#but I don't think they would have made the cut in 2020 lol

[silkscreaming]

I made a volume 10 trimax vash cosplay for MAGfest and I am SO proud of how it came out :) Some process stuff below! Warning for image and text heavy.

Truthfully this cos is only about 85% complete—I’d purchased a bunch of hardware to really go in on a volume accurate version of his undersuit and belts, but simply ran out of time before the con. It was the first cosplay I’ve sewn since 2017 and the first wig styling I’ve done since 2020, so I’m not gonna beat myself up too much!

(This is all purse hardware off Etsy and some buttons from M&J trim)

This was my first time ever making a muslin mock-up, but I knew it was going to be necessary to get the coat to lay the way I wanted it to. I really wanted to try and create proportions that elongated the legs/torso and widened the shoulders by placing the coat tail splits appropriately and raising up the shoulders with some padding. And of course arm and leg details that I’ll get to someday lol.

I created two mock-ups. One of basic muslin that helped me go from an existing pre-bought pattern to something more Vash-shaped, then a second one on a slightly sturdier scrap fabric with my finalized torso proportions with padding so I could accurately pattern out the sleeves and collar.

I was tracing my pattern pieces onto newsprint and vellum as I went, so once all of those were finalized, it was time to cut my fabric! I used a heavy cotton twill from B&J fabrics and two kinds of fusible interfacing from Mood (I’m spoiled by being local to the fashion district these days). A smarter person would have bought a thinner fabric to line the inner torso with, but I did not feel like getting that complicated with my first ever muslin-drafted AND lined project, so I simply cut double of every pattern piece in order to create a lining.

Sleeves were done by interfacing and cutting into a top panel, carefully snipping at the cutout portions, ironing and fabritacking in place, and then top stitching the whole piece to the main sleeve. I later added some leather backing squares and interfacing behind the larger eyelets for aesthetic while keeping the ventilation in tact. Ideally in the future I'll also add a strip of fabric to the gun arm that creates a slight bunching effect since that sleeve is a little more ruffled over the cuff. Photos below also include three shoulder pads pinned together on each shoulder, but I ended up forgetting not using them on my final wear.

Unfortunately at this point I was approaching con time, so I started cutting some corners that I made easily replaceable for future upgrades. The coat tabs are just painted craft foam cut to the size of the buttons, tacked in place where the button pierces through the tab and where it wraps around the edge of the front panel. The straps that attach to the lapel and wrap under the arms also were just decorated with some silver trim instead of hardware, and I skipped the side button panels at his hips for pattern-making simplicity and time. They'll be added later! I'd also love to do some weathering, but don't think I can quite bring myself to riddle the coat tails with bullet holes as some people do haha.

Gun arm attachment was also a quick and dirty addition, just some vinyl trim on eva foam attached with contact cement and a decorative button. First time working with contact cement somehow, but I look forward to also being able to upgrade this at a later date to a more accurate shape with the full belt attachments!

I was also hoping to update the shoes a bit by making some boot covers for them and rub-n-buffing the soles to disguise the platform a bit, but I love my pick for the cleat-look that Vash has! Some good ol' Demonias in classic vash fashion :)

Last but not least: The Wig. My pride and joy.

I got lucky enough to nab an Arda sale, I think right before Halloween, and picked up the Morpheus lace front in black, along with some extra wefts in pale blonde. (I also bought a whole separate pale blonde Morpheus wig, boldly thinking I could swing a normal trimax vash wig lol. It made for a convenient Eriks wig in the mean time.)

Since I was aiming for the end of volume 10 post-Wolfwood death look, I started by trying on the wig, roughly tracing out my hairline, then gently unweaving that portion of black in order to re-ventilate it with blonde.

After I replaced that whole strip of plucked hair, I tried on again to finalize where I needed to ventilate to cover my own hairline, and completed my outline with both blonde and brown-black wefts (i had them on hand lol). All in all, I ventilated more than 4 square inches of blonde, and at least a solid centimeter extension of the black hairline across the whole front of the wig. Probably close to 30 hours of work in the ventilating alone, but I am a little slow since I haven't ventilated in a few years and didn't keep clear track of time.

If there's one thing I should be used to by now about Arda wigs, they are THICK. There is zero teasing in this wig. None. Just got2b, a blowdryer, and a prayer. And a good load of bobby pins. The wig was also sadly a last minute hotel room mad dash, and I do hope to restyle it under less duress, but I do think I successfully achieved the Trimax swoop and am very proud of it! It was unbelievably windy on the walk from our hotel room to MAGfest, so the photos in the start of this post show a bit more droop than my initial styling, but I think I'll be able to touch things up next wear.

And of course, shoutout to my partner for gifting me the official glasses for Christmas :) And thank you to my roommates who barely saw me for a month and a half except for when I needed help with a hem lol.

All in all, I am unbelievably proud of this cosplay, I can't wait to put some more love into it and wear it again!

[transmutationisms]

Hi caden i always scroll through your blog and whenever i leave i find myself questioning if you are the Scihub wizard. What's your range regulation on your topics of study (as in, how do you seek what catches your interest more thoroughly) and how do you sort out what qualifies articles on such as readable or relevant to engage with? Every time I search up stuff on jstor it just gives me the most stalest stuff ever. If you have any specific websites or tricks to recommend it would mean it all. Thank you

hm well... i guess the short answer would be that i do spend a lot of time reading things that i ultimately decide are stupid or irrelevant or redundant, lol. like, if i'm not actively writing i'm probably researching. so if i post, like, book recs, there's probably at least a few years of reading around and behind that... some of this work will eventually become useful or interesting to me (appendix my advisor made me cut and said was irrelevant in 2020 whose footnotes i raided today) and some of it will probably just live forever in some dusty corner of my mind (zotero folder on phonographic physiology that has only an extremely tangential connection to anything else i literally ever write on).

but in general, my approach is usually to read more, not less—i don't know what connections i might want to make if i never read on those topics, ykwim? i definitely get faster at finding things and sifting through sources the more familiar i am with a topic. but even so, i like to read widely, knowing full well that some (large) percentage of it will be useless to whatever i'm currently working on, lol. there's plenty in my library that i've never cited, or i only quoted a line or two, or i named it only to say it sucks. i think this is all fine and fun honestly. but, a few ways to narrow some of this down:

when you're looking for the seminal literature on a certain topic, you can shortcut some of the searching by picking up anything recent and just picking through the footnotes. (this is called 'snowballing' sometimes.) it's not a comprehensive strategy because you won't find newer or obscure texts—but it's a decent starting point

i work with historical sources, so often the way i find really interesting stuff is by searching the actual names i'm finding in the primary literature. these tend to be figures with a smaller footprint in the secondary literature, who often get overshadowed in more general topic searches, and i often end up reading about all kinds of weird niche topics i didn't even know to look for

some professional societies and journals maintain databases and bibliographies of recent publications; these are worth scanning from time to time. you can often find them by googling, like, "[field] bibliography / database" or sometimes you can find them thru journal websites (but these index more than just the journal's publications). usually free at least to see article titles/abstracts

you can also pick a couple flagship journals in your subtopic and just scan their recent issues from time to time; again article titles are generally free to view. don't rely exclusively on journals, but again, can be a good place to start

dissertations and theses are also good for footnotes, since part of the assignment is usually to show that you're familiar with the recent literature. you don't really want to rely on dissertations for actual citations if you don't have to (the qc is on average even lower than professional publishing... lol) but for reading recs, go for it

[dearweirdme]

Hiii Rain!

I don't know about crazy but I do have a theory 😂

I think the reason why Taekook sometimes appear awkward, distant or even a little cold is because they simply do not know how to act around each other on camera anymore. Let me explain:

-From what I've seen of them, always gravitating around each other, always wanting/needing a little physical contact, I'm under the strooong impression that they are such a clingy, physically affectionate couple! I actually think they are all over each other when the cameras aren't on😂! Lovey dovey dorks!

-When you're this close to someone and this used to them it becomes second nature for you. When things got a little dangerous for the company and the whole separating them on camera started, they resorted to restraining themselves a lot. Perhaps going a little overboard out of fear or apprehension with so much at stake? Thinking that a single slip up would make people catch on instantly? I think they underestimated the amount of heteronormativity going around, because I'm 100% sure that if one of them was a woman, everyone would be convinced they are together at this point. But since they are men, and fandom has somehow villainized the idea of two band members falling in love (regardless of how that makes so much sense), they are able to be brushed off as only brothers, companions, besties etc. I think they decided to limit the interactions to the least possible on camera!

Restraining yourself on how much you can be close to your partner, especially when they are around you 24/7 must be so uncomfortable and unnatural. I, of course, don't doubt how professionnal taekook are and also don't doubt that they must have cut so many sequences of them(that thought haunts me everyday!!🤣🤣)

That phase, IMO, ended in late 2019. There was a huge shift especially in early 2020. There was a certain giddiness, excitement, closeness, and a consistency in those that felt...new? Special. Ever since then, they gradually got more settled, comfy!

I personally think they wanted to normalize their bond in the eyes of fandom as much as possible so nothing could shock them! lol And for the grand public too! And when you add ta*nnie in the equation alongside the narratives set up by company, it creates a thick blanket of security mostly made of heteronormativity, allowing them to be more relaxed and not be a threat in the eyes of company! I call it "hiding in plain sight". But old habits die hard right? I think even after all that work, they still have these moments of "oh, let's not do too much now", little uncertainties, little jump scares here and there😂! Does it make sense?

-I also think over the years, just as any relationship evolves, theirs became more mature and settled. there are less chances of grand gestures in this case!

-I adhere so much in the idea of them posting each other intentionally to make a point at important moments: these days selca just before paris and ta*nnie, so pretty I could die (😭😭) just before AYS drops, etc. Like😂 the timing is sooo right it can't be that innocent!

This got long quickly😂❤️

Hi @whattypeofsoul!

I agree! I think when Tae and Jk became a couple and Bh was (made) aware of that.. it became almost a message of choosing between being together or achieving their goals as BTS. I think in BH's minds the two seemed impossible to co-exist. Tae and Jk both want those big careers as singers, and on top of that they would also have felt the weight of carrying the other members dreams and ambitions as well. I think it was a huge play on them feeling guilty and loyal to BTS but at the same time just being in love with each other and simply wanting to be together. So I do think during those early years.. they were scared of showing too much and possibly risking all members careers. As people grow up and mature though.. we learn how to manage ourselves and we learn how to place things in perspective. Jk and Tae at first only worked with the perspective of anythey they did being too much... I think they slowly gained other perspectives and ways to be together without it being too much for the public. Their friendship is a really good cover. They are both physically compfortable with others as well, so they can hug and touch without it being seen as couply. I think their mindsets changed as well. When you are in love during your early twenties.. things still feel so overwhelming. Time changes so much and I think that was definitely the reason why we saw a change with Tae and Jk as well.

[saintjosie]

I'm gonna jump in the discourse lol, I don't pass as a trans woman and I don't think I'll care to. But demilypyro was advocating for living as your best self, she happens to be in a country that funded her transition? But other than that she's like poor too. Idk it feels like everyone's just looking for trouble because she was responding to hate with snark

okay people really don’t get this so i’m gonna tell y’all a story. my story.

i’m a trans woman with a fuckload of privilege. i’m pretty, i’m passing, and i have a platform, but most importantly, i had the privilege of starting my transition when i was financially stable on my own in largely supportive environments. and i recognize these things now but i didn’t always.

i started my transition in may of 2020, during the height of lockdown. and at that time, i was working a cushy corporate salaried desk job with full benefits which included both therapy and gender affirming care. i got on hrt quickly, and because of good genes, because masculine asian features are regarded as feminine in western beauty standards, because i’m really fucking good at makeup, and because i was working from home and there was no where to go, i was able to stop boymoding by october of 2020, about 6 months after i started hrt.

and then around that same time, i had another stroke of luck. i made a tiktok about coming out at work, which i did in the most extra way imaginable, and that tiktok went viral. it got 300k views and overnight i went from having 150 followers on tiktok to several thousand. and a less than a year later, that grew to 100k.

that year was rough as hell. i transitioned during a time where going out into the world to find community was impossible. and i lost my job. and i got divorced. and i cut out my family. and because of all of that, i felt like i was doing better than a lot of other trans people. cause i was facing hardships and still doing incredible.

but even so, i was longing for community that would validate and accept me the way that i was validated and accepted online. and so over the next year, i moved across the country three times, something i was able to do only because i was able to afford it

during that year i finally started to get out and meet queer people as the pandemic slowed down. and as i connected with queer and trans people in varying stages on their own journey, i realized the enormous privilege of being able to transition, afford therapy, afford my meds, afford moving to a place where i could find community. i wasn’t just “better at being trans”, i was just luckier than most.

being able to accept being trans is so dependent on having the support structure around you to process what you are feeling. being able to socially transition is dependent on having the people around you who will accept your identity and being in a place where you are able to do so safely. being able to medically transition is dependent on having the physical health and financial stability to do so.

privilege is something that needs to be constantly dismantled within our community because privilege is the main weapon that is used to oppress us.

the fact that this demily person made a snide sarcastic comment doesn’t change the fact that she sought out a person without a following to shit on someone without a following. the inherent privilege of saying something like, “i’m better at being trans” even if she didn’t mean it seriously, shows that she doesn’t recognize the privilege of being in a place where you can learn to accept yourself.

and on top of all that because she’s a person with a following and a platform, the danger of that kind of thinking compounds and is worth calling out.

i’m not misunderstanding her intentions or the context.

you are misunderstanding privilege.

[intheorangebedroom]

Hi Maddie! I hope you are having a wonderful September and you are enjoying the start of autumn. This might sound obsessed or weird, but PTMY and TYBTM are seriously some of my favorite things I've ever read... ever, like I'm putting it up there with novels I've read. It is insane to me how much talent there is in this fandom. Like the Pedro girlies are literal authors, putting out works of art. For me, you are the best of the best! Obviously, both stories have me very hot and bothered lol, but it's just the way you write intimacy and relationships, the peculiarities of your characters and the world's they inhabit so brilliantly, beautifully. I'm sure you know that at times you write like it is poetry! It is so immersive and I love it deeply. My question (apologies in advance) is about writing. I was wondering if you have any tips on (a) how you have improved as a writer, like in terms of how you've been to find your style? (b) how to overcome perfectionism? I've been wanting to take a crack at some Frankie ideas I've had, but I get so weighed down by self doubt and inertia. And also, I worry it's just not original enough. Okay, sorry for the rant! I will never be as good as you OBVIOUSLY lol, but for you I am grateful. I'm so excited for the next part of TYBTM and sad we are almost halfway to the end. I'm so excited for whatever you have in store for the future. Sending you so much love and hope you're having a great day.

Hey Nonnie 🧡

I apologise in advance for the length of this answer. 

Your kindness, your generosity and your time mean everything to me. I’m the worst at expressing gratitude when I’m paid a compliment. "Compliment" doesn't cut it to qualify what you said about my stories, it’s too much, it’s so incredibly kind. You made me so soft but also so much stronger. Thank you 🧡 My first impulse upon reading your message was to throw away my phone and scream I’VE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING but I owe it to you to at least try to answer you. Also do you need some blood? A kidney? I have two. You name it it's yours.

I would like to start with the second part of your question, if you don’t mind. 

I have never ever thought any given piece I wrote to be perfect. At best, I think it’s not that bad, but that’s when I read it again a month after posting, because at the time I post it, it’s more like omfg if I read that shit one more time I’m gonna stab myself in the eye.” 

But life is too short for perfectionism. I’m sorry to be speaking like an old fart, but it is. You blink and it’s over. If you have a milligram of creativity in you, do not hesitate. Channel it. Create what you want, what you like. I’m serious. DO IT. Enjoy doing it. 

Self-doubt is a fucking bag of dicks. I’m riddled with it. In every corner of my existence. Every step of the way. Every word I type (not in my mother tongue…). How many times have I wanted to give up, especially during PTMY. The current tybtm chapter has fucking killed me dead. I hate it. It’s not good. Bad. But I’m forty fucking five years old and I’ll be damned if I let self-doubt and fear prevent me from achieving what I set out to do.

When I came back to tumblr in 2020, I saw numerous posts saying “you write for yourself first,” and I did not really understand what they meant. It’s nice to have an audience! It’s nice to be liked and validated! It’s nice to connect with people over something you’ve created. Musicians play live, and get a hell of a kick out of it, right? Why not us, writers? And one day, I think at the beginning of tybtm, it hit me. I understood. Fuck yeah I’m doing this for me. Because I need it. I need to tell this story. I need the satisfaction of having done it. The entire process makes me both incandescently happy and abysmally miserable, and you know what? That’s the fucking spice of life. I want both. I am alive when I write. Through the pleasure and the pain. So if you need it too, well, go for it. Don't let anyone, including you, tell you you're not good enough. Got for it.

There are 99% of chances that what you’re gonna write has already been written. So what? It hasn’t been written by you. No one sees people, life, or Frankie the way you do. Even if you write an age-old trope, even if you write the same trope over and over again in every story (me!), you’ll still bring your own precious singularity to the story, the characters, and the narration. That’s worth EVERYTHING. Please trust me. Maybe no one will like it. Maybe every one will like it. Whatever. At the end of the day, you still did what you set your heart on. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Carpe diem, baby.

Then, how did I improve as a writer, oh Nonnie, I’ve no idea. I don’t think I’m any good. I don’t think I am legitimate to give you any advice. 49.5% of the time, I think I’m too much (too gothic, too lyrical, too big with the feelings and emotions). 49.5% of the time, I think I’m not enough (not precise, concise, clear, good enough). But alright, I’ll try. For you. But please bear in mind I say all this in the most humble spirit.  

I write. All the time. In my head, in the shower, walking in the street, driving, aaaaaall the time. And then I type it down in a doc. And edit it and revise it again and again and again, until it feels smoother and/or I want to puke at the thought of having to go through it again. 

I try to take my time without panicking. If I’m stuck or in a bad mental place, I try to let it rest a bit.

My first year at uni, I studied screenplay writing. I would be unable to tell you precisely what I learned, but I think some of it is ingrained? In terms of conveying intentions through actions and dialogues (I know I tend to write pages and pages of introspection, and I swear I try to restrain myself, even if it doesn’t always translate to the doc).

Then, I’m an art vampire. I soak up everything I can, especially painting, music, and movies. I let it inspire me. I take notes on my feelings, fleeting emotions that I can’t articulate at first, and reflect and work on them until they become fully formed ideas I can inject in the writing. 

I read. A lot. And sometimes not at all when it feeds the self-doubt (comparison, you bitch!). I wait until I feel better, stronger. It may take time. 

With books/fanfics and movies, I analyse the narrative process employed. What I liked or disliked, what moved me, what didn’t. I take notes. To that effect, you can read reblogs of your favourite fics! Sometimes people reblog with some pretty neat analyses, just soak it up!

My obsession is finding the Right Word. I can spend days on the quest. A thesaurus helps. And sometimes it doesn’t. I also read my stuff out loud, because I like when it has a certain rhythm. And when the meaning of a sentence doesn’t work in a rhythm, I rework it tirelessly until it does. Fun times... 

I want to say that if you take the leap and start writing, after a while, you will feel instinctually what works for you. What feels right in terms of personal style. Maybe at the beginning you'll subconsciously write like someone else, but with practice and patience, your style will come out. If you need someone to cheer you on, I'm here.

Oh yeah because, very important, I whine to the very good angel friends in my phone whenever I’m stuck (they will recognise themselves if they read this)(okay they are @dreamymyrrh and @pedrit0-pascalit0). I forfeit all dignity and beg them for virtual hugs. I don't know what I did to deserve them.

And lastly, I have been privileged to witness the genius of Kelli ( @frannyzooey ) in the works and wow. She's it for me. Everything she writes resonates with me, so I just soak. it. up.  

So yeah. to sum it up: carpe diem and be a vampire 🦇

Hope that helps 🧡

I’m also gonna leave that here: 

Claire ( @just-here-for-the-moment ) is one of the best people I’ve been fortunate enough to meet here. She’s patient, sweet, kind, and SO FUCKING SMART. Don't be afraid to reach out.

Nonnie, again, I'm so sorry this is so long. I sincerely hope you'll find something useful in all this gibberish. If not, come back to my ask box with any question. And again, thank you 🧡 From the bottom of my broken vampire heart, thank you 🧡

[1000sunnygo]

Hey there, I love your translations and all the work you do. Did you learn Japanese or are you a native speaker? I would love some tips on how to get started for a complete beginner like me. I hope one day I can be fluent enough to read manga lol.

Ahh thank you!!

I'm not a native speaker, I just learned as much needed to read manga lol. There are some vague grammatical similarity between Japanese and my native language which might've helped a bit, but I still extensively google every time I encounter new words so it often takes really long for me to read something;;

I can provide some suggestion for beginners though, mostly my personal methods. Reminder that this is just for reading manga!

1. Enrich vocabulary

To improve listening skills: anime. Shonen anime has simple sentences so try paying attention to sentence structures, verbs and tense along with vocabulary. The manga you want to read will likely have similar words (better if the same series).

2. Learn Kana

There's one video I randomly found on my feed that made me learn kana (katakana and hiragana) alphabets. I don't think I would've learned to read if not for this video because it makes the letters easily digestible:

Learning kana alphabets is unskippable. These two steps alone would help you to read shonen manga by yourself.

I'm specifying shonen because it's aimed at younger people so each kanji has reading aid texts called "furigana". Basically, each kanji's pronunciation is written in hiragana letters beside it. They bother when you try to scan the image but helps in manual reading.

For example, you may not recognize (green text) 農場. But it has furigana (blue text) "のうえん" (no-u-e-n) written beside it, you'll recognize the word "nouen" from your vocabulary which means farm in Japanese. (page from The Promised Neverland manga, nouen is a frequently used word in the series)

3. Getting used to reading

After learning kana alphabets, as a beginner I used to work with pen and paper. I would write an entire sentence in English pronunciation first and then read the meaning. It helped me to separate each word (because JP doesn't have space between them.)

Sometimes I used to loudly read the English pronunciation for Google translate's speech recognition so it can translate the sentence for me.

Speaking of Google translate,

3. Applying Tools

Download Google translate app's old version (2020-2021 versions should be good enough) where you can scan a page, then switch off the app's auto update. It's an essential tool that (fortunately) works best for Kanji translation. If you're relying on auto translation, ignore furigana (the small texts) entirely, let it read Kanji.

Sometimes the scanning function can't distinguish vertical and horizontal texts. That's why learning to read by yourself is essential.

Now you're set, the rest is up to practice! When you start learning you'll want to read more to test yourself. And when you read, you get better. Hopefully you'll be able to read hand-written texts and recognize frequently used Kanji after practicing.

The complex/formal sentneces can easily translated via Google translator/DeepL/ChatGPT. But they need some human assistance. Without context they can't correctly interpret pronouns and sometimes you have to cut a bulk of texts into smaller parts.

A manga translation doesn't need to be 1:1. Recently I'm more flexible to suit a sentence closer to natural English than sticking to literal meaning. My English isn't the best either so I have to compromise 🤧

[silent-neutral]

About SH2 Pyramid Head symbolism and the remake PT.1

--mentions of sexual violence, suicidal themes and just overall mental illness-- please PLEASE DON'T READ BEYOND THE CUT IF YOU PLAN TO PLAY THIS GAME BUT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SILENT HILL 2!! There will be spoilers in this ''essay'' and I don't want to spoil such a great game for anyone starting fresh and blind, because that'd be the perfect way to start this game imho - your feeling toward this game will be heightened without knowing too much, plus forming your own view and having questions about it is also cool.

(***Had to cut this down into parts after watching 10+ hours of the remake and so much watching gave me a headache that felt like a literal hangover the next day ugh I felt like James lol otherwise it's too many topics and words in 1 post. This way it might be easier to organize them. )

------------------------------- My mind was blown recently. Ig I'm posting this to clarify more to myself than anything, but I had to search up Ito's recent comments about certain scenes with Pyramid Head. (ahem, the first cutscenes specifically). I've always had my own ideas and guesses about specific details playing as James, but after some clarifications on Ito's part about Pyramid Head.. it kind of jarred me, but at the same time explained other things and now my initial view of this game and its characters are validating my assumptions.. And if you knew about this already, well good on you.... Ito tweets so much sometimes, info like this gets buried and I had no idea until a week or so ago lol. So in light of SH2R releasing, I conveniently found out about some crucial details that would *also* inadvertently explain my (petty) gripes about SH2R. I watched the entire playthrough and my views have slightly altered (mostly positive, as this game was actually very faithful to the original imo). but for now I give you...a very wordy analysis on some themes of SH2. Excuse my rambly thought process though, it's very hard to organise them sometimes, I say to future self re-reading this later lol.

We know the monsters all carry symbolism relating to James. Specifically speaking, the series has a lot of sexual undertones present. Man.. Idk where it all started but I'm pretty sure we all assumed it was true when every Silent Hill source or fanpage over decades would bring up James' sexual repression. It made sense because of how things appeared, plus Angela's trauma and her demon....that James even fights... Well.. Ito hates fans saying James 'sexual repression' being symbolised in the monsters are canon. He doesn't mind people forming their own opinion, but he hates when fans say it's canon lol. At any rate, there was a lot of confusion from what I read at first (and the language barrier didn't help, but I think I got the gist of what he meant). --------------------------------------------------------------- Talking specifically about the mannequin scene, Ito says PH is *not* raping them. Ok sure, tbh it looks too vague to label it something extreme like that. But it became something of a meme and Ig it ended up being believed as true. Kinda wish this sentiment was quashed many years ago and not in 2020/2021 gah... So, what's happening in that scene is actually far more deeper than simply to traumatise James.... Pyramid Head is a manifestation of James' guilt AND unconscious desire to be punished for killing his terminally ill wife. James is called to Silent Hill via a delusional letter from Mary he created in his mind.(A made up one to ignore the real one). He's suffering from some kind of selective amnesia throughout the game, hence why everything is there to remind him of his pain. Obviously he's traumatised by what he did that his mind has blocked it out to the point it seems he has remembered a false timeline of events... but his soul is yearning for judgement. Ito says that, therefore, James is suffering from many delusions, that's what's creating and manifesting his inner demons (true for all that come to Silent Hill). Pyramid Head himself is manifested as the executioner, tasked with punishing James, and so.. He is actually attacking James' delusions, trying to remove them:

*o* And Ito goes further! Right after PH kills those mannequins, he stalks over toward the closet James hides in (also meaningful, lmao, but okok it's not about sexual orientation). Apparently, PH's appearance is shifting. Ito says he modelled and animated all the monsters in the original, so I trust him when he says that the front left panel in the corner of his helmet is peeling/flaking back and a tongue-like appendage protrudes from the hole. Although.. he admits it might be too dark to see in that scene, but it's there supposedly. I'm paraphrasing, but Ito implies that PH is impacted by James' delusions in that James *thinks* he sees a tentacle come out of the helmet and thus manifests that. And that's when James shoots at him - He shoots at his own desire to be judged when it attempts to remove his delusions that are keeping him from the truth of his reality!! James can't face reality at this point - those delusions are keeping him somewhat sane and distracted! It hurts too much this early on for PH to attack those delusions so he stops it...this is why he is 'in the closet'. James continues to keep those 'skeletons' there, for now. It makes PH look like the true good guy - an angel.. like Valtiel (interesting to note they have similar body design). Because of learning this, I very quickly noticed how throughout the Remake, you will find plenty already downed enemies.. and it was easy to think ''PH was here''. After James realises the truth from the tape, the Hotel reveals its true appearance (not sure when it burned down or if that has something to do with Alessa, er wait I remember in Origins it was in her house.. well anyway! this could explain James' sketchy memory of events, especially when confronted by Laura having only met Mary and received the letter a year ago in-game.) Anyway, the point is; if James is aware, then the delusions begin to fade. So after watching the Remake, I hoped that the monsters wouldn't appear/be weakened and lo and behold! Bloober was paying attention! The monsters after you watch the tape are weak and limping, can't attack or are already dead and I was delighted! It means Ito was consistent that the delusions the town creates makes up the core theme of Silent Hill. In the original, there are only 2 lying bodies before the PH fight. (I forget the meaning behind them but it has something to do with James' helplessness.) At any rate, Remake did the 'dying vision' symbolism much better here and the explanation is so so fascinating that it led me to rethink the concept behind PH. Side note though, about that hole in PH's helmet. I was always so damn confused about it for so many years!! I used to draw it as a rectangular hole (some art by Ito actually depicted it like that iirc), and then eventually to a gunshot hole since James, well, shot at him, so I assumed that's what it was from. and NOW it's actually a triangular shaped hole from the paneling being 'turned upward' due to how James' is perceiving him in the moment. What a revelation, I cry. Ah.. and note on other design aspects.. Apparently Ito never designed PH with a mass of flesh under the helmet (just a perpetual shadow and the neck bag thing at the back) and he doesn't even know who conceptualised that, but I think it's due to all the cameos and appearances PH has made in many games since SH2. And he looks slightly different each time so.. yeah, interesting that.

Even the figma has that fleshy mass (and gunshot hole!) but I'd say it is accurate on nearly everything else:

It is a very nice figure though. I can't blame all these figures ever released that *weren't* supervised by Masahiro Ito himself, because lmao, Ito just admitted that PH is subjected to changes depending on how James views him, and that explains why details are vague and hard to determine let alone see bc the game is so dark. Take this little gacha figure of PH for example, from a cute baseball game called, I think, Konami Dream Stars (Pal Pro kun?) Yeah, I got Snake as well lol:

...and yes, shameless little peek at my nerdiness on display, all the Capcom stuff is directly below it lolll

------------------------------------------------------------------ So! Having learned what I did, I ofc had to question the next obvious thing; the cutscene just before the first boss fight. PH was without a doubt molesting the Lying Figure/Body which was moaning suggestively the entire fucking time - no one is about to gaslight me into thinking THAT wasn't sexual! And yes, Ito admits that scene was intentionally made to appear sexual (as opposed to the mannequins) and yet he says it has no sexual meaning....wtf does that even mean?! Well, I think I got it. Again, language barrier is most likely to blame, but... To apply the last explanation for the mannequins; James' delusions are making him *think* he is seeing something intimate to the point it manifests right then and there which is so disturbing he recoils and tries to go back through the now-locked door. And so.. it would seem that to PH, he is just trying to destroy the delusions and he can't help how James perceives that; it's just going to manifest accordingly. And while Ito hates 'sexual repression' as somehow being canon to some fans (the majority actually), well, bruh... can you really blame people for coming to that conclusion? The flesh lips, nurses too, are on the risque side. Now, idk how it doesn't indicate something sexual if it's not meaning to be but I am aware of Ito's art style tending to be quite sexual and suggestive, featuring a lot of bdsm themes in his artwork and he is quite obviously inspired by at least HR Giger's work. So making the nurses, for example, look the way they do may be a stylistic choice, but I highly doubt it doesn't also have a symbolic purpose other than referencing Lisa's image or something (This is Silent Hill though ffs, everything is symbolic, it HAS to be). I'll reassess the meaning of those for myself, but specifically I'm addressing PH (and soon in another post, the other elephant in the room: Abstract Daddy.) Initially, I always saw PH as trying to remind James of his sins, jolt his memory, to wake him up to reality. (Which is interesting considering it's not clear if Silent Hill itself is even rooted in reality, the alter dimensions I mean. Another topic I want to address soon.) I also noticed the mirroring effect PH/Maria were doing in relation to their human counterparts; PH is James, and Maria is Mary; James killed Mary, and so PH kills Maria. But.. If PH is actually also trying to destroy the delusions, (which also appears to reflect the fact James is trying to overcome his guilt, his mental blockages that are causing his selective amnesia)that inadvertently means PH will need to destroy himself in the end as well, and that is exactly what happens..

Coincidentally, this would also reflect James' suiciding.

But first, PH attacks the monsters that are manifested and represent different aspects of James' trauma/psyche. Then he is constantly confronting James by killing Maria, or James having to return to a dead Maria. I thought he was basically tormenting James by showing him what he'd essentially done to Mary. "This is what you're guilty about, this is what you need to accept'' I think that idea still holds water (pun very intentional), but now I feel it adds another layer because Maria is the ultimate delusion... and thus, PH must destroy her. Now when she says 'I'm not your Mary, but I can if you want me to be' makes more sense to me what she is. She too is subjected to James' delusions because she keeps shifting the perspective she talks or thinks in, Mary's or Maria's? But she knows she is not Mary, just a manifestation of an idea. And James deep down knows she is holding him back (like all the other delusions) and that feeling calls PH to thus kill her. When James can't escape the reality of his past, he finally accepts the truth, the memories revived by the tape, and confronts PH after stabbing Maria a final time. 'Stop denying/ignoring your guilt, and stop trying to cover it up with distractions like Maria'. James finally doesn't need to be told anymore, he has punished himself (fitting, seeing as PH is an extension of James anyway) and thus PH, the final delusion/illusion kill themselves and disappear.

-------------------------------------

OK so that's PH! Now to compare that with the remake

My main gripe was that the game is way too saturated in colour and too bright in certain parts, but it improves that as you delve deeper in the game thankfully. Kudos to Bloober for changing James' face to something more 'unaware' and disassociative. Gripe number 2: I do wish they cut out the 'hand rubbing' in the opening scene or at least tone it down bc that kind of foreshadowing is too damn obvious, sorry. Not needed. Especially not right at the start. Not even for old fans playing it, we know what happens, but cmon...It makes James too aware of *something* and his selective amnesia is what gives rise to his own customised demons...if he is even slightly aware of what he did, then what is the point to seeing the monsters, let alone PH attacking them, now that we know what Ito had intended? Wouldnt that change their appearance, or rather, remove them altogether? sigh, anyway. I find PH a bit too bright, not dirty enough and consequently, not as disturbing. Partly for that was how they clearly removed the lying body scene from the boss fight. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but now with much needed context, this now makes sense...

HOWEVER....If my guess about James' assuming something sexual was taking place in that scene is what manifested it to begin with, then what is there to say about the remake?... So the simple act of hand-rubbing (awareness) really DOES make a difference, huh?! >:O it took away our favourite PH scene! 😂💔..

We can talk about DEI and stuff like that affecting certain themes in this game.... but Ito saying 'it doesn't mean it's sexual' would explain why it's taken out of the remake. Ito has supervised the Bloober design team on this, so they would have so much more context and info from the man himself... Still, it appears to conflict with James' psyche, bc it is through his very perspective that we are perceiving the town and how it presents itself to James so ofc if James sees something explicit, so are we the player. We are seeing the town and monsters through his eyes. And there is much to say about whether or not the other characters are even seeing the same town, but I'll get to that too. There is also the possibility that it's just 'creative freedom' on Bloober's part. It sucks, but overall... the game's pros outweigh the cons. Symbolism for Silent Hill is a very strong trait though, so I'm a bit conflicted about those changes. In the end, PH being a punisher and attacking the delusions of James' traumatised state of mind is fundamental, so as long as that is present, then I can't really say it's so inaccurate ig. It does imho, take away from PH's menacing persona and tones the disturbing factor down which consequently, in my humble opinion, makes him less scary. Intimidating, perhaps.. but less so. He looks very cool though lol. Especially how he breaks the walls during the chase and the final PH battle, I was super impressed with it! I didn't really like how PH was animated in the cutscene in the first fight (the way he turns around, idk..) but I love how they both throw the spears at you! This fight definitely improved upon the og version. Ah, and the sound of his heavy footsteps are wonderful as well! There was another creative thing Bloober did with PH's knife where you have to pick it up to advance through the tentacle wall thing. I realised this was a manifestation of James mental blocks since he starts holding his head in pain. But I thought "oh cool! James is gonna use the Great Knife to cut them!" But sadly, no.. but.. those tentacles would peel back, afraid of the presence of PH's knife... they are delusions after all~

Oh btw.. I didn't realize this before, but as soon as you attain Angela's knife, PH appears with the Great Knife - before this, he is unarmed. In Remake, right after you get her knife, you can hear PH's infamous screeching coming from dragging the Great Knife, reiterating that he is James. Subtle but very cool! I can't believe I didn't make that connection myself lol bah.

A bit more gripes to mention though: his strange janky movements that were imitated in remake made it look like a sad parody of the original scene, which was much more disturbing. I think it would have been better had they not added that part, it was random to see when he was moving as normal as one does trying to apprehend the mannequins, then calmly and slowly assessing the room only to suddenly flail about and strike random poses barely reminiscent of what he does in the original...and then just stand there as if James never shot him 🤨 not to mention, James looks so unbothered in this scene, he doesnt look at all anxious like in the original..the whole 'interaction' looked awkward. The original scene was paced better giving PH a kind of build up to those strange movements. I also dislike the lack of reaction and bad pacing with several of Remake's cutscenes as it toned down much of the intensity in crucial moments of the game, like in this one with PH. Yet... improved on others that I think were made better than the original's by elaborating on them.

Anyway I will touch on this and add more criticisms on remake in another post, this one is long enough lol; i just tried to get my thoughts on PH in one post but if I missed something I'll just add it in the PT.2.

If you actually read this, you must be as obsessed as I am (thank you)! Feel free to add your thoughts if you want, I love talking about silent hill symbolism or the ideologies behind The Order.

[sanctity-in-sexuality]

I'm a little confused about the teaching that it's ok for a couple to use a perforated condom to collect a sperm sample for medical testing (as stated in USCCB's 2020 "Reproductive Technology Evaluation and Treatment of Infertility Guidelines for Catholic Couples"). I assume that even a punctured condom must still reduce the chance of a pregnancy by a little, otherwise it wouldn't collect a sample very well? Isn't reducing the chance of fertilization through the use of a tool like this kinda partially being closed to life? Regular condoms don't have a 100% prevention rate and yet we still condemn them for reducing the chance. I'm also assuming that a couple who does the same behavior but without the intent of keeping a sample for medical testing is doing something faulty. But don't we say that a faulty act cannot be made permissible even with a good intent, like with it still being unacceptable to masturbate to obtain a sperm sample? And I guess I'm confused about the theology handles nitpicks like, how small can the holes be before it's no longer permissible. This isn't like a pressing relevant issue in my life by any means but I'm trying to better understand the logical thinking behind topics in sexual morality! Thanks

The reduced chance of conception in this scenario is so negligible that it is practically non-existent. You honestly need very little sperm to get a woman pregnant; that's why the pull-out method doesn't work as birth control, because even the sperm in the pre-ejaculate is enough to cause conception. To say the amount of sperm a man ejaculates during sex is overkill is an understatement.

Intent doesn't necessarily excuse faulty action, but intent is nonetheless important in determining whether an action was faulty in the first place. Some actions are inherently sinful; others are sinful based on circumstance, means, and intention. Avoidance of conception during sex falls in the latter category. Masturbation falls in the former. (I'm happy to explain why, if you'd like).

I think the problem here is that you assume the issue with condoms are that they reduce conception rates. Which is true, but the moral issue is not the thing itself, but the purpose of its use. The tools themselves are neutral. Using it to collect samples for health evaluations wherein its property for potential barrier to conception has, in all practicality, been rendered harmless, is a licit use of a neutral tool.

FYI, a couple could actually licitly use a condom during sex regularly -- i.e., such a textured one for assisting the wife's pleasure -- if they were to cut the tip off. I don't really see any reason why a couple would regularly use a perforated condom except with the hope of potentially mitigating conception, in which case the intent is clearly sinful (even though it wouldn't work lol).

[mrs-gauche]

Hi! Any thoughts on the 'hidden track' at the end of the Bonus DLC Tracks for the new Dragon Age Vinyl set? "D'Read Koda" can be interpreted so many ways but 'dread bear'? Coda, the musical notation? (Do you suppose there's any connection to the bear and maiden graffiti art we see several places in Inquisition [or any connection between that mural and the one from The Missing {moon atop the bear and halla horns on the maiden?}])

Hi! Thanks for the ask! :D And yeah, I've been super curious about this as well! (And also the pre-sale for the vinyl now starting at the same day that the final volume of The Missing is coming out, May 10th 👀 but ALSO everything about the cover, like the GOLDEN CITY (omg???), the enormous DRAGON (Mythal???), the vines/tree branches (like Mythal's vallaslin/visions of her conquering in Trespasser??), the ECLIPSE in the background (according to Dalish mythology Mythal "created" the moon/"An Eclipse as Fen'Harel stirred"??), the summit/mountain beneath it (!!) and that single hooded person (with a staff resembling the headpiece of one of the two figures in the 2020 teaser mural/symbols in the new cinematic)?? The potential LORE revelations on this thing are absolutely bonkers, but I digress! 😂)

Anyway! I actually thought something similar when I first saw that mysterious hidden track name, that it has to be some kind of anagram or wordplay, given how much BioWare LOVES to do those and also with the musical term "coda" being spelled with a "k" for some reason, but what stood out to me especially was the random apostrophe that's in there, since the devs are also known for their (internal) "disputes" about the extensive use of apostrophes in DA for the elven language and names. lol

So to me the odd spelling plus the random apostrophe points more to it being an anagram for a specific elven term, but I have yet to decipher what it could be. 🤔

My second thought was if this "hidden track" could actually just be the final part in the "extended version" of the Lost Elf theme (starting at about 10:13), but then I looked up the game's files and noticed that this specific tune actually plays (though only once) when you first get to the Darvaarad and the full piece is about 2:40 minutes long (the hidden track being only 1:08), leading me to think this is probably what's titled "Qunari Atmosphere" on the tracklist. And after going through all the Trespasser music files I could find, there was nothing hinting at something like "D'Read Koda" either. :/

But you're right, "Koda" is also a term in the Dakota language meaning "friend/ally" or "little bear", but I'm completely at a loss as to what that could refer to. For all we know, it could be a reference to frigging Storvacker. 😂

As for your second question though, since you brought up "The Bear and the Maiden" painting/mural in connection to the mural in volume 3 of The Missing, there are actually a few other interesting aspects to this that I've been thinking about, but before I start rambling get to that point, let me just put the rest under a cut so people don't get spammed with an exhaustingly long text post. lol

First off, for reference, this is the painting we're talking about, featured in various places throughout DAI!

People have made quite a few speculations about this imagery over the years. For one, given that it is not exclusively found in elven ruins and filed under "Fereldan art" in the game's files, some people assume it could depict an old legend of the Alamarri. Others have suggested that it's actually just a little easter egg in reference to the "The Bear and the Fair Maiden" song in ASOIAF. lol

But by far the most popular take on this, is that this is depicting the elven gods Dirthamen and Ghilan'nain. Based on Ghilan'nain's sacred animal being the halla and the lady with her all white appearance and her antlers kinda resembling one as well. And Dirthamen's sacred animal being a bear (among others, I think). Which would pose the question though, why these two are portrayed in such a way, when there's nothing in the lore that could give us an explanation?

To me, it almost looks like the maiden is trying to calm the bear down/keep him in check, who has gone out of control and is now turning into a wild beast (that can apparently also breath fire? lol). With what we know of Ghilan'nain now, it's definitely possible that her horrifying experiments and creation of all kinds of freaky creatures might have inspired such imagery.

So, while I can see how you could draw a parallel to the mural in volume 3 with the way they're positioned/embrace each other, I don't know what else to derive from this, other than that it would point to the bottom "red one" being Ghilan'nain and the "green one" being Andruil and not the other way around, or that Andruil was maybe able to shapeshift into a bear? lol But if we're going with my assumption that the bear is losing control over itself, maybe it could refer to the stories of Andruil succumbing to madness from hunting the Forgotten Ones in the Void. As opposed to the mural in the comic, where they seem to be rather peacefully in love (to me at least).

But while we're at it, let us go back to Ghilan'nain and Dirthamen's potential connection real quick (because I've been thinking about it 😶)! What's interesting to me, is that these two have actually been mentioned together in the lore, too, looking at this ancient elven writing for example that is only revealed to you when using Veilfire at the Temple of Mythal:

"His crime is high treason. He took on a form reserved for the gods and their chosen, and dared to fly in the shape of the divine.The sinner belongs to Dirthamen; he claims he took wings at the urging of Ghilan'nain, and begs protection from Mythal. She does not show him favor, and will let Elgar'nan judge him."

"For one moment there is an image of a shifting, shadowy mass with blazing eyes, whose form may be one or many. Then it fades."

So there we have the two being involved in what appears to be a judgement on someone serving under Dirthamen, because of Ghilan'nain's actions. While we don't know how much of this actually happened, it definitely makes you wonder about their intentions here. Why would Ghil do this? And why specifically to someone serving under Dirthamen? What was the outcome? And what does this tell us about their relationship? (And now that I think about it, what if this sinner was actually the bear in the mural? lol)

As for the sinner himself. Now, I don't know about you, but when I reread this codex again after several playthroughs, particularly the “shifting, shadowy mass with blazing eyes” at the end, I thought “Wait. That kinda reminds me of something......”

Look, I know it doesn't appear that way when looking at my blog for like five minutes, but I certainly don't think that every single codex entry on elven myths should be automatically assumed to be about Solas. 😂 That being said, I can't help but feel like there's a connection to be made when looking at this other ancient inscription, that can be found in the final chamber of the Solasan Temple:

Faintly carved into the stone is a figure bound in chains. Two other figures have turned their gaze from the central image.

The script below the image is ancient, though Solas is able to provide a partial translation:

Pride in our accomplishments and in our hearts. That same pride became (a word meaning corrupted or altered) within him, he sought to claim (indecipherable), cast from favor and so he was bound.

Hidden from mortal eyes, death lies within.

To me, this text always seemed to perfectly match up with the ancient writing in Mythal's temple. A person being judged for claiming (godhood?)/daring to fly in the shape of the divine (a dragon?), put in chains and "bound" as punishment (by Elgar'nan?). And again, there are two figures involved. If the events of these writings do connect, was this "sinner" the one belonging to Dirthamen, taking wings by the urging of Ghilan'nain and them now silently accepting Elgar'nan's judgement, making those two the "figures turning their gaze"?

The thing is, if I'm presented with an ancient elven text about someone's PRIDE being corrupted in a place called SOLASAN temple, how in the world am I NOT supposed to draw an immediate connection to Solas here? 😂 I'm not saying that the sinner in this story had to be him per se, but if the age-old theory about Solas having been a spirit of Wisdom once who somehow turned into Pride is true, then there's still the question of how or why exactly this corruption occurred? And, if anything, the story of this sinner would provide at least one possibility for what happened to someone who had been corrupted in ancient times.

"Cast from favor and so he was bound."

If Cole's cryptic comments in Trespasser are actually about Solas (and Mythal?), then it's safe to say that Solas was himself bound ("He left a scar when he burned her off his face"), which does make SO much sense, considering that he values free will above everything, his furious reaction to the Well of Sorrows is SO telling, oh and also, he lead a motherflippin Slave Rebellion. 😂

But if we're looking for further potential connections between Dirthamen, Ghilan'nain and Solas... Well, Dirthamen is not only called the Keeper of Secrets, but is also always associated with sharing wisdom, knowledge and giving counsel to those in need. His symbols also include two ravens. Wolf and raven being known for pretty cool 80s synthwave music having a special bond in many real life myths and legends.

And Ghilan'nain is the only elven god we know of who was a "huntress of the People" before she ascended to become the youngest of the elven pantheon (possibly because of her relationship with Andruil or her ability to "create" things). As far as we know, Solas was also one of the People before he "became" Fen'Harel. So they were very much alike in that sense.

There's also the tale in which Fen'Harel gets captured by Andruil, because he had angered her by “hunting the halla without her blessing”. Some people have taken this to mean that Solas made a move on Ghilan'nain or that they had something going, so naturally, given that Andruil and Ghilan'nain are believed to have also been lovers, she was not very amused about that. lol (Which would make the rest of the story even funnier, where Andruil declared to “punish” him by making him “serve in her bed for a year and a day to pay her back”. lmao)

Which brings us finally back to the mural in The Missing volume 3, that could depict Andruil and Ghilan'nain embracing each other, perhaps even romantically (btw, if you want to know why I think so, check out my post on volume 3. :D).

I kinda joked about it at first, but if we assume that this mural was actually made by Solas as well, then you do have to wonder why he would even choose to paint such an intimate moment between Ghilan'nain and Andruil, people he arguably despises? Though it'll be interesting to learn what their relationship was like before his rebellion and Mythal's murder. I mean, who knows, maybe the before-mentioned tale actually happened and all three of them made out afterwards (willingly or not). 😂 (I mean, we're still talking about immortal beings here, so what else are they gonna do all day? lol) Or maybe Solas was just the Evanuris' personal portrait/mural painter at one point. lol

Anyway, to conclude, all of this is partially why I assumed for the longest time, that the two figures seen in the 2020 teaser mural could be Ghilan'nain and Dirthamen (also the fact that Dirthamen's vallaslin matched up perfectly with the silhouette of the right figure and obviously everything about Ghilan'nain and her horrifying experiments in Tevinter Nights).

...but with everything we've learned since then, I'm now actually leaning more towards it being Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan (if you want to know why, I highly recommend watching this fantastic analysis!).

The only thing that still kinda irks me with this, is the fact that the only elven god that's known for wielding a spear like this is actually Andruil.

However, it is super suspicious to me how the "goddess" seen in this concept art seems to break out of what looks like huge ocean waves and how this "grey sludge stuff" from Ghil's ancient "pools" in Tevinter Nights was described to have "smelled like the ocean" AND the mention of (capital P) Pride in elven myths having "stopped Ghilan'nain's hand when she was about to destroy her creatures of the deep sea". 👀👀 (Also, is it just me or does the figure in the 2020 mural look like she's having algae hanging down her headpiece? Not to mention the tentacles. lol) So there's that.

Also, and I know this is the silliest reason, but I don't know if BioWare would expect new or casual players to keep up with all these long "complicated" elven names, since "Ghilan'nain" and "Elgar'nan" do sound kinda similar and people might get them mixed up. lmao So having Elgar'nan and Andruil might be a bit more distinguishable, just for the sake of making it a little easier for new players lol (I mean, they have changed names before to avoid this problem, like when the Tevinter city "Qarinus" was turned into "Ventus" because it sounded too similar to "Qunari", I think? 😂).

I don't know if any of this actually answered your question, I feel like I got carried away by like a mile. 😂 I don't know how I got from "D'Read Koda" on the vinyl to tentacles, but here we are. 😂 Those are my thoughts on.... a lot of stuff. lol

[mclwcc]

still in utter bafflement that people thought as piasco was unfolding that oscar’s decision to go mclaren, a team that was on the upward trajectory ever since 2018, over renault works team, a known disaster class since pre-historic times, was a dumb move. wym?? people at that time did not have all the info about how alpine absolutely fumbled 2 contracts, on top of otmar controlling the narrative, throwing around words like “loyalty”, it would have still been a better decision, because it gave oscar the opportunity to prove himself against a highly rated driver like lando, instead of pierre whose record is not perfect. hell, had everything that alpine lied about around oscar was correct, meaning that say he was ghosting them after promising to drive, it still was the correct decision 😭

hmm. im not actually sure if i agree w you, because i don't think the difference between renault and mclaren was actually that cut and dry. when daniel moved from renault to mclaren in 2020 ppl called it a sideways move, and for good reason. since id say 2019 at least, mclaren and renault had been in the upper midfield and in direct competition with each other. 2022, the year of the piasco, alpine beat mclaren in the wcc (mostly bc of daniel shitting the absolute bed, but still). the length of time since theyve been successful was kind of equivalent (renault's last wdc is 2006, mclaren's is 2008), and arguably renault hadnt recently had a period of such despairing backmarker incompetence as mclaren had circa 2017 (they're having it now tho, lol. oops). so to anyone looking alpine seemed like a reliable midfielder which had been floating around 5th place in the wcc since like 2017, while mclaren had had the epic highs and lows (of high school football) and was now looking as if it had clearly gotten the new regs all wrong.

THAT SAID. alpine is run by french people. so, you know, that's an important factor to consider

at the time, before learning abt the absolute legal / bureocratic incompetence that drove oscar away, i still objectively thought oscar had made a good choice – but thats bc im a big ol mclarenhead and also biased against alpine. i didn't trust the management of otmar szafnauer or the rest of alpine's higher-ups (rightfully so lol), and i knew enough about the things mclaren were saying to believe that we'd have a change in fortune long-term after the wind tunnel was finished. still like, when 2023 came along and mclaren were clearly backmarkers if not the slowest car on the grid, in retrospect i understand the ppl who made fun of oscar for turning down alpine's offer (and in such a dramatic fashion too, lol). im obviously laughing in all of their faces currently, but yk, i get it ig

also re: proving himself against lando, i think ur accidentally forgetting which frenchie was actually in the other alpine seat LMAO he wouldve gone against ocon, not gasly (i shudder to think of the gasly-to-mclaren alternate universe dear god). i rate ocon i think he's an alright driver but ig my question is more like, why would it be in the interest of a rookie to go against what couldve been a teammate-killer*? like look at alex - his reputation was hugely damaged when he went against max, then his stock HUGELY boosted when he was paired up with latifi and sargeant. north american loserboy pay drivers are necessary to the economy of the f1 paddock bc they make everyone going against them look sooooo good lmao. if anything oscar's reputation wouldve probably benefited more from going up against a race winner like ocon (or gasly if ur suggesting mclaren wouldve tried to get ocon instead, which wouldve been difficult but marginally more rewarding for them) (and less of a nightmare for me) who he couldve possibly actually convincingly beat.

all that considered like. fundamentally oscar DID make the right choice. and not just bc mclaren is a frontrunner big 3 now and alpine has barely gotten any points this year, bc f1 is a game of chance and u never know where any team will actually end up in next year's order. so even ignoring that, oscar made the right choice bc of what he himself has said time and time again - he enjoys and appreciates being wanted. alpine kept him in the attic like that dusty broken air mattress u only bring out when u've got one too many guests for the sleepover. meanwhile, mclaren broke daniel's contract and paid like 20mil partly just so they could secure oscar's seat before anyone else snatched him up. oscar had literally already signed the mcl contract before fernando announced his shock departure. he did not believe his alpine seat was secured or even available at all - there were talks of loaning him to williams or whatever and like out of everyone THATS a team that cant escape its reputation for perpetual floppage lmao. so fundamentally mclaren was in the right to try to secure his contract and oscar was in the right for trying to get out of being the understudy of an old man who doesnt ever seem to want to stop driving.

*i dont actually think lando is a teammate killer, even if he's obviously performing substantially better than oscar up until this point. i think hes unfortunately just a ricciardo-killer lol

[xplrvibes]

favorite individual photoshoots of Sam and Colby? Like what's your favorite photoshoot of just Sam and what's your favorite photoshoot of just Colby?

I had to go back and look through their instagrams for this and you know what? I have completely forgotten some of these shoots existed...so thanks for the unintentional trip down memory lane! 🥂

Putting this all behind a cut as it got wordy and includes a few examples. And before you click "read more" please remember that these are opinions and not laws.

Colby:

Colby had this whole era going where he was working with a photographer named Sparks (aka Shelby) who does very dark themed photoshoots and to me, they were all so fitting of his whole aesthetic and Sparks had a knack for capturing him perfectly. You could tell she made him comfortable, and that was what he needed to deliver, I think - comfortability in the person putting him in these ridiculous photoshoot situations, lol.

Obviously, a lot of people would probably go with the one that birthed the infamous Billie Eilish "Bad Guy" reel and solid choice...but I personally liked all the ones from his 2020 mustache era. He was rocking that mustache and his little abs and his little dramatic face in all of those photos, and they were firing on all cylinders. I've learned that this is a hot take, but this one in particular was always one of my favorites, and I don't know why:

I just think it's aesthetically pleasing, I don't know.

As a sidenote, but Colby really should have done some modeling, or worked with Sparks in some of her other campaigns. He really has the whole dramatic smolder thing down, and she really knew how to make it work in a way that resonated well.

Sam:

This is going to be another hot take (and one I've gotten in trouble for in the past) but fuck it, we ride: I prefer it when Sam posts natural photos of himself, like organic photos where he's out living his life, versus his professional photoshoots.

It's the one eye closed, tongue out pose and the hipster outfits that don't agree with me. Sorry lol.

Anyway, I like the "photoshoots" where he's out living his life and one of his friends has taken the photos. I think he is best photographed in his natural, comfortable element where he's happy and enjoying himself.

Case in point, something like this:

He has such a happy smile when he's just being himself. That's what I like to see.

Now, if you want me to pick a favorite from the actual professional (aka non-Colby lol) shoots he's done, I do think this one is cool:

It captures him about as well as any of his organic photos does and he looks comfortable here, which is a plus.

But pick any of his instagram pics from their travels where he's just happy and comfortable, and I probably like those better.

[yoonia]

Hey Dia, I meant to add this to my last ask but have you ever had (or do you have) any desire to write a seven deadly sins AU at some point? And if you do, do you know who you would cast as who? And if it’s cool sharing with you, I have 2 different fic outlines; one I made back in 2020 and another one more recently (which is a remake more or less).

From what I’ve read in the past, a lot of times the members (as the embodiments of the 7 sins) are portrayed as being pure evil and stuff, which isn’t bad by any means. If I ever write my own fic though, I would probably do something slightly different. Like yeah, I’d likely write the members as the embodiments of the 7 sins (like other fics) and maybe they would appear evil at first, but I would also probably humanize them and then get redeemed. Another idea I’ve had in mind is writing them as separate stories with different OCs, but they would all be in 1 book and in the same universe.

As for who I would cast as each of the sins, I’m still figuring it out. Like, I’d probably cast someone with a sin that would either be the polar opposite of their personality irl, or just simply choose one that I think the members give vibes of. For example, I’ve thought about associating Yoongi with the sin of sloth because he’s known to be a hard-working person, which would make a nice contrast. But in more recent memory, now I think he gives off a lot more wrath vibes. I mean, look at his solo albums. He’s savage spitfire straight up, lol. But hey, that’s just my opinion 😉

I was inspired from a video I saw on a YouTube channel called “school of life”. If you’re curious, you should totally look up their seven deadly sins video. Even if you don’t have plans to write a fic on this au, I’d still give it a watch. It really goes deep in depth with how the 7 sins align from a psychological perspective.

Anyway, take care again!💜

(Actually, come to think of it, it’s good that I sent this ask separately because I tend to underestimate how much I tend to write when sending messages, haha…😅)

Don't worry about sending long messages haha I always love it when you come and share with me your ideas and stories since they're so creative. You know, I always love the idea of portraying the members as the seven deadly sins. I know I've read some of the good ones written in the past under this same trope.

I also love your idea about writing them as the embodiment of the seven sins but not at all evil. I think it'll be more interesting to write something more human out of this trope, since a lot what I've seen always lean towards a darker theme. Which is understandable since they are meant to be sins.

As a matter of fact, I did plan a series based on the seven deadly sins. It was published for a while (with only one story out) before I decided not to continue it. The series was called Ghostown which is now saved in my archive, and it was meant to be progressively darker as the chapters continue. I didn't specify which sins the members were in the masterlist since I was planning to do a little game with the readers and have them guess who was which, but things didn't go as planned because I've discontinued it since. Here's the overall role placements though if you're interested (under cut because spoilers lol)

Gosh, you got me opening an old draft again haha. I also only realised now that I named Jungkook's part as Dreamers...long before his song came out...and I mean looonnng ago lol

Anyway, I fully support you for writing this idea if you ever get the chance to. I also always love the concept of writing different stories in one universe. It just gives us a different kind of experience when you create an entire universe that way with interlinked stories made in it.

ps. Yoongi as wrath??? I'm seeing it. I think the character he portrayed in Hageum MV totally showed this side of him.

[milkbreadtoast]

more oc doodles... tested a braid for him!! also made the butterfly motif more obvious w the butterfly clips... i rly wanted him to have them but rarely drew him from the back so...

this post is kinda short so gonna post some old art w commentary under the cut bc i dont think i posted them here before🤧 thought i did but....

(oct 2020) happy to see visible improvement from then heh... this is where i first got him closer to his current design/palette + decided on the purple/yellow palette and the inverting eye color idea... normally pretty and shiny but w a creepy spotted butterfly eye look when using his powers (simplified the dots to just 3 in his current design)...

more recent doodles (apr 2022)... these r cute tbh i like the 2nd pic, he looks so fluffy + u can see the butterfly hairtie... but i still wasnt satisfied w his design...

in my most recent attempt at designing him(aug 2023) i changed several things... made his bangs longer for a more elegant look(which is actually closer to how it was before)... figured out how to draw his eyes + eyebrows better + more consistent(had been going back n forth btwn double/mono eyelids and thick/thin eyebrows... finally settled on sleepy double eyelids + thick brows) + i also changed the placement of his moles... (used to be right under his eye; changed to middle of cheek + another near the nose.. aka the txt soobin mole KFJKS I like how this new placement gives him a softer and gentle elegant look?? it's subtle but I like it a lot better... Oh also I made his sideburn locks shorter instead of long and curly and I like this change a lot too... idk it looks cuter to me KJFKS I gave him the long curly ones before bc i thought it'd look more unique but... i decided it's more important that I personally like it rather than just give traits to set him apart... he already looks plenty flashy w his eyes and colors anyway🤧

bonus: another pass from p recently (may 2023) where, unsatisfied and wondering how to fix his design, attempted straying further from prev attempts by testing a middle part (and also a mole near his mouth)... but I was actually getting colder and not warmer.... I don't like these but at least I tested it to know that I don't like it!! u can also see a test doodle of the spiky green guy (hyojun) here lol

And finally, here's 1 of his very first design attempts from way back in aug 2019!!! (u can see early hyojun too...)

This was back when I was just starting to figure the current ver of his chara/personality/role in the story... not fleshed out at all but i at least had a vague idea and this was when I decided he would be purple (instead of other palette ideas i had considered earlier like brown hair, orange coding...) But at this early stage I hadnt come up with the butterfly motif, or the purple/yellow palette (he was purple/magenta here) or darker skin... Tbh I consider this a "beta design" bc theres sm thing that were diff/not decided yet but it's technically the same chara ckdbf

I can't fit any more images ㅠㅠ but u can see more concept sketches in this twitter thread... and yea I was testing an inverted eye concept even back then... I really liked this idea so I didn't want to abandon it, and im happy I made it even better since w the butterfly concept *_*

[bisonaari]

Hi! I'm Bison (she/her but I'll take any pronoun really)

For my Jukka tag, follow the duck 🦆

For my art tag, click here!

For my learning finnish tag, bison learns finnish

For Käärijä fanzine info (until I make actual social media for it), please check my fanzine tag!

OFFICIAL ZINE BLOG IS @kaarijazineofficial

Current stage of fanzine developpment: All done forever 🥰

About me under the cut!

I'm Bison, but my usual username on other social media is Crevettola! (That'll teach me a lesson about making a username five seconds before going to bed lol). My first name would be Eléa !

I'm 31 years old, Canadian/Belgian/French citizen (yes)

I work in the animation industry :) I'm a 2D rigging artist (I make lil cartoon puppets that I don't neither draw myself nor animate myself lmao, I'm just in an organigram and hierarchy software all day)

Mini teeny tiny faq:

@i-wasnt-ready-for-this asked about my art journey:

Oh boy hahaha. So I'm a multicrafter kind of person. I embroider (cross stitch), sew, knit, crochet, and plenty other stuff. When I don't draw, I usually do one of those.

I've always made art since I was a little kid, I made comics, tried to join zines when I was a teen (that didn't work out but I still have the pages somewhere lol), and then my mom asked me to stop art to go into science. So I stopped drawing for 6 years, then fell into Undertale and started drawing fanart like there was no tomorrow and joined animation school for 3 years. (If you're curious you can watch my thesis film here, but be warned, all of it was done by myself so that's why the animation sucks ass lmao. I gave all my focus to rigging to land a job in this area of the industry. Which I did, thanks to this film!!!) That school burnt the living hell out of me and gave me hand injuries, so I can't draw trad anymore or even write more than two minutes without having to stop because of pain. So when I graduated in 2020, I stopped drawing almost completely. Then Käärijä happened and I'm back at it I guess??

Realistic art is my fav thing in the world, transcribing reality in 2D dimension is really my first passion in art. My dad introduced me to charcoal on paper at an early age, and I just never grew out of it I guess haha. People are my fav thing to draw. I find it so relaxing, I'm not a creative person whatsoever as in I don't like to INVENT stuff, so just transcribing shadows without thinking about it gives me peace of mind.

Two examples of the portraits I made before getting back into it this year

This drawing of my mom (graphite on paper) I made in 2009 (I was 18), and a drawing of my grandma (chinamarker on paper) while I was still attending school in 2019 (I was 28)

@c28hunter asked about first, my fav Käärijä outfit. And that's the WORST question can't I just say that I love all of them??????

But really I think the green bolero is just too much of my aesthetic to not reply with that hahaha. Second place would be that damn leather jacket it's BEAUTIFUL

Second question, my fav type of bread. And I a french person I take this answer extremely seriously. My ultimate favourite type of bread is

OLIVE FOUGASSE

Like I never buy any because I know that I'm gonna eat it all by myself in two minutes

[havocspiral]

do you have any evidence about shittyclive being a groomer? genuine question

im glad you asked because he literally groomed me!

note for all of this i am going to be using he/him, i don't keep up with him enough to know exactly what pronouns he uses, if its anything different please tell me and ill update this post. he may be a groomer but im not a twat. also please be patient because my chronological memory is Horrible so i may not remember things in the correct order, but i have all of this written down and i Know that all of this happened

this all happened bc of a server i made called DAAC in ~May 2020 - that's where i met neil and also his friend K (not gonna name em but iykyk), along w a few other people. most of the ppl in that server were obsessed w sexualising me, especially neil. im not abt to put my age on the internet but it was. yknow. not fun, and everyone in that server knew my age btw because i trusted them and did not think that all This would happen (he also drew nsfw stuff and showed it to me)

anyway to cut a very long and unimportant story short, dated a guy, he was crazy, broke up w him and he stalked me march 2021 to ~july 2021, in that time neil attempted to pose as a sort of "protector" and in his OWN WORDS a father figure. side note my stepdad died in feb 2021 and i grieved too much and he dropped a frankly quite ass song abt it but i digress. yeah we got really close knit we were a "father-son" duo and when i tell you the ONLY THING HE TALKED ABOUT WAS SEX i wish i was kidding but our only topics were him telling me abt what he wants to do to his man of the month or how hes suicidal and AGAIN, absolutely inappropriate at the age i was. this lasted for so long that i began to break down entirely and becoming suicidal, also resorting to drinking and hurting myself, even going to crisis teams along with missing a LOT of school because i had become entirely dependent on him. basically he had me on a leash and was using me as a crisis hotline AND a sex hotline. i tried to cut him off multiple times in an emotional state and this obviously wasn't the best thing i couldve done but i literally saw no other choice. oh also during this time he suggested i have DID and i had a counselor for my stepdads death and. god damn he may be a weirdo but he was correct there ill give him that (he did also try to recount my trauma to work out how i worked as a system which. i shouldnt even have to explain how thats just odd)

(another thing i just remembered he sent inappropriate pictures to me and my friend, ill put her recount of it at the end of this)

one day i spoke to K, realised that was i was doing was wrong and attempted to talk about the situation with neil to which he was like. oh yeah i cant do this anymore bye and when i went to tell K he did the same. this was when i was in school which was rare, i just entirely broke down (also worth mentioning every time he told me about being suicidal i mentioned getting a therapist but he said he couldn't and i would also get all shaky and sob uncontrollably and basically be unable to function THATS HOW BAD THE DEPENDENCY WAS) and i had to be picked up bc it was that bad

i texted his instagram begging for at least and explanation and that i loved him and wanted to talk to him again (<- so manipulated it was insane) and he was like yeah but only on weekends and i felt such STRONG RELIEF and then when i went to sleep he went sike lol bye

remember the bf from earlier? yeah he faked his identity multiple times so i (at the time) was used to keeping tabs on people since. stalking. and i didn't want the guy to get the jump on me. so i kept tabs on neil for a bit, which i do regret and am sorry for, and one day he just disappeared? and honestly? i celebrated. also the ex from earlier faked his death multiple times so neils attempt at faking it this way was a dig at that specific incident. it didnt really work because i think about a day ish later he admitted to my friend (the same one from earlier, ill call her V) that he did it and wasnt dead

then he "apologised" to me and while i may not have screenshots for the most part he mentions what he did in the apology which is just. outright admission FROM HIM about what he did. he also admitted the apology was a total lie on his blog which i find funny because he frames it as a "gotcha" when i didnt even accept the apology?

also found out from an anonymous person who knew neil that apparently hes meeting up w people and also is violent w his friends which. ew

ok heres the evidence

(censored parts are for my own safety)

[wavesmp3]

some of my fave rbs or asks or comments ive received... thank you all :) - no need for anyone to respond or anything to this, just really wanted to put this together more for myself - i doubt most of your remember these but i do heh [more under the cut, and perhaps lil notes too depending on the comment]

the first three!! major huge moments for me. from sha (@dinoshaur) one of the first comments i received on a work that wasn't fanfic exactly. meant the world to me then, and still does now. | from @redevenir the very very first comment (i believe) i ever ever received on the sea is yours to take,, it's been nearly 4 years since i first posted that piece and people still somehow find it, and it all started with that rb | and from choco ! @chocosvt one of the very first comments/rbs i got when i started properly writing on tumblr in 2020, this got the ball rolling on what became (and still is) such a dear passion/hobby of mine (also also can you believe i still use the mlist banner that choco oh so kindly made for me ages ago LOL its beautiful, i'll never get rid of it as long as this blog exists

and moment of silence for my old url :0

the first one... when another line of mine is quoted in another piece of mine's comments... head in hands forever. 2/3 of these were left by @gracefulweather (one for sure is, and i think the uquiz comment was also left by them but not sure) but thank you either way sherri!! | the second sc tbh i don't remember who left it but it was on tsiytt and it made me feel like i achieved something in crafting that world. although i may never revisit that world in writing, i revisit it often in my mind.

flower anon your comments meant so much to me, i hope youre still out there somewhere doing well :) | and to the other anon that left the second one, i was speechless and honored to reach that ask

@hhjs amal's comments have always made me feel like im doing something otherworldly which isn't true at all but i will forever love rereading their tags. also just amal's mind in general, i wanna pick your brain forever

n! i already made an emo missing n post but here are some comments from them lol. and the last one!!! me and water <3333 when people starting associating me with water/ocean/sea/waves too <333333

@heavenlyhaechan zahra!!! there were so many ones i could have put here but this one seemed to sum it all up. you get me :p if you see this, i hope you've been well :))

@dapingu the first and third one are just ones that make me giggle still LOL and then the second one is one that i hold so so close to me cause i had absolutely no idea if anyone would read that piece but then you did ! and you left this comment even after the fact too! i was so touched. i feel like i should personally apologize for making no moves to continue the series (and probably also for deactivating the gifts and sins blog) BUT thank you nonetheless. and as a added bonus you never failed to make me laugh so thank you also for that

@thepixelelf ursa!!!! the first one is horribly cut off but is prob one of my fave notes you ever left on a fic of mine (battling also with that one sunwoo recovery files style inspired drabble) and then ofc i couldn't not mention the 'boo you whore' comment :D also so glad to have you on this site still and to have your friendship and to look at bees and bears and think of you :) you mean the world to me

@kabira manx i think the fact that there are so many screenshots here speaks for itself like... i just simply could not bring myself to pick one !!! i am so lucky to have found you on here. i think in a way you helped me find out what i was good at and what i liked about my own writing before i even figured it out myself <3

@sagescaffeinemania the first one made me laugh and the second one makes me emo. feels like a declaration of love in way but i don't mean that in a weird way LOL i think your support on oasis singlehandedly introduced so many others to that piece, how can i ever thank you for that? and i apologize if i haven't even attempted a thank you yet

@cuppasunu KYU your bulleted comments on my silly long fics always meant so much to me ,, i know its been a very very long time but i hope you've been well

@blossom-hwa lina! best for last some might say. i mean you must know how much that oasis rb meant to me right? because it means the world. i think you calmed every doubt i had about that piece and lifted even higher everything i loved about it too. and the first sc esp, i couldn't have said it all better myself. that scene felt like i risk when i was writing it and im so glad it played out the way i was hoping it to and not the dreadful other way lol | and as for the second screenshot. really i think i love that comment because of how you wrote it more than what you said about the piece if that makes sense. one can tell from that little paragraph alone what a writer(!) you are. i love rereading that comment but i think i mainly just love reading your writing lol (dont think im not making my way through worn out soles)