#but I think only one other mii is actually recognizable....

[polarfarina]

My falin mii

[zaph1337]

Monster Hunter Rating 26: Rathalos, the King of the Skies

Well, we’re finally here. I’m not gonna lie, I’m kinda worried that I won’t be able to do this monster justice. The only experience I have with it isn’t even a Monster Hunter game, and I don’t know how much I can count on the wiki not having any headcanons that a lot of MH fans would disagree with. Still, it’s gotta be done. The King of the Skies, the Charizard of Monster Hunter, the Flying Wyvern--ladies, gents, and enbies, please give a warm welcome to Rathalos!

(How it appears in Monster Hunter 1)

(How it appears in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate)

(How it appears in Monster Hunter Rise)

Appearance: Rathalos may appear to be a standard wyvern, but it has a few neat touches. First, it has a black flame pattern on its wings, which is admittedly something I did notice until I saw the Rise render. Its tail is also interesting, as it ends with a wide, thorny tip that kind of reminds me of an armadillo lizard; in fact, Rathalos reminds me of an armadillo lizard in general, mostly thanks to its spiny scales. Okay, obviously armadillo lizards don’t have wings, have four legs, and aren’t 70 feet long, but the scales are similar! Rathalos also has a black, beak-like nose that you’d be forgiven for thinking of as an actual beak, as well as what appear to be pointy ears.

Sure, Rathalos may be pretty basic in spite of everything I just said, but that’s kind of the point. It’s meant to be easily recognizable and iconic, so not deviating too far from what a normal wyvern looks like helps with that. It’s still distinct and powerful-looking, though, which makes it a perfect mascot for the series. 8/10.

Behavior: Rathalos have a pretty wide range of habitats, but I guess that’s mostly because not even nature will tell them where they can and can’t be. They’re basically at the top of the food chain, and the only things that pose a threat to them are monsters that are just as feared as they are (and hunters, of course), and even then, Rathalos never go down without a fight. Well, okay, that’s if they get in a fight with those monsters; they’re not stupid enough to actively aggress anything that they recognize as a clear threat unless they feel like they have to. They do get more aggressive during mating season, though, and after they mate, they’ll fly over their territories in search of threats, which they will go after like a honey badger breaking into a beehive. Rathalos stalk their prey from above before making their move, and after they kill it, they’ll take it somewhere to eat where scavengers and other large monsters aren’t likely to find it and try to steal a meal.

And...that’s it. Look, I know these games aren’t going to make monster behavior and lore as complex as real animals are, so it’s natural that they’d focus on how dangerous a monster is above all else, especially in Rathalos’ case, but monsters like Plesioth and Basarios/Gravios had more to them than their hunting habits and reputation, so you’d think that the same treatment would be given to the series mascot. There is a reason why there’s not much said about Rathalos, though, but you’ll have to wait until the next review to hear about it (no I’m not good at subtle foreshadowing, how could you tell?). Until then, I’m giving Rathalos a 6/10.

Abilities: I can actually speak from experience here since I’ve fought Rathalos before...in SSBU. Look, you take what you can get. If the title “King of the Skies” didn’t clue you in, Rathalos are very good fliers, and they’re just as dangerous in the air as they are on the ground. This is thanks to their multiple flame sacs, which allow them to spit out fireballs with explosive force, and their poisonous claws, which they utilize with divebombs. Speaking of which, they can simply rush at you from the air or on the ground, combining their strength and weight with their speed to knock you on your butt. They also use their tail “club” (it doesn’t really look like one, but that’s what the wiki calls it) as a blunt beating object, or they can just bite you if they want to be simple.

Rathalos don’t exactly do anything crazy, but the poison claws are interesting, and it uses all of its abilities to great effect anyways. 7/10.

Equipment: As expected, Rathalos weapons look pretty freaking cool. Here’s a Sword and Shield from the first MH called the Red Saber:

That sword looks RAD. It looks like a sword in the middle of the forging process that also happens to be made of lava, which is a concept that wouldn’t make any sense if you never saw this. The shield is also really cool, as it looks both tough and like it would cause some serious pain if you bashed something with it. Next is an Insect Glaive from MHRise called the Rathmaul:

I usually don’t like to use Rise weapons in these reviews since the renders are pretty small, but I had to rep my main weapon class, okay? Now, as for the Rathmaul itself, I like how the butt-end looks like a Rathalos’ tail, though I don’t know what the green part is. The blade of the glaive also looks cool; it doesn’t quite have the same pizzazz the Red Saber had, but it still looks really hot to the touch. Finally, here’s the weird-looking weapon of the review, the Rathalos Dual Blades from MHO:

Let’s skip the Hot Topic jokes and just agree that this is a really cool concept. From what I can remember, none of the monsters I’ve talked about so far have had Dual Blades that looked like claws, which is surprising to me. These also appeal to the Kid Icarus: Uprising fanboy in me, so that’s another plus. Now for the armor, I’ve got a couple armor sets from Monster Hunter Tri (yes, I know it’s the worst game in the series, but the wiki didn’t have any other renders I liked). Here’s the Blademaster armor:

If this looks familiar to you, it’s because SSB4 and SSBU both have DLC Mii Costumes based off of this armor. You may have also noticed that it looks freaking awesome. It’s regal, dangerous, and intimidating, just like the monster it’s based off of. As for the Gunner armor:

It’s still cool, but less so. Not enough spikes, plus the men’s helmet on the Blademaster set looks much better than the one here. Still, the set looks cool for both men and women, just like the Blademaster set does. The Rathalos equipment just looks powerful, and that’s exactly what your reward for killing such a powerful monster multiple times should look like. It’s almost demonic, which is interesting, since Rathalos itself doesn’t look that way (as far as dragons go, I mean. I’m aware that there are some people who think dragons in general are demonic). I can only imagine how enthralled people who started out with the first MH as kids were when they saw the kinda stuff they could make with Rathalos parts, especially since the monsters that you fought before it pale in comparison in basically every way. 8/10.

Final Thoughts and Tally: Well, of course Rathalos would get an above-average score! It’s the Main Monster, the one that’s been in every single MH game! You think it would have such staying power if it wasn’t impressive? I only hope I was able to adequately show off just why it’s the King. 7/10.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch 97

We are inching closer and closer to the moment we’ve been waiting for in this story arc!  As a result, you may notice the chapters getting longer.

No worries, though. We will return to your regularly schedule fluff and nonsense soon enough ;)

Thanks go out to @baelpenrose, @zommbiebro, and @creakingcryptid for giving me such amazing ideas and characters to play with in this chapter, and extra thanks to Bael for beta reading and helping with this chapter and a few more to come.

The next gathering of Jokul’s ‘followers’ was roughly a week away.  I tried my hardest to focus on work, and if Tyche noticed that I was asking to spar much more than usual, she didn’t say anything about it. Maverick and Conor avoided asking about what happened at my meeting with Antoine, instead putting their energy into making sure I remembered to eat in the midst of everything.  I was more than halfway convinced that they were conspiring with Charly and Alistair, as well, due to the sheer volume of attempts made to offer me food while I was at work.

Further worsening my anxiety was the fact that I had no clue how much of it Xiomara knew.  She had been adamant that I keep my nose out of things, but here I was, neck deep in intrigue.  There was no way of telling in our day to day interactions, since she was as inscrutable as ever - businesslike and brisk in Council meetings, relaxed and friendly outside of work.  Even as I reminded myself that speaking about things openly would endanger me again, along with Antoine this time, I still found myself frustrated beyond belief. At no point in my life had I so much as fleetingly wanted to be, much less imagined being, a spy and yet here I was.

Halfway through my shift the day of the gathering, I sent a grateful Alistair home.  I wasn’t at all fooled by his forced patience: he had been one breath away from throwing a cup at me all morning.  Once he left, I signalled Simon, Arthur, and Parvati to my office. Ostensibly, this was a discussion of the potential for new Galactic courses being added to the curriculum.

In reality, we were planning a war of sorts.

Once everyone was seated, I nervously cleared my throat. “So, I know I invited you all here to discuss possibly adding Galactic Art History electives.  And I swear, that is actually on the books to discuss.” Carefully, I pulled out a device identical to the one I had seen Xiomara use, and switched it on. Simon’s eyes widened, while Parvati’s rolled freely. Arthur didn’t so much as blink. “Everything we are about to discuss stays in this room, no exceptions. I am not sure how much of this Xiomara knows, and nobody but us will know the entire plan. Is that understood?” I waited for confirmation before I continued. Once I had it, I took a deep breath and soldiered on. “Tonight, the four of us will be attending a gathering of Jokul Bjornson and his followers. I am doing this at the request of a member of that organization, whom I trust with not only my life but those of this entire ship.  However, contrary to past actions, I’m not an idiot. I negotiated to have someone there as backup, someone unknown to the member of that organization and unknown to be aligned with me.”

“We’re all three associated with you,” Simon ventured slowly. “Openly, even.”

I nodded. “Arthur will be in disguise. I’ve seen it, it’s good. I didn’t even recognize him.”

“But you need all three,” Parvati eyed me carefully.

“Simon is a decoy: someone known to be associated with me, very recognizable,” I gestured to him. “However, Simon, I just need you to be yourself, ask questions, look interested. If you see me, ignore me openly. Worst case scenario they will either ask you to leave or be forced to let you stay as my ‘backup’, okay?”

He nodded firmly with a determined look on his face. “I can do that.”

“Awesome,” I smiled before turning to Parvati. “Parvati, you’ll be the wild card. Yes, you are dating my fellow Councilor. However, you are also well known for speaking against the status quo, and that’s what this bunch thinks they are doing. Dazzle, keep your ears open, and keep them confused if you are there as my backup or not. Got it?”

She nodded solemnly before flashing a grin. “Performance art. I like it.”

I winked at her. “Got it in one. Arthur will be my actual back up, in disguise, being disgustingly friendly and agreeable with Jokul’s followers to the extent he can keep from vomiting. Something isn’t right in this so-called organization, so the goal behind this meeting is that my contact thinks that they and myself can talk some sense into Jokul.”

“Good luck on that,” Arthur muttered.

 That evening, Antoine and I approached the location where Jokul’s ‘followers’ were gathering.  Despite myself, I expected it to be some secret, dimly lit and clandestine location in the lower levels of the ship, near the Archives.  My mind even supplied it with a dirt floor and flickering torches, cult members gathered in robes, muttering chants or prayers.  Exactly one of those things was accurate, and I was surprised even that much was.  We arrived on one of the lower levels, at least. But we arrived at a rarely-used general mess.

Jokul’s group was gathering in a public cafeteria. It didn’t even have doors.

I bit back a groan and made a mental note to let Xiomara know her intelligence agents sucked.  Anyone could have just wandered past here, found them, and been done with this entire situation.  I scolded myself and focused on the fact that anti-climactic was good.  Less hurty, less dying involved.

Casually, I glanced around the room, making sure to take everything in and not let my gaze stop on any one person.  I had to trust that the others either had already arrived or would soon enough. “This isn’t quite what I expected,” I told Antoine quietly.

He smiled. “You have a very active imagination, so I am sure the reality did not measure up.”

“I’m going to remember that comment. My ‘active imagination’ is where some of your favorite meals come from.”

“So long as I am invited to family dinners again, I will eat whatever you put in front of me,” he sighed before glancing over his shoulder when a peal of laughter rang through the air.

Following his line of sight, I saw exactly what I expected: Parvati, this time in white slacks and a sweeping purple vest with gold details, holding court and charming suspicious cult members with what I presumed were tales of her days abolishing institutions. “Somehow I am not surprised she is here,” I muttered.

“She is dating Xiomara, is she not?”

“I think so? They don’t talk about it much,” I shrugged before reminding him. “However, she also was a guerilla protest artist and very vocal opponent of both the Baconists and the plutocracy.”

He arched a brow at me. “Is she the person you insisted on bringing?”

“I’m not even sure she can fight,” I evaded carefully. “And I would hardly invite someone so high-profile to be my super-secret back up.”

“Hmm,” he mused before just a bare hint of a smile. “No, but she is a wonderful distraction.”

He’s on your side, I reminded myself as an icy trickle of fear shot between my shoulderblades. “She’s not my back up plan, Antoine.”

That annoying half-smile stuck around, unfortunately. However, before he could say anything, a booming voice rang out. “Sophia Reid!  How daring that you walk directly in here, like a rabbit wandering into a wolf’s den!” I cringed at the awkward simile. He was trying so hard to be impressive. “Have you finally swallowed your cowardice and come to confront me without your human shields to save you?”

As Jokul approached, I glanced at Antoine.  Before I could say anything, I was cut off. “Oh no, Sophia, Antoine Costa is mine now. I have prized him away from your side, showing him the truth of what you are doing to him and everyone on this ship.”

“Feeding them?” I asked in confusion, leading to a scowl from Antoine. “What!?”

“Jokul, I brought Sophia here so the two of you could speak, face to face. My hope is, if the two of you understand each other better, this conflict can be resolved,” Antoine explained in his most calming, matter of fact tone.

Jokul spoke again, but I barely paid attention. I was distracted by a rolling gait rapidly approaching, paired with an ominous and excited - gods I hope that’s just excitement - chuckle. If “Solozo” wasn’t rubbing his hands together in pure glee, I knew he at least wanted to. “ - cannot even deign to pay attention to her betters!”

I snapped my gaze up to his face, which had nearly purpled in rage. “I sincerely apologize,” I ground out. “I have hearing problems, actually, so I was trying to figure out what you were saying without asking you to repeat yourself. It’s embarrassing when I have to do that, honestly.” I frowned and tilted my head to emphasize my point. “It helps if you speak slower and don’t raise your voice, unfortunately.”

Jokul startled, though whether it was at my admission of a potential weakness or the fact that I had pretty much asked him to talk to me like I was an idiot, I wasn’t sure. Gathering himself and resetting the sneer on his face, he carefully enunciated. “There is no conflict to resolve.  You want to be a tyrant, and this harmless mask you wear will not fool anyone for much longer.”

He really did think he was the hero, and my heart actually broke a little bit. “All I want to do is meet with you, in relative privacy. You and me, obviously, and two witnesses each to prevent any accusations of undue influence. You pick yours, I pick mine. And we talk.  Just that.” I tried. I really did.

“Pah!” he spat. “So you can try to poison me with your words like you have so many?” The irony of that statement actually caused me physical pain when I restrained my laughter. “If you want to negotiate with me, you may either surrender and step down from Council and any other positions of leadership, or you can fight me as equals.”

Before I could respond, laughter erupted to my left. When I turned toward the sound in time to see Solozo bracing himself on my shoulder with one hand, the other clenching his chest. “I can’t, I just can’t… Stop, please.  This is… Fuck. Just stop. Oh gods,” he gasped for a couple breaths before standing straighter. “I just can’t keep watching this. For starters, ‘equals’ is not the same thing as ‘intelligent woman who got elected without her knowledge and the moron who saw Vikings and based his whole life and personality around it. Number one. Number two, she came in here offering an olive branch, and you are reacting with fucking claymores. Very tacky. I’ll offer you one better, though: I heard from your followers here - they are chatty, by the way, wow - that you want to fight Sophia Reid’s pet warlord.”  He stood back and spread his arms. “I’m right here.”

Jokul looked confused, and I admit it was a fair reaction. Arthur still had his prosthetic stomach on, along with his makeup. To add to the air of ‘slob’, his button-down shirt was now untucked and hanging up to show an undershirt. “This? This is your champion, Sophia?”

Arthur glared before glancing down. “Right, you still think I’m overweight.” He reached behind his back and under his shirt slightly before the stomach deflated.  After tugging it loose and dropping it, he tried again. “I am Arthur Farro, Warlord of the Pacific Northwest. ‘Solozo’ is just a pseudonym I took from a character in The Godfather, and the fact that literally no one caught me on that says all of you have shit taste in movies.”

“Warlord of the Pacific Northwest?” I hissed. “Really!?”

He shrugged. “Guy’s file says he was a warlord, so it’s worth a shot. Maybe he’s heard of me. Or we had a skirmish.”

Jokul sneered some more, although I was starting to think that was just what his face looked like. “I will fight you, Arthur Farro, if only to show Sophia that she can hide all she wants and it will still never be enough.”

Even Antoine looked pained at the over-the-top antics.  I managed not to roll my eyes. Arthur didn’t even try.  “There is one catch,” he pointed out, holding one hand up to stop Jokul from speaking. “I win, you agree to have that chat Sophia specifically came here for.  If you win, she agrees to step down from the Council.”

I turned, eyes wide in alarm. “I can’t - “

Arthur just grabbed my wrist gently and shook his head. “She’ll step down from the Council if you beat me.”

Jokul considered this before adding, “And all positions of leadership. She can never hold one again.”

“Agreed,” Arthur nodded, sticking his hand out to shake on it.  As soon as that was done, he started to usher me toward the door. “Five days, Joke-kill?”

“It’s Jokul,” he growled. “And five days is suitable.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed as we made it through the door.

“Five days is traditional, Sophia. Travel time, rest, all that.”

“You are being - “

“Deliberately obtuse, yes. You’ve told me several times on various occasions. That idiot,” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “Doesn’t know you aren’t allowed to just resign from the Council without an elected replacement.  You’ve certainly tried enough times. Second, come ON! You can’t honestly tell me you don’t want to watch me humiliate him in full view of the ship.”

“Oh, this is not going to be public,” I shook my head hard enough to make myself dizzy. “We are keeping this quiet.”

“Which is exactly why everyone will know and want to see it.” When I groaned, he scolded me. “You can’t honestly believe that a challenge that was issued in front of at least a hundred people is actually going to be a secret.”

“Fuuuuuuck,” I groaned loudly.

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[xb-squaredx]

The Unwritten “Rules” of Smash Bros. Speculation

Super Smash Bros. has become one of the most ambitious crossovers in all of gaming, featuring characters from seemingly endless franchises duking it out. With each new installment, fans eagerly make the cases for their preferred choices, and with the advent of DLC, even after the game launches fans still speculate as to who will join the battle. The most recent title, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, is no exception. As of this writing, we have six more DLC characters incoming for Ultimate, and speculation is in full swing. While it IS fun to speculate, attempting to narrow an almost infinite number of choices down to just six is quite the undertaking, so I thought it’d be more interesting to instead look at the arguments people often have for or against certain inclusions. I aim to compile the “rules” of who can and cannot get into Smash Bros. and see which rules hold water and which ones are on thin ice. Let’s begin!

NINTENDO ONLY

I’ll start with what was once one of the most binding rules for speculation. Smash Bros. was at one time, a celebration and collection of solely Nintendo-owned IPs, and despite fans pleas, various other characters from other companies surely couldn’t join in the fun. At least, until Brawl. Snake from the Metal Gear franchise and Sonic the Hedgehog himself made the leap from dream to reality as they were added to the roster and from that day onwards, nothing has ever been the same. In fact, we’re at a point now where most wish lists are populated almost entirely by third-party characters. It’s safe to say that this particular rule WAS broken and should be casted aside, however in its place another, similar rule has cropped up.

FRIENDLY RELATIONS

OK, so Nintendo doesn’t need to own the character in question…but they damn well better have been on a Nintendo console! The better the relationship between Nintendo and the game/franchise in question, the better chance they have of appearing in Smash, at least according to some people. Looking at our guests in general, this rule DOES seem to hold some water. Snake is a tad of a stretch, as the bulk of the Metal Gear Solid games aren’t on Nintendo platforms, though Twin Snakes exists, and the original Metal Gear was on the NES, so you could make an argument for him. Sonic, Mega Man, Simon and Pac-Man have made plenty of appearances on Nintendo consoles and while Microsoft owns Banjo now, he got his start with Nintendo. But then we have Cloud and Joker, who throw a wrench into the works. Both characters at the time of their playable debut had only appeared in spinoffs on Nintendo systems, with the games they made their ACTUAL debut in not appearing on any Nintendo console. Cloud famously made his debut in the first Final Fantasy game to NOT be on a Nintendo system. Over the years however, Cloud would appear in cameos in smaller spinoffs, as early as the Game Boy Advance as a summon in Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, and as per Sakurai’s own explanation, Cloud is meant to be a rep for the franchise on the whole, and there were indeed six other games Nintendo had on their consoles as “justification.” For Joker however, the Persona series stuck to Sony platforms, though the series they spun off from, Shin Megami Tensei, DID have tied to Nintendo, and the spinoff Persona Q was released as a 3DS title, so he gets in…BARELY.

I do find it interesting to note that, even if fans might not hold belief in this “rule,” other developers seem to respect it. When asked if Dante from the Devil May Cry series could see a playable appearance in Smash, Capcom instead stated that his own games would have to be on Switch first…and then a few months later, they put Devil May Cry 1 on Switch. Is this merely a coincidence? Maybe, but it’s pretty funny all the same. So far this rule has been bent, not broken, but I think it’s only a matter of time. This of course isn’t the only “rule” that’s open to some wiggle-room.

2 SEXY 2 VIOLENT

Nintendo is a family-friendly company and while they DO occasionally opt for more mature titles, they seem to put a lot of importance on casting a wide net and not going for too many ratings above T for Teen, or the rough equivalent in Europe and Japan. So when it comes to Smash, which is in part a celebration of all of Nintendo (plus guests), it pays to make sure THAT game keeps a similar rating. So any character addition that could jeopardize that rating is immediately suspect in the eyes of fans, and I’m inclined to agree. Throughout Smash’s life, we’ve seen how Nintendo and Sakurai have had to bow to the almighty ratings board. Items like the Ray Gun are designed to be as cartoonish as possible, and while this IS a game about smacking people around with punches, kicks, tail swipes and the like, it’s often presented in a very over-the-top manner to lower the impact. Now, there’s plenty of ways to play up the more cartoonish aspects of violence for new playable reps, but there seem to be limits. Bayonetta can’t use her gory Torture Attacks, for one, and when it comes to firearms, the series is a little gun-shy with depicting them. Snake famously only uses explosives, despite firearms being pretty common in his games. However in recent years we’ve seen some deviations from this. Bayonetta is allowed to use her guns, and Joker himself prominently uses his own gun. Granted, Bayonetta’s firing magic bullets and technically Joker’s using a model gun, but they’re still more realistic than the standard Smash shooter. So while it’s POSSIBLE to see the likes of the Mortal Kombat cast or the Doomslayer himself, I also wouldn’t hold my breath.

(Credit to @LetItMelo on Twitter)

God forbid you show any skin either! If a character is overtly sexual in their design, there’s a good chance they’ll be excluded from all the smashing going on, and we’ve seen this in various different forms throughout the series. Following the onslaught of horny players using the in-game camera to look under character’s skirts and the like in Melee and Brawl, female character models now have nothing but darkness underneath skirts and dresses. Or you can be like Rosalina and have the entire universe there. Even non-playable characters can’t escape alteration or even outright removal. Data suggests that the Fire Emblem character Tharja was supposed to be a trophy in the 3DS version of Smash 4, however the trophy does not exist in-game and the fact that her outfit is mostly a sheer bodysuit likely has something to do with it. In Ultimate in particular, the Xenoblade character Mythra had her Spirit altered; her boob window was removed and she gained tights on her otherwise bare legs. And this was just for some 2D art! Then there’s the case of Mai Shiranui, who was excluded from making a cameo on Terry Bogard’s stage, despite the multitude of other SNK character cameos and her status as one of the more recognizable SNK characters. In the Japanese version of Terry’s showcase video, Sakurai specifically states that the ratings board prevented them from including her.

But Bayonetta got in! And sure, she did, but with some concessions made. Her Wicked Weaves no longer leave her naked, only losing part of her outfit, and her more sexual traits are downplayed. There’s also Zero Suit Samus’ uh…let’s say alluring design, so there’s clearly wiggle room here, but at the same time both characters in question are still relatively covered up. I’m not saying it’s impossible for a Senran Kagura or Dead or Alive character to make the leap to playable status but I AM saying that they’d probably have to cover up or get some breast reduction surgery before they can make their debut. Still, ratings are not set in stone and over time, things change and gray areas emerge. With that in mind, I suppose we might as well take a look at one of the murkier, unclear “rules” fans have invented.

HE’S AN ASSIST, GET OVER IT

Being a playable character isn’t the ONLY way to be represented in Super Smash Bros. of course, and throughout the years we’ve seen various ways to get in on the fun. Stages, items, trophies, assists, Spirits, and Mii costumes all exist as ways to make a nod to virtually any franchise under the sun, but the question remains…if you’re already represented in such a way, do you have a shot at being made playable? Looking across the games, the answer would seem to be “Maybe in the next game.” Pit was a trophy in Melee before being brought back (and redesigned) for Brawl. The likes of Little Mac, Dark Samus and Isabelle have been Assist Trophies in one game, only to become playable in the next, and while Chrom and King K. Rool were Mii costumes in Smash 4 they’re playable in Ultimate. So far, we haven’t seen a single character make the playable jump in the same game, even with the option of DLC, but is it really such an impossibility?

Looking at items, like the Assist Trophies or even the Pokeball items, there are times when certain items won’t spawn, so it’s not too much of a stretch to say that, if Waluigi was chosen as a playable character, you couldn’t just find a way to keep his Assist Trophy from popping up in a match. This seems to happen in stages too; if a Link is playable in the Spirit Tracks stage, another character conducts the train. To run counter to that though, Ridley being made playable (and scaled down) is likely the biggest reason that the Pyrosphere stage didn’t make the return in Ultimate. That being said…Chrom is playable now, but he’s still part of both Robin’s Final Smash AND their win screens so…who can say what the actual edict is here?

Spirits are definitely a strange issue; if we take it as fact that if you have a Spirit in the game already, you can’t be made playable…that essentially means that 99% of Nintendo’s stable are ineligible and that just doesn’t seem right to me. Why limit yourself that much? Your only remaining options are brand new games that come out after Ultimate, though we’ve also had DLC spirits added in to promote a lot of these games. I’d like to assume that, at the very least, if you get in as a DLC Spirit, it’s unlikely that you’d be made playable later on. We have cases like the random Resident Evil Spirit event that casually gave us the most popular villain (Wesker) and the three most iconic protagonists of the series (Jill, Leon and Chris), which would make me question what a Resident Evil Spirit Board for a potential DLC character would look like. Why add that franchise in AHEAD of their playable appearance? Overall, I’d argue that a character with a Spirit in the base game has a chance of being made into playable DLC…but it’s a slight chance.

But then we have costumes…and this is where it can get interesting. Characters that are already playable can have costumes based off of them, as the likes of Link and Samus demonstrate, and even in the case of someone like Chrom who finally made the leap to playable, his costume still exists. But it’s the third-party costumes that garner the most attention. At launch, none of the third-party costumes from Smash 4 were in Ultimate, though as the Fighter’s Pass has doled out characters, these costumes have been slowly brought back, alongside new ones. At present, all of Namco’s costumes have yet to be seen, as well as the costume of one oft-requested puppet, Geno. Does this mean Namco will get a DLC rep, or that Geno will finally make the dreams of many fans come true? Anything’s possible, but there are no guarantees. As we can see with the likes of Sans and Cuphead, it’s also possible for characters to be added in as more elaborate costumes than your typical Mii flair. It certainly seems more likely to me that, say, Shantae could get a special Mii costume, even when she’s already a Spirit in the base game, and this might apply to other fan favorites too. On the whole though, there’s just a lot that’s up in the air regarding this particular rule. Nothing has contradicted it yet, but I can’t say I’d rule anything out in this case. If there’s ONE stipulation we have gotten confirmation on MULTIPLE times however, it’s this next “rule.”

NO GOKU ALLOWED

Smash Bros. celebrates video games, end of story, so all the cries to add in X character from some other form of media are ultimately fruitless. Sakurai won’t add Son Goku from Dragon Ball, and we won’t get Iron Man or Shrek. At present, the only characters that aren’t strictly FROM a video game, are at least intimately related TO video games. Both R.O.B. and Mr. Game&Watch are basically mascots for the NES and Game&Watch systems respectively, and they’re deeply tied to Nintendo’s own history as it is, so no one really bats an eye at their inclusion. Aside from kinda “tainting” the pureness of the series by introducing something that’s not a video game, there’s also licensing issues to consider…as well as the fact that it’d be a Pandora’s box the likes of which we’d never recover from. If Goku got in, then why not George Costanza or Spongebob or Walter White? It’d never end and the series would lose its identity.

There are still, however, a few characters that fans desperately want in the game, and they have this rule to contend with first. Geralt of the Witcher series is brought up as a possible inclusion, however the character originates from books. While the games have certainly gained notoriety and in some cases have surpassed the books in the public consciousness, that doesn’t change the fact that Geralt isn’t strictly a video game character. Oddly enough, however, he’s made the rounds in a lot of different video games over the past few years. He’s available as a character customization option in Daemon X Machina for one, a Switch-exclusive mecha game from 2019, and also in 2019 he was a guest character in Soulcalibur VI. Granted, that series has already seen guests from other mediums, like from the Spawn comics or characters from the Star Wars series. His appearance in Monster Hunter: World is also pretty unexpected, so it wouldn’t be completely out of nowhere to expect him to eventually make it to gaming’s biggest crossover, but I have my doubts. There’s also Sora from the Kingdom Hearts series, and while he DID originate in a video game, he is co-owned by Disney, and is closely tied to their properties as a result. Now, it’s not as if Nintendo hasn’t had a relationship with Disney; plenty of Disney games have appeared on Nintendo systems, but including Sora in Smash would either mean erasing any connections to the Disney characters in his games, or adapting them and subsequently breaking this massive rule and causing pandemonium! OK, it’s not as serious as all that, but it’d be a…delicate deal at any rate. Disney is pretty protective of their IPs, and Sora is also co-owned by Square Enix who is also pretty protective and hard to work with…Cloud barely got back into Smash Ultimate for one thing, and the rights for all that Dragon Quest music couldn’t have been cheap, so I feel like Nintendo wouldn’t be willing to go in on this a third time, especially with Disney’s involvement. But…miracles can happen, I suppose.

LITERALLY WHO?!

For our last “rule” here, I want to tackle one of the more subjective stipulations: relevancy. When it comes to shooting down character choices, you’ll often hear things like “that series hasn’t had a new entry in YEARS, so why would they promote that?!” or “that puppet’s been in one niche game that no one knows about!” It is true that characters in Smash do tend to promote newer games, as the likes of Roy, Corrin, Byleth, Joker and Hero show. I mean, why ELSE is the hero from Dragon Quest XI the default costume, other than that he’s the new hotness? But I think it’s clear at this point, especially when it comes to Ultimate, that being relevant isn’t everything. King K. Rool hasn’t been used in well over a decade, but he was added due to fan demand. A similar thing can be said for Banjo, as Microsoft hasn’t exactly used that IP in a while, and many would argue that Minecraft is a much more relevant rep from Microsoft if anything.

You’ll see people complain about certain inclusions with the argument that “no one knows who that character is!” but often that just demonstrates the complainer’s own bubble. Many in the West might not have gone CRAZY when Hero was announced, but Japan LOVES Dragon Quest and its inclusion is HUGE. Sakurai himself even notes this when going over Terry Bogard and SNK’s own history in the arcades. Relevancy only matters so much; if fans want them, and they bring something new and fun to the table, they have a chance. So this rule, as far as I’m concerned, isn’t one to take seriously. One man’s niche is another’s mainstream, really.

CONCLUSION

At the end of the day, Super Smash Bros. frequently makes dreams come true and breaks through any preconceived notions regarding who can and cannot smash, so I do find it somewhat of a fool’s errand to compile these “rules” and act like they’re the gospel. In truth, Nintendo and Sakurai can do whatever they want, and with enough time and money, anything is possible. There was once a time when we thought Sonic or Banjo fighting Mario and Link was a pipe dream, or hell…the entire concept of Nintendo all-stars all in one place was pretty farfetched over 20 years ago, but look at where we are now. As the old saying goes, rules are made to be broken…so clearly our next 6 characters are Doomslayer, Kasumi from DOA, Waluigi, Geno, Sora and Hank Hill. Yup. And I for one will be INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTED if that is not the case!

In all seriousness, speculate away, because at the end of the day, it’s pretty fun and harmless by itself! Just…hype responsibly, OK?

Happy Smashing

-B

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 95

More intrigue~~~~ And some humor, because when humans get scared, some of us make jokes.

It took a sedative and Lyric for me to get some sleep before my clandestine meeting with Antoine.  Conor and Maverick had both protested, calmly but firmly, and at length. In the end, they only conceded if someone they trusted could follow me in disguise.  Their first choice - my sister - was entirely out of the question, since she was entirely too recognizable… especially to Antoine.  Xiomara was out as well, since there was very little chance anyone associated with Jokul would not recognize her somehow.  Same thing for Charly.

Fortunately, Arthur was able to pass Xiomara’s muster for disguise within the twelve hour deadline that we had to work with. An hour and a half before I was due at the Undine, I was pacing with worry that I would actually have to go alone. A traitorous voice in the back of my head wondered if Antoine had a point earlier - was I really hiding behind people?  However, before I could wrap myself too tightly in a panic attack, the door chimed with a request for entry. Praying fervently to any takers that Xiomara found someone to follow and observe at a distance, I composed myself to answer the door.

As expected, Xiomara stood on the other side, casual grin shining like the sun as she leaned against the door frame. What was entirely unexpected was the man standing just over her shoulder.  Slightly taller than me, he was rocking back and forth on his heels, hands in his khaki pockets as he craned his neck to look around like everything was unfamiliar. A hideously striped button-down strained across his stomach. That can’t be comfortable, was all I could think. Why doesn’t he have clothes made that fit better? Any discomfort he was experiencing didn’t even trickle into his expression as he gave me a cheerful smile.  Silver, unkempt whiskers matched the unruly hair on his head, but something eerily familiar stared at from dark brown eyes framed by thick glasses and rosacea.

Shaking my head, I have Xio a confused glance.  Her smile never waivered, however. “Hey, Xiomara…” I said slowly. “Come on in…”

“Thank you,” she gave a small mock-bow. “This is my friend Solozo, thought I would introduce him to you.  He had an idea for an event.”

I nodded, still squinting at the unfamiliar man. “Yeah. Yeah, sure, both of you come in.”

“My deepest gratitude, Miss Sophia,” Solozo nodded as he passed. “Surely we are interrupting you, but you invite us into your home the same.” His accent was so strong I could hear it even over my translator. Italian, but not quite the Neapolitan I was more familiar with from Before.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Xiomara made herself at home with a cup of coffee from my kitchen. At the same time, Solozo looked around my living room.  Small comments here and there washed over me as I noticed he had a stiff leg, giving him a rocking sort of gait. “Sir, I would love to hear about the idea for your event,” I ventured politely, getting him to turn and face me instead of my plants and photos.

“Wine and cheese tasting,” he beamed. “Now, I don’t drink, and I can’t eat dairy, but I’m going to see what Meece can do to fix that.” Smacking his stomach for emphasis, he continued. “I want to taste all the cheese I never could before, and I think everyone else should have that experience. Everyone eats cheese?”

Something was really bothering me about this man, but I felt terrible. He was being perfectly pleasant, and I was the person who handled this sort of thing. But something was just… off. “I think that’s a splendid idea. All cultures have a sort of wine, all cultures have a sort of cheese. No pun intended,” I conceded. He chuckled as I continued. “But… I’m confused, Xiomara.” I turned to my friend, still smiling and leaning on my dining table. “Not to be rude, but you could have asked Mr. Solozo to send me a message and I could have contacted him in the morning.”

“She could have, yes,” Solozo interjected, extending his stiff leg to take a seat. “Gout, it’s on the list of things to have looked at. But I needed to speak to you tonight, Miss Sophia, do you understand?”

I shot off the couch, bolting for the entry to the hallway as I realized what was bothering me. “Your accent. It was here, now it’s gone. Xiomara, what the hell - “

Before I could finish, she walked over and smacked the strange man on the shoulder. “I told you that accent wouldn’t hold up.”

Removing the glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I dropped it on purpose, just to make it fair,” he explained in a much more familiar, wry tone.

It took every ounce of restraint I had not to knock Arthur’s head off his shoulders. “You ass!” I shouted, grateful that Maverick and Conor were already awake - as evidenced by the head poking around the corner from the bedroom and the other one poking in from the now-open entrance. “Arthur’s disguise, ladies and gentlemen!” I cried dramatically as I threw a pillow.

“Hey! It works, doesn’t it? I had you fooled at least. And it’s not like I’m going to be talking much anyway.”

Xiomara was still laughing. “I thought the walk was a nice touch, personally.”

He scowled the best he could. “You bet me that I couldn’t hide the sword. The walk was just - incidental.”

Now that I wasn’t angry anymore, I made my way over and leaned closer to look at his face. “Whoever did the nose and the rosacea did a good job,” I admitted. “And the stubble?”

“Unfortunately, that’s mine.” He scratched under his chin for emphasis. “I haven’t shaved since before Alpha shift. This shit itches by the way.”

“The blue dye to get it that color probably didn’t either.”

“Not at all.”

“Did you bleach your hair, too?”

He pulled back, fixing me with a malevolent stare. “Very funny.” He turned away from me, puting the glasses back on and muttering. “I’m in my forties, remember? I actually just had the dye removed.” He ran a hand through his hair before shaking it back into a dishevelled state and fluffing it to stand up.  “You can bet your ass I’m dyeing it back before I teach class in the morning.”

Maverick entered the rest of the way into our quarters, allowing the door to the corridor to close again.  “I had no idea you were completely grey.”

“Prematurely,” he confirmed. “Even Before.  It started to go in my twenties, but at least it didn’t fall out.”

“So what was with the accent?” I asked. “That was entirely unnecessary, to be honest.”

He scoffed. “Are you kidding? As soon as I dropped it, you knew who I was.  I would call that necessary to fix.” I heard him mutter something that sounded like ‘amateur’ before he continued. “My family is originally from Italy, remember?  The accent is Sicilian.”

“Wait,” I sputtered. “Did you seriously name yourself after the guy who failed to kill Vito Corleone?”

“You can’t prove a thing. Could be a family name.”

Xiomara leaned over and swatted his arm. “Yes, it’s from The Godfather.”

“You also tend to hate Sicily and deny they are part of Italy,” I pointed out.

“They’re Greek and you will not change my mind.” 

Maverick looked thoughtful for a moment, before slowly confirming his suspicion. “So you are using the name of a hit man - apparently a bad one - from a movie that is over a hundred years old, because you hate Sicily?” He grimaced, and I could only imagine the headache he was getting. 

“He did kill Brasi, though. He just didn’t manage to kill Vito,” I pointed out.

“You aren’t even speaking English at this point,” he wailed in mock-despair.

Arthur cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow. “I took the name of an incompetent mob boss to try to make anyone with Jokul feel comfortable in the event I need to show up later in a more obvious way and have to reuse this.” He gestured at himself before patting his fake stomach.  “Besides, it’s funny to use the name of an incompetent around actual incompents.”

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” I sighed dramatically. “Once a warlord, now you are all that you hate most in the world.”

“Still not racist,” he pointed out, complete with finger guns.

“Says the guy who hates Sicilians,” Xiomara argued.

Arthur just waved a hand dismissively. “I’m Italian.  That’s like Sophia saying she hates people from New England.”

I wanted to argue, but the very physical shudder that wracked my body made that impossible. I settled for clarifying. “Only in a general sense.  I’ve met several very nice people from New York and New Jersey.  But when I go there… blehhhhh.”

“Exactly.”

Xiomara glanced at her datapad. “Okay, we have just enough time to get to the Undine for your meeting, Sophia.  Let’s get this show on the road.  Solozo, you’re going to follow her at six to eight meters.  Meander, look at things, just make sure you keep her in your sight, got it?”

He rolled his eyes. “I know how to do protection detail, Madam Kalloe.”

For emphasis, she smacked his arm again before helping him up. “Good.  Make it count and you can keep the sword.  I don’t want to sit through any more criminal trials if I can avoid it.”

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