#but I wouldn't have them terrified and my God Id want my kids to have the best education they can get my kids are smarter than me I am happy

[im2tired4usernames]

You know if your church has an attitude that child education is a waste of time because God and revolutions is coming anytime and the world's just gonna end so the children don't need to waste time to know math and that you need to train them up right they just need to study the Bible and love God your church is lit just a dooms day cult and not even trying to hide it

[anonil88]

I just feel like I was put on this earth to make art, get hickeys, and give head.

When I'm not working, making a fashion post for fun, or something of some substance. I just daydream as long as I can until I get distracted and go back to work and then get distracted and go back to music and daydream.

My whole life after college has been one dissociative episode hour after hour. Actually even in college when I wasn't in class or working or studying I was daydreaming. I'd just listen to music and dream of stories id eventually write down or listen to music in my room when no one else was around or go into a bathroom and just zone out listening to music and get lost in my head until I had to engage with the real world and life.

I don't think I was made for all the stress and hard labor. That's probably why I wasn't born into multi generational wealth that I could give to ppl and put in grs gfms that I never tell anyone about I just do it because I have the money so why shouldn't I. Then like sit in my apartment paid for by daddies money and work on a play that no one would read or go to some club in the city that feels mysterious but really isnt. Or go to nyfw because I'm one of those fashion socialite instagrammers that gets invited to the show and the after party.

Trying to turn every hobby and interest i have into a profit wouldn't be a thing because i wouldn't need to stress myself looking for jobs that won't ever hire me. I have such a hard time getting a second interview or I take those damn tests you're supposed to lie on and I can't lie because I feel like a bad person or I pick all of the wrong answers. Top most embarrassing things is doing okay and getting an in person or zoom interview and your voice shaking or you slip up and ask "could you repeat that" one too many times that they don't believe you're competent.

Some people would read this and go ugh you want to be white. Nah I want all that privilege that rich white kids have in a black ass body. I want to just wisk my friends away to a stay cation in the Hamptons because my family has a home not in use so why not. I want to invest in all my friends businesses with connections, money, and physical resources. The thrill to cover 6+ months of rent for strangers, house less people, and my friends. Or hell just the ability to go why don't I buy a mansion (hype house things) we all live in and/or everyone can stay in the complex my parents own that they let us paint the walls etc. because they own it so oh well. I could legitimately just move and not be terrified of so many things. I wouldn't worry hey if this fails or I do a bad job at least I have a place that I'm not scared of losing because of finances. Or hey my grandparents are sick I can just hop on a plane to see them and not calculate how in a year or two thats gonna mess me over. Omg I wouldn't have to worry about my grandparents or family at all. I could travel and get therapy and other diagnosis without my benefits being further stripped and having no resources at all. I'd rather have depressive disorder in a home theater I'm putting together that's budgeted (even though I don't have to worry cost too much) in a big ass house that i don't have to worry about a bank taking or missing rent/a mortgage payment than this prison I've caged myself into.

I hate not being able to just do more and if I had the money, the connections, and the world that those kids live in I might just be able to reach down and help some of the people around me up. I hardly do it now and don't ever really do it for myself, I just buy shit I don't need. But with all of that oh my god I think of just the level of comfort, that isn't from my mental illness, and opportunity afforded to some of these millionaire billionaire kids and im like i just want to put my friends on man.

I could truly just enjoy a queer free life and so could the people around me. Even if I was detached and even more unaware of what the world is like I could do something instead of doing nothing.

Maybe I just want to live in the sims and have motherlode cheats but I can't afford to go to prison for money laundering.

[border-spam]

-- Uroboros log - Encrypted E-Call - Or8cle / S0litar3 - source Commercial trade vessel ID 122-J-Prom / Cpt - Seifa A’rosk / SAVED blame=GKT --

(Mid CoV, Ven belongs to @hieroglyphix and JK to @godkingsanointed)

See - I mean of all hthe things. Of all the things you coudl have warned me about in the last what. 4 years now of this? Of telling each other things tht mattered? You could have said nt to take a swing at Troy's stupid fucking face.

See - Hurts so much to type this. God excuse the typos tbh im not doing grea t.

See - I got everything I need tho I'm gd. Take it you know where IM heading yeah? Figure as much at least. I hope this was the right call, Ven. I really hope this was the right choice. Weird cause ive run this through so many times in my head u kno? Wexactly stept by step what I'd do what would happen where I’d go. Shit packed up and stored for a year now, but hey you do actually know that, huh.

See - Feles like my stomach is gone, dropped out of me somewhere back in the cathedral or something. Feels like imnot really here like this whole thing is a dream and I'll waitke up at my desk with a 20 messages I cba reading and a pot of takeout noodles one of you left for me. This doesn’t feel real but it is aint it. Nothing outside the hull cept empty space and silence.

See - Never thought I'd hatee silence, Ven. Wish you were here filling it.

See - Look after JK. Watch out fo rthem. please. Eli is good I;m not worried, you always got Eli, Eli will outlive me I think, probably all of us with how loved he is. But watch out for JK primise me. They love Troy so much that they'll try and pull the monster off his back and that thing is going to be screaming now, Ven. That thing is going to be looking fo sr someone to rip in half and it's not me anymore stanidng in the way of it because I couldn't do it anymore.

See - I'm so fucking sorry man I couldn't do it. Not anymore. I coldnt. Put it off for so long but he was taking everything I had and there was so little left, and then what WAS left he .. he hurt tonight so bad.

See - Been crying for hours now bit Im not really crying you know? tears just dripping down. Can't stop them. Stupid really, eyes hurt.

See - Ven you ever think how funny it would be if verything had been juwt that bit different? Like not this not the COV. Us tho we could have. Like think about it we'd be unstoppable, me and you hahaha. We'd run this fucking galazuy if we wanted, can you imagine. Some bar somewhere we own with a lil casino, luck always somehow on our side? PAir of us could have wrapped anyone we wanted round our fingers we'd be a joke. We'd be terrifying. Could have owned shithoels like Pandora with a little time and a little work. Scam the riches off all those bastards, fucking XAN, oh my god. Leave the prick with nothing, man it would have been so eASY for me and you. Just me and you.

See - Could have saved some kids. Worn ourselves as who we were proud and free not hidden under rules and titles and whatever the hell kind of fake Gods we tried to walk the paths of. It would have been funny wouldn't it Ven, me and you.

See - But Then I think, you know? About how that affects everything tlese. Eli? Without this life Eli wouldn't be here would he. Not now.

See - God sorry, my hand is killing me I'm putting on speech to text.

See - Would JK be alive? Would they have found their lady and their family at all without that cancerous bullshit of a life we joined.

See - And with what he is now still, Troy wouldn't. I know that. Maybe Ty would be, and idk if she would even be something I could CALL Ty, but he'd be dead. I don't know if what I am is worth that. If like. My happiness in some other life, some other choices, is worth all these losses.

See - Maybe that's what it means to care, right? Me and you we get that, don't we. Caring so much about people you want to tell yourself you don't need but you deep down know damn well you'll fade away without. Maybe it means you always sacrifice yourself in the end, your choices, what you could be, what someone else could be with you, all for the people you find yourself loving.

See - Ven I am very drunk right now this was meant to dull the pain till I got base side but whew.

See - Wish this thing had emojis

See - :ass:

See - aww man.

See - Listen.

See - Don't hate him. I think maybe you already can't because you knew, all along, warned me what 2 years ago? Knew and I still saw the way you'd look at him like he was that kind of horrifically embarrassing younger teen brother who's insisted on hanging out with your friends and is SO cringe but you all kinda love him anyway? I know that haha. Don't hate him. You had a terrible life, but Ven, he's had none. Nothing.

See - Idk how much he's told you really, it's not for me to tell, and if you don't know everything, like how they grew up, what happened when they first got here, the things he had to do to make sure she would be happy? Find out. Wait till the monster subsides and he's broken and alone and just. Take that chance. Find out.

See - No one ever really understood why I put up with it all for as long as I could, and I guess I still sound like a moron rn when ur reading this. But if you know, I think you'll understand.

See - Cause me and u Ven. We are so close. man. We are so the same. You're better than I could ever be, but you understand who I am, and if you can understand who I am, you'll understand why I can’t give up on him once you know.

See - Tell E I love him so much. I'll be off grid for a while, gimme a week ok, and then I'll send a vid call and we can all talk.

See - Sorry I won't make it tonight.

See - Sorry, Ven.

-- Encrypted contact ends --

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Unexpected Arrival - 6

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, possible Steve x Reader

Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn’t exciting enough…. an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.

"There you guys are" Nat stated as me and Bucky walked into the common room together "where you been?"

"Buck was just helping me with something...."

"You’re not gonna end up pregnant again are you?" She smirked.

"Oh my god" i shook my head feeling my cheeks burn "really Nat?"

"What? Im just curious"

"Leave them alone" Steve scolded her as he rocked Evie gently in his arms.

"Fine! Y/N fancy coming shopping with me?" Nat asked looking hopeful.

"Id love to but im not really feeling up to it just yet"

"Okay, how about online shopping? I know you still need to get some things"

"I can do that" i nodded smiling at her.

"Lets go to my room, daddy and uncle Steve can watch miss Evie here"

"Um... ok" i turned to look at Bucky and Steve who both nodded and smiled.

"We'll be fine sweetheart" Bucky said "we know where to find you if we need you"

"Okay, if she gets hungry give her the bottle?"

"Sure, I've got this don't worry".

"Bottle? I thought you were breast feeding?" Nat looked at me "you decide to switch to formula?"

"Don't ask.... lets just go" i blushed and quickly walked out the room before i died of embarrassment.

"It was so humiliating Nat!! He was milking me like a damn cow! But i was in so much pain....." i was saying to her after she made me tell her everything, my face buried in my hands as i thought about what had happened, Nat was laughing so hard i reached over and shoved her.

"Hey!"

"Its not funny!! I really dont stand a chance with him now do i!?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if he wasn't interested before this....then i stand no chance now he’s had to do that!" I threw myself back on her bed dramatically "i thought the birth was the hardest part of having Evie.... but my god was i wrong! Sure it was the most painful part" i laughed "but all this stuff that comes after..... the hormones... the leaky boobs.... and having to deal with all this with Bucky.... knowing he wont ever feel the way i feel...."

"Okay listen to me, you might not see it but that man out there is crazy about you!"

"Are you mad?" I laughed shaking my head at my best friend.

"Maybe, its not impossible" she shrugged making me chuckle "but I'm telling you, Bucky loves you. I see the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking, even before you guys had a kid together"

"If he loved me like you say he does, why did he act like nothing happened in Alaska??"

"Now that i don't know" she shrugged while opening up the online shopping pages on the big screen "you'd have to ask him".

(Buckys POV)

"You okay Buck?" Steve asked making me turn to look at him "you've been unusually quiet"

"Yeah... yeah im fine. Just thinking"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Its just... never mind" i shook my head feeling like a dumb ass.

"Talk to me, whats on your mind?"

"I thought i could do this, you know? I thought i could be a dad to Evie and just carry on being friends with Y/N.... but its so hard not to feel more"

"Are you saying you have feelings for Y/N?"

"Ive always had feelings for her Steve, how do you think we got here! I have loved that girl from the second i met her" i finally admitted with a huge smile, it felt good to finally get it off my chest.

"This is big Buck! But i dont get it....why did you act like nothing happened after you guys slept together? You ignored her.... dated other women...."

"Wait how do you know.... has she spoken to you about what happened?" My smile dropped as i sat forward looking at Steve.

"No! No of course not!" Steve said quickly clearly lying! He was the worst liar ever!

"What did she say?"

"Nothing...."

"Steve i swear to god if you don't tell me...."

"I cant say okay, i promised her i wouldn't say anything"

"As my best and oldest friend, you better tell me what you know Steve"

Steve exhaled slowly shaking his head as he looked down at my sleeping daughter in his arms.

"Look all im going to say is if you love her, you need to tell her. Because she doesn't believe that you could possibly love her.... that she's not good enough"

"What??" I sat shaking my head "why would she ever think that??"

"You tell me Buck"

Then it suddenly made sense, i understood what Steve meant.

"Shit" i muttered pushing my hair back from my face "its because of how i acted after....."

"Why'd you do it?"

"Because i thought she deserved better, someone better than me. She's so good.... in every way and im..... well we all know how fucked up i am"

"Bucky you are not fucked up! We know that.... she knows that"

"How could she ever love me Steve?"

"I dont know pal but she does"

"What??"

"You never heard this from me you hear me??!" Steve said looking around to make sure no one else was around and i nodded quickly "Y/N loves you.... she's in love with you you idiot! She has been for a while"

"She never said anything....."

"Neither did you! She was hoping that after Alaska things would change"

"But then i ignored her and pushed her away...how could i have been so stupid!!!"

"She's convinced herself that you regretted it, that you could never love her and so she's trying to be your friend..."

"What do i do Steve?"

"Thats your call Buck"

I huffed falling back against the sofa, was Steve telling me the truth?? Was is possible that Y/N loved me??

"Can i ask you something?" I asked turning my head to face Steve, he nodded and waited for me to ask my question "do you have feelings for her?"

"W..what??" Steve stuttered as his cheeks flushed red.

"Its a simple question Steve"

"Its not a simple answer Buck...."

That night i was in bed laying on my side watching Evie sleeping in her basket next to me. The bedroom door opened and closed gently and i already knew it was Bucky, i felt the bed dip as he laid down and then his arm wrapped around my waist as he pulled himself closer.

"Hey doll" he mumbled quietly before pressing a kiss to my neck.

"Hey"

"How was your evening with Nat?"

"It was nice, i ordered some nipple pads so no more embarrassing leaks!" I said chuckling, Bucky was laughing quietly behind me "and i figured out that damn pump.... the weirdest feeling ever!"

"Oh yeah? Even weirder than what we had to do earlier?" He laughed and tightened his hold on me.

"Definitely! your way was more enjoyable" i teased but also felt my cheeks burn at the confession, thank god it was dark so he couldn't see!

"Well I'm always happy to help".

We laid in a comfortable silence both watching our daughter sleep, Bucky was stroking my stomach where his hand rested, i wasnt even sure he knew he was doing it.

"Hey Buck?"

"Yeah doll?"

"I need to ask you something...."

"Okay"

"I dont want you to get mad though, im just curious...."

"Spit it out sweetheart, you can ask me anything"

I took a deep breath gathering my nerves, i had to get this over with!!

"Why did you act like nothing happened that night in Alaska?"

His hand stilled on my stomach for a few seconds and i felt him hold his breath.

"You know what, forget i asked..." i said starting to get up but he pulled me back down to the bed holding me close again.

"Dont go" he said quietly "you just caught me off guard.... you really wanna know why?"

"Yes...."

"I acted like nothing happened because when i woke up i realised you deserved better than me doll. After everything I've done in the past.... i don't deserve someone like you. Id only be a burden on you"

"What....?" I asked not believing what i was hearing, i turned around so i was facing him "how can you say that?"

"Its true" he said giving me a sad smile.

"You’re an idiot James Barnes" i shook my head "you’re not a burden, you are the best man i know" i admitted cupping his face in my hands.

"Well thats not true.... you know Steve"

"You’re still the best man i know" i smiled at him meaning every word.

"But the things ive done...."

"That wasnt you, that was Hydra! If you had been in control of your mind you would never had done any of those things"

"But i still did it" he said sadly.

"It. Wasnt. You" i said again looking him in the eyes "you are a good man Bucky, i know you find that hard to hear but its true. And i will tell you everyday for the rest of my life if i have to" i smiled at him before leaning forward and gently kissing him.

"Doll...." he said pulling away from the kiss, shit! had i really just kissed him??

"Im sorry! I shouldn't have...."

"I love you!" he confessed instantly shutting me up.

"What did you just say....?"

"I said i love you.... im IN Love with you. Ive loved you since the second i met you" he admitted, i could tell by the look in his eyes that admitting this terrified him.

"I love you too" i told him truthfully, if he was being honest it was only fair that i did the same.

"You do?"

"Yes" i whispered before his mouth came crashing down on mine. His hands felt like they were everywhere and it was the best feeling in the world right now. It quickly became heated, i could feel his hardness rubbing against me.

"Buck....as much as i want you inside me right now i cant.... not yet" i pulled away gasping for air.

"I know baby, this is enough for now" he said as he trailed kisses down my neck and continued rubbing up against me.

"You’re gonna be the death of me Barnes!"

Taglist: @booktease21 @founding-fuck-bois @whynot3027 @xpunishedx @siren-queen03

@we-are-all-wild-things

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"I'm real proud of you, You know. We didn't know who they were but we could have been real hurt," little Tiny Queen Girl just almost 4 years old, hands on hips just telling me how it was. How she felt.

My Little co-member in our Army of Two.

Lord Blesses us with the moat precious for such a short amount of time.

This idiot shot her and when he realized he had shot a small child and she was in the hospital on life support, he went and kidnapped her from the hospital.

Finished killing her and hid her body in a freezer at his house.

It wasn't for years later that he thought the coast was clear and he placed her body partially in a trash bag next to a dumpster in that Compton neighborhood.

He didn't want the body to not be found. He wanted it to so his message was clear -- "No ni**ers in his neighborhood"

She was labeled only as missing by the family, at least to me anyway. They didn't want me to get crazy and go on a killing spree. Her brother joked that was what little 3 year old Laquisha Antuana Jefferson would want.

After the Rodney King Trial, I took racism hard. I took it differently. No longer could I be on top of it and stop it.

It was here to stay and there was no changing it. I was glad I lived in a mostly white suburb because I felt i could talk to the few African Americans at my school and make sure they were doing okay, individually and not have to worry so much like i did in NYC.

There were less. So less could get hurt and i closed my mind off to the rest of the world.

7 weeks before i was called to Compton they found Laquisha Antuana Jefferson by that dumpster behind the 711 Chevron.

My mom thought it would be good because she was shot just 6 blocks from the race track.

Maybe I could do something.

I bought him a house in a white suburb. I got him transferred to a predominantly white neighborhood and made him promise his entire family and anyone he associated with would never kill or go near a black person again.

He just had to pay bills in a Beverly Hills home.

If he broke the rules he would be killed but i didn't tell him that. I just told him he would move out and it would be grave.

The house is still in my name and he never did break the rules.

But he hadn't killed just Laquisha Antuana Jefferson, he had killed over 700 others.

This i didn't know or understand or I would have had him killed.

He was black so I couldn't understand how he would say African American children were niggering up the neighborhood or "bone thugging the street" part of me didn't believe he killed Laquisha Antuana Jefferson but the whole of me couldn't deny he was capable.

Her whole death was horrific and hard to believe. Who would do such a thing and to such a precious child?! I loved her with my whole being, everyone did. There wasn't anyone i loved or respected more than that child.

I had a nervous break down for three weeks. I visited all the places she had been and I cried the whole time. I was miserable.

Queen Elizabeth II had to come fetch me and get me awake, see there was more life to live and Laquisha Antuana Jefferson wouldn't want me so upset and she believed what happened although I couldn't wrap my head around it, She could.

So she bugged his house and set speakers in it and we tortured him. Part of me thought it was wrong but it made me feel so much better, healed even and brought me joy.

Could you imagine Queen Elizabeth II egging and toilet papering a house!!?? Well we both sat in the car while Prince Harry and William and Princess Diana did it

I owned it and still do so it was alright with me.

Princess Diana painted a red bloody swastika on the door and Prince Andrew hung a white paper mache man made from reprinted newspaper clippings of the people he had killed from his garage.

It gave me a sense of pride. I knew that my little Royal Army did just what my co-conspirator in our Army of Two would had wanted. It was perfect retribution for Little Queen Laquisha Antuana Jefferson. The reincarnated Queen Nefertiti.

As Princess Diana returned to the limo, laughing, I said "thank you, I have never been more blessed than I am just right at this moment. I don't even want to leave. I want to sit and stare all night"

About an hour later, a patrol car with its lights on came up behind us and rapped his knuckles on the window. "Oh you're all white good. Does anyone know what happened here tonight or were you all just driving by?"

"Well see Its just..." Oh in the pit of my stomach I felt bad.

"Oh Sabrina you're all here. Good."

"Well see me and my friends were just driving past, I wanted to show the Queen the luxury of Beverly Hills and the good neighborhoods here and well we saw all this and thought we might want to stay and catch the vandals in the act in case they came back" I hung out the window and looked around "nope all good"

Princess Diana took to a snort of laughter midway through my speech and tried to cover it with a fake sneeze. Then a cough and a mere sound of strangling herself.

"Hey miss! Are you alright?!"

"Oh that's Princess Di"

"Too much champagne it went down the wrong way÷"

"Yeah I gotta laugh at her, sometimes she's much too silly"

"Well take a look at my house! That's serious enough for you!"

"Oh God! William help me! This is much to much!" And she leaped forward and buried her head in his chest so she could laugh freely.

"Oh is she crying?!"

"Oh she will be fine" I was relaxed and drunk myself and wow how easy i found it to lie! We could get away with anything! Even murder! Nope! I told myself we must'nt lie. I just got too carried away and didn't speak soundly enough. I said all I was supposed to but much too much so it was actually a lie! But I must'nt have to be tooo careful, After all I did just buy him a house didn't I? Even so that wasn't the right way to be and I felt surrendered to guilt.

"Well I say, I say do y'all want to come in?! I've said it three times but yet no one is to answer!"

"Oh yes. Please move. Lets show off this mini mansion bought just for you" I opened the door and Queen Elizabeth II slid out quickly behind me

"Oh it feels so good to get out and stretch! I haven't gotten out since well id gotten in it!"

I snorted drunk laughter "Oh yes we have been truly blessed to be in this limo"

"So shall we?" He offered the crook of his arm for my hand to take which I did "I don't want y'all stumbling all over, you ole drunk things!" The queen had rejected his arm and allowed Princess Diana to take it. And i felt suddenly less callous. I felt sober and somber. Walking up to the house we just destroyed wasn't the problem. It was his ability to take over the situation with peasantry and take two drunken women into his home. The "goblin" hung from his garage blowing in the wind, saying all that he was accused of. In the dark, suddenly I imagined myself as a black woman. I thought that soon i would be inside and i could puke and wash my face and still take a shit if i needed to. My nervous tummy did that.

"Here you two stand here and hold yourself up if you need to. I'll be right back. No no I meant each other. I wouldn't take my face off him but i peeked a glance at Princess Diana and she was pleasantly smiling as ever. Still having fun. Queen was patiently pleased as well. The boys seemed fine looking around at all the had done. "You know i didn't kill that kid. You know that right?"

"What?!?! What the Hell did you say?!?"

Princess Diana grabbed me and put her arm around me and put her finger to her lips and Queen Elizabeth II put on her black leather gloves

"Oh i suppose you didn't hear me, i said "let me get my key out" it will be just a moment" he bent at the waist "oh it seems someone put gum in the lock. Let me go out back and hopefully i can get in"

I watched him and heard the back gate click "did he say about the key twice?!" Princess Diana nodded solemnly. "He didn't say anything about killing a precious black kid?"

"NO!! SHH!"

"Hey you know i been praying to Jesus a lot ever since i put that girl out" the lights for the front porch turned off. I let out a giant terrified scream!! Princess Diana slapped her cupped hand over my mouth instantly. I nodded and breathed in. She removed her hand and wiped my germs away. On his wall. -.- good DNA to prove ive been here in case they aren't seeing the truth. Not that anyone would check that place though for sure.. Maybe i ought to pee in the bushes?? Thank God Shaquille O'Neal stayed in the car. Maybe i could light this house on fire and send him smoke signals before he gets stabbed in the neck!

The door suddenly swung open "WELCOME TO MY HOME!" he spread his arms and stood back. Like a Royal Butler "i will even bow!" And he did so. "I'm not drunk. Not yet. But I did take a couple swigs of this, to catch up you want?"

"No thanks I'll pass" princess Diana put her palm out

He pleaded

"No I've got the boys and mom's already drunk and so someone has to be able to watch them. She will drink tho. She's a real drunkard especially with guests. She swishes it between her teeth, says it gets her drunk faster" wow we were all gonna die. But hopefully we wasn't gonna feel it. "Sabrina i feel you and i hoped you weren't right, but it's all here. The writing is on The wall. This is a beautiful home."

He was towering over me "this is the nigger you want" and i was fuckonf terrified. He was staring into my eyes with possessive lust and i looked back in terror. I was trapped between the fireplace and him

"Uhm sir?" He tuned to her and slipped his flask into his pocket. Idk why but Princess Diana and I both saw Freddie Kruger instead of a police man in uniform. She stifled her scream better than i did. I played the fireplace scraped me. And i was told to sit and i did.

"Excuse me, i have to take this" Queen Elizabeth II had brought in her satellite phone and she went to the far end near the bottom of the stairs to talk to Shaq.

"Is it Snoop?"

"Oh no. The man in the car. Much better than smoke signals!!" I squeaked

"Oh are you hurt? Let me see that for a second"

"Oh uh sure" I let him lift my leg into his lap but kept it straight so it would not go to his crotch and put my hand between my kegs to hold my short party skirt down to protect my vagina.

"Oh a prude are ya?"I wondered if he said that out loud. NO one seemed to notice I felt alone and I felt scared. I wondered if he left a gaping hole in Laquisha Antuana Jefferson. I hoped she was dead when he did or at least the fear killed her... If she had any. I hoped she did for her sake

"Oh don't look sad! You'll be alright"

"Yeah because I'm old..." My eyes drifted to the Queen, "and big enough" i would take one for the team but i was gonna fight first. If i had to. Just keep my eyes open and my ears ---

"All i can tell you is that she is seeing truth and all is alright." She looked up at me "or was. I must go. Please stand by"

"Was that Snoop?"

Oh dear God i wish she would quit saying that. We were all gonna die. He grabbed my chin and stuck his tounge in with a French kiss. Okay let's die first. Much better on that.

"Uh yes. Was it Snoop?" I removed my leg and put my knees together and pulled my skirt to cover them both.

He reached down, grabbed my ankle and pulled up my leg again

"Oh you're so gentle!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you she has a fiancee" warned the Queen then she turned to check on the boys.

"Oh is he white?" He asked twice. In our culture we didn't speak of race so we all remained silent to his quest.

He turned to me "oh just one more" I pulled back

"Ouch! This thing is poking me!" I lied. I was scared. In my ways of life i didn't reject people. I distract. I dont like to be put in those situations. And the Queen had my back. We just needed to leave. "Queen please this house is attack-- guh ugh" somehow puke was on my breath although I hadn't yet, his tounge must had gotten my gag reflex as he kissed me rudely

"Ugh" I cursed him and had disgust in my face. "Im not into snoop. He's married and i am almost" he had fingered me during his kiss it seems or he was imagining it i wasnt sure but i seemed unaltered between my legs but the next kiss brought promises. I put my foot down and slid over.

"Snoop is? To who?"

"Shaquille!! I mean Shawntee!! You met her she came to this house with us!"

"What oh. Oh. Yeah get off. I guess i was jealous i thought you were fucking him. So who are you about to be married to, huh?"

I just kept seeing dead bodies and my heart was going to kill me. Inside i was screaming loudly we got to get out. It was as urgent as i had set a smoke signal. In my mind I saw the limo and I beat on the glass next to Shaquille's head. Maybe that would do the trick. I was sitting on the fire place after all. I saw a satellite view of the limo driver door opening and I resurrected back into Hell.

"Huh? What did you say?" I asked drowsily.

"Ah man! Y'all are drunk!! I gotta catch up! Now wait where is my flask?"

I saw in my mind Queen come to me and say "oh no she has a heart condition and touch my chest to gain a proper rhythm. I was dying and she knew.

That's what I get for pretending to be a drunk black woman alone in his home with him. I bent forward and breathed rapidly. Sweat dripping off me.

"Oh no Sabrina is coming down we must take her home"

"Here drink its bourbon" I did and felt hourly sick.

"Its sweet huh?"

The phone rang again "What is going on?!?! I got Sabrina beating on my glass and you two are all stand by?!?! Are you two in trouble?!?"

"Yes she is dearie. Every thing is fine. I'll see you... Next week? That all sounds fine"

"What is that nigger doing to you!?! I'll kill him! I've rang the phone twice already now!!"

"Oh yes. Please. The first. That sounds lovely. Soon. Soon. Yes i tell you the week will pass before you know it"

"Now? You want me to come now?"

"Absolutely! Of course!" She said angrily.

"Mom! You're drunk!!" Scolded Princess Diana. And nodded towards him

"Oh yes Please dearie you know just how it is --"

"Im coming now. Keep on talking. I'm killing this nigger!"

"Me first!" I rose the flask. "Oh here. I can't drink this shit"

"Oh yeah mixing liquor that may not be good. Who is she talking to? What y'all gonna have tea or something? Can i come?"

"Hey have you ever been to a hospital to see a little girl?"

His eyes looked at me in alarm

"About 6 weeks ago? She dead."

The doorbell rang while he looked at me in horror when i said the time frame. The bell rang again and he got up.

"And did you place her body into a trash bag?" I slurred.

"Shaquille! The greatest basketball player of all time! What you doing driving a limo?!"

"Oh you know. A favor to the Queen! Come on girls! Lets go! I got basketball tomorrow and i can't be out this late I still got to drive you all home then go to Vegas"

"No snoop I dont need no help i got this." I waved my arms drastically in the air and did not move my ass

"Come on girls Lets move!"

"Shaquille just pick her up, she's being a slut. Don't worry he's married too. To my -- mom! What in the hell get off the phone!! Come on let's go!"

"Shouldn't we call 911 to report this"

"Ah. No I am a cop and I don't mind as long as it was white people and I know it was because of the swastika"

"How many people have you killed with a plastic bag"

"Come on shh what is with you?"

"You're my legs! Lets move forth!" I announced then whispered "let's get away from this murderous uhhhh town" i got scared and kissed Shaquille

"Don't kiss me! What's going on with you?!?"

"Idk you!!" Was my reply.

"See? Slut" was Princess Diana's smooth comment as she passed. "Come along boys" she said beautifully

"Oh yeah and she fell -- by my fireplace isn't it exquisite?'"

"Oh yeah. You were being raped and all you could do was sit there? What's going on wit' you?!?!"

"Don't forget you belong in jail for killing that little girl!!" I accused and pointed as the door closed quietly. "He's drunk too he don't know. Come on Shaggy! To the Mystery va -- uh limo!"

"Who the hell is shaggy?! Which one of us?!"

"You Shaquille -- shaggy and he always has to carry scoobs the dog"

Princess Diana burst out laughing. "This is a conversation I expect to have with one of the boys! Not the two of you!"

"Well you get to carry the Royal Slut! Can you imagine the words that would be spoken at the police station tomorrow?!?!"

"Who gives a shit? Hes a piece of shit" stomped the Queen

"Well,from what he said to us. No one is gonna believe him anyway. He sounds like a complete doofus and a near rapist. Oh Sabrina that was brave asking those questions!"

"Oh I figured we would die anyway" i took off running to the car.

"What was with that shirt anyway? Didn't he really look like Freddie Kruger?"

"Was he really wearing that!?! I thought I was going crazy and your mom's black gloves didn't help at all i thought for sure we would all die!!"

"And you for real kissed me don't ever do that again. You know who I'm with"

"I panicked all I saw were lips and a face this close to mine and I thought it was him and I was scared too death!! I thought give in, it would go easier on me!! Its not my fault you're wearing a red shirt!! All I saw were lips!! But thank you for not kissing me back!! That was real gentlemanly of you like! And I can see why he just kept kissing me. I think he kisses allot of dead bodies as a matter of fact and he didn't even notice I wasn't responding. Like that woman that was strangled and had ligature marks all pink and he said. He said. Now you're all white and pretty like your vagina"

"Now You listen to me -- you get in this car this instant! He is standing in the drive way looking at you and me. In!" The queen just shoved me in the limo as i climbed blindly in and Princess Diana dragged me in the rest so the Queen could get in.

"Mom!!"

"Oh so nice to meet you!! Thanks again dearie!! Yoo hoo bye to you!!"

The Queen Elizabeth II relaxed as we got onto the freeway and further away from Beverly Hills. She rolled down the partition "to the ghetto, please sir" Shaquille stepped on the gas harder. "Then we will all feel a little bit better. Get away from this trashy ass place!"

We all looked at her like wtf

"I know! The irony of it!"

And we laughed joyously.

"Y'all were in there 45 full minutes now what did you find!?"

Velma? Queen Elizabeth II

Daphne? Princess Di

Freddy? Well half was Harry and the other Willaim since after all, they were just half pints in 1993.

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson died far too young.

3 days later i had a heart attack and a stint was placed in my chest which later failed in 1997.

I can't handle racism. I can't handle the pain and suffering of innocent people.

I'm not like all the rest of you. I talk to the dead. And sometimes I'd rather be there than anywhere.

My days are long and hard. And sometimes I don't want to live any more.

I'm tired of loving and I'm tired of caring and not receiving anything proper in return.

So for someone like me, just a white girl in a wheel chair. Black Lives Matter marches and people being out and saying it and being seen supporting it.

For little Queens like Laquisha Antuana Jefferson, they were everything. She was out in 1991, she would escape and run down the street sometimes naked in her little wooden sandals with white leather straps.

"Girl! You need a shirt!"

"´hey i know you! You're my Army of Two! I didn't have time to get dressed. I knew the door was opening and. I had to escape! They keep me locked in you know but i can't miss this! Im all about Black Pride and Beauty!"

"Well let's cover some of that up, Miss Queen Nefertiti, you want a pink shirt or black?"

"Oh no!! There he is!! Hide me!!" This tiny child grabbed a shirt off the table, slipped it over her head and dove under the table in front of my legs. "Is he coming?"

He was going straight... So i called him over "miss queen Nefertiti just ran off on me like she own me. Like i don't have my own friends"

"Well what are you doing?"

"Well looking for her now?"

"No i mean what are you supposed to be doing besides looking for her?"

"Oh just meeting my friends to go on the prowl. See?" He lifted his shirt and showed his Panther Pride most people hid in case of cops or white supremacist "i got one, too. He tapped the table

"I got one, too!" She piped up. She knew not to run and hide in the streets and had some hope if she had one she could attend like it was a licence to prooowl.

"Shh... Do you hear something? What's that scuffling? It sounds like her wooden shoes! Do you got her?!?"

I nodded quietly

"What?! Where?!?"

"So i mean if i see her do you think you or your parents i mean your ma would mind she sit here for a spell while you're out on the road?"

"Aw man! I want to prowl. Aw shit! I said it again!" Ahe grabbed my leg and held on tight

So i told him silently.

"I mean sure uhh if you don't mind!"

"Well i got two little boys over there having lunch. Thwyre on break but usually they are over in this chalk lined area."

"I want to prowl!! I want to go meow!" I could feel her jaw move against my calf.

"I can take them for a walk up and down the street"

"Okay that willl work!!" She jumped up excited. She saw her brother and tried to take off.

"Wait I'm gonna stop you!!"

"No way!" She zig zagged right behind me.

"You'll stay right there?" He rubbed his skull "uggggg you know what?! My friends can wait!"

"No! I'll stay! I'll stay! I swear I'm like her! We're an Army of Two!"

"Okay but you know what? Since you're no longer butt naked" he knelt down next to her

"I know! I got dressed fast!"

"She did and all goddess like i never seen someone so fast

"Really? Now what?" She put her hands on either side of his face

"Maybe ill take you for a walk instead. And let you meet my friends then bring you back Here where its safe. Then you can play with those two boys ew yuck icky and be a mascot? Hey? What do you say?"

"I think i will enjoy that. I will go with you." They both stood and she placed her tiny hand in his extra large one.

"Do you want a double layer?"

"No i think it will be safe. If I feel any danger I'll just pick her up and hold her close and hide her black panther. Okay? And you if you feel disgusted or moody or anger, you just come to me and tell me up! I don't want the white supremacy to see they might hurt us and that's not fair is it?"

She shook her head while looking at her toes and she looked up with sad eyes "okay you up?" He picked her up quickly

"Who?!!? Where?!?" He spun around wildly.

She laughed joyously "oh i just wanted a hug!! I didn't know you would protect me!! You are like her! An Army of One! Okay put me down! Lets prowl!!"

When they returned a short time later he looked disturbed "what? What's happening?"

"Turns out my friends are from the white supremacy! She would run around acting wild and when she would see a cop she would bolt back to me Then we would walk silently and she would be all calm then as soon as we passed she would bolt off again which was fine, that's what she do. But then once we got to my friend she didn't know him cause he was alone prowling and she ran to me all "up up" but do you think she knows instinctively that is who is taking m3 away from her at nights? And maybe she thinks they are trouble for me and her? Because we are reincarnated and I'm not her brother that is for sure! But do you think that is what it is? I sure hope so?"

"How about one night instead of prowling you just come over here and BBQ for me? You know it hurts me to stand and.."

"Nope I'm looking for the white supremacy because I have a feeling they're out to kill my Queen Nefertiti"

"Well the ones she is afraid of, have him or them play at the BBQ and then i can find out. I have a nose for it"

"But theyre black!! Is that even possible?!"

"Id have to call Miss Harriet Tubman for sure, But i think anything is likely."

"But can you see past his skin color? He is dark! Darker than me!"

"I don't see skin color I promise if it makes you feel better I can imagine him as white"

"Okay that will work. Come on Miss, lets go in"

3 out of 4 additionally including himself I could imagine as white. Which i could derive as only no racial prejudice between those.

The 4th was the only one she liked. Turns out he was most afraid of white people.

And none were like the man who killed her who was black and a white supremacist living in Compton when they went to go visit her grandmother.

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson

6 months after her body was found, he drowned himself in the Buttermilk Channel between Brooklyn and Governors Island. The Coast Guard attempted to resuscitate and even called me to see him to bring him back to life.

"Oh no. I know him. He wont come back." When everyone moved away from him, I knelt down next to him and prouncounced him dead in the language of the Egyptians. And i leaned over him in a hug and cried.

I kissed his lips, closed his eyes and placed two gold coins over them "in love may you always be. I am too sorry for you. You will be my friend" i picked up his left hand and placed it between his belly button and heart then picked up his right "always for me and for her always in love. I am too sorry for me. I will always cry" I gently folded his stiff cold fingers together. "And in silence you will bear the heart of a true man. May you always be beautiful, kind and unsuffering in her love. May you rest in peace. Ah man"

Laquisha Antuana Jefferson you were a wild one.

The world has suffered in your death. May you always be risen again. In true love and faith. May your heart always be bright and safe from us and all the world. I will love you again. Ah man.

Thank you for understanding why we have killed her killer tonight. June 8, 2020. It has been long awaited and her murderer has suffered plenty in his life in Beverly Hills.