#but Cole....anon Cole owns my whole heart I love him so much

[thefanciestborrower]

Bit of a random thought but out of all the ninja I can see Cole being the one who was the most careful and worried whenever they shrunk down when they first started because he’s the strongest and has had a history of not knowing his own strength at times (ie lava arms). Like at first he would be too scared to even touch a shrunken teammate.

But now? Now Cole is well aware of his own strength and limits and is now the most grabby, over the top of all the other ninja whenever someone is smaller (though everyone still knows he’s still the most careful)

YES YES ANON YOU GET IT Cole is simply, the gentlest man. He’s incredibly aware how strong he is and as a result actually tends to be the most delicate when handling the others a such a small size. He definitely was afraid to pick them up properly for a bit and would usually just let them climb onto his hands themselves, but as time went on and he got more used to things he absolutely got very playful. Now he knows exactly how much pressure he can apply without hurting them and he especially loves pinning Jay down with a fingertip just to annoy him. If you’re in grabbing range expect to be yoinked at a moment’s notice lol cause hey! He just likes carrying his friends around. Wu definitely helped teach him how to handle his tiny teammates carefully and is so proud of how gentle Cole is because that’s not really an easy thing to master. 

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXXV

It was a love story from the very beginning

Loudly In Love

(14x10/14x11/14x12)

Hello my friends! After Purgatory we have a cute and dummy sweet Dean-bean in love with Castiel. As we'll see int this meta summary.

You can find the links to my metas from these episodes following this links: X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, and X.

There's something in my throat

At the beginning of episode 15x10 we can read a shop's named BERENS' KWICK TRAP.

This takes another symbology now, with the horrible ending of the show. In which we could say Berens settle a trap to the C*W and he gave us 15x18 Castiel's love confession anyway.

Before talking about Dean's mating tap dance, let's talk about Dean vomiting again. Because it's relevant again, due to the shitty ending and how C*W silenced him.

Throughout the whole season 15, we had vomits, gagging situations. And in this episode we had two important scenes related to this symbolism:

One was Dean literally vomiting, and the second was Dean datin: "I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY THROAT"

Gif credit @agusvedder

What had Dean stuck in his throat? Maybe the ILY TOO to Castiel that never happened. But writers gave it it's relevance by writing it like this.

Maybe they were trying to day we will never have it.

They silenced him, for real.

Baby Castiel and Color Symbolism

I wrote this in one of my metas...

Baby Sam was dressed with a yellow ascot. Accurate. And Baby Castiel was dressed in blue. Accurate too.

Bess was dressed, and pay attention to this..., She was in pink (happiness) green (Dean) and light blue (purity)... She said to Dean that Cas was looking at him with love. Right? The happiness and purity in Dean was telling him Castiel looks at him with love in his eyes! Now... Dean said Cas baby kept looking at him weird. And Sam (who knows) said JUST LIKE CAS DOES.

And then Castiel's eyes glowed and Dean said... I think he has something for you to Bess (symbolically representing Dean's happiness and purity) GOSH IT WAS PERFECT!

This is something too cute, because finally, they talked about the Destiel eye-love-making and the fan-service with some SAMMY KNOWS.

Gifset credit @subbydean

Another important reference was Garth. When he went to rescue the boys, Garth was playing Castiel's mirror. And when Garth breaks that lock (Just like Castiel will do in the incoming episode) But mostly because Dean's reaction to it was priceless!

DEAN: You're so strong! He's so strong!

This is, literally, what Dean thinks about Castiel everytime he's in BAMF mode.

Numbers

Just a brief travel through the repeated numbers in the narrative in this episode (you can find the extended version of this in the links I put in the top of this meta)

Basically, we had number 7, 5, 17 and 40 repeating in the dialogues and the visual narrative. Some examples of that are the following scenes...

The Beren' kwick trap had a poster naming "7 days per week", then this one...

Dean eating 7 pieces of cheese.

Biblically talking, number 7 is the perfect number, represents God and knowledge. And it talks about Chuck then, knowing Chuck is writing this. But it also is what it means KNOWLEDGE.

Now, number 5...

Also at Garth's house, the address said 75

In numerology talks about socialize, and self-knowledge in masculinity and sexuality... Hello Dean!

But number 5 also represents in Bible the grace God concedes to David to defeat Goliath, the giant, written on the first book of SAMUEL (yes, Samuel) chapter 17.

Gif credit @agusvedder

17 means HOPES,it's what TFW keeps alive go defeat Chuck.

Now, number 40...

GARTH: Yeah, better than I ever thought I’d get. I mean, hunting – I figured I’d be dead before I’m 40. You know, go out young and pretty. But now I’ve got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out.

Putting to a side these had been also Dean's old thoughts... writers really got me here...

40 years old, but 40 is a common biblical number that talks about self-knowledge and growth. It talks about CHANGES. So so accurate with Dean and that caterpillar/butterfly wall in episode 15x04.

I really thought back then we will have the huge change in Dean through his love confession to Castiel. I mean, we had a change in his own way to see himself, thanks to Castiel. Let's keep that as a consolation prize.

An ABO fic plus Mating Dance

This episode had an ABO fic hudden as it also had the learning lesson about MATING FOR LIFE.

The visual narrative and the dialogues pointed at it.

Garth hugging g Dean as he said: YOU SMELL GOOD, remember Garth is a werewolf, and he was smelling Dean's pheromones because this episode happened after Purgatory, Dean is facing the knowledge about his romantic love for the angel, and it shows.

The swan's statues in one of the rooms in Garth house. Swans are birds that mate for life, and males swans can mate with another males for life. Hello Destiel. (Also, the room where these statues were placed was color BLUE)

The tap dancing and the suggestive lyrics of 'Let's Misbehave' was perfectly settled as a mating dancing I'm which Dean invited Castiel (the lamp) to Misbehave with him. Showing us that there's not just sweet and innocent love in Dean's heart but also a passionate fire and a desire to make love with him. That's what the song says, and that's why Garth mentioned colonoscopy, as a medical tool to health control, because cavities are related to Colon Cancer.

The wolf puppy is back

And following the same topic about ABO, the scene in which Jack is back with his family was similar (if not the same) as a wolf pack behavior documental.

Dean checks on Jack's eyes and immediately after that he checks on his pack mate, Castiel, to see if Jack is Jack. Beautiful

Gifset credit @thelordoftherings

Bi!Dean and Tolstoy

There's more info in my links at the top, but let's see why Dean called himself "Tolstoy" in that bar in front of that greek goddess in episode 14x11.

Okay, we had the singer from 'Let's Misbehave' (Cole Porter) a queer man, and now we have Tolstoy, a bisexual man...

DEAN: I'm Tolstoy

So much love

I will only speak about this scene:

Gif credit @agusvedder

There's more analysis about the dialogue here related to the storyline about Chuck, Jack and TFW. But because these are the Destiel Chronicles, I know I have to talk about this particularly Destiel heart eyes scene.

Because Dean is loud, his eyes and his face, he is yelling how proud he feels about Castiel, but it also, the ways his eyes just lingered to him, full of love, it's perfect, and no one can tell me these are not two men in love.

Look at how Csstiel turns his face to him, with a small smile, trying to hide his joy for being praised by the man he loves and also for share this moment with him. And the feels are of an old married couple that still love each other so much.

I just wanted to finish this meta with this "Good Omens" like scene.

To Conclude:

Dean reaffirmed he is in love with Castiel, and he wants to spend his life with him, as a couple. He loves the angel romantically, and he also desires Castiel with passion.

We also had several confirmations of Bi!Dean and some fan service with Sammy knows.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one.

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2002 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Vol. CXXI, CXXII, CXXIII, CXXIV.

[haknew]

anon asked: I HAVE SONG RECS :DDD I tried not to do songs that you would have obviously heard before but a lot of the songs here are still popular but I couldn’t help but add them 😭

AHHHH thank you so so so so much for all the recommendations anon ! your taste is absolutely impeccable !!! i think i vibed with a lot of these maybe we are a bit similar ^~^ and no worries about your picks ! i totally support you and your incredible music taste no need to defend yourself :p ! popular songs can still be good ones ! thank you again and i tried ... to ... get through them all i’m so sorry JHGFDJHGDK you’ll see i get through like ... half and then ran out of energy T^T i’ll probably get back to this list some other time when i have free time and update with thoughts ! thank you for sending so many in ! i found so many new songs to add to my playlist heh thank you lovely ! 

Pop

cherry by rina sawayama - super cute ! i love these kinds of pop songs it’s right up my alley :o ! 

xs by rina sawayama - her voice is so well suited for this style ! i watched the mv and djkfhskgrjf HHH idk she gives me mitski vibes even tho their music is pretty different, you have peaked my interest i’ll definitely look into more of her stuff :o !

comme de garçons by rina sawayama - the bass line T^T !!! the talk-y (?) parts are so good i got chills, it’s like a rave song low key haha :p ! it’s so good ! 

Any song by Rina Sawayama 😭 - yes yes i’ll try to look more into her stuff ! 

Kpop

123 by nct dream - i’m only an honorary guest of ncity but one of my irls ults them ! and dream’s music has always been a bit more my speed :o ! this has more nostalgic kpop vibes to it ! i said this before but i really am more a pop person at heart and this is so good ^~^ 

Up to you by pretty much and nct dream (HAECHANS PART HHHHH) - oooh are you a haechan stan 0v0 i like jaemin tho i admit my knowledge of dream is limited (my fren ults renjun heh) also yes yes consent is very important kids u.u dskjghkdfj YOU’RE RIGHT THO haechan is a singer he SINGS, i love the vocal harmonies ! 

Oasis by crush ft zico - those electric keyboard synths (?) amazing ! this song bops u.u 

Moon by everglow - !!! i actually have heard this a lot before ^~^ i got so excited when i saw this bc it’s so good ! it’s definitely one of my fav everglow songs too i think i overplayed it a lot when it first came out *v* 

Woowoo by dia - i love the ocean wave sounds ! that’s so cool i love how summery it is ! it kind of reminds me of loona too ! ggs are just >>> i love the fun and brighter pop songs so much 🥺

Secret garden by Oh My Girl - i’ve heard a few songs by omg ! and i really like a handful of them, secret garden kinda gives me early gfriend songs vibes too ! it’s so pretty ! i really love when songs utilize strings in their instrumentals too ! it’s a bit slower paced too which is really nice ^~^ 

Page by got7 - YEEEES okie actually maybe unpopular opinion but spinning top is one of my fav got7 albums ! i used to listen to the whole mini on repeat ! i actually used to ult got7 too for a few months heh ^^ BUT YEEES i love page ! got7 always have bangers love them so much 

Nekkoya by produce 48 - AHHHHH ANOTHER SONG I LOVE !!! i’m actually a wizone haha :p so i’ve seen produce 48 ! tho admittedly it probably contributes to my burning h*tred for mn*t and any survival shows ;;;; but i loved the title song so much ! i used to unironically play it on repeat djghskfj

Puzzle moon by gwsn - AHHHH YOUR TASTE !!! i also followed gwsn from debut and puzzle moon is so so so cute ! it’s such a bop too ! they have such fun and catchy songs ! 

Goblin by sulli - ahhh the xylophone chimes ! they make the song sound a bit haunting before the piano comes in ;;;; it really reflects the mv story so well i think ;;; and sulli’s voice is so beautiful ;;;; it’s got that characteristic background vocal harmonies that sm artists usually do and it’s just really beautiful ! 

What are you up to by kang daniel - today on can you tell jess is unfortunately a bg stan daniel’s songs have been so good :,)) i stopped following all the wanna ones closely after a while but ! he always surprises me ! his songs are such vibes u.u 

Best day ever by yeri and nct dream - the TRUMPETS YEEES it’s so upbeat and fun !!! the cheering is so cute i love it ! 

Hair in the air by yeri and nct dream - JAEMINNNNN !!!! I LOVE YERI SO MUCH PLEASE ! i love the vocal harmonies between her and the boys 🥺 it’s so cute T^T ! renjun’s a singer HE SINGS 

119 by nct dream - ah yes this is ncity brand u.u LOL they always have really filled chorus instrumentals and use a lot of vocals to fill up the space which i think is really cool and something i think immediately screams sm artist :0 ! i think renjun’s voice really sells this for me tho HIS VOICE IS AMAZING him and haechan yeees it’s a banger tho :,) 

Save me save you by wjsn - i love wjsn’s music so much ! it sounds so magic and ethereal and totally bops ! their voices are so beautiful too and work together so well and i think this song’s style really suits all the members’ voices so well too ! 

Loonatic by loona - YEEEEES loona are my ult gg ! and oec is probably my fav unit in terms of music ! i have spent many a day playing their whole discography ! haha :3 

Up by izone - MY GIRLS ! yes yes up is so cute ! i love it so much ! the choreo is so cute too ! i love izone please ;;;; 

N/s by stray kids - oh boy okie ;;;; i’m like not a good judge of a lot of hip hop / more rap heavy songs ;;;; bc i was classically trained as a singer in choir ;-; so i’m sorry i do not have much to say about this one ;;;; it slaps tho ! i probably wouldn’t listen to it normally if you hadn’t recommended it tho so ! good to listen to smth outside of my normal preferences  

Sunshine by straykids - OH very very different from the last skz song KJHGKFJHKD yea this is probably more my speed i’m so sorry LOL T-T it’s so good tho :o ! i don’t listen to a lot of skz bc i figured i wouldn’t be able to vibe with them but this one is so good i really like it ! skz and ateez man i’ve been trying to stan for ages but music is a big part of why i stan /stan/ certain groups more seriously and it’s also why i’m only honorary nctzen lol clearly i have been enlightened (literally *looks at my past ult groups* yeaaaa)

Blueprint by stray kids - YEEES IT’S SO UPBEAT ! i love upbeat and brighter songs (i am consistent like this T-T) it’s got summery tropical vibes to it too ! it’s so cute ! 

Question by stray kids - another banger yeeeees ! i vibe with the lyrics too u.u love that 

Any mixtape by stray kids (but I really love 1 and 4) - oooh i still have a lot to get through so i’ll save these for my own time haha ^^ 

I’m your girl by khan

Revolution by Alexa

Secret by wjsn

I wanna be by key and soyeon

Handle it by twice

Teenager by got7 

Take by jus2 (CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS ENOUGH)

Bump bump by woodz

Stylish by loona - this is one of my fav loona b sides yeeees !!!! love them so much ! 

Outta my head by somi

Jpop

showersnow by orbit

show off by orbit

crazy love by orbit

any orbit song ngl 😭

poison girl by nanaka suwa

lost umbrella (I like the tsukishima kei version cause it sounds like lee know :DDD)

Notice by moe shop

Kawaki wo ameku (domestic girlfriend opening)

The day by porno graffiti (my hero academia opening 1)

Odd future by uverworld (my hero academia opening 4)

Again by yui (full metal alchemist brotherhood opening 1)

More English music

Luxury by azalea banks (Ive heard she’s said some terrible things tho 😭 WHY DOES IT SLAP)

Hurricane by Bridget Mendler (I miss this song and ready or not too 😭)

Little dark age by mgmt

I got a couple one direction recs bear with me here 💀

Happily, Magic, AM, 18, Tell Me a Lie, Through The Dark, Wolves, Night Changes, Better Than Words

Hip-hop/rnb

Leaked by lil tjay

Pretty little fears by 6lack and j cole

Water by joe gifted

The London by young thug

Bands by shoreline mafia

Swervin by a boogie wit a hoodie

Father stretch my hands pt 1 by Kanye west

More English music (indila is French)

Northern lights by kennie

I am not a robot by marina

Tourner dans le vide by indila

Parle a ta tete by indila

Greek tragedy by the wombats

Viva la vida by Coldplay (SHHHHH DONT ROAST ME)

La da dee by Cody Simpson (SHH IT MAKES ME HAPPY 😭)

Move your body by loving caliber and anders lystell (this ones good to make u feel like an early 2010’s movie protagonist :D)

Mariposa by Peach tree rascals

Sunflower by post Malone and swae lee (like many songs on here it’s popular but I still wanna put it here cause they make me happy 😭)

I got really carried away sorry I hope you haven’t heard too many of these 😭😭 OKAY BYEEE ❤️

[scottybrock]

Oopsie - Colby Brock

A/N: Requested by a lovely anon: “Colby accidentally posting a picture of the reader on his public story and not his private and the fans don’t know they are dating and they freak out on how the fans will react but they are chill because they kinda assumed”

“I did an oopsie,” Colby rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, staring at you. You sat up in bed, pushing your laptop off to the side. You blinked at him. “An oopsie?” You repeated, your brows furrowing. Colby stepped closer to the bed. “I, uh,” He stammered, and you felt your own anxiety rise at the sight before you. “What did you do, Cole?!” You demanded, flinging the covers off of you. 

“So, I may or may not have accidentally posted a pic of me in bed, but you can see you in it, as well.” Colby finally blurted out. You blinked at him, your body stiffening. The whole relationship between you and Colby was kept secret, because Colby was terrified of telling his fans that he was dating someone. He knew that any picture he posted with anyone of the opposite gender, he had to explain that they were just friends. He loved his fans to death, and he attributed all of his success to them. 

However, some of his more, um, invested fans, had no qualms about attacking the girl he’d posted the picture with, sending them a horrid amount of hate. He wanted to keep his relationship with you away from his fans, because he didn’t want you to get any hate. You were the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he didn’t want you to get hurt, especially not at the hands of his fans. He never wanted to be the cause of your tears, even if it wasn’t necessarily his fault. 

You let out a sigh, then ran your fingers through your hair. “Did you delete it off of your story?” You asked him quietly. He stared at you, trying to gauge your emotions. “I did, but knowing my fans, there are probably already screenshots going around.” He replied. You sighed again. On one hand, you were sort of relieved that it was out there- you loved Colby, and you didn’t want to have to hide anything anymore. On the other hand, you were terrified. 

You knew how passionate Colby’s fans were. They could be like rabid dogs at the sight of a female next to their beloved Colby. It was kind of, really terrifying. After all, he was a grown man. Why couldn’t he just date someone? Why did it have to be such a big deal?

“Did you check Twitter or anything?” You asked Colby. He shook his head. “I’ve been too scared to check,” He admitted. You sighed for what felt like the millionth time. “Let’s get it over with, then.” You told him. You hopped back onto the bed, then patted the spot next to you. Colby hesitated, then joined you. “I’m really sorry,” His voice was soft.

 Your heart melted in your chest a little bit, and you ran a soothing hand down his back. “Hey,” Your voice was just as soft as his, and your eyes glimmered in the sunlight. “It’s not your fault, Colbs. Honestly, I’m surprised no one caught on earlier.” The tension seemed to drain out of Colby’s body at your reassurances, and he pulled out his phone. “We’re gonna get through this,” You continued, rubbing your hand up and down his back. “We’re gonna get through this, together.” Colby glanced up at you through his lashes. “Together,” He repeated. “I like the sound of that.” 

With a deep breath, Colby opened the Twitter app. Of course, his notifications were going off the walls. There were thousands and thousands of tweets. Much to his surprise, a majority of them were positive. No one was freaking out. Instead, there were thousands of tweets saying, “Called it, Colby and her are perfect together. We stan!!!” Colby let out a sigh of relief. “Baby, the fans… Like us together.” You let out a sigh of relief as well, snatching his phone out of his hands. 

Much like Colby, you were shocked at the positive reinforcement you were getting. Colby’s fans truly liked the two of you together, and no one seemed shocked that the two of you were dating. Instead, there were fans begging for a boyfriend or girlfriend tag. They wanted to know when you two had officially started dating. They even had bets going, that you and Colby had been together for years. 

Colby was shaking. He was so fucking glad that his fans hadn’t revolted against him, and most importantly, you. He was beyond happy that his fans seemed to love you almost as much as he did. You took his hand, entwining your fingers with his. “They like us together,” You repeated, just as shocked as he was. “They really, really like us together!” Your shocked expression gave way to a bright smile.

 Colby copied your smile, tossing his phone onto the bed behind you. He pulled you into his arms, breathing deeply. You rested your head against his shoulder, your smile fading, concern taking its place instead. “You okay, babe?” You asked, your voice soft and caring. He nodded. “I was… I didn’t want anyone to send you hate,” Colby’s voice was tremulous, and he licked his lips before continuing. “I don’t care what anyone has to say to me, but if anyone said anything to you…” He trailed off, and your heart fluttered at his overprotectiveness. 

You gently gripped his chin with your fingers, guiding his face to yours. “It doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say,” You told him, your voice firm but kind. “They can’t touch us, and what we have, unless we let them.” Colby exhaled shakily. “You’re right,” He agreed. He leaned down and kissed the tip of your nose, making a wide smile spread across your face. 

Colby gently tapped your head. “When did you get so smart?” He teased. You laughed along with him, rolling your eyes playfully at him. “I love you, Colbs,” Your voice was soft, almost shy. Colby’s smile widened, and his bright blue eyes twinkled at you, brighter than the sun. “I love you, too.” Colby pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. “I love you so fucking much.”

[boom-fanfic-a-latta]

Well if ya want some interaction I can give much more than a prompt request (and come off anon ovbiously)...

I can show ya my AUs and drawings and HC complexums and shit too...

Though I'm also curious how you'd go with season 5 after effects on Lloyd 👀

Ooooo who is this I’m intrigued now—

PLEASE YES I WANT TO KNOW YOU HAVE GOT MY ATTENTION—

And I’d love to see your ideas! I really like hearing what other people have to say.

As for the prompt...oh chaos I think it’s time for your first taste of Moondust, peeps. Sure, that does make this take place in an AU and not just straight S5 but I HAVE INSPIRATION AND SO HELP ME I WILL USE IT!

(PSYCHO IM WRITING MOONDUST OUT OF OREDER IF THATS OK I KNOW WE BE COLLABING ON THE PLANNING OF THIS BUT I JUST GOT INSPIRED)

—

Ever since she’d seen the news of what had happened in Stix, Jils knew this was coming, and had thus prepared accordingly.

So when Lloyd entered Moondust next, looking sleep-deprived and bedraggled, the barista immediately set to work getting a drink ready for him, not even waiting for an order. She’d served the ninja team enough times by now that she knew their regulars by heart.

Are you sure we should be making it this strong? We’ve barely started trusting him with actual coffee, period!

Lils, you do realize what he just went through, right?

I know, Geri, but still—

“Guys, quiet, I’m on shift,” the redhead told the mental voices. “And Lily, I think it’s enough that he needs it, mental age be darned.”

...Okay, but if he starts acting like he’s on a sugar high—

She said to be quiet, Lily!

Sorry.

Lloyd didn’t appear dazed by Jils’s behaviorist seemingly talking to herself (which she was), most likely because he was long used to her...quirks.

“Here you go, kiddo,” she told the green ninja, sliding him the cup of coffee she’d made him. “I made it extra strong—you need it.”

The teen gave her a weak smile. “Thanks, Jils...”

There was silence for a minute, before Jils finally felt it was time to talk.

“So...the whole ‘possession’ thing...how have you been handling it? Because there’s no way you aren’t feeling something, I can tell.”

Lloyd sighed. “It’s that obvious, isn’t it...”

“Lloyd, you were possessed, if anyone thinks you’re fine with that there’s something seriously wrong with them. But what’s bothering you the most? Remember, I’m here to help.”

“...I hurt them.”

Jils grimaced. “And THAT is why you guys need help. Seriously, this is, what, the second time one of you has been controlled by the enemy? Except this time you were aware of it, unlike what happened when I first met you guys.”

Setting down her own mug of coffee, the master of mercury put a hand on the boy’ shoulder.

“So there’s the first step—identifying the biggest problem. Mind you, this is one that I actually feel you should talk out with Cole, as he has more experience with this kind of fear than I have. Now the next step is to identify triggers—what’s been setting you on edge lately? Things that may not have bothered you before, but now bring back bad feelings?”

“Well...this might sound silly...”

“Trauma is never silly, Lloyd.”

“I’ve...been having trouble whenever there’s a strong wind,” he admitted sheepishly.

“That...is perfectly justified. Moreover was the master of wind, wasn’t he? So it makes sense that that would remind you of him. Anything else? Certain colors? Certain sounds?” “I...I can’t really think of anything...”

“Lloyd, I know that tone, you’re hiding something. And not a good kind of hiding like hide and seek.”

“...It’s about Cole, okay? I just—I don’t WANT to be so nervous around him, but he’s...well, you know, he got—”

“Turned into a ghost, oh chaos you’re scared of ghosts now, aren’t you.” Wincing, the teen nodded.

“Well, all the more reason for what I was going to say next. Lloyd, I want you and Cole both to come next time. At first I was just going to have him help lead you through working out some of the specific trauma, but now there’s also the whole ‘afraid of ghosts now’ thing to address so yeah. Definitely you both.”

Standing back up, Jils gave the blonde a smile. “But hey, it’s not like we have anything that’ll conflict with the schedule these next few weeks.”

“...Jils, how do you schedule people getting coffee—”

““I am an adult and can do whatever I gosh darn want, Lloyd.”

“...Okay, you have me there.”

“Anyways—this was all on the house today, I already talked it over with LATT3. You deserve it, Lloyd. You deserve so much better.”

[sadienita]

L-O-V-E

For my dear Eros ( @frostyhao ). It’s been a pleasure being your carat anon with my own little music emoji. Let’s keep talking (this time without me having to remember to use anon which I almost forgot a few times). I hope you enjoy this little imagine with Minghao.

Song: L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole

L - is for the way you look at me

Minghao had a habit of losing his train of thought. You thought that it was quite funny, everyone you knew called him eloquent and well spoken. Somehow when he was with you he had a hard time remembering what he was going to say. He was never so put together when it came to you. He lost track of himself and the self that he built for the camera and the stage seemed to melt away. 

Yet again he started to trail off. He’d been telling you about a recent shopping trip and some of the styles he was excited to see in fashion recently. You loved the way his eyes sparkled, the light that came to his face when he shared his passions with you. You let him babble on and listened intently, smiling at him. His words started to slow as he caught a glimpse of your smile, like he always did. He blinked and shook his head but whatever he was going to say was gone. Instead, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Why do you always look at me like I’m you’re whole world?” he asked.

“Maybe because you are.”

O - is for the only one I see

You felt Minghao squeeze your hand and you looked over at him. His mouth was covered by a mask but by the way his eyes crinkled you could tell he was wearing your favourite smile as he looked at you. You swung your arms and hummed some tune that you couldn’t remember the name to. The world looked beautiful in the fall and you were intent on spending as much of it as you could taking in the way the leaves were changing with your love by your side.

Unbeknownst to you, Minghao looked down at you again. He knew you were admiring the leaves. You loved the colours of fall and the crisp chill in the air, the way the leaves crunched under your feet as you walked down the sidewalk in the late afternoon. He glanced around but his eyes landed on you again. You were by far the most beautiful thing he would ever see.

V - is very, very, extraordinary

He could listen to you all day. Quiet moments with you were some of his favourites. He cuddled against you and listened to your voice as you read out poetry. It was so soothing. He could hear the emotion in your voice as you read to him and let yourself get lost in the poems, deeply connecting with words from people around the world and throughout history. He loved how you felt so deeply and strongly. Your words, your heartbeat, and the sound of rain softly falling outside lulled him off to sleep.

E - is even more than anyone that you adore can

You bounced slightly on your toes, trying to rid yourself of your nerves.

“You’ll do fine.” Minghao hummed to you. “They’ll love you.”

“Easy for you to say. MY family and friends think you’re perfect. I’m-”

“Incredible.” He finished. “You’re stunning and wonderful, my family will see that.”

You shot him a doubtful look. “And if they don’t?”

He kissed your nose, sweetly. “I know them, and they will. Besides, they already know how much I adore you. They’ll just be excited to meet you. In fact, the only thing that worries me is that they’ll like you more than they like me.”

“Minghao,” you whined. “Don’t make me blush before we have to go in there.”

“I’m sorry,” he chuckled. “But that really is my only concern, love.”

Love is all that I can Give to you

You were just putting the leftovers into the fridge when the front door nearly slammed open. You looked up, startled, to see Minghao holding flowers and clearly out of breath.

“Minghao, what on earth?”

“I’m late,” he groaned, dropping his head. “I’m late again.”

“I… It’s fine.”

He shook his head as he sat down at the now empty table. “It’s not. How many commitments have I made and broken? How many reservations have gone to waste? How many special occasions have you been alone?”

“That’s not what matters.” You sat next to him and took his hands. “Dates and dinners are nice, but that’s not what I need. I know you’re busy. I know things can change very quickly for you. But you always make enough breakfast for two and leave me some. You always text me when you can’t see me all day so I know I’m on your mind. You send me postcards when you’re on tour so I know where you are and what it’s like and you never fail to say “I miss you.” So I’m okay, because I know you love me.”

He smiled at you warmly. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Love is more than just a game for two

You waiting the darkness, Minghao’s hand in yours. You were both staring up at the sky and waiting for the shooting stars. You’d set an alarm for the middle of the night just to do this.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked him quietly.

“You,” you could hear the smile in his voice. “About tomorrow, and the next day, and the one after that.”

“And what do you think will happen?”

He squeezed your hand. “I don’t know for sure. But I do know that I want you by my side for all of it. I can picture so many possible futures, but at the moment the only certainty is you. I know I want you there.”

You took a deep breath, blinking back tears. “Then I’ll be there.”

Two in Love can make it Take my heart and please don't break it

Promotions were harrowing and it wasn’t uncommon for Minghao to come home tired. Even so, today seemed different. He seemed so drained. He didn’t say a word as he came in the door, just slumping into a kitchen chair. You brought him some dinner and ran to draw him a bath. You sat quietly with him and rubbed his back as he ate. He followed you down the hall after that and took him into the bathroom where he relaxed into the water. You cleaned up the kitchen and brought his favourite pajamas, finally seeing a small smile grace his features. He slipped into them and you took his hand, finally settling on the bed where he pulled you against him as he settled to sleep.

“You know, I really think you were made for me.” he hummed.

Love Was made for me and you

[thesinglesjukebox]

THE WEEKND - BLINDING LIGHTS

[6.50]

Considering this and "Heartless," the Jukebox concludes that a heart is worth 2.6 decimal points...

Andy Hutchins: A guy whose career has been spent toggling between scuzzy, drug-driven explorations of the dark and Michael Jackson impressions of variable accuracy finally finds the midline between those bumpers while doing 120 in a Testarossa and surrenders to '80s-era cheese -- that flimsy synth line that echoes the hook melody and bridges the chorus and verse is both ridiculous and perfect. It's okay to be corny! [9]

Juana Giaimo: I recently met someone who told me he was a big fan of The Weeknd, and it made me wonder whether all music writers sometimes just start hating someone without many reasons. But personally, I'm enjoying this -- maybe because it doesn't sound like The Weeknd? The fast beat and the '80s keyboards are more dynamic than anything he's released in the last couple of years. He's playing the "I can't love, there is too much lust in me" character again, but considering the first line of "Heartless" is "never need a bitch, I'm what a bitch need," "Blinding Lights" suddenly sounds super deep. [7]

Tobi Tella: The Weeknd's pop pastiches have been better than his woozy R&B attempts lately, highlighted by how much better this is than "Heartless." This has more energy than most of his other forays into this '80s sound, and that sense of propulsion works wonders. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Everything The Weeknd does works better at high tempos than at slow. The creep of his voice, the way his lines linger and descend, fits better when it's not just another part of a languid whole. On "Blinding Lights," The Weeknd is an irritant, buzzing around the electro-pop of the beat like a moth navigating to a blocked-off flame. It's a pop song that makes the desperation of trying for a pop hit into something slightly rabid, and more compelling than an album full of downer-driven torch songs. It passes the "is this a banger in real life?" test, too -- at every party I've been to this year, "Blinding Lights" was the only unifying dancefloor hit. [8]

Scott Mildenhall: As if seeing a lost Italo classic through new eyes, The Weeknd and his sugar-sweet synths sell this set piece with verve. He forgoes the worst of his cliché for a more urgent than tense approach: showing rather than telling the drama. It's a full, almost maximalist sound delivered through minimalist means: The verse slides into the chorus, and every part has its counterpart, almost, but never quite interlocking as they brush past. [8]

Thomas Inskeep: Time-travel back to 1984 and this would have been a Laura Branigan single. In 1985 this would've been on the Breakfast Club soundtrack, because it's totally got the right tempo for the "Molly dance." (Seriously, listen to this while playing that video on mute and tell me I'm wrong.) The Weeknd adds nothing, but that's to the track's benefit because a) his personality (cf. cocaine and sexual assault) is gross, and b) anon-ish mid-'80s uptempo synthpop is kinda my jam anyway. [7]

Isabel Cole: Pretty enough, I guess, although the synths have started feeling a little video game fight scene for me. But I have listened to "Blinding Lights" at least half a dozen times in a row actively trying to attend to its particulars enough to form an opinion, and my brain simply refuses. Which is kind of its own information, you know? [4]

Brad Shoup: A few years ago, he might have forced a snow-blindness joke. But now there's just a withdrawal reference and that's it. He's making the safe moves, and so is Max Martin: even I know Drive-core isn't in fashion. [6]

Kylo Nocom: "Oh, this is Max Martin?" I asked myself while looking up the track credits, impressed by the more entertaining murk of his synthwave biting that had mixed results before. "Oh, this is Max Martin," I realized once I kept listening and found out he had no other ideas. [5]

Alfred Soto: For fuck's sake, enough. How many Swanson Frozen Fish 'n' Chip versions of 1985 Holiday Inn acts will we endure before our gall bladders rupture from nostalgia overdose? Tender-voiced narcissism needs one-finger keyboard riffs for support like Prince needs Grammy tributes. [4]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: The beat is propulsive and the melody is tinged in gorgeous melancholy, but Abel's the star here. He gives his best vocal performance in ages, emoting with the calm mania of someone coming down from a high. [7]

Julian Axelrod: That whoo! before the wind tunnel synth rush chorus is the most emotional I've heard Abel Tesfaye sound since he begged to fuck Julia Fox in the bathroom in Uncut Gems. It's also the most I've liked Abel Tesfaye since he begged to fuck Julia Fox in the bathroom in Uncut Gems. [7]

Maxwell Cavaseno: "Lost in the Fire" was like chromed-out La Brean spittle getting hacked into your mouth with vengeance and spite, a weirdly underappreciated chance for Tesfaye to find his weapons again by remembering his urges for cruelty. Here he's returned to something else that's familiar from his early work: detachment and disconnect. The Vangelisian synths swooshing around his falsetto also occupied so much of Kiss Land, but there he was trying to convey a stir of emotions. "Blinding Lights" isn't just numb; there's a deliberate disaffect. You end up learning what it's like if the whole point of "Take On Me" was to feel resigned to the helplessness of things moving beyond you at a rate where focus and absorption is not only impossible, but detrimental. Is that perhaps a reductive retro-futurism? Sure, if you think you can control your future. This song doesn't sound like it expects to. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Ten(!) years(!!!) into the Weeknd's career, "Blinding Lights" finds him doing full-on outrun, after several singles of just mostly outrun. I wonder whether Max Martin ever finds it weird that the going sound of pop -- dictated as much by him as all the Redditors leaving comments on Chromatics videos -- now sounds exactly like the stuff that was popular around the time he was doing hair metal. Imagined Shitty A&R Guy brief for this: "Can you get me a song that sounds like Giorgio Moroder, or 'Take On Me,' or honestly just that Vine with the girl grinning to 'Take On Me'"? (Writing that, one gets the creeping realization that those references are all very specifically 2015, which perhaps says something about Martin's adaptation to the times. But so many people have been so wrong, like David-Frum-predicting-Trump's-trouncing wrong, by predicting Martin's decline, so who knows?) It's a backward trajectory for Abel Tesfaye, in more ways than one. We think of artists beginning their careers with this kind of fakedeep, false-heroic faux-lovelorn bullshit, a valentine cut from polyester and trimmed in coke, and then maybe it's revealed through tabloids or journalism or scandals or basic judging of character that they don't so much have skeletons in their closet as ascended to a fame on a staircase of skeletons, many freshly torn. But with House of Balloons and its subsequent trilogy the Weeknd built his on-record brand as an admitted, unapologetic scumbag, whose songs were filled with often-drugged women, used When the public loved the scumbaggery enough to boost him from hipster-famous to famous-famous, he paired each more charming pop track with a repudiation: "Heartless"'s "lowlife for life," "The Hills"' "when I'm fucked up, that's the real me." (His mentor Drake has also tried to do this, with less focus and less convincingly.) But it increasingly seems like The Weeknd's long-term goal is for his music to culminate in sensitive facade: a Miami Vice Byron who soothes with familiarity of form, with singles so expensively vulnerable they gleam like a neuralyzer and erases memories equally well. I suspect, for much of my cohort, that's the generational dream. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[dimmestmorn13]

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yes, you should definitely do more of that possessed kai au is is amazing

yo anon i’d love to 

but see, here’s the thing

 there are so many ways this AU could go

and knowing me, i most likely will want Kai to s u f f e r

i mean, obvs i want the others to  h u r t  too but

like i want Kai to be possessed, get him to join Morro by force, give him a reason excuse for the others to understand him like with Lloyd in orig NS5

that is, if i went down that route where Kai is only possessed, only USED

(even if it was SO, SO TEMPTING, so easy to succumb to Morro, to just let him be, let him be the GREEN NINJA, because somewhere inside him he STILL wanted that, STILL YEARNED FOR THE TITLE, maybe even MORE than Morro did-)

b u t

at the same time 

I. DON’T. WANT. TO.

i want Kai to suffer the consequences of his betrayal, i want to see him be so uncomfortable to interact with the others, feel the repercussion of turning against his own family-

i want see them not knowing how to talk to him, not knowing, unsure if they even wanted to trust him again

i want to see Kai flinch at every jab Jay directs at him, directed at his treachery, jabs made in cold anger because he can hold a grudge when it came to something as serious and fragile as this

i want Zane to be on full-guard whenever Kai was near, filing away every movement, every action because who knows if he’ll do it again and maybe then, they could be prepared, he could be prepared-

i want Cole not knowing what to do, not knowing how to approach him anymore cos as much as he wanted to forgive but not forget, never forget, he doesnt really think he can  he couldnt, he cant, he cant, h e  c a n ‘ t, the wariness is still there, can he even find it in himself to still trust him?

i want Lloyd to avoid Kai, making sure to avoid the brunet at. aLL. COSTS. he thought better of him, thought he’d never do that, thought he’d gotten over the whole green ninja fiacso, he promised to protect him, be his big brother, well looks like he thought wrong cause surprise surprise, he’s worse than a snake-

And Nya? oh boy where do i even start? they are the only family each ever had, she’d take it the  h  a r d e s t  i mean just imagine it, imagine the anger and betrayal in her voice as the tears rolled down her cheeks, yelling in blind anger “you’re supposed to be my older brother, i thought you were supposed to protect me? isn’t that why you became a ninja in the first place?” she’s breathing heavily. “I HATE YOU-!” she yells as her heart breaks

then just. Kai. realizing that he done fucked up holy hell, constantly berating himself for how even found that a remotely good idea like what the fuck, constantly getting his heart hurting so, so badly, because of that one goddamn fuck-up and suddenly that phrase “there’s always that ONE, STUPID mistake that CHANGES EVERYTHING” never rang truer in his head, and fuck this is a disaster, a disaster easily averted if it weren’t for his stupid,stupid, irrational, childish envy and just, fuck, fuck it all to hell he hates this, he hates himself just leave me, just leave me, i don’t deserve to stay with you guys, i shouldnt have been born in the first place-

(or you know, there’s also this one route where Kai still willingly joins Morro but the others never find out -he plays it off as being controlled, being manipulated and he couldnt fight back like he would’ve liked lies lies lies lies you liar they see right through you idiot stop it don’t even bother- and the guilt is just eating away at him inside, slowly chipping away at his conscience until finally he just…brEAKS)

(oh gosh i enjoyed answering this wwaaaaaayy too much hehe >:3c)

[gothicplantqueen-blog]

Never feel bad about ridding your life of toxic people. 

One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your life is cut out toxic friends. I did that last night. After one last night of Denny’s late night outing, I figured it was finally time to say good bye to a 7 year friendship. 

You may think that 7 years is a long time and believe me when I say it is, but let me also say this, this person hasn’t always been toxic, they were at one point my best friend whom I thought would be my maid of honor at my wedding, the one I’d tag memes on, on facebook. 

But not anymore. 

Let me tell you how it started. 

Back in 2013 my ex and I had been dating for almost 3 years and due to some childish behavior on both our parts (mainly mine) he decided to end things with me. I was devistated, heartbroken; I truly believed that he was the love of my life at the time, but due to my own emotional and trust issues, I pushed him away. 

This person did all they could to make things better for me, but there wasn’t much they could do. But I do appreciate their efforts. 

Fast forward to when my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, this person acted as if they really didn’t care. I was too emotional about my ex and my mom being diagnosed with cancer was the cherry on the top. I later found out that this person talked about me behind my back to my co-workers about ‘how annoying and whiny I was being about my ex.’ This person hadn’t been in a serious relationship since high school and even that relationship lasted like 3 months? Maybe longer, I don’t really know, so they really don’t know what it’s like to have the person you thought was your soulmate, tell you they didn’t love you anymore. 

This wasn’t the first instant that this person made it clear of their feelings about me talking about my ex. It was my coping mechanism. I realize now that yes, I was annoying, but I was going through a really tough time. It was either talking about my ex or the fact we weren’t sure if my mom was going to survive (she did; almost 4 years strong next year!)

I had gone with them to get their hair done with them and their grandmother. Their grandmother had asked how I was dealing with my break up and I told her the truth. I was hurt, but I still loved him and believed that we would eventually get back together. 

This person scoffed and rolled their eyes. I hadn’t even brought up my ex. I wasn ‘t even going to bring him up. Someone else did and they had the audacity to do this. Maybe I did over reacted, but after years and years of abuse from their mother and siblings and listening to the same stories and drama every single time we talked, I still sat there comforting them and giving them advice. But they couldn’t even give me that. 

Fast forward a few months and she moves into the same apartment duplex as me. I should mention now that when she moved in with our other friend, she didn’t have any money saved up; at all. She made him pay the $800 lease with the promise of paying him back. 

Things are great, we have a few issues here and there. We make jokes about people we’re friends with, ya know whatever. 

Come May, a mutual friend of ours comes home from Boot Camp and his family and a mutual friend of his and mine go to the river bottoms and I ask when I can come and see him. He asks me to join them so I do. 

When I get back, she starts being really passive aggressive on Facebook, upset that she wasn’t invited too. I had no control over it. I wasn’t even going to go until they had asked me. It’s not my fault that she wasn’t invited. I believe we ended up getting into a fight, but that’s whatever. 

A few more months pass and my ex and I become friends after not speaking for a few months. She starts online dating and starts seeing this guy. He says he’s gonna come down for her birthday, but then never does. She’s heartbroken and we feel horrible. 

Her roommate also tells her that he has feelings for her because its been eating him up inside. SHE THEN SAYS PASSIVELY AGGRESSIVELY TO ME ON FACEBOOK MESSENGER THAT HER BIRTHDAY IS RUINED BECAUSE HE TOLD HER THAT. 

Fast forward to like August/September. 

I start getting these random ANONS on tumblr. I have no idea who they are but it’s nice getting Anons who aren’t mean or malicious. But then things started getting a little flirtatious. Again, I have no idea who this is. 

My friend then starts putting pieces together and it turns out to be her boyfriend from the dating site she was on. She then waits a week before telling me, all the while this time, she’s acting like a cold cunt to me. 

It’s not till her roommate tells me what’s going on and I profusely apologize because had I known it was I wouldn’t have said anything, screenshotted the asks and sent them to her. 

So after that blows over we’re best friends again. A few months pass and I move in with her and our friend. One of our friends she’s kind of into, she flirts with him whatever, then she starts seeing this guy named Cole. 

My ex and I are messing around and whatever. 

I had plans to go out to dinner with my friends and then go to a club. I thought it’d be great. My birthday is the day before Halloween, so I wanted to go on my birthday. 

The night of the dinner, she gets mad at me when I buy myself a drink WHEN SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS GONNA BUY MY DINNER AND I ASKED HER IF I COULD HAVE A DRINK AND SHE AGREED.

She also had her boyfriend join us which was never actually asked. Oh side note here, she NEVER cleaned our room. Ever. It was always a disaster. So whenever she’d have her boyfriend over, she’d clean the whole house. But never lifted a finger when he wasn’t around. AND she’d never tell us when he was coming over which wasn’t fair because he would just be there and we would have no notice. 

The night we went to dinner, my friend and her best friend asked if I wanted to go see a movie, so I agreed, no biggie, it was a lame movie, but the memories were good. 

So my plans for Halloween get ruined because she doesn’t want to go and I wasn’t gonna go without my best friend.

A few months pass without much drama going on, my ex and I stop being friends because of some drama and ‘he just wants to move on’ whatever on my part. I start going on dates and whatever, nothing pans out but for the first time in a long time, I am really happy

Except for when our other roommate starts dating this girl and decides that it’s more important to buy her $500 worth of stuff for valentine’s day, rather than pay the PGE.

So we’re out of power till I get paid at the end of the week. And I can’t even pay my portion of rent. Thankfully, our landlords were really understanding and told me I could pay them when I got paid next.

During this time, I find out that my toxic friend, hasn’t been helping with the PGE. Which is shit. Like how do you not help pay the PGE? It’s ridiculous. 

That shit blows over and we move on with our lives. 

My ex starts messaging me and it’s hectic because he won’t leave me alone. At some point toxic friend tells me that he showed up to our apartment asking if they had seen and told me to call him, so I eventually do (believe me these are important bits) 

Come April, the Friday before Easter; Good Friday. 

I wake up to my phone going off, thinking works calling me in. I find four missed calls from my brother and three from my mom. 

Two voicemails from both of them. 

First one is from my brother crying, I can barely understand him. 

Second one is from my mom. “Hey Jeannie, it’s mom. I just left your dad at the hospital when he went into surgery (my dad has having a heart procedure done where they put something around his artery to help it from skipping a beat? They had to go through his thigh I don’t remember what happened.) I’m heading home. Patrick said Sasha had a seizure and I’m gonna take her to the vet, give me a call.”

My cat Sasha, whom we had had since the day she was born, was turning 21 that May. The month before she was given a clean bill of health. She was going blind, but other than that she was completely fine. 

I call my mom back and she picks me up. We take my cat to the vet and as I’m sure you had guessed, we put her down. It was the hardest decision I had ever had to make. 

So when I get home after crying my eyes out because I am absolutely heartbroken because she was my cat, her boyfriend is there. She just looks at me like I’m a fucking moron for crying. My cat had just died and she couldn’t even say that she was sorry. But she had her boyfriend over for the weekend. Again without giving us a heads up. 

A couple months passed and I’m at work after having a shitty morning when one of my co-workers comes up to me and says “Taylor’s not coming to work.” I’m like haha okay, funny, she’s on her way now. He then tells me no, she’s been hit by a car. I ended up receiving a phone call from her telling me she was on her way to the hospital because she had indeed been hit by a car. 

This accident led to her being unemployed because she wasn’t able to work with a broken back. No big deal, that was understandable. We told her to call Aflac (where we were working offered this to us) and to call disability so she could continue to pay for rent and utilities until she was either cleared for a job or was given money from the lawsuit. 

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, this was in May, come June? I get home to be told that we’ve been given an eviction notice. We’re scrambling trying to figure out what’s going on. 

Turns out we were almost five months behind on rent. All of us were responsible, I think Josh and I were like...a month behind? I think when we had to pay our PGE in February, I forgot to pay them. But it also turned out that Miss Taylor hadn’t paid since the beginning of the year. So, Josh and I ended up making a deal with our landlords that since we were only a month behind with our portions, if we asked Taylor to leave they would let us start over fresh. 

So we did. We told Taylor she had to leave that she couldn’t stay with us anymore. She also went behind our backs and tried having her boyfriend pay her portion so she could stay there and we’d be kicked out. Our landlords told her no. Flat out no. 

It eventually go to the point that we had to get my mom involved to kind of put things into perspective for her. 

So she moved out. 

Months passed, she eventually paid both Josh and I back for the lease and the PGE she owed from February. She was only going to pay Josh $200 dollars of the $800 she owed him and I went off on her. 

She went out for her birthday with some mutual and not so mutual friends of ours and tells me that one of her ‘friends’ was sitting there just talking mad shit about me and I’m like wow, cool. (this is important.) 

For a few months, things were okay. I moved out of the apartment and with some other friends.

There isn’t much drama involving her other than her making fun of our mutual friend and his girlfriend who is physically and mentally disabled. So things happen, we all hang out, go to the Zoo and things finally feel like they’re back to normal. 

Comes August. At this point, I’m still on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish since my ex and I are just not working out still and I’m just ready to move on. As I’m scrolling through people, I see Taylor’s boyfriend Cole, whose moving to Washington within the next few weeks and was in San Fran at the time. I sit there wondering if I should tell her whats going on

I mean, I’m beating myself up because I don’t want to be that friend, but at the same time I’m just like I would want her to do the same if I was dating someone who was active on OKC. 

So I wait for her to be home and I send her screenshots and explain to her I wasn’t snooping, I was just trying to look out for her. 

This naive little girl then messages me and tells me that it’s because his OKC and Plenty of Fish (I had to make sure it wasn’t just a coincidence) were hooked up to his Facebook.

I had been active on both sites for MONTHS at this point, this was the first time that I had seen his accounts on both pages. 

So I chalked it up as whatever, if she doesn’t want to believe the cold hard evidence, then that’s on her. 

A few weeks later, they broke up ‘because his friends didn’t want her moving in with them’ (supposedly she had talked to his roommates and they had told her this)

We don’t really talk much, whatever, she’s heartbroken after a few weeks because she was in love with. 

I invite her to my birthday/Halloween party where she tries to start shit with my roommate after he makes a comment that was in no way directed at her. She tends to have this constant need to be the center of drama (like Madison but that’s a story for a different day)

Fast forward to 2017.

About May? I think, I find out she had been seeing Cole since Thanksgiving and she had told everyone else, but never thought to tell me. Her reasoning was because she was trying to find the courage to tell me. 

This was also the day that I found out that she thought I had told her this because I was jealous and that I wanted to ruin her relationship. I honestly didn’t care because let’s be real they were together for almost two years and he hadn’t said ‘I love you’ because of his last ex. Okay.

I also called her out because our ‘mutual’ friend (I put quotations because she’s my friend not Taylor’s, she absolutely hates her now) tells me that Taylor was talking mad shit about me too. So I called her out on that and she tells me it’s because we weren’t friends at the time because we kicked her out. 

That whole entire time we were on the outs, I defended her to everyone. My parents, my friends, my co-workers. EVERYONE. I knew she was depressed and has unresolved issues from living with her family. I couldn’t hold her accountable for not being ready to live out on her own and be responsible. 

So that put a crack in our relationship. 

We eventually made up and things were okay. I don’t even think they were even okay, but that’s whatever. 

A few months pass and it’s birthday and she tells me that she and Cole broke up and that she’s been seeing someone. She had told Josh first before she told anyone else. SO I started to really see where I stood. 

I know I’m probably coming off as the ‘jealous best friend’ here, but she got mad at me when I announced I was dating my current bf on Facebook, before telling her directly. So I kind of every reason to be upset about all of this. 

She tells me that she just fell out of love with Cole and then started dating this guy named Garrett. 

Taylor is one of those people who ends up being the things she despises; i.e. a Gamer Girl (all she plays is Final Fantasy online and tries to be cool when she uses cool gamer terms) and the person who falls in love too quickly and saying I love you too soon. I think her and Garrett were together for like 2 weeks when they started saying I love you (she gave Josh so much issue for saying this to his gf’s too soon) 

Basically, all she does is play Final Fantasy and then makes everyone look at her screenshots and videos of them roleplaying on FF, even though, none of us really care about it. She lost her job due to attendance and performance (but claims that she worked her ass off. I worked with her, she hardly worked at all and got by the skin of her teeth.) 

She came over to get some old shirts of mine so she could start working at her new job and the whole entire time, she just talked about Final Fantasy and when I tried saying something, she interrupted me and said ‘no listen.” with her finger in my face. 

If I cared at all about FF I would play it myself. But I don’t. I know I can be obsessive about things, like Sims or Kingdom Hearts, but even I can tell when someone’s getting annoyed and wants me to stop talking about it. 

But yeah, that’s basically it. 

That’s why I decided to cut out my best friend of 7 years out of my life because our friendship starting becoming really one sided and honestly, I know I’m gonna be a whole hell of a lot happier without her. 

<3

[mrjokou]

A re-post before the show: seeing the second half of “50 Song Memoir” having yet to hear a single song from it, so I guess I’ll defer to an oldie but goodie.

Caution (caution, caution): to prevent electric shock do not (do not, do not) remove cover No user-serviceable parts inside Refer servicing to qualified service personnel Let this be the epitaph for my heart Cupid put too much poison in the dart This is the epitaph for my heart because it's gone, gone gone and life goes on and on anon and death goes on, world without end and you're not my friend Who will mourn the passing of my heart Will its little droppings climb the pop chart Who'll take its ashes and, singing, fling them from the top of the Brill Building And life goes on, and dawn, and dawn and death goes on, world without end and you're not my friend

Also, as a nod to Stephin’s vow to not use the word “favorite” in any capacity for the next ten years, I’ll instead say: this is a tune of his that gives me a surly sort of satisfaction. I’m not necessarily an optimist (anymore) because why would I want for good things to happen to bad people (if those good things were only going to make people worse)? I’m not a pessimist either. I still want plenty, just don’t know what’s “for the best.”

I’ll pretend that makes sense as much as I’ll pretend to feel alright with myself - so that at least I can move on from thinking about who I could’ve been and maybe be better able to face who I am. And if that doesn’t work, I can always look in the mirror to see the bags under my eyes not getting any lighter.

April 20, 2017

Oh, did I mention the strange string-in-progress of coincidences that I’ve, in part, assigned to this band and my birthday? So the first time I ever saw him perform was with Sam Davol in Austin at the Central Presbyterian Church, who’s hip tagline I just read is “Deliberately Diverse & Fully Inclusive” - it’d certainly explain why they let a gay curmudgeon with at least a handful of blasphemous hymns up his sleeve (look no further than “Nun’s Litany”) play there.

That was the night of May 6th, 2015 - I’d just turned 21. It was also the first time I’d taken an Amtrak anywhere on my own, let alone a 28-hour trip both ways, and my first time in Austin. It was, admittedly, as a white guy who’d lived in Portland for half a year before and proceeded to visit New Orleans three years later (only to find two people from he’d briefly attended living in the house he’d briefly AirBnB’d at), a trip to remember and be ever-socio-politically wary of should I still consider moving to one of said cities where the demographic is still growing disproportionately white (in previously non-white communities) and coffee shop-inundated.

That was one of my favorite one of the most irreverent, unadulterated and awesome experiences I’ve had over the course of a generally lucky, eventful and privileged life. I don’t think I’ve cried and laughed more during a show than in those pews (this was, of course, a seated affair - and rightfully so). Afterwards, I bought a book of his poetry, 101 Two-Letter Words (with illustrations by Roz Chast), which he’d pre-signed, and went my merry-but-surly way back to roaming in Austin’s streets at night and eventually over the highway, back to my room at a Super 8 for one of the most restful four-hour nights of sleep I could’ve hoped for, before finally hopping back on the train to Chicago. 

Oh, but it doesn’t end there! Before I left for this trip, I made sure to pack a key item along with the few essential things I did pack (it was only for two nights and the one day), apart from all the fucking books I couldn’t bring myself to read (and here I am expecting you to read through all this borderline braggadocious self-indulgence). So to make a long story longer, I’d brought with me a vinyl reissue (released on May 6, 2008 - originally released on CD and cassette in 1994...) of The Charm of the Highway Strip. I had it in my bag with a some kind pen that would do if given the opportunity to ask for his signature. I held it close by my side throughout the whole concert, but wasn’t quick or surefooted enough to come up to Stephin and Sam after the show, before they left the stage forever... I mean, what’s drama without a little hyperbole?

Or so thought I!!1! That’s when, just the other night, on Tuesday, April 18, 2017, almost two years later... I learned I was none the wiser. 

I brought the same record with me to a very cazzzual talk (as part of Pitchfork’s In Sight Out series) with Stephin Merritt at the MCA here in Chi-Citay. Couldn’t have been a more opportune setting: I was sitting three rows from the stage and he was, as it turns out, sitting three rows from me! Try to chalk that up to fate. The talk was wonderful, to say the least in the most words possible. 

Aside: They should release the episode soon in case you’d like to hear about how he associates “Purple Rain” to Chicago and his three-story book collection and being compared to Cole Porter to his dismay (not because he doesn’t like him but doesn’t appreciate the lines on which the comparison is typically drawn) and other wacky minutia that I’d probably do a bang-up job of bore-ifying if I went on any further.

He ended the Conversation with one of his trademark, deadpan quips and grins that-never-quite-turn-into-full-blown-smiling and walked right off the stage. 

Forever gone, once again.

But that’s not going to stop me from bringing that same record with me to the show tonight (which starts in just about three hours and I still haven’t showered and there’s hella traffic afoot and I’m supposed to pick up a friend on the other side of the city)!!! So here we are, back in the same spot, more or less. But boy, oh boy, do he and his magnanimous Magnetic Fields have a strangely powerful hold over me and my unforgiving mind when it comes to coming full circle, wittingly or not. 

So yeah, that’s more or less the story so far. I’m sure I’ll add to it or take pieces out with time, with every new crack in my own memory that, for better or worse, I think I’ll never finish piecing together.

One more thing before I go: During the talk, every time he’d be asked to bring up certain details of his past or even something as recent as the last line from his last song on his latest album (called 50 Song Memoir, no less), he’d say “I don’t remember anything.” And in spite of the obviously ironic nature of trying not to forget that lovely line of his that’s stuck in my mind for now, I’ll do just that. I’ve got a running theory that we all come from a long line of Sisyphi... 

And as it just so happened, he made sure to quote Peter Gabriel in realizing the relation there (from whom he’s probably best known for covering “The Book of Love” - a song of which he has a direly different recollection from those who’ve romantically chosen to have it played at their weddings): 

I don't remember, I don't recall I got no memory of anything -anything at all

Alright, that’s all! Goodbye forever!

[scottybrock]

Neighbors (7) - Colby Brock

A/N: Requested by a lovely anon: “Hello, I was wondering if you could write an imagine where reader is a youtuber with her friend and they move into the same apartment building as Sam and Colby, and the reader and Colby meet and it’s all cute and fluffy. Maybe she’s lost in the building and that’s how they meet?? Or something? Idk!!” 

Tag list: @azurebrock @absolute-randomness-forever @absolutelynobodyposts @sweet-dolans @katiaw2 @lovelycolby

A week had passed. 

Most of the week had been you hanging out with everyone again, including Colby. You tentatively agreed to meet up with him, one on one, today. You agreed to meet at a coffee shop. You were nervous, but you were excited. Now that all of the shit involving Lindsay was dealt with, you were ready to try and be Colby’s friend again. Even if the two of you ended up being just friends, you would be okay with that. You only knew that you wanted someone like Colby in your life.

He was sweet and gentle in ways that people never were with you. He was understanding and kind; supportive and encouraging. He made your heart flutter in ways that no boy ever had before. His smile made your heart jump in your chest. His touch made your skin erupt in goosebumps. His eyes, so bright and blue, were soulful and all-knowing. Yeah, you didn’t really think you’d ever be able to be just friends with Colby. Even though you hadn’t known him for long, you think that he’d always have a piece of your heart. 

You carelessly tugged on a pair of gray yoga pants and a black t-shirt. You threw your hair up into a ponytail, then forewent any makeup. If Colby couldn’t handle you at your worst, then he didn’t deserve you at your best. At least, that’s what Tara told you, when you called her to panic about what to wear. So, you quite literally took her advice. She was right; if Colby couldn’t appreciate you dressed down, then he didn’t deserve to see you dressed to the nines. You slid on a pair of flip-flops, then grabbed your keys and wallet, and headed out of your apartment.

On the drive there, you drummed your fingers against your steering wheel. You were nervous- you had no idea what Colby even wanted to talk about. Well, you had a good feeling about what he wanted to talk about, but you had no idea what your answers to his questions would be. Not quite yet. 

You parked your car next to his. Through the big window in front of the cafe, you saw a shock of purple-tinged hair and bright blue eyes staring restlessly out of the window. You took a deep breath, then swung your car door open. Those beautiful blue eyes twinkled at you through the window, as a wide smile spread across a handsome face. You couldn’t help the responding grin that spread across your own face. You slammed your car door closed, then locked it.

The bell hanging over the entrance of the door chimed when you pushed the door open, announcing your entrance into the cafe. Your eyes never left Colby’s as you walked over to where he was sitting. He leapt up from his seat, his dimples deepening at the sight of you. “Hey,” His voice was soft. He held out his arms, then hesitated. It was the first time the two of you had hung out since the whole incident with Lindsay. He didn’t want to come on too strong. 

Much to his relief, you happily walked into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. You fit perfectly against him. It felt like a sign. He gave you a little squeeze, and you nuzzled your face into his chest. You could feel how wildly his heart was beating in his chest. You swore that yours was beating, just as fast. 

When the two of you finally pulled apart, you dropped down into the seat across from Colby. He sat back down as well. He gestured to the coffee sitting in front of you, along with a muffin. “I hope you don’t mind,” His cheeks flushed. “I ordered you your favorites ahead of time, so you didn’t have to wait for it.” Your smile stretched widely across your face, your cheeks flushing as well. “That’s so sweet!” You exclaimed, your voice coming out as a squeal. As minimal as it was, it was the little things that really counted. The fact that Colby willingly paid attention to what your favorite type of coffee was, along with your favorite type of muffin, was incredibly sweet.

Colby’s cheeks flushed an even darker shade of red, and he smiled shyly at you. His bright blue eyes glimmered in the sunlight, and you swore that you felt yourself falling even more for the man sitting in front of you. You took a sip of the coffee, and you sighed in contentment. He’d gotten your coffee order perfect. You pulled the muffin in front of you, picking at a chocolate chip. You smiled to yourself. Colby watched you unobtrusively, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. Seeing your happiness at the sight of just coffee and a muffin was absolutely precious. 

“So,” You toyed with the chocolate chip before popping it into your mouth and chewing slowly. “This is nice.” Your voice was awkward, your expression matching. Colby snickered softly, then shrugged. “I thought it’d be cool if just the two of us,” He gestured between the both of you. “Could hang out,” His voice was soft and his expression looked slightly hurt, which was like an icepick to your heart. You nodded, taking another sip of your coffee. “Yeah,” You agreed, your voice gentle. “It’s cool. More than cool,” You blurted inelegantly. 

Colby’s expression brightened considerably. “Can we… Can we talk?” He blurted, just as inelegantly. You snickered, rolling your eyes playfully. “We’re already talking,” You teased. Colby laughed along with you, his cheeks flushing a pretty shade of pink. “You know what I mean!” Colby whined, his eyes wide. 

You sobered, placing the cup back onto the table. “I like you,” You stated bluntly. Colby spilled his cup of coffee down the front of his shirt in response- he was shook as all hell. He had a feeling, but he didn’t want to assume. Your eyes widened at the spectacle in front of you, and you burst out laughing, throwing your head back as you did so. Colby dabbed at the front of his shirt fruitlessly; there was really no point in trying to clean himself up. The damage was already done.

“Really?” Colby asked, his expression hopeful. He abandoned trying to clean himself off, in favor of focusing on you. You nodded, your expression shy. “I like you,” You repeated. “I like you, a whole lot.” Colby’s eyes were so bright, you swore that you were going to go blind if you continued looking at him head-on. “I like you, too.” Colby replied, ducking his head bashfully. “I like you a whole lot, too.” 

You tilted your head at him. “So, where do we go from here?” You asked softly. “We know that we like each other. We know that we’re not just friends anymore, Cole,” You smiled tentatively at him. He beamed back at you, his eyes twinkling at you brighter than any star in the sky. He reached for your hands. You allowed him to interlace his fingers with yours. 

He took a deep breath. “This might seem sudden, too fast,” His voice was shaky. “But I really, really like you. I would love it if you wanted to be my girlfriend. What do you think about that?”

[scottybrock]

So Much It Hurts - Colby Brock

A/N: Requested by a beautiful anon: “Hiii!! I was wondering if you could write an imagine where Colby and y/n go on a long car ride to like a beach to watch the sunset for a date and it’s really fluffy ☺️”

“Can you stop playing ‘My Neck, My Back’?” Colby groaned. You simply turned it up even louder, until the car was vibrating with the bass of the song. Colby rolled his eyes fondly at you, then shook his hand. You grinned at him, bopping along to the song. “All you ladies pop yo’ pussy like ‘dis!” You shouted. You glanced over at Colby, raising an expectant brow, urging him to sing along with you. Colby rolled his eyes once more, then shouted along with you. “Shake ya body, don’t stop, don’t miss!” 

Once the song was over, you turned the volume down as the next song began playing. ‘Riptides’ by Vance Joy played softly in the background, as you asked, “So, where are you taking me? We’ve been in the car for the past hour, and I’m starting to think that you’re driving me as far away from our place as possible, so no one knows where you hid the body.” Colby just laughed, shaking his head at you, but his expression was unbelievably fond and soft. You grinned. Colby’s laugh was one of your favorite sounds in the whole world. 

You reached for Colby’s free hand, your smile never fading. You were so in love with Colby, it hurt. But in the best way possible. You never wanted it to stop hurting, not like this. Your heart ached in your chest at the sight of his smile, and it fluttered wildly in your chest at the sight of his bright blue eyes. He was soft with you in the way that none of your former flames were. He was gentle and kind, but he didn’t treat you like you were made of glass, which you deeply appreciated. You weren’t a fragile little thing.

Colby hummed along to the songs, his fingers on his free hand entwined with yours. Your hand was soft, warm. Your expression matched it perfectly. You stared at him with raw adoration in your eyes, your smile soft and fond. You leaned back against the seat, letting out a content sigh. You didn’t care where Colby was taking you- as long as he was by your side, then everything would be fine. 

After another hour passed, Colby pulled into a parking lot. You blinked at him blearily. You had fallen asleep, still clutching his hand. Colby smiled down at you softly, using his free hand to run his fingers through your hair. “We’re here, baby.” He told you. You smiled sleepily at him, stifling a yawn behind your hand. 

Colby hopped out of the car, then hurried to your side of the car, opening the door for you. You smiled at him softly in thanks, your heart fluttering in your chest. He grinned back at you. You grabbed his hand, allowing him to help you out of the car. Colby released your hand in favor of running to the trunk and popping it open. You tried to peek, curious, but Colby held a hand over your eyes as he fumbled with whatever he was holding. 

“What’re we doing?” You asked, your voice amused. Colby had led you to an area, still covering your eyes. He told you to take your shoes off, then guided you until you felt soft, cool sand under your feet. He told you to cover your eyes, so you couldn’t see where you were going. You were on a beach- you knew that much. Colby simply giggled, sounded giddy with excitement. The sound warmed your heart, and a soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

You allowed yourself to be guided further along the beach. You walked until you felt something even softer than the sand beneath your feet. Colby guided you into a sitting position, and you assumed you were sitting on a picnic blanket. Colby scurried around you, setting things up. You felt something warm next to you, and the scent of vanilla wafted towards you. It must’ve been a candle. 

Finally, you felt Colby sit next to you. “You can open your eyes now, baby.” His voice was soft, sweeter than you’d ever heard it. You slowly opened your eyes, then gaped at your surroundings. You were on a beach, which you knew, but there were tiny candles lit around the picnic blanket. The candles casted a warm orange glow to everything the light touched, casting an almost ethereal glow to your surroundings.

Colby’s deep blue eyes matched the ocean in front of you. The ocean was calm, slow waves crashing almost silently onto the shore. Your eyes widened at the sight of the picnic basket sitting next to Colby. Your heart was melting in your chest. “Oh, Colbs,” Your voice was a soft sigh. You shook your head, your eyes welling with tears. “This is so beautiful. What did I do to deserve this?”

Colby pulled you into his arms. You could hear his heart thudding in his chest, and the sound soothed you. His lips pressed to the top of your head, and he spoke, his voice softer than yours had been. “I love you, baby,” His fingers traced a path down your back. “I love you so much, it hurts. I want to do nice things for you, because you deserve it more than anyone I know,” He felt you shake your head against his chest, but he cut you off before you could speak. 

“You may not think you deserve it, but you do, baby.” Colby’s voice was soft, sweet. “You deserve the world, and I’m going to do my best to give it to you.” You leaned up and pressed your lips to the soft curve of his jaw, a gentle smile on your face. “I love you, Cole. I love you with my whole heart.” 

Colby offered you a grin, then reached for picnic basket. He flipped the lid open, then handed you a sandwich. “Even if I’m not the best cook?” He teased. You grinned at him, your eyes twinkling with mirth. “That’s why Post Mates is a thing, babe.” You replied, unwrapping your sandwich. Colby laughed softly, then grabbed his own sandwich. 

The two of you ate in comfortable silence, with you still in his arms, resting against his chest. You casted your wrapper to the side, then cuddled closer. Colby wrapped an arm tighter around your waist. No words needed to be said. You had him, and he had you; that’s all that matters.