#but (exclamation) / we got both weed AND alcohol (exclamation) /

[spelircollective]

Shout-out to mom / Helping us deal with family that is HARD to handle /

[nelllraiser]

palentine’s day | nate, nell, nadia, alain, bea, lynn, winston, remmy, carrington, and hope

DATE: february thirteenth. LOCATION: the vural house. PARTIES: @deadicated-nate, @nelllraiser, @humanmoodring, @carbrakes-and-stakes, @beatrice-blaze, @phobiasarefood, @danetobelieve, @whatsin-yourhead, @carringtonblackwood, @thiswanderinghope

— - a much needed summary because this beast is twenty-one pages long:

very strong drinks poured.

winston is a bartender now.

empaths are confused by one another = spiderman pointing at each other meme.

bea is BAKED. 

alain is invited onto the back porch by baked™ bea .

carrington smells people. 

lynn came for the party, stays for the fear ‘food’.

remmy says stabby man is here do not want. 

nell says read the balloons, alain. ‘no boys allowed’. (except for nate)

nate represented by this gif.

blanche is drunk in the bathroom for the entirety.

It was just about time for the festivities to begin, and Nell was vibrating with excitement, though there was a tinge of nerves to her as well. After all, she wasn’t actually certain anyone would come, and she didn’t need a repeat of her tenth birthday party. The entire class had been invited and- well- there had just been a lot of extra cake leftover in the end. Hopefully today there wouldn’t be as much extra brownies leftover, even if they were pot brownies and she wouldn’t completely mind. There were two plates of them, one distinctly labeled in big, bold, letters as “WEED” while the other simply read “REGULAR.” Still- the somewhat anxious energy was making her rush around, trying to make sure things were in order. “Bea! Blanche!” I think I heard the front door ring! Can you get it?”

Nate was already nervous walking up to the Vural house, even more so than usual. He and Nell were currently in a weird place after he had not so quietly accused her of drugging him at karaoke, but she was one of his only friends and he wanted to get back to normal as quickly as possible. He wasn’t sure if a party was the best place to do it, but Hope had invited him and he honestly felt so bad about their last encounter he couldn’t justify not going. He shuffled up to the front door with a bottle of wine in one hand and a container of hummus in the other. Nate stood there for a good five minutes before ringing the bell, trying to smile in the least awkward way possible and failing miserably. 

Apparently, no one was going to get the door for Nell. Where were Bea and Blanche anyway? With a bit of an annoyed grumble, she went to open it herself, perhaps a bit too quickly in her need to make sure everything was going well and get back to figuring out where the hell the other two party hosts had gotten to. But her disgruntled expression quickly turned to confusion as she took in who was standing there. “...Nate?” she began somewhat stupidly. Did he need something? How did he even...know where she lived? But the bottle of wine and...was that hummus? They were telling enough of why he was here. Thankfully, she was quick enough to stop herself from saying something stupid like ‘but the invitation said no boys allowed’. She liked Nate, even if she wasn’t quite sure he liked her anymore. “I- um- come in! Happy Palentines!” she said, perhaps a little too brightly. 

Nate’s smile faltered as he took in the decorations behind Nell. Everything read “Happy Palentine’s!”, was bright pink and white, and covered in hearts and other Valentine type decorations. His face fell as he realized this was a Valentine’s party and understood why Nell hadn’t told him about the gathering herself. “Oh- uh...Hope mentioned a party- am I early?” His heart hammered against his ribcage and he wondered if it would be rude to shove the wine and hummus at the girl and run away but a presence behind him told him his exit was blocked. He was trapped.

Hope had arrived before Nate and her heart had sunk into her stomach when she saw all the decorations. She’d been hovering nervously, not knowing anyone so well as to ask if the no boys thing was for a laugh or for real. Also far too awkward to shoot Nate a text about it either. But when she heard his voice she shot off towards the door. Her hand shot out as if reaching both to comfort him in the face of all the decor, and also herself with a familiar face. She mumbles a quick “This is okay, right?” to Nell quietly, with a hopeful smile.

Winston had been dragged into this when they had decided that they were going to have a party. Not that they entirely minded being kept busy, but valentines day had never been a big event for them. Sipping from a beer, they strode down the stairs. They’d dropped their bags off in Nell’s room, after all they’d been sleeping over with their friend since they were kids and this was no different really. Striding in they spotted Nell, Hope and Nate. “Someone want a drink?” they asked heading straight for the table groaning under the weight of alcohol that had been purchased for this event, “I’m making myself a drink so y’know, no trouble.” They grabbed a solo cup and filled it with something that they had picked up off of their roommate, Jack and Coke. They didn’t have class tomorrow after all. 

Nell saw the way uncertainty crept into him, and she quickly was trying to save the situation, not wanting to somehow make herself even more disliked by Nate. And then there was Hope asking with a smile and her tone that made Nell automatically say, “Of course!” Again, perhaps a bit too eagerly. “Nate’s my friend.” Or at least, she hoped he still was. “Everyone get in here already!” She refused to let this broil into a overtly awkward moment. The party would be over before it started. And then she saw Winston, and instant relief washed over her. Oh, thank god. “I think we all need a drink. Might as well get this started, right? I’ll help you, Winston.”

Nadia was a little unsure when Nell invited her to a party because those usually weren’t her scene (too many people), but she wanted to go. She wanted to hang out with people and have friends and just enjoy herself. If only for a moment. She’d seen that it was a sleepover party, but, seeing as how her last “sleepover” had been in a morgue, she wasn’t really sure she’d stick around that long. Still, she packed a bag, even though she left it in her truck. As she walked up to the door, there were already several people standing around. All at once, Nadia felt anxious and relieved, and she could see those emotions playing out on the people in front of her. She looked at Nell and kind of smiled awkwardly. “Glad to see I found the right place.”

Nate’s grin was too strained for the expression to look convincing and he could feel the heat entering his cheeks, but he stepped into the house nevertheless. He nodded an awkward greeting to Hope, stifling the memories of home that accompanied her. He glanced around the room, realizing how long it had been since he’d even celebrated a Valentine’s Day. Shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, Nate stood in the doorway, his flight response on high alert. “Where uh...should I put these?”

Remmy waffled. They’d tried leaving their apartment three times before they finally made it to the building exit. It was another two more tries to convince themself that it was safe out because it was the middle of the evening and there were people around, and leaving wasn’t going to give them away. Moose had waited very patiently for them to make up their mind. And while normally walking would have been nice, Remmy piled onto the bus that took them as close to the Outskirts as possible, before literally running all the way up the driveway to the front door. Safe. Moose was panting, licked his lips, looked up at them. “Just for a bit,” they said to no one in particular, “I’ll just stay for a bit.” Remmy raised their hand and knocked.

Everyone was arriving, and all Nell could continue to wonder was where the hell were he co-hosts still. “Hi, Nadia!” she greeted brightly, trying to ignore how they’d nearly gotten into a knife fight last time they’d seen each other. “Remmy! You came, too!” She began to was a bit more into the party spirit, feeling more at ease as more familiar faces came out of the woodwork. “And Moose!” Her exclamation was fairly delighted with the realization that everyone was here, and she’d already locked Dia and Taki away in case Remmy did decide to come. Dia tended to be wary of dogs, and Taki generally disliked them as well. “Um- I can show you where to put them if you want, Nate.” She waved a hand to beckon him in the direction of the food and drinks. “Also if anyone brought sleepover stuff- you can just put them in the first room on the right down the hall.”

Spotting Remmy, Winston waved at them before heading towards them and Moose. “Hey,” they said careful to make sure that they treated Moose like a working dog and not a pet, “I didn’t know you were coming.” They smiled before looking at the drinks table. “You want a drink or something?” they asked as they watched several more people arrive. How did Blanche, Bea and Nell suddenly become the most popular people in town? Winston wasn’t sure that they had this many friends on facebook, let alone actual people that they were willing to invite to something like this. 

Hope smiled brightly at every new face, she was trying to memorise names and faces as quickly as she could. Sticking to Nate’s side despite his faint feelings on the action. When he looked at her he got a jolt of emotion strong enough for her to feel, but he was kindly ignoring it and she was just selfish enough to ignore it as well. What she couldn’t ignore however was the two that arrived that felt like...nothing? She parted from the man to stand a little closer to the newest arrival and their dog curiously. A smile plastered on even as her eyebrows furrowed unable to pick anything up from a ‘Nadia’ across the group. Odd. Very odd. 

After her house was partially destroyed, Bea wasn’t sure she wanted a party at her home. However, Blanche and Nell were nothing but persistent and so she caved and said yes. Of course, she made pot brownies for the party, though she claimed no credit for them. She ate a piece of brownie before any of the guests arrived which led her to take way too long to get ready. She passed through the living room waving at the guests that had showed up before going outside to make sure that the decorations were nice out there as well. Seeing a man’s form running past, she squinted her eyes, (she really needed glasses, but refused to get them) and she just called out to the person, assuming they were a guest,“Come in! The party’s here!” 

Et merde. Alain was well known in the neighborhood as that guy that never showed to parties but was always there to help out if you needed something. And on the rare occasions he showed up, he would always bring good food with him. This, on the other hand, was not a party he had been invited to, and so, he did not immediately react to being called out. "What?" Well, they would probably tell from the way he was dressed, that he had nothing to do in there. Dirty running shoes, complete with black running clothes and a sweaty eyebrow. Just your casual party goer look. "Are you sure you got the right person?" Running his hand through his hair, the man had approached the front door with caution.

Barely through the doorway and Nadia was already feeling overwhelmed. Every time she looked at someone, she felt so much. Except for two people. The person with the large dog that walked in around the same time she did was just. There was nothing there for her to “pick up” on. And then there was the girl that kind of disentangled herself from the incredibly anxious man to walk over to the dog. It was like white noise. That was the only way Nadia could explain it. Like, there was something there, but she just didn’t know what. She literally couldn’t tell. However, she could tell that there was definitely something paranormal going on with the girl. Nadia could see the shadows around her and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Skirting as far as she could away from the girl, she followed after Nell and Nate, she thought, to the kitchen. She kept her eyes down and away from the spirits as she said, “I could totally use a drink.” 

Remmy was extremely grateful to see Winston there, even though they’d canceled plans on them like...more than once. And dropped the Skylar stuff on them. And not messaged them about what they were. They smiled nervously, waving at them. Moose whined a little as another girl skirted closer to them, and Remmy patted his head to help calm him down. He was usually good in crowds. “Oh, um...sure! I don’t uh-- I don’t drink alcohol, though. I’ll just have...whatever else there is.” They glanced around, catching a glimpse of Nate heading off to the kitchen with Nell, feeling a small pang of guilt, before focusing back on the party. “Hey, have you seen Blanche anywhere? I-is she here?”

Bea typically overdressed for everything and this party was no exception with her heels and meticulously picked out outfit. She continued to squint at the man approaching her. As he drew closer she realized he was not here for the party. “Sure do. Come join the party,” She told him with a confident smile. She could have easily told him it was a mistake, however, if there was one thing Bea was good at it, it was never admitting that she made mistakes. “It’s like a Valentine's Day party, but for friends. I don’t know, my little sister and her friend decided to throw it and now here we are. We have food and drinks.” She contemplated not telling him about the brownies for a moment, before remembering that they were just out on the table so he would see them if he came in, “And pot brownies.”

Oh come on, she obviously could see that he had no business being here, right? And Alain being too polite to decline the offer was now stuck here with someone who looked like she was going to the Artesian later, while he looked like he had ran across the woods, which was exactly what he had been doing before he approached this house. His expression got worse as he heard of little sisters, valentine's Day parties and little sister's friends. What the hell was this party ? He looked away, scratching at the back of his neck. The mention of pot brownies made him scoff. Since he had not been in his twenties for a while now, those did not really interest him. "Whatever happened to normal joints?" He asked, walking up to the friendly woman with his kindest smile.

Nate shuffled off after Nell toward the snack table, feeling a little more calm but no less awkward. Not only was he clearly not supposed to be here, but they still hadn’t really addressed anything since he alluded to the fact that she may have drugged him which only made him more awkward. He set down his additions to the party and bit the inside of his cheek. He turned to Hope, wondering if maybe she would be the easier one to speak to. “T-thanks for inviting me! I uh...don’t really go to parties. Oh! And- hosting! Thanks!” He added quickly, addressing the actual tenant of the home. “What’s uh-” he nodded at the array of beverages. “What’s good to drink?” What didn’t have drugs in it is what he wanted to ask, but felt it might be a little too rude to just blurt it out.

Bea was well aware of how ridiculous it all sounded, but she kept her best smile on anyway. She had never done one of these parties before and hadn’t heard of them before Nellie and Blanche’s decision to throw the party. Her smile grew at his scoff and the way he was standing. It was kind of fun to see people like this. “I didn’t think anyone would come out and have one with me,” She replied, declining to mention that she could, in fact, not roll to save her god damn life and that was the reason there were no joints at this party. “I mean, there’s always the option to roll a joint now.” 

Carrington stood on the edge of the property, eyeing the little house with no small amount of curiosity. He’d heard the noise from nearly a mile away - he hiked out in this part of the forest from time to time - and ventured closer to see what the source was. Only to find it was a party of some kind. 

Christ, there was so much… pink. 

What he was more curious about than the choice of eye-torturing color palette was the handful of familiar scents that drifted towards him. Along with a dozen more that he didn’t recognize. It was the recognizable ones that kept him where he was, leaned against a pine tree, not lurking like a creeper. But merely… observing. For now. 

"Kids these days, I swear," untying a running jacket from his waist, Alain dressed up some more. The nights were cold these days, and if he could probably handle it for a while, he wasn't exactly fond of feeling that way. Glancing around him, he noticed that the garden was very well kept and he wondered for an instant if the backyard was equally well kept. "I'm sure I can help with that, I must admit to not being thrilled by spending my evening with young girls," he obviously was way too old for that. This stranger, at least, was pleasant. He remembered then that they had not been introduced. "I'm Alain, by the way," he pointed in the general direction of his house. "I live in the house over there."

Nell did her best to try not and seem upset that Nate had apparently elected to basically ignore her after she’d shown him where to put his items. If she was being honest, she wasn’t entirely surprised. After all, he probably thought she was leading him to the drinks to try and drug him or something. A wave of sadness washed over her as she turned to Nadia, though her smile was still carefully in place on her lips. “Drinks are a definite yes.” Hopefully that’d help distract her from the feeling of not being wanted. She could only hope Nate didn’t try and ‘save’ Nadia or something as she pulled over some of the bottles to her, making them a couple of drinks. Her’s she made...relatively strong, hoping the alcohol would quickly rectify these pesky feelings she was having. “Do you have anything you like in particular, Nadia?”

An eyebrow raised as Bea took in his words. Looking down at herself, she laughed a bit playfully, “Are you counting me as a young girl?” She certainly didn’t feel like a young girl. She was nearing thirty now and she felt ancient next to Blanche half the time. She glanced in the direction he pointed. And then she suddenly remembered that she knew that name. “You’re Alain? My little sister, Nellie, is obsessed with you. I’m Beatrice or Bea, whatever works.” She let out a little laugh, “Funny, I don’t think she realized you lived so close by.”

Nadia needed something to focus on. Anything, really. And, Nell was right there, and, yes, there was some weird awkwardness between her and the Nate guy, but at least it was something. Something that wasn’t ghosts or white noise or Carrington-like levels of weird nothingness. So, yes, she’d definitely be drinking tonight. “I will literally drink anything. I’m not picky.” As her friend… roommate… friend, Brooke used to say, Mama didn’t raise no bitch. “But, uh, preferable something strong. It’s been a long day.” And it’d be a long night, if the trend was going to continue.

Winston moved back to the drinks table before collecting another cup, filling it with soda and handing it over to their friend. “Here you go, no alcohol in there,” they replied with a gentle smile as they raised their own cup to their lips and swallowing a mouthful of Jack and coke. Grimacing, they realised that they definitely made this too strong, but now wasn’t exactly the time that they were going to stop. Swallowing several more mouthfuls, they winced at the taste before looking around. “It’s something that she is throwing with Nell, so I would guess that they’re around here somewhere or will be soon, I haven’t seen them though.”

This time, Nell’s smile was a bit more genuine as Nadia gave her reply. “That’s my kind of gal,” she teased, reaching over to grab another cup for Nadia as well, and pouring a generous amount of hard liquor into it before topping it off with the mixer. “You’re preaching to the choir, though.” This time, her words her a bit more under her breath, not exactly wanting to advertise how she was not entirely her usual self. “There you go.” She remembered Nate again, turning to him in what might have been a last ditch effort to diffuse at least the smallest portion of tension between them. “Um- would you like some- celery?” she asked, picking the veggie at random from a tray. A celery would probably be hard to drug, wouldn’t it?

Remmy took the drink gratefully from Winston, holding it with one hand while keeping a vice grip on Moose’s lead with the other. They’d put his little vest on, but mainly because the didn’t feel like telling ten different people tonight that he was a service dog and they shouldn’t distract him. But now they were feeling the self-consciousness that came with calling that attention to themself. “Oh, um...right! Yeah, of course they are. She’ll probably...show up.” They looked back at Winston. “How um-- how are you? These your only plans?”

Winston shrugged though they had to admit the gentle crinkle of the cup flexing under Remmy’s grip was a little odd. They ignored it, chalking it up to nerves. Winston sometimes found themselves in positions like this and that is when they decided to drink, it helped with the social awkwardness. “Apparently there are some weed brownies, I don’t know if that’s your thing.” Winston shrugged and craned their neck to see if they could spot Blanche. No dice. “I’m sure she’s around,” they said before nodding, “yeah, I’m not popular enough to get invited to multiple social events on a thursday night.”

Nate reached out tentatively and took a piece of celery, eyeing it carefully before dipping it into the hummus he brought. “T-thanks,” he muttered, watching the party grow larger and larger. A long moment of silence surrounded him and he felt like he was literally raining on the entire party. “H-hey uh, Winston? Is it? Would uh...you mind...mak-making me something?” He nodded to the bottles of liquor, not caring what exactly it was that he drank, so long as it made any of this less awkward. 

Lynn walked up to the front door, pulling her jacket tighter around herself. She hadn’t originally planned to show up, but the idea of this party was fascinating. And she figured there’d be quite a few others in attendance so maybe she could network and find some new patients. From what she’d seen on the online social network, half the town was in desperate need of her services. She briefly thought about knocking before shaking her head and just walking inside. It sounded like there were already quite a few people inside so it wouldn’t have made sense to knock. Looking around for a drink table, she found it quickly and headed straight over. “Okay, what have we got here?”

Remmy nearly jumped when Nate came out to the drink table. “Nate! Hi!” They said quickly. They looked around the room again, searching for Blanche-- but still no sign. Was she avoiding them? It would make sense….But Remmy really wanted to talk to her. To apologize. It seemed like it needed to be an in person thing. They were about to say something more when Moose gave a low growl as the new woman strolling over to the drink table. “Moose,” they said, giving a little tug. He looked at them with a strange glance before quieting, sitting at their feet. “Hello! Uh-- I think whatever you can imagine. Um…” looked between everyone before backing away slightly, “I’m not a big alcohol person. Maybe Nell um...knows.”

Nadia downed her drink as quickly as she could, enjoying the lightheadedness that accompanied it. She liked how warm alcohol was, how it made the cold feeling she got from being near the girl standing beside Nate. And it made her less anxious, more willing to enjoy the feelings coming in. Not that there was much to enjoy. Almost everyone around her was feeling some sort of negative emotion: awkwardness, anxiety, white noise, nothing. Focusing on Nell was making her head spin a bit. She closed her eyes and leaned against the table.

“Is there a good answer to that question?” He bit his lip and thought about it for a second, “Old enough to not be called a girl, I’d say,” Alain gave her a smile although that one faltered away as she mentioned the name of her sister, who was apparently obsessed. Timing. Oh well. “Oh, she’s your sister, we met, she’s very nice. A bit clingy, but…” He gave Beatrice a shrug. It probably was best if he stayed out there with her, then. And from the look of it, the place was crowded, and he had never liked crowds too much, or at all. “I suppose I’m glad she’s not that obsessed with me, that would be a bit creepy,” he laughed under his breath. Oh Nell knew exactly where he lived, but apparently she had not shared this information with her sister. “So, are we still smoking or not?” Best try to change the conversation. 

“For sure Nate,” Winston replied with a beaming smile as they quickly replicated their own drink although they elected to put less alcohol in this time round. Handing it over, they picked up a brownie and chewed on it. It had a somewhat earthy taste to it and as they swallowed they wondered if eating pot brownies was really the best move. Should someone stay responsible in case something went wrong? Winston wasn’t sure that they cared about it right now. They just wanted a good time and a care free experience. 

“Probably not,” Bea laughed. “Not calling me a girl is good though.” She hadn’t really see her sister being clingy since they were young kids, but she supposed the other woman would cling to someone she thought was cool and she had told Bea that Alain was super cool all the time. “Yeah, well, you can blame her clinginess on your apparent coolness. She’s talked about you to me a few times. Blanche is here too with her, it’s their party.” She told him, very unaware of the issues that her sister and Blanche had with the man. “She hasn’t hit creepy yet, but maybe one day she will,” She teased a bit. She was glad to be outside of the party for the moment. She didn’t know a good amount of the people in there, most being invited by Blanche and Bea. She nodded, her smile brightening. “Yeah, ‘course we are.”

“So I did find a suitable reply to this dangerous question,” Alain scoffed, shaking his head. He was not usually so smooth about those tricky things. Crossing his arms over his chest, he listened to her speak of Nell being bewitched by his so called coolness. Well, it was not like he ever tried being cool, but he appreciated the compliment, even if he did not believe that Nell would be calling him cool these days. “Oh, right. Blanche is such a nice person too. The two are very close, it’s endearing,” or concerning, depending. It felt like Nell was an extension of Blanche lately, and Alain would have wished to have met her sooner. “Right. I’ll start buying a gate to keep her out, then,” he laughed and rubbed at the back of his neck. Yeah, like a gate was gonna keep that witch away. “Well, I don’t have an habit of doing my jog with weed in my pocket,” he raised his eyebrows. Then, because he had been wanting to ask for a while already, he questioned her about the garden: “That’s a great garden you have here. Did you plant all of these?”

Nell downed her drink in tandem with Nadia, spurred on by Nate’s very tentative acceptance of her celery, and his then his then his requesting what seemed to be anyone else but Nell to make him a drink. She didn’t want to be sad! This was a party! That was the thought process that had her making another fairly strong drink for her and Nadia, and then beckoning the other girl with her towards the designated dance floor simply exclaiming, “It’s time to dance” She spotted someone she didn’t know, Lynn having just arrived and power pointed at the woman immediately. “You too!” She was gonna make this fun if it was the last thing she did.

Bea blinked at his words, realizing that she had never taken pulled the little bag of weed from her back pocket and a thing of rolling papers from her front pocket. She was planning on asking Nellie to roll later, but this worked out. Maybe the brownie was still affecting her a bit. She let out an awkward giggle,“I forgot that I hadn’t taken these out. Sorry.” She hated not feeling smooth and that was not her smoothest moment, but she would push forward. She glanced at the garden,“All Nellie’s handywork. When our parents were trying to get her to come back home they got her a greenhouse in the backyard and the garden has just grown since. I cook a lot with the stuff she grows in the green house.”

“Nell, please, I don’t dance!” Nadia groaned as she followed the other girl, but she didn’t resist. Between the alcohol and the desire to remove herself from the ever present white noise that came from the girl next to Nate. So she drank deeply from her cup and followed Nell immediately onto the makeshift dance floor, only pausing when Nell pointed at a blonde woman who’d just walked in. Jesus, there were so many people at this party. So many people with their loud thoughts that she didn’t know.

That was all rather endearing, although as Alain could tell that she was feeling embarrassed, he turned his back on her and resting his weight on the wooden railing, silently took his time spreading weed across the paper, and handed over a old fashioned rolled joint to Beatrice, which he had decided he would call by her full name. "I'm afraid I don't run with a lighter either," he shrugged and smiled as if to say my bad. His attention was brought toward what was going on inside the house for a moment, although considering how bad things would get if he got in there, his attention went quickly back to his kind and generous host. "I have a garden as well. I too believe that cooking gets a thousand times better with fresh products," it was nice, having a conversation that did not revolve around dead people or his moral compass. 

Bea blinked. She had forgotten other people needed to carry lighters around. That seemed ridiculously inconvenient. As he glanced inside she took the opportunity to simply snap her fingers to make a tiny fire and lit the joint. She hoped he was distracted by the party enough to miss the lack of lighter. “I got it,” She said simply with a smile. She even pretended to slip something back into her pocket. “I don’t have much of a green thumb, so I didn’t even know how important it was until Nellie came around with everything. If you want we can go see the garden?”

Alain saw the fire from the corner of his eyes and if she thought she was being discreet it was probably because she did not know that he could see every detail of what she was doing even in the middle of the night. He did not comment on it, only because knowing already about Nell, he was not surprised that it ran in the family. “Thanks,” he gestured that she should keep it for now, “ladies first,” he turned to have another look at the garden. “Sure, we don’t want them to come steal this from us, once they find out that those pot brownies are not worth it,” and he did not want to ruin anyone’s night. Beatrice seemed to be more chill than her sister and he appreciated that too.

Lynn glanced cautiously at the dog that she hadn't noticed before. Shit maybe this was a bad idea. Even just one animal around was enough to make things harder for her. They never left her alone and acted strangely when she was around. And now the person holding him was backing away. Were they scared of her? She wasn't even trying. "Thanks, I'll uh, just take a look at what's here and then go mingle or something." But before she could actually get something, she heard someone say that it was time to dance and then point at her, including her in their proclamation. "Oh well okay then." She came to meet people and have fun right? And dancing was fun. So she would go with them. Following the woman, and the other one with her, she made her way out onto the dance floor. "Oh I'm Lynn by the way. Lynn Edwards."

 Most situations had Bea being as careful as she could, but this was a party and she was in the dark. She doubted that Alain would be able to tell anything was different with her. She smiled at him before taking a puff of the joint. She wasn’t a smoker usually, but she did enjoy a joint. Another hit and then she passed it over to him. She pulled off her heels, leaving her now shorter than Alain before starting towards the garden. “I’ll have you know that I make great edibles,” She said with a cheeky smile over her shoulder. She took a little bit of pride in her brownies, she had had a lot worse than the ones she made.

Three familiar smells (well, four, if one counted the herbal addition) prompted Carrington to stroll towards the home’s garden as if he’d merely wandered off the forest path and needed directions. He moved casually, taking in the surroundings with an idle curiosity, and wondering if Nadia (one of the three familiar smells) was having a good time. He remembered her telling him she didn’t like crowds, though there didn’t seem to be much of one. More than a handful of voices could be heard, but nothing too overwhelming. 

The other smell that was close-by was unfamiliar. A man, youngish, who smelled faintly of gasoline and oil. He was with another familiar smell, Beatrice, who Carrington had met. They were both surrounded by the acrid smell of marijuana. He wasn’t sure what prompted him to follow them, but he did, glancing aside at the house now and then when traces of familiar voices drifted out into the night. 

“Well you do, now!” Nell simply exclaimed to Nadia as she began to match the rhythm of the music that was playing, dancing along with the other girl and...Lynn? She took another long draw of the drink she’d brought with her as she realized this was the doctor she’d briefly talked to online. Doctors were generally...not people Nell instinctively trusted, too mysterious of creatures that had only flitted briefly in and out of her life. “The brain lady?” she confirmed. At least she hadn’t denied Nell’s demand for dancing. Honestly, now that she had a decent amount of alcohol in her, paired with the music- she was beginning to feel more at ease. “Brain-lady Lynn, this is Nadia who doesn’t usually stab people. And- vice versa.” She didn’t think she’d be able to repeat that sentence in reverse at this rate.

Nadia glared at Nell but matched Nell’s movements as she danced. She took a sip of her drink and looked at Lynn. “I really don’t stab people. At all. There was a slight misunderstanding.” Lynn reminded her of a few other people that she’d met in town with her watered down feelings despite the fact that Nadia was letting the alcohol go to her head. She seemed a little unsure, but that feeling was quickly overpowered by Nell’s newfound ease. It might have had something to do with the fact that they were away from Nate and his friend with the ghosts. Did Nell also sense ghosts? Was she a medium as well? She was certainly something. Speaking of mediums. “Is Blanche here?” Nadia asked Nell. She wanted to meet the girl in person, perhaps even discuss the ghosts in the house to see if that was allowed. 

Nate shrunk into himself, wondering what the easiest way to escape might be, but then Remmy was there with their support dog and Nate vaguely wondered if he could borrow Moose for the night. He smiled through his teeth, his stomach doing a continuous somersault until a drink was in his hand. “Thanks,” he mumbled. He watched Nell drag some people out onto the dance floor and felt like he was giving off visible “I’M AWKWARD” waves at the mention of dancing. Luckily, no one had asked him to join. He took a tentative sip of his drink, not tasting anything that explicitly said drugs. Plus there was no way Nell would have spiked something that everyone here was gonna try, right? He felt guilty just thinking it. “Are you- uh…” He glanced at Remmy and tried to smile. “I’m not really a uh...party person…”

“Far from me the idea of criticizing your cooking, but I’ve always considered those to be a waste,” Alain followed her behind. If he was surprised to see her remove her shoes, he did not make any comments. Bringing the joint to his lips, he had a look at their surroundings for his gut feeling had started to startle him. No longer the neighbor, but rather the hunter again, he turned on his heels and for a moment, stared into the darkness, searching for a silhouette. Seeing nothing, his shoulders relaxed and he caught up on Beatrice, handing her back their smoke. “So, what do you do for a living?” Clearly she did not work as a human lighter.

Winston had managed to get pretty intoxicated on a mixture of weed and booze. They were having a good time and they somehow found themselves stood alongside Remmy and Nate once more. “You’re not a party person?” they asked with a frown, they weren’t sure why, but between Nate, Remmy and themselves they got the impression that there was maybe no one in this party who was less of a party person then the three of them. But yet, here they were, at a party and Winston could only hope that their companions were having as good of a time as they were.

Bea shrugged,”It’s easier and doesn’t make my clothes smell. Plus Nellie doesn’t know right away if I’m high, so she can’t make fun of me for finally relaxing.” She knew that it was pretty easy to tell after a few minutes with her, but at least if Nell breezed through the house to her room she didn’t know. When Alain paused, she looked over her shoulder at him. He probably just heard something in the forest, which was a little creepier at night, she had to admit. She smiled as she took the joint,”I’m the owner of Illusions of Grandeur and a performer there. You’re a mechanic or something like that right? Nellie mentioned it once but I can’t remember off the top of my head.”

“I will admit that the smell is not too delicate,” Alain shook his head. It was true that pot smelled terrible, but he stubbornly would keep on consuming it the way he did his whole life. Besides, if teenagers and young folks did it, it couldn’t be that great, right? “Your sister makes fun of you for that?” He raised an eyebrow, glancing away from her to have a look at the garden. It was really well kept, and he did not imagine that someone as angry as Nell could have done this. “Sounds to me that your sister is the one who needs to chill,” he pulled a lawn chair away from the garden table and sat down, crossing his legs. He glanced up at the sky as he listened to her. It was a beautiful night, and even if the light coming from the house ruined the obscurity a bit, you could still appreciate the beauty of the sky above them. “A magician, then? Why am I not one bit surprised?” Maybe she would understand that he saw her doing that trick earlier, or put it on the account of an air she carried that gave her a mystical look. Both were receivable options. “I am a mechanic. I prefer the old cars, but obviously, I also repair more recent ones.”

“I smell like regular smoke enough from work, I don’t need to add weed smoke to it,” Bea laughed. The smell of smoke was light on her, but she knew that it clung to her. She wondered if because of her elementalist status  it was just a part of her normal scent. “She makes fun of me for everything. I’m a high strung stick in the mud to her, but I mean when compared to her who isn’t.” Her voice was light and matter of fact. She didn’t dislike that her sister saw her as high strung, she was rather aware of how high strung she could be. She raises an eyebrow at him with a grin,”Because my magnetic personality screams performer?” She couldn’t be sure if Nell had told Alain what they were, but she wouldn’t put it past her. Her little sister was more liberal with who she told and when. “I don’t know that much about cars. It must be hard work, seems complicated with all those parts.”

“Or you could tell yourself that if you’re going to smell like smoke, you might as well make it enjoyable,” always the pragmatic. Alain was starting to feel more relaxed, which was both thanks to the weed and his company. If he usually had a bad feeling about people, Beatrice seemed like a genuinely nice person to him. “I understand, I can’t seem to get rid of the smell of oil either,” it was etched so deeply in his brain that he could smell oil when there was none around. He felt the same about ash, and that was not an odor he really appreciated. “Heh, sounds exactly like my sisters, always making comments,” he mumbled to himself, eyes still up looking at the sky. “Why, yes. You are a very sociable person. I don’t usually make it an habit of smoking with strangers,” he eyed at her and smiled kindly. “Most people don’t. It’s a well kept secret. Here’s another secret : most issues on cars are easily fixed,” he shrugged. “It is hard work, but I don’t see myself doing anything else.”

Bea let out a laugh,”That’s a good way to turn it around.” She, probably, got high more often than her sisters, but even then she wasn’t partaking more than once or twice a week. It helped her relax, especially at things like this where she often got stuck in her ‘host’ mode, which the entire reason she ate part of her brownie before company showed up. She took a hit of the joint, “There are worse smells. Some people like the smell of smoke or oil.” She sat down with him as she passed over the joint. “Younger sisters?” She asked. She laughed again,”To be honest, I don’t really either, but here we are. Glad you decided to?” Bea tucked her feet under her legs, her posture finally relaxing a bit. She was usually very worried about her appearance and what people thought of her. “Most magic tricks are easy to learn. It’s all about practice. Same with you I imagine.” She smiled with a nod,”Once you find your thing, it’s the only thing you can picture yourself doing right?”

“I actually do enjoy the smell of oil,” Alain glanced at her to get the joint from her. “I can’t stand the smell of tobacco, however. Or maybe the bad habits smokers have, such as throwing the end of their cigarettes everywhere,” he shook his head. Even in the middle of the mountain, you still found goddamn cigarette ends. “Way to ruin an otherwise spotless environment,” he leaned back in his chair, bringing his feet up to rest on the end of the seat to keep his legs a bit warmer. Now he regretted leaving his house without running leggings. “Two sisters. We don’t talk much anymore,” or at all. He nodded, handing her back the weed. “I’m not regretting it yet,” he gave her a cheeky smile, knowing too well that his answer was not a very optimistic one. “I mean, I don’t usually make friends or whatever, easily, this is nice,” he looked away with no sign of embarrassment on his face, which was nice, for a change. “I mean, I could have been an astronaut, but my parents said that this was not a good idea. I still stubbornly learned the name of everything you can see up there, just in case,” he laughed, shaking his head. He was still very stubborn, and he still remembered the name for all the stars.

“It’s not a bad smell, neither is smoke, but I think I want people to associate me with things like cloves or cinnamon. You know?” Bea hoped she wasn’t talking too much. She knew she was a rambler in general and she could get worse when she was smoking. “I don’t mind tobacco on other people but it being on my clothes is so irritating. That smell never goes away.” When she was with one of her exes, he smoked throughout high school and she hated going home smelling badly. She hummed, not wanting to dig into his personal life, but she couldn’t imagine how much it hurt not to talk to his sisters. She had a feeling that she would struggle not being able to talk to her sisters. She wasn’t sure her sisters would reach out as much if they didn’t live together. “Yet is the keyword,” she laughed. “Let me know when it changes.” She smiled at him, imagining how different this conversation could have been if he had been an astronaut. “Well tell me the names of some things. I want to learn from the could have been astronaut.”

Lynn laughed at Nell’s description of her, but nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, you could say that.” She sipped at the drink she’d managed to snag before joining them and smiled at Nadia. “It’s great to meet you Nadia who doesn’t usually stab people. I believe we’ve spoken online once or twice.” She danced with them, feeling more comfortable the longer she stayed with them. The alcohol was probably helping too. She heard Nadia ask about Blanche and her ears perked up. Lynn had spoken with the younger blonde a few times and couldn’t help but be mildly interested in why Nadia was asking about her.

Nate danced from foot to foot, unable to contain the awkwardness he felt. “I’m gonna...go for a walk.” He wondered if he could just slip away, no need to say goodbye to Hope or Nell or anyone, no need for awkward excuses as to why he should have never come here in the first place. He shuffled off to the side, slipping out the closest door. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the front door leading out to his car, but rather a path leading to a small garden area with the familiar scent of marijuana. Suddenly worried about any underaged smokers, Nate continued down the dark path until he ran into two figures who were clearly old enough to make their own decisions about the drug. Two adults who were also clearly in a private conversation. “Oh! Oh- I’m sorry- I- was looking for my car, obviously it wouldn’t be back here, I got turned around though and-” he raised the solo cup full of alcohol Winston had made for him. “Maybe this was stronger than I thought!” He laughed briefly before his face turned serious. “But uh...careful with that stuff. No one should drive after you smoke it. Being high is just as bad as being drunk.” 

“No,” Remmy answered through a lump in their throat, “not really a...party person.” They used to be. They used to love going to parties and being around people and talking to them. They had so many late night “parties” in boot camp and circuit, and even when they were stationed. They celebrated every small thing because no one knew when it would be their last. Maybe that was why parties had a sour taste now. Maybe it was because they now had the danger of hunters coming after them. Nate excused himself after a second, and Remmy made to follow. “Are you leaving alrea--” they started, but stopped, eyes falling on who was outside on the porch Nate had walked onto. Immediately jumping back inside, a spike of terror running through them. They beelined back through the party to Nell. Tugged on her shirt. “He’s here,” they murmured.

Finally Nell felt like she was able to loosen up, laughing a bit at Nadia’s glare. “What? I said you don’t stab!” Then she became the smallest bit disgruntled before saying. “Blanche is supposed to be here! I don’t know where she went!” She was going to let Nadia and Lynn acquaint themselves for the moment when she was vaguely aware of a familiar face coming towards her rather quickly. “Remmy!” she greeted brightly at first, but her dancing stopped as it became clear that her friend was clearly not having a good time. “What’s wrong? Who’s here?” It took a moment for her slightly fuzzy mind to make a connection. Who was Remmy afraid of that she knew about? A long moment later she was asking in a quiter, somewhat sobered tone, “Alain?” Automatically, her hand searched Remmy’s wrist for the protection bracelet she’d made, trying to make sure it was on them. “Where? Don’t worry- I’ll talk to him. You go stay in my room upstairs, if you want.”

Remmy nodded at Nell, fiddling with the bracelet. Moose was getting antsy as well, whining quietly by their side. He could sense their rising anxiety levels. “Outside. Outback.” was all they said, the fear pouring off of them like a waterfall. They glanced at the people Nell had been with, felt like maybe they should apologize for interrupting, but just nodded again and waded back through the crowd, grabbing a cup from the table and straight into Nell’s bedroom, closing and locking the door, sliding to a sit behind it. They never should’ve come to this party. At least everyone else was having a good time.

Nell wasted no time in excusing herself from Nadia and Lynn. “I uh- I have to go- check one something.” It was a lame excuse as far as things went, but she couldn’t think of anything better in her current state. Gone was the careless fun she’d been leaning towards with the two women, replaced by a feeling not all that different from the one she’d had when she’d thought Nadia was going to hurt Regan. Fierce determination, a mental readiness to fight. But she was momentarily thrown as she got to the back porch. Foolishly, she’d assumed Alain would be alone. Instead- here was Nate and Bea as well? Well this...complicated things. “Bea-” she addressed her sister first, figuring that was safest. “Didn’t you show him the balloons? No boys allowed.” Then she sent a glance towards Nate. “Ah- except Nate, of course.” 

Nadia was beginning to not like parties. This one wasn’t even crowded, and yet it was already too much. The person (Remmy, she sort of knew Remmy, she remembered talking to Remmy) had come up and seemed worried, and that was fine, but Nell reacted so violently. Nadia felt it like it was her own, and suddenly she was ready to pick up a knife and start protecting someone again. Except she didn’t know who she was fighting or who she was protecting. She turned to Lynn. “Yeah, no, we met online. I probably need to schedule an appointment with you. Will you excuse me a moment?” She stumbled off, not really caring where she went, just trying to find somewhere quiet. She ducked into a hallway to pace for a moment, trying to walk off all of the energy and unfounded aggression. She took a large gulp of her drink. It didn’t help. So she leaned against the wall and tried not to pound her fist against it. Best not to cause a scene.

“I think the only times I don’t feel like I smell like oil is when I’m cooking too,” Alain nodded silently at her comments about clothes and tobacco. This was another reason he hated that. He had never been fond of smoking cigarettes and yet, if you had the misfortune of standing near a smoker, you were doomed to smell like one. “I’ll make sure to let you know,” he scoffed, pointing at a specific bright star in the sky. “Alright,” he began, but deadpanned at the could have been astronaut comment, “if you’re gonna be mocking me like that, I’m not sure I’ll be willing to tell you thing. As if. He couldn’t resist talking about the sky. Although, as he was about to keep going, a familiar silhouette approached them, and brought a smile to his face. God, he really was high. “Nate, right? How’s the elbow?” Alain paused and raised a confused eyebrow at Nate’s comment. “I came by foot. Although, if I may, I’m not sure you should be driving yourself if you can’t remember where you parked,” he did not notice Remmy, as they appeared right when he glanced back at Beatrice. It wasn’t long before another person showed up. Nell. Maybe this was his cue. “That’s alright, I’ll head back home if this is a problem.”

Hope had been keeping her distance. She was still quite new to this group of people, and as much as she was most familiar with Nate and had invited him to the party she couldn’t bring herself to feel his heart sink when he looked at her. Not to ruin his night she’d vanished off to have a few drinks to herself and observe the the people milling around. However a call from her boss took her into the hallway away from the noise, a few moments and they’d both agreed she was in no state for a power cut call in at this time of night. With her phone pushed back into her pocket she paused as she turned to return. The unnerving radio silence was back, and the girl causing it was in the hallway too. There was emotion on her face but without being able to feel it, Hope was too useless to place it. “Hey, are you okay?”

There was a lot going on and Bea had to be honest, she couldn’t follow any of it for the life of her. She was too high to follow all the sudden movement and people coming outside to talk to them. “I live here,” She replied to Nate with a laugh. “No driving for me.” She pressed her fingers against her temples, shaking her head. “There’s a lot of people talking to me right now.” This is why she got high alone in her house or just with another person. This was a lot speaking she couldn’t follow right away. She liked the simple talking that her and Alain had been doing just a few minutes ago. “He didn’t come in so it’s okay that he’s a boy, Nellie. Plus, you love him. You talked about him for like forty five minutes last week.” She turned her eyes to Alain,“You can stay if you want. I don’t see why there would be a problem.”

Nell was all too ready to cling to Alain’s offer to go home. Honestly, it was probably better for everyone. Those who know he was Hunter wouldn’t be uncomfortable, and Alain wouldn’t get ten million pairs of daggers staring at him. Win-win, right? It seems she’d been wrong to hedge her bets on Bea, though. Nell had counted on the age-old practice of good ol’ sister not so telepathy, but she saw the problem as she got closer. Bea was fucking baked. “I don’t love him! It wasn’t- it was not forty five minutes!” she denied childishly in her embarrassment, a higher pitch entering her voice. It couldn’t have been more than a half hour. Why was this happening now? “Besides maybe he’s just tired and wants to go home!” As a last ditch attempt, she was hoping Alain would get the hint, and remove himself from the situation. “After all, he’s very old. And the balloons- the balloons are rules for outside too.”

Alain raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, watching the two sisters discuss whether or not he should be leaving. Wait, forty five minutes? Well someone was obsessed. He looked up at Nell from his chair, as if to say what the fuck. His nose wrinkled at the sound of Nell’s voice. Okay, he silently mouthed, glancing back at Beatrice, as he wondered if she was feeling the same as him about this : Nell needed to chill. “What? I’m not old, you and Blanche got to stop saying that I’m old,” he shook his head. Leaning forward to have a look inside and maybe see at least a part of the balloon rules, he didn’t see anything and with a confused look on his face, added : “I don’t see any balloons outside. So technically…”

Bea couldn’t help but let out a laugh when she saw Alain’s facial expression. She nodded at him as if to agree that her little sister had to chill out. “You talked about how much of a ‘badass’ he was. And told me like a few times that he was hot.” She shrugged,“I actually think the words were ‘hot man muffin’, which I still don’t know why you decided to use those words. Just saying hot works, which he is, so good job for having good taste.” She studied Alain’s face for a second, he didn’t seem that old. “He looks like he’s thirty five, Nellie. That isn’t old.” She wondered why her sister was freaking out so much. She would have thought the girl would have loved that Bea was getting along with the guy she seemed to want to be. “He has a point, Nellie. You should chill, it’s fine if he stays.”

Nell’s eyes grew to saucers as Bea repeated words that- well- no longer had any place in her vocabulary. “Bea!” she exclaimed, the beginnings of an outraged shirek in her voice. “That’s all- that is very out of context! I didn’t even- you’re high! High as a kite!” It seemed alcohol didn’t make for formulating good arguments when it came to things like this, and Nell was thankful for the dark of the night that hopefully hid the rosiness in her cheeks. “The balloons are obviously- all encompass-” she stumbled over the word for a moment. “-all encompassing. I just think- think that some people, Alain included, would have more fun at home.” At this point, Nell was staring at Bea as intensely as she could, trying her best to convey an essence of ‘please just help me out for these two seconds.’

Nate realized his mistake as soon as Nell came bursting out of the house and he found himself once again trapped in the most awkward of situations. He stood there, clutching his solo cup as his eyes darted back and forth between the sisters as they discussed Alain’s age, hotness factor and whether or not he was allowed to be at the party. “Just- I mean...I didn’t know it was no boys allowed...Alain probably didn’t either?” He smiled lamely and chugged the rest of his drink. He didn’t want to get in the middle of the sister’s argument, and for a split second, he totally understood why people got high.

Nadia knew who was approaching her before she even looked up. That strange girl who felt like white noise. Something was there, but it was hard to place and annoying to dwell on. That, coupled with the fact that she still felt like she was going to hit something, probably made her smile seem a little strange. “Oh, yeah, no. Totally fine. Never been better. I just don’t like crowds. Not, you know, that this place is crowded. It’s just, like, people.” She paused. Then, because she lacked a fucking filter at this point, she said, “I don’t get out much.” 

Alain barely had time to cover his mouth before he started laughing. "Alright that's embarrassing," standing up from his chair he glanced at Nate and patted his shoulder with a friendly smile on his face. "It's alright pal, I'm gonna head back home," turning around to say goodbye to Beatrice, an idea crossed his mind, "I should show you my garden. It doesn't have balloons or weird rules," his offer came with a kind smile although he was fine heading back home without his new friend. This was enough interaction for today.

This wasn’t fair. Now Nell had to look like the asshole, when it was Alain who was the polarizing person in this situation. Still, she narrowed her eyes in the Hunter’s direction as he dared to laugh, but let it slide for the moment being as it seemed he was willing to head out. Then she spared Nate a glance before saying, “I’m not blaming, Alain.” Now Nate probably thought she was even more of an asshole, too. But then a stab of...mixed emotions, all of them negative, filled her as he invited Bea to his garden. This was Nell’s garden. And of course he liked her sister better. “She can’t,” she said hastily, reaching out to latch onto Bea’s arm. “She’s too high. And she has to help clean up the party when it’s over. And Dia will be sad and miss her. Especially after all the noise of the party.” If the first two failed, Nell was certain the last one would get her sister.

Time moved funny when you were high and Bea was struggling to follow the quick moving events. It took her a few moments after Nell’s grab to have a response. “Nellie,” She pulled her arm from her sister’s grasp looking all the more confused. She turned to Alain, an apologetic look on her face,“I’ll come by another time. Nell’s right, I should stay. My cat needs me.” Dia wasn’t a fan of a lot of people being in the house and she knew that the kitty would tear up her room if she left her alone for any longer. “I’m glad I invited you in,” She offered to Alain with a smile. 

"Are these not all your friends?" Hope asked the other girl curiously. Although she definitely understood the desire to avoid crowds, even if Hope was sure it was for different reasons. The girls smile was strained and yet even as she leaned a little closer to try and get a read all she got was static. It was stranger than anything she'd ever felt before. People felt duller sometimes, like Nate, but never just like….nothing. "Oh well no shame in getting out and feeling overwhelmed if you don't do it often!" Hope offered an encouraging smile. Her brain whirring away trying to figure this girl out. "...is it overwhelmed you're feeling?" She couldn't help but pry. 

"It's alright Nell, I don't take it personally," he reassured her, brushing it off with a wave of his hand in front of his face. Alain nodded politely at Beatrice before he stepped further away from the house and eventually was gone. What a weird evening, he thought to himself as he jogged back home.

As the girl leaned in closer, Nadia leaned back, just a bit. At least her damned fight or fight sense was dialing down; the last thing she wanted to do was actually hit someone, and this girl hadn’t done anything. She was just being curious. Nice. “I, like, know a few people here? Nell, personally. I know Nell. Everyone else I’ve maybe talked to online a few times, I think.” She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the girl’s white noise, like she did with Remmy’s nothingness and, when they’d gotten coffee, Carrington’s, but it made her feel a little sick, honestly. Maybe it was the booze, coupled with the dancing, and the jarring shifts in emotions, but she wasn’t feeling well, as her head started spinning. I-- yeah. A little overwhelmed is all.” And anxious and awkward and ready to fight and curious and confused. Very overwhelmed really. “I need a minute.”

“I get it, almost everyone who knows me here is someone from online, the forum for this town is pretty good for meeting new people. I brought along a familiar face though, didn’t realize it was no boys allowed.” Hope made a face to express her guilt at the mistake. “But Nell took it in her stride so I figure that’s okay right? He’s friends with a few of the people here.” Hope was making conversation trying to gauge if she could feel anything from this girl. So far nothing and it was getting a little eerie, as the emotions from the next room faded. The girl paled and Hope leaned back again, feeling guilty as if she might have caused the reaction. “Do you want a seat? A drink of water? You drank a lot?”

Nadia waved the girl off. “I’m fine. It’s fine. I had like two drinks.” Strong ones, but that hardly mattered. She leaned against the wall and kind of just slid down it until she was sitting on the floor. “I might just, you know, hang out. Right here.” She leaned her head down. “I’m sure Nell’s fine you brought, uh, Nate, right? He’s nice.” Yeah, the floor was nice. It was calm. No people. Nothing but this girl and her static. “If anybody needs me, I’m just gonna chill. Right here.”

[jaxl-road]

Scar Tissue, chapter 8

One step forward...

Pairings: Slash/Duff, side Axl/Izzy, side Steven/Vince

Warnings: ((not in this chapter)) Implied/discussed past abuse (non-explicit)

~~~~~~~~

The next three weeks were… interesting.

Don’t get him wrong, Slash was over the moon. He no longer had to restrain himself around Duff, was finally allowed to run his hands through his hair and hold him and kiss him and lace their fingers together anytime he was in arms reach. It had been years since his last serious relationship, but he knows it didn’t feel like this.

On top of that, Guns N’ Roses was making waves again. With each show they played the crowds seemed to get bigger and wilder, and they were starting to snag better dates and times at the bigger venues. They were starting to actually make a decent amount of money from their shows. At night, as he fell asleep with Duff in his arms, he felt like everything was falling into place.

But…

At the same time, Slash couldn’t help but feel a little lost. Because something didn’t feel right.

Duff seemed happy, smiling into their kisses and playing with Slash’s curls and bursting with energy on stage. But he was also drinking even more than usual- bottle always in reach, almost never anywhere near sober- and he still jolted awake from nightmares, and there always seemed to be an apology on his lips.

And then there was the other thing…

“You guys haven’t fucked yet??” Steven gaped, slamming his beer down loudly on the table.

Slash groaned, putting his head in his hands. He and Steven had the house to themselves that night, and had decided that they were overdue for a hangout. As they drank and smoked and laughed, sitting next to each other on their beat up couch, the conversation inevitably veered towards their love lives, the two friends rambling about their boys happily. That is, until Steven joked about his and Vince’s bedroom activities, and then asked about Duff and Slash with a wiggle of his eyebrows, and Slash could only stutter out a “well, actually-”

Steven shook his head in disbelief, “How? It’s been weeks, and you’ve been wanting to climb that boy like a tree since day one.”

“I know, I know,” Slash sighed, “It’s… hard to explain.”

“Try.”

Looking over at the drummer, Slash saw that his friend actually had a look of concern on his face, frowning thoughtfully. It was easy to forget sometimes that Steven was more than just the sunshine goofball he appeared. He and Slash had been best friends since their childhood, and if there was anyone Slash could talk to about this, it was him.

So, taking another swig of his beer, Slash started talking, “It’s like… most of the time, we’re fine, right? Like, other than getting kinda blushy, he doesn’t mind PDA or anything that much. But when we’re alone, he just… doesn’t seem that into it, I guess?” He sighed, “And that’s not even getting into the fact that he’s almost always wasted by the time I get him alone, and that just makes me feel… gross, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get that,” Steven nodded sympathetically.

“Uuuuuuugh,” Slash dropped his head onto the coffee table in front of them, “Maybe he doesn’t really like me. Or thinks I’m unattractive. Oh my God, Steven, Duff thinks I’m ugly-”

“Oh, shut up you idiot,” Steven rolled his eyes, even as he reached out to pat Slash on the back, “Maybe he’s a virgin or something,” he shrugged.

Slash sat up, frowning in consideration, “Huh. I hadn’t thought about that.”

“Yeah, just because we had a promiscuous youth doesn’t mean he did.”

“But he’s had a boyfriend before,” Slash pointed out.

“Yeah, but wasn’t he an asshole?” Steven argued, “Maybe they never got to that point. Duff definitely likes you a lot, but he’s also a nervous fucking dude, so, y’know,” he shrugged.

“That’s… actually a good point,” blinking in surprise, Slash leaned back as he thought more about it.

Meanwhile, Steven grinned, “See? You just needed some wisdom from your much smarter friend.”

“Oh fuck off,” Slash laughed. But he did feel better. After all, he didn’t mind taking things slow (what’s a few more weeks of long showers? He’d live), he had just been feeling insecure. With this new theory in mind, he felt like he could relax a little.

For that reason, he was in especially high spirits when he pulled Duff against his chest the next morning, “Hey, you have today off, right?” The bassist hummed and nodded, so Slash grinned, “Then we’re definitely due for a date. We need some time away from all the other couples,” he joked. Not that he didn’t love his friends, but Axl and Nikki especially always seemed to get a kick out of fucking with them. (Or rather, fucking with him.)

Duff grinned, “Sounds good to me,” he kissed Slash lazily, “What did you have in mind?”

Up until now, their dates were pretty standard- usually bar hopping, grabbing cheap food, seeing a movie or a show or something like that. “Not that I don’t love our usual outings,” Slash drawled, “but let’s do something different.”

“Like what?”

“Uuuuh,” Slash blinked at the ceiling, “I have no idea,” he smiled as Duff laughed. He tried to think of something, Duff burying his face in the crook of Slash’s neck, seemingly unconcerned with Slash’s dilemma. He poked at the blonde’s shoulder, “You have any ideas?”

The only response was silence, which Slash had learned meant that Duff definitely had an idea, he just didn’t want to say it. Sitting up swiftly, Duff rolled to the side with a soft “oof”, allowing Slash to look down at him with a grin.

“What do you want to do?”

Blushing, Duff scoffed, “I don’t know, whatever you want to-”

“No, no, no,” Slash interrupted, “You have an idea, I know it. Come on, pleeeease?” he whined.

Duff bit his lip lightly, hesitating for a minute before finally admitting, “It’s supposed to be nice today, and… I’ve always wanted to go up to the Hollywood sign,” he was quick to add on, “But seriously, it’s just a thought, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

While that was certainly not the suggestion Slash had expected, it only made him grin wider, “No way, let’s do it!” He hopped out of bed enthusiastically, “Y’know, I’ve lived in Hollywood most of my life and I’ve never been up there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I guess when you live in a place long enough you kind of forget to do the touristy stuff.”

Sitting up, Duff stared down at his lap, “Oh, yeah. I mean, it’s probably stupid, I just-”

“No, no!” Slash cut in, “I meant that that’s why it’s a cool idea,” he clarified.

He hated that after all this time, Duff still looked surprised when Slash showed any sort of approval towards him. He hated it, and he didn’t understand it, and he didn’t know how to ask about it. As such, he was a little relieved when Duff quickly shook off the surprise and gave him a sly grin.

“Not to mention I doubt there will be anyone around to bust us if we have a couple open containers.”

“I like the way you think,” Slash laughed.

Before long, they were both pulling on some boots and shoving a variety of bottles and a few joints into a beat up backpack. It wasn’t exactly early by the time they left, nearing noon, but still early enough that the rest of their housemates were still confined to their own rooms, allowing them for a clean getaway.

Duff was right that it was a nice day outside. The sun was shining, but there was a cool autumn breeze, and the odd hour on a weekday meant the bus was practically empty when they hopped on. That didn’t stop them from sitting in the very back, stretching their legs out across multiple seats and talking shit about random people they would see on the sidewalk and occasionally sneaking sips from a bottle of whiskey.

Needless to say, the bus driver was happy to see them exit when they reached their stop. When they reached the start of the trail through Griffith Park, Duff turned to Slash with a grin.

“We should think of a drinking game.”

Slash snorted, “What, like, take a shot every time we see a lizard or some shit?”

“You would go straight for lizards,” Duff laughed, elbowing him playfully.

“Alright then,” Slash continued, “One shot every time we see a lizard, but THREE shots if I can catch one,” he grinned deviously.

Duff hummed in consideration, “...Fine. BUT, you can’t take it home with you,” he bargained, giggling when Slash whined.

“Where’s the fun in that? Tell me you wouldn’t kill to put a lizard in Axl and Izzy’s bed.”

“I think they would kill you.”

“Hm, it’d be worth it though.”

Starting their trek, they were happy to find that the off-season left the trail open and empty, and wasted no time in passing a joint back and forth as they expanded the rules of their drinking game. Pointing at random things mostly as an excuse to take a swig from the bottles held in their hands.

“Shot every time you see a broken bottle!”

“Shot every time a plane goes by!”

“Everytime you hear a crow!”

“Everytime you see a rock with graffiti!”

“Everytime-”

“LIZARD!”

Duff jumped at Slash’s exclamation, the guitarist leaping forward drunkenly and diving to the ground in a clumsy attempt to catch the small reptile that had crossed their path. The whiskey left him uncoordinated though, and he landed roughly on the ground, the lizard scurrying away into the brush.

Laughing heartily, Duff nearly dropped his vodka as he staggered forward, tugging at Slash’s arm to help him back to his feet, “I thought you were good with reptiles?” he teased.

“Yeah, well, it’s an inverse correlation to my sobriety,” he replied sheepishly, dusting off his clothes and picking up his whiskey bottle from the ground where it had fallen. Luckily only a little had spilled, the bottle being half empty anyway, so he wiped the dirt from the top and declared it good enough.

As they continued their journey, Slash reached out to lace their fingers together, swaying their arms between them as they continued up and up the hillside, Duff ducking his head with a shy smile. They took their time, the alcohol and weed keeping their pace leisurely as they laughed and giggled at practically everything, stumbling when they tried to walk as Slash pulled Duff closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and nearly tangling their legs together mid step.

Before they knew it, they were standing at the end of the trail, looking down at the Hollywood sign and the expanse of the city below them.

“Wow…”

The view was gorgeous, but Slash only looked for a moment, too distracted by Duff’s wide eyes, awe and alcohol blending as he smiled excitedly down at the landscape. Tugging the bassist’s hand, they carefully made their way through the brush down the hill. Once they were in the shade of the ‘H’, they slid to sit on the ground, and Slash wasted no time pulling Duff into a kiss, feeling like he hadn’t gotten nearly enough of them today. Duff smiled against his mouth, leaning against the sign behind them as Slash pressed against him.

They lazily exchanged whiskey and vodka kisses, hidden in their own little world behind their city’s landmark. Eventually they broke away when Slash’s stomach growled loudly, Duff laughing as Slash ducked his head in embarrassment. Pulling a handful of granola bars from their backpack, they ate quietly, enjoying the companionable silence while Slash rested his head against Duff’s shoulder.

Eventually, they felt rested enough to start making their way back down, abandoning their games in favor of simply drinking and smoking leisurely while Slash rambled about all the parties he’d been to with his parents across the freeway on Mulholland Drive. By the time they were getting onto the bus again, the sun was beginning to set, and while they were both tired and half drunk-half high, they agreed that junk food was in order.

Hopping off at a stop near a diner they both liked, Slash grabbed Duff’s hand again, grinning happily as they chatted. The blonde was smiling easily, his body relaxed, and while he wasn’t sober, he wasn’t as wasted as he had been the past few weeks. Maybe Slash had been overthinking it, worrying about nothing. Duff seemed fine now. Maybe he had just been overreacting like Steven said.

But then, just feet away from the diner, someone approached the two musicians. And Duff sucked in a breath, freezing in place as a voice called out behind them.

“Michael?”

[nyaheum]

Eurovision 2020 – The Least Useful List Ever

Disclaimer: I am absolutely biased towards certain styles of music and am probably the least impartial person ever. I also don‘t take anything seriously, so you shouldn‘t make that mistake with this list. I mean, Eurovision has been postponed anyway and we‘re all going mad in self-isolation.

France: Tom Leeb – Mon Alliée

MEEEH, it‘s a dude with a guitar singing a quiet love song. Super basic and also super boring. Would be better if there was no English in it, that makes it worse. 3 Points.

Czech Republic: Benny Cristo – Kemama

Czechia has a type. It‘s kinda fun, but it‘s not my style of music. This could be on the radio and I‘d be „Okay, I‘m driving anyway“. There‘s not enough happening for me here. 4 Points.

Armenia: Athena Manoukian – Chains On You

Someone saw Ukraine‘s entry from last year, huh. But I actually kinda like it. I actually like the aesthetic more than the song itself, but it‘s kinda good. Except for the super basic chorus. Wouldn‘t add to my playlist but I don‘t mind it. 5 Points.

Italy: Diodato - Fai Rumore

Hey, I‘m having a déjà vu. Another non-english love song. But this is better than the french one, simply because there‘s actually some emotion in this dudes voice. Also Italy just gets sympathy points from me at this point. 5 Points.

Russia: Little Big – Uno

I love this song so much. It‘s so much fun. It‘s so stupid and campy. In short: very Eurovision. It‘s also just very interesting instrumental-wise. At least I think it is. I really like it. (also their dancer in the blue jumpsuit doing splits and a death drop? Icon) 10/12 Points.

Denmark: Ben & Tan – YES

Why does this sound like Shallow to me? I think it‘s the guitar and the male and female voice. Anyway if it‘s Shallow it‘s bad Shallow. NO from me. I don‘t like the pacing. BUT if they had had a live performance at least it would‘ve been great for audience participation. 4 Points

Estonia: Uku Suviste – What Love Is

Oh. It‘s that kind of song, huh. Why does th music video like this. Why are there spider webs on the microphone. Why is there the word „LOVE“ in an empty industrial hall. Why does he do so many vocal runs. Just a big WHY from me. 2 Points.

Romania: ROXEN – Alcohol You

I know this was the fan favourite song, but I liked literally ALL OTHER songs she had more than this one. It does look really cool though. It‘s also very modern, but there‘s not enough build-up for me? Or rather, it sounds like it builds up to something and it doesn‘t really in the end? Like it builds up to something, but it doesn‘t go as hard as I would have liked it to? But that‘s just me. 6 Points.

Azerbaijan: Efendi – Cleopatra

Okay, this is my guilty pleasure song this year. The music video is super weird (the dancers all look like they do not want to be there, she‘s suddenly dancing around a car in an outfit from 2009 and she‘s raking around in a baththub full of gold dust?), the text is super basic BUT holy shit I just love the pre-chorus and the chorus. I mean. What‘s going on there?...Whatever it is, I like it. 7 Points.

Albania: Arilena Ara – Fall From The Sky

She reminds me of Poppy, of all people. But her voice is deeper. Her song is also more basic. I really have nothing to say about thsi, except that it sounds like a song from last years ESC but I don‘t know which one right now. 2 Points.

Greece: Stefania – SUPERG!RL

If we have learned anything from S!ISTERS last year, then it is that you shouldn‘t replace I‘s with exclamation marks. Also why is she singing about her being super strong and stuff and then she uses her powers to...make two bullies probably break their noses?...and why did the nerd draw her (so weirdly)?  What is this music video… 2 Points

Portugal: Elisa – Medo De Sentir

Conan was robbed last year and therefore I cannot like whatever Portugal does this year. Conveniently, I also don‘t like this song. I swear, there‘s slow and quiet songs I like, it‘s just not...this kind. 3 Points

Moldova: Natalia Gordienko -  Prison

This year‘s music videos are so obscure, but at least this isn‘t the slow-mo-romance from last year. That being said...I do not like her face being so close to the camera. The song is surprisingly decent though. In an Eurovision context, duh. 4 Points

Malta: Destiny – All Of My Love

Two things: Destiny‘s voice is absolutely stunning. I love listening to her sing. She really knows what she‘s doing. And: although I had to skip the narration at the beginning (it made me uncomfortable??) it‘s a great song. It‘s fun. They‘re also all covering their mouths and noses. Truly ahead of their time. 7 Points.

Serbia: Hurricane – Hasta La Vista

My immediate reaction to that opening shot was: „Oh, hatred will win again huh?“. That‘s pretty much all they had in common with Iceland though. Something is wrong about this Instrumental. I don‘t know what it is, but it sounds off-beat for some reason? It‘s super weird to listen to, I don‘t know. It‘s also, eh, basic? 3 Points

Poland: Alicja – Empires

I knew an Alicia in school and I hated her with all I had.  I wouldn‘t say I dislike this song that much, but I also don‘t...really like it? I‘m always sceptical about songs that have very ambigious lyrics and then show some political stuff in the music video because I just KNOW that they do that so they can collect their Internet points while not risking to lose the points of older people who only watch the Contest on TV and will never see the music video. Apart from that, I just don‘t care for the song, honestly. 4 Points

San Marino: Senhit – Freaky! So, in the years where San Marino doesn‘t send Serhat, can we borrow him? I mean, he works in Germany anyway and speaks German, so it shouldn‘t be a problem, right? About the song: yeah, why not. Sounds a bit like they tried to do a little bit of Lizzo here, and I don‘t mind it. The people who did the music video also saw Ukraines entry from last year. The scene where they‘re all touching each other is basically the same. 5 Points

North Macedonia: Vasil – YOU

ME?! Why is he in the „She Got Me“-Bar by the way? And why is there a passed out guy in the background?! Is that girl wearing a Scrunchy? This whole video is She Got Me. Only worse. IT‘S EVEN THE SAME LOCATION?? 2 Points

Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið – Think About Things

I haven‘t seen one person on the Internet who dislikes this song and I...for once...am part of the hype. I love this song, I love these people, it‘s so stupid and that‘s why it‘s amazing. Iceland just gets Eurovision recently. It‘s also a total bop, all other things apart. I‘m humming it at least once a day, it‘s becoming a problem. Daði ALSO lives in Germany, so I think we can claim this song at least a bit? 12 Points

Finland: Aksel – Looking Back

In German, your „Axel“ is your arm pit. I just though you should know that. And I‘m only writing that because this song makes me feel nothing. It just faded right out as soon as I looked at my computer screen. It was gone immediately. 3 Points

Sweden: The Mamas – Move

Good voices. This sounds a lot like their song from last year for some reason. I mean. It even has the same lights or am I going mad?? It‘s totally fine though. 5 Points

Cyprus: Sandro – Running

This will sound weird, but...he looks like a german teenager. I can‘t explain it, he just DOES. Yes, the weird moustache totally included. With me talking about this, you can probably guess that I do not care about this song eiter. Bleh. 4 Points.

Slovenia: Ana Soklic – Voda

We wanna pRääääy – I know she (probably) isn‘t singing that but I can‘t hear anything else. The way she looks at the camera also weirdly bothers me, but that might just be because I can‘t really do eye contact. By the way, the chorus totally sounds like Paper from Iceland 2017. To me. I can‘t explain myself. 5 Points

Bulgaria: Victoria – Tears Getting Sober

Ouh...that title. She‘s going for a Billie Eilish-vibe, isn‘t she. She so is. And I wouldn‘t mind usually, but this is...very obvious. Like, VERY. I also don‘t care a lot for Billie Eilish‘s music, so, you know… 3 Points

Ireland: Lesley Roy – Story Of My Life

„Hey, Lesley, we‘re selling you to One Direction so we can go to the Eurovision Finale.“ What do you mean, it‘s not that Story Of My Life? Hmpfh. She also does not look like she should have that voice. She looks a bit like a middle-aged lesbian, if I dare say so. Why are there so many songs this year that I do not care about? AAAAH. 4 Points

Austria: Vincent Bueno – Alive

Damn, I want a Kinder Bueno now. His voice caught me a little bit off guard, I won‘t lie. And I know he‘s Austrian, but he looks like he‘s a classmate of the guy from Cyprus. Both weirdly german teenager-esque. The song is fine. Still not my genre. She can dance though, so I like him. 5 Points

Israel: Eden Alene – Feker Libi

What I conclude from this song: Israel is not yet ready to win again. I mean, the song is totally fine, but...it‘s not anything special? It just blends right in with the song from before. And I wanted to give bonus points for native language, but just the chorus doesn‘t count. Nuh-uh. 4 Points

The Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy – Glow

Ah, the Dutch, known for weed and speaking funny German. One thing I genuinely don‘t get: if you are the hosting country, why send ballads or sad songs? I mean, the chances of you winning are so slim, you might as well send a song that‘s entertaining for the home crowd. Maybe in your native language, maybe with a catchy and fun chorus or a repeatable dance move...(may I mention Germany‘s opening act when they hosted the contest in 2011 and the way Stefan Raab completely transformed the song to have it be more fun and entertaining? Not the same thing, but I just think it needs attention). The song isn‘t bad, though. 4 Points

Switzerland: Gjon‘s Tears – Répondez-moi

Oh look, the Swiss remembered they know French. I swear, if they send a German song before us and all of Europe and Australia has to listen to Swiss-German I will throw something. Anyway. It‘s better than the Song sent by France. I like the „Ah-aaah“-parts a lot actually. Honestly, I quite like this song in general. The longer I listen to it, the more I like it. Oh no. 7 Points

Latvia: Samanta Tina – Still Breathing

Why do I feel like I heard this song already? Like, in this list. At least she has a very subtle hat. She won‘t stand out a lot. That reminds me, I don‘t understand art. I have also reached the chorus now and have to say that it still sounds a little bit like Azerbaijan but it‘s actually pretty cool. I don‘t know why, but there‘s just something about it. 7 Points

Georgia: Tornike Kipiani – Take Me As I Am

Okay, don‘t add me, but I really like this song. No jokes here. I just really love the way Georgia keeps sending super angry dudes to Eurovision and nobody cares about it. Although he sounds a lot less scary than Oto, which, in my book, gives him some minus points. Still. I like this. This Song also has more German in it than the German Song. Just pointing that out. 8 Points

Germany: Ben Dolic – Violent Thing

When I first heard this song, I absolutely despised it. I think it‘s just my natural reaction to Germany‘s songs nowaday. Anyway, everyone keeps saying that Germany finally has a good song again like it‘s been ages and ages. But, let‘s be real: 2019 was really bad, yeah, but 2018 was super good, I love 2015‘s Black Smoke to this day and we won in 2010, which, for a contests that only occurs every year and has more than 40 contestans, is not bad at all. What I want to say with that: yes, it‘s actually good, but it‘s not our first good song in decades. 7 Points / Not allowed to vote for it

Belarus: VAL – Da Vidna

This is the first video that YouTube gave me an ad for and I‘m not here for it. I know I‘m supposed to judge the song, but I also have to ask: what does she have on her head? That is a serious question. What is that. She also looks like my cousin a little bit, which is neither good nor bad for her. I‘d like to give her native language points, but two things bother me: a) what is she doing with those dudes and b) I don‘t like this song. 2 Points

Lithuania: The Roop – On Fire

(The Roop! The Roop! The Roop is on fire!) I love this. And what I mean by „this“ is the full package. The song is fine by itself (yes, I like weird songs) but his whole demeanor is just so obsucre...I love it. He manages to look like an extremely serious person while doing the silliest moves ever. He also just looks SO Eastern-European, it‘s ridiculous. 10 Points

Croatia: Damir Kedzo - Divlji Vjetre

He does not look like he should sing this kind of song. He looks like a German amateur rapper. Yes I know, it‘s not my fault that a lot of people look German. I don‘t like this song! I‘m sorry! 2 Points

United Kingdom: James Newman – My Last Breath

There‘s a fire-, no wait, wrong guitar intro. This dude looks like what my brother would looks like if he could grew a proper beard and was a few years older. I don‘t know what you are supposed to do with this information, but at least you have it now. For an UK song, this is absolutely decent. 4 Points

Ukraine: Go_A – Solovey

Yesss, ethnic stuff! I love this song, it‘s absolutely great. And her dress is absolutely stunning. I can‘t even think of anything funny to say about this song, it just totally takes me in. 10 Points

Spain: Blas Cantó – Universo

Can we have La Venda back please? And what is he doing with his hands? And why does he look like he does YouTube? So many questions, so little answers in this music video...(no, seriously, I KNOW this dude from somewhere.) 3 Points

Belgium: Hooverphonic – Release

Yah, Release me from this song please. I‘m getting sick of these songs!! Why is everyone whining, the world is bad enough already!! I‘m using two exclamation marks at once so it‘s serious!! And she says losing game, which is a direct nod to Arcade which led the Netherlands to the win. It‘s song science. Or for short: love love peace peace and all that. 2 Points

Norway: Ulrikke – Attention

Whenever I read the word „Attention“, all I can think about is Todrick Hall. Which is a problem, because this isn‘t…a party song. By the way, why is she squinting so hard? She looks like she‘s in physical pain. And not the „I‘m so sad“-way, but the „I really need to go to the toilet please“-way. I‘m running out of things to say so I have to resort to potty humour. Sorry. 2 Points.

Australia: Montaigne – Don‘t Break Me

I know we have all seen the outfit already, but why does she look like that. She also looks so lost on stage? I feel bad for her, but not because of the lyrics but because of the look on her face. Oh, and about the song: meh? 4 Points

FINAL TOP TEN:

One Point: Azerbaijan

Two Points: Malta

Three Points: Germany (I can‘t really vote for them but who cares there‘s no contest)

Four Points: Latvia

Five Points: Switzerland

Six Points: Georgia

Seven Points: Lithuania

Eight Points: Ukraine

Ten Points: Russia

Twelve Points: Iceland

[garudabluffs]

A Neuroscientist Explores The Biology Of Addiction In 'Never Enough'   #1 Best Seller

One by one, Grisel shows how different drugs act on the brain, the kind of experiential effects they generate, and the specific reasons why each is so hard to kick.

On how marijuana is like a bucket of red paint  

“Marijuana is both like cocaine and like alcohol. So it's like cocaine in that its actions are very specific, and it's like alcohol in that those actions are all over the brain. ... It does one thing, but it does it everywhere. So for cocaine, it does one thing but it does it in just a few pathways. Alcohol does many things all over the place. THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, does one thing more or less, but everywhere, and that thing is to enhance communication between cells, to enhance the the message. So to kind of turn up the gain or the volume on a particular message that neurons are communicating. ...

When we smoke marijuana the whole brain is flooded with THC, and that causes the cell-to-cell communication in cells throughout the brain to be enhanced or to be exaggerated. And that's really fun, because it seems like, "Wow, everything is so interesting! Everything is beautiful! The music is so rich! The colors are so wonderful! The food is delicious!" Everything at once is turned on. That's not how the natural system would work with discretion. ...

What's unfortunate is the brain does adapt to that, and it adapts by decreasing the number of sites that THC can have an effect [on]. So those sites downregulate, meaning they go away over time, and it doesn't take long, but ... the more you use and the more often you use, the less of those receptors there will be. ... When you take away the drug, then things seem sort of lifeless and grey and maybe less interesting.”

LISTEN 36:03   READ MORE https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/02/12/693814827/a-neuroscientist-explores-the-biology-of-addiction-in-never-enough                            

This Is Why Giving Up on Weed After Years of Smoking Can Feel So Miserable     

“I was an avid marijuana smoker for nearly ten years of my youth, and today I am a neuroscientist who studies addiction. Not to belabor the point, but from the first time I got high until long after Id smoked my last bowl, I loved the drug like a best friend.” -Judith Grisel                                                                            “ In a nutshell, the chemicals-endocannabinoids-that trigger these receptors act as a sort of exclamation point on neural communication, indicating that whatever the message just transmitted across the synapse, it was important.”

READ MORE https://www.pulse.ng/lifestyle/mens-health/this-is-why-giving-up-on-weed-after-years-of-smoking-can-feel-so-miserable/bl1yzns