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erimeows · 7 months ago

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In The Same Bed

You lie awake in bed, staring at your fiance as he sleeps away in your shared bed.

Awake, Saeyoung Choi is energetic and loud and intense. Sometimes, when things are bad, he’s angry and sad, but still intense. It’s very rare that you get to see him peaceful, so you relish in it now. His eyes are shut, long lashes fluttering against his high cheekbones. His soft, pink lips are slightly open, deep breaths coming in and out of them. His curly red hair fans out across his pillow like a halo.

And, his palm is on top of your shoulder, because he always has to be touching you to fall asleep these days.

You smile. It’s nice to see Saeyoung so relaxed- getting good sleep for once. You remember the many nights he spent awake working for the agency.

Life is different now.

Life is better.

But, it is past midnight and you can’t sleep even though the two of you have plans in the morning to meet the rest of the RFA for brunch. Alas, Saeyoung must have forgotten to put his phone on silent mode before bed. It sits on his nightstand, buzzing away. Again and again. Vibrating with no end in sight.

You assume the notifications are from the RFA’s chatroom. Zen and Yoosung are still terrible about staying up well into the night and early morning talking online, with Jaehee and Jumin occasionally joining in when they’re busy with work.

You don’t know Saeyoung’s phone passcode. He’s told you it multiple times, but it’s ridiculously long and impossible to remember. You’re honestly too lazy to write it down. It’s not like you need to use his phone very often, anyway.

You could wake him up, but then again… Saeyoung looks so peaceful like this. You’d hate to interrupt his sleep.

So, as quietly as you can, you sneak out of bed and go to the living room couch.

Hopefully, the both of you can get some sleep this way.

Seven wakes up to a loud crack of thunder, golden eyes snapping wide open at the sudden noise. Rain falls outside, loudly splattering against the roof and the ground.

Heart beating hard against his chest, he reaches over for you. You always hold him when it storms, so he smiles at the thought of burying his face in your sweatshirt, having your arms wrapped tight around him, feeling your (h/l) (h/c) hair tickling him throughout the night, and smelling the remnants of your perfume from the day.

But, when his hand doesn’t immediately land on your chest or stomach, his brow furrows. Your side of the bed is cold, too, and he can’t feel you anywhere underneath the blanket. So, he sits up and looks for you. Panic runs courses through his veins at the same time that his breath quickens.

You definitely aren’t there.

Seven tosses the covers to the floor and stands up, eyes darting around the moonlit darkness. You’re nowhere to be seen. His gaze flickers to the master bathroom that’s connected to your room, only to find that the door is open and the light is off.

You aren’t there, either.

Seven can’t help but freak out. Ever since the two of you saved Saeran, you’ve slept in the same bed. Always. Every single night since that day, unless Seven was staying with Saeran in the hospital- and on those nights, he couldn’t sleep without you by his side.

He listens closely to gauge any potential noises from the kitchen or the living room. Maybe you needed a drink of water, or a midnight snack- or maybe you had a nightmare and needed to distract yourself by moving to the living room to watch one of your favorite shows? But if the latter was the case, why wouldn’t you have woken him up…?

Seven quickly realizes that there is no noise.

In fact, the entire house is eerily silent.

He reaches into the nightstand and grabs the pistol that he has hidden there for emergencies before quickly sliding out of the bedroom. He slowly moves through the hallway with his back pressed firm against the wall and his pistol loaded and gripped tightly within his hands, ready to shoot.

Did you choose to leave? Pack a bag in the middle of the night and high tail it out to somewhere- to someone else? That’s probably the best outcome, if you’re gone. He doesn’t deserve you anyway, he supposes. Maybe it was too good to be true.

‘No, no… MC wouldn’t just leave without an explanation. But what else…?’

What could it be? An intruder- someone from the agency who wants to get back at him for leaving? Unknown- Saeran? No, Saeran is happily living with the two of you, along with Vanderwood. Surely if there were an intruder one of them would’ve noticed?

Seven slowly but surely makes his way to the living room and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees you on the couch.

Sleeping.

Your chest rises and falls with slow, steady breaths. Your face looks peaceful.

You’re fine.

Seven lets out a sigh of relief. His vision is blurry as he comes down from the panic of waking up alone, but he manages to unload his pistol and make it back to your shared bedroom to lock it back in the top drawer of the nightstand. Then, he trudges back to the living room. With the anxiety and adrenaline leaving his body in waves, the uncomfortable sensations of ice cold air and exhaustion weigh on him and have goosebumps rising on his skin.

He gets in front of the couch and kneels down in front of you before placing a warm hand on top of your head and gently stroking your hair.

“Hm?” You blink and sit up, your hair ruffled from sleep.

You groggily rub your eyes.

“Sweetie,” Seven starts. He immediately feels guilty for waking you up over his own issues. He should’ve just let you sleep on the couch… “Sorry to wake you up.”

“Are you okay?” You question.

“Why’d you come in here?”

Though you’re clearly safe, Seven can’t help but fear that you might’ve come to the couch because he did something to upset you.

“Your phone kept vibrating- guess you forgot to put it on silent before bed,” You explain. Relief washes over Seven almost instantly. “I couldn’t sleep because of it. I didn’t wanna wake you up, so… I just moved to the couch.”

“I’ll turn my phone off. Can you come back to bed?”

“Yeah, sure,” You nod and start to stand up.

Before you can fully stand, Seven does so first and picks you up bridal style. You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck to secure yourself as you’re carried to the bedroom.

Upon returning to bed, Seven gently sets you down on top of the sheets and crawls into bed with you. He reaches over to where his phone is charging on the nightstand and turns it on silent mode.

Though he feels much better now, he isn’t quite sure he can handle a panic like that ever again.

“Sweetie… You can’t leave like that without telling me first.”

“Hm? Why not?” You ask, reaching over and gently resting a hand on the side of Seven’s face. He leans into your touch. “I just wanted to make sure you got good sleep.”

“You scared me,” He answers. “I thought- I thought you were gone. What if someone had taken you from me?”

“What? Saeyoung, no one is going to come in and take me. Do you know how insane the security system is?”

Admittedly, you have a point. Ever since Saeran and Vanderwood moved in, he’s only upped the abilities of his home security system, even laying out traps around the perimeter of his house for any potential intruders.

“I don’t know. I mean, I know it’s irrational, but what if you went to sleep in the living room and someone somehow got past it? They could just come in and hurt you, and I would be none the wiser,” Seven insists, only to realize just how crazy he sounds. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He’s crazy about you. So, of course he wants to keep you safe, but he also knows it’s insane to expect you to never sleep anywhere else. “No, I know I sound ridiculous. You don’t have to say anything. I’m not trying to be overprotective, I just… I love you, and I want you to be safe.”

“Saeyoung,” You reassuringly murmur and reach over to place a hand on top of one of Seven’s. “It’s okay. I’m okay, and I love you, too.”

“Okay,” Seven sighs, lays down flat on the bed, and pulls the covers over the two of you, but keeps his eyes trained on your face. You really are fine. You’re here, happy, and chatting with him like normal, all with that beautiful smile of yours. He feels somewhat embarrassed for freaking out the way he did now that you’ve managed to calm him down. “Anxiety aside, I can’t sleep without you anymore, anyway. I wake up all the time and the only thing that settles me back to sleep is feeling you next to me.”

“You’re so sweet,” You offer a soft smile, and then open your arms wide. Seven smiles back before accepting your invitation and allowing you to pull him close to your chest. At the sound of your slow, steady heartbeat, he immediately settles down and cuddles into you. “I sleep better with you around, too, y’know.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then… Stay in the same bed with me forever, okay?” Saeyoung asks as his eyes fall shut.

He can already feel sleep start to take over his body again.

“As long as you keep letting me cuddle like this every night,” You answer, to which Seven laughs.

“Of course.”

And with that, the two of you fall asleep in each other’s arms.

#drabble #drabbles #mysme #mystic messenger #mysmes #707 #luciel choi #saeyoung choi #707 x reader #saeyoung choi x reader #luciel choi x reader #mysme 707 #mysme saeyoung #mysme seven #seven x reader #fluff #oneshots #oneshot

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libra-kirishima · 2 years ago

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Mystic Messenger Characters + Their Toxic Traits ✨

Feat. Zen, Yoosung, Jaehee, Jumin, Seven, and V

Short headcanons inspired by this post I've made about My Hero Academia characters and their toxic traits x

! fem reader, brief mentions of sex !

Zen

Insanely jealous. He's barely able to restrain himself from barking like a dog when he sees you talking to another man

- and he will come up to you mid-conversation and embarrass you in front of this man because Zen wants him to know who you belong to.

Has some mildly sexist views on women

- Speaks for you even if you're right next to him. Will order for you at restaurants without being asked. If someone asks you a question and Zen thinks he knows the answer he'll answer it for you as if you aren't capable of answering for yourself.

- Tends to believe that you're fragile and vulnerable and that he needs to protect you because you're a woman

- Will help you with chores but he believes it's your job to cook

- Doesn't ever let you take control during sex. He thinks that, as the man, he is supposed to be the one on top and in control. He's a pleasure dom but sex is always done his way because he never lets you take the lead.

Canonically homophobic

Lacks self awareness

Yoosung

King of putting things off. Ignores problems in the relationship for as long as he possibly can until one day it all comes to the surface and he bursts into tears

Avoids conflict to the point of concern. He'd rather lie to himself that everything is fine between the two of you than address an issue in your relationship because he doesn't want to start a fight.

Struggles to make time for you. A lot of your dates are hanging out together while he studies in his room or at the library.

Shamelessly codependent

Jaehee

Also terrible at making time for you

Always working. If she's not working under Jumin then she's always working on improving the coffee shop. She doesn't know how to function when she's not working 24/7 and under constant stress

She takes things so personally. She'll never tell you she took something you said personally but you can tell.

Lowkey a grudge holder. If you two get into an argument she'll bring up something you said to hurt her feelings two years ago.

Jumin

Wants to take care of you but "taking care of you" can mean doing things that are very controlling sometimes

- extremely resistant at first to the idea of you having a job or going to college since he can provide for both of you

- hates taking "no" for an answer if he thinks he knows better than you. If you're sick with a cold he'll go against your wishes and call a doctor no matter how many times you insist that you're fine.

- Never learned how to let someone else be in charge of something so he also never lets you take control during sex.

Resistant to change

Makes important decisions without you based on what he thinks you would want

Can come across as very apathetic at times. He thinks he's offering an objective point of view that will help soothe your emotions but instead it can feel like he doesn't care about them because you're being unreasonable.

707

Has gotten into the habit of lying about the dumbest shit, so it can be difficult to tell whether he's being serious or messing with you

Doesn't help with household chores because he doesn't find them mentally stimulating

Gets really bad depressive episodes. He doesn't want Saeran to see him like that so he bottles everything up until he can't anymore and will take all his emotions out on you sometimes.

Has never had to communicate how he feels before meeting you, so he never learned how. A lot of the time you're relying on your intuition because he doesn't talk to you about it. Part of him still believes nobody cares about how he's feeling.

Incredibly passive. Getting him to voice what he wants is like pulling teeth.

Codependent and in denial about it. Thinks he's just really in love with his wife.

Has a tendency to completely ignore how he's feeling because part of him is desperate to please you.

Tends to think in absolutes. Has a very black and white view on most things

Struggles to believe that he deserves you and that makes him crave validation, but he never wants to voice to you that he needs validation.

#no saeran this time because i wanted to make my headers using panels from the webtoon #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger imagines #zen mystic messenger #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #707 #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #v mystic messenger #jihyun kim #zen x reader #yoosung x reader #jaehee x reader #jumin x reader #707 x reader #v x reader

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rfaromance · 2 years ago

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kissing Saeyoung's hands!!!

"It doesn't even hurt!"

"Please don't fuss over this!"

"I'm telling you, honey butter, I'm fine!"

Saeyoung's protests fell on deaf ears as you dragged him to the bathroom, where the lighting was better. You didn't care what he had to say; the cut on his hand looked nasty, and you weren't going to risk letting anything happen to your lover.

"Look, it's not even bleeding anymore!"

You snorted as you pushed him against the countertop. "Sit," you ordered, and with a grumble Saeyoung obediently plopped himself on the counter. "It is still bleeding!" you wailed in dismay, as you held his hand up to the light.

"So you can hear me."

"Saeyoung Choi!"

Hastily you dug out first aid supplies from the cabinet. As you searched for bandages and ointments, you could spot a dark hoodie shuffling out of the corner of your eye. "Don't even think about leaving," you snapped. "You are getting patched up here and now!"

The shuffling stopped.

Heaving a huge sigh, you returned to Saeyoung with supplies in tow. Carefully you reached past him to turn on the faucet, soaking and soaping a washcloth. You then turned back to Saeyoung and gently grabbed his injured hand. He didn't resist you this time, but rather tutted dramatically as you began to dab at the wound.

"Saeyoung... how in the world did you manage this?"

"One of my babies is in her rebellious teen phase."

"You mean there could be OIL in here, and you weren't going to let me clean it?" The horror and exasperation in your voice were powerful enough to make him wince.

"It's really not a big deal," he began, but you firmly squeezed his hand to shut him up.

After you'd wiped off the dry blood, you were able to see his injury clearly for the first time. A gash on the side of his hand, running from the bottom of his pinky finger to the top of his wrist. "This is the length of your palm," you fretted.

"Couldn't even tell."

His tone was different, somehow. He'd stopped arguing but also was acting less blasé. Now he just sounded... tired. Resigned. Hollow.

"It really doesn't hurt?" you asked softly. Carefully you put the washcloth in the sink, and you reached out to get the antibiotic ointment. "It didn't even sting when I washed it?"

"Not even a tickle."

You didn't want to believe him, but as you spread the ointment over his injury, he didn't flinch once. You gave his palm an experimental squeeze, wondering if he'd react. "Shoot!"

The pressure had opened the cut once again.

"I felt that," Saeyoung commented as you grabbed the washcloth again to dab at the edges of the wound. "It just... felt no different than picking up a shoe or opening a doorknob."

You reapplied the antibiotic that you had wiped off, furrowing your brow as thoughts raced around in circles in your head. Had his fingers always been this calloused? Had his knuckles always been covered with this many old, faded scars? Had his fingers, thin as they are, always been this muscular? Your own hands suddenly felt so feeble, so flimsy, as you began winding gauze around his hand, over and over.

"I can't afford to feel too much pain," was all he offered in explanation. "Not the way I've lived.

"Hands like mine don't deserve tender care from someone like you."

Having just put on the last stretch of bandages, you looked up at him with sorrow in your eyes. Much to your dismay, he was looking up at the ceiling, perhaps unable to meet your gaze.

You didn't know the full extent of the things that he had done to keep himself and Saeran alive; you didn't particularly care. All that mattered was that you knew he undertook those actions and made those choices in the name of love. He was a good person.

He had stopped trying to push you away, so why did he have to talk as if he was still damning himself? Did he plan to live the remainder of his life joyfully, but then spend his afterlife in flames? You didn't quite know or understand his feelings on that matter.

But you did know you loved him, and that he deserved every reminder you could give him.

"Your hands can't feel anything anymore?" you murmured, the lilt in your voice clearly prompting him for an answer.

"If only."

The detached, distant expression on Saeyoung's face immediately melted away, replaced by one of awe, caution, fear, and wonder, as your lips began to peck at each and every one of his knuckles. Then his fingertips. Then his (bandaged) palm. You even nudged the injured side of his hand with your nose, gently so as not to aggravate the wound. "Nothing at all?"

His tearful golden eyes met yours directly as he whispered, "Maybe there's something after all."

#saeyoung choi #Luciel Choi #707 #707 x reader #mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #gn!reader #thanks for the ask!#anon #This is LARGELY the fault of pastelsapphy and marshmallowprotection >:T /nm

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brighteststar707 · 2 months ago

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Set towards the end of V's route, after the explosion at Mint Eye. Seven asks questions he doesn't want the answer to.

Circling the Drain

“Will you please tell me about him?”

He tries, really tries, to not sound desperate. He’s not sure if he succeeds.

This is the first time they’ve broached the subject so openly. Ever since he connected the dots (and finally addressed the growing elephant in the room), he had been grasping for every shred of Saeran he could hold on to.

She swallows visibly and she starts to fidget with the stack of papers in front of her. They’re all scraps, things he was using to jot down sporadic notes on earlier now left over in a heap on the table.

He isn’t sure he’s ready to hear it, truth be told. He is fighting the urge to simultaneously grill her for every little detail she has and also cover his ears and start humming. Having to let go of that image of the smiling, happy boy he had clung to for so long feels like pulling up the anchor and letting himself be carried by the waves. That memory was the only thing that kept him grounded for so long.

The result is this badly-hidden desperation that he can tell she’s pretending not to notice. A small kindness.

It hangs in the room for a moment too long. He can see her assessing, maybe cutting and polishing some pieces for him so they won’t slice into him when she tells him. Or, maybe, she’s just trying to make it all fit together in her head too.

He doesn’t fill the space. He doesn’t know what else to add. He doesn’t know how not to sound like he’s begging.

They’ve been talking for less than two weeks, but when she looks at him, he knows that she can see straight through him, down to the bone. If it’s because he’s hiding his own feelings badly for once or if she just knows him well enough already, he’s not sure.

She clears her throat. Then, voice shaky, tries to start.

“Ray… was kind.”

He notes her use of the past tense and tries not to move. Not to scream or run or bash his head against a wall.

“He was gentle and sweet. And timid. He was always worried about my wellbeing, despite the fact that I wasn’t doing anything.”

She purses her lips together. A small crease forms between her eyebrows, and Seven can see the gears turning.

“Yet he had somehow rationalized kidnapping me and holding me hostage. He genuinely believed he was keeping me safe. It’s strange, because it was obvious that Mint Eye was hurting him, even if he never said it.”

Seven flinches.

“I mean – not in front of me but it seemed – ” And her voice cuts. There is no recovery. They both know it.

“I never saw him eat properly. Or rest. He seemed to always be awake; I mean, you saw that too. And…”

A breath.

“He was scared. He pretended not to be in front of me, but he was. Of the outside, but also of Mint Eye itself. As if it was going to hurt him again.

Towards the end, he was so… desperate. It scared me, but I still can’t stop thinking about the fact that he was there till the end. Alone.”

Oh. No polishing for him then. It slices clean through him and he’s grateful for the sting of it.

He sits there, knotted around himself, waiting (hungering) for more. There has to be more. She was there, with him, in the flesh. He wants to wring her out for every little detail. Maybe, if they can remember him properly, they can bring him back somehow.

“I’m sorry, Seven.”

He shakes his head. “No. Thank you.”

He tries to unwind himself, piece by piece. She watches. It feels like his whole being is shifting to accommodate this new information. The brother he once knew. The stranger he fought for hours.

He stands upright, unmoored. The waves toss him back and forth and he doesn’t know which way is up.

“I’m going for a walk now.”

He will ask her again. Once the DNA results come back and he is reduced to a chasm, he will beg with a lot less composure. He will hear the good and the bad and the ugly and the scary and will spend many hours trying to piece a person back together.

But for now, he will walk until day breaks and refuse to believe the worst.

#my writing #mystic messenger #mystic messenger 707 #mysme 707 #mysme seven #mystic messenger seven #707 #saeyoung choi #mysme saeyoung #mysme saeyoung choi #mystic messenger saeyoung

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luc606 · 7 months ago

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She’d do anything to keep him smiling. This includes burying her reservations, denying her hopes, freeing Saeyoung of any responsibility to care for her feelings.

- MC/707 friends with benefits AU where Saeyoung stayed at the agency and didn't end up with MC at the end of his route (no names or placeholders, she/her for MC)

read on ao3

(team i just wanted to write fwb angst like please don't take the AU logistics too seriously i am just a little guy with glasses on)

“This didn’t happen.” Saeyoung’s voice is breathy, his chest heaving as he comes back to Earth. He drapes a lead-heavy arm over her waist and negotiates her closer, pressing her back into his stomach, tangling their legs together. His next words fall in the shallow of her neck, heady and warm. “None of it happened.”

Part of her is still an hour behind the present moment, still thrilling at the way his hands melted into her waist as he bent down to kiss her for the first time. Things had moved quickly from that point. Once he knew that she wanted him, his hands had rushed from her waist to the hem of her dress and beneath. He’d touched her in the doorway, looking down at her reactions with unrepentant awe. The rest plays back in a blur—frantic, desperate.

It had happened almost accidentally. He’d texted her, annoyed and frustrated by work, needing a distraction. She’d invited him over with a text that used plausibly deniable suggestive language. The two of them had been on the precipice of something for long enough that the suggestion alone was enough. Before anything happened, though, they’d agreed that this would be strictly no strings attached.

She shifts against him, moving her hand to press against her own hip. She wonders if the tender spot there will bruise. This didn’t happen.

Saeyoung had spent the better part of the evening touching her, denying reciprocation at every turn. “All I want is you,” he’d said. “Let me have this.”

None of it happened.

He squeezes her against his chest, prompting a response. When she doesn’t answer, worry floods his voice. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine, sorry.” She pushes his arm away just long enough to turn around and face him. She meets his eyes, lets herself sink into his warm honey gaze once more before she agrees, offering a soft smile. “None of it happened.”

Saeyoung breathes a sigh of relief, burying his face in her neck. She wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him impossibly closer, wordlessly begging him to stay.

Ever since uncovering Mint Eye, Saeyoung has been drowning in work. Even with help from everyone in the RFA—even with Jumin’s money and connections, a whole task force dedicated to the cause—the work is never-ending. Every moment of his limited free time is devoted to his brother. He’s been reintroducing himself to Saeran with the supervision of a full hospital staff and even that is risky. It isn’t hard to guess at the results by the way Saeyoung’s voice shakes every time his twin comes up in conversation.

Regardless of whether he wants one or not, Saeyoung doesn’t have the time to pursue a relationship. He doesn’t have the peace of mind, either. He’s always going, always on high alert. Figures from his past loom in the distance. Saeyoung has seemed to resign to the fact that he’ll never quite be free to live the life he wants.

Therefore, secrecy is understandable. Expected, even. The RFA members would ask questions, would push them toward pursuing something more rounded and wholesome. The last thing that Saeyoung needs is more expectations, more ties, more obligations.

She pushes a hand through his hair, gently teasing sticky curls away from his forehead with the pads of her fingers. Her nails scratching the back of his neck elicit a satisfied hum. She wonders whether she could get him to fall asleep with her. It would be nice to confirm with her own eyes that, for once, he’s getting a good night’s sleep.

“Stay with me,” she whispers. “Sleep here.”

For a moment, he considers it. He pulls back, locking eyes with her again. She watches his eyes trace the shape of her beneath the sheets, watches him linger on her lips, maybe thinking about kissing her again. She can see the exact moment that he pulls back into himself. His eyes darken, his brow furrows. He shakes his head and pushes himself away.

“I have to meet with Saeran’s doctors in the morning.” He stands at the end of the bed, quickly pulling on clothes. Just a moment later, he looks just like he did when he stepped in the door. None of it happened.

“Right.” She’s never felt more naked than she does in this moment. When he turns away to pick his jacket off the floor, she scrambles out of bed and into the bathroom to put on her bath robe.

He’ll probably go home and straight back to agency work. This is how he spends most of his nights, sacrificing as many of his sleeping hours as possible to the agency so that he can leave the day to Saeran and the RFA. She would admire his work ethic if she weren’t so fucking worried about him.

“I’m sorry,” he says, so quiet that she almost doesn’t hear it.

There is nothing to say, so she says nothing. This is exactly what she expected, exactly what she agreed to. When he called earlier that night, frustrated and angry and exhausted, she’d harbored no secret hopes in inviting him over. Still, she can’t help the lump that forms in the back of her throat.

Saeyoung frowns. Worry, again, evident in his furrowed brow. It’s impossible for her to keep from going to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek against his chest to hear his beating heart.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

He squeezes her back. When she looks up, he offers a soft smile. He repeats, “I’m sorry.”

She forces herself to smile back, swallowing her heart. “Don’t worry about me. Like you said, none of this happened.”

The next week is uneventful. Saeyoung is just as busy as always and no one in the RFA hears from him. He can be a ghost when he wants to be, completely missing in action, hidden away at the desk in his dark office.

She worries, thinks about calling, fantasizes about cooking a warm meal for him and bringing it over. None of these fantasies stick long enough for her to follow through with them. After all, she has her own responsibilities to attend to.

It’s not until the very end of the weekend, a rainy Sunday night, that she hears from him again. He appears on her doorstep in the dark, still dressed in a suit and tie befitting the C&R office, rain soaking through his trim jacket.

“Can I come in?” he asks, already halfway through the door.

This time, she’s the first to touch him. All the regret and worry of the past week floods her in an instant, so she distracts the feeling by wrapping her hands around his tie and pulling him down to her height.

He responds quickly, grasping at her waist and kissing her back. He kisses her like he wants to eat her alive. Desperate, frantic.

“Is everything okay?” she asks in-between kisses.

“Please,” he groans, “just you.” He grabs two handfuls of her thighs, pressing her against him like his ultimate goal is complete fusion of the atoms that make them up. “It’s been such a long week… I just want you.”

She breaks the kiss and falls to her knees in front of him, gratified by how he squirms and blushes at her undoing his belt. “Is this okay?” She takes him in her hand, pumps slowly.

He gives a breathless laugh, truly caught off guard. “Please don’t ask silly questions.”

The sound he makes when she takes him into her mouth sends a thrill up her spine. She quickens her pace, coaxing more sounds from him. He threads his hands through her hair, rewarding her efforts with gentle tugging at her scalp. When it’s too much, he pulls her away.

“Please,” he begs, “if you keep going, I’m not going to be able to do what I came here to.”

She releases him, looking up with a smile, and he pulls her to her feet and into his arms. He carries her to the bed in a rush, then tosses her onto it.

This time, he is not so thorough in exploring her. He helps her out of her pajamas, then hooks his hands under her knees and pulls her to the edge of the bed.

“You’re so beautiful.” He palms her breasts with calloused hands as he leans down to kiss her again. “Seriously, men kill for this.” He chuckles at his own hyperbole. One hand ventures further down, splaying against her stomach before finding its place between her thighs. “I’d be one of the men in question if it came to that.”

Her laugh is smothered by a sigh as Saeyoung pushes inside her. When she looks up at him, she can see a once-familiar humor on his face. He looks like he’s trying to produce another joke and coming up short. She takes in his smile and the scrunch of his nose and the warmth of his eyes as if she is seeing him for the first or last time.

Saeyoung pouts. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He lets out a breath, pushing into her again. He leans forward, leveraging himself so that he can go faster without breaking eye contact. “Like…” He grunts. “Like I’ve got something on my face?”

“I think you’re beautiful,” she admits, her hands finding his face and holding him steady while he fucks her, “especially when you’re like this.”

When they’re like this, his shoulders are light, his eyes sparkle. She remembers what things were like when they first met.

Somehow, things were simpler when there was a nameless hacker and a secret agency and a mysterious cult. Now, the complications are in the specifics. Saeyoung has to care for his brother, he has more work for the agency, he’s been betrayed by his friends and threatened by his family. The RFA members occasionally wring their hands and worry for him but, for the most part, they go about their lives while Saeyoung drowns. Here, now, everything fades away. Saeyoung is able to laugh like he used to.

“What do you mean ‘especially?’” He chuckles. “You think I’m prettier naked?”

“No.” She reaches out for him, pressing a hand against his stomach and tracing the muscles there. “I mean, when you’re not worried about anything.”

“You think this is me not worrying?” He thrusts again, harder.

“Isn’t it?” She frowns. Her eyes find his and it causes his hips to stutter.

Saeyoung pulls back and flips her onto her stomach with one swift hand. He crawls into bed on top of her and pushes into her again. Closer, harder. The thread of their attempt at conversation is momentarily lost, then forgotten entirely.

When they’re finished, Saeyoung bends at the elbows, pressing his full weight into her for just a moment. His lips graze her shoulder—a half-hearted attempt at a kiss—as he rolls over to lay on his back.

“Don’t you know that being with you terrifies me?” he asks, voice sounding far away. “Just because I’m having fun doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

She stays on her stomach. Something in her knows that it’s easier for him to admit this when he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes. That’s what all of this is, isn’t it? Closeness without any of the vulnerability. She pushes up onto her knees. Below her, Saeyoung’s face is stuck in a soft smile, even though he’s still catching his breath. His curls are mussed, sticking up in every direction, and for the first time she notices the galaxy of freckles on his chest.

Gently, as if Saeyoung is the most fragile thing in the world, she ghosts one finger over his torso, tracing a line from one freckle to another on the path to a full constellation.

“Are you terrified even if it, um—“ She swallows, trying to find the words. Her finger keeps on its path and Saeyoung’s breath hitches when she stops at a mole at the base of his neck. “—if it’s just this?” If it’s like it never happened. If no one finds out. If they aren’t attached.

He catches her hand in his and clutches it against his chest. “Weren’t you listening?” Again, there’s a flicker of his old humor in his eyes. “Just because I’m having fun doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

Her first thought is one that she stifles. What is the point of all the secrecy and avoidance if it’s only going to worry him anyway? She frees her hand to trace the corner of his smile. She’d do anything to keep him smiling. This includes burying her reservations, denying her hopes, freeing Saeyoung of any responsibility to care for her feelings.

“There’s no reason to worry. None of this matters, right?” She reaches down to kiss him, her hair falling to form a curtain around their faces. For just a moment, the whole world consists of only the two of them.

Saeyoung pulls back from the kiss, his eyes darkening. He seems to remember himself, pushing up into a seated position and smoothing his hair back into place.

“You’re right.” When he speaks, his voice sounds uncharacteristically bitter.

He dresses quickly and a distinct feeling of déjà vu overtakes the girl watching. Just like the first time, he sheds all traces of her from himself with remarkable ease. In moments, he is dressed again. Soon after, he is out the door.

119 notes · View notes

anas-tasiaa · 2 years ago

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Itachi and Sasuke but make it Saeyoung and Saeran because I'm crying over these 2 brothers now. Thank you very much.

Both older brother choose to sacrifice everything for the sake of the younger one. I'm definitely not crying ^^

Crying shitting screaming puking fainting

#ITACHI SASUKE TIKTOK MAKE ME CRYING A RIVER I'M NOT KIDDING #AND MY MIND JUST WHAT IF THEM BUT CHOI TWIN????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭#Mystic Messenger #saeran choi #saeyoung choi #OK BUT WHAT IF THEM-#COULD YOU IMAGINE #THE WORDS OF I've always..loved you #BUT IT'S SAEYOUNG #OSJSHSHSHSHSHHDYDYDYD.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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natasha-in-space · 2 months ago

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⋆˚Longing For You˚⋆

Pairing: Saeyoung/gn!reader.

Summary: You were perfectly aware that it wouldn't be simple or even safe to be with Saeyoung as your lifelong partner. You fully accepted it. If it meant being by his side, you were more than willing to face all kinds of dangerous odds life threw your way. You never realized that Saeyoung couldn't bear the weight of your devotion to him.

Notes: 'better to be tragically in love than to have not loved at all' promt for @brighteststar707! Post-divorce angst and hurt-comfort. Implied unhealthy alcohol consumption (reader thinks of drinking as a coping mechanism but never fully commits to it). Both reader and Saeyoung need a hug.

AO3 Link - 5.2k words.

Credit: Divider by @/saradika-graphics.

Happily ever afters are a thing of fiction. You always knew that, on some level. You weren't an innocent fool, treating life as if it was a carefree fairytale.

But this was just too cruel.

With your head resting in your arms and the entire weight of the world pressing down on you, you let out a deep sigh. The silence of your apartment felt especially draining today, seeping straight into your bones and constantly reminding you of just how utterly lonely and miserable you were. On the table slightly off to the side rested unopened bottles of vodka and tequila that you had purchased earlier today, the glass glistening almost mockingly under the ceiling lights.

Even though you bought them on a whim, you ultimately couldn't bring yourself to drink. A part of you was frustrated at that. What precisely was stopping you, after all? Nothing.

Or, rather... nobody.

Your unusually high levels of moping today had a valid reason. Though you wished you wouldn't care nearly as much, or even remember it for that matter. That's why you stocked up on alcohol in the first place. To become so inebriated that you'd forget. Hopefully.

You and Saeyoung would be celebrating your first wedding anniversary today. Really, you didn't care all that much about marriage as a whole. What bothered you so much was what it stood for. Memories of a happier time that was so recent, yet felt so painfully alien to you now. Even after several months, he continued to occupy all of your thoughts. His smiles, his laughter, the red of his hair, his scent. Everything.

You couldn't stop thinking about him. And it hurt. Nothing in the world hurt as much as this did. Like there was a gaping hole left inside you, ripped into you forcefully and unceremoniously, with no regard for the suffering it would inflict on you. Is that what Saeran meant back when he was just brought into the bunker...? You remember him saying something similar... Feeling like a half of him was missing. It's funny how life goes. Your hands moved on their own as they haphazardly grabbed at the bottle that was closest to you and ripped the cap open, hastily bringing it up to your lips. There was no enjoyment in the burning liquid trickling down your throat as you took three large gulps, almost choking as a result. It simply felt repulsive, if anything. You hadn't drunk much ever since you met Saeyoung. Nothing more than a single fruity cocktail on a romantic date night or perhaps a cup of champagne at the RFA event.

You knew Saeyoung wouldn't approve if you did, after all. Although he probably wouldn't have stopped you. He was considered of you like that.

Immediately after you slammed the bottle back down, the hard sound reverberated throughout the apartment, followed by a dry cough. You felt no desire to continue. If anything, you just felt even more pathetic and gross about yourself, bitter tears stinging your eyes as you swallowed down the lump in your throat.

Drinking yourself to death over your ex husband. It was almost humiliating. This was definitely a rock bottom, if you ever saw one.

But it wasn't supposed to be like this. You were meant to work together as a team and support one another no matter how risky things got.

He was supposed to trust you.

And you didn't know how to live with the fact that he didn't.

You didn't hate Saeyoung. God knows you couldn't hate him even if you tried. Your heart yearned for him with the same warm tenderness it did back in Rika's apartment all those years ago. There was a part of you that wanted to hate him. That would make everything so much easier. You could rant to a lovely bartender about your deadbeat husband, get intoxicated without any guilt holding you back, and possibly even find a handsome stranger to spend a lousy night with.

You couldn't do that, though. You couldn't even finish a bottle of tequila for heaven's sake.

Your separation with Saeyoung was as out of the ordinary as every step you have made with him. All of you knew that his father would become a real threat to you one day. It was just a matter of time. You thought you were prepared for that day to come. However, it turns out that none of you were really prepared for that day to come. Maybe that's because you underestimated just how low that man was willing to sink to ensure that nothing and nobody would sully his good image. In the end, Saeyoung's ingrained paranoia wasn't enough to keep you out of harm's way. Maybe that's what broke you apart. That he wasn't enough. That's what he likely felt, anyway.

Saejoong captured Saeran without as much as a warning, which none of you could have predicted. And none of you expected him to dangle Saeran's life in front of you like a carrot on a stick.

Saeyoung has never looked as terrified as he did in that moment, not even the day he recognized Saeran in Unknown. You'll remember that look of sheer, primal terror painted over his face as white as a sheet until the day you die. It felt like the weight of the entire universe was falling on you at once when you got that initial transmission from that monster of a man. What could you do to help Saeyoung at that very moment? You had no other option except to be his rock and stick with him through it all. You were happy to do that for him. You were a team, after all.

He took a bullet for Saeran, so why is it that you doing the same for him somehow turned out to be the end for your relationship?

Unconsciously, you reached up to touch the area where the bullet scar has now resigned, imbedded in your left shoulder. A timeless reminder of you saving Saeyoung's life and dooming your happy relationship simultaneously. That was so painfully ironic. You knew he would feel guilty about it. You knew he would be stressed, scared, shaken. Maybe it's because he was left alone with his thoughts for too long. Both you and Saeran hurt and unconscious in hospital beds, while all he could do was wait and pray for the better. He probably felt like he failed you. That his presence in your life has only caused you suffering and peril. And no one was there for him to quell those dark thoughts of his in time.

In the end, you'll never know what truly prompted him to end things between you. All you knew were those sad, guilty eyes refusing to even look at you, and the tremble in his voice, almost like he would break down in tears from even the smallest pushback from you. Perhaps that's why you were also utterly powerless. You were both so stressed, scared, and hurt, each in your own way. And at the time, a part of you thought that would be for the better. For him to focus on Saeran without having to feel guilty every time he saw your bandaged shoulder.

Naturally, you quickly regretted that choice. But it was too late. And now, you were here. On a day that should have been filled with love and joy, you instead find yourself alone in your empty apartment with just two bottles of booze to keep you company. Knowing Saeyoung, he'd probably plan some elaborate game for you to play. Of course, with him as the final reward. Or maybe he would go the romantic route and take you out somewhere remote to see the stars. Maybe you could dance together beneath the wide night sky before sharing a tender kiss under the stars to cap off the evening.

...Those thoughts didn't help you much right now, if at all. Quite the opposite, actually. You weren't really drunk. Not on alcohol, at least. Even though you weren't as seasoned as Jumin, you wouldn't get wasted after three gulps. But you were certainly drunk on your feelings of heartbreak. And maybe that was plenty to get you drunk in a whole new way.

When your fingers reached into your pocket and took out your phone, you didn't think. You scrolled aimlessly until you came across the familiar red of his hair. You didn't really expect him to pick up. You weren't certain that you wanted him to pick up at all. And yet...

"MC?"

He does.

After hearing his voice say your name, there was a prolonged period of deafening silence. You didn't know what to say. You could only guess that you seemed strange to him right now, yet you also couldn't really bring yourself to care. Once a minute or two has passed, his voice rang out in your ear again, not cold or angry. Worried.

"MC?" He reiterated, this time with greater urgency. It made another lump form in your throat, making it hard to breathe. He probably thought you were in danger, you were just worrying him without good reason to do so. "MC, is everything alright? Do you need h-"

"-Do you know what today is?"

Before you had a chance to reconsider, the question already escaped your chapped lips. But you didn't dare to try and take it back. You had no desire to. Even as another long moment of heavy silence fell over you, this one more pronounced than the ones before it.

Given everything that had transpired between you two, you could only assume that Saeyoung was probably taken aback by your sudden call, and that's putting it lightly. The tone of your voice made it clear that you were not exactly in your best state of mind. There was an unsaid, unbroken bond between you that neither of you could ever fully get rid of, even though you had left the bunker weeks before. You had no doubt he knew that you were referring to your would-be anniversary, but he didn't seem know what to say. You didn't blame him. You wouldn't really know what to say to that, either.

"...Of course I know what day it is," Saeyoung murmured after that hefty pause. "Is... that why you called?"

He didn't sound annoyed with you, at least you didn't think so. Either way, you were suddenly sweating like a sinner in church, shifting uncomfortable on your stool and licking your lips.

His response made you laugh uneasily while you stared up at your apartment's ceiling. You felt your heart fluttering with a mixture of excitement and sadness, but it was mostly the latter. You didn't know or care if it was your lovesickness for him or the alcohol that was clouding your judgment.

“It would’ve been our first marriage anniversary, you know that? We would’ve been married for a whole year. How crazy is that?” You said softly, but there was more to it than that. It was impossible to ignore the almost pleading and desperate undertones seeping through into your voice. You weren't really attempting to disguise it, anyways. You wanted to know that you weren't the only one losing your mind here. That he was concerned for you. That he cared.

The mere mention of your anniversary caused your breath to catch in your throat, making you feel a wave of mixed emotions. Anger, regret, nostalgia - all of them hit you over the head like a ton of bricks. Given that you were essentially baiting him with mentions to your shared past, you could only assume that Saeyoung was well aware of your intentions here. You knew you weren't being very fair to him right now. He must be struggling as well. It's not right for you to demand for his attention like this.

But despite your genuine desire to control your selfish urges, you were unable to do so.

It was a fundamental aspect of your relationship with him, funnily enough. You never knew how to back off.

"MC..." he started, your name practically strangled from his lips. It hurt you to hear him murmur it like that. As if just mentioning you by name was heartbreaking for him. "Don't do this. It's over. There's no point in dwelling on what could have been. You'll just... hurt yourself."

On a whim, you took another gulp from the bottle and immediately regretted it, spitting some of it back out as you exhaled and ran your fingers over your untidy, uncombed hair. Not necessarily because you couldn't stomach your alcohol, but because it felt so utterly wrong to drink like this with him on the line. You were such a mess, God. A complete and utter mess. This mixture of emotions just made you more obstinate and determined, and you couldn't help but question whether things would have been any different at all if you were actually intoxicated. So much for keeping to yourself and not bothering anyone with your problems.

“There is a point. We were good, you and me. The divorce didn’t have to happen, you know,” you groaned with a slight bitterness in your voice. “It’s your damn father, it’s always your damn father and this unfair world that keeps getting in the way and hurting us. Why couldn’t you understand that, huh? That none of that was your fault?”

You decided to move away from the table - and the alcohol - and sit on your couch, leaning your head back, looking up at the ceiling. Your mind seemed scattered at best, and your eyes were a little off-focus. There was another long beat of silence on the other end of the line, and a part of you wondered if he just hang up on you. You wouldn't blame him. However, your heart pounded in your chest as you heard him take a deep, tremulous breath.

You wished he was here.

"MC, I-"

“Listen,” your words were still shaky as you spoke. “Can you… can you come over? I just… I just need to talk to you. Please.”

Your grip on the phone tightened, your knuckles turning white from the tension in your joints. You were well aware that your remarks most likely resonated with him, possibly even evoking the same defensiveness and dread that had led the two of you to this very moment. He knew you were right, after all. He could run from it and deny it all he wanted, but you knew him. You knew that, deep down, he must have understood that it was his father that was to blame for all the pain inflicted on those he loved. Not Saeyoung himself. Never Saeyoung. Your downfall was largely due to the outside factors completely out of your control. But he was too stubborn and selfless to admit it.

"I'm not coming over, MC," he said through gritted teeth. "We agreed to keep our distance. And you're... You're better off without me, for God's sake."

You let out a frustrated grunt, steadfastly refusing to give up on this. You were in too deep already. You always had a difficult time accepting no as an answer, especially when it came to Saeyoung. The evident tremor in his voice simply made you feel even more determined to keep pushing. He wasn't fooling anyone.

“I don’t care that you think I'm 'better off' without you. I just… I just want to see you. It’s been a month, and I miss you,” Your voice took on an even more pleading tone as you spoke. If there was any dignity left in you, it just flew straight out the window. You were willing to beg if you need to. “It’s our anniversary, Saeyoung. I won’t be able to handle it alone. Please.”

He gave another lengthy sigh at your insistence. Pain of separation and longing welled up inside you as you spoke, sending a sharp pang straight through your chest. No matter how hard you tried, you could no longer deny it. You felt the same way about him as you did before. And it was painful to keep these feelings suppressed as though they were wrong. Especially when you knew they were mutual.

"Damn it," he hissed, cursing to himself. You knew full well that you would likely regret this when you had more clarity. But right now, you didn't care one bit. You simply awaited the verdict with bated breath. Finally, you heard him taking a breath, a muffled sound similar to the creaking of a chair being heard in the background. "...I'll be there in 30 minutes."

Relief and excitement washed over you as your heart skipped a beat in your chest. You couldn't believe it, but you somehow, by some miracle, you managed to persuade him to come over. However, you surmised that he was most likely only acting out of concern for you. You were a mess. You only wanted to see him again, regardless of his intentions. As you brushed over your hair again, a small, nervous smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

“Thank you,” you said, your voice growing quieter and softer as desperation gave way to anxious hopefulness. “I'll be waiting. And, uh... don't hang up. Please.”

You were simply too afraid of having false hope on your hands, even though that plea sounded foolish. You needed him to come.

"...Alright."

You attempted to try and relax while you awaited his arrival. You rose to your feet with some difficulty, and stumbled slightly as you made your way over to the bathroom. You sprayed your face with cold water in an attempt to hopefully pull yourself together. You inspected your reflection in the mirror. The state of your appearance was disheveled, messy, and unkempt. To put it mildly, that is. You hadn't been showering in days, and the deep bags under your eyes were a dead giveaway of just how little sleep you had gotten lately. But as long as he was coming over, you didn't give a damn.

While you didn't talk much with each other except for some very short exchanges, you still could hear the sound of Saeyoung driving through the phone speaker, a sound that was in equal measure calming and anxiety-inducing, considering the circumstances. You could hear him stumble around as he got into his car, the sound being a mixture of worry and amusement on your end. You hoped he wouldn't drive carelessly. A part of you questioned whether this was a wise decision at all. If you should maybe just apologize and tell him to go back home and not trouble himself. It would probably simply hurt him to see you. But you also knew that you were already too deep into this to back out now.

Saeyoung had no trouble parking his car outside your apartment. After all, you knew all too well what an impressive driver he was. And he was familiar with every corner of your apartment building. Not that you made much of an effort to distance yourself from him. However, looking back, that might have been more advantageous for you both. You could hear him pausing momentarily, probably to calm down, mentally prepare himself for what was to come. You followed suit. Though, it didn't really work. He went up the stairs and knocked firmly on the door of your apartment, causing all of your nerve endings to tingle with nervous excitement.

As you answered the knock on your door, your heart began to race once more. You hurried towards it, almost tripping over your own feet, and opened it, your eyes widening as you saw him standing there. Real. You managed to catch yourself on the door frame after unintentionally tripping a little while standing. You were silent for a moment, your eyes roaming over him, taking in his presence. He looked the same as always. Red, unkept hair you loved so much, striped glasses fitting perfectly on his nose, casual and comfy attire, the silver cross. You had to actively stop yourself before you would fall into him the way you typically did when you were lost because he looked that painstakingly familiar to you.

Instead, you stepped back and gestured for him to enter, swallowing down your emotions.

"You actually came..."

The sight of him made your heart ache with longing. The longer you looked looked him, the more changes your eyes could see. He wasn't as familiar as you initially believed. He looked... unkept, tired, vulnerable. Not at all the chaotically put together man you remembered from your relationship. His eyes were dull, his skin paler than you remembered, clothes just like tad more wrinkled than you were used to. Saeyoung's fists were clinched, as if he was resisting the need to speak or act upon something. You hoped he wanted to touch you. To hold you. Just as much as you wanted to hold him. However, you were way too afraid of him leaving again to even attempt to express that desire out loud. As he entered, his movements were stiff and tense. You didn't like seeing him like this. Not with you.

"You asked me to," he mumbled his words in a somewhat gruff tone, observing the obvious messiness of your apartment. Damn it, you didn't even try to clean up since you were so frantic. He probably saw the bottles. You weren't actually intoxicated, though. Still, it left a bitter taste in your mouth to think of him seeing you like this. He probably just felt worse about himself now.

Great job, MC.

As you closed the door behind him, you let out a dry laugh. The sound bounced through the dimly lit apartment, and you stumbled slightly as you attempted to get back on your feet, the overwhelming feelings from his presence quite literally making you feel weak in the knees. You walked back to the couch and settled down on it, keeping your gaze fixed on him the entire time, as if you were terrified that if you looked away, he would vanish like a mirage.

"Yeah, I did," you admitted with a slight shaky voice. "Come sit down, will you?"

You rubbed the cushion and pointed to the empty spot on the couch next you. You scooted closer to him as he made his way over to the couch and sat down next to you. The heat emanating from his body was so strong you could feel it even without directly touching him, the familiar scent of his cologne filling your nostrils and making your insides flutter. Orange and lavender. It was a cologne that you gave him as a Christmas present a year ago. He was still using it. You were both pleased and saddened by the thought. Following your first impulse without a second thought, you reached out and grasped at his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. As you put your hand in his, a flood of memories of your wedding day and your happier moments together swept over you.

Saeyoung flinched at the contact, and you couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling the same electric current the moment his skin touched yours. As you intertwined your fingers together, the harsh physical reminder of everything you had lost made your heart throb. You could feel his body heat through his clothes, and the closeness made all the walls you had built up inside you start to crumble. They weren't really all that strong in the first place.

Saeyoung didn't pull away.

"...I missed you," you confessed softly, almost whispering.

"MC..." he began with a slight crack in his voice. His eyes were glued to the wall ahead of him as he cleared his throat. His fingers twitches in your grasp. "We can't keep doing this, you know. We agreed-"

"I know what we agreed on," you interjected before he could finish, your hand squeezing his own in a silent attempt to get him to just look at you. "But I-"

You squeezed your eyes shut and drew a trembling breath.

"I can't keep going like this, Saeyoung."

The words left you in a weak whisper, only audible due to the suffocating silence of your apartment this late in the night. Panic struck when you felt him begin to move to remove his hand away from yours. You clung to him, what you said next coming out in a hurried, shaky ramble that grew louder and more emotional the longer you spoke, all the pent-up feelings seeping into your voice with no means for you to stop it.

"I know you blame yourself, and I know seeing me get hurt for you was probably like living through your worst nightmare, and I'm sorry you had to go through something that painful and scary all alone, but-" You took a deep breath. "-But it's no reason for you to blame yourself for everything that happened! It's not your fault I got hurt! It's not even your fault that Saeran got hurt!"

The quiet felt even heavier after your outburst, almost physically weighing you down due to how charged and stagnant the air suddenly felt. The silence was thick with tension of mutual repressed emotions, each breath feeling almost painful in your lungs. He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, clearly trying to contain a flood of his own hidden feelings. Though, you wished for the opposite. You wished for him to be honest with you once more and look you directly in the eyes while doing so. Even if it was ugly or nonsensical, or even downright unfair to you. You just wished for you both to stop hiding things for one another's sake.

"...Not my fault?" He repeated, and the lingering animosity in his voice was obvious even if you couldn't see his face. It was a heavy sound, despite the quiet volume with which his words were spoken. He gave a short, stifled laugh and shook his head. Though it was devoid of any joy or mirth you were used to. You loved hearing Saeyoung laugh, but not like this. This was a sharp, hollow sound. Not one filled with joy and happiness, as it should be. Finally, he turned to look at you, his eyes angry and hard. Not at you, though. You knew this ire was only ever directed at himself. You secretly hoped that, for once, he would be upset with you instead of silently tearing himself down again. That would make it less painful to witness. "MC, you almost died because of me. By the time we were at the hospital, you lost so much blood, you were in critical condition."

Your heart squeezed in your chest. You knew what you were going to say to that. And you knew he wouldn't want to hear it. But you said it anyway.

"...You know I would've taken that bullet for you a 100 times over again if I had to. I do not regret protecting the man I love."

You could almost see the moment he broke, which was both horrible and relieving at the same time. He sucked in a shaky breath, one that bordered on a sob, and then he grabbed at your shoulders, his fingers digging into your clothes tightly, almost painfully.

"You would, wouldn't you? Of course you fucking would. And what would happen next, huh? How do you think I am supposed to live with myself, knowing that the one person in this entire god-forsaken world that has believed in me and loved me when all I wanted was to give up on myself, died because I couldn't protect them? Because I failed to keep them safe from harm after all they've done for me!?" He shook you a little, an action that was probably more emotional than purposeful on his part, like he was trying to literally shake some sense into you. "Do you have any idea how terrifying it was-? To sit there, with blood of two people I love and care for the most all over me!? Not knowing if- if..."

And the tears came. Two thin streaks of clear moisture sliding down his cheeks and dripping onto your lap with silent weight of restrained hurt finally set free. You quickly became aware that you were crying now as well, your own silent, hurt tears pouring down your cheeks.

"And then, when you finally woke up, you just- smiled at me. Like nothing was wrong at all! Like you weren't just on the brink of death because of me. Do you have any idea how that felt to me?" He's not shouting anymore, previous frustration and ire replaced with broken sorrow and guilt. Which was worst for your hurting heart was a mystery to you. He shook his head again, a shaky breath leaving him. "You think I couldn't tell that you were in pain? That you were just putting on a brave face for me? I hated you throwing your life away for me like that. I don't deserve it. Not me."

Your palm barely touched the softness of his shirt when you laid a hand over his chest. You could feel the rapid raise and fall of his chest, the trembling in his body. There was a part of you that wanted to just jump right in and hug him. But you didn't. Not quite yet.

"...I'm sorry I didn't think how my actions would make you feel, Saeyoung. I wanted you to not blame yourself for what happened, but... instead, I just made you blame yourself even more by lying to you. I should have been honest with you. Maybe if I relied on you a bit more, you wouldn't feel so responsible for my pain." With your next words, your voice hardened as you gulped. "-But I'm not sorry for keeping you safe. You might not like hearing it, but... if I was to truly die on that day, I would die with no regrets."

"MC..."

Your name came out like a broken plea from his lips, and the sound tugged at your heart even more. You raised your eyes to meet his own, so clouded with undeserved pain and guilt. You were not sure if you could fix it anymore, if you could take away all that pain he inflicted onto himself. However, you knew one thing.

"No matter how much it hurts, be it this bullet wound, or you leaving me with only a half of my heart to live with, I don't regret meeting you and loving you. I'll never regret it. Not in life, not in death. I want you to know that."

When you finally drew Saeyoung into your arms, his body slumped into you with no resistance, his hands gripping the back of your shirt firmly as his body trembled with weeping sobs. And even as you cried and mourned into his shoulder in turn, there were no regrets tearing at your heart. Only pain for the man you loved and his sorrow.

While Saeyoung may have regretted everything, you regretted nothing.

All you could hope for was that he would come to forgive himself anew.

"...My only regret is letting you walk away, when we promised to shoulder our burdens together," you whispered into his hair as you turned to press your lips to his temple. His hold on you became more and more firm, almost crushing. Hungry. You welcomed that hunger with open arms.

"I'm the one who broke that promise."

You hesitated.

"Then we'll rebuild that promise anew. If you'll have me."

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeyoung choi #choi saeyoung #mystic messenger 707 #luciel choi #saeyoung x reader #707 x reader #i don't really like it 😭#but it's bc a good chunk of it got deleted so i had to rewrite it from scratch ugh #that's why it's so late btw lmao #i think i just need a break for it to appreciate it #also i would make them kiss but uh #while the reader is not really drunk the taste of alcohol is still there so #just wouldn't feel right with saeyoung #so i made them hug instead

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cupcakefactory · 2 months ago

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Things mc would do for their depressed partner...aka all the rfa! or just saeyoung/saeran :D

Thank you so much for this!! i had a lot of fun writing it for you, i hope you enjoy. Our M/FLs need some love sometimes they can't always be strong!

Wordcount: 1637

Spoilers for Mystic Messenger below.

ZEN:

It would be very rare for ZEN to get depressed, he was a positive person by nature and even when things got hard a simple run was normally enough to shake those feelings. The only time you could recall seeing ZEN depressed was when he hurt his leg and couldn’t rehearse; and the following actions from Echo girl after. Even then, he cheered up quickly, with help from yourself and Jumin Han.

That being that, it would be rare ZEN was depressed enough to need any assistance from you, but after being rejected from 3 jobs he had auditioned for he was starting to feel down in the dumps.

Cheering ZEN up is simple in some ways and complicated in others. First you need to actually discover he's feeling bad - he is an actor by trade. He doesn’t want to worry his partner with something that he feels is superficial but once you know how he's feeling you can start working on cheering him up. First thing first, you went to the convenience store to pick up his favourite drink and a snack - he normally gravitated towards salads but you brought him something sugary instead. Everyone craves sugar when depressed and Hyun Ryu wasn't the exception. Once you’d shared the treats you went for a run with him - if running isn’t your thing don’t worry, he would go slow for you to help you keep up. Maybe even just walking around your local park if that's all you can manage - he wouldn’t mind or complain. He could see how hard you're trying to cheer him up and that in itself works magic.

By the time you both get home and collapse on the sofa all his worries are forgotten; another job would come before long. Thanks to your efforts today he learnt that he was the luckiest man alive because he got to have you by his side.

Yoosung Kim:

Since dating Yoosung you had noticed he had a tendency to worry over things and try to be a hero always. He wouldn’t let you know if he was struggling - just like when he was attacked in mint eye and injured his eye! You had no idea it had happened until the party and you were almost impressed at how easily he hid it.

Once you spent enough time together you learnt easily how to know when Yoosung was struggling, he had a habit of isolating himself a little and that was the case recently. He was so close to finishing college; and Jumin had told him if he passed with his expected grades he would personally help him open a vet clinic in Rika and Sally's honour. He was stressed and working himself to the bone to prove that he could do it.

You felt his anxiety from afar when you visited his dorm; you got concerned with Luciel mentioned in passing that he hadn’t been on LOLOL recently - you knew why he was working so hard but it was important to take breaks too! When you arrived, you pulled him away from his work despite his protests and made him share the take out you had brought with you. A simple meal would do him some good, and after that you were able to convince him to play some games with you.

By the time you both fell asleep next to each other on the sofa, he felt lighter and happier. The exams didn’t feel as looming with you by his side; and if he didn’t get the grades? You would be by his side and that's enough.

Jaehee Kang:

Jaehee was a strong woman; no one would argue that - ever since she found her step and was able to leave C&R and ask you to be her partner she hadn’t had a reason to feel blue. You were her main help, you made her days better and working by your side was more than a dream come true.

However, running a new business is hard work. Jaehee was a very talented lady, emails and numbers came easily to her thanks to her years of experience as Jumins assistant. The Cafe normally ran like clockwork; nothing went wrong except for the few times a delivery was late.. Until, multiple employees called in sick and Jaehee came home stressed and tired. She had worked herself to the bone and the only thanks she got was confrontation from the customers.

You made her a drink when she got in, settling easily next to her on the couch where you let her head fall onto your shoulder. She stayed like that for a while before you stood - walking to the DVD collection in the corner and picking up one of her favourites. Zen's musicals always helped Jaehee after a hard day when she worked for Jumin, she could recount every word from her favourite ones now. Why wouldn’t it be any different working by herself?

After all - she had the best partner she could ask for. Who knew how to help her stay calm and knew what her favourite musical was after all.

Jumin Han:

Jumin was taught from his childhood that his emotions didn’t matter. People worked tirelessly to try and impress him and get his praise, no one did anything for him simply because they wanted too until you came along. You came to his aid just because you wanted to make things easier for him and to help him smile again.

That's what he loved about you; how you gave him a reason to feel again. You made his emotions feel more real than ever before. He felt he could be honest with you about all the struggles in his life. Work stress was something he simply shook off but after meeting you? He didn’t bother too anymore - you were his dear partner. He returned home that day tired, his eye bags heavy as he didnt even both greet Elizabeth before collapsing onto the sofa. He didn’t want to worry you but he was tired; more so than he realised. Once you had gave him some time to collect his thoughts you sat by his side, giving him a glass of wine and taking one for yourself if that's what you wished. Jumin would tell you his struggles in time - but right now he appreciated the quiet by your side.

Your quiet breathing as he lay his head on your chest was more than enough noise to calm his racing mind, make him feel better and make everything make sense. He had never felt so lucky before.

Saeyoung Choi:

Saeyoung hid his depression behind laughter and jokes - you had worked that out quickly in the chatroom; and that had been proven when he came to your aid in the apartment. His jokey demeanour was gone; the sadness in his eyes obvious as he worked and even more so when his brother appeared.

Once everything setted and he had his family back, Saeyoung became more and more like Luciel. He joked all the time, teased everyone around him and this time it wasn’t to cover the hurt in his heart - it was to be himself for the first time in his life. Saeyoung had never been happier - but the rare times he did struggle with depression it wasn’t hard not to spot. He went quiet, isolated in his room until someone; normally you; came to check on him. He didn’t know how to tell you how he felt, he didn’t need to. You’d always be there to give him a drink and a shoulder to cry on. He didn’t want to talk about how he felt, the memories of his past destroying his future. He would simply cry on your shoulder and you'd stay there for him; for ever.

He knew how lucky he was, to get his family back for one but also to get to have you by his side. Someone who understood, who didn’t push too hard when things got hard and someone that would come to his side without a moment's warning. He didn’t need to ask you for help because you would offer it without even thinking - That was one of the things he loved most about you after all.

Saeran Choi:

Saeran had all but escaped hell by the time he had a moment to process his own feelings. He didn’t really know what it felt like to be depressed because he had never been truly happy not until you came into his life and taught him it was okay to be him, to be human and to feel.

He struggled with feeling, too caught up in the new found joy life had gifted him by having you at one side and his brother at the other. He had no reason to be depressed - but sometimes at night when everything got quiet and everyone was asleep he couldn’t stop his mind racing through everything in his life. Everything that had happened and everything that could happen. You heard him, every time he woke in a cold sweat and scared; he claimed your love cured him but you knew it couldn’t, this was no fairytale. You wanted to reach out and touch him, gently caress his hair to make him feel better but you wouldn’t not unless he asked for that as you knew your touch could be triggering. Instead, you hummed a gentle melody off you tongue which was able to ground him and make him feel better without the strain physical touch would cause.

He knew how lucky he was to have picked you as his game tester, he knew that now more than ever - the gentle melody on your lips calming him and luring him back into sleep and away from the horrors his mind created.

If you enjoyed this please check out my masterlist! My requests are always open :D

#mystic messenger #707 mystic messenger #zen mystic messenger #saeran mystic messenger #saeran choi #saeyoung choi #v mystic messenger #707 #hyun ryu #mysme

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