#but I can't shake the phobia which makes me sad

[billiebeanhoward]

Rise up - Ally Mayfair-Richards

A/N: This was requested by someone who chose to remain anonymous  :)

And by their request, Ivy was never married to Ally in this oneshot and Ally has always known your unconditional love and support

Prompt: Reader helping Ally through her phobias/anxiety/panic attacks and takes care of Ally when she needs it with the song Rise Up by Andra Day

TW: anxiety, trypophobia, mention of medication, fluff, comfort

Word count: 1115

gif is mine

"Al?" you ask tentatively. Your wife has been staring blankly at something for the last two minutes, but her body is in the way so you can't see it. You try to get a look at it but it's no use. "Ally, what is it?" She was making Ozzy his packed lunch for school tomorrow, but something clearly caught her off guard. You see her shoulders shaking a little as silent sobs wracked through her frame. "Baby," you're not sure what's causing this right now, so you slowly walk closer and place your hands to her elbows which only makes her flinch but thankfully she's distracted from whatever it was she saw, turning to face you, tears streaming down her face. Your eye catches the cheese grater in the corner. You scold yourself for not putting it away after preparing Ozzy's favorite cheesy pasta for dinner this evening. You give her a guilty look, to which she just shakes her head before wiping at her face.

"It's not your fault," she says to you with a wobbly voice. You quickly put it out of sight, in the one cupboard Ally avoids because it contains items that trigger her and you go back to the brunette, wrapping your arms around her tightly. Her head falls to your shoulder and her grip around you tightens as you hear her soft sobs again "I'm just so tired," she breathes, "So tired."

"I- I know, baby," your voice bubbles as you rub soothingly up and down her back, until her sobs subside, "Have you taken your meds?" you ask carefully, knowing this probably isn't the time but if she didn't take them this anxiety she's feeling right now could only get worse. She nods into your shoulder before placing a kiss there.

"I think -" she lifts her head to look at you, the concern you have only growing further as she looks at you with such sadness in her eyes, "I want to -" she looks away, frustrated she can't find the words, her breathing getting heavier with every single thought rushing through that pretty head of hers,

"Ally," you say, hands reaching for her again "Take deep breaths for me," you instruct but she just shakes her head quickly, her hands coming up to grip at her hair.

"I can't, I can't do this anymore!" she sobs, falling to the floor, but you catch her just in time and you pull her into your lap.

"Shh," you say, tears forming in your eyes. It always hurts you seeing her like this, it breaks your heart, it kills you. You take a shaky breath as she tries to calm down in the comfort of your arms, she's inhaling through her nose and exhaling loudly out her mouth, "That's it, baby," you coo as she holds onto you tighter as she does her breathing techniques and you just comfort her the best you can,

"I'm just so broken down and tired of living life on the merry go round," she says after a moment once she catches her breath, "I can't find a fighter,"

"But I see it in you so we're gonna walk it out," you say to her, giving a kiss on her forehead but she scoffs, lifting herself up from your lap.

"I'm ruining our lives, I'm ruining our son's life, being like this isn't -" she turns her head trying to avoid your worried gaze,

"No, Ally. You're gonna move mountains, we're gonna walk it out,"

"This is just," she pauses, wiping her nose as she gets up from the floor, "I think I'm gonna go to bed," she says and you don't stop her.

You take a deep, shaky breath as she leaves the room. It takes you a moment before you finally find the courage to get yourself up off the kitchen floor and you quickly clean up the mess Ally left on the counter and finish Ozzy's lunch for tomorrow.

"Mom?" you hear a soft voice from behind you and you turn your head to your beautiful little angel

"What is it, baby? Why aren't you in bed?" you ask him softly, quickly drying your hands on a towel before going over to him and he wraps his arms around your middle.

"Mom, didn't say goodnight," he mumbles, his face squished into your stomach.

"She's having a bad day," you tell him, not wanting to be dishonest with him, "She'll be okay though, I promise," you tell him, bending down slightly to look into his light blue eyes as he rubs them sleepily, "You go back to bed okay?" he nods at you and you ruffle his blonde locks, "I love you, Ozzy,"

"I love you too, Momma. Tell Mom I love her too, a lot," he says before he makes his way back up the stairs and you follow behind him, making sure to turn off all the lights downstairs.

When you enter your bedroom, you find Ally wrapped up in the blanket facing away from you, but you hear her sniffling. Your heart breaks all over again and you make your way over after shutting the door quietly behind you. "Ally," you say as you climb into the bed, wrapping your arms around her, "You will rise up," you say quietly as her sniffles continue to grow into sobs, "You'll rise like the day," you say and she turns her body around and snuggles her head into your chest, "You'll rise up unafraid and you'll do it a thousand times again," you lift her chin with your fingers to look into her soft brown eyes and her chin quivers at you, "You'll do this,"

"I know," she whimpers, bubbles rising in her throat again as she speaks "In spite of the ache, I will rise up," she says, a small smile on her lips as she looks at you, not taking her eyes off you this time not even for a second, "And I'll do it a thousand times again, for you,"

You give her a soft smile in return, your fingers tickling over her cheek, "And you," you say pointedly.

"I'll do it for me, Oz and you, us our family," she says

"When the silence isn't quiet, and it feels like it's getting hard to breathe and you feel like dying, I promise we'll take the world to its feet," you say and she snuggles into you closer, wrapping her arms around you "All you need, all we need is hope and for that, we have each other," you whisper to her, placing a soft kiss onto her hair.

"I love you, Y/N," she says, her voice now muffled by your shirt and you place another kiss onto her head.

"I love you too, Ally, and Oz loves you too, so much."