#but I just wanna get some regular exercise in my life rn. just going to a place a certain time every week

[phantom-of-the-north]

Am I weird for trying out a new sport when I’m 22 years old?

[fictionalsownme]

lengthy life update (/vent) for anyone interested 💞(tw for things like life stressors, moving, anxiety, etc)

Hi everyone :) so I just wanted to take a sec to update yall on my life and what’s been keeping me so busy. This is gonna be pretty venty but they’ll be a tdlr at the end if you’d like that instead 💞

As some of you probably know already, I just went through a huge move with my partner. We went from living on the East coast on a farm with my family, to a big city in California on our own. We had (and still have) good reasons to do this that I still stand by, and we knew it would be hard, but it’s been so much weirder than I expected.

It’s been hard to be away from my family and to be in a big city that doesn’t feel safe. We’re alright, don’t get me wrong, and after staying with my partner’s family for a few months we both got jobs that we like and we were already able to get our own place which has been really cool.

But now that we’ve moved in and are living on our own for the first time day to day, it’s the weirdest feeling in the world. Unpacking boxes has been taking so much longer than I thought, and there’s so much to keep track of, with new things getting stacked on all the time (for example, someone stole a part from our car while I was working, super expensive to fix 🙄).

There’s a million things I want to improve about my life and about myself (I want to dye my hair, I want to exercise, I want to organize the house and declutter my wardrobe, etc etc) but I’m too busy managing everything day to day. This has always been an issue of mine for a long time, but whereas before it was more of an excuse for myself, now it feels like I have no choice.

My anxiety has also been pretty bad. It makes sense, but it suckssssss. I’m anxious driving, going to work, for literally no reason at all lol, etc. I had my first “panic attack” in over six months the other day (in quotations because I’ve never had a doctor able to give a diagnosis, we just assume). They really mess with my memory, which just makes everything weirder 😓.

I also really miss tumblr! I miss drawing and working on the game and stuff. We get more things set up and unpacked every day, so I think I should be able to get started again sometime soon. The idea of that makes me SO excited. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but doing art for work is my dream. Like game development, or a webtoon, or even just regular commissions! I want to work on my projects like they’re already my job, but that’s really not practical rn :( I think I’m almost there though!!

And things haven’t been all bad! I have my dog with me here now! For those three months we stayed with relatives, she had to stay with my family on the East coast, but she’s here now!! And living on your own, while scary and overwhelming, is a huge privilege and I know I’m super lucky that it’s even an option for me. I hope no one thinks I’m being ungrateful, I know I’m super lucky for the opportunities I have, it’s just hard rn. But I know it will pass eventually! And if it doesn’t, I have more options and paths to try! I just gotta stick it out for a bit, and I know I’ll be happier soon.

I wanna thank you all so much for all the love and support that you’ve given me, especially while I’ve been gone. I really hope I can come back soon and grow this blog into something special! Thank you guys for your patience and for listening to me rant 💞 I can’t wait to come back full time 🥰💞 feel free to send me any asks or message me or anything like that if you need someone to talk to or have any questions. I hope you’re all having a great day, and if not, I hope things get better for you soon 💞

tldr: I just moved and things have been really hard lately, but I can’t wait to come back hopefully sometime soon. Thank you all so much for all the love, support, and patience 💞

[joshslater]

0ngoing Sponsorship

This is the other POV of 0ngoingw0rk’s Forced Sponsorship story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

What was I thinking? I had totally lost judgement when Stacy responded to my text message. I'd sent her "wanna see my dick rn" at home, but didn't get the "lol ok" until at the gym. It was empty this early, so I thought getting caught dick pic:ing was pretty slim. I was facing the mirror after all, not the whole gym.

But I had been seen, and led by a massive employee into his office as I was heading out. Perhaps he was the owner. He offered me a choice between doing some testing for him, or involving the police. Who knows what that could lead to. Sex offender registration? The deal he offered of tasting sport drinks was an easy option to take. A new drink to test every two weeks or so, while following a pre-approved workout regimen.

- Ok, I'll do it. Will you delete the video? - They overwrite automatically every two months.

Perhaps this could be a good thing. I was to work out twice a day during the testing, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Get fit or go to jail. If ever there was a better motivator. Yeah, this would definitively be a good thing. Just need to get a bit better grip on the diet. No more cheat weeks, and I should be set.

- It's fully sponsored, so I want you to wear this the next two weeks.

He gave me a gaudy yellow shirt made in some high tech material, with an ugly anthropomorphic muscled banana drawn on the front. Well, it's not an orange prison shirt at least, though just as conspicuous.

- See you tomorrow then. Front staff will have your pre-workout drink ready for you.

I showed up as agreed and picked up my jug of "Banana Blast" at the entrance. I'm not really a fan of banana flavor, but as banana drinks goes this one was pretty good. I kept sipping on it while changing into my gym gear and the outlandish top. Once ready to hit the gym I still had almost half of it left, which I chugged.

It wasn't a full on erection, so it actually took a while for me to notice. I'm sure I made a few adjustments subconsciously before noticing I was having a semi. These things do happen, but I'm not a teenager any more, so it's rare. This one was a bit different though, as it kept up until about lunch time.

My mind was mostly on Stacy, who appeared to have ghosted me after the picture I sent, so I wouldn't even had remembered if it weren't for what happened later that afternoon, back at the gym. I had barely finished the drink and hadn't even hit the gym floor when the erection came back. Harder than I've ever been in my life, I think. What's worse was that the gym also was pretty packed at this hour. The bright shirt made everyone take a look, and though most missed or ignored my hard on, I certainly got both smirks and looks of incredulity. I was mortified.

So this was how he was going to make me pay. By putting some Viagra shit in the drink to teach me a lesson. I wasn't going to let that beat me, so I went all in on the exercises I had scheduled. No one said anything, but there were glances my way all through the pass. And I couldn't just run and hide either, as I had to complete and hand in the damn questionnaire. I noted down the weights and reps as I was going, but still had lots of measurements and open ended questions to answer. I left the box about side effects blank. He damn well already knew what the did.

I was hard all through the evening, and tried to solve it with a hand job. Frustratingly I grew tired and gave up before I could cum. A quick cold shower helped a bit, but ultimately I went to bed with a pretty stiff dick. It was a bit better when I woke up. It was still at least semi erect, but no longer rock hard. It perked right up again as soon as I had the morning jug of banana bullshit. Who could have thought 30 minutes of cardio could be so complicated with a hard on. Orbital was uncomfortable, treadmill was like an inflatable tube man dancing down there, and the bike was outright torture.

If there was any shrinkage happening between training, it was insignificant. Whatever aphrodisiac he'd saturated me with had me in a constant kind of soft semi. Well, larger than that. A soft on.

In fact, ironically it appeared I couldn't get hard. While the big sausage flopped around during the afternoon session, it was as sensitive as it had ever been. I was practically edging myself, to the point where I almost wasn't aware of all the stares and glances. As soon as I was done with the paperwork I rushed home to finish off in the shower, but without success. It was like shaking a water balloon.

I woke up as I fell asleep. Sore all over, weird soft erection and horny AF. Nothing changed with the drinks and the training, though I got a bit better at ignoring everyone else at the gym. It was leg day though, so if anyone had missed what was happening between my legs before, they had no excuse any longer. There was a new question on the form, asking “Have you experienced any increased sensitivity anywhere on the body?”. I knew what he was after. I was close to answering “my tits”, but decided it best to not kick the bear. I was determined to not show any sign of weakness.

Things then kept pretty much the same throughout the week, neither worse nor better. I was frustratingly horny and a bit movement constrained with a floppy salami in my pants, but was slowly able to work around it. My carpenter trousers at work could hide a lot, and I bought a pair of compression shorts to wear under my gym shorts to keep things in place. In addition I started to learn how to move, walk and do the exercises without embarrassing myself too much. All the gym regulars already knew what was going on though.

There were a few more tweaks on the questionnaire to try to provoke me into disclosing what was happening. I refused to admit that, of course, and there were no further changes during the second week, up to the last day of Banana Blast.

First day after the trial was no different. I still had a come in and do my workouts and fill out the forms, and physically there were no changes. The morning after that though. HO-LEE SHIT. I could feel I was hard right away as I woke up, and my hand went down there almost immediately. What I felt was wrong. I jumped out of bed and just stood naked, looking down and marveling. My dick was a monster, probably twice the size of my usual erect size, which I wasn’t ashamed of. I came pretty quickly, with an ungodly amount of cum, and continued several rounds of climax before I finally went limp. Only that meant back to how it had been for the last week.

When I finally did show up at the gym, more than an hour late, it was almost exactly like any morning the previous week, except perhaps a bit less horny. I don’t know if I should thank him or curse him for what he’s done to my body, but at least he got his revenge. I’m gonna make another attempt with Stacy tonight.

[alighterwithlove]

I hung up a list of my 10 goals for 2k18 next to my bed for the whole year and looking over it now - I definitely did not accomplish all that I set out to do. but I think 2k18 was still very important for me as a 20-smth who is still growing and learning and I think I at least wanna do a review of it so -

1. Find a full-time career job in 2k18

I have a 40 hour a week entry-level job in the public sector!! since it’s entry-level, the salary isn’t enough for my mountain of student debt. it’s been a learning experience - there are things like office politics and bureaucracy and differing expectations. I’m lucky rn that I have a lot of opportunity to grow and buff up that resume because I will find a higher-paying full-time career job in 2k19.

2. Leave my abusive family in 2k18

I have been unable to accomplish this as my salary isn’t enough for me to move out comfortably. I’m still being abused by them both emotionally and financially and I still get triggered by them - but my therapy is working!! I am learning to recognize that what they say isn’t real, and I am fighting for my boundaries (they don’t go through my mail anymore!! amazing!!) unfortunately, staying with them is the only way I can save money atm so I feel a lil stuck, which is why now I will make a tangible plan - financial and realistic - to leave my abusive family in 2k19.

3. Make real life friends, reconnect with old ones in 2k18

This is hard. I know for sure I’ve reconnected with one friend, and I’ve met up with a couple others. I know for sure my internet friends have expanded by a few people this year which is very exciting and I am making plans to visit at least one of them!! but as for real life people, I’m still slowly getting to know a couple new people my age through these friends so I will continue making real life friends in 2k19.

4. Start exercising at least once a week in 2k18

Yeesh. I managed to keep that up for about a month and a half and then couldn’t keep it up for a number of factors (ie. abusive family lmao.........). I’ve already made tentative plans to try smth different to mitigate some of those factors for the new year so I will start exercising at least once a week in 2k19.

5. Learn to read and write fluently in Punjabi in 2k18

FUCK...... I was doing so well for the first half but then I couldn’t keep going to classes after the summer due to a number of factors (ONCE AGAIN, familial abuse!!!!!!!) and a lot of what I learned has slipped away - but I am at least comfortable with the fact that I am capable of learning my mother tongue!!! time to continue learning to read and write in Punjabi in 2k19.

6. Write original fiction in 2k18

how many of these can I blame on familial abuse oh my god sjdhjskfhkd OKAY WELL, I want to celebrate this one thing: I was able to write my first original short story this year!!! and it was accepted and published this year!!!! I did that!!!! I got money for an original piece of writing and I’m very excited!!! to ride that momentum, I want to write and submit three pieces of original fiction in 2k19.

7. Learn to take care of my body and hygiene in 2k18

I improved on this a lot!!! my skin has smoothed out a lot and my hair is healthy and shiny. I’ve kept up a regular eating schedule and a fairly regular sleeping schedule!! I have a bedtime!! I’ve gained a lot of weight as well which means I have more energy!! I want to improve my schedule of self-care in 2k19.

8. Date someone in 2k18

in hindsight, I went on like... three dates in 2k18 which were very nice and lovely but I haven’t re-connected with them. and after that, I haven’t actively looked for anyone to date. I... don’t really know what to do with this goal. I know that I get jealous sometimes that so many of my friends are in happy, healthy long-term relationships which I think is an indication that “long-term romantic relationship” is a thing that I do want, but. I am... at a loss how to get there tbh.

9. Pursue my interests further by myself and with others in 2k18

jesus these are getting esoteric. I don’t remember what interests I had in mind when I wrote this but I’m sure I did do them!!! I am realizing I have a number of interests - a lot of them involving media analysis, mythology, religion, spirituality, things like astrology and tarot cards, and ofc writing. always always always writing. I don’t think I was able to pursue them to my full potential however because living with my family limits me significantly. it’s a nice sentiment tho and I’m sure I did improve in some small way. baby steps!!

10. Learn to be more honest and vulnerable with others and myself 2k18

I am...... not very good at this. I am definitely trying - but I don’t think I do it very well and instead cause... mood whiplash when I do, because my first instinct after saying I’m having some sort of difficulty is to alleviate it with ‘OH BUT IT’S FINE!! I am a problem-solver :) and here’s a cute cat picture as a distraction’. [rubs face] I am so focused on trying to self-improve and problem-solve that I am realizing I don’t give myself space to just... Feel Sad. Feel Jealous. Feel Lost. and while I don’t want to wallow, I do think there’s a healthy middle-ground somewhere where I am just... allowed to have a feeling without immediately jumping into OKAY FIX NOW GO GO GO. this one is.... also... I am honestly at a loss how to get better at this? after such a fat paragraph, the real goal is find a therapist in 2k19.

so yeah!! that’s the summary!! and here’s my new list:

Find a higher-paying full-time career job in 2k19

Make a realistic plan on how to exit my abusive household as safely as possible

Continue making real life friends in 2k19

Start exercising once a week in 2k19

Continue to learn how to read and write in Punjabi in 2k19

Write and submit three pieces of original fiction in 2k19

Improve my schedule of self-care in 2k19

Find a good therapist in 2k19

[revivedlegend]

General Mental Health update below the cut:

Okay s o my mental health has been spiraling out of control basically since I graduated in June. I’m super anxious and depressed about my life going nowhere and me not knowing what I want outta life aside from wanting to write. 

I’m highly considering going back to therapy but I haven’t the foggiest how to get the process started - I was a minor both times I went to therapy and my mom handled the entire process. So if any of you angels have any advice on how to therapist shop PLEASE don’t hesitate to message me!

I’ve been struggling with lack of motivation for most everything I do so that’s why I’m barely writing and I’m sorry for that. I’m just trying to take every day as it comes? If that’s an issue, feel free to drop our thread/s (or, more likely, tell ME to drop them bc I have 100+ drafts) or even unfollow me if you must. I can’t promis regular IC activity. I just can’t.

I’m trying to exercise more and take better care of myself. It’s hard but I’m trying. 

In addition to everything, I literally just told my boyfriend I wanna break up. I’m just not in the headspace for a relationship rn and I’ve been entertaining the idea for a while and the closer the date gets when I was supposed to visit him, the more anxious I get. He deserves better and I just need time to figure out who Christina is without dragging a partner into my mess.

(Also, on that note, if I get any anons rn asking if I’m gonna date Gabe now...just don’t. I know we’ve gotten some before, I know some of y’all ship us but please, now’s not the time. I love y’all but no.)

So...yeah. I’m a mess but I’m trying. That’s about all I can do.

[wenamedthedogkylo]

Eyyyy, sum tags bruh

Get to know me tag game!

Tagged by @betweenrivers-betweenworlds, thnx m8.

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20* people.

LAST:

1. Drink: Aqua, also known by plebs as “water”. 2. Phone call: Uh..... technically to Willa cause I think she was tryna find her phone. 3. Text message: A group text, in which I provided some amusing pictures. 4. Song you listened to: The chocobo theme from FFXV cause Willa’s playing it right now. 5. Time you cried: I genuinely have no clue. It was a while ago and I don’t cry easily. It was probably at a movie or something. Or maybe it was the cry I had after BatB...

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: HAH!! No. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yep. 8. Been cheated on: Lmao no 9. Lost someone special: Yeah, a couple. 10. Been depressed: Ahahahahahahaha! Literally 24/7. *finger guns* 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Of course, gotta do it at least once. I’ve done it more than once, so I’ve had my fill for life.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Dark red, black, and dark purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yup. 16. Fallen out of love: Pfft, ain’t even fallen in love so no. 17. Laughed until you cried: Many times. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Like... in a bad way? Not that I– wait, yes, my older sister talked trash about me to my parents cause she’s a butthurt immature crybaby who can’t have mature conversations to save her life. We all laughed about it. (By that, I mean my parents eye-rolled and sympathized with me and I cackled.) 19. Met someone who changed you: Mmmm... can’t say I have? 20. Found out who your friends are: Lmao I mean I already knew it. I don’t make friends easily, so once you’re a friend, that’s that. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: HAH. Nope.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I mean, technically most of them? I knew them either from HS or college, or they’re family? There’s only a few that I’ve met online, and at least one of those that I’ve met online who I’ve subsequently met IRL. 23. Do you have any pets: 1 1/2 cats. 1 cat is fully mine, and I co-parent her brother. 24. Do you want to change your name: I think I’ve effectively done all the name flipping necessary to feel comfortable with it, so nah. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Um. That... that’s a good question. I think I just... maybe had good food and watched a movie? 26. What time did you wake up: Like 11:55 AM, just in time to get my computer open to start work XD. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing the Sims and watching Parks & Rec. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: BLACK PANTHER! THOR: RAGNAROK!! STAR WARS!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Mmmmmm... I wanna say October? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d make myself very wealthy to solve literally every single problem I, my friends, and my parents have. 31. What are you listening to right now: The background music for Final Fantasy XV. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, my grade school principle was a Tom. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Capitalism, not having money for the things I need, and how hard it’s been for me to focus on/enjoy things lately because *Jean-Ralphio singing voice* ~even on medication, depression makes my life a walking nightmaaaaaaare!~ 34. Most visited website: Tumblr for sure.

RANDOM INFO:

35. Mole/s: A few all over. 36. Mark/s: Tons of scars, can’t really think of any birthmarks of note. 37. Childhood dream: Archaeologist, dinosaur hunter, historian, astronaut, pirate, queen of England... the list was long and unrealistic. 38. Hair color: Light blondish-brown naturally, purple by choice. 39. Long or short hair: Long as fuuuuuuck. 41. What do you like about yourself: My eyes are a cool color I guess, and my hair is usually really soft and smells good. 42. Piercings: 3 per ear, two on each lobe and one each in the cartilage. 43. Blood type: Literally never been tested so I have no clue. 44. Nickname: Bree is the most common that I usually use in place of my real given name, Briana. My dad used to call me Bubbles for reasons I still don’t know, some friends called me Breezy in HS. Right now the only other big one is Bryn (online only). 45. Relationship status: Single as fuuuuck. 46. Zodiac: Capricorn. 47. Pronouns: She/her and they/them (rarely he/his). 48. Favorite TV Show: Penny Dreadful, it’s the most beautiful show to grace the world ever in the history of everything. 49. Tattoos: None. 50. Right or left hand: Righty. 51. Surgery: I had to get stitches on my head when I was little. It’s a dumb story. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Hell yes! 53. Sport: Quidditch. On the computer. That’s it, I don’t like sports. 55. Vacation: I’d love to properly explore Europe, do some more putzing around the UK and actually visit France. 56. Pair of trainers: Uh, none right now. Like I said, I’m not a sporty, active type of person so if I don’t need ‘em, I don’t got ‘em. I prefer boots and like, Keds-type slip-on flats types of things.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing healthy, I’ll tell you that much. I’m trying to restructure my diet and exercise rn to lose weight, but 100% honestly that just means I’m gonna get tall 2% S’mores Frappuccinos instead of grande regular (whole milk) ones. 58. Drinking: I’ve been making a conscious effort to drink way more water, especially cause the summer makes me even more dehydrated. 59. I’m about to: Probably play the Sims? Or rewatch Castlevania hehe. 61. Waiting for: MY FIRST COLORED CONTACTS TO GET HERE AL-FUCKING-READY SO I CAN TRY THEM OUT. 62. Want: Student loans paid, more money in my bank account, and my new work schedule to start already. 63. Get married: It would certainly be nice with the right person, but highly unrealistic. 64. Career: Well, I’d prefer to be a film actor already, but until I’m more financially stable, my current job is alright.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: Both are great, but honesty bomb warning, I’ve been pretty touch-starved my whole life thanks to social anxiety so I’m not used to either, especially kisses. Those tend to come more easily only when I’m drunk and there’s lots of people to kiss. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure. 67. Shorter or taller: I prefer taller, and in fact would love to be taller myself, but oh well. 68. Older or younger: Younger than me just really weirds me out, although Tom Holland makes me feel a way or two. Older actually feels way better, particularly in the 10-15 years range, but I also know that if just like 1 or 2 years younger feels weird to me, then 10-15 probably would feel too weird to them. So I’m just resigned to living alone for the rest of my days. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach, and with nice arms would be a bonus. 71. Sensitive or loud: If... if this is referring to sex, then I can’t tell ya as I’ve never done it. I would hazard a guess, just based on who I am, that I’d prefer sensitive? 72. Hook up or relationship: The very idea of a hookup repulses me and drives home how incredibly demisexual I am on top of everything else. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Uh....???? I... I guess I’d prefer someone who’s more hesitant than troublemaking, because that means they think about their actions first?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yes, while highly intoxicated AND high AND in an environment where I felt safe, which was the only way that was ever gonna happen. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yeeeeeeeeup. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: YES AND IT’S THE MOST OBNOXIOUS THING EVER ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SHRIVELED DRIED UP CONTACT SUDDENLY SHOWS UP ON YOUR FLOOR A FEW DAYS LATER. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah. 78. Sex on the first date: As stated earlier, never had sex, so no. And I never would unless I already knew the person a while before the date. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not that I’m aware of. I’m not really heart-breaker material. 80. Had your heart broken: Mostly by myself with my insecurities. 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: Of course. 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah, on occasion. Usually briefly before slapping my shit brain for confusing platonic feelings for romantic ones and making me have a crisis. Fuck you, shit-brain, fuck you.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Haaaaah, not really. I mean, sometimes? But depression makes that hard. 85. Miracles: I’d like to, but good things rarely happen to me so it’s hard to. 86. Love at first sight: I believe attraction at first sight can be unusually strong, but that should never be conflated with love. That takes time. 87. Santa Claus: Hahah no, my dad accidentally ruined that for me as a kid. 88. Kiss on the first date: If the date was bad, no, absolutely not. If it was okay and there’s some potential there, a kiss on the cheek seems appropriate. If it was great and there’s a lot of potential there, especially if you were friends already, sure go for it.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Willa and Kelsey (I firmly reject the notion that you can only have one best friend and fuck all you ungrateful cunts who don’t love your friends or yourself enough to have more than one). 91. Eye color: Blue-gray 92. Favorite movie: I... I think it might be Phantom of the Opera? I dunno, that’s always a hard fucking question for me.

*Tagging less than 20 cause man I don’t have the focus to count up that many people: @nerfherding-smuggler, @peasantabuser, @aceofaces20, @mel0dyoftears, @hawkeyepancakes, @girl-in-the-coat, @jo-version-2point0, @thegreaterfool, @bimgnusbane, @radioactive-spacemen.

And of course, it’s totally optional. And if you wanna do it but aren’t tagged, well now you’re tagged, go nuts buddy.