#building your identity around believing that a woman doesnt need to be in a relationship to be a whole complete person
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This is the tiktok that made me pirate the little women movie at 2 am this morning by forcing my brain to upchuck forbidden memories of reading the book in fourth grade.
#anyways i have THOUGHTS. HOLY SHIT. IT HITS.#i didnt expect how deeply id relate to jo#like???#pretending you dont want to be in love to mask your deep fear of being unloveable and unfit to ever be in a relationship?????#building your identity around believing that a woman doesnt need to be in a relationship to be a whole complete person#and yet still being unable to admit how lonely you are#even though you know those two things arent mutually exclusive?????#pushing people who do love you away?????#and then when youre finally ready to be loved theyve already moved on and left you behind#and now you can never say anything to them because theyve found somebody else in the time it took you to learn how to be loved???#jo tearing up the stupid letter is literally me going back at 2 am to delete intimate snapchat messages the other person hasnt read yet.#like the yearning!!! the heartache!!! the longing!!! the sadness of the best years of your life being behind you!!!!#wow. i love projecting onto fictional characters#ALSO THAT MOVIE REALLY *GETS* WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE SISTERS#little women
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WELCOME ALLIE, YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF NATASSIA PRINCE
Admins Note: A tough choice to make but I must say your application embodies so much of the Natassia that I see. From her sense of self identity to her motivations, it’s all so cohesive. The origins of her birth are nicely crafted! Seeing how much money she’s spent and the accumulation of possible debt she’ll owe was another nice touch to Natassia’s character. Seeing her interaction with Cassiel and Maxima really amplified her presence. Your request to use Ni Ni has been approved. Congratulations on your acceptance again, please make sure to head your way to the checklist and submit your account within the next 24 hours!
Out of Character
Name / Alias: Allie Pronouns: She/Her Age: 23 Timezone: CST
In Character Application
Full Name: Natassia Li Prince
NATASSIA (na-tas-sia) – Natassia derives from Greece meaning “born at Christmas”. Sadly the meaning really has nothing to do with the reason behind why she was named Natassia, especially since she was, in fact, not born at Christmas. There is no grand meaning behind the reason her parents chose the name. Really, Natassia was a last minute pick since they couldn’t settle on anything else. It once belonged to a relative on her pure side of the family, thankfully. Someone from the distant past she never made and whose stories aren’t ever told and yet now they were her namesake. She would make this name her own, after all the Princes never had a half-blood in their line before.
LI (lee) – If her mother had her way, Natassia’s name would have been Jia Li, a name meaning “pretty, beautiful” in Chinese. Instead, her parents settled for a completely different name, and kept Li for her middle name. Really, she hasn’t revealed her middle name in such a long time. Few know it, even fewer dare call her by her full name. Her middle name is just something she wouldn’t mind leaving out as it’s just a reminder of her mother’s Muggle-ness.
PRINCE (PRINS) – Her surname is the name that she says with pride. Prince has a meaning of royalty, really meaning “royal son, first, prince”. The origin goes back to Old English and it’s something that she prides herself with. Prince holds the name of a pureblood family that her father belongs to, and even with that being her surname, she still fights to be part of. The Prince family may not turn their backs after her father came crawling back with three year old Natassia in tow but they certainly didn’t hold their disapproval of their half-blood granddaughter.
Sexuality: Bisexual Gender/Pronouns: Cisfemale & she/her Hogwarts House: Slytherin
Head canons:
A FAMILY’S DISGRACE – Pure. That’s all you ever wanted to be. But with your father’s disgrace leading your family down a path you had no choice to be on, pure was just a grasp away. And the woman that was responsible, a muggle of all people, disappeared into the night on your third birthday. Not that you cared. You should have thought yourself lucky when your father’s family, the best side of you, never turned their backs on your father, letting him keep the claim of pure without acknowledging that short term relationship. However, damage was done because you were a product of your father’s horrendous actions leaving you to deal with ugly names and disappointing glances from not only strangers but the very people meant to be family. Your father didn’t put a stop to any of it but rather dotted you with gifts, something you grew to demand as you grew older. Even then, you might look the part of a pureblood doll, you can never forget that you aren’t one. You will pave your path and take everything that belongs to you. That you deserve.
PIGFARTS PIGFARTS HERE I COME – You never felt nervous about what house you belong to in Hogwarts. After all, there was only one that you would even consider being respectable. Gryffindors were full of overzealous fools, Hufflepuffs spend too much time building world peace. Ravenclaw wouldn’t have been the worst choice, possibly the second best, however you weren’t too keen on the idea of being surrounded by people who think they can outwit you. No, no. You had no doubt that you belonged in Slytherin and when the hat confirmed what you already knew, you just felt validated. However, even there you find yourself being forced to prove that you belong. So you did, you continue to do. You go after what you want, even if that means the hard glares or loud whispers. It’s not like you haven’t dealt with those before and you never let that stop you.
A STORY OF LOVE LOST AND LOVE FOUND – That’s what this is; a story. Something that one day you will look back on and smile as you are seated next to the one your heart belongs to. Perhaps things might have been different if you were pure and you are too aware of the obstacles placed in front of you but none of them matters as long as you have Cassiel. The secret glances, the hidden touches were just the beginning of what you would do for him. You will fight for him and you truly believe that it’s the same for him. You tried to keep the relationship secret, on his behalf of course, but eventually she found out. You were never a big fan of Rosier. After all, she had everything handed to her. Never worked an ounce in her life to be given the treatment that you deserve. And now she also has his hand in marriage which adds to the list of reasons why the sound of her name fills your with anger – no, no, not anger – resentment. You didn’t exactly mean for her to find out the love you have for Cassiel but it’s in the open now. Even though the affair was brought to her attention, you aren’t backing away from him. After all, she doesn’t deserve him, and you are the one who loves him. Part of you almost feels bad but then you remember that she has everything that you desire and that moment quickly passes. Things will work out, this is something you truly believe.
BEAUTY LIES IN HER EYES AND IT’S EXPENSIVE – The gifts your father gave you in order to make up for the life you will never have gave you an ounce hope. Hope one day you really will be the pureblood you need to become. The gifts were a way for you to look the part you desire. But they would never be enough. You crave for more than just some plain pair of earrings, no, no. You need more than just that and that consumed you. Sure, some may say that you have a spending problem but really don’t you deserve the very best? What you didn’t think was the amount you spend on a daily would start to eat away at your inheritance. This problem would have appeared much sooner if you didn’t request your father to setup your inheritance after you spoke of traveling, you might have been out of money in two days. As of now, you aren’t too worried about what’s left in your vault. That is, you aren’t even aware of how much you have. If you do encounter a problem, a letter home to father dearest may turn that around. After all, you are his little girl and heruined the life you were destined to have with such a small mishap.
PATRONUS vs. BOGGART – Your deepest fear and your greatest memory. Both send you chills down your back but for very different reasons. Your boggart is clear as day when you become face to face with it. You see yourself with nothing, not even a name to claim – failure written on your face. It is clear to you that the boggart you doesn’t belong anywhere, with nobody. Loneliness consumes the boggart you before you can vanish it away. This fear can manifest itself outside of the boggart with nightmares of the one you care most leaving you behind, spitting out harmful words that you would not have cared if it came from anyone else. In your nightmares, even he hurts you. But you wake up and realize that was a dream. And dreams don’t become reality. Your favorite memory also involves Cassiel, but in a better light, one filled with reality. The first time they met, in secret that is. The shared smiles throughout the night and forbidden hands running down your side sending shivers down your back. This memory was never topped, really it was just repeated.
WELCOME TO AMERICA – Leaving behind Great Britain was something that you considered doing for quite a long time. You don’t feel bad about leaving behind your family, not even your little cousins. After all, you were never truly part of this family were you? Your father tried, sure, but his silence when words of disgrace were being spoken was enough for you to realize that you weren’t going to be enough. Gifts can only go so far. You needed some air, a place where you can truly belong and staying in Great Britain was hindering that. There were too many memories, too many doubts of who you are and you were tired of that. A fresh start somewhere else, anywhere else had to do you some good. Sure, this might not be your father’s favorite idea of you being so far from home but throwing aside family was what your family does best. Instead, he gave you money, an allowance really, to help you get to America, to settle. It almost felt like he was begging you to remember him, remember to write. Something that you haven’t done since your feet landed in new soil. Perhaps one day you’ll return, but not until you have everything that you desire, not until you have the guy.
WORDS HURT – You keep a brave face on even after a dinner with your family as your grandfather goes on and on about how you will be attending Hogwarts soon, how you should keep your blood a secret. After all, a half-blood Prince was not a good look for this family and if you are going to stay, then you must play pretend. You keep a brave face on even when your grandmother mentions that no matter how hard you pretend, you will still be part Muggle. No matter how much magic you learn, no matter how much you act, you won’t be worthy of the Prince name. You keep a brave face on even when your dorm mate discovers a letter written to you from your father, one that reveals the heritage that you promised to keep secret. He wrote to you out of concern but he was the one to put you in flames. You keep a brave face on as whispers are woven throughout the halls, inside the classrooms. Dirty blood is something you just snicker at, they don’t see the word pounding inside your head as your face never falters. You ignore the names, the words, the judgement because you know that everything they have said will never hurt you for you will prove them all wrong. All the while, you keep a brave face on. Until you make it home. Until you make your room soundproof. Until you know you are truly alone. Then you scream. You scream and you scream and you scream until you can’t scream anymore. Then, you put your brave face back on and reapply your lipstick. Not a hair out of place. You won’t let them hear your screams, you won’t let them see their words scribbled on parchment paper over and over again as a way to get it all out of your system. No one will ever see that weakness, no one will see the pain you hide.
In Character Paragraph:
What can she say? She looks damn good in her new dress. The skirt came just an inch below her knees, a little higher than normal but what can she say? She does enjoy the attention she gains when heads turn to look at her, but there is one person’s eyes that she is looking for. Lips in the deepest shade of scarlet she had, eyes layered with eyeliner in order to appear much darker. Her appearance had to be perfect with where she planned on heading that night, with who she planned on seeing. It didn’t matter that he might be there with another woman, that was just a slight setback. If anything, at least she’ll be the one catching his eye.
Natassia took one last look at herself in the mirror, making sure that not a single hair was out of place, a hand smoothing down her dress. Let eyes turn her way, let whispers of want escape the lips of men she will never look at twice. All of that will just reassure her that she’s bound to be the best looking in the club. And with those last looks, Natassia grabbed her fur coat and headed out the door.
The walk towards the club was a short one and if the night was cooler, she might have just apparated there. Thankfully, the club was strictly for witches and wizards, if they allowed unworthy of being around people far greater than themselves in there, she would just have to stop going. Luckily that was not happening anytime soon.
She got to the door, knocked twice before a goblin appeared at the window. With a grunt, he spoke, “ Password. ”
Ah yes, another good thing about this place. She loved the secrecy, the exclusion that this underground club commanded. Password changes every day but if you know the right people, you know the right words.
“ Nebulus. ”
Another grunt and the doors open and music fills her ears. She steps into the foyer as the room grows much larger than it looks on the outside. Magic really does such wonderful things. Natassia finds herself grabbing a glass of champagne as soon as she spotted an elf in handing them out and took a sip as her eyes scour the room looking for one particular person.
He shouldn’t be too hard to find. After all, even in a room of thousands, she will always find him. And as she was moving through the crowd, she spots the only one who matters and her. It was a bit disappointing to see the dutiful wife in his arms. If only little Rosier knew what she knew but no, Natassia will not do that to Cassiel. She’s not going to be the reason his wife discovers what they do when her back is turned. It’s almost a bit sad, after all, the poor thing doesn’t exactly deserve this. Really, Maxima Rosier doesn’t deserve anything that was just given to her but she didn’t come to this club to curse the girl’s name tonight. She came for him and she’ll be damn if she doesn’t catch his attention.
Natassia set the empty glass down. There was no backing down. She moved closer to closer to the lovely couple, accidentally bumping into Maxima causing her drink to spill. Collateral damage, that’s what the drink was. That’s what she is and Natassia has to remember that.
“ Oh! I’m so sorry dear. Forgive me. Here, let me clean you up! ” Sugary sweet, that’s what she had to be, in order to avoid suspicion. As she looks at the younger girl again, Natassia wonders just how much out there that the poor thing doesn’t know.
Natassia quickly pulled out her wand, pointed at the dear’s dress before stating the simple spell, “ Scourgify. ” Once she was satisfied that everything was clear, Natassia glanced over the couple before letting out an exclamation, “ Cassiel Lestrange? It’s so good to see you again! ” She turned to look between the two of them, taking note of Maxima’s confused look. “ We are very old friends back when we were still at Hogwarts. I’m Natassia Prince and you must be his lovely wife, Maxima. ”
She extends her hand with a smile as the other took it, meeting that smile. “ We will have to catch up soon Cassiel, and of course, I would love to get to you know better, Maxima. ” No, no she wouldn’t. But she plastered that smile on like her life depended on it. “I shall leave the two of you alone. I hope you have a wonderful time here! It really was nice meeting you Maxima. ” A wave goodbye and a smile in Cassiel’s direction before she slipped away, heart pounding. Maybe meeting her was too much, hurt more than she thought it would. But she won’t show that. Not today. Not ever.
Natassia wondered if the girl notice the fact that her smile towards Cassiel lingered? Did she see beyond the tumble as a stunt to let Cassiel know she was there? Did she see Natassia glance over her shoulder and her husband do the same? If not, than she didn’t notice their eyes met, the nod given to her as though it was a promise to get away later. There is too much that poor Rosier didn’t see and yet Rosier was still on top. After all, Maxima was the one with her love, the one standing next to them as he orders their drinks. The one who can share more than just stolen glances. The one who has everything she wants. One day, she’ll step into her shoes. One day all of this will be hers. One day their love will prevail.
Extras: PINTEREST.
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