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makeste · 4 years ago

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“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua and @class1akids’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

#bnha 322 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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peach-the-owl · 5 years ago

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Child of the Nein

When you first meet (Mighty Nein & Child!Reader) Part 1

This popped into my head one day and I don’t think I‘ve seen anyone else do something like this so I thought: Hey why not? You know because a child in a group of adventurers couldn’t possibly go wrong

Also they may not be 100% accurate to their back story but I kept them as close as I could

Jester

Jester weaved her way through the streets of Nicodranas until she had reached the edge of the port side city. Looking now at the necklace upon her, lost in thought, her bittersweet thoughts of home quickly interrupted however by rustling bushes nearby. Thinking one of the guards had found her she readied herself to run, only to freeze when a child looking no older then 8 comes tumbling out of it.

You pick yourself up off the ground and brush off some dirt, you then look up to see a pretty blue lady in front of you. She seemed nice, and it’d be rude not to say hello to her. "Hello, pretty blue lady." You give her a wave and a smile, which is happily returned by them.

"Hello! What's a cute little kid like you doing here all alone?" She kneels down and pokes your nose when asking, causing you to giggle.

"I’m exploring!" You state eagerly.

"Oh, I see. Where’s your momma and papa?" You look around before giving a shrug. "Do you have a momma and papa?" You shrug again, not knowing how to answer.

"Hey what’s that?" You ask pointing to the pendent on her waist. This caused her eyes to brighten more.

"This is my symbol of the Traveler, have you ever heard of him?" You shake your head and lean in closer to hear more. "Well he’s a really cool guy and can do really amazing things."

"Wow! That sounds awesome! Oh, I’m (y/n) by the way!" You say, realizing you forgot to introduce yourself.

"I’m Jester." Jester holds her hand out for you to shake, which you eagerly do.

"So Jester, what are you doing here all alone?" You ask, mimicking her earlier question. You see Jesters smile drop a little.

"I made a really powerful man reeallly angry, but he was also a big jerk so he had it coming, *sigh* but to stay safe I have leave home."

"Can I come! I love adventuring and exploring, it’ll be sooooo much fun with someone else too!" You bounce on your feet and look at her expectantly. Jester did like the sound of having someone to travel with and an opportunity to talk more about the Traveler, and by the looks of things you didn’t have anyone else with you (which is a little sad for someone still so young).

"Of course you can!" Jaester agreed, having you around seemed like fun not to mention you reminded Jester of herself when she was young and couldn’t wait to introduce you to the ways of the Traveler and all the mischief you two would make. What could possibly go wrong?

Nott

Being the young runt in a clan of goblins made things hard for you, being seen as weak and useless lead to them constantly bullying and pushing you around. One day while forced to help carry some of the heavy equipment for the torturer you had slipped up causing everything you carried to crash to the ground. You try to ignore the yelling and ridicule from the torturer but you could feel the tears pricking your eyes which lead to more yelling, you slowly pick yourself up and start going to grab the equipment. It’s then you notice the stares of the assistant on you, you duck your head down lower and continue about your prior job.

Nott watched from a safe distance as her "boss" yelled at the smaller goblin, she knew better then to intervene. Still she couldn’t help but feel some pity for the little one as she understood what it’s like to be bullied for being different, and she’d be lying if she didn’t admit to feeling her maternal instinct kick in for the child. When the torturer finally left Nott decided to make her move, carefully approaching them.

"It's no fun being bullied around is it." Her shrill voice causes you to stumble a bit. After a brief moment of pause you you slowly shake your head. "Do you even like it here?" You didn’t know what she was getting at, nonetheless you shake your head again. After a longer pause you figured the more one-sided conversation was done so you once again go back to heaving the equipment along.

"What if we could leave?" Now she had your full attention.

"H-how do we do that?" You voice came out quiet and scratchy, due to hardly using it.

"I’m not sure yet but I’ll figure something out."

"Ok… but why-why help me? I’m not very big or strong, I’d probably just hold you back." You look into her big yellow eyes in search of an answer, unsure if you could actually trust them.

"I used to feel the same, still do sometimes, but I think since we both don’t like it here we can help each other out." Being young the logic seemed sound enough for you.

"Alright, let's do it." You wanted to shout with excitement but kept you voice down not wanting to redraw the attention of the torturer.

"I’m…… Nott, that’s N-O-T-T." Nott gave you a faint smile, you stare at her with a confused expression which she catches onto. "Oh that’s right, you don’t know how to spell do you. That’s alright, can you tell me your name?"

"I don’t got one. They just call me runt because that’s what I am." You look down to the ground, suddenly finding it more interesting as you shuffle your feet about. Nott pondered on this for a moment before lighting up with an idea.

"How about I call you (y/n), has a good ring to it don’t you think?" The name sounded a little strange to you but in a good way, definatly not a traditional goblin name, still you liked it all the same. Giving Nott a nod and your first real toothy smile in awhile (hey that rhymed), you both decided to sneakily think of ways to free yourselves from the clan. What could possibly go wrong?

Caleb

The people here in Vergesson Sanatorium said you were psychotic. Being 5 you didn’t know what that meant, all you can remember is watching as the "pretty colours danced" and now you where here in this big boring building. They say it’s for your own good, that it’s the only place you’ll get the help and care you need. Again you didn’t quite understand what that was supposed to mean, you had asked if you could go home once but they said that this was your home now and it would have to be until you were older and fully recovered. Everything they said just left you confused and with more questions; why couldn’t you go home, what were you even recovering from, and many more all of which you never got the answer to. There were other people "like you" here but many of them didn’t seem much fun or up for a chat leaving you bored to wits end, but that all changed (when the fire nation attacked) when you bumped into someone while roaming around. You crane your neck up to see a man with messy reddish hair, next to him laying on the ground was a guard, you could recognize that uniform anywhere. The man then turns to look at you with a glare, you stare into his eyes for a moment before pointing to the guard.

"Is he sleeping?" It seemed like an odd question but you had always been a curious soul. The man looks between you and the guard, his glare having now turned into a deadpanned expression.

"Ja, he is." Is his responce to you before he starts walking away, you take this as a sign and follow him. Not without noticing a small red puddle by the guard as you pass them, however you just thought he must’ve had too much tomato juice before taking a nap. Continuing through the winding halls of the sanatorium you realize you’ve never been to this area yet.

"Where are we going?" You pipe up, causing the man to halt his movement in surprise so wrapped up in his objective he didn’t realize you had been following him.

"I am leaving." He put a big emphasis on the I hoping you take the hint, you didn’t.

"Can I come? Please it’s so boring here, everything’s the same, I wanna go outside and-"

"Stop!" You stop and look at him, his eyes calculating you, not that you would’ve caught onto that. After a moment of your little staring contest he mumbles something you can’t quite catch, other then the words "small" and "useful". "Very well," he says loud enough for you to hear now, "you may come along but you must listen and do exactly as I say, understand."

"Yeah, ok!" You couldn’t contain your enthusiasm, practically bouncing around, finally you could leave this boring place and go somewhere more exciting. You would’ve run to give this man a hug but he held up his hand, once again stopping you.

"First rule, none of this… over excitement. Second rule, stay as quiet as possible, we don’t want to attract any attention." You immediately stop and give a slight nod to show him you were listening, just like he’d asked. After what felt like hours of wandering to you, you finally find yourself back in the colourful outside world, it’s also at this time you realized you never gave this man your name.

"I just remembered that I forgot to tell you my name's (y/n). What’s yours?" You look to him expectantly, waiting for him to tell you his name. He turns to you, a slight annoyed expression on his face. Opening his mouth to say something he hesitates.

"My name… is… not important right now." He says, carefully picking his choice of words. "First we must focus on leaving the area undetected, and remember to stay quiet." You give a quiet "oh yeah" before following his lead and sneaking off. At last you were free from the sanatorium, with a strange and scruffy man… What could possibly go wrong?

Caduceus

You pushed through the thick vegetation that surrounded the area going as fast as your legs could carry you. You can hear your mothers words repeating in your head; "My child, you must hurry! Go! Seek help at the Blooming Grove!" You’d heard of the place before, from others in your clan, but never visited it yourself. None of that mattered at the moment as you continued to traverse through the sharp, thorny vines, giving little thought to the various cuts you were receiving. Finally after days of running and hiding you see a graveyard, and based upon what you were told it matched the description of the Blooming Grove. You only take a few steps forward before your knees buckle under you, the exhaustion of tireless travel and the various wounds having finally crept up on you to take their toll. You pass out soon after.

Another day of tending to the graves of the departed had become a pleasant routine for Caduceus, however he did have to admit it felt lonesome since the last of his family had left to seek a cure for the blight that plagued the area. The sound of a soft thud draws him away from his thoughts, he looks over his shoulder but doesn’t see anything at first. Slowly he makes his way over to the source of the sound and scans the area, surprised to find a rather young firbolg laying unconscious a few feet from the entrance of the temple. He scans the area again but finds no one else in the immediate vicinity, as he makes his way closer to the child he soon notices the many cuts and bruises that litter their body. It's as if some maternal instinct kicked in as Caduceus carefully gathers the child into his arms and brings them into the temple without a second thought. He gently lays them on one of his sisters beds and begins treating their wounds, patching up the smaller cuts with bandage and using his magic to heal the more concerning gashes that covered the youngling.

You slowly creak your eyes open and immediately notice your new surroundings, you also couldn’t help but notice the bandages that now coverered your arms and legs. "Good to see you’re finally awake." You shift you’re attention to the door where the pink haired firbolg stands with what looks to be a fresh kettle of tea. "I’m Caduceus." He says gently, seeing the slight confusion on your face.

"Ummm… hi. I’m (y/n)." Despite everything you find it hard to form words, settling on the awkward greeting. He laughs softly before setting down the kettle and pouring a cup of tea, the gentle aroma wafting around you. He silently offers you a cup which you happily accept, the awkwardness of earlier quickly melting away.

"So tell me (y/n), what are you doing here all alone?" He gives you a concerned look, you shuffle in place, trying to find the right words to use.

"My… my home got raided by a tribe of forest giants, my family tried to settle things calmly but they wouldn’t listen. My momma told me to look for help at the Blooming Grove, and from what I was told this seems to be the place." The was a long pause once you finished your story, the silence feeling suffocating the longer it went on.

"I’m sorry that happened to you, and while you did find your way here I… I’ve been the only one here for the last 5 maybe 6 years now." The information slowly sinks in and as it does your ears flatten and your tail wraps around your legs, curling yourself into a ball. Tears well up in your eyes at the thought of everything you did being for nothing, only when you felt Caduceus' hand gently place itself on your back did you snap back to reality and redirect your attention onto him. "It’s not all bad if you think about it."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"You’re still alive and you were able to make through the dangers of the forest and find your way here without ever having been here before. I don’t think that’s just some coincidence, I believe you were guided here for a reason, that somehow someday you and I will have a greater role to fulfill."

"You really think so?" You rub the tears from your eyes a bit and give him a rather adorable doe eyed stare. He gives you a kind smile and nods. His words defiantly helped you feel a little better, and the both of you now had each other for company until destiny decided to call you elsewhere. What could possibly go wrong?

Part 2 will be out soon-ish (hopefully) with the rest of the Mighty Nein I didn’t feature here (obviously)

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adrenameg · 5 years ago

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Ok ok...hear me out😂 So I always joke when playing that when a killer is carrying a survivor, why don’t the other survivors just kick them in the back of the knee or try to wrestle their legs out from under them. I would live to see that😂 Could you do a scenario or headcanons of how some of the killers (the big ones or survivor sized) would react to a survivor trying to take out their legs (either succeeding or failing) to free their friend from the killers grasp? I need this😂

this idea is so good 😂 i do actually think the exact same thing!! i’m sure it wouldn’t have an effect on some of the killers but i can see the legion and danny who are of similar sizing getting dragged down 😂

i decided to name all the killers and write a short para on what their reaction would be and whether they drop the survivor etc, hope that’s ok!!! you can also specify a certain killer if you like and i’ll write a short 😊 again hope this is okay!!

I have put it under a keep reading as its quite long, enjoy!

Killer reactions to survivors trying to take them out

The Trapper | Evan Macmillan: he actually finds it cute that they all try and take him out because it never works, no matter how many of them try. evan doesn’t even realise they’re tryna take him out by his legs until they start shouting rude things at him. makes him chuckle.

The Wraith | Philip Ojomo: philip has skinny legs so when survivors try and push him over he really struggles to keep his balance. there is an occasional time that a survivor gets free. he gets really angry and stands in a corner sulking.

The Hillbilly | Max Thompson Jr: idek with this one, i can just imagine him being completely confused when 3 survivors rush at his legs and try and knock him over. doesn’t budge, but it does startle him, which gives the survivor over his shoulder a few seconds to try and get free. his confusion is his downfall and he knows it.

The Nurse | Sally Smithson: she is actually more worried about the survivors hurting themselves trying to get their friend free than her hooking someone and pleasing the entity. she will drop their teammate just so none of them get injured really badly. she’s too good for this realm.

The Shape | Michael Myers: sorry, but if anyone is being carried by michael then they are never getting out. grip like iron and also legs of steel. if survivors launch themselves at his thighs they just hurt their own bodies rather than him. michael just ignores all attempts as he knows it’ll have no effect.

The Hag | Lisa Sherwood: due to her height and frail structure, she’s defo gonna be taken out if anyone tries to tackle her. the person she’s carrying will be easily free. she gets really upset, and i can imagine she’d slug everyone so no one could take her out when she picks anyone else up. although, if she walks past someone whilst they’re on the ground, they grab her ankle and pull her to the floor.

The Doctor | Herman Carter: throw themselves at his legs and they’ll just get shocked. all of his body is basically full of electricity so there’s no point them even trying to take him out. he has no problem with anyone trying though, gives him some sort of sick enjoyment.

The Huntress | Anna: anna is an odd one, she either gets very protective over the survivors trying to take her down, as she doesn’t want to see them hurt. or… she’s incredibly mean and gets super angry that they’re all trying to hurt her. doesn’t see why they’d try and take her down as they know it’s her job to hook people. she never stops anyone though, she got those strong legs.

The Cannibal | Bubba Sawyer: he never lets a survivor get out of his grasp. if others try and take him out they’ll fail. he gets miserable if someone tries though, he just wants them to stop bullying him. makes him see red and he goes into a rage, everyone is brutally killed by the end of the trial.

The Nightmare | Freddy Krueger: smol boy freddy gets tackled all the damn time. to every single one of the survivors he just has no… scare factor. a lot of the time he does manage to stay upright and hook the survivor he’s holding. after, he tries his best to be scary so they don’t try it again but it never works.

The Pig | Amanda Young: surprisingly, she generally manages to keep hold of the person in her hands. even though she’s quite small, she is strong and is definitely not weak. it doesn’t really bother her that the survivors try and take her down, she expects it to happen. after all, why wouldn’t they try and save their friends from that dreadful hook?

The Clown | Jeffrey Hawk: ok i feel like i don’t even need to mention whether this guy manages to keep a hold of the survivors (he defo does without fail). if anyone tries to take him out, he senses it, and spins round so they run into his belly and bounce off. he makes himself laugh, and it’s actually his horrible cough that poses more of a danger of dropping someone than the survivors.

The Spirit | Rin Yamaoka: try and get their friend free and she will drop whoever she is holding immediately and come after the other survivors. they are all most likely downed within a matter of minutes. don’t mess with the spirit.

The Legion | F.J.S.J: safe to say they all get tackled to the ground, and it depends on who it is on whether that person being held will go free. if it’s frank, he will try his hardest to stay standing and sometimes he does, but if he doesn’t he will grip the person so damn hard he could crack their bones - they’re not getting away from him. julie tries to do the same as frank but usually gives up trying. susie is just too kind and if they try and knock her over she’ll go down on purpose so that the person can get away. joey is a bit of a mixed bag, it depends on his mood. he will either do the same as frank or be like susie.

The Plague | Adiris: she doesn’t really need to worry about the other survivors and them trying to get their friend free. as long as they’re sick, and throwing up then their attempts will be failed. they’re too weak to try and push her over. however if they’re not sick, they may just be able to do it because her legs are decaying. she has height on her side though.

The Ghostface | Danny Johnson: the survivors try and take him down, and it only depends on how well executed the act is. danny is very observant so a lot of the time he knows when they’re planning to try and tackle him and he can avoid it. therefore he doesn’t tend to drop the person he’s carrying. bit of a sick bastard and sometimes plays along with the survivors, obviously with an ulterior motive in mind.

The Demogorgon: why would they even try and hurt demodog???? even if they do try, he won’t drop the survivor, you have to be kind to him to do that.

The Oni | Kazan Yamaoka: dear lord. they just don’t even try with him. they’d never be able to get their friend free from his grasp. he’s way too strong and is basically made of iron. they know that there is no point in even attempting, because he wouldn’t even feel them touching his legs, and if he did notice, then they’d be fucked.

The Deathslinger | Caleb Quinn: one push against his legs and his gun is back in his hand, chain through whoever tried to try and take him down. the survivor he’s carrying is not getting free, he’s a cowboy, he knows what to do to combat any attack on him.

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luckyjak · 5 years ago

Text

abandoned fic: Caleb the Time Traveler

I’m not ever going to finish this fic (rest in peace Molly) but I like what I have, so I thought I’d share it with you all. The plan was for it to be an eventual Widomauk piece, but I’m just not inspired to write Widomauk anymore, given that Molly is dead and has been for 2 years now.

In the end, it was all frighteningly simple, really.

Killing Trent had been easy. Most things were for a high powered wizard, which Caleb was at this point in his life. And while disintegration was too quick and too kind of a death for a man who had caused as much pain at Trenk Ikithon had, Caleb didn’t dare try to take any chances.

He would have thought there would be more to it. Maybe the gods themselves would intervene and stop him, or maybe someone else, a mysterious figure from an even worse timeline would try to stop him, but no. One quick spell, and Caleb had altered the timeline for the better.

He sat on his hands for a while after that, not quite sure what to do now that Trent no longer existed and could be the focus of all evil in both the world and in Caleb’s mind. But there was still corruption in the Empire, and there was still darkness, even at the Soltryce Academy.

So he rolled up his sleeves, and he got to work.

Little by little, he changed the world. By the time a young Bren enrolled at the Academy, it was a legitimate school for magic learners, and the Empire was a brighter, better place. There was an Empress now instead, a distant cousin of King Bertrand, and while she made mistakes occasionally, she had a good heart--of that Caleb was deadly certain.

After that, he got more selfish in his pursuits. Traveling back to this time had been a one-time deal: he would never go back to his own timeline. Theoretically, such a timeline no longer existed. He would never see his friends again.

Therefore, he did what he could to make their lives better in this timeline.

Bren was taken care of: Bren would have parents and a girlfriend and a boyfriend and hopefully never be any more ambitious than teaching at the Academy for the rest of his days. Honestly, Caleb could hope for nothing more for his younger, alternate self.

But the rest of the Mighty Nein? He did what he could, for them and their happiness.

He couldn’t stop Fjord from being bullied or from being an orphan, but he could modify Vandren’s memory and make him think he was Fjord’s biological father. It was a lie, but a small one, and it ultimately made both men’s lives better. In Caleb’s world, that was a lie worth telling, a spell worth casting. From there, it took only the wise words of a “friend” to encourage Vandren to give up on the orbs for Ukatoa, and to take an interest in his young son instead. A gentle nudge, a small trade of coin, and the Tide’s Breath would find it’s port in Nicodronas instead of Port Damali instead. Another nudge, another slight but gentle push, and a young Fjord would find himself drawn into long midnight conversations with the mysterious Sapphire of the Sea, standing beneath the window to the Lavish Chateau one evening when he could not sleep, and neither could she. They would become fast friends, and while Caleb could not fix all the world’s problems, he could make sure that two of his friends were no longer lonely.

He could only help Jester so much: he respected Marion too much to modify her memories, and no silver tongue could convince the woman to let her daughter have just a bit more freedom. So he sent Fjord her way instead, and before that, when she was younger, Caleb would visit her, often, under the guise of night and with a heavy cloak of magic. It was a small thing, keeping a young girl company, and he liked the tricks and jokes she learned to play from him. If she happened to call him the Traveler--well, that was her name for him, not his. As far as the actual Traveler was concerned, he must have found it amusing, because Jester still became a cleric in the end. When she ran away from Nicodronas, Fjord’s father offered her a job on his ship, and she learned all she needed to from a Tortle named Orly.

Beauregard was a trickier friend to help: he could not make her parents into better people, nor could he ever guarantee that they would love her the way she deserved. So instead he kidnapped her as a baby, and left her with his own parents instead. A rational decision that took little convincing, in his mind. It was surprisingly easy, no more difficult that killing Trent, and Beau would be happier for it. His parents were loving and kind and had always wanted another child, although they had never been able to afford one. They were surprised to find the infant girl and the sack of gold on their front steps, but they loved her nonetheless. And Bren could do with a sister: lord knows it had helped Caleb, in time. The only oddity was when he stopped by occasionally to check in, and heard Beau’s rough voice grow up with a Zemnian accent.

He fixed other things, too. When Caduceus Clay was eleven, making mud pies in the backyard with his sisters, his parents received a letter telling them exactly what was causing the corruption in their woods, and how to fix it. When the goblins attacked Felderwyn, Veth and Yeza Brenatto were on their honeymoon in Whitestone, an unexpected gift they hadn’t planned on that they had received anonymously in the mail. When Yasha and Zuela ran away to be together, they found they suddenly had the money and transportation and paperwork to make it to the Empire together, far from the consequences of their clan.

Caleb was, at last, at peace. The world would be well.

He “retired” after that, finding his way back to the Academy in a nice, quiet teaching position, content to live out the rest of his days as a silent guardian of Exandria. It was lonely at times--there was no one he could ever tell his story to, and no one would ever believe him.

He had forgotten nothing, left no stone unturned, had fixed every problem he could think of. His world was, for once, finally perfect.

Which was why the purple tiefling in front of him startled him so.

“Mollymauk,” he said out loud, on reflex, although the man before him wasn’t Molly, and wouldn’t be for another few years, at least. He was young, tall and lanky, no older than 20, if he was even that old. The man’s hair was shorter, shaved down so that only the barest bit of black fuzz showed, and there was nothing ornate about him: there was no jewelry in his horns, and the clothes he wore were plain and simple and dark. There were no bright tattoos to catch his eye and no flashy tricks or smiles, and yet there was no mistaking it: the man before him was Mollymauk Tealeaf, or would be, one day.

He seemed impossibly young, full of energy, and just looking at him made Caleb feel like an ancient dragon, staring at an impossible, unearned hoard.

(He had forgotten Molly. How could he have forgotten Molly? He had killed Lorenzo and the Iron Sheppards when they were so young and yet he never once thought to check in on Mollymauk. But Mollymauk didn’t exist in this timeline yet, did he? He would be Lucien now, and Caleb had no idea how to find Lucien--except that he was here, now, in front of him. And in his timeline, the one he came from, Molly had been dead for five years, and yet the universe saw fit to send this other Molly his direction anyway.)

“Er, no?” The voice was mostly the same, but different--a different accent, at least, as far as Caleb could tell from what little he’d said. “Sorry?”

“My apologies,” Caleb said quietly. “You--ah, you reminded me of someone. My mistake.”

Shorter hair, no tattoos, darker clothes--but still fundamentally Molly. The same eyes, the same horns, the same crooked grin--that’s what really sealed it for him. “A good someone?” The non-Molly asked, sharp teeth pointed out of his smile.

“An old friend,” Caleb answered honestly. “A dead one.”

The not-Molly cocked an eyebrow at that, but didn’t question him further. “Perhaps it’s fortune, then. I’ve been meaning to speak with you, Master Widogast.”

That was interesting. “Oh?”

“I’m told you are the brightest wizard the Empire has to offer,” The not-Molly was certainly charming, he’d give him that, although his voice had more of a Krynn inflection than what Caleb remembered-- “My name is Essek Thelyss--”

“It is not.” Caleb stopped him, not letting the not-Molly speak.

The not-Molly, not-Essek didn’t move, but he didn’t stop smiling either, as if he was used to being caught in a fib and knew how to get out of it. “Oh? What’s my name then?”

“I do not know, but I have met Essek Thelyss, and you are not him,”

Again, the not-Molly didn’t seem stirred. “How do you know I’m not Essek Thelyss, and whoever you met just happened to steal my name?”

He didn’t have a good or clever response to that. “Something tells me that’s not the case, however,”

The not-Molly’s eyes sparkled as he talked. “Then what’s my name?”

“Lucien,” He took a stab in the dark, the name of Molly’s past life, and that got him a hearty laugh.

“I’m afraid that’s not my name, either, darling, but I do like it more than Essek. Easier to spell. I think I’ll keep it.” He grinned, and held out his hand for Caleb to shake. “Call me Lucien.”

“Mr. Lucien,” Old habits died hard, it seemed; Caleb shut his book, finally. “How might I help you?”

“I’m in need of a wizard of a particular caliber of skill, and I’m told you are the best the Academy has to offer. Unparalleled in his field, they told me.”

“It won’t work,” Caleb brushed him off.

“I haven’t even told you my plan yet!”

“You don’t have to. I know it ends with you in an early grave,” Caleb shook his head. “You are no wizard, Mr. Lucien, and I doubt you have the temperament to start now. Whatever you are trying to do, you’d be better off if you stopped it now.”

“You must help me,” Lucien pleaded, his voice desperate. “If you don’t, I--I know your secret,”

“I rather doubt that.”

“You’re a time traveler, from the future.” That stopped Caleb dead in his tracks. “That, or you are the most convincing seer I’ve ever met.”

It was dead silent for a moment as Caleb’s thoughts raced through his head. How? How did he know? How was it even possible that this not-Molly would have even the slightest idea of who he was?

“Holy shit, I’m right?” Lucien laughed, louder than Caleb thought he might’ve intended. “You are a time traveler. I was just guessing, but I’m right, aren’t I?” He cackled. “Luxon above, you’re from the goddamn future. It’s why you recognized me. You called me--Molly? Mollymauk? Not the best name I’ve ever used for a con but honestly not the worst either. It’s growing on me, actually. Tell me, was I still handsome in the future? It’s a very important question--”

The hold person spell was up before Caleb even though to cast it. “Shut. Up.” A moment, then two, the not-Molly’s face frozen in time as Caleb struggled to catch his breath.

He took that moment, and then he released the spell. He expected another barrage of inane questions, but the not-Molly was silent, waiting expectantly.

“How did you know?”

Not-Molly smiled, not unkindly. “Essek Thelyss is a not even a hundred years old in the Krynn Dynasty. He’s a smart but reclusive boy, doesn’t have a lot of friends and most people wouldn’t know him because he keeps to himself. His mother is currently grooming him to be the next shadowhand, a fact that is not known to many. For you to know him well enough to recognize on sight that I’m not him? He must have an impressive future indeed.”

“What’s your name, really?”

Not-Molly didn’t want to answer that one. “Some call me the Nonagan. That will suffice.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s the only one I have for you.”

“Hmm,” Caleb sat back down at his desk, trying to appear calmer than he felt. “So what if I am from the future? I won’t help you. I already told you that your plan doesn’t work--it ends with you in a grave.”

“Well, Mr. Caleb--can I call you Mr. Caleb? Master Widogast seems so terribly formal--”

“No,”

“-- from what it sounds like, it sounds like my plan works perfectly.” The Nonagan batted his eyelashes. “You see, my plan is to die. Permanently.”

“What are you on about, exactly?”

“I am over a thousand years of the Krynn Dynasty’s attempts at perfect consecutation. I am a Beacon made flesh. I am the Luxon’s divine light, and the closest thing this world has ever seen to genuine immortality. I cannot die.” He paused. “Well, I can, I suppose, as any creature made flesh can die. But I always come back,” he rolled up his sleeves, and showed Caleb a tattoo of a red eye on his wrist. “It takes a while. And I don’t remember anything at first. But with enough time, the memories come back. And I would, with your help, like them to stop, if you please.”

#critical role #widomauk #my fic #abandoned fic #cr fic

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gra-sonas · 6 years ago

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Down to Earth With Tyler Blackburn

I‘ve never met Tyler Blackburn before—except that I have. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’ve met versions of Tyler Blackburn. I’ve spent time with the actor on multiple occasions while covering his TV series Pretty Little Liars, the soapy teen-centered murder mystery that regularly generated more than a million tweets throughout its seven-season run. Just two weeks ago I reconnected with him in a lush meadow of flowering mustard outside Angeles National Forest, the site of his PLAYBOY photo shoot. But the Tyler Blackburn I’m meeting today at his home in the Atwater Village neighborhood of Los Angeles is in many ways an entirely different man.

When he greets me at the front door, Blackburn is relaxed, barefoot and still wearing what appears to be bed head. His disposition is unmistakably freer—lighter—than it’s been during our previous encounters. Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised by this. Six days earlier the 32-year-old actor came out publicly as bisexual in an online interview with The Advocate.

The announcement is clearly at the forefront of his mind as we sit down at his dining room table.

Almost immediately he starts to gush about the positive, and at times overwhelming, feedback he has received over the past few days. Within minutes he’s in tears. He tries to lighten the mood with a self-effacing quip, but now I’m in tears too. Then he tells me he can’t remember my question.

I haven’t even asked one yet, I reply.

“It just makes me feel, Wow, the world’s a little bit safer than I thought it was,” Blackburn says.

The most affecting response he’s received thus far has been from his father, whom Blackburn didn’t meet until he was five years old. Although he avoids offering any more details about that early chapter, he says, “Feeling like I’m a little bit different always made me wonder if he likes me, approves of me, loves me. He called, and it was just every single thing you would want to hear from your dad: ‘That was a bold move. I’m so proud of you.’ It was wild.”

Blackburn can’t pinpoint the exact moment he knew he was bisexual but says he was curious from the age of 16. It wasn’t until two years ago, though, that he decided to approach his publicity team about coming out publicly. At that point, Pretty Little Liars had wrapped, and the actor was without a job. So Blackburn and his team agreed they needed to hold off on making an announcement until his career was stable again. The lack of resolution weighed on him. “A year ago I was in a very bad place,” he says, adding that he has struggled with depression and anxiety. “I didn’t know what my career was going to be or where it was going. My personal life—my relationship with myself—was in a really bad place.” His casting on the CW’s Roswell, New Mexico, adapted from the same Melinda Metz book series as the WB’s 1999 cult favorite Roswell, seems to have come at the right time. Blackburn portrays Alex, a gay Army veteran whose relationship with Michael, a bisexual alien, has attracted legions of “Malex” devotees since the show’s January debut. Roswell, New Mexico has already been renewed for a second season—a feat for any series in this era of streaming, let alone one involving gay exophilia. Playing a character whose queerness has been so widely embraced by fans no doubt nudged Blackburn closer to revealing his truth for the first time since becoming an actor 15 years ago. (As he told The Advocate, “I’m so tired of caring so much. I just want to…feel okay with experiencing love and experiencing self-love.”) Still, he was somewhat reluctant. His hesitation was rooted in the fact that he wouldn’t be able to control what came next: the social pressures that often come with being one of the first—in his case, one of the first openly bisexual male actors to lead a prime-time television series. “If you stand for this thing, and you say it publicly, there’s suddenly the expectation of ‘Now your job is this,’ ” he says. “Even if someone’s like, ‘Now you’re going to go be the spokesperson’—well, no. If I don’t want to, I don’t want to. And that doesn’t mean I’m a half-assed queer.” Full disclosure: I previously wrote for a Pretty Little Liars fan site. In 2012 I published a listicle that ranked the show’s hottest male characters. Blackburn cracks up when I tell him this and wants to know whether he bested Ian Harding, his former co-star. After I inform him that his character (hacker with a heart of gold Caleb Rivers) finished second behind Harding’s (Ezra Fitz, a student-dating teacher) I promise to organize a recount. The always-modest Blackburn concedes that Harding is the rightful winner. (If anyone ever compiles a BuzzFeed article titled “Most Embarrassing Moments for Former Bloggers,” I’ll be offended if I’m not in the mix.)

Blackburn makes it clear that he has not always been comfortable with his status as a teen heartthrob. Knowing he was queer made it “hard to embrace it and enjoy it.” Growing up, he was bullied for being perceived as effeminate and was frequently subjected to slurs and homophobic jokes. He describes himself as a late bloomer who took longer than usual to shed his baby fat. He didn’t have many friends, nor did he date much in high school. A lifelong fan of musical theater and the performing arts, Blackburn signed with a Hollywood management company at the age of 17. His team at the time warned him that projecting femininity would hinder his success. An especially painful moment came after he’d auditioned for a role as a soldier and the producers wrote back that Blackburn had seemed “a little gay.” “Those two managers were so twisted in their advice to me,” Blackburn says. “They just said, ‘We don’t care if you are, but no one can know. You can’t walk into these rooms and seem gay. It’s not gonna work.’ I remember the shame, because I’ve been dealing with the feeling that I’m not a normal boy for my entire life.” After landing a recurring role on Days of Our Lives in 2010, Blackburn scored his big break when he appeared midway through the first season of Pretty Little Liars. “I was in Tyler’s first scene, so I got to be one of the first to work with him,” Shay Mitchell, who starred opposite Blackburn, tells PLAYBOY. “Right away, I knew he was special. Since the day I met him, Tyler always struck me as very authentic and very true to himself.” Fans instantly adored his on-screen love affair with Hanna Marin, played by Ashley Benson. The pair became known as “Haleb,” and Blackburn went on to win three Teen Choice Awards—surfboard trophies that solidify one’s status as a teen idol—in categories including Choice TV: Chemistry.

According to Blackburn, during the show’s seven years on the air, he and Benson bonded over their mutual distaste for the tabloid stardom that comes with headlining a TV phenomenon lapped up by teens. Today he fondly reflects on their on-camera chemistry. “It felt good,” he says. “It felt real.” Of course, rumors swirled that the pair’s romance was actually quite real. “We never officially dated,” he tells me. “In navigating our relationship—as co-workers but also as friends—sometimes the lines blurred a little. We had periods when we felt more for each other, but ultimately we’re good buds. For the most part, those rumors made us laugh. But then sometimes we’d be like, ‘Did someone see us hugging the other night?’ She was a huge part of a huge change in my life, so I’ll always hold her dear.” Blackburn also shares a unique connection with Mitchell outside their friendship. Similar to what Blackburn is now experiencing with Roswell, Mitchell was embraced by the LGBTQ community for playing a lesbian character, Emily Fields, whose same-sex romances on Pretty Little Liars were among the first on ABC Family (the former name of the Freeform network). Over the years, Blackburn had come out to select members of the Pretty Little Liars cast and crew, including creator I. Marlene King. But as the show approached its swan song, he started to recognize how hiding a part of himself was negatively affecting his life. He entered his first serious relationship with a man while filming the show’s final season. Not knowing how to tell co-workers—or whether to, say, invite his boyfriend to an afterparty—caused him to “go into a little bit of a shell” on the set.

“My boyfriend was hanging out with me at a Pretty Little Liars convention, and some of the fans were like, ‘Are you Tyler’s brother?’ ” Blackburn says. “He was very patient, but then afterward he was like, ‘That kind of hurt me.’ It was a big part of why we didn’t work out, just because he was at a different place than I was. Unfortunately, we don’t really talk anymore, but if he reads this, I hope he knows that he helped me so much in so many ways.” At that, Blackburn tearfully excuses himself and takes a private moment to regain his composure. “I never remember a time when I didn’t enjoy being with him,” says Harding, Blackburn’s former co-star. He says he saw the actor “start to become the person he is now when we worked together” but believes Blackburn needed to first come to terms with the idea that he could become “the face” of bisexuality. “Tyler’s discovering a way to bring real meaning with his presence in the world,” Harding says, “as an actor and as a whole human.”

Once the teenage Blackburn realized he was attracted to guys, he began “experimenting” with men while taking care not to become too emotionally attached. “I just didn’t feel I had the inner strength or the certainty that it was okay,” he says. It wasn’t until a decade later, at the age of 26, that he began to “actively embrace my bisexuality and start dating men, or at least open myself up to the idea.” He says he’s been in love with two women and had great relationships with both, but he “just knew that wasn’t the whole story.”

He was able to enjoy being single in his 20s in part because he wasn’t confident enough in his identity to commit to any one person in a relationship. “I had to really be patient with myself—and more so with men,” he says. “Certain things are much easier with women, just anatomically, and there’s a freedom in that.” He came out of that period with an appreciation for romance and intimacy. Sex without an emotional component, he discovered, didn’t have much appeal. “As I got older, I realized good sex is when you really have something between the two of you,” says Blackburn, who’s now dating an “amazing” guy. “It’s not just a body. The more I’ve realized that, the more able I am to be settled in my sexuality. I’m freer in my sexuality now. I’m very sexual; it’s a beautiful aspect of life.” Blackburn has, however, felt resistance from the LGBTQ community, particularly when bisexual women have questioned his orientation. “Once I decided to date men, I was like, Please just let me be gay and be okay with that, because it would be a lot fucking easier. At times, bisexuality feels like a big gray zone,” he says. (For example, Blackburn knows his sexuality may complicate how he becomes a father.) “I’ve had to check myself and say, I know how I felt when I was in love with women and when I slept with women. That was true and real. Don’t discredit that, because you’re feeding into what other people think about bisexuality.” He clearly isn't the first rising star who's had to deal with outside opinions of how to handle his Hollywood coming-out. I spoke to Brianna Hildebrand just before the release of 2018's smash hit Deadpool 2, and she explained that she had previously met with publicists who had offered to keep her sexuality under wraps, even though the actress herself had never suggested this. Meanwhile, ahead of the launch of last fall's Fantastic Beasts sequel, Ezra Miller told me that he's "been in audition situations where sexuality was totally being leveraged."

Fortunately for Blackburn, his recent experiences with colleagues have largely been supportive ones. He came out to Roswell, New Mexico showrunner Carina Adly Mackenzie when he first arrived in N.M. to shoot the pilot but after he had earned the role of Alex, which for him was the ideal sequence. "I think he takes the responsibility of being queer in the public eye very seriously, and waiting to come out was just about waiting until he was ready to share a private matter—not about being dishonest to his fans," Mackenzie tells PLAYBOY. "I have always known how important Alex is to Tyler, and I know that Tyler trusts me to do right by him, ultimately, and that’s really special." Blackburn finds it funny that he’s known for young-skewing TV shows; the question is, What might define him next? He’s grateful for his career, but he grew up wanting to make edgy dramas like the young Leonardo DiCaprio. He also cites an admiration for Miller, the queer actor who plays the Flash. “I most definitely want to be a fucking superhero one day,” Blackburn says a bit wistfully. His path to cape wearing does look more tenable. The day before his Advocate interview was posted, he booked a lead role in a fact-based disaster-survival film opposite Josh Duhamel. Blackburn jokes that his movie career was previously nonexistent, though his résumé features such thoughtful indie fare as 2017’s vignette-driven Hello Again. There, he plays a love interest to T.R. Knight, who tells PLAYBOY that Blackburn “embraces the challenge to stretch and not choose the easy path.” For now, Blackburn’s path appears to be just where he needs it to be. “I may never want to be a spokesperson in a huge way, but honestly, being truthful and authentic sets a great example,” he says. “To continue on a path of fulfillment and happiness is going to make people feel like they too can have that and it doesn’t need to be some spectacle.” As it turns out, he may already be a superhero.

- Playboy

#tyler blackburn #playboy 2019 #tjb interviews #rnm cast #roswell new mexico #happy pride 🌈#god i love him

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malexfan10 · 6 years ago

Text

I absolutely love Tyler Blackburn

New article today

He is such a gem ❤

So genuine. Deserves all the love and support!

You can tell how much Alex means to him.

Please don't destroy this amazing character or this wonderful ship Carina!

It's a long read but well worth it

https://www.playboy.com/read/down-to-earth

❤

Down to Earth With Tyler Blackburn

The star of the CW's 'Roswell' reboot isn't a poster child of anything but his own path

Written by Ryan Gajewski

Photography by Graham Dunn

Published onJune 11, 2019

I’ve never met Tyler Blackburn before—except that I have. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’ve met versions of Tyler Blackburn. I’ve spent time with the actor on multiple occasions while covering his TV series Pretty Little Liars, the soapy teen-centered murder mystery that regularly generated more than a million tweets throughout its seven-season run. Just two weeks ago I reconnected with him in a lush meadow of flowering mustard outside Angeles National Forest, the site of his PLAYBOY photo shoot. But the Tyler Blackburn I’m meeting today at his home in the Atwater Village neighborhood of Los Angeles is in many ways an entirely different man.

I haven’t even asked one yet, I reply.

“It just makes me feel, Wow, the world’s a little bit safer than I thought it was,” Blackburn says.

“A year ago I was in a very bad place,” he says, adding that he has struggled with depression and anxiety. “I didn’t know what my career was going to be or where it was going. My personal life—my relationship with myself—was in a really bad place.”

His casting on the CW’s Roswell, New Mexico, adapted from the same Melinda Metz book series as the WB’s 1999 cult favorite Roswell, seems to have come at the right time. Blackburn portrays Alex, a gay Army veteran whose relationship with Michael, a bisexual alien, has attracted legions of “Malex” devotees since the show’s January debut. Roswell, New Mexico has already been renewed for a second season—a feat for any series in this era of streaming, let alone one involving gay exophilia.

Playing a character whose queerness has been so widely embraced by fans no doubt nudged Blackburn closer to revealing his truth for the first time since becoming an actor 15 years ago. (As he told The Advocate, “I’m so tired of caring so much. I just want to…feel okay with experiencing love and experiencing self-love.”) Still, he was somewhat reluctant. His hesitation was rooted in the fact that he wouldn’t be able to control what came next: the social pressures that often come with being one of the first—in his case, one of the first openly bisexual male actors to lead a prime-time television series.

“If you stand for this thing, and you say it publicly, there’s suddenly the expectation of ‘Now your job is this,’ ” he says. “Even if someone’s like, ‘Now you’re going to go be the spokesperson’—well, no. If I don’t want to, I don’t want to. And that doesn’t mean I’m a half-assed queer.”

Full disclosure: I previously wrote for a Pretty Little Liars fan site. In 2012 I published a listicle that ranked the show’s hottest male characters. Blackburn cracks up when I tell him this and wants to know whether he bested Ian Harding, his former co-star. After I inform him that his character (hacker with a heart of gold Caleb Rivers) finished second behind Harding’s (Ezra Fitz, a student-dating teacher) I promise to organize a recount. The always-modest Blackburn concedes that Harding is the rightful winner. (If anyone ever compiles a BuzzFeed article titled “Most Embarrassing Moments for Former Bloggers,” I’ll be offended if I’m not in the mix.)

A lifelong fan of musical theater and the performing arts, Blackburn signed with a Hollywood management company at the age of 17. His team at the time warned him that projecting femininity would hinder his success. An especially painful moment came after he’d auditioned for a role as a soldier and the producers wrote back that Blackburn had seemed “a little gay.”

“Those two managers were so twisted in their advice to me,” Blackburn says. “They just said, ‘We don’t care if you are, but no one can know. You can’t walk into these rooms and seem gay. It’s not gonna work.’ I remember the shame, because I’ve been dealing with the feeling that I’m not a normal boy for my entire life.”

After landing a recurring role on Days of Our Lives in 2010, Blackburn scored his big break when he appeared midway through the first season of Pretty Little Liars. “I was in Tyler’s first scene, so I got to be one of the first to work with him,” Shay Mitchell, who starred opposite Blackburn, tells PLAYBOY. “Right away, I knew he was special. Since the day I met him, Tyler always struck me as very authentic and very true to himself.”

Fans instantly adored his on-screen love affair with Hanna Marin, played by Ashley Benson. The pair became known as “Haleb,” and Blackburn went on to win three Teen Choice Awards—surfboard trophies that solidify one’s status as a teen idol—in categories including Choice TV: Chemistry.

Of course, rumors swirled that the pair’s romance was actually quite real. “We never officially dated,” he tells me. “In navigating our relationship—as co-workers but also as friends—sometimes the lines blurred a little. We had periods when we felt more for each other, but ultimately we’re good buds. For the most part, those rumors made us laugh. But then sometimes we’d be like, ‘Did someone see us hugging the other night?’ She was a huge part of a huge change in my life, so I’ll always hold her dear.”

Blackburn also shares a unique connection with Mitchell outside their friendship. Similar to what Blackburn is now experiencing with Roswell, Mitchell was embraced by the LGBTQ community for playing a lesbian character, Emily Fields, whose same-sex romances on Pretty Little Liars were among the first on ABC Family (the former name of the Freeform network).

Over the years, Blackburn had come out to select members of the Pretty Little Liars cast and crew, including creator I. Marlene King. But as the show approached its swan song, he started to recognize how hiding a part of himself was negatively affecting his life. He entered his first serious relationship with a man while filming the show’s final season. Not knowing how to tell co-workers—or whether to, say, invite his boyfriend to an afterparty—caused him to “go into a little bit of a shell” on the set.

“I never remember a time when I didn’t enjoy being with him,” says Harding, Blackburn’s former co-star. He says he saw the actor “start to become the person he is now when we worked together” but believes Blackburn needed to first come to terms with the idea that he could become “the face” of bisexuality. “Tyler’s discovering a way to bring real meaning with his presence in the world,” Harding says, “as an actor and as a whole human.”

“As I got older, I realized good sex is when you really have something between the two of you,” says Blackburn, who’s now dating an “amazing” guy. “It’s not just a body. The more I’ve realized that, the more able I am to be settled in my sexuality. I’m freer in my sexuality now. I’m very sexual; it’s a beautiful aspect of life.”

Blackburn has, however, felt resistance from the LGBTQ community, particularly when bisexual women have questioned his orientation. “Once I decided to date men, I was like, Please just let me be gay and be okay with that, because it would be a lot fucking easier. At times, bisexuality feels like a big gray zone,” he says. (For example, Blackburn knows his sexuality may complicate how he becomes a father.) “I’ve had to check myself and say, I know how I felt when I was in love with women and when I slept with women. That was true and real. Don’t discredit that, because you’re feeding into what other people think about bisexuality.”

He clearly isn't the first rising star who's had to deal with outside opinions of how to handle his Hollywood coming-out. I spoke to Brianna Hildebrand just before the release of 2018's smash hit Deadpool 2, and she explained that she had previously met with publicists who had offered to keep her sexuality under wraps, even though the actress herself had never suggested this. Meanwhile, ahead of the launch of last fall's Fantastic Beasts sequel, Ezra Miller told methat he's "been in audition situations where sexuality was totally being leveraged."

Blackburn finds it funny that he’s known for young-skewing TV shows; the question is, What might define him next? He’s grateful for his career, but he grew up wanting to make edgy dramas like the young Leonardo DiCaprio. He also cites an admiration for Miller, the queer actor who plays the Flash. “I most definitely want to be a fucking superhero one day,” Blackburn says a bit wistfully.

His path to cape wearing does look more tenable. The day before his Advocateinterview was posted, he booked a lead role in a fact-based disaster-survival film opposite Josh Duhamel. Blackburn jokes that his movie career was previously nonexistent, though his résumé features such thoughtful indie fare as 2017’s vignette-driven Hello Again. There, he plays a love interest to T.R. Knight, who tells PLAYBOY that Blackburn “embraces the challenge to stretch and not choose the easy path.”

For now, Blackburn’s path appears to be just where he needs it to be. “I may never want to be a spokesperson in a huge way, but honestly, being truthful and authentic sets a great example,” he says. “To continue on a path of fulfillment and happiness is going to make people feel like they too can have that and it doesn’t need to be some spectacle.” As it turns out, he may already be a superhero.

#tyler blackburn #roswell cast #roswell nm #alex manes #roswell new mexico #malex #roswell alex and michael

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pinkevilbobdoesthings · 6 years ago

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Ok aay guys, so I’m real excited to share this chapter, but letting you know that it does get a bit intense near the end, but I hope you all like it.

Here’s chapter 5 of ‘The Mess’.

_______________________________________

Caleb could feel himself falling apart. It was just an hour and a half twice a week without Frumpkin. A simple thing that anyone else could manage, but not him. By the time his class was over, all he could think of was going back to Frumpkin. And once he was back to Frumpkin, Caleb thought he would just go back to normal, but no, he was still trapped in his head and full of fear.

Frumpkin deserved better than him. Sometimes Caleb would try to convince himself to just let Jester keep Frumpkin, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was too selfish. And despite that Frumpkin would still purr in Caleb’s arms.

Jester was another thing that Caleb did not deserve. She was so bright and cheerful that even on his darkest days he could feel her warmth. But he couldn’t show it. Caleb felt like he was buried in cotton unable to move or speak. Everything was just reactions. He hated it, but he couldn’t breakthrough it.

And yet Jester stayed there was him. Despite everything she remained by his side and kept telling him silly jokes and smiling at him. But those smiles lost their shine. That was Caleb felt the worst about. He had hoped that Jester was smart enough to realize that she was too good for this and just leave Caleb alone, but she didn’t. Jester was the purest thing Caleb had ever met. She wasn’t pure good or even pure in the way most people meant it, but she was pure Jester and that was enough for Caleb.

******************

Jester groaned face down in her notebook. They were nearly two weeks into the new semester and she still didn’t know what to do about Ikithon. She debated drawing a dick on his car, but that felt too small scale for what he had done.

Beau dropped her bag on the kitchen table next to Jester. “Hey, what’s up with Caleb? He’s acting all weird and junk.”

“Huh?” Jester never heard of Beau hanging out with Caleb.

“He’s gone full library hobo again and making my job hell,” Beau asked. “So what happened?”

Jester told Beau all about Professor Ikithon and what he did to Frumpkin. “So now Caleb’s all-”

“Library hobo,” Beau said. “Isn’t that sort of thing illegal?”

“I think so, but Caleb’s in no place to press charges and Ikithon’s got like tenure and stuff. Yeza and Nott’s been trying to get the university to do something, but there’s a lot of red tape. I’ve been trying to come up with the perfect prank, but I’ve got nothing.”

Beau nudged Jester’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t say you got nothing. You got me.”

“You mean you’ll help?” Jester asked.

“Hell yeah! I’m always ready to knock someone down a peg or ten,” Beau said.

Jester gave Beau a tight hug. “Thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t go making a big deal about it,” Beau said with a smile. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

Jester grinned. “Sure you do.”

**************

It was a simple plan. Two teams acting in the middle of the night: Jester and Fjord at Ikithon’s parking spot and Beau and Nott at Ikithon’s office. Jester had managed to convince Fjord fairly easily to join her, Nott, and Beau in getting revenge on Ikithon.

Fjord’s and Jester’s task was simple. Just a little surprise for Professor Ikithon when he came to campus in the morning. They had finished fairly quickly and were waiting for Nott and Beau at their rendezvous point.

“I still don’t know where you got all those,” Fjord said.

“Oh? Are you looking to get some for yourself?” Jester asked waggling her eyebrows.

Fjord turned beet red and went silent.

Meanwhile, Beau and Nott were supposed to break into Professor Ikithon’s office and cover it with hundreds of post it notes that Jester drew little dicks on. And they were late. Jester tried to pretend that she wasn’t worried and that it wasn’t a big deal but every minute that went by Jester imagined a new way that Nott and Beau could’ve gotten caught.

Relief swept over Jester when Beau and Nott finally returned. But their bags that should’ve been empty were bulging even more than when they had started. “What happened?” Jester asked.

“There was a change in plans,” Beau said. “We’ll explain at the apartment.”

Curiosity filled Jester as they made their way back to the apartment complex. Nott would shush her every time Jester would try to ask insisting that they had to be quiet(which was rich since Nott was being louder than Jester was). “What happened?!” Jester asked the second they stepped inside of Jester’s apartment.

“Okay, so I know we were supposed to cover the office in dicks, but we uncovered something even better.” Nott said.

Jester frowned. She found that very hard to believe.

“Dirt,” Beau said as she opened up her backpack. On top of the colorful post-it note dicks was a bunch of folders and papers. “Turns out Professor Ikithon’s been pretty busy.”

Fjord picked up one and started reading it. “Wait, ‘with an appropriate donation, your child will be sure to be accepted’. He’s taking bribes to let rich kids into the university?”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg,” Beau said. “We’re talking about everything from blackmail to hiding scandals to money laundering.”

“Seriously?”

Nott nodded. “Wait until you see the emails.” She pulled out a usb drive. “This goes pretty deep.”

“Wait, blackmail?” Jester’s eyes grew wide. “That’s how he’s getting away with bullying Caleb!”

“Most likely. I’m going to make copies of these and hand it over to both the cops and the university,” Beau said.

An idea hit Jester. “Can you make me a copy too?”

“Sure,” Beau said. “I’m keeping a copy for myself anyways.”

“Thanks, but why didn’t you cover the office with dicks? I worked really hard on those,” Jester said with a pout.

“And let Professor Ikithon know that someone was snooping in his office?” Beaus asked. “We’ll save those for a special occasion.”

Jester grinned. She already had the perfect occasion in mind.

***********************

Trent Ikithon’s morning was not going as planned. Traffic was terrible and he didn’t have time to get his morning coffee. All he wanted was to get to work and get his first class of the day over with. This was completely thrown out the window when he got to his parking space and discovered that it was filled with … adult toys. Close to a hundred of them.

Red filled his vision. He stomped out of his car and started kicking at the, ahem, adult toys clearing them out of the way. Most toppled away harmless and flopped around on the concrete. One though remained firmly where it was. Trent grabbed it, but it remained in place. He pulled and pulled at it, but it wouldn’t budge. Laughter from passing-by students stopped him and made the professor realize how it must look.

Trent let go of the ‘adult toy’ quickly and called maintenance to take care of it. Now he’d have to go find parking on campus which was frankly a herculean task. Professor Ikithon didn’t know who was responsible for desecrating his parking spot, but he would just have to take out his frustration on his classes. Fortunately, his favorite target would in his afternoon class that day. Who knew maybe this would be the day he could get Mr. ‘Widogast’ to cry.

*************

Jester watched the video of Professor Ikithon discovering his parking spot for the eighth time in a row. She didn’t know who recorded it, but she was grateful for them. The prank went off even better than she had expected. Frumpkin batted at Jester’s phone. “No, this is not for kitties, Frumpy,” Jester said holding the phone away for Frumpkin.

The door opened cueing that the class was over. Hurriedly, Jester put her phone away. The rest of the class hurried out, but Caleb was moving slower than he used to. It was like it took his brain longer to respond to things than it used to. Fjord stopped by Jester for a moment. “Warning you. Today was real bad.”

“What do you mean?” Jester said.

“Ikithon had a crappy morning and decided to take it out on Caleb. I don’t blame Caleb for being afraid of him.”

“Caleb’s afraid of him?” Caleb hadn’t told her that, but he barely talks. Ocassionally he’d text her on good days thanking her for taking care of Frumpkin for him, but good days were becoming increasingly rare.

Fjord shrugged. “That’s what I reckon at least. Caleb shakes a lot around him at least. Can’t blame him. Ikithon had it out for him today.”

“Do you think it was our fault?”

“No clue,” Fjord said and then sneezed. “I gotta get goin’. See ya later, Jes.”

Jester waved him goodbye, but her heart wasn’t in it. She knew that Professor Ikithon was probably going to be pissed over the prank, but Jester didn’t think of the possibility of Caleb paying for it. After she made sure Frumpkin was ready for Caleb, she waited next to the door.

“Really though, I expected better from you, Bren,” Professor Ikithon said loudly. Jester poked her head around the corner to see who he was talking to, but Caleb was the only other person in the room.

“It’s Caleb Widogast,” Caleb said in a soft whisper.

Professor Ikithon snorted. “You and that silly new name of yours. Get going. I don’t know why I bother with you.”

Caleb looked like he was close to tears when he took Frumpkin and Jester’s heartbroke. She screwed up and there was nothing she could do to make it up to Caleb.

*************************

Jester spent the rest of the afternoon crying in her room. If she had given it any thought, she would have done the prank on a day that Caleb didn’t have class or maybe not at all. But she didn’t and Caleb got hurt all over again. How could Jester be so stupid?

“Hey, Jessie!” Beau called out as she entered the apartment. “I got the goods!”

Quickly, Jester wiped the tears off her face. “What goods?”

“Everything we got from Professor Ikithon’s office last night,” Beau said. She set a stack of papers on the kitchen table. “I emailed you a file of his emails and junk too. Some of it’s real messed up. Turns out the Professor effin’ crazy.”

“Yeah?”

Beau nodded. “I didn’t send you this one, but he’s got a research project in there that’s nightmare.”

“Can you send it to me anyways?” Jester asked.

Beau stared at Jester for a long moment. Jester held eye contact until Beau nodded. “I already sent you the rest so why not. I’ll email it to you in a little bit. Just be careful reading it. It’s effin’ sick.”

“Thanks Beau,” Jester said giving her roommate a hug.

“Do I even want to know what you have planned with all that?” Beau asked after wriggling out of Jester’s grip.

“It’s a surprise!” Jester just hoped that it was one that Caleb would like.

******************

Jester went through and organized all the files and papers before even glancing at the last one Beau gave her. The file was called The Yellow Notebook and filled Jester with dread. She imagining all sorts of horrid things that could be in there, but she had to check what it was in case it gave her more to work with.

She clicked on the file and found it was full of pictures of the pages of a spiral bound notebook. Jester started on the first page. It was dated to close to 15 years ago.

“Hypothesis - Submerging an individual and their wounds in a solution will increase the speed of recovery.” Beneath that there was a bunch of chemicals listed that apparently made up the 5 different solutions Ikithon was testing. “Subject - 17 year old male, caucasian, 152 pounds, 5’ 9”, good health.” It was dry and boring, but Jester clicked on the next page and kept reading.

“Test 1 - A cut 2 centimeters in length was made on Subject’s arm. Subject was submerged in bath of Solution A. This experiment was conducted in the subject’s dorm room. Cuts of identical size were previously made on Subject and healing time was already noted.” A note was added to the entry later. “Healing time identical to the previous control test.”

The next four tests were all identical to the first one only with different solutions. Test six started the same, but then the subject was submerged in the solution each night for a week. All the notes were the same until the third day of the seventh test. “Subject has shown agitation and belligerence towards the solution submersion. Physical assistance was required to insure that the subject was properly submerged.” Jester’s stomach dropped. That sounded like a scientific way of saying holding the subject under water against his will. The rest of the tests had the same note of ‘assisting’ the subject.

“Test 8 - Day 3 - Side effects noted: Subject’s previously excellent memory has become increasingly faulty. Subject has extreme difficulty recalling events and conversations from the previous day. He has also shown difficulty regulating emotions. Events that previously garnered little reaction now cause intense reactions from Subject. Example: the fire alarm went off in the dorm building and Subject began sobbing.”

It was all so cold and clinical, and Jester just wanted to go back in time to give the poor subject a hug. The more she read the more she hated Professor Ikithon. Part of her wanted to stop reading like it would stop more terrible things happening to the subject, but there was no changing the past, so Jester kept reading.

All the entries were clear and easy to read with no mistakes except for one, Test 9 Day 4. Bren was written down first and had a slash through it followed by the correction of Subject. Jester froze, she knew that name. It was what Ikithon called Caleb. Realization filled Jester. Caleb was the subject. Her friend was the one put through all these cruel tests. “Oh, Caleb,” Jester whispered.

It explained so much. Why Caleb wouldn’t go into dorm rooms or baths and how he couldn’t remember the year before he was sick. The tests were probably even the reason why Caleb was sick in the first place. And it might even explain that mysterious scholarship Caleb had. Someone at the university must’ve known about this and was covering it up.

There was one page left and Jester was tempted to quit, but she had made it that far. She continued to the final entry. “Test 9, day 7. TEST CANCELLED. Subject’s parents found dead in house fire. Subject was unable to regulate emotions, was driven mad by own grief and was submitted to hospital psychiatric ward. Months of research wasted.”

Bile rose up in Jester’s throat. She tried to fight it back, but she ended up dry heaving into her wastebasket. Her mom had told her that evil people existed, but Jester didn’t realize just how terrible some people could be. Jester wanted to scream and cry and hit something, but none of those things would help Caleb. So instead she made a phone call. “Hello, Traveler? I need your help.”

#widojest #critical role fan fiction #pinkevilbob writes

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blackstarising · 7 years ago

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stranger things 2 thoughts under the cut:

okay, this season was good, so everything after this is just going to be details but the season overall was good. any roasting is meant to be more of a light grill or even a light toast, if you will

first of all, can they just mail noah schnapp his emmy early? because that boy literally did the Most™. honestly, i don’t believe i’ve ever seen a child actor come full force the way he did. seeing will suffer onscreen was incredibly heartbreaking and noah definitely brought that depth to his role.

the soundtrack, the bush and mandale signs, the arcades, the clothing, the houses, all 80s, all wonderful.

i think the duffer brothers are trying to actually kill me bc not only do we get hopper but we got hopper in flannel doing dad thing and i am left here very thirsty and very distressed rip i brought this on myself

tbh i forgot that hopper even had a daughter until the fifth episode, because everything he was doing looked so natural

and i know there’s some Discourse brewing about jane (i’m going to call her jane consistently from now on, she deserves to be called by her real name) and hopper’s relationship, especially their fight mid-season, so i’ll throw my proverbial hat into the Discourse Ring

i’m not going to excuse hopper, actually, and i’ll even confess that as a binch with anxiety who hates yelling, i had to turn down the volume of my computer and read the subtitles at one point because it really messes with me

definitely, threatening to turn jane back over to the authorities was wrong, and a new low. but i also saw that it was very much anger born of worry. like, parents get angry, and he had a reason to, because you could see that he was watching his daughter willingly put herself in danger, and it’s not like she’s unaware of the consequences

that being said, i don’t blame jane for leaving. you could see she was starting to match the whole experience to her time in the lab with papa and the fact that she was counting the days. damn

so in the end, they both acted shitty, but they both owned up to that and apologized. and i think david and millie did a really good job in really portraying a realistic father-daughter relationship. it’s not always cute, fluffy, one-shot, material, it’s messy and screamy and painful sometimes.

but ohmygoodness their relationship hurts so good the bedtime stories the waffles the halloween candy sorry i need a mome-

max!!!!!! i!!!! love!!!!! max!!!!!! ever since i learned what internalized misogyny was, i’ve been a bit wary of tomboy characters. but max didn’t play into those stereotypes at all, which is super refreshing. she was very content to be who she was, but she didn’t need to denigrate other girls to do so!!!!!! and it’s just good!!!!!!!

(also the fact that the boys didn’t question that max beat their high score. also good, also pure, beautiful, beautiful)

[suddenly wearing a mourning veil] okay we need to talk about bob. right now.

i was one of the people who was suspicious of him (not because of shipping reasons, but the show makes you a little on edge, you know?) so i definitely squinted at everything he did but like he was so sweet and supportive of joyce and the boys and he didn’t like overstep his bounds but the way he tried to encourage will was so sweet and and and he’s just working at radio shack and he checks in on joyce to eat lunch with her and make out in the supply closet [hyperventilates a little] and and and the slow dancing in his halloween costume and he knows BASIC [is practically sobbing at this point] and he loves the byers and he died so that they could be happy and he’s a superherO AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM AND SEAN ASTIN HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO MEEE-

also when he’s talking about how he grew out of getting bullied and “I get to date Joyce Byers!” i get so close to tearing up every time you have no idea

i love how we get development for the rest of the party’s families, and barb’s families too. especially lucas’ sister, a gem, an icon™

and just!!!! lucas!!!!!! i really love how he’s the straight man of the group, but you can tell he’s matured over the year that’s past (also that voice drop, i see you caleb)

and lucas and max is now the only relevant ship on this show im sorry i dont make the rules

dustin is so sweet and big hearted and i really loved seeing more of his depth. tbh i may or may not have started projecting a little especially at the last ep when no one would dance with him!!!! but it’s so hard when you’re so loving and no one returns it in the way you’d want it to!!!! and the fact that he was even willing to love and protect a demon from another dimension dustin please don’t let the world rob you of your sweetness

i was crying about noah earlier but finn also basically killed it this season. you could tell that mike was Depressed with a Capital D and even though he didn’t get as much screen time as he did last season, every scene he did have was Quality,

especially the scene when he was talking about how he and will became friends and those TEARS FINN JUST DRIVE TO MY HOUSE AND STAB ME MYSELF

i really loved watching jane grow and come into her own this season! you can tell that she’s very aware of her power, but there’s that internal struggle about how to use it, which made the final battle that much more poignant.

terry’s backstory was immensely heartbreaking, i don’t have much left to say about it

i really did love kali, though! the detour from hawkins was a bit unexpected, but i love that world building aspect and im really intrigued about kali’s backstory and also her...front story? damn i hope she’s in season three because there’s so much more tea left.

and like....what about 1-7, 9, 10? are they still alive [insert eyes emoji here]

i’m going to be Agressively Heterosexual and agree that billy is pretty™ but at the same time i’m super worried that he’s going to be woobified because he is abusive, and i’m 95% sure he’s racist. so yeah i really hope that doesn’t happen but it probably will [sips wine tiredly]

STEVEN, MY MANS. the development that started last season really paid off here! tbh even i felt hurt when he asked nancy “you don’t love me?” like this binch has got feelings! and he’s not perfect but he’s a lot more genuine than i gave him credit for and the fact that he babysits kids and calls them shitheads but also lets himself get his ass beat for them. oh steve, keep growing but never change.

okay, nitpick and potential unpopular opinion, but i kind of hated the jancy development in this season

because there really wasn’t any, i don’t know, and this is really shitty of me for all my campaigning last year, but it just felt very cheap and superficial

like nancy and steve break up very early in the season, conveniently

and then when they’re at conspiracy guy’s house it just felt too explicit, too heavy handed and cliche, like Conspiracy Guy is basically spelling out their relationship to the audience

and then they do the thing where they just....have sex, and maybe it’s because i’m wearing my grey-ace hat, but like, honestly, two characters having sex doesn’t mean shit, anymore, okay?

its mostly because of hookup culture imo

so jonathan and nancy have sex, but there’s no confession of feelings or anything, so it just feels like a cheap way to show the audience THEY’RE TOGETHER NOW ARE YOU HAPPY

and then they don’t really interact as much in that context for the rest of the season, so it’s left kind of ambiguous

and i understand that it’s a 9 episode season and this is more of a C plot, but i think i would have rather had a slow burn throughout the 9 episodes [cough] like last season [cough] with a more affectionate moment at the end than just break up, nancy’s free, SEX, done

it’s not a very emotionally gratifying narrative as it is

second nitpick: tbh the final battle of this season felt a little too note for note to the final battle of the first season, and it felt repetitive at times, so i admit i kind of lost interest in the middle of episode 9

i really thought the “watering the story down” to get JusticeForBarb™ was really clever

and just....joyce. i’ll never get over joyce. i have no complaints, she’s a mom who punches back and she’s tenacious and good hearted and amazing and she raised two amazing boys

i don’t know i need a nap

#stranger things #stranger things 2 #stranger things spoilers #also like comment and stuff im bored talk to me

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immortalpramheda · 8 years ago

Text

PLL 'Farewell, My Lovely'

Finally we get a good episode!! Sucks that it's the second last episode EVER. This whole season should have been full of episodes like this. The beginning literally had be shaking. The cop almost found the dead body in Aria's car. That was intense. Not sure how she got away with that. And then she was going crazy and talking to a corpse. I legit thought she was actually going crazy. She was going to turn herself in and take the blame for everything. But Ezra stopped her and she told him everything. Ezra has a masters degree in English literature so therefore he know how to dispose of a dead body. Umm sure Ezra, sure. The other Liars are still pushing Aria away. But Ezra got mad at them and told them that forgiveness is what makes them good people. That's what A.D doesn't have. A.D holds grudges. Who knew Ezra was the reasonable one?? Seriously, what Aria did is no worse than what Spencer did when she joined the A team. Or even what Mona did and they've all forgiven her. So for once thank you Ezra, for talking sense into the Liars (they're supposed to adults and they're still acting like teenagers??). Okay, so Mona had the game, but then it disappeared again, and she went to meet someone at that diner. The whole pie thing reminded me of Ezra and his obsession with key lime pie. I was kind of hoping he'd turn up at the diner, but nope. Mona was waiting and Caleb went in. Mona was so nervous, and I think for a second she thought Caleb was A.D. I was so mad at Caleb for ruining the whole thing. Mona was obviously scared. So she ran. Caleb and Spencer went down into this tunnel system trying to find her. Umm, really what was the point of the tunnel? I don't understand what they were even looking for?? And how Mona escaped so fast?? And the Caleb and Spencer dialogue was so awkward. Caleb told her that he and Hanna got married, and Spencer was cool with it. For second I thought she didn't even remember that she and Caleb were together (twin??). She was acting really weird. She told Caleb he doesn't need to apologise to her and that made me a bit angry. They were together for a while and it was really serious and then Caleb cheated on her with Hanna. Of course he should apologise Spencer!! He fucking cheated on you!! Sorry, still just really mad about Spaleb. And the line where Spencer asked Caleb what he thinks of the girls bathroom was so... weird. It was awkward and out of place and I don't understand why they left it in the episode when it could have easily been cut. Unless it's a clue about Twincer?? So Mona somehow managed to get out of the tunnel system, get changed into loser Mona outfit, change her hairstyle and go up to the top of bell tower. Not sure how she did it so fast. Hanna found her up there, and finally we get a flashback we should have seen a long time ago. Mona killed Charlotte. Which was obvious (and the promo pictures even spoiled it) but oh I enjoyed that scene! Vanessa Ray was the saving grace of the mess that was the CeCe A reveal. It was so good to have her back. THIS is the Charlotte we needed to see. She wasn't better. She never wanted to get better. She wanted to continue the game. Mona knew that and wanted to stop her and protect her friends. I love that she refers to the Liars as her friends! That's all she ever wanted. So she threatened Charlotte. She was about to push her off the tower, but instead she pulled her back. She only wanted to scare her. But then Charlotte fought back and tried to kill her, but Mona fought back and ended up accidentally killing Charlotte. I felt bad for Mona. All she was trying to do was protect her friends. When she was loser Mona she wanted to be a part of their friendship group, but Ali was a horrible bully to her and the others never spoke up. That's why she became A in the first place. She wanted revenge on the friends of the person who made her life hell. But now things have changed, and she wanted to scare Charlotte so she'd stop playing the game. It actually broke my heart to see her realise what she did. She didn't mean to kill her. She just wanted to stop her. Poor Mona. I think she blames herself for everything Charlotte did. If Charlotte hadn't met Mona in Radley, she never would have become A. None of this would have happened. Mona was getting better, but the board game sparked up her addiction. Her obsession. Her thirst for games. For messing with people. And then it caused her to go a bit mad. She's now acting like she loser Mona. Mary gave Spencer, and Ali, the Lost Woods Resort. It was sad to see her leave Spencer. She never really got to know her mother. And now she probably never will. They got the last puzzle pieces for the game. It looked a lot like one of Bethany's drawings. The augmented reality part of the game was so cool! Not sure how the game actually works but I want a board game like that!! So, Dunhill's body disappeared, and guess where A.D buried it? Charles' grave. Oh haha! I just thought that was hilarious to bury it in a metaphorical grave! So the Liars went to go dig it up, like that's not suspicious at all. But in the end they decided not to get anymore dirt on their hands. Tanner knew they were up to something and turned up with a huge digger to dig up the grave. Haha she is actually doing her job! Her and Furey are a first for Rosewood. It looked like they were screwed. They were going to be locked up for life. As Alison said to Emily, their baby would grow up just like Charlotte. Hospitals, mental institutes, prison etc. And the baby very well may turn out to have mental issues just like Charlotte. But, Mary took the blame. She confessed to killing her sister, and to killing Dunhill. She didn't have to do that. But she did it for Spencer. She gave her daughter a chance at a good life. I really liked Mary, and that made me very emotional. Poor Spencer. Tanner obviously still suspects the Liars, but Mary's story had enough evidence to close the case. So it's all good I guess. Somehow the Liars managed to get away with another crime. The game is over. It switched off. They finished it. They think it's over but they still don't know who A.D is. You're kidding me?? That flash forward that we've been waiting for a season and a half to see was just a dream??!! Seriously??? Finally we get an A ending! A is driving, with the dolls from the board game. Seriously, I would watch A driving for hours in the hopes that they'd turn around and reveal their identity! I actually really enjoyed that episode! We got an answer, even though it was obvious. And it was just a really entertaining episode that focused on the mystery, not the ships. The highlight for me was the Charlotte and Mona flashback. The promo for the final episode looks good! I really hope they don't fuck it up. Melissa is back!! It looks like a flashback with Spencer with horses! Mona slaps Spencer! Just like in the S2 finale when Spencer figured out she was A! Okay, the Twincer thing is really looking obvious now. Jenna can see! But why is Addison back?? Wren with a gun!!! I am just so happy that Wren is back!! I'm so excited to see him shoot a gun because I always wanted him to be A! I'm just so happy he's back!! Mona talking to A.D. Someone she didn't suspect. Hmm... And of course, A.D will be revealed! My number one suspect at the moment is Twincer/Spencerettia. As much as I don't like the idea of another secret sibling, it's honestly the only thing that makes sense at this point. I can't think of who else it could be. I would love for it to be someone like Wren or Melissa, or even Ezra. But I'm preparing myself to be disappointed. Because that's what this show is best at. This is it. In a week it will all be over. PLL will be finished. Wow. I've been watching this show for 5 years and as much as I can't wait for it to be over, I'm feeling a bit sad. It's been a part of my life for so long and it's surreal that it's almost coming to an end. There is only 1 more week of searching for clues and theorising before it will be over for good. I'm going to make the most of my final week before I'm free from this train wreck.

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