#but I tacitly promised the liveblogging-but-better experience so here you go

[wolves-etc]

thoughts on The Last Of Us episode eight (uh-oh), largely in the order I had them:

[thoughts on: 1.1 | 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.5 | 1.6 | 1.7 | X | 1.9]

[for folks not familiar with the episode: content warning for vague references to grooming, CSA and rape]

— I've heard vague things about this ep - nothing specific, just Oh Boy There May Be A Lot Here - so I'm starting off wearing socks this time in case of spooky moments and with a hot chocolate to ward off angst. let's do this.

— I'm really growing to appreciate how impressively fleshy the fungus in the title credits is

— for a moment there the revelations bible reading with a girl starting to sob in the background felt like a mass suicide rapture cult thing about to happen, but THANK FUCK, it looks like they're just grieving.

— "just"

— the necessary practicality of "the ground is too cold to dig, we'll bury your father in the spring," and the extra grief that comes with the interruption of a ritual we use to acknowledge someone's death and start to move on from it.

— y'know it's nice that we get some interesting faces on here - faces a little outside the standard range of TV attractiveness. I sent my friend a few screenshots to point this out and express appreciation and I'm being treated to an update on all the actors in this who were voice actors for the games. it's very cool and i approve.

— "I sensed doubt" as an accusation from a religious leader (even if it's about his role more broadly as a community leader) makes me feel pretty stabby, not gonna lie

— I think that was pus on joel's wound and honestly kudos to the show for showing it! it's not leaning into the gore super much - netflix does that for shock value, I think, and to emphasise the, well, casual violence of the casual violence - but this kinda just feels realistic.

— ellie telling joel she's gonna be right back, I think more for herself than for him </3

— oh her nose and cheeks do not look good. I had to reassure myself she's been travelling with joel in that weather for A While now and probably knows what to look out for in the cold, but ouch.

— there's this nice thing here where we KNOW she was in military school and she can fire a gun, but joel still had to give her pointers; we know she's hardy and can fight well, but still doesn't know much about hunting, still makes noise when she walks and falls on her face and is clearly trying but will need luck if she's going to succeed.

— also I'm pretty sure that was an infected noise.

— or apparently not.

— impromptu rifle range!! you go, girl!

— oh no

— ellie's clearly not holding the rifle in a way that would LET her shoot them right between the eyes and they're so clearly humouring her a bit and it's this really odd mix of "she's genuine danger" and "this is just child-wrangling and children can be volatile"

— good enough with guns to know how to deload the others' rifles though

(still not sure what the correct term for deloading is - unloading just sounds like you're firing the damn thing everywhere. my friend suggested "decocking." which is just great. /s)

— "I actually started believing after the world ended." yeowch

— "so you went from teacher to preacher 'cos what, it fuckin' rhymes?" "yeah, exactly."

THIS IS SWEET OH NO yeah of course he was a teacher, he's got that good-at-kids vibe. (as opposed to good with kids, admittedly.)

— (my friend said that was an interesting distinction. I said: "he's good at reading and understanding her, knowing most of her threat is bravado but taking it seriously anyway, but he's not relating to her. there's a potential for manipulation - trying to get her to do what he wants or needs from her. which in this case would be handing over all or most of the meat.")

((listen. it was mostly vibes but this show is good at vibes.))

— I'm sorry is this dude a preacher advocating for revenge murder 'cos holy fuck I'm gonna knock him unconscious with his own holy book

— had to pause to be very angry at this for a moment because hi the "god put this murder opportunity in front of me, isn't that nice of him" line of thinking is. bad very bad it's very very bad

— he got an entire deer out of the bargain and he's still going to devote resources to vengeance, isn't he, the motherfucker

— ellie not knowing how to give joel the penicillin is so REAL. she really is very competent! she's also a fourteen-year-old with minimal life experience and education and her caregiver and relative expert in these things is currently incapacitated. I really hope she didn't just inject a fatal amount into his liver or something.

— lying down with a hand on his chest oh fuck

— "what is [the meat]?" "…venison." I really hope that guy looks naturally shifty.

— at least it's not like it could be random people meat or something

…oh fuck

oh fucking fuck fuck NO

"we'll bury his body in the spring" YEAH SURE I'M SURE THAT GUY JUST NATURALLY LOOKS SHIFTY AND IT'S FINE. look I can't even judge them for making this call to survive but it's fucking grim.

— excuse me he did fucking NOT just slap a teenager so hard he knocked her to the floor

okay now I'm starting to get why the mood in that community is so fucking atrocious. they're scared of him and he's using that fear to keep things working.

— "bless us with christ, the living bread" while they're sitting down for a meal of human is especially grim

— I'm glad ellie hasn't forgotten about the horse 'cos I kinda did

— I do like this show's quiet moments

— "how dare you decide that the girl dying is god's will. I decide what deaths are god's will." (paraphrased. but listen. I know evil preacher dude hasn't actually said he wants joel dead, but I can tell what he means by justice will, eventually, be death, even if he puts on a big show about coming to that decision grudgingly.)

— hang on I need to get some knife emojis in here 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

— ellie breaking my fucking heart here with her instructions to joel

— okay I did admittedly expect her to be more subtle but yelling "hey, motherfuckers!" and shooting at them IS very her

— I'm a wimp about some things so asked my friend for assurance that they don't take joel captive.

I didn't even think to ask whether they'd get ellie.

— (when I find myself in times of trouble helena from orphan black comes to me, speaking no words of wisdom but rather dealing with whoever needs to be dealt with then setting the place on fire.)

— at this point and for my own comfort I looked up just enough to know that joel and ellie are free and alive at the beginning of the next episode.

— "did you hear me say the others want to kill you?" "yeah." "but I stopped them." "fuck you." ellie <3 <3 <3

— yeah he's being sorta condescending here I called it. talking down to her and trying to bully her into doing what he wants. I'd actually like him better if he were taking the straightforward tess approach of "please be honest with us so we can figure out whether you're worth transporting as cargo."

— ellie's fear at the end of that first cage scene is brutal. major props to the actress and holy shit I'm glad she's still defiant (the fight response to immediate danger is kinda less painful to watch, for me) but fuck.

— JOEL IS SUCH A COMFORT TO SEE RIGHT NOW

— and now it's a torture scene and honestly still such a comfort. love a character who'll threaten to pop someone's kneecap off in defence of a child.

— the deeply inappropriate joy I felt when joel got the guy to point out the location with the knife shoved in his mouth

— "it'd better be the exact same spot your buddy points to" holy SHIT he did this earlier, with the nice hermit couple who gave him soup, this is practised and familiar

that's a heck of an insight into the kind of stuff he used to do and I'm not even sure what to feel about it

— …what's ellie seen

— THAT'S WHAT ELLIE'S SEEN

— can this guy not talk about cordyceps like I talk about cordyceps please. like yes it ISN'T evil yes it IS just multiplying and protecting itself and its progeny but shut up I don't want to agree with you

I guess I'd argue for its inherent amorality more than its goodness anyway. what the fuck, dude.

— "I'm a shepherd surrounded by sheep" you absolute motherfucker, a shepherd can't keep their sheep in fear or they can't do their fucking job. yes I'm pretending to know a lot more about sheep than I do for the sake of a grudge. WHAT OF IT.

— "if he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go." bastard knows exactly what he's doing.

— this dude appealing to ellie "as an equal" is deeply fucking creepy. I know I said I'd prefer the tess approach but THIS IS NOT THE TESS APPROACH. this is the creepy groomer approach. this is the "I want to manipulate you into being my attack dog" approach.

— okay I said creepy groomer as a fucking metaphor. look, this show did such a good job NOT leaning into the standard post-apoc rape and creepiness tropes that I straight up forgot creeps like that could exist here.

that in the context of him having "violence in his heart" that he struggled to come to terms with, and having been a school teacher, I-

— "tell them that ellie is the little girl who broke your fucking finger." holy shit I love her I love her I lo

— I know it's bravado I know she's scared but I love her and joel's coming to get her

— WHEN I ASKED MY FRIEND EARLY ON WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ELLIE BIT SOMEONE I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN. YOU GO GIRL

— YES, GIRL

— …I think the fact that this show didn't lean into the turbo-boosted-rape-culture tropes that are so typical for the genre makes it so much fucking creepier when it. actually happens.

— the triumph of ellie managing to kill him is a lot, the tragedy of ellie having to kill him is a lot, her terror and violation as she just, can't stop stabbing is. so much.

— JOEL

— JOEL AND ELLIE JOEL AND ELLIE

— "it's okay, baby girl. I got you."

— I love them both so much I love them both so much I lov