!Draenei go Crusades on Draenor any better. It’s certainly in poor taste. The people of AU!Draenor got about as happy an ending as World of Warcraft affords: the bad guys were defeated, and everybody was pledged to a brighter future because, down at brass tacks, that’s what they all wanted. Then we come back years later - from the clues in the broadcast text, I’m assuming the Mag’har scenario takes place about 20-30 years after the events of Warlords - and find that literally everything is ruined. Nothing the players did really mattered at all; even though the Legion is no longer in the picture, Draenor is still in the hands of tyrants, it’s just religious fanatics instead of savage warriors this time. Who knows what’s happened to the Arakkoa. They were probably first on the AU!Draenei’s ‘to-smite’ list. It’s such an absolutely bitter pill that it almost defies belief. I joked about it in a post a while back, but Blizzard really did make Warlords somehow worse.

“I can’t/don’t feel sorry for the Mag’har because they treated the Draenei so horribly in the past.”

I call this the ‘Killmonger problem,’ because the folks who feel this way don’t assign an intrinsic negative value to certain actions/practices, but rather base their approval of those actions/practices purely on who’s performing them. In other words, they don’t have a problem with objectively evil actions like conquering and/or enslaving, but only as long as they’re the ones doing it or it’s happening to someone they don’t like.

Because the Mag’har were awful to the AU!Draenei in the past, there’s a tacit approval on some of the players’ parts of the idea that now the AU!Draenei should be able to be as awful as they want to the Mag’har. That’s not a perspective concerned with justice, but with vengeance, with ‘getting even.’ I’m not denying that the Iron Horde did some heinous things in the past, but visiting those horrors back on them does nothing but continue the cycle of violence.

Look, if the writers fail to elicit sympathy for the Mag’har, that’s partially on them. The way they’ve botched this entire thing, I’m not surprised. I’m having a hard time myself, although I suspect that’s mostly because I’m still trying to wrap my head around how the AU!Draenei could’ve possibly gone this bad in the first place. But I think the whole scenario also challenges us as an audience to look at this once completely sympathetic faction and what they’re doing now, and ask ourselves “Am I okay/not okay with this, and why? Am I getting a vicarious thrill out of seeing Draenei finally beat some Orc ass after years and years of oppression?” If the answer is yes, then own it, but don’t pretend like you’ve got the moral high ground to criticize story direction when you’re the one condoning or at least complicit with the faction that’s killing people for worshiping the wrong god. Glass houses and all that.

There is one more variation I’ve seen - not listed above - that explicitly has to do with how certain races in World of Warcraft are tied to real world equivalents, but that’s a complete can of worms that’s not really ever worth opening. Once we start talking about how certain factions are (insert race/religion)-coded, we project biases and opinions from the real world onto situations and people in completely different contexts, and we start debating about both as if they’re one, and they’re really not. Every race and faction in WoW is a mishmash of influences from multiple cultures, and trying to superimpose real world history over a fictional universe that exists as such leads directly to The Yawning, Dark Cavern That Nothing Good Ever Comes Out Of.

Sorry if this entire post has come off as completely bonkers. I’ve been drafting and rewriting it over the course of a couple of days, so I know it’s not the most coherent thing in the world, but, for whatever reason, whenever I saw justifications like this for hating on the Mag’har scenario, it just really ground my gears. Don’t get me wrong, I hate the direction that Blizzard has chosen to go with AU!Draenei, but I also feel pretty strongly that there are valid, logical reasons for disliking something, and then there’s just pseudo-socio-political nonsense. Feels kind of like people giving a politician a hard time about his/her looks or clothing choices when they're an abhorrent human being with no morals and terrible politics. If you're gonna go after a problem, go after it for the right reasons.

[stenka-razin]

In honor of the end of the series, a Big Old Dragon Ball Super Retrospective Post

Battle of Gods Arc

The good: - The slice of life episodes are delightful and really helped reestablish these characters - Some of the changes from the film actually expanded the world and made the arc feel like a unique entry (change of settings, change of Beerus’ intro) - Goku’s last attack against Beerus is just phenomenal

The bad: - Still largely derivative from a stronger work (both in terms of story and production value) - Episode 5

Resurrection F Arc

The good: - The arc sets up Whis’ time reverse in a genuinely creative way - Tagoma is sort of more interesting here

The bad: - Still largely derivative from a stronger work (both in terms of story and production value) (Which is particularly a shame here, since the film had some serious flaws itself) - All changes from the film are completely pointless and mostly serve just to pad the story (Tagoma being here, Ginyu being here, Gotenks being here, Piccolo’s death, 3 Dragon Ball wishes: which also, side-side note, why three? They had two in the movie which was the correct amount, right? Did I miss something? When did they up the Earth balls to have three wishes? Did they do that off screen? Why?)

Universe 6 Arc

The good: - Finally, something mostly original - Introduction of a bunch of great characters (Champa, Vados, Cabba, Hit, Frost) - Vegeta rampage - Goku vs. Hit is a great fight and the revival of Kaioken is a great twist. - The Pan filler episode

The bad: - Going back to a tournament set up feels safe - They consistently try to make this low stakes story feel more intense than it needs to be, which feels more forced than anything (Implying life would be worse under Champa, suggesting Beerus would use the Super Dragon Balls to destroy everything, Champa threatening to destroy his team) - The realization that the writers have no idea what to do with characters who are not Goku and Vegeta (especially re: Buu) - “Super Shenron” looks like an afterthought

Goku Black Arc

The good: - The first plot with legitimate tension since Battle of Gods, and one of the few plots in the franchise to have a strong mystery element throughout it - Future Trunks’ return results in a lot of great character moments - Time travel is used as a good tool to explore the entire evolution of Zamasu/Goku Black as an antagonist - Zamasu/Goku Black does a lot of cool stuff (immortal, is pink, fuses, drinks tea) - Vegito Blue (for like a second) - Trunks gets the win! And Goku does not! - The filler episodes at the end of this arc are legitimately my favorite episodes of the series - This was the best arc??

The bad: - Time Travel quickly gets very convoluted, and opens a few plotholes - An exhausting amount of fake outs (Mafuba, “When a good kills somebody it’s in all timelines,” One visit to the future that’s entirely pointless, Vegito, now you’re part mortal, Trunks magic sword) only to land on a rather meh real ending - Trunks’ completely unexplained power ups - Goku forgetting the fricking Mafuba talisman... 

Universal Survival Arc

The good - Delivers on it’s promise of “Whoa did you see that!?!!?” action and fanservice - A tournament of this magnitude does feel like a logical final arc for the series - Caulifa and Kale are both phenomenal. - Frieza worked a lot better than expected - 17 MVP, even his fakeout death was fine - I personally loved the Zen-Oh’s as a stand in for fans - Though it definitely dragged, I was a fan of the longer arc format

The bad - Another tournament - Another Buu fakeout - The pre-opening previews are so fucking annoying. I don’t even care for the post-credits previews, but if I don’t watch them it’ll be spoiled for me regardless. Adding another before the episode? WHY. - This happened earlier in the manga, but the distinction between SSG and SSB defined here is dumb - Piccolo gets tripped by a fucking bug mid-episode. - I preferred the unmastered Ultra Instinct design to the mastered one. The unmastered made this feel distinct from all the other transformations, like it wasn’t a transformation, just a completely new means of fighting. White hair just makes it an even stronger hair color. - Jiren... learning that Toppo’s personality was originally supposed to be Jiren’s put a lot of things in perspective. Toppo was always the more interesting character. - EVERYONE saw that wish a mile away. The fact that it was rigged almost felt like a meta-joke. - Wish there was more post-tournament scenes. They really could have devoted a full episode to the aftermath. - It definitely dragged. Though I was happy to get a longer arc, I wish they did it with one with more than one setting, more opportunities for character development, etc.

General Series Thoughts

- In terms of giving supporting characters time to shine, Super did ok. Like we get some solid moments throughout where Gohan, Piccolo, Krillin, etc. get to shine, but most are fairly isolated, either as preamble to the main fight, or in filler episodes. In DB and DBZ we devoted extended amounts of time to support characters, often letting them drive the narrative. Goku’s MIA for extended parts of DBZ, which really let’s some of the other character’s take the spotlight, and nothing like that really happens in Super, which is a serious let down. - On that note, did Gotenks really do anything?? - Something Super did very different from Z that I appreciated was the move away from a rigid power hierarchy. It shifted very often, but in Z you could basically pinpoint who the most powerful person was at any given time. Power ups were always so drastic that everything rotated around them and the plot devices that enabled them. With Super it’s more vague. I feel like this was at it’s peak in the Tournament of Power arc where characters always had somebody to go against that wasn’t below/above their class. It made for more interesting fights that often were decided by clever attacks or the like. Just to name an example, Hit vs. Dyspo. I have no idea which was stronger, and the fight really hinged on creative powers and strategy.  - I don’t need to elaborate since countless people have spoken about it, but the inconsistent animation was a consistent bummer - They did Vegeta very well (well except for never letting him win) - They did Goku ok. I’m not in the crowd who thinks they did him wrong, or that this isn’t the same character as before, but I do have some gripes. He often felt like a sitcom character in the later seasons, with personality traits turned up to 11 for an easy reaction. He should be uneducated, and selfish. He should not be a dunce.  - I’m probably in the minority here, but I honestly didn’t mind the Potara retcon. - I was consistently interested, but knowing the ending of Z always made the tension less felt throughout the show. We know who all is going to be alive at the end of the day. Death has been pretty cheap in Dragon Ball especially since Goku learned how to teleport, but here it’s been even more ridiculous. I feel like this time period was a good time to explore, but at the same time, I wish they found a way to break out of the limitations more. I know a lot of folks were expecting them to go beyond Z after the ToP, but that got pretty thoroughly dashed. - The opening and closing themes were all pretty good. They always made me happy to kick off an episode. Limit Breaker x Survivor and Boogie Back were especially good imo. - Sure as shit was better than GT. - Thank god they didn’t do something stupid to wrap up everything super neatly so that GT could still be canon at the end. I was seriously dreading this the entire run of the show. - This was a fun show and I’ll miss it.

[typhonatemybaby]

The Good ( commies), the Bad, (M.A.D) and the Ugly ( DPRK foreign policy decisions)

1: MAD, Deterrence and nuclear policies.

Mutually assured destruction is a weird concept. The concept as it exists in military theory and in popular perception is a little fragmented but basically everyone knows the basics: The nuclear cowboys staring at each other, ready for the quick draw. It is seemingly very simple, being based on game theory and basic economic considerations of military output. This is a false semblance. 

Deterrence is the core of MAD. But it is NOT THE SAME THING. It is the idea that you give the physical act of attack properties that make it unattractive in the extreme. Its basically cost-benefit stuff. However it is not like normal economic calculations. It is not based on profit, or gain, but rather ABSOLUTE LOSS MITIGATION. This is its great strength and its great weakness.

The problem with deterrence is that it relies on things outside the realm of the cost benefit analysis, things that inject themselves int the calculation. As a military issue, deterrence is reliant on military realities: the assessment of ones forces, the prospects on the future battlefield, and of course the foils of all strategies: Friction and Fog of war. 

Friction is the cumulative effect of minor annoyances, of small mistakes, of minor technical failures, of error and chance. It is when because, for the want of a nail, the boat is lost. 

Fog of War is a term referring to inaccurate information as viewed by the participants. 

for deterrence to exist it must be reliable enough that both parties feel they can penetrate fog of war enough in the battlefield sense. this is usually manageable in the short term, but in the long term, Friction bears on all actors and degrades them either politically, through degrading political will, or through degrading physical abilities via neglect, economic disruptions, or the cumulative effect of economic miscalculations, by management, of the stock pile and the active forces. AKA, wear and tear, budget fluctuations, political weak-mindedness etc. 

2: Deterrence also relies on psychological aspects to warfare:

Deterrence doesn't just rely on missiles working, it relies on YOUR FAITH that they work in such a manner that that their efficacy is visible to the enemy and in the forefront of their minds and that they compute this with a minimum of delusion, in order that a SIMILAR BUT OPPOSITE FAITH is created in the opponents mind about yours. This must simultaneously work in reverse or deterrence will cease to exist. You both need to be sure that BOTH SYSTEMS are known to work well.

Similarly MAD does not really "exist" because it relies on forcing abstract concepts into a very positivist sphere of thought. Deterrence requires assurance in this model. Yet is there assurance? Is it mutual? Is it sufficiently destructive? How assured is enough? how mutual is mutual? Is it  *total* destruction, on a planetary scale? if so why bother with the missiles? Why not simply have vast cobalt bombs set to trigger upon failure of communications with HQ in a crisis time? these queries lead us to a nagging doubt: What if the purpose of nuclear weapons was not in fact " to force all other nuclear weapons not to be used" but " to wage war"? What if they are not in fact the magic bullets of the atomic god but actually just very very horrible pieces of technology with specific quantifiable effects? 

for MAD to actually exist and work it must: assure both parties of efficacy of either system, and simultaneously, at all times, ensure a certain combined minimum of damage in order to satisfy a total concept of destruction. 

Remember: it is not about deterrence "not working" it is about it not *existing*.

3: Why MAD and normal ideas of deterrence don’t apply to us in the real sense.

Deterrence however is bigger than "MAD".  MAD is almost a cartoonish abstraction, but there is a similar policy that is applied in reality: the concept of "minimum deterrence" AKA "finite deterrence". 

Minimum deterrence as defined by Herman Kahn in “On Thermonuclear War” is as follows

 "The notion is dramatic: It is that no nation whose decision makers are sane would attack another nation which was armed with a sufficiently large number of nuclear bombs... ...in general the believers in minimum deterrence theory seem to believe the deterrence of a rational enemy as almost a simply philosophical consequence of the existence of nuclear bombs.. ...one is tempted to call this " the laymans view", since people holding it show only the slightest interest in such matters as the status of the alert forces... ... an extreme form of the minimum deterrence theory it the view that the current strategic forces of the united states and the soviet union, if used, will automatically result in world annihilation..." 

Kahn then goes on to ridicule the simplicity of this idea. Basically Deterrence doesn't work the way you think it does and neither does nuclear war. For one thing its probably winnable, but you should read the book for all that stuff

I wont go further because really you should read the first chapter or two of Herman Kahns "On Thermonuclear War" to get a grasp of this better than i can explain, but basically pop-culture concepts of thermonuclear war are sort of bogus. It is in fact the OTHER POLICIES added on from OUTSIDE the core deterrence calculus that make our nuclear policies. 

HOWEVER, even though deterrence doesn't work in the total absolute sense, it DOES work in certain limited TIME CONSTRAINED scenarios. This is why it was adopted in the first place. In an environment in which parties have established deterrent they establish a new norm of relations in geopolitics. This creates an incentive to proliferate: to prevent interference from those parties which are the existing nuclear powers. Thus the short term strength of the various forms of deterrence creates increasingly complex geopolitical nuclear standoffs via proliferation, weapons trade, and asymmetric strategy. Thus the Nuclear weapon functions as a Marxian commodity both within countries as their military industrial complexes create them for trade to the government, but also in the international sense as they adopt a commodity fetish, combined with their own variety of fetish associated with their specific use-value. Proliferation brings with it the temptation for war, as does asymmetry.  Deterrence fails with miscalculation. we can only pull the lever of the slot machine in New Vegas so many times before we hit the nuclear jackpot. Eventually if we get enough proliferation crises we may strike lucky. 

4: The DPRK's policy

The DPRK is a "proliferator". This means they are developing and creating new nuclear weapons. We are not concerned with other WMDs here because they are not relevant in this case and are not as destructive. also the phrase WMD lumps several materially very different categories of weaponry together to the point of being a useless political umbrella term, only used reluctantly by weapons policy experts.

They have proliferated, most likely, in response to US, Russian and Chinese actions, in turn responding to: US *unreliability" as well as aggression ( aggression is actually acceptable in certain limits, but *unreliability* of aggression is not.), China being initially reluctant to act, and then acting poorly, and Russian opportunism.

The US, in attacking Iraq, began to break a sort of social geopolitical contract. Iraq did not really have WMDs. We all know this. The US attacked anyway. Libya was a similar case. Both were former partners to US policy. It is theorized that the DPRK's leadership has reasoned:  " Iraq and Libya attempted to appease US policy and were still eliminated. The Libyan and Iraqi leadership were largely liquidated. Hussein was hung after being dragged from a hovel. Qaddafi was sexually assaulted by militants after his convoy was blown up and he was found hiding in a ditch. He was then executed and stored in a commercial supermarket fridge. This is not acceptable to us. Our fate must be better. We have a unique position. We know change is coming to the global stage. We have the technical means to achieve nuclear capabilities. We know appeasement is only temporary. Asymmetric deterrence may however save us"

This position was arrived at during a time of change in the DPRK: new leadership came in and instituted internal economic reforms. notably they also probably stopped executing scientists for every blown up missile. This probably improved results. They have pursued a strategy of achieving a sudden breakout in order to disrupt the status quo so quickly as to prevent established world powers from counteracting. This is because the main powers were divided and because they had no effective powers, or the will to prevent it. 

China was happy to allow the DPRK so sit and be a buffer as long as it wasn't too disruptive. this calcified the possibility of the Chinese responding. Russia had an opportunistic trade relationship with them prior to sanctions that allowed them to get a little cash. they also delighted at any notion of disruption that would mess with the USA and further the DPRK doesn't really care about Russia anyway because they aren’t in positions to truly be foes. The US meanwhile was trapped by the Orientalist lure of simultaneously despising them and not taking them seriously. We did not expect them to get SO far SO fast. Further Either China or the US may have fucked up with an attempted coup as some point recently. This is a leading theory behind the motivation for the assassination of Kim Jong Un’s brother several months ago. This may have provided a further alienation between the DPRK and Chinese leadership, further hampering any diplomatic outcome.

They have developed the capability to strike the continental US, as well as all plausible regional opponents, in a very short period of time. They have combined this with a VERY rapid development of advanced nuclear warheads. This is because rocket science isn't rocket science anymore. They are using modern tech to achieve the technical breakthroughs of approximately 1950-1960. Nukes aren’t that hard any more.

They also have what is known in the jargon as "limited war capability". This is to say, ordinary conventional forces. These form a "limited deterrence" and have in the interim during the development phase of their nuke program, prevented contemplation of an attack. For example they have a developed artillerry capability and are capable of basically flattening large parts of South Korean territory, for example, Seoul. Their conventional abilities are very strong in fact, and they could probably defeat South Korea quite in a conventional war, were it not for US presence on the peninsula.

Furthermore, they have a surprisingly good amount of what is known as "Counterforce as Insurance"- the ability to recover form certain forms of attack. Things like blast shelters, civil defense, medical programs, ability to evacuate, a dispersed rural population etc. A lot of their population is dispersed in the mountains, they have well established bunker systems, and thus can probably withstand most forms of medium level nuclear attacks. Because of this, combined with the leaderships disregard for the people, they can actually reasonably expect to force at least a stalemate in any local war as long as it is within certain limitations. This limits the field to: Diplomacy, and all out nuclear war.

Therefore they are using/ have used a combination of two disadvantages turned into advantages to establish what I’m gonna call " asymmetric deterrence": Their undesirability as a target, and their isolation as an entity. They are diplomatically and economically isolated. This has hardened them against sanctions and prodding etc. Their cyber-war abilities are fairly strong too.  Non conventional limited war is basically out as we cant create an uprising which is not internationally integrated. This isn't like South America in the 80s. Also sanctions don’t work because they get most of their stuff either by making it based off of stuff they already had or through smuggling it in. this applies to almost all components of their nuclear program as well as domestic products.

So we are left with total nuclear war. 

And here are the arguments they present us against that:

Why bother? They aren’t that big. They have no significant natural resources. Even if they DO use their nukes in the future as insurance against intervention when they begin to bully South Korea ( if this is their intent), and did it so successfully that they force the south into capitulation and confederalisation under northern control then would that be acceptable to the US as a sacrifice to avoid war? Regardless of this intent they are relying on our making this calculus of “ comparative worst outcomes”. 

And thus they are relying on making the rate at which they develop arms  outpace the rate at which we develop our will to halt them now rather than later when it might be worse. This is why the crunch point is now: They have a confirmed ICBM ability combined with a detonatable warhead. They will never give up what nukes they currently have now in any negotiation, because the Us has proven its unreliability, particular in this last month aloe with the collpase of the JCPOA with Iran ( google it). If they can confirm the survivability of that warhead through atmospheric descent they have "asymmetric"  deterrence. Their destruction in a total nuclear war would be basically certain, but they are deterring it asymmetrically: through their un-importance in terms of imperial domination except in military terms (it is not important to beat them for their resources, it is only important to beat them because they resist), which they are thus neutralizing through forcing stalemate, combined with an assurance to us that they will inflict massive damage to us for very very little gain. In some future war we do not even gain " the status quo". 

That is the strategic Dilemma they are attempting to force upon world powers, mainly the US.

5: The Left and the Korean missile crisis.

Should countries have nukes? Is proliferation good? Is nuclear war desirable for the left? What stance do we take on the DPRK's program? 

I shall also disregard the first three. This is already insanely long and they would require book length answers. I'm also not qualified for them.

The often proposed simple answers to the last are also useless. "The DPRK is bad- we should have no solidarity with the regime" is fairly basic, and fair but doesn't give us room to work in favor of the north Korean populace and their right to rebel and live. "The DPRK is resisting US imperialism and we should support it rhetorically even if we disagree with its structure or theories" is a policy I have seen people online from multiple left sects espousing. It is useless and is essentially a strategically ignorant ML theory. I am disregarding the Marxist Leninist approach to anti-imperialism. It is strategically ignorant and non viable as well as racist. Its intellectual crimes are well documented

However in the current circumstances, increased legitimacy on the world stage, which is what the DPRK’s government hopes to win, will possibly expose their regime to long term structural problems. I think it may be worth a longer term theoretical exploration of the notion of not supporting them rhetorically, but rather, recognizing the current path of the geopolitical conflict at play, and preparing for its consequences. 

If the DPRK miscalculates then either it is continued isolation and we re-arrive here later when there is an internal crisis in the DPRK and a rupture emerges that the world powers attempt to exploit, or the current crisis escalates and then it is war and millions will likely die barring a military miracle. There is no solution after this. There is only damage control.

If they calculate correctly and win integration then we must recognize the historical tendency of international capital and trade: North Korea represents an untapped well, an unrealized source of capital. The leadership shall likely pursue its profit and exploit the people in order to create value and power for them. Their economy will adapt to international rhythms. They will be sucked into the main beast, as opposed to being a Leviathan-in-isolate. Material conditions would probably improve for the populace. They would certainly stop starving. Diplomacy would be easier. The human rights situation would have better prospects. But it also brings the prospect of revolt, and of class struggling, of ruptures and of people fighting for themselves rather than a western led intervention killing millions. This path carries many risks. So does the other. There is not nice solution for us to arrive at. Its just horrible over there. there is not magic bullet. Thousands of Koreans will be killed. We have to embrace complexity. There is no certain solution. Our strategy therefore should not be to "solve" but to widen our options for a communistic approach of solidarity with the people who are living under repression. Right now we should  be trying to stop a war, but we need to avoid getting sucked into being pawns of a bizarre ML propaganda drive. In short i do not have a solution but we still have time to think.

[markpassman]

One Size Doesn’t Fit All: Workouts, Fitness & Reverse Engineering Myself

Can’t Be Arsed Summary

Read this if you don’t have the time or attention span to read an entire post so you can get the gist.

I hate working out cos everything I’ve done bores me or makes me self conscious

One size doesn’t fit all.

Find what you like to do. Yeah, you’ve heard it before, but actually fucking do it. 

Reverse engineer what you like to do to find the kind of workouts you’d like to do and would help you be consistent.

Gonna try Crossfit

Now as a penance for being ADD, scroll to the bottom of the post, like it and share it with someone you think could benefit.

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Disclaimer: I write my blogs as a mental exercise AND to help others like me. It helps me sift through my own bullshit and clarify my thinking. At no point am I trying to preach or come across like I know what I’m doing. I’m simply writing to try and get through the noise in my head to help me put into practice some of the things I already know. If it can help anyone else, that’s fantastic. If you have questions or constructive comments

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Throughout my life I have started several exercise programs. Dedicated myself to various diets or commitments to “eat clean” and yet I remain at least 40lbs overweight.

Last year while my wife was studying for her real estate license I decided to study for my personal training certification. I didn’t want to BE a personal trainer, I just wanted to fill the holes in my knowledge and maybe something in there might help me with my own weight loss. Alas, it didn’t do anything. I came out with a certification but not much else.

What my studies DID teach me was that my problem wasn’t knowledge. It was me.

Let me explain.

I’m heavily into podcasts right now and my favourite at the moment is by Gary Vaynerchuk. If you don’t know who he is and have any interest in self improvement or entrepreneurship, look him up on literally ANY social network and you’ll find his stuff.

One of Gary’s biggest and most frequently used bits of advice is self awareness. Know who you are.

“What works for one person doesn’t work for everyone. I want people to learn to be at peace with themselves, to understand what they can offer, because everyone’s got something. The key, however, is learning how to find it.

Self-awareness can help you do that.

Self-awareness is being able to accept your weaknesses while focusing all of your attention on your strengths.

The moment you decide to accept your shortcomings and bet entirely on your strengths, things will change. Trust me.”

Gary Vaynerchuk - Inc.com

Here Gary happens to be talking about self awareness with regards to entrepreneurship. I’m applying it weight loss..

“What works for one person doesn’t work for everyone.”

This sounds like bullshit wisdom that everyone already knows. To an extent, it is. The problem is, we’re all guilty of not applying the shit we know. How many times do we hear of someone losing a bunch of weight and we immediately wanna know what they did so we can copy it and, in our minds, get the same results? How many diets become popular overnight because some famous person lost a ton of weight and suddenly looks great on the red carpet? How many celebrities offhandedly mention a new diet they’ve been on in an interview only for that diet to be a top google search by the next day?

Millions buy, try and then discard these diets/workouts because they didn’t get the kind of success they expected or the success that (enter celebrity name here) did.

So even though deep down we know that one size doesn’t fit all, we still try to copy and paste the success of others, typically with severely diminished returns.

“Self-awareness is being able to accept your weaknesses while focusing all of your attention on your strengths.”

Whether you agree with this or not, I think it has great value when it comes to weight loss. I have spent my entire life fighting to fit my square peg into a round hole.

Get your mind out of the gutter!

What I mean is I’ve been trained to think that weight loss and building muscle means I”ve got to go to the gym. Get up early, hit the gym, put my headphones on, leg day, back day, chest day, cardio, rinse and repeat for weeks and months and years.

I hate that. It bores me. (Weakness)

I’ve seen others who obviously feel that endless amounts of time on the treadmill or elliptical is the route to their goals.

I hate that too. It bores me. (Weakness)

“Self-awareness is being able to accept your weaknesses while focusing all of your attention on your strengths.”

So what if I stop trying to do workouts I don’t like and do something I actually enjoy? (Strength) Earth shattering right? Yet, how many of us trudge through a workout we’d rather not do? Go to the gym a few times a week because that’s what we think will help us achieve our goals?. We workout because we have to or we should, not because we enjoy it. It’s not just me is it?

So how can I take Gary Vee’s advice and triple down on my strengths?

First, let’s go through why I didn’t like the workouts I was doing

Boring

Didn’t change often enough

Results came too slow

Boring

I need a group dynamic to help with encouragement and accountability but not one that makes me feel self conscious cos I’m bad at it, like dancing.

I sound like a picky SOB don’t I? Well, it’s who I am and I suspect I’m not alone.

By default that means I need a varied workout (not boring) that’s challenging (gets results), performed with a group of people (accountability/social).

Sounds like Crossfit right?

Crossfit is by definition constantly varied. It’s hard AF so I know it’s challenging and will get me results. The community aspect of Crossfit is well publicised so I get both accountability and a social aspect of training with other people as well as the added bonus of competition. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Crossfit is right for everyone. I don’t even know if it’s right for me at this point. I’m just trying to figure out what is going to fit with my personality

“The moment you decide to accept your shortcomings and bet entirely on your strengths, things will change. Trust me.”

Let’s see.

[noddytheornithopod]

I was tagged by @fryferbfringefan44. Now, I have to post 10 characters from 10 fandoms. I’m gonna take some liberties here and bend the rules by not necessarily picking top faves, but faves nonetheless and characters I want to talk about that I don’t really get to in other memes. Be ready, I’m gonna use this to let off some steam. :V

1. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro (Phineas and Ferb): I can’t help but feel controversial here because while I’d hardly call her unpopular, I always get the feeling that most people either don’t care about her much or that the main reason they like her is because they ship her with Phineas (or Ferb, or some other character even). Meanwhile I’m sitting here cringing at my old Phinabella days, and am in that odd sliver that seems to really like her but don’t really focus too much on the Phineas aspect, even if I still have some dreaded Phinabella inside me I’m trying to suppress? I mean, I didn’t even realise she had a crush on Phineas until a year after I discovered the show (yep, I didn’t see crush episodes like how Linda never sees Phineas and Ferb’s inventions). So anyway, I just think she’s really damn cool. She’s hypercompetent like the rest of her peers, she cares about things that matter (in particular the Fireside Girls) as well as her friends, she’s not afraid to speak her mind (well, besides one thing), plus she’s funny, cute and while probably being the most “normal” out of Phineas and Ferb’s group of friends can still have her moments of quirkiness (just watch Return Policy or Face Your Fear, lol). I also find some of her flaws quite interesting, like a lot of her friends we actually see she cares enough about the Fireside Girls to the point where it has given her anxiety over potential failure, and sometimes she has a need for attention (I really like the episode where she’s competing with Candace over attention for Melissa the young Fireside Girl because of this). Granted her central character arc still revolves around Phineas and I understand why some don’t really care for that, but admittedly I like that kind of stuff too (in b4 “problematic fave” comments from people). On one hand I feel like we focused only on her crush at specific times and not nearly as much as some people make it out to be, but on the other hand her crush on Phineas is just super adorable? I think it might actually be because I kind of relate to her (I often remind myself of her at times admittedly, even if there’s other characters I’m more like XD), like there’s loads of characters that exist as love interests but Isabella actually managed to engage me probably because we actually followed her and her feelings instead of her just being some random girl for Phineas to try and impress (I guess I’m saying she was at least active in her own romance storyline, before then I had only really seen boys chasing after girls)? IDK if I’m making sense, but I guess I’m saying even if I think she’s able to stand on her own with her other attributes and is admirable in that regard I can’t help but really relate to the crush stuff too, which is maybe why I like her more than some people (and again, still not in the super shippy wants-her-to-be-with-Phineas-at-all-costs way). But yeah, as you can see I think Isabella is awesome and she’ll always have a special spot as a fave.

2. Jasper (Steven Universe): I choose Jasper because I feel like some people are being somewhat unfair on her? Like, I feel like some people are underestimating how complex she is and that she’s not going to be the “true villain.” Steven Universe never works that way, not even with characters like the Diamonds, you can even ask the writers and they’ll say they don’t do actual villains. Plus, lots of people have gone “true villain” on characters like Peridot when she first appeared, and now look at where she is! Anyway, Jasper’s story is honestly really gripping and also quite tragic. Sure, she works as a great antagonist against the Crystal Gems, but when we piece together where she came from we really get to see why she is the way she is, and she’s actually quite sympathetic. I mean, in her last appearance in Earthlings, I was on the verge of tears. She’s not just some thug, she has things she cares about and has experienced real hurt, and has become quite messed up as a result. Oh, and I can’t wait for her to come back. She’s gotta be back eventually.

3. CT-5555, aka “Fives” (Star Wars): I always enjoyed the clone troopers, but one of my favourites was always Fives. I was always invested in the Domino Squad storyline, and how they rose through the ranks and eventually became ARC Troopers. However, when things got really interesting for me was the Umbara story arc. Here, we not only saw Fives’ capabilities as a soldier, but with Pong Krell taking control of the 501st Legion he actually started to show more colours to his personality. In particular, we got to see that he cared more about what he thought was right than simply following orders without question. Unfortunately, even if that saved him and his fellow clones on Umbara, it would doom him when he learned about Order 66. Fives may have done the right thing, but when the entire Republic is against you for trying to reveal what they perceive as some conspiracy theory, you’re not going to go out well (especially if you have the Sith involved). I just really liked seeing a clone grow rebellious and then renegade but still cared about his duty because it’s either all loyalty or fuck the army, it was a nice balance. It was just committing the crime of asking questions that doomed him (and gosh his death is so sad). At least Rex seemed to listen to his warning though. :’)

4. Bradley Nicholson (Milo Murphy’s Law): IDK if I’ve talked about Bradley much, but he’s just such a blast to watch. Of course there’s the added bonus of Vincent Martella voicing a character radically different from Phineas, but even then he’s just really funny, the voice acting just enhances that. He’s also quite interesting, given that he’s jealous of Milo and the attention he gets, plus he seems kind of lonely. I really want to see him interact with Milo in the future and see whether he changes his opinion on him, or if he somehow grows even more envious while he grows on the others.

5. Makuta Teridax (Bionicle): Yeah, Teridax here is a pretty standard villain with standard villain traits. Selfish, arrogant, wants power, views his subordinates as nothing but tools, associated with darkness, etc. The reason he has left a mark on me is because he’s not only good at what he does, he’s epic at it. They could’ve just had him be some typical dark lord type, but he ended up developing into a character that is able to plan things out to a ridiculous extent. As a result, he would always find ways to be steps ahead of the heroes, and he would even go as far as letting himself be severely defeated and letting them win if it meant achieving his ultimate endgame. Everyone was being played like a puppet, he was powerful but his manipulation and planning is what made him so competent. Oh yeah, and he ended up winning. It literally took a moon to the head to finally take him down, but even then he had already unleashed so much terror on the world that was now his.

6. Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender): I’m pretty new to VLD so I might not really be as in-depth here now, but Keith is definitely one of my favourite characters in the show. For starters, he’s just really badass. Seriously, he might be reckless at times, but at least he’s not to the point of being foolish, he’s really good at what he does. Also the whole storyline with him being Galra was really interesting, The Blade of Marmora is probably one of my favourite episodes of the show so far. I was already invested in his need for answers, but there he was willing to go to dangerous lengths to get what he wanted. At least the hell he went through was worth it.

7. Alister Azimuth (Ratchet and Clank): Most of the final bosses in Ratchet and Clank games are villains, but here it was literally the mentor character for Ratchet. Granted I’ve never been too savvy with video games, but this twist here when I first saw A Crack in Time blew me away. He’s one of the last of his entire species and has lost everyone who was ever close to him, but when he sees the chance to go back in time, he can’t help but take it. Problem is that he will rip apart time if he actually tries that. It’s actually really dramatic to fight him at the end because throughout the entire game Azimuth had been helping out Ratchet despite stuff from his past slipping into the open (oh yeah, he also feels personally responsible for unwitting helping the one to get rid of the Lombaxes), but when Ratchet and Clank tell him using The Great Clock to alter time would be dangerous, he decides to stop playing nice. He’s rough throughout the entire game, but now he’s not taking anything from anyone. He needed to go back and undo the mistakes of the past, but he had to end up fighting someone who is the son of his once best friend to do it. Granted he’s brought to his senses by the end, but he does end up dying to reverse the time travel process.

8. Connor Temple (Primeval): I don’t remember much of Primeval, but I always liked Connor. Sure, a lot of the time he was there to be goofy and provide comic relief, but he was also really intelligent and knew his stuff. It’s also cool seeing him grow more important with each series, even if in the end his technological skills almost fuck up the Earth since he was being played by the antagonists. Just a fun and cool character.

9. Max Jerry Horowitz (Mary and Max): Mary and Max isn’t a film for the faint of heart (...like me), but Max has always meant a lot to me. He was the first time I had ever seen an Autistic character that felt real, and not just some stereotype or gag. We get to know him and all of the stuff he’s been through, and you can’t help but feel for the guy. He also wasn’t afraid to be himself despite how much hell the world put him through, which is really great to see. Also yay for a character that actually supports neurodiversity in some shape or form!

10. Donna Noble (Doctor Who): Donna was the first companion I got to know on Doctor Who, and she’s still my favourite. I enjoyed seeing someone with a relationship with the Doctor that was platonic but still strong and obviously meant as much as any other kind of relationship, and she was a lot of fun. I understand some found her annoying at first, but if she didn’t start there she wouldn’t have had such great character growth, learning to grow more confident in herself and overcome her insecurities. She was really funny as well, not to mention unafraid to speak up about things. The way she left the show was absolutely heartbreaking though...

I’m not tagging anyone, but if you’re reading this an interested feel free to do this.

[elanska]

Newlyweds in atlanta, part 2 (a KHR!OC - TWD crossover, kinda. More of my research notes about camping/survivalist prepper tips, my wish fulfillment for +1 mil motorhome, and how I troll the TWD cast with my OC, and the awesomesauceness that is Hibari Kyouya, and equally awesome Kusakabe)

(oh, and also human’s conflict, because I swore I just want to mention it casually in 1-2 paragraph, and somehow there’s this wall-of-text’s Huang Shaotian’s worth of rambling about it. so most important stuff should be in next post actually)

Dude, I can't even stated the title without rambling. Okay, so summary so far:

KHR!OC stuff: (you know about Hibari and Kusakabe, the OC’s name is Kobayashi Risa) - man chase woman to usa to say 'don't go!', boarding the same airplane (y'know, like those rom-com movies) - while man fidgeting about what to say, ZOMBIES happens! awesomesauceness battle within airplane ensues! (or not actually, considering, well, it's zombies, so it's kinda curbstomp battle since Kyouya pissed enough that he didn't get to say the 'stay in namimori with me' before woman went to sleep. And then all this crowding, crying, screaming, and zombies (in that order) happens. so Kyouya annihilate the zombies and the shaken pilot decide to land the plane in nearest airport, Atlanta. - airport is having zombies problem too, so they can't get their luggage (their bags in overhead compartment cabin is fine, but not the luggage, since hey! airport attacked by zombies!). Kyouya contacted by Tsuna (Vongola must have their own satellite communication to avoid being hijacked by government or something like that) who inform him there's a global plague problem and to go to their base (USA mafia HQ seemingly either in NY or chicago). Kusakabe went to procure a car from airport rental and off they go. Security/military might try to interfere at this point, but gets ignored. They  managed to gets outside town and stuck on the highway when city gets bombed. - Risa wakes up, gets briefed by what's happen so far, and suggest they go to Bellwood Quarry since it's: 1. high vantage point and natural defense line to the slow walking undead + have water + have woods around (so shelter and probably hunting food!).

now, the start of the trolling, I meant, crossover truly began

The quarry has other people also evacuating there. 

Good points = more people means more human resources to do lots of useful stuff. 

Bad points = people are still shocked, so doesn't really want/ready to do anything and need to be prodded and since they're all strangers, there's no real chain of commands, so it's chaotic for a while (and Kyouya has deep aversion to crowds, so to not makes him goes off beating anybody, she and Kusakabe camped a bit far from them, about 100 metres away. both camp can still see each other, but not in 'oops! I carelessly stumble into your space tee-hee' range)

Quarry campsite power struggle:

when people first arriving, there's no structure of who is in charge. Hell, people are just in shock, grief, and angry, and demanding to know what just happens? Infections? virus? where's the government? where should they be going now that the city is bombed?

Risa trying to calm people down and said, "well, maybe government caught with surprise too! and not handling it very well! let's just make do with what we have on this camp. We can fortify this place while waiting for government to collect themselves, taking care of the problem and then declaring it's okay to go back home. For now, have to make do with this extensive camping trip."

She got full brunt of people's anger - complaining about government's incompetencies and what's our tax paid for, etc, etc, and now they expect them to do /their/ jobs? fucking useless, etc, etc

Risa pointed out that she's a tourist here, not government agent (no matter how snappy Hibari and Kusakabe's dressed). but let's see it this way. "Let's say that you're in the zoo, and some faulty railings make you fall into alligator enclosure. will you only stand around demanding apology for the broken railing, or will you secure yourself first by climbing up or whatever to ensure that the alligator cannot reached you?" "securing ourself is for our own benefit. You can demand apology from government later (or tax refund), but it won't do you any good if alligator chow you down because you're not doing anything to ensure your safety first" "remember, your safety comes first. so while waiting for government to do their job, let's protect ourselves first! starting with making simple DIY fences and making watch patrol"

People do it grumblingly, shoddingly, half-heartedly. Well, at least, they're working at it, but there's still grudge of being wronged somehow!TM - so their work result is varied. Some is good, some......well, let's say that Ed Peletier's work is absolute crap compared to even what children makes. It fell apart easily, and when pointed out how poor his work is and how it'll make an easy hole in camp's security, he blows out, saying "this is not my job! I don't do this stuff."

People scoffs at him, but Risa interjected, saying, "well, everyone has different talent. maybe you're more talented in being watcher or do patrol." However, she also notice that this likely to encourage other people to also start skipping and so, adding:

".......however, as we have noted earlier, each safety's first. People are expected to secure their own camp first. if they still have time and material after that, they can choose to help with what others lacking."

the implication is very clear, you can be lazy and expect for charity, but only if people have time (and willing) for it.

Protest erupts. "You can't let him get away with that!" "what if he does shoddy jobs on patrol as well?"

"we don't know that, we're all strangers here, so Ed might be very good at patrols. I meant, I can't cook." Risa said, "it'll took time to know what everybody's talent is, but for now let's work with what we have. First, we secure the area around each our own tent/camp/car. Then we make list of everyone’s here so can decide the patrol rotation. Then we also need to scout for quarry below to see if the area safe enough to get the water....."

after bombing people with all the ever-growing list of what they need to do. Risa also makes suggestion of trading between people. For example, Risa herself can't cook, but she's good at making the fence she demonstrated earlier and so can trade her 1x1 meter makeshift fence with one portion of food. If there are people who can hunting animals/food/fish, they can trade it too with what other people currently haves. This idea while supported by some, also rejected by some (namely, Dale) who thinks it's better and humane for them all to pooled their resources together instead.

Then somebody pointed out, "you don't seem bring much luggage. This whole hardwork-fencing stuff is not just your trick for getting free food, right?"

//At this time, Kyouya & Kusakabe were going away to find some camping stuff and food (they get out of atlanta without bringing any, but kusakabe remember they passed such store), so both men going out while Risa said she will try to put some semblance of order on the camp.//

"What? noooo. Just to be clear, I'm not your boss or leader of this camp. I'm just giving suggestion on survival camping since I have bit of experience, that's all. If you think making fences is a bad idea or just a tactic for me stealthily stealing your food, you have option to not doing it at all. You are the one benefitting if you're making fences around your camp since us three will make separate camp over there."

There's a bit of panic and "what? why?" but Risa reveals that Hibari and Kusakabe are in mafia and not really handling being in crowds very well, so best to separate their camps. Since Hibari and Kusakabe are having experience in dangerous stuff, their separate camp also serve as first line in defense against undead (their location a bit closer to the entry), but since the location is very big and many multiple entries/exit, your own watcher and patrol are still needed.

"Hibari (the one with short hair and bangs) especially, really, really, really doesn't like crowds. It's big peeve of his. He'll be beating you if you approach him in crowds. Talk to me or Kusakabe (you know him, the guy with amazing hairdo) if you want to say something, but don't ever crowd around Hibari. There's nothing I can do about it, there's nothing you can do about it either. Seriously, why pursuing conflict while we have bigger problem of undead menace? Separate camps = we won't thread on each other toes while helping with security while your government gathers himself. Oh, and I will be helping you with survival camping - free of charge - since you seems a bit not experienced with that."

This met with grudging approval. Until Hibari and Kusakabe returns with a van full of camping supplies (they don't think there'll be another bombing, if there are, well, they can stay in Kyouya's reverse sphere needle for a while). People are doubting the cover!mafia story 

"I think they're government agents and just making those mafia shits so they don't need to help us!" 

"Those men look foreign."

"Glenn looks foreign."

"hey, that's racist!"

"anyway, let's see what they brought."

Risa just reported to them two about separate camp which she thinks its best for everybody (the other camp are not namimori citizen (which Hibari automatically lorded over), if they don’t choose to be under him, it’ll be pain in the ass if Hibari attempted to lord them over, as he’ll need to constantly watch if they really do what he says. Pain in the neck for both side, really. so best is separate camp and show them by result). Hibari raises his brow at the crowd of people approaching behind her. Risa sighed, knowing they can't avoid from giving painful example.

"I know you're lying about that mafia shits! You're really government aren't.....!!!!" the man who said that hasn't finished his sentence when Hibari kicked him in the stomach. He usually use his tonfa, but it currently slathered with the zombies' gunk (since y'know, he and Kusakabe just raided the camping store and it's full of AWESOME zombie slayin'! Hibari might be violent, but he's not psychopath). So he reach to the downed guy, casually ripped his shirt and use it to wipe his tonfa (okay, he might be a liiiitle bit of psychopath, but his tonfa is dirty and hey! free rag material!) okay, I might be little psychopath too (but that guy just assault him vocally, so that's kind of fair)

//by the way, Hibari and Kusakabe actually took quite a great risk to head over the town so quickly, but hey, since they’re so early, other people hasn’t recovered from shock yet/still tentative to go out. They met with one clerk, who shakily told them, they can’t just rob the store. Kusakabe flashed their credit card, “you still receive payment? fine by us” (I don’t need to mention that Hibari is rich and can buy entire store, aren’t I? I think his family is old money in Namimori, adding the fact that he has Foundation and work for old mafia famiglia like Vongola, yeah, he can pretty much buy anything, but those can’t buy him love *snerk*). the clerk opt to do clever way and offers to help them picking and packing stuff they need (since he’s more knowledgeable in camping stuff) if they helped him to get to his home. Hibari contemplating this, seems waste of time, since they can just knocked him out and take the stuff if he refused to sell, yanno? but that’s daylight robbery. But Risa is alone in the quarry. The clerk cried, “my house really near! 15 minutes by car! and I can show you where the food place is along the way! You need them too, right? I...I’ll need them as well for my family”. Kusakabe whispered to Kyouya that it’s best to get food while they’re in town and a local that can show them the place, also Kobayashi should be fine since the place looks secure enough, and worse come to worse, she can hide in the car (they left the car for her, and just take random car in the highway). Kyouya glared at Kusakabe but check his watch, “pack the stuff - identically - in two separate cars. You will ride with Kusakabe. We’ll be leaving in 30 minutes.”. So they pack some awesome shits (I kinda wanted the solar powered generator, but don’t know if they’ll stock that in camping supplies store? seems pretty expensive, so probably not always in stock. OTOH, this is WISH FULFILLMENT, but damn, I want to go about survival stuff, can’t make it too easy for these guys... hmmm, hmmm, ah, I’ll keep secret of what they actually brought back in the van since it’ll give me free access of ‘experienced store clerk packed it for them’. Food place turned to be small, abandoned minimarket. The clerk there shot by people desperate enough to brave bomb threat. Clerk refuse to give, get shot, people take stuff and run, and now they’re back on second/third run? (it’s day 1 or 2 after bombing) and found the clerk reanimate and bit them, and zombies multiplied and/or drawed by the sound of scream. That’s where Kyouya arrives. Camping clerk horrified and want to go home, but Kyouya steps down from his van and proceed to CURBSTOMPED! the zombos. There’s still some stuff on the warehouse on the back (the looters just focused on clearing the shelf), so they take those (Kyouya let the camping clerk guy take the leftover stuff on the shelves. Anyway, Kusakabe told the guy, “I’ll be loading the stuff into my boss van. You load unto yours. We’re leaving once my boss finished loading, so you better pack fast.” They drop the guy in front of his apartment/house and return to quarry (no, they didn’t help to check/sweep his house for zombies, that’s not the deal and it’s his own problem. Guy have weapon from his camping store anyway and Kyouya worried about his little bird left unsupervised) 

Swore the above super loooong paragraph was just meant to be 3 sentences at best and then okay, one paragraph, but I can’t help myself! Ahem! anyway, Kyouya kicked that guy and Kusakabe follows with "it's best if you return to your camp now, people" and Risa sighed, "I'll talk to them again. I'm sorry, I think they will really listen now."

People gets angry (and scared), but they get the point by Risa basically saying 'I told you so' and what's that just now? people grumbling a bit about ‘should share the stuff’ and Risa pointed out that 'you grumbled about /me/ trying to trick you out of your stuff earlier and now you want to take our stuff???' 

She paused for an uncomfortable silence to sink in and then continue, “I'm open for trade, and after sorting the stuff I can spare, perhaps a charity. But aside from that, let's keep each of our stuff separate"

Dale openly objects that it's better for all of them to share with each other. Risa pointed out again that she didn't really want to interfere with how your camp is run, but she suggest in order to do that, everyone in this camp should give honest list of what they bring, so it can be tallied and shared with everyone. Dale can make the list and she'll help sort, arrange, and organize stuff to share between all of you ('no, I won't take anything from your camp'), but she doubt many people will like strangers going through their stuff thoroughly like that. "I think you need to familiarize yourself with each other before making decision for that. You can always donate if you think have more than enough. Anyway, you guys should continuing your work with fence making? and prepare 3-5 people in 1 hour and containers, we'll be going to quarry to fetch water. Kusakabe will help us to see if coast is clear, and dispatch the undead, if any"

//by the way, Kyouya a bit distraught since they're managed to get 3 tents and Risa said they should use one tent for dew/rainwater collection, she can sleep in the car. Kusakabe offers to sleep in the car instead. Risa rejected the idea because Kusakabe needs his restorative sleep after an exhaustive day and the car will be too cramped for him since he's tall (while she's small). Then Risa said she can sleep with Kusakabe in his tent (Kyouya sleep by his own is a firm default) since she's small and won’t take much space “don't worry! I have a little brother, so I'm pretty much used to bunk together in same tent"

Kusakabe, sensing his boss silently raging inside for not being considered for the tent-sharing (HAHAHAHAHAHA! poor guy!), saying he'll be up for guard duty anyway. 

"but.."

Kusakabe pointed out that somebody need to take watch of the surrounding so the zombies doesn't sneak by. Hibari is out of the question, and Risa had her uninterrupted 8 hours of catatonic!coma sleep condition, so Kusakabe is the one that have to be guard duty. "It's okay, I'm used to it. Lack of sleep just for one day is nothing."

Risa apologizes about her idea of separating camp and thus making Kusakabe taking this sole duty (the idea that Kyouya need to take guard duty never occured to both of them) and maybe she can ask somebody on the other camp to help relieve Kusakabe ("I'm sure I can trade something for it") but Kusakabe shakes his head, "we're not sure if we can trust them yet, so no need to do that. I'll just take a nap before guard duty tomorrow"//

Damn, I forgot about Shane and Lori on this conflict. Well, I think not all people came at the same time at the quarry, so let's just say that Shane, Lori, and Carl arrives after two camps had been separated. Were he present at this time, Shane will agree with 'your family came first!' idea then perhaps watch when Lori disagree with Risa for having selfish 'each their own' thought. Risa will clarifies that 'each their own' can still donate stuff. If you have plenty and therefore want to donate, that's nice. If you have less and still want to donate, that's super awesome. What she wants to avoid are just people forced to give up their stuff because a gang told them to. Lori pursed her lips at the 'gang' word and said about 'ways of respectful and proper society' and Risa (who admit she's part of mafia) just smiled cheerfully at her, "Great! glad to hear your camp will be fine then." (also, since Kyouya is OP-as-fuck, after the 'you're lying!' man kicked and shane move instinctually to take him down, he’ll be also downed from a casual (but lightning!quick) hit to solar plexus. and hey! two free rags for tonfa wiping!)

Lori will gets angry 'what's THAT for?' 'crowding and attempting to manhandling Hibari.' 'You're saying that man will be beating anybody that TOUCHES him?' 'sounds about right. Keep your distance and don't crowds generally okay with Hibari.' 'crazy people!' - later she would ask Shane to steer clear from the crazy trio and not do any business with them. Shane bit of angry but choose to let things go, since he's kinda believe they're from mafia, they're clearly not your usual lowly thugs, that’s for sure. I think he will try to topple the frickin mafia grasping over the camp when Rick arrives, but goodie-goodie Rick will try to talk things peacefully first, but since talking is Risa’s job, he will left disoriented and half-brainwashed 

[ramrodd]

Not the Guy You Would Have Figured (Acts 10:1-8) | TMBH Acts #43

COMMENTARY:

Here's the thing: going through your lectures to find those moments when you should literally be wearing a MAGA is like playing darts with a nerfball dartboard: it is literally a no-brainer. Anytime you are not literally wearing a MAGA hat in your series on Acts, generally. Is an exercise in false advertising in a KGB dis-information kind of way.

On the other hand, finding those moments in these profoundly self-indulgent displays of sloppy thinking as manifest by the fact that you lack the discipline to actually deliver a 10 minute commentary on your subject is less like darts than trying to pick the corn out of cowshit to make a salad for a church open dish 4th of July fire works display and prayer meeting. You would be better off spending 10 minutes, going line by line.

Try this: do a 10 minute video of John 11:35 “Jesus wept”.  This is the moment God declares Him guilty as charges and signs a warrant for His crucifixion 6 days hence. All the shit in the Bible comes down to verse. The Mundane Numerology is reduced to 1, the first station in a 9 station process of creation, like making and baking a loaf of bread. This is a standard exercise in process theology. A “chiasm” in literature is an exercise in process theology. John 11:35 is that singular moment in history when the check for John 3:16 comes due.  

History is a subset of literature, generally, and narrative, in particular. Oral history is a form of narrative  that is celebrated in Fahrenheit 451. An argument can be made that the first oral history that was committed to a Noumeal structure, such as on Egyptian artifacts and surviving architecture, was military history, which, in the context of Clauswitz, is Political History in the Aristotle metaphysics of  Aristotle. Of all the thinkers of recorded history, Jesus is the only one who argues from resurrection. And, historically, it all comes down to this climax of a chaism process.

And you're arguing with sophists like Richard Carrier and Ken Humphrey's regarding the historicity of Jesus on their terms. That's part of the reason they are winning,

Now, of course, reviewing your 2015 videos in the context of 2019 MAGA hats is analysis by anachronism. That's Richard Carrier's essential rhetorical mechanism. “If I  was God, I would have done it differently than an inundation of 40 days”. And most of your observations at the end of your videos have the same combination of egoism and anachronism. And that's when a lot of sloppy thinking gets air time.

The thing is, you don't believe in God. You believe in your parents and you've been a part of the family business since before you punched out some kid for teasing you about being a Christian, maybe a Jewish boy who challenged you regarding Messiah because you call him a Jesus killing Jew in some school yard kind of way and you have come to love the whole idea of muscular Christianity. And your apologetics are informed by your anger that anybody would not commit their lives to Jesus and get a Jn3:16 tattoo on their foreheads, although in 2016, that became a MAGA hat.

You are in the business of selling Jesus. That's the family business and selling Jesus is an American Evangelical cottage industry. I mean, you people have really made monetizing Jesus into a management science. Literary. That's what Liberty University is all about. And the paradox is that Evangelicals are doing God's work, in a Pardoner's Tale in Canterbury Tales. He admits he is a fraud but that his relics aren't. He believes in his relics because his purse is attached to them.

You're the same way. And you're good at it, in Campus Crusade for Christ/Norman Vincent Peale kind of way. But you're no Peter Marshall: Peter Marshall had exactly the kind of encounter with God that you complain you lack and the difference between him and you, as a consequence, is that you have been taught by Evangelicals like John Piper to deny the Holy Spirit as a requirement of Solo Scriptura. I mean, you people have a real fucked up idea on how this stuff works, the first being that Solo Scriptura is a substitute for the supernatural.

Here's the thing about the MAGA hats from the perspective of a combat crazed Vietnam veteran: I was scared out of a military career by an officer the same age and rank as my dad who had the same  cognitive organization as Mike Pompeo and he, Pompeo, sleeps in a MAGA hat. When I got back from Vietnam and began to form a career in the corporate culture, I was surrounded by guys just like you with MAGA hats, but not necessarily Evangelicals. The reason I ended up doing business with the Soviets was because venture capital was a way forward where you hired MAGA hats to tote the barge and lift the bale. The people that did the most to discourage US-Soviet dialogue, generally, much less commercial ventures in the federal government all wore MAGA hats, but they were recognizable and easy to isolate until Reagan came to town with three tribes of MAGA hats, the Hollywood tribe, the Miami Tribe and D. T. Reagan's Merrill-Lynch tribe of made men. Basically, the cancer growing around Nixon had morphed into a vast right-wing conspiracy who have set up shop in the GOP Deep State and depend on the MAGA hat generation to fuck things up enough that people won't notice the larceny occurring in the Oval Office.

Here's the thing, Matt, suicides among veterans is spiking because the guy running the VA is a MAGA hat guy and the spiritual sludge from him is the only thing about Trickle Down economics that actually trickles down. I use the VA all the time. There is a palpable sense of despair in the organization since Duck Ass Don's pick to privatize the agency took over.

This is really just a preamble to my comments on you lectures on Cornelius. You are just typical of the alumni of the Christian Academies establish by white bigots as part of the Massive Resistance tantrum set off by Nixon's busing policy. They were like incubators for several generations of white kids born with MAGA hat diaper and offer “Thank you for your service” as a substitute for actual participation in the Liberation Theology of the US Army.

The main character in the Book of Acts is the Holy Spirit and he's everywhere. He is the Liberation Gospel in action. Salvation is yesterday's news: the Liberation Gospel is the gathering in of all humanity in the Salvation promise of the secular humanism and rule of law of the ethic of Jesus and the example of His devotion to Duty as a servant-leader that becomes the agenda. We can reverse engineer God's Plan, historically, from Milvian Bridge, another chiasm of the historical processes Hegel will identify as a direct result of the epistemology of the Bible that leads to Isaac Newton's reconciliation of the Rational Idealism of Plato and the Empiricism of Aristotle and Kant's Categorical Imperative. Salvation was established, existentially, with the Cross, but the active progression of that process occurs at the leading edge of the Liberation Gospel and Cornelius, in 40 AD, was that leading edge 5 years before Barnabus recycles Saul in Antioch and triggers the process leading to the 13 epistles of Paul defining the ethic of Jesus to the Italian Regiment in Rome, that was synthesized by Theophilus into the manifesto of the Holy Catholic Church cited in the Apostle's Creed that emerges from Acts 10:34 – 43. And the Holy Ghost is all over everything that happens and you can't identify the supernatural, Solo Scriptura, much less your own life.

This is why the anti theist and Muslim apologists are winning: you basically agree with them, but it would be bad for business to admit it.

Here's a subject for a Ten Minute video: the 10th Legion camped on the Mount of Olives during the siege of Jerusalem, which is why Cornelius is the subject of Acts 10. It's the Holy Ghost fucking with your mind, inviting you to deny him yet again.

[jotawakening-blog]

8 Septober, 5A 169: Taking Back Pollnivneach

I start the day off by going back to the snake charmer— he’s in his usual place— and giving him some more coins in exchange for his secrets.  Sadly, though, he’s grown tired of me and will not help: instead, he tells me to go away and charm my own damn snake.  Angry, I leave and go out into the desert beside the village to find a snake.  Maybe it’s the anger, but this time, the melody I come up with works perfectly, and I get a snake to leap into my basket with minimal effort!  Before my danger noodle has a chance to run off, I take it up to Ali the Hag.  Ali takes one look at the snake, decides she’ll name it Snuggles, and tells me its poison should be just right to deliver a slow, agonising death to Traitorous Ali.  She warns me, though, that Ali might detect the poison unless I bring her one more thing: some fresh camel dung.  What?  Ew, that’s disgusting!  Still, she won’t risk giving me the poison without the dung to hide her involvement, so it’s up to me to get some.

I figure that it can’t be too difficult: I just need to go down to the camel merchant’s place and ask him for some, right?  Well, it turns out it’s very easy to start a conversation with the guy about camels, but much harder to get him to say anything about their shit.  There seems to be some modesty taboo in play that makes it a wholly inappropriate topic even for a seller of camels.  Or maybe his animals are just constipated and he doesn’t want anyone to know about this deficiency.  Anyway, I try to broach the subject, but he immediately changes the topic to the two camels I bought from him.  (I tell him they weren’t for me, but I was trying to use them to end the bandits’ feud.  ‘A noble purpose for noble beasts,’ he responds.)

I venture out into the camels’ enclosure, but despite the presence of two camels there, what dung there is on the ground seems old and stale (which would support the constipation theory).  Well, drat: I can either wait for a camel to take a dump or… maybe there’s a way to accelerate the process?

My mind goes back to the sign on the kebab store, the big one with the fire-breathing camel.  Now, what if there’s a grain of truth to the sign and the hot sauce is really hot enough to clear out a camel’s bowels?  It’s a stupid idea, but I don’t have a better one, so I go in and ask the salesman for a bottle of the ultra-spicy stuff.  At first he’s reluctant to give it to me, fearing that I’ll either reverse-engineer the recipe or slip it into the drink of the town drunk, but I persuade him that why I’m after is a camel laxative, and he agrees that it should do the job very well indeed.  Excellent!

I take the sauce over to the camel enclosure and dribble it liberally into their hay-filled food trough. ��Fortunately, the camels don’t seem to mind the spiciness when they’re ingesting the hay, but it takes mere minutes for it to shock their digestive systems into crapping all over the place.  I scoop some of the dung up into a bucket that’s lying nearby and take it back to Ali the Hag, who’s finished milking Snuggles for his venom.  She takes the dung from me and mixes it in with the raw snake venom, which results in a viscous red liquid.  I take this over to the bar, where I figure Traitorous Ali might be hanging out (indeed, he is), wait until he gets up for a moment once again, and slip the concoction into his drink, making sure no one saw me.

I don’t stick around to watch the deed be done (it would be too suspicious, though I’m sure Traitorous Ali’s managed to piss off most of the townsfolk over the years and they really wouldn’t mind my brand of summary justice that much).  Anyway, I go back to Ali the Operator, who commends my efforts and tells me I’ve earned an audience with the gang’s leader in order to discuss the group’s future plans.  In fact, the leader happens to be around: Ali points me to him, a Menaphite priest with a slightly crazed look in his eye.  I ask him what his plans are, expecting to hear something about the desert bandits.  Instead, he reveals that what his gang is striving towards is no less than world domination!  My response to that is basically ‘But you’re just a bunch of small-town bandits!’  The leader corrects me: he happens to be a high-ranking priest of Amascut, thrown out of Menaphos for attempting to murder the Pharaoh!  They are here in Pollnivneach to regroup and, in time, take vengeance and claim what they call their due.

Argh, enough!  Why do I keep running into these fucking religious fanatics seemingly everywhere I go?  There’s only one thing to do, and that’s to draw my crossbow and level it at the leader’s chest…

But an instant before I can pull the trigger, a member of the bandit leader’s entourage leaps out at me and takes the shot, then keeps me distracted while I riddle him with bolts.  This buys the Menaphite leader enough time to teleport away, yelling wildly that the world hasn’t seen the last of him or his gang!  Well, I guess that’s the end of the Menaphites’ domination of Pollnivneach, but… that still doesn’t answer the question of what happened to Ali Morrisane’s cousin!

In any case, I feel like the villagers will be grateful for my dislodging of at least one of the gangs, so I go to the mayor and tell him about what’s gone down.  To my surprise, though, the news that the Menaphites are no longer a force to be reckoned with doesn’t gladden him.  Instead, he angrily claims that my heavy-handed actions have only made the town worse-off, by removing the one check on the ability of the desert bandits to pillage everything at their leisure.  Bah— that mayor is a fool and spineless coward, but if he’s burning for me to expel the desert bandits as well, I think I can do that.  They’re a virtual rabble compared to the Menaphites!

I have a simple plan to take care of them and restore order to the town.  Convinced that it’s likely to work, I go and try it out.  I go up to the bandit to whom I offered the camel and persuade his cowardly ass that I was on his gang’s side all along, but that I didn’t work for free, and that their leader ought to pay me for my efforts.  The bandit considers this a reasonable suggestion, and gladly leads me to his boss, a grey-bearded bandit dressed in fine desert robes.  He thanks me profusely and offers me a generous reward for delivering the town to his tender mercies, and is quite surprised when I turnip down and give him my ultimatum: start packing your bags, or else.  ‘How the worm has turned!’ he cries, reminding me how supposedly inconsistent my recent acts of thievery and poisoning are with my bid for the moral high ground, but I don’t take the bait.  ‘Get packing,’ I say.

When it comes down to brass tacks, the bandit leader proves almost as cowardly than the mayor.  He threatens that he won’t leave without a fight… but rather than do his own fighting, he calls over one of his toughs to try to beat the shit out of me.  It ends… poorly for the bodyguard, and two shots to the head and torso later, he lies crumpled in a heap, his adamantite scimitar splayed out of his hand.  At that point, the bandit leader loses his composure and demands to cut a deal with me, sharing control of the town.  I tell him he’s got no such luck, at which point he turns livid and curses me for bing such a do-gooder.  ‘The villagers won’t respect you anyway!’ he yells.

It turns out he’s half-right.  The villagers don’t seem too impressed by the fact that I’ve rid them of their tyrants and tell me whatever good deeds I’ve done don’t outweigh the murder and robbery I’ve committed in the process of doing them.  Never mind that all they lost from my intervention was a lousy fifteen gold pieces!!  The mayor, on the other hand, is thankful for restoring his authority to the proper level, and says he will make sure he doesn’t screw up again with inviting gangs into the city.  Best of all, he gives me the information on the whereabouts of Ali Morrisane’s nephew that I was seeking.  It would seem that the nephew (whose name, of course, is Ali) was asked by the mayor to leave town a few days back for his own protection.  His fault, apparently, w as being too good a salesman, and persuading people to buy all manner of junk.  All perfectly legal, but the townsfolk just got more and more angry with all the money he was making them spend on useless crap, and when he somehow managed to piss off both gangs at the same time with some deal, the mayor felt that he could no longer protect him, and sent him away.  The last the mayor has heard, Ali Junior was planning to open a store, a ‘real treasure trove’, with some less-than-reputable friends of his, and he’ll be busy with that for quite some time.  Well, I guess I shall have to return to Ali Morrisane empty-handed.  What a fool’s errand this has been!

I feel like delivering the bad news quickly and moving on, so I hop on a carpet to Shantay Pass and head through the gate to the Al-Kharid market and Ali M’s stall.  There, I deliver the news that Ali’s nephew is actually so good a merchant that they ran him out of town, but now he’s got forty people working under him and is a formidable competitor.  Ali beams with pride as he hears this, and thanks me for delivering the heartening news, even if it didn’t lead to the outcome he wanted.  ‘But wait a minute’, I say, ‘Something is not adding up.  This nephew sounds exactly like you in so many ways, and I would not believe you had no idea he was a competitor of yours.  Tell me, why did you send me to Pollnivneach in the first place?  It wasn’t out of concern for the townsfolk: you’d sell your own grandmother if the price was right.  Admit it: you sent me there to drum up business for your merchant friends in town.  I bet they’re all working for you!’  ‘Well’, Ali replies, ‘You’re not as dumb as you seemed.  And I prefer to call it ‘tourism’.  Now, want to see my wares?’

Damn, if that wasn’t the strangest adventure I’ve been on in a while.  Almost as strange as that dream I had about cabbages.  I’m not sure I gained much from it, except a token reward of 500 gold from Ali Morrisane for removing his business from the threat of bandit extortion, and the experience of being a much more impudent thief than I’d ever dared before.  

Well, it’s early afternoon and I’m in Al-Kharid.  After the events of the past few days, I kind of feel like taking a break from all the high-strung adventuring… and it just so happens that the circus is in town, to let me do just that!  As usual, they’re short on performers and let me in for free on the condition that I do some stunts for them!

And so I begin, with the eyes of Al-Kharid on me.  The first event I participate in is the shooting event, which doesn’t go too well: I’m quite out of practice with how the event is supposed to work, and miss the target more often than I hit it— including at some distances where I really should have succeeded!  Damn it all, eh?  Fortunately, the magic show goes a lot better, since I let the audience guide me to do the tricks they want to see, and even if I don’t succeed at each trial, the crowd appreciates my efforts.  Finally, there’s the tightrope, which goes a bit worse than the archery, mainly because I’m not confident enough to try anything really scary.  Still, performing is always fun, and even though Balthasar Beauregard pays in clothes, what girl can resist having more outfits?

By the time I leave the circus, it is almost evening, and there’s not much else I’ll be able to do today save strategise and plan.  And as much as I think it wouldn’t be a bad idea to leave the desert behind and get on with the rest of the stuff in my life, the temperature of my enchanted key seemed to suggest that there might be treasure in the southwestern part of the Kharidian Desert, where I haven’t yet been.  So I’m of a mind to go on a little trip in that direction and see where and what it gets me.

[reesesxxpieces-blog]

Chapter Eighteen : Rhys’ birth and John’s stabbing

Spencer A day of shopping had resulted in the purchases of clothes, furniture on order for later that week, essential items, and then some.  Nearly everything the registries stated they needed was either on hand in the back of her car or on order to arrive later that week; the hope being that the offer on the house would be accepted that day and perhaps the house would be finalized by the end of the week and none of the bigger stuff would ever have to see the inside of Judas’ place.  A little retail therapy had gone a long way for the woman after the atomic bombs dropped the night before at where the house was coming from.  The thought would only enter her mind from time to time, but always pushed away quickly as this day was all about getting ready, finally.  In the beginning of the day, she was moving quickly.  By the middle of the day, it was considerably slower.  Each hour reduced the speed at which she could manage, as well as tightened her hold on John’s hand for stability.  With lunch missed, she would blame it on that, realizing far later than usual that the meal had been passed over.  As the pair left the last place they set out to go, Spence paused at the passenger’s side of the car, her hand to the framework before getting in.  She’d spent days having small contractions, all of which the doctor had assured was her body’s natural way of preparing for child birth.  Slow deep breaths would see her through in just a couple of minutes, as they had all day long, and she’d be good to go again.  Though they were more frequent today, she’d chalk it up to just the sheer amount of energy exerted throughout the massive shopping trip.  A minute later, she slipped into the car, waiting for John to finish putting the bags into the back of the car so they could try to find something to eat.

John Neither of them seemed to be particularly hungry. Not noticing the lost meal considering the past few days various stress factors. Though it wasn't unlike either to completely forget the need for food which seemed of little importance. Getting the bags loaded into her car, ever grateful for the vehicle considering this trip would have been interesting with the man's motorcycle as his sole means of transportation. Closing the trunk, he slipped into the drivers side. Starting the car and the AC to combat the inevitable for the comfort of his wife. Glancing over towards her. "You alright?" He asked, having learned once that contractions were a consistent reminder at the end of pregnancy of what was approaching.

Spence As he joined her in the car, she offered a nod of her head as her hand found his thigh.  “I’m good,” she promised.  The spell had been longer than the others that day, but nothing she couldn’t sustain.  Viewing them as an introduction to what child birth may feel like, which was a good thing as she had been weighing her options as to whether or not to allow the administration of an epidural at all.  She’d need that high pain tolerance and the reminder that it wouldn’t last long if she were to actually go through this in natural form as she was highly leaning towards.  “Hungry, but good,” she added with a wide smile, gently nudging her elbow against his side as if to insist they find something to eat sooner rather than later.  “Unless there’s anything else you can think of that we need?”  Her question was honest as John had more experience in this department than she did.  All she could do was go based on lists upon lists, with no real time experience.  It seemed as though the essentials and then some were covered, strange things purchased she never would have thought of, yet she would make no secret of her lack of knowledge on the subject.  An only child who had only been in the presence of children on cases aside from the few nights they had been able to snag River in the last six months or so, the coming weeks would be interesting to say the least.

John "Yeah, we need a baby." He remarked honestly, as Rhys seemed to be the only thing missing for it all. Feeling her prod to his side. Knowing he'd have to feed the woman and the local diner seemed to be their normal go to unless she was feeling something different. "Honestly, I think we are good but I'm sure there will be shit once he's finally here." He remarked, thinking it was an inevitable happening that no one escaped. "So what are you feeling?" He asked curious, hand willing the car into reverse.

Spence As he mentioned them needing a baby, she could only smile as she brought her free hand there against her stomach.  Four days past due didn’t look so great on the woman and she was feeling every day of it.  “Someone is taking their time because their daddy asked them to hold out,” she reminded him as they were still waiting on the call about that offer on the house.  “Maybe he just wanted to make sure we had the stuff to take care of him first?”  She teased, though she was rather sure this baby was just doing things his own way, just like his mom and dad.  As he asked her what she was feeling, she instantly spoke.  “Mexican.  Spicy Mexican.”  Sex, spicy foods, and walking were all part of her mindset at this point as the three things seemed to induce labor and despite John’s asking Rhys to hold out, her discomfort was winning that war.  “Set my mouth on fire hot Mexican,” she added, nodding her head slowly as if to convince him.  All at once, her hand there at his thigh tightened as she leaned her head back against the headrest sustaining another round of contractions.  Each set growing worse than the ones before, yet she couldn’t estimate the timing between them.  “Salsa verde,” she added, attempting to keep that conversation going despite the insane tension in her lower abdomen.

John "Yeah, well...I wasn't expecting any kid of mine to actually listen." He pointed out honestly as that was a happening neither of them could predict. Hearing her follow up suggestion, he nodded. "Not difficult to imagine this kid is going to be just as much of a spoiled brat as his mom." He accused, hearing her fall into the choice of Mexican. He had to smirk as she continued her thought. Knowing just the place. "Yeah? What else?" He ventured, seeking to distract her on the topic of food as he pulled out of the parking lot.

Spence His mention of the child being a brat like her would get nothing more than a cut of her eyes, though a look that could kill in that moment.  She couldn’t be too mad, considering she knew it was partially true, but she’d still let that look linger as he attempted to continue this distraction.  “Tri-colored chips, but you have to eat the black ones,” she continued, never quite able to get over the look of them to be able to enjoy them.  “And chile rellenos.”  Her grip to his thigh became tighter until all at once she drew her hand back, a long deep breath there at her lips as she turned her head to the side to look in his direction.  Her voice altogether calmer as she added to her requests.  “Beef enchiladas, no guac, extra salsa con queso.”  A sigh passed her lips as she had an unsettled feeling come over her.  “This might be a list for another day,” she confessed as already she was feeling another tightness rising in her lower abdomen.  There was no need for timing contractions when they were now coming one on top of the other.  

John "You are racist." He accused at her refusal to eat the black chips as they all tasted the same in his mind. Willing to bet that there was no difference down to the ingredients. Hearing her continue, he was cutting his eyes to her to the side. About to ask if she was sure before she re-evaluated her priorities. Coming to the front of the parking lot where he stopped. Prepared to make that turn. "Time for the hospital bags?" He asked, not sure whether she'd rather go home and try to relax for a bit or be right off to the races as his hand reached down for hers. Locking his fingers with hers.

Spence “I am not racist!  They taste different!”  She argued, fixating on that topic even as the tension grew in her lower abdomen.  Immense pressure was felt at her very core, but she couldn’t be sure if this was just a false alarm.  “Eat a red one and then a black one and you tell me…” stopping mid-sentence as she felt his fingers there between her own, wrapping her fingers around his as her hand squeezed hard in his.  Breathing wasn’t cutting it this time as she let her eyes find his.  Confusion there within her hues as she didn’t know what to do.  She didn’t want to cry wolf, but there was no denying this child was making his appearance in the near future, with or without a house to go home to locked down.  “I think…” she attempted, yet unable to finish that sentence as she leaned her head back again, eyes falling closed, doing all in her power to swallow down the pain, yet falling to the conclusion that it was more than likely time.  Nodding her head, she didn’t attempt to speak another word, agreeing it was time for those bags, if there was even time for that.

John Meeting the look in her eyes, he knew. The two, fortunately, had a form of non verbal communication that worked more times than not when the bottom fell out of the verbal kind. This would be no exception. "Fuck the bags, I can get Judas to bring 'em up." The two were not verses enough on this to play it by ear. It was her first pregnancy and he was hardly an expert. Hearing her speak, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Directing her to grip him through the pain as he flipped on the turn signal towards the hospital and applied his foot to the gas. Cutting into the middle lane and through a green light, allowing the car to come to speed.

Spence In the midst of everything happening fast around them, all her mind could go to was that which Judas had heard the night before.  An event that might have put things into motion in this instant, and yet all she could do was shake her head.  She had successfully dodged seeing him that morning and the idea of coming face to face with a man who had heard that which belonged solely to John would still disturb her.  Just as she was about to argue it, a cry came forth from her lips as the pain became sharper and more focused.  No longer did it matter who saw or heard what.  With his direction there, she focused herself on the grip to his hand, allowing her pain to flow through the limb to inflict only a small percentage against his hand.  As he shifted the car between other vehicles, making quick work of rerouting them, she’d agree to anything at this point if it meant they could get through this as quickly as possible.  No amount of reading or hospital tours could have provided her ample insight as to what this would feel like in the moment; as though her insides were being ripped apart by a child hellbent on taking her down in his declaration of life.  Breathing be damned as there was no room for it, pressing her free hand to the side of her stomach as she normally would do so to play with the child, only this time begging him silently to just stop for a few more minutes.

John "Breathe, Spence. Focusing on it is only going to make it worse. Breath and talk to me." He added, another squeeze of her hand. Knowing she could do better then that. Side eyeing her. His eyes back to the road. He had to stay calm for her, to talk her through it. He knew his position here and to get nervous would further make her nervous. Truth be told, he had every ounce of faith for the woman and her strength. Now he had to complete her task. To get them to the hospital and get her through it as easily as possible.

Spence It was easy enough to say to breathe, it was something else entirely to attempt to do it.  But the man was right.  Focusing on that which was happening was only amplifying everything, though she didn’t have enough sense about her in the moment to think that way.  Needing it to be pointed out, she nodded her head, drawing in a breath though it would bring her no relief in the slightest.  Again, no relief.  “It isn’t fucking working!”  She declared, the contractions just too strong.  If breathing wouldn’t work, perhaps talking would, but what was there to talk about exactly?  “This is the point that I’m supposed to tell you to call people, and maybe there are people, but I don’t want them, okay?  I want me and you and Rhys and that’s it.  I don’t want my mother and I don’t want my father and I don’t want your mother and I don’t want anyone in that place that has anything to do with anything.  I just want us.  Okay?  Can you promise me?  Judas brings a bag and he leaves.  I just want us.  Promise me?”  Finding something to focus on, though it might not have been the best time to iron out this little request of hers, but it was the first thing in her mind.  If she was isolated from her family, then they could find out through the grapevine that this child had been born.  She didn’t want them there.  Nor did she want anyone else who hadn’t been around or at all supportive.  Judas literally stood as the only exception to that, yet that which he had heard the night before had put the woman on edge as to him being anywhere in the vicinity should he hear her scream, knowing damned well he had heard a scream or more the night before.  Just beyond that focus, a deep breath was found, forced to happen as she exhausted her breath to speak, not quite realizing yet that this was why those two things would work together.  Another deep breath and the pain started to ease a little, evident in her hand finally loosening in his slightly.

John "Okay, okay." He agreed, willing to give her whatever she wanted in that moment. He'd call the presses or remain radio silent. Whatever she wanted, she'd get. A rare opportunity with John get her pregnancy and labor had earned her such. "I tell Judas and he leaves. Just you and me." Demonstrating that he understood. What happened afterwards would be debatable. Not to mention whether River would be brought to meet his brother. Bringing her hand to his lips, he kissed her knuckles. Another green light as the hospital began creeping into view.

Spence Hearing John agree to that which she asked for would bring a weak smile to her features.  “Please don’t hate me for it,” she asked, the emotional side of the woman slipping through there in the moments beyond the pain.  “If you want someone there, they can be there, but just… not where they can see or hear or anything… a waiting room or outside the hospital awaiting your call… but just I don’t want to know, but you get a say too and that’s not fair for me to say no one.  It’s not just my choice.  I don’t want to be a bitch, I just want it to be us.”  Attempting to meet him halfway, knowing there might be people he would want there to meet his son soon after the birth, allowing her own feelings of abandonment to take over moments before yet she would attempt to rectify them now.  Feeling that kiss of his lips to her knuckles, she tilted her head to the side as she looked over to him.  “Will you stay though?  No matter what?  And forgive me for anything I say or do and tell me you love me even though people might hear you?  I’m going to forget public code words and I’m going to out it if you are there but I want you there and I don’t want you not there, but will it be safe and okay if they hear that?  If I can’t keep it inside?”

John "Oh, stop." Seeking to stop that rant about what he wanted before it even started. He shook his head through it all. He didn't surround himself with people. He was a loner through and through. The only person he stood close to was his brother and she had already made her feelings very clear on that. A vacant waiting room would be more hurtful to her then it would be to him yet he knew it would damage his brother beyond repair to not be told. He had opened his doors to them, did everything he could to make them comfortable, offered his time and money and to not be told when Rhys was born would be a blow he wasn't sure the two would ever recover from. Those thoughts retreated for the time being. Hearing her ask if he'd stay and her onslaught of questions. "You got nothing to worry about." He added simply, besides from the obvious, of course.

Spence “John, I have everything to worry about.”  Her statement was honest as she was saying so many things and thinking so many other things and in the midst of it all a child was coming into a world that was too dangerous for ‘I love you’.  A place where they had to rely on code words and nonverbal cues to one another.  A place where family wasn’t family, but family was the enemy.  A place where people paid people off to make them disappear.  Where heartache was bought and paid for to manipulate those they claimed to love.  A child was being brought into a world sicker than most.  Not once in her entire pregnancy had the weight of that fallen upon her shoulders until that very moment as the hospital was in view ahead and her husband sat reassuring her she had nothing to worry about.  Only then would she realize just how much there truly was to worry about.  Falling silent, she didn’t trust herself to speak any further.  Instead just keeping her hand there in his as she did her best to rest between the sets of contractions before the next would set in.  

John "No, not now you don't. All the other shit don't matter. I love you, I love him. I will stay with you, hold nothing against you and be there every step in the way. You are going to see after he is born how everything will change. All the shit that seemed important, won't be. All your energy and focus will be on him and all the politics and bullshit won't matter. It'll just be the three of us." He stressed, knowing she'd just have to wait and see how this would work. To look back and tell him that he was right. "Only thing you gotta concern yourself with is this baby. The rest will work itself out." He added, car approaching the hospital.

Spence As if he knew she needed to hear those things, spelled out for her in long form, to have those words to hold on to, they came forth from the only person she knew she could trust anymore.  “I just want us to be happy, John.”  A confession there at her own lips.  A promise she had offered him a year ago, yet couldn’t be sure she’d ever fulfilled.  An oath to pass a naïve woman’s mouth as she promised something in a world she didn’t rightfully understand.  Words that should have held hope, words that she meant beyond any others she’d ever speak, and yet after seeing the hell on the inside, she wasn’t sure anyone within had ever seen happy, nor could she be sure that they ever would, despite her best efforts.  There had been that bit about her, right up until the time her father made her a business transaction.  Within her, fighting like hell, was a little boy who might change all of that, or it would be one more person for her to try to show happy to, yet fall on her face in the process.  Her spirits were up and down, but she was wise enough to keep her mouth shut on the matter, if only for the onset of another set of contractions that would tighten within her.  John’s name came forth from her lips as she gave in to the pain as it took her, shaking her head as she leaned forward, hand finding the seatbelt to unfasten it.  As if she had been through this before, she just knew, they were out of time.  

John Hearing her statement, he remembered once the confidence in her voice as she told him that he would know happy. That they would know happy. Now she understood the life he led. The way the world treated him. How hard happiness would be to achieve. "We will be." He returned, just in time for another set of contractions as he drove the car in front of the emergency room doors. Figuring this to be the easiest and quickest way to get themselves inside of the maternity ward. Shifting into park. "Wait until I get to the door to move." He stated, pulling out of the drivers side.

Spence His assurance was one she wanted to believe in.  She had once been so sure she could show him happy and there were moments she thought it was close enough to taste, yet they would be stolen almost as soon as they had shown themselves, never allowing the couple to feel true happiness for too long before something else came along to steal it.  Up until now, they only had themselves to worry about.  River was safe with his grands.  But now, adding a baby into the mix, she wasn’t so sure they could do what needed to be done for him.  She knew either of them would die trying, yet what kind of life would the child have without one or both of his parents?  As John got out of the car, coming around to her side, she reached for her door handle, opening it just in time for him to be right there.  “John… I don’t want to do this… he’s safe inside… but if he comes out… he’s not safe anymore.  I don’t want to do this.”

John Hearing her statement, he shook his head. A nurse meeting them outside with a wheel chair, brakes applied as he reached in for her hand to help her out under her own power though he was prepared to shift her legs. Visible by his other hand helping her negotiate her legs. "He will be safe." John promised as it was a little too late for all this. "He's certainly got a lot more goin' for him then I did." He reminded her, in a round about way of reminding her that he could be worse off. "Two parents provide a blanket, a shield. We got this, Spence. You just gotta trust me. Think you can do that?"

Spence It was a little late for her to suddenly be thinking she didn’t want to do this, but it was all happening so fast.  The call hadn’t come in for the offer to be accepted.  Rhys was already walking into this with no grandparents and no true family unit to be seen outside of herself and John.  She was definitely worried about what that would look like and how they would do this and manage to keep the child safe, but as he asked her to trust him, she’d nod her head as her hands met his shoulders, coming forth from the vehicle.  “I trust you,” she promised easily as there were no truer words than those in that moment.  He was the only person she trusted and there was a part of her that didn’t mind that one bit.  As she felt the wheel chair to the back of her thighs, she eased down within it as her hands fell from his shoulders.  It would take but a moment for the nurse to turn the chair, instantly drawing for information from Spencer while in route to the double doors of the emergency department.  Name, how far along she was, how frequent the contractions were.  All the while, the contractions were coming stronger and stronger, her hands gripping to the armrests of the chair, digging her nails against the padding as she answered between contractions.

John Helping her physically was easy but emotionally took some effort. Still, he knew what he had to do for her. A more model spouse would not exist here. Helping her down into the chair before the nurse was taking over. Closing the door of the passenger door. He'd be back in a minute as he hopped into the drivers side, leaving her to her own devices for a moment as he found a parking spot a few feet away. Shooting Judas a text that he'd need those bags as he was walking into the hospital to catch up with her. Keys in hand.

Spence The next few minutes would be a complete whirlwind as Spencer was taken through the emergency department directly to the labor and delivery unit without a stop along the way.  While John parked the car, an i.v. was started, her arm band was applied with one matching for John’s wrist as soon as he would return.  Once brought into the delivery room, the nurse was helping Spencer to the table where her lower half was exposed and a sheet was draped across.  Within minutes she was checked only to find the baby’s head already within the sight line.  While medical professionals were calling things out around her, it became clear there would be no long build up here.  All of the contractions she had pushed throughout that day had led to this moment as she laid on the table, feet in stirrups, as true fear set into her hues.  Her choice for an epidural was never prompted as it was simply too late.  “We have to wait for John,” she pleaded, to which the doctor was quickly telling her waiting for anything was no option here but that he would be directed to her room the moment he returned from parking the car.  Being told to push on three, she shook her head no, simply refusing to proceed without the man there at her side.  

John A nurse was quick to intercept the man, guiding him to the proper room and giving him the run down of how all this was going. Shocked to find that she was this far along and grateful he had changed his mind about stopping for bags figuring they still had several hours to work with. Entering the room already thick with activity, he was finding her side as his hand reached out for hers. Eyes finding the doctor who he'd have to trust with her life and the life of his son. No further waiting needed as he leaned in, pressing his lips to her forehead.

Spence The moment John appeared in the doorway of the room, she could feel his presence there.  In a room filled with strangers, all calling out medical terms left and right, he was her rock.  As he found her side, leaning over her to press his lips to her forehead, her hand swept to the back of his neck.  An off comment from the doctor, asking if she’d agree to push now that he was there, she nodded her head as she lowered her hand from his neck, exchanging that hold to add to their already joined hands.  Two nurses lifted her ankles from the stirrups, bringing them to the crease of their shoulders as instructions were given for her to push against them, she tightened her hold on John’s hand, literally grasping his single hand with both of hers.  The idea of pushing was foreign, and yet she naturally knew what to do as her body demanded it happen now.  A ten count was given from the doctor, to which she was to push throughout.  A place where a scream would be expected, the woman focused all energy into that push, without the need to exhaust herself in the scream.  As the number ten passed the doctor’s lips, she was told to relax for a couple of minutes and they would try again.  Tears passed her eyes as the pain radiated through her, not wanting to take that break, but feeling the need to keep going.  

John Feeling her grasp his hands, he wanted to feel her pain. That pain. To know that she was not the only one suffering here. It was arguably the most useless feeling as a man to stand here in attempt to help while knowing he could only do so much. Watching as her ankles met the stirrups as it was go time. Listening to the doctor before the woman put her all into that push and was given a break. He used his free hand to brush her hair from her eyes. Reaching down to brush away her tears, sure there would be more as the pressure had to be immense but he'd be sure to wipe away each one. "Keep breathing." He reminded her softly, keeping his eyes on hers as he hovered just a few inches above her face. Giving her that space yet the ability to lean into him.

Spence Blocking out all of the sounds in the room aside from John right there before her, it gave her the ability to pretend it was just them, as she had wanted.  All she’d ever wanted was just the two of them, without any fuss or outside involvement.  The two did best when they just did things their own way and though in this circumstance, they needed the medical professionals gathered at her feet, she needed him.  While he remained close, the sound of another telling her it was time to go again, that one more strong push should do it, she released his hand as she grasped for his neck again, pulling the man closer as she found comfort in that place there against the curve of his neck.  A place she had buried herself a million times before would now be used as she heard the ten count begin again.  Her nails there to his neck unintentionally as she bore down, forcing the child’s shoulders through as the feeling of complete relief followed as all tension was suddenly gone.  Her hand remained there to his neck as she leaned back against the pillow of the bed, finally able to take full deep breaths as the child was held in the gloved hands of the doctor, slightly lifted upwards as a nurse suctioned his mouth and nose.  Scissors were offered in John’s direction by the nurse, offering him the honors of severing the tie between mother and child as those first screams echoed through the delivery room from the lungs of a healthy baby James.  Tears filled Spencer’s eyes as she eased her hand down from John’s neck, allowing him the freedom to do what was his right as well as receive the child for the first time the moment he was wrapped in a blanket.

John His palm found the hospital bed as she gripped at him, allowing the full body grip as her nails found his skin. Encouraging her. Feeling it intensify before falling, feeling her lean back as the sound of his cries filled his ears. Just as he had hoped. Loud, abrasive, strong. He smiled softly, pressing his lips to her forehead. "You did it." He reminded her, the mere sounds of his cry forcing moisture to his eyes. Reaching up where he wiped off her tears before his own. A moment of time with her before he would be wrapped up in the baby. Pulling back only slightly as his eyes found the baby for that first time. The most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Bright eyed and aware. Healthy. Already his hopes had been answered as his chord was clamped off and he was offered the scissors. With the doctors instruction, he made the cut and severance into the tissue. A nurse following behind a moment later where he was wrapped in his own blue blanket and offered to him. The man smiled softly as he glanced down into the contents of that blanket, offered him as he formed his arms to receive him. Aiding the nurse in the smooth transition as he kept his eyes down towards the aware little man. Tears only welling further, unable to help himself at his most vulnerable as he did not steal him too long by himself. Pressing a gentle kiss to his head before he was stepping back towards Spence.

Spence In those moments directly after, Spencer watched as John took the baby into his arms, seeing emotion there on his face as she felt the same falling from her own eyes.  It was perhaps the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen to see a child taken from her own body and placed into the arms of the man she loved.  The two most important people in the world right there at her side, transitioning them from a couple to a family.  Within seconds she felt herself start to tremble, the shock of the birth taking a moment to set in on her.  Lifting one hand to John’s side, not wanting to hold the baby herself for fear she would drop him, yet joining in that moment with him as they met their son for the first time.  “We did it,” she finally corrected through that raspy tone of hers, confirming this was not a one person job in the slightest.  She couldn’t have done it without him, of that she was sure.  A nurse stood by, waiting to bring the child to have his vitals officially checked with the promise of returning him within minutes, as Spence’s needs were handled beneath that sheet.  “He’s so little…” she whispered honestly as she wasn’t quite sure she’d ever seen a baby so tiny or perhaps it was just that he appeared as such against his father’s broad chest.  Lifting her hand from John’s side to find a tiny foot there beneath the blanket.  A foot that she had played with for the last several weeks, she pressed her palm against the bottom of his foot, just as she had a million times before.  The continued echo of the baby’s cries continued throughout the room, by far the best sound she’d ever heard in her life.  Nothing like that which she had expected, far higher pitched than any child she’d ever heard crying in a store or office.  That call to life as he let his arrival be known.

John “I don’t know how much I did…” he confessed, watching the nurse let them have their moment as he remained holding the baby instead of handing him off to her. Understanding her hesitation. Hearing her mention how little he was, he had to smirk softly. He was a tiny little guy as they were all supposed to though he’d be curious to see what he came out to. Watching her seek out his foot as he continued at it. A bit startled and John could understand that. “His war cry…” he noted, free hand hooking his finger just at the blanket underneath of his chin. Palm gently resting over his chest as his fingertip grazed the baby’s cheek. The soft skin as he attempted to comfort him the best way he knew how. Knowing that his time was drawing thin before he’d have to separate from him for what would seem like an eternity.

Spence “I love it,” she whispered in regards to that cry.  The cry that signified everything was okay and their first attempt at protecting him had been a success.  Feeling the push of the baby’s foot to her palm brought a tired laugh from her lips as it resembled the game the two had played before as she watched John there attempting to comfort the little one.  John’s entire hand seeming to span the contents of that blanket as the nurse came closer, her own hand slipping beneath the baby’s bottom to signify they needed to take him for stats and to clean him up now.  “He’ll be back,” she offered to John, expecting him to be hesitant to let the child out of his sight.  “Ya know, why don’t you go with him?  I’m alright,” she promised, urging John to stay with Rhys or as close as he could, knowing neither of them would be incredibly comfortable without the child now that they had been with him.  “I’ll feel better knowing he has you,” she added, her hand slipping there against John’s for a firm squeeze in an attempt to convince him she was sure.

John A tempting offer yet as the nurse slipped off, he’d have to be parted with him for the moment. Allowing her to take him yet, she was on the clock as he found her side. “I’m sure they’ll take good care of him.” he commented honestly, pressing his lips back to her forehead as his fingers brushed another wayward piece of hair behind her ear. Lips finding her temple a moment later as he took her in. Finding a new love and appreciation for the woman who was now both his wife and the mother of his no longer “unborn” child. Pulling back only when he was lifting his fingers at the collar of his shirt, dragging it over his face to wipe the fallen tears from his face.

Spence As he opted to stay with her over going with Rhys, she couldn’t even be mad.  Feeling him come over her once more as he had in the heat of the moment not too long before, that kiss to her forehead now meaning so much more than it ever had before.  As he pulled back, lifting his shirt to dry his eyes, she could only look up towards him with a tired smile.  It was a rare occurrence to see such expelled from his eyes, and yet she couldn’t think of a more appropriate time for such a thing to appear.  A small hand to the hem of his shirt as she tugged at the fabric, willing him to come down to her once more.  The room began to empty out, leaving just the two of them within with the promise of their son being returned to them shortly, she offered a nod of thanks to the doctor and nurses as they slipped out of the room.  “I didn’t say I hated you or anything, did I?”  She teased with a questioning tone to make sure, the last half hour a complete blur in her mind, although she was fairly certain that kind of thing only happened on bad t.v. shows.  

John Leaning forward and towards her, he heard her question and shook his head. “Not yet.” he remarked honestly, as there was still the task of dealing with a newborn and her healing process ahead of them which would be no easy task. He’d allow a bit more time onto the clock and her window to open. Taking in a breath as the moment settled with them. Everything had changed now. He couldn’t help but to think that going forward, nothing would be the same. Just that quickly, the window had slammed shut. None of the other shit mattered but the three of them. “How’s your head feeling?'

Spence His remark of not yet would bring a smirk to her lips, though she couldn’t imagine it got any worse than that which her body had just undergone.  With Rhys only gone for mere minutes, she was already ready for him to be brought back to them, proof to the fact that everything had in fact changed drastically.  “Like the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life,” she remarked honestly, though a suitable amount of pain meds would likely be offered in the near future to take care of just that, as well as any other number of pains she wouldn’t mention in that moment.  “How’s your hand feeling?”  she asked, only able to imagine how much she had inflicted there as well as the back of his neck, transferring her pain through him in the heated moments that led to the child’s arrival.

John Quite meaning to ask about her mental state, he’d let her have that. Was she feeling better, was it still a doomsday scenario? Did she understand what he meant by it all changing? It was a conversation for another day. “Tired?” he asked, knowing that had to be mixed in there somewhere and knowing she’d soon be rolled out of the delivery room once the doctors were done with her and she’d be able to get some medicated rest. Brushing the back of his fingers over his hairline, hearing her ask about his hand. A shake of his head. Not comparable. “I’m fine.”

Spence As he asked if she was tired, it was a given.  Answered with the nod of her head, she confirmed the fact for him beyond the shadow of a doubt.  Perhaps the most exhausted she’d ever been in her life, but she’d play it down if only for his benefit.  “A little, but I’m alright.”  Hearing him confirm his hand was alright, she trusted it to be truth as the man was about the strongest individual she’d ever met in her entire life.  Something to aspire to.  Something she had kept in mind during those pushes as she refused to scream out in pain.  She’d be stronger, as she could only imagine he would be.  Never telling him just what an inspiration he was to her in those moments as he endured something of his own there, watching her in pain, only able to begin to imagine what that must’ve been like for him.  “Never got my salsa verde, though,” she teased, releasing the hem of his shirt where she had tugged a moment before, covering her mouth as a yawn passed her lips.

John "You will...your first big meal back." He seemed to promise, giving her something to look forward to. Another kiss to her forehead before the nurse was returning with the boy intact. Cleaned up and tightly swaddled. Finally calmed and looking just as tired as his mother as the nurse handed him off. "21 inches, 8 pounds." She concluded, causing John to look down. Having not expected that as he glanced back over towards Spence. "So he's little yet not all at once." He confirmed, looking down into those light eyes. No way of knowing whether they'd stay or go yet he was quite relieved to find his hair was much darker than his. Another thing that may change yet John had been transparent about the fact that he hoped Rhys would take more after his mother.

Spence Hearing that promise, he’d receive a tired smile from his wife as she laid there against the bed just as their son was brought back in.  As the stats were quoted, she was quite surprised as he didn’t look 8 pounds.  Just the sound of it made her wonder how he had passed through her, although it did explain why she couldn’t sleep the last few weeks as the boy was truly running out of room within his petite mother.  The nurse explained that within the next few minutes they would have her transferred into a room where the family could room in together over the next twenty-four hours, at which point as long as everything was good with mother and child, both could be discharged as soon as the twenty-four hour mark was passed.  It sounded a little too good to be true until it settled in on her that they hadn’t heard about the offer on the house yet, and the plan had always been to bring him to his permanent home.  Needing to believe that would work itself out, she released a deep breath, thanking the nurse as she left the three of them to their own devices until her room was ready.  “If you promise you won’t let me drop him…” she prompted, her way of letting him know she wanted to hold the baby for the first time, even if she didn’t trust herself to do so quite yet.  

John "I won't let you drop him." He promised in return but knew she would not. Yet, knowing it was important for him to know his mother. Her scent, her warmth. To bond with her as nature intended. Glancing down to find that his eyes were beginning to close. Exhausted from the journey as his eyes were back to hers. Reading her comfort level and what all she was prepared for.

Spence Hearing that promise from John’s lips, she knew she could trust him to make sure that didn’t happen.  The last thing she wanted was for that slight tremble she was experiencing to harm their baby in any way, but the desire to hold the child, to view his tiny face up close, was just too much to ignore any longer.  Her hand slipped to the side of the bed, pressing the button that would allow the upper part of the bed to sit upwards where she could provide more stability to be able to hold him.  Once the incline was at a place she was comfortable with, she brought her hands just beneath where John held him, one where his head could rest, the other to support his bottom as she brought the bundle into her chest, looking down on the sweetest face for the first time.  Her smile was instantaneous as she took in that mixture of her own features and John’s.  “Hi, Rhys,” she whispered, bringing her lips to the little one’s forehead, pressing a soft kiss there that she would hold for a moment, referring to him by his given name for the first time face to face.  As she lifted from that kiss, her eyes were instantly to John’s, never before a fuller smile on her face as this moment right here made it all worth it.  “We made this,” she marveled as if she couldn’t fathom just how it had all happened, truly in awe of the little one there in her arms.

John Handing off the baby as his hands supported her arms, reaching for a spare pillow to the side of the bed. Guiding one gently under that arm of hers that supported his head. Assuring he was supported and she was comfortable. Hearing her speak his name for the first time. Placing a face to the name. "We did." He agreed as he leaned his shoulder to the side of her bed. "Worth the 9 months, huh?"

Spence “Absolutely worth the nine months,” she confessed easily as in that moment, she’d take back every complaint over a sleepless night or her clothes not fitting or the emotional rollercoaster she’d put them both through.  Instantly, it was all more than worth it.  As she looked down at him, she could silently promise him to never hurt him in any way, and to never put her own pride over his happiness.  There in those moments of holding him, seeing their flesh and blood up close for the first time, it would settle fully on her the sins of her own father.  As she looked down into her son’s eyes, the tears welled up in her own.  Her tears could easily be mistaken for joy by any who would see them, and perhaps some were for that fact, yet the thoughts wouldn’t leave her of how her father could attempt to ruin this, to take away something his own daughter loved.  With the support of that pillow beneath her arm, she brought her other to John’s.  Linking her fingers through his as she gripped his hand tightly.  Finally speaking words she had imagined herself to say in the process or even immediately after.  Instead, they were reserved for a time the three of them shared the room for the first time completely alone.  “I love you.”  The statement offered as she leaned her head against the man, not taking for granted this first true moment as a family until she’d realize the family was not complete.  “You want to call for River?  He should be here,” she whispered, eyes glancing to John’s, knowing it would take a lot for John to make that call that ordinarily she would make, only hoping River’s grandmother would be receptive to this idea as the only way this was complete was with John and both of his sons there together.

John Watching as the new mother linked into the child she had carried for these nine months was an experience he could only marvel at. Nat wasn't like this. Not even a little bit. The bond had not been made. Thus, it was easily severed. As she spoke, it took him a moment to even register the words. "I love you to. Two." He emphasized, glancing down towards Rhys as she mentioned River. He met her eyes. A nod. A bit nervous about having to speak to them in the first place but he was ready. "When you get settled in a recovery room, I'll go outside and make the call."

Spence With a nod of her head, she agreed to his plan of calling for River once they were set up in their room for the night.  It was probably the better idea considering then he would have a room number to offer.  Truth be told, she had already spoken with River’s grandmother weeks ago about this, just in passing, but given as a heads up that they would like River to be there to meet his brother.  The woman hadn’t agreed or declined, but it was enough that it wouldn’t be asked in a cold state.  “When Judas comes with the bags, he can come in,” she offered, feeling a lot more comfortable with the idea of it now that the baby was there, knowing she couldn’t offer Rhys her own family, nor could she offer him some of John’s, but he should at least have what he could have and for now, that was Judas.  Though she wasn’t keen on that which Judas had heard the night before, a single event couldn’t undo all that Judas had done for them.  In her state of discomfort an hour before, she couldn’t see that, but now, she could.  “And if he happened to bring some Mexican food with him…” she offered, her brows lifting as she slowly nodded her head, flashing a smile in John’s direction before her eyes drifted back to the little one in her arms, not able to not look at the boy for very long.

John Hearing her opinion change, becoming a tad bit more logical, he was relieved. He didn’t want to hurt his brother. To fracture that relationship. Somedays, they were all that one another had. He wouldn’t test his luck for the meantime but he knew Jade would be interested in meeting the little guy as well. Hearing her mention Mexican food, he smirked softly. “I’ll see what I can do.” he added, knowing one way or another, she’d get it. Be it from Judas’ hand or his own. Looking down at Rhys with her, a small smile as his free hand gently rested over the top of his capped head. “I don’t know, mommy…sure is looking a lot more like you than he does like me.” he added, a tone of gratitude for that fact.

Spence A thankful smile was flashed in John’s direction as he agreed to attempt getting her some Mexican food.  Never able to keep her eyes from Rhys for too long there, watching as John’s hand came over the infant’s head.  “You think so?”  She asked, studying the child’s features as she couldn’t quite see it.  “He has your eyes, that’s for sure,” she commented, both in shape and color.  It was clearly her own nose, but as for the rest she couldn’t place any of it as being hers or his.  “I think he’s perfect,” she whispered, nodding her head towards Rhys.  “I do.  Absolutely perfect,” she added, her voice altering as many did when speaking to a baby.  It took a moment there for it to settle in that John had just called her ‘mommy’.  A word she had wondered what it would feel like to be called, and yet she hadn’t much imagined it coming from John’s voice.  When it did, it would take her a minute to process it before she’d shift her eyes up to him.  “You have given me the greatest gift of my life.  Thank you.”  The sincerity there in her words was undeniable as she was truly grateful for that which he had given her, the opportunity to be a mother, to have a child, to start a family.  All of which was never in the cards for a pair who had met exactly one year before, trashed in a hotel room.  Their marriage was never meant to be what it was, and yet it was all at the same time, and for that she was thankful.  “Rhys, close your eyes,” she instructed, though the child’s eyes were and had been, tugging against that hand of John’s as she pulled against him to steal his lips with her own.

John Hearing her thank him, he had to shake his head at her. “You did this.” he reminded her, refusing to take credit for it unless it was the initial start that was literally his extent of it. “I just helped.” he confessed. Though he supposed he did have his eyes, at least the shape. The color was yet to be seen in truth. Her mention of his perfection was met with a hum in agreement. She had done that though. All of that. He expected nothing less. Watching the two and her bidding the baby to close his eyes, he had to laugh softly. “He’ll get used to it.” he warned, leaning in where he pressed his lips softly back to hers, free hand reaching up for her cheek before he was pressing his lips to the tip of her nose. A few nurses entering a moment later to instruct them that her room was ready.

Spence Finding his lips there at her own for an all too brief exchange, a smile stole her lips as his kiss found her nose, only to be interrupted by nurses entering the room to help the family shift to the room they would call their own for the next twenty-four hours or so.  “Caught in the act,” she whispered, as if they had been fully engaged in one another, not like it wasn’t anything these nurses probably witnessed multiple times a day as the birth of a baby brought out the emotions in most couples, uniting them to express it in soft kisses and tears.  The baby’s nurse came to her side, slipping a band around his ankle that would be activated on the recovery floor, explaining that she and John would wear the same bands, allowing them to hold him without any alarms sounding.  Should the baby be in another new parent’s arms, the alarms would sound.  Furthermore, if the baby was to be removed from that floor, the doors would auto lock and the hospital would go on lock down until the infant was located, thus preventing anyone from taking him.  Spencer nodded her head in understanding, pleased there were precautions in place as they were given the option to have Rhys room in with them or be taken to the nursery.  Her eyes drifted to John, quickly checking with him to see if he agreed that Rhys should be with them every available minute, not fully trusting the idea of him being in a room with other newborns, thus opening the window for something to go wrong there.  Not answering until she sought out his opinion, though her own was fairly evident that she didn’t want to be separated from the child.

John “No, he’ll stay with us.” already interjecting at the suggestion, even if Spence was sleeping. Knowing they’d have the rolling bassinets present as he still had to run out to make that call eventually and do so while she was still awake. Eyes back to Spence, even if he wasn’t who he was. Without even a legal last name yet but sought after on either sides, he would decide this. Yet, his newborn son wasn’t going anywhere. He’d show her without meaning to why losing River was so painful as he had been equally attached to the little bundle when he had him ripped away from him.

Spence Drawing her lower lip between her teeth, a nod was instantly there at her head as she fully agreed.  She didn’t want the boy away from them for any extended amount of time.  The matching band to Rhys’ was added to the other bands on Spencer’s arm, then to John’s as well, attaching them to Rhys for easy identification.  A moment later, the nurse slipped her arms beneath Spencer’s, taking Rhys and placing him in the rolling bassinet, instructing that any time they were to be walking around, the child should be placed within for safety.  Spence nodded as her own nurse was there to help her sit up, a wheel chair already there to her side.  Even with the nurse’s help, her hand was there to John’s for that stability, trusting him as she always did, knowing he’d sooner go down first than to let her hit the ground.  Once transferred into the chair, she couldn’t help but look down, finding the swell of her stomach nearly depleted, almost amazed at how it had done so.  “Suppose it was really all baby,” she teased, bringing her hand there against where the child once was, already realizing it would be a hard habit to break as she had frequently held the baby both in body and hand.  

John As Rhys was placed in the bassinet, John was already preparing to help Spence. Getting her into that chair his first and only objective as she noted what had happened with her body. “Told you.” he reminded her, as he had told her a million times over that she was all baby and would take advantage of it in this moment. “But /somebody/ wouldn’t listen…” pausing, lifting the brakes on both sides of the chair. All too familiar with these considering his grandfather was confined to one more days than not. Hands at the back of the wheel chair and prepared for further instruction as the nurse explained where they would be going.

Spence “Yeah, yeah,” she argued, hearing his reminder of that which he had tried to tell her.  She couldn’t hear him before, mostly because she saw what she was sure he was blinded to, only to find out that it was her own blindness to a situation as she couldn’t see beyond the immediate on this one.  “You were right,” she offered, cutting her eyes up over her shoulder towards him, flashing him a quick grin.  As the directions were offered, the pole at Spencer’s side was slipped into her hand to continue her i.v. fluids as they made their way out of the room.  Rhys’ nurse with him there in front of them, where the new parents could keep their watchful eyes on the child at all times as her own nurse was there to her own side, should John need relief with that chair, giving the couple information they would need in the next room.  How to call for a nurse for her needs or the baby’s needs, what to expect with the frequent interruptions with nurses checking mostly on the child, and instructing it to be best for Spence to get up and walk around the room with assistance often as it would help her recover faster.  Only hoping John was keeping up with all of the information there as she was finding her mind drifting to the baby in that bassinet far more often than actually listening to the nurse’s instructions.  

John Listening, attempting to catalogue it all though they both knew that she was better at this sort of thing then he was. Recording it all the best he knew how with prior experience as a foundation, focusing on wielding the chair around the winding maze of halls and doors that would never make any sense to him. Though he had spent quite a bit of time in a hospital once. This one to be specific, a few floors up. Now he especially hated this place. Eyes wandering briefly towards the baby who had not gotten any peace and quiet since being born yet he could only hope that he wouldn’t come to expect it. This world was no place for peace and quiet.

Spence Entering the recovery ward, through large doors that were surely what was mentioned previously with that band on Rhys’ arm, she heard the nurse instruct that he could not be taken past that point, though Spencer and John could feel free to move about the floors as they wished, just not with the little one in tow.  A moment later, they were turning into their own room where they would call home for the next day or so.  The layout was far more spacious, allowing for visitors they wouldn’t be having.  The brakes were applied to the bassinet there near the bed in the room as the nurse went to the sofa on the side of the room, indicating to John how to transform it into a bed, should he decide to stay the night with his wife and son.  Beyond this, the family was left to their own devices once again after Spencer was moved to the new bed, refusing to lay down, but wanting to sit up for a little longer first.  Sleep meant not seeing Rhys and that was simply not acceptable to the woman in the immediate future, seeming to lose sight of the fact that she’d get to see him for years upon years to come.  It didn’t matter to her in the slightest.  Told that as soon as their bags arrived, she could feel free to change into her own clothes and out of the gown she had been wearing the last hour or so, she was already thankful.  As the door closed behind the nurses, she glanced over into that bassinet, not wanting to let the child sleep and yet knowing it was probably the right thing to do all at the same time.  Bringing her eyes back to John’s, hand reaching towards him with a smile he would easily recognize.  “So… about that kiss…” she whispered, seeing as it had been interrupted previously, prompting him to try that again.

John As the door was closed behind them and they were left to their own devices, he was left looking at Spence. A shake of his head to follow. “You ever get to feeling like they’ve done that a few times?” he asked honestly, as it was certainly starting to feel that way to him as he watched her reach for his hand. Allowing it as he moved forward and sat down on the bed at her side. Hearing her whisper as his head turned. “All in good time…you going to take a nap now or later?” he asked, not asking whether she was going to but when she was going to.

Spence “Rejected,” she pouted as he sat on the edge of the bed, refusing her kiss and instead prompting her to nap.  She must’ve looked tired to bring out such a question, but she’d nod her head in response just the same.  “I will eventually,” she promised, knowing it was inevitable at this point, yet not wanting to go to sleep as it would mean she couldn’t see Rhys.  “After you call for River, maybe?  But you can’t let him or Judas come in here while I’m asleep.  Don’t want them seeing drool running down my face or something,” she teased, though it was mostly true.  She didn’t expect to look like herself at this moment, but she’d at least attempt to minimize just how bad she did look at the same time.  “Have people running around saying John’s wife drools in her sleep… no.”  Leaning back as she gave up on that kiss entirely, situating the blanket over herself as her hand found his thigh, eyes shifting there to that plastic bassinet.  “Denying my kiss though… that’s a punishable offense,” she whispered, though she was in no form ready to take on the man, nor did she look like any amount of a threat at all.  

John “I didn’t deny anything.” he reminded her simply as she gave him her own terms. Shaking his head at the suggestion of no one being able to be around while she napped or was waking up. Thinking she cared entirely too much and hopefully exhaustion would take root and make her no longer care. Watching her pull the blanket over herself, reaching over to see it over her body entirely. Leaning in where he stole the words from her mouth, pressing his lips back to hers.

Spence Before she could argue that he had denied her that kiss, she felt it there on her lips, silencing the woman in perhaps the best way possible.  Bringing her hand there to the side of his face, a gentle touch as she had nothing more within her, remaining there at his lips for a long moment before she would allow her hand to fall, her fingertips grazing his cheek until they disappeared entirely.  Sealing that kiss at his lips entirely more satisfied than she had been when their previous exchange was interrupted.  “Just an hour,” she requested, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep in much longer intervals than that in this bed as it simply wasn’t theirs, nor would they be uninterrupted for long periods of time between her nurse and Rhys’ nurse that would be steadily coming through to check on the both of them.  “Just one…” she paused, a yawn passing her lips before she could continue, “hour.”  Her hand there at his thigh, eyes shifting to his as she let another pass her lips.  “I’ll stay awake until you get back from calling River’s grandmother though… then the hour can start,” she managed, sleepy eyes saying something entirely different, but knowing she’d be able to manage at least for that short period of time.

John Hearing her request at the conclusion of the kiss, he nodded. Glad she was seeing reason as the baby would be fine. Watching her yawn causing him to smirk. “Just one day.” he concluded before she could get to hour, as the woman deserved the rest and would most likely end out for several hours. He nodded, knowing he needed to make that call. Feeling his phone in his pocket as he also knew Judas was on his way. “Okay…” he stated as he stood to his feet, getting ready to make that move outside as he turned to face her. “Think you can make it that long?” he teasingly asked, though with the baby sleeping and the constant movements of the nurses in and out, he wasn’t too worried whether she could or not. “Because I don’t think you will…”

Spence Hearing him challenge her on her ability to stay awake, he was right in doing so as she was that tired, but now with the gauntlet thrown, she’d strive to do it even harder than perhaps she would have previously.  “Bet your ass I will,” she teased, eyeing him as he made his way for that door.  “I’ll be awake, throwing a party in here while you’re gone.  Me and the Rhyster, getting security called on us for all the noise.”  Flashing him a tired smile as she lifted her hand, shooing him out the door as she reached over, her hand easing there at the infant’s side, already feeling the weight of her eyes contradicting nearly every word she spoke.  “Go on, already.  Someone thinks he’s an only child here and we need to make sure he knows otherwise as soon as possible,” she teased, loving the idea of Rhys never feeling like an only child as she herself could speak to the horrors such a thing encompassed and festered in a child’s mind.  Directing her eyes back to Rhys, speaking directly to him though her tone would change from that which she used with John.  “Yeah, you want to meet your big brother, don’t you?  You can’t do that until daddy makes that phone call though, right?”  Cutting her eyes back to John, smirking all the while.

John “Re.lax.” he emphasized, as he was getting there. Still lingering in the room to press his lips to her temple. “You just want to go to sleep without losing this bet of yours.” he accused, shaking his head as Rhys was hardly an only child. He’d know his brother. Hoping that he’d be given a chance to make it all right. To prove that maybe he could be changed or show that maybe he had never been so bad at all. Her speaking for Rhys made him smile though, the idea of being called ‘daddy’ without hesitation was an appealing thought all itself just as it was her being called mommy. “Okay.” he answered, not wanting to leave that room but knowing he had to as he leaned in and stole a kiss from the baby.

Spence A tired laugh was there at her lips as he told her to relax, shaking her head no as she didn’t much know the meaning of the word and he knew it.  “I just want you to hurry up so you don’t miss him saying my name or anything,” she teased as though the child was just that brilliant to be able to speak an hour after birth, or the mention of him saying mama before dada, as everyone knew dada was phonetically easier to accomplish.  As he agreed to leave, though she sensed some reluctance there, she watched as his lips passed their son’s forehead.  The one and only way his lips could touch another without inciting pure rage from his possessive wife.  “You are pretty lucky, Rhys,” she whispered, keeping her voice low as John exited the room.  “You happen to have the best daddy in the world that is going to love and protect you almost as much as your mom will.”  Teasing still, as evident in her tone, knowing there was a good chance John could still hear her, saving her actual sentiments for after that door would close and she would get serious with the child instead of teasing at John through her conversation.

John Hearing her as he finally left the door, walking down the hallway. Not wanting to be away from that room for even a moment. Maybe losing River had made him worse. He wasn’t sure. Yet, the pangs of separation made his chest heavy. Thinking it quite pathetic but the attachment was immediate. Making his way out of the complex wings of hospitals and button operated doors, he was finally emerging from the other side and into the warm summer air where he walked from the front doors deeper into the parking lot. Slipping his phone from his pocket where he read a text from Judas alerting him that he was close by with the bags in tow. Using the opportunity to find the number belonging to River’s grandmother, pressing the call button and holding it to his ear. Attempting to get his ‘nice voice’ on though he wasn’t sure he had one.

Spence Once the door to the room closed, Spence was sitting up in that bed again, only having laid down for the moment for John’s benefit as truly she wanted to be closer to their child.  Eyeing him as he laid asleep in that bassinet, fingertips burning to get her hands on him, but she’d refrain aside from the single hand that laid against his chest, feeling it rise and fall beneath her hand.  In complete awe of the baby as he was everything she never knew she wanted, though he terrified her all at the same time.  “See, we’re alright,” she whispered, nodding her head as though there was any chance they wouldn’t be alright.  “You know you really are the luckiest kid in the world.  Your mom and dad are going to make mistakes, but we’re going to do our best to do right by you always.  You just gotta do one thing for me, alright?  Try not to pee on me?”  A smile was there at her lips as she had heard the horror stories, yet she knew even if he did she wouldn’t hold it against him.  A soft noise there from the baby’s bed had her heart melting instantly as she truly heard her first baby noise.  The innocence wrapped in a blue blanket in a world that seemed to be so perfect around him, she couldn’t help but feel the need to apologize to him that it wouldn’t always be so.  Instead, she kept those thoughts to herself as her fingertip brushed the tiniest of cheeks, resolving to let him sleep, even if her desire to hold him only grew greater by the moment.

John Ending the call with River’s grandmother who seemed happy enough to bring the slightly older baby to the hospital, realizing he’d have to decide who he was talking about when he said “the baby” as both of them were babies and more than likely always would be. He hung up. Amazed that they had gotten to this point. Granted, it was still formal. Hardly warm. But she was working with him. The same woman whose husband had wanted him dead, whose every encounter with him was an accusation and a curse. He didn’t seem to have good track records with the parents of his baby mama’s, did he? He shook his head. Hearing his brother’s muscle car roaring in the distance as he looked down at the phone. A moment of reflection. Rhys was in the hospital, his wife was with him. He was now a married father of two. The house had been closed on, not telling Spence if only to surprise her with the truth of the matter and that Rhys would be coming home to a finished home. Feeling his eyes mist again, he was quick to lift up his shirt to keep those tears from seeing the daylight. As he cleared his vision, he heard a voice behind him. His name. “Johnny.” The unfamiliar yet familiar tone, turning around. He watched as the man pulled himself from his car. Taken aback. His brows furrowed. How did he know? Spence’s father was approaching him. Closing the car door, a smile upon his lips. “Congratulations.” the man bid. Johnny was left awe struck. The last time he had saw the man, he was sliding an envelope of money towards him. Johnny had betrayed him. Yet, the man walked towards him with arms spread. Approaching the biker where his arms eclipsed his shoulders and he held him in tight. “I’m a grandfather.” the man acknowledged, pulling back slightly with only one hand remaining at John’s shoulders. Still left dumbstruck. How would he explain this? He had said nothing. The man must have had people on the inside. Yet, the man remained smiling and just as Johnny went to speak, he drew in a breath. A breath that was interrupted with a violent and sharp pain to the front of his ribcage as the sharp and thick blade the other man wielded drove into him. Sharply pushing within him, twisting for damage before he’d withdraw and force it again. The same smile upon his face as John drew back violently. The other man’s hand on his shoulder assured he got another hit. Driving the knife back into his chest only inches from the first cut against his ribcage. The pain was blinding. Yet, he reached. Grasping him by the neck in attempt to defend himself. Hand gripping, Knowing he did not have long yet nothing was on his mind but that searing pain. Hearing the gurgling as he drained the oxygen from the other man’s throat only for him to take the last ounce of energy he had and dig his blade into Johnny’s side again sharp causing him to drop as it all slipped away.

Spence Finally resolving herself to at least lay back, she had to let the baby rest as he had been through far more than she had that day.  His entire environment having shifted there, coming into this world against his own will, it was only right to let him sleep.  As she laid staring through the side of the plastic bassinet, her eyes never fully closing, though they would ease in that direction every few moments.  Unable to fully commit to the act of sleep, yet knowing her ability to stay awake was quickly fading.  Wanting nothing more than to win in that little dare John offered her, yet she was quickly failing to do so.  As a nurse came into the room, it was just enough to stir her as they did a quick check to Rhys and then to Spencer, encouraging her to get up for a few minutes before falling asleep as walking would help her to heal faster.  Spence reluctantly agreed, though she’d far rather be supported in such by John, but she agreed just the same.  Bringing her feet to the edge of the bed, finding the floor in socked feet, she rose with her hands there on the forearms of the nurse.  Hearing her tell her just to take a slow step forward as she felt ready to, Spencer did as she was told, though her eyes were constantly shifting towards Rhys as he was being tended to by his nurse.  A few feet completed around the room and she was returned to her bed, sitting there to the edge as she acknowledged that she felt fine, just sore.  A dose of pain meds were offered, to which she would refuse, not wanting to be under the influence of anything until John returned, knowing she needed to be fully alert for Rhys.

John By the time that Judas was pulling into the parking lot, nearly hitting Johnny with the car in the process. He was launching on the brakes. Spotting his brother laid out in a pool of his own blood. The knife dropped. A calling card to the man's identity as he seemed to want this crime. As Judas was out of the drivers side, the older man was already in his. Fearing less of being caught then being beaten to death yet he'd find nothing from Judas in that moment except scrambling towards Johnny's side. "John. John. Hey. Open your eyes." Gripping the dead weight by his shoulders to pull him onto his knees, he'd get no response. Already unconscious. Shirt ripped and distinctively drenched with the blood as a bypasser to it all had called into the E.R. Several nurses running out with a stretcher to follow. Judas quickly removing his shirt to press to the side of his ribcage yet not daring to inspect the damage. Not sure he'd bare to see it as John's breathing slowed.

Spence Within the room, Spencer was quickly losing her ability to win the battle with sleep, her own body failing her as she wanted to wait for John to return before allowing her eyes to close.  The nurse assured her that even if she were to sleep, she would wake easily to the cries of her child and if she were to need help it was right down the hall.  Spencer nodded her agreement as the nurse instructed her the best way to make it through the first weeks was to sleep when Rhys did.  Hearing Rhys’ name on another’s lips sounded foreign, but she liked it just the same.  The boy had an identity, a name stronger than he would know for some time to come.  Laying back, she gave in as she heard the door close, one hand on the infant’s chest as she brought her other hand beneath her own face, committing to doze off, but not permitting herself into full sleep either.  She’d let John hassle her when he returned over her inability to stay awake, though she’d argue it when she would wake with every opening of that door.  In just a few minutes, the phone beside her bed would ring.  Jolting her from that bit of sleep she had stolen, she reached over, pulling the phone to her ear.  “John?”  she answered, only assuming it would be him since no one else should have been calling.  Hearing the voice on the other end of the line, she quickly hung up the phone without another word.  Tears filled her eyes as she felt unable to speak to the caller, still unsure of what involvement they might have had in that which had earned them the down payment for the house, even if she didn’t yet know if the offer had been accepted.  The ringing began again, to which she’d lift the receiver only to hang it up again before she was calling the nurse’s desk to request certain calls not be allowed back.  Only permitting calls from John, River’s grandmother, and Judas, declining any others and asking that they be asked to leave a message instead.  

John Helping them load Johnny onto the stretcher, it was normally him doing this to Judas. By his own choice. His overdoses. His mistakes. Yet, here his brother was. His protector. Laid out on the streets like the common thug he was not on a day that was meant to be one of the happiest in his life. The nurses were quickly interfering. Pushing him off and the stretcher. Resolved to keep up with them as they hit the emergency wing and he attempted to descramble what all was being said as a doctor joined in. Ripping open his shirt where Judas was forced into the understanding of how bad this was. Three gapping wounds. One of which landing at his side, around his lungs. If not in it. The nurses tending to that wound in particular before he was wheeled off into the operating room and he was stopped. Out of breath. One nurse standing directly before the doors. Explaining to him what she could. His vitals were slowing, internal bleeding suspected and a possible punctured lung. They'd need to get him into surgery as soon as possible.

Spence Dragging the receiver of the phone back into her hand once more, this time to dial out herself one of only three numbers she knew by heart.  As John’s phone rang, it quickly went to voicemail, at which she could only imagine him to be on the phone with River’s grandmother.  “Hey, it’s me.  You’ve been gone a while and maybe you’re just waiting for River downstairs, which is fine, but my mom keeps calling… I’ve asked them to not forward her calls to the room and… you know what, this is stupid.  I’ve got it handled.  I’ll see you when you get back.  Yeah…”  Her yeah indicative of their code, not daring to leave a voicemail on his non-encrypted phone that said anything more than just that.  Hanging up the phone, she laid back in the bed, attempting to close her eyes yet now all she could do was think.  Perhaps her mom wasn’t involved in the bribe her father had offered, yet how could she not be.  Her last sighting of her mother was one in which she was demanding to be able to see Spencer, to talk to her, yet had been refused.  She had to have at least known about it, if not been the brains behind it.  Trying to weigh it out, she couldn’t let one of her parents in and not the other.  If her mother had wanted to be there for her, she would have reached out before now.  But she hadn’t, which to Spencer was enough to peg her with guilt for the bribery as an accomplice at the least.  If she couldn’t sleep, she’d at least lay with her eyes closed, counting the minutes until the door would open to reveal the doting father John was, and then once again all would be right in the world, but in the meantime, she was left only with that feeling of utter abandonment by the two people who were supposed to love her more than life itself.  What had once been the greatest storybook upbringing had gone to hell in a hand basket, only leading Spencer to be more determined to never make Rhys feel the way her own parents had made her feel in the last few months.

John Left with nothing to do but to walk outside. By then, the cops were on their way. Sirens blaring. His car still idled and running before the pool of blood, knife and the phone his brother had dropped. Grabbing the blood soaked phone that he wiped off on his jeans. He was left complacent. He didn't know what to do. Pulling his car into a space by the time the police had arrived. Naturally quick to give his statement. What he had drove into, what today was, who he had seen leaving, whose police crested knife sat on the concrete. The panic attack was creeping up on him yet suddenly the realization of Spence hit him like a stack of bricks. The woman was somewhere in that hospital waiting for her husband. He couldn't bare being away from that operating room yet wasn't allowed away from the cops yet but couldn't tell her what had happened until he understood. Quickly calling Jade, he knew better than to call his mom though he desperately needed some back up. An extra hand before he lost it with this creeping realization that his brother may not pull this off. Somewhere in the operating room, they were attempting to stabilize his vitals. His lung had been punctured by the blade and rapidly filled leaving him unstable. Breathing difficulty achieved as they sought out the source of the bleed in attempt to stop it all.

Spence The longer John was gone from the room, the more unsettled Spencer became.  After her mother’s blowing up of the room phone, then the realization of just how long it had been that John had been out of the room, she couldn’t imagine John deciding to wait downstairs for River, nor could she imagine him downstairs with Judas shooting the shit when his son laid in that room.  Something wasn’t right.  Though it took a while for her to realize it, it was right there before her.  Deciding to try John’s phone again, not caring if it made her out to look pathetic.  At this point, everything within her said something wasn’t right and the key to that was some form of contact with John.  Had he been stopped at the nurse’s station?  Was something wrong with Rhys but no one was telling her?  Had his mother shown up, demanding to see her grandchild?  Her mind spun with possibility.  Though she had made it clear who she wanted to be there and thus leaving out the rest of the James/Reese clans, did someone show up that she didn’t want there and he was attempting to hold them off as best he could?  A sea of questions were there in his mind as she pressed the last digit to John’s number from the room phone once again, only hoping he would pick up this time.  Still not thinking anything was necessarily wrong with the man, only what he may be going through to honor her wishes, or if he was waiting for River who should be well in transit now.  It was then her thoughts took an entirely different line.  What if River’s grandmother declined bringing him?  After all the headway they had made there, perhaps the woman was suddenly refusing.  This would likely send John into a rage as he was putting himself out there, contacting the woman directly himself.  Her mind grasping for any reason John wasn’t in that room as she heard the phone begin ringing there in her ear, waiting for his voicemail, hoping for his voice instead.

John As John's phone rang, he looked down at the blood spread screen. A swell of anxiety hit him as he walked back into the hospital. Stopping in the waiting room. He had to take this. Accepting the call, a shakey hand brought it to his ear. "Spence?" He asked, not thinking, in a moment of stress-based anxiety that it could be anything differently. "Hey, it's Judas...I..." glancing back into the parking lot, the O.R. doors still not moving. The car belonging to River's grandparents stopped by police. "Fuck..." he sighed into the receiver. "I'll come talk to you in a few." Hanging up the phone, a jog to the parking lot where the mere sight of his nephew being pulled out of his car sight caught the man to break down from how much the kid looked like his brother.

Spence “Judas?” It was in this moment she knew something wasn’t just wrong, it was terribly wrong.  Why would Judas have John’s phone?  It didn’t make sense.  Hearing the expletive there at his lips, her heart raced as she prompted for information.  “Judas, where’s Joh—“  Before she could finish her question, he was telling her he would come see her in a few minutes.  Then all at once, the call was gone.  “Judas??”  Hearing the blank tone on the other end of the line, she slammed the receiver down in its cradle.  Perhaps never feeling as trapped as she did in that moment, stuck in that room, needing to know what in the world was going on, yet with no ability to do so.  Laying back in the bed, staring at the ceiling as she attempted to make sense of absolutely nothing more than Judas answering John’s phone, cursing, then promising to come see her soon and hanging up.  It didn’t make sense.  Still not thinking to phone Ryan to check in with p.d. on anything, yet the longer this went on, the more her mind would drift in that direction.

John After a brief break down at the sight of River, the poor kid never being more terrified or brought into a worse situation. The police explaining more than he could and that John was in the O.R. and his wife was upstairs with their new born. Only when he pulled himself together in front of a woman who he never wanted to see cry, was he taking River. She explained that he helped most things. He looked just like his brother before the world had gotten to him. Acted like him to. Gentle, soft, quick to cry. Everything that he should have been before the world and their mother took it from him. “Let’s go upstairs and be there for her.” The Russian woman in her broken woman explained though Judas would decline. He needed to be with John, she could go up as a virtual stranger with River and tell her what she knew as Judas remained near the O.R. Desperate for updates. Willing to send Jade upstairs when she got there but for now? He would play the part of sentinel as he went inside. Desperate for an update as River and his grandmother went upstairs to the maternity ward.

Spence The list of who Spencer wanted in the room was there with John on an operating table, with no way for it to be honored at this point in time.  It was evident as River and his grandmother entered the room.  It was meant to be only River and Judas, and even that had taken some time to bring the woman around to, but now she was face to face with River’s grandmother… instantly telling her there was far more wrong than she could have known for John was not to allow her there.  The first offense telling her John was clearly not in charge here anymore.  Someone else was.  Someone else who didn’t know her wishes which meant this room just became a free for all.  Spencer’s relationship with the woman was professional at best, never letting the woman see the true side of her as she was too busy being the kind of person she would permit the child around for the betterment of John and River’s relationship.  When the door opened, her eyes shot to the door, instantly expecting John, perhaps with Mexican food which would explain his absence.  When she saw River, all of her own fears had to be put to the side as she was faced with introducing the boys to one another alone… in a moment she knew John would want to be there for, yet there was no way to put it off.  Questions of how she was were asked, to which she gave her best fake smile, acknowledging some pain though she was still refusing pain meds until John’s return.  River was placed there in her lap, instantly a hug placed around her neck by the seventeen month old as the two had grown quite fond of one another.  “Hey big guy… your dad had to step out for a few minutes, but… we were pretty excited to have you meet your baby brother.  Should we wait for daddy or you want to…” Before he could answer, she was shaking her head no, prompting River to do the same as the woman stood to the end of the bed, visually pitying the woman as she sat clueless in that bed.  Sitting River over to the side of her, she reached into the plastic bassinet to withdraw the tiny baby from within.  “River, this is your brother, Rhys.  Rhys, this is your big brother, River.”  With introductions given, Spencer drew the infant close to her chest, cradling him in her arms as she brought one hand to River’s, drawing one finger out as she instructed him to slip his finger into Rhys’ grip.  “Be gentle,” she instructed, eyes shifting there between the boys to River’s grandmother, questioning hues though she couldn’t ask, nor could she be offered much with River there in the room.

John As Jade arrived to the hospital, he chose to put her on the doors. Still hearing nothing which left him with a horribly unsettling feeling about what was going on within as he decided to brave the elevator. Terrified of them, yet, he had to get over it to get upstairs and into the maternity ward. Soaked in blood that was not his. John’s phone in his pocket as he found the correct room. Slowly slipping within the doorway as he stopped there. Not wanting to disturb progress as River and Rhys met. Swallowing hard as the sight of River was a difficult one at that point but the baby. Laying his eyes on his nephew for the first time. Stepping forward into the room like he had seen a ghost. he approached. Eyes locked on the baby. Not saying or doing anything else but looking at him. Finding himself completely unable to speak yet the blood on his shirt might have spoken for itself.

Spence As Judas entered the room, Spencer’s questioning eyes drifted from River’s grandmother’s straight to Judas’ face, then his shirt.  “What do you think of your broth—“ Immediately her breath was stolen from her mid-sentence as she attempted to ask River what he thought of Rhys, trying to hold her shit together, but the moment she saw Judas’ shirt, there was no keeping anything together.  Spencer’s arms went weak to which River’s grandmother was quickly there to grasp the baby she had no right to hold, bringing him to her chest as she brought him back to the bassinet before asking River if he’d like to go to the gift shop and get something for baby Rhys.  In the interim, Spence was already in tears, with no possibility of holding them back.  A gentle hand from the grandmother was at her back as she pressed a kiss to Spencer’s temple, assuring her all would be okay in Russian to which Spencer wouldn’t understand, nor would she attempt to.  The exit of River and his grandmother was quick as she knew now was not the time to have River in the room, the first time ever the boy would be exposed through Spencer to anything aside from the greatest time with his dad.  “What in the fuck… what is… that’s John’s… tell me where… what…”  Her own distance from Judas didn’t matter in that moment, only the fact that he knew something she didn’t.  Not a thing coming from her mouth made any sense, though these ramblings would be familiar to John as she often lost her ability to complete a thought when her own emotion took over.  Reaching out for Judas’ shirt, she grasped it tightly in her small hands, pulling him towards her without a moment of pause.  “What happened to my husband?!”  She screamed through her tears, finally completing a single sentence as she made no secret of her emotional attachment to the man many thought to be nonexistent.  

John As the two left, he swallowed hard as he glanced down towards her trying to piece things together. Feeling her at his shirt wet with his brothers blood as she pulled him forward and her voice found his ears. “He…uh…” pausing, knowing he needed to get this out. A moment of hesitation meant to suggest he was dead. He wasn’t. “He’s fighting.” he managed, eyes still closed before he glanced down towards her. Inhaling a shaky breath as he looked down towards her. Biting down at the quiver of his bottom lip. “I drove into the parking lot and I almost hit ‘em. He was just laying there. I tried to get him up but he was out and your dad…he was-fuck, your dad…” not meaning to go that far with it. “The knife. The knife with the fuckin’ cop emblem on it. I have his phone and the knife. The cops took the knife for evidence but I have the phone…” he emphasized, pulling it out from his pocket where the dried and bloody remains still laid over the device. Not sure he was making sense either.

Spence That brief moment of hesitation there spoke volumes to the woman as a loud ‘no’ left her lips, her hands only tightening in his shirt.  By the time he confessed John was fighting, she was sobbing into the blood of her husband still damp in that shirt.  Not able to look up from that shirt as she heard him continue on, mentioning her father.  “My dad… my dad what?!”  She demanded as he went on to describe a knife she knew all too well.  Her hands in fists, pulling at the shirt, as if it would make things any better.  As the phone was pulled from his pocket, she didn’t want it.  She didn’t want anything in that moment but to be wherever John was.  Using her hands there in his shirt, pulling herself from the bed with little to no regard to the trauma her own body had been through just two hours before, not caring about the gown she wore that was quickly absorbing blood from Judas’ clothes, she rose to her feet.  “You take me to him, right now.  Get someone in here with Rhys and you fucking take me to him.  Fucking take me to him NOW.”  Leaving no room for argument, her hands pounded against his chest as she kept her fists there in his shirt for stability.  “Get Detective Ryan here and get me to John and don’t tell me that I can’t.  Tell those nurses to let no one near this baby and you take me to him now, Judas, please.”

John “I want to be with him to.” he reminded her as his voice broke, he couldn’t get her to him and he couldn’t get to him. He was in the operating room around a half dozen doctors all attempting to do the same thing. John would just about kill him if he knew he was letting his wife get restless this long after delivery. “I have Jade downstairs at the doors. When she knows, I’ll know and you will know. The only thing we can do for him right now is this. So please, sit down.” If he sounded like he was begging, it was because he was. He couldn’t take anything else at that moment. Already yearning for some kind of chemical substance to chill him out right now. “Please, just sit down.”

Spence “You come in here, wearing John’s blood, and you’re going to ask me to sit down?  To sit fucking down?  You sit fucking down and you play happy uncle and I’m going to get some god damned answers!”  Literally screaming at the man as she would have anyone else who dared try to keep her from John, she shoved her fists against him, making a quick turn for the door to the room.  “Sit down.  Like fucking hell I’m going to sit down.  I’m not waiting on any fucking phone call.”  As the words continued pouring from her mouth, she was reaching for the i.v. there in her arm, literally ripping it from her skin as she left it to fall on the floor as she made a quick line to the door.  Her feet unsteady as she took those first unassisted steps, quickly grasping to the end of the bed for stability, denying the fact she wasn’t physically able to do that which she was setting forth to do.  Reaching forward for the door before her hand would slip, her foot to follow, falling to her knees there in the entryway to the room.  Without pause, attempting to find her feet once more, determination to be reckoned with as the words continued to pour out from her lips as the tears soaked her face.  “He is my husband and I am supposed to be with him!  So you can help me or you can stand in my way, but either way, I am getting to him.  Do you understand me?”  On her knees as she attempted to find her footing again, pressing one foot to the floor as she attempted to rise, pausing there on one knee as the reality of it all set in on her.  There was nothing she could do for John.  Her father had tried to pay him to leave her and when he realized John had not gone through with it he attempted killing him to make his point.  As it all fell on her, she was weighed down to the floor, unable to continue her mission to rise, instead bringing her head there to her thigh, pressing her face to the fabric of the gown she wore, realizing the happiest day of their lives had just been altered by the hand of her own father, willing to go this far as to face murder charges which she would make sure would be pressed by the state, taking whatever chance there was at redemption and throwing it all away with his need to make John disappear.

John He was no stranger to outbursts, thus, as he landed himself one at the hands of his sister-in-law, he saw it coming. Feeling her fists as she went to the door, knowing she wouldn’t get that far. He had her stuck in this room whether she realized it or not. Allowing her to get some aggression out before she’d get back to that bed one day or another. Watching her rip out her I.V. “And is that going to help him?” he finally barked back. He was a moment behind her as she reached her knees. Already gathering the attention of the nurses in the hallway. Catching up with her as she attempted to rise and his hands were finding her upper arms. “He is my fucking brother and he is your fucking husband.” he reminded her, not one to sit back and take the hits like John was. He’d speak to it as his own strength took over. Grabbing the nearby wheel chair that he pulled towards them, hitting the brakes on it as he was slowly and carefully lifting her to sit down it with the help of a few nurses within quickly attempting to take care of her now blown I.V. “I have been with him since the day that someone brought me up to one of these rooms and showed me to him just like you just introduced River to Rhys. I am his older brother. I was supposed to protect him.” feeling the weight of it himself, making her realize that she was not the only one with something to lose here. “But there is nothing that either of us can do right now…we both now how strong he is. He’ll fight until he cannot fight anymore. This is all we can do, Spencer.”

Spence In a manner that only John would understand, the woman went silent.  All that was left was her tears to speak to her mindset there as she was moved against her will.  Within the chair, she felt as the nurses attempted to start a new i.v. line in her other arm as Judas spoke before her.  She would never see it that way, no matter what was said to her.  All she saw was another person standing before her, telling her she couldn’t be with John.  She couldn’t see the logic in it, nor would she ever.  She had felt the distance from Jade as she went on about her life, not bothering with the friendship she and Spencer had seemingly developed.  The same was true for Gia.  Nearly every person donning the last name James had either made an attempt at separating she and John, saying John was cheating on her, or distanced themselves from her.  Judas had been the one and only exception to this, but even that was only developed when she took the life of a blonde making claims similar to most of the others.  She couldn’t rely on her parents.  She couldn’t rely on anyone but John and now she saw Judas as nothing more than another person standing in her way to get to John.  Knowing she had but one choice here.  To sit in that chair, allow the i.v. to be started again, play it silent until finally everyone would realize she’d not engage them.  Ultimately they would all leave her be and then she could do what she felt was necessary to do, get to John’s side one way or another.  Be it with or without their help.  Once the i.v. was in, she was wheeled back over to the bed, to which she’d push helping hands away as she made that transition herself, refusing to be babied any longer.  Sitting in the center of the bed, refusing to lay back, refusing to take it easy, refusing to attempt to be comfortable in the meantime, taking her vow of silence until she could find a way out of that room even if it meant discharging herself against medical advice to do so.  Knowing just enough to be dangerous at this point in time as she could not be held against her will, but she’d let it be thought that she was contained, at least for the time being.  All the while, her tears were not ceasing, as it was the one thing she couldn’t control at this point in time.

John She could fight him on it all she wanted, he knew what he had to combat it with. The two were blood. Inseparable. The only reason he was keeping it together right now is because he knew who his brother was. What he would want. He’d tell him to wipe his fucking eyes and go take care of his wife who needed someone there. Look after his kid. The same way John would if the tables were turned. Watching her at least sit down though clearly not wanting to do so. His phone rang. Momentarily confused of which one it was but answering his, his sister’s name across the front. Lifting it to his ear, hoping for good news. “Jade?” he asked, taking a step towards the bed where she sat. Preparing. “‘He is coming out now. The doctors think they have everything. Apparently he got knifed three times. The two hit his lungs. They have the bleeding stopped but they have him hooked up to a machine breathing through a tube in his chest. The doctors wanna’ keep him under a medically induced coma to make sure that nothing pops or gets yanked out. Also under a high risk of infection but…” closing his eyes, taking in a deep breath. It brought them into another battlefield but leaving that initial one. “Okay, thanks Jade.” hanging up the phone, he looked down towards her. Sure she’d been able to hear a lot of that.

Spence As Judas answered the call, coming to sit beside her on the end of the bed, she could hear the voice of a woman she had not heard from since before she was even sure she was pregnant.  All of a sudden it felt as though James’ were coming out of the woodwork, filtering information down to her instead of allowing her to be there for him at all.  Isolated from him in a manner she was sure at least half of them were more than likely always gunning for.  Her own father managing to steal today from them and if it hadn’t been him, it would have been someone else because John James of South Philly wasn’t allowed to be happy.  He wasn’t allowed to be there when his sons met.  He wasn’t allowed to be there with his wife in those first days as a family unit.  She couldn’t handle any of this.  Judas had been kind enough to take them in when she did something that she’d forever regret, taking a life that she’d not have to pay for, and yet even he wouldn’t let her go to her husband.  Unable to see it in her or Rhys’ best interest as she had been conditioned to feel this from day one.  A man sitting there beside her who she had been accused of using John to get close to.  Too much damage had been done to allow her to truly rely on anyone aside from John and yet John was the one paying for it all at the hands of her own father.  Continuing her vow of silence, she resolved to the fact that any and all information on her husband’s condition would come from someone else, not even given the common courtesy to be spoken to by a doctor as his next of kin.  He didn’t need her when he had his protective siblings to trump her yet again.  Her mind swirled with anger and fear as she sat there on the bed, her eyes glassed over as her lower lip quivered, feeling as if she truly had no one.  A moment later, River’s grandmother appeared in the door again with River there, to which Spencer simply shook her head no.  She couldn’t play step mom.  She couldn’t be excited for the boys to meet and River to give his gift to Rhys.  She couldn’t do or say anything when all she felt was separation.  Luckily, River’s grandmother understood, carrying River over to place the stuffed bear at the foot of the bassinet before telling Rhys, Spencer, and Judas they’d see them in a few days when he was at home.  Spencer had to bite her tongue from telling the woman they didn’t have a home.  They didn’t have anything anymore.  Only offering a nod to the woman as River called ‘buh bye’ repeatedly on his way out the door with his grandmother.  

John He stood up from the bed, knowing she didn’t want him there and that was okay for him. The separation was evident. Drawing places in the sand. As the mutual party he had always been was now being lumped into his last name. He stood over the bassinet which was the only place he’d be able to find any form of happiness as he looked down into the little face. “He has John’s eyes.” the man noted specifically, maybe speaking to himself. He wasn’t sure yet. But hardly a moment later, as if he knew he was being spoken about, those same eyes were opening. Mouth doing the same as he began a few practice whimpers, cries. Letting it be known that he was about to lose it as the infantile cry left his lips. The volume of which was nothing short of surprising. Glancing over towards Spence as he was not quite sure what to do with him in that moment. “Do you want me to pick him up?” he asked her, not wanting to touch him if she did not want him to. Much less while covered in the blood of the baby’s father who should have been here instead of him. Thinking that the kid was probably hungry by now.

Spence As Judas moved from the bed, over the bassinet, Spencer watched him as she attempted drawing deep breaths, though rather unsuccessfully.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want Judas there.  She was the one that had said it would be alright for Judas to be there, actually the only member of the James family she was alright with being there, though she’d never confess it.  As he spoke, his words were true, bringing a fresh round of sobs from the woman once more.  He did have John’s eyes, through and through, as she and John had established not too long before.  Before everything went to hell.  The sound from the child was heart wrenching, starting out slow before it would hit the heights she heard moments after his birth.  Though everything in her wanted to tell him no, that he couldn’t hold him, and that he and Jade could leave, she knew it wasn’t what she actually felt.  She knew enough to know that her problem wasn’t with Judas or even the absent Jade who she once thought to be her friend.  Her problem was being away from John.  Her problem was her father’s endless attempts at severing her marriage to John.  Her problem was that her husband was floors below her, fighting for his life, and she was imprisoned in this room, supposed to be happy, supposed to be enjoying those first hours as a mother, completely unable to do so as her heart was downstairs.  “Yeah…” she managed, the first spoken word from the woman in some time, the full rasp of her voice on display there as she had aggravated the natural problem she held there in her tears and not using her voice in so long.  A part of her feeling that she couldn’t do this without John, almost thankful Judas was there in that moment to lift the child, to comfort him, when Spencer was complete incapable of such things in moments where it was she herself that needed comforting that couldn’t be offered from the infant.  Two premade hospital bottles there on the shelf of the cart, though she had yet to determine if she’d nurse him or if she’d bottle feed him, now wasn’t the time for her to be making such decisions.  She could find no joy in the child as she had not too long before.  Now only able to think of how she had put that knife in her father’s hand by not finding a better way to ease her father into things, by blocking her parents out months before when they made a scene in that same hospital, by betraying her father for the man she loved.  “There’s a bottle if he’ll take it,” she offered, feeling as though these things should be occurring between she and John, and yet there wasn’t a damned thing she could do about it.

John Picking him up carefully, Judas cradled the little boy. Knowing that the first few hours of his life should not be riddled with such things. Yet, he'd attempt to be as happy for his arrival as he could as he continued his cry. Showing that he was indeed hungry. Hearing her mention the bottle, his eyes flickered towards it. Back at her and then the baby. "You need to feed him for the first time." He insisted, refusing to deny him of this as he brought the baby before her. "I know it's hard to see the forrest through the trees right now but...Johnny might be downstairs but he's here also." He explained, glancing down towards the little guy with the same eyes. "He's in his blood. He needs you more than ever. Johnny has a theory that our mom didn't bond with him. He was born with blond hair and just like his dad and my mom couldn't bare to even look at him. Much less hold him, feed him...he'd want you to feed him. To bond with him..."

Spence As Judas moved towards her, bringing Rhys before her.  Her arms formed to take the child though a part of her couldn’t bear to do this.  As his weight was felt there in her arms, she recalled the last time she held him, at John’s side, the baby placed just into her arms just as Judas was doing now.  The cry from the woman coming straight from her gut as she nodded her head, knowing Judas was right, even if none of this felt right anymore.  With a shaky hand, she reached over to the cart at her bedside, taking the bottle from the shelf as she brought it to the child’s mouth, literally going through the motions at the willing of Judas’ instructions.  Her sobs were unceasing as she looked down into the eyes of the child that were directed straight up to her own.  Light eyes of his father, pinned to her own hazel hues.  Her tears dropping from the curve of her cheek to the light blue of the blanket he was swaddled within.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, repeating it time and time again as she apologized for what the first hours of his life looked like.  “I’m so sorry,” she continued, allowing herself to feel every bit of what was happening.  Trying to remind herself that John was down there, fighting for her, fighting for both of his sons, fighting to get back to them though every part of her felt as if she was robbing him of all of the first moments she promised him he would have, together with her and their son.  Not wanting to lean on anyone, as she truly felt as though the only one she could trust was John, she was left with no other choice as she propped the bottle there against her chest as her hand reached to Judas’.  Not separating his fingers as she would have with John, but rather her fingers folding over his hand at the hook of his thumb.  Silently thanking him for being there, but also asking him to stay all at the same time.  She was tired and knew there was no way she could do this on her own, even if a part of her was already thinking in that direction.  If John didn’t pull through, her parents would assume this would send her running back to them, which she was sure was the end goal here, but in all actuality, she knew she’d take this child and run as far away from them as she possibly could, finding a way to do it on her own as there was no possible way she could leave this child.  In the past, when she had been told of John’s inability to stay true to her, she had plotted her own death.  She knew without him, she’d rather die than continue.  But as she looked into those light eyes of this child, leaving this world if John wasn’t in it was no longer an option.  Now she had to stay for him, if for no other reason.  Tightening her hand in Judas’, though it felt foreign in her hand, thanking him without words before she’d retract her hand entirely.  A gesture meant to apologize at the same time for the things she had said, for lashing out, though if ever her relationship with John had been brought into question, Judas had now seen first hand what that man downstairs meant to her.  He wasn’t a place holder.  He wasn’t a good time.  Her love for him ran as deep as love could possibly run and Judas had just watched as a woman’s heart was ripped to shreds.  She’d still need to get out of that room.  She’d still need to get to John herself, to be at his side, willing him the strength to fight this fight, but for now, she’d sit in the bed, feeding their child for the first time as the tears freely fell against her face and the soft fabric of a blanket in her arms.

John "It is going to be alright, Spence. The worse is over." He stated, a gentle squeeze of the woman's hand. Now that she had let Judas in, he could work with her. "I'm on your side here...but if I don't look after you and him right, he's gonna come kick my ass." He reminded her, attempting a bit of humor as if there was anyone who could lay Judas out, it was most likely Johnny. They had come to blows many of times but never to the point of having an actual winner as both lost in that situation. "You just gotta sit tight and the nurses will probably let me get you into the wheel chair and see him in a bit." He reminded her as she went ahead to feed Rhys, reaching out for a few tissues at the bedside table as her hand moved. "And I'm going to make sure he gets the best doctors money can buy so he's back on his feet and back with his baby and his wife where he belongs. You can quote me on that."

Spence The idea of a nurse bringing in a wheel chair to allow her to be brought to John was just the light she needed to see in that moment.  She had been encouraged to walk around, to move about the hospital freely at any time she wished as long as the baby was checked into the nursery and not taken from that floor, to which would allow for something of that sort to occur.  She nodded her head as Judas offered he a promise she knew he couldn’t keep for no other reason than the fact that it sounded every bit like what she needed to hold on to.  “I’m holding you to it,” she offered in return to his willingness to be quoted.  She didn’t want a quote.  She wanted words that would hold water, something that would hold weight, something that would get her son’s father and her husband back to them in the condition he left them in.  Still a part of her there that hated all of this, as it would be for some time, facing the unforeseeable future without John there, all of the promises in the world wouldn’t stop her tears from falling.  “I’m going to need you to do me a favor, if you don’t mind… there’s cops downstairs that will be working this case, more than likely camping outside John’s I.C.U. room, waiting for him to wake up to get his statement.  I need names on them.  I want you to request Detective Kenneth Ryan be put on this case.  Then, I want the lead detective sent up here for my statement,” she added, taking a deep breath as she attempted to find something here that she could do.  Not sure if Judas was in the know of what statement it was Spencer could offer there, yet she was the one that held the information to provide true motive in the case which would land her father behind bars sooner rather than later.  “Then I need you to go to the quarters John and I have been staying in.  In the top drawer of the nightstand is my gun, cuffs, and my badge.  You can’t get caught with these or you’ll be brought up on charges of impersonating an officer.  But I need both.  Then I want Ryan notified that the moment I’m released, we are going to my father’s apartment and I’m making that arrest myself.  I have eighteen more hours before they’ll release me and that is more than enough time to get an arrest warrant after my statement is taken, even without John’s.”

John Hearing her mention a favor, his brow was cocking. Only able to imagine what this woman had in mind. He knew it wouldn’t be something casual. A trip for food, go home and grab a movie. It had to be something big. Listening to her, the initial sounded easy enough. To push the case in one direction or another, it would need to be if there was to be justice. Regardless of the fact that his brother laid downstairs and her father was off somewhere, his brother was a biker. His last name made him notorious and her father was a cop. The system always swayed towards the latter, no matter what crimes they committed. No matter how red handed. Though, he began to understand the favor as the reason why she needed her badge. A low breath. “and you what happens if I do this and somethin’ happens to you because you overexerted yourself 24 hours after giving birth? Then what? He’ll fuckin’ kill me. You ever look Johnny James in the eyes when he’s pissed?” he asked, only able to wonder if she understood what he was risking here.

Spence Knowing what he said was true, she had looked the man in the eyes when he was pissed.  She’d been on the receiving end of that very thing a time or two, though she’d never divulge those details to another soul.  Easily able to remember the flash of rage in the man’s eyes the night he caught her with a blade on their sofa, she’d nod her head as she acknowledged that she knew what it looked like.  “You ever look Spencer James in the eyes when her father tries to kill her husband on the day of the birth of their child and try to tell her she can’t get justice for her husband fighting for his life downstairs where she can’t get to him?”  She asked rhetorically as it was the equivalent of what he had offered her.  She had seen what he was talking about just as much as he was watching her do what she could from that bed.  She might not have a lot of anything on her side, and it might’ve been all her fault at the very core of this, but she’d do what needed to be done there and if a shot or two were fired from her gun in the process of the arrest, it was nothing that her partner wouldn’t lie away for her on.  “Just please do it.  I swear to you, no overexerting anything but my trigger finger and my cuff latching finger.  Two fingers are all that’s at risk,” she assured as it was really that simple to her, already knowing it would be the trigger finger that would get the best work out on this one.  “Justice is mine on this one, Judas.”

John “I have, but you don’t got a killer left hook.” he pointed out, as she was not nearly as scary as he was. Not to say she wasn’t scary on her own but Johnny took it. Hearing her continue as she mentioned her trigger finger, he had to shake his head. “See, no. You can’t be shootin’ anyone. You are on the job. You got witnesses. Two wrongs don’t equal a right here. I am not against killin’ people…” he acknowledged, letting her simmer on that. “But if you are gonna’ do it, you need to do it right. So you can go out there and arrest him and bring him to justice or you can figure out what you wanna’ do with him later but you can’t just go around shootin’ people as a cop. This is how you get yourself locked up. There is more at risk right now then vengeance. It is not gonna’ taste sweet from a jail cell. He needs you.” he reminded her, gesturing down towards the feeding baby in her arms not even 24 hours removed from her.

Spence She already had it worked out in her own head.  If her father made a play for her gun, or if it appeared he had one of his own, she could easily use self defense, to which her partner would lie and swear to it under oath.  She wouldn’t get locked up for this, at the very worst she’d be put on probation until an investigation was held, but by then her father would be paying for his crimes against her husband, her son, and herself.  Releasing a held breath as she glanced down to the baby there in her arms, asleep with the bottle not moving against his lips, she withdrew it, bringing the newborn to her shoulder as she gentle rubbed his back.  “When John wakes up, I want to be able to tell him that never again will he be ambushed or blackmailed by my father and I want to mean it.”  She stated almost calmly, her voice still breaking under the weight of the tears she had shed, yet somehow feeling a little less helpless in the situation.  With a soft release of air passing Rhys’ lips, she lowered him carefully back into her arms, eyes lifting to Judas’.  “If you want to help me, I’ve told you how to do it.  If you don’t, I’ll find another way.  One year ago today, I met your brother.  Was at one of your shows with Gia.  Wanted to meet you, actually.  At an after party, Gia was all set to introduce us until I saw John.  He was standing over against the wall, doing the whole dark and scary thing, taking care of you from a distance.  Instantly, I wanted to know him.  It was magnetic the way I was drawn to him.  I don’t know if you remember, but Gia introduced us that night, but even as I spoke to you, I was fixed on him.  We hooked up that night and four days later got married.  Granted, it might not have been for love, but the chemistry was intense and there was no denying it.  That night changed my life as I put him above me and he put me above him.  We did what had to be done to protect ourselves and one another.  This time, John can’t protect us, but I can.”

John Smirking softly as she mentioned doing his “dark and scary” thing. That which he did so well in contract to Judas’ light and charisma. They were different, but he’d be damned if he didn’t love him for it. He had a mind like a chessboard. Each move to the next. Methodical. Defensive. Like he had led armies to war and victory before. If there was one man he wanted protecting him, it was Johnny. Never had any harm come to him. Nothing like what Judas had allowed to happen to him. As she went onto speak about their magnetism, he knew it to be true. “I’ll help you.” he stated simply. “but only with the reminder that if something gets fucked up that you hurt him twice over. He might kill me if I help you with this but the betrayal will kill him.” he reminded her, as the emotional pain of this could be beyond repair. The destruction, the schism. “So just keep that in mind as you try to keep your ‘trigger finger’ under wraps…” Judas concluded, much more of the gambler than his brother ever was.

Spence Hearing Judas agree to help her, it would only be then that a hint of what might be a smile somewhere within the woman would show the tiniest hint.  “Thank you,” she whispered, placing that bottle to the shelf it had come from, saving the rest for later.  Now, she had to get through the next seventeen and a half hours while she waited on a formal arrest warrant so things could go into motion.  “I’ll do my best,” she agreed, though she already knew her trigger finger was not to be controlled in the slightest as she trusted her partner whole heartedly to have her back on this one if he didn’t take out Brock Reese on his own before she got the chance to.  “Nothing is going to get fucked up.  Promise.”  She didn’t make promises she couldn’t keep and she didn’t offer them to just anyone, so the fact alone that she was promising him spoke volumes to just how much she had come around, though in all actuality it was all just something for her to focus on, to feel that she was doing something.  She was not okay, nor would she be okay, as she sat there, seemingly calm as she plotted the death of her father as though it were any other individual in the world.  Disassociating from herself in that moment as she drew all focus and drive into that single event that she already knew would not result in handcuffs being used.

John As the day ended and the night wore on, Judas wasn’t going anywhere. Guarding the room like a soldier as he took to the couch that had previously been promised to John. Sprawled out upon it. Attempting to get some rest as he had gotten himself a change of clothes and a shower to wash away the blood. Yet, the trash bag containing them in the corner of the room remained in his vision. Not sure whether the cops would want them for evidence or not. He had gone down and did his part. Speaking to the cops, pressuring them to put her Detective on with no prior knowledge of who he was as well as going home. Getting himself some clothes and bringing her bags into the room with the addition of her gun and badge to the bottom of the bag. Only stirring with a knock on the door that lured him to his feet, opening it where the detectives were present to finally take her statement.

Spence Sleep was again a luxury that Spencer could not obtain.  It was hard enough to imagine she’d be able to do so in that bed with John there at her side, where she knew she’d beg him to lay with her instead of on that sofa, but now to do so alone, knowing he was downstairs, waiting on updates through two filters, getting third party information where she felt less and less like his wife and more and more like some distant relative, sleep just wasn’t happening.  Her body took what it demanded, a half hour here and a half hour there.  Woken by every sound of passing footsteps outside the door, every entry of a nurse into the room, every soft noise from the newborn she was meant to be enjoying.  Now successfully able to move about the room herself, having showered herself and dressed in her own clothes, she laid with her eyes closed, appearing asleep though true rest would never come.  In the morning hours, the knock at the door would instantly have her sitting up, knowing it wasn’t a nurse as the half-knock was always only paused after a moment before the door was opened.  This was different, telling her it was either someone she didn’t want there to begin with or it was the lead detective she had requested via Judas be sent to the room.  As he walked through the door, her own sergeant there before her, not having expected such a high ranking official on this, it changed her mind on everything.  The way she had it all planned out in her mind, making sure that her father either died or was in prison for the rest of his days, now was all out of her hands as the man that stood at the foot of her bed was one she knew would stop at nothing to protect her and the baby, even if it meant doing so for a man he would only now come to find out she had married a year before.  The two conversed as old friends for a few moments, allowing the sergeant to meet the child at least visually that had taken his detective from his unit to desk duty before they would get to her formal statement.  “That knife belongs to Brock Reese, former police chief in McKinney, Texas.”  Her father had been off the force for many years, after being injured in the line of duty.  Though his name would mean nothing to any cop in Philly, it meant something back home.  “I bought it for him Christmas of 09.  On the inside of the blade are his initials, B.R.  Six months ago, he and John had an altercation in this hospital as my father did not want me married to John, much less having a child with him.  It came to my attention two nights ago that he blackmailed John with more than ten thousand dollars to step away from me, leaving me in whatever manner he so chose.  This happened several weeks back.  John accepted the money, but never intended to go through with that which it meant.  Though I didn’t witness this, I can tell you without a doubt that this is your motive.”  The sergeant looked on in shock as Spencer detailed out the reasons her father would want to commit such a crime, asking her if she was sure she wanted to do this, giving her the opportunity to pull back from her statement.  “I’m sure,” she offered, taking the pen from her sergeant’s hand, etching her signature in full form against the form on his lap.  “And I’m willing to testify against him.”  The sergeant took the form, nodding to Spencer as he glanced over to Judas then back to her once more, offering the form to Judas to sign as a witness.  Assurances were granted that this was more than enough motive for an arrest warrant, along with a side promise that her father would pay for this.  It was then the dampness would appear in the corner of her eyes, nodding her head in gratitude that not only would she not have to do what she had planned to do here, but that it was truly going to be handled as she could trust this man to not let her father go regardless of how decorated a cop he had once been.

John Many of this was news to Judas. While he and his brother were close, they had been distracted the past few weeks. With Spence being close to having the baby and Judas narrowly grasping onto the threads of his sobriety only to fall off, he perhaps had not been as attentive as he should have. Yet, hearing that his brother had taken the money was somehow a surprise to him. Had he considered doing it to back out? Was it for money? Was he that hard-up? Those thoughts took him to being prompted for a signature. Taking up a pen where he signed off his name and handed the pen back. Only able to wonder if she’d be content leaving this in someone else’s hands or whether she was still hot on the trail of getting him herself. Losing track of what was true and what was cover. He resolved himself back to the couch. Not belonging in this world as he was merely there to make sure she was alright while his brother was down.

Spence Once the form was signed, the sergeant would spend but a few more minutes there, asking Spencer to rest and try to enjoy that new baby as best she could, letting this fall into his hands as he assured her there would be justice served.  For the first time, she felt as though that might actually be true without having to get her hands dirty in the process.  Slipping a card to the table beside her bed, he bid his farewells to both Spence and Judas before he was seeing himself out.  Once it was all said and done, she leaned back in the bed, glancing over to Judas as she attempted to read a man’s face that she barely knew.  “What you signed is true,” she offered, giving at least some peace to the man that he had not just signed his name to a falsehood of a testimony.  Drawing the blanket back up over herself, she laid silently for several minutes until she’d release a heavy breath.  “John won’t be here to sign the birth certificate,” she whispered, knowing that along with other release forms were just a few hours out.

John “I wonder why he took it then…” the man hummed, wishing he hadn’t. Wishing his brother would just let him help him. “You know…it ain’t even really like help. He worked for me for all those years without collectin’ a real paycheck. He stayed on the tour bus, we ate together. I shared my cigarettes and my clothes with him but he didn’t get a paycheck at the end of the week. If anything, I just want to reimburse him. I could help youse out. A lot.” showing that it did upset him that he couldn’t just fix it all. “Like…I’ve been helpin’ out with the house and all. I ‘loaned’ him a few grand for paint and shit but I know he is gonna’ pay me that back.” he remarked, not knowing he wasn’t supposed to let the cat out of the bag on that one. That the house was theirs and the paint was drying on many rooms as they spoke. That the little guy’s room was finished and now just airing out. Hearing her mention the birth certificate, he had no idea how it worked. He just knew his brother would sooner be dead then not get his name on his birth certificate. “How does that work? You can’t just put his name there since you are his wife and all?”

Spence “He took it because it was mine,” she confessed, not getting into the details of just how much money she had filtered to her father over the last five years, or that it was all dirty money though only John and Kenneth knew it.  Not wanting Judas to feel at all responsible for it, though she understood why he would.  Listening as he spoke about his brother and what life before her had looked like, she drew a breath, unable to picture John in those scenarios.  As mention of the house was made, money for paint that John would be paying back, there was a tilt there to her head.  Hearing his question of the birth certificate, she’d explain that part later, but for now she was fixated on the statement of the house.  “He borrowed money from you to paint the house that we don’t yet know if we got?”  She asked, clearly not in the know on what was going on there.  The day before had been spent shopping together, awaiting that call that never came, but now she was finding that the call had more than likely occurred days prior.  A slow smile slipped across her face, the first true smile she’d had since John left that room the day before.  “He got the house??”  Nodding her head, she instantly was sure, taking one thing off the long list of things she had to be worried about.  

John Hearing her confession, it made even less sense to him but he didn’t think it would. The woman was already stuck, making him realize that maybe it would be a surprise. Yet, it was already out there now. Too late to backtrack. Glancing over towards her, he nodded at her question. “Yeah…we painted Rhys’ room like 2 days ago, some of the other rooms like 2 days ago. Usually when he said he was goin’ to work. The rest of the house doesn’t need it but his room and the bedroom look really nice. Carpet in the baby room, hardwood in the bedroom. Crown molding. The works. The other rooms don’t really need to be repainted, you guys can decide if you want to do that shit later. He just wanted it to be move in ready. Now youse just need furniture. Rhys’ room is done completely but like I said, waitin’ for the paint vapors to lift.” he explained as he rubbed over his bearded cheeks.

Spence The furniture was one of the things they had taken care of the day before, at least for Rhys’ room, all pending delivery once they were to get the final word on the house, only leaving her to wonder if John had arranged delivery of those items behind her back at some point during the day.  The smile became more and more genuine as it became clear that John took care of almost everything, just like he promised he would.  Her amazement was written all over her face as she gave that all a moment to set in on her, John taking care of them both even when she didn’t know it.  Easily recalling how she told him it was important to her that at least Rhys have a room to be taken from the hospital to, even if the house wasn’t ready to live in.  She still wanted his first moments beyond that hospital room to be in his real room in his real house where he’d grow up, even if it took time for them to fully move into the home.  Now though, they were hours from the discharge of both her and the baby, but yet no closer to John being able to cross that threshold with his wife and son.  Either demanding she give up her dream of him going to his room immediately, or giving up John’s right to bring his family home for the first time.  “So yeah, I can put his name, but without his signature, it’s not official,” she managed, bringing the conversation back around to that birth certificate.  Still entirely in awe of all that John had done for them.  Rising from the bed, she stood beside Rhys’ bassinet, looking down at the little one that had inspired so much work from both John and Judas, only wishing John had been there to see the surprise on her face when she put it all together.  “Think there’s any chance they’d make an allowance for this whole ‘he can’t leave this floor’ business to maybe go help wake his dad up?”  She asked, eyes cutting to Judas’ as she made her first true attempt at getting out of that room to go see John now that she was steady on her feet, only wanting to do so with Rhys before he was officially discharged.  Knowing it was a long shot, but it couldn’t hurt to ask considering.

John “No, they ain’t lettin’ that baby get no where.” he stated honestly. A good thing, if nothing else. Knowing their security risks. Knowing that Rhys was secure and safe here if nothing else. “But I think, with all things considered, you and I can at least get down there. I’m sure they have some medical shit they gotta’ get permission for anyway. So far, they have just been operating on his best wishes but now, some decisions will start to come into play.” he reminded her. Giving up a yawn that nothing would come from. Judas was nothing else if not an insomniac. Needing to get absolutely wasted or high off of his mind to really sleep. Neither of which was an option. Thus, she’d be stuck with him. “You just think you are ready to see him?” Judas finally asked, eyes lifting towards Spence as /he/ wasn’t sure he was ready to see Johnny. Not out of a desire to not be there for him but just to actually see what all had happened after the fact and the way he was being sustained.

Spence “I think it doesn’t matter what I’m ready to see or not ready to see.  I think that’s my life down there, fighting to come back, and if I don’t walk in there and give him something to come back to, then he might lose the will to keep trying,” she spoke honestly as her hand found that button to page for Rhys’ nurse for the first time.  Willing to let him go to the nursery, to get his circumcision done, to do whatever needed to be done so she could get to John and give the man the only reason to fight she could think of; his wife and his sons.  “If you want to stay with Rhys, I won’t judge you in the slightest, but that man needs me and I need him.”  Her statement was crisp and straight from her own convictions as truer words may have never been spoken.  Truly believing she and Rhys held the keys to being able to bring John through this, for she knew the strength of the bond they shared that none other were privy to.  She’d never be ready to see John in the condition she knew he was in.  She’d been a cop long enough to see many in that condition.  It wasn’t hard for her to already imagine what it looked like.  She was just about as ready as she was ever going to be, which wasn’t saying much, but his needs would come before her own emotions regardless.  “You in?”

John “I know.” he stated, as it wasn’t his way of backing out of anything or saying that he wasn’t ready to see it or that he wasn’t okay with seeing it. Just a way of preparing them both as those things were more difficult than people would confess to. “He’s never gonna lose the will.” he reminded her, as the man she was dealing with was not the sort. Yet, seeing her would help. “But no, I’m coming…I don’t want to see him go to the nursery but…” glancing down towards Rhys back to sleep in the bassinet, he frowned softly. Standing up, leaning in where he was pressing his lips to the baby’s cheek. “Yeah, I’m in.”

Spence “Good,” she whispered, knowing if she got weak in the knees, she’d have to trust him in a way she’d trust John, even though it wasn’t entirely possible.  She’d put her best foot forward if for no other reason but for John’s sake.  A moment later, Rhys’ nurse was there in the room, offering to take him for shots as well as the inevitable to which Spencer nodded her agreement.  “We’ll be in I.C.U., Johnny James’ room if anything is needed,” she offered, to which the nurse nodded.  Everyone on that floor knew that which the family was going through, having offered to take the child many times during the night though each would be refused.  A buzz about the nurse’s station in surprise that finally Mrs. James was allowing someone to take the baby from the room.  Leaning over the bassinet, she pressed a kiss to Rhys’ forehead as she whispered something so softly none could hear before drawing back, finding a deep breath as she nodded towards Judas, letting him know she was ready to do this.

John Reaching for the wheel chair as she watched, lips tightening in his round about way of saying that they couldn’t take any chances. “So we can get there sometime this century?” he asked, again, an attempt at being playful as he popped the brakes on and guided it towards her so she could sit down. Knowing it was a bit of a walk and it would be easier for them both. Not to mention, easier to guilt them into submission with the sight of her a few hours out of childbirth.

Spence “No wheel chair,” she stated quickly, refusing to go in there any other way than on her feet, needing to feel strong, not weak.  She’d been on her feet off and on throughout the night and doing just fine, so she wasn’t about to go backwards now.  “I’m fine, I promise.”  If something were to happen on the other end and a chair be needed, she knew it would be handled at a later time, but she’d be walking into her husband’s I.C.U. room on her own two feet.  “Thank you, though,” she added, walking there to the door, pulling the handle opened for herself as she slipped through, eyeing him as though he were the one holding up progress now.  “Anytime you’re ready…” she teased as he had to her a moment before, flashing him a smirk as she headed towards the elevators with or without him.

John "This is going to take forever." Quickly complaining as she wrote off the wheel chair, a groan to follow. Tucking a briefly open middle finger for her into his jean pockets but knowing she sat it as she rushed him along. Eyeing her smirk as he caught up with her at the elevators. "Look at you, fertile turtle kicked it into rabbit mode." He hummed, hitting the elevator button that brought about a swarm of anxiety for what laid within yet he was always good at hiding it. Only able to imagine what he was to walk into. Usually it was him in a hospital bed. Usually it was him attached to the tubes. Not Johnny. It was something he hoped to never see again.

Spence “Shut up,” she complained as he name called in her direction, catching sight of that finger, yet making no mention of it.  Her mind was in one place and one place only and she didn’t have time for the games with him.  She’d been dying to get out of the jail cell of a hospital room for far too long now and she wasn’t going to waste any more time than she had to in order to get there.  As the doors opened, she was slipping inside, leaning back against the wall without a clue as to where the I.C.U. was located, forced to let Judas lead the way from here.  “If you would be so kind,” she prompted as though he were an elevator attendant, eyes shifting to the buttons there within to designate which floor they’d be stopping on.

John "Yeah..." he answered dryly, hitting the appropriate button to see them from the maternity ward and down the main sect of the hospital that would lead to the I.C.U. Watching the doors close and his own personal torment begin. Leaning back against one of the walls, closing his eyes in order to combat the claustrophobic movement. Counting backwards in his head. Every weapon that therapy had given him to combat this phobia yet nearly running out as the doors opened.

Spence Her eyes set on the floor indicator, watching as it moved lower and lower until it stopped, it was only then that she’d glance over to find Judas displaying coping mechanisms.  Making no mention of that which she saw, his secret was safe with her as she stepped off the elevator to find the desk before them.  Before she could ask for the room, she’d spot two officers outside of a doorway, knowing instantly where her husband was.  Unable to bring herself to pause for a moment, she made those steps down the hall where she’d catch that first glimpse of her husband in the bed, wires coming out of his gown left and right.  It stole her breath as she waited there for Judas, not making it clear if she was waiting for him out of respect or if she had lost her ability to move forward, either way just standing, frozen for the moment as she closed her eyes.  Drawing in a deep breath, reminding herself he was going to pull through this, though it was hard to stay so positive now that she saw first hand that which her father had done to the man.

John There were about a dozen different machines going off in that room. None of them harmonious. All clashing. Entering the room a moment after her, perhaps a bit better prepared considering what he had drove in on yet never prepared enough as he looked over the man. A tube in his chest regulating his breathing. The freshly stitched gashes proof of where all that blood had come from. Eyes closed. Deeply asleep as if he didn't know any different. Glancing down towards Spence, he offered his hand for support. Not rushing her.

Spence It would be at the will of Judas’ hand that she’d take that step through the doorway she had frozen within.  Hating to ask this, but turning to look up at him, relying on a silent language the two did not share before she’d realize she wasn’t communicating with John, but a man who barely knew her.  “Do you mind if I…” she asked, requesting a few minutes there by herself with John.  Not wanting to push the man off in the slightest, but needing to have that privacy to truly be vulnerable to all she was witnessing.  Already her voice was sticking to the back of her throat as she attempted just that much of her sentence, hoping Judas would understand her request without getting his feelings hurt in the process.  

John "Yeah, that's fine...just..." grabbing a nearby chair, pushing it to the hospital bed. No hurt feelings. He'd have his time after. "Just do me a favor and sit." He insisted, letting her hang on that request as he glanced over towards his brother. Leaning over where he pressed his lips to the encouraging warmth of his forehead before he was pulling back. Eyes at Spence, a nod. Excusing himself and closing the door behind her to give her that time. The enclosure beeping wildly with working machinery all intended to keep him in that medically induced coma along with hydration and the proper medications awash in several IVs pumping away in his arms.

Spence Finding the chair Judas asked her to take, she’d ignore it to find her own way, as usual.  Her hands resting to the back of it as she let her eyes survey the wires running in and out of the gown he wore.  “You’d hate that thing,” she whispered, her voice cracking under the pressure of the words.  Tugging at the back of the chair to drag it off to the side as she glanced to the doorway again, making sure no one was there to see her.  Finding the coast to be clear, she stood at the side of the bed, lifting the edge of the blanket as she took careful note of every wire that ran down his side, a bite there to her lower lip as she attempted to assess the risk here.  One knee to the edge of the bed, she leaned down, finding a way to lay there beside him, her hand over his against his thigh as she lightly rested her cheek against his shoulder.  There were no words she could offer in that moment, finding instead pure silence as the sounds of the machines around them echoed through the room.  Not feeling the need to speak as she felt her presence would be stronger than her words, letting her eyes fall closed as she laid against him, keeping her weight there to the edge of the bed and off of him, only attempting to be as close as she could without doing any harm to him.  Realizing at this point, these machines may be all that was keeping him alive, now that she was there beside him, there was a good chance no one would be able to pull her from that bed where she finally felt as though she was reunited with her other half.

-May 31, 2016