#but Eddie walks up to him and is like my son loves your new album

[steddietogo]

Metal head musician Eddie Munson’s black cat Strider who loves pop music and screams at Eddie every time he picks up his electric guitar.

Strider’s favorite is pop princess Steve Harrington’s newest album. Eddie knows each song word for word (he’ll never admit it)

[eds6ngel]

hey! I saw that your requests are open! so i can ask for an eddie x reader where she tries to understand more about d&d or metal, those things to try to please her bf, however eddie doesn't have a good day and ends up mocking and embarrassing her. I liked your account, if you don't like this, please ignore me! 💗

of course my love, i loved this ask! and thank you for the compliment <3

warnings: fem!reader. pet names. established relationship. angst, but it ends in fluff. swearing. j*son c*rver mentions [1.7k]

As Eddie exits the torturous walls of Hawkins High, he exhales a sigh of relief. If he was being honest, today had been a shit day. Jason was in one of his moods where he decided to turn all of his obvious internal issues into spiteful words towards him. Something that on the last day of school of ‘86 was not the ideal send off.

He needed to see one person, one girl. His girl.

Eddie walks over to his van, leaning against it as he lights a cigarette, knowing you, his girlfriend, should be there any minute.

But, two smoked cigarettes later, and you were nowhere to be found. Not a trace of you in sight.

“Fuck,” he grits out, throwing his blunt cigarette on the ground and stomping it out harshly with the heel of his shoe, the underneath becoming more destroyed by the day.

He swings open the door, sliding in his seat before slamming it shut, huffing out in frustration. He puts the keys in, turning on the engine, Metallica’s “Kill ‘Em All” blasting through the speaker as he sets off towards his trailer.

Where the fuck were you?

The sound of the bell ringing alerted the store clerk, you pushing open the door with a nervous expression on your face.

You slowly makes your way to the counter, asking the tall man, “Um, hi. I was wondering if you had the latest album by… um, AC/DC, I think they are called?”

“Sure thing!” he replies cheerily, “You want cassette or vinyl?”

“Um, cassette please, thank you.”

Eddie had been rambling for months about their latest album. He’d already bought the album on vinyl, practicing the newest tracks until his fingers were numb and red. However, he recently talked about owning the album on cassette, that way he could take his latest obsession on the go with him.

So, trying to be the supportive girlfriend you are, you went on a hunt to track down the cassette yourself, even if you weren’t the most knowledgable on metal music. But, hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

After gnawing at your nails in the middle of the store, the man returns from the back, holding up a brand new cassette.

“Here you go, ‘Who Made Who,’ freshly delivered here this week.”

Huh, the name didn’t sound right. You could’ve sworn this was the album Eddie was talking about. Pretty damn sure the artist was correct too. You were no metalhead, but the constant talkings from your boyfriend sure let you in on a lot of facts.

Nevertheless, you take the tape from the man’s hands, eyeing the cover. A blue background. You were certain Eddie’s was red. Maybe they changed the cover for the cassette release?

“Thank you. Just what I needed,” you replied, smiling through your doubts.

“‘Course darlin’,” he says, “That’s $8.”

After giving the clerk your $10 bill, he gives you $2 in return, before you bid farewell and exit the store.

Now, to surprise Eddie.

It took five knocks before you were greeted with the sight of your boyfriend, his hair a fluffy mess and eyes red. The poor boy looked exhausted.

“Hey, baby,” he practically slurs in tiredness, “What are you doing here?”

It was 5pm. You were meant to meet him at 3:30, the end of the school day. He should be feeling more thankful than he was, but with everything that went on during today’s hellish time at Hawkins High, he was knocking on death’s door, both emotionally and physically.

“Um, hi babe!” you reply, holding your hands behind your back, “I have a surprise for you.”

He looks at you dumbfounded, “Uh, thanks, I guess. Where were you earlier on?”

“Well,” you cheerily say, taking a seat on his couch, “This gift may be the answer to that question.”

You hand over the cassette, Eddie taking it in his hands to eye up the cover, just like you did in the store a mere thirty minutes before.

You start to ramble, explaining the reason as to why you made the purchase, “You’ve been rambling a lot about how you owned this on vinyl, but wanted it on tape so you could blast it in your van, so I decided to go out and buy it for you!”

Eddie looks at the cassette you placed in his hands with the upmost confusion. He’d never spoken about AC/DC recently. The only album he’d rambled about to you was Metallica’s “Master of Puppets,” even showing you how he mastered the solo to the titular song.

He shakes his head, a soft laugh coming out of mouth as he replies, “Jesus babe, your listening skills are not working well recently, are they?”

The sense of pride you felt quickly diminished at Eddie’s harsh words. You second guessed yourself already, but decided to trust Eddie’s words over your own, but maybe your worries were right after all.

“Wait, did I do something wrong?” you ask sheepishly, the nervousness slowly creeping back in.

He chuckles, “Baby,” he looks up at you, “You think this shit is metal? Yeah, because talking about how you want to pound women is what we write about. So incredibly metal babe,” he rolls his eyes, scoffing at the association between the two bands.

Before you can even get a word in, Eddie is rushing to his bedroom as you sit there alone for a couple of seconds, the guilt beginning to settle uncomfortably at the bottom of your stomach.

Eddie was usually very patient when it came to you learning about his hobbies. You were sort of polar opposites in the sense that you knew practically nothing about the aspects of his life that defined him. D&D, metal music, Lord of the Rings? Your knowledge on them was subpar.

But, he was willing to teach you, give you the basics, help you understand him more. It built your relationship in that way. But, something about him today was different. That sense of understanding and patience had flown out of the window, a sense of moral righteousness in the subject taking over.

He quickly returns, holding up the vinyl in his hands. You were right. A red background. Definitely not the same as the cassette you had purchased.

Putting the two side by side, he scoffs again, “Sweetheart, tell me one thing about these two covers that look remotely similar. Because to me, they look like completely different albums.”

You’re trying not to let the tears prick at your eyes. All you wanted to do was show that you supported him in his interests. Living in small town Indiana meant that Eddie was constantly called a “Satan Worshipper” simply for listening to the genre. And now that you were one of the only people who accepted and supported him in his identity, you were met with sarcasm and distaste.

You sigh out, knowing that you had riled up your boyfriend. Grabbing your purse, you stand up and walk towards the door, “I’m just gonna go, Eds.”

This made Eddie snap back to reality, realising the words that were coming out of his mouth. You were indeed no expert on metal, and who was he to judge you for that? He couldn’t expect everyone to know as much as he did.

He places both the cassette and vinyl on the kitchen counter, “Wait, sweetheart, I’m sorry. Let me explain—“

But, you cut him off with a disappointed expression on your face, “No, Eds, it’s okay. I know I suck at knowing metal, and obviously I’ve pissed you off by not listening to you well enough. So, next time, I’ll let you buy it yourself. It’ll save all this hassle.”

The guilt was now settling in Eddie’s stomach just like it did yours. But, before he could muster up some quick apology to save himself, you were out the door and gone.

Eddie leans his head down on the counter between his arms, breathing out a “Fuck,” as he realises his mistake.

He needed to make up for this somehow. And not in some half-assed way that he was making up on the spot. He needed to clear his head and plan this out. He needed to prove himself to you.

Once you got home, you headed straight to your room. You couldn’t be dealing with the weight of Eddie’s words, so you took off your make-up and changed into pyjamas, lying in bed until your body decided it was time to sleep.

But, with your mind racing, your body was doing anything but relaxing. It was 9pm by this point, you wishing that a peaceful slumber would take place any minute.

But, the sound of frantic knocking at your bedroom window alerts you from your relaxation. Groaning as you lift up the covers, you pull back the curtain to the sight of your boyfriend, a guilt-ridden look across his face.

You sigh as you pull up the window, “What do you want, Eddie?”

“Could you just let me in sweetheart, please?”

Begrudgingly, you signal with your arm to let him in, the boy clambering through the window.

He breathes out as you take a seat on the edge of your bed, “I guess I should start by saying sorry.”

You nod your head, “A good starter, yeah,” you softly chuckle.

There’s a small smile that creeps on his face as he takes a seat next to you on your pink-coloured duvet, “I know this is gonna sound more shitty than I want it to, but, today’s been hard babe,” he explains. “Jason… He just… God, I wish he would just leave me alone for a second, you know? And just that frustration from him I pushed onto you, which was totally wrong.”

You shake your head, “I mean, I didn’t help matters by picking up the wrong fucking album.”

He places a soft hand on your arm, rubbing it with his thumb, “Don’t blame yourself, okay? I should’ve been thankful you even put in the effort at all. And if anything,” he leans closer, “Even thinking of getting that album is so incredibly metal.”

The both of you laugh as you lean in, your lips connecting in a soft kiss, an apology without words.

As you part, you lean your foreheads against each other, your hand still cupping the side of his cheek as his lies comfortably on your waist. “Again, I’m sorry,” he apologises, “I’ll work on those anger management skills.”

You breathe out, “And I’ll work on my listening skills, compromise?”

“Compromise.”

i hope this is close to what you were hoping for! thank you so much for the ask <3

[jqmalikhsgib]

bloom

six

eddie smiles as he pushes his son on the swing. eddie got back home last night with some huge news. the album had been released while they were doing press conferences, gigs, meet and greets, and more and it was a success!

with the album already topping the charts, their record label told them they’d be even more busy than before and talking opening for metallica themselves. with that huge news, the large family celebrated with their friends and family. after celebrating all eddie wanted was to cuddle up to his baby boy and all six of his girls.

now he’s enjoying being at the park with his children while his fiancé was sitting reading a book with the twins sleeping in their stroller.

“higher, daddy!” aster yells. eddie chuckles as he pushes his son a little higher.

he watches as lunaria builds a sand castle while lily and jasmine take turns on the slide. he enjoyed his family! his kids meant so much to him. eddie never thought he’d be here. with the way he was raised and how kids treated him in school, he felt insecure. eddie didn’t think he’d ever be loved, let alone by the most beautiful woman in hawkins, hell the most beautiful woman in the world! yn had been popular, a cheerleader, on the debate team, school president, the list goes on. she’s smart, beautiful, kind, funny, the whole goddamn package. eddie felt lucky she wanted to be his friend, let alone his life partner. now he gets to marry her, spend the rest of his fucking life cherishing her and their six beautiful babies.

“if it isn’t munson.” eddie frowns when he hears the voice of jason carver. he tried to ignore the asshole, focusing on his son, but knowing carver he would try and get under eddie’s skin.

“come on, munson! why don’t you introduce me to the little guy, hmm?”

“im here spending time with my kids, jason. i do not have time for you right now.”

jason scoffs. “i still can’t believe you pulled yn of all people. i mean, i still think she’s under some cult spell or something. it’s no way a guy like you could ever be with a girl like that.” he points to yn.

eddie rolls his eyes. “buddy, why don’t you go make a sandcastle with your sister, huh? daddy will be there in a bit.”

“okay, daddy.” aster didn’t know who the man was but by the look in his dad face he knew he wasn’t very nice.

eddie pulls out a cigarette before lighting it. he rolls his eyes as he looks at jason before blowing smoke in the man’s face.

“we’re not kids anymore carver. if you wanna act like a little bitch, fine! but i got a family to feed. if you don’t have anything important to say, get the fuck out of my face, yeah? and while you’re at it, tell your little brother to leave my sister in law alone, huh?”

jason steps closer to eddie. he was shorter than the boy so he tried to make himself look taller. “or what?”

eddie smirks. “you remember what happened to you and your friends when steve and i kicked your ass the night we graduated? i hate for your brother to be the next victim, huh?”

jason glares at him. “that was an unfair fight!”

“was it, tough guy?” eddie takes another drag out of his cigarette before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it.

“eddie!” yn walks over to them.

“hi, yn. been awhile. miss me baby?”

“he’s not worth it eds.” eddie looks down at his fiancé and sees their twins sleeping peacefully in their stroller.

“you’re right, baby. how bout we get our babies and head home, yeah?”

yn nods her head as she glares at jason. “have fun living the trailer park life, yn! you could have had a nice house, car, designer bags, everything you’ve ever wanted. too bad you chose the trailer trash satanist.” jason calls out as they grab their kids and head to the car.

“you know he’s wrong, right?” yn runs her hands up and down eddie’s chest. eddie was in their bathroom brushing his teeth.

“not now, baby.” eddie sighs as he turns off the bathroom light and gets on his side of the bed. yn frown as she climbs on the other side. “eddie, you can’t let him ruin your good mood! you’re gonna be a successful rockstar. hell, you already are! why are you still letting guys like jason carver get to you about your future.”

“it’s not that.”

“what is it baby. talk to me.” yn runs her hands up and down his chest.

“he’s right about you. by now you could have had that big house, a bigger engagement ring, the newest car, designer clothes, your own fucking chef. instead you settled for me because what? we got knocked up?!”

yn shakes her head. “i didn’t settle for you eddie! i love you and i wouldn’t want anyone else. why is it so hard for you to see that?” she scoffs.

yn could see right through him though. his insecurities from his past. his father calling him a loser who would never amount to anything after giving him a black eye, his mother not even sticking around leaving him with his abusive father, the kids in school being so cruel, picking on him for the holes in his clothes, even grown ass adults who use to tell him he’d end up just like his father. he felt like a worthless piece of shit. yn hated every single person who’s doubted eddie. it made him doubt himself. even with the success he’s achieved and how much of an amazing partner, son, and father he’s been.

“eddie munson, the moment i got to know you, i fell in love. you were the sweetest boy in the whole school. i had to make you mine. when i finally got the chance i never wanted to look back. i knew from that every moment that we’d get married someday, have a few kids, and grow old together. no amount of money or jewelry or designer clothes is worth my love for you. you gave me six beautiful babies and you’re one hell of a lover,” yn smirks while he chuckles and holds her tightly before she continues. “i love you mister munson, and no one can take that away!”

he kisses her passionately. “i love you too misses munson. and im gonna give you everything and more. you and the kids deserve that!”

“lets start by setting a date to our wedding, huh?!”

“whatever you want, darling.

[sushywritez]

Stranger Danger | Older!Eddie M. X Fem!Reader | Two

PLOT: Eddie is a loving single father and a busy man, he hires you on occasion to watch his child. Sometimes he wish he had the courage to ask you out, but one terrible weekend will prove to him he hasn't got much time.

WARNINGS: blood, slight gore, language, suggestiveness, angst, fluff, thriller, slasher, divorce, and adult humor.

Next morning Eddie had been pulled from his sleep bright and early, due to usual routine. Except he didn't need to be at the studio until tomorrow. He would be away for the next three days he'd be in the next town over filming a new album and helping produce the music. So domestic days like this were very rare.

So he decided for once he'd try his hand at home cooked breakfast. The kind that families would wake up to in those old 70's, 80's, and 90's films. From how well he knew you, Eddie remembered how much you loved biscuits. Biscuits with sausage gravy to be more specific. Well, how hard could it be to make?

Where it would surprise almost anyone. You knew that Eddie happened to be an excellent chef. It was part of that magical charm of his. Knowing how to prepare the most unique dishes was something that made him stand out from others.

As he stirred the gravy on top the stove he set the timer for the biscuits sitting in the oven, twenty minutes should do just fine. Knowing that you had commented on how coffee kept you going on early mornings, he remembered to prepare a pot. Sweet smells of freshly baked biscuits, sausage, and brewing coffee wafted through the halls. It had stirred you awake from your slumber. Before you woke up completely you took in all the smells, then pulled yourself out of bed.

You stumble sleepily into the kitchen. The sight of Eddie in the kitchen was surely swoon worthy. Long shaggy, dark curls, pulled back into a bun, towel slung over his shoulder, dressed in an old tee and sweatpants. The ones that hugged his hips and hung a bit low, it made you feel warm deep down.

Eddie turns around and smiles, holding a bowl of freshly made gravy he greets you, "Morning, early bird." You snort and walk over to him.

"Good morning, Eddie." You eye the gravy, "Who's all this for?"

He sets it down and smiles sheepishly, "Well, I know you had a hard night and I'd figure I could make you breakfast for once." He explained and you take a seat at the end of the table, Eddie standing over you. "I gotta take care of my girls once and a while." He comments and continues setting up the table.

Elsewhere

Steve had shown up for his shift that morning at eight o'clock sharp, but as he pulled into the lot there were two more cars occupying the spaces. His boss Mike's vintage BMV was joined by to police cruisers. Shit. He mentally cursed himself. It had to be related to his little incident the other night and of course she had reported it.

Steve entered the place of business, bell signaling his entrance. Mike turned to glance at his employee along with the two officers. They all shared a look, before approaching him and Mike scurried off to the back. "Steve? Steve Harrington?"

Steve drops his bags and nodded, "Yes sir. That's me."

"Son, you'll need to come with us." The burly officer spoke first and Steve slowly held his hands up. "You Steven K. Harrington are under arrest, and will have the right to remain silent." He grips his shoulder and turns Seve around, gripping both wrists and cuffing him. "Officer Polinski, read him his rights. I'll finish here."

Back at the Munson Household

"This is amazing, Eddie. Absolutely perfect." You manage, covering your mouth as you spoke for politeness. Violet agreed clapping her hands out of excitement. After all, she was so used to pre-made meals or quick meals unless you cooked for her.

This was probably the first genuine meal he'd made in a while. "Daddy made yummy biscuits." She exclaims reaching over to scoop another bite into her small mouth. Violet had some gravy stuck to her nose and a drop on her cheek, definitely requiring a bath afterwards.

"Why, thank you." Eddie takes the compliment and goes to take another bite when the phone ringing interrupted their meal. Violet continued eating despite the interruption, but Eddie and (Y/N) were more concerned. They looked up from their plates, before Eddie stood up and excused himself from the table to answer the phone.

He caught it just in time on the fifth ring before it went straight to voice-mail. Glancing down at the Caller I.D. he noticed it was the Hawkins P.D. from their unique identification. "Hello?" He answered raising the phone to his ear and another voice greeted him.

"Morning, Mr. Munson. This is Chief Hopper with the Hawkins P.D. and I just need a moment of your time." The deep voice on the other end replied. "Did I wake you?"

Eddie took a breath and looked back at you and Violet. "No. No-Uhm," He shakes his head, turning his attention back to the conversation. Turning his back to the kitchen as to not worry you or his little girl. "You didn't. Didn't wake me, Chief." He replies slightly in disbelief, trying to understand the sudden need for a phone-call in the first place.

"Good, look let me start with an apology towards Miss (L/N)." Hopper spoke.

Eddie was confused, "To her? What for?" "Well, for the unfortunate experience she had with that boy, Steve Harrington." The chief reminds him and Eddie now understood. This must mean they caught him.

"So, they caught him?"

Steve looks back at the officers as he's escorted out of the van, sporting a new orange jumpsuit. Roughly being shoved towards the prison guards, now seeing as he was there problem from now on. The smell of the halls, the cells, it was horrible and filthy. This is the worst cell-block he heard the officers mention. This is what he deserved for his behavior. It made his blood boil.

"Yes. He's being transported to the big house now as we speak." Eddie smiled, he was relieved.

"So why the apology?" He asks then.

"We didn't handle the situation properly that night, but one of my officers, Hank, he uh saw the kid's record. So we got 'em."

"That's great, Sir. Thank you, I'll let her know." With that he hangs up and Eddie is immediately relieved as he sets the phone down. He sports a smile as he returns to the kitchen to deliver the good news. Only to find you hard at work over the sink cleaning up after him. God, what would he do without you?

He'd die.

Cell Block D Hawkin's Correctional

Steve huffed as the office tugged his wrists through the bars to uncuff him, but his grip was tight. The officer in question was smirking the whole time, "Hope you enjoy your stay. You've even got a room-mate, have fun." He sneered, before walking off, swinging the cuffs around his finger whistling the tune of some oldie.

"Well. Well. Well, look what the shit dragged in." That voice. He recognized it, Steve slowly turned and sure as fuck there he was. Billy Hargrove in all his shining, messy, and cocky glory. "Been a while, Harrington."

"Hargrove." He spat.

"King Steve." Billy spat back with even more venom, slowly approaching him before getting up in his face. "I've missed your dumb ass. So, what're you in for?" He asks circling Steve, who in turn watches him like a hawk.

He scoffs, "None of your business." Steve defends. Billy chuckles and steps back to take a seat on the right centered cot, manspreading and smirking.

"Come on, tell me your secrets and I'll tell you mine. Deal?"

"Fine." He gives in, "I'll tell you."

Life is about the choices you make or will make, you just have to make the right ones.

Tell me, do you?

Taglist:

@yaspillz @dahliamae @capricornrisingsstuff @aysheashea @e0509 @off-phelia @strangerthingsstories5255 @fujiihime @puppy-coded @damon-loves-pie @seratoninsickness @k0urti @thatlonelypieceoftoast @phantomxoxo @wittlewowa @rollergirlworldwide @allithewriter @gothguitargal @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @ali-r3n @harrys-tittie @yearwalker96 @lipglossanon @thepastdied @jessevans @dullsocietyy @littlelimb @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @3rriberri @corroded-hellfire @munson-blurbs

[fluffansmut-old]

Christmas eve and Christmas day

12 Fics of Christmas - masterlist

Summary: You spend christmas at the munsons.

Content warnings: cosy festive fluff.

Word count: 1230

A/N: This fic is makes the most sense if you´ve red at least part 1, 3 and 10 of this series but you can of course read it as a stand alone. 

Big huge thanks to anyone that has read and liked anything of this, I appreciate you all so much its insane. 

fic is also posted on Ao3

You smelt the mulled wine before you got inside.

The trailer felt festive in a totally new way, it felt so warm, so welcome and so calm. 

Eddie and Wayne had some small nibbles and cookies displayed on the kitchen counter, and inside the oven there were a chicken and leek pie baking, courtesy of Claudia Henderson, who made enough pies for a small army and then distributed them among friends and family. 

Wayne was incharge of the music and a frank sinatra christmas album was softly playing in the background. 

“This is beautiful” you said to Eddie as he brought you into his open arms. 

“you are” he responded, “Garlic bread?” he asked, holding up a slice. 

“I mean when you offer” you said and opened your mouth. 

When you, Eddie and Wayne was stuffed to the brim with both snacks and pie you sat down on the couch and you turned to Eddie quite quickly, now to excited to wait. 

“So when are you going to tell the new part of the christmas story?” you asked your boyfriend.

Ever since Wayne told you about it and showed you the notebook, you had made eddie read parts here and there to you whilst at his place, to not make Wayne sit trough the entire thing on christmas eve.

“Do you guys want to hear it now? Or should we put on a film?” Eddie asked, smirking slightly cause he knew what you would say. 

“No!” You said, grabbing his hand.”Tell it now.”

Wayne charmed in. 

“Tell it son, it aint christmas till you do”

Eddie smiled. 

“Mkay then, get comfortable. “ he said. 

When you had he began, you noticed how his tone dropped, falling into one that was laced with mystery. 

“When we left our heroes last christmas, they had just gotten out of the deadly trap that they were fooled into during their dreamhaze, and now they found themselves in a forest they’ve never seen before. Snow covered the ground in every direction that they looked, and the oak door that they just passed through was suddenly gone. “ 

You felt your insides grow warm as you watched Eddie tell his story, He was so into it, so echanted in the story that he created out of thin air. His imagination and passion for storytelling made you love him even more than you had before. 

“When they had wondered round the interminable forrest for what felt like an eternity, they suddenly heard something coming from above, something so gorgeous that they couldn’t really believe their eyes.” Eddie said, pausing for dramatic effect, whilst also smirking deviously at you. “a fairy.” 

Eddie proceeded to describe the fairy and it didn´t take long for you to realise that the fairy’s features all matched yours, on the dot every time. Still you couldnt really believe it, Did he really write you into his story? 

When he finished, it stopped on a happy note, an open end with potential for a continuation next christmas. You dried the tears that had erupted when the fairy used her magic to light a path in the snow giving the heroes the hope they needed.

“Son, I dunno how you do it, but you’ve done it again,” Wayne said as he rose from the sofa, giving Eddie an affectionate shoulder squeeze as he walked past him. 

“So what did you think?” Eddie asked taking a seat beside you on the sofa. 

“I loved it Eds, “ you said, leaning against him. ”was that fairy inspired by someone special?” 

“Might be so” Eddie said and kissed your temple. “Inspired by the source of light and hope in my life” 

“I love you” you said, climbing into his lap, straddling him.

“I love you too” Eddie replied and softly put a hand under your chin bringing your face to his, kissing you deeply.

It felt like that kiss lasted forever, and you only broke it when you heard Wayne clear his throat.

“You guys want dessert or are you content with eating each other?” 

After you two had gone to bed you waited for Eddie to fall asleep.

There were two stockings hung on the door to his bedroom, one for him and one for you, and you desperately wanted to be the one to put presents in his.

You listened to him breathe behind you, face in your neck, and when you heard his breathing even out you snuck as carefully as you could out of bed to go grab the present you had in mind for under the tree.

 You grabbed it carefully to not wake Wayne and tiptoed back, only to be met by Eddie at the door stuffing a present down your stocking. 

“I thought you went to the bathroom?” Eddie whispered when he saw you.

“I thought you were asleep?” You whispered back. Then you both paused and looked at each other laughing.

You looked at the clock. It was 02.31 a.m.

“I mean it’s officially Christmas Day anyways” you said as you handed Eddie the present not bothering to stuff it down his stocking.

Eddie took the present and then dug up the gift for you. 

“Merry Christmas my love” he said and grabbed your hand, pulling you into the room to open the presents.

Eddie read the note on his present and looked up at you with raised eyebrows and a cheeky grin.

“Unwrap me in private?” He asked, “should I be scared or excited?”

“Well hopefully excited, Cmon now, unwrap!” You said, urging him to unwrap the gift.

He unwrapped the boudoir photos of you and the gasp he let out was incredible.

“Baby” he said after looking at them. “These put my tiny Polaroid collection to such shame, they’re gorgeous”

“You really think so?” You asked.

“Sweetheart I wanna frame these, put them on the wall so I can look at them all day.”

You laughed at his outburst.

“You cannot frame and hang pictures of me barely clothed in a house that you share with your uncle” you said.

“Then we better work on getting a place of our own” he said, then he leaned towards you and pressed a kiss to your lips.

“I love them, thank you. Now open yours” 

You smiled at him and murmured an “you’re welcome” before opening up the small gift.

Inside were a ring. A ring that had an E on the front.

“Wow” you said, putting it on. “I assume E stands for Eddie right?” 

“You are correct and I am aware that it is insanely cheesy.” Eddie said. “Now there’s a reason behind the present sweetheart.”

“And that is?” You said, admiring the ring.

“Well baby, I’ve noticed that when your anxious you fiddle with my rings a lot, and its not that I want that to stop, it’s just that I want you to have something to fiddle with when im not around.” 

You teared up at the consideration behind the gift that you now had on your finger.

“Eddie, I love you, so incredibly much.” 

“I love you too baby” 

You kissed him and then you let out a yawn. 

“Should we go to bed?” he asked. 

“Please”  you replied. 

That christmas night, you fell asleep in the arms of a man that loved you so much and that you loved just as much.

[lodessa]

first lines

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to AO3. (Sort by date posted.) If you have less than 10 fics posted, post what you have. 

Tagged by @feeisamarshmallow (a while ago, whoops)

The Backup: "The angry sound of a car alarm draws Weevil’s attention as he trudges past the garage."

Loved and Exploited Well: Charlie looks out through the glass of her penthouse windows, down onto the city so far below. It’s been ten years and she still can’t seem to get used to the sight, to the height, the neon lights that never flicker out even in the middle of the night.

More My Fault Than Yours: Things come into focus eventually, the horror of her nightmare receding as she becomes aware of the warm hands gently shaking her awake, the solidity of Chakotay beside her, his face staring down into her face in the almost darkness.

Exhausted Midas: The insomnia is so much more obvious here on Earth than it ever was on a starship. On a starship it is always both pitch black and totally illuminated. People are always working, someone is always on duty. Here the days are distinct, night and day the province of the sun and moon, rather than the chronometer. Sleepless nights are registered in sunrises rather than hours passed.

Life is a Record. Play a New Song: “No one likes a Negative Nancy,” her mom snaps with zero self awareness and Chrissy prays that if nothing else at least she keeps an awareness of her own flaws. High strung. Easily startled. Too quick to say yes to whatever anyone around me wants. Neurotic. Spineless. 

Down to the Bottom: “You are drunk,” he says, putting his hands on her shoulders to steady her or keep her at a distance as he steps backwards away from where she has leaned in.

there's an awful lot of breathing room (but i can hardly move): “If it isn’t Jase the Just,” Eddie smiles, leaning over the counter to give the awkward eleven year old a high five as he makes his way from the door of the shop to the playing area in the back. Chrissy’s heart swells to see her son just open up, grinning and walking with a confidence she never saw a year ago when he first asked her to pretty please drive him down to Tomb Bound Tomes. It is still something she doesn’t see at home.

Don't Leave Me Dry: Miles thinks he’d forgotten, forgotten the power of drowning out the sound of the world with a set of headphones and an album you have listened to enough times that it is part of you. It’s all too easy, to close his eyes and lose himself in the memories of days gone by, lying on his bed back in Jasper with Bass putting off algebra homework to this sound. But at the same time, after all these years of darkness and silence, he can’t take for granted these sudden gifts: electricity and a forgotten album collection and discman left behind by someone many years before, who understood they were never going to play again. But now, suddenly, they do.

My Fear is Fading Fast: Eddie surveys his work and he has to admit that the trailer has never been cleaner. It will never not be shabby and cramped, but it is as tidy and sanitary as it is possible to make it. It will have to be enough. .

Safe from the Guards (of Intellect and Reason): Chrissy checks her reflection in the mirror for probably the hundredth time. She knows it is ridiculous. Nothing has changed since Max helped her pick out this outfit a few hours ago, but she can’t help fussing anyway, wondering if she should wear something else. Cow. Tart, her mother’s voice echoes.

Tagging: @rogueimperator, @austennerdita2533, @didim-dol, @janiedean, and @electricbluebutterflies.

[ashwhowrites]

what about eddie meeting your extended family and he meets ur niece or nephew who’s younger but really into rock music and they’re both bonding over their favorite artists and eddie compliments his record collection, and basiclaly just fluff about eddie realizing that he wants to have children of his own and being slightly upset that he missed out on having a large family growing up..

So cute, definitely

A short blurb

Eddie and reader are older- let's say mid 20s

Eddie and Y/N have been together since their senior year, well Eddie's third senior year. Eddie didn't believe ever in his life that he'd be driving his fiance to her family's house for Christmas. A family that loved him as their own.

"Troy got a new album. He's really excited to show you" Eddie smiled as she filled the silence in the car. Her soft voice always made him smile and feel safe.

"I'll make sure to find him" he said quietly, pulling up in the driveway.

She held his hand as she carried food in the other. Eddie grabbing the bag of presents.

Before either of them could unlace heads to knock, Y/N's cousin yanked open the door

"EDDIE AND Y/N ARE HERE!"

Cheers echoed throughout the house as they walked in.

Eddie never gets over the way her family always gets excited for him.

The way her dad cried when he asked for her hand in marriage. Immediately saying yes, "I've never seen her love someone so much" Eddie cried for hours that day.

Her mom adored him. Refusing to let him leave without a huge hug and messy kiss on the cheek. Thanking him for loving her daughter unconditionally.

Her little cousin Troy was his favorite. They bonded over music and movies. Troy was also very protective over Y/N. Even though he was a teenager. Eddie adored it. Knowing he wasn't the only one who watched out for his girl.

Eddie loved her family because they became his family

~~

"Eddie man! You gotta check out my new record" Troy said as he gave Eddie a side hug

"show me!" Eddie threw his shoulder over Troy's shoulders. Racing to his bedroom like children

Y/N laughed as they ran

"which one is 16 again?" Her mom joked

"definitely Eddie"

~~

During dinner she held his knee as she fed her baby niece

Kissing her chubby cheeks as the baby squealed in her lap

Eddie smiled as he watched her feed the baby. She was so soft with kids. He loved it. He had a feeling she would be an amazing mom.

Being around her family made him wish he had a huge one to grow up with. He loved his uncle Wayne no doubt, but he was always alone growing up.

"you okay?" Y/n asked softly, the family was drinking hot chocolate in the living room. She watched as Eddie looked around the room.

"yes. I just really love your family" he said into her hair

"well they love you too" she said, turning her head to kiss under his chin softly. "I've never seen them enjoy any of my past boyfriends." She laughed

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her

"well technically I'm a fiance so I'm already better"

"definitely better. I love you"

"I love you too" he said leaning his head down to kiss her softly

"ew they are kissing again!" Troy groaned

The rest of the family laughed as they looked at the couple.

"zip it troy" Y/N groaned, using her foot to kick him in the shoulder

~~

Eddie crawled in behind her as they got into bed. Turning off the lamp as he cuddled into her back.

"I want to have a baby with you"

She jumped up in seconds, turning on the lamp as she turned to look at him

"are you serious?" Her eyes huge and excited.

"yes. I want our own huge family. I want as many babies as you want. Have little feet running everywhere. Bring our own kids to Christmas. Everyone says "wow she's adorable" and I get to say "that's all my wife" or "your son has sick ass music taste" and I get to say "that's all daddy there" I want all of that and I want it with you.

"I want all of that too. And I can't wait to do it all with you"

Eddie Munson loved her family

But he can't wait to love his own family, a family he built up himself.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616

[eddiemunsonisveryhot]

Wayne and Eddie Munson

I definitely didn’t cry while writing this 🤫

——————————————————————————

On Eddie’s birthday when he was younger Wayne would try and make the cake but they would always look horrendous but Eddie couldn’t be happier 

Wayne would cut Eddie’s hair and it would go something like this : “Careful Wayne you almost cut me !” “Stop being so dramatic Eddie… your going to look amazing” “I always do”

Wayne would have worked double shifts just to save up for Eddie’s guitar

Eddie got his guitar on Christmas when he was 11 . He begged for a guitar for months after listening to his first black sabbath tape .

Wayne would refer to Eddie as “my boy” “son” and “Ed’s” but when he was in trouble he would call him “Edward”

Wayne loved Eddie more than anything, Eddie was his pride and joy

Eddie would definitely try and convince Wayne to start watching shows like ‘Trick or Treat’ and ‘Airheads’ but Wayne would be like “I think I will stick to only fools and horses”

Wayne gave up the only bedroom in the trailer to Eddie so instead he would use a pull out mattress

Eddie would draw photos for Wayne and he would keep every single one of them

Wayne would have a photo of Eddie in his wallet so they are ‘never apart’

This next part is more sad so if you are still sensitive about Eddie or haven’t watched volume 2 yet then don’t read <3

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

When Wayne saw Chrissy in his trailer he thought that someone had murdered her and kidnapped Eddie

When he first put up his first missing poster for Eddie he felt like his heart shattered . The only thing he had was Eddie and now he was gone . He had looked after Eddie since he was little and now he could be gone forever .

Wayne never forgave himself.

He would wear Eddie’s necklace everyday for the rest of his life

Wayne went to the Prison for the first time ingests to see his brother “Wayne? What are you doing here” “Umm … I have some news … about Eddie” Wayne said fighting off his tears “What’s the little fucker done now ?” “Dont you dare talk about him like that” Wayne snapped “sorry geez” “E-eddie …. passed.. away”. “Well I’m surprised he didn’t die sooner he was such a baby just like his mum” and with that Wayne walked away . He never went to see his brother again after what he said

Wayne had to see a councillor to help with his grief

He still went to all of the corroded coffin concerts but it wasn’t the same without Eddie there

It took him a long time to recover from Eddie’s death but he never forgot about him

Wayne had a album of photos of Eddie from when he was a baby to a young adult but on the pages there would be circular stains from when he would cry while looking at the photos

He had Eddie’s guitar hung over his bed so at night he would be reminded of him

He couldn’t even look at his hellfire shirt without bursting into tears . Eddie was his son and now he was gone forever

[babyspiderling]

Little Red Corvette p.2 Michael Jackson x reader

(Bad Era)

Eight Months Later (1983)

I did this pregnancy on my own. My mother was appalled at the fatherless child growing inside of me and refused to support me through my pregnancy. The struggles and frustrations for the past nine months very easily justified when I held my baby boy in my arms. His skin was a beautiful shade of brown, his eyes deep and pulling like his fathers. Looking down at the tiny human finally in the world, there was no question or doubt in my mind who the father was. By blessing or curse, I was the only one who knew who the father was. Relatively early in my pregnancy, Michael released a video for one of his songs "Billie Jean". I sat and stressed over the possibility of him knowing of the child in my womb for weeks, but nothing came of it. No managers offering hush money, no reporters asking about the legitimacy of the child inside of me, nothing, so life went on. Looking down at the life in my arms, snuggled towards me I spoke softly. "Edward Michael L/N. My little blessing."

1986

It wasn't too long after Edward, or Eddie was born that I went back to work. I hired a sitter, or depending on the client, brought him in with me. Whitney Houston and Cher absolutely gushed over him during breaks. When Eddie was three, I got a call from Quincy Jones asking me to help him out on the mixing on an album. I agreed and found someone to watch my son while I worked. Quincy didn't tell me who I was hired for and I didn't want to seem unprofessional to whoever Quincy was working with. I kissed my three year old good-bye and got into my car to head to the studio they were using. "Bye Blessing! Mommy's going to work, but I'll be home soon. I love you so much!" I drove through the California traffic to the studio and parked my car near the front. I checked myself in the mirror before making my way inside.

"Y/N! You made it! Where's Eddie? You know you can bring him any time? Little dude has got potential if you ever want him to get into our world." I laugh at Quincy's antics. "Yeah, I know you love Eddie. Thank you for the compliment, but he's three, Q. He's not going into show business any time soon." Q shrugs his shoulders and turns back to the soundboard in his rolling chair. "Alright, let's get down to business shall we?" He nods and presses play on the vocals. I feel the blood drain from my face as a familiar voice croons from the speakers.

"I don't care what you talkin' 'bout baby, I don't care what you say. Don't you come walkin' beggin' back mama,I don't care anyway"

I stand stock still in shock, flashes of our one night together, my isolated pregnancy, my little boy waiting at home for me. I yank myself out of it with a sharp gasp when Q places a hand on my elbow, his eyebrows creased in worry. "Hey, Y/N, you good? You look like you've seen a ghost. What's going on?" I swallow and tuck my hair behind my ear, a nervous tick. "Yeah, I'm fine Q. I don't know what that was. How're we mixing this one?" He sits back in his chair, taking a deep breath and heaving it out in a large sigh. "Yeah, about that. Smelly's really particular on how he wants each track to sound on this album. He wants his voice to be layered in a harmony with himself during the chorus. He's recorded the audio, now it's our turn to get it just the way he wants." I nod and sit down in my own chair, slipping the large, bulky headphones over my ears to start working. The sooner I can finish working on Michael's album the better.

"Alright! Two music heads working on that was much faster than just me. I've got a few more tracks to work on before the release of the album. You good to come in say, day after tomorrow? Early morning so we can get a lot done. And bring Eddie. I miss my godson." I laugh and roll my eyes, giving Quincy a playful shove on the shoulder. "Works for me. And yes, I'll bring Eddie if the 'Client' won't mind a toddler running around the studio space while we work." Q chuckles and reclines in his chair. "No, he won't mind. I have a feeling you know who we're working for here?" I nod, and grab my purse off the ground. "Alright, you know it's Michael. I promise he won't mind. He loves kids" I nod, not really looking forward to potentially forcing Michael into Eddie's life out of obligation. I drive home reflecting on the strange chain of events that brought me here in the first place. I pull into the driveway and unlock the door. I drop my things on the floor where I stand and catch my little boy running into my arms. "Mommy! Me and April painteded! Come see! Come see!" He wiggles out of my arms and drags me to the fridge by my wrist. He bounces where he stands as I look at his painting. It was surprisingly detailed for a three year old. I smile proudly at him as I turn to my sitter, April. "Thank you for watching him so last minute. I really appreciate it." She just smiles at me and grabs her purse from the table. "Oh, Ms. L/N, it's really no trouble. Eddie is just the best kid ever. He was so funny during lunch. I had the radio playing while we ate and he just sat there, dancing in his seat. He didn't even realize he was doing it! But honestly, he is the easiest kid I have ever watched." I pay her and walk her out to her car parked on the street. I turn back to Eddie with a smile. "Wanna eat and watch a movie tonight with Mommy?" My blessing nods his head so hard and fast, I think it'll fly off like a bobble head with a loose spring. "Alright bud, what do you want for dinner?" "PIZZA!" I chuckle at my little boy. "Alright, pizza it is."

I buckle Eddie in the backseat, and climb into the front seat myself. "We're gonna see Uncle Q today buddy! Mommy has to make some music, but you get to hang out with us!" He kicks his legs in the air and gives a shout of excitement. "Yay Uncle Q!" I turn on the radio and look over my shoulder to pull out of the driveway to get to the studio. Parking, I pull the keys out of the ignition and grab Eddie, reminding him to put his backpack on. I hold his hand as we make our way to the studio, the front empty. I sit Eddie down on the chair and go to grab a cup of coffee from the lobby. "I'll be right back baby. I'm gonna get some coffee, and find Uncle Q ok?" He nods and swings his legs in the chair. I hand him the truck from his bag and kiss his forehead before leaving.

I bumped into Quincy in the hall after getting my coffee and went back to the studio space together. When we opened the door, a slim caramel skinned man was kneeling before my son, talking and laughing with him. At the sound of the door opening, Eddie glanced at us. "Mommy! Uncle Q! I made a new friend! His name is Michael, like me!" I widen my eyes in shock at his innocent chatter. Quincy scoops up his godson and chuckles. "Oh yeah Eddie? And what did you guys talk about?" Eddie wraps his arms around Q's neck. "We talked about drawing! Michael is very really good at coloring!" Q humors his godson, chuckling at the boy who has him wrapped around his little finger. While the two talk Michael lifts himself from the ground and introduces himself. "Hi, I'm Michael. I don't think we've been introduced." He sticks out his hand and I feel conflicted. I was so afraid of him noticing me, connecting the dots, but it hurt a bit that I meant so little to him. In his defense, it was one night, four years ago. I grasp his hand and introduce myself again. "Y/N. I'm mixing for your album with Q. You've already met my son, Eddie." He shakes my hand, and smiles back at Eddie. "He's a joy. I was recording and didn't know he was here. I look up and little guy's just dancing in his seat like crazy. He was just coloring on a blank sheet of paper. Sweet kid." I nod and swallow. "Let's get to work, shall we?" Michael nods and goes to the soundboard to listen to the new version of "Leave Me Alone". I watch Michael bob his head to the rhythm, as Eddie dances in the corner. I nibble and pull on my lips in a nervous tick. The music fades out and Michael looks at Q and I with a smile. "Awesome guys! Just what I wanted. I want Y/N as my mixer for the rest of the album. That good Quincy?" Quincy bounces Eddie in his lap, grinning. "Of course it's good! Gotta teach my godson the ropes right?" I smile and ruffle Eddie's hair lovingly, nodding along. Q, Eddie, and I occupy the main front of the studio space as Michael goes back to record another track.

The day goes by quickly, Q leaving the three of us alone to grab lunch. I sit at the recording desk and write down a few lyrics here and there, a melody and message in my head dying to get out. I glance over at my son and see him and Michael goofing around. I smile sadly, imagining what our lives would be like if Michael didn't leave that morning, if he knew he had a son with me. I guess I didn't realize how long I had been staring at the two until my son met my eyes, causing him to run to me in a comforting manner. "Mommy, what's wrong?" I shake off the sadness and force a smile on my face to keep my caring boy from worrying over me. "I'm fine baby. Just a bit tired. It may be Mommy's nap time soon." He nods and giggles, kissing my cheek before going back to Michael. Michael picks up Eddie, placing him on his hip, and walks towards me. 'Hey, Y/N, if you want, you can take a nap in the recording studio. I've got a couch back there. I can come and get you when Quincy comes back with lunch. I try to turn down his offer, but a yawn interrupts my objection. Michael gently guides me to the studio and sits me down on the couch, exiting and turning the lights out on the way. Against my wishes, I close my eyes and succumb to the peace of sleep.

I groggily pulled myself from the depths of dreamland at the sounds of people talking and laughing. I heard Eddie and Michael talking and it immediately caught my attention. "So, your mom makes music, your Uncle Q makes music, what does your dad do?" I peek out from the window and see Eddie and Michael sitting on the floor, rolling toy trucks around, a takeout container setting on the desk. "I don't know. I don't have a dad. Mommy plays Mommy and Daddy. She goes to all my games, plays with me, teaches me how to put on shoes." From where I stand, I can't see Michael's face, and I decide now is a good time to get back out there. I open the door and both boys look up at me. I glance at my watch and see that it's about time to go home. "Hey, sorry I slept so long. Why didn't you wake me up?" Michael shrugs and stands. "You looked so peaceful while you slept. Didn't want to wake you, let alone let you drive home tired. Lunch got here not too long ago so your food should still be warm. I was actually about to head home myself if you're ok with coming in tomorrow instead? We can keep working." I nod and grab my container. "In case I get here before you, what are you wanting to do with the other tracks?" I eat my food as he goes over what he wants to be done with a couple other songs to be put on the album. Now finished with my food, I throw away my empty container, asking Eddie to pack up so we can head home. Before we leave, Q comes back in, sad that we have to leave so soon. I promise to bring Eddie back tomorrow if that's alright with Michael, which it of course is. I give a hug to Q, and an awkward hug/handshake maneuver to Michael. Eddie practically tackles the both of the men in hugs and races to grab my hand. As we leave, I can faintly hear Michael tell Q "She seems so familiar, like I've met her before."

Taglist: @accio-boys​

[degrassi-fanatic]

Happy Father’s Day

Yet-to-be-inflated balloons are strewn across the dining room table, only two or three streamers are hung up so far, and a banner that reads Happy Father’s Day is still inside the plastic packaging he bought it in. All the decorations have been readily ignored and abandoned in favor of a lovingly worn and torn photo album with a cracked spine; the result of being open and closed for many years. 

Sitting at the head of the table, Bobby touches the cover of the album, gently tracing the words: The Nash Family. 

Although it might seem a tad bit morbid and sad to be alone on Father’s Day looking at photographs of his late family, it’s become some sort of a tradition of his ever since they’ve died. 

It used to be far worse, though. He would call in sick for work if he was scheduled that day and drink his body weight in alcohol as he flipped through the pages of the photo album with white knuckles, refusing to let himself forget what he lost. 

Now, it's different. He turns the pages in the photo album with only a deep ache to replace what used to be a sharp sting in his chest. Memories used to only equate to suffering for him but now Bobby looks at all the pictures with a renewed sense of love.

Overtime, Bobby has learned that memory can be a beautiful thing sometimes.

Bobby was alone in the house today as earlier in the day, Michael had taken May and Denny back to his own apartment for their own private Father’s Day celebration before the joint party that was supposed to take place here in the evening. Michael had asked if he wanted to join but Bobby had only politely declined, only half-lying about having to decorate. 

In all honesty, even after all of these years, Father’s Day was still a sensitive subject for him. 

Suddenly, at the sound of a doorbell chiming throughout the house, all of his melancholy thoughts are put on pause.

Setting aside the photo album on the dining table, Bobby pushes himself out of the chair and walks over to the door. He pulls open the door to find Buck standing on the other side with his hands stuff awkwardly in his front pockets. 

“Hey Buck.” he greets pleasantly surprised, “What are you doing here?”

“Bobby.” he says as he darts his eyes to the ground, “I was—um, I was wondering if I could spend the day with you.”

“You do realize what day it is, right?” Bobby asks as he wouldn’t put it past Buck to forget.

He watches as Buck avoids meeting his eyes, only scruffing the toe of his shoe against the ground. 

“My—my dad’s in town and I really don’t want to be around him.” he begins to explain and suddenly Buck’s surprise appearance makes much more sense, “Everyone else is busy; my sister’s with Chimney and Joy, Eddie’s with Christopher, Karen and Hen are using today as a second Mother’s Day, and Michael has Denny and May at his until Athena comes back from her shift.

“So I was hoping I could spend the day with you?” Buck asks, scratching the back of his neck. 

“With me?”

The small smile that was tugging on the corner of Buck’s lips disappears with his words, in its wake is a resigned look. Nodding his head, Buck lowers his gaze to Bobby’s shoulder. 

“Y’know what, it’s fine.” Buck says, “I’ll just go to the mall or something. Sorry to bother you.”

He feels something sink deep inside of him as he watches Buck turn away, heading down towards where his Jeep is parked near the sidewalk. 

Desperate to right whatever wrong thing he must’ve said or did just now, Bobby blurts out, “I could use an extra hand with setting up for the party today.”

In the middle of the concrete pathway, Buck stills. As he turns around to face him, Bobby pushes open the door fully and motions with his head for Buck to make his way inside. Practically skipping, he does so immediately. 

Once he’s inside, he gestures for him to make his way down to the kitchen as Bobby closes and locks up the front door. 

“Thanks for letting me do this.” Buck says as he picks up a string of reflective blue streamers. 

“Helping me decorate?” he teases as he begins to tear open the plastic packaging of the banner. 

“You know what I mean.” Buck responds with an eye roll.

As he does, he catches sight of the tattered photo album near the edge of the table. Suppressing the urge to hide it away where no one could find it, Bobby lets Buck pick it up and search through it. He decides to concentrate on rolling out the Party City banner in his hands. 

“What’s this?” Buck asks.

“It’s just a photo album from my first marriage.”

Right away, Buck closes it before setting it back right where he got it from. 

“Sorry,” he says with guilt laced in his voice, “You probably don’t want to talk about that.”

“It’s okay. I’ll always miss them but, it doesn’t hurt to remember them.” he explains.

At Buck’s hesitant, almost wary look, Bobby decides that maybe it’s time this old photo album finally gets some new attention. Picking it up, Bobby searches through the pages until he finally settles on one. 

“Here, this is my son Junior and this is my daughter Brook.”

The picture was the two of them awkwardly linking their arms around each other's shoulders. It was taken at Junior’s middle school graduation ceremony. With a smile, Bobby remembers how much Brook whined when her parents forced her to take a picture with her brother, complaining that Junior didn’t shower enough and smelled like he just came back from hockey practice. 

From his peripheral, he sees Buck shift around until he’s looking at the photograph from over Bobby’s shoulder. 

“What were they like?” Buck asks. 

“Brook loved reading. Her whole bedroom was lined up with bookshelves. Y’know she won this personal essay contest once...” Bobby says, still bragging about his daughter even after how many years have passed since she’s been gone

Old habits are hard to break, huh?

 “Yeah, she won five hundred dollars for it.” he explains, “She was always doing stuff like that.”

“And Junior?”

A chuckle bubbles out of Bobby. 

“Oh God, Junior, he was always getting himself into trouble. But, he was a good kid, he had a good heart.” he remembers.

Kind of like someone else I know.

Pulling his gaze away from where he was looking at Junior’s face, Bobby shifts his attention to Buck. For a second, he takes in just how light his irises are and how blond his hair looks in the light. 

He likes to imagine that this is what Junior would have grown up to look like. 

 “Junior would’ve been a lot like you.” he mumbles, more to himself than Buck.

It takes a few seconds of gears grinding and cogs turning around in his brain before Buck fully processes the depth of his words but when he does, he tilts his head to face Bobby and gives him a shy smile before taking a step backwards. 

“High praise.”

“Yeah well not that high.” Bobby jokes as he closes the photo album, “The kid got himself stuck in a tree that was only four feet above the ground once. And I was the one who was dispatched to get him out of there.”

At the story, Buck starts to double over laughing, clutching at his abdomen as he forces himself to take a breath between every wheeze and snort. Soon, Bobby is following suit; Buck’s laughter is infectious even on a bittersweet day like today. 

For a brief moment as he studies the way Buck throws his head back chuckling, he cannot remember if Buck always sounded like Junior while he was laughing, or if Bobby’s still-grief-ridden mind is having some sort of auditory hallucination. 

“Seriously?” Buck asks as the laughter begins to wane. 

“I never let him live it down.” he answers as he wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. 

Placing the photo album back on the table, Bobby decides that they’ve spent enough time on the subject and judging by the clock, they should really get back to decorating if they don’t want Athena to come back home to a complete mess. 

“He must’ve been a lucky kid.” Buck says, as Bobby searches through the mess to find a roll of tape or some thumbtacks. 

“Hmm?”

“To have you as a dad.” he explains as he hands Bobby a cello tape dispenser, “Junior, I mean.”

If Junior was lucky, he would’ve been alive right now. 

“When I wasn’t drunk and or high out of my mind, I did alright.” Bobby responds with a hint of self deprecation. 

“Yeah, well, I think you’re doing a great job right now.”

Before Bobby can open his mouth and ask Buck what exactly he’s referring to, he’s cut off by the blaring sound of Buck’s cellphone ringing in his pocket. He pulls it out with a huff and practically glares at the screen lighting up in front of his face.

He waits for Buck to pick up the call but all he does is mute his cellphone and shove it back into his back pocket. 

At the way he clenches his jaw, Bobby can deduce who it is with little difficulty. 

“Your dad again?” he asks.

His only response is a short nod as he begins to busy himself with preparing some pieces of tape for holding up the banner; harshly ripping them off from the dispenser before attaching them to the edge of the table. 

Suppressing a sigh, Bobby knows he needs to push Buck into doing the right thing, even if it isn’t what either of them want to do. 

As much as Bobby wants Buck around today, not only to ward off all the bad memories associated with today’s holiday but also simply because he enjoys the man’s company, he knows he shouldn’t monopolize his time. 

Buck deserves a father. Though Bobby may downright despise Phillip Buckley, the man had the honour of holding the aforementioned title and that was something he could not compete with. 

Buck already has a father. He may not be a good one, but he was trying.

Even if he is 29 years too late.

“Maybe you should go meet him?” Bobby suggests, “I mean, if I got a second chance to become a father, you deserve a second chance to have one.”

Buck stops ripping off pieces of tape. His hands travel down to the edge of the table and he grips so hard at the wood that Bobby’s afraid there’ll be claw indents once he’s finished. 

Within a second, however, he pushes himself off of the table and he goes to reach into his pocket. 

Bobby barely has enough to take a look at what Buck’s pulled out before it’s already shoved into his hands. Tilting his head down, he sees a semi-wrinkled piece of printer paper that has been folded in half to make a card. On the front, in big and bold handwriting that he recognizes to be Buck’s, he sees the words Happy Father’s Day and a couple of messy drawings of two firefighters scattered across the page. 

“I already do.” he answers, “Do you—um, do you like it?”

“I love it.” Bobby whispers.

He opens up the card to find a long and what he presumes to be a heartfelt message on the inside. At the top, it says, To the best father and at the bottom, Love, Buck.

“Also, um, some of those random hearts and flames are courtesy of Christopher, who helped me make this, by the way.”

[harrisonarchive]

George Harrison, Friar Park, circa 1990; photo by Terry O'Neill.

George's jukebox at Kinfauns has been explored by the Harrison Archive (and is available as a playlist here), thanks in large part to an article about it, published in the Record Mirror's 1 January 1966 issue.

George's jukeboxes at Friar Park, however, are a little more obscure. The following playlist of songs featured on the jukeboxes and mentioned in some way from 1970 onward is an approximate one only, based on doing some digging into print interviews, audio interviews, and written pieces by family and friends. (The tracks include information previously posted on the Harrison Archive. For - hopefully - easier navigation, I've also bolded the artists -- and tracks known for certain to have been either on the jukeboxes or George's favorites.)

"Stardust" (instrumental) - Hoagy Carmichael "Our son, Dhani, and I, like George’s friends, were spoiled by his rich and loving presence: from the morning wake-up call, which could have been (depending on our location and mood) a morning raga, a Vedic chant, a Mozart concerto, Cab Calloway’s ‘Bugle Call Rag,’ or Hoagy’s earliest instrument version of ‘Stardust'..." - Olivia Harrison [read more]

"Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)" - The Four Tops "Rescue Me" - Fontella Bass

These tracks receive shoutouts in George's "This Song" (and the Four Tops were Sixties favorites, too, appearing on his Kinfauns jukebox).

"Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" - Cab Calloway Clearly a favorite by one of his favorite artists, covered by George for Jools Holland's TV show, and also released on his posthumous album Brainwashed.

"When I'm Cleaning Windows" - George Formby "September In The Rain" - Dinah Washington "Dizzy Fingers" - Zez Confrey

George was a member of the George Formby Society (and attended conventions with Olivia and Dhani), and became friends with another attendee, Ray Bernard, who recalled the latter two of the above songs as some of George's favorites. (The Beatles also covered "September In The Rain" for their Decca audition; I'm not sure if George preferred Dinah Washington's version to any other, but its release year is closest to when the Fabs covered it, hence the inclusion on the playlist.)

"A Shine On Your Shoes" - Fred Astaire

Covered by George in a home video shared by the Harrison Family in the Guitar Collection app and the deluxe limited edition of Living In The Material World (and, on 1 February 2020, by Olivia on her Instagram, where she explained that George was playing a Danny Ferrington Keoki ukulele).

"True Love" - Bing Crosby & Grace Kelly

George covered this song as well, for his 1976 album Thirty-Three & 1/3. As Olivia recalled on Dark Horse Radion in 2018: "We'd been watching ‪Bing Crosby‬ and Grace Kelly, watching that movie ['High Society'], and they do a duet, and just that little harmony thing they do, because she wasn’t known as really a singer; he’d play and then we'd sing it." [read more]

"Roll Over Beethoven" - Chuck Berry

A longtime favorite, George covered this with The Beatles, during his 1991 Japan tour, and during his 1992 Natural Law Party concert, where it became the last song he played live onstage at a concert in his lifetime. As George said, "there hasn’t been any rock & roll better than that." [read more]

"Hong Kong Blues" - Hoagy Carmichael

Hoagy Carmichael was a favorite of George's, and he covered this song for his 1981 album Somewhere In England.

"Barnacle Bill the Sailor" - Hoagy Carmichael

A favorite, associated with George by Dhani, and mentioned by Olivia. "He would go up at parties to the DJ and say, ‘I’ve got something really amazing.’ ‘Cause he was who he was, they would listen to him, and then everyone would just be bummed out, it would clear the dance floor. And then he’d come back later - ‘I’ve got something else’ - and he’d put it on again. You know, he would just do this until the DJ was like [exasperated]." - Dhani Harrison, la minute rock, Rolling Stone France, 28 Nov 2017 [read more]

"Midnight Special" - Leadbelly "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" - Hank Williams "The Great Pretender" - The Platters "Words Of Love" - Buddy Holly

The songs themselves might not be George's favorites or jukebox selections -- as yet, I haven't found any mention of actual song titles, so these are just personal choices -- but the artist were mentioned by George and Olivia; and "Words Of Love" was obviously a favorite, having been covered by The Beatles, and, according to Mark Lewisohn's Complete Beatles Chronicle research, initially having been sung by George and John.

"The Ying Tong Song" - The Goons "I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas" - The Goons

Both these tracks were mentioned by Olivia as having been on the Friar Park jukeboxes in December 1974.

"The Lumberjack Song" - Monty Python "Spam Song" - Monty Python "Layla" - Eric Clapton

These tracks were mentioned by Eric Idle as having been on George's jukeboxes at Friar Park. "The Lumberjack Song" was of course also performed at the Concert for George.

"Heartbreak Hotel" - Elvis Presley

Eric Idle also recalled early Elvis being on the jukeboxes; and of course, George named the song as his first musical root.

"Blue Suede Shoes" - Carl Perkins "The Bells of Rhymney" - The Byrds

These two Perkins and Byrds songs were mentioned as favorite songs by George in the March 1997 issue of Guitar World.

"Mauna Loa" - Gabby Pahinui

Another artist loved by George, although again, this track choice is just a haphazard personal one, since there doesn't seem to be any public mention of which of Pahinui's songs were George's preferred ones.

"Ooo Baby Baby" - The Miracles "I'll Try Something New" - The Miracles

George absolutely loved The Miracles, and Smokey Robinson specifically, collecting their records, and writing songs in honor of Smokey ("Ooh Baby (You Know That I Love You) -- a nod to the first of the two Miracles tracks listed here -- on the 1975 album Extra Texture, and "Pure Smokey" on the 1976 album Thirty-Three & 1/3). As Olivia has recalled: "We used to sit around singing a lot of Smokey Robinson songs. That kind of sealed our relationship, I think. [George] said, 'You're the only person I've ever known who sang the high note at the end of "I'll Try Something New."'"

“Back On The Chain Gang” - The Pretenders “Brothers In Arms” - Dire Straits “Cold Day In Hell” - Gary Moore

The three tracks by The Pretenders, Dire Straits and Gary Moore were mentioned as favorites by George in the March 1997 issue of Guitar World.

"Long Tall Sally" - Little Richard

George was a Little Richard all his life, as various comments over the years show.

"Tandoori Chicken" - Ronnie Spector "I Am Missing You" - Lakshmi Shankar "Rebel Music" (live) - Bob Marley & The Wailers

Put down on tape during the "Try Some, Buy Some" sessions, "Tandoori Chicken" was an improvised song, as George recalled: "a 12-bar thing done on the spot with Mal our roadie and Joe the chauffeur." For Dark Horse Records, and featuring Lakshmi Shankar, one of [George's] favorite singers," another song for this playlist is "I Am Missing You." The Marley track was chosen from the setlist of the three 1975 Roxy show attended by George and Olivia, recalled by George as "the best thing I've seen in ten years. [...] I could watch The Wailers all night."

"The Rain Song" - Led Zeppelin "Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder)" - The Beach Boys

"The Rain Song" was written in response to a comment made by George, and subsequently made it on one of the two jukeboxes. The Beach Boys song was on the jukeboxes, and -- like "The Rain Song" -- played at the wedding of Dhani and Sola, as reported by Vogue in 2012.

"Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours" - Stevie Wonder "Telephone Line" - Electric Light Orchestra "Come On In My Kitchen" - Robert Johnson "When The Levee Breaks" - Memphis Minnie

All four of these artists were mentioned as favorites by George in a 1976 interview. (The titles are arbitrary choices, since the interviewer didn't ask George for any further details. However, Johnson's "Come On In My Kitchen" was covered by George and band during rehearsals for the Concert for Bangladesh.)

"Maria Elena" - Ry Cooder "Concert in B (live in 1963) - Andrés Segovia

Two artists mentioned frequently by George as being favorites (Segovia first in 1963 -- hence the choice of a live piece from that year -- and up through the 1990s). The Cooder track was specifically mentioned by Olivia in the June 2018 issue of Songlines.

"Piano Concert No. 21" - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Olivia mentioned a Mozart concerto as being something George would play in the mornings as they were starting the day, so this is another random choice of a concerto.

"The Weight" - The Band

The atmosphere of the song inspired the Harrisong "All Things Must Pass," as George recalled in 1987 -- he also named it as a song he admired in that same interview. In a 1974 interview with Capital Radio, George deemed The Band "the best band I've ever seen."

"Farther On Down The Road (You Will Accompany Me)" - Jesse Ed Davis

A Harrisong was given to Jesse by George, and recorded by Jesse before it was released by George himself (but since "Sue Me, Sue You Blues," the song in question, is already on a collaborations playlist....); this Davis selection (written by Jesse and Taj Mahal) was covered live by George and Eric Clapton in December 1978.

"Isn't It A Pity" (cover) - Nina Simone "Backwater Blues" - Big Bill Broonzy "Changes" - Bix 'n' Bing

Nina Simone's cover of the Harrisong "Isn't It A Pity" in turn influenced the mood of another Harrisong; and Dhani recalled listening to Simone, Big Bill Broonzy (who is name-checked in the Harrisong "Wreck Of The Hesperus") and Bix 'n' Bing together with his dad (these tracks are once more personal choices).

"April Kisses" - Eddie Lang

The first song on this playlist, "Stardust," was "one of [George's] favorite songs," as Olivia has recalled; she also named Eddie Lang (though she didn't mention a specific title).

"Kalimankou Denkou" - Le Mystere des voix bulgares

George enthused about this Bulgarian choir in numerous interviews, and introduced this particular song during his interview on Rockline in February 1988.

"Taxes On The Farmer Feeds Us All" - Ry Cooder

"Later, after a lasagna dinner in his ornately paneled kitchen with his wife Olivia, their son Dhani (just home from his school year at Brown University in the States), and Olivia’s sister, Linda, Harrison takes his visitor upstairs to his Friar Park Studio. Picking up a nearby National dobro from the vast array of vintage guitars hanging from the walls, Harrison slips a glass bottleneck on his finger as he seats himself to strum 'The Farmer Is The Man Who Feeds Us All,' the traditional tune of 1860s America made famous in the 1920s by Fiddlin’ John Carson and later popularized on Ry Cooder’s 1971 'Into The Purple Valley” album as 'Taxes On The Farmer Feeds Us All.' 'That’s where I first heard the tune,”'says Harrison of Cooder’s interpretation, before he begins to sing: 'The farmer is the man, the farmer is the man/Buys on credit until the fall/Then they take him by the hand/And they lead him from his land/And the merchant he’s the man who gets it all.'" (Billboard, 19 Jun 1999)

"God's Own Drunk" - Lord Buckley

This particular Buckley piece was mentioned by George in a 1979 radio interview promoting his eponymous album, and the song "If You Believe": "Pray, give up, and it all recedes away from you. I don’t know if you… you must have heard Lord Buckley, you know, well, there is a thing he did called 'God’s Own Drunk.' I think it was that. Anyway, it was one of Lord Buckley’s things and he was talking about love. He said: 'Love is like a beautiful garden, you know, when you use it it spreads, but when you don’t -- it recedes.' And it’s true. It’s really that in its simplest form." [read more]

"Free Fallin'" - Tom Petty

As Dhani has said, he can remember "getting advance copies sent to my dad from Tom. He’d be like, 'You want to hear Tom’s new stuff?' And it would be the first time anyone’s heard 'Free Fallin'." (Premier Guitar, Jan 2018)

"Let It Be Me" - The Everly Brothers

Covered by George in a demo version after seeing the Everly Brothers in concert (George's cover appears on Early Takes Vol. 1).

"Clair de Lune" (cover) - Isao Tomita

One of George's favorites, as Olivia has recalled.

"México Lindo y Querido" - Jorge Negrete

Negrete was mentioned as a favorite by George, and Olivia recalled Negrete being on George's jukebox.

"Bugle Call Rag" - Cab Calloway

Recalled by Olivia in her introduction for Harrison, and as George's school wakeup call for Dhani.

"Cool River" - Maria Muldaur "Fear Of Flying" - Charlie Dore

Two more specific songs mentioned or covered by George.

"Sweet Leilani" - Bing Crosby

Mentioned as a favorite of George's by Tom Petty, and by Olivia.

"Every Grain Of Sand" - Bob Dylan

Named as one of George's favorite songs in his June 1999 Billboard interview: "I mean, you tell me one person other than Bob Dylan who has a moral message in a tune that's improved upon Bob's words in his song 'Every Grain of Sand.'"

"Kaliyuga Varadan" & "Ragam Tanam Pallavi" & "Gajavadhana" - U. Srinivas

One of George's favorite artists, as he, Dhani and Olivia have recalled; these three particular tracks were singled out by Olivia in the June 2018 issue of Songlines.

"Raga - Manj Khamaj" - Ravi Shankar "Guru Bandana (Prayer)" - Ali Akbar Khan "Abhogi" - Hariprasad Chaurasia "Kafi Holi (Spring Festival Of Color)" - Ravi Shankar "Enna Thavam" - Papanasam Sivan "Thumri - Mishra Tilang Raga - Addha Taal" - Sultan Khan "You And Me" - Zakir Hussain "Raga Chayya Nat" - Kala Ramnath

The eight selections above are mentioned by Olivia in the June 2018 issue of Songlines.

“México” - Mariachi Sol de Mexico

In 1998, George commissioned José Hernández - founder of Mariachi Sol de México - to translate and arrange the Harrisong "Dark Sweet Lady" in Spanish, as a special version for Olivia. While that recording is understandably a private one, mariachi music seems to have been a favorite of the Harrison family and the Arias family, as it's mentioned as having been played at family events held in California. And: "Last year I brought over a mariachi orchestra [Mariachi Sol de México] and we had a private concert at Friar Park because I got tired of waiting 30 years for someone else to do it. It was my way to let my friends experience that music – which was what George was always trying to do. He wanted people to understand and be moved by the music that he loved." - Olivia Harrison, Songlines, Jun 2018

"Last Thoughts On Woody Guthrie" - Bob Dylan "Bhoop Ghara" - Hariprasad Chaurasia, Shivkumar Sharma, Brij Bhushan Kabra

"George used to always say that if ever you are not feeling right, you should listen to Bob Dylan's 'Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie' and 'Call of the Valley.'" (Olivia Harrison) This track from "Call Of The Valley" was mentioned by Olivia in the June 2018 issue of Songlines: "[it was] something George had on our juke box. We played it as a remedy in our home if you were feeling a certain way. Kabra was one of George’' heroes as a slide guitarist, up there with Ry Cooder."

"Sarve Shaam" - Ravi Shankar

From the 1997 album Chants of India (produced by George), the song was also performed at the Concert for George, and was clearly very special to George, as Olivia remembers: "At the end of his life George said to me that all he could listen to was 'Sarve Shaam.' After all the sounds and sights and tastes you experience over a lifetime, it came down to the purity of 'Sarve Shaam.'"

Listen on... YouTube | Spotify

[saiilorstars]

It Had To Be You

Ch.15: The Choice’s Aftermath // Story Masterlist

Fandom: The Flash

Pairings: Barry Allen x Original Female Character

Pronunciation of OC’s name: Bell-en. The last syllable has an emphasis so it’s not pronounced like ‘Helen’ would be.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: The weight of Belén's choice between her brother and Barry (and, thus, their friends) has truly fell on Belén and now she has no idea what to do with herself.

Belén stepped into her home - rather lonely home - expecting a peaceful afternoon of rest. CC Picture News was having rough days full of news considering the exposure of the Flash had happened, and, apparently, a couple sightings of the Azalea. There were news about them nearly every day. It looked like the article they had once ran against the Flash had disappeared because now everyone loved him apparently. It was fine, it just meant killer days even after a shift was over.

So, it was an understatement to say Belén was surprised to find her older sister, Maritza, placing a plate on the dinner table. Axel was already digging into his plate

"Mar...itza?" Belén arched an eyebrow, slowly coming in and shutting the door.

Maritza smiled upon seeing her younger sister, like nothing had happened only a few days ago. "Belén, good your back. I made your favorite: lasagna."

"Uh...thanks?" Belén dropped her things on the couch as she walked by, coming into the dining room. "What are you...doing here?"

"I've been thinking, a lot, and I decided that maybe it's good if we live together…"

Belén's eyes popped wide.

"You know, it's getting difficult for me at my own place, and I thought...considering what happened to you last week, and then with Dad...I don't want to be so far away anymore. If you're okay with it - considering this is technically your home now - can Axel and I move in?" It was quiet for a full minute, and Maritza wondered if she too were going to be rejected like Rayan.

But then, Belén laughed and threw her arms around Maritza. "I think that is really what we need right now!"

Slowly, Maritza smiled back and hugged get sister tighter. From his chair, Axel cheered, though he didn't quite understand why.

~ 0 ~

That night, S.T.A.R. LABS became just as busy fighting crime building as any other night. Three gang robbers had struck at some jewelry store and while the policemen were actively trying to capture them in a car street chase, the Flash was making a slightly bigger effort to run them down.

Caitlin was monitoring from the computers, along with Cisco. "Oh, Barry, there's an intersection coming up. Hurry!"

Barry sped up ahead of the thieves and disoriented them a bit. "This should slow 'em down!" However, the intersection came up and the three bandits split up easily. Barry came to a skidded halt as he stared in each taken direction. "Guys, which way?"

"Left," went Caitlin at the same time Cisco went, "Right."

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Stop!" Barry cut in before they went further. "You both hear you're telling me two different things, right?"

"Barry, listen up. Listen carefully," Dr. Wells took over the comm. "Belén is making her way there - I'm sending her after the Queen. You, on the other hand, have to handle the other two."

"She's not gonna be able to keep up," Barry said frantically. She was already up far ahead, and Belén was coming in from her own house. How was she gonna do it?

"Excuse you, I'd hit you if I was there," came the cool and collected voice of the woman in question.

"Barry, take a right," instructed Wells, making him immediately zip in the opposite direction.

"Belén, the Queen is trying to make it to the bridge…"

"Got it!" Belén, in her dozen of vines, ripped through the streets, not as fast as Barry, but enough to get to where she needed to be on time.

"Make her go west before Fremont!"

"Ooh, like a detour, yeah?"

"Precisely!"

Belén grabbed several construction blockers and organized them along the street with her vines. She could hear the motorcycle nearing but by the time 'the Queen' reached the site she was forced into a quick delve into the next street.

"All clear!" Belén exclaimed, disbanding into vines soon after.

"Excellent, now Barry, the King is headed for the entrance to the interstate."

Barry was one step ahead, his mind now cleared of some stress. He went on ahead and blocked the entrance with more construction blocking tools. "What entrance?" he said smugly afterwards.

"Atta boy. Check…"

With the construction blocking their way, the three bandits were forced into a second intersection. Only this time the police officers in their own cars had managed to surround them.

Barry went by each in speed from, yelling to them. "Got the keys!" And he left them to deal with their new situation.

~ 0 ~

Coming back to S.T.A.R. Labs, both Barry and Belén were welcomed warmly by their friends. Belén went straight to Caitlin while Barry went to Cisco, and 'high-fived' for triumph.

"Efficiently done, Mr. Allen," Dr. Wells congratulated and glanced at Belén who was in the middle of finding her clothes with Caitlin. "As did you, Belén."

"Thank you," Belén mumbled, more focused on finding her clothes.

"We need a picture," Cisco announced, and didn't even wait for answer before he hurried to find his phone.

Barry looked after him. "Pretty sure rule number one of having a secret identity is not taking pictures of yourself in your super suit without a mask on."

Cisco, turned back with phone. "Oh, come on, please! This is just for us. This is to document all this."

Wells swayed his head as he came to with the idea. "Who knows? Maybe people in the future will want to know how all this happened."

Barry nodded, resigned to. "All right, well, if you want the future to have the whole story, then, we all need to be in it."

Caitlin put hands to her face. "First, let me put on some makeup?"

"The future does not care about your makeup, Caitlin," Cisco tossed his phone over tossed Barry.

"Don't be so rude, Cisco," Belén scolded and gently brought Caitlin to where Dr. Wells was, ready for the pictures.

Barry prepared to take the photo. "Okay. Big smiles. Three... two... one-" he left the phone to go be in the photograph then returned a second later and caught the phone before it even had the chance to fall. "Ha!"

Caitlin tilted her head, wondering. "Does that count as a selfie?"

"Absolutely," Barry pointed at her while giving Cisco back the phone.

"Sick," Cisco laughed at the resulted photograph. "Came out good."

"I really have to get home," Belén set loose her hair from the root invasion she usually pinned it up with when she went Azalea. "Maritza's probably waiting for me…"

"Your sister is at your place?" Cisco glanced over, apparently surprised.

Belén nodded. "Actually, she moved in."

"When?" went everyone except Wells, much to her amusement.

"This afternoon," she laughed at their reactions. "Yeah, she surprised me too."

"I suppose after what you went through last week, she just wants to be close with her sister," Caitlin reasoned logically and gained agreement from everyone else.

"Yeah, well, I love it, but it does make things trickier with this whole secret fighting thing. Now, for example, I gotta go home - she's making it movie night."

"If you'd like, I can speed you there," Barry offered kindly.

But Belén instantly shook her head. "No! I...I can get there on my own, thank you." There was an awkward silence between them soon after, and Belén wanted not to be further questioned. "I have to go. Goodnight," she hurried off without looking at anyone in the room.

Caitlin rose from her chair and tapped her fingers along the desk, looking after their friend. "She left without changing."

"What's going on with her?" Cisco asked, confused. "I thought we were...you know, cool again?"

"I keep telling you, it has something to do with how she escaped from Snart's warehouse," Barry was tired of telling them.

It had been nearly a week since the defeat of the Rogues but Belén refused to talk about the incident. They don't know how she escaped considering there was a bomb strapped to her chair. But, Belén just wouldn't talk.

"Belén is just disoriented from all that's happened lately," Dr. Wells said matter-of-factly. "We just have to give her time to...fall back into the normal routine."

Barry couldn't help the sourness in his words as he said, "Well I just don't understand why she's taking it out on me."

For that, neither Wells nor Caitlin or Cisco had a response. They were well aware on the distinct distancing Belén had taken against Barry, and none of them could figure out why - not even the man from the future posing as a paraplegic.

It was all just a mystery.

~ 0 ~

That same night, Iris made a stop by Belén's home and was surprised to find Maritza and Axel there as well. Axel, upon seeing her, hopped off the couch and ran up to greet her.

"Iris! Hi! Hi!" he hopped excitedly at her side. "Do you want to see the drawings I did today!? My Mommy says I'm really good at them!"

Iris, who was holding a box in her arms, could only chuckle in response. "Hi, Axel. What are you doing here?" discreetly she looked up to Belén asking her the same thing.

"We're living here now!"

Iris' eyes widened, but made sure to hide her very shocked face from Maritza who was coming in from the kitchen. "Hello Iris," Maritza greeted and took her son away from the woman. "We're moving in back home as Axel said. And, speaking of Axel, it's your bedtime."

"But I wanted to show Iris my drawings!" the boy stomped his foot.

"Maybe you can show them to me tomorrow, yeah?" Iris tried helping out Maritza. "We can even put them an album for you to look over whenever you want."

Axel's face lit up with excitement. "Okay! Goodnight, Iris! Goodnight, auntie Belén."

Belén smiled. "Goodnight Axel." She waited until her sister and nephew were gone before speaking again. "What are you doing here, Iris?" she eyed the box in her friend's arms. "Did you and Eddie already have a lovers' spat?"

Iris playfully rolled her eyes. "Oh, ha-ha. No. I realized I accidentally, for some reason, packed in a couple of your things with mine." She walked into the living room and put down the box on the couch.

"Oh, well thanks," Belén followed and leaned over the couch from behind. "I did wonder where some of my things went, but I just thought I left them in Barry's room."

Iris opened the box and pulled out several items that Belén did realize she'd been looking for. "I really hope this wasn't a diary," Iris laughed as she passed a purple journal to Belén.

"No, it was work notes," Belén smiled to herself, eyeing several other clothes that went into the box by accident.

"Uh oh," Iris stopped at a gray shirt in her hands. "Man, I suck at packing."

"Why? That's-" Belén was halfway pointing when Iris cut her off.

"I put in one of Barry's old shirts by mistake." Iris exhaled and shook her head, re-folding the gray shirt to put back into the box.

"...I thought that was yours," Belén meekly said a couple seconds later. Iris looked at her friend with a teasing smile. Belén rolled her eyes, half-expecting some of the words that would be coming out as a response. "It was lying around, and considering you are not a neat woman...I thought it was yours," she turned her head to the side in thought. "Although that does explain why it was a bit too big…"

Iris busted out laughing, much to Belén's irritation. Iris put away the now-folded shirt into the box and pushed back her hair as she took a deep breath in. "You gotta admit that was funny."

"Whatever," Belén muttered and went back to reading the notebook in her hands. "You're just lucky that I love you because if it were any other person now they would not tell you what I am about to tell you."

"Yeah, like what?" Iris crossed her arms and waited.

Belén's eyes looked up, and completely seriously, announced, "They've asked me at CC Picture News to extend a job offer to Iris West but...I may just change my mind."

Iris' eyes had never looked so big at that moment. "Oh. My. God! Are you...are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm no-"

In her excitement, Iris hopped onto the couch and went to be face to face with Belén. "Annah-Belén Palayta, please tell me that's not a joke, please?"

"No, it is not a joke," Belén said with a crooked smile. "One of our co-workers quit a couple days ago and they've been looking for someone. I reccomended my good ole friend who also wrote a famous blog-"

"It wasn't that famous," Iris waved with a hand.

"Do you want the job or not?"

"Oh yes, please!"

"Then your blog is famous, period. So, what do you want me to tell them?"

"That I will be there first thing tomorrow morning of course!" Iris squealed and threw her arms around Belén's shoulders. "Oh, you are such a good friend to me! I owe you big time!"

Belén smiled and pulled away. "It's nothing, Iris. I'm gonna like working with you. Although, considering Noah and I have Linda as our mentor, you'll probably be paired with someone else."

"Doesn't matter, we're gonna be co-workers," Iris smiled the widest possible. She got off the couch and continued taking out what was left in the box. "I have to get back to Eddie's and tell him about this."

In her excitement again, she pulled out Barry's shirt and placed it onto the couch. "Iris, that's not mine!" Belén exclaimed but Iris ignored her as she babbled on.

"Nine a.m. right!?" Iris called from the door.

"Yeah, but-"

"I will see you outside so you can give me like a little tour or something cos I definitely don't wanna be that dork on her first day-"

"Okay, but Iris, this isn't mi-"

"Oh this is gonna be so much fun!" Iris laughed to herself and hurried out.

Belén raised her hands in resignation and went around to gather what Iris had brought in. Maritza came back down the stairs and mused. "What was that all about? I could hear Iris from upstairs."

"Oh, I told her about CC Pictures giving her a job offer and she went...all excited," Belén smiled in the end. She was happy Iris was finally going to be recognized by an official company for her talent.

"So you're gonna be working together, then?"

"Yeah, that's the plan."

"That's good," Maritza came up behind the couch and looked down at the various things left across. "What's all this?"

"Just some of my things Iris accidentally packed while I was staying with her and Joe. I'm gonna take it upstairs right now."

"This isn't yours," Maritza chuckled as she pulled up a bright neon pink blouse.

"What - oh for God's sake!" Belén took the blouse from Maritza with a loud sigh. "That woman really does suck at packing."

"And neither is this," Maritza then pointed at the gray shirt.

"Yeah, that's Barry's. I'll be bringing these by tomorrow for Iris to take," Belén took the gray shirt and stuffed it back into the box along with the pink blouse. "I'm gonna go get some sleep too."

"Mhm, you do that," Maritza smiled and watched her sister go upstairs with the things that actually belonged to her in her arms. Once gone, Maritza's smile vanished and she turned around.

Well, if Iris was going to be working at CC Picture News, then it would make it a lot more difficult for Belén to slip away and see that Flash. Noah and Iris were going to take the shift there - unknowingly to Iris - and Maritza herself planned on taking the shift at home. She promised Rayan that by moving in with Belén it would become more difficult for Belén to continuously see that Flash. Plus, living together, she could hopefully push Belén in the right direction towards her family.

~ 0 ~

As promised, the next morning, Belén arrived to work and saw Iris anxiously waiting right outside the doors. Belén couldn't help laugh a little as she saw the practically bouncing woman. "Did you seriously not go inside yet? Iris, you've been in there like a million times already."

"Yeah, but as your friend!" Iris pointed at her. "Not as myself, the new cub reporter."

"I'm one too," Belén shrugged casually and reached for the doors. "It's fine, just be...casual."

Iris took a deep breath and followed her in. Belén led her up to her desk, and Noah appeared a couple seconds later from his own desk.

"Iris, hi," Noah greeted her with a shake of hands. "Belén told us she was gonna be asking you about the offer. Glad to see you took it."

"Yeah…" Iris could think of only that word at the moment.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine here! You've got awesome bosses around here," he said purposely loud as Linda walked by.

"Being a kiss-ass will get you nowhere, Iris," Linda turned around, mockingly scolding Noah. "So don't even listen to whatever this guy has for advice."

Iris chuckled and nodded her head. "I think I'll go with Bells."

"You guys are wanted for the meeting," Linda pointed at the three. "Hurry up, Larkin's here today."

"Yikes," Belén dropped off her bag and left Iris' there as well. "C'mon Iris, time for you to meet the big boss."

"Good luck," Linda told the newest worker before leaving.

The meeting was held across the room, on an elevated platform. There were already several other workers waiting in their chairs.

"Look who showed up," Noah whispered to Belén, but Iris was able to hear perfectly from her spot. He had nodded over to an older, brunette man reaching for some of the hand sandwiches on the table.

"Who's that?" Iris asked them both.

"The snobbiest man ever," Belén spat as they came to take their seats.

Iris took a seat beside Belén, and Noah took the other. A couple minutes later, Larkin showed up. He was an elder man, a small one too.

"Mr. Bridge! Nice of you to make an appearance at a staff meeting," he addressed the man identified as Mason.

"I do love a good shmear."

"Ah, Miss Palayta, I see you have persuaded your friend to take the offer," Larkin had laid eyes on Iris who sheepishly smiled in response.

"I told you she would, sir," Belén said politely. Iris noticed a sort of...dreadful expression take over her face a second later, like she was just waiting for something.

"Well," Larkin placed a hand on the table, "how's about next you give one of our reporters a little something about the Flash for the next round of articles?"

Belén looked anywhere that wasn't Larkin. She pushed back some of her hair and, quite breathlessly, said back, "I would...if I knew anything."

Larkin raised his eyebrows, for a second looking crossed (as Iris noticed) then addressed the entire group. "Everyone, welcome Iris West, our new cub. Anyone want to volunteer to be her mama bear?" Iris expected something like this to happen, but she felt even worse when Larkin gave another word. "Mason, you picked a bad day to actually show up."

"I don't nanny," Mason shook his head.

"I lost the ability to make a joke back in '05. Today, you do," Larkin finalized then, onc eagain spoke to the entire table. "Deadlines. All new stories are due on my desk at the end of the day."

Everyone began to get up and disperse to their tasks. Belén got up quietly and turned to leave as well.

"What was that about?" Iris asked her before she left, eyeing a glum Mason depart at the same time. That would be fun, she noted. "Larkin...asking you about...you know…"

Belén deeply sighed, shaking her head. "Ever since I was...kidnapped last week, everybody won't stop pinning me to the Flash. All the time it's 'Flash this' or 'Flash that' - they don't get that I don't want to talk about it." She almost blurted about the article they'd run about her as the Azalea...thank God she kept her mouth shut.

Iris blinked rapidly as the last words of Belén became louder and more aggressive. She had never quite heard her like this. Without another word, Belén walked away, still pretty upset.

"What...just happened?" Iris asked Noah, the only other possible man to answer her question.

"I just think it was pretty traumatizing, you know," Noah shrugged, the two beginning to walk as well. "And I don't think it helps when all anyone around here cares is whether or not she saw the Flash or knows him. Only Linda and I don't join in on that.

"Yeah," Iris said. "But, I mean, if she did know him, she would have told us right?"

Noah felt so sorry for that woman then. If only Iris knew what her good friend was up to nowadays.

~ 0 ~

In S.T.A.R Labs, everyone save Belén was gathered in the cortex awaiting for an explanation of their newest enemy. Only a couple seconds in, Belén came in looking slightly out of breath.

"Dr. Wells, I am so sorry for not being able to come in earlier to see you," she went straight up to the man, more than concerned over the 'prank' played on him the previous night. She'd gotten the text from Caitlin she and Cisco were going to Wells' home to see him directly, but having to go into work to show Iris around prevented Belén from joining.

"I'm fine, thank you," Dr. Wells showed with open arms how perfect he was for condition.

Belén was relieved to see this was true. She looked around and noticed the profile of a young man in glasses plastered on a computer. "What's going on?"

"I was just about to explain who was behind the attack last night - you just made it," Wells explained.

"The metahuman?"

"He's not a metahuman," Cisco declared in the utmost crossed tone. 'He's worse."

Belén looked at the group, and noticed that Caitlin and Dr. Wells seemed to be in the know of something she, Barry and Joe didn't. "I'm confused, do you guys know him?"

"Hartley Rathaway possesses one of the finest scientific minds I've ever encountered," Dr. Wells said, basically giving the 'yes' for her question.

"Any ties to Rathaway Industries?" Joe wondered.

"His grandfather founded the company, his father expanded it, and Hartley here was set to inherit the throne."

"What happened?" Barry asked.

"He came out to his parents. Old money, old values," Caitlin said sadly.

"They were estranged when we met, but, brilliant. I couldn't have built the particle accelerator without him." Wells mused.

"But I don't think I've ever heard a mention of him from any one of you," Belén remarked, giving them all looks for that.

Caitlin cleared her throat. "That's because Hartley had a...challenging personality."

Cisco rolled his eyes. "What she means is he was mostly a jerk. But, every once in awhile... he could be a dick."

Joe busted out laughing. Barry too smiled, and Belén tried not to laugh as Joe had.

"Let's just say that Hartley, like many outliers, had trouble relating to his peers," Wells tried to downplay that bad behavior of Hartley.

"So if you two were so close, why would he target you?" Joe asked.

"Hartley left S.T.A.R. Labs about a year ago after we had a... a disagreement."

"About what?"

Barry saw that Wells was not feeling like sharing, and so he stepped in. "Look, don't worry. We'll stop him. I won't let him hurt you, any of you," he said to the rest. "Let's get back to my lab, all right?" he said to Joe.

Joe nodded and headed for the doors. Before doing the same, Barry glanced over to Belén, seeing her rummaging through her bag.

"Bells, you want a lift?"

She seemed startled by the way she nearly dropped her phone. "No, I'm good. I don't intend on going back to work yet."

Although knowing his chances were very slim, he insisted again. "Are you sure? It's-"

"I'm fine-"

"-not that difficult to-"

"-I don't want to-"

"-or did you come-"

"I said I'm fine!" Belén exclaimed loud enough to finally cut Barry off. There was a visible urgency, and annoyance in her face that made Barry back off. A little embarrassed, Belén hurried out of the room.

Barry then made a gesture after her for the rest to understand that this was what he meant about her taking something out on him. She was distant with everyone, yes, but he didn't recall her flat-out rejecting and nearly shouting at anyone else but him. It was frustrating, to be honest, and a little hurtful. What had he done to be on her bad list?

~ 0 ~

"Hey," Caitlin's voice startled Belén in Cisco's workroom. After everyone had gone to their separate tasks, Belén retreated into the only room where she could possibly take a break.

"Did you guys find anything about that Hartley guy?" Belén leaned back against a table. It was then that she spotted the newspaper Caitlin was holding in her hands. "You read the newspaper now?"

"Um...sometimes I do," Caitlin cleared her throat. She wasn't sure how to bring it up without further upsetting Belén, because Caitlin was sure she'd found the reason why Belén was acting differently. "I was reading something from a couple days ago, actually. It was the late edition, I think...?"

Belén crossed her arms and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I wasn't in those days since, uh...you know...I was kidnapped. Again."

Caitlin's lips stretched into an apologetic smile like it was her fault. "Well, it ran but I guess we all missed it since we were looking after you. But my neighbors, yeah, they don't miss anything. I found this one-" she motioned to the newspaper, "- in the trash and I...I got curious when I saw your name on it. The Azalea?" she unrolled the newspaper and showcased the headline to Belén. "'The Flash and the Azalea Might be the Couple the City Needs?'" Caitlin saw Belén's mortified face only get worse after reading the title out loud. The picture of the Azalea hugging the Flash was certainly not helping the case.

"Oh God I really wish you hadn't seen that," Belén covered her face just as she felt herself get all red and warm.

"And I suspect Barry as well?" Caitlin rolled the newspaper back.

"Well of course!" came Belén's muffled response behind her hands.

"You don't need to be embarrassed by this sort of thing. And you definitely don't need to avoid Barry either."

"But I feel so awkward around him!"

Caitlin gave a tiny smile, one similar to the teasing ones Iris usually gave. "Belén, do you think that maybe the reason you feel a little awkward-"

"Not 'little'. Big. It's monumental awkwardness, actually."

"Okay, do you think that the reason you feel this way is because...you might actually...like Barry?"

Belén dropped her hands from her face to reveal a stunned, wide-eyed expression. "What?"

Caitlin knew she was treading on a delicate pathway, but she suspected Belén didn't have the courage to talk about this with anyone. She wanted to give Belén the chance at a clean, secret talk where Belén could vent whatever she needed without worrying if it would ever make it out. "It's okay, Belén. I would never say anything."

"Caitlin Snow I do not..." Belén had began with determination but just like that it vanished. The air seemed to leave her lungs like she'd been running a marathon. "I don't...no! I could never! And not like in the condescending 'I would never date Barry' but just...I can't."

"Why not?" Caitlin tilted her head curiously.

"Because...it scares me," Belén admitted with a quiet sigh. "Just...just the idea of dating altogether. After Carlton - after he kidnapped me, I just...it scares me."

"You're traumatized," Caitlin realized and walked over to hug her friend.

"I don't know what it is but it just doesn't feel good. I don't know what I feel, but...it scares me."

Caitlin pulled away and smiled. "Well, whatever it is you feel you shouldn't be afraid because - if you happened to like Barry-"

"I don't," Belén said all too quick, making Caitlin chuckle.

"Well, just in case you did...he would never be like Carlton. But right now, I think he's hurt by your distance."

Belén felt guilty for not telling Caitlin the entire reason why she was avoiding Barry, but for right now...she couldn't speak. "Thank you Caitlin," she hugged the brunette again and really thanked her luck for having such good friends.

~ 0 ~

It wasn't long before Hartley Rathaway made an appearance in broad daylight. In a black hooded cloak, he marched up to Rathaway Industries. Matching black hand gloves were extended towards the company building, and sonic waves emerging from it that shattered the glass walls. It took down signs, parked cars and even one nearing police car.

"Peek-a-boo!" someone tapped on his shoulder.

The moment he turned around to 'sonic wave' them as well, something hit him hard against the chest and threw him to the ground.

Belén hovered inches from the ground via vines, and lowered herself to a graceful landing. "Ever watch Doctor Who, Hartley? Because you are so Doctor Who-ing - is that a real word? 'Who-ing?'"

"I've seen you," mused Hartley as he studied the woman in green. "But you're not as well known, huh? What's your name again?"

Belén rolled her eyes at the attempt to make her falter. "I don't care how well known I am. Nice try. Moving on now."

Wind picked up as Barry joined in, now standing on beside Belén. "It's over, Rathaway."

Hartley laughed, apparently amused."Oh, you both know my name. Well I know some names too." He started picking himself again. "Caitlin Snow. Cisco Ramon. Harrison Wells. I can hear the radio waves emanating from your suits. About 1900 megahertz. Is that them on the other end, listening? Are they gonna hear you die?"

"Someone is so full of himself," Belén remarked, rolling her eyes. "Is that a guy thing?"

Barry reacted fast to that accusation. "Hey!"

Hartley took his opportunity and blasted the two metahumans backwards. Barry got right back up and looked over to Belén to see her condition. Her healing was, in comparison to him, much slower, but she seemed only to be groggy from the hit. He went after Hartley instead, preferring to make himself the target in order to give Belén a chance to get back on her feet. Hartley followed Barry's quick movements around the police car, attempting to knock Barry out again. His attempts were futile as Barry easily zipped right back, and past Hartley, while swinging a very hard punch that sent Hartley to the ground. Barry stopped and grabbed him by the cloak.

"Looks like you're not as smart as everyone says," Barry couldn't help feel smug about the easy win.

Hartley, while being captured, didn't look too disappointed with his loss. If Barry had been paying more attention, he probably would have noticed. "Smart enough to have figured out who Harrison Wells really is. You see, I know his secret."

Barry didn't listen to his irrelevant words.

~ 0 ~

Caitlin and Cisco stood across the entrance elevator and waited for Hartley to be brought back to S.T.A.R. Labs. The elevator doors slid open and out came the two metahumans and one handcuffed culprit.

"Being scooped up by a guy clad in head-to-toe leather is a long-time fantasy of mine, so thanks," Hartley shot Barry sly smile as they walked in.

Belén, rubbing the side of her head on which she had hit herself thanks to Hartley's first attack, purposely groaned loudly. "If there is something you can put around his mouth that would be great."

"Let me help you," Caitlin told her, gesturing for them to leave. She wanted nothing to do with Hartley, just like Cisco.

"Not a very good fighter are you," Hartley eyed the already annoyed Belén. "Didn't last very long…"

"Yeah well you didn't last very long either so shut up," she snapped.

Hartley rolled his eyes, sighing so casually it might have been his home he was in instead. "I was thinking of calling myself Pied Piper."

There, Cisco had to cut in. "Hey! I assign the nicknames around here. Although...that one's not bad."

A crooked smile spread across Hartley as he looked to Caitlin - apparently he had some for everyone. "Caitlin...never did get that wedding invite." Belén stormed towards him but Barry gave him a hard shove.

"Shut the hell up!"

Caitlin persuaded Belén to come back with her into the cortex, thanking Belén anyways for the attempted defense.

~ 0 ~

"You should be fine, really," Caitlin concluded as she stepped away from the bed Belén was sitting on. Her head injury, while a bit painful, was nothing more than a light injury at that, needing no stitches or further examination.

"Thanks, Cait," Bells sighed and got up slowly. The pain in her head was subsiding with the pills given to her and she did feel actually a lot better than before. "What time is it? I'm probably dead late for work."

"Iris called…" Caitlin began, making a face.

Barry then came in, expecting to be thrown right back out. "Don't worry, I made up an excuse for you."

"Oh...thanks," Belén's eyes averted him as she walked by him.

Barry turned around and decided to follow, making another response, one more sassy. "Unless maybe you want to go back, you know, away from certain people?"

Belén stopped and glanced over her shoulder. "I think...I think I'll just stay here for a while...if that's okay."

"Why should I care, hm? Not exactly been in your consideration lately…"

Belén made a light noise of surprise as she fully turned around, visibly shocked of the comment. Caitlin, hoping to drive away a looming argument, stepped in between them. "I think we should focus on Hartley."

"There's nothing to focus on, he's been caught," Barry pointed out, eyes, slightly narrowed, still on Belén.

The ombre-blonde in turn remained with a guilty look. She knew deserved the jabs and she wasn't gonna argue a defence for her. "Where's Cisco?" she asked quietly.

"He's in the pipeline," Caitlin said, moving for the desk and hoping to dear God they would follow her. "And, to be quite honest, I don't like that idea of him being alone with Hartley."

"They really despised each other?" Belén was the first to move towards the desk.

"Like you wouldn't believe it," Caitlin turned on the speakers on the desk that would allow them to hear what was being talked about in the pipeline. "That's funny…" she leaned forwards, only able to see Hartley in his cell, speaking with someone alright but not Cisco.

Dr. Wells was in the pipeline instead, and apparently something he had said had made Hartley scoff and loudly.

"Not bad... as far as heartfelt apologies go," Hartley said. "Except that wasn't for my benefit. That was for you, Flash." In his cell, he looked up to the camera, and in the cortex both Caitlin and Belén glanced over to Barry. The metahuman in question was not happy in being brought up, especially when Hartley began directing words to him instead. "Feels good to have the great Harrison Wells behind you, doesn't it? But one day, this man will turn on you...in a flash... And even you won't see it coming. I only hope that he leaves you in better shape than he left me. If you're lucky, you'll only be dead. Because every day I have to live with the agonizing, piercing screaming in my ears." He then turned to face in the general direction of where Wells was on the other side of the cell. "I almost forgot... I told your pet I know your deep, dark secret, Harrison. Have fun letting him in on that one."

The word 'secret' put the three in the cortex on edge, and when Cisco came in and learned of it, he too was put in the same state. Dr. Wells came in a couple minutes later expecting the silent, questioning looks from the group.

"I assume you were all listening. Well, Hartley was telling the truth. I have not been honest with you. With any of you." He took in a breath before he continued. "The accelerator...Hartley warned me that there was indeed a chance that the accelerator could explode. His data did not show 100% certainty, just that there was a risk, but it was a real risk. And yet I made the decision that the reward... that... everything we could learn and everything we could achieve, that all of that... simply outweighed that risk. I'm sorry."

An unsettling emotion took over everyone's faces. Caitlin was the first to stand and speak, and her voice shook as she did. "Then the next time you choose to put our lives, and the lives of the people that we love, at risk, I'll expect a heads up," she looked away and walked out of the room.

Cisco, having no words, but his face practically saying them, decided to make an exit as well. Belén bit her lip, crossed her arms, and stayed put.

"After the explosion, when everyone else left you…" Barry felt extremely uncomfortable, and partially pained from the revelation, "Caitlin and Cisco stood by you. You owe them more than an apology."

"They might soon get more than that what with Hartley so intent on sending me to the next world…"

"I don't think that is precisely what they would want," Belén said quietly. "It's more about trust, Dr. Wells-" she flinched at the quiet scoff Barry gave in return, assuming for her comment.

Having nothing to say then, Barry grabbed his jacket and left the room next.

With a deep sigh, Belén let her arms loose on her sides. "I can't fault you for the decision you made," she continued with Wells, attempting to make it seem like nothing happened. "Though I am very upset, because that decision is what led to my own brother being out there - a metahuman estranged from his family - I can't judge you. We all make decisions...whose consequences we don't quite foresee at the moment."

Wells tilted his head, inquisitive at the response. "You sound like you're speaking from experience."

"Haven't we all had that?" Belén gave a crooked smile.

"I would suppose, yes," Wells nodded. "But, if I may say, despite what you have heard from me, I do care for everyone's safety here, and you are letting those decisions cloud your mind and they are putting you at risk out there."

Belén stiffened, for a minute fearing he knew what exactly those 'decisions' were. "Dr. Wells, I-"

"The reason we have not let your friend, Ms. Clarke, help you or Barry out in the field is because she is not capable yet. Now, if you fail to focus outside, you may become incapable as well and I will have to ask that you not accompany Barry out as well."

As much as it pained her, she knew he was justified. "I...know…"

"I may not be the indicated person for you to speak with, but I suggest you find someone, and fast."

"I know," Belén responded, rather breathlessly. "But...can I say something as well?"

"Sure."

"The trust, while broken, it can be earned back," Belén gave a final smile before walking out of the room.

~ 0 ~

"Feeling better, Bells?" Cisco asked, in the middle of examining Hartley's confiscated gloves. Belén had come to stand by the threshold of the side room, clutching a cup of coffee in her hands. With a weak smile, she gave a nod. "I thought you may have gone back to work…"

Belén scoffed, saying quietly, "Not the place I want to be at."

Cisco stopped working to look at his friend, noticing how troubled - at least more than she had been recently. "Bells, you know...you know you can always talk to me right?" Belén smiled warmly and nodded her head. "You know, I don't know what's going on in your mind but whatever it is...it's kind of uncool for you to take it out on Barry."

"I'm very sorry about that, honest…"

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to," Cisco gave her a light shrug, returning to his work.

Belén sighed and came further inside the room. "I do intend on doing that, trust me, I just...it's very hard...what I'm...processing…"

"Processing?" Cisco looked up from the gloves, though saw nothing as Belén had her back to him.

Belén tapped her fingers along her mug as she debated whether or not to finally confide in someone, and precisely Cisco. She didn't give Caitlin the opportunity but maybe it was better if one friend knew something and the other another thing. It made it easier on her at least.

"Belén, I'm here for you," Cisco said, as if seeing her internal debate.

Belén turned around, wearily coming up to the table. "Can you...for a minute," she tried again, "...can you just...be my friend, please?"

"Bells, I kinda am your friend," Cisco reminded with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, but...your best friend is Barry and what I need to tell you has to do with Barry - do you see the dilemma?"

"Kind of…" Cisco lied. He saw none of it.

"Let's just, for five minutes, pretend like Barry hasn't woken up from his coma and that you and I are friends. Can you do that...please?"

For her sake, Cisco nodded his head. "Okay, shoot."

Gratefully, Belén smiled. She took in a breath and gently placed her mug on the table before beginning. "When I was kidnapped, I waited for someone to come in and help...get me out of the warehouse Snart and Mick had put me in…"

Cisco nodded, so far on board. "Yeah, Joe and I went out looking for you but when we got there...you weren't anywhere…"

"Right, because, well...someone else rescued me."

"We figured - we all figured. We just can't figure out who nor why you won't tell us anything about it."

Belén sighed and just said it all before she ran away. "My brother, Rayan, and Azul showed up and rescued me." Cisco's eyes widened. "Rayan's a metahuman. He has...I don't know, telekenetic powers, and he, quite literally, floated me out of harm's away."

"Cool," Cisco began to smile. "Ultimate powers."

Belén rolled her eyes. "Stay with me, please. Rayan knows that I've been looking for him, and when we were out of the warehouse, he asked me to come with him."

That got Cisco's attention.

"For so long, I had wanted nothing more than to find my brother," Belén's eyes began to glisten with looming tears. "He said that he would answer all my questions, and he would take me to where he'd been living all this time. We were supposed to reunite that night…"

"What happened?" Cisco asked quietly, assuming the worst. Belén looked down, her coffee becoming suddenly so interesting. "Bells, what happened?" Cisco repeated his question, trying not to sound so impatient. He could see this was in part what was troubling her as of late, but he could not understand what it had to do with Barry.

"I had to make a decision," Belén replied faintly.

"A...decision? What kind of decision?"

Belén looked up, her tears already beginning to loosen at the corner of her eyes. "I was so happy that he had finally come for me - come to see me - but then I saw the beams of the cold and heat guns in the city...and I realized Barry was probably out there fighting Snart and Mick. I told Rayan we had to go help, but he didn't want to," with a hand, she wiped a tear from her cheek. "He didn't care about the Flash, about the city. He wanted me to leave, and when I say 'leave'...I meant like he wanted me to forget about everything here. I kept insisting that...that we needed to go and help Barry, because...because that's what needed to be done."

"But he didn't want to," Cisco guessed sadly, beginning to realize what it all came down to.

Belén sniffed and began clearing up her tears on either side of her face. "I wanted to be with Rayan, but I kept thinking about Barry and how he needed my help. I had to make a decision...and I chose to go find him."

"Bells…" Cisco slowly rose from his chair.

"At first, it hadn't really hit me what I did, but then days passed...and I realized 'holy shit I just gave up my brother for...for…"

"Barry," Cisco finished, connecting all the puzzle pieces at that moment.

"I don't mean to be rude to Barry but it's hard facing my decision every day, everytime he's in the room I'm reminded of what I did. It's not his fault. I made the decision."

"Bells, this is something you should be telling him, not me," Cisco said as kindly as possible. "If Barry knew then he…"

"He would feel guilty even when he did nothing wrong," Belén finished for him. "I know him, and I know that's exactly what he would do. I can't do that to him, Cisco."

"I think you should go and talk to him," Cisco stayed firm on his opinion. "Because, first of all, he needs to know what you gave up for him because wow that was a lot-"

"It's not like that," Belén meekly said, though the tint of pink on her cheeks made it nearly impossible for Cisco not to smirk. It only got worse when Caitlin's words came back to mind.

"Second of all," Cisco forced himself to continue, "I think he deserves reasons for your behavior, don't you think?"

Belén lightly nodded. "Yeah…"

"Sooo…" Cisco plopped back down on his chair, slowly getting back to his work on Hartley's gloves, "...I'm gonna switch to being Barry's bro and say I can't believe you did that-"

"Cisco! It's not like that!" Belén stomped her foot, mortified of where this conversation was headed to.

Cisco smirked widely, picking at some parts of the gloves. "Hmmm…."

Belén shook her head and picked up her coffee mug. "It's not," she repeated quietly, sipping her coffee afterwards.

She repeatedly shot down Cisco's accusations, until Caitlin made (thankfully, Belén internally thought) an entrance into the room. "Anyone seen Dr. Wells?"

"No, he probably thinks we don't want to speak with him," Belén jumped on the subject change fast.

"Barry was right," Cisco announced, looking up at them both. "Hartley was using sonic resonance. The intensity regulator's measuring decibels."

"I'm gonna pretend like I understood all that for the sake of time," Belén sighed and took the last drink of her coffee.

"You know what's weird?" Cisco rubbed his temple. "He had it set to the lowest setting."

Caitlin tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Well... He could've completely destroyed his father's building if he wanted to in one blast."

"But...if he could do that...then…" Belén frowned. "Why didn't he just do it and leave?"

Cisco eyes widened as he realized what truly had happened. "Unless he wanted to be caught!" He jumped from his chair and ran to the cortex to the computers. Belén and Caitlin rushed in afterwards and, through the computer, saw Hartley's cell was empty. Cisco moved to the comm. and called for Dr. Wells. "Dr. Wells! There's been a pipeline breach!"

"You think he's gonna come for us?" Caitlin looked at the two beside her.

Cisco didn't stop to answer. He warned them both, "Stay here," and ran off.

"I don't think so, Cisco," Belén rushed after him, ignoring his refusing looks. "I'm a metahuman, and I promise to pay attention."

"Bells-"

"C'mon!" Belén yanked him after her as they made it into the corridors.

What they didn't know was that as they ran towards the pipeline, Hartley was in the middle of making his grand escape. He pulled out one of his earpieces, enduring a high pitch whine in his ear as he placed the piece on the pipeline door sealing him away from the rest of the building. Belén and Cisco made it halfway in before the door blasted them backwards. When Hartley emerged, slightly disoriented from the blast, he was very pleased with the results.

~ 0 ~

Caitlin had heard and felt the blast from the cortex and was trying to get ahold of her two friends whom she feared had been hurt. "Cisco, can you hear me? Bells?"

She felt a presence behind her, and knowing it probably wasn't neither Cisco or Belén, she slowly turned around. Hartley stood there, and promptly smacked her hard on the head. Caitlin turned and fell to the floor, knocked out. Hartley spotted his gloves and ran to retrieve them. As soon as he had them, he ran back to the computers and started typing for something specific through the pages. Something loaded and downloaded and once he had what he needed, Hartley left the cortex and went to find the last person remaining in the building. Before he found Wells, the older man had already called in Barry, and it was only a matter of minutes until he was in.

When Caitlin came to, she saw Barry coming in. "Hey!" he rushed to go help her. "Are you okay?"

Caitlin felt groggy but was conscious enough to remember what had happened. "Yeah, uh, Cisco...Bells...and Dr. Wells…"

Barry understood and left her to go find the others. He came across Wells in the entrance, the man in his wheelchair and pretty collected despite being nearly attacked.

"He's gone," Wells said.

Finding both Belén and Cisco unconscious in the pipeline, Barry brought back both to the cortex to be treated by Caitlin. They lasted a couple hours unconscious, but still enough for them having to make yet another excuse for Belén's absence, this time at home considering Maritza was now there waiting for her. Early dawn saw their awake.

"My head…" Belén kept her eyes shut longer than did Cisco.

"You both need to rest," Caitlin announced from Belén's bed side. "You have concussions. You're lucky."

Cisco leaned up as much as he could. "Please tell me you got him," he looked at Barry pleadingly.

Barry shook his head. "I guess the attack on his family's company was a fake out so we'd catch him."

"And give him direct access to S.T.A.R. Labs," Caitlin sighed.

"So we basically got played," Belén frowned, now trying to sit up.

"I should've known he was up to something," Cisco muttered. "This is my fault."

"Hey, man. This is on me, too," Barry cut in, glancing at Belén to see how she was doing. In his sourness, he had left the place when he shouldn't have. Belén hadn't been on her game lately when they eerie out catching metahumans and he had left her in care for the others. He should have been more conscious instead of focusing on his feelings. "I shouldn't have left before…"

Wells came into the room. "This is no one's fault but mine. I earned the blame... I'm not interested in sharing it. Hartley doesn't think I've paid for my crimes. And he's right. He won't stop until I do."

"Where are you going?" Barry called as Wells turned to leave.

"To earn back your trust."

With those words, he left the group.

"I think one of us should go see exactly what that meant," Caitlin said cautiously. She was still upset with Wells, as was everyone else, but at the moment they couldn't afford to be attacked on their own again.

"I will," Barry volunteered, figuring he had nothing left to do there at the moment. It was very unlikely Hartley would return.

As he walked by, Belén gathered courage from Cisco's urging look and called out to him. "Barry? Can we talk, please?"

"Not right now, Belén," was the very short, curt answer she received. It was enough to shut her down and let him leave.

"I...deserve that," she uttered after a long moment of silence.

"Don't worry about it," Cisco tried to lighten up the mood. "He's just upset by all this."

"No, Cisco," Belén shook her head, ignoring Caitlin's desperate gestures to sit back down. "He's upset with me - and I deserve it for being a jerk."

"Where are you going?" Caitlin sighed in frustration as she walked towards the doors. "You can't leave, it's not safe for you."

"My sister's probably going crazy that I didn't come home to sleep. I won't even go into the fact I haven't been back to work since yesterday afternoon."

"Don't worry about that, we called in and told them you had an accident and that we'd be keeping you in for some observation," Caitlin explained, making Belén turn back to them. "So you see? There's no need for you to put yourself at risk today - not more than we need to anyways. Come back."

"Well...how come Cisco gets to get up?"

"Hmm?" Caitlin glanced back and saw Cisco's empty bed, the man in question already in another side room doing what looked like research on a tablet. "What - Cisco! Come back!"

"No! I need to figure out why Hartley let himself be caught!"

"You're like children, the both of you!" Caitlin scolded them both and huffed as she walked towards the desk, where at least Belén had taken refuge in for 'rest'.

~ 0 ~

"I thought moving in would be a step towards the solution!" Maritza, dressed normally, stood in front of her younger brother who was raiding a medicine cabinet. "I don't need your shouting at me, Rayan."

"And I don't need you talking so loudly, Maritza," Rayan rubbed his temple while the other hand plucked out medicine bottles. "And, if you wouldn't mind, I don't want to speak about...Annah-Belén."

Maritza rolled her eyes. "Using her full name won't erase the fact you're hurt, moron. So she chose to go help, big deal. I already told you that's just her personality! She needs to help others, that's why she became a...a…"

"Partner to the Flash," Rayan turned around, sourly looking at the taller woman. "The person she chose over me, her brother...her twin."

"She's just disoriented. She's been so far from family lately that she...I don't know, she didn't know how to react. But that's why I moved in with her, to make her remember that family is all we've got in this world."

"Well, as you just told me, that idea isn't working so well," Rayan abandoned the medicine cabinet and walked past Maritza. The room was full of cabinets and while there were barely any bottles he decided to go look into another cabinet. The killer headache was on its way to become a migraine.

"Caitlin called me earlier telling me Belén had an accident at S.T.A.R. Labs and that she had a concussion, so she would be staying over there to be monitored." Maritza crossed her arms, muttering, "Though if you ask me it probably happened because of the attack yesterday."

This intrigued Rayan, making him stop and turn his head to the side facing his sister. "What attack?"

Maritza arched an eyebrow. "What? Where've you been? Sulking?"

Rayan rolled his eyes and returned to the cabinet. If she only knew he had been battling constant headaches all day.

"There was an attack on Rathaway Industries yesterday and the Flash and the Azalea made an appearance," Maritza explained. "They say the guy who did it blasted them with some sort...wave thingy? I don't know, point is, that thing hurt our sister. I'm 99.9% this 'concussion' thing had to do with that. How am I supposed to make her remember family when she's out there playing hero with some guy and team?"

"Hey," Noah hurried into the room. "You guys have gotta see what's on TV right now."

Rayan rolled his eyes. "Nobody cares."

"Oh, you'll want to," Noah came up to them holding a tablet in his hands. "It's broadcasting everywhere," he told them.

On the screen of the tablet was Dr. Wells making an exceptional speech towards the public.

"Did he just say he knew the Particle Accelerator could blow up?" Maritza scowled, images of her late husband popping up in her mind. Had he suffered what this man had thought could happen?

"It looks like he just went through with the plan despite the consequences that could happen," Noah looked at the two siblings, wearing pretty much the same outraged expressions as them.

Rayan flicked his hand to the side, causing the phone in Noah's hand to splatter against the wall. He ignored Noah's indignant look and turned away, pressing his hands on the counter. "Harrison Wells knew that he could cause chaos and yet he willingly went through with it."

"He's the reason Christopher's dead," Maritza whispered, although sad her fury masked it perfectly well.

"And the reason my mother's dead," Noah breathed in.

"He is the reason why there are so many unhelped metahumans out there," Rayan turned to face them both. "And what's he doing instead? Getting his Flash and my sister to lock them for good - or worse."

"Belén is not a killer," snapped Maritza.

"We have to get this guy," Noah cut in before they began to argue.

"So we say without an actual plan," Angie appeared behind them.

"That was where Belén was supposed to come into help," Rayan growled, balling up his fists. But, his sister had decided to help someone else instead of her own blood.

~ 0 ~

By the time Wells and Barry had returned to S.T.A.R. Labs, they discovered not much had happened in their absence. Hartley had not made an appearance at all throughout the afternoon, leaving the remaining Caitlin, Belén and Cisco to just...wait.

"I don't know why you think Hartley would try to make contact with us in the same day, Dr. Wells," Belén wearily looked up from the chair she had made comfortable. With the concussion, she felt a headache from the back of her head, and her entireself just felt tired in general. She had her legs pulled up to her chest, and her head resting on her knees.

"Because he's Hartley, and he'll want to have the last word," Wells assured them all.

Barry noticed Cisco fervently working on a tablet in his hands. "Cisco," he sighed, "you should be resting."

"Hmph," Caitlin mumbled underneath her breath, "Been telling him that all day."

Cisco heard her and shook his head. "The answer to why Hartley fooled us into catching him is in here-" he pointed to the tablet, "-and I'm gonna find it." He pointed at them warningly as he made his way to another room. A couple seconds later, Wells went after him.

"Cait, are you sure I can't just...close my eyes…" Belén fought the urge to shut her eyes by attempting to focus on Caitlin's black skirt beside her, "...for a minute?"

"Play solitaire!" Caitlin abruptly slammed a hand on the desk, jerking Belén upright.

"I don't…" Belén yawned, covering it up with a hand, "...want to anymore." She lowered her hand and forced her eyes attention somewhere else for her sake. "Oh, Barry! Can we talk now please?"

"What's brought on the sudden urge to speak with me?" Barry came up to the desk, looking down at her tired form, making it just a little more impossible to be mad with her. "Ever since last week you've done everything possible not to be in the same room with me."

"I know and I'm sorry," Belén said imploringly. "But...but I'm ready to talk, and - and I know I don't deserve it but...you have a right to an explanation."

Barry considered this silently, thinking she was absolutely right and that he most certainly had a right to know what was going on. He glanced at Caitlin, about to ask for a moment when sparks from the ceiling flew below, causing them all to crouch.

"What's that?" Caitlin exclaimed, slowly sitting upright again.

Hartley's voice emerged from the speakers that still surpriginsly worked. "Nice gambit, Harrison. But this isn't over."

Wells and Cisco came out of the side room at the chaos and Wells responded quite calmly. "Hartley, what do you want? What do you want, Hartley? I already gave my mea culpa today."

"The city already hated you. You don't think I noticed that press conference was a pathetic bishop sacrifice? No, no, no. I've played with you too many times to let you get away with that. This is between you, me, and The Flash."

Once again, Barry still wasn't pleased to be brought into this. However, once he thought of the damage that guy had done so far he wasn't so against fighting Hartley on Wells' behalf.

"You don't want to play for those kind of stakes with me, Hartley," Wells warned.

"Actually, I really do. What do you say? One last game of chess?"

"You and I both know that the winner of the game is the one who makes the next-to-last mistake, and you clearly have a move in mind."

~ 0 ~

From his spot at a roadside, Hartley had caused the pay machine across him to blast into pieces. Cars were barred from their journey.

"You're right," he smiled, continuing his 'conversation'. "And I'm already at the board. So why don't you move your precious scarlet knight while I take out a few pawns."

More sonic waves emerged from his gloves, pushing back several cars while blasting front view glass.

~ 0 ~

Barry wasted no time in switching into his suit. There was only the matter of finding Hartley. "Cisco, where do I go?"

Cisco tried to locate Hartley from the computers but seemed to be unsuccessful. "I can't trace the signal. He could be sending his messages from anywhere."

Wells came in closer and ordered, "Cisco, scan for seismic activity. If Hartley's using sonic blast, the vibrations could cause tremors."

"Barry," Belén made her way over to him, "maybe you should I come with you-"

"With a concussion?" Caitlin cut in, quite firm on her opposition. "I don't think so."

"But I-"

"It's fine," Barry told the ombre-blonde sternly. Though he was still upset with her, he didn't want her getting hurt yet again on his account.

With some help from Dr. Wells, they were able to locate Hartley in the Keystone Cleveland Dam, not that far from the city's outskirts. Hartley was in the middle of blasting cars over the edges when he found him.

"Barry, you need to disarm Hartley immediately," Wells warned as soon as possible. "Immediately! Do you hear me? He is a master of distraction. He is a master of hiding his true endgame."

Hartley stepped forwards and blasted several waves towards Barry. Seeing that was a fail, he changed targets and went for the cars on the road that still contained drivers. Barry went in and got everyone out in time, and this time he didn't wait for another proper confrontation and sped straight up to Hartley.

~ 0 ~

"Aha!" cheered Cisco who'd come running into the cortex with his tablet, having left Wells and Caitlin to take control of the computers. His smile vanished after a moment. "Uh oh…"

"Mm, no, let's go back to that 'aha' thing," Belén had taken her spot back on her chair again.

"I figured out what Hartley stole from S.T.A.R. Labs, why he let himself get caught!"

"And that brings us to the 'uh oh'," Caitlin said dreadfully.

"He has all the data on Barry's molecular scans."

Belén looked between the three scientists, hoping for an easy explanation. "And...what exactly can he do with that?"

Wells had the answer straight up. "He can get Barry's frequency." He moved over to the comm., intending on warning Barry. "Barry, you need to get out of there! You need to get out of there immediately!"

~ 0 ~

Barry had disarmed Hartley and thrown the gloves to the side. Hartley had been pushed to the ground but yet again he didn't look too disappointed.

"It's over! You lose!"

"Amazing," Hartley breathed in, truly looking awed for the moment. "He replaced me with you? Total moron. I got you with the same trick twice."

The gloves Barry had thrown to the side began to vibrate on the ground. As seconds ticked by, the vibrating grew louder and violent. Out of the nowhere, Barry felt a ripple of pain within him. He clutched his head and stumbled around, crying out in pain. "Ah! Uhh!"

Hartley smiled, satisfied with the results. "I got the idea watching you and Harrison chit-chat...to use your suit's own speakers to kill you." Barry fell to the ground, coughing up blood. Hartley neared him, lowering himself just slightly. "That feeling? That's your organs shearing apart. And you activated the frequency when you disarmed me. In chess, we call that a discovered attack. You don't see it until it's too late. Right, Harrison?"

~ 0 ~

"Barry's vitals are bottoming out," Caitlin looked up from the computer in front of her that was flashing red in warnings.

"I should have gone!" Belén had jumped from her chair to see for herself the mess they were now in. "We need to do something - I've got to go there!"

"You won't make it," Wells discarded that idea as he fiercely typed on another computer.

"What are you doing?" Cisco eyed him much like Caitlin did. Belén was looking at her own suit, as if wondering whether or not to listen to Wells' warning.

"Barry's on the travel road of the dam, at rush hour, surrounded by cars. Many of those cars are going to have satellite radio. Satellite sends a signal to the car, song comes out the speaker…"

"Yes! I know how satellite radio works!" Caitlin interrupted him. "How does that help?"

"Well, I'm gonna have the satellite send something other than a song. Hartley is about to hear something he was not expecting... a sound wave that will meet the frequency of and destroy his weapons."

~ 0 ~

Barry had turned flat on his back and was practically choking on his own blood. His hearing only contained a ringing that, for the love of God, would not go away. He see a blurry Hartley hovering on his side, still speaking but God knew what. And then, just like that, the ringing began to fade away.

Hartley heard a loud sizzling coming from his gloves and ran to see what was happening. "No! No! No!" he snatched them from the ground and tried to fix them again, but this time it was he that heard a loud ringing. He screamed as something warm dug into his palms - the gloves had began to hurt him instead. He let them roll off to reveal bloody palms and fell to his side, unconscious.

Slowly, Barry picked himself up and blinked rapidly as he recollected himself.

"Barry, can you hear me?" he heard Wells, partially, from the comm.

"Sort of!" Barry shook his head, hoping to finally get back to normal. "Okay…" While he wasn't quite there yet he was able to see perfectly again, and when he saw the unconscious Hartley across he felt more than at peace.

~ 0 ~

While Hartley was being placed away in the pipeline again, this time for good, Caitlin forced Barry to undergo a thorough exam to see if there had been any long-lasting effects from Hartley's attack. A few minutes after Caitlin asked Belén to help Barry get his face cleared of the blood leftover from his fight. She then walked out of the room to gather the results, which on a face to face basis already looked good, Belén gathered her little remaining courage to once again try and speak to Barry.

The metahuman was sitting at the edge of the bed, no longer in his suit but still with dried blood on the bottom of his face. Seeing her come in reminded him they did indeed have a pending conversation. Belén stayed near the threshold, in case she was sent back out - she honestly wouldn't argue if that was the decision Barry took. She deserved it.

"Can we...can I...talk?" she tried again, feebly. "Please?"

"Are you going to actually explain? Or leave midway?" Barry knew he was sounding rude, but at this point he was just tired of so much secrecy.

"If you're willing to listen...I'm willing to tell," Belén promised him. When Barry gave a nod, she took the moment before he changed his mind. "I guess you're smart enough to know this has something to do to when I was kidnapped last week?"

"Very," Barry nodded. Part of Belén was relieved to know he hadn't seen that stupid newspaper. "We all figure that much. What I just can't finish comprehending is why you're giving me the sour treatment. I mean, what did I do?"

"Nothing," Belén reacted fast and urgently went up to him. "You did absolutely nothing wrong."

"Then...what is it? Why don't you want to talk to me anymore?"

Belén felt awful when she heard his words that were laced with confusion and hurt. Instead of giving the flat out response, she told the story. "My brother showed up to rescue me in that warehouse. He, along with Azul, got me out safe and sound."

Barry's mouth fell open, shocked. "You're brother came!? H-how did he...there was a...Joe said there was a bomb!" And that detail was what struck all of them the most odd. They wandered without a possible reason as to how Belén had managed to escape without setting off the bomb herself.

"Rayan is truly a metahuman. He had telekinetic powers and he used them to get me out," Belén explained. "He...he told me he'd been watching me, knowing that I've been looking for him. And when we were about to leave, he...he asked me to come with him. But...bet if I left, I was leaving for good." Belén has to make that clear so that Barry could at least understand a little why she reacted the way she did. "He wanted me to come with him, and in exchange we would be reunited...and he would answer all my questions."

But clearly that didn't work out, thought Barry. "So...so what happened?"

Belén lightly smiled. "I saw the gun beams shining from the city. I knew you were in trouble, so I told Rayan we needed to go help first. But he...didn't want to. In fact, his refusal was so big that in the he gave me a choice: leave with him at that moment and not look back, or leave him to go help you. I turned it around it on him, making him choose but...I guess by doing that I told him how I basically chose you."

Barry's eyes widened till they couldn't anymore. It was like a brick had hit him on they head, and he was sure it wasn't part of Hartley's hit. Suddenly everything made so much more sense.

Belén couldn't take his stunned look, feeling embarrassed and partially guilty she was laying this all out for him. She went to a nearby table and picked up cotton swabs and some alcohol to help clean off the dried blood from Barry's face.

It was a long two minutes before Barry could say some words. "You…you chose...you left your...brother...for me…"

"To help you," Belén corrected, turning around and coming back. She gestured what she was gonna do and then proceeded to gently dab at a side of his face. "I don't want you to feel bad about this. I'm just...telling you all this because you had a right to know. I acted like a complete jerk and you deserve better."

Barry was still overly thinking about this revelation, and immediately feeling his own guilt. "Bells, I'm so sor-"

"You don't have to apologize. This was a decision I made, and-"

He grabbed the wrist of her hand that was near him and looked up at her. "That was a huge decision you made. And you didn't even talk to someone about it."

"I talked with Cisco earlier," Belén tried to make it look less bad than it was. "He's the one that made me realize you needed an explanation."

"That's not what I meant," Barry gave her a sharp look.

"I know," sighed Belén, gently wiggling her wrist from his grip. "But, like I said, this was a decision I made. I just, at that time, didn't realize I would have to face it everyday."

"And by 'facing it' you mean me…"

"Not in that way but...yeah, and I'm sorry. It's just hard, and I know that is no excuse but…"

"You hadn't seen your brother in a near year and the only chance you had you gave it up - that's a good excuse," Barry released air he'd been holding in without consciousness. "A very good excuse."

Belén couldn't come up with anymore words other than her repeated apologies. "I am so sorry. Lately, I've been messing up and repeatedly apologizing, but this will be the last time - I promise."

"But your brother-"

"Everything seems to be in perfect condition," Caitlin came in looking at the results in her hands. "You are one lucky man, Barry Allen."

"Not so much luck as it is speed," Belén remarked quietly, thanking for the interruption. She got what she needed to get off her chest. "I think I am done playing doctor for the night-" Belén walked up to Caitlin and handed her the medical tools she was using on Barry, "-and I will go back to being a journalist. I gotta get home."

"I agree on that one," Caitlin nodded and took the tools. "And as far as Maritza knows, you just had a concussion, remember?"

"Got it," Belén did a thumbs up. She glanced back at Barry, looking nervous despite already having apologized. "I'll...see you tomorrow?"

Barry smiled at her, giving a nod and quiet 'of course' that made her beam. She waved once more to Caitlin before walking out.

"Well, is it safe to assume you guys are back on good terms?" Caitlin walked to the table on Barry's other side to put down all that she carried.

"Yeah," Barry cleared his throat, his voice lowering when he asked her, "do you know who rescued her last week?"

"Her brother," Caitlin made a face, still partially in shock the famous twin had made an appearance and yet none of them knew till now.

"Yeah - how did you know?"

"Oh, Cisco told me, after Bells told him it was alright to tell me anyways."

"Why would Belén go and tell him first?" Barry found himself asking out loud, much to Caitlin's amusement.

"Because they've always been a little closer," she turned around to continue what Belén had, unknowingly unsuccessful, tried to do.

"Why is that...again?" Barry further questioned, letting her swab away the blood from his face.

"Um, well, I don't know. They just seemed to hit it off initially. Why?" Caitlin pulled away for a second to teasingly smile his way.

"No reason," Barry quickly said, eyes darting to the other side.

Caitlin kept her comments to herself, but her teasing smiles were everlasting.

~ 0 ~

"I am actually very stuffed, Mar, I can't eat anymore," Belén promised Maritza as she pushed away an empty plate from her spot.

Maritza chuckled and too pushed away her own plate. She glanced at Axel who was still puncturing his peas with a plastic spoon. "I'm glad you were able to eat with us, though. I thought maybe after your concussion you might have wanted to go straight to bed."

"That was the idea," Belén admitted as she took a last sip of her drink. She'd gotten home intending on finally getting some needed rest, but Maritza had coaxed her into having a proper dinner. Feeling bad she was lying straight to her sister's face, as well as having not seen her for an entire day, Belén agreed to some dinner.

"Well I'm glad you stayed," Maritza looked at Belén with a sweet smile. "Because, well, family's kind of all we have right now."

Belén coughed awkwardly, wondering how Maritza would react if she knew their brother was still up and breathing. "Yeah…"

"I mean, I know we still have Mom and a couple of members but they're in Italy so, really, it's just us right now. Everyone else moved away."

"Their loss," Belén discarded their extended family members without a care in the world. "I always liked Central City better than any other place."

"Even Starling City?"

"Yup. I mean, don't get me wrong I love the people there, but this is my home. And I intend on staying here for many, many years to come."

Maritza acknowledged the statement with a nod, then, hesitantly, added, "Because this is where we grew up right? It's a...family sentimental thing?"

"Yeah," Belén nodded. "This is where...all of my memories are. I wouldn't give up any of this for anything."

"For your family, you mean…?"

"Yeah," Belén eyed her sister curiously. "What's with you? Are you alright?"

"Mhm," Maritza forced her mouth shut. Of course she couldn't say anything about knowing how awful Belén had been to their brother, nor how they were hoping she would recapicitate and come to them.

Belén pushed her chair back and got up. "Well, as family genes go, I'm gonna get some sleep. And, just like you, I'm gonna key into my hard-sleeper habits and sleep for another day."

Maritza smiled lightly as Belén cleared up her space and left the room.

Upon finally entering her dark room, Belén was able to release a large sigh. She locked her door and pulled off her jacket, tossing it to her bed. She rubbed her face, liking to think that this way all her problems would just disappear. But, coming back to the real world, she spotted one portrait she had on her vanity desk. She walked up to it and picked it up, unsure how to feel about it now. It was her graduation day, or rather, hers and Rayan's high school graduation day. Both dressed in golden cap and gowns, they beamed with radiant smiles as their picture was taken.

"How far have we come from then, huh, Rayan?" she whispered, tracing a finger down the edge of the frame. With another sigh, she put the portrait face-down on the desk. As she went to her drawers to take out her pajamas, she heard a distinct, quiet knock against her balcony doors. With the blinds covering the view, Belén slowly made her way towards them, expecting it to be some sort of hallucination her concussed mind had made up as a trick. But, upon pulling the blinds, she found Barry on the other side. She unlocked the door and slid it to the side, allowing Barry to come in.

"I don't mean to be rude but what are you doing here?" she asked him quietly in case Maritza was nearby.

"I was thinking about what you told me earlier," Barry ignored her and paced like he was in his room. "About Rayan, and how you left him, and-"

"Barry, shh!" Belén urgently told him, rushing to cover his mouth. "My sister is awake, please just...shhh!"

Nodding his head, his mouth was uncovered. He took in a deep breath and began once again. "I was thinking about what you said about your brother, and...I realized how much you gave up, and...Bells, I don't want you to give up anything that'll cost you your family. You need to find your brother, and you need to make amends right now or-"

"Barry, I won't do that," Belén declared firmly, yet her voice was low. "Rayan is not the brother I thought I was looking for."

"He's a metahuman," Barry tried to remind. "Of course he's going to be different. I mean, I'm sure you're much more different than when he last saw you."

"It's not just the biological differences. It's the way in which he acted...the way he's acting as of late." With a sigh, Belén walked over to the graduation portrait laying on her vanity desk and picked it up again. "My brother was a genius, a total nerd. He loved to build things - he was head of the engineer club in high school, and that's what he was going to be become in college: an engineer. He was a very kind man, though he had his moments with attitude. Now that man is gone. He's in league with rogue metahumans. He doesn't help people, he robs them. He manipulates feelings and gives ultimatums. That is not my brother anymore." Swallowing hard, she looked up to Barry, maintaining a pretty firm look. "I don't want to look for Rayan anymore."

Barry couldn't believe what he was hearing. She was going to give up the search for her brother!?

"He made his choice of becoming who he is now, and now I'm making my decision."

"But he's...he's your brother, your family," Barry weakly argued back. He could see the battle was already lost by seeing her eyes.

"Yes," Belén agreed with a nod of her head. "Once upon a time. Now...he's...a metahuman. And, if he's a metahuman that's going rogue...we have a responsibility to lock him up."

"Bells," Barry sucked in a breath, totally astonished with her words.

Belén's face showed signs of falter as she went on, but she did actually go on. "Thank you for all your help, but I don't need it anymore. I'm also going to call Felicity and tell her the search is off. Ultimately I got what I wanted. I found Rayan. I just found a different version of him that I simply cannot agree with."

Barry accepted her wish with a small nod. He couldn't very well force her to search for someone she no longer wished to. All he could do now was just be a supporting friend. When Belén walked up to hug him, he did not continue pushing but just hugged her back. She'd gone through so much lately he should just be glad she hadn't fallen apart.

But that was Bells for you, she was much stronger than she appeared.

[fleamontpottermyhero]

When Richie Tozier was fifteen, he stole his first record.

The money that his mother gave him for it still in his pocket, and the consciousness that that specific album already was in his father library since he was born, bubbling in his fiery chest.

He remembers the thrill of it, now forthy years old, holding it in his hands.

With Abbey Road hidden inside his shirt and a smile across his face, Richie marched toward his house. He walked through the door, smiled at Linda as she barked and moved between his legs, and put the record on the turntable before going in the kitchen to make himself a sandwich.

The songs were nice, he couldn’t quite hear them from a room to another, but the melody was endearing.

Someone with a nasal voice started to sing about octopuses and with the disgust of an Adult Man he quickly changed the song. He wasn’t a kid anymore.

The next song was already over when he changed it, whispering about lullabies or shits like that, when he heard it.

A quick drum introduced a choir, and by the time the first two line were spoken, he was crying.

Boy, you gotta carry that weight

Carry that weight for a long time.

He didn’t know why. But he also knew well enough.

He tried to stop it. Breathing through his mouth and quickly pressing his hands on his eyes.

I never give you my pillow

I only send you my invitation

He thought about worn out shoes climbing a tree and suppressed laughter bubbling out of his chest, knocking on the glass of a window.

He thought of that same window, that the next day was wide open, and the next, and the next, and the next.

“nonononono” he whispered through sobs. “stop it. Fucking pussy. Stop this mess. What the fuck it wrong with you, asswipe.”

He turned the turntable off.

He managed to avoid Eddie for five hours. He went to Bill’s and played cards with him, listening to the new Nirvana record he bought the month prior when he went to new York.

Come as you are, singed Cobain.

He got out of there with pathetic excuse in the middle of the game.

His feet brought him outside Eddie’s window. Traitors.

“Yo, dickhead!” screamed his mouth, betraying him too.

“shut the fuck up.” Was the lovely response.

He laughed.

“Wanna listen to the new record I stole?”

“fucking idiot don’t scream it for anyone to hear!”

Eddie’s face still didn’t appear through the window.

“so?”

He had to wait a few minutes, and he almost thought the guy was gonna abandon him there with no response.

The front door opened.

Eddie walked out of his house followed by the screams of his mother.

“fucking bitch.” He mumbled grabbing his bike.

He slapped a hand on Richie’s head and gritted out “next time call me so I can lie to my mother, you idiot.”

He smiled.

“don’t you have your bike with you?”

Richie shook his head.

“hop on, then. I’m not walking to your house.” Eddie’s bike was cleaner than his, it was functioning, unlike his, and it was old, unlike his.

When they were young he saw Bev do this.

He didn’t understand then.

He did now.

Eddie’s shirt was beating on his chest like it wanted to fly away.

Richie’s hands were anchored on the side of the bike.

He remembered how Bev would throw her hands across Bill’s sides and press her cheek on his back.

I can’t. He thought.

So, he pressed his forehead on Eddie’s back mumbling “you are sooooo slow”

Eddie laughed.

“I’ll show you slow.” And accelerated.

He couldn’t see him, but he knew he was grinning like the fucking maniac he was.

“Yo, Maggie, what’s up?”

“good morning Mrs Tozier”

“oh Eddie please be my son”

They all followed the script written the first time Eddie came over seven years ago.

Maggie Tozier was a sweet woman. She was kind of looney, but all the losers were obsessed with her. Richie sometimes thought, however, that maybe she didn’t want to be a mother after all.

She had him at eighteen years old, when Went was only nineteen and just came back from Vietnam.

Maybe she did it for him, maybe he did it for her, maybe both were looking for something new that could balance what they had to go through.

When they started to play the record, she hummed along while washing the dishes.

Both of them laying on the carpet of the living room, quietly watching the ceiling.

When something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover echoed in the house, Richie saw Eddie smile and sing along.

“you know this?”

“dude, it’s like so old. My father sang it to my mother.”

Richie nodded. Listening to Maggie and Eddie’s voices.

“I never actually listened to it. Went used to play this all the time when I was young.”

Eddie laughed.

“you are telling me that your dumb ass stole a record you already owned?” he whispered.

“well, it wasn’t mine mine.”

“God.” Eddie smiled.

I want you

I want you so bad.

Richie’s hand started to sweat. He rubbed them on his jeans and got up.

“we should go.”

Eddie arched his eyebrows, leaning on his elbow.

“where?”

“you know, out.”

“ugh but I’m tired. Let’s stay here. It was nice till you ruined it.”

I want you so bad

“then let’s go in my room. It’s weird that Maggie’s there, c’mon.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and got up.

“I like your mom” he mumbled.

Richie smile.

“I like yours too.”

“fuck off”

He turned the turntable off.

[grimelords]

My November playlist is finished and I've done something slightly different by actually ordering the songs into a cohesive playlist rather than leaving them in the order I added them. Listen in for everyone's favourite genre, acoustic guitar instrumentals, followed by old fashioned cowboy country, comedy and ridiculous songs, 80s and modern dance, out-there piano instrumentals, rocks and rolls, oddball rap, christian rock buried where nobody will find it, noise rock of all flavours and Mirror Reaper in full. I guarantee there'll be at least something in four hours of music that you'll like. listen here!

Deixa - Toquinho: I love how much happens in this song even before it even kicks off at about a minute in. It cycles through so many different feelings before it really powers up and the drums come on. The rhythm from then on is just mesmerizing, it's just so busy and never dwells on any section for too long, the interplay between the melody, bassline and chord rhythm is amazing. And then at about 2:20 it powers up again! Bossa Nova Strong. Also I'm feeling very disrespected because I just did some research on this song only to find out it was sampled by Nujabes on one of his bad anime youtube hip hop songs.

Just A Closer Walk With Thee - Marisa Anderson: Traditional And Public Domain Songs is Marisa Anderson's weakest album, which is a shame because I love Traditional and Public Domain songs. Her playing is on point as always, but the tremolo and distortion she's using overwhelms the recording more often than not. This song is the best on the album purely because she's playing so quietly that it only shows up when she gets loud so it works perfectly near the end as it crescendos.

The Three Deaths Of Red Spectre - Gwenifer Raymond: Gwenifer Raymond has a new 'non-holiday specific single for a cold climate' in her words and I absolutely love it. The sheer velocity of the middle section is flooring, before it breaks apart totally and reforms into a sort of shanty before metamorphosing again into a heightening mania. I love the constantly shifting structure of this, it barely stops to give you room to breathe all the way through before the very end where it almost feels like it's going to collapse entirely.

Mister Sandman - Chet Atkins: Happy to report that I've had Mr Sandman stuck in my head for three weeks now and still don't really know the words because of tumblr posts. It alternates between 'mr email / e me a mail / make the attachment a pic of a snail' and 'mr sandman / sand me a man / make him the cutest man car door hook hand'.

Do I Ever Cross Your Mind - Chet Atkins & Dolly Parton: I've never gone much on Chet Atkins but my girlfriend showed my this song and it has completely reversed my opinion and it's mostly due to Dolly Parton. She is just so lovely on this it makes me tear up - the song itself is so nice and the playing is perfect but her personality just shines through so brightly it's an absolute delight.

There's A Man Going Around Taking Names - Lead Belly: I've been doing research to try to find out what this song is referring to, or its origin but I cannot find anything concrete. A few people are saying it inspired Johnny Cash for The Man Comes Around, which is plausible and adds a mystic bent to it. It seems incomplete, like it's missing the turn at the end that reveals who exactly he is or what's happening so the whole song just ends up feeling very mysterious and ominous.

When Mussolini Laid His Pistol Down - Merle Travis: This song is from 1943, which is sort of amazing because that means it's not a song about history particularly but rather current events. A great paragraph from wikipedia: "On 24 June Mussolini gave his last important speech as prime minister. It went down in history as the "boot topping" speech, with the Duce promising that the only part of Italy that the Anglo-Americans would be able to occupy (but forever and horizontally, i.e. as corpses) was the shore-line (for which he used a wrong word to define it). For many Italians, that confused and incoherent speech was the final proof that something was wrong with Mussolini." Mussolini, truly history's greatest moron.

The Master's Call - Marty Robbins: As a result of Red Dead 2 and my own natural instincts, I've been having a bigger than usual moment with cowboy music this month which of course includes Marty Robbins' Gunfighter Ballads And Trail Songs. In my mind this song is both the true ending and end credits music of Red Dead 2. Arthur sees the face of Christ in a lightning bolt and abandons his life of crime and sin, pleading with the lord to forgive him and then God kills a hundred cows with another lightning bolt just to make damn sure Arthur knows He's serious.

Saga Of The Ponderosa - Lorne Green: I was hanging out with my old housemate a few weeks ago and it turns out we were both having concurrent Marty Robbins cowboy music phases which was great news because then he turned me onto this album by Lorne Green who was on Bonanza and apparently took it upon himself to expand the Bonanaza Cinematic Universe in the 60s with a few albums. This song is apparently an origin story of Bonanza which I have never seen. It's extremely good, very powerful music. Great story of this godlike man striding across the country and overriding his wife's decision by naming his son HOSS.

Hard Sun - Eddie Vedder: I think it's interesting in A Star Is Born that Jackson Maine doesn't seem to be a real life equivalent of any actual musician. He's not obviously an archetype of any real person and so it's hard to place how exactly famous he is in the world of the movie. He's washed up enough to be playing pharmaceutical conferences but still has enough industry respect to be playing a tribute at the Grammys. The closest I could think of was Eddie Vedder oddly enough, and this song from the Into The Wild soundtrack really does sound like a Jackson Maine original.

For Chan - Tim Heideker: I'm having a real thing with comedy music recently and I can't tell if it means I've got a brain parasite or comedy music is good to me now. I think what I like about this song is the bluntness. There's no two ways about these people, and after years of hearing about the alt right as mysterious political genius computer brains it's a nice break to just hear them called greasy fat basement guys like we used to.

That's Right I'm Five - Don't Stop Or We'll Die: More good comedy music! They played this song on Comedy Bang Bang without announcing what it was called first, so the chorus really surprised me and made me laugh a lot. "They're selling the stocks so buy them, launch the torpedoes, tell my wife I love her, and send my son to college, bury me in the desert in my osh kosh b'gosh - that's right I'm five!" might be my favourite lyric of the year.

Future Brain - Den Harrow: Den Harrow is very good. He's like a beautiful moron American man that some italian scientists built in a lab in order to conquer America from the inside. Here are some good highlights from his wiki article: "The name Den Harrow was conceived by producers Roberto Turatti and Miki Chieregato, who based it on the Italian word denaro(money)." "After years of fame and popularity, it was revealed by frontman Stefano Zandri and his producers that Zandri did not actually sing the Den Harrow songs; he was essentially a character who lip-synched to vocals recorded by a number of other singers. Furthermore, since they did not consider Zandri's name and origin to be "trendy" enough, the producers R. Turatti and M. Chieregato concealed Zandri's Italian origin, marketing him as having been born Manuel Stefano Carry in Boston. This was done so Polydor Records could market him more easily in the English-speaking world, where Italian-produced music was, at the time, viewed with skepticism"

Love A Girl Right - Little Mix: Check out this rewrite of the Thong Song they did for the new Little Mix album. It's beyond belief. My girlfriend loves Little Mix and she's right to because they're the only girl/boy band that actually takes advantage of the form and does harmonies instead of just having them all sing in turn or all at once. They've got good vocal arrangements but they have the worst fucking songwriters working for them. Songwriters that pitch 'what if the Thong Song had a crunchy nu-metal guitar in it'.

This City Made Us - The Protomen: It's interesting to hear a band change styles - most other Protomen songs are a sort of Springsteen pastiche but this one from their newer single is more like Iron Maiden or Thin Lizzy. Approaching the 80s from a different angle. It's impressive to switch so radically and still have enough of a unifying sound that it feels like the same band. 80s throwback rock is a generally pallid genre populated by freaks who can't move on but Protomen put so much heart into it it's hard to write them off.

Teardrops - Womack & Womack: I love this song because it has two choruses. The drums stay the same throughout, the chords stay the same through the verse and chorus and only change for the second chorus/bridge part ("the music don't feel like it did when I felt it with you"), which just gives the whole song this feeling of beautiful endlessness. It goes and goes and goes and you're always already living in the best part of the song.

Boys Will Be Boys - The Duncan Sisters: Very very good piece of disco with a very nice piece of country picking guitar near the start for some reason. I quit like that the chorus of 'boys, oh boys, will be boys - they can really hurt you!' goes from a lighthearted thing about relationships until the bridge near the end where it sounds more like a dire warning. She's staring straight into your eyes and saying 'they can hurt you. boys can hurt you. they can really hurt you.' while motioning toward the exit with her eyes. 

Ayaya - Bicep: I've been trying to train my ear a bit better so I got a piano app on my phone and I just try to pick out the melodies of songs now when I'm bored. It turns out this is a very satisfying song to play. The melody is very simple, but the constant build and the couple of other melodies that come in around it make you feel like a super genius for just playing the same thing over and over.

The Call - David Mayer: I completely forget how I came across this song but I'm in love with the vocals on it. The effect reminds me of the one on Problem With The Sun by Nicolas Jaar, sort of pitched down and layered over itself. Outside of the vocals it's a pretty straightforward euro house chunk but damn sometimes a song just has a really good sound in it that you can't deny.

Problem With The Sun - Nicolas Jaar: My girlfriend's brother was telling me he was riding his bike the other day and had some kind of mental break where he was riding north in the afternoon but the sun was on his right, in the east - and for some reason his first instinct wasn't that he was wrong or disoriented, it was that there was a problem with the sun and it was in the wrong place. That boy ain't right but this song is good. I love that Nicolas Jaar uses this weird down pitched voice on a few songs and I really wish he'd bring it back, it sounds great and also funny to me.

Ensaslayi - Cecil Taylor: I don't have the brain power to comprehend any of Cecil Taylor's ensemble work that I've heard, free jazz in a band setting is simply too much for me it turns out -but I've really been getting a lot out of this solo album of his called Fly! Fly! Fly! Fly! Fly!. This song in particular is one of the longer ones on the album, where another is only 53 seconds long and a few last around ten minutes. This is a nice midpoint, where he gives himself so much room to get lost in different directions without losing the thread entirely. I said it last time I was talking about him but I've really never heard anyone play piano like this and I absolutely love it. A lot of reviewers describe it as him playing the piano like it's a drumkit, which I think is accurate to a degree - but I think looking back from here this music makes a lot more sense within the context of black midi and things like that. The extreme edges of what a piano can theoretically do, but with a decisive and beautiful human edge and human brain that's responsible for and making sense of the chaos.

The Homeless Wanderer - Emahoy Tsegué-Maryam Guèbrou: I found out about this album cause Benjamin Booker was posting about her on his instagram story and it's just incredible. The TL;DR of her story is she's an Ethiopian nun that studied music in Switzerland and Cairo and wrote this beautiful piano music based on traditional Ethiopian pentatonic music. I love the rhythm of it, every note in the right hand get swirled around and around before it's settled on while the left hand moves so smoothly and delicately. Unfortunately-ish she's obviously in that genre of Searching For Sugarman secret blog music evidenced by her spotify similar artists being Karen Dalton, Alice Coltrane and Connie Converse. That's not a bad thing exactly, at least people are hearing about her, but her music is unique and amazing enough on its own without needing much mythologizing.

Carnival Of The Animals: No 12 - Fossils - Camille Saint-Saëns: My girlfriend was showing me Saint-Saëns' The Swan and then we were going through the whole rest of the Carnival Of The Animals and I'm happy to report that he not only did he do one for fossils but also centered it around the idea of a bone xylophone. I'm going to write an article for Vulture tracing the origin of the cartoon bone xylophone and my thesis is it starts here.

Perth - Bon Iver: Just thinking about how good Bon Iver is. I love how massive this song can feel, the drums combined with the big brass. It's small and soft on the grand scale, but on an album that gets as quiet and soft as songs like Holocene this song blows up like an atom bomb.

Yet Again - Grizzly Bear: This really is one of the best songs of all time I've decided. It feels like I get into a thing of listening to it on repeat almost every month now. I don't know what it is exactly - I guess it's every part of it. The lyrics are impenetrable (check) the riff is simple and powerful (check) the drums are doing a lot and keeping it simple at the same time. The the way the harmony vocals all intertwine in the prechorus part is amazing. The way the whole song blows up into a big radio static solo at the end. Every part of this song is great, I just love it.

Fuckin N' Rollin - Phantastic Ferniture: I found out that Julia Jacklin has a side project with a very shit name and they make very good music. I love when people have a whole other band for another side of their self. This is just Julia Jacklin if the lyrics were just first draft whatevers instead of incredibly poignant and beautiful and the music was just rockin and rollin with your friends. It's great!

Soft - Kings Of Leon: Number one best song ever about havin a bad dick!! I'd love to hang out lady but my dick! I'm passed out in your garden, I'm in I can't get off I'm so soft! I'd pop myself in you body, I'd come into your party but I'm soft!

Soft Serve - Soul Coughing: I played this while I was driving with my girlfriend and she said 'what the fuck is this' and she's right, as usual. It's Soul Coughing baby! The 90s 'slacker jazz' band! They sound dated as fuck, a real product of their time but I think they've still got a lot to offer. I had the chorus of this stuck in my head for a couple days which made me listen to this album more than usual when I mostly prefer their first one Ruby Vroom. Irresistible Bliss might have the worst album cover of all time though, so it's got that going for it. Google it.

Ya Mama - Wuf Ticket: There wiki article for this band says they had two songs in 1982 and that was it. Then it has a section titled Greaseman and then the article ends. Here's the Greaseman section in its entirety: "Wuf Ticket's “Ya Mama” achieved its greatest notoriety, and airplay, as a music bed for bits by shock jock The Greaseman on WWDC-FM in Washington, D.C. and later his nationally syndicated radio show where Greaseman would argue with a surly service industry worker." Anyway this is more of that very good early hip hop shit where everyone assumed songs should go for 8 minutes. It's just extremely weak sauce Ya Mama jokes for a very long time before they change tack completely and start talking about how Every Woman Is An Angel And Without Mothers We Would Never Have Been Born So Think About That Next Time.

Gon Be Okay - Lil B: I had the part of this song where he sings 'things are never gonna be the same again' along with the piano in my head the other day and spent fully an hour googling to try to find what song it was from before giving up. I woke up the next morning and suddenly remembered it was this song but was very shocked to find out that he actually never sings that line along with the piano melody, he says it once at the start and that's it. What's going on with my brain. Anyway in my searching I found out that the piano is sampled from the Spirited Away soundtrack so once more in my life I've been led to ruin by anime.

2 Minute Drills - Allblack & Kenny Beats: This whole EP is great. More sports themed rap please. Allblack is ferocious and Kenny's production throughout is great, the perfect mix of simple straighforward beats that still have a lot of space and energy in them, plus 'Woah Kenny!' has my award for Best New Producer Watermark.

Don't Gas Me - Dizzee Rascal: I don't know how he keeps doing it but somehow Dizzee Rascal continues to make extremely fun bangers without ever slowing down. The best line in this is when he says "no I don't drink Appletiser" (the sparkling apple juice) which is an extremely weird flex if there ever was one.

Acid King - Malibu Ken: It feels insane that a Tobacco and Aesop Rock collab sounds as good as this. I love that there's no drums the entire time he's rapping and I completely love the Mort Garson vibes in the instrumental which turns out to be a perfect soundtrack to the Ricky Kasso satan worship LSD murder story that Aesop's telling. Also in reading about Kasso I just discovered the very good stoner doom band also named Acid King, so expect to see them in next month's list.

Pirate Blues - As Cities Burn: As Cities Burn have reformed and put out a new single so I've been thinking about them a bit. On paper they don't sound good, over three albums they morphed from a christian metalcore band to a christian alt-rock band, and while they never reinvented the wheel I think they're a remarkable band who took a lot of risks in their own way and made a lot of rock solid music. They've got a lot of great songs but I think this is my favourite from their third album when it finally felt like they'd settled into a steady alt rock sound informed by their much heavier past.

This Is It, This Is It - As Cities Burn: The thing I like about As Cities Burn is that as much as they're a christian band (yuck) they're more of a band of guys who are christians (slightly less yuck) and the difference is huge. Rather than evangelising or preaching, their songs are about their own personal struggles with their faith (still slightly yuck). I like this song especially because the lyric feels close to gospel, 'we're all singing for our sins, unless grace be the wind' but with the added twist of being furious that you're trapped by the sin of your physical body.

Timothy - As Cities Burn: I think this song is just incredible. The lyrics are so strong and direct and heartbreaking, the vocal performance especially is amazing and it may be the only time in history that a 6 minute guitar solo has seemed good and necessary.

Face Tat - Zach Hill: There's an incredible video of the recording of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGi9SOFX5rc that really looks exactly how it sounds and has a very similar energy to that video of 80 guys singing the halo theme in the boys bathroom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRG9KwvbVhk . This is what it sounds like when the boys are left alone. The biggest draw to Zach Hill's drumming is the intense primordial immediacy of it. He is just pounding away like a possessed animal and it's really on show here, especially combined with the occasional punctuating shout. Carson McWhirter's guitar is incredible too, the tone he's got where it sounds like three at once playing these incredible twisting riffs that turn on a dime. I think what I like most about this song is just how in sync they are - for such a chaotic, noisy song it sounds so rehearsed, somehow every single note is perfectly in time in the storm.

Betty's Worry Or The Slab - Hunters And Collectors: This is maybe the sweatiest song I've ever heard. It's a disgusting song about being incredibly sweaty and horny and I love the weird squeaky noise he makes after he says 'say it! say it!'. The bass sound in this is so fantastically meaty too, and combined with the brass at the end it's just great.

Worms Of The Senses / Faculties Of The Skull (live) - Refused: I cannot believe just how absolutely ferocious live Refused is. Insanely powerful without ever missing a beat in a song like this that requires incredible timing throughout. For some reason I've always thought Refused were an only ok live band after watching Refused Are Fucking Dead because all I remember of it is a clip where the guitarist accidentally hits the singer in the face with his headstock and they have to stop the show.

Mirror Reaper - Bell Witch: I got to see Bell Witch live a couple of weeks ago and it's one of the best shows I've ever seen. I can't really describe it other than it feels like the closest thing to a legitimate summoning ritual that I've ever seen. An invocation and an expelling of raw power and emotion between two people, it was really something. Also the best part was about two minutes in when they were really setting the scene with the sort of ambient beginning of Mirror Reaper and the whole crowd was dead silent and entranced as they built this mystic atmosphere and set the vibe a guy behind me said loudly to his friend 'hm pretty good so far!'

What's You Gonna Do When The World's On Fire - Lead Belly & Anne Graham: This is in my opinion the best genre of gospel song where they they just roast you for not being saved yet.​ 

listen here

[twdeadlysins]

The Walking Dead Series Rewrite - Backstory

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x Reader

Word Count: 1168

Warnings: I don’t think there are any, but if you see something that should be  a warning don’t hesitate to message me and tell me! I would also like to add that I’m in no way, shape or form a writer, so I’m sorry in advanced lmao.

Summary: This is the backstory about you, Y/N L/N, and how your life has been since you were a child, but with a lot of time skips in between, lmao.

Author’s Note: I wanted to create a backstory for this series because I wanted to already show the reader’s life before the apocalypse and how you knew Rick and some others before hand.  Also, if you want to be tagged for this series or my other fics, tell me and I’ll add you! Let me know what you think about this and if you want to request something just send an ask!

Growing up wasn’t the best experience for you especially not knowing whether your stay was going to be permanent or you’ll just be dumped on someone else. Your parents were killed in a car accident by a drunk driver causing you to be abandoned in the world when you were just five and foster care was the only option for you considering you had no other family members residing in the US.

Foster care took a toll on you because you saw all other the kids yelling for mom and dad while you were stuck calling the people who took care of you Bob and Carly or Eddie and Martha. You always felt like the outcast and kept to yourself most of the time not socializing with any of your temporary “family,” knowing you’d be forced to leave eventually. Being anti-social wasn’t your forte, you were usually an outgoing and friendly child, but you weren’t about to make friends when you knew you’d move to the next home anyways.

After about five years of bouncing to one home to the next, the system found that you had an aunt who just moved from Italy to Virginia. Her not being the in America prevented you from potentially having a place to call home and once she learned about you she didn’t object to the idea of you staying with them.

Jolene and Chris, your aunt and uncle, were very welcoming. They gave you a room that you could decorate to your heart’s desire, something you never got to do. Jolene taught you how to make home cooked meals and the basic household chores where as Chris showed you how to hunt and operate weapons varying from guns to your own fists. “No one can fight your battles for you, only you can,” he would always remind you.  

Not long after staying with your relatives, they adopted you and you finally had a place to call home. You were not the anti-social orphan that everyone defined you to be. Feeling the sense of security and stability cracked open your shell and you finally were able to be yourself. You weren’t lost anymore, you found yourself underneath all that pain of feeling lonely, unloved, unwanted, and judged for being someone you never wanted to portray yourself to be.

When your sixteenth birthday rolled around, you didn’t receive a car like everyone else, instead you got a machete that your uncle had made himself. You were in total awe of your shiny new blade and you’d rather have that than a car any day if you were being honest. He already familiarized you on how to utilize a machete along with every other weapon he could ponder, so he took you on a camping trip for the weekend to put your new gift to use.

Later on, your uncle had gotten a job offer in King County, Georgia before your senior year, so one day you and your aunt were going through the attic when you stumbled upon a box filled to the brim with photo albums dating back to god knows when.

You carefully picked up one of the dusty photo albums afraid it would crumble at any given moment and sat with your legs crossed against one of the already packed boxes. Your fingers gracefully traced over the worn photos and delicately flipped over to the next page.

A smile tugged at your lips when you saw your aunt and uncle shoving pieces of their chocolate wedding cake in each other faces. You were about to flip to the next page when a certain photo caught your eye … a picture of your aunt and uncle with a familiar couple. They were all laughing at a dinner table decorated with wine glasses and you curiously frowned because you swore you’d seen them before.

Your thoughts were broken when your aunt came with a smile plastered on her face and started to make her way over. “Ahh, I see you found my photo albums. I was beginning to wonder if they were in my closet downstairs or up here collecting dust,” she joked.

She plopped down beside you with her legs stretched out infront of her and noticed your gaze fell back on the mysterious photo. “Those are your parents, Y/N.” You whipped your head and stared at your aunt seeing her smile sadly, she then went in the box full of photo albums behind her and gathered an album that had, “In Memory of Y/P/N,” written at the top and there were numerous photos of your parents within it.

Both of you spent hours going through memories and listened to her talk about your parents. You both laughed and cried, and you were reminded that they cherished and loved you and they would be so proud of you. You smiled at the thought of them watching over you.

Once you settled into your new home in Georgia, you started the first day of your new school being the new kid, but that was nothing new to you. You weren’t looking to making friends since it was your last year of high school and you would just go your separate ways once you graduated, but you ended up surprising yourself. Three months after school started, you developed a bond between Rick Grimes and Shane Walsh.

You and Rick were attached to each other’s hip doing almost everything together which earned teasing from Shane and students you didn’t even know existed. They would go on and rant on how you two should just make out and date already, but you and Rick would always look at each other and snicker. The relationship was always platonic and forever will be, so the comments never bothered either one of you. Shane and you weren’t as close as you and Rick, but he was the one who would casually flirt with you and you didn’t mind.

After you graduated high school, you decided you wanted to get away from King County even if it meant leaving everyone you cared for. You served four years in the United States Marine Corps before purchasing a home back in King County, Georgia because afterall, it was the place you thought of when you heard the word, home.

A career in law enforcement was always your dream, so when the King County Sheriff’s Department recruited you, you were beyond stoked. You were happily shocked to learn that Rick and Shane still resided in King County and were employed at the department like you.

Rick was married to Lori, a woman you soon became close with, and had a son named Carl, who admired you. Shane was still the player that he was and it didn’t surprise you one bit, you knew it would be hard for him to find someone, but you couldn’t contain the laughter that spilled out of you when he complained about something stupid a girl did. It was like you never left.

[pedalfuzz]

2018 Pedal Fuzz Favorites

Contributors from Pedal Fuzz have weighed in on their favorite albums of 2018. there was (thankfully) no shortage of excellent music released this year. We hope you give these artists a listen, a share, and maybe even smash that ‘buy’ button on Bandcamp or at the counter of your local record store.

***note***these are listed in order they were sent to the editor

Dustin K. Britt

Al Riggs, WE'RE SAFE BUT FOR HOW LONG

David Byrne, AMERICAN UTOPIA

Father John Misty, GOD'S FAVORITE CUSTOMER

Florence + The Machine, HIGH AS HOPE

Gorillaz, THE NOW NOW

Janelle Monae, DIRTY COMPUTER

Mary Lattimore, HUNDREDS OF DAYS

Neko Case, HELL-ON

Sarah Shook & The Disarmers, YEARS

Troye Sivan, BLOOM

Jon Foster

The Nels Cline 4 – Currents, Constellations – Nels Cline is one of those figures that’s always been on my peripheral. His name has floated around progressive independent music for decades. His association with Wilco didn’t cause me to go through his discography. This record just popped up this year, a little promotion from a devotee helped a lot. Seeing him play at Big Ears this past year solidified my interest.

 Currents, Constellations is fascinating, the interplay between Nels and technical wizard Julian Lage keeps pushing the music forward, sometimes noisy and sometimes jazz freak-out. It’s a perfect gateway record, not all the way jazz and not all the way progressive rock. After listening to the record for a few weeks I ordered the last two Lage records and a couple Cline ones. Julian Lage’s Modern Lore is also on my best of 2018 list.

 Similar Fashion – Portrait Of – I don’t know anything about this band. I don’t know where they come from. I have no context other than a simple post from the producer, John Dietrich of Deerhoof fame. Just that last bit of information caused me to click on the link, a task any music fan can do dozens of times in a day when the music is in front of you all the time. Another Bandcamp link, nah…I’ll pass.

 Thankfully I clicked on the link and heard a record I immediately loved. It was energetic and progressive, a little silly even. How many records reference the TV show, Scandal? One thread going through the record is this quasi-Raymond Scott feel. He’s the guy who wrote a lot of music for Looney Toons, and I love him. Imagine Bugs Bunny chasing Foghorn Leghorn through a forest while a small group of music majors raised on jazz and rock and roll score it. The best songs on the record are full of exuberance and sugared up energy.

  Oh Sees – Smote Reverser – Oh Sees have a lot of records. They might have too many records. Because they have so many records it becomes difficult to get excited about a new one. Although I listen to all of their new records I don’t buy them automatically. I feel like I need to sample them. Recently they’ve been going through this tour of the outer fringes of rock and roll subgenres. You know, last year’s record was the folk record with psychedelic touches. They’ve done the garage record with psychedelic touches. Smote Reverser is their early 70’s hard rock record with psychedelic touches.

 When trying to describe the record, I feel like I have nothing positive to say about it. At the core there’s the usual really loud Dwyer leads over the top of everything. You know they’re coming, they’re always there, it should be an annoying cliché but they sound so good. His tone is delicious. Mix in dueling drums and an interest in letting songs unfold for no particular reason, and it’s a record to fall into.

Palberta – Roach Goin’ Down – This is a punk record. It’s ragged and personal and it feels like it could fall apart at any moment. Sometimes I think the musicians are superb players, while on other songs I feel like it’s the first day of them playing their instruments. The songs are short blasts of postpunk joy that could have been made in 1980.

 While I’m enthralled with this record, and enjoyed them immensely when I saw them live in Raleigh, I worry about them. I worry that this perfect moment will be ruined if they become a little more adept at their instruments. Taking away some of the passion in their playing might neuter their effectiveness. A better scenario might be for them to break up and move onto other things leaving this batch of songs as their only work.

 New Optimism – Amazon to LeFrak – New Optimism is basically Miho Hatori, most notably of Cibo Matto fame. It was a record I didn’t know existed until I started down a random google search hole. It was one of those days where think to yourself, “Oh, I wonder what they’re doing” and then six hours have past. Not setting out to find new music by her and then there it is, was like a wonderful present. Unfortunately it’s only an EP. Unfortunately I haven’t heard anyone talk about the record at all. It came out in July and I worry it’s already buried under mounds of other new releases. Googling Hatori again I realize she has produced a full length record I didn’t know anything about. This last surprise was released in October.

 The music on Amazon to LeFrak is right in line with her work in Cibo Matto and her painfully underrated Ecdysis from 2005. The music is colorful and dancey, vibrant and a little quirky. I hope this flurry of creative continues into the New Year.

Eddie Garcia

In 2018 I listened to and focused on music from films as much or more than straight-up albums. Here are my favorites, they’re all magnificent and worthy of your time.

Favorite Film Scores & Soundtracks

Hereditary - Colin Stetson

Mandy - Jóhann Jóhannsson

Suspiria - Thom Yorke

Black Panther - Kendrick Lamar

You Were Never Really Here - Johnny Greenwood

A Star Is Born - Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper

Vox Lux - Sia / Scott Walker

Revenge - ROB

Kin - Mogwai

Thoroughbreds - Erik Friedlander

Eighth Grade - Anna Meredith

42 Grams - Takénobu

*Honorable mention* Halloween (2018) - John Carpenter. I mean, it was great to hear The Theme loud & revved up/industrialized in a theatre, but not really doing much new here if I’m being honest. Love to John Carpenter forever though!

Favorite Albums

There was much that I ‘liked’ this year in music but less that I ‘loved’ (gonna blame that partially on a shortage of deep listening time). I also had a few instances where live greatly outweighed the record, no matter how much I tried to listen. So rather than list out 40 albums, here are the ones that really affected me, so much so that I even have physical copies of 90% of these.

Sons of Kemet - Your Queen Is A Reptile

Bill Frisell - Music Is

Ohmme - Parts

The Nels Cline 4 - Currents, Constellations

The Messthetics - s/t

Mary Lattimore - Hundreds of Days - Meg Baird & Mary Lattimore - Ghost Forests

Dark Prophet Tongueless Monk - Insides

Yo La Tengo - There’s A Riot Going On

Shane Parish - Child Asleep In The Rain

Low - Double Negative

Marisa Anderson - Cloud Corner

Mind Over Mirrors - Bellowing Sun

Renata Zeiguer - Old Ghost

The Sea And Cake - Any Day

Oh Sees - Smote Reverser

Yonatan Gat - Universalists

Julian Lage - Modern Lore

***I just picked up The Hex by Richard Swift and Mattson 2 Play ‘A Love Supreme’ but as they haven’t gotten a full spin yet I can’t include but they sound mighty fine so far.

Favorite Pop Song

Kimbra - “Top Of the World”

*I don’t really listen to much modern pop music but this song slays and instantly appealed to me the first time I heard it.

Patrick Wall’s Top Ten

Knee Meets Jerk, or: In Which a Semiretired Music Critic and Journalist Offers Brief, Non-Critical and Non-Sequitur Thoughts on His Favorite Music of 2018. Because, Hey, Music Is Personal and Subjective, Right?

*Results listed in alphabetical order and subject to change.

Bad years look better when they’re gone.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more unstable — professionally, personally, psychologically — in my life than I did in 2018. In the past eighteen months, I've moved twice — from a new home to an old home to very, very far away from home. I bounced from a solid if unexciting job to no job to high-paying but infrequent freelance jobs to steady and cool but low-paying jobs to a high-paying but stressful and wholly unfulfilling job. Commutes went from long car rides to long bike rides and long walks to long train and subway rides. As summer faded to fall and turned to bitter winter, the world just felt increasingly, incontrovertibly, ineffably doomed. New homes didn’t feel as such. Old ones seemed gone, unable to be returned to — no man, Heraclitus mused, can step twice in the same stream.

If things were roiling internally, they weren’t any better externally. The planet is doomed. The authoritarians won. The world got colder. Some of my friends got cancer. Some of them, their cancers came back. Some of my friends got sad. Some of them came to the brink of death. Some of them got help, got better. Some of them didn’t make it through the year, taken either by illness or by their own hands, their voices now silhouettes, never coming back.

All this is to say: I have done far less critical listening this year than in the past. My time is more limited. My tastes are broader and more tolerant now than when I was a quote-unquote critic, but they’re harder to fathom. The things I connected with this year, I don’t know that I could explain why. I don’t know why Cave’s “San’Yago” spoke to me on the same level as Janelle Monae’s “Make Me Feel,” Jeff Parker’s “Blackman,” They Might Be Giants’ “Last Wave,” The Fearless Flyers’ “Ace of Aces,” Superchunk’s “What a Time to Be Alive,” The Messthetics’ “The Inner Ocean,” Fucked Up’s “Normal People.” I don’t know that I can qualify why none of the records those songs were on made the list below, or why I connected with those records in times of existential crisis. (Though, were I to give it some good, critical though, Monae’s Dirty Computer would probably grade out as the best of the year.)

How do we measure out our worst years? What defines them, shapes them? What do we reach for when everything feels bad? What do we reach for when we just need things to get better? The sensitive among us, we to turn art — the gear-minded among us, to music, in particular. But how do we code ourselves to forget, when the music we listened to — the music we connected with the most — brings us back to those places?

If you’re lucky, you get to close that part of yourself off and forget about it. If you’re luckier, you don’t. You recognize those sounds — those emotions — when you hear them again. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to close that part of yourself off and forget about it — but you’ll recognize those sounds when you heard it again. You just need to realize that you were lucky enough to have heard them in the first place.

So here are eleven records released in 2018 that I listened to that I enjoyed more than the other ones I listened to that were released in 2018. These are the records that provided some small comfort, and that will reinforce, in the years to come, that bad years look better when they’re gone. We hope.

Rafiq Bhatia, Breaking English [Anti-]

The Body, I Have Fought Against It, But I Can’t Any Longer [Thrill Jockey]

Khruangbin, Con Todo El Mundo [Dead Oceans]

Julian Lage, Modern Lore [Mack Avenue]

Low, Double Negative [Sub Pop]

Makaya McCraven, Universal Beings [International Anthem]

Mount Eerie, Now Only [P.W. Elverum & Sons]

Ohmme, Parts [Joyful Noise]

Miles Okazaki, Work [self-released]

Tangents, New Bodies [Temporary Residence Limited]

Ryley Walker, Deafman Glance [Dead Oceans]

Patrick Wall is an infrequent contributor to Pedal Fuzz. Sometimes, people pay him to write things. He used to live in North Carolina; he currently lives in Massachusetts. The record he actually listened to the most this year? Psychic Temple’s Plays Music for Airports.

Tom Sowders

 This year I listened to a lot of music that did not come out recently. BUT. I did have some favorites in 2018.

Eric Bachman - No Recover

The National - Cherry Tree Vol. 1

The National - Boxer Live in Brussels

Big Red Machine - S/T

Cat Power - Wanderer

The Love Language - Baby Grand

Shopping - The Official Body

Waxahatchee - Great Thunder

Speedy Ortiz - Twerp Verse

Surfbort - Friendship Music

 Lee Wallace

To make this as absolutely accurate as possible and to allow for any sudden last minute submissions, I am writing this at 8pm on New Year's Eve.

My best of 2018:

Guided By Voices - Space Gun (Rockathon Records). This has already become one of my touch stone GBV albums, in roughly the same status as Mag Earwhig! or Class Clown Spots a UFO or even Vampire on Titus. Fifteen concise psych pop rockers, not a micro second wasted.

Adrian Legg - Live (self release). Adrian is surely one of the two or three best finger style guitarists on this planet, and for nearly forty years he has been traveling and performing solo gigs at house concerts, coffee bars, pubs and anywhere ears will listen.  As wonderful as his playing and composing can be, his arduous fans know that his eloquent, story like song introductions are half of the appeal of seeing him in person. This is perhaps the first time that Legg has released a live album with these stories intact. His ruminations lately have concerned greed, materialism, racism, and the destruction of the environment, all from the perspective of a sagely septaugenarian that has traveled the world many times over, but they are as beautiful as his delicate, astounding guitar playing.

Julia Holter - Aviary (Domino Recording Co.). Holter's third album takes an extraordinary leap from the intelligent chamber pop of her previous work to spooky, other worldly avantgarde. Since so many music reviewers tend to make lazy comparisons to Kate Bush when writing about Holter, imagine if “Lionheart” had jumped straight ahead to “The Dreaming” with 21st century technology. Batshit arrangements and sonic freakouts, lysergic orchestral pile ups that come from outer space, on first listen it all sounds like a mess in places, but hang in there, your brain will thank you.

Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer (Atlantic). Composer/singer/dancer/actress/ time travel enthusiast Monae can be high on concept sometimes but she is even higher on melody, groove and astoundingly great vocal performances. I haven't yet taken the time to dissect what all of this “means” in terms of her commentary about contemporary society and what not, but it sure sounds superb. I suspect that she isn't even close to her peak yet, either.

Lilac Shadows - Brutalism (Diggup Tapes). This Durham, NC quartet has apparently done cassettes and digi downloads before but this is on a bona fide high quality vinyl LP in beautiful packaging. Flavors of “Movement”-era New Order and classic 4AD make this music nerd proud to share some geographical proximity with them. Excellent live band too.