#but 'wanting to fuck something so bad it makes you look stupid' is like. very specific as a phrase
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quarterlifekitty · 3 days ago
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heyyy
can I ask for a part 2 on fuckboy soap?
i want to know more about what happens with reader and simon
in my head, Simon HATES seeing Johnny treat the reader that way. i can envision Simon taking her out, treating her right and all but stealing away Johnny's toy.
So, I posted a part 2, but I have these asks about it and I’d hate for them to go to waste— so I thought I’ll do a little bit of expansion on the relationship. Some shite exposition.
Uhhhh I’m back from writing this now and I didn’t mean to do this but I kind of made this like a prequel or like a part 1.5 I didn’t mean to make it so long oops
Promethean: how to starve a beast
Simon does not involve himself, in any way, in the nasty hookup miasma that Soap is a part of. That most of the frat is a part of, honestly. Motherfucker doesn’t party. This man is on financial aid and has a part time job. He is studying because he’s the one paying for his schooling and for his living expenses.
He doesn’t care that Johnny fucks people under less than savory pretenses. People get played by him? Better they learn their lesson with some harmless douche with a mohawk than with someone who will actually do some damage. Ultimately, not his business. He’s seen plenty of people come and go across the hall, and he’s not fussed.
He doesn’t respond to the conquest stories from the other guys when they’re sharing takeout, or the occasional ‘family’ dinner. Really, the only reaction he gives, even internally, is when one of them comments on something some girl did that was gross, or something about them that wasn’t hot.
A complaint that her period started when she stayed the night. I’d like to fuck a girl while she’s on the rag. Bet it’s fucking warm and slick.
A complaint that she had cellulite. Way to out yourself as being a porn addict, mate.
A complaint that her nails dug too hard into his skin. I’d love for a girl to make me bleed when I fuck her.
He didn’t feel any sympathy. Just accumulated little, harmless fantasies.
Until Johnny started talking about you.
Simon didn’t know you. Had never met you. Seen you once or twice, maybe. Hadn’t learned to even recognize your face.
“Kept leanin’, think she wanted me t’kiss her.”
“So fockin’ bad at giving head. S’a bit cute, tae be honest.”
“Tried tae make a grab for my hand the other night. Can ye believe it? Tryin’ tae hold my hand while ah’m givin’ it tae her. Daft thing still doesnae get it.”
Then he starts to notice you when you leave Soap’s room. The way you very gently close his door as if you’re worried about bothering him. The way you pause, like there’s something you want to say, before you move on. The deep breath. The odd sniffle.
And then, when you show up. Yanked inside without so much as a kind word.
Simon has to strain and get close to the door if he wants to hear you. Soap’s loud as all fuck, but from what one can hear from the hall, he may as well be in there alone.
It’s like there’s an electric coil in his belly. Every time there’s something to do with you, the dial ticks over a notch. The current heats the metal. Every time Soap brags about what he’s done to you. Every time he sees you shake when you walk down the hall and out of the house. Every time Soap brags about what you, the stupid little thing he keeps for a fuckpet, really wants—
The coil is red hot. Even if he could figure out how to turn off the burner, the heat would stay. The metal would be hot to the touch. The heat radiates the very air in front of him, like a mirage. He thinks of you when you’re not even in the house. When no one’s talking about you. You’re a parasite that’s squirmed deep into his gut and you can’t be removed without pulling his organs out with you.
He feels like he’s gone mad. How can no one else see it the way he does? How can Johnny not see how privileged he is to have you even look at him? How can he not want the perfect devotion you’re so keen to give him? How can you not know that any man would thank god for your returned affection, if you’d only set your sights on one that wasn’t a complete and total fuckhead? How has no jealous classmate or longtime friend come by and set Johnny’s nose bloody and crooked for how he’s treated you, sensitive and dangerously endearing as you are?
Every time Johnny talked about you, he had no idea that it was another rusted staple under his best mate’s skin. Building your mythology. Making you a prize. No, that wasn’t right.
Making you seem utterly wasted. Shackled yourself to a mutt with no sense for what he had writhing and submissive beneath him.
Soap has the perfect thing, the finest yield of flesh, right between his teeth and he won’t bite down.
Content for you to rot in his maw.
Well, Simon isn’t.
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vorfreudevortex · 2 days ago
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just for you!
how the jjk boys handle christmas gift wrapping (headcanons, crack, fluff)
✧.* gojo, geto, nanami, toji, choso, sukuna, yuji, megumi, noritoshi, ino, inumaki, yuta
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satoru would think he's just sooo amazing at wrapping gifts, but in reality, they're just a complete mess. he buys super expensive paper, like the really thick ones with gold foil that don't rip. he does make sure to get whatever ribbon and bows match his paper, but they still fail to hide the fact that there is tape everywhere, mostly in places they don't even need to be.
suguru secretly loves wrapping gifts, and is pretty damn good at it. he's very meticulous and matches his paper with his bows and ribbons. he doesn't buy the most expensive paper, nor the cheapest, but somewhere in between. he does try to find clear tape to use instead of the white-ish kind as well.
kento is obviously the king of gift wrapping. he always buys the nice, thick wrapping paper with the lines on the inside so he can make sure his cuts are as straight as possible. he even makes sure to fold the edges of the paper over so the ends are neat. only uses double sided tape, because he wouldn't be caught dead with visible tape on the outside of the gift. his gifts could be taken straight out of a christmas store display case and you wouldn't know any better.
toji doesn't even try fucking around with wrapping paper anymore. he stuffs whatever his gift is into a gift bag and staples it closed. he's has been known to wrap gifts using newspaper or duct tape in the past. when he's the one unwrapping gifts, however, he is surprisingly careful. he doesn't tear the present open, but will pry open one side and slide the gift out to keep the paper intact.
choso tries really, really hard. he definitely watched a few youtube tutorials as well, but couldn't quite catch on. he buys his wrapping paper at any regular store, and only buys bows to put on the most expensive gifts he bought. the paper is gonna be crumpled for sure, you're going to be able to see every point where he messed up and refolded or retaped. the bows are always going to be slightly sideways, but it's endearing nevertheless.
sukuna will actually wrap presents even though he thinks it's stupid. there is tape everywhere and the paper isn't even properly folded, just pushed down wherever he needs it to be. he's grumbling and complaining the entire time. also, he makes uraume get him blood red wrapping paper. don't expect any bows.
yuji is actually pretty decent. he always gets fun and silly wrapping paper and only has to refold a couple of times. there's usually only a few imperfections, like an awkward extra fold somewhere or a small patched area where he mis-measured the size of his gift. he will draw a really bad doodle of whoever the gift is for directly on the paper with sharpie.
megumi gets straight to business with gift wrapping. he buys plain brown paper, but makes sure it's thick enough not to tear. there's minimal tape and mistakes, and the folding is always neat. yuji will ask why he didn't want to buy "jollier "wrapping paper, and megumi will respond with something like, "it's just the gift that matters."
noritoshi treats it like a formal ritual of some sort. the paper is always only one solid color without any fun patterns. his gifts are almost wrapped too perfectly, with double-sided tape hiding beneath the tightest folds. he might buy a ribbon or two to decorate the gifts he bought for the very few people he genuinely cares about. he knows wrapping paper produces a lot of waste but secretly enjoys these careless christmas festivities.
takuma is awful. it takes him hours just to finish wrapping a handful of gifts, just for them to look like he did them in 5 minutes. he made sure to buy thicker wrapping paper this year after tearing all the paper from last year to shreds in his attempts, but it doesn't help at all. there's somehow too little tape and too much tape, all in places they shouldn't be, and every bows is threatening to fall off. his cute, giddy smile when he hands out his presents make up for his lack in skills.
toge loves gift wrapping and does a pretty decent job every time. he makes sure to order goofy paper, usually something with sushi rolls or onigiri on it, even if he has to pay more and wait longer for them to be shipped. only messes up a few times and tries to use clear tape. he tags each person's gift with a different rice ball ingredient to confuse everyone, just because it's funny.
yuta is good at wrapping but overthinks everything. will buy a different pattern of wrapping paper for each person, and spends days on end thinking and rethinking about which one fits them best and if they will like it. he buys clear tape and loops it over to stick under the folds to make them neat, because he was so busy choosing paper that he forgot to buy double sided tape. will retie bows over and over until it's centered and symmetrical. he'll definitely get flustered and a little embarrassed when someone compliments his neat wrapping.
merry christmas and happy holidays!
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© vorfreudevortex // all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, or repost my work.
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c-cobweb · 3 days ago
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ok so I was thinking about husband/doctor mayhew x wife/nurse reader that work together at the hospital and they fuck at the hospital but Lois confront them about it
love your writing btw 💗💗❤️
𝓞ur little secret ⋮ doctor charlie mayhew
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ᡣ𐭩 . warnings ᯓ +18 mndi!, smut, u p i v, immoral behaviours, husband!doctor charlie x wife!reader, a bit of angst, i think that’s all. a/n ᯓ thanks for the request and also thanks for the good words! i tried to do this the best i could ♡. ps: english is not my first language.
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Charlie's big hand was positioned over your mouth to prevent the sounds from being emitted too loud. His hips hit yours from behind at an accelerated pace, making his cock touch all the right places inside you. Your hands on the wall helped your back arch more, making the man's thrusts reach deeper.
“My little wife, always so responsive to me” Charlie whispered in your ear, accentuating the sentence with a firm stab.
You had to bite your husband's hand that covered your mouth the moment his free hand ended up on your clit, massaging it in slow and tortuous circles.
You were both in Lois' empty room while she was doing her rehabilitation exercises. And yes, you were fucking.
In your mind you were screaming for Charlie to let you cum, but you didn't dare to say it out loud knowing that your voice volume would be too high and that you would attract the attention of your co-workers and patients.
“Do you want to come, baby?” He asked mockingly while lightly biting the lobe of your right ear. “Come on, pray for it”
You grabbed his hand by the wrist to separate it from your mouth and be able to talk. “Please, please... Let me cum” You begged in a low voice and between moans. “That's my girl” He said.
And with that, his thrusts and caresses to your clit increased and became stronger.
Finally the knot in your tummy fell apart making you wet your husband's cock. He kept lashing out at you to help you cope with the orgasm until you calmed down.
Charlie quickly came out of you — leaving you with a feeling of intense emptiness — and began to caress his member behind you.
You could hear how his breathing was agitated and how small curses came out of his lips. Seconds later you felt how his cum landed on your back.
You leaned completely on the wall, trying to calm your breathing while you felt how your husband was cleaning up the mess he had caused on your back.
Once you stabilised and were clean, you began to pick up your nurse's outfit, since you were the only one of the two who was completely naked, and with Charlie's help you began to dress.
When you were both presentable you left the room, luckily there was no one in the hallway who could betray you.
You arrived at the rehabilitation room where Lois was doing her exercises, but when she saw you, anger consumed her.
“You have done it again,” the woman said, you both looked at each other without understanding anything. “You've had sex in my room again”
You got nervous, but as always, Charlie knew perfectly what to do. “Don't talk nonsense, Lois. We would never do that”
“Do you think I'm stupid?” She asked offended and incredulous. “Every time I go back to my room it smells like sex, and it's obvious that it's your fault”
The other doctors and nurses who were in the room looked at the three of you, some with sorrow for Lois and others with compassion for you. It wasn't the first time Lois said crazy things about hospital workers.
“Please, we are professionals. We would never do something like that and much less in a patient's room” Your husband continued and you decided to contribute to the conversation. “Yes, Lois, what you're saying is in very bad taste. We were the ones who took care of you while you were in a coma”
It was at that moment that Lois started screaming that Charlie tried to kill her and that you did nothing to stop him. Some nurses began to take the elderly woman to her room while she resisted and shouted to leave her.
“We're going to drive her crazy” You whispered so that only Charlie would hear you, watching the scene with sorrow. He just let out a low laugh and wrapped his arm around your waist. “She's already crazy”
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mlist , bots
 c-cobweb 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.
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cal-daisies-and-briars · 12 hours ago
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🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓🐓
Let's get this one off the ground! I'm very excited for some Christmas angst!
You get the first Eddie POV sneak peak!
102 for 🐓:
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It’s not all bad. He has to look at it that way. It’s not all bad. At least he’s able to be here, close to his son. At least things aren’t worse. 
He didn’t end up buying a new place down here, before he moved. He didn’t want to miss Christmas. So he rented. Has a six month, short-term lease on a two bedroom apartment. First floor, for Chris. He did manage to sell the house back in Los Angeles. So he’s not hurting financially. He starts his new job with the El Paso Fire Department in January. 
It’s all fine. He’s lucky. He’s near his son again.
Not that that’s all smooth sailing either. If anything, it’s been mostly choppy weather, with the occasional let up. Something that Eddie wishes wasn’t so discouraging for him. But he’ll admit it. He’s fucking discouraged. 
At first, Chris had been happy to see him. Which felt amazing. He smiled and hugged him and told him he missed him, and for a moment, it just felt like Eddie had been gone on a long trip and was now home. Like maybe time really did heal all wounds and Chris was ready to be a family again.
Then Eddie told him he wasn’t leaving. 
It hurts a little. Eddie really was honest and raw with him. Fair, he thought. 
“I’m not expecting things to be changed overnight, I’m not expecting anything to be fixed,” he’d told Chris. “But I can’t continue to be where you aren’t. You’re my son. Home is where you are.”
“So you moved to El Paso? And got an apartment?” Chris had replied, face tight. 
“I did. Yeah. At least now we’re close, and we can-”
“Why would you do that?” Chris had demanded. 
“Why would I want to be in the same city, let alone the same state, as you?” Eddie replied, feeling frustration rising in his chest. 
Christopher’s face had gone bright red. Like Eddie had said something to embarrass him. He hadn’t.
“I don’t want you to be in El Paso. I don’t want to spend time at your stupid, sad apartment. I don’t want to talk to you!” Chris had shouted in response. 
And he hadn’t, for a bit, after that. Complete silent treatment, just like back in May and June, during the worst of it. Eddie panicked. Spiralled. Felt that he made things worse, all the while ruining what had still been good in his life. But after a brief pity party, Eddie remembered why he came here. To do whatever it takes to make sure the gap between himself and Christopher doesn’t get wider. So whatever. Chris can be mad. He can be silent. But Eddie is here. 
So Eddie had kept seeing him anyway. Fought with his parents about, and came to the resolution that Eddie gets two evenings with him a week, minimum. More if Chris wants, which… Well, maybe he’ll start wanting. Hasn’t yet, but at least he’s no longer silent. Quiet and grumbly. But not silent.
Each dinner or forced quality time activity seems to be slowly making a difference. Like crack by crack Eddie is getting through to him. But he honestly doesn’t quite understand why he has to. They’d been doing so much better. Why is Eddie’s proximity such a problem? Maybe… Maybe Chris really doesn’t want him around. Maybe he was calling Eddie or answering Eddie’s calls out of obligation, but really, he was done. Maybe he’s happier the farther Eddie is from him. Maybe all Eddie is to his son is a source of pain.
So being near Chris again makes him happy. But… But it’s not an uncomplicated happiness. It’s tainted. Tainted with the knowledge he might just be being selfish. That he might not be the best thing for Christopher, after all. 
And that is a sort of agony. 
All this to say, Eddie spends five of seven days a week alone. And even the days he does see Chris, it’s not the full day. It’s a handful of hours at most. Sure, he manages to spend a lot of time visiting Abuela when he can. But other than that, he’s on his own. It’ll be better when he starts working, he thinks. He’ll have a team again. They won’t be the 118 - no one ever could be. But maybe they’ll at least care about him. Right now, other than Abuela - who  is aging and doesn’t need Eddie’s stress - no one here really gives a shit about him. His parents have made that much clear. 
As Christmas draws nearer and nearer, Eddie struggles with the loneliness. He knows, in his core, that he’s miserable. He doesn’t want to say it out loud. Can’t call Buck or Bobby or anyone to admit it. That he’s done the wrong thing for himself. Again. It’s too… It’s too shameful. He’s always filled with so much shame. 
And honestly, maybe he could call Bobby. Bobby who is patient and full of grace and understands that shame better than anyone. Maybe he could even find a way to call Father Brian. He certainly can’t talk to the priests at his family’s church. He knows that from a childhood of bullshit. But… He really can’t call Buck. Not about this. Eddie knows Buck took him leaving hard, even if he tried not to show it. And now he sort of hardly communicates with Eddie at all.
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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macbethisms · 6 months ago
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underrated thing about wang baoxiang is how utterly pathetic he is. intentionally provokes his brother every time they interact because having esen be mad at him for something he did on purpose is easier than being vulnerable and then is like how could esen think i hate him :(( goes around rolling his eyes at all these Idiots who don't consider the Needs of the Common Folk and then gets grossed out whenever a servant dares to speak to him. constantly thinking about Hot Men Exercising and how much they all want to fuck each other probably. hasn't emotionally matured past the age of fifteen (he is twenty-three). thinks of himself as a Character instead of a person so much that he gets surprised whenever the things he did for their narrative significance have actual real consequences. while being quite literally haunted by a specter of his own guilt is like hm what could this mean. well time to not sleep for another 36 hours. kills people and then throws up about it and then goes off to kill more people because surely this is the one that will fix everything right. wants to be punished for what he's done because it's the closest he can get to admitting he feels remorse. looks for his brother everywhere but only ever finds himself.
which of course culminates with him stalking miserably through the hallways looking for someone to be mad at because there needs to be someone else responsible for making his life suck but there isn't anymore because no one has power over him anymore. and he can't go back but tries to convince himself that he doesn't want to because he also needs to see himself as being In Control of Everything That's Ever Happened to Him. he wanted it all along and he likes it here actually. and he won fratricide chicken and got himself tortured and tried to show mercy and did every evil dishonorable thing and now he just has to live with it all forever. loser!!!!
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b4kuch1n · 9 months ago
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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honeyconez · 2 months ago
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guys hear me out would painis cupcake pay taxes? Because he’s not like mega insane like ass pancakes I think he’d pay his taxes in my professional opinion.
#I also had a conversation with my friend about if he had to wear a suit why would he#We discussed for a very long while(6 minutes) and the discussion was very enlightening#Slowly turning painis into a functional human in society…#Except you know he eats people that isn’t really stuff normal people do#this is a joke btw#I think he would pay his taxes but if the tax people are rude to him he wouldn’t#I think it really depends#Does he even have any taxes to pay? Because he doesn’t have a job I assume so he doesn’t have any money#But theoretically if he’s like working for another freak and he’s getting paid or something#Idk guys I might be going a little bit bonkers… he’s helping me get out of art block at least#Oh I hope all these tags don’t accidentally show up in another tag that would be bad I’ve seen that happen#I’ve already typed so much though#It’d be funny if there was painis angst because I wouldn’t be able to take it seriously because his name is penis basically#Why am I only saying painis I’m going to tag him anyway#Painis cupcake#there#alright anyways painis cupcake angst would be fucking hilarious imo#My professional opinion#Mmhmmm I’m a professional in being stupid#My friends will call me spedpool on hallowen#I took 2 yardsticks in stem and I pretended to be said guy in the red suit I don’t want to tag him because I don’t want someone to#Find this unhinged rant about painis cupcake that got way off track woah#Ok continuing on the painis rant#I can’t draw him with pencil for some reason he looks so weird#I can draw soldeir just fine with pencil probably even better than online but whenever I try to draw painis he looks like a pile of dog shi#A moist pile the kind that would make steam if it’s cold outside#I feel like it he tried painis cupcake would really be a great functional citizen#Oh wow I wrote a lot my bad
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squeakadeeks · 11 months ago
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if i had a dollar for every time a religious missionary knocked on my door to "spread the good news" while i was actively in an acute mental health crisis i'd have 2 dollars, which isnt a lot but also. how many times does this have to happen before they stop coming.
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thedreadvampy · 6 months ago
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it's been a strange arc so far
when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'
when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'
the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'
#red said#this is about one specific relationship btw.#wanted to clarify that because there have been several men over 30 who fucked me up between the ages of 16 and 21#and i adamently do NOT want to keep pretending that was incompetence. that was predation. sometimes incompetent predation.#but with the person I'm thinking of? she really hurt me and the age gap and difference in life stage was a not insubstantial factor#but mostly she was just spiralling out really badly and i offered her something to hold and she did try to keep things balanced and safe#but she was very off balance at the time. so the fucking up was more that than it was about power or control#we were just both very stupid and very sensible at the same time which is a great way to dig yourselves deeper#and idk I'm like 2 or 3? years younger than she was when we met iirc#and the closer i get to her age the more I'm like yeah you know that's a human reaction. i can see how that happens.#and i kind of feel bad for the amount of bitterness I've held and malice I've ascribed because ultimately#i think it was just two people having different crises trying and failing to figure out boundaries around them#but this has come on really suddenly and it's kind of fucking me up as well#cause I'm frightened of falling back into patterns of oh it's never anyone else's fault that i got hurt#but i don't. thiiiiink so? bc it's really only this one thing. i am not making these excuses for other people.#idk. sometimes people just fuck each other up.#I'm not even sure i think it was a bad thing that it happened. a lot of bad happened but we also catalyzed a lot of change in each other.#i feel like the reason i keep picking at this is that it's complicated. it was not good. it was good.#she really fucked me up and she was a terrible friend to me at times. but she was also the first person to really look after me.#and she kind of helped me start to learn how to need other people. which was good.#when my grandma died she wrapped me in a blanket and cancelled her plans to watch TV on the couch with me#even though she barely knew me at that point#and she was one of the first people to consistently ask for consent and check in. and she did genuinely care about me.#but she also truly fucked me over a couple of times.#but mostly that was just because she was buried in a pit of despair and self loathing.#she seems a lot happier now. i hope she is. i don't know if i want to know her particularly but i think if she's happy she'd be nice to know
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throughdarkeningskies · 3 months ago
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fascinating to see posts where it's like. someone taking a phrase with a specific meaning and insisting that it can actually mean Anything At All Whatsoever. i get what you're trying to do here but words have meanings for a reason
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termagax · 9 months ago
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like i think to fish theyre just both people who shouldve died a long time ago and now they arent allowed to. because they need each other. and they both crave that and resent it.
#they WANT to be so important to him that he would fall apart without then AND they resent that they cant fall apart without hurting him#they were having a perfectly decent apathetic slide into eternal misery and then he had to go and ruin it with love. whatever.#like they want to be this essential part of his life because they loooove having that power over him they really really do#and theyre mean about it too. but like. they dont like that it goes both ways#they dont like being looked after or cared about because they get too used to it and they feel themselves falling in love w him again and#they run away. and eventually they come back or he comes back to them. and they tell themselves its just transactional like#they have something he needs and he has something they want#animal sir chloe style#but just like that its like. its NOT that. they need him so fucking bad and they feel better when hes around even when they hate his ass#and espeically after they start 'working' for jr with him its like. they really really love him so bad and they hate it.#these stupid assholes making them feel alive again. making them feel FEEELINGS. liek a PERSON. eugh#and i think they hate how scared they get when something happens to roadhog. theyre supposed to know better than that basically#they feel like needing him is vulnerable because it opens the door for him to hurt them again which is why they so enjoy being the one in#control + being the one who leaves#and the one who lashes out and ect ect. but they cant help themself and they hate hirself for it. so like. well the only solution is that#you shouldve killed yourself two decades ago so i couldve wasted away mad at you like i was supposed to and wed be done with it.#fishs got a case of wanting to die in such a way where they wont take any active steps to get there#but they resent being alive and they resent every minute of pain they endure by being alive. hence the very sex booze violence lifestyle#but the frustrating thing about him is that they. most of the time. like being alive with him. so they have to endure more#more pain and heartache and frustration. and they dont want to but they cant do anything else. they cant even leave again at this point#anyways. my fishy#🐟#they have every disease
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milfronin · 1 year ago
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we as a society need to stop automatically associating stupidity as being a bad thing. i say this as someone who is completely genuinely a bit stupid i am like . i take a lot of time to pick up on things i am incredibly easily confused i will very very very easily assume things wrong or forget things and it is not necessarily a bad thing and whenever i call myself stupid people are like "oh you're not stupid youre smart" like no, it isnt a self deprecation thing, it's a statement of fact. I Am A Bit Dull And That Is Okay. Don't call me out for using the wrong language or whatever it's late at night and i'm really muddyminded right now but i want to . make a post about this and kind of get it off my chest
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tardis--dreams · 2 years ago
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One thing you need to know about me is that I will never reblog anything that has the addition "this should be reblogged by everyone" or anything of the like.
#unless it's like#really funny and not a guilt trippy kind of bullshit#i can agree 130% with a post and then see that comment and I'm like#yeah no. go fuck yourself.#(this point has been made so many times but people don't get why it's annoying apparently. people don't dislike your stupid addition#because they secretly disagree with the post but because now it seems like some weird social obligation to rb is#rb this or you're a bad person is a clever marketing strategy but it's quite stupid because it weakens the original point#oh you're saying everyone should rb this? well now it looks like the ppl rbing actually just do it out of some feeling#of social obligation. not because they really want to but because they want to fulfill the arbitrary standards you just made up for being#a good person#and don't get me wrong most certainly are most people rb these posts still out of agreement with the original statement#but it's still annoying as fuck and also you'd think ppl would know by now that people don't generally like being told what to do#so my hypothesis is (and i won't do any research to prove or disprove it (i might be very wrong and most people don't mind obviously)) bjt#but my hypothesis is that people who originally agree with the post but have a strong desire of being free in their choices#won't actually end up rbing bc it's just not that free of a choice anymore bc you just had to make it 'obligatory' but we all know#nothing is obligatory on a stupid webbed site like this so they scroll past while people who maybe would have scrolled past now feel#like they might actually be a bad person if they don't do as it says but without actually caring about the content. which diminishes#the positivity the post originally was supposed to spread bc how do you tell ppl actually mean it now when they rb these things#anyway. am i ranting about something completely asinine phenomenon on tumblr.com? yes.#would it be better to not dedicate my time and energy into making a 'hate' post? absolutely. but that will never stop me from doing so#(also works for things like 'you guys HAVE to do xyz [for your (mental) health/etc]'. literally the best advice phrased like this#is counterproductive. post something that doesn't sound like you're judging everyone who does otherwise and maybe ppl will be more inclined#to believe whatever your point or statement is)#ok I'll stop#shut up amy#void screams
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seventh-district · 2 years ago
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of course i finally write something for the first time in nearly two months and it’s the most fucked-up, self-indulgent thing i’ve ever written
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#Jimち ASMR#🧷 Matt 🔨#<- making my own tag for Matt bc i am insane#and this fandom is so small that i don’t think there even /is/ a pre-established tag for him anyways???#and it’s not like i’m super eager for this fic to even actually be viewed by anyone who knows who the character is#cause this fic is so self-indulgent and embarrassing i lowkey don’t want it associated with the fandom#lest i be called out for being problematic or smthn. dude i don’t even know anymore#it’s not like Jim himself hasn’t been called out for being *ahem* problematic either tho soooooo#it’s not like strange and potentially problematic is anything new around here anyways#and it’s my mental illness so I get to choose the comfort character to project my destructive desires upon#i don’t really even think it’s that bad but i fear i’ve actually just grown immune to my specific flavor of Fucked-Up™️#and any sane person would look at it and be like… Are You Okay???#and the answer is No!#but like. in a chill way#anyways iiiiit is 4am and i just stayed up all night writing 7k words of something so brutally honest and revealing of my desires#that if i were a wiser man i wouldn’t post it where anyone who finds my online presence can just… read it#but! i am not a wiser man i am a very stupid man who enjoys oversharing on the internet#and it’s fine bc i don’t think hardly anyone’s gonna see it anyways. given the fact that there’s like almost /no/ fandom for this character#it’s so weird writing for a character that’s never been written for before#by anyone aside from his original creator obviously#but i think Jim just fuckin’ improvs a lot of his shit anyways lmao.#I’m Getting Off Topic!!! Time To Shut Up and Hit Post!!!#edit- i just looked and actually looks like there’s one (1) fic written for Matt on AO3 so i am sadly not the first person to write for him#alas#anyways i’ve still gotta do a final edit and get it all drafted up and ready to post on here and AO3#so who knows when it’ll actually be out. but it feels good to be writing again!#now if i could just find a way of doing it that doesn’t require me staying up all night long…
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medicinemane · 2 months ago
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The problem with a lot of body horror for me is it's just gross without being compelling
Like yeah you had that person tear their leg open and pull muscle away from bone in a way that's very uncomfortable... but I don't care. Or a lot of Hostel style horror for me it's just kinda... yeah... grossing me out isn't some kinda win
Cause it's not that I don't like body horror, I love Dead Space for instance which... kinda the core pillar of that is body horror if we're honest
Could be a matter of that that kind of body horror is more fantastic making it easier to digest, I will advance that as a theory, but personally I kinda think that it's more that they do something actually interesting with it
Like if I wanted to I could probably see a really fucked up leg wound (and worse) in looking online about this shitty world
Can't really find dead bodies contorted into killing machines though
So I kinda feel like it's my problem with a lot of horror, of that it's horrible in a mundane way where as I'm looking for some unfathomable secret out of horror
So there's a difference between some stabbing a person in the eye cause they're just a shitty person, and doing it to try and create a replica of an alien artifact that gives unlimited energy but also drives people crazy and then turns their bodies into horrible monstrosities
One is just way more interesting to me
#also most of that shit looked stupid and goofy and like bad cgi#like yeah you managed to make some brutal looking stuff; congratz; I don't care about that#but the actual monster stuff you did just looked silly#bleh... glad I skipped my way through out of 10 kinda horror movie (ie almost every horror movie)#the only problem with Dead Space is that I can't play it cause ammo management stresses me the fuck out#you'd think it's because it's too scary#but no; it's cause it brings out my perfectionist where I need to make every shot hit perfectly#I don't do well with scarcity; too much in my own life#which means I don't do well with horror because by necessity things are scarce cause otherwise that's just a power fantasy#but also! it's hard for me to watch stuff like that cause I get bored real easily of watching people meander#also I don't want them talking#basically what I need to find is somebody that... let's be honest; that's a cinematic artist#knows how to collect everything with good pacing; knows how to win without making it too easy#this is my curse with Dead Space; in many ways it's one of my favorite bits of horror in the world#and yet I can hardly interact with it cause of how my brain is#maybe the real Dead Space was the dysfunctions we had along t he way#but nah... too much horror is screamy backrooms; not enough is MyHouse.wad (or whatever the Doom extension is)#which... is another thing I'll never play; but I got lucky and found a video that really nailed what I needed it to#which is funny cause I don't really enjoy anything else on the guy's channel; mostly cause he covers analog horror which...#I so want to like analog horror; but I never do; it always feels so bland#all of it has sparks of brilliance but then goes way too silly with it#horror is one of my favorite genre's; which is I guess why I hate all of it so much and I'm so so so so so so so picky#legit part of my problem is there's a very real extent to which I feel like 'if it doesn't drive me literally insane; what's the point?'#like; 'if I don't have a literal break with reality and become infested by madness from another world; is it even horror?'#which I gotta be honest; if it actually happened I wouldn't enjoy that much#I want some unknowable truth... horror makes me hungry for something I can't put my finger on#like a memory long since passed#but there's stuff I do end up liking and end up thinking is effective#mm tag so i can find things later
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