#but I don't anymore cause I'm afraid of her boyfriend not liking it even if he knows there is and there never was anything between us

[disfrutalakia]

Nobody tells you how lonely it is to hang out with your irl friends when you're the only one who is not dating, the conversation eventually always turns into them talking about their boyfriends and you have nothing to add

I'm happy for my friends of course, but it is lonely all the same

[sanarsi]

But daddy, I love him!

older boyfriend!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Your controversial old boyfriend is back from his deployment. Your father is against your relationship. Or Joel fucks you on his motorcycle. Warnings: +18, MDNI, angst, arguing, age gap (reader is 20, Joel is 40), ex-soldier!boyfriend!Joel, rough sex, unprotected PIV, pussy eating, dirty talk, dom!Joel, motorcycle sex, daddy kink, pet names (daddy, sir, baby girl, good girl), hair pulling, no-outbreak AU and no-Sarah Wordcount: 4,5k An: My boyfriend’s back, and he’s cooler than ever. This text inspired me to write this wonder. Hope you enjoyed bestiesss <3 Music I worked with: Lust For Life - Lana Del Rey, The Weeknd

Masterlist

One message made your heart fill with warmth and your lips formed the most sincere smile in months.

Joel: I'm back.

The same message also caused hell in your house.

Screams echoed throughout the house for almost an hour. Your throat and eyes hurt.

Another dose of hot tears ran down your cheeks as you tried to convince your father to let you meet with Joel.

With your controversial old boyfriend who you met right after your eighteenth birthday. And the whole world could be against your love but you didn't care. After all, it was with him that you experienced the most beautiful things in your life.

He was the one who treated you like his princess the moment your father stopped.

"I forbid you!" Another scream from your father echoed through the kitchen.

Your mother was sitting at the kitchen island drinking soothing herbs. She hadn't said a word for several minutes. Just stared blankly into space.

She wasn't defending you.

She was on her husband's side.

Not on her own daughter's.

"I'm not sixteen anymore so you can forbid me from doing something!"

"You're my daughter! I have the right to forbid you from making the biggest mistake of your life!"

And that's how this conversation looked from the moment it started. From the moment your father accidentally saw a message on your phone.

If it weren't for your inattention, you would be sitting in your room now, waiting for another message. Happy that you're about to see your beloved after a few months of separation. Without letting your parents know where you're going, who you're with, and when you're coming back.

"He's not a mistake!" you screamed, more tears streaming down your neck. Your preparation for the meeting went to hell. You looked like seven disasters. Mascara smudged under your eyes, irritated eyes, tears that had washed off your makeup.

Everything was wrong.

Father snorted dryly at your words, sending you an amused look. It hurt.

"Child, this man is using you. He's manipulating you because you're young and stupid," he growled in disgust.

You blinked a few times, not knowing if it was your heart that broke or the cup your mother had dropped. You stared at the man who raised you and was once the most important person in the world to you.

It was amazing how time can change everything.

"Is that what you think of me?" you asked, smiling sadly. "That I am stupid because I fell in love with someone who treats me like an equal? ​​Shows me respect and understanding?" you said, your voice breaking more and more.

"Oh, please," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "Do you really believe that a guy my age can love you and not just want you in his bed?" There was simply hatred in his gaze. There was no compassion or understanding. In his eyes, you were a stupid and disobedient girl.

You snorted sadly, shrugging your shoulders.

"I don't know, you used to," you replied with venom.

The kitchen fell silent. Your mother was afraid to even look up at you. And your father seemed to be on the verge of madness. He was breathing heavily, looking at you with something dark in his eyes.

You felt the vibration of your phone in your pocket and your heart immediately beat faster.

He had arrived.

"Get out of my sight," he growled, pointing his finger towards the stairs leading to your bedroom.

It was a pity that you didn't intend to go back there. Not after the hatred with which your own family treated you. If they could, they would have disowned you and everything you represented.

But looking at your parents, who were together out of habit and not love, you were glad that you were different than they wanted you to be. You weren't the one who was unhappy. You weren't the one who cheated on your partner at the first opportunity. You weren't the one who fell asleep after an argument about who was the worse person.

You loved and were loved.

"With pleasure," you said angrily and left the kitchen.

But instead of going to your room, you went to the hall to put on your shoes and take your backpack. It was amazing that you had packed everything you needed in it.

All your belongings.

"Where are you going?" he shouted, following you.

"I'm getting out of your sight. Just like you wanted," you said indifferently and with one movement you opened the door. You didn't pay attention to how hard the wooden board hit the wall when you went outside.

Your gaze immediately fell on the end of the sidewalk to the man sitting on the motorcycle.

Time stopped for a moment.

There was only him, smoking a cigarette in peace. A gentle wind blew his flannel shirt, jeans hugged his legs and gel held his slowly graying hair perfectly.

He looked even better than you remembered.

Broad shoulders and muscles tensed under the dark green material. The same wrinkle between his eyebrows and that tired look that immediately lit up at the sight of you.

Your father's screams didn't reach your ears.

There was only the strong beating of your heart and that smirk you missed. You felt butterflies in your stomach as you watched him throw the cigarette butt on the ground and reach behind him for helmet.

The helmet he bought specially for you.

"You're not going anywhere with that man," your father growled, tugging on your elbow to get your attention.

That was enough for the endless moment to end.

You looked at him over your shoulder with a hateful look and yanked your hand out of his grip.

"Try to stop me," you said defiantly.

Your father knew who Joel was. And he might have doubted your love, but he couldn't doubt that Joel was capable of protecting you.

That's why when you saw a spark of hesitation in his eyes, you immediately took the opportunity and ran towards the motorcycle.

"Get back here!" he shouted, running after you. Joel started the motorcycle as if on cue. You grabbed the helmet he held out to you and quickly sat down behind him. Your fingers trembled as you try to buckled it.

"I wouldn't come any closer if I were you."

You shivered when you heard the voice you missed so much. You looked up at Joel who was just sending a warning look to your father. The tension between them sent shivers down your spine.

"You're disgusting," he hissed.

Joel snorted under his breath and smiled widely. With superiority.

"Nah, your daughter thinks I'm pretty good," he teased. Your breathing quickened when you finally managed to get the clasp off and you hugged him tightly around the waist. "See ya," he winked, amused at the state he left your father in.

Anger seethed in him and if he could, he would have started to boil. But you couldn't see it anymore because Joel, with a roar of his motor, drove away from your house. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you could barely catch your breath, let alone know what was going on around you. Your arms tightened around him as you pressed your cheek against his back.

Feeling him again after so many months was a completely different experience. It was better than getting high after rehab.

His scent was intoxicating. He smelled like a man you would trust with your life. His muscles felt like a place you never wanted to leave again.

He was like home.

"Hi, baby," he said tenderly, placing his hand on your thigh. You felt shivers when he started stroking your leg in that caring way. He laughed quietly feeling your body tremble.

Everything around you became quieter.

"I missed you."

"Yeah?" he asked teasingly.

"Mhm," you nodded hugging him tighter to which he tightened his hand on your thigh.

"I missed you too."

You smiled at his words which made warmth spread through you.

He missed you.

And suddenly everything in your head calmed down.

All unwanted thoughts and worries disappeared.

There was only the sound of the motorcycle, the wind whistling over your skin, his body against yours and the view of green fields.

You felt good again.

Safe.

"Do you have everything with you?" he asked, calmly leading the way. You nodded. "Just your backpack?"

"Yeah," you replied, swallowing hard. The change in tone didn't escape his notice. He removed his hand from your thigh and slowly ran it over your hand on his stomach.

"That's good. I have more room to maneuver with the gifts," he said with a smile, then took your hand and pulled it to his mouth, placing a gentle kiss on it. You shivered at the feeling of his lips and beard on your skin.

You didn't even realize how much you missed it. His words, as always, brought you comfort.

He always took care of you.

From the moment he decided to save you from the aggressive guy at the club. From the moment his worried eyes met your terrified gaze.

From the moment he offered to walk you home after that, you always felt safe with him.

It took so little to fall in love with him.

His gentle smile, warm gaze, and careful touch were enough.

"Want to show you somethin’, sweet girl."

Then there was only a loud growl, acceleration and a tighter grip on his body. The landscape slowly passed before your eyes as you drove fast through almost empty roads.

A feeling straight out of a movie.

That's how you felt all the time when he was around.

His gaze was always on you, making you hot and butterflies in your stomach. With him, you were the main character. Always. Even when you argued, all he wanted was for you to stop looking at him with pain in your eyes.

He treated you like his princess.

Only to treat you like a whore at night.

And he was the best at it.

Motor began to slow down so you lifted your cheek from his back to look around. You were on top of some mountain. The view of the forests and the city stretched in the distance. You had never been here before. You didn't even know this place existed even though you had lived here your whole life.

Joel stopped, turning off the engine and patted your thigh. You knew what to do so you deftly jumped off the seat.

There was silence all around, interrupted by the singing of birds. It was peaceful. Perfect.

You took off your helmet and hung it on the handlebars. A strong arm immediately wrapped around your hips, pulling you closer. You bumped into Joel's hard chest and gave him an innocent look that immediately made him start to harden in his jeans.

His gaze began to carefully examine every inch of your face, as if he was seeing you up close for the first time. But you hadn't changed even a little. The same shiny eyes, firm skin and delicious lips.

His fingers ran down your neck, sending shivers down your spine. A smirk bloomed on his lips as he felt you still react so intensely to his proximity.

You were so damn soft under his rough touch.

"Will you smile for me?" he asked, grabbing your chin. As if on cue, you couldn't help but smile. "That's my girl," he praised, returning your smile. "That's what I missed the most." His thumb slowly ran over your skin until it caught your lower lip. "And that," he added and without waiting, he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. You closed your eyes immediately, melting in his arms.

The longed-for and deep kiss he gave you, easily made your knees tremble. You slowly embraced his neck, pulling him even closer, thirsty for his closeness.

His attention.

His tenderness.

A quiet sigh escaped your lips into his when he tightened his hand on your hip. His touch was domineering and his lips dominant. His desire for you didn't decrease even a little, it actually increased.

You felt a slap on your butt and his fingers digging hard into your skin. You moaned, thirsty for more.

More of his hands on your body.

More kisses on your warm skin.

More of him.

“I missed those sweet sounds of yours,” he whispered against your lips as he slowly pulled away with a blissful smile. You caught your breath licking your swollen lips, and your eyes began to sparkle again as you looked at him.

Unlike you, he had changed.

He had more wrinkles around his eyes. His hair was starting to lose its shine and his beard was turning grey.

He was aging before your eyes.

“You were supposed to go to war, not to a beauty salon,” you said biting your lip to hide your growing smile.

He snorted, looking away for a moment in amusement. This sound was enough to make your stomach clench pleasantly. His smile was the most beautiful sight you could have after so many months of emptiness.

“Are you teasing your old man? Naughty,” he smacked his lips disapprovingly and squeezed your butt harder before he let go of you.

You took a step back, letting him get off the bike. He straightened with a soft groan as his spine cracked.

“I guess it’s been a while since anyone gave you a massage,” you said teasingly as he slowly walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Unfortunately, where I was, there weren’t any masseuses as pretty as you,” he teased, wrinkling his nose as he leaned down to place a soft kiss on your lips.

A few soft kisses.

You giggled as he started kissing your cheek and neck, teasing you with his stubble.

“I have something for you,” he whispered, straightening up and reaching under the collar of his shirt.

A soft jingle caught your attention.

The sun reflected off the silver dog tag that hung between you.

“This was my last mission,” he announced, placing the necklace around your neck this time. “I’m yours now.”

Those words hit you like a bucket of cold water. You blinked a few times, looking at the dog tag. The embossed letters with his data gleamed in the sunlight like a promise. Such a little piece of metal that meant so much. So much to him and now, so much to you.

He belonged to you now.

Your heart almost fell out of your chest when he grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him again.

“Now I can take care of you properly.”

The gentleness and certainty with which he said it made you dizzy. And suddenly all those months of waiting turned out to be worth every minute.

Just so he can come back to you, giving yourself on an open hand.

“Will you accept me?”

Willyouacceptmewillyouacceptmewillyouacceptme.

It's the same as 'will you marry me'.

You stared at him expectantly, slowly starting to lose your breath. Did he really- No, he can’t. Or can he?

Joel saw the confusion in your eyes. You were only twenty, you had barely started living an adult life, and he was offering you something that was an obligation until the very end.

And maybe he was old, he didn't have as much strength and will to live as he once did, but he wanted you.

He wanted to take care of you.

He wanted you to be able to rely on him in everything.

So that you wouldn't be afraid to ask him to buy an extra pack of jelly beans or to kill a man for you.

He wanted to help you get through life, protecting you from anything that could hurt you.

“Say yes, my love,” he whispered, stroking your cheek.

Your silence began to drag on. But you didn’t think about the answer. You tried to understand what happiness had just reached you.

“Say yes and I will never let you worry about anything again.”

He needed to hear your consent even though he saw the answer on your face. That's why he wasn't afraid to wait when you were silent for a long time.

He leaned down and gently brushed his nose against yours. His hot breath mixed with yours and even such a small thing made you shiver.

"Say yes and be mine," he whispered, tilting his head so he could run his lips over yours.

Gently like the beating of a butterfly's wings.

Your eyelids began to droop from the feeling of warmth he began to surround you with.

"Y-"

And that was enough for his hand to tangle in your hair, holding you tightly as he pressed his lips painfully against yours.

You moaned, wincing as your teeth clashed and his tongue immediately entered your mouth. Only now could you feel the desire from longing for you.

He kissed hard but slowly, passionately.

He kissed so that you felt a tingling between your thighs.

The tingling quickly turned to excitement as he pulled closer your hips until you could feel his hard cock. You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck as he gently rubbed himself against you with a soft groan.

After that, everything happened quickly. You had no idea how you ended up on the seat of a motorcycle, without any shorts or panties, while making out with him. But you don’t mind. As long as his hands gripped your body like that, you didn't care about anything.

He growled softly, his fingers gripping your thighs tighter. His thumbs were close to your little slice of heaven, sensually massaging your skin.

And you might have been wet before, but now you were leaking onto the seat.

Joel didn't care that he made a mess. He didn't care about the teeth marks he left on your skin as he went lower and lower. He didn't care about how his cock painfully dug into his jeans, wanting to get out.

He cared about how hard your nipples were standing before he even ran his warm tongue over them.

The animalistic groan that escaped your throat made his balls ache.

"Fuck baby, I haven't even started with you yet and my cock is about to fall off," he mumbled without stopping sucking on your nipple.

Another wave of arousal hit your clit, allowing more juices to flow out of your hole and between your ass cheeks. His teeth began to tease your already oversensitive nipple, making you whimper.

"Joel, please."

He loved hearing your pleas. How beautifully his name sounded on your lips when you were possessed by pleasure. And Joel never refused you. So after a moment he was kneeling in front of you, gripping your thighs, forcing you to spread your legs even wider for him.

“Oh, fuck me,” he groaned at the sight of your cunt. Wet, leaking and throbbing, just for him. “Daddy’s home.”

And he dove in, collecting with his tongue everything that leaked out of your hole with gusto. You moaned loudly watching as he greeted your pussy. Groans of pleasure left his throat every time another dose of your arousal appeared on his tongue.

Like a thirsty man, he dove his tongue into you and your loud moans mingled into one. All your blood began to flow to that one small point, which after a moment was between his lips.

He sucked on your clit with a purr and allowed himself to give it a moment of attention. He made slow circles with his tongue and your legs began to tremble.

"I'm gonna come," you warned him, panting heavily. He glanced up at you, not taking his mouth off you, and you could have sworn that this view should be immortalized in a museum. You could watch for hours as he knelt thirsty in front of you to eat you.

The grimace of pleasure on your face only made his balls boil. He ran his tongue along the length of your slit and sucked on your clit again. You whimpered as you felt your orgasm approaching.

You didn't even have to try, because a wave of pleasure hit you a moment later when he bit down on your nerve nub. Fucking nirvana you could feel again after a few months of separation.

You shuddered, pushing your hips into him as he rode you through your orgasm for as long as he could.

And only when he cleaned everything that had flowed out of you, he let you breathe. He stood up with a quiet groan and immediately reached for his belt.

"My balls are about to fall off because of you, princess," he joked with a quiet snort. You breathed heavily as you watched him unzip his fly and reach under his underwear.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled out his painfully hard cock, which quivered at the contact with the outside world. You swallowed hard as you saw another drop of precum flowing from his head. He pumped it slowly a few times and approached you, positioning himself perfectly between your legs.

He held his cock firmly at the base and with a hiss of satisfaction he slammed it perfectly into your clit a few times. You whimpered, clenching around nothing.

"Yeah, just like that."

He guided the tip down and ran it between your wet slit. His head was soft and warm so your body didn't resist as he slowly pushed a few inches into you. You began to breathe harder, watching as he slowly disappeared deeper and deeper into your pussy.

Joel moaned in satisfaction, feeling your hole accept him perfectly smoothly. As if she was just waiting for his cock to fill her up again.

“Oh god,” you gasped, already feeling full but you could see he had to go in a few more inches. You clenched on him in warning and he grabbed your hips tightly to hold you in place as he slowly pushed deeper into you.

“Good girls take everything their daddies give them,” he gasped, watching you helplessly look at the spot where you were connecting. “You’re a good girl, right?”

You squealed, pressing your lips together tightly and nodding your head eagerly. His cock made you not know if it was better to breathe or not. Joel smiled, pleased with your reaction and with one hard movement, he pushed himself all the way into you. You moaned like a wounded animal as your eyes rolled back and your head fell back.

“Fuck yeah,” he groaned in pleasure, feeling your pussy clench around him in welcome.

And then it started.

His hips slowly pulled back only to thrust hard into you. Joel was never gentle with sex. And you never thought you'd like it. But you did.

His fingers dug hard into your flesh as his hips began to painfully slam against yours. You were barely able to stay in your seat. The loud moans had already scared away the birds and his growls had scared away all other animals. He was pounding his rock hard cock into you, causing more and more juices to spill from your hole.

The wet sound echoed around every time he thrust into you. And he didn't care that you couldn't catch your breath. He didn't care that you had nothing left to scream for. You just existed. Taking everything he gave you. Like a regular fuck doll.

"Fuckin’ take it," he growled.

You slowly started to choke but that only intensified the pleasure that accompanied his cock as he drove it into you all the way. He watched you struggle with the overwhelming feeling of bliss that he gave you. He loved seeing you like this.

His cock literally took your breath away.

But then his thumb appeared on your clit and you automatically gasped for air. You tensed up, moaning throatily until your knees trembled under him. Your pussy immediately became tighter, making his balls shiver.

His thumb made quick circles around your clit and you couldn't fight the feeling that appeared in your legs. You were helpless.

"Yesyesyesyesyesyes," you started to repeat on the edge of your endurance. Your body was fighting the approaching orgasm, making the blood start to boil throughout your body.

His finger disappeared and in return, you felt his hand grab your hair tightly. You weren't even able to hiss in pain when he pulled you to him. You looked at animal instinct in his eyes, feeling how he intensified his thrusts.

"Father didn't want you?" he asked, panting heavily. You clenched your jaw tighter as he jerked you harder. A devilish smile appeared on his lips. "Don't worry, baby. Now I will take care of you."

"Yes," you hissed, fighting the feeling that was slowly overpowering you.

"Yes what?" he growled, tugging harder at your hair. He leaned down, running his tongue over your neck to finally plant a gentle kiss.

“Yes, sir,” you repeated. He smiled against your skin

“Good girl,” he praised you, pleased and bit into the spot right after your ear. And then you were gone.

You moaned like a real slut, coming on his cock. Your legs began to tremble as he continued to fuck you mercilessly.

A wave of orgasm flooded your body, cutting off your access to oxygen, and another wave, flooded his cock. Your juices began to drip down his balls as with a groan, he continued to suck on your skin, marking you.

Moans, sighs and squeals mixed into one as your pussy pulsed around him. And that brought him to the end. He bit painfully into your neck and holding you tightly, thrust into you several times. Hard and deep, filling you with all of his seed.

His throaty groan sent vibrations through your body as he finally stopped. You panted heavily, still pulsating until his cum started to flow out of you too.

"Fuck, I missed you," he groaned pulling away from you so he could look at your face. Tiredness mixed with bliss. But it was your sparkling eyes that said it all.

You smiled lazily as he rested his wet forehead against yours, allowing both of you to calm your racing hearts.

"I would possess you in every way possible and I would never get enough of that sweet pussy of yours."

You snorted helplessly at which a smile blossomed on his lips. And then he just kissed you. Tenderly and slowly. Finally able to enjoy your closeness

[coco-loco-nut]

Hii!

Can I please ask for an angsty fic with Max, where the reader defends him from Jos after not finishing his race in Melbourne...idk if you remember when Max kept his helmet for four hours after a race because he was afraid of what Jos would have done to him after not winning...and the reader basically tells Jos to get lost even if she's like 5'4 and definitely not as intimidating as them both lol.

And then maybe after the win in Suzuka, they "reconcile" but she still reminds him to act right around her boyfriend, who's now a man and not a little boy he could pressure like he once did.

Sorry if it's too long!! Thanks for taking your time and reading my request!

Guard Dog

Pairing: Max x Reader

Summary: You are sick and tired of watching Max take Jos' shit

TW: verbal abuse

A/n: thank you soooo much for the rec, I love writing these out so much <3

requests open masterlist

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"Maxie... are you okay?" you wait patiently by the door to his driver's room, careful not to barge in like Jos would, as you have for the past year since you first witnessed Jos' beratement of his son. He is sitting on the couch with his helmet between his hands. The fire causing an unpleasant start to the race, and you are just glad you got here first.

"I'm okay," his voice cracks and you step into the room, closing the door behind you. "I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't help but feel like it was my fault," Max looks in your eyes, the fire brewing behind them. You were genuinely the sweetest girl he's ever met, and to get you mad took a lot. God help you if Jos shows up, you are tired of Max feeling bad even when he podiums.

"You're right, you didn't do anything wrong, the car failed you today," you stay calm, sitting beside him and cuddling into him. Max stays quiet, enjoying your warmth, and decompressing from the start. He can understand why the fans were so happy to see him lose, in fact, if he wasn't himself, he would join them. No, the fear of his father is what has him on edge. Rightfully so, because a few seconds later the door is slammed open again.

"Max, what the hell did you-" Jos starts and you launch yourself off the couch. Jos and Max were big guys, and you were average height for a woman, 5'6 or so, but you didn't seem like it in that moment.

"Shut the hell up and leave. You have nothing useful to say and you are going to shift blame to Max who had NO fault in the DNF," you snarl, setting yourself up as a barrier between the two, Jos still in the doorway and Max on the couch.

"Girl, I don't know who you think you are, but I am Max's father, and I can-," You cut Jos off before he can continue.

"No, you aren't his father. A father doesn't talk to his son like that, you are simply a man who shares the same last name as Max. A father is someone like Carlos Sainz Sr or Lawrence Stroll. No, you are a man- sorry a boy in a man's body- who can't cope with the fact that he doesn't race anymore and wants the man who shares the same last name with him to be impossibly perfect and win every single race, even when the car breaks down." You sneer at the man. "You need to leave, before I call security and make them remove you," you don't back down, instead you step closer. Max watches in both awe and fear.

"I-"

"Leave, Jos, now. Don't make me repeat myself," you say, practically slamming the door behind him. You turn around and look at Max, seemingly calm and normal. He looks at you bewildered.

"That was the sexiest thing ever. Thank you, Schatje, you didn't have to do that," Max hugs you, a large weight off of his shoulders.

"Of course I did, who else will be your guard dog?" You smile at him, squeezing him tighter. "Now, get changed and get back to the garage," you tell Max, stepping out to the room. You let out a deep breath, surprised with how you treated Jos and stood up for Max. A couple minutes later, Max rejoins you, quickly stopping inside hospitality for a snack.

The two of you avoid Jos, going extremely low contact, not that he was trying to. Jos would never admit it, but he was embarrassed at how you spoke to him, and his retreat allowed him to ignore it. Instead, you and Max enjoyed your time together in Japan. The both of you were aware Jos was there, but chose to ignore it. After Max won, Jos warily approached the two of you.

"I wanted to congratulate you on winning. You drove well," Jos says stiffly, silently calling for a truce. You let Max take the lead on the conversation.

"Thank you," he says, feeling like a little boy again, but accepting the temporary truce.

"It was good seeing you Jos, but we need to go," you interject, sensing the still tense atmosphere. The older man, still a little scared of you despite your sweet demeanor, lets you go, not quite willing to cross you again.

"Love you, Maxie"

"Love you too, Schatje,"

[getosbigballsack]

Random thought! Rebellious boyfriend Gojo Satoru X shy nerdy reader anymore cause now reader Chan is

"I'm pregnant!"

You're eighteen years of age, and you are still a senior in high school. You only had a few more months until college entrance exams and graduation, but the choice you made to sleep with your boyfriend on the night of his birthday is how you ended up in this situation.

But how? He was wearing a condom that night and when he finally pulled out of you a few long hours of passionate sex, the condom he used still held his cum. So how and why? You probably know the answer; it must have been ripped somewhere, but you didn't want to admit that.

You're devastated, to say the least. You couldn't stop crying as you stared at the pregnancy test in your hand. What were you going to do now, keep the baby? What if your boyfriend hates you for this? How is he even going to react? How are you even going to tell him?

Well, there's only one way to find out. He was already on his way to Shoko's house after receiving a message asking him to come over as quickly as possible.

So, in a matter of minutes, he was at her house in her room sitting on the bed with you and the pregnancy test in his hand. You couldn't look at him, too afraid of what his face might look like. Too afraid of what he might say. You were just preparing for the worst-case scenario.

"Take another one, just to be sure."

That is what he said to you, shocking you, Shoko, and his best friend Geto that somehow tagged along to be a part of whatever that was about to happen.

That was the last thing that you're expecting. And honestly you were about to ask him why you need to take another pregnancy test when he already had one in his hand that clearly reads positive, but then he rested his hand open your cheek and whispered, “Please, take another just to be sure.” 

So you did, and after five minutes of waiting, the second test came back positive.

“You really are pregnant,” he said in disbelief. He tossed the test on the bed and rested his face in the palm of his hands. Reality finally hit him all at once. “Shoko, Sugu, can you leave us here for a moment? I want to talk to Y/N alone.” And they left, not without looking back at the both of you, though. 

Soon, the door closed, leaving a weeping and almost drained looking Gojo Satoru. There is a moment of silence, an uncomfortable silence that had you assuming the worst. Is he going to break up with you? Is it over? You couldn't help the thoughts that were running through your mind all at once, the anxiety you felt sitting next to him as you waited for him to say something to you. Then, finally, he spoke. 

“Y/N I…” 

“Are you going to break up with me?” You said to him, bursting into fits of tears. Gojo’s eyes grew wide, and his hand quickly slung itself around your shoulder to pull you closer. “Please don't break up with me… I didn't… I-I.” 

“Y/N, baby, calm down. Who said anything about breaking up,” Gojo said, quickly pulling you onto his lap and wrapping his other hand around your waist. You laid your head on his shoulders, tears still running down your face and soaking his shirt. 

“I… I just thought that. I mean, we aren't ready for… you didn't - I'm sorry. I'm just scared.” 

“And I'm scared too,” he admitted. “But I’m not going to break up with you. I told you haven't I that you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together."” 

“But I messed up. I… I caused such a huge mess that is going to ruin your life and, and I- I…” 

Unable to finish your sentence, Gojo gently fisted his hand in your hair and pulled your head back a bit just to kiss your lips in hopes that it'll calm you down. It broke his heart to see you in tears over something that wasn't your fault. If anything, he should be blamed. 

He should have checked the condom for leakage when he pulled out. He should have been more prepared. After all, he has a bit more experience than you, so he knew that it only takes one time, one slip up for you to get pregnant. 

“Y/N,” he whispered your name against your lips. He gave you one last reassuring kiss then he said, “If you are looking for someone to blame, then put it all on me.” 

“But… but I can't do that to you,” you cried. 

“Yes you can, because I knew better. I should've been careful knowing that anything can happen during sexual intercourse. So if you want someone to blame…” 

“No I won't, I can't,” you quickly spoke. 

He sighed, “Alright then,” before pulling you into a warm hug. You both sat there in silence for a while, Gojo was raking through his mind, thinking about what he possibly could say next. Well, he knew what he wanted to say to you, but he didn't want his opinion to sway you away from yours. 

“What do you want to do?”

[zablife]

I'll Never Learn

Benny Cross x gf reader

Benny Cross Masterlist

Summary: Benny's always taking off without warning so Kathy advises you to break up with him and move on with your life. When he returns from his latest trip, you have a decision to make.

Warnings: physical argument (Benny would never hurt you, don't worry), angst with a fluffy ending

The evening shadows were creeping over the houses along your quiet street, reminding you another day had passed without a word from Benny. You stubbed out your cigarette before turning to face another dinner for one in front of the television. By now the familiarity of the routine had almost numbed you to the aching loneliness, but not quite.

Just when you thought you'd forgotten him, there were always little reminders of Benny somewhere, like the back of the kitchen drawer when you searched for a spatula this morning. You'd sobbed over a matchbox from the bar where you'd met Benny, fingertips lingering over the raised print as Kathy passed you the mixing bowl along with some well-meaning advice.

"I hate to say it, honey, but he's not worth it. I mean, he's out there doin' God knows what. Should be here with you once in awhile, right? With all you do for him," she shook her head, indicating toward the pots and pans.

"Find a man who's gonna treat ya right. It's the least ya deserve after puttin' up with this nonsense for a year," she said, patting your hand sympathetically.

You allowed the memory to float away with the lingering smoke, fingers closing around the edge of the front door when you heard it. The unmistakable rumble of an engine rattling the glass in the windows and the fragile heart you were trying so desperately to heal. Taking a deep breath to quell the ache in your chest, you found a flame of rage catching fire instead of the passion that you used to feel upon his return.

Whipping around to face your boyfriend, you found him at the steps, staring up at you with a sheepish grin.

"I'm home, baby," he announced softly, waiting for you to fall into his arms. Those faded baby blues trained on you in hopes of forgiveness you'd given so many times before, but this time you couldn't, the words Kathy had said hours earlier ringing in your ears.

"Benny, don't," you warned him, holding up your hand to stop him from giving whatever bullshit excuse was going to tumble from his lips next. Leaving him standing on the porch with a look of confusion creasing his brow, you stormed inside to gather your things.

His hesitation only lasted a moment before taking the stairs two at a time to run after you into the house. As his foot collided with your suitcase, his voice swelled with urgency, your name echoing off the walls. Bewildered at the sight, he uttered, "You're leavin'?"

"I can't do this anymore Benny," you informed him, hands crossed over your chest as you stared blankly at the floor.

"Do what?" he asked mindlessly, only catching on when your gaze shifted to the door. "You're mad cause I took a ride?" he asked incredulously. "Johnny asked me to--" he began defensively, but you weren't in the mood.

"While I'm here?" you shouted, the frustration building inside you as he stepped closer.

"Where else would you be, darlin'?" he asked with a nervous laugh, never having seen you like this before. He was on edge, unsure how to take this sudden turn in your behavior.

Blood now boiling after his flippant response, you looked up at him with fire in your eyes.

"I'm always here waiting for you to come back" you fumed, throwing up your hands as you added "....or not." Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, but you willed them not to fall as you explained, "I need somethin' more. I want you home from now on."

There it was, the ultimatum you'd been afraid to give before. After all, you weren't married, but if he wanted you in his life, this was how it would have to be.

Benny stood so still, you could scarcely tell if he was breathing. He blinked back at you slowly, nostrils flaring as he growled, "You can't tell a man somethin' like that. Look at Betty. She don't tell Johnny what to do!"

"Well I'm not Betty!" you retorted.

"You sure ain't," he seemed to agree, breathing out a heavy sigh as he turned away.

"You're an asshole," you seethed, pacing to the kitchen. "Kathy was right, you don't appreciate me and you never have."

Catching sight of the chocolate cake you decorated with little cherries on top, something inside you snapped.

"You don't care about anything!" Without another word, you reached for the cake plate at your elbow and threw it against the wall. Flinching as it shattered, Benny's hands grasped your shoulders to keep your arm from reaching the stack of plates next to it.

As you struggled, you fell to your knees, dangerously close to the broken shards that glistened under the fluorescent lighting. Benny pulled you up as you hissed out a warning.

"Get off me," you spat through clenched teeth, a look of fury in your eyes, but his muscular arms had already encircled you. Thrashing against him, you bucked and kicked at him, but he was too strong for you.

"Stop fightin' me," he barked, backing you away from the shattered glass to the adjacent wall. You couldn't hear anything except the sound of rushing blood in your ears and your own labored breathing as he pinned you against the peeling wallpaper. His right knee wedged between your legs and his hip dug into yours as he brought your arms above your head to immobilize you.

Your heart slammed against your ribcage, close enough for the reverberations to carry through to Benny. It was then he truly saw the pain beneath your eyes as hot, heavy tears collected along your lash line.

"Baby...baby, please, don't," he pleaded, face pinched in anguish. For a moment you thought a tear might trickle down his cheek as well.

"Is this wh-what we are now?" you asked with quivering lip. "Two people who can't even talk to each other without a fight?"

He drew in a deep breath to steady himself, head shaking softly before he could find the words to reassure you. Then his voice rumbled up from his chest in the soothing way you knew and loved.

"We're not like that and we never will be," he promised, eyes piercing into your soul with such earnestness, you ceased all movement under him.

Relinquishing the tight grasp he held on your wrists, he rocked back, allowing you to drop your hands to your sides as he cast his eyes downward.

"Kathy was right, you know, I don't deserve you," he said, voice dripping with guilt. He reached out slowly for your left hand, sliding his fingers between yours as he admitted, "You're too precious for a man like me."

"Oh, Benny," you sighed, chin tilted toward the ceiling tiles. He could be charming when he wanted to be and that had always been your downfall.

"But Kathy don't know anything about the way I love you." He murmured, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand reverently. "You mean everything to me and I'm gonna show you." His touch was so gentle, you could have closed your eyes and slumbered there in peace, forgetful of all the days before, yet something deep inside still tugged at you.

"I want to believe you, but you make it so hard sometimes," you admitted, chewing your bottom lip nervously. He tilted his head to listen carefully as you poured your heart out to him.

"You don't know what it's like to worry day and night if I'm ever gonna see you again. And I don't know if it's because you're hurt or in jail or..." you stopped to swallow the lump in your throat "or if you just don't love me anymore."

He ran a hand through your hair, large palm resting at the nape of your neck as he nodded in understanding. "M so sorry I ever made you think that."

You fidgeted with the zipper on his jacket as he said something you hadn't expected to hear. "That's over now, alright? No more."

"What did you say?" you exclaimed, eyes shooting up to meet his.

"No more takin' off. I want to be here with you. If you'll stay too?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder at your suitcase with trepidation.

Your eyes followed his to the bag, staring for a long moment as you considered your decision. However, if you were honest with yourself, you'd already made up your mind. "I'll never learn," you muttered under your breath.

"Is that a yes?" he asked hopefully, leaning into your gentle nod to steal a kiss.

[mypoisonedvine]

Part 2 to the Dads Best Friend! Cillian 🥺🥺

anon is referencing this fic but this can be read without reading that first!!

warnings: semi-public/car sex, secret relationship, fluffy smut, l-bombs, age gap, dad's best friend trope

(gif credit @nofckingfighting)

"God, I hate this," he laughed thinly, and you raised an eyebrow as you stopped moving.

"Er, jeez, not exactly what a girl wants to hear when she's riding her boyfriend," you mumbled, and he pulled you a little closer before sweetly holding your face.

"You know I don't mean that," he sighed, "I mean this-- fucking in my car."

"Really?" you smirked. "I think it's kinda hot."

"It's literally hot," he laughed, "see how you're fogging up the windows?"

"Oh, so it's my fault, then!" you noticed with a grin, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Only 'cause you're making me do all the work," you accused.

"Making? No, no," he shook his head, "as I recall, you were the one who said you couldn't wait anymore, and told me to pull over somewhere so you could ride me."

"Oh, did I say that?" you feigned innocence as you flushed a bit from the memory.

"You said exactly that," he purred as he moved in to kiss your neck, "don't think I'll ever forget it." His hands found your hips and guided you to start moving again, whispering encouraging little praises into the crook of your neck: that's it, good girl, there you go...

You gasped as you picked up the pace slightly, a chill running up your back even with the aforementioned heat. "What's it you hate so much about fucking in the car, then, afraid to get caught?"

He smiled against your skin, holding you tighter. "No, fuck, that turns me on," he admitted, "I just hate it 'cause you deserve so much more, darling..."

You whimpered and held him tighter, rocking your hips faster. "Fuck," you whispered.

"You deserve a big, soft bed," he continued, "no cars or motels--"

"Or my parents' wine cellar," you reminded him.

"That was a terrible idea," he laughed softly, but it turned to a groan as he held you tighter and your walls clenched on him. "But fuck, darling, you deserve everything... no secrets, no hiding..."

You whined and arched your back. "Cill, c'mon, we can't..."

"I know," he sighed, "I know, but fuck, it's what I want. I want everyone to know. I want you in my bed every night. I want a ring on your finger--"

"Fuck!" you yelped, pushing yourself up against his shoulders. "You can't... you can't just say things like that..."

"I'm not just saying it," he insisted, grabbing your arms to keep you from moving too far away. "I told you from the beginning: if we do this, it's not just fun. You're mine."

Your face tried to muster some resistance to that, but the way you fluttered inside was obvious. He grinned and pulled you into him, hugging you tight and bucking his hips up into you until you moaned loudly.

"Fuck, I want you," he panted, "all of you. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks-- I need you."

"Cill," you whimpered as you hid your face in his shoulder.

"I love you," he continued, and you looked at him again, staring right into his eyes to try to find any proof he was lying. "I love you," he said again, softer, and you bit your lip. How were you supposed to think while he was fucking you like this?!

"I love you too," you blurted out, and you realized that was the idea: he didn't want you to think so you'd have to be honest.

He kissed you, hungry yet sweet, and you whimpered as you realized how close you were.

"Gonna come," you warned with a gasp, "fuck-- Cill, god, I--"

"Say it again," he pleaded, barely breaking away from the kiss but still opening his eyes to look at you this close.

"I love you," you moaned out again, "fuck, I love you-- yes!"

You started to shake all over, and he held you close as he fucked you through it. "So beautiful," he praised as he watched you fall apart, desperate moans getting louder than ever as your head tilted back limply.

He pulled you closer and dropped his forehead onto your chest, groaning as he came with you-- even through the tingly numbness inside you, you could feel his cock pulsing against your walls.

You both took a long time to catch your breath, maybe both realizing the conversation that was waiting for you once you returned to reality.

"Did you really mean--?" you started to ask, but he pulled you into another kiss-- less energetic than the last, you were both drained and sweaty and glowing.

When he pulled back and held your face, you didn't need to ask the question again: he meant it, you knew he did. But that just opened up a new issue.

"What are we gonna tell my parents?" you laughed breathlessly, and he smiled back at you.

"I don't know," he admitted as he kissed your cheek, "but we'll figure it out. I just can't hide you anymore."

[creedslove]

OK HEAR ME OUT:

Imagine Pedro's characters (Joel, Javier P, Whiskey, Dave and Frankie) with (f)reader fleeing from a boring party where they only went to drink and make fun of the people they don't like and then end up fucking in the car, with the windshield foggy, the car moving hard as he fucks her in the front seat.

In the parking lot everything is off.

"Take it easy pretty girl... Nobody can see us"

"Damn, you're so hot, I could fuck this pretty cunt of yours all night long baby".

"I fucking love being yours, you make me hard everytime I see you."

"Well done pretty baby, you made such a good job... "

Girl I'm collapsing from how much I want this in my life. 🤩👹👹👹

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: omg anon, you nearly killed me with that 🫦

Joel didn't actually like your friends, he had nothing in common with them and thought most of them were all insufferable and he was convinced they all were jealous of you for some reason

this reason being a strong, tall, sexy middle aged man who wasn't afraid of hard-working or spending hours between your thighs savoring your pussy like his favorite meal

and to him there was only one thing worse than your friends: your friends’ boyfriends and husbands; he didn't get why those men had their faces buried on their phones all the time, talking about shit Joel didn't understand or care about and couldn't carry a decent conversation about sports or music

but all that didn't actually mean he wouldn't attend parties with you in order to make you happy and have some fun, even if he didn't like the people, he still enjoyed the drinks, the food and above all, you

however, as much as you both enjoyed the appetizers and the drinks, he could tell you were bored and didn't feel like being social around those people, Joel kept his hand all the time on you, whether he was holding you by the waist or just resting his hand on your thigh

eventually, he kissed and nibbled your neck which caused goosebumps all over your body and at some point you simply didn't have strength to resist Joel anymore, you wanted his touch you needed his touch and you couldn't take one extra minute of that stupid, lame party, so you quickly came up with an excuse, said your goodbyes and headed to his truck

but there's something about Joel's truck, not only about his truck, more like about Joel himself, which made you feel like you wanted to be ravished by him, and it wasn't different when you got inside

when you realized, you were already making out, seatbelts long forgotten as you kissed and groped and he took you to the backseat, your dress was already pulled down so your breasts were exposed, while the hem was all the way on your hips, panties to the side as he explored your tight wet cunt with his thick fingers

as you watched around, your heart pounding, the fear of being caught creeping up your chest was enough to make Joel chuckle and laugh softly

“Take it easy pretty girl... Nobody can see us”

he whispered into your ear, pressing you even tighter against his body

Joel's cock was hard and throbbing and he calmed down just a little the moment you gave him head, his fingers tangled in your hair as he helped you move your head up and down to help his girl be so nice for him

but he didn't want to cum into your mouth, no, he wanted more from you, so he helped you get on your hands and knees and spread your legs tight, loving to get a good sight of your dripping glistening sex all for him

“Damn, you're so hot, I could fuck this pretty cunt of yours all night long baby"

he didn't want any longer, he just got his cock and got inside of you, feeling in heaven as he could play you exactly the way he wanted

and Joel took you right there, holding you by your hips, the windows of the car all foggy from your heavy breathing and the truck shaking softly with the movement of the two of you inside

he didn't spare you any dirty comments, the obscene sounds of your moans, grunts, skin slapping skin and his rough voice all helping that familiar knot in your lower belly grow

"I fucking love being yours, you make me hard everytime I see you.”

you couldn't hold it much longer, he was teasing you and you were so ready for him, so you let go and came for Joel, your man, the same man who loved and respected you and yet fucked you on the back of his truck like some kind of a whore

but you were his little whore, you'd always be a slut for that man's cock

"Well done pretty baby, you made such a good job…”

he praised you the moment he saw the mess you'd left on him

____

[lotus02lavish]

some angst of breakup Headcanons with SWK, MK and Mayor from LMK? GN Reader btw. i just need some angst.

[Pain shall be fed into the beating heart] 💥

【If we ever broke up, I'd be sad. 💔】

{Sun Wukong, Mk, and Mayor breakup with GN! Reader}

➳ Lego Monkie kid (LMK) // Headcanons // Seperated // Angst! ✍🏻

──･ ｡ﾟ☆*. .* ☆ﾟ.──･☆ﾟ.──･｡ﾟ☆ *. .* ──

"You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them ... but still move on without them." - Mandy Hale.

Sun Wukong

The realization about a mortal human being and the immortal monkey king put into a loving relationship would not work.

Sun Wukong could give you his peaches of immortality to accompany him until the end of time. Except the horror that if you live forever, everyone and everything around you will move on. Somethings will die and forgotten without you. No peaches for you, hun.

Sun Wukong does not allowed to let anyone notice you as his lover, he just want to protect you from anyone that cause harm. Which makes you believe he is embarrassed to have you.

Sun Wukong is lacking the ability to explain of how he truly feeling towards you. From time to time again to have communication problems and abuse that cannot be solved.

In Sun Wukong's opinion, love is just another useless emotion to express that lead to heartbreak and disappointment. He is not ready to handle any of those qualities.

In conclusion, Sun Wukong is unexpectedly certain to break up with you, just to save you from himself. He is arrogant and a trickster is known to everyone who has heard of or had the chance to meet the legendary Monkey King.

"Eternal life can bring eternal suffering, I don't want you to feel the same way as me."

The fact that Sun Wukong has said his goodbyes to you and gone from your sight, the good thing is glad to know that you have great life and bright future ahead from destiny than his. The bad thing is, he will miss you deeply more than you ever know.

────･ ｡ﾟ☆*. .* ☆ﾟ.──･☆ﾟ.──･｡ﾟ☆ *. .* ──

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe.

MK

At first, Mk does not understand why you would choose someone like him to be your boyfriend, and he felt that not asking about it was better. He always thinking that he does not deserve your love.

Mk ponders about you cherish them because they are a powerful hero, and everything else within them has no importance. That is why the noodle boy worried that one day they would accidentally use their unnatural monkey magic skills to hurting you, and afraid they might fail to save you from danger.

Mk is often excusing himself with his training, delivering noodles, saving the world/universe, and joining his friends to avoid you.

Mk repeatedly forgets the important events, such as your birthday, the dating anniversary day, the national holidays, and meeting with your friends or family. Heis busy to handle with the fate of being heroic rest on his shoulders, and gaining more trauma through the rest of his journey.

One time, Mk send one of their clone to accompany you in the entire day. Later, the copy of them bluntly told you that they (Original self) actually felt forced in love and does not feel the same way as you anymore.

You have grown tired of him and finally choose to breakup for the best, which Mk had expected and planned this all along.

"I'm very sorry! You deserve someone else better than me."

Though still feeling awkward, you and Mk agree to became friends once again. Furthermore, both of you always ignoring the questions of "That's your ex?"

──･ ｡ﾟ☆*. .* ☆ﾟ.──･☆ﾟ.──･｡ﾟ☆ *. .* ──

"Sometimes the only way to let go is to love someone enough to want the best for him or her, even if that means not being together." - Anonymous

The Mayor

After years of dating, there is nothing special happening between the two of you. No happiness and no pleasure, just empty.

Oh, how unfortunate you do not know so much about him, even his real name is remain unknown. The Mayor is most likely to kept horrifying secrets and plans to himself from you.

Sadly, whenever the Mayor is near you, he did not have a smile on his face. Only emotionless can be seen in your eyes. Revealing his true colors.

The Mayor would rather focus on granting his Lady's requests than to spend all of his time with you.

It is a ridiculous suspicion that the Mayor is cheating on you simply because he worships The Lady Bone Demon as his only goddess until the bitter end.

At long last, you decided to breakup with the cold-hearted and odd man, his response is none other than a giggle and does not mind.

"You see, dear?" Mayor spoke up as he turn around, "letting someone go is actually easier than we thought."

At that exact moment, the Mayor show his silly toothy smile to you for one last time before he disappeared. Leaving you heartbroken and wish him for the best to accomplish his duty.

──･ ｡ﾟ☆*. .* ☆ﾟ.──･☆ﾟ.──･｡ﾟ☆ *. .* ──

True Colors - SLAVES

"Wait, did you ever take a moment just to think

About anyone, anyone other than yourself?!

Give me back the love I wasted now

Cold, one day it's gonna hit you, you're alone

I won't be there, won't be there

It's cruel to turn around

Give me back the love I wasted now."

[skyeeuphixia]

𝚕𝚒𝚙 𝚐𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚐𝚑𝚎𝚛 // 𝚒 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚔

lip gallagher x girlfriend oc (Delilah)

summary: in which lip is given an ultimatum

▪️ ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ ○ ○ ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ ▪️

warning/s: alcoholism, violence

words: 3.4k

▪️ ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ ○ ○ ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ ▪️

"I don't like it when you're drunk Lip. Find me when you're not."

That was the last thing that Delilah said before leaving the Gallagher house. 

Lip stayed glued to his spot as he stared after his girlfriend, his eyes filled with nothing but regret. He couldn't turn around. He couldn't face his siblings, or Kev or V, all of them stood behind him. 

He didn't want to see Veronica judging him. He didn't want to see Kevin looking shocked. He didn't want to see Debbie sad. He didn't want to see Carl and Ian angry. 

But most of all...

He didn't want to see Fiona look disappointed in him. 

2 years ago, when Lip asked Delilah out on a date. Fiona gave him one piece of advice:

'Don't fuck this up, cause that girl is special'

But now he's afraid he had done just that. 

How did he let himself get to this point? 

▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ 

After building up this reputation of being the family genius, it was a real smack in the face when he got to college and realised how difficult it was. Suddenly he wasn't a genius surrounded by stupid and average students anymore, now, everyone was smart, smarter than Lip, and he found himself unable to keep up.

College wasn't as easy as Lip believed it would be.

Lip excelled in school, acing every class, scores so high and consistent that a college professor believed he was a cheat (which Lip swiftly disproved) and the first Gallagher to get into college. 

Not to mention, he didn't realise that College would take up a lot of his free time as well. Sure in high school he'd get homework, but it would take about 30 minutes, and then he'd get the rest of the day to himself. But college was an entirely different story. He was drowning in assignments, a never-ending stream of readings, essays, and exams. He barely had time to sleep. Trying to balance; College, Family issues, assignments, a relationship and taking care of his basic needs were proving difficult to manage. And it was beginning to take a toll on him. He was almost never able to relax.

But the occasional drink did seem to help, however.

"Hey, so I was thinking-" Delilah says, walking alongside Lip in the direction of his class, Delilah went to the same college as Lip, unfortunately, their classes were at different times, so their schedules rarely lined up, they stayed in different dorm buildings and those dorm buildings were at opposite ends of the large campus.

"-after my class, either I can go to your dorm, you can come to mine or we can go to the library or something and do some studying together. Cause I have an essay to do, and you have that essay due tomorrow which you'll probably want to go over, and we can help each other out," she suggested with a smile.

"Yeah uh, I can't I'm going to that party tonight," Lip says his hands in the pockets of his jacket, looking down at his feet as he walks.

"The frat party? But you hate people like that," Delilah remarked, a puzzled expression on her face.

"Yeah, but, it might be fun. Plus, free booze is a good way to forget about all the jerks," he chuckled.

"But what about the essay?"

"Don't worry about it, Del," Lip replied nonchalantly.

Delilah stops walking, tilting her head as she looks at her boyfriend, analysing him intensely. Lip takes a few moments to realise that she's no longer beside him, he turns to look at her but she speaks before he has a chance to question her.

"Have you even started the essay?!"

"Yeah, yeah of course I have," He excuses, looking back down at his feet. Delilah walks back up to him, standing directly in front of him.

"Look at me," She says, still staring at him intensely, causing Lip to reluctantly raise his head to look at her. "Have you started the essay?" 

Lip had one weakness and that was Deliah. Delilah seemed to be the one person he could not lie to. He didn't want to say it out loud, she already knew the answer, he could tell, so he simply shook his head at her. 

Delilah looked at him with an indescribable look of shock, disappointment and disbelief, "Lip it's due tomorrow! This isn't like homework, this will affect your grade!"

"Yeah I know, but I'll...I'll get it done I swear!" Lip promises.

"So you're not gonna go to the party?"

"Nah I'm still gonna go I promised my roommate but I'll just do it when I get back,"

"Lip...this really isn't a smart idea, please just come study with me," Delilah begged, she already knew his grade was currently at a D, and she was worried that missing this essay would be the beginning of the end. 

"Del...I'll, I'll just go for like an hour, and I won't drink and I will go straight to my dorm and do the essay," He tells her, looking at her genuinely. 

Delilah looked at him with a look he couldn't quite describe, but it was the look she gave him when he initially doubted going to college and the look she gave him when he briefly dropped out of high school. It was the type of look that said 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.'

"Promise?" She asked, holding out her pinky to him, causing Lip to chuckle at the gesture.

"I promise," He locked his finger with hers, and they continued walking toward Lip's class, sharing a small smile, their words no longer necessary.

▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ 

No drinks turned into one drink.

One turned into two.

Two into four.

Four into seven, until Lip woke up in his dorm the next day with no memory of how he got there. A quick look at the clock indicated to him that it was two in the afternoon. Not only had he not done the essay, he hadn't even shown up to his lesson. 

Lip just lay in bed staring at the ceiling, wallowing in his own self-pity before there was a knock at the door. Somehow, in his severely hungover state, Lip got himself to the door, opening it to reveal Delilah, whom he let in without question. 

"Hey, Emma mentioned her boyfriend told her you didn't show up today, you ok?" Delilah inquired, her concern evident as she stood in the middle of the dimly lit room.

Lip, battling nausea, managed to mumble, "Yeah, just uh...not feeling great today." 

Delilah, however, was beginning to notice the telltale signs – Lip was wearing the same clothes as the previous day, avoiding the light streaming through the window, and his breath reeked of alcohol. The pieces fell into place. "Are you hungover?"

Lip, still battling the pounding headache and the queasy feeling in his stomach, attempted to conjure up an excuse, but Delilah's perceptive gaze left him feeling exposed. He scratched the back of his head nervously. He shifted uncomfortably under Delilah's gaze, his attempt at avoiding eye contact was now more conspicuous than ever. He cleared his throat and mumbled, "Hungover? Nah, it's not that... I just had a rough night's sleep, you know?"

Delilah's expression remained sceptical. She was no stranger to Lip's occasional indulgence in alcohol, and she was also aware of how alcohol affected his family so she knew all too well what could happen if he overdid it. Her concern deepened as she approached him, placing a hand gently on his arm. 

"Lip, you're wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and you look like you haven't seen daylight in a while. And why does your breath smell like a distillery if it's not a hangover?"

Lip sighed, realizing that he couldn't keep up the charade any longer. He looked down at the floor, feeling ashamed. "Okay, fine," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I had a few drinks last night, and then a few more, and... I messed up, Delilah."

"Lip, you promised me you wouldn't drink, especially not on a school night. I trusted you. And what about that essay you were supposed to finish?"

Lip's guilt was written all over his face as he tried to avoid the confrontation. "Look, Delilah, I know I messed up, but it was just one night, you know? I didn't think I'd end up like this."

"Lip you're not in high school anymore. You can't do this. If you keep making mistakes, if your grades continue to slip, you'll get expelled and then what? Love, you have so much potential, you can do so much with your life, why are you wasting it?"

Lip finally met her gaze, and he could see the disappointment in her eyes. "Delilah, I promise, this was a one-time thing I won't let it become a problem. I messed up, and I'm really sorry. I'll work harder, I'll catch up on the essay, and I won't let this happen again."

Delilah looked at her boyfriend, she didn't know how to feel. She wanted to believe him, and part of her did, but part of her was screaming at her not to believe him, part of her believed Lip was already in too deep, but Lip was as stubborn as they come as if he would ever admit he needed help.

"ok...I'm choosing to trust you,"

▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ 

As the days passed, Lip's descent into a pattern reminiscent of his father became increasingly apparent. The vibrancy that once characterized him began to fade, replaced by a weariness that settled in his eyes. His dishevelled appearance mirrored the neglect of his responsibilities, and the promise he made to Delilah seemed to be slipping through his fingers.

His academic life suffered the most. Lip was back to his high school ways, and started missing classes regularly. The threat of expulsion from his professors became a persistent shadow, hovering over his academic career. Lip's disregard for his education mirrored the same lack of concern that had marked his father's life.

Alcohol, once an occasional escape, became a daily crutch. It wasn't just about relaxation anymore; it was a way to numb the growing dissatisfaction and disappointment within him. The scent of alcohol clung to him like a familiar companion, and the lines on his face deepened as the weight of his choices pressed down.

Delilah, consumed by her exams and unaware of Lip's unravelling, found herself distanced from the person she once knew. Their interactions became infrequent, and Lip's excuses for his absence grew thin. She knew something was wrong, but she was busy and was never able to find a time to meet him, and over text, it's hard to tell what state someone's in, so Lip was able to perfectly mask his drinking through the protection of a screen. The promise of love and support now seemed like a distant memory.

The similarities to Lip's father became more pronounced. The cycle of self-destructive behaviour, a pattern Lip had sworn to break, now threatened to consume him. The downward spiral was not just about missed classes and too many drinks; it was a reflection of a deeper struggle within Lip—a battle between the person he aspired to be and the shadow of his father that loomed over him. But every day he still told himself the same thing.

I'm not my fucking dad. 

When the next break in the college term came, he returned home to his siblings, which was both nostalgic and haunting, as he realised how much he loved it yet didn't want to be stuck there. And how did he handle those haunting thoughts? By drinking of course. 

The Gallagher siblings noticed this of course, but they wrote it off as Lip destressing after a long college term, after all, they didn't know this was an everyday occurrence for him. He's lip! He's supposed to get out, he's supposed to be ok! He's fine!

And for the first few days he was, he was able to fall under the radar as his siblings dealt with the usual Gallagher chaos and was currently drinking a beer on the couch as his siblings did their own things around him. Yet he had forgotten something, in a drunken haze a few nights previous, he had invited Delilah over, reality was about to smack him in the face, and he had no idea.

When he answered the door and saw Delilah, he felt his mind running at a million miles an hour. He didn't know why she was there. What she wanted. If she could tell he was drunk. His mind was both blank and full of thoughts at the same time, and the sudden shock of his girlfriend being stood in front of him, made all the guilt he had been drinking away come back.

"Del! Hey...uh what are you...what are you doing here?"

"You invited me? You don't remember?" She chuckles.

"Sorry sorry, things have just been uh, crazy you know how it is here, come on in." He says, stepping to the side to let her in. 

Delilah offered a faint smile as she stepped into the chaotic Gallagher household, where the usual mayhem of the family's daily existence continued unabated. Ian was nowhere to be seen. Frank, was ranting about some new get-rich-quick scheme in the corner to Kevin. Fiona and Veronica were cackling about the events of their last night out. And Debbie and Carl were arguing about something stupid. Lip's siblings had become accustomed to the chaos, and so the presence of his girlfriend had gone unnoticed.

"I tried to call and check it was still okay for me to come over but you didn't pick up, I thought I'd come anyway though...I've missed you"

Lip's heart sank at the sincerity in her voice. He had no idea how to explain the disarray of his life to her, especially now that she was standing right in the middle of it. His attempt to mask the smell of alcohol on his breath with a forced smile was feeble at best.

"Missed you too, babe," he mumbled, his words slightly slurred. "Sorry, it's just a bit chaotic here, you know how it is."

Delilah nodded, seemingly understanding, but there was a flicker of concern in her eyes. She had always been perceptive, and something about how Lip was acting didn't sit right with her. Delilah finally at Lip more closely, her brow furrowing. "You seem...off, Lip. Is everything okay?"

Lip tried to laugh it off, but it came out as a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, just... you know, dealing with the Gallagher circus. It's uh...it's been a long day."

Delilah wasn't convinced, but she let it slide for the moment. However, as she continued to talk to Lip, the pieces of the puzzle were slowly coming together. Lip's slurred words, the distant look in his eyes, and the fact that he was clearly trying to hide something were all red flags. Delilah notices the two empty beer bottles on the coffee table in front of the couch, the one place nowhere else was and the final piece slides into place. "You're drunk again...aren't you?" 

Lip's eyes darted around the room, desperately searching for a convincing response. "Drunk? No way, Del. I mean, yeah, I had a couple earlier, but it's nothing. Just needed to unwind, you know?"

Delilah's concern deepened, and a mixture of disappointment and hurt flashed across her face. "Lip, we talked about this. You promised me you wouldn't let alcohol become a problem again. What's going on?"

Lip could feel the weight of his broken promises pressing down on him, and he struggled to find the right words. "It's not a problem, Del. Just a couple of drinks. I've got everything under control."

"Don't lie to her," Ian's voice suddenly came from the stairs, in a tone so cold so...displeased, it caught the attention of everyone in the room.

"What do you know Ian?" Lip slurred slightly, becoming slightly agitated as all the attention in the room was now on him, there was no hiding from the truth now, and Lip knew it. 

"What do I know? I know that since you've been home you've drank up to 5 beers a day, some days more. I know that it's clearly a problem if you're lying to Delilah about it. I also know that you've missed almost all your classes and you're on the brink of being kicked out of college!" 

Everyone in the room stared at Lip a few people letting out a shocked 'what?!', except for Delilah who just looked hurt, she trusted him...and he broke it.

"How do you fucking know that?" Lip slurred, pissed off that his issues were being exposed. 

"You left your email on your laptop open," 

"You had no fucking right-" 

"Ok! Lip this is not the right time for this, if there's a problem we can talk but right now let's just leave it," Delilah says sweetly, almost as if she was talking to someone younger than her as she places a gentle hand on his shoulder, which Lip only shrugs off.

Lip's anger flared, fueled by the alcohol coursing through his veins. "You had no right to snoop around my stuff, Ian! This is my life, my business, and I don't need you or anyone else judging me!"

Ian's expression remained unyielding, his concern masking any irritation he might have felt. "Lip, this is everyone's business when it's affecting you like this. We're your family, and we care about you. We don't want to see you self-destruct."

Lip's voice grew louder as he tried to defend his actions, his words slurring together. "Self-destruct? I'm fine! I can handle a few drinks, and missing a few classes is not a big deal. College is overrated anyway."

The room seemed to grow tense as Lip's rant continued. Fiona, his older sister, exchanged worried glances with Ian. Delilah, however, remained remarkably composed in the face of his anger. "Lip, I'm not here to judge you. I'm here because I care about you. But you can't deny that something's not right. We can work through this together, but you have to be willing to admit that there's a problem."

Lip's frustration only mounted as he felt cornered. He shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "You're all overreacting. I don't have a problem. I can stop whenever I want. You all don't get it," he ranted, his voice rising. "I can handle my shit. I'm not like Frank. I'm not some fucking alcoholic!"

Delilah could see that Ian was also starting to get heated, and she was worried that he and Lip would begin to get physical and fight one another. She knew Lip's defences were up, she knew he felt judged, intimidated, and guilty, and having everyone there was making things worse for Lip, not better. 

"Ok, maybe this isn't a conversation we should be having with so many people," She chuckled nervously her voice still gentle, She moved closer to Lip, trying to defuse the tension. "Love, let's just go outside, and we can-"

But when Delilah's hand touched Lip's shoulder, he reacted with more force than he intended, shoving her away, unintentionally causing her to hit the wall. The room fell silent, and everyone took a defensive step closer, their faces reflecting shock and anger.

Lip stared at Delilah, his eyes widened with regret, realizing he had acted impulsively. Delilah, after a moment of anger, looked down, composing herself. She glanced up at him, restraining her tears.

"I don't like it when you're drunk Lip. Find me when you're not." Her voice quivered slightly before she swiftly made her way out of the Gallagher house. 

Lip stayed glued to his spot as he stared after his girlfriend, his eyes filled with nothing but regret and tears. He couldn't face his siblings, or Kev or V. He didn't want to see the judgment. He didn't want to see the shock. He didn't want to see the sadness. He didn't want to see the anger.

But most of all he didn't want to see the disappointment. 

It took a few moments, but he turned around to face them, his body trembling slightly, as a few tears escaped his eyes, the Gallaghers distraught at the sight of their broken brother.

"W...why did that happen?"

▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ • ▪️ 

(fin)

[kushanna]

i'm hurting too, who's gonna take responsibility for my wounds... sooo sad, sooo messed up... also the "i love maria, i have my own way of loving her"... sooo sad, sooo messed up... rosa number #2 in the ranking of umi characters who make me very sad

overthinking™ moment: i do believe she's tired and fed up and hurt but, first of all, why are you trying to hide the fact that you're tired, want a vacation and have a boyfriend? are you afraid of being mocked? i could think of seven healthy solutions for this issue on the spot (...a nanny perhaps?), but the most blatant thing to me is that it's stuff like this that puts into perspective how much the ushiromiyas, individually, yes, but collective, as a group, suck. there's no support system at all in place here (it feels hilarious just saying this, i'm laughing), not using rosa's status as a single mother as munition against her really is the barest of the barest minimum, the bar IS on the ground and it never raises an inch cause it's so scary and sad how rosa is a very, very single, hurt, violent and neglectful mother making the worst decisions of her and her daughter's life and no one bats an eye, god bless... again, are you afraid of being mocked? very much a "it really didn't have to be like this" type of situation, as is every time we dig into any of the ushiromiya's private lives

hm on a good note and completely changing the subject (i am now speaking of witches and magic and game boards) i do think i have a bigger understanding of all of this now, not in the sense that i have any answers but in that, for example, i used to be very caught up in the idea that i had to figure out what was "real" and what was "not real" in order to comprehend and solve "the mystery (which one?? it's a different one every time!)" but now i don't even conceptualize things like this anymore, it doesn't even make sense to do so at this point. i do have a bigger comprehension i think of how i'm supposed to tackle and work with the information that's given to me... the voices of the internet were right and the path does gets clearer as it progresses... AND it's been fun, which i think is the most important thing, and it's more fun now than it was two episodes ago when i didn't know what i was doing

[vodkacranberrywitch]

Jonah and Halle + Jonah's Girlfriend Reading

Jonah & Halle - Jonah sees Halle as someone that could be a potential partner with the King of Cups. This is a card that surpasses a crush. He feels devoted to her or appreciative of her. Halle sees Jonah as the hermit. This is very passive energy. She may like him, but she hasn't even considered pursuing it. In a way, this is like a friend zone card. But don't let me speak too fast, because the energy between them is ace of cups. New beginnings? They want to take their relationship to the next step or add a new element to it. There is an emotional connection hanging between them.

Does Jonah have feelings for Halle - 7 of cups rx + the devil. This isn't a strong yes or no. He's confused about his feelings. With the King of Cups as how he feels towards her, he is definitely emotionally and physically attracted to her, however, he is trying to figure out if his feelings are real. He might feel like he needs time to determine if this is a phase. With the devil clarifying, he might have seen a side of her she usually keeps hidden or vice versa and they connected off of that. I don't want to say trauma bond, but it's possible some serious stuff was revealed to each other.

Does Halle have feelings for Jonah - the Emperor. Yes, this is the perfect counterpart card. She sees him as someone who would be a great boyfriend. Interesting, considering it looks like she friend zoned him.

What did Jonah and Halle bond over/ the devil energy - 10 of swords reversed + page of cups rx, 8 of pentacles. They bonded over a breakup. This breakup caused a lot of pain and they got through it together. They leaned on each other. I think that one or both went to each other a lot whenever they needed advice as well.

Why did Halle friend zone Jonah - She's trying to protect herself from being disappointed. She feels like if she pursues this, something is going to cause it to be destroyed so why even try. There is something discouraging her from pursuing this.

Has Jonah approached Halle about dating - 6 of swords. No, he hasn't asked her about dating, but he is open to it. He feels like doing this will cause a lot of chaos.

Pt.2

I just did some research and found out that Jonah has a girlfriend named Ellie so I'm going to look into that. Also, I read somewhere that Halle was the reason Jonah got the role? That might contribute to his feelings of devotion to her.

Anyways, What is the energy between Jonah and Ellie - The energy between these two is very weak. Jonah isn't putting any energy into this relationship. His energy is lazy. He might be working too much and neglecting this relationship. Ellie is attracted to him physically right now. The magician isn't a romantic or platonic feeling. She may be trying to acquire something through their relationship. The energy between them is 2 of swords. They feel like they have fallen into a routine. The relationship isn't exciting anymore.

Is Jonah going to break up with Ellie - Justice rx + 2 of wands, judgment rx. Woah. He's weighing on this and hasn't made a decision. He is afraid to commit to her and he doesn't see her in his future.

That's all I'm going to say and those two because this is a Halle and Jonah reading.

What is this ace of cups energy between them/ The new beginning - the devil + the moon rx. They're going to start sleeping together. The devil is lustful energy; a guilty pleasure. The moon rx is fantasies, instability, and putting something on the shelf. They are going to fulfill each other physically but the emotions are going to be ignored/ put on the shelf. There might be jealousy and possessiveness involved. The feelings are going to be intense because it is lacking the stability that comes with a label.

What is the outcome of this ace of cups energy - Hierophant rx. No commitment. As of the near future, this is going to be unconventional.

Is this going to end positively - Wheel of fortune. This isn't a strong yes or no. They may feel as though they were fated to meet. There will be a lot of opportunities for these two to have a positive ending, whether together or not.

This was a long one and it took me two days of revising to get a clear message. The energy around them is evolving currently so I might do them again in a month.

Thank you for reading! Let me know if you have any questions.

These readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Things I Noticed While Writing Light The Fuse: Part 11, Episode 4

This one may be just about one Phoenix but finally I get to show Ethan some love hehe 🥰💛

Before we get to him though, a clock! An actual, working clock! The rare showing of time that helps me figure out how long this show is actually going for!

Here it is, my Timeline. The furthest it goes is the 23rd, and he would be checking more pages if it went further to see if she was/had been there, so I placed Cop Night on July 23rd with this scene taking place the next morning on the 24th, therefore Ethan starts dating Matty and Johnson on July 23rd to go along with Matty and Johnson's anniversary on July 1st in Fucked / Up ❤️💛💙

Going off this single date I ended up having the fic start on June 7th with Ethan arriving on the 8th by the end of my figurings, and I have a column in my notes just for dates based on what everyone says, their runs, and outfit changes, all thanks to this single crumb. And now we have all three of their Phoenixversaries, Johnson on February 2nd (with his bday), Ethan on June 8th, and Matty exactly two months later on August 8th~

This still isn't Ethan but this scene will forever haunt me WHY IS HELL ITSELF AT THIS MOTEL???

Okay now it's Ethan Time, because this scene makes me insane for a different reason. Him saying later that he literally just trusted her through everything really confirms that Ethan is a canon dumbass, like dude you can still trust her but you had to have some idea! This is why I made him so aware of what's going on that he held info away from her as well. I really loved writing this scene, I love writing all their scenes, him constantly trying to cut ties with her and failing each time she calls because of their bond is so important to me with all the angst possibilities

Like this right here, with that smile of hers knowing that he will, and him doing it. Add in the fact that he also knows he will even when he's catching on that she's not the Doris he knew anymore, I love that so much and I'm so glad I got to write it all out amidst him hanging up on her after making her panic that Burt already got to him before he namedrops Matty for the first time

Also Ethan having this convo directly next to a Pinup room when he's trying to be stealthy is so funny to me

That's because you just spoke to your adoptive mom after gaining not one but two boyfriends, of course you're feeling weird. Also since when does Ethan wear a black undershirt, that's Matty's! I'm insane!!

Comfy??? My man's all spread out, ditched the coat, he is there to stay

Matty: You heard it pays?

Ethan is so bad at lying how has Matty taught him nothing by now it should be a second language by this point

You're killin' it man she totally believes you

Meredith is so cute here, I love her genuine shock that he'd really think she'd take one of them, I wonder how many actual conversations she has in this place outside of Joel (for the most part) and Matty and her friend Tina

Ethan is so cute I love his smile so much 🥰🥰🥰

The fact that he hasn't had this talk with Johnson in canon is so weird to me, he's around him so often that I bet he'd talk about it with Matty there, I don't doubt that cause I'm obviously upping his mystery in my own way since I don't know what his actual deal is. It makes for a nice bonding scene with Meredith, but they really underutilized Johnson also being around for so long so many times which is just criminal honestly

I really wonder if she was ever able to talk about this, since it was such a big thing, a war so bad Joel's even afraid of it and she was just a child during it. I really never shipped them even before my eyes were opened to the Phoenixes being boyfriends, so them having this conversation as friends is so important to me. It's a romance that doesn't need to happen for them to stay close, just like she is with Matty, and I can only pray they stayed this way in season 2.

Their friendship is everything to me. At its basis, these are two people who need friends more than anything, people to listen and be there for them as they come to see that they're already home, if season 2 had come out and had them suddenly start making out sloppy style it might've actually made me upset and that's no joke

Episode 4 down, I can tell already that ep5 is gunna need several posts but I am so ready to talk about it hehe 💛

[nymm-tyndall]

dear future love,

just had a meeting with my friend. she helped me take my t shot and then we went to buy some gachas. it was nice to see someone and get out of my room but... I feel like I haven't felt understood in a long time. she has a loving boyfriend. she's pretty, outspoken, talkative... I tried to explain to her why I'm 100% certain why I have adhd but her responses varied from "I also find it hard to start things sometimes, but once I do it's going somehow" and "please, stop with the self diagnosis". One time I even told her that my knee was hurting when I kneeled and her immediate response was "don't say such things". I had to use some of my brain power to focus on *not* saying stuff like that.

but it was oh so hard. whenever I visit her she only tells my stuff about her boyfriend and her friends. about the events she attends, conversations she has with people, clothes she bought because they looked good on her. and I can just feel my eyes water with tears every time I look at her or hear how much her boyfriend is doing to support her.

I don't think she knows how it feels to never have gotten that. the attention. the affection. I was almost two years in a relationship once and maybe it's just ky bitterness talking but my boyfriend never really made any effort to anticipate my needs or take care of me, even though I was always overthinking his needs. I don't know what it feels to *deserve* being loved. to have someone go an extra step for you. to have someone want to make you feel desired. or maybe I just don't remember but it's been so long since anyone bothered to hold me for more than a second or two.

I don't think I've ever felt more miserable in my entire life. I know you're not there. I know I don't deserve you. but at times like that I just need to pretend for a moment that you care how I feel and that you'd just be there for me to understand me and hold me close.

the worst thing is that I forgot to charge my headphones so I'm alone with my thoughts for the loong ride home.

it's not like I'm suicidal or anything cause I do want to have a future but sometimes I'm just so tired of feeling that way I wish I could fall asleep indefinitely.

I know I don't have enough "substance" to pass for a person worth loving. real people have more balanced feelings, more things to talk about besides their loneliness, they do the stuff they want and can do. they actually add something to the world instead of just taking and being too afraid to share anything just in case it's not worth anything.

i feel truly hollow and yet full of mud at the same time. i don't think I'm salvageable anymore. too needy for my own sake.

i love you so fucking much and I don't think i've ever needed you more.

take care!!

[kalliefangirl]

Kallie's AU // Demon AU

Postpartum, cunnlingus, blowjob, Sex

All characters are 18+

Chapter One:

Ever since having their Son, Damian. It's been hard to have some alone time. But they were prepared for that.

Sakura was more concerned with the baby and her Mental health after having the baby than Sex altogether.

Even though it's been a week since her 6 week appointment where she was cleared to have sexual intercourse.

But her Boyfriend knew it'll take her time to warm up to him again, after all, the baby was one of her main concerns.

They still showed affection to each other by Hugs, kisses and Sweet Nothings to each other.

But at the end of the day, they missed each other. They had many Opportunities to have Sex, but Sakura Declined due to worries and her Insecurities like her body after having the baby.

Even telling her he didn't care cause she just had their Son and He loved her no matter what, still nothing.

But he Was patient with her, It was probably her PTSD and her being afraid he'd hurt her.

Chapter 2:

Sakura just put the baby down for a nap, and she just sat down on her bed in her thoughts, when her boyfriend walked in the room and Sat down next to her.

🍅:Are you okay baby?

🌸: Yes, just a bit tired.

🍅: then you can take a nap, I got Damian.

🌸: But I'm the mother, I don't want him waking up hungry...

🍅: So you're going to torture yourself by not sleeping?

🌸: I'll be fine...

🍅: babe, he has milk in the fridge, he'll be fine, go to sleep babe.

🌸: I don't want to, I really don't want to...

🍅: Why?

🌸: every time I fall asleep just the slightest, I have the same nightmare...

🍅: Well, you don't have to explain anymore, Do you want to do something else?

🌸: I already cleaned, Did laundry and ate lunch you made, I don't know if there's anything else I could do...

🍅: actually there is, we have some time alone Sakura.

🌸: Um, I'm sorry babe. I'm just...

🍅: What happened?

🌸: *Sighs* I'm just afraid you'd hurt me...

🍅: you know I would never hurt you, is it also about you body's appearance?

🌸: yes...

🍅: I don't know why you're concerned about that, you just had our Son. It's normal for some of the baby weight too be on you still.

🌸: you think I'm beautiful?

🍅: of course babe, you're the most beautiful woman I've met.

🌸: Thank you, I'm glad I got that off my chest...

She leaned in to kiss him, he accepted her advances and Started caressing her hair, pinning her gently on their bed.

Sakura was happy to finally have sex with her boyfriend, She missed him a lot but knew her trauma wouldn't let her do it that simply.

🌸: Can you be careful when you're kissing my body, my breasts are sore

🍅: Yea, I know baby.

Kissing her all over her beautiful body, Made her giggle which improved the sex. Cause he knew she was Comfortable with the sex.

He pulled off her Underwear and ate her out, Her Moaning made him go quickly, he's finally tasting her pussy got him more in the mood.

Her Moans made his dick hard, when she came, he immediately went to get a condom.

🍅: before I put the condom on, you want to suck me off?

🌸: Yes Babe.

She rested her chin on his lap as he unzipped his pants, he then put his dick in her mouth. And started sucking him with passion.

She had gave him blowjobs throughout her pregnancy and after giving birth, but this time, she's going to have him cum in her mouth and swallow his cum.

His quiet moans made her happy she was pleasing her boyfriend, making it go down her throat.

🌸: please don't be too loud, I don't want to wake our baby~

🍅: I won't be, don't worry.

As she was Sucking him off, he came in her mouth, in which she swallowed it all.

🌸: I miss the taste of your cum, it's too good

Her Soft smile made him kiss her and take her Shirt off and Gently play with her breasts Kissing each other made them realize that they can't be away from each other that long.

He pinned her on the bed, when he put a condom on and put his dick inside her. He went slowly at first, making sure her didn't hurt her.

🌸: Babe, you can go harder if you want~

🍅: I don't want to hurt you

🌸: I'll be fine, I'll try to be quiet so I won't wake Damian...

🍅: Alright then, I'll still be gentle.

🌸: Okay...

With him going harder made her moan more, She felt more better, although it wasn't as hard as he would normally go, but she understood why he was gentle.

Her soft, quiet Moans Tempted him to go Harder, but He had to be gentle for her or he'd hurt her.

She saw the temptations in his eyes, however, she knew she wasn't ready for this.

🍅: What's wrong baby?

🌸: Nothing, I'm Fine! Keep going...

🍅:if you want me to stop, We can.

🌸: No, I'm fine...

🍅: Is it uncomfortable?

🌸: a little bit...

🍅: you want me to stop?

🌸: Uh, I...

[unreadpoppy]

so let me just say why i'm feeling so bad at the moment. It began on thursday. Mom had bought anti-vemin medicine for my brother and I and out of nowhere, halfway through the game she starts screaming at us saying we need to take it. My brother says he already did take it but mother accuses him of lying and saying he's a liar all of the time which angers my brother. They begin a screaming match and things got physical. I don't know who started what but I think my mom was trying to beat him and he was holding both of her wrists very tightly (my brother is 24, and he goes to the gym constantly, so he's very strong). My dad screams at them and they let go. Mom cries which makes me cry cause I hate seeing my family cry so I call my boyfried.

Fast forward a few days and my mom says stuff to me like she's not gonna do anything for christmas this year because no one appreciates her ever. She says she would have left on thrusday but she had nowhere to go and that someday she'll live. Today she shows me her bruised wrist and says my brother is no longer her son and she wants nothing to do with him. I cry a bit but am overall fine.

Later, I was having a moment with my BF, showing him music that made me think of us and all (we're in a long distance relationship btw). My dad walks into my room and asks what i'm doing cause he wants me to do something. When I question what it is he, very aggressively says "do you wanna keep living like this? Are you happy with your life? Do you not want to change? Cause if no, then don't even bother coming". And then I cry for real.

Let me explain. It's been a couple of years since my dad started meditating and listening to videos of this woman called Alexandra Solnado who talks about spirituality and such. All that is fine. What is not fine, is him wanting me to follow in his footsteps. I've tried listening to this woman but what she talks about doesn't resonate with me and I don't believe in the shit she says. I've tried meditating but I think it's boring and it does nothing to me.

My dad doesn't believe in psychology. He thinks i'm just a scared girl who, if I only meditated, would be free of those fears.

I wished him (and my mom to a lesser extent) understood that THEY ARE THE PROBLEM. This year was the happiest I"ve been in a long time. I'm going to a college i like and i'm not stressed about it, I made friends who I can trust and love, I started dating the best man I know, I experienced things I never thought I would. My only problems are all related to my family.

I can't handle it anymore. I feel trapped, like I don't have a voice in this house, I feel like no one respects my wishes. And I ressent my parents so much because they failed me and now I have to pay the price which is not fucking fair. I feel angry and God and the world for putting the one I love so far away from me. Like it breaks my heart that I don't know how my boyfriends skin feels. How his hair feels, how he smells, not knowing the mannerisms he does that I can't see, that I can't hug or kiss him or cuddle him and sometimes I'm afraid I'll never meet him.

It's not fucking fair.

[fcdcdmcmories]

"AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT I WANT? I.. I EVEN BOUGHT A HOUSE FOR US, MAN. AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SMILE ON HER FACE WHEN I TOLD HER AND I.. I.. that's all that i want to do. see her happy. safe. alive. it's all i want, but now.. clearly.. something got in the way. AGAIN." he was angry. and yes, perhaps it wasn't fair to take said anger out on will when he hadn't done anything to deserve it, but.. how could he not be losing his mind over this? cecilia was.. his world and every single time that they came closer to getting some peace? this happened. "oh, oh, oh, so he talks differently about her when she's not around and that's supposed to be anything? that's supposed to mean anything? he's abused her half her life! SHE NEARLY DIED AT HIS HANDS. DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT IT WAS LIKE THOSE FIRST FEW WEEKS ONCE WE GOT HER OUT? PEOPLE.. PEOPLE SAID THAT SHE WASN'T GOING TO MAKE IT. THAT ANOTHER DAY IN THERE WITHOUT FOOD AND HER HEART WOULD HAVE STOPPED. DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT GOING THROUGH THAT DOES TO A PERSON? HEARING IT? THE WOMAN I LOVE COULD HAVE DIED AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPLESS. ALL BECAUSE OF HIM. DON'T YOU DARE COMING HERE AND TELLING ME HE CARES ABOUT HER AFTER HE DID WHAT HE DID. HE MAY ACT DIFFERENTLY WITH YOU? BUT HE DOESN'T WITH HER! and i'm sorry, is that a threat? bring it. your boyfriend tortured me for five whole days and i'm still here. john kramer shoved me in a room with poisonous gas and caused my death and yet, i'm still here. i'm not afraid of you, will. for her? to keep her safe? there's nothing i wouldn't do. NO MATTER WHO STANDS IN THE WAY." was he feeling.. more brave than he had been in quite some time? yes, he was. he knew his purpose now. keeping cecilia safe from.. apparently.. everyone. maybe he should have felt worse yelling at will as he was, but.. had he lost his fucking mind? right now, it seemed so and that was why he was looking at the other with complete fucking disbelief. clearly, they could not be friends anymore. clearly, they couldn't be on the same side anymore. "what the fuck? NO. NO, BUDDY. YOU DON'T GET TO COME HERE AND TELL ME ABOUT GABI. SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER. I RAISED THAT GIRL. I LOVED HER LIKE SHE WAS MY OWN AND SHE WAS THE WORST DISAPPOINTMENT OF MY LIFE. she was working with pederson. she had his drugs in her room. she nearly killed me and cecilia the DAY after our wedding. she chose to do that. whatever you've been told? it's a lie and i am done letting people stand between my wife and me. not anymore." he liked will, he really did, but.. right now, he was very much getting the urge to punch him in the face. what the FUCK? "and you think i want to be here? you think i chose to be here? but congrats. because of this and because you just admitted your little plan to me? you're forcing me to go back to edgar and to tell him all of this, so you can never get him out. lesser of two devils, so i'll stick with the devil that i know doesn't want to kill my wife."

@demongemz

"Yes we did, now we need to correct that problem, he is using your love for Cecilia to turn you into exactly what Finn used to use you for. Parker, you deserve to be happy with your wife without stipulation." Will mused he truly believed that but he needed to get Parker and Cecilia out of there so he could do what needed to be done. He was going to get Finn out even if it killed him, he couldn't bear the fact he'd done this to Finn but that was just him being a kindhearted person pulled into darkness. "You need to distance yourself from him and get Cecilia out of there no more relying on Family members to save you her entire tree is rotten, Serena is the only one I would trust in terms of family" he mused honestly because he liked her and she'd been one of the few people he'd allowed into his home and heart. "I know a side of him that no one else knows, they've both done terrible things to each other but you should hear how he talks about her when no one else is around. I'm not saying either of you has to accept my decision but that is my decision if you get my way you won't like the consequences." he paused at his words his gaze glaring at the other "You have some gall to sit there and call me a bad guy Parker Sears, only one of us torments children for fun, Gabriela was kept in that basement under the farm for months tortured and starved until they are finally managed to brainwash her into attacking Cecilia, you and Gideon so that you'd go back with your wife. So next time you want to throw around accusations make sure your hands aren't as dirty as the person you are attacking." he had allowed a coldness to bleed into his tone wasn't Parker supposed to be different? right now he sounded like everyone else at the precinct and he didn't want to be bothered with it. " I'm breaking Finn out of that hellscape Edgar created and if it ends with death then so be it, take this as a warning or a caution but I won't allow the man I love to suffer from brutal beats hourly just because you lack the will to protect your wife from all the outside forced tearing her apart. She deserves better than a lot of things but instead of being the devoting husband you should be here you are sharing rooms with a psycho woman who is one step away from drugging you so you'll sleep in the same bed as her. Don't even say that's not true she is obsessed with you and here you are alone with her instead of at home with your wife." @fcdcdmcmories