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apclyptc · 1 year ago

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DUMB— chris sturniolo x reader

synopsis: reader is smart and top of her class in college. chris however, is not too interested in her intelligence.

warnings: full on smut, swearing and also drinking/smoking, use of the pet name baby, use of the word slut, dumbification, oral (f! receiving), unprotected sex

“hit her from the back she can’t do nothing but yell,

and she smart as fuck i got this bitch straight out of yale”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Ever since you were younger, you seemed to have a gift for memorising and holding information. Because of this, people assumed you studied constantly.

Obviously, you did study. But it wasn’t like you didn’t have a social life. You enjoyed college parties like any other person would.

So when a guy in your class invited you to his frat house for a party, of course you didn’t refuse.

The only thing was, this guy just happened to be Chris.

He was in your social studies class, usually sat at the very back with a couple of his friends in the lecture. You knew of each other, having shared mutual friends from other classes. You’d never really spoken to him one-to-one, mainly because he was always socialising with pretty much everyone, and while you weren’t shy, you also weren’t a huge fan of jumping into conversations with people who all knew each other prior.

It also didn’t help that Chris was the most attractive man you had seen in college, or maybe in your life.

You were good at hiding it, but he made you nervous. Of course, when he invited you to his fraternity house, you faked an air of confidence so you didn’t weird him out.

“Hey, it’s Y/N, right?” Chris began, and when you affirmed with a nod he continued, “I’m throwing a party tonight, you should come.” He threw a smile in your direction, and you pushed down the immediate feeling of giddiness before answering.

“Yeah sure, sounds good. When does it start?” You asked nonchalantly as you could.

“Around 10. You can come whenever, it will be on way into the morning anyway.”

“Great. Am I good to bring a couple friends?” You replied, not wanting to walk into a party alone.

“Yeah that’s fine with me. Ask your friend Lola, my buddy Nate has a thing for her. Just don’t tell him I told you that.” He smirked at you.

That smirk. You wished you could see that smirk while he was hovering over you as he sla—

“Lola, yeah! I’ll bring her along with me.” You snapped out of your less than decent reverie and gave Chris a response.

“Perfect. I’ll see you there, Y/N.” He gave a quick glance up and down your body before turning and walking away from you.

It was then you realised, you had absolutely nothing to wear. Plus, since Chris just personally asked you, you decided you may as well dress as hot as possible.

Y/N: hey lola, frat party tonight?

Lola: do u even have to ask??? usually it’s me dragging u to these things

Y/N: true lmao. i’m gonna need to borrow something from ur closet

Lola: ooooh why, do u need smth slutty?

Y/N: maybe

maybe i was personally invited by the party thrower

Lola: who

Y/N: chris 😇

Lola: GIRL-

ok ok i’ll give u the sluttiest thing i can find

come over later and we can pick something out for u

A couple of hours later once you were finished at college, you headed to your best friend Lola’s dorm.

You two had spent what seemed like hours choosing each other’s outfits.

“By the way, a little birdie told me that Nate has a thing for you.” You eyed Lola up, knowing she had a soft spot for him.

“Oh, really? That’s interesting. Totally unrelated but would you still happen to have that box of condoms I gave you for secret santa last year?” Lola gave you a suggestive look, raising her eyebrows.

“Of course. Already put two in my bag.” You both laughed.

You arrived at the party at 11:27, mainly because no one turns up to a party on time, but also because Lola took a ridiculous amount of time to get ready.

You met up with a couple of girls from the dorms opposite Lola, seeing as they were also invited.

As soon as you arrived, you were immediately shown to the kitchen where an array of bottles were displayed.

Vodka, whiskey, rum, tequila and practically any spirit you could think of, were decorated around the kitchen.

You grabbed two cups, one for you and Lola, and filled it with vodka and soda.

“Hey, I think I see Nate and Chris over there.” Lola points behind you through to the games room, where lo and behold, Nate and Chris were playing what looked like an intense game of beer pong.

The two of you walked over to them, Nate noticing you first.

“Hey! Come help me win the game, Lola.” He gestured for her to play with him.

Chris had then turned around to see you, that smirk appearing yet again.

“You gonna help me?”

You took a quick swig of the contents in your cup before joining Chris at the table.

“Atta girl. Nice of you to bring Lola for my bro.” He spoke in a low voice so that only you could hear.

“Chris, stop flirting and throw the damn ball.” Nate teased, and you felt your cheeks grow red.

Chris threw the ball into the cup closest to him, the object landing into the beer and making a splash.

“Drink up, fool.” he glanced at you to make sure you were watching.

After a while, you had enough to drink to give you a confidence boost, and were now invested in the game of beer pong.

It was down to one cup each, and you had to make the final shot.

“Come on, Y/N,” Chris spoke from behind you, “you got it.”

It was too hard to concentrate with his voice so close to your ear, and his body so close to yours. You threw the ball, but it narrowly missed the cup.

“Yes! Chris you’re a loser!” Nate laughed at his best friend across from the table, throwing his arm around Lola who had locked eyes with you as he did this.

‘Don’t forget the condom’, you mouthed to her playfully, and she winked, pointing to her pocket.

Nate and Lola had then disappeared together, leaving you alone with Chris.

“Sorry I missed the cup.” You joked.

“Apology accepted. You wanna smoke with me?” He pulled out a perfectly rolled joint from his pocket.

You weren’t a huge smoker, only joining with Lola occasionally when you felt like unwinding.

Nevertheless you agreed, deciding you may as well since you were at a party.

Chris lead you upstairs into his room. Your eyes immediately glanced around the room, taking in its appearance.

Chris sat on the edge of his bed, and you followed.

“Could you get my lighter, it’s in the top drawer over there.” He pointed to the bedside table at the wall, and you grabbed the device, passing it to him which he thanked you for.

“Lola and Nate seem to hit it off.” You spoke.

Chris held the joint between his lips, lighting it before replying, “he’s down bad for her. Has been for a while.”

You giggled to yourself, knowing Lola felt the same about him. It was a good feeling for you, because you knew Nate was a nice guy.

“They’re a good match. Nate’s a good guy for her." You responded, watching Chris take the first hit of weed and exhaling the thick smoke.

“Yeah? Is that what you’re into? Nice guys?” He asked you, taking another hit before passing it to you.

You took the joint from his hand and inhaled.

“I guess. I think I prefer someone more… unpredictable.” You had Chris in mind as you answered. You had yet to figure out why he invited you here himself, since you didn’t know each other that well.

“In what way?”

“I don’t know, someone I can’t figure out. I like to be kept on my feet, someone like Nate is easy to understand because he’s straightforward. Which is great for Lola, she deserves someone who is like that.” You thought about all the past few guys Lola had a thing with. They weren’t that nice.

You passed the joint back to Chris who had his eyes trained on you as you spoke.

“So you like the tension, not knowing when or if someone wants you.” He tried to understand.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice when it’s easy. But..” You trailed off.

“It’s more fun not to know.” Chris finished your trail of thought as if he knew the feeling.

“Exactly.”

A comfortable silence sat between you, passing the joint back and forth until it was gone.

“I have a question.” You asked, breaking the silence.

Chris tapped the joint out on his bedside table, and brought his attention back to you, “Go ahead.”

“Why did you invite me here? I mean, it’s not that I didn’t want to come, it’s just that we haven’t really talked much.” You asked, needing to know.

Chris chuckled.

“I thought it was more fun not to know?” He smirked, using your own logic against you.

“Come on! Tell me.” You persisted.

Chris leaned in closer to you, and you could swear your heart was beating out of your chest.

“I always see you in class,” He began to explain, continuing to close the gap between you, “sitting close to the front, answering all the questions. You’re pretty smart, aren’t you?”

The tension was palpable, and you felt yourself grow wetter as his low voice penetrated your ears.

“I want an answer.” He demanded.

“I- I guess so.” Your voice wavered, all of a sudden finding it hard to speak.

“I’ve always wanted to see how long it takes until I can make you speechless.”

And it surely didn’t take long, because in moments his lips were on yours.

It was as if every guy you had dated never existed, the feeling of Chris kissing you overrode any experience you had thus far.

His left hand rested on the back of your neck while his other hand took the opportunity to roam around your body, from your thighs to your chest, until it landed on your waist.

Your hands swiftly made their way to his arm and hair, while deepening the kiss he had started.

In a quick movement he lifted you onto his lap, letting both his hands find purchase on your waist.

With your arms wrapped around his neck, you slowly moved your hips rhythmically, earning a soft grunt from him.

Pulling away, he spoke, “You want to do this?”

You nodded, before asking the same of him.

“Do you?”

That same smirk that sent you reeling reappeared again.

“Does this answer your question?” He grinded his hips upwards into you, allowing you to feel his growing hard-on.

A whine escaped from your lips.

“No more talking.”

You reconnected your lips to his, the energy of the room turning into heated passion.

Chris’ hands slowly dragged down to your ass, kneading them with roughness.

You whined again, unable to stop any sounds from leaving your mouth.

The sound of the ongoing party downstairs could be faintly heard from inside the room, but you paid it no mind. You couldn’t, not while Chris had all his attention on you.

He briefly paused to take off the top you were wearing, and then resumed with his skilled tongue, sliding against yours. He took you off his lap, not separating from you for a moment as he laid you down on your back.

“Such a smart girl in class,” he pulled his shirt over his head and threw it behind him, “Does anyone know that you’re really just a little slut?” He kissed your neck, then your jaw.

“I need an answer.” Chris demanded again, and you rubbed your thighs together in want.

“No.” You breathed.

“No, what?” His hand glided up your thigh, separating them.

“I’m not a slut.” You managed to find words.

“So if I reach in between your legs, right now, you won’t be dripping for me?”

You knew you were.

A hand snaked through your skirt, pulling aside your underwear, and he slowly dragged a finger down your pussy.

“I’ve barely touched you. Do you want me to? Want me to touch you right here?” His finger, coated in your slickness, inched its way inside, just enough for you to feel it, but not enough to satisfy you.

You bucked your hips up, trying to feel something, anything.

But Chris pulled his hand away, causing you to whine in frustration.

Luckily for you, he wanted to feel you so badly, he couldn’t tease you for long. He grabbed the hem of your skirt, pulling it down your legs and threw it in the same direction as his shirt.

“I want to hear you. You love opening that mouth when we’re in class.” And with that, he pulled your underwear aside and attached his mouth straight to your throbbing clit.

All you could do was moan and writhe in his bed as he delved into your wet cunt, licking up all the arousal like a starved man.

Your hands flew to his hair, tugging on it desperately. The vibrations from the groan that left his mouth sent waves of pleasure tearing through your body.

Chris’ hands dug into the flesh of your thighs as they instinctively tried to close around his head.

“Fuck, right there!” You moaned loudly as his tongue dove inside your hole.

One of his hands left your thigh and drew circles on your clit, causing you to arch your back at the white-hot pleasure you felt from his ministrations.

Chris could feel his dick pulsate through his pants at the sounds you were making. He needed to feel you.

“You want me to fuck you, huh? Fill you up good?” He asked, and you knew by now he wanted an answer.

“Please, please, please.” Were the only words you could muster, too high on the feeling Chris had given you with his mouth.

He wasted no time on giving you what you were begging for, quickly discarding his pants and boxers, along with your bra and soaked panties.

Lining himself up with your entrance, he slid his dick over the slick of your pussy and pushed the tip in.

Your eyes had shut in anticipation, but when he made no attempt to move you opened your eyes to look at him.

He had waited until you made eye contact with him before pushing his entire dick inside you.

You both moaned at the full feeling, your walls contracting around him.

After a few seconds, Chris began to move.

Thrusting in and out at a slow pace as if to torture you, he shuddered, revelling in the feeling of your tight cunt.

“Fuck, feels so good baby.” You whined at the pet name, bringing his face down so you could kiss him again.

He started picking up the pace after this, your tongues smashing together in absolute need.

“Faster, faster.” You babbled, drunk off the sensation of his cock piston in and out of you.

“Yeah? You want me to fuck you dumb?” He grunted, loving how you could barely string full sentences together.

“Yes, yes, please. Need you deeper.”

The dirty words spilling from your mouth caused him to moan, and he flipped you onto all fours.

“Wanna see that pretty little ass bounce while I fuck you.” He muttered as he entered you yet again.

His pace was relentless, his balls slapping against you from the way he was pounding deep inside you.

You were just making sounds as you tried to say “Harder, faster, more,” but the words couldn’t form properly.

“The slut wants more? Can’t even speak but you’re begging for more?” He taunted you from behind.

You felt a sharp slap on your ass, followed by a soothing rub directly after. You practically yelled as Chris’ hand came down, your cunt convulsing.

“Knew you’d like that,” he slapped your cheek again, “Can feel you squeezing around me.”

You could feel the knot in your stomach unraveling, and you knew you wouldn’t last longer.

“Chris, gonna cum.” You managed to speak between moans.

“Come on baby, need you to cum while I’m inside you.” He groaned, trying to hold his own release off.

His words guided you right to your orgasm, shaking and crying while you came.

“Fuck, you want my cum inside you? Want me to stuff you full?” His pace was losing rhythm, chasing his orgasm while simultaneously overstimulating you.

“Mm, cum inside me. Want to feel it.” You cried, thrusting into him so you could feel more of him.

“So good, feels so good. Oh, I’m gonna cum inside of you,” Chris rambled, “Gonna fill you up with it.”

His moans were uncontrollable, spilling out of him as he relished in the warm feeling of your pussy.

“Cumming.” He grunted, as ropes of his cum spurted out, coating your insides until there was nothing left.

You both took the time to catch your breath, as Chris pulled out of you with a shaky sigh.

“Let me get you a towel.”

You turned onto your back once more, trying to comprehend the mind blowing sex you just had while dozens of people were partying downstairs.

Chris came back with a towel, cleaning the both of you up and passing you your underwear back.

“Hey.” You finally spoke, tired from all the stamina you had just burned.

“Hey.” He replied back to you.

“That was… amazing.” You sighed.

“Yeah, it was fun.”

You weren’t sure if he wanted you to leave now, or if you were supposed to stay, so you opted to do nothing.

“Let me take you on a date.” He announced, and you laughed.

“Don’t you think we’ve done this all a little backwards?”

Chris smiled and brought your head to his shoulder.

“I guess I’m just unpredictable.”

You then remembered you didn’t even use the condom you brought with you. You’d have to make your first date with Chris a trip to the pharmacy.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

a/n haha…. always wear a condom, kids!

hope you enjoyed my first oneshot.

send me any requests you want me to write! i think i’m gonna do an nsfw alphabet next, for chris and matt too

#Spotify #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #the sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo oneshot

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p1astr81 · 1 month ago

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(in)formalities - op81

In which: Oscar informally meets your father, and formally meets the rest of your family.

pairing: Spider-Man!Oscar Piastri x reader

warnings: descriptions of violence, pain, painfully awkward encounters, large time skips, a bit mature near the end, use of y/n.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

‧‧₊˚ ⋅* ۶ৎ ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅

“Mr Stark? You there?” Oscar called softly over the coms.

He was currently crouched down in a tree, having followed Ryder West all the way to a remote warehouse. It’s been over a month since his last appearance, and Stark was sure he was conjuring some up that would be rather dangerous.

“I’m here, kid. Trying to get some look inside but the drones are unable to X-ray the building for whatever reason.” Oscar searched the skies for the silent drones, but was unable to locate them. Cloaking mechanisms.

“So I’ll have to sneak inside after all.” Oscar sighed. “Why can’t I be cloaked? Like the suit has a heater in it but can’t make me invisible? And y/n mentioned that I should really get a voice changing device so could we look into-“

“Kid, these are great questions. But should not be asked while you’re hiding out in a tree.”

Oscar blinked, quickly remembering his surroundings. A turn of his head to the left, and he was met with a squirrel peaking its head out of a hole in the tree. “Right, yeah. Mission.” Oscar lowered his voice.

“Okay. Since the drones aren’t working, I have no external vision to help you out. So if you want to back out—“

“No.” Oscar rejected Tony’s proposal quickly. “If he’s harboring weapons, we need to know.” Oscar turned his comms down. If Tony tried to stop him, his words would go unheard.

Silently, he swung himself over to land on top of the warehouse. One thing about Oscar was he could make the perfect inconspicuous landing, as not so much as a tiny tap was made upon his body making contact with the rooftop.

Much like one would do if they were on ice, Oscar dropped to all fours, spreading his body weight out to continue being as stealthy as humanly possible.

Oscar decided his best choice would be to slide through the cracked window on the top of the warehouse. Any other way would be too loud.

Rather robotically, West paced along the width of the warehouse, his back turned to Oscar while he faced the rear entrance as if expecting someone or something.

Tuning back into his comms, Oscar kept his voice low and informed Tony, “it seems like he’s expecting company.”

A frustrated sigh. “Piastri, get-“ Oscar didn’t bother listening, quickly turning his comms back down as soon as he heard Tony’s scolding tone.

Despite the obvious objection from Tony, Oscar slipped himself into the dimly lit warehouse, crawling along the ceiling before finding a stack of large crates to drop down behind. He searched the wooden crates for any kind of label, but only came across “fragile” or “this side up” stickers.

Frustrated, Oscar blindly took a step backward, and his foot landed on a piece of bubble wrap. The loud pop echoed through the building. Oscar silently winced, but his heart rate spiked when he heard Ryder call out harshly, “who’s in here?”

Heavy boots prodded in his direction. Oscar swallowed the harsh lump in his throat, now watching where he was walking as he tried to not get caught.

The crates Oscar relied on for shelter quickly slid away from him as a sheet of ice coated the floor. “Ah, Spider-Man. I was wondering when you and I would finally meet.” While his voice showed delight, Oscar could see in his face that his intentions where wholly sinister. “Though I was hoping Stark would send someone less, well, puny.” A frown adorned West’s expression, feigning remorse.

Tired of his super-villian esque speech, Oscar shot a web toward his hands, hoping to limit his capabilities to manipulate the ice. But it seemed he’d predicted the move as he dodged out of the way.

Sharp icicles darted at high speeds toward Oscar. He jumped high and flipped over each of the pointy ice blades in one go.

Realizing this wasn’t going to be such an easy fight, Ryder advanced. He threw a punch. Oscar caught his fist and flipped him onto his back. A freezing cold sensation zipped through Oscar’s arm, soon realizing Ryder had been freezing his hand. He jumped back, which allowed Ryder time to get to his feet.

He threw another punch. Oscar dodged it with ease. In return, Oscar landed one to his stomach. His fist made contact with a rock-hard surface. He tried to shake off the ache in his fist, opting to kick a blow to his chest instead.

Stupid move.

Ryder caught his foot, twisting him around and throwing him to the ground. The wind was knocked out of his lungs, producing a comical “oof” sound. Oscar took the opportunity to swipe his foot at Ryder’s. Caught off guard, he fell to the ground with a dull thud.

They both recovered quickly. As Oscar went to deliver another blow to his girlfriend’s father, the ground beneath him turned to ice. It threw him off balance, and he had to put all of his energy in trying to stay upright.

Ryder took advantage of the distraction. Before Oscar could react, a block of ice the side of his torso collided with his body. The force was so strong, it threw him through the front entrance of the warehouse. The doors were torn off their hinges.

Oscar’s back collided with a tree, the contact so vicious that he was struggling for breath and consciousness. As he focused on his state of mind, he hardly heard the crude voice of Ryder telling him, “next time, just stay home.” and a laugh that mocked his pathetic, limp, form.

He was unsure how much time had passed when he finally stood and found it in himself to shamefully return to the compound.

Of course, Tony was waiting right at the entrance. He begun to scold the child as soon as he set foot in the room. “You listen to me kid! You don’t get to decide how a mission goes. You. Listen. To. Me.”

Oscar rubbed his head, trying to take in what Tony was saying but his body ached far too much to even begin to comprehend the words being thrown at him. He caught bits and pieces. Something about compromising the mission, losing valuable evidence, and getting killed.

Oscar just aimlessly nodded along until he heard the words, “now get home, Nicole is probably worried sick.”

As he always did, he crawled through his bedroom window. He didn’t even notice another presence in the room until a voice called out, “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

Reacting on instinct, his hand shot out, webbing your wrist to the post of his bed. He sighed when he saw you, tearing his mask from his face, dropping down to apologize profusely and free your hand.

You faced him with a frown, ignoring his apologies and taking his face in your hands. “Oh, Oscar.” He winced when your thumb brushed near a cut on his eyebrow. Your features expressed a deep concern, maneuvering his body—surprisingly easily—to sit on his bed, telling him you’d be back.

Oscar observed his surroundings. Your math papers laid spread out on his sheets, your laptop propped open with videos on the topic open.

Right. You were supposed to study together tonight.

You came back, your arms full of supplies. Cotton pads, cotton balls, a towel, hydrogen peroxide, gauze, and more.

Guilt engulfed his every being when he saw just how concerned you were, and while he appreciated the care, he couldn’t help but feel bad for making this anyone else’s problem. He tried to do it himself but you stubbornly wouldn’t let him even lift a finger.

While he felt terrible, the concentration on your face as you cleaned off the bloody skin around the wound was admittedly very cute. And the way you looked at him with the softest eyes whenever his face scrunched up in pain had him forgetting about the body aches and got his heart fluttering.

“What did you get yourself into?” You asked softly, more of a passive question. You didn’t really expect an answer but he gave one anyway. “Just ran into some bad people.” He vaguely explained.

When you finished patching up the gouge on his eyebrow, you motioned to the rest of his body. “Strip.” You commanded, only catching your mistake when his eyes went wide. “So I could check the rest of you.” You continued, eyes to the floor and face suddenly warm.

After the bed dipped beside you, you decided it was safe to raise your eyes. You frowned at the multiple bruises scattering his chest, and hesitantly reached out. Pressing lightly along his ribs, you searched his expression for any kid of discomfort, but it remained neutral.

That’s when you noticed his pupils. One blown wide and one moderately dilated. “Oh no.” You sighed. He raised his brows at you. “I think you have a concussion.”

He gave a half-hearted chuckle. “That would explain the haziness and why everything sounds like it’s underwater.” He rested his head against your shoulder, accepting a couple scratches to his head with your nails.

While his brain was scrambled, he could still make out some thoughts. Like how he thought you were too good for him. You deserved better. One month into your relationship, and he’d already been worrying you.

“Go get a shirt, I’ll take you to the hospital.” But when he turned his back, a horrified gasp stopped him in his tracks. He peered at your over his shoulder, watching as you took a picture of him. His confusion was swept away with one look at the photo.

A pinkish ring radiated off of a deep purple bruised that spanned the length of his back, and half of its width. His brown eyes met yours. The sheen of tears coating your eyes had his heart breaking. You were truly terrified for him.

If he was sure it wouldn’t cause his body irreversible pain, he’d drop to his knees and apologize until he lost his mouth ran dry and his voice was deduced to nothing.

But Oscar did as you told him to, taking care to slip a hoodie over his head. You made sure to grab an ice pack from the freezer on your way out.

۶ৎ ۶ৎ ۶ৎ

As it turned out, you were right. Oscar did have a concussion. A severe one. And he had been recovering for the past three weeks. Which meant sunglasses in brightly lit places, minimal screen time, and worst of all, no Spider-Man.

Two weeks ago, Oscar tried to convince Tony that going out as Spider-man would be fine. Just pop some tinted glasses behind his eyelets and boom, everything’s fine.

The action of you swinging around and running around will do more harm than good. And your mom would kill me. It’s a solid no, Oscar.

On the bright side, at least he got to spend more time with you.

Now surpassing two months, you thought it was time he’d finally met your family. Which led him to standing outside in the cold in his best dress shirt and pants, waiting to be let in.

Thankfully, you were the one who greeted him.

��Oscar,” you smile affectionately. “Come in, you must be freezing.” You stepped aside, allowing him to stand in the foyer with you. Closing the door, you took his hand, pecking his lips then bringing him through the house to the kitchen where both your parents stood.

“Mom, dad,” he could feel just how anxious you were as you squeezed his hand tighter. “This is Oscar.” You smiled shyly.

Your mom’s face lit up. “Oh, hi!” She briskly crossed the room to envelope Oscar in a short hug. “It’s so good to put a face to the name.” Oscar smiled politely. “You too, mrs, l/n.” She waved a hand through the air. “It’s West, actually,” she kindly corrected. “But you can just call me Cher.”

Ryder stood behind him, much taller than Oscar himself. His eyes narrowed at Oscar and Oscar’s body froze, praying he hadn’t been figured out by the man so quickly.

But he was surprised to be asked, “what are your intentions with my daughter?”

Your mother glared at him. “Ryder! A hello would be great to start!” She scolded.

Ryder cleared his throat, blue-grey eyes still boring into Oscar’s brown ones. “Hello. What are your intentions with my daughter.” He asked, same cold tone.

Cher rolled her eyes, taking hold of Oscar’s arm. “Ignore him.” She muttered, guiding Oscar through the house. “I’ll give you a little tour.”

Oscar had already seen a majority of the house from your party, but he let her drag him through room after room anyway.

When he made his way back to the dining room, his eyes landed on yours almost immediately, and took quick note of the apologetic nature of your expression. He was led to the seat beside yours. “You sit right here, hon. I’ll get you your food.” Oscar tried to offer to get his own food, but he wouldn’t hear any of it.

Another—slightly older—boy emerged from around the corner. Oscar received a passive wave from him. “I’m not sticking around for this. Gonna go get food with a few of the guys.” He explained shortly, plucking a pair of keys from a hook. “Okay, drive safe.” Cher smiled.

“That’s my brother. He’s always either not home or rotting away in the basement.” You chuckled quietly. Oscar nodded, still staring at him.

A tiny poke was inflicted on Oscar side. “I hope she didn’t freak you out too much.” You paused. “She’s been counting down the days to this.” Underneath the coverings of the table, Oscar took your hand in his. Oscar’s smile spread along with the warm feeling inside of him. It was a rare occurrence for him to feel so… welcome. Even in the presence of Ryder subzero west. “‘M honored.”

Speak of the devil and he shall come.

Ryder stepped into the room, scrutinizing gaze locked on Oscar. He dropped your hand quickly. “So, Piastri,” his tone was anything but pleasant, demeaning and almost mocking. “we never got to finish our conversation,” then noticing his wife’s glare he added, “I just want to know that you’re good for my daughter.”

Oscar forced himself to look Ryder in the eyes, trying his best to avoid looking weak. “Just like you, I only want the best for her.” Oscar tried to give his best reassuring smile. It came up strained and kind of flat.

“And you think that’s you?”

“I hope that it is me.”

“What if it isn’t? Will you break her heart?”

“I have no intentions of doing so, sir.”

Ryder cocked his head, leaning closer to oscar, his hands clasped in front of him on the table. “What about in the bedroom?”

Oscar’s eyes went wide, and you quickly gagged. “Ew dad! We haven’t even talked about that yet!” And you mom butted in saying, “this is not appropriate dinner table conversation.”

“I believe it is.” Ryder’s voice cut through the air, silencing everyone else. His eyes shifted to each person who sat around the table and left off on Cher. “What if this skinny kid gets her pregnant and ruins her life? Hm?”

Skinny?

“Ryder that is enough!” Cher’s gaze was fiery and threatened to burn right through Ryder across the table. “He is a guest, and frankly, I think he is a very sweet kid. I won’t tolerate this interrogation at my dinner table any longer.”

Her eyes shifted to Oscar and her gaze became soft. “I am so sorry, dear.” Oscar blinked. “It’s totally fine.” He shook his head smiling. But truthfully, he felt sick to his stomach and wanted to high tail it out of there before Ryder went into an ice-slinging manic.

Your hand found Oscar’s under the table and gave it a tight squeeze. A silent apology.

The remainder of the dinner was ate in near silence, only the occasional question from Cher. Ryder said nothing else, only sending lengthy glares in Oscar’s direction. He of course ignored them.

When dinner was finished, you led Oscar up the stairs to your room. “Door stays open!” Ryder shouted up the stairs. You rolled your eyes, to which Oscar held back a laugh.

“I’m really sorry about him.” You apologized once in the confines of your bedroom. Oscar dismissed your apology with a shake of his head. “It’s alright.” I’m not a fan of him either, he wanted to add but kept that part to himself. “Your mom is lovely though.” He added.

You gave a soft smile, fingers trailing down his arm to his hands. Your fingers laced with his. “I think she really likes you.” Your gaze found his through your eyelashes. Oscar hummed. “That’s great, ‘cause I really like you.” Oscar confided, tilting your chin with the tip of his finger and capturing your lips with his.

The moment was very short lived, because Cher stepped into the room. “Oh! Sorry.” At the interruption, you both jumped apart, hanging your heads in embarrassment. “I just needed to know when Oscar planned on leaving? Your father and I need to pick something up from a friends house.”

“Oh, mom we’re old enough for you to leave us alone.”

“I know, but your father is paranoid about… well,” she gestured to the bed.

“Mom,” you complained. “You’ve already put me on birth control, and dad stocked my bedside table with condoms.” She opened the drawer on her nightstand. Three boxes of condoms. All different sizes. “If anything were to happen—which it won’t!—we would be completely safe.” You sighed.

“I know! I trust you guys, he doesn’t.”

“Just go, it’s okay.”

Cher nodded, and headed back downstairs. When you heard the final stair creek you turned back to Oscar. “Oh my god they’re so embarrassing.” You shook your head.

“No funny business!” Ryder’s voice shouted up the stairs. Face now feeling hot, you gave him a look to say, see?

In response to your father, you yelled back, “Okay!”

۶ৎ ۶ৎ ۶ৎ

There was, in fact, funny business.

What did he expect, really? Two teens in a house alone? Funny business is inevitable.

“Oscar,” you gasped out, holding tight to his flexed bicep while he kissed down your nearly-naked torso. The only thing inhibiting a fully nude upper half was your lacy bra.

The boy was nearly unrecognizable to you. A lust taking over his soft brown eyes, turning them dark. And he was so fucking cocky. Teasing kisses up and down your skin, getting so close to removing your jeans but his lips would recede as soon as they reached the waistband. Gripping your waist and your hips with a bruising amount of force.

It was like a brand new Oscar. But you couldn’t say that you weren’t enjoying it.

He kissed his way across your shoulder. “Were you expecting this? Is that why you wore this pretty thing?” He snapped your bra strap.

“Hoping,” you managed through shaky, desperate breaths.

Working his way back up to your lips, you shuttered a breathy call of his name into his mouth. He raised a brow in response. “I want you.”

Teasing, he cocked his head. “I’m right here?”

“Just, fuck…” your desperate pleading gaze had his cocky facade crumbling. “F-fuck me,” you gasped when his teeth scraped along your neck.

Lustful eyes met yours, his brows raised. “Is that what you want?”

You nodded eagerly, mhmm, you hummed.

Fingers tantalizingly slid down your body at an annoyingly slow rate. But the way his touch lit up your skin was impossible to ignore.

Landing at your waist band, fingers fiddling with the fabric, he looked up at you. “So I can take these off then?” He asked, already undoing the button. You nodded again, biting your lip to restrain yourself. “Please,” he smiled at your needy whining.

“Y/n we’re home! Is Oscar still here?” Cher yelled from the bottom of the steps.

Shit, you cursed under your breath as your father’s heavy boots began to ascend the stairs. “Yup!” You called back to your mother.

Oscar webbed your shirt from across the room, throwing it in your direction as threw a shirt over his head. He snatched your anatomy book from across the room, sitting next to you against the bed frame. The book was throne open to a random page as Ryder stepped into the room.

He glared at Oscar. “Just studying,” you smiled, hoping he didn’t realize how flushed Oscar’s face was. “About what?” He inquired, gaze locked on Oscar’s.

You took a glance at the page “Hypothalamus.”

Ryder hummed, still eyeing Oscar suspiciously. “Hm. What’s it do?”

“It-“ you began to answer, but Ryder held up a hand, stopping you.

He nodded to Oscar. “I want him to answer.”

Thankfully, this was something Oscar knew well. “Regulates body temp, mood, hunger, blood pressure.” He listed only a few.

Ryder sized him up and hummed, unconvinced. “It’s late. I want him out.”

“But dad-!”

“No buts. He has ten minutes before I call the cops on him.” He whipped around to exit the room, but something caught his eye. He reached up, swirling a silk web around his fingers.

Oscar’s web from new years. His heart dropped to his ass.

“Seems like you’ve got a spider in here.” The comment was passive, but the look he gave Oscar was dangerous. “If you find it, let me know. I’ll squash it.” His words were for you, but his eyes were hard-locked on Oscar.

He left without another word.

“Okay, that was odd.” You laughed, but Oscar felt like he could be sick. Something inside him was telling him that Ryder knew exactly who he was.

#f1 #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #f1 blurb #op81 #f1 fluff #f1 angst #f1 x you #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri au #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri one shot #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri #spiderman!oscar piastri

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lacontroller1991 · 10 months ago

Text

Rumors (Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x F!Reader)

Main Master List || Misc Master List

Summary: After you believed he was dead, it comes as a shock to you that he's alive and wrecking havoc.

Warnings: 18+, HEAVY LANGUAGE, drug usage, drinking, mention of cannibalism, violence, gun slinging, blood, nudity, fighting

Author's Note: I swear I'll work on my other requests but the Cooper Howard brain rot is REAL and its STRONG, anywho, first time so let me know how you guys like it :)

Word Count: 3k

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In the wastelands of California, rumors get you killed and you’ve heard rumors. Whispers of his return. It’s been a while since you’ve seen him. Since he left you on your own in the middle of a gun fight to collect his bounty; and it nearly cost you your life.

The last you’ve heard about him was that he was 6 feet deep and locked in a coffin with no way of escaping, unless someone purposely dug him out. Yet, you can’t think of a single person who would. Still, rumors spread like wildfire, and you’d be damned if you don’t try and get revenge.

-----------

The California sun beats down on your back. The heat weighs you down, but not as much as the pain in your chest. He let you believe that he cared about you. He really fooled you into a sense of partnership, romance, but you really should’ve known. Cooper Howard is a lone wolf, nothing and nobody will stand in his way.

The site of Filly in the distance is a welcoming sight. If anyone has seen anything, it would have been here. It doesn’t take you long to cross the remaining distance, sweat dripping down your back as you enter the market.

“Haven’t seen ya in a while (Y/N).” A local merchant snides with a creepy smile, showcasing his rotten teeth. Walking over to your side, he runs a hand down your arm and you resist the urge to gag. “What are ye in town for?”

“Information.” You eye the stairs that are being fixed, along with other wooden structures, a signature sign that he’s been here.

“Looking for your Ghoul, huh?” His face is offly close to yours and it’s enough for you to draw your gun, casually pressing it into his side, causing him to instantly back off. “He was here two days ago. Got in a firefight with a knight, seemed like he was after a bounty.” You scoff. Of course he is. Anything for those damn vials. Vials. At the thought of vials a malicious smile forms on your face. Sooner or later, he will need to get more, and you’ll be there when he does.

Holstering your gun, you flip him a bottle cap in appreciation before stalking off, heading to the one place you know he will be.

By the time the sun sets, you’re settled in an abandoned building, low enough to the ground where you can see what’s coming, but high enough to be out of any immediate danger. Wrapping your arms around yourself tighter, you can’t help but to think about the times where you and him would be shoulder to shoulder, barely touching, but enough to make butterflies fly in your stomach.

Despite his ghoulish appearance, you find him to be quite handsome. His rugged cowboy exterior does barely enough to hide the last shred of humanity he has, and at times, it was directed towards you. With a sigh, you let your eyes shut, sleep easily consuming over you.

-----------

“Please, let me go.” A feminine voice stirs you from your unconsciousness as your eyes blink against the harsh light of the sun. “Please, sir, I’m begging you.” Shuffling slightly, you peer your head past the concrete wall, spotting two figures, one in a blue/yellow vault-tec suit and the other in a cowboy hat with a lasso around the girl.

“Well I’d be damned,” it’s hushed and to yourself, afraid of him hearing you and spotting you.

“I done told you vaultie, ain’t gonna happen. You deaf or sum?” His drawl sends chills down your spine as he nudges her forward with the tip of his gun. “Now hur-” his words are cut off by a coughing fit but his grip on the lasso remains. After regaining his breath, he wipes his mouth on the back of his sleeve. “Hurry up. I ain’t got all day.” You watch in silence as the pair walks past your hideout, unaware of your existence. Grabbing your things, you rush off after them, making sure to stay in the shadows as your brain goes through different scenarios of what could happen. Would you and Cooper make up? Would he try to kill you? Would you try to kill him? Does he even care? The closer they get to the supermart, the more you hang back, hand slightly hovering over your gun.

Trying to listen to the conversation, you strain your ears but to no avail. Peeking over an abandoned car, you focus your eyes on the situation ahead of you, watching as he gestures for the girl to go through the sliding glass door. The minute they shut, he collapses on the ground and you resist the urge to go and help him. Sighing, you open the bag at your side, rummaging through a variety of equipment before your fingers run over the cool glass of the vials that keep him sane. “That’s just ironic,” you chuckle, looking back to him still laying on the ground, a slight tang of pity radiating through your chest. If there’s anything you hate about yourself, it’s that. You’re too soft for people who have no problem leaving you out to dry.

You could confront him now, kick him while he’s down, but being dramatic is more fun. It’s useless trying to talk to him when he’s in that sorry state.

An hour later and you’re still outside, covering from the sun and waiting for the right moment to make your appearance. The sight of the vaultie walking alone gathers your attention as you keep out of sight? Now how the hell did she manage to escape? You’re not an idiot, everyone and their mamas know that the SuperDuper Mart takes in bodies and harvests the organs, selling them to the highest bidder. So how on this God forsaken planet did she escape practically unscathed? As she walks further away you ponder the possibility that maybe you and everyone on the surface has really underestimated the ones who live below.

Once she is out of sight, you rush out from your hiding spot and toward the mart, hoping to find him. “Well, he isn’t where I saw him last,” you huff out, drawing your gun from its holster as you walk through the glass door, keeping your eyes vigilant. With the mart being practically empty aside from overturned themed rides, it’s easy to hear a person stumbling around, knocking stuff over.

By the time you spot him, his back is to you, head tipped slightly back as he downs a bottle of alcohol he found. The sound of you cocking your gun causes him to freeze in place, and if you were facing him, you would spot the smile on his face.

“You ain’t gonna shoot me now, are ya?” Your silence is deafening and you don’t move an inch, not really sure if you would actually shoot him or not. “Was wonderin’ when you were gonna find me.”

“It’s pretty easy to find a drug addicted ghoul these days, especially ones that have a penchant for the dramatics.” You keep your gun trained on his back as he slowly turns around, dropping the glass bottle and letting it shatter to the floor.

“Me? Dramatic? I don’t think I’m the dramatic one sweetheart. You’re the one who came in here, guns blazing. I think you’re the dramatic one.” He takes a step forward, and another, and another, until his chest is pressed right against the nozzle of your gun. “Now why don’t you put your gun down and give Coop a big ki-” your gun whacks across his face, tearing the flesh slightly only for it to heal right away, causing him to growl. His gloved hand reaches up and wraps around your throat, hoisting you against the wall while you struggle in his grasp. “That’s no way to greet me. Where are your manners?” He asks, his southern accent penetrating each word.

“Fucker,” raising a leg, you kick between his with all you can muster and spit on his face, the shock being enough to let you loose and allowing you to slip out.

He looks at you for a second before laughing sadistically, using his thumb to collect your spit and put it in his mouth, closing his eyes as if he was savoring it. “I missed you kitten.”

Scoffing, you holster your gun and take a seat on the couch, turning your attention to the tv where you spot a young, handsome, human Cooper Howard on the screen. “Really Coop? You’re that full of yourself?”

Shrugging his shoulders, he plops down next to you before taking another bottle and giving that a swig. “Was the only half decent shit in this hell hole,” at the mention of the place, you take a proper look around, bodies laying everywhere, some human, some ghoul, and even a robot.

“The fuck happened here?”

“Was traveling with a vault dweller, traded her for some vials but I guess she didn’t take too well to the idea of her organs being sold,” he comments nonchalantly, twisting off the cap of a vial and draining the liquid into his mouth while you look at him like he grew two heads.

“You’re meaning to tell me that that vault dweller managed to do all this?”

“Did I stutter?” Now you know you really underestimated the people in the vaults. You honestly wonder if they’re all like this or is she just some random four leaf clover. “Why’d you come in here raisin hell anyway?”

Leaning back on the couch, you look forward to the tv, trying to concentrate on the handsome man on the screen instead of the one sitting next to you, “heard you were dead.”

“The details of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Still doesn’t answer my question,” he looks at you with a look that says ‘I frankly don’t give a shit’ but something deep down inside of you tells you that he does.

“I’m pissed as hell that you left me. I thought we were partners?” Rolling his eyes, he laps at a random white powder laying on the table before leaning back.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist. Didn’t see a need to stick around. You got what you wanted and I got what I wanted. Seemed like a fair trade.”

A sigh escapes your mouth as you take the bottle from his one hand and downed it, scrunching your nose as the alcohol burns down your throat and lights a fire in your stomach. How can he be so naive? You had initially joined him when you were both after the same group of people, but for vastly different reasons. He had wanted the large bounty on the head of the leader and you wanted to find your past lover, but somewhere along the route to finding them you developed feelings for the Ghoul sitting next to you, and you thought he developed them too. You initially didn’t spot him when the shooting started, too occupied with the Ghoul pressing his back against yours, the two of you working in tandem. Everything happened so fast and before you knew it, you were the only one shooting back at the group of people, most of them lying dead and your companion nowhere to be seen. The bounty was also gone.

He had left you on your own and it hurt. It also didn’t help that once the shooting was over and you remained, you found your former lover in the arms of another. It’s true that you found who you wanted, but at what cost? Was it really your lover than you wanted or was it Cooper Howard, the Ghoul, who you wanted?

Realistically, you know the answer. It’s pretty obvious by the way that when you heard he was alive, you practically dropped everything in pursuit of him. Taking another swig of the alcohol you ponder over your next course of actions. Should you admit your feelings for him or should you leave it? Looking back at the tv, you watch the former Cooper Howard get down from his horse, gun in hand and hat tipped ever so slightly over his eyes, much like how the man next to you does. He’s never going to be the same man again, you know that, but maybe he still has the ability to love? “I love you, you know?”

Cooper looks over to you with a puzzled look on his face before it goes blank and your heart sinks. If there was any sort of superpower you could have right now, it would 100% be mind reading. “You’re stupid.”

“Right. Yep. Totally.” You’re pissed. You took a gamble and lost. Laid your heart on the line only for it to be destroyed. Swallowing down your pride, you get up from your seat and holster your gun, taking a couple of vials for safe keeping. “Have a good life Coop.” You don’t bother turning back, tears welling in your eyes. How could you have been so stupid? Of course he doesn’t return the feeling. You kick the dead body out of your way, too overwhelmed with your emotions to realize that he is calling your name. A hand wrapping around your wrist stirs you from your thoughts as he hand spins you around to face him, a soft look gracing his features.

“I ain’t finished,” it’s soft. Softer than anything you’ve ever heard from him but you yank your hand away, rebuilding the walls around your heart.

“I don’t wanna he-” he cuts you off with a rough kiss against your lips, his arms wrapping around your body and holding you close as his scarred lips move against yours. The kiss is rough, demanding, but also loving, intimate. It’s enough to make you dizzy. Pulling away, he keeps you in his grasp as you look up at him through blown eyes, trying to figure out what he’s playing at. “Coop?”

“Shh darlin’. You didn’t let me finish. I said you’re stupid. Stupid for loving someone like me. I’m no good for anyone, especially you, you should know this.” You can tell by the restraint in his voice that he fully means what he’s telling you. Smiling softly, you dust off his duster and pull on his vest, straightening out his clothes as he watches you, not really sure what to make of your intentions.

“Y’know, there was this one cowboy I met years ago and when I asked how he survived as long as he has and you know what he told me?”

“What’s that?”

“We take it as it comes.” He closes the bridge between the two of you with his mouth against yours, this time it’s more eager. Taking in your bottom lip, he bites hard enough to draw blood, causing you to gasp in surprise. Using that to his advantage, his tongue slips in, exploring every crevice of the mouth that he’s longed for.

“Well ain’t this sweet. We have a ghoul and a ghoulfucker. I wonder what that sex looks like,” you and Cooper pull away abruptly, you eye the three men in sheriff uniforms while Cooper scowls, annoyed by their presence. Moving towards them, Cooper raises his hands in false surrender while you get behind his back, one hand reaching for his shotgun and the other reaching for your own gun, ready to draw at any moment.

“What can I do for you folks?” The three men eye each other before pointing their guns at Cooper, you still standing behind him, ready to take on each of them.

“Destroying a legitimate business? That’s illegal around these parts,” one speaks up, aviators covering his eyes as he moves around to get a better view of you. “My my, don’t tell me this pretty little thing did all this damage. Why don’t you raise your hands sweetheart, let’s see that gorgeous figure.”

If looks could kill, that man would be 12 feet under and blasted to high heaven with the biggest nuke Cooper could find. “I’d be careful if I were you, she may be pretty, but she's also a pint sized atom bomb.” His head tilts, telling you all that you needed to know. Reaching for your gun, you quickly shoot the two companions as Cooper lunges for the man who dared to flirt with you. Kicking the gun away from reach, Cooper wraps his hand around the throat of the sheriff and hoists him in the air while you loot their supplies. Turning the men around, you cut their pants off, leaving their backside exposed for Cooper to take his fair share of ass jerky. The man in his grasp squirms at the site of his counterparts being exposed, but Cooper’s grip doesn’t falter.

“Why are you sick freaks doing this?” The man continues to struggle in Cooper’s grasp, hands trying to claw away at skin but to no avail as you load your gun, sliding over to the duo.

“Wanna do the honors sweetheart?” It’s rare that Cooper offers anybody anything, let alone a kill and it takes you a minute to process his proposal.

“We do this for the love of the game.” A gunshot rings out while the man goes limp in Cooper’s hand, brains splattered on the floor below you. Dropping the man, Cooper’s eyes flit to your body, chest rising and falling as you come off the adrenaline high.

“Now that was hot as hell sweetheart. You sure know how to make an impression on an old man.”

“Is that right?”

“‘m afraid so.” His eyes watch as you begin to unbuckle your armor, letting it fall from your frame to the floor.

“Then come and get me cowboy.”

@reveluving

#Cooper howard #Cooper howard x reader #Cooper howard x you #the ghoul #the ghoul x reader #the ghoul x you #walton goggins #fallout tv series #fallout #fallout amazon #Cooper howard/the ghoul #Lucy mclean #reader insert #female reader #lacontroller1991 #not sure how this is so please let me know!

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oldsoul007 · 1 month ago

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undercover

javier peña x reader

summary: y/n and javier go undercover

javier peña masterlist

It was late when Javier Peña and I slipped into the small, dimly lit hotel in Bogotá, our cover story already in place. We had become strangers—just another pair of tourists looking for a quiet retreat from the noise of the city. Our clothing was ordinary, unremarkable, but everything else had to be convincing. In the world we were about to enter, any slip-up could be fatal.

Javier glanced at me as we approached the check-in counter, his stomach tight with unease. I looked as calm as ever, my eyes scanning the room, every movement deliberate and controlled. I was good at this—too good. Javier hated it, but he couldn’t deny how perfectly I blended into the role of a foreigner on a business trip.

“Two nights,” he said to the hotel clerk in Spanish, his voice low and casual. “Under the name ‘Rodríguez.’” He flashed a small, practiced smile.

I stood behind him, leaning in slightly to whisper, “You know, you might want to work on your small talk skills, Peña.” My voice was light, teasing, but there was an edge of tension beneath it, an awareness of just how dangerous this mission was.

He shot me a glance as the clerk handed over the key, catching the faintest flicker of anxiety in my expression before I masked it again. She’s hiding it better than I am, he thought.

“We’re just here for business,” Javier continued smoothly, taking the room key. “I’m sure you understand.”

I nodded, adding my own warmth to the act. The clerk barely looked up as he handed us the key and gave us the directions to the elevator.

We made our way upstairs, moving with calculated precision, as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. The elevator doors slid shut, and the moment the metal closed between us and the world below, Javier turned to me, his voice barely a whisper.

“We can’t afford any mistakes, y/n. If they find out we’re not who we say we are…” He trailed off, but the meaning hung heavily between us.

“I know,” I replied, my voice firm but low. “That’s why you’re here. To watch my back.”

Javier’s chest tightened at the words. She’s counting on me.

Once inside the hotel room, we wasted no time in setting up. The small space felt suffocating despite its plainness. A simple bed, a worn-out chair, a cracked mirror hanging above a sink. It was the kind of place where people came to disappear—exactly what we needed for our cover.

I sat at the edge of the bed, unpacking my bag with methodical movements. Javier stood by the window, keeping watch, but his eyes kept drifting to me. She was so composed, so in control. The confidence she exuded only made him feel more vulnerable. I can’t protect her from everything. The realization gnawed at him.

“This is where it gets tricky,” I said, breaking the silence. My back was to him as I rifled through my things, pulling out a few tools—tiny cameras, a recorder, things that could help us collect information.

Javier turned to face me. “You’re not seriously going through with this, are you? We could do this another way, y/n. could work with Steve and—”

“Javier,” I interrupted, my voice calm but unyielding, “this is the only way. We get in, we get close to them, and we take them down. You know that.” I turned to him then, my gaze intense. “You think I want to do this? You think I want to walk into that lion’s den alone? I’m scared, okay? But we have no choice. This is the mission.”

He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair, frustration mounting. “I didn’t sign up for this to watch you get yourself killed. I don’t care what they say—I’m not letting you go in without me.”

My eyes softened, but there was a fire there too—an unspoken challenge. “You think I’m going to let you sit back and do nothing while I do all the work?” I smiled, but there was a sadness behind it. “No, Peña. We’re doing this together.”

My words hit harder than he expected. He knew I was right. I wasn’t just a colleague; I was someone he cared for deeply. And no matter how dangerous this mission was, how much he wanted to pull me out of it, he knew I was too far gone, too committed to the cause.

“We stick to the plan,” he said, his voice steady but his heart racing. “No deviations. And if it gets too hot, we bail, understood?”

I gave a curt nod. “Understood.”

Hours later, we found ourselves slipping through the shadows of the hotel lobby, avoiding the few scattered guests and staff. We were blending in, just another couple heading out for a drink at a nearby bar—at least, that’s what we looked like. The reality was much more dangerous.

As we stepped outside, the cool air hit us, and the dark streets of Bogotá stretched ahead. We kept our pace steady, a practiced, natural rhythm that made us appear just like anyone else.

The silence between us was thick now, the weight of our shared understanding pressing down on us. As we walked, Javier stole a glance at me. The streetlights flickered across my face, highlighting the sharpness of my features and the determined set of my jaw.

“You know, we should have gone for the beach,” he said, his voice dry, trying to lighten the mood. “Less… murder and more margaritas.”

My lips twitched at the corner, but my gaze remained forward. “You’re such a romantic. Maybe next time.”

Javier snorted softly. “Right, because you’re the expert on romance.”

I didn’t reply, but the briefest of smiles crossed my face. It was enough. For a split second, everything felt normal, the weight of the world lifting. But the moment passed, and they were back in our roles—partners on a dangerous mission, with nothing but the night ahead of us.

My voice was barely a whisper as I signaled for him to follow. “We get the intel, get out. No heroics.”

“I never do heroics,” he whispered back, a wry smile tugging at his lips, but the tension in his chest wouldn’t subside.

We were in this together. For better or worse.

The dim lighting of the bar cast long shadows over the wooden floors, the clinking of glasses and low hum of conversation blending into the background. Me and Javier settled in a quiet corner, our eyes trained on the man across the room. The air was thick with tension; their target—an up-and-coming drug dealer with connections to the Cali Cartel—was just a few feet away, oblivious to the surveillance being conducted on him.

Javier sipped his beer, his gaze never wavering from the man as he spoke in a hushed tone. “Keep it cool. He’s been making moves with the Cali, but we don’t have enough to move on him yet. Not until we see who he’s meeting.”

I nodded, my fingers tapping lightly on the edge of her glass. I was used to this, the waiting game, the constant assessment of every word and gesture. But the closer the man got to our corner, the more I could feel the rising pressure. My heart rate quickened, and I adjusted in my seat, making sure not to give anything away.

For a moment, I thought it was just my nerves. But then, the man’s eyes flicked toward us. It was subtle, but enough to make me freeze. He was staring right at us now, his eyes narrowing as if he recognized something—or someone.

Javier didn’t flinch, but he did stiffen, his posture subtly shifting to block me from view. He kept his gaze trained on the man, but it was clear something was off.

“Stay calm,” he muttered, barely audible.

My pulse quickened, and I could’ve feel the tension rising. The man was making his way toward us, his steps deliberate. My mind raced, weighing the options. We had to make a move, and fast, before we were caught.

Then, the man stopped. He was only a few feet away, and it was too close. His eyes flickered toward them again, suspicion flickering in his gaze. He wasn’t convinced yet, but I could see the gears turning in his head. This was it.

Before I could react, Javier moved in a blur. He pushed me against the wall, his body pressing against mine, blocking her from view. I had no time to process what was happening before his lips found mine, a forceful kiss that stunned me into silence.

The kiss wasn’t romantic—far from it. It was a calculated move, a way to shut me up before we were exposed. The force of it was enough to stop me from saying anything, to make sure the man wouldn’t overhear a word or catch on to the game we were playing.

My breath caught in my throat, my mind racing as I tried to comprehend what just happened. Javier held the kiss for only a moment longer than necessary, his hand firmly at my side, as if anchoring her to the wall. When he finally pulled away, he didn’t look at me. His eyes were back on the man, who seemed to be lost in thought, not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.

“Stay cool,” Javier whispered, his breath still hot against my ear.

My heart was still pounding, my body pressed against the wall, but I nodded. The man took one last glance at us, his eyes lingering a moment too long before he turned and walked away.

I exhaled sharply, my voice barely a whisper. “You’re lucky that worked.”

Javier’s lips curled into a faint, almost smug smile. “I’m always lucky.”

#javier pena x you #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena narcos #javier peña #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal imagines #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal #pedrohub #pedro x reader #pedro pascal x reader #javier pena fic #javier pena fluff #javier pena imagine #javier pena x y/n

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sweetkpopmusings · 2 months ago

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miserable (you & me) | s. changbin <3

a/n: i currently have a long weekend thanks to the thanksgiving holiday, so i'm in a bit of a writing frenzy. since i just posted some ateez fluff, i figured i should give into the stray kids angst demon again >:^) please enjoy a moment with changbin <3 pics not mine~

content: angst, happy ending | wc: 1.4k | warnings: none really! | pairing: changbin x gn!reader | requests:open

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

어떻게든 같이 걸어가려, I feel so tired but I can't give you up, my babe / “somehow try to walk with you / i feel so tired but i can’t give you up my babe”

changbin stared at some indiscernible object in the distance–or, rather, the direction opposite you–biding time until he absolutely had to respond to the information you just shared. sure, he was happy for you, but he couldn’t ignore the burning in the back of his throat as he tried to say encouraging words. the inner conflict was eating him alive, yet he felt he had no other choice than to be here and listen, like any good friend would.

it wasn’t the first time he had been in this position. he ended up here, again and again, because he didn’t know how to get out of it. behind every i’m rooting for you and they’d be crazy not to say “yes” was an i can’t get you out of my head, you know? every time i look at you, i feel my whole self coming undone, only being put back together when you look at me begging to be said. but he couldn’t. changbin wished he could. he practically pleaded with himself each time he saw you to finally say something. changbin pretended it wasn’t his fear of you rejecting him that held him back. he swore that once he had figured out the right words, he would find the right moment, and then, once everything fell into place, he would bare his soul to you. changbin convinced himself he wasn’t a coward by reminding himself that someone as perfect as you deserved the perfect confession. even if it meant he spent years hiding and hurting.

“changbin? did i lose you there?” the corners of your mouth upturned as you gently and playfully waved your hand in front of his face.

instinctively he smiled back, laughing a little despite the growing pang in his chest, “no, no, i’m right here.”

“good! because i haven’t gotten to the best part of the story yet,” you grinned before continuing to tell changbin all about the cute interaction shared between you and the coworker you were crushing on.

he couldn’t believe the beaming look in your eyes could hurt him so much. jealousy would do that though: make something so beautiful of yours hurt because he wasn’t the one igniting that beauty. that wouldn’t stop him from relishing in it though. your energy, your presence, it was always a gift, even if it broke his heart.

“so that’s when i figured, what the hell? i asked them out right then and there. they got flustered–it was so cute–and then they said ‘yes!’ we’re going out this saturday. can you help me pick out my outfit?”

changbin, who always turned to putty when he saw your puppy-dog eyes, let out a breathy laugh, “yeah, sure, i can help pick out the outfit that will get them to fall in love with you, just so they can break your heart in a few months like everyone else.”

changbin’s face filled with shock and regret before you could finish processing his words. it hurt you, but, judging by the slump in changbin’s shoulders, what he said hurt him even more.

“i’m so sorry for snapping, y/n, i–”

“no, it’s fine. i talk about them too much. i’m sure you’re tired of hearing me ramble on about all my crushes, especially when my dating life is so unlucky,” you forced a smile, aware that changbin saw right through you, as he always did, “i should probably go, so you don’t have to suffer through my rambling any longer.”

the way changbin looked at you kept you frozen in place. you wanted to turn and walk away before tears slipped down your cheeks, or, worse, before either of you said something that would hurt the other. but the way changbin watched you, the way his breath staggered, the way his eyes revealed he had no intention of every looking away from you…it all kept your feet firmly planted on the ground.

changbin, knees weak and trembling, felt adrenaline coursing through his body. he stood in front of you, hands in his pockets, unsure if this was the moment to finally reach out to you. when he saw you break your gaze away from him to glance toward your route home, he knew, deep down, that it was now or never. he may have already ruined things by snapping. he figured it was better to ruin your friendship by showing you how much you were loved, rather than leaving you hurt with harsh words.

“y/n,” changbin took a deep breath when your eyes once again locked with his, “that was rude, and i hope you know that i never get annoyed by your rambling. i could hear you talk forever, even if it’s about someone you like, as long as that someone makes you happy. i just…it can be hard for me sometimes because…well…i like you. i have liked you for so long, but the timing never feels right, and everyone else seems to have the courage i don’t because you keep ending up with other people. if you’re happy, i’m happy. i guess i just can’t hide it anymore. i like you. i always will.”

changbin paused, eyes brimming with tears, and he mustered up a smile so you didn’t feel forced to comfort him, “i know you like them, your coworker. if your feelings for me aren’t the same, that’s fine. or, i mean, i at least can live with it, as long as you’re still my friend. i can’t give you up. if you need time away from me because of this, i understand. i hope this hasn’t made things too weird. i hope, more than anything, that we can still be friends. a life without you just doesn’t feel like the right life for me.”

you bit your lip, keeping yourself quiet until changbin finished. it was only fair to let him ramble after you had been talking his ear off all night. then, once you were sure he had said everything he meant to, you smiled. changbin, despite himself, let hope bloom in his chest when he saw the smile grow on your face.

“changbin,” you shook your head, laughing quietly in disbelief, “why didn’t you say something sooner? i like you more than everyone else.”

changbin’s eyes got so big you couldn’t do anything other than giggle. a few words from you, and he looked like he was over the moon.

“you…like me?”

“of course, changbin. are you free saturday? i just have to cancel some plans, but then i’m all yours.”i’m all yours turned changbin’s chest into a fireworks show, so, rather than answering you, he broke into a fit of giggles and wrapped you into his arms. he was, always and forever, all yours. he did not need any courage to tell you that, over and over and over again.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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shunsuiken · 9 months ago

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I JUST CAN’T LEAVE YOU ALONE, CAN WE GET EVEN CLOSER?

pairing. kamisato ayato x gn!bodyguard!reader

genre. fluff for the most part + does get suggestive tho 😁

synopsis. the yashiro commissioner resorts to a scandalous method to get your attention.

wc. 1.5k (i know its short but i wanted to get straight to the point LMAO)

an. guys this is so dumb but one thing that popped up in my head while writing this is that tiktok of that girl going i slowly started to be seducted by him like he’s trying to SEDUCE me 😭😭😭 omg that shits so fuckin funny

“you’re too far away, y/n.”

your eye twitches as you stare at the wooden door. he’s teasing you. a filthy load of shamelessness drips in his tone. an arm rises so he can relax his cheek in his palm, eyeing your figure that has been standing in front of the door this whole time.

you realise why he’s decided to open his mouth after five minutes of dead silence.

you’re not looking at him.

“y/n, i said you’re too far away.” his voice is louder this time. it sounds closer to a command.

“i am standing at an appropriate distance from you, my lord.” you’re staring laser beams into the door at this point. “feel free to attend to your bathing requirements independently.”

ayato scoffs. a shiver crawls up your spine.

“it was my understanding that you, my personal bodyguard, were informed about the injuries i sustained during the failed fatui assassination attempt.” drawing circles in the water with the tip of his index finger, he sighs, “sadly, my current physical state renders me incapable of attending to my bathing requirements.”

“so i would be most grateful for your assistance.” you can practically see the grin on his lips, devilish and scheming.

before ayato picks up the bathing cloth, you’ve already given in, practically attaching your eyes to the bathtub as you sit on the stool provided for you. taking the cloth, you dip it in the water to soak it up before gently gliding it across his shoulders with shaky hands.

“ah, there we go. now wasn’t that easy?” ayato turns his face towards you, now showing more of his naked back—wet and glistening in all its glory.

you feel you might faint.

you hum in agreement, holding onto that blasted bathing cloth for dear life. ayato seems to notice and turns his whole body towards you out of curiosity, but your head snaps in the other direction instead!

“y/n, how will you help me bathe if you’re facing that way?” you can hear the water splash around the stone material of the tub. it drips down the side, slowly sliding towards the stone floor.

you’re his bodyguard. you’re his bodyguard. this wasn’t part of the job description—so why are you even here?!

“my lord, i find it difficult to provide assistance if you keep moving,” you respond indifferently, maintaining some level of professionalism despite how this situation has broken all levels of it.

from the corner of your eye, you can vaguely see his hair sticking to his collarbones and shoulders. ayato knows you can see him like this. so there’s simply no point in acting such a way. but he laughs, humoured by your behaviour anyway. “oh please drop the formalities. i am merely an injured man before you.”

a naked, injured man. you correct him silently.

“mm.” you don’t really know what else to say. how were you supposed to explain any of this to anybody if they caught you leaving the bathing hall with him?!

you soak up the wash cloth once more, beginning to clean him up again. avoiding all eye contact and opportunities of skinship turns out to be much more difficult than you thought. however, when it’s time to clean his chest area, you wordlessly pass the cloth back to him.

“hm?” he looks at you. “what about over here?” he asks, pointing at his chest shamelessly.

you gape at him—oh, you’re finally looking at him now. and you wish you didn’t.

ayato is so utterly gorgeous. cheeks dusted in a shade of pink from the steam and his lips, moistened and sanguine. he would have been recognised as a deity were it not for his mortal disposition.

ayato rather takes pleasure in this look on your face. baffled, stunned, dumbfounded—this list could go on! what he finds interesting though, is that your eyes never seem to go past his shoulders. and, ayato, being quite fond of his cute and adorable bodyguard, has to tease you.

“this is as far as i will go,” you inhale, feeling like your mask of indifference will crumble within seconds. “my lord, it would be inappropriate for me to assist you in this area.”

ayato’s brows raise in excitement, revelling in how you try to stay professional. you’re doing a much better job than he would’ve expected—if it were anybody else, they would have been seduced right away.

but it’s you that the lord is playing with. and he intends to play with you until he is satisfied.

“but you’ve already come this far, why not do the rest while you’re at it?” your bottom lip quivers.

ayato figures that he’ll need to try something else to get your attention to where it needs to be.

you gasp when he takes your hand in his, gently pulling you towards him until you’re sitting on the edge of the stone tub. your uniform is dampened as you sit on the edge but you can care less when ayato peers up at you with those lavender eyes.

“m- my lord, what do you intend to do?” you curse yourself silently for stuttering. the vapour from the bath water makes your cheeks hot and sticks your hair to your forehead.

kind of looks like you could use a bath too. ayato makes a brief comment in his mind, his thumb caressing the back of your hand as he ponders on a response.

“get in the bath with me.”

a moment passes by. you swear you have never heard a more ridiculous request than this. for the past few years you’ve dealt with his unique appetite, his clothing requirements and his… special personality but this request is the first one that renders you speechless.

“what?”

“get in the bath with me,” ayato repeats, firmer this time.

you’ve lost feeling in your legs ever since he took your hand, but it’s not long before you’re soaked in bath water—with ayato there to soften the fall as your hands instinctively grab onto his shoulders. you land with an oompf, fingers wiping droplets on your face, unfortunately missing the biggest grin on your boss’ lips.

“there, that was not so difficult, was it?” his voice is much closer by your ear now, sending a wave of chills down your spine.

you hesitantly meet his eyes, behind those pretty lashes and soft sky blue hair that clings to his forehead and cheeks. “wasn’t,” you mutter as your gaze shakes in your stare. you fear that if you tear your eyes away from him again he’ll do something else even more ridiculous.

the water swooshes and you fall onto your butt when ayato finds himself on top of your lap. you can feel his thighs just gently pressing against your own which is making you wonder how you haven’t already lost consciousness.

but it’s also making you think about things you never would’ve thought you would think about.

is ayato, your employer, trying to seduce you?!

you try to think of something to say. anything. doesn’t matter how random it could be. you inhale sharply, “so did you actually have work to do or did you just want me to loiter around you?”

“not to ‘loiter’,” ayato chuckles at your word choice while you think you’ve heard heaven’s gates fly right open. “but to ‘accompany’. i did indeed have work to complete but such a mind-numbing task becomes more bearable with you around.” he traces your cheek with the pad of his thumb, palm just ghosting over your ear. “do you know how adorable you look when you’re sitting by the door with that straight look on your face?”

“that is my job, my lord.” you don’t lean away from his touch. a good sign for him. “i didn’t think i would be such a distraction, if you would like, i could relocate just outsi-”

it’s featherlight. barely even a kiss. just a gentle brush of his lips over yours. but that miniscule feeling is like a fire and it burgeons in your chest, melting away the cold iceberg of your doubts and worries. there is no turning back now. it’s like your hand has grown a mind of its own when it wraps around ayato’s neck, pulling him closer so his lips collide with yours again.

“oh dear,” ayato mutters lowly. his hair tickles your cheek. “are my feelings being reciprocated?”

your lips are like magnets to his. it makes you grin at the revelation of your own emotions. “i fear you’ve successfully seduced me, my lord.” ayato smiles as your gaze flickers between his eyes and lips.

being caged between his arms has to be considered some sort of sport for your heart. the last time it threatened to leap out of your chest like this was during the official selection of ayato’s bodyguards.

“that makes a fine headline for the steambird, don’t you think?” ayato keeps his lips close to yours, doing everything he can in his power to not crash his lips onto yours again. and so pathetically too. “‘bodyguard allegedly seduced by the yashiro commissioner’.”

“indeed. now wouldn’t that shake things up here in inazuma,” you laugh, cupping your hands in the water to pour over what you can onto his shoulders. “well now that you’re all cleaned up, don’t you think you should get ready for bed?”

ayato gives you a pointed look. “will you dress me?”

“i-” you shouldn’t even pretend like you’re surprised by this. nodding your head, you reassure him, “that can be arranged.”

#ayato x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato fluff #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #genshin x reader fluff #ayato x reader fluff #kamisato ayato fluff

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not-neverland06 · 8 months ago

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Crash of Worlds

Previous part / Next part

Cooper Howard x fem!reader, The Ghoul x fem!reader A/N: After this there’s gonna be more canon divergence - this one’s short (rope divider done by @saradika-graphics , cowboy hat/revolvers done by @firefly-graphics) Summary: You’d been expecting everything to be different, people, to be different. But not like this. Not to such an extreme extent. Maybe the vault had softened you more than you’d have liked but there was nothing to do about it now.

The green canopy of the forest provides a welcome relief from the heat. You and Lucy follow the signs pointing the way to Filly. You hear it before you ever get to see it. There’s a distant sound of yelling and the murmur of people. It has your heart clenching in your chest.

You’re outside, breathing in real air, not oxygen from tanks. You can feel the breeze in your hair and hear people. It’s all you wanted for three years. Bud prepared you for a lot. But he didn’t prepare you for just how jarring it is to wake up and suddenly everything you’ve ever known is gone. You don’t feel the years you’ve been asleep. It was like it happened yesterday.

But you’ve had three years to come to peace with what had happened. You can’t let yourself get wrapped up in this feeling of nostalgia. The raiders that came down to the vault were proof enough that the people you’re going to meet up here aren’t going to be anywhere near friendly. You know this world has turned into dog-eat-dog, Lucy doesn’t yet, though.

She walks towards a large grove of abandoned cars. The paint has flaked off and the glass smashed in, but they’re not in horrible condition for being two hundred odd years old. You're distracted by the convertible she stands next to and you gasp.

You rush forward, hand smoothing over the hood and grinning at the familiar feel. “I-”

You cut yourself off abruptly and Lucy looks over at you, a curious smile on her face. “What is it?”

You shake your head, “Nothing. Just excited to see civilization again.” You give her a terse smile, hoping she doesn’t smell the lie. You’d almost said that it was exactly like your old car. But that would have opened up a can of worms you weren’t ready for.

She groans, linking her arm through yours and nodding. “I know, me too. The surface is definitely not what I was expecting.”

You sigh, glancing back at the car before stepping towards Filly. “Yeah, me either.”

The noise reaches a crescendo as you finally manage to make your way into the market. There’s still signs directing you further through the woods so you figure this must not be Filly yet. Probably just a little place where people tried to peddle junk.

A man lurches out at you holding out a kebab and grinning widely. “DOG MEAT!” You jump back in shock as he screams in your face. His eyes are unseeing as he waves the kebab around. “GET YOUR DOGMEAT HERE!”

“Oh, what the fuck?” You mutter, you didn’t mean dog-eat-dog literally. You notice you and Lucy getting odd looks and you finally realize just how much the two of you stand out. In comparison, you're both well groomed and much cleaner than anyone here.

Not only that but you’ve got the stupid Pip-Boy’s on your arm and vault suits on. You’re walking advertisements of “Come rob me!” You steer Lucy further through the market, narrowly avoiding a lizard meat stall and dragging her towards a tunnel at the end of the path. Filly’s just beyond and you shove her through the opening, eager to get somewhere where you might be able to find something useful.

You seperate with the promise to meet back up in the middle of the town square. You’re going to look for something to change into and she’ll find some information on her father. Should be easy enough.

He’s not supposed to be here. He’d gotten himself and all of his kind banned a long time ago. An impressive feat, considering how lawless Filly is. But no one’s going to say anything to him, no one ever has before.

Any other ghoul and they would have been dragged right back out before they could even put a foot through the tunnel. But he’s not any ghoul, he’s the ghoul. And no one in their right mind is going to be the one to start a fight they’ve got no fucking hope of winning.

He rolls the empty vial of RadAway around in his hand, hat tipped down as he waits for his mark to show up. Ma June, cantankerous old bitch that she is, always has good supplies. But she doesn’t sell to ghouls, and if he didn’t need her alive right now he would have shot her for turning him away. She’s a well known fence for fugitives and bounties. If his mark is going to show up anywhere, it’s going to be right here.

Most of the people who try their hand at bounty hunting do it for the experience. They get bored, not that he can fucking blame them. After a while staring at nothing but sand and chickens makes a man go a little crazy. They don’t understand that it’s all a waiting game.

Sometimes it’s an exhilarating chase, like a predator tracking down its prey. But more often than not he’s just waiting for a slip up. A mistake from whoever has a price on their head is usually what lands them in his hands. And the second this man decided to use Ma June as a transport was when he made his mistake. Everyone knows that Barv can’t keep her mouth shut for shit.

When someone decides Ma June can help them, everyone knows where they are. It’s a big bounty, enough to keep anyone with a normal life cycle sated for the rest of their life. For him, it’s all about the hunt. The wait, that look in their eyes when they realize they're trapped and there’s nowhere left for them to turn. He loves it when he’s got them cornered.

There’s a desperation to them that makes the capture all the more sweeter.

There’s two bright flashes of blue against the otherwise dreary countenance of Filly. He doesn’t look up much, still trying not to draw too much attention to himself. He sees one, brown hair and wide eyed as she takes in the sights. Fucking vaulties.

It’s been a while since he’s taken one of their bounties. Their tech was pretty valuable among surface dwellers and when one was spotted, which was rare, there was usually a good price on their head. He can only catch the back of the other one, her face blocked by a conveniently placed support beam next to him.

She stops by the clothing stall, waving her friend along and speaking to the woman who runs the booth. Good fucking luck to her. There was no haggling with that woman and her prices were fucking ridiculous. He wonders how long it will be until he sees those two on the poster in some bar somewhere. He’s sure when the time comes, he’ll enjoy taking them too.

His gaze goes back to Ma June’s shop, interest already waned in the rare vault dweller. They were never all that fun. Never had any good information and always had a stick up their ass about morals and being a “good” person.

Finally, his mark turns up. Blind to the danger lurking behind him.

You’re in a really shitty spot when the fighting starts. You’re overwhelmed by everything around you. Freaks in wacky ass clothes peddling their mutated animals and fucking teeth. Teeth.

Teeth and bottle caps, that’s the currency now. Who decided that bottle caps were a good idea? Or teeth for that matter. You’ve only got so many of them. You don’t even want to think about what they’re getting used for.

The woman in front of you only has four of her own left and she’s demanding three of yours for a shirt. You’re not well versed in the economy of the wasteland, but even you’re sure that three teeth is a ridiculous ask. From the way people keep glaring at you as they walk by, you’re sure that she thinks because you’re from a vault you’re going to be gullible.

You’re too caught up in your quickly escalating argument to realize what’s happening until it’s too late. A man stands in the center of the square, his back to you. You can tell from your view that he’s pretty badly burned, the skin around his neck and skull warped and twisted.

He’s yelling about a bounty and your head tilts in confusion. There’s something to the lilt of that accent that sounds familiar. You take a step forward, abandoning the clothing stall and trying to place how you know him. It’s impossible, really, that anyone recognizable would still be alive. But maybe someone else got out of a vault and made it to the surface. If they did, it clearly wasn’t unscathed.

It’s only when he pulls out his gun that you realize Lucy is standing in front of him, with the man that bothered her last night. You want to call out her name, try and catch her eye, but the last thing you need is him pointing that gun at you. You jump back in shock as he shoots the man’s foot off, eyes widening, and feet scrambling backwards.

The woman in the clothing stall hisses, “Fucking ghoul,” and makes a run for it. You watch her go, finally realizing just how empty the square is now. Everyone has left, all of them terrified by the man in black. Your eyes dart between him and the stall.

She’s gone, and you need clothes. You’ll deal with Lucy’s scolding later. You leap over the counter of the stall and begin to rifle through the woman’s stock. Stuffing any spare clothes you think will fit into your pack and just because she was such a horrid bitch, you steal her bag of caps too.

The crazy old lady by the shop screams out a reward for anyone who manages to kill the man in front of you. When the guns start going off you realize just how screwed you are. You’re in the middle of the town square. Granted, you are blocked by the clothing stall, but these bullets they’re using aren’t ordinary.

They’re getting holes blown clean through their chest and the buildings around them are damn near exploding from the impact. The measly little wooden stall isn’t going to be any sort of decent cover against them.

You risk another look over the counter, hoping to find a clear path to Lucy or at least some better cover. He’s finally turned around now and you can get a half decent glance at his side profile. There’s nothing truly recognizable about him, just familiar. It’s hard to really tell anything about him when he doesn’t have a nose.

You watch with wide eyes and a disbelieving expression as he takes three shots to the chest like it’s nothing. He keeps chewing on his tomatoes and slowly finding cover to reload. A ghoul. Hank and Betty had told you and the other’s about them. People poisoned by radiation.

Most of them turn feral, but those who can find the right chems live a lot longer than any normal human should. They heal nearly immediately and are almost invulnerable to anything except their own disease. Considering how quick on the draw this guy is, no one has any real hope of taking him down.

With the shooting redirected you leap out from behind the counter and rush towards the shop. But something stops you before you reach the door. You don’t know what it is, what connects in your brain that has you so harshly coming to a stop.

You whirl around, ignoring the way Lucy calls out your name. He’s back out from his cover now. He aims, grinning and laughing as he manages to get two people with one bullet. Carnage is all around you. Blood flying through the air, surrounded by blood and guts. The relatively peaceful downtown has been littered with dead.

And in the middle of it all stands him. You have to be wrong. There’s no fucking way he’s standing in front of you. You take a step forward and his head whips towards you. The rest of him isn’t recognizable, but you would know those eyes anywhere.

His eyes widen with surprise and you feel your gut drop to your feet. This can’t be him. There’s no way. He’s slaughtering these people like it’s nothing. The man you knew could never be so casual about this. Then again, the relationship you’d had was built on lies. Maybe you’d never really known him.

Before you can process the anger in his face you’re being jerked to the side. Lucy pants as she drags you into the shop and you look over your shoulder, shocked to find a bullet where you’d just been standing. You catch his eye, see the smoke coming from the barrel of his gun and realize he’d tried to fucking shoot you.

Shit, maybe it is him. He had always had a bad temper and a good aim.

You can feel his eyes, tracking you even as you disappear behind the walls of the shop. You and Lucy risk a peek out of the shop when you hear something like an explosion. You gape as a power suit lands in front of him. What twisted ass blast to the past have you just been sent to?

How the fuck was Cooper Howard, ghoulified, and a power suit both in the same area?

You had to be dreaming. There was no way this was happening. But it was, and whoever was in charge of that suit had no idea what they were doing. He’s ducking under their swinging metal arms, taunting them and drawing out the fight. He could end this now, you both know where the weakness is.

Hell, you could end this fight right now. But you don’t see the need to kill the Knight when it’s clear he’s trying to protect you and Lucy. “We need to get him,” Lucy points frantically to the man on the ground. He’s not really moving, just clutching the bloody nub where his foot used to be and looking astonished at the blood around him.

“This is really stupid,” you hiss as you both start forward and wrap an arm around one of his own. You don’t have much time to process what happens next.

“Watch out!” The knight barrels towards you both. He wraps his arms around Lucy and goes flying into a building. You jump back at the explosion of wood and metal flying down around you. The ghoul has his gun pointed at them both. He’d clearly been trying to snipe you both, get you away from the man on the ground.

Well, he could fucking have him. You drop the man to the ground and he grunts as you make a run for it. A coward’s move, the same one you admonished Norm for. But, you’re a fucking hypocrite, so what? Right now, you’d really just like to survive this gun fight unscathed.

Something lands near your foot and you jump, realizing it’s a bullet. You glance up and the ghoul is laughing at you, full on belly laughing as he shoots around you. You realize with a start that he’s playing with you. Taunting you like a man who’s got all the time in the world. But you can’t stop running. If you stop, those bullets are going to catch up with you.

You keep going, legs pumping and heart racing as you’re separated more and more from Lucy. The mission, the whole reason you came up to the surface, is lost on you. You can only focus on one thing, surviving. You keep running, through alleyways and around buildings until you’re back in the woods. The whole time his laughter is following you.

The sharp noise of something whistling through the air reaches your ears and then something snaps against you. You glance down, only a moment to process the rope over your arms before he’s dragging you back. Your head hits the ground with a harsh snap, the motion slamming your teeth together and nearly biting off the tip of your tongue.

You groan in dazed pain and then he’s slowly dragging you back. One sharp tug after another, rocks ripping at your suit and scalp, hair ripped out underneath your back. Until, finally, he’s peering over you, face upside down and lips twisted up into a strained smile.

“Well, there you are, sweetheart.”

#cooper howard x reader #the ghoul x reader #fallout x reader #fallout tv series #fallout prime #the ghoul #cooper howard #I’ve been noticing a lot less interaction on my page #What the hell tumblr #cooper howard x you #the ghoul x you #the ghoul x fem!reader #cooper howard x fem!reader

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whosscruffylooking · 24 days ago

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ᖭི༏ᖫྀ The Beginning of Us- Chapter 4 ᖭི༏ᖫྀ

Joel Miller x Fem! Reader warnings: mentions of blood, severe injuries. word count: 8k Series Masterlist

The sun barely breaks through the ash-gray sky, a dull light filtering into the cracked streets of the Boston QZ. The air is thick with smoke and the scent of decay, a testament to how little life has improved in twenty years. Joel moves through the crowd with his head down, blending into the current of weary, hollow-eyed people who shuffle past. His boots crunch on the gravel, the sound swallowed by the din of shouting guards and the occasional gunshot from beyond the wall.

It’s just another day in the zone, another day of scraping by.

Joel focuses on his next deal—a battery, some fuel, anything to keep him moving. He’s been chasing whispers about Tommy’s whereabouts, and today’s promise of trade could get him one step closer to finding his brother. He avoids eye contact with the patrols, his shoulders hunched, the line of his jaw tight. Tess is waiting at their usual spot, arms crossed, scanning the crowd.

“Thought you weren’t coming,” she mutters when he approaches, her voice low to avoid the ears of the nearby FEDRA officers.

“Had to talk to Owens. He’s stalling on that truck part.” Joel adjusts the strap of his bag over his shoulder, glancing around for any signs of trouble.

“Figures. He’d sell you a brick and call it gold if he could.” Tess smirks faintly, but her eyes study him for a beat longer than usual. She’s noticed it again—the shadow of something else pulling at him.

Joel catches her staring and scowls. “What?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“You just seem… distracted, is all.” She shrugs it off, but the weight of her words lingers. “Been happening a lot lately.”

Joel doesn’t reply, just grunts and starts walking toward the alley where their contact is supposed to meet them. He doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to name what’s eating at him. Because if he admits it, even to himself, it’ll become real. The whispers he’s heard, the rumors—he’s ignored them for years, written them off as ghost stories. And yet, every time her name drifts into a conversation, his chest tightens.

Y/N.

A name he hasn’t spoken aloud in decades. A name that still cuts, no matter how much he pretends it doesn’t.

He heard about you just last week, some drunk muttering at the bar about a ghost who roams the outskirts, doing jobs no one else will take. You don’t work for FEDRA. You don’t belong to the Fireflies. You’re a shadow, moving through the world like a tale, untouchable and unseen. The stories sound ridiculous—too good to be true—but a part of Joel wonders. Hopes. Hates himself for it.

Because you left. That’s what Tommy told him. You left him behind.

But the truth is murkier, messier, and he can’t make sense of the pull he still feels whenever your name is spoken, like a string tied too tight around his ribcage.

“Joel,” Tess says, pulling him back to the present. Her tone is sharper now. “You’re doing it again.”

“What?”

“That thing where you disappear into your head. You gotta focus, man. These trades go south fast if you’re not paying attention.”

“I’m focused,” he snaps, though it’s half-hearted.

Tess raises an eyebrow, but she doesn’t push further. She’s learned not to. Instead, she gestures toward the alley, where their contact is leaning against the wall, waiting.

As they approach, Joel shakes off the lingering thoughts and forces himself to concentrate. The trade is quick, tense—ration cards exchanged for information about the truck part Joel’s been chasing. The man gives him a location, vague directions that might as well lead to nowhere, but it’s all they’ve got.

When it’s done, Joel and Tess head back toward the quieter side of the QZ, away from the chaos of the main square. Tess glances at him as they walk, "I have a few things to take care of. You'll be alright without me?" He nods and they head their separate ways.

Joel heads back to their apartment, determined to do one thing, numb the pain. He fumbles around the cabinet and finds a bottle of whiskey that has seen better days. He sits it down on the table next to a glass but decides against the glass. He takes a long swig directly from the bottle. That familiar burn laces his throat and he winces, but he knows the effects will overtake him soon.

He walks into the middle of the room and presses on a worn-down wooden dresser, it scrapes the floor as it moves. He bends down to the floorboards where it once was and pushes on one of the planks, it teeters and he lifts it up. Inside, is a small stash of his belongings. A map, with traces of red and blue markings.

He takes another swig of the drink as he traces the red line all around to a mark right by Boston. A small note is written byit, "August 21, 2023 Last Known Sighting."

He takes another drink and leans back, staring up at the ceiling.

And then it happens—the memories slip through, uninvited and unstoppable.

August of 2002

Sarah bursts into the kitchen, her excitement bubbling over. “Dad! Our new neighbor is here—she brought cookies!”

Joel looks up from the counter, confused. “Cookies?”

“Yeah, come on!” Sarah grabs his hand, practically dragging him to the door.

When he steps into the doorway, that’s when he sees you for the first time. You’re standing there, a small smile on your face, holding a plate of cookies wrapped neatly in plastic.

“Hi,” you say, your voice warm and slightly nervous. “I’m Y/N. I just moved in across the street. I overheard you guys talking the other day about how much you loved cookies, and, well, my sister sent me a ridiculous amount when I moved. There’s no way I can eat all of these on my own, so I figured I’d share.”

Joel blinks, caught slightly off guard. “Uh, I’m Joel,” he finally says, his voice quieter than usual. He takes the plate from your hands, his fingers brushing yours briefly.

Sarah beams up at you. “Thank you! He really does love cookies. I do, too.”

You laugh softly, glancing between the two of them. “Well, then I think these are in good hands.”

Joel clears his throat, still feeling a little off-balance. “Appreciate it. You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s nothing, really,” you say, your smile widening slightly. “Just wanted to say hi.”

For a moment, he doesn’t respond, his gaze lingering on you. Sarah elbows him lightly, pulling him out of whatever trance he’s in.

“Right, uh—thanks again,” he adds, stepping aside slightly. “You, uh, need anything, you know where we are.”

“Good to know,” you reply with a nod, stepping back onto the porch. “Enjoy the cookies.”

As you walk back across the street, Joel watches you for a beat longer than he means to.

“Dad,” Sarah whispers, smirking up at him. “You’re staring.”

Joel shakes his head, muttering, “No, I’m not.”

But he is.

The memory fades, and Joel blinks back the sting in his eyes. He takes another drink, gripping the bottle tighter now. He doesn’t want to go there—to let himself linger in what’s gone. But the alcohol, or maybe just the years, has other plans.

September 2002

“Is it just me, or is your new neighbor the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on?” Tommy asks, peering out the living room window with a mischievous grin.

Joel, still sorting through the bills on the kitchen table, doesn’t even look up as he responds, “That’s my neighbor. Keep it respectful.”

“She’s not my neighbor,” Tommy smirks, nudging his brother. “Aaannndd she’s coming over right now.”

Joel’s hand pauses mid-air as he flips through a stack of bills. The thought of you coming over catches him off guard. He’s grown used to seeing you across the street over the past month, a familiar presence, but he’s kept his distance. You’ve waved, shared a few polite words, but he hasn’t made any real effort to engage. Sarah, though, had already grown close to you, and Joel couldn’t help but notice how easily you both seemed to click.

“Looks like she’s got milk and eggs in her hand,” Tommy notes, his voice tinged with amusement.

Milk. Of course. He tries to push any thoughts of you aside, but his attention is still drawn to the door as Tommy heads to answer it.

“Welcome to Casa Miller,” Tommy greets, opening the door wide with a grin. “I’m Tommy. I don’t think we’ve met yet.”

You step inside, holding the milk and eggs in your hands with a sheepish smile. “Oh! Nice to meet you! I’m Y/N. I’m so sorry to stop by unannounced, but my fridge just broke, and I really don’t want the milk and eggs to go bad. Is there any way I could store them over here for now?”

Joel’s steps are slow as he approaches the door. The moment you both catch sight of each other, there’s an unspoken pause. A brief flicker of recognition in your eyes. He takes you in—the familiar features he’s seen from a distance over the last month now up close. You’re just as striking in person as you are from across the street.

Tommy’s voice breaks the silence. “Of course you can, and why don’t you stay for dinner? Let the fridge be the least of your worries tonight. We’ve got you covered.”

You glance between the two of them, clearly hesitating. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude.”

Tommy looks to Joel with a sly grin, then back at you. “Please do,” he presses. “Right, Joel?”

Joel, momentarily caught off guard, nods. He clears his throat, a touch of awkwardness creeping in as he speaks. “Yes, please. Sorry, come in.”

As you step inside, the door closing behind you, Joel feels the weight of the moment. Despite his attempt to keep things casual, a small part of him can’t help but be aware of your presence, the subtle tension between you lingering in the air.

Joel clenches his jaw, his knuckles whitening around the neck of the bottle. The whiskey sloshes inside as he sets it down harder than he intended.

The memories don’t stop.

September 26, 2003

"Stop looking at me like that." You whisper.

He shakes his head, "I can't."

"Try harder."

"Then stop being so beautiful," he whispers, reaching his hand across your hips and tugging you up against him. You gasp slightly at just how perfectly every part of you fits with his.

"Don't go," he repeats himself as he begins caressing every curve of your body.

"How did this happen?" You giggle.

"You seduced me okay?" He jokes.

"I remember it quite differently," you whisper in between peppering light kisses on his chest.

"Just trying to be neighborly," he places a playful squeeze on your hip.

"Well," you twirl his hair in your fingers, "However it happened, I hope it happens again."

Before you can pull away too far, he captures your lips with his. His kiss intoxicates you and lights a burning desire within you to pick up where you both left off last night.

Swiftly, he guides your body underneath his and growls against your skin, "Then let's make it happen again."

Joel exhales shakily, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. He drags his hands down his face, trying to will the memories away. But it’s no use.

Because the last one is always the hardest.

September 27, 2003

It’s chaos. Smoke fills the air, screams echoing in the distance. Joel stands there, frozen, as the flames rage behind him. Tommy pulls at his arm, shouting, “We have to go, Joel!”

But he’s searching, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Where is she?” he yells, his voice raw.

Tommy shakes his head, the anguish clear on his face. “She left, Joel. She—she went her own way.”

“No,” Joel says, his voice trembling. “She wouldn’t—”

“Joel, we have to go!” Tommy’s grip is firm, unyielding.

And then they’re running. But every step feels like a betrayal.

The bottle slips from Joel’s hand, hitting the floor with a dull thud. He doesn’t bother picking it up, his hands pressed to his face now. The pain is suffocating, clawing at him from the inside out.

He’s told himself he hates you. For leaving. For abandoning him and Sarah. For not being there when everything fell apart.

But deep down, buried under all the anger and hurt, is something far worse—grief. Grief for what was, and what could have been.

And sometimes, when he lets himself feel it, longing.

»»————————-««

August 29, 2023

Joel and Tess make their way down the dimly lit hallway, their boots crunching over debris. The faint stench of blood and death hangs in the air, the bodies of fallen Fireflies scattered across the floor. Tess finds their battery, but it’s destroyed—just another obstacle in their already complicated journey.

Joel pauses as he hears a groan, his instincts sharp. He follows the sound, moving cautiously through the halls, and spots two women leaning on each other, their movements slow and labored. But the noise from a nearby door distracts him—a loud rattling, followed by a sudden burst. Before he can react, a young girl barrels into him, her small form slamming into his chest. She’s fast and aggressive, but he’s quicker. He tosses her against the wall with ease, disarming her in one smooth motion, his gun pointed directly at her.

“Joel?” A familiar voice calls from behind him.

He turns, surprised. “Marlene?”

The Firefly leader, clutching her side, limps toward him, her face tight with pain but still full of resolve. The girl looks back at Marlene, her expression shifting as she spots the wound on her side.

“Oh shit,” the girl mutters, her tone shifting between concern and frustration.

“It’s okay,” Marlene replies, trying to steady herself, “I’ll be fine. But you can’t be reckless like this.”

Tess steps forward, eyeing Marlene with a mix of disdain and curiosity. “So this is who Robert screwed us over with? The Che Guevara of Boston? Guess your war’s not going too well if you’re buying from scum like him.”

“Yeah, it kinda hasn’t been,” Marlene responds bluntly. “Merch was bad, and he didn’t take ‘screw off’ for an answer.”

The girl, impatient, tries to reach for the knife Joel just moved under his boot.

“Don’t,” Joel warns, his voice sharp.

Marlene gestures toward the girl. “Point it at me, not her.”

Joel raises an eyebrow. “What do you need a car battery for?”

“I need it for a better reason than you do,” Marlene says coolly, her gaze unwavering. “No offense, but Tommy’s just one man. It’s our job to know things.”

Joel scoffs. “To know things?” His sarcasm hangs in the air.

“Okay, Joel,” Marlene says, the desperation in her voice creeping in. “That was a lot of gunfire. FEDRA’s on its way. We were gonna move Ellie outta the zone tonight, but it’s not happening like this. Not for a while, anyway. So now I’m thinkin’… you’re gonna do it.”

“The hell we are,” Joel retorts, his voice rising with irritation. “We don’t smuggle people.”

Marlene takes a deep breath, the weight of the situation pressing down on her. “There’s a team of Fireflies waiting for her at the old State House.”

Joel’s disbelief is evident. “So?”

Marlene leans in, her voice urgent. “I know what’s out there. We were supposed to have a whole squadron for that. But now, I don’t have a truck. I don’t have a squadron. FEDRA’s five minutes away. What I do have is you two. And I know what you’re capable of. For better or worse.”

Joel glances at Tess, considering it.

Marlene adds, her voice softening slightly, “Get her there safely, and we’ll give you everything you need. Not just a battery. The whole thing. A fueled-up truck, guns, supplies, all of it. I swear.”

Joel slides the knife away from the girl, pushing it just out of her reach.

“Asshole!” she snaps, frustrated.

Joel pulls Tess aside, speaking in a low voice. “Do you trust her?”

Tess doesn’t hesitate. “Me neither,” she admits, glancing at Marlene’s wounded form, “but she’s desperate. And desperate people make deals. She’s got repurposed FEDRA vehicles. If they work like she says, we’ve got a better-than-decent chance of getting to Tommy. But the second we hand that kid over…”

Marlene interrupts, her voice strained. “Please, remember I’m bleeding out here.”

Tess turns, laying out the deal. “We don’t hand the kid over until we have every single thing you promised. Not a minute before.”

Marlene nods, though pain flashes across her face. “Perfect,” she says, the tension in her voice palpable. “I’ve hired a tracker. She’ll get you there.”

“A tracker?” Joel repeats, skeptical.

“Yeah,” Marlene replies, gesturing toward the woman standing by her side. “She knows the ins and outs of every QZ, the danger zones, everything.”

Joel’s gut tightens at the mention of a tracker. He doesn’t know why, but something about this feels off.

“Go get her,” Marlene urges the woman next to her, her voice firm.

The footsteps echo down the hallway. Joel watches closely as the tracker turns. His eyes trace them from their boots up, slowly, as if prolonging the inevitable. Then he sees them—the all-too-familiar eyes that have haunted him for years.

His knees feel weak, threatening to give out. He sways slightly, shifting to regain his balance. The lump in his throat tightens, and the ache in his chest is immediate. No words come to him, only the searing burn behind his eyes—the tears he thought he’d shed long ago for you. The ghost. The woman standing in front of him.

When you turn the corner and your gaze lands on him, your heart sinks like a stone. You had known he was nearby; Marlene had warned you. But nothing could prepare you for the reality of seeing him now. Him. The man who left you to die. There are no tears left to shed for him, only the hollow ache of betrayal that’s festered for twenty years.

Joel inhales sharply, his voice coming out rough and uncertain. “Y/N…” It’s barely a whisper, as if your name were sacred and forbidden all at once.

Tess frowns, glancing between you both. “Y/N? As in—”

Joel nods stiffly, his jaw clenched, his eyes locked on you like he’s afraid you might vanish again.

“See,” Marlene says, breaking the tension with a sharp tone. “You already know each other.”

Joel takes a step forward, his mouth opening to say more, but the words fail him. He forces out, “What are you—” but his voice falters, and he doesn’t finish.

You cut him off before he can gather himself. “I’m sorry, Marlene. I can’t do this job.” Your voice is firm, but there’s a tremor underneath, betrayal woven into every syllable.

Marlene’s eyes widen. “What? No, you can’t—”

“I can’t work with him,” you say coldly, though the effort to keep your composure feels like a losing battle.

Joel flinches, the impact of your words hitting harder than any blow he’s taken in years. He’s always imagined what he might say if he ever saw you again—but none of it prepared him for this.

“You have to,” Marlene says firmly, desperation creeping into her voice. “I already paid you. You’re the only one who can pull this off.”

Tess, watching the scene unfold, steps closer to Joel and presses a hand to his chest, grounding him. “Look,” she says bluntly, addressing you, “whatever history you two have, fine, deal with it. But this isn’t about you, or him. A job is a job. And we need to get to Tommy.”

You glance at her hand on his chest, and it stings more than it should. You’ve had your share of fleeting companions over the years—strangers holding you through hopeless nights—but seeing another woman’s touch on him feels like a cruel twist of fate.

“I’ll do it,” Joel says suddenly, his voice steady but his eyes never leaving yours. There’s a quiet plea in his expression, one you refuse to acknowledge.

You hesitate, the bitterness in your heart warring with the reality of the situation. You’d spent years hardening yourself against the memory of him, but now here he is, alive and breathing. And you’ll have to stay by his side.

You force the words out, each one heavier than the last. “Fine. I’ll do it too.”

Marlene nods quickly, relief washing over her. “Good. Ellie, grab your things. Stay close to Y/N.”

As Ellie moves to obey, you step cautiously past Joel, your proximity sending a wave of tension crackling between you. It’s unbearable—like two magnets drawn together despite everything trying to keep them apart. You feel his breath hitch as you pass, and you can tell he’s fighting the same pull, trying not to look at you. But he does. He always does.

You don’t turn back. You can’t. Not yet.

»»————————-««

The rain doesn’t stop. It beats relentlessly against the cracked windows of the apartment building as the four of you shuffle inside, soaked and silent. Joel lingers at the back, his footsteps heavier than usual, his mind a storm to match the weather.

Every step you take feels fragile like your legs might betray you at any moment. The weight of him walking behind you, so close yet impossibly far, is suffocating. You clench your fists, nails biting into your palms as if the sting will keep you grounded.

“In here,” Tess says, motioning toward a battered door.

She opens it, revealing their makeshift safehouse—worn furniture, peeling wallpaper, and the faint scent of mildew. You pause for a second, letting Ellie step through before following her inside. The door creaks, loud and strained, and just as you take a seat, Tess lingers in the hall, stopping Joel with a hand on his arm.

“Give us a minute,” Tess says firmly, her voice leaving no room for argument.

Your stomach twists. Something tells you to stay near, to listen. You don’t know why. Maybe it’s anger, or maybe it’s the faintest sliver of hope that some part of him feels what you do. You lean against the wall, close to the door, holding your breath to hear their conversation.

“I need to know you’ve got your head on straight,” Tess says bluntly, her tone bordering on sharp.

“I do,” Joel replies, but there’s no conviction in his voice. It’s hollow, and mechanical.

Tess doesn’t buy it. “I know this isn’t what you expected. It’s not what I expected either. But we’re all in this together now. Same goal, same stakes.”

There’s a pause. Joel exhales deeply, and even through the door, you can hear the tension in it. “I just need time to process it,” he says finally. His voice is hard and cold, like the man you’ve come to resent. But underneath, there’s something raw—something broken.

You press your hand to your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut as his words cut into you. Processing. Like you’re a wound he needs to come to terms with, instead of the person he once promised never to leave behind.

Tess sighs, frustrated but not surprised. “Joel, if you can’t handle this, you need to say so now. Because we can’t afford to fall apart. Not now.”

“I’ll handle it,” Joel says, the edge returning to his voice. “I always handle it.”

The lie in his tone is unmistakable. You bite back the lump rising in your throat and step away from the door, moving deeper into the room where Ellie sits quietly.

You wonder if he still believes his own words—if Joel Miller, the man who swore to fight for you, has any part of him left that remembers the truth. Because you remember it. You remember the way his hands held you steady in the chaos of that day, the way his voice cracked as he swore he’d find you.

But he didn’t.

Joel slams the door shut behind him, muttering something under his breath before he drops onto the worn-out couch. His movements are stiff, every ounce of him radiating discomfort. Tess is nowhere to be found and without her, he looks completely out of his depth. His hands fidget in his lap, his jaw tight as he avoids looking in your direction.

Ellie, ever the master of timing, glances between the two of you, her expression caught somewhere between curiosity and amusement. “So,” she starts, dragging the word out, “why do you two hate each other so much? I mean, clearly, you used to sleep together, but where did it go wrong?”

Your breath catches in your throat. Joel’s head snaps up, his eyes widening slightly before narrowing into a glare aimed at Ellie.

“Don’t go there kid,” he warns, his voice low and sharp.

But she just shrugs, entirely unbothered. “Touchy subject, huh?”

You can feel your pulse pounding in your ears. Your shoulders stiffen, and your voice comes out tighter than you’d like. “Let’s all just mind our own business, and this will go a lot smoother.”

Ellie leans back, arms crossed, her grin unapologetic. “Fine, fine. But for the record, I think the drama’s kind of fun.”

Joel exhales harshly, pinching the bridge of his nose. You catch the briefest glimpse of his profile, and it strikes you just how much older he looks now—worn down, his face etched with lines that weren’t there before. You wonder if he sees the same in you, or if he’s even bothered to notice.

The silence that follows is thick with unspoken words. You busy yourself by unpacking your bag, though your hands shake slightly as you do. Joel shifts uncomfortably on the couch, the springs creaking beneath him. He keeps his gaze fixed on some point in the room that isn’t you, his fingers tapping against his knee.

Ellie breaks the silence again, her tone lighter but no less intrusive. “Okay, seriously though—whatever happened, you both look like you want to crawl out of your skin. So… maybe just talk it out? Or like, punch it out? I’m good with either.”

Joel shifts on the couch, clearing his throat. “We don’t have to talk about this.”

“No,” you say quietly, your voice steady but laced with bitterness. “We don’t.”

Ellie raises her hands in mock surrender, but her smirk remains. “Alright, alright. Just saying—it’d be a lot less awkward for me if you did.”

You step into Joel and Tess’ room, the door creaking as you close it partway behind you. The space is cramped, barely big enough for the bed and the dresser shoved against the wall. You peel off your damp jacket and toss it over the chair, wincing as the fabric catches on your side. The scars there always ache when it rains—ghosts of a night you’ll never forget.

You reach for a dry shirt in your bag, tugging your current one up and over your head. The cool air brushes against the exposed skin of your waist, where jagged scars crisscross like lightning bolts. Shrapnel from that night—the night everything fell apart. The night you lost him.

Joel pauses in the living room, his boots scuffing against the floor. He doesn’t mean to look, but through the crack in the door, he catches a glimpse of you. Of the scars. His breath hitches, the sight of them like a punch to the gut. They’re worse than he imagined, worse than he remembers, and the guilt that’s always lived in the back of his mind surges forward, sharp and unrelenting.

He swallows hard, his hand gripping the doorframe for balance. He’d fought like hell to get back to you that night, but seeing those scars now, he wonders if it was ever enough.

“You okay there?” Ellie’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

He turns sharply, startled, and finds her standing just behind him, arms crossed and a knowing smirk on her face. She tilts her head toward the door.

“Bit creepy, don’t you think?” she teases, her voice just loud enough to make him wince.

“Mind your business,” Joel mutters, his voice gruff as he pushes past her. But Ellie doesn’t miss the way his shoulders tense, or the flicker of something—guilt, regret—etched into his features.

Inside the room, you pull your shirt down and glance at the door. It’s slightly ajar, but you don’t think much of it. The scars may have faded over the years, but the weight of them hasn’t. You take a steadying breath, pushing the memories back down, and reach for your jacket.

Out in the living room, Joel lingers, torn between retreating and saying something—anything. But the words stay lodged in his throat, the ache in his chest a familiar companion as he turns away.

»»————————-««

Tess finally returns, and it’s time to head out. The four of you grab your things and descend into the tunnels beneath the QZ. Joel helps Ellie and Tess out of a low drop, but when he extends a hand toward you, you decline, brushing past him with a curt nod.

“Holy shit, I’m actually outside,” Ellie whispers, wide-eyed as she takes in the open air.

Tess pulls her down quickly, the group crouching to avoid FEDRA’s spotlights sweeping overhead. “Stay close to Y/N, okay?” Tess says firmly. Ellie nods, moving to your side without hesitation.

You lead the group beneath an old school bus, relying on your knowledge of the outside. The route is second nature to you now—every corner, every shadow. Thunder rumbles in the distance as the group moves in bursts, running and ducking when needed. Helicopters circle overhead, the distant hum of engines and the sharp crack of lightning adding to the tension.

Ellie clings lightly to your belt loop, keeping close, her movements hesitant but determined. Every so often, you steal a glance at Joel. His face is unreadable, but you can feel the weight of his gaze, the shared disbelief of your situation lingering between you.

Suddenly, you round a corner and stumble upon a FEDRA officer relieving himself in the shadows. Of course. You roll your eyes at the terrible timing.

Joel motions for everyone to stay calm, his hands raised. “Okay, let’s talk this out,” he says evenly, his voice low and careful. You mimic his movements, your elbows brushing against his as you both raise your hands in surrender.

“Turn around! Get on your knees!” the officer barks, his weapon raised. “I told you people to stay home.”

“Just get on your knees,” you mutter, annoyed but compliant.

Tess speaks up, trying to negotiate. “Look, you let us finish this run, and we’ll split the ration cards with you. No trouble.”

The officer doesn’t budge, his expression cold. He scans each of you with a portable infection detector, the light bouncing off your faces. Joel glances at you, his jaw tight, his body tense.

“We’re doing this by the book!” the officer snaps.

You groan, exasperated. “Really, dude? You’re gonna make this difficult?”

Before anyone can respond further, Ellie suddenly lunges forward, jamming a small knife into the officer’s knee. He lets out a pained scream, stumbling backward.

“Ellie!” you shout, your voice sharp with both shock and anger.

Joel steps in quickly, his demeanor shifting in an instant. “We can fix this!” he says, but the far-off look in his eyes tells you otherwise. The officer barely has time to raise his weapon before Joel tackles him, his fists raining down with brutal, relentless force.

“Joel, stop!” you yell, but it’s as if he can’t hear you. The sound of his fists hitting the man’s face is sickening, and the sheer rage radiating from him sends a chill down your spine. This isn’t the Joel you once knew—this is someone else entirely, consumed by something darker, something feral.

“Joel!” Tess shouts, breaking the silence. She holds up the scanner the officer had dropped. The screen glows red.

“She’s infected!” Tess yells, her voice shaking.

“No! No, I’m not!” Ellie screams, her voice panicked. “Look! It’s three weeks old! No one lasts more than a day! I swear, I’m not infected!”

Joel freezes, his chest heaving, his hands covered in blood. For a moment, no one moves. The weight of Ellie’s words sinks in like a stone.

“We’ve gotta move, Joel!” Tess snaps, urgency rising in her voice as she processes Ellie’s revelation.

You force yourself out of your shock and grab Joel’s arm, your voice firm but trembling. “We have to go. Now.”

He looks at you, his eyes clouded with confusion and something deeper—remorse, guilt, fear. But there’s no time to dwell on it. Together, you pull him back to his feet, and the four of you disappear into the night.

You find an abandoned building to spend the night in, the walls cold and silent, offering little comfort. You and Ellie sleep in one room while Joel and Tess take the other. Despite your exhaustion, sleep doesn’t come easily, your thoughts tangledand restless.

In the dead of night, you wake to the sound of muffled voices. You recognize the familiar tones—Joel and Tess. You can’t help but listen.

“You think you’re gonna be able to make it with her?” Tess asks, her voice low but laced with something sharper.

Joel’s reply comes with a long sigh, worn and resigned. “We have to be adults. Besides, she’s here to look after the kid. Once that’s done and we find Tommy, we’ll go back to acting like the other doesn’t exist.”

The words hit you harder than you expect. A sting sharp enough to make your chest tighten. Acting like the other doesn’t exist? After everything you’ve been through, that’s the plan?

You step into the room, the cold air of the hallway brushing against your skin. “I can’t wait,” you say, your voice icy, betraying none of the hurt you feel.

Joel jumps slightly, clearly wishing you hadn’t heard that conversation, but the damage is done. He doesn’t say anything at first. His eyes flicker to you, then away, uncomfortable and uncertain.

Tess, ever the mediator, tries to smooth over the tension. “How about you two take a minute, talk some things over?”

“We don’t need to,” Joel says, his tone clipped and stern, as if to end the discussion before it can go any further.

“I have nothing to say to him,” you reply curtly, your eyes locking with Joel’s. There’s no room for anything but the cold distance between you two now.

Ellie steps into the room then, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “And here I thought I was the child,” she says, her voice cutting through the thick tension.

You can’t help but let out a dry laugh, even if it’s not a happy one. Children. That’s exactly what you both are. So damn childish. But instead of letting it show, you simply shake your head and turn to Ellie. “Let’s get some rest. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

The next morning, you stumble into the main room, groggy and disoriented, only to find Joel and Tess already interrogating Ellie about her bite. Of course. Some things never change.

“What’s the point in over-analyzing the kid?” you mutter, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. “The bite’s old. It’s on her arm. If it was gonna turn her, it would’ve happened by now.”

Joel shoots you a glare, clearly annoyed by your interruption, but Tess nods in agreement.

“She’s right, Joel,” Tess says, glancing at him, then shifting her focus to Ellie. “Why are you so important to Marlene? And don’t lie to us, because we will take you back.”

Ellie crosses her arms, giving Tess a defiant look. “You take me back, you don’t get your battery.” Her tone is sharp, and you can’t help but chuckle at her wit.

“You heard that, huh?” Tess shoots a glance at Joel. “Well, you must’ve also heard that he wants to shoot you,” she adds, motioning to Joel.

You lock eyes with Joel, your heart faltering. That familiar, uncomfortable tension creeps back in. Neither of you can escape it.

Tess kneels down to Ellie, her voice taking on a stern, serious edge. “I’m gonna talk to you like you’re an adult, okay?” She looks over at Joel, then back to Ellie. “Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doing this for ourselves because, apparently, you’re worth something. But we don’t know what you’re worth if we don’t know what we have. So answer my question.”

Ellie exhales loudly, like she’s been rehearsing this line. “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west… with doctors. They’re working on a cure. And whatever happened to me is the key to finding the vaccine.”

Joel’s face tightens, frustration boiling up to the surface. “That’s what this is? We’ve heard this a million times. Vaccines, miracle cures. None of it works.”

Ellie shoots him a look. “Screw you, man. I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Neither did I,” Joel mutters, moving toward Tess. “This isn’t going to end well. We need to turn back.”

Tess steps forward, locking eyes with Joel. “Is this about finding a cure, or are you just refusing to confront your past?” She leans in, a challenge in her voice.

Joel swallows hard, the weight of her words hitting him. He looks away, clearly rattled.

“Don’t do that,” he mutters, casting a quick glance at you, like he’s hoping for some kind of escape.

You sigh, pushing yourself off the doorframe and stepping forward. “Look,” you say, your voice steady but laced with the same frustration. “I don’t like this any more than you do. But if the Fireflies think this kid’s some kind of miracle, let’s give them what they want. Then we get what we want. After that, like you said last night, we can go back to pretending that we don’t exist.”

Joel’s jaw tightens. You can see it in his eyes—he’s not sure if he can go back to that, or if he even wants to. His silence hangs in the air.

Tess looks at you, her lips curling into a soft smile. “I think that’s a good plan.”

You nod, trying to hold it together. Everyone’s got their own demons. But right now, it feels like you’re all stuck with the same one.

You follow everyone outside, the cool air biting at your skin as you watch Ellie marvel at the world she’s never truly known. There’s a bittersweetness to the way she takes it all in. It reminds you of how you once saw it—the world, unbroken, full of possibilities. But now, everything’s just a memory. Joel watches you from the corner of his eye, his gaze lingering on you, searching for the girl he once held, the one he thought he’d lost.

“Y/N, once we get through the city, you take the lead,” Tess announces, snapping you out of your thoughts. You nod in agreement, your mind still half in the past and half in the present.

“So what have you been up to for the past 20 years?” Tess asks, her voice light but laced with curiosity. “Why do they call you a ghost?”

You let out a heavy sigh, the weight of the question pulling you back into the painful memories you’d rather forget. But, for the sake of the group, you answer. “It’s a long story,” you begin, your voice quiet. “The day the world stopped turning, I got badly injured. Shrapnel from an airplane hit me. I was out of commission for a while.”

Joel’s eyes narrow slightly, the memory of that day likely just as vivid for him as it is for you. You try not to look at him, but it’s hard to ignore the tension that still lingers between the two of you.

“A group in Louisiana took me in and nursed me back to health,” you continue, your words feeling hollow as you speak them. “After that, I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I started hitching rides on the back of different trucks, making my way through the states. I’d pick up odd jobs here and there until I started getting good at keeping secrets. People would have me take messages across the QZ borders. Gradually, the messages got more important—and worth a lot of money. I ran on my own, found ways to get in and out of different states without being seen. So yeah, I’m a bit of a ghost.”

As you finish, you glance at Joel. His face is unreadable, but you can feel the inner turmoil swirling within him. The memory of you, lost and broken, the girl he once thought would be there, only to have you disappear without a trace—it weighs heavily on him, and you can see it in his eyes.

He swallows hard, as if trying to push the bitterness down. You can’t blame him. He never thought he’d see you again—never thought he’d have to face the consequences of leaving you behind. And now, here you are, a stranger with the same scars, the same haunted look in your eyes.

“Guess that’s one way to stay alive.” Tess says, breaking the tension with a half-smile. But you can tell it’s not just curiosity driving her—it’s the weight of the years that passed, and the guilt that still hangs in the air between you and Joel.

You don’t respond immediately, the weight of Tess’ words hanging in the silence. It’s not just about surviving anymore. It’s about facing the past you’d both tried to bury.

The four of you continue walking across a highway overpass, the cracked asphalt barely visible under the heavy weight of overgrown plants and dilapidated cars. The air is thick with the smell of decay, and the silence between you and Joel feels suffocating. Tess is leading the way with Ellie, and you fall behind, closer to Joel. Every step you take feels like it brings you both closer to the edge, but you can’t bring yourself to close the gap completely.

You want to break the ice. You want to make this journey—this nightmare—easier, even if it’s just for a moment. But every time you try to speak, it feels like the past is crawling out of the shadows, suffocating whatever words you might say.

Finally, you take a deep breath, forcing the words out, “It’s funny.”

Joel looks at you, his gaze sharp and calculating, like he’s trying to figure out if you’re talking to him or just muttering to yourself. You keep your focus on the cracked road ahead, but you know his attention is on you.

“The last time I saw you,” you continue, voice trembling just slightly, “we were celebrating your 36th birthday. Now, you have a head full of gray hair.”

He blinks, a brief flicker of something in his eyes before a small, rueful smile tugs at his lips. “I guess that’s what an apocalypse does to you.”

You scoff lightly, trying to hide the knot that forms in your stomach. “Or you’re just an old man now.”

You quickly look down at the ground, but not before you feel a blush creeping onto your cheeks, a sudden vulnerability you don’t want him to see.

Joel glances at you again, something in his gaze, before he speaks in that low, gravelly voice. “You haven’t changed at all.”

The words cut through the air, and for a split second, you wonder if you imagined it. His voice, soft, almost too soft. Likehe’s trying to pull himself together, but something’s slipping through. You feel the weight of those words before you even process them.

You meet his eyes, startled, and for a moment, you’re both caught in the quiet pull of what was—what could have been.

“You’re exactly how I remember you,” he says quietly, as if speaking the truth aloud might break something inside ofhim.

The sting hits you then, too quickly for you to stop. A familiar ache floods your chest, but it’s not just the hurt of what you’ve lost. It’s the anger too, the betrayal, the days spent trying to survive without him. You fight to hold it back, but it’s useless. It all spills out in the form of words you don’t want to say, but need to.

“Trust me…” you whisper, barely able to get the words out, “I don’t feel the same.”

Your heart hammers in your chest, the distance between you now not just physical, but emotional. You wonder if he can hear the break in your voice, the cracks in the walls you’ve built. You’re not sure if you want him to. You just need him to understand.

The moment shatters when the distant wail of an infected echoes through the air. Ellie gasps, her hand instinctively tightening around the weapon at her side.

Joel’s head snaps up, and without missing a beat, he motions forward. “Let’s keep moving.” His voice is firm, a shield he’s using to cover whatever turmoil is swirling inside him.

You follow without hesitation. The warmth of the moment is gone, replaced by the bitter reality of survival.

»»————————-««

Taglist: @si1versamurai

#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller one shot #joel miller #Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal one shot #the last of us imagine #the last of us #the beginning of us au!#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine

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daechwitatamic · 8 months ago

Text

Vice;Grip || chapter 5 || chs

(banner by @itaeewon)

Vice;Grip (masterpost) NSFW - minors DNI Genre: angst smut fluff, fuckbuddies!au Summary: Make it not hurt, you could have asked him. Or, at least, make it hurt in a way I choose. A/N: infinite thank you's to @sailoryooons and @eoieopda for beta-ing!!

Warnings: Frequent depictions of depression, depressive episodes, panic attacks, and substance abuse (alcohol, weed, and pills referenced). PLEASE know that these characters’ relationships with drugs and alcohol are not healthy and should not be emulated. If these topics are triggering to you, please consider sitting this one out.

Section Specific Warnings: language, depictions of depression and depressive episodes, mentions of doctors' offices and medication, angst, mentions of attending therapy, recreational drinking, kissing

wc: 6.9k

Playlist: you can call me in the middle of the night / you can leave before i wake up in the morning / and it could feel so wrong / but i'll still hold on

Now - Fall

Vernon’s watching his ceiling fan when his phone chimes - a noise he isn’t fond of: incoming email.

For the last few months, his emails have all been from recruiting directors and head-hunters - either thanking him for his interest but regretfully informing him they’ve gone in a different direction, or head-hunters pretending they found him a great opportunity when it was really an underpaid, short-term position where he’d spend more on his commute into the city than he’d ever earn.

It’s been real fun. He sucked it up and finished grad school, threw his diploma behind a cheap frame, added the degree to his resume. Quit going to classes (because there weren’t any), quit spending whole nights on assignments (none of those anymore either), and still - he finds himself no happier than he’d been before, even with all the free time in the world. So maybe, he considers, grad school wasn’t the problem, and he’d done the right thing to just push through and finish.

On top of this - on top of the fact that he was still bored with life, still unenthused to be here - the break-up has sucked, just to make things even bleaker for him.

Can he even call it a break-up? You were never together. But it’s been nine days since he made you cry in his car - not that he’s counting - and all nine of them have fucking sucked. He’s wrestled with indecision for all of them - did he make a mistake? Should he try to undo the damage? Wasn’t what he had with you still better than being alone?

But he knows this will be better for him in the end. He knows that what you two were doing together wasn’t real, wasn’t a relationship. It couldn’t grow with him - it was stagnant by nature. So, even though something in his bones screams at him to take it back, in the end he doesn’t regret the decision to try and do something better.

He does regret that he can’t do something better with you. He regrets that he lost his temper and yelled, regrets that he was cold in his last moments with you.

Regrets that he spent two years walking towards a dead end.

Still misses you, despite this.

He picks up his phone and scrolls to his email, already feeling the frown take over his face in anticipation of another rejection. As expected, the email is from a company he’d interviewed with last week - he’d even gotten to a second in-person round, which was rare. Still, he hadn’t wanted to get excited about it. He knows how unlikely it is that they’ll want him.

Dear Mr. Chwe,

Our team was delighted to meet with you last week. We found your background impressive, especially your internship experience with -

Vernon’s eyes skim the page, so fast the words are a blur.

…Would like to formally offer you the position of… annual salary of… additional opportunities within the company including traveling to… working with… reporting to… expected start date of… we are looking forward to having you on our team!

Vernon’s heart thuds and he turns the screen off and stares at his ceiling again. He’ll answer it later, accept it graciously, call his eomma, probably shop online for some button-downs and maybe some ties. Later, though. Later. For now, he reaches for his lighter.

He kind of wishes he could tell you - hey, I got a job offer. hey, guess who gets to wear a suit five days a week now? hey, all that bullshit paid off in the end.

Would he have texted you any of that if he hadn’t ended things? You’d never talked about this kind of thing - that had been part of the problem.

Still. As illogical as it is, you’re the one Vernon wants to tell first. It aches a little, like sore muscles but somewhere inside him, behind his brittle ribs.

He wonders if you’re doing okay. He wonders if you care at all, or if you’re fine. He turns his lighter over and over in his fingers, and then realizes he’s just read the words contingent on... drug test…

“Fuck,” he grumbles, then picks up his phone again. Maybe he’ll call his mother first, after all.

—

You were never a big fan of autumn. A lot of your friends are - the season shifts and everyone starts posting about sweater weather and PSLs, the aesthetics suddenly revolving around pumpkins and ghosts.

You have plenty of ghosts, but not the right kind.

Your phantoms haunt your phone, mostly. You feel it buzz in your pocket, hear it vibrate on the table from the other room. Sometimes you even wake up from a dead sleep, sure you’ve heard it going off, reaching for it frantically, only to turn on the screen and see nothing.

No missed calls, no new texts.

You dream about him, too. In some of them, you’re still fighting, yelling at the top of your lungs in a way you never had in real life. In some, he isn’t even present - you just know he’s missing. In some, you’re trying to get to him, but never can - stopped by nonsense laws of dream physics.

In one of them, you tell him you love him, and he staggers backwards, breaths starting to rasp the way they had when you’d talked him through a panic attack, like he was just as scared of the admission as you had been.

Maybe he had been just as scared about it, back when it had mattered. Maybe he was just better at handling it than you are.

You never see his whole face in your dreams - only glimpses, fragments. You don’t want to examine if that means anything.

You fucking hate your brain.

You’re starting to hate your phone, too.

—

You lose November to grey - the whole month, a wash. You miss three days of work, unable to do anything - unable to cook, unable to get dressed. You feed the cat because you have to, and it’s the only reason you leave your bed except to pee.

When the grey days break as December dawns, you follow an impulse and schedule an appointment with your primary physician through their app. As you click the button to confirm the appointment, you burst into tears, loud and embarrassing. You cry with abandon, pulling your hoodie up to cover your face, to muffle the noise that you can’t stop.

You should have gone to a doctor years ago, and you know it. It feels like a big deal. It feels like a potential mistake - like opening a can of worms and now you have to deal with them. It feels like admitting something is wrong when you’ve worked so hard to look like nothing is. It feels like a farce, like nothing that bad is wrong with you, and you’re wasting everyone’s time.

But you keep the appointment anyway. You make yourself small in the chair on the other side of your doctor’s little table, and you admit, eyes on your hands, “I want to talk about my mental health. I think I’ve been dealing with depressive episodes. For… a long time, now.”

It’s so damn scary. As scary as loving and losing someone - like, yes, Vernon - had seemed. And you’re somehow surviving both.

Something to think about.

You buy yourself good job you did the scary thing ice cream on the way home. You go inside, put it away, and then scoop Nana off the couch, burying your face in his belly and cooing, “How is my favorite boy today?” He tolerates your nonsense with aplomb, as always.

Chan has never forgiven you for naming a cat “Banana Bread”, and you think that’s why Nana has never warmed up to him.

Nana loved Vernon, but you don’t want to think about that.

You kind of want to text him. You think he’d be proud of you for what you did today. You think he’d tell you good job.

(Chan would tell you good job, too, and will, when you call him later. But it doesn’t feel the same.)

You wonder if he’d answer if you told him. You wonder if he wouldn’t answer, but be proud of you anyway.

You fill the prescription, you leave your contact info with a therapist as advised by your primary physician. You don’t text Vernon.

You take your pride and your sadness, your fear and your hope and you channel them into greens and yellows. As late autumn grips the leafless trees outside, you paint something that looks like spring.

Now - Winter

Winter howls through your life like you personally pissed it off. You and Nana huddle under thick blankets with your tablet night after night.

Sometimes you close your eyes and remember Vernon’s hands slipping underneath his own hoodie on your skin; it helps you feel warmer.

Sometimes you think about the way he’d said the word wasted about the time he’d spent with you; it makes you feel cold all over again.

You click through all the tabs you’ve had open for days - different universities with decent visual arts programs, all advertising admission for the spring semester.

None of them are big name schools, not like the one you’d turned down all those years ago. But they aren’t nothing.

You’d brought it up to your therapist last week and she’d encouraged the idea - accepting that you can’t unstitch the mistakes in your tapestry, but you can control what new patterns emerge.

This was the plan: start classes. Open social media accounts to showcase your work. Network through school, look for job opportunities at galleries or for collectors. Open commissions, maybe.

On your best days, this seems like a list of goals to shoot for. On your worst days, this seems like a list of things you’ve already failed at before you’ve even started.

You text options to Chan, ask him, which school colors can you see me in?

Your best friend sends back, all of them. any of them. look at you go!!

You sit in your living room and watch snow fall lazily outside the window. You daydream about what classes might be like, if you get in. You take pictures of the snow in the park, then try to paint something similar once you’re home again.

You wonder if Vernon’s doing okay. You worry that he’s going through his hard days alone. You worry that maybe he’s not - maybe he found someone who helps him better than you did, maybe he’s so happy with them that he doesn’t have hard days at all.

(You know life doesn’t work like that.)

You paint Nana, just for shits, and post it on instagram. It gets the most engagement you’ve had so far. Someone messages you asking if you do commissions for pet portraits. You frown, looking at the message.

Maybe I do, you think.

Your apartment is cold. You burrow under blankets, rub your legs together like a cricket to warm them up, and think maybe after I’m a cicada, I could be a cricket next.

There’s no one to share the joke with who’d get it. Just another of the thousand ways you feel Vernon’s absence in your life. You hadn’t realized how much space he took up until he was gone.

—

Everywhere Vernon looks, all he sees are circles. The hands on his kitchen clock circle each other, align, move on again. They tell him he has two minutes to get out the door before he’s late.

He checks his appearance in the bathroom mirror, straightens his tie, smooths back his hair, then grabs his crossbody bag and heads for the bus.

The hands of the clock in his office mark his passage through his schedule: one circle until his 10:00 meeting will end. Two more after that and he can take a lunch break. A circle and a half until his one-on-one with his boss, to discuss his first few months here.

On his lunch break, Vernon rides with two of the guys he works with to some nature trails nearby, as they usually do. They swap suits for joggers and zip-ups, pop in airpods, and head out. Vernon didn’t run before this job - didn’t exercise much at all, really. He’d gone along with the guys the first time there had been an unseasonably warm day, just to be out, and he’d found it felt good to get fresh air and some endorphins before returning to his desk.

It’s cold today, the air brittle as he inhales, but the rest of his body feels warm as he works to keep up with the other guys. It’s not as hard as it used to be, keeping up.

The trail is a circle, too, passing a small, man-made lake before looping around back to the changing facilities. On his wrist, a fitness app closes circles to quantify his steps, his speed, his progress.

At home again, he runs his thumb around the edge of the circular joystick as he waits for Seungkwan and Wonwoo to sign in and join him for a round or two before he figures out dinner.

“Some of us were going to the bar tonight, you in?”

“Shouldn’t,” Vernon says. “But maybe this weekend?” Unfortunately, his new nine-to-five forces him to make decisions like this - better decisions. He kind of likes his job. He kind of doesn’t want to feel like shit in the morning.

His mind, a circle - always coming around back to you when it gets too quiet.

He opens his messages.

how have you been? … are you doing okay? … hey, i’m - … I think I’m sorry … what if we did it differently …

Of course he doesn’t send any of them. Instead, he searches for your instagram. You’d never followed each other in the first place, and he considers it a win that you didn’t block him when it was over. But you haven't posted anything that he can see in the last eight months.

Except - one post. It looks like your cat.

He clicks it and realizes that it’s not a photograph, but a painting, and the caption links to another account. He clicks that, too, and finds himself on a page that seems dedicated to posting paintings only.

Yours, apparently. He scrolls through slowly, rolling to his stomach so he can look more closely. He never knew you painted, let alone that you were good - great, even, to his untrained and certainly unbiased eyes.

Part of the problem, his mind chimes in.

Somehow, despite understanding each other better than anyone else in your lives, at the end of the day you hadn’t known each other at all.

Now - Spring

happy hour after lecture???

plsss can we

bestie YES!!!

The sender of the original invite - a girl close to your age called Juri - eyes you from two rows up, expectantly. Normally, you’d go straight home after class. But you’d been talking to your therapist about almost this exact situation - the way you closed people out, squandered friendships to the point that only Chan managed to hang onto you for more than a year. (Vernon had made it about two years, a sick voice in your head says, and then answers itself with, but you weren’t friends, anyway.)

So, you send the group chat, sure!

(You’d also been talking to your therapist about that last fight with Vernon. I can’t get that conversation out of my head, you told her.

I’ve been caring about you way more than I should, he’d said.

You’d been talking to her about how your brain had skipped like a flat stone right over that detail and had sunk deep on I don’t want to do this anymore.

“What did you think he meant?” she’d asked you, watching you carefully. “When he said do this, what did you think this was?”

Me, you’d whispered. Anything with me - hook up, sleep, spend time together, talk, anything.

She’d helped you see the context of the fight - that maybe by “I don’t want to do this” he’d meant “be with you but not with you”.

“Sounds fake, but okay,” you’d joked. She hadn’t laughed. Negative ten points at Therapy.

You were still working on trying to believe it.

You still weren’t sure if it fucking mattered what he meant, because instead of asking him, “what do you want, then?” you’d gone defensive, had greedily grabbed at the excuse to push him away, hard and careless. He wouldn’t want you back now, even if that’s what he’d wanted at the time. You were sure of it.)

Happy that you’ve agreed to go out, Juri flashes you a grin and then turns around in her seat to watch the board again.

The bar Juri chooses is cute, not crowded or noisy yet this early in the evening. You sip at a beer and talk with the girls about upcoming projects, about the professor you all can’t stand, about the term paper you all feel you shouldn’t have to do.

It’s nice, and honestly when you glance at the time and decide you’d better get home to feed Nana, you regret that you have to. Still, you make your way to the bar to pay for your portion.

You don’t even notice the lean, handsome man who sidles up next to you while you wait for your check until he speaks.

“What’s your drink?”

You look over at him, surprised. “Oh,” you say, which isn’t really an answer. “I’m leaving, actually.”

He gives an exaggerated frown. “It’s so early!”

You shrug. “Sorry. Places to be.”

He’s cute, you consider, as you pay your bill and head for the door. Two years ago, you probably would have picked up what he was putting down.

At home, you feed Nana, then collapse on the couch, pulling a throw blanket all the way over your head. Your stomach churns with discomfort.

You open your phone, find Vernon in your contacts.

You sit on his contact page, thumbs hovering over his number, for so long that your screen goes black twice while you stay locked in indecision.

Don’t call him don’t call him don’t call him.

But you’re lonely, and you miss him, and going out made you think of him, and you wonder what would happen if you did it, if you called. Would he even answer?

Eventually, you let reason win this time, and get up from the couch, the blanket falling from you like you’d shed a skin.

In your spare room, you eye the last painting you’d finished - mostly black but with a fractured, fragmented view of a tabletop littered with empty glasses and half-finished drinks, all the liquids a toxic, piercing neon pink. You hadn’t posted that one; it felt too much like an admission.

You stare down the empty canvas, tapping your mouth with the wooden end of a brush, deciding how to begin. You close your eyes and see the beast that’s followed you these last few years - even before Vernon. The embodiment of your shame, your regrets, your failures. It’s never left your side for long.

When you finally begin to paint it, you start with the claws.

—

you up for a 1v1?

arent you on a date???

obviously not.

you didn’t go? bro.

i went. it was just. idk.

it was just what?

idk dude.

you didn’t like her?

she was fine?? she was funny, and hot, and it was fine

so why are you home alone at 8:30 asking me to come online

Vernon rubs at his face in irritation. He doesn’t know what to say, how to explain to Seungkwan why the date had felt flat.

What could he say? It was fine. It just wasn’t… enough.

He could still remember how he’d felt the first night he met you. He wanted to feel that.

idk, he told Seungkwan. lack of chemistry, ig.

Now - Summer

You think you’ve learned a lot over the past few months - between starting classes again and beginning therapy, you’re just bursting with new knowledge.

Something you’re working on is appreciating the shadows.

In class, you work on shading, on adding darks even when you think an area should all be light. Sometimes, somehow, shadows are exactly what you need to make it right on the canvas.

You think about this concept for your whole drive home from therapy - how the shadows under trees change the way you see them, how the darks affect the lights, how the shadows in your own life are natural and maybe, in the end, not so catastrophic.

At home, you duck your head into the shadows under your bed and drag Nana out by the middle.

“Come be social,” you scold him, plopping him on the couch.

After dinner, you go back to work on what you were painting. You’d been stuck for a few days, not happy with any change you made, but today you have an idea.

You create a palette of black, grey, navy, and deep purple. For two hours, you work meticulously, adding the midnights, the bruises, the shadows. They belong here, too.

—

Chan tells you he’s proud of you, the next time he’s over, and it makes you cry even though you’re only one your second sip of wine.

“Stop it,” you scold, avoiding his gaze, burning up under the attention.

“I mean it,” he says seriously. “I’m so happy that you’re painting again, I could throw up. And going back to school? And therapy? Damn. The glow-up.”

“Ew,” you frown at him, because this feels safer than acknowledging that you have been working hard on yourself, on your life. “What year is it, 2017?”

He gives you a look to make sure you know that he sees through your bullshit.

“It’s not all perfect,” you admit quietly. You feel like it should - like you’ve done the work, and now you should get the happy ending. But it hasn’t worked that way. You’re still working at a job that feels like a waste of time, painting on the side. You’re accumulating some debt for the classes you’re taking. The grey days still come and go, though admittedly their grip is less intense.

And you still think of Vernon, near daily.

Chan shrugs. “That’s normal. Perfect isn’t real. It’s unattainable. If your therapist hasn’t told you that, then you’re wasting your money.”

You laugh. She had told you that. Another thing that was easier to say than to put into practice.

You recork the bottle after a second glass, put it in your fridge for another day. Returning to your spot by Chan’s side, you tell him, “I keep thinking about him.”

Chan cocks his head, probably unsure if you’re talking about who he thinks you are.

“The guy I was hooking up with.”

“Ah.” He inclines his head knowingly.

You recount what he already knows - that you’d been whatever you were for about two years, that it had ended. That it was your fault.

“I think,” you say, taking a deep breath mid-sentence to steel yourself for the truth, “I think I could have loved him. I don’t know… maybe I did.”

“Either you did or you didn’t,” Chan points out, which is fair.

“It’s just…” you say, thinking about it. “We kept our boundaries so tight. We didn’t talk during the day, didn’t meet each others’ friends or families… barely got to know anything about each other. But it was like… even so, I think we just understood each other. It was like a lot of it just went without saying.”

Chan considers this, face serious. “Sounds like the potential was there, at least. If nothing else.”

“Yeah,” you said sadly, tracing the bottom of your wine glass with your finger. “Potential.”

Wasted potential. You’d heard that plenty before, just not usually about your love life.

Chan reaches out and shakes your knee playfully. “It’ll happen again,” he promises.

You don’t know what would be worse - if it never did, or it did, but it wasn’t Vernon. You’d never believed in there only being one right person for you - like soulmates or shit like that. But looking back at your time together, you’re not sure anyone will ever have a hold over you the way Vernon did. The grip he had on your life was unshakable.

Before he leaves for the night, Chan hesitates by the door.

“Hey,” he says, “this weekend? A bunch of the guys are driving down to the beach for the day. Wanna join?”

Something else you would have said no to, before. You’re trying to say yes more, plus you can’t deny that the sea air and sunshine sound like heaven.

“Sure,” you say, shifting to block Nana from slipping out the front door as Chan opens it. “Text me the details.”

Later, you ask what you should have asked first. who all is coming?

Chan sends back the list - six of his friends, ending with, seungcheol-hyung and his friend hansol. i think you’ve met him once or twice at the bars? he’s a good guy.

Something in you knew this was going to be the answer. You counted your breaths, tried to talk yourself down from immediately bailing on the plan.

Sleep on it, you told yourself. See how you feel in a few days.

You followed your own directions, but for days your mind spun around the question, buzzing and frantic.

Are you ready to see Vernon? To be around him, and act normal? Is it a good idea? Will you fight? Will you fall back into old habits? Will he bring out the worst in you?

Actually, you consider, that isn’t fair. Vernon never brought out your bad habits - he just coexisted peacefully with them, never tried to kick them out.

You’re scared that seeing him will undo the work of getting over him. But that isn’t true, either - because you don’t think you moved on from him at all.

In the end, you do slip into old habits - you let yourself make a potentially bad decision. You decide to go.

A twisted, quiet part of you is kind of excited.

The louder part is scared to death.

—

The day is perfect - blue sky, barely any clouds, hot and bright. Chan drives you and two of his friends; a second car with the others is somewhere en route, will meet your group once you’re there.

Chan’s car arrives first, and you help the guys unpack the trunk. Loaded down with beach bags, chairs, and coolers, you make your way unsteadily through the sand, pausing at one point to take off your flip-flops, tired of how they slow you down in the dry, loose sand.

You pick a spot and lay the towels out, unfold the chairs, get the umbrella anchored down in the sand so it doesn’t fly away.

The whole time, you can’t stop watching the parking lot, waiting for the other group to arrive - waiting for the moment of truth. What will happen when Vernon sees you?

Once everything is set up, you lay out, trying to enjoy what is admittedly beautiful weather. It’s so bright that when you lay on your back, you want to throw an arm over your eyes to block out the light, to really relax.

It feels like forever when you hear a distant shout and sit up, blinking against the glare of the sun, returning your sunglasses to your face as you get your bearings. A group of Chan’s friends approaches, one of them - Mingyu, you think - shouting hello and waving like a fool.

You stand to greet them, waving hi when they get close enough. You bite your lip nervously and glance at Vernon. He’s near the back of the group - their car had brought four people, just like yours - and his face is absolutely unreadable as he looks at you. It reminds you of the beginning, when you noticed how hard he works to keep his expression blank.

He’d stopped doing that with you, near the end. You’d almost forgotten.

Meeting and holding his gaze, you give him a solemn nod. I can be normal if you can, you try to promise, silently.

The moment is tense; you aren’t sure how he’ll react. Then, he gives you his own tiny nod back.

Relief melts through you like butter. Seeing him aches, but it isn’t unmanageable. You can do this - you’ll both be okay. You’ll both get through the day.

You help set up a second umbrella while a few of the guys move a few yards away to set up a volleyball net.

For a few hours they play volleyball. You sit on your towel with airpods in and watch, trying not to notice Vernon, trying to keep that part of your brain locked tight in its little box. But the sunlight streams down, not half as blinding as his smile as he jokes and laughs with Chan and Seungcheol, nowhere near as glittering as his laugh when he doubles over, elbows on his knees.

The sun is almost directly overhead when you get warm enough to brave the ocean.

“I’m gonna swim for a few,” you announce, standing and brushing some loose sand from your thighs.

Chan collapses on his towel, next to yours, pushing his hair back and heaving a deep breath, exhausted from volleyball.

“Maybe in a few,” he wheezes. “I need a minute.”

“I’ll go,” Soonyoung says, tossing his sunglasses onto his towel so he doesn’t lose them in the ocean.

You head down to where the waves are breaking onto the wet sand, foamy water dancing up to your ankles before retreating into the deep sea again. It’s cold, but under the midday sun the cold is welcome. You wade until you hit the awkward point where it’s hard to stand without being constantly battered by breaking waves, and then you duck underneath the surface and swim past the breaking point.

Treading water, you turn to see if Soonyoung made it out with you. He’s still back a bit, jumping each time a wave comes through. Beside him, Mingyu splutters, having taken a wave to his face. A few feet back, the water only at their knees, Vernon and Chan laugh maniacally.

You missed those goose honks.

The guys take their time catching up to you until all five of you are treading.

“Do you think there are jellyfish?” Soonyoung asks, peering into the water behind you.

“Probably,” Vernon deadpans, and you laugh, then immediately wonder if you shouldn’t. Luckily, he grins at you appreciatively as, behind him, Chan points out that there could be sharks, too.

“I’ll probably go back in soon,” Soonyoung says, trying to sound cavalier, but his unease shines through.

“We’re fine,” you promise. “You don’t have to out-swim the shark. You just have to out-swim Chan.”

Chan curses and splashes water at you as the others laugh.

You talk and float for a little longer until you consider the goosebumps on your limbs, the growl in your stomach.

“Anyone interested in lunch?” you ask.

Mingyu raises his arm and squints at his watch. “It is one,” he says. “I could eat. What did you guys bring?”

Chan starts rattling off what’s in your coolers as you start to make your way back to shore. You reach the point where your feet touch the sand, only to get slammed in the back by an incoming wave. You stumble a little, and someone holds your elbow steady, helping you stagger through it without completely tripping.

You give Vernon a grateful smile as he retracts his hand, but your stomach is swooping and your arm is burning where he’d held you.

Rejoining the others, you plop down on your towel, suddenly exhausted. The ocean water drying on your skin under the sun makes you shiver as you dig through the cooler. You pass out drinks to the guys closest to you, toss a bag of chips at Seungkwan when he asks for them, then settle back on your own towel to eat.

After, full and happy, you flop backwards and put airpods back in. Seungkwan and Soonyoung head back to the volleyball net. Mingyu and Chan seem content to bake in the sun, like you, and beyond them the others have circled up and are playing a card game, open cans of beer in the sand beside them.

You feel truly at peace, and you take a moment to ask the universe - can I hold onto this? Can I remember, when things go grey, that these moments exist?

Once you’re warm again, you pull your shorts back on and whack Chan on the arm. He startles awake, pushing his sunglasses up to glare at you.

“I’m going to walk up the beach for a little,” you tell him, pointing, just so somewhere will know where you are. He nods, his head sinking back down to his towel, eyes closing again.

You walk where the waves flood over your feet every few minutes, never getting higher than your ankles. You search for shells as you go, carrying one or two, but mostly stopping to take pictures of them and leaving them where they are, wanting to paint them later.

There are four shells in your hand when you hear someone call your name. You turn, surprised, and your stomach swoops again; Vernon approaches, hat twisted backwards and sunglasses perched over the top of it, one hand reaching out to show you a shell he’d found.

You hold still, you let him come to you. When he’s close enough, you hold open your hand and let him drop the shell there. It’s a mostly-white spiral top.

“Thanks,” you say, looking away from the shell to meet Vernon’s eyes.

He looks down at the other four in your hands. “You gonna paint them?”

You feel yourself physically take a step back in shock. “What?”

Embarrassment darkens his face just slightly. “I’ve been following your art page,” he admits, shoving his hands into his shorts pockets. “I didn’t know.” Then, “I feel bad that I didn’t know. You’re really good.”

You shake your head. “I wasn’t painting when we… I used to. I stopped for a long time. Just started again, after…” You trail off. After you left me. After I pushed you away.

He nods, licks his lips. “Does it help?” he asks, and you know exactly what he’s asking - does it make the rocks weigh less, does it make the grey lighter?

“Yeah,” you say, nodding. “In general. It’s been… kind of cathartic.”

You both stand there, the shells on your palms between you, a decision teetering between you.

You should be the one to mend it, you think, since you were the one who’d ruined it before.

“Do you want to walk with me?” you ask, a little tentatively. “You don’t have to - I’m fine on my own -”

“I’d like to,” he says, voice quiet, and something about it makes you want to well up - that he’s willing to give you his time, that he doesn’t hate you as much as you deserve.

You walk quietly together as the sun starts to sink a little, casting everything a bit orange.

“What’s new with you?” you ask, finally.

And he tells you - new job that he actually likes despite how stuffy the nine-to-five thing sounds in theory, new mile time on his daily run, new friends through work.

“And you?”

You fill him in, telling him about taking classes part-time around your job, the commissions that aren’t enough to sustain you but aren’t nothing - you even shyly admit that you’ve been seeing a therapist.

It was the most either of you had ever talked about your real lives, you thought. It struck you how normal it felt, like it wasn’t something new or novel.

“Sounds like things are coming together for you,” he says.

“You, too,” you return.

Everything between you sits heavy, weighing the moment down, pulling towards the ocean’s depths like an anchor.

Then, at the same time, you break.

“It’s good to see you again.”

“Vernon, I’m really sorry.”

He stops walking, turns to face you, aglow as the golden hour inches closer. The sun is warm on your skin, the sand is warm beneath your feet, and you are dying to make it right with him.

“It’s good to see you, too,” you whisper. You’re scared of this moment - scared it will burst, like a bubble, like waking up from a dream that you can’t get back.

“Don’t be sorry,” he counters. “We both screwed up.”

You shake your head, feeling your throat tighten with emotion. “No,” you say emphatically. “You had every right to be mad. You were right that you were wasting time.”

He glances down, mouth pulling into a frown. “I’m sorry I said that to you. It wasn’t a waste.”

“Maybe not entirely,” you allow. “But you were right. I was never going to give you what you wanted - not back then, not with… how I was. That last fight we had… it would have been so easy for me to just let you in, and everything would have been fine. And I just… couldn’t.”

He listens seriously, watching your face carefully. You look at your feet in the sand, feeling the beginning trickles of shame down your spine. But you remember that the beast can’t get you - you’d locked him on a canvas. You don’t succumb to him in these moments anymore - you take a breath and remember that you’ve grown since then.

“And -” you swallow, take a breath, “- and I’m sorry. You deserve so much better than that.”

He nods, slowly, his eyes suddenly on the ocean. You watch his throat work, and your stomach clenches in regret. Then, he says, “I should have been clearer with you - way sooner than I was.”

“I’m not sure it would have changed anything,” you admit sadly.

He nods again, agreeing. “Still,” he says.

Still.

“I really like your paintings,” he says, and then laughs at himself before you can respond. “Sorry, that sounded so lame. I don’t know the art terms or anything. I just… like them.”

You smile despite how serious the conversation had felt only seconds ago. “Thanks,” you say shyly.

“What’s the best thing you’ve learned in your classes?” he asks, stepping a little closer.

You don’t even have to think about it. “Shadows,” you say simply, looking up at him. “Even the brightest painting is nothing without the shadows.”

His smile grows slowly, and you know he gets it. Of course he does. He’s been in the trenches right alongside you.

“I thought about you a lot,” he admits, and you realize how close you’re standing. Had you been standing this close the whole time?

“I did, too,” you murmur, heart hammering.

His fingers brush up your sun-warmed arm, and you shiver despite the heat.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, voice low, a little unsure.

He’d never asked before.

You nod, unable to speak, lifting up to meet him halfway. He kisses you like he never had before - featherlight, gentle, like you’re the most fragile thing.

Neither of you say anything after, but as you start walking back towards the guys, you slip your hand into his, and he gives it a squeeze.

You’re still hand in hand when you reach the towels, and you watch Chan clock it out of the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t call you out, and you promise yourself that you’ll give him the conversation you owe him - later. When you’re alone.

You stay a few more hours; the guys play a little more volleyball, you sit on the towels and fill pages in your sketchbook. You draw Vernon - all angles, so sharp, so beautiful.

When the sun sinks low enough, the guys start packing things up, and you help haul everything back towards the cars.

As you slam the trunk of Chan’s car shut, you turn to find Vernon waiting.

“What about now?” he asks.

“What?”

“You said not back then,” he explains. “You said back then you couldn’t give me what I wanted. What about now?”

The question lands like a mine. “I don’t know,” you say, as honest as you can be. “Vernon, I don’t know. I’m scared - I’m scared I’ll hurt you again, mess it up again. I don’t know what I can promise you.”

He considers this. “Okay,” he says finally, in that easy way of his. “What if I don’t want a promise? What if I just want to know… what’re you doing next Saturday?”

You and him, you’d existed only at night. You’d never done this before - considered dating, considered giving him more than just the hours between midnight and three am. You’d never considered letting him be him and not just one of your many vices, one of your distractions, one of the things you used to hide from how broken you felt. But here, now, with the summer sun beating down on your shoulders, you take in his whole, unfragmented face and see how open it is, how willing he is to meet you where you are.

You’ve been missing out on so much, you think. It’s about time to stand in the light - with him. With him, you could try.

“Nothing,” you say, smiling up at him. “You got a suggestion?”

“Yeah,” he says, sending you a wink as he starts to back away, the car keys jingling in his hand. “I know a place.”

<- Prev

thank you so much for reading my veyr first svt fic!! i hope to write many more in the future :)

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just-dreaming-marvel · 1 month ago

Text

Love That Burns ~ Ending 2 ~ 56

LOVE THAT BURNS MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,890ish

Summary: Wade, Laura, and Logan find themselves in the TVA, prepared to do whatever it takes to bring you home and take care of you.

Notes: This can be a tough one. Hope y'all enjoy it. Please share reactions! Please remember to review the timeline posted here.

Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks!

Logan didn’t bother asking Wade how he got his yellow and blue suit fixed up, he honestly didn’t care enough. He kept clenching and unclenching his fists as he stood in the TVA. All that mattered was getting you back. You deserved happiness and a place to experience that. Logan would do what he could to make that happen. Laura was standing at his side, defensive and ready for an attack, while Deadpool was in front, leading the charge. TVA agents were surrounding them, with Hunter B-15 pushing to the front.

“There she is!” Wade exclaimed. “The woman in charge! Though, I did hear the author thought about bringing Loki into this, but you’ll do just fine.”

“The three of you need to leave,” B-15 said.

“Oh, not a chance in hell. We are looking for my Buttercup and will not be leaving without her.”

“She broke the conditions of her return to your timeline.”

“Look, sugarplum,” Wade pulled out one of his katana’s and pointed it at B-15, causing the agents around to arm themselves, “this isn’t a request. I will happily let my pack of wolves cut through you all to get the information we want, but I’m sure you don’t want to clean up that mess. Trust me, I’ve been there. Some stains never come out.”

Logan stepped forward with a growl, claws coming out with a snikt. The claws in Laura’s hands released as well, a signal to the TVA that they weren’t going anywhere without you. With a glare, Logan’s eyes barely glanced past B-15, noticing a screen that was showing you curled up in a field, on fire.

“She’s in The Void,” Logan murmured, fists clenching tighter.

Without another word, all hell broke loose. Claws and swords were flying as the agents tried to gain control of the situation.

“Peanut!” Wade exclaimed. Logan turned just in time to see Wade toss a TemPad in his direction. He caught it with ease. “Press the button! Little Wolf and I got it from here.”

Logan pressed the button and ran through the orange Time Door, closing it before anyone could follow after him. With a deep inhale through his nose, he could smell your smoke and it was strong. He spun around to see a large fire going in the field, a few miles away. Logan took off towards it. TVA agents began coming through Time Doors along the way. He grunted and roared as he used his claws to kill each agent that tried to cross his path. No one was going to stop him from getting to you and bringing you home.

As soon as Logan reached the flames, he ran right in, stopping the agents from coming after him.

“Y/N!” Logan yelled. He coughed as he fought through the smoke and flames, not caring that his suit and skin was burning. “Y/N!”

“Lo—Logan?”

It was quiet and pained. Logan knew he wouldn’t have been able to hear it if he didn’t have heightened senses. But it was there. You were there, nearby.

“I’m here, sweetheart!” He shouted. “I’m bringing you home! Just let me see you!”

“I–I can’t,” he could hear the sob in your throat. “It’s too much... It’s all too much… I just want it to end…”

Logan continued to head in the direction of your voice. “I know, doll. You’ve been so strong. But you don’t need to carry it all on your own anymore. I… I’m here. Just let me get to you, sweetheart.”

The fire in the center extinguished, leaving a ring of roaring fire on the outer edges and smoke. He coughed as he tried to wave the smoke away enough to see you. You were curled up in the blackened grass, a dazed look in your eyes, your clothes barely hanging on with various burns peeking through. Logan rushed over and fell to his knees in front of you. His hand came up to your face, gently trying to get your attention.

“Logan,” you sobbed.

He shushed you as he pulled you into him. One of his arms secured you to him while his other hand cradled your head into his neck. “I’ve got you… I’m here… I’m taking you home.”

“I have no home.”

Logan understood the feeling. He had felt that way until Wade crashed into his life, bringing the rest of you along with him. “Yes, you do, sweetheart… you have Wade and Althea and Laura… you have me… you will always have me.”

He held you tighter as multiple Time Doors appeared and more agents marched through, surrounding the two of you. He kept your head in his neck so that you couldn’t see what was going on.

“Alright, alright, enough of the dramatics,” Wade said as he, Laura, and B-15 came through one of the doorways.

“We have reached an understanding,” B-15 stated. “Y/N can return with you. But your TemPads and time jumpers must be returned.”

Logan tossed the one he had towards her before resuming his grip on you. You tried to curl up further into Logan as you felt the eyes of the others on you. B-15 opened another doorway.

“That will take you home,” B-15 informed. “I am truly sorry about all of this.”

Logan scoffed as he stood up and walked through the doorway without another word. It led to your apartment where he immediately headed to your bathroom. He walked in and tried to set you down. You gripped him tighter.

“I need to set you down, sweetheart,” his voice was calm and reassuring. “Need to get you cleaned up.”

“No,” you shook your head, wincing at the action. “Everything hurts.”

“I know, but you need to be cleaned up and cooled down. You’re still overheating which can’t be helping your pain.”

“Okay,” you breathed out, loosening your grip on him.

With great care, Logan set you down on the counter. He didn’t let you go until he felt that you could hold yourself up enough.

“I’m going to turn on the shower,” he told you. He waited patiently for any sort of response from you. You gave him a single nod before he was quickly turning around to move to get the shower going. Once he had done that, he was back in front of you. His eyes ran over the burnt clothes, barely giving you any coverage. “Can I get you out of these clothes?” Logan watched as you bit the inside of your cheek, giving yourself a moment to think it over. “No funny business, darlin’, just taking care of you.”

You gave him a nod, not meeting his gaze. With great care, Logan began to free you from the tattered clothing. His eyes remained on your face as he worked, trying to show you that he meant what he said and so that he didn’t have to see the burns littering your skin. You whined and whimpered as the movements caused you pain. Once you were free of your clothing, Logan stepped back.

“I can leave you to–”

“Please don’t leave,” your voice was quiet and full of desperation. “I don’t want to be alone… I can’t…”

Logan stripped off his Wolverine suit, leaving him in his boxers before stepping back up to you. More delicate than you could imagine from the man, he picked you up and took you into the shower. He kept a firm arm around you as he set your legs down.

“Do you want your hair or body washed first?” he softly asked. You shrugged, looking down. One of his hands came up and hooked a finger under your chin, gently guided your head up to look at him. “I’m not gonna do anything more without a verbal answer, darlin’. Hair or body?”

“Body,” you whispered.

Logan nodded before grabbing your washcloth and squeezing some body soap on it. With great care, Logan began lathering you up with soap. You were practically a doll in his arms, barely keeping yourself up as he took care of you. Once your body was clean, Logan moved to your hair. You leaned back against him as he used his calloused hands to massage the soap into your hair. Your eyes closed as you let him take care of you.

It felt natural for Logan to take care of you, despite that the two of you weren’t from the same timeline, and didn’t share the same history. It made him crave for more moments to take care of you.

By the time Logan was done cleaning you up, you were practically unconscious. He turned off the shower and reached out for a towel, carefully wrapping it around you. He carried you out of the bathroom and headed to your room, catching a glimpse of a lingering, worried Laura in the hall.

“Can you get her dried up and changed, kid?” He quietly asked.

Laura nodded and quickly headed into your room. Logan followed and gently set you down on your bed. You weakly reached out for him, whining in pain.

“I’ll go grab some medication,” he said before slipping out of the room.

Not caring that he was still wet from the shower and only in his boxers, Logan headed to where he knew you kept the medication in the kitchen. Wade was in the kitchen, making a mess.

“Woah, Peanut!” Wade exclaimed, upon seeing Logan’s state. “Now is not the time to be putting down moves. My favorite superhero is not okay and I will not allow you to use her!”

“Shut the fuck up, idiot,” Logan muttered. “She asked me to help her.”

“Well you could help us all by getting your soaked body dry a little more. I know the readers don’t mind that you’re standing here in your boxers but you’ve got water on the floor. This isn’t a water park.”

“Fine. Grab some meds and get them to Y/N. I’m gonna change.”

~~~

Back in your room, Laura was holding back tears as she helped you dry off and into some comfy clothes.

“I’m so sorry, mom,” she cried. “I didn’t mean any of it… you’re my mom. I love you. I wouldn’t be here without you… I’m so sorry…”

You were barely registering anything around you. The pain, emotional and physical, was all consuming. Laura helped you with great care and trembling hands, tucking you into your bed once she was done.

“Okay! I got the meds! I also brought some water!” Wade exclaimed as he waltzed into the room. He immediately became somber as he took in the sight of you weakly laying there and Laura crying over you, holding your hand.

“All she’s ever done is put me first,” Laura mumbled. “How could I treat her so bad?”

Wade sighed, coming over and sitting on the other side of you. “She’ll forgive you… Help me get these meds in her? I’ll sit her up.”

Laura nodded, taking the pills and water from Wade. Wade carefully helped you sit up, wincing at the painful cry that let your lips.

“Sorry, Buttercup,” Wade said softly. “We just need you to take some meds. It will help.”

“Here you go, mom,” Laura said, placing the meds in your mouth.

For a brief moment, her mind snapped back to when she watched you and her father do the same thing for Charles. Her heart broke at the memory and the situation you were currently in. She silently wished that her father were here, he would be better suited to handle this.

She guided the water bottle up to your lips and was grateful when you swallowed the meds down.

“There you go,” Wade cooed, like you were a child. “Gonna get you all better, Buttercup. Can’t lose my favorite super hero just yet. Haven’t even gotten your opinion on the new Emberine fic I’m putting together.”

“No one wants to read that shit,” Logan murmured as he came into the room, dressed in a tight black t-shirt and gray sweats.

“Actually, I have over seven thousand followers than say otherwise.”

“Bullshit,” Logan scoffed. His eyes focused on you as he came to stand at the end of your bed. “How is she?”

“Our Little Flame here is in a lot of pain. But she’s a fighter.”

“She needs rest,” Laura said quietly, guilt weighing heavily on her.

“She shouldn’t be alone,” Logan said. “We should take shifts.”

“And I get the first shift!” Wade quickly rose his hand. “You two assholes still need to make up from the damage you did. Now, scurry off. Big Brother Wade is taking over.”

Laura gave your hand a squeeze as she stood up. She leaned over you and pressed a kiss to your head. “I’m sorry, mom,” she whispered. “I love you.” She slowly let your hand go and left the room.

“I’ll be in the living room,” Logan stated. “Let me know if anythin’ is needed.”

“Don’t you worry, Peanut! I’ve got everything under control.”

Logan sighed, looking at you for another moment before leaving the room.

“I know you’re sleeping, but I’ve got fics to write and stories to read.” Seemingly out of nowhere, Wade pulled out his laptop and opened it up. “You do not wanna know where I’ve been keeping this thing. I’ve been waiting too long to share some of these fics with you. The first one is about what I think would have happened if your dear Wolvie never lost his memories. I think you’re really gonna like it or it will just make you sad, so I guess it’s good that you’re asleep now. I’m gonna read it anyway.”

~~~

Logan couldn’t sleep, neither could Laura. The two ended up silently sitting at the dinner table, a tense awkward silence between the two of them.

“I’m sorry,” Laura eventually spoke up, her voice quiet. “You shouldn’t have had to step in… I just… She’s been carrying so much and her powers dwindling is terrifying… It’s my father all over again.”

“What do you mean?” Logan questioned.

“The adamantium in him poisoned him… He didn’t exactly die from it, but it didn’t help either… He aged in the span of that week faster than I new possible. His healing stopped and everything was painful for him… And now I’m watching my mom go through it… She’s done everything for me. She pushed aside all her pain and grief to raise me… She never deserved those hurtful words.”

“No, she didn’t,” Logan responded. “But,” he leaned forward to try and catch Laura’s eye, “it’s also not all on you. Your mom has clearly had things building up inside her for a lot time. It was only time before Y/N broke like this.”

“Doesn’t make it any better.” Laura’s gaze dropped to her hands, rubbing over the spots where her claws extend.

“What else is bothering you, kid?”

She shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar.”

She sighed. “It’s… you.”

Logan tried to not be too surprised at her honesty. “Me?”

“You look exactly like my father… exactly like my mother’s husband… but you’re not him. You don’t share the same memories. You… treat me better than he ever treated me. But you’re still not him.”

“I’m not trying to replace him, kid. I’m just trying to be friends—“

“Yeah? And what happens when that leads to more on either one of your ends? Will you walk away if seeing you becomes too much for her or will you break her heart when she feels more than you do? Or is she just a replacement for the Y/N you lost?”

Laura’s words hit Logan harder than he wished they would. Was his presence making everything worse for you? It clearly was harder on Laura than he originally thought. Before he could let his thoughts spiral too much, Logan stood up and strode down the hall. He reached your room to find you still asleep and Wade furiously typing away at a computer.

“Oh, Peanut, just in time!” Wade greeted, not too loud to prevent you from walking up. “I just finished a new fic. I’m sure that it will grow on you. It’s obviously an Emberine fic with a smutty—“

“Get the fuck out,” Logan grumbled. “It’s my shift.”

“Fine.” Wade closed the laptop and leapt from the bed. “I’ll go see if Laura wants to hear my stories. Don’t do anything stupid, Peanut.” Then he was gone.

Logan took a deep breath before taking Wade’s spot on the bed. He couldn’t look at your sleeping form right now, keeping his eyes on the picture of you and your original Logan on the dresser.

“I’m sorry if I’m making things worse,” he whispered. “I just… I haven’t had people in so long… I haven’t let anyone close. I thought that I’d give it a shot… That I wouldn’t walk away… But I will, if it’s too much for you… I’ve really enjoyed becoming friends with you.”

His head snapped down as some of your fingers brushed against his hand.

“Don’t,” you rasped, eyes still closed as everything still weighed on you. “Don’t… I need friends, too…” Your hand moved to lay on top of Logan’s as your eyes opened a fraction. “Thank you… for bringing me home.”

“Anytime, doll. It’s what friends do.”

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