#but 150?? dang…/pos

[crescentdream3r]

where did you guys even come from bro…

[cumbunnywitch]

Body Positivity isn't just a mindset for other people, but a journey of self-acceptance too. Like, yes, obviously, bullying or harassing or whatever someone because they're fat or hairy or they don't meet some arbitrary definition of attractiveness is a really shitty thing to do.

But, it's also about learning to accept yourself for how you look. A lot of body-pos stuff really is taking a good long look at yourself and understanding if maybe some of the feelings you have towards the people you used to look down on were, in fact, internalized things. And I'll be honest, I needed to do this myself. I was not always the relatively nice but mouthy woman you know me as.

I don't talk about this a lot but I used to be really dang skinny. Like, very underweight. When I was 19, I weight 115 pounds at 5'6, and almost none of that was fat(I was a jock(and a boy, at the time)), and so I had a lot of exercise, and none of the massive amounts of food I ate went anywhere near my waistline or butt.

A few years later, I would weigh 150, sedentary from a job mostly sitting around answering calls all day, no gym membership to speak of. I gained weight really quick, actually. And then latent anorexia hit. I started getting worried, after a few months of this. I wasn't really sure why, but it turns out a lot of that was also dysmorphia and dysphoria kicking in from the Gender Questions I was asking myself and also trying to hide. A few years after transitioning though, I hit 187, and that feeling of being too fat was a gnawing anxiety. (un)Fortunately, my self-soothing for anxiety was overeating, so you can see where I fell into a vicious cycle of trying to lose weight desperately and the anxious need to eat to numb-out the stress of life, dysphoria, and being an adult.

At one point, I killed my desire to eat almost entirely, and went on a crash diet. Keto, plus low calorie, plus serving size restriction. I worked out for an hour a day, feeling like I was going to pass out the entire time. It wasn't healthy. I kept that up for almost 2 months, and went from around 185 to 165. I am not incredibly large, nor am I obese, but some part of myself needed me to hit arbitrary numbers.

At some point, I finally recognized that this wasn't healthy, and I was only feeling worse. I allowed myself a burger, and visited a therapist. I don't have full-blown anorexia, but a big part of what was causing my issues were internalized and arbitrary standards that not only conflicted with the way I wanted to treat other people, but with a healthy lifestyle.

Do I still want to lose weight? Yea. Have I found a healthier mindset and, arguably more importantly, a healthier reason? Also yes. I accept my body for what it looks like. I accept that my eating habits are not "the problem" or that I need to be thin.

I have killed the part of me that wants to be thin-as-string and I'm learning to accept that the journey to losing weight isn't about numbers and goals and forcing myself into unwinnable regiments of working out until I physically cannot stand and eating just enough to wake up the next day.

I wanna wear a dress I bought when I first started transitioning. I was already getting bigger, and it very nearly fits. When I suck in my tummy, I look fantastic in it. Thats it. That's my goal. No numbers, no waistline measurements. And I'm gonna take my fuckin' time doing it, because it's my body, and good food is worth enjoying if it takes another week or two.

I don't feel frustrated about my weight or my body anymore. I'm comfortable in my skin, and I've learned to examine my thoughts when I'm feeling gross. I'm getting better. I love myself.

I'm not trying to say anything here, either. This is just my personal journey. If you learn something from it, then great.

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon FireRed Nuzlocke [Part 8]

No grinding, no life. The Bill Gaiden Island thingamajig that starts after you beat Blaine has begun, and in the spirit of really wanting our team not to die, we’re running around doing things we don’t care about.

That’s the summary of this whole run.

Kindle Road is a much cooler name. Why didn’t you just name the whole island that, instead of shoving it onto the beach area?

Also, I guess this means a new route!

...With... a Tentacool!

New route, old problems.

Thanks to Blaine, Zaft is now the lowest level of the party at 41. Accordingly, Zaft gets to be up front for this adventure. Good luck, Zaft. We believe in you and so on.

Our belief is immediately rewarded with a level 35 Psyduck. Then another. At 36. Then a level 37 Golduck. Not bad. Zaft thanks you for your sacrifice.

Back on ground, Picnicker Claire wants to throw down. Starting with a level 35 Meowth. Then another level 35 Meowth. Pikachu. Clefairy. Bringing home the win is Zaft once more.

There are a bunch of rocks around here. Does anyone know Rock Smash.

...Okay, fake question.

Can a Pidgey learn Rock Smash?

..

tfw the real question is whether or not I have Rock Smash. I seem not to. Fine.

Camper Bryce!

He has a level 36 Nidorino that looks like a job for... uh. Not Zaft. Po, play nice. Sprinkle gets the Sandslash. Since we’re switching things up, the Raticate can go to Allenby.

I still keep wondering if someone sits down and renames every single NPC based on localization. Keeps me up at night. Anyway, puny level 35 Shellder, you are no match for Zaft. The Cloyster is slightly more intimidating, but that means nothing. Same to the level 38 Wartortle.

A wild double battle appears, so Heero and Allenby go up front. Against Crush Kin Mik & Kia’s level 39 Machoke and Primeape. Yeah, that’s a bit more intimidating. But nowhere near enough.

More Fighting trainers ahead, so Heero stays up front. Have fun, little one.

Black Belt Shea has a level 38 Machop. You mock me, sir. The Machoke is better.

Of the many things you could call Red’s outfit of choice, I’m not sure ‘frivolous’ fits. Black Belt Hugh. Another Machop, but this one’s level 37. Heero takes the food as a sign to learn Slash. Bye, Metal Claw. You were not very helpful. Machoke’s up next. Heero treats it similarly.

Back in the grass, I encounter a Fearow. But Spearow’s line has a check next to it for this run, so we’re still waiting for the proper first encounter for Kindle Road.

IT’S A PONYTA. CATCH IT CATCH IT CATCH IT.

CAUGHT IT.

RISE, FUUNSAIKI.

This is the only part of the run that matters.

Back to the fighting, where Crush Girl Tanya wants a fight. She has a level 38 Hitmonlee. Heero eats it. She has a level 38 Hitmonchan. Heero eats it. A good day is had.

Crush Girl Sharon is next. With a level 37 Mankey. Then a Primeape. I’m sensing a theme with some of these people.

I’m going to be so full of hatred if this extra bit has enough routes for me to fill my Pokedex to 50. RIP Exp. Share. But apparently the Ember Spa is for healing only. Tragic.

We return to water, and so Zaft returns to the front of the squad.

Swimmer Finn’s level 38 Starmie vs Zaft. Ready, fight.

It ain’t much of a fight, let me tell you that.

Swimmer Maria has a level 37 Seadra. Naisu. Then another. This extra area likes me.

Fisherman Tommy has five pokemon, which. I do not think I’ll like. The first one is a level 33 Goldeen. Suspicions confirmed. There’s another one. Allenby, in the spirit of you not becoming obsolete, I think you can take this Trainer. Seaking, level 35. Another Seaking. One last Seaking. Good, that’s over.

I have no memory of this place.

It seems like I need HMs.

I don’t wanna need HMs.

Even though the old man in the spa gave m the Rock Smash one.

Team Rocket is also here.

...Can Pidgey learn Strength?

Hm. Much like Rock Smash, it cannot.

Well. To the PC, I guess.

Hey Bill, what the fuck.

I guess. Uh. The map says there’s another place south of this island, so I guess I’ll explore that and then sadly proceed to whatever it was that Bill wanted me to do for him.

Swimmer Amara, who is presumably not in love with her cousin, has a level 36 Seel. Not anymore. Oh wait, she has another one. Now she’s out, because her last pokemon is a Dewgong.

Is this place named Treasure Beach because I’m expected to use this gen’s terrible Itemfinder. Because I don’t like this gen’s Itemfinder. I don’t like it at all.

Psyduck, I have you. Get out. Spearow, please stop. Tangela, interesting, but no. Fearow, I don’t have you, but the species clause is our hill to die on.

...Can I catch anything on this island? Beach? Thing?

Serebii says no.

Sigh.

I hate this fucking Itemfinder.

I guess I’m done with things here for now.

...Were these originally in English?

I just feel like they might have been.

And then I got a fetch quest for a lost child.

Her name is Lostelle.

The Pokemon Center’s PC doesn’t work either.

Bill.

Get it together.

Ugh. I can’t remember if this is a good idea in a Nuzlocke. 5 PP and 90 accuracy. PP is something I actually worry about in this gen and with this set of limitations.

but 150 damage

;-;

Oh wait, the user can’t do anything the next turn.

Sorry Heero, no Blast Burn.

Good news, there’s a level 14 Poliwag in the water. Its name Rab now.

And once again, I’m out of things to do on this island, so I guess I’m heading to the next one in hopes that it contains Bill’s quest stuff that gives me back the access to my PC.

Oh, sorry, Bill’s PC. -_-

Bill, this island getaway you dragged a ten-year-old along with you on is found wanting.

The Bill Gaiden is the strangest part of this anime.

Hey, Three Island’s PC works! Imagine that!

Anyway, we’ve stepped into the stage of beating up Bikers. Because this is their island now.

The first Biker’s name is Goon. Somehow, this is still probably better than going directly to Giovanni. Goon has a level 37 Koffing. Then a Grimer that looks like Sprinkle’s.

Hence, the ordeal with Goon ends.

Oh wait.

They’re all named Biker Goon.

These guys are so basic they don’t get actual names. #2 has a level 38 Koffing and nothing else. Good for him. #3 has a level 38 Grimer.

Oh good, someone with an actual name.

For the sake of this argument, Paxton is a name. He has a level 39 Weezing. Followed by a Muk. Very on-brand. Sprinkle, go forth.

Aaaaand it’s over.

Okay, time to work out the HM problem. What out of what I have can learn both Rock Smash and Strength? And isn’t a member of my real party.

Gyarados (Altron), Onix (Athrun), Growlithe (Duo), Krabby (Tarle)--

Wait up. Tarle can learn Strength and Rock Smash, yes.

But.

She can also learn Cut.

Quatre, you are being replaced. Even though Ren is technically the one in your slot right now. Tarle! Welcome to the wide world of being an HM slave!

We return to our regularly scheduled grinding-that-is-not-called-grinding-because-of-the-limitations-set-by-this-run. With Twins Joy & Meg. They have a level 37 Clefairy each. I have a Sprinkle and Allenby.

Aroma Lady Violet wants to battle next. She should know better. She throws out a level 36 Bulbasaur. Ivysaur. Next one’s probably a Squirtle. ...No, it’s actually another Ivysaur. Dang it. I was expecting Venusaur. I don’t know why. This gen is very unkind to the NPCs’ pools.

Tuber Alexis has a level 34 Staryu. I have Zaft up front. Oh dear. Krabby, Krabby, Staryu, and done. Sorry kid. I’m taking your money.

Worst ten-year-old ever.

Aroma Lady Nikki is next with a level 37 Bellsprout. Goody. Heero time. Weepinbell is next, and lasts just as long.

Then it’s back to Water. Tuber Amira with... her level 34 Poliwag. Then level 35 Poliwhirl. That one’s a better choice, kid. But then the Poliwag brings it on back.

A Swimmer’s in the water, and what do we get? Tisha with a level 38 Kingler.

Oh. It’s over.

Heero switching to the front for now. As we enter the Berry Forest. Looking for a lost child. Sigh.

Damn it. Do I have to fight this?

Oh, cool, it let me run. Hee. The things you don’t try normally.

And through the power of completing a side quest, we return to Two Island. Now with HMs. Trees shudder before me. And wouldn’t you know that Lostelle’s dad is Bill’s friend? Yay, the quests are over. Time to smash rocks on One Island.

My reward is fighting Pkmn Ranger Beth. She has a level 38 Bellsprout. Gloom. Gloom. They’re gone now.

Hey, Mt. Ember wants me to have something nice! A Geodude first encounter! It’s level 7, but aren’t we all sometimes. I shall name him Arms.

Crush Girl Jocelyn wants a fight. She has a level 38 Hitmonchan, but I have a Heero. She has a second one. I still have a Heero.

Wolverine’s day job. He has a level 37 Exeggcute. Oooh, and then a level 40 Exeggutor. Nice, bro. They’re both gone.

I keep climbing this place.

I hope Moltres isn’t at the end.

I hope more trainers are.

Sigh. Back down we go.

Worse, I think after we talk to Bill... It might be Giovanni time.

After I quickly check if I could grab another Leftovers from the other Snorlax that isn’t Po.

Cool. Grabbed. Here, Sprinkle. You’re gonna be a player character here.

So.

I’m out of Trainers.

Okay.

The team.

I’m going to do whatever I can to keep you guys alive.

You’re actually the first trainer I found in here.

Cooltrainer Yuji. He starts with a level 38 Sandslash. Allenby, I’m wanting you to have opportunity, but really, I’m sensing that there might not be much point. You can have the Sandslash, though. Oh, and the Graveler. Sprinkle’s in the the Marowak. For Onix we can move back to Allenby. And then there’s a Graveler, and that’s good too.

I want to make sure you aren’t too weak for the winter, Allenby.

First trainer done.

Black Belt Atsushi, what do you have. ...A Machop. A level 40 Machop. Then Machoke. Allenby cleans the stage.

Okay, I think after this, Sprinkle’s in front, but if I have the chance to switch before a Black Belt, Allenby can be in front. I don’t want to divide the exp too much. Ridiculously overpowered individual pokemon is still the basic trend I’m fighting for. Sprinkle needs the levels more than Allenby.

One level 43 Rhyhorn. Sprinkle laughs.

Cooltrainer Warren is next. With five pokemon. Starting with a level 37 Marowak. Then a Rhyhorn, a Nidoqueen, a Nidorina, and another Marowak. Geez. I feel like I’m getting drunk on the exp. So little for so long. So much is such large pieces. It’s euphoric. This must be why people do drugs.

A Black Belt follows, so Allenby’s back up front against Black Belt... Takashi. He has a level 38 Machoke. I should really consider giving Allenby a primary Fighting move that isn’t Karate Chop. Machop’s next. Then another Machoke that I Allenby has lost enough HP to worry about. Heero.

I think that’s the end of trainers I can reach without going through the whirly maze. I don’t like the whirly mazes. Too much like Silph. Bad mojo.

But we have Sprinkle! What could possibly go wrong!

No.

Tamer Cole has a level 39 Arbok for some reason. Uh. Po, get over here. Then we have a Tauros, so surprise, Allenby, go get it. Allenby spends a ton of time confused and we’re all sad, but then it works out.

Another Black Belt, another Allenby.

And screw it, we’re in the final chapters. Allenby can have a TM. Brick Break replaces Karate Chop, because I was tired of one of my best Attackers not one-shotting things.

Black Belt Kiyo has one level 43 Machoke. Ready, Allenby?

Allenby slays, Sprinkle goes back in front.

Just in time for Cooltrainer Samuel. He has a level 37 Sandslash. A level 38 Rhyhorn. A level 39 Nidoking. A Nidorino I gift to Po. And a Sandslash brings Sprinkle back in. On to the next.

Oh.

First out is a level 45 Rhyhorn.

Yeah. This is going to be fine until it isn’t. I’m not looking forward to that moment. A level 50 Rhyhorn pops out, and again. Yeah. Oh good, his Nidoqueen is only 44. The Nidoking is 45 because these games can’t quite help being sexist.

A level 42 Dugtrio is... last?

Huh.

Sprinkle?

I’m glad I trained you.

Now then.

I won’t be arrogant enough to say I’ve almost won. I’m the one who lost two of my team to a random Gyarados I didn’t even need. But the number of things left is shrinking very quickly.

I think our rival decides to be a pain right before the League, so Zaft is up front in case of Pidgeot. Other than that, there’s not much I really can do, short of some TM shopping I might consider once I make it through Victory Road. A little on the fence for that, still.

I feel like we’ve done this before. :P

Hopefully this time won’t be too different.

Yep, Pidgeot first. At level 47. Ick. Spark isn’t enough to take it out all the way, so I think I might want to risk another of--okay, no. No to everything about that. No risking. Just heading on forward. That damn thing’s Quick Attack does enough damage to worry about it using other moves.

(Zaft needs another move. I thought one would’ve been learned by now...)

Great, Pidgeot down. And oh look, Turq has a Rhyhorn too. They’re very in this season. Sprinkle, if you wouldn’t mind... It’s level 45, which makes me feel slightly better about everything. Not by much, but I appreciate it.

Heero steps in for Exeggcute. It’s only 45, too.

Blastoise is up.

...Zaft. You’re using Light Screen first, but there are too few exp chances for me to spare you the risk of this one entirely. This is partially why you’re here at all.

It’s level 53. Okay. Zaft, you’re using Light Screen, hopefully living, and then not staying.

Blastoise used Rain Dance.

It is so fucking tempting to have Zaft stay in, but Zaft’s best move is Spark. Which is pretty inexcusable now that I think about it. My only attempt at an excuse would be that I could’ve sworn it was supposed to learn the whatever thing by now.

But in any case, Po. Tank us in.

His Blastoise knows Water Gun.

This game’s idea of balancing fear and actual balance is entertaining at times.

Wow, Body Slam did basically nothing. Oh well. The Blastoise can’t kill Po, so they’re staying locked in a room together until I get the outcome I want.

Po’s a good girl.

Turq’s Growlithe is still a Growlithe, so Allenby!

Alakazam is last. Heero, take the wheel. Hot level 47 v 47 action.

I win!

Hell. Those level differences do not make me happy. Hopefully the main threat is meant to be that three of them haven’t evolved yet, and will have by the end. Otherwise, I hope Victory Road is way more full of trainers than I remember. I do not like this.

...Also.

Hey, ZAFT.

........

Oooooooooh.

Guess who looked at the wrong gen of Electrode’s Pokedex entry?

Okay, first thing on my list next time? We’re getting you Thunderbolt. Because Electro Ball doesn’t exist right now. Uh. Sorry about that. Your crippling overspecialization is. perhaps. now crippling.

Look, let’s just focus on the highs.

I have all eight badges, and I beat my rival. I’m cleared to head through the League. Good, right? We’re all fine here.

[alyssasmuses-blog]

poses.

Hey it’s me your local trash bag with some really messy & ramble-y Thinks on Best Boy Tensei & his love for his baby brother (Also Best Boy Tenya)

So. Tensei was 15 when Tenya was born, meaning he was in his first year at UA. Now, I think Tenya being born at THIS SPECIFIC POINT is really important ok ok ok lemme explain to you a thing.

Tensei wasn’t really raised by his parents. I think he was a bit of an accident baby and since they were doing their Pro Hero Thing, I doubt they had much time for him. Meaning he was mostly raised by sitters (That’s the main reason why he seems to be way more laid back than Tenya--who was raised by their parents bc by that point they were retired and had the time to spend with their baby) 

Which is not to say he doesn’t love his family, because he does, a hell of a lot, but he never really held his parents so close because he really just...didn’t know them all that well. So while he loved them, he didn’t exactly value the relationship as much as most people probably do.

Along with that...I think Tensei was, at this point, a little lost on his motivations. He became a hero because, well, his family was full of heroes and the idea seemed cool so why not, you know?

But then Tenya came around.

Tenya being born did two major things for Tensei within a matter of seconds. The first being that he finally learned the importance of his family and why people held their loved ones so close. He discovered what actual, unconditional love felt like. The second being that he found his motivation to becoming a hero.

Now, becoming a hero was much more than just, I’m doing what’s expected and I want to be cool. It was, I want to be somebody Tenya would be proud to call his brother.

And I think that, over time, those feelings just got stronger, so much so that he would beat himself up pretty badly when he let Tenya down. Whether it be something super minor like having to reschedule their plans from today to next weekend or something totally major (I’m going to point towards the Angst Headcanon I’ve got with @xitsign where baby-Tenya-whose quirk-manifested-at-birth started crawling high-speed towards the v. pointy corner of the coffee table but Tensei wasn’t fast enough to catch him and thus. An evening in the ER covered in blood & worried that he killed his baby bro by not being fast enough. But don’t worry Tenya survived with just a lil scar cleverly hidden by those whack ass eyebrows. Which led to Tensei learning how to use his quirk to be faster because he never wanted to let anything like that happen to his baby bro ever again[because really how do you discover that you can use your elbows to run fast what the fuck Tensei])

So anyway if Tenya was born any later I don’t think Tensei would’ve done so well at UA. I think he would’ve gotten bored of it and maybe just continued because ??? That’s what people wanted from him. But I think he definitely would’ve grown to hate it had Tenya not been there.

but ok let’s gET ON WITH IT.

So Tenya. As a child. Totally idolized Tensei. Since their parents were retired Tensei was the only working hero in his family at the time, && Tensei clearly became very popular very quickly if he was able to make Idaten by the time he was 25 (if we’re going via the flashbacks) & hire 65+ sidekicks by the time he was only 30. I still stand by the thought that Ingenium was the #3 hero but WHATEVER let’s not get into that rn. So like imagine seeing your brother on TV all the time because he keeps saVING PEOPLE. That’s cool as shit, man.

Not only that but Tenya clearly loved hanging out with his brother?? He just chilled out in the Idaten office as a 10 year old (And there’s a flashback where he’s just standing behind a police line watching Tensei do his Hero Thing what kind of 10 year old) But !!! But !!! Let’s talk about what all of that means to Tensei.

So for that I’ma point to these panels right here;;

Tensei. Cares. About. Tenya’s. Opinion. Of. Him. So. Much.

So much so that despite the fact that Tensei almost died and is now paralyzed and his entire life is going to change, the FIRST THING HE SAYS when he sees his family is I’m sorry to Tenya.

He’s trying so hard to be the kind of hero Tenya can look up to and now he knows he can’t and he’s so upset with himself about it !!!!

And then, obviously, afterwards, he gives Tenya the Ingenium name because he trusts Tenya probably more than anyone else in the world & while he’s totally broken up about having to stop being a hero he’s still going to try his darndest to support his brother and help him become the best hero he can be.

But oh. Oh. OHHhh.

Let’s talk about Stain.

So Stain, like, totally ruined Tensei’s life. right. Okay. Because he’s the reason Tensei almost died & is now paralyzed & can’t do his job anymore. So, you know, Tensei hates him.

So imagine a guy almost killing you, and then a few days later, you’re working on your recovery from said-attempted murder, and your baby brother, who you love more than anybody else on the whole dang planet, also has a run-in with the guy and gets hurt, too.

Idk I just feel like Tensei did a lot of angry crying that day because again he couldn’t be there for his brother. Again Tenya was in trouble and Tensei couldn’t do anything (Pair that with the USJ incident earlier in the year && the aforementioned Angst Headcanon & Tensei is feeling like a pos my dude)

But now !!! This isn’t just “I’ll be there for him next time” This is Tensei coming to terms with the fact that he isn’t a hero anymore. He can’t be there to save Tenya, or anybody anymore.

Anyways Tensei falls into some deep ass depression for understandable reasons but I Think he is also, tired of worrying his family, so he’s not going to let any of them know he’s upset. Which, I think, would sorta cause a bit of a divide between him & Tenya (Between him not wanting to worry tenya & tenya not quite sure how to adjust to this situation there’s just a lot of Missed Communication between these two for awhile)

Until !!!! Until. The trip.

Because wow. Not only was Tenya’s class attacked by villains again, but one of his classmates and a pro hero (one of Tensei’s friends, no less) went missing.

And what’s worse. Tenya fuckin. Runs off to go sAVE TH E KID.

the only thing that potentially broke the tension when he went home was the fact that he was still wearing his fake mustache;;

but then after tensei laughed @ that for a good 20 minutes and took some pictures he was probably V. Upset.

And by v. upset I mean it was probably-definitely the first time since he was hurt that he cried in front of tenya & probably hugged his baby brother so tight and didn’t let him go for hours and then they sat and talked about feelings and all that garbage. Barf.

And. Shrugs. Shortly thereafter Tenya moved out into the dorms but i like to think tensei bops over to UA a lot bc he wants to see his brother & also annoy the crap out of his friends (listen he’s the same age as shouta & mic u kno what that means..........classmates........)

(But also could u imagine tenya making sure the hallways are always clear & that the dorm buildings are always up to code & 150% wheelchair accessible bc I like to think about that)

(Good Brothers Who Love Each Other)

ANYWAYS tldr; tensei loves tenya a lot & vice versa but they’re morons who can’t Talk To Each Other so there’s a lot of WEird going on there whoops.

That’s all i gotta say pls poke me if u want to talk about the good boys bc i am always down to talk about the good boys gdbye now