#but I won’t start this till laaaaater

[lizard-zombie]

Had an idea and im too lazy to write it and i don’t know enough about the tlou universe so here’s a word vomit instead

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So you and Joel are a thing. Y’all met at QZ and after a year or two, you and Joel became a couple. Maybe you are besties with Tess or maybe you are just friends/acquaintances. Up to you. Regardless of your relationship with Tess, you three work and most likely live together.

You understand that Tess and Joel are good friends and great partners. You weren’t jealous of Tess. The green eyed monster never made an appearance since you got together with Joel.

He reminded you of your talents, your little quirks, those tiny habits that had him falling in love with you and only you. He quelled your fears and insecurities until an unshakable trust was solidified in your heart and your mind. Now you two are almost four years strong in your relationship. Once you found peace, you were able to admire Tess without feeling any doubt. Strong, independent, smart, she was someone you strived to be.

Your feelings about her didn’t change even when you found out that she harbored feelings for your lover. Tess admitted it to you one late night. It was just the two of you and some bottles of shitty beer. She respected you and respected Joel. She was glad to step back for the two of you. Joel was happy and that was all she cared about. Even if Tess felt the desire to rip him away from you, she was sure Joel’s heart would always be with you. She bet her favorite two guns on it. You two became a lot closer after that.

Now Tess was dead. Joel was different after her death. Anyone would be after having someone close to you sacrifice themselves for your safety. You did your best to comfort him and support him as you both grieved. But as the days went by, your relationship with him felt off. Most times, he’d pull you in and hold you in his strong arms. It was familiar and you happily snuggled into his chest. Sometimes, he would shut you out, refusing to talk, refusing to touch.

You don’t know when it began but that “sometimes” became “most times”. Eventually, he not only shut you out, but he seemed to actively push you away. His gruff voice turned cold, his attitude harsher than usual. There were nights when the Joel you knew resurfaced. Sweet, soft, understanding. He’d apologize for being a dick and you accepted him with open arms. This bliss would only last for a few days and the jaded Joel would nestle in again.

You’d gotten used to this new hot and cold pattern and learned the best ways to deal with these flips. One of the ways to help relive him of whatever had be stressing him was to fuck you. Naturally, you didn’t mind. Depending on his mood, he’d pound into you with no remorse, a monster drilling you into whatever you were against. A tree, a table, the disgusting forest floor. You didn’t care. Joel was take care of you. All you wanted was him and his cock and to help him feel better. While you loved the wild and rough sex, you adored the long, passionate nights where both of you were drunk on each other, love pouring out of every molecule in your bodies.

You thought things would be okay. You thought wrong. It was some odd hour the morning, the embers of the fire hardly even glowing. You and Joel were basking in post-orgasmic bliss, floating in the feelings of being partially awake and mostly asleep. You were relishing in the feeling of him giving sloppy neck kisses when something slipped from his mouth. A name slipped from his mouth. And it wasn’t yours. In his hazy mind, you weren’t here with him.

Tess was.

The sun finally rose and unlike your companions, you hadn’t got a wink of sleep. Suddenly, Joel’s attitude made sense. Everything, his actions, his words, his feelings, it all made sense. Some time when he was mourning, he stopped seeing you and started seeing the ghost of Tess. He loved her. He fucking loved her. And he didn’t even know it.

Tess was dead and had seemed to have taken Joel along with her.

That left you, confused and broken and alone in the land of the living. You didn’t say anything about it and neither did he but you were pretty sure that was because he didn’t even remember saying it. A few days went by and you did your best to distance yourself from your lover.

Lover.

You wanted to keep calling him your lover, but you kept hearing whispers to add the prefix. An ex-lover. It made you sick to your stomach.

It was almost funny. You were never jealous of Tess when she was alive, but now that she was dead, you found it squeezing you by the throat. Guilt and shame coursed through you every time you caught yourself growing angry. It felt disrespectful to the dead even if you weren’t blaming her.

You let out a pitiful chuckle as you stared at the night sky. Tess lost the bet. She owes you her two favorite guns.

—

Anyway but yah something like that.

OMG OMG wait ok so train of thought part two lol

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Y’all got together after Joel and Tess meet Bill and Frank and you just never really interacted with them. Joel and Tess are private people so they don’t bring up others in conversation even if they are friends with our favorite gays. So the boys don’t know you. You are not included in Bill’s letter to Joel. It’s only Tess.

It didn’t bug you at the time because the thought that Joel wasn’t yours hadn’t crossed your mind. But now you know. And now you think about it. And it breaks you more and more every time.

You get closer to Ellie. You busy yourself with her, allowing yourself to get lost in maternal instinct.

—

This is where my brain splits.

—

On one hand, I am living for the angst and think they shouldn’t get together in the end. Even if he tried to come back to you, you refuse and everyone proceeds to be unhappy and hurt. Well not everyone. Like Ellie is happy to have a father and mother figure. But she’s not too happy because said mother and father figure are at serious odds and have an irreparable relationship.

—

On the other hand, we could continue and Joel works his shit out kind of and realizes that you are acting differently. After brooding mulling over it, he approaches you and brings it up. Naturally, it doesn’t go well and you explode, tell him every. single. thing.

Does he take it well? No. Why would you think otherwise. Probably yells back at you, things escalated and now you two aren’t even looking at each other. You can’t even stand being two feet of him. Ellie is tired of your bullshit but is glad you aren’t taking it out on her.

Eventually we get to see Joel twist and turn and crack and break as he explores himself. Bro is fucked up and he knows this but now he is forced to try to untangle part of his fucked up-ness if he want to repair things with you.

Yay Joel Miller character development <3

While Joel is struggling and suffering, Ellie is trying to talk to you about your relationship. Ellie is a smart and attentive kid. She sees that Joel is trying his best with the whole people thing. She also sees that Joel really cares for you. He does love you.

You tell her that he loved Tess.

Ellie just shrugged. Yeah he loved Tess, but he loves you more. Her death is bringing more things out of him, making him realize his feelings, but that’s part of the mourning process. He’ll return to you. Okay so Ellie is kinda pulling some shit out of her ass but based on some romance novels she managed to snatch, so there had to be some truth to it.

Idk something something but you think about it and eventually become less hostile towards Joel and he more attentive to you. Y’all end up talking and relaxing in each other’s presence. Idk what happens in the game except for a few stuff but ig they get to wherever they are going and you relearn how to trust him again and Joel becomes a softer and more open man. This is a really really long process lol

By the time Joel reunites with his brother, you two are at a point where Joel introduces you as his girlfriend. It’s still fragile but y’all really trying.

It ends with you looking back up at the night sky and whisper that Tess can keep her guns. The bet was not lost after all.

—

Oh and on the side, y’all eventually get married before Joel…well yk…

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unleSS WE CHANGE IT AND EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER YAY