#bumcheeks

[glassygoose]

[ofthirtynine]

everyones online rn huh. well here's some photos of my cat

[chesacakeripper]

Ripped the entire arse out of my work trousers this afternoon and had to call my partner to emergency deliver me new ones whilst hiding in the doctors office and hoping I didn't get an emergency call until he got there.

Psychiatry life, everyone!

[airyairyaucontraire]

"This is what happens when you aren't happy with what you've got! Someone's husband eventually gets it!" may not be the best line in Bluey but it's right up there

[affront2god-affectionate]

Will (2017) s01e03

[1d-trashcan]

I’ve been walking around with a cramp/sharp pain in my bum for like a month, thinking it was gonna go away. Finally found a chiropractor that can help me in two week. Fully expecting my pain to disappear on its own and gaslight me.

[vandalyssm]

Merlin Takes No Shits AU (crack)

Enemy of the Week: Hah! What can a filthy, pathetic, lowly servant like you possibly do without the protection of your prince?

Merlin:

Merlin:

Merlin: Hasta la vista, bitch (shitty fireball cgi)

---

Gaius: What were you thinking?! The king could have sentenced you to death! Have you any sense of self-preservation, boy?

Merlin: No

Gaius: ...And?

Merlin: ???

Gaius: Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Merlin: Nah lol

---

Arthur: Tell me, Merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?

Merlin: ...Are you propositioning me?

Arthur: (wide eyes) (blush)

Arthur: You—Of course not! What is wrong with you?

Merlin: Cause if you were, I wouldn't turn your offer down. (easy smirk)

Arthur: (jaw drop)

Merlin: See you around, stranger.

[Silence as Merlin strides away]

Arthur: (shouts) I am the prince. You can't just walk away from me!

[Merlin waves without looking back]

---

[Merlin enters the Dragon's cave for the first time.]

Khilgharrah: How small you are for such—

Merlin: Can you, for the love of the Gods, shut up with the mindspeak? I'm trying to sleep.

Kilgharrah: (shocked)

Merlin: thx (leaves)

---

Merlin: (mutters) dayum shawty thy bumcheeks should be illegal

Arthur, who's not deaf: WHAT?

Merlin: what

---

Uther: [hate speech about sorcerers]

Merlin in the background, seething: 🤌🤌🤌

[forcemeanakin]

Hot take: trainer!Anakin

but hear me out!!!!! trainer!Anakin as a boyfriend would be the coolest and sexiest shit ever. Proof right here:

NSFW content included

-Jogging after morning cuddles

-He would wake you up with tons of kisses just so you would feel motivated to go out with him

-if you were feeling extremely lazy that morning, he would have to use a stronger tactic eating you out

-He would use you, yes you, in his own routine. Whether it was dropping a kiss on your lips after every push up he completed, or using you as weight during his hip thrusts. Anakin Skywalker would use you as his muse in every single area of his life, this included.

-Not gonna lie, depending on your personality, your joined visits to the gym would quickly become a competition. He loved that about training with you, it made it more fun.

-He's still salty about that time you made more squats than him

-But he's not actually pissed because he's just too delighted with the results of the exercise on your ass

-He loves your ass

-He loves publicly groping your ass, sending a message to all of the gym bros that thirst over you

-You would scold him after he squeezed your bumcheeks, or after he smacked your ass in front of someone but you secretly liked that caveman part of him

-Also I feel like Anakin is obsessed by how your thighs look after you just finished doing a lower body exercise. All firm and fit. Ready to pop.

-And viceversa. Whenever he stopped doing his quad exercises, the only thing your brain could process was riding his thigh back home oops (that one hits too close to home)

-Sometimes you would take separate paths, given that your target areas were so different. While you were at the spinning machine, he would be at the other side of the facility, bench pressing your weight. As a warmup.

-Honestly drooling over your boyfriend was half the experience of being at the gym. He would sometimes catch you all embellished and shit, and he would wink at you with an arrogant smile

-As a trainer, Anakin would be tough. Physical excellency is very important to him. He is ruled by the philosophy that our bodies are temples, so he is very fit and shit. Exercising is no exception to his perfectionism and stubborness. In fact, he takes his job of making you healthier very seriously.

-You want to skip a set? He just added one more. You are not pushing yourself to pick up a heavier weight, even when you know you can? He is adding ten more reps. And don't even get him started on avoiding a specific type of exercise. You are doing the burpees, even if that takes all day long.

-General Skywalker = trainer! Anakin

-But also I think he would be very sweet if he knew you struggle with exercising. Maybe you had a difficult relationship with your body and/or felt insecure by training in a public space; he would help you make amends with the situation and be patient with you

-we all know what you two would do as cardio. Henry Cavill said it first

-finally, the ultimate reward for dragging your ass out of bed and to the gym (instead of sleeping) was to see Anakin fresh out of the shower with a compression black shirt and grey sweatpants.

GOD I COULD DO A HUNDRED OF THESE. AS A GYM RAT MYSELF, THIS IS THE DREAM.

[mintmentos]

Things in Sherlock and co that make me get weird looks on the tube because I can’t contain myself

Lots of love, Sherlock Holmes

Who is called Jonk??

No shit Sherlock

The bag for life debacle

“Lestrade has very kindly sent these on. What she lacks in intelligence and any discernable talent required to be an officer, she’d makes up for in kindness” “She sent these to you for your birthday” “I suspect for two reasons. First, the case makes very little sense to Scotland Yard which isn’t surprising, and second, yes, for my birthday”

John losing it over the cardboard box title

The horse is the fucking masked singer!

According to Watson’s geographical breakdown I live in the bumcheeks of the uk

[glassygoose]

It’s been a while since I posted something fresh

[itsthecherryontop]

This is a question I've been pondering for a while; Is Billy's ass real or not?

Cause it would make sense if they used prosthetics to make it larger, as it is one of the first things that the girls of Hawkins notice about him and is practically a defining trait of his (The man has loads of gratuitous bumshots)

But I find it highly amusing to think that if it is real, the Duffer Brothers were so utterly enamoured with Dacre's glorious bumcheeks, that they felt the need to include it as a prominent feature

I know that I read that Billy’s wardrobe was customized to fit him. Every single pair of Levi jeans Dacre wore was tailored to fit his body. I do think it’s real. I just think that the way they tailored the jeans emphasized it. 

In the show, Billy really relies on his appearance. He sexualizes himself as a power move and a sense of control. So it makes sense that the Duffer Brothers emphasized specific traits that would appeal to females. Billy specifically would be able to dress those parts up, which is why his shirt is unbuttoned most of the time he’s basically flaunting and peacocking himself for these women.

I think Billy would go out of his way to make sure that the clothes he buys would fit this desire to appeal to the females. I could totally see Billy himself going to get his clothing tailored to fit him better. I believe under everything Billy is really insecure and having all these women want and desire him gives him a feeling of being worth something in a sense of control. After his mother leaving and being stuck in this abusive situation with his father, it makes sense that Billy would seek validation in other forms. That’s why he has to be the top dog at school and he leans in to his sex appeal.

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

in answer to @elgooso - #so. prev tags #what. what do you mean#home of rimming?

on this post about Canterbury and my tag: #HOME OF RIMMING

SO.

Calling Canterbury the home of rimming (or "the home of the chocolate smooch") is an in-joke from when we went to visit Canterbury during first year of uni.

BUT WHY, YOU ASK?

Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (which, admittedly, happen on the road between London and Canterbury, not in the city itself, but whatever) features The Miller's Tale.

There's a bunch of different things that happen in The Miller's Tale, but for our purposes the key bit is this. Warning - this does, I guess, count as SA, but this is a story told for gross-out reasons by drunken idiot. The point is that its crass and terrible.

Anyway!

Alisoun, who has a husband but is being wooed by two other dudes anyway, is sick of Absolon (guy #2) hanging out under her window, singing to him, and begging her for a kiss. At the climax of the poem, he's outside asking for a kiss, so she sticks her arse out of the window and he kisses her right on the bumhole. With relish.

Here's the key bit of the poem, and a Harvard translation:

Original: And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole and Absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers but with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers ful savourly, er he were war of this. Abak he stirte, and thoughte it was amys, For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd.

Translation into modern English: And at the window out she put her hole, and Absolon, to him it happened no better nor worse, but with his mouth he kissed her naked ass with great relish, before he was aware of this. Back he jumped, and thought it was amiss, for well he knew a woman has no beard.

What really got me was the ful savourly part. And the part where Chaucer specifies that it's her hole, not just her bum or her bumcheek. Because of this delightful tale, we started to call Canterbury the home of rimming. Look, we were young and very, very silly.

Anyway! There we go. Go forth with this knowledge, and kiss people's buttholes ful savourly 🍑

[toomuchracket]

reader hearing that it’s better for you to sleep in a cold room so she opens all the windows in January. And Matty is under the duvet, shivering and whining dramatically.

let's say it's the 2nd of january (because you guys went a bit ham on the champagne bringing in the new year and you were a feeling a little bit tender, shall we say, on the 1st) and you and matty are determined that you're going to get your shit together this year and you're going to keep it that way. you'll get fresh air every day (you went for a walk together really early that morning and it was lovely), you'll exercise every day (well... you got some cardio done in the shower and the bedroom when you got back from your walk), and you'll fix your sleep schedule. getting to bed at a reasonable time is something you know you'll need to do gradually, but you remember reading a vogue wellness feature that said it's easier to fall asleep quicker if your bedroom is cold, and you figure that might help regulate you and matty's wakeup time a bit. so that night, once you're dressed for bed in one of matty's old t-shirts, you wander around your bedroom opening the windows and closing the curtains. matty comes out of the ensuite and gets into bed while you're in the middle of it, watching how the t-shirt hem rises as you tiptoe to reach the window latch and exposes your bare bumcheek, before he realises you're doing something weird and questions it like "not that i'm not appreciating the view, darlin' (you turn around to glare at him and he backtracks), like you look lovely all moonlit and dreamy, but what on earth are you doing with the windows?". and you're like "opening them" as you do the last one and then get into bed. and matty's like "obvs, but why? it's winter?" and you tell him about the vogue thing you read and he rolls his eyes but doesn't question it. that is, until you're both reading a chapter of your respective books (another aspect of getting your shit together) before turning the lamps off, and matty shuffles further under the duvet shivering and chattering his teeth (overdramatically), and you say "something bothering you, matthew?" and he just whines "babe it's too COLD i'm freezing i can't cope". and you sigh and put your book down and take your glasses off and turn to him like "baby it's really not that bad", and matty turns to you incredulously and goes "not that bad? sweetheart, my nips could cut glass right now. YOUR nips could cut glass right now" like touching your boob as he says it. and that gives you an idea - you sit up and take your top off, and matty's like "you are insane, woman, you're going to get frostbite and your tits are gonna fall off and i'm gonna die if that happens. like i will actually die" and you just take his hands and put them on your boobs (which matty doesn't complain about) and say "well, maybe you should try to keep me warm then ;)". and matty's like "finally, you've had a good idea", and the two of you do a little more bedroom cardio to keep warm, which is a win-win because it tires you out lol (and both you and matty actually welcome the cold night air when you're spent and sweating) <3

[affront2god-affectionate]

So, the fandom calls the guy Baptiste, imdb lists him as Babtiste, wikipedia lists him as Babiaste.

To address this situation, we in this here company held a meeting and proposed the following alternatives (in the order of admission) :

(s) Alexander Bingbong (f) Alexander Barbenheimer (a) Alexander Baddaddy (s) Alexander Bangbang (m) Alexander Beguiler (s) Alexander Baguette (m) Alexander Bon Appetit (m) Alexander Boutique (m) Alexander Boulevard (m) Alexander Boutiliers (m) Alexander Bouillabaisse (m) Alexander Boutonnière (m) Alexander A Baby (this one was from autocorrect) (n) Alexander Baklava (f) Alexander Balaclava (n) Alexander Big Booty Bitches (s) Alexander Banana (n) Alexander BOY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND CAUSE I'LL HELP YOU FIND IT (a) Alexander Bodyslam (a) Alexander Benefactor (a) Alexander Bat lover (aka us) (s) Alexander Batman (n) Alexander Boytoy (n) Alexander Babadook (f) Alexander Baba-Yaga (s) Alexander Badminton (s) Alexander Bamilton (s) Alexander Baddydaddy (f) Alexander Bumcheeks (a) Alexander Become My Baby Daddy (n) Alexander Bussy (s) Alexander Bonk Go to Horny Jail (a) Alexander But What If I Don't Want To Go To Horny Jail (s) Alexander Ash is Being a Brat (a) Alexander Brat Tamer (s) Alexander Be a Good Boy/Girl (n) Alexander Bitchslap (a) Alexander Blow My Back Out

Credits go to: (s) @secretly-sirens, (f) @affront2god-affectionate, (a) @bowersbubbles, (m) @moonlitdark, (n) @nebulousfishgills

[buttermilkqueen]

they should invent a type of crying in front of your coworkers that doesnt make you feel like you just did a 100m sprint Buttcheeks booty ass butt bumcheek naked in front of 3million people.

[daaydreamy]

https://www.tumblr.com/daaydreamy/708780504257806336/what-ab-dom-yn-giving-sub-louis-a-hickey-on-his?source=share

all jokes aside... wanna write ab it?

•••

HEYYY I MEAN…

“what made you think this was a good idea?” y/n was sat on the backs of louis’ knees while he lied beneath her with his arms cross, head resting on his forearms, relaxed. she poked at the face of the stupid penguin tattoo he got on his arse a while ago, wondering what was going through his mind when he asked the tattoo artist for a penguin on his bumcheek.

“don’t poke it, you tit-”

“sorry, sorry.” y/n rose her hands up as if she was surrendering, laughing a little from the glare he gave her when he turned his head.

“just, i have to look at it. while it’s looking back at me.”

“i’ll get it lazer-removed then.”

“don’t think it’s worth it, really.” y/n was murmuring until she was suddenly sucking on his skin, nipping at it lightly while he was squirming in surprise and gasping. she pulled away a little while, a bright grin resting on her face while louis tried turning his entire body around completely, staring at her.

“did you really have to do that?”

“i wanted to prove a point.”