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chaoticdisater · 5 years ago

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Red white & royal Blue Favourite quotes

“How many times do I have to tell Y’all not to discuss your murder plots in front of a sitting president” their mother interrupts “Plausible deniability. Come on” (Pg 64)

I don't know WHO you think you're kidding, you Hufflepuff-ass bitch, (Alex to henry over text pg 69)

“‘put the turkeys in my room’ ‘No.’ ‘put them in my room, put them in my room, put them in my room -’ later that night as Alex stares into the cold pitiless eyes of a prehistoric beast of prey, he has a few regrets” (Alex and his mother Pg 76)

“’he- Oi! Not for you Mr.wobbles! those are mine!’ more rustling and a distant offended Meow, ‘no, Mr. wobbles you bastard!’” (Henry at his sister's cat, pg 80)

“Dec 8, 2019, 8:53 PM yo there's a bond marathon on and did you know your dad was a total babe HRH prince Dickhead I BEG YOU TO NOT “ (Henry and Alex over text Pg 84)

“’ the options Id like...’ he says dragging the words out. ‘they don't quite seem to be options at all’” (Henry Pg 107)

“’ christ you're a thick as it gets’ he says and he grabs Alex's face in both hands and kisses him.” (Henry Pg 107)

“‘Seventy-eight percent probability of latent Bi-sexual tendencies. one hundred percent probability this is not a hypothetical question’” (Nora pg 118)

“‘am I? do you think I'm Bi?’ ‘I can't tell you that Alex!’ she says ‘that's the whole point!’” (Alex and Nora Pg121)

“she slants a look at him ‘is this a diabolical scheme of seduction?’ she asks ‘if so, yes.’“ (Nora Pg 130)

“Alex knocks the candelabra off the table next to them and pushes henry onto it so hes sitting with his back against - Alex looks up and almost breaks into a deranged laugh - a portrait of alexander hamilton.” (Pg 132)

“‘im going to die’ henry says helplessly. ‘im going to kill you,’ Alex tells him.” (Henry and Alex pg 133)

‘”and if you fucking ghost me again, I'm going to get you put on a fucking no-fly list. got it’” (Alex at henry pg 134)

“worst of all, Henry is good“ (Alex's thoughts on henry playing Polo Pg 147)

“’I’m gonna go, Uh’ Alex says ‘say hi to henry’ Amy's mouth settles into a grim line ‘Please don't elaborate’ ‘Yeah I know’ Alex says ‘plausible deniability’” (Alex and Amy Pg 148)

‘A <[email protected]> to Henry his royal highness prince of whatever, Don't make me learn your actual title’ (Alex’s email to henry Pg 152)

‘Henry <[email protected]> to A Alex, first son of inappropriately timed Emails when I’m in early morning meetings’ (Henry’s email to Alex Pg 155)

“when he shows up to a briefing two days later Zahra grabs his jaw with one hand and turns his head, peering closer at the side of his neck. ‘is that a Hickey’ Alex freezes. ‘I . . . um, no?’” (Zahra and Alex pg 162)

“‘Do you have a last name?’ Alex has never actually offered a greeting when calling Henry ‘What?’ the usual bemused elongated one-syllable response” (163 Alex and henry over the phone)

“‘Baby’ its become a thing: Baby he knows it’s become a thing. hes slipped up and accidentally said it a few times, and each time, Henry positively melts” (Alex Pg 166)

“‘I miss you,’ Alex says before he can stop himself he instantly regrets ut but henry says. ‘I miss you too’” (pg 173)

“she flung her arm out emphatically enough to upset an entire potted cactus on her dresser and says ‘Because until now you weren't fucking the prince of England’” (June pg 177)

“‘you should try saying some of that stuff to Him’ ‘stop trying to Jane Austen my life’” (June and Alex Pg 180)

“’ is now a good time to point out henrys very hot Very rich best friend is basically in love with you?’ Alex says to June ‘hes like some kind of billionaire genius manic-pixie-dream philanthropist. I feel like you would be into that.’ ‘Please shut up,’” (Alex and June Pg 182)

“‘yes, yes, Pez, we know there's nothing you cant do,’ says henrys voice off-camera ‘no need to rub it in’“ (henry Pg 184)

“‘oh I haven't had vodka since uni,’ henry says ‘it tends to make me erm, well-’ ‘flamboyant?’ Pez offers. ‘uninhibited? randy?’ ‘Fun?’ Bea suggests ‘Excuses you, I am loads of fun all the time! I am a Delight’“ (Henry Bea and Pez pg 190)

“’yes Beatrice, we shall behave in a manner befitting the crown,’ henry says. his eyes are slightly crossed ‘don't be a tosser’“ (Henry and bea Pg 195)

“He likes taking henry apart but there's something incredibly intantament about sitting on the bed they wrecked the night before, the only one who watches him create Prince Henry of Wales for the day.” (Pg 200)

“‘So this is the gang now, huh?’ and through it all, Alex realizes with a start: he has friends now.” (Cash pg 201)

“How is a man to get anything done knowing Alex Claremont-Diaz is out there on the loose?” (Henrys email to Alex pg 203)

“yours in sexual frustration Henry” (henrys email to Alex pg 206)

“once again, how had he ever convinced himself he was straight,” (Alex pg 213)

“‘just so we’re clear,’ Alex said ‘Im about to have sex with you in this storage closet to spite your family. Like that's what's happening?’“ (Alex pg 217)

“your Brave I could use some of that” (Pg 218)

“Because that's what he would do if he were here in this palace to fall in love Henry” (Pg 220)

“Zahra doesnt even look up from her phone ‘that was my boyfriend and no, you may not ask me any further questions about him’” (Zahra Pg 223)

“If he’s some anonymous normal person removed from history he’s twenty-two and he’s tipsy and he’s pulling a guy into his hotel room by the belt loop. He’s pulling a lip between his teeth and he fumbling behind his back to switch on a lamp and he’s thinking I like this person” (Pg 228)

“You still are. Because you still bloody care so much.” He leans down and presses a kiss into Alex’s hair. “And you are good. Most things are awful most of the time but you’re good” (Henry Pg 230)

“’Seriously?’ She hisses ‘your literally putting your dick in the leader of a foreign state who is a man at the biggest political event before the election in a hotel full of reporters in a city full of cameras in a race close enough to fucking hinge on some bullshit like this like a manifestation of my fucking stress dreams and you’re asking me not to tell the president about it?’” (Zarha pg 233)

“The next slide is titled EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE ENGLAND? she apologizes for not having time to come up with better titles Alex activity wishes for the sweet release of death” (Pg 237)

“History huh? I bet we could make some.” (Alex’s email to henry Pg 241)

“The pair of you share and an alarming number of traits by the by: passionate determination, never knowing when to shut up, &c &c,” (herny’s email to Alex Pg 242)

“Regards Haplessly romantic heretic prince henry the utterly daft” (henrys email to Alex pg 243)

“‘It’s math,’ Nora says ‘Math has no authority here,’ June tells her ‘Math is everywhere June’” (Nora and June Pg 247)

“Henry is tipsy and shirtless and attempting to referee” (pg 252)

“’Some times you just jump and hope it’s not a chiff’” (Alex dad Pg 256)

“Well, Alex is so in love he could die.” (Pg 257)

“He’s been falling in love with Henry for years probably since he first saw him in glossy print on the pages of j14 almost definitely since Henry pinned Alex to the floor of a medical supply closet and told him to shut the hell up.” (Pg 257)

“’Fuck off five nine is average’” (Pg 258)

“’H?’ He whispers ‘you awake?’ Henry sighs ‘always.’” ( Pg 260)

“He’s got a distinct feeling of something being pulled out of his hands right before he could grasp it.” (Pg 263)

“something rises in Alex's throat - anger, confusion, hurt, bile. Unforgivably, he feels like he might cry” (Pg 270)

“’Fuck I swear you don’t make it fucking easy but I’m in love with you’” (Alex Pg 271)

“’I never thought I’d be stood here faced with a choice I can’t make because I never ... I never imagined you would love me back’” (Henry pg 273)

“He’s in Henry’s face now if he’s getting his heart broken tonight he’s sure as hell going to make Henry have the guts to do it right ‘tell me you're done with me. I’ll get back on the plane. that's it. and you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it, whatever just say it’” (274)

“He’s in stupid unbearable love and Henry loves him too and at least for one night it matters, even if they both have to pretend to forget in the morning” (Pg 275)

“He tells his too fast brain: don’t miss this time he’s too important” (Alexs thoughts Pg 275)

“henry’s hands-on him are unhurried and soft and they make out lazily for hours or days.” (Pg 280)

“Alex sighs ‘i don't think I told you but she uh. well, when she fired me she told me that if I wasn't a thousand percent serious about you. I need to break things off.’ Henry nuzzles his nose behind Alex's ear ‘a thousand percent?’” (Alex and Henry Pg 282)

“‘Diaz you insane hopeless romantic little shit’ says the voice of the president of the united states, muffled in the bed ‘it had better be forever. Be safe’“ (Pg 284)

“hes cut off mid-sentence because Alex has stopped in the middle of the corridor and yanked him backwards into a kiss” (pg 286)

“’its funny’ henry says ‘i always thought of the whole thing as the most unforgivable thing about me but you act like its one of the best’“ (henry Pg 289)

“he takes the chain off his neck and slides the ring on next to the old house key. they click together gently as he tucks them both under his shirt, two homes side by side” (Pg 291)

“I opened my blasted mouth and said ‘because I'm not like the rest of the men in this family beginning with the fact that I'm am very deeply gay Philip’ once shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier Philip had quite a few words for me,” (Henry’s emails to Alex Pg 298)

“just leaving, not coming back. maybe burning something down on the way out. it would be nice.” (henrys emails to Alex pg 299)

“I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire” (henrys emails to Alex (describing how he felt when he first saw Alex) Pg 300)

“20. the fact that you have loved me all along.” (alex’s email to henry (the list of things alex loves about henry) Pg 303)

“‘Oh my god Z what is That? did you get engaged?’ Zahra looks down at the ring and shrugs. ‘i had the week-end off’” (June and Zahra pg 305)

“’you and me and history, remember? were just gonna fucking fight. because your it okay? Im never gonna love anybody in the world like i love you,’“ (Alex pg 312)

“‘I swear to god if you say I'm too young I'm gonna lose my shit,’“ (Alex pg 315)

“What did he do ‘be more specific’“ (Alex to Zahra pg 321 )

“’the president is sitting down with as many members of the office of communitcs we could drag out of bed at three in the morning’” (Zahra Pg 323)

“‘pack a bag’ she says ‘we’re going to londan’” (Zahra Pg 334)

“she (Zarha) seems confident Shaan will agree to it and willing to physically overpower him if not.” (pg 334)

“still the cocky shit head part of him is slightly pleased to finally have claim on henry. Yep, the prince? Most eligible bachelor in the world? British accent face like a greek god, legs for days? Mine” (Pg 336)

“‘youre giving my ulcer an ulcer’“ (Zahra pg 336)

“‘Im running on nothing but black coffee, a wetzels pretzel, and a fistful of B12. Do not even breathe in my directrion,’“ (Zahra Pg 339)

“He leans up and kisses the underside of his jaw, finding it rough from a full fitful day,” (pg 340)

“‘What kind of family, that says we’ll take the murder, we’ll take the raping and pillaging and the colonizing, well scrub it up nice and neat in a museum but oh no you’re a bloody poof? That’s beyond our sense of decorum’” (Henry pg 347)

“Bea seizes the pot of tea from the center of the table and dumps it into his lap ‘Oh, I’m terribly sorry Pip’ she says grabbing him by the shoulders and shoving him sputtering and yelping toward the door ‘so deardfully clumsy, you know I think all that cocaine I did must have really done a job on my refexes!’” (Bea pg 357)

“Henry pulls Alex close and kisses him whispers, ‘I love you I love you I love you’ and it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if anyone sees.” (Pg 358)

And that’s when I gave up I do have more but well I didn’t want to make this list any more

#alex claremont diaz #henry got to many names for me to remeber #prince henry of wales #red white and royal blue

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raccoon-wizard · 5 years ago

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Two and Half Assholes

An entire one person (shout out to @jumpfiend) expressed their wish for me to write an angry essay about the long dead show Two and Half Men (2003-2015) and all the problems it has. Allow me to start by saying that I am by no means a professional critic and I have never really written an in-depth review of anything. But I have a lot of feelings that I need to get out about this shitshow, otherwise my head is gonna explode next time my father insists on watching it.

Just a warning, this is a very long post.

What is Two and Half Men about?

If I tried to write my own summary here, I would probably end up tearing it to shreds already. Instead, I’m going to borrow the annotation from IMDB.com: “A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beachfront house.”

That doesn’t really say much, does it now. Luckily, the same site also provides us with a wide range of plot (hahahah “plot”) summaries written by users. This one tells us a little more: “The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning lady Berta and his rich, self-confessed stalker neighbor Rose who often sneaks in to spy on Charlie.”

Now that’s much better. It gives us quite a decent picture of the show’s ensemble. At least for the starter episodes, this is pretty much what it is. But as the show progresses, we see that the characters have a little bit more depth to them. But not that much.

Let’s start with Charlie Harper, the “freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon” portrayed by Charlie Sheen. (Is that man still a thing?) I think we can get a lot by taking apart this brief description of him. Freelance jingle composer pretty much means that he has a grand piano in his house and we can occasionally see him playing it while trying to put together words for a commercial for some random product. And that’s it. He has a few other musician friends who are just as big of assholes as he is, but we’ll get to that later. Other than that, we don’t really see him working at all. I think there is one episode about him writing kids’ songs because his girlfriend’s kid likes them. And one about him getting an award?? I don’t know man. The second part of that statement is a much more prominent “personality” trait of Charlie’s. In nearly every episode, we see him “dating” (meaning shagging and then dumping) another woman. I have mentioned in my initial post that this show is misogynistic. Don’t worry, I will also get into that later. For now I’m going to say that Charlie treats all these women absolutely disgustingly and we’re supposed to laugh at that. On the rare occasions we see him in a long term relationship (which happens twice I think? I’m not sure now), we get the stereotypical ball and chain bullshit. The woman takes all his freedom and tries to make him better. While I hate that trope with burning passion, I have to admit that in this case, she does have a solid point. Charlie is a pathetic excuse of a man who has to count on his good looks (questionable) and his riches. By the way, where did he even get them? Does composing jingles really make that much money? Is he that good of a gambler? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen another episode addressing the fact that the answer to both of these questions is no. Where the hell did this luxurious beach-house come from??? So many questions about a show that deserves so little.

Surprisingly, Charlie is the better one out of the two brothers. At the start, we really do feel sorry for Alan. His wife (who is a HORRIBLE person by the way) kicks him out and manipulates him into still paying for everything and doing many things for her around the house. Who wouldn’t feel bad for someone like this? He moves in with Charlie “for the time being”. Soon, we realise that he is not leaving the house anytime soon. He becomes a disgusting leech, a truly pathetic excuse of a man. And he doesn’t even bother hiding it. I’m not sure if we’re supposed to feel sorry for him or laugh at him, but either case doesn’t really work if you spend at least ten seconds thinking about it. How are we supposed to sympathise with a man that lives off of others and barely lifts a finger to change it? The worst part is, the show presents it as something completely normal. We don’t really see Alan’s actions turning against him, do we? Most of the time, whatever shit he does, works just fine for him.

Another prominent character is Alan’s son, Jake, who grows up throughout the series. A fat little boy, not exactly bright. A spoiled brat (if it’s the fault of Alan or Judith is questionable) that has everything handed to him, as Charlie points out in one episode. It’s another bad personality trait that we’re supposed to find funny. And at first, we kind of do. But once again, as the show progresses, it gets worse. Jake becomes the oldest kid in his class because he fails so many times. He only gets to start middle school because “he’s too big for the desks in his class now”. A bit of a watered down Dudley Dursley now that I think about it. It feels that the older Jake gets, the dumber he is. He eventually joins the military because he is too daft to realise. (If I remember correctly, that was done only so Jake’s actor could leave the show because he pretty much realised how bad it was.)

The main reason why I hate this show so much, however, is its way of handling female characters. There’s a few prominent ones - the aforementioned Judith, Alan’s ex wife, a cold hearted manipulative bitch, that also follows the trope of “I’m breaking up with you because I’m a lesbian” for a while, but then it’s never addressed again, not even once. Then we have Alan and Charlie’s mother, Evelyn, also a cold hearted bitch lacking any motherly instincts whatsoever that the men blame for how they turned out. Honestly, I can kind of see it. There’s Rose, Charlie’s neighbour whom he had slept with once and who’s been obsessed with him ever since, following him pretty much wherever he goes and inappropriately visiting him, usually in order to chase any woman that gets close to him away. We have Berta, Charlie’s housekeeper that I would like to believe is there to show the differences between different classes, as she has a large family to take care of, fending of her daughters’ admirers and dealing with drug and alcohol issues. But at this point we all know she’s only there so we can laugh at her struggles and the witty remarks she likes to make.

A special category of women in this show are the lovers and girlfriends. All of them end up either leaving the men for someone better (good for them tbh), or getting left by them. But remember, we’re supposed to always be siding with the men. The women are there for us to laugh at and hate. Rose the stalker? The only reason Charlie never gets rid of her is so we can laugh as she appears unexpected on his balcony over and over again. Are her apparent mental health issues ever addressed? Maybe once, but as a joke. You know, the classic ha ha ha ha look an insane person that’s hilarious. Judith the ex wife and her flock of weird friends (that Charlie converts)? Look, evil wives hating men, ha ha ha ha. Better run away from there, men, or they’ll eat you alive! Ha ha ha ha. Judith wanting support from friends and claiming she deserves to be happy is played off as something we scoff at. Chelsea, Charlie’s girlfriend and fiancée? The ball and chain thing, similarly to Judith, but not nearly as manipulative - this one we can see really means well and wants to help Charlie, but he’s a Man™ and cannot handle that, despite claiming to love her very dearly. Lindsay, Alan’s on again, off again girlfriend? Oof. Where to even start with that one. As most of the characters (save for maybe Judith), she starts off decent, despite her inexplicable desire for Alan. (Seriously though what in the world is up with that.) Also, now that I mentioned Alan’s weird sex appeal (not to me but to the female characters of the show, ew), what the hell was up with Judith wanting to suddenly fuck him again and HIM ENDING UP BEING THE FATHER OF HER DAUGHTER???? Was that the point when the writers just said “you know what, fuck this” or?

Some additional things the men on the show did to women:

Infidelity. Aka “ha ha ha many women want man what a lucky bastard he gets to fuck many women ha ha ha oh no he’s been caught ha ha ha funny”.

Infidelity with their friends/family members. I’m pretty sure this happened multiple times. One of the male protagonists gets a girlfriend. Girlfriend has an attractive daughter. Man sleeps with daughter. Girlfriend is mad. Man claims that it is actually a compliment to her because the daughter is just a younger version of her. Man gets upset when girlfriend disagrees. Poor man, girlfriend mean :(((

Another thing I would like to point out is the show’s dumbass approach to sexuality and gender. It’s the age old, straight men bullshit that lesbians = hot, gay men = ew. We see that throughout the whole thing a bunch of times. Alan ends up marrying Walden (whom I will talk about as well) so they can scam an adoption agency. That’s just wrong, man. That’s awful. And regarding gender, the way this shitshow handles trans people is disgusting. I can currently only think of one instance of this, but I have a feeling it happened multiple times, but with Charlie and Alan. They meet a woman, flirt, sleep together, all fun and games. But for some god forsaken reason, after all is done, the woman decides to be like “yeah by the way I used to be a dude” and?? Why?? First of, why would any trans person want to tell anyone their deadname and other things after successfully transitioning? I’m a cis woman, but this really makes no sense to me. Please correct me if I’m wrong on this one, but if you’ve spent years trying to pass as whatever gender you identify with, transitioned, you wouldn’t exactly go around sleeping with people and afterwards telling them about it, would you? And second of all, the entire reason why these characters appear are so we can be like “eww he slept with someone who used to have a penis eww” and laugh as they have a small crisis because of it. Just. Why?? I am aware that this is a thing other shows do/have done as well, but it really bothers me. And even when the guy decides to roll with it, all we get are those jokes that the woman is “more manly” than him. I remember vividly Alan hooking up with a trans lady and briefly dating her, only so we can see her pick a fight with a man, pay for their food and shit and Alan being flustered because he feels like less of a man. Again, please correct me if I’m wrong since my knowledge of gender is limited, but I’m about 97 % sure this is not how it works.

One would have thought that most of this would end after Charlie’s death. His place is taken by Walden Schmidt, portrayed by the angel that is Ashton Kutcher, a “billionaire internet entrepreneur who has recently been divorced and is now suicidal” (wiki). Before I dig in to how it actually got worse, let’s talk about Walden for a while. He really is a nice change. Walden is a genuinely good character, we see him working super hard and treating women well and just being great. I actually like him. The problem the show has when it comes to him is treating his suicidal-ness as just another little joke. Ha ha ha man wants to die man weak. Funny. But as we get over this part (rather quickly tbh), things involving Walden get actually good (besides the part where he sleeps with Alan’s mother). We do see some annoyingly familiar divorce related things, but in contrast to Alan, we see Walden actually get back on his own two feet.

Alan will forever be my biggest issue with this show. I don’t know if he gets worse or if it’s just the contrast with Walden that makes it seem that way, but he becomes a bigger and bigger parasite, exploiting Walden’s kindness, becoming a lover to his, at that point, former girlfriend Lindsay and somehow exploiting her current boyfriend? He just goes haywire is what I’m trying to say.

I’m not saying that people like that don’t exist. We see it every day, the rich playboys, the pathetic incels. They are everywhere and we totally should talk about them. But not like this. We shouldn’t feel like we should sympathise with them, we shouldn’t hate those that try to criticise them, or those who want to get rid of them. We shouldn’t laugh when they hurt people around them. Men shouldn’t want to relate to them. Characters like this should be presented as something we should avoid becoming.

“What’s your problem? It’s just something I watch to unwind,” my father scoffs at me as I complain about yet another evening we all have to spend listening to the nonsense Two and Half Men brings us. Yea, maybe for you. Maybe you know better than to treat people around you, especially women, like they’re just something you can play around with and then throw into the sewers. Maybe you give everyone equal respect. (No he doesn’t, by the way.) But you know, with the way this TV channel plays this show over and over and over and over again (five episodes a day, every day, and the second they get to the end, they just start over), there’s probably a number of young people who don’t realise how wrong it is and take what’s said there as something to live by. Maybe they’ll think that it’s okay to use people to their advantage. Maybe they’ll think like a rich entitled middle aged straight white man. That’s my problem. Even though the show ended five years ago, it still lives on our televisions and it still gives us wrong examples on how to live our lives. That’s why I hate the show. Not just the awful writing and “plot” holes. It’s the way it treats people and presents it as something that’s totally fine.

#tv #television #tv shows #comedy #sitcom #two and half men #jon cryer #ashton kutcher #charlie sheen #sexism #misogyny

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mtlreviews2020 · 4 years ago

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A piece-piece nyana review to J Bob’s Kool Hip Hop Theatre. By Rethabile Headbush

Jeff Tshabalala, better known as J Bobs is the Standard Bank Young Artist Award winner for Theatre and Seen Pha is a fresh salad of poetry, hip-hop, comedy and traditional dramatic arts. There is Simphiwe Bonongo’s unreal beatboxing, a random hip-hop “holla” here and there, KWASHA in “communicating” hip hop combos and J Bobs at the centre of it. Seen Pha is fun, it’s flavourful and is an experiment of where J Bobs is taking sketch work next.

Chapter 6’s The Darkie Author is a reading, and discussion in response to Chapter’s 3’s The Money. The Whites. The Reviews. as Tshabalala puts it, “to talk about our problems on our terms”. The Darkie Author deals with issues in South Africa’s creative arts industry specifically the typecasting of black characters in White headed film, TV and theatre. It is also an insight into the direction he would like to take his work: taking the traditional theatre and “boom bap it – I’m gonna swag it up a little bit” as he puts it, make it interesting, cool and happening, evident in his hip hop inspired poetic pieces.

Chapter 10: Catchy Sing along 1 is an example of this. Tshabalala parodies your gold- chain-wearing, narcissistic wannabe rapper, aspiring for fame – J Bhoboza who is presented to us, arms flailing, shades wearing, guarded by his almost but not so quite two-man entourage/bodyguards in Chapter 10. The songs are truly catchy – so catchy his bodyguards can’t help but join. This piece is an intro to J Bhoboza, the woman loving (or stealing), artist vying for fame and not so concerned with the real issues of our reality. He makes this clear in a line where he raps “You won’t catch me reading and my subject matter’s weak. You’ll never hear me reading or in a scuffed sneak”.

Chapter 10 is as funny as it is catchy, poking fun at your rapper, more concerned with image and stardom than current affairs and we see it continue into J Bhoboza’s Chapter 13: La Khot del Swag. Chapter 11’s Catchy Sing Along 2 features Deevision (KWASHA’s Dinsthitile Mashile). Here, Deevision raps her own swaggerific interpretation of claim to fame, focusing on the dilemma of choosing between studying and stardom which often feel separate. She shares in her line “I don’t wanna train – I was born a star”. In it, we see continued the parodical theme established throughout J Bhoboza’s pieces and songs.

Chapter 15 is the Ubhoboza Podcast (towards Mzansi Hip Hop theatre) presented by J Bobs himself as a 50-minute podcast, breaking down the ideas and inspiration behind the varying skits and sketches. He introduces Location, Lekayshini, Lokasie, a game show exploring modern vernacular language in South African townships or Kasi taal. It is evident that it inspires much of his writing style, as he draws on contemporary South African issues in his work. The podcast also includes the story and inspiration behind the character and persona, J Bhoboza inspired by the rap cyphering culture and rap style of Black cyphers in suburban Johannesburg.

The J Bhoboza rap features the two UBDope Bursary recipients, Sydney Ndhlovu and Tshepo Matlala who play J Bhoboza’s body guards. We also see them in conversation with J Bobs, discussing his writings The darkie Author and To Wits or to Vurtz?. Tshabalala briefly breaks down the methods he uses in his sketches and the way he used rhymes to address real and pertinent social issues in a playful, engaging, and entertaining framework. Chapter 9: To Wits or to Vurtz does the same, by introducing his personal experiences which led him to the piece-piece nyana skits and songs we see in Seen Pha. Here, he also reflects on his personal experiences and finding Black voices that inspire his work.

Chapter 5, 7 and 8 are songs ranging between rap and poetry from the Market Theatre’s KWASHA who are either responding or adding their own twists – as seen in Chapter 4’s Side Chick Makhwapeni performed by J Bhoboza. The J Bhoboza rap skit parodies issues of infidelity “side chick” relationships in our society. The songs range between 1 and 4 minutes and are produced by Nkululeko “Muchacho” Nkosi. Chapter 14’s Bheja S’jole, featuring Moose Goose and All Hit Wonder, is a song illustrating relationships revolving around the exchange between sexual favours and money – a theme shared with the Side Chick/Dick Makhwapeni songs. Chapter 12: These broken feelings, sung again by Moose Goose and All Hit Wonder, also features the talents of Mosie Mamaregane and Wonder Ndlovu of KWASHA. It is a one minute melodic interlude responding to and closing the Makhwapeni raps and songs. The two KWASHA members flaunt their vocal range in this chapter. KWASHA transform into various roles in Chapter 17: Location. Lekeyshini. Lokasie., poets, rappers and collaborative artists in various versions and adaptations of Tshabalala’s works, contributing their own verses and perspectives in response to J Bhoboza’s Makhwapeni raps with just as much swagger, energy, and flair as Bhoboza himself.

The L.L.L game show is introduced with a musical mix of song and rap sung by KWASHA and vocal special effects by Beats eMlonyeni (Bonongo). A few of the songs like, “bheja s’jole” and “bimba for you” are familiar to the viewers by this chapter of Seen Pha. Just like the songs, the game show is led by J Bobs. Location. Lekeyshini. Lokasie. brings relatability, play and engagement into live performance. Tshabalala experiments with another kind of “play” to motivate his inquest into finding new ways of presenting and sharing theatre. The games played in the show create awareness and celebrate the uniqueness of township modern vernacular (demotic) languages or Kasi Taal, usually characterised by the adoption of numbers or words from colonial South African languages – like English or Afrikaans – and used with very different meaning and context, amongst other traits. The Translation and Decode English games illustrate this well with examples like “nine nine”, “nerves” and “tiger” which can be generally translated to “on point”, “stress” and “ten Rands” respectively, as illustrated in the show. Overall, this game ties in well with Chapter 18: Victor and the Vernacs to Mogodu or to Haggis that is the Conundrum, which uses modern vernacular language and politics around naming and renaming in South Africa.

Chapter 18 takes place at a Monday meeting between writers for the writing of The Darkie Author, a story written by J Bob. This pieces is read by the KWAHSA members and explores issues around the making of Black characters in White headed writing teams in South Africa. It highlights how White ignorance towards the Black South African experience influences problems such as typecasting- directly addressed in The Darkie Author. It poses the question of how problematic such structures can be in limiting the representation of Black characters in the industry and continues into another reading in Chapter 19: Victor and the Vernacs (Kale Tuesday). The reading is presented simply, we see KWASHA seated on high chair and Tshabalala at a desk between them introducing the piece, his signature pink suitcase in the background.

With Victor and the Vernacs, Tshabalala, the language and word-play wizard, uses his writing to bring colour to the members of this writing team especially seen through character, Victor. Victor’s expertise in his position as head writer is just as questionable as how he landed the job in the first place. Victor, played by KWASHA’s Joel Leonard, spends most of the brainstorming meeting being racially inappropriate and objectifying the women of the team. We see this in one line where Victor comments, “You okes like to think that everything is a mix-tape – my people say Pretoria, you lot tune Tshwane. My people say Grahamstown, your lot tune your khandas together and come up with Makhanda”, illustrating both Tshabalala’s strong and consistent theme in the political and social context of South Africa and his lovely play with words like “khanda” and “Makhanda”.

Seen Pha is an experimental mix masala of Tshabalala’s work made specifically for the vNAF stage. Tshabalala gave us a piece-piece nyana of everything, sharing his range as a creative, theatre maker and sketcher. Though numbered, the chapters do not follow an order and often jumps between different skits, songs, readings, and discussion. The way Seen Pha has been curated is to provide, what seems to be, musical breaks between text-heavy pieces, creating a satisfying and engaging rhythm for the audience. I thoroughly enjoyed the entertainment of the wordplay and relevance of both Victor and the Vernacs readings, the musicality and vocals of the Side Chick Makhwapeni 2 and 3 versions, the Ubhoboza podcast for its insight into Tshabalala’s process and The Darkie Author’s response to relevant questions around the structure and politics of South Africa’s creative industry. I am most interested to see all his experimentation and sketches establish themselves into physical pieces and see his idea of Hip-Hop Theatre come into a live stage realisation. You can find Seen Pha kwa J. Bobs anytime on the National Arts Festival website. Since the extension of certain vNAF programs, all 20 chapters are still open to watch at any time, on any day, for free until the 31st of August. Be sure to catch it when your data and Wi-fi bundles agree and pick your favorite piece-piece nyana combos.

#theatre jbobs review vnaf

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imaginarybird · 8 years ago

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Unwilling and unable to face everyone on her own when it comes time to attend Auggie and Ava’s wedding, Riley Matthews hires a solution in Lucas Friar. Loosely based on The Wedding Date.

Part One II Part Two

Rating: Around a PG 13/14

Notes: Hey everyone, thanks for reading Part One, sending in your comments, liking, reblogging, whatever you did! It really means a lot to me that you enjoyed what I have so far, and I’m looking forward to writing more and sharing with you.

I’m going to be on vacation from Wednesday through the end of the week, so Part Three may be a little slower in coming. I’ll try to write when/where I can, but I just might not have much of a chance for a few days.

In this installment, Riley opens up to Lucas a bit, they arrive in Cape Cod, and Lucas meets Auggie.

“So tell me,” Lucas says, pushing his laptop shut and angling towards Riley in the confines of their airline seats, “what sort of lion’s den am I going to be walking into when we get to the Cape?”

Riley closes her magazine and looks at her companion. They’re well into the flight, somewhere over the Midwest and having already spent a fair amount of time chatting and deciding on some more relevant pieces of the story they’re going to tell people they’ve been doing their own thing. She’s been pretending to read while her mind is preoccupied with thoughts of the coming week and he’s been doing something on a laptop that she hasn’t tried to look too closely at, not wanting to be seen as nosy.

For all the ‘getting to know you’ chatting they’ve done so far, the topics have been centered around her; Riley’s not sure if it’s a matter of professionalism or just who Lucas is as a person, but he hasn’t shared much about himself, even something as minor as his favorite color. He insists that if anyone at the wedding asks about him, she can improvise and he’ll go along with it. No matter the reasoning, Riley figures he clearly values his privacy and doesn’t want to violate his trust.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you didn’t lie to your brother about having a date and hire me just for the fun of it.” Lucas clarifies. “The whole thing obviously makes you nervous. But the the thought of going to this wedding alone worries you more. And I want to help you with that, but I have to know what I’m helping with.”

“It’s...complicated.” Riley equivocates, not wanting to delve into the whole sordid tale. She knows there’s little point in keeping it secret--Lucas surely sees her as just another overwrought client that he has to put up with to earn his living--but a part of her wants to spare herself the embarrassment and maybe have him see her as one of the nicer, more enjoyable clients. She can’t even explain why she wants that when she has every intention to never see him again after this week, but she does.

“If it were simple you’d probably be on this flight alone right now.”

Riley almost scowls at Lucas’ gentle but matter-of-fact tone, but limits herself to simply sighing. It’s not his fault that things are the way they are, and he’s just trying to get the information he needs to do his job well. Maybe a few vague bits and pieces wouldn’t hurt. Just so he’ll know what to expect. “Let’s just say, I’m not what my parents were hoping for in a daughter, and they aren’t very good at pretending that I am.”

“Your parents are disappointed that their daughter is a nurse in a pediatric emergency room?”

It should be illegal for a man’s confused expression to be so attractive, Riley thinks.

“Does it also bother them that you brake for animals in the road?” Lucas continues. “And that you participate in the NPR and PBS pledge drives?”

She figures him getting offended on her behalf now is just him getting into ‘character’. There’s no other logical reason for him to be so bothered, even if he does think she’s nice or something like that. He barely knows her, and he’s never met her parents, so how could he possibly be sure enough in her assessment of the situation (and of his assessment of her for that matter) to start defending her? It has to be a part of the job.

“It’s not my work that they don’t like.” She corrects. “It’s that...they don’t know how to relate to me I think? My dad used to, but the older I got the more my interests changed and the less he seemed to want to deal with me. I don’t think it’s because he stopped loving me or anything but I think he couldn’t navigate what having a daughter post-puberty meant. And my mom...my mom is this amazing lawyer. She’s incredibly smart and strong; she’s constantly helping people and changing the world. But I’m not a carbon copy of her and I don’t think she could ever figure out how to connect with me. We shared some traits but our personalities are very different and the older I got the more obvious it was that she didn’t think our differences were a good thing.”

“That had to have been hard, not having a bond with the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally is one of the most painful feelings…”

Riley glances down at her tray table where she'd started folding the corner of her magazine cover back and forth during the conversation--just to give her hands something to do. “It’s not even that. The story of my life is people not liking me for who I am.”

“Even if that’s the case,” Lucas says, laying his hand on top of hers and stilling her fingers, “it’s different when it’s family. When it’s your parents… It can’t be easy.”

It’s the first time they’ve really touched outside of their initial meeting and a couple of moments as they walked through the airport where he guided her with his hand on the small of her back and Riley freezes. How can one hand on top of another--just his five fingers resting on hers and a small brush of his thumb--feel so intimate? Does he even feel that or is this just another rote gesture for him, like using antibacterial gel on her hands every time she enters an exam room is for her?

“You get used to it.” Riley nearly moves her hand away to break the connection (it feels like at any moment the soft warmth could turn and consume her and then she’ll be a goner) but stops herself, reasoning that she has to get comfortable with small gestures like this; this is how couples act and everyone at the wedding has to believe that they’re a couple if this week is going to work. She settles for biting the inner corner of her lip and trying to disconnect herself from the sensation instead.

This is make believe. A business transaction, nothing more. Don’t go falling for someone you can never have, Riley. It’ll only hurt you.

“Maybe you do but…” Lucas’ thumb sweeps across the back of her hand again, “you shouldn’t have to, and I’m sorry you did.”

Her inner monologue doesn’t work. She can’t look away from his eyes--his deep, green, sorrowful, lovely eyes-- and what starts as a trickling shiver down her spine starts to feel more like a flood of hot tea. They sit, staring for one second, then two, and then Riley realizes he’s waiting for her to say something.

Completely unsure of what to do, Riley pulls her hand back. “T-thanks.” She undoes her seatbelt and stands, bending slightly to avoid hitting her head against the ceiling. “I, um, have to…” She points towards the back of the plane.

Lucas gets that smile on his face again as he rises to let her slide past him.

Riley mentally repeats her mantra a couple more times as she walks down the aisle and barricades herself in the tiny bathroom to give herself a few moments to get her head back on straight.

She is in so much trouble.

Thoughts of inappropriately falling for Lucas are out of Riley’s mind by the time they’re on the ground in Massachusetts and driving from the airport the hour or so it takes to reach Cape Cod. She attributes this to two things: 1) the plane was a confined space, whereas Lucas had suggested that they rent a sporty convertible for the week (‘If this week is about projecting a new image to your family, that car will paint one hell of a picture’) allowing most of the tension to dissipate into the air as it arises and 2) the closer they get to the bed and breakfast where the wedding party and immediate family of the bride and groom will be staying, the further her mind drifts from thoughts of anything other than what’s going to happen over the course of the week and how she’s going to make it through, even with the help of Lucas.

There’s a lot of unpredictability in play. She doesn’t see any of these people very often anymore, hasn’t outside of major holidays (and even those she sometimes skips these days) since the middle of her undergraduate degree; it was easier to move to the west coast for school and never look back.

Riley would love to think that she’ll be able to go through the week invisibly, just popping into the forefront of activity when she’s performing her wedding duties to Auggie and fading into the background the rest of the time, but she figures that her luck isn’t that good; a lot of her good fortune had to have been cashed in for her to have seemingly hit the jackpot on the escort front (she has to think that good-looking, interesting, guys that are not only respectful, but also manage to come off as genuinely caring have to be rare, even in the unfamiliar world of high end male escorts).

“What are you thinking?” Lucas’ question draws her out of her thoughts and back to reality. They’re well into one of the many beach towns on the Cape, she realizes, probably quite close to the B & B, but stuck in a substantial traffic jam, so Lucas is risking next to nothing by taking his eyes off the road to look at her.

“Just worrying about this week.” Riley answers. “Who’s gonna be here, what’s gonna go wrong…”

Traffic inches forward, and Lucas turns his gaze back. “Do you do that often?”

“Do what?” Riley frowns. She’s not doing anything.

“Borrow trouble.” He shrugs, like it’s something obvious. “I know you don’t have a great relationship with your parents but that doesn’t mean something’s gonna go wrong. And when you assume that it will...you’re setting yourself up so that even if things go well, you’ll be so tense that you won’t get to enjoy it.”

“Something will go wrong.” Riley shifts a little in her seat. When that doesn’t ease her discomfort she reaches over to adjust the vent for the air conditioner. “It always does. Someone will say the wrong thing, or take something too far, or be upset because not everyone is happy enough for them and--,” She cuts herself, realizing she hadn’t intended to say the last bit. She shakes her head and starts to correct herself. “Something will go wrong, and inevitably, I’m the one who will be blamed. So I’d rather plan for that and be tense than hope for the best and be disappointed again when nothing changes.”

Lucas doesn’t say anything for a moment, taking the moments when traffic isn’t moving to consider her carefully. When he finally speaks, it’s soft and Riley can’t assess his tone. “You didn’t even scratch the surface with what you told me on the plane, did you?”

“Like I said. It’s complicated.”

They don’t say anything else for the rest of the drive.

“Riley-Ellie!”

“Auggie-Orrie!” Riley abandons getting her things out of the trunk of the rental car in favor of rushing her younger brother near the bed and breakfast’s porch steps. She throws her arms around him and launches him up in a spin--their longstanding tradition, her worries temporarily forgotten in the face of the reason for the trip. This part of the trip she’s more than happy to deal with. “How does it feel to be an almost-married man?” She asks, lowering Auggie back to the ground. “Is she driving you crazy yet?”

“It’s a-maz-ing.” He grins, every inch the dramatic boy he always has been. “I can’t believe we finally made it to the wedding week. And with none of the nightmares of a typical Matthews Marriage.”

“There’s still time.” He was, of course, referring to the pattern that had started with their parents. Their wedding had nearly been a disaster several times over from meddling relatives, a massive fight between the groom and his best friend, and of course Uncle Eric stealing the venue and reception out from under an unsuspecting diaper tycoon. Then Aunt Morgan’s wedding had ended up with her being left at the alter. After that, Uncle Eric had tried his hand at marriage to have the whole thing wind up under a mandatory evacuation order due to severe weather and flood risk. Uncle Josh’s nuptials hadn’t experienced any of the bad luck of his siblings but he had eloped and Riley knew her grandmother considered being left out of the big day as big of a fiasco as anything her other boys had been through (Morgan being dumped the day of was, of course, in a class all it’s own).

“I figure the curse will end with me.” Auggie says, quite confidently. “I have something that the rest of the family didn’t.”

Riley quirks her eyebrow. “Yeah, what’s that?”

“Ava Morgenstern.”

He has a point. Ava had been strong-willed at age six and had only grown more self-assured as they got older. She had standards for everything that she did, and woe be to the person who stood in the way of her exceeding them. It’s entirely possible, Riley thinks, that if Ava decided she wanted a sunny day for her wedding and a cloud appeared in the sky, that the girl would simply plant herself in place to glare up at the sky and will the cloud into retreating.

“Well, you’ve got me there.” She concedes, smirking and glancing down the wraparound porch. “Where is my future sister-in-law?”

“One of her bridesmaids stumbled at graduation so she is hosting a pre-rehearsal walk-down-the-aisle-in-your heels practice session before she has to get back here for the big family welcome dinner.”

Again, not exactly out of character for Ava. “You mean the high school graduation that happened three years ago?”

“The middle school one, actually. Ava has a long memory.” Auggie says matter-of-factly. “But enough about that.” He taps her shoulder. “How are you? How was your flight? Where is this mysterious boyfriend that you never once mentioned until all of a sudden you were bringing him here?”

Riley knows he’s only really asking the last question; he cares about the other stuff too, but they talk all the time, so the sticking point for him is definitely that she hasn’t ever talked about Lucas before. Auggie will be the hardest sell of the weekend, not only because he knows the most details of her life to poke holes in her story, but because he’s always been suspicious of her suitors and protective of her. She’ll have to be careful to be as normal as possible around him.

“I’m fine, the flight was long, and Lucas is getting our things out of the car.” She jerks her thumb over her shoulder towards the parking lot. She can’t help but glancing over her shoulder as she does so. Playing it cool might be the best option to lower any suspicions but she’s never been very good at it. Her nerves always manage to take over.

Auggie follows the gesture and blinks. “The blond guy in the jeans and the smedium t-shirt?”

“Yeah.”

“The one pretending it takes more than thirty seconds to take two bags out of the trunk of a ridiculously beautiful sports car?”

“Uh-huh.”

“The one who looks like he was ripped from the cover of American Apple Pie Boy’s Next Door?”

Not exactly how she would have put it but she can’t exactly deny the resemblance is there. “That’s the one.”

“Are you sure?”

“Auggie!” Riley smacks lightly at her brother’s shoulder.

He dodges, laughing. “I’m sorry, but I watched a lot of guys flirt with you when you were pulling shifts at the bakery and whenever you were into it, it was not with the guys that looked like that.” He waves his hand up and down. “That is not the sort of guy you go for. I know I haven’t seen him without a shirt off or anything but I’m pretty sure his abs have abs.”

Riley’s not sure how she’s supposed to respond. Partially because Auggie is right--she has never dated or even seriously flirted with a guy that’s so blatantly handsome and athletic; Charlie had been her first serious relationship and after him it had taken her a long time to even want to flirt and date again. It had taken even longer to start tackling the resulting self-esteem issues, a problem that, if she’s being honest with herself, she’s still working on. She’s never really been sure that guys who look like Lucas are genuinely interested in her so it’s always been easier to treat them as if they aren’t and stick with other types of guys.

She’s also at a loss because she also has never seen Lucas without his shirt off. Which sounds incredibly stupid, she knows, but the moment Auggie mentions it, Riley realizes that the status of Lucas’ abdominal muscles is almost definitely something that she should be aware of. After all, as far as everyone else is concerned, she and Lucas have been dating for several months.

And for all the planning she and Lucas have done, discussing the details of the nature of their fake relationship like where they met and where he took her on their one month anniversary, they have not really talked about whether or not they’ve taken any kinds of steps as a fake couple where she really would be privy to the what sort of torso he is barely concealing beneath his t-shirts.

“Yeah, he is really...really muscular.” It seems like a safe enough comment; anyone with eyes can tell that the man has muscles, even when he has his shirt on.

“Who’s that?”

Riley nearly jumps out of her skin in the split second it takes for her to realize that the smiling voice near her ear and the arm snaking around her waist belong to Lucas, but when she reaches her conclusion she manages to tamp back her reaction to something that she hopes is a bit more appropriate for being joined by one’s boyfriend. She still stiffens in surprise, but manages to release most of the tension and ease back into the embrace with a nervous giggle. “You.”

Being this close to Lucas, there’s really no question: with or without his shirt, he has a very healthy form. Riley swallows.

“I don’t think I’m that--,”

“You are.” Riley and Auggie cut off Lucas’ protest in unison, then share a grin.

“Well I’m not gonna argue the point too strongly.” Lucas says. He glances between the two siblings. “Did I take enough time getting the bags out of the car for you two to catch up or do you need me to go back?”

“Nope, you’re perfect.” Riley answers and then realizes what she said. She blushes and peers briefly at the ground, even as Lucas threads the fingers of one hand with hers and squeezes gently. She supposes that’s probably meant to be reassuring and a message that they’re doing OK but it’s just another reminder of how bizarre and out-of-character this situation is; she doesn’t do this sort of close contact with people she’s known forever, and yet here she is with a practical stranger. And not hating it. Struggling to figure out what to say and how to act the part, but not hating it. “I was just about to tell Auggie about you. Auggie, this is Lucas. The guy I’ve been seeing.”

Lucas doesn’t let go of her hand, merely uses his other hand to reach over and greet Auggie and offer his congratulations on the wedding. “You know, Riley’s told me so much, it’s great to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.” Auggie nods. “I mean, Riley hasn’t told me very much at all. Nothing actually. But it’s always fun to meet the guys who manage wiggle their way into her life.”

Auggie is supposed to be the easiest part of the week, but at the shrewd look on her little brother’s face, Riley is starting to think that while it may be on a different front from the rest of the family, he might be just as much trouble.

#rucas #rucas fanfic #riley matthews #lucas friar #gmw #fanfiction #au #fic: Cold Cape Cod Clams

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rollertoasteroflife · 8 years ago

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These Things Are Fun Lets Give It a Go

Tagged by @katyaton heyyyyyyy!

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (…yeah I don’t know that many people...)

tagging: @deaded123 @showmethestarlight and if anyone that follows me wants to please do but you two are the only ones that actually reply to these things and I can’t be arsed to go through all of my followers when no one does them anyway :D

1. coke or pepsi: coke definitely

2. disney or dreamworks: oh god ummm i love disney cos that was my childhood but dreamworks have done some truly amazing films and they gave me how to train your dragon which i love far more than is probably normal...

3. coffee or tea: *whispers* both definitely both...I drink so much coffee and tea and currently green tea I’m probably 70% hot beverage at this point

4. books or movies: ah fuck. um I have to say finding a favourite book feels so much better than a favourite film but like I literally work in the film industry so I honestly love them too but yeah imma have to say books (that was really difficult D:)

5. windows or mac: windows cos it’s what i know

6. dc or marvel: um I’ve seen more marvel so I’ll say marvel but I’m not particular opinionated on the matter

7. xbox or playstation: I am abysmal at playing games so again not really my question. however i have finally worked out how to use my housemates xbox as a dvd player so woo

8. dragon age or mass effect: I don’t play them

9. night owl or early riser: Permanently tired pigeon here but more of a night owl.

10. cards or chess: Oh god um actually can’t choose because i grew up playing card games and i really love them but i have a massive sentimental personal thing about chess so yeah i can’t choose here

11. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate what am I? dumb?!

12. vans or converse: Converse

13. lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: I do not understand

14. fluff or angst: um in like fic reading or my life?? because my favourite fan fics are often angsty ones but I get wayyyyyyyyyy too emotional about them and yet still tend to read them over fluffy ones. Yet in actual life my life has enough problems please cover me fluffy things i’m tired

15. beach or forest: beach because there’s sea but i fucking love forests so much!!

16. dogs or cats: Cats!! but puppers are great too!!!

17. clear skies or rain: Fucking rain I love rain!!

18. cooking or eating out: I really like cooking it’s what I resort to when I’m having issues with life not working out.

19. Spicy food or mild food: I don’t like massively spicy food but I will fight you over bland food so like somewhere between the two??

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: I only really started doing halloween like a couple of years ago but i do enjoy it (woo for fancy dress) but i do really love christmas!

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: cold definitely i hate the heat. It was 15 degrees c today (59 fahrenheit thanks google) and i was dying and complaining most of the day

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shapeshifting!!!!

23. animation or live action: Again with the whole job thing, live action but i love animated films too!!

24. paragon or renegade: eh?

25. baths or showers: i shower more often but my house doesn’t have a bath and i really miss it. also currently with my leg injuries i would love a bath because they ache so bad D:

26. team cap or team ironman: umm i don’t know?? I’m not gonna choose sorry

27. fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy but scifi is awesome!

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes? if so what are they: Presume not that I am the thing I was - Shakespeare Henry V

The planets and heavens will move for you. - this is a quote from a poem @deaded123/ @breathingtheworldinwords wrote for me which is my favourite poem

I am constantly coming across quotes i want ot remember but i never write them down so yeah...

29. youtube or netflix: netflix

30. harry potter or percy jackson: Harry potter but am currently working my way through the percy jacksons series which i do enjoy and rick riordan is an awesome human!

31. when you feel accomplished: when i remember how far i’ve come from what i was and how hard i’ve fought to be where i am now. Also I once forgot what happened in a battle on an history exam so proceeded to talk about the battle of helms deep and cut the orcs and elves. I got 100% on that paper. ;)

32. star wars or star trek: star wars......it was my childhood and i love it so much

33. paperback books or hardback books: i do love me a good hardback but my paperbacks have kept me company for a long time

34. horror or rom-com: ummm i’m not great at horror but it depends so i’d probs watch the rom com and just be cynically sarcastic throughout...(the fact that i enjoy rom coms when i’m not great and actual romance annoys myself)

35. to live in a world without literature or music: that is just mean :P but i’d have to chose literature as my life is based around stories

36. pastel colours or dark colours: dark definitely!! other people look aweosme in pastels but i don’t like wearing them and honeslty just feel kind of suspicious of them as a colour group (i have no idea why i have such storng opinions on pastels or why i am suspicious...)

37. tv shows or movies: Tv shows as you go through so much more. Also it suits my attention span better

38. city or countryside: can i have like a town?? i love the countryside but i also need to be around other people or i get very morbid

39. if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: i don’t understand??i’m a leo and honeslty haven’t looked at the others enough to know the traits!

40. if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: i would currently choose one of sia’s albums as just yes

41. cinema or theatre: cinema because i love films but i do enjoy theatre

42. if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: hmmmmmmmm i honeslty don’t know as my favs are people like me but being around someone like me as a best friend is kind of an odd thought...pass?

43. smiling or smirking: smiling to me means just being free and comfortable to be happy and smirking in my mind is the silly little in jokes that tyou have with friends in the middle of a conversation or when you’ve thought of something inappropriately funny both of which i do a lot.

44. are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: all or nothing probably

45. playlists or your whole library on shuffle: shuffle because i’m too lazy to make playlists

46. travelling or staying at home: Travelling,but i like to have a base somewhere. but yeah i get bored of places easily and am not attached to anywhere as a ‘home’ as a concept i’ve never really got that feeling about anywhere? um it’s hard to explain so i’m just gonna stop cos i don’t know what my point is

47. books or fanfiction: both are literature and they’re both stories and i fucking love stories in all forms! right now i’m reading more fanfiction because when i need to work lets get lost in emotions about fictional characters right?! but seriously i have a bunch of favourite fanfics which i keep rereading and most are novel length so like not much of a difference!

48. If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: the chronicles of ixia world probably but like god there are so many that i’d want to be in!!

49. your favorite cartoon: um i don’t really watch that many cartoons... cacn i claim the Dragons tv series that accompanies httyd? it’s animated......

50. name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: um ok so i have a bit of a weird thing about my music in that i don’t like talking about it too much...i’m getting better but yeah i don’t want to answer this :)

51. mountains or plains: Mountains!!!!!!! they give me liiiiiiiiiife

52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): Yuri on ice is the first anime i’ve watched and honeslty have fallen in love with it and it has ruined my world right now (it’s what my anxieties are currently directed out instead of at my work which i’m cool with) and the only other one i’ve seen is ouran high school host club which i actually watched half of yesterday whilst working as a friend loves it, it’s amusing :)

53. which social media platform are you most like yourself on: err i don’t really do social media much. i have facebook to talk to uni people, a couple of group chats with home people and it’s the only contact i have with my dad’s side of the fam as most don’t live in england but i don’t actually post anything except about work i’ve got donea dn funny photos of my friends. obvs i have tumblr which i overshare about myself way too much but this is probs a very accurate summary of my shit sense of humour, tv shows, and everything else in my head! though i do sometimes get concerned about my oversharing on here cos y’know internet safetyand all D: oh i have snapchat too but i mainly use it to talk to 2 friends one is in germany so i can’t ring her like i used to and the other we pretty much just send each other selfies with a lot of heart emojis! i’ve been debating getting instagram but haven’t decided yet...

54. What are some of your passions:anyone that knows me or reads my frequent oversharing will know i work in costume stuff so yeah i can literally talk about costuming and historic fashions for days and not get bored so yeha don’t ask about that unless you ready to learn!! ;) um i’m also an archery instructor, really love drawing, and just yeah the various tv, film and book obsessions that i go through (currently it’s yoi but i do try and keep my obsession from fully taking ove rthis blog-80% of it is still my shit sense of humour

55. Favourite food: I will fight everyone to get a proper roast dinner with yorkshire puddings and also chocolate.....and pomegranates.....and sugar snap peas......

This was fun!!!

#toasterrambles #katyaton #deaded123 #showmethestarlight

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