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jessybarnes · 2 years ago

Text

Baby, don't cry! I love you. ❤️ Thank you so much for reading this and for reblogging it and just making me smile.

Let's face it, if Bucky was real he'd absolutely love you and do all kinds of romantic things for you. 🥺❤️

Stay

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rating: 18+ Only!!

Tags: Possible triggers! Please read all the tags before continuing! Angst!!!, Car accident, hospital, MAJOR CHARACTER INJURIES, Near-death experience, mention of surgery and hospital treatment, arguments, invasion of privacy, eventual smut, the reader is a virgin, fingering, metal arm kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, fluff, explicit language, out of character Bucky (yeah he's emotional), one instance of dark humor, and I think that’s it. Let me know if I missed anything.

Beta: T. Thompson

Word Count: 8k +

Fic Aesthetic: Yours Truly

No matter how tired you were, sleeping after you finished a mission was impossible.

Honestly, you'd tried everything. Herbal tea, a shower, taking medicine, nothing seemed to calm your body or mind enough to drift off. After an hour of tossing and turning, you gave up and threw back your covers. Sighing heavily, you grabbed your journal and slid on a pair of shorts before quietly slipping into the hall.

It was nearly three in the morning, and you were fairly certain that everyone else in the tower was sound asleep. The echo of your feet padding softly against the carpet was the only sound as you made your way to the common area. It was your favorite place to write because it was quiet and not to mention, the couch was extremely comfy.

You plopped down on the soft cushions and draped one of the throws across your legs to keep warm. Turning to a new page, you tapped the end of your pen against your lip. There were so many things going through your mind all at once, and out of all of those things, the only one you wanted to write about was him.

James Buchanan Barnes, fondly known to the team as Bucky, occupied your mind so often that it was starting to become a problem. It had become apparent to you that your “little crush” was blossoming into something bigger when other people on the team started to notice.

The first time it happened, you were in the kitchen.

It was morning and you were sitting at the nook eating cereal. Natasha was next to you sipping coffee and munching on a protein bar. Bucky walked into the room, his hair was sticking up in all directions and the stubble on his face was more noticeable than usual.

You subtly eyed him as he walked by and watched as he started the coffee pot. He turned to face you two and absentmindedly scratched at his stomach making his shirt rise and reveal his very defined Adonis belt. You immediately choked on the cereal, the milk going down the wrong pipe making your face turn a deep red. Natasha slapped you a few times on the back, both her and Bucky asking if you were okay. Nodding, you excused yourself to your room and avoided them both for the rest of the day.

It happened again a week later. Steve was giving you a hand-to-hand combat lesson that you'd been begging for so you could go on bigger missions. Everything had been going fine. You were able to block Steve's hits nearly every time, and you even got a hit or two in yourself.

Then you saw him. Bucky was using the bench press machine. A sweat-soaked tank top and shorts clung to his skin deliciously, and it made your mouth water. You tried to focus on Steve's movements, but the moment Bucky let a soft grunt fall from his lips you nearly whimpered.

The next thing you knew, Steve had you pinned to the ground shaking his head.

"You should tell him, Y/N. I can't have you on missions if you're gonna get distracted like this, sweetheart. Someone could get hurt if I don't have my entire team one hundred percent at the ready."

Shaking the memories out of your mind, you put the pen on the paper and began to write. It was like your hand had a mind of its own. The words flowed freely, and soon you had half a page filled with how much you wished you could express how you felt to the soldier.

It’s 3:22 AM and I still can’t get you out of my mind.

I wish I could tell you how I feel, what you do to me every day unintentionally.

I notice so many little things you do that make me crazy about you. The way you bite your lower lip when you’re concentrating on something.

How your eyes light up when you eat your favorite food, the full-body laugh you do when Steve tells a funny story or the way you tilt your head to the side when you’re interested in something.

I can’t get you out of my head, Bucky… fuck I wish I could tell you how I stay up late at night wishing you were next to me. I want to scream to the entire world that the man I love is you.

I had my playlist on shuffle today while I was doing my workout and a song came on that hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks because it’s you… it’s how I feel about you.

After my last relationship, I told myself that I wouldn’t be so spontaneous when it came to love again. I tried… lord knows I fuckin’ tried, but the moment you stepped off that elevator the first time, my heart was yours. It chose you, James. You. You’re it, and I know that you don’t feel the same way.

I mean, why would you? You’re this kind, strong, loving man who lights up any room and has overcome so many things. I’ll never be that. I’ll never be worthy of you… You’re so out of my league, and yet you’re the man I will love until the day I take my last breath.

I’ve gone on too long with pouring my heart out, so I will just end this entry with the verse of the song I heard that spoke to me the most.

You'll always be the dream that fills my head

Yes you will

Say you will

You know you will oh baby

You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget

There's no use looking back, oh wondering

Because love is a strange and funny thing

No matter how hard I try and try

I just can't say goodbye

No no no no

I never had a dream come true

'Til the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you.

By the time you were finished, tears were sliding down your cheeks onto the paper. You took a deep shaky breath and tried to stifle your sobs. It was pathetic really, the way you couldn’t just sack up and tell him how you felt or just move on altogether. The pads of your fingers pawed at your eyes as you tried desperately to stop crying. Eventually, you curled against the back of the couch, your journal held tightly to your chest as sleep finally took you.

The sound of someone calling your name was what woke you. Their voice laced with concern as you blinked rapidly to adjust to the brightness of the now lit room.

“Y/N? Hey, doll, what’re you doin’ out here?”

You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and groaned before sitting up, coming face to face with the Winter Soldier himself. “B-Bucky? Wha-?”

He started to reach for you, and suddenly you were very aware of your surroundings. Your heart hammered against your chest as you tried not to look so affected by his presence alone.

“Is everything okay? It’s not like you to sleep out here.”

The moment his hand came in contact with your shoulder your breath hitched. He’d never touched you before, and to your horror, you realized he’d noticed the way you reacted.

Panic coursed through you and you quickly stood, coming up with the first excuse to get out of there.

“S-Sorry I… I got to um… I got this thing I’m late for. I-I’m sorry.”

You sprinted so fast to your room that you almost bumped into a sleepy Natasha. She gave you a look but didn’t ask as she kept walking down the hall.

You didn’t relax until the door to your room was closed and locked. Trying to catch your breath, you flipped the bathroom light on and placed both hands on the counter. Get a hold of yourself, Y/N.

Even your inner monologue wasn’t helping as much as you’d like it to. Turning the cold tap you gathered some water in your hands and splashed it across your face. Then it donned on you, all the color draining from your face as your head snapped up to look at your reflection. You left the one thing you always kept track of downstairs.

Your journal.

As quickly as you could without being too obvious you hurried back to the common room praying no one discovered your most prized possession. Rounding the corner you stopped breathing.

There, standing in the middle of the room, was Bucky holding your journal. It was open and by the looks of it, he was reading your latest entry. This couldn’t be happening, this had to be some sick nightmare that you couldn’t wake up from.

You backed away slowly, your breathing becoming more erratic by the second. Your arm hit the wall causing a picture frame to fall and hit the ground, the sound making Bucky immediately train his eyes on you.

He started toward you, and your fight or flight response kicked in. You turned and ran to the stairs leading to the garage ignoring his calls for your to stop. Tears stung the corner of your eyes and you nearly fell down the last flight.

You yanked your car keys off the hook on the wall and soon you were speeding down the road going who knows where. All that mattered was getting as far away from him as possible. How could you have been so careless? He surely hated you, reading all of those things you wrote about him.

Your tears were coming in full force now making your vision blurry. Without thinking you reached across the center console to the glove box for a napkin to wipe your face.

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. A horn startled you, the headlights of what appeared to be a truck took away your field of vision. You tried to cut the wheel and brake, but it was too late. The force of the crash sent your car into the ditch, the momentum making you roll over multiple times until everything went black.

Bucky tried to catch up to you, and on any normal day, he'd have probably been successful. This, however, wasn't anywhere near normal. The moment he found the little pink and black book wedged under the couch cushion he'd been intrigued. The smooth surface of the cover felt cool beneath his flesh hand as he inspected it for any indication of its owner.

Shrugging to himself, he flipped to the latest page thinking it was some sort of address book. Boy had he been wrong. He knew he shouldn't be reading this, but then he saw his name. With furrowed brows he let his eyes glide over every word, and it wasn't until he looked up and saw your horrified face that he knew how badly he fucked up.

He made it to the threshold of the garage just in time to see the tail lights of your car speeding away from him. He chastised himself as he hurried back up to the living area.

"You should have just left the damn thing alone!" He paced back and forth around the kitchen, his head in his hands as he contemplated how he was going to fix this.

Steve caught him by surprise, his hand coming to rest on his shoulder making him jump. "Whoa! It's just me, man. What's going on? Why are you so distraught?"

Bucky shook his head and breathed heavily out of his nose. "I ruin everything I fuckin' touch…"

Steve was taken aback. He hadn't seen his best friend this upset in a very long time, and it scared him. "Buck, what happened? C'mon man, talk to me."

Bucky planted the palms of his hands on the counter, his shoulders heaving as he spoke.

"I came downstairs this morning and found Y/N sleepin’ on the couch. I woke her up thinking there was something wrong, and I thought I spooked her 'cause she ran down the hall faster than I'd ever seen her run before."

Bucky turned to look at Steve, regret written all over his face. "Turns out it was because of this." He held the small book up so the Captain could see. "It was under the cushion of the couch and I tried to figure out who it belonged to so I could return it. Turns out it was Y/N's diary…"

He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. "She… she writes about me… says she loves me. How did I not see this before? How did I…"

He shook his head and trailed off just as FRIDAY, the towers AI, spoke up. "There's an incoming phone call for you Mr. Rogers. Shall I patch it through?"

Bucky's heart rate spiked. He prayed it was you. He needed to tell you how sorry he was that he invaded your privacy.

Steve looked at Bucky and they shared a mutual nod. "Send it through, FRIDAY."

There was a moment of silence, and then Steve spoke again. "Y/N? Is that you?"

Nothing could have prepared them for what happened next.

"Mr. Rogers, my name is Sheriff Shay Anderson with the county police department. There's been a two-car head-on collision resulting in a rollover. The driver of the truck only suffered minor injuries, but the female victim left the accident scene unresponsive. It appears the silver tesla belongs to Ms. Y/N Y/L/N. Her emergency contact listed was you. She's currently being life-lined to the nearest trauma center. I apologize for delivering such grave news…"

Bucky couldn't focus on the rest of the conversation, his blood running cold. He couldn't breathe. This was all his fault. If he hadn't read your diary you wouldn't be fighting for your life. He didn't even realize he was crying until Steve rested a hand on his shoulder again.

"FUCK!"

He hurled the diary so hard it shattered the glass wall of the common room.

"Buck! Hey! STOP!" Steve grabbed his arms to steady him. "I need you to calm down, man. We need to go. Now! She needs us, okay? We need to find out the extent of her injuries before we make any rash decisions."

Steve stared desperately into Bucky's eyes, willing his friend to take a deep breath.

"Calm down? Calm down?! How can I calm down, Steve?! Y/N is… she's… DAMMIT! She's gonna die!! And it's all my fucking fault!"

Bucky shoved past Steve, fishing his keys out of his pocket as he headed straight for his motorcycle.

"Son of a... Bucky!…what are you doing?! You shouldn't be alone right now. Let's pull the team into a meeting and get our bearings. I'll wake everyone up and we can all go see her together."

Bucky stopped, his hand on the door that led to the garage. "No." His voice was firm, and it eerily resembled the tone he had when he was the Winter Soldier all those years ago.

"I did this… I'm the reason she's dying and I'm going to do anything I can to save her life. Even if I have to sacrifice myself to do it. I'll do whatever it takes. Let. Me. Go."

Steve stopped, his hands at his sides as he watched Bucky take off down the stairs to his bike. He closed his eyes, fear gripping his heart as he concluded that you might not survive this.

He pushed that thought aside and told FRIDAY to wake the team for an emergency meeting. He couldn't let his emotions take over, as much as he wanted to feel them. He had to be strong for the team, he had to be strong for you.

Ten minutes later a very sleepy team was standing in the kitchen looking irritated and confused.

Bruce had his arms crossed as he leaned against the door frame, Natasha was sweaty from her morning workout, Clint chewed on a nail waiting as patiently as he could, Wanda stood in her pajamas rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Vision stood next to Wanda looking expectantly at Steve, Rhodey leaned against the counter by the fridge. Tony and Sam were seated at the nook, leaving Loki and Thor standing in their full Asgard clothing, looking the most awake out of all of them.

Steve took a moment to gather his bearings. He swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes swept the entirety of the room.

"There's been an accident…"

Murmurs and looks of concern filled the room and they didn't cease until Cap raised his hand to silence them.

"Y/N got into a car wreck this morning, and she's in critical condition. She's being life-lined to the nearest trauma center as we speak, and I don't know…" Steve paused, his voice betraying him as he tried to keep his tears at bay. "...I don't know if she's gonna pull through this one."

Bucky cranked the throttle as he weaved in and out of traffic. He didn't stop for lights, he didn't stop for stop signs, and he nearly got hit by an oncoming train. Not that it mattered. None of it did. The only thing on his mind was getting to you.

In a matter of minutes, he was skidding to a stop in front of the emergency room, his bike parked haphazardly in the nearest open space.

He walked briskly through the front doors and stopped in front of the check-in area.

"Sir? Do you need to be seen today?" The woman behind the desk looked warily at the soldier, eyeing his metal appendage.

Bucky shook his head, thinking very carefully about his choice of words. "A woman named Y/N Barnes was life-lined here. I need to see her."

The nurse tapped a few keys on her keyboard before looking back up at him. "Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't have anyone with that last name."

He sighed. "Try Y/N Y/L/N."

Her fingers clicked the keys rapidly and a moment later she spoke again. "She's still in the trauma bay. I can direct you to the waiting room if you like."

Bucky didn't have time for this. Gritting his teeth, he spoke as calmly as he could trying not to make a scene. "She's my wife!"

Before the nurse could reply, a voice sounded over the loudspeaker.

"Code blue. All available staff report to trauma bay one. Code blue. All available staff report to trauma bay one."

Bucky took off running, following the medical staff as they ran down a hallway to the left. Panic coursed through his veins as he followed them around a corner and finally came to a stop outside a room.

His worst fears were happening right in front of him and he couldn't do anything to stop them.

A team of about fifteen people surrounded your still body on the gurney. He wouldn't have recognized you if it wasn't for the small heart tattoo on your left ankle. Your clothes had been cut off, and a nurse was delivering chest compressions.

"Sara, you bag her! Mark, get the pads in place for the defibrillator."

Bucky couldn't catch his breath. This couldn't be happening. This was the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life. The torture he endured from Hydra, severing his arm from falling off the train, all the guilt he had from assassinating so many people when he was the Winter Soldier, nothing could compare to the white-hot ache he felt in his heart right now.

He couldn't lose you, he just couldn't. He fell to his knees, his hands tangling in his hair as sobs racked his body.

"Don't you fuckin' leave me, Y/N!… not like this...God, please… don't do this to me! Take me, take me instead! I'll do anything, just please don't take her away from m-me..."

He looked at you helplessly as they continued to try and revive you. The sound of the AED whirred and the team stepped away leaving only one nurse continuing CPR.

"Stop compressions. Charging…Everyone, clear."

He watched through his tears as your torso came off the table, the shock going through your lifeless body in less than a second.

"Resume CPR. Still no pulse. Up the Jules a little and prepare for the next shock."

Bucky curled his hands into fists and punched the floor.

"Goddammit, please, please, please! She deserves to live! She's pure, selfless, and kind. It should be me! Fuck! After all, I've done, it should be me…"

The machine whirred, and he watched as they shocked you again.

"She's in v-fib. David, administer one milligram of epi."

Bucky felt a tap on his shoulder, but he didn't move.

"Hey, Buck…come on, buddy. Stand up." Steve pulled his friend to his feet and brought him into a tight hug.

"This is all m-my fault! I couldn't save her! She's…I coul-"

Steve's heart broke as Bucky loudly sobbed into his chest, the rest of the team surrounding them praying for a miracle.

"Prepare for another shock...charging...okay, everybody clear...shock advised. Resume CPR."

Time stood still as the doctor checked for your pulse.

"We have a pulse with compressions. Let's stop CPR and do another pulse check."

Bucky pulled away from Steve, as he and the team waited with bated breath.

"C'mon doll… please don't leave me." Bucky's voice shook as he waited for what felt like hours for the doctor to call out his next command.

"We have a pulse. Let's secure her airway and alert the ICU."

Bucky let out a choked sob of relief as you were wheeled past him and the team toward the elevators.

"Excuse me, which one of you is Mr. Barnes?" The charge nurse stood in front of the team, a look of relief on her face.

"I-I am"

She nodded and pointed towards the same elevators you'd just gone through.

"Your wife has been taken to the ICU and will be admitted until further notice. If you take those to the fourth floor and turn right you'll see the intensive care waiting room."

No one said anything until they were all piled in the elevator. Bucky was still pretty shaken up, his eyes trained to the floor as they began to ascend.

Thor cleared his throat, his tongue coming out to wet his lips. "Alright, I gotta ask… since… uh… when did Y/N become your wife, mate?"

Clint shot him a warning glare making the Asgardian raise his hands in defense. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was just shocked when she said it…I think we all were."

The metal doors opened slowly and Bucky stepped out, his eyes looking anywhere but his friends. "I said it so they'd let me see her", he whispered.

Six and a half hours passed since they'd brought you back. Once the ICU deemed you stable enough, they took you back for a CT scan to determine if you had any internal damage.

About an hour in, a nurse came out to the waiting room to brief the team. Bucky was on his feet the moment the doors opened, silently begging the nurse for good news.

"We're doing everything we can, Mr. Barnes. Your wife suffered massive head trauma that caused some swelling in her brain. Luckily, her skull wasn't fractured, but she has many extensive injuries. She's been taken back to the OR for a ruptured spleen, a lacerated kidney, a collapsed lung, and a broken leg. She will need a blood transfusion as well."

Bucky balled his hands into tight fists, new tears stinging in his eyes.

"S-She's gonna make it, right?"

His voice was a broken sob, and the nurse gave him a sympathetic look.

"We will do all we can for her."

He stood in the middle of the floor and watched helplessly as the woman disappeared behind the same door she came through.

After four more hours, most of the team had fallen asleep. Nat had her head in Bruce's lap, his hand draped protectively over her side. Thor had his head propped up in his hand, snoring softly, while Clint sat on the floor resting his head against the wall behind him.

Bucky paced the room, his body emotionally drained as he prayed for a miracle. Everyone else waited anxiously for another update. Loki stood and eyed everyone awake before settling his gaze on Steve.

"I'm going to find something to eat and drink, would anyone like me to bring back anything?"

Steve eyed Bucky and bit his lip. "Can you just grab everyone a bottle of water?"

Loki nodded and headed towards some signs to hopefully locate the cafeteria.

Fifteen minutes later he'd returned with a plastic bag full of enough water for the team. Steve grabbed one of them and unscrewed the cap holding it out to his best friend.

"Here, Buck. Drink this…you haven't had anything since last night."

Bucky didn't move. All he could think about was getting the next update on your condition.

"No."

Steve sighed and stepped into his line of sight blocking his view of the door.

"Listen, we can't do anything for Y/N right now." He gestured his hand in the general direction of the operating room. "Those doctors and nurses are doing everything they can for her, okay? Please, man. Drink this…if not for me, then do it for her. She would hate to find out that you're depriving yourself."

Bucky sighed, reluctantly grabbing the bottle from Steve and downing half of it before shoving it back into the Captain's hand.

"There, happy?"

Truth be told, the water did soothe his dry throat and quench his thirst, but all he cared about was getting to you. Steve patted his arm and sat back down on the small sofa. Another round of silence took over as they continued to wait.

At the six-and-a-half-hour mark, the door opened again. This time a doctor in green scrubs came out offering a soft smile to the team. Bucky once again jumped up, hoping for good news.

"Hello, Mr. Barnes. My name is Dr. Collins and I'm one of the surgeons who’s been attending to your wife. May we have a seat so I can explain everything?"

A ragged breath escaped his lips, his body threatening to give out at the doctor's words.

"No no no…" Bucky frantically grabbed the doctor's hands, his teeth clenching as pain radiated through his chest. "D-Don't you tell me that… I won't sit down. Wh-Where is she?! I-I can't… please, please… God, let her be okay."

The doctor gently freed one of his hands and placed it on his shoulder.

"Mr. Barnes, your wife is stable. She's in recovery, but she's in a coma. Her injuries were very extensive and it's a miracle she survived. You've got a strong woman."

Bucky released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "When can I see her? I-I need to see her."

Doctor Collins motioned towards the door. “I can take two of you back now, but I, unfortunately, cannot allow more than two at a time.

Steve moved to stand next to him. “I’ll go with you, Buck.”

Bucky nodded and Bruce spoke up before they disappeared behind the door. “Keep us updated, we will be here until you tell us otherwise.”

Steve nodded and they made their way to a room at the end of the hall.

The doctor stopped and turned to face the men.

“Before you go in, I want to mention a couple of things. Y/N has some bruising and some cuts, but those aren’t too much of a concern. I ask that you mind her left leg due to her fracture. Other than that, there’s nothing else to note about her condition. Remember, she may be in a coma, but she can still hear you. Talk to her, hold her hand, and play her music. All of those things help.”

Bucky stood still as Steve watched the doctor walk away. His hand was grasping the door handle, but he couldn't bring himself to open it.

"Hey, Buck…what's wrong? I thought you wanted to see her." Steve watched him take a shaky breath.

"I…What if…I don't know if I'm prepared to see what I caused…"

"I'm right here, man. We'll go in together. This isn't your fault, Bucky. You didn't know it was hers when you read it."

After a couple of deep breaths, he finally pushed the door open and took a tentative step inside the small room. Bucky slowly looked around taking everything in. There was a two-pane window looking out towards the city, a small TV was mounted to the wall, a small couch and recliner sat next to the bed for visitors, and another door was across from it that undoubtedly led to the patient bathroom.

Finally, his gaze fell on you.

It was as if someone punched the air from his lungs. Your eyes were taped shut, a bandage wrapped around the top of your head. An IV was in your hand with three different medications being administered at once. Your leg was covered in a thigh-high cast and slightly elevated. Blue and black bruises were littered along the whole left side of your body from the impact of the crash.

The tubes coming out of your mouth are what broke him the most though. Those meant you weren't able to breathe on your own, and that nearly made his heart stop.

"Y/N…"

Steve wiped a few stray tears from his face as the broken sob from his best friend tore at his heart.

"Doll, I-... I'm so s-sorry…" Bucky took a seat in the chair next to your bed and gently laid his flesh hand on top of yours. Steve moved to stand next to him, placed a hand in the middle of his back, and rubbed small circles to comfort him.

"Please…you gotta come back, Y/N. You… you gotta wake up. Please, sweetheart. There's so much...so much I need to tell you. I-... It was always y-you. I never wanted anyone else but you."

Bucky's tears were falling freely onto the white blanket that covered your torso as he poured his heart out, willing you to hear him.

"I w-was always scared. Scared to let you in, because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want him to take you from me, and all this time I've been worried about keeping the monster I used to be at bay… I should have been focusing on keeping this me from you too. This is all my fault, Y/N. I broke the one thing I love so much in this world, and...and now I… I don't know if I'll ever get you back."

It went on like this for a couple of weeks. Bucky never once left your side. He'd sent Steve to bring him some clothes, and hygiene products to keep in the provided wall locker.

He'd play your Spotify playlist you loved and make sure to turn on your favorite TV show. He would tell you stories from the ‘40s and at night Bucky would read to you.

He'd heard you one day talking to Nat about how much you loved Tolkien's work so he'd asked her to bring his famous Hobbit and Lord of the Rings series.

It was a Thursday evening, and the ICU was quiet other than the occasional sound of passing footsteps outside the hall. Little droplets of rain pelted the windows as Bucky held your hand and read from the final book of the Lord of the Rings trilogy with the other.

"But even as hope died in Sam, or seemed to die, it was turned into a new strength. Sam's plain hobbit-face grew stern, almost grim, as the will hardened in him, and he felt through all his limbs a thrill, as if he was turning into some creature of stone and steel that neither despair nor weariness nor endless barren miles coul-"

Bucky's eyes shot to your still form mid-sentence as he felt your index finger curl ever so slightly against his upturned palm.

"Y/N…?"

He held his breath as he studied you, and he almost thought he'd imagined it...almost. Then he saw your eyes flutter and his heart began to hammer against his chest.

It wasn't until you groaned around the tube that he began to fear you may hurt yourself. He pressed the call light on the bed and gently held your wrists down so you wouldn't pull on the apparatus.

"This is nurse Amanda, is everything okay, Mr. Barnes?"

The staff was on a first-name basis with him now since he refused to leave your side.

"I-I think she's waking up! Hurry, please! She...I think she's choking!"

Moments later two women came in sliding gloves on their hands.

"Mrs. Barnes, we need you to stay calm, okay? Don't panic. My name is Dr. Harris and I'm a respiratory specialist. I'm going to take the tube out, but I need you to do something for me. Can you do that?"

Bucky watched you nod and tried to control his breathing.

"Good! Now, I need you to take some deep breaths for me, alright? That's good, yes, just like that. Now can you try and cough for me?"

He listened as you made a small sound that resembled a cough and looked back to the doctor that was attending to you.

"That's great. You're doing a great job, Y/N. I think you're ready to get this tube removed, but I need you to do one more thing for me, okay? I need you to take a big deep breath in and exhale for me. I'll pull the tube out while you exhale. Are you ready?"

Bucky watched as you took a deep breath and just like that, the tube was gone.

"Great job, Y/N. Now, you may feel some discomfort from when the tube was in place, but that's normal. I'll give you something for the pain and your primary doctor will be in to see you soon, okay?"

You nodded and licked your chapped lips.

"We'll leave you and your husband to it then."

You watched as they left, taking a few seconds to try and remember what happened. You remembered not being able to sleep and going to write in the common room. Then you woke up to Bucky and wait,… husband?!

As quickly as you could, you turned to see a very tired-looking soldier sitting next to you with tears in his eyes."

"B-Bucky?"

Your voice was a hoarse whisper but to him, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

His body shook as he grabbed your hand and laid his head on top of it making your skin wet with his tears. "I-I thought… I thought I lost you…"

He was sobbing, relief finally setting him at ease. You squeezed his hand and gently lifted his head so he was looking at you.

"How long… How long was I…?"

Bucky sniffled and knelt by the bed in front of you, his brown locks tickling your exposed arm. "Almost three weeks, doll."

Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "I remember seeing you with my diary and then I was in my car...after that I…"

His left hand reached out to cup your cheek. The coolness of the metal made you shiver.

"Y/N, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn't have opened it. I didn't intend to read it. Honestly, I thought it was an address book. I… I don't expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"James?"

He looked at you, his confusion mirroring yours. You'd never called him by his given name before.

"What is it, doll?"

You swallowed, the feeling making you grimace from having the tube down your throat for so long.

"Why… Why is everyone calling me Mrs. Barnes?"

He smirked sheepishly at you, his cheeks tinting red. "I lied and said you were my wife so they'd let me see you."

You stared at him for a long time, taking him in. He looked like shit. You certainly didn't look any better, but he looked terrible. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was messy, and he'd lost weight. Yet, even after all that had happened, all you wanted was for him to kiss you.

"Who knew all I had to do was almost die to get you to call me your wife."

Bucky narrowed his eyes.

"That's not funny, Y/N. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if you didn't wake up."

You looked down at the blanket and focused on a loose string.

"Sorry…"

He tilted your head back up so you were looking into his eyes, the ocean blue irises staring seriously back at you. "

You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, doll. I've been trying to tell you for years how much you mean to me, but I was scared… scared I'd get complacent and not be able to stop the monster inside me from hurting you. I'm broken, Y/N. You deserve someone who can give you the world, someone like Steve or Sam."

You placed a finger over his lips to shush him and pulled him so his breath fanned your cheek.

"You're wrong, James. I know what I deserve and the person I want has always been you. I'm not, and never will be, scared of the Winter Soldier. There is nothing you can say that will change my mind."

Bucky closed his eyes, his resolve slowly withering away.

"Y/N…I-"

You closed the distance and kissed him with all the love you had in your body. His lips felt like coming home, and the moment he kissed back you moaned into his mouth. His tongue danced with yours and you tried to pull him closer, doing anything to feel more of him. All too soon, he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours.

"I won't go further than this with you until you're better, doll. I refuse to be responsible for hurting you again."

Four days later you were deemed well enough to go home. Everyone greeted you with careful hugs and big smiles. The recovery process was gruesome, but Bucky was with you every step of the way.

You had physical therapy for your leg, frequent doctor’s visits to check your head for any signs of extensive damage, and then there was the process of bathing.

More often than not, Bucky was the one who helped you. It wasn't that the others didn't offer, it was the fact that he wouldn't let anyone else do things for you.

Currently, he was washing your hair, the contrast of his metal and flesh fingers giving you goosebumps. He let the conditioner sit and moved on to washing your body. Not that you were complaining, but you reminded him every time that it was your leg that was broken and not your arms. Bucky always insisted until you gave in.

His hands ran smoothly down your back and along your sides, his fingers carefully massaging your skin making your cheeks flush. He moved to your front and softly caressed your breasts, a metal finger ghosted over your left nipple causing you to suck in a sharp breath.

"Ah!"

He chuckled and tipped your head back so he could rinse your hair and body.

"Sorry, princess." He placed a soft kiss on your lips. "You just look so pretty, and sometimes I get carried away."

Once you were dried off, he helped you to your bed. You were cuddled up against his chest, your hand absentmindedly drawing circles on his bare hip. Bucky had put a movie on, but you weren't paying attention. It was impossible when the most beautiful man to grace this Earth was pressed up against you.

You let a fingertip trace the skin just above the top hem of his sweats and smiled when he let out a low groan, the muscles shifting under your touch.

"Doll…you're playin' a dangerous game here. You're still healing and I don't want to hurt you."

Feeling brave, you carefully slid down his frame peppering open-mouthed kisses on his stomach. Bucky didn't stop you, but his ragged breathing told you he was holding himself back.

Biting your lip, you moved so you were laying between his legs. His cock was straining against his grey sweatpants. You ran a hand over his clothed-covered dick and he shuddered.

"F-Fuck…Y/N…"

You curled the tips of your fingers under the elastic band of his pants and shimmied them down just enough to free him. His cock lay thick and long against his belly, making your mouth water. You planted a kiss on the swollen head and didn't miss his hands fisting the sheets between his fingers. Gently, you grabbed him by the base and closed your mouth around the head. Bucky let out a low moan that made your panties instantly wet.

"Christ, doll…you've got one helluva mouth."

You relaxed and hollowed out your cheeks as you accommodated as much of him as you could. Bucky's eyes rolled back when he felt you swallow around him. His bionic left hand brushed pieces of hair away that fell on your face.

"Oh, shit, baby…this'll be over before it starts if you keep doin' that."

Instead of heading his warning, you looked at him through your lashes and traced the underside of his shaft with your tongue tantalizingly slow.

Bucky's eyes darkened and a dangerously low growl fell from his lips.

"Get up here now, naughty girl."

He didn't sound angry, but you took pity on him anyway and positioned yourself over him, his lust-blown eyes staring into your own.

"James…"

His kiss was rough, primal, and possessive, and you moaned as he slid his skilled tongue against yours.

"Love when you say my name, princess. Fuck,…I want you so bad." The tip of his cock pressed against the thin fabric of your underwear making you bite your lip.

"Please, Buck…"

As gently as he could he maneuvered the two of you so he was on top. He slid his fingers beneath the t-shirt you borrowed and groaned when he came in contact with your bare breasts.

"Shit baby, you're goin' to be the death of me."

He began to kiss your neck, his tongue licking the shell of your ear. He chuckled against the crook of your neck when he felt you shiver beneath him.

"You like that, doll? Do you like when I kiss you here? Gonna mark your pretty skin so everyone knows you're mine."

He lifted his shirt over your head and took your panties off before removing the rest of his clothes. Your eyes were closed as you reveled in the way he touched you.

The contrast of hot and cold as he caressed your sides, his lips sucking red-ish purple marks just above your clavicle, and when he drug his teeth lightly against your earlobe you swore you were going to blackout.

It wasn't until you felt the fingers of his flesh hand slip through your folds that your eyes shot open.

"Bucky?"

He halted his movements, and concern flooded his features as he looked at you. "Did I hurt you, baby?"

You shook your head, suddenly feeling very shy. "N-No, I just… I've never… umm…" You covered your face and sighed.

Bucky gently removed your hands and smiled softly at you.

"Sweetheart, are you a virgin?"

You nodded and looked away, too embarrassed to make eye contact with him.

"Baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of." He turned your face so you were looking up at him. "This is a big step, and I don't want to pressure you into something you're not ready for, Y/N."

You didn't think you could love him any more than you already did, but the moment those words left his mouth your heart soared.

"I've been saving myself for you, Bucky. No one's ever touched me except you."

He closed his eyes and moaned. "And no one else ever will, doll." He leaned down to capture your lips, his hand cradling your face lovingly.

Bucky moved his lips along your jaw nipping and sucking more little marks into your neck. You mewled and tried desperately to gain friction with your soaked pussy, but he didn't let you. His devious chuckle made you whine.

"Patience, baby-doll. I'll take care of you."

Ever so slowly, he made his descent down towards where you wanted his touch most. Bucky couldn't believe how gorgeous you looked beneath him, his blue eyes trained on your face as you moaned his name. His tongue laved against one of your nipples while his hand pinched the other between his fingers.

"J-James please!" Your back arched and he smirked as he moved lower.

"So responsive, honey. Alright, I'll give you what you need."

Soon he was nestled between your thighs, his metal hand holding your hips down as his flesh one slid through your folds again.

"James? W-Wait!"

He stilled, training his eyes back on your face. "What's the matter, sugar?"

Your breaths came rapidly, your tongue coming out to wet your lips. "C-Can I…I-I want your other one…please."

It took him a moment to piece together what you were asking, but once he figured it out he almost came right there on the bed. "Fuck, doll, you want this?"

He held up his left hand and you nodded. "Jesus, you're amazing. Can't believe my metal arm turns you on. So fuckin' hot, Y/N. So perfect laying all spread out for me like this."

He slid a silver digit from your hole to your clit making you cry out. "Christ, princess, you're dripping wet. That all because of me, baby?"

You nodded and he circled your entrance making you whimper. "Tell me if I hurt you, okay?"

Bucky pushed his metal index finger in, and you sucked in a sharp breath. "Oh, my g-... Bucky…"

"Shh, just relax, doll. I need to open you up. Gotta get this pretty pussy ready for me so I don't cause any more pain than necessary."

He added a second finger and closed his lips over your clit, his tongue flicking expertly over the bundle of nerves as he stretched you. The sensations of both his fingers and his tongue were too much. You'd never felt such pleasure before and even though you'd never had an orgasm before you were certain you were close.

"Oh, fuck! You're gonna make me- God I- Buck I-I’m… please… please let me…"

He pumped his fingers deep and curled them upwards until he found it, the spot that made you arch your back and scream.

"That's it, princess. Let go. Cum for me."

"Fuck… I… I'm… I- ... ‘m gonna… OHMYGODJAMES!" You shattered into a million pieces as your walls fluttered around his fingers relentlessly.

Bucky watched in awe as you lay there panting beneath him, his cock painfully hard against the bedsheets. "You're so damn breathtaking, doll…"

He came up to capture your lips again. "Came apart for me so well. Have you ever touched yourself, sweetheart? Ever thought about me filling this sweet pussy with my cum?"

A needy whine fell from your lips. "'S'my first one, James… thought about you so many times though. Wanted you to take me apart and put me back together, make me yours, claim me and mark me."

"Oh, Baby-doll," he growled. "Gonna ruin you for any other man. Gonna make you feel so good."

He propped himself up on his forearms and positioned himself so his cock rested against your hole and you felt yourself clench around nothing.

"Buck, please baby. Please fuck me. I wanna feel you cum inside me."

He stared into your eyes and caressed your cheek. "Tell me to stop, and I will, okay sweetheart?"

You nodded and he kissed you as his cock entered your tight pussy. He swallowed your cries as he slowly bottomed out. Bucky stilled, allowing you to get used to him as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

"Fuck, doll…your pussy was made for me. You're so fuckin' perfect, Y/N. I...I-I love you."

You gasped, a tear sliding down your cheek. "James…"

He pulled back to look at your tear-filled eyes. "Do you need me to stop, darlin’?"

You shook your head and rested your hand against his chest. "Do you mean it? Do you love me?"

Bucky looked incredulously at you, his thumb brushing your kiss-swollen bottom lip. "With my whole heart, doll."

You smiled and wrapped your legs around his waist. "I love you too." He kissed you and slowly began a steady pace.

"Oh, Bucky… fuck, you feel so good… so good."

He rocked his hips fucking into you hard, your walls clenching deliciously around him. "God, baby… you're takin' me so well. Such a good fuckin' girl."

Your moans filled the expanse of the room as he drove his cock into you faster. The feeling of him stretching you, hitting your spot on nearly every pass of his cock was electrifying.

It was just as good for him, how your velvet walls pulled him in, your arousal coating his dick as he fucked you slow and deep made every nerve in his body come alive.

"Baby, I’m sorry but I'm not gonna last. Not when you feel this good…"

Your nails dug into his shoulders as you looked into his eyes. "Make me cum, James. Don't hold back. I need you, baby."

Bucky sat up and lifted your right leg so it rested on his shoulder, the new angle making him go impossibly deeper. "Fuck, doll, where have you been all my life?"

He began to move again and soon both of you were close to the brink.

"Y/N… shit, baby… I'm gonna cum… gonna fill this pretty pussy up...oh god, cum with me, doll." You felt the familiar warmth low in your belly, your legs shaking as you let out a loud moan at the feeling of Bucky's metal thumb rubbing your clit.

"Oh, fuckkkk…I'm so close, gonna cum so hard, baby. Oh my god, right there! Yeah, James… Jamesjamesjames oh my god, don't stop! Right there. Right, th-BUCKY!"

The moment your orgasm hit you screamed at the top of your lungs, the rest of the tower surely hearing you come apart. Your nails raked down his back as he stilled inside you.

After a few moments of panting against each other’s parted lips, Bucky pulled out slowly and laid down beside you bringing you in to curl against him. His flesh hand tilted your chin up so he could look into your eyes as he kissed you gingerly.

"You make me so happy, Y/N."

You kissed the tip of his nose and rested your head on his chest so you could hear his heartbeat.

"You make me happy too, Buck. So much. I love you."

He closed his eyes and felt sleep starting to take him. "I love you too, doll."

His breathing evened out and you snuggled closer, tracing lines on his chest. As you listened to him softly snore you knew this was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. It may have taken a while to get here, and it may have been tough, but you were finally happy.

You were finally home.

#j snow reblogs #j snow writes #buckyalpine #jessy loves shay #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes

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tempobaekh · 6 months ago

Text

Light in the darkness

Pairings: grumpy!bucky x sunshine!nurse!f!reader

Warnings: little bit of angst, a bit of asshole bucky, hurt to comfort, kind of enemies to lovers but it’s mostly buck, no reader physical description so can be read as any appearance, female reader

A/N: got inspired to write this one after i came across @apparentlytheproblem account and enemies to lovers prompt list. there is a lot of good stuff there so i thank her for motivating me to write this, I used some of the prompts from that list, they will be highlighted in the fic. also got the trope inspiration from @buckyalpine (I absolutely love your writing) this fic here I absolutely love it, with perfect amount of angst and cuteness please go read it!! anyways enough of my yapping, enjoy reading!!<3 (also please listen to these two in this order for more feels, I myself was listening to them while writing this and omfg it got me in the feeeels)

The infirmary of the Avengers compound is a well-lit, sterile environment, but you've managed to make it warm with your presence.

Cute little potted plants all over that were practically your babies, small fidgeting gadgets for anyone to fidget with (particularly for Bruce and Tony), small snacks placed in different containers scattered around the infirmary (frequently emptied by Tony), and a few stuffed animals placed here and there, all meant to make the space less intimidating.

You’ve always been a naturally optimistic person, someone who sees the best in everyone and everything. The Avengers compound, with its high-stakes missions and often tense atmosphere, was a perfect place for you to share your sunny disposition.

The team appreciated it—your laughter, your kindness, your unwavering positivity. They said you were a breath of fresh air, a light in the often dark world they navigated.

Every day, you greet the team with a cheerful smile, your laughter echoing through the corridors like a soothing melody. Everyone seems to love you—everyone except for Bucky Barnes.

From the moment Bucky set foot in the compound, he knew he was out of place. Haunted by his past, he kept his distance from everyone, preferring the silence and solitude of his own company, he mostly stuck to Steve and would occasionally have a Sam-sized problem hanging behind him.

He barely speaks to anyone, and when he does, it’s usually to snap or grumble. With you, he’s even worse. There’s an edge to his voice, a coldness in his eyes that seems to cut through your sunny disposition like a knife.

When he first saw you, with your bright smile and cheerful demeanor, he felt a strange pang in his chest—a mix of longing and irritation.

You were everything he felt he could never be again: light-hearted, carefree, a beacon of hope in a world that still felt foreign and hostile to him.

A world where he was still hated by some- or many.

Every time you laughed, it reminded him of what he had lost, of the darkness that had claimed his tortured and scarred soul. He hated that feeling, that reminder, and by extension, he hated that you were the one to evoke it.

From the moment you met him, he seemed determined to extinguish your light. His coldness was a stark contrast to your warmth, his gruff demeanor a perpetual challenge to your cheerful one.

At first, you chalked it up to his history, his need for time to adjust and heal. You were patient, giving him space while still trying to make him feel welcome.

Every day, you made small efforts to connect with him. You brought him coffee with extra sugar, hoping the gesture would soften his grumpy exterior. You cracked light-hearted jokes, trying to coax a smile out of him. You even complimented his metal arm, not out of pity, but genuine admiration. Yet, every attempt was met with indifference or a sharp retort.

Your jokes were often greeted with a curt nod or a dismissive grunt, and your compliments seemed to make him even more uncomfortable, his eyes narrowing as if questioning your sincerity.

Despite your efforts Bucky kept his distance and rejected. When you brought him coffee with extra sugar, he grumbled about preferring it black.

“I prefer my coffee black,” he would say, barely looking at you as he set the cup aside, not noticing the hurt look on your face.

When you made light-hearted jokes, he responded with curt nods or dismissive remarks. When you complimented his metal arm, he saw it as pity, a reminder of his brokenness. Your persistent cheerfulness was like a spotlight on his scars, and he resented you for it.

But deep down, Bucky knew that his anger wasn't really directed at you. It was aimed at himself, at the man he used to be and the man he thought he could never become again.

Your presence forced him to confront emotions he had buried deep within himself—emotions he didn't know how to handle. Every time you tried to break through his defenses, it was like a chisel chipping away at the walls he had built around his heart, and it terrified him.

Each brush-off, each cold response, chipped away at your resolve, leaving you more confused and hurt.

It wasn’t just the rejection that stung; it was the feeling that you were the only one he treated this way.

Everyone else seemed to get along with him fine, or at least, they didn’t bear the brunt of his sharp edges. You couldn’t understand why you were the exception, why he seemed to harbor a special kind of disdain just for you.

You tried not to let it show, maintaining your sunny facade for the sake of the team. But inside, every encounter with Bucky left a small, invisible wound.

You would smile through the pain, and laugh through the hurt, but the weight of his rejection grew heavier with each passing day.

Nights were the hardest, lying in bed replaying your interactions, wondering what you had done to earn his ire. Wondering and thinking where you went wrong, blaming everything on yourself.

And yet, despite the pain, you found yourself drawn to him. Maybe it was the challenge he represented, the mystery of his cold exterior, and the glimpses of vulnerability you occasionally saw.

There were moments, fleeting and rare, where you caught a glimpse of something softer in his eyes—a hint of sorrow, a flicker of regret. Those moments made you wonder about the man beneath the armor, the soul behind the scowl.

Gradually, your frustration and sadness turned into something more complex.

You began to care for him, despite his harshness.

You noticed the way his jaw clenched when he was upset, the way his eyes softened when he thought no one was watching, the way he fiddled with either his dog tags around his neck or his sleeve when he would get anxious, the way the sound of any whirring machine close to him would subtly make him jump.

You saw the pain he carried, the ghosts that haunted him, and your heart ached for him.

You wanted to reach out, to comfort him, to show him that he didn’t have to face his demons alone.

But every time you tried, he pushed you away, and it hurt more than you cared to admit.

Your feelings grew in the quiet moments, in the way you found yourself thinking about him even when he wasn’t around, in the way your heart raced at the sound of his voice, even when it was laced with irritation.

You realized you were falling for him, despite his best efforts to keep you at arm’s length.

You were falling for James Buchanan Barnes.

And he hated you.

One evening, after a particularly brutal mission, you’re restocking the infirmary when the door slams open. You jump, nearly dropping a box of gauze.

When Bucky stumbled into the infirmary, bleeding and in pain, he didn't want to admit to himself why he came to you. He could have gone to anyone else, but something—an instinct, a need—drove him to seek you out.

Bucky stumbles in, clutching his side, blood seeping through his fingers. His face is pale, eyes dark with pain and something else—frustration? Anger? It’s hard to tell.

“Barnes!” you exclaim, rushing to his side. “What happened?”

A strange mix of emotions flooded you. Concern for his well-being, of course, but also a glimmer of hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, this would be the moment he finally let you in.

He grunts, shaking his head as if to dismiss your concern. “Just patch me up.”

You guide him to a bed, your hands surprisingly steady given the state he’s in. You quickly gather the necessary supplies, your mind racing with questions.

Why did he come to you? He usually avoids you like the plague, very often going to Helen instead of you no matter the severity of the injury.

As you begin to clean his wound, he hisses, muscles tensing under your touch.

“Sorry,” you murmur, your tone soft.

He doesn’t respond, just watches you with those intense baby-blue eyes. It’s unnerving, but you refuse to let it shake you. Instead, you focus on your work, your movements gentle yet efficient.

Bucky watched you work with a mixture of frustration and awe. Your hands were gentle, your touch soothing, and for a moment, he allowed himself to feel vulnerable in your presence.

As you stitch him up, the silence between you grows heavier, filled with unspoken words and unexpressed emotions.

Finally, you can’t take it anymore. You wrap up the last of his wound and look him straight in the eye. “Bucky, why do you hate me so much?” your voice trembled with frustration and hurt.

He blinks, clearly taken aback by your question and his response took you by surprise. “I don’t hate you.”

You blink for a second and then scoff, shaking your head, trying to process his words. “You could’ve fooled me. You’ve been nothing but cold and an asshole since the day we met. I just don’t get it. Everyone else likes me, but you. You go out of your way to avoid me like I'm some plague! You always brush me off rudely and call me a bother when I try speaking to you only to speak with the others like it's nothing! You can't even give me the decency of respect, you pretend that I don't even exist!."

You stop, realizing you have almost gone to shouting, and take a deep breath in.

"Why?" your voice is quiet and broken, hurt and horse. Your eyes glazing with unshed tears,

Bucky felt a surge of conflicting emotions. He wanted to push you away, to keep you at a distance where you couldn't hurt him. Where he couldn't hurt you with his broken soul, and the demons from his past.

But the heart-shattering sadness on your usually lit-up face, made him also want to pull you closer, to let you in and see the parts of him he kept hidden. It was a battle between his fear and his longing, and for the first time, he felt the fear of losing.

Specifically, losing you.

“I’m not...used to feeling this way, okay?” he snaps, the admission seeming to cost him. His jaw clenches, and he looks away, refusing to meet your gaze.

For the first time, you saw something other than anger in his eyes.

Vulnerability.

Fear.

“Feeling what way?” you press, your voice shaking slightly, your frustration bubbling over. “What did I ever do to you?”

He’s silent for a long moment, the tension in the room almost suffocating. Finally, he lets out a long breath, his shoulders slumping, his emotions pressing down on him. “I feel the opposite of hate...towards you,” he admitted, his voice raw and honest.

The revelation left you breathless. All this time, you thought he despised you, but in reality, he was struggling with feelings he didn’t know how to handle. Your heart ached for him, for the battles he fought within himself.

He watched your eyes widen in surprise, your mind trying to process his words.

The words hang in the air, and you can hardly believe your ears. “You...what?” your voice barely a whisper.

Bucky turns to face you, his expression a mix of vulnerability and determination. “You heard me. I don’t hate you., far from it. You’re always so...bright and happy. It messes with my head. Makes me feel things I thought I’d forgotten how to feel. You make me realize that I can feel a romantic attraction towards someone, you make me realize that I can have some goodness in life. You make me feel want. To want something and not feel selfish.”

You blink, trying to process his confession. “You...want me?” you asked, hardly daring to believe it.

Without hesitation, he answers, “You know I do.”

A slow smile spread across your face, and for the first time in a long while, Bucky felt a glimmer of hope.

The weight of his confession settled over you, bringing with it a mixture of relief and tenderness. You smiled a slow, genuine smile that lit up your face. “Such a pretty liar, mhmm. And here I stressed over that you hated me.” you teased, your eyes sparkling with mischief.

He couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips, his usual gruff demeanor softening.

He grumbles, his cheeks flushing slightly. “Shut up and kiss me.”

You don’t need any more encouragement.

You leaned in, your lips meeting his in a sweet, tender kiss. It’s hesitant at first as if you’re both testing the waters, but it quickly deepens, the pent-up emotions of the past months pouring out in that one perfect moment. It was a kiss that spoke of all the unspoken words, the hidden feelings, the pain and hope intertwined.

When you leaned in and kissed him, it was like a dam breaking. All the emotions he had bottled up for so long—fear, longing, hope—flooded out in that one perfect moment.

Your lips were soft and warm against his, and for the first time since he could remember, he felt at peace.

As the kiss deepened, Bucky knew that things wouldn’t be easy. He still had a long way to go, and there were still demons he needed to face. But with you by his side, he felt a renewed strength, a reason to keep fighting.

When you finally pulled back, breathless and smiling, Bucky felt something he hadn’t felt in years: happiness. Maybe, just maybe, he could be more than the sum of his past mistakes. With you, he could be the man he once was—the man he wanted to be.

You pulled back, breathless and smiling, and a little dazed, you knew that this was just the beginning. It wouldn’t be easy, but for the first time, you felt like you had a chance to break through his walls, to reach the man behind the mask.

You can’t help but laugh softly. “Maybe you’re not such a grump after all.”

Bucky smirks, a rare but genuine smile lighting up his face. “Don’t push your luck.”

You giggle, the sound like music to his ears.

As you finish bandaging his wounds, the atmosphere between you has shifted. There’s a new understanding, a connection that wasn’t there before. Maybe things won’t be easy, and maybe Bucky will always be a bit of a grump, but you’re determined to be his sunshine, to bring light into his dark world.

And maybe, just maybe, he’ll let you.

Bucky's confession had changed everything. In the days following that night in the infirmary, his demeanor towards you began to shift.

The once icy wall he maintained seemed to melt slightly, and while he wasn't exactly warm, there was a newfound softness in his eyes when he looked at you.

Still, the past months of his coldness and hostility left a lingering tension between you, a wound that needed healing.

You knew that a kiss and a confession would not be enough to cure his long-standing hostility toward you; you knew you both needed to have a conversation.

One evening, you stayed late at the compound, finishing up some paperwork in the infirmary. The sun had long set, casting the room in a dim, serene glow from the soft lights overhead.

You were engrossed in your work when you heard a knock at the door. Looking up, you saw Bucky standing there, looking hesitant and unsure. Your heart skipped a beat, a mixture of anticipation and wariness flooding you.

“Hey,” he said quietly, stepping inside.

“Hey there you,” you replied softly, setting your pen down. “What’s up?”

He took a deep breath, his expression serious. “I need to talk to you.”

You nodded, gesturing for him to sit in the white chair, that currently had a cute Dumbo plush placed on it. Bucky grabbed the plush before sitting down and placed it in his lap, fidgeting with the ears, his large frame taking up more space than usual, his presence filling the room.

There was a moment of silence, and you could see he was struggling to find the right words.

“I’ve been an asshole,” he finally said, his voice low and earnest. “I’ve treated you terribly, and you didn’t deserve any of it.”

You watched him, your heart aching at the sincerity in his eyes. “Bucky-”

He held up a hand, stopping you. “Please, let me finish, I've been wanting to say this for a while because you deserve an apology. You’ve been nothing but kind and patient with me, and I repaid you with coldness and cruelty. I pushed you away because...because I was scared. Scared of what I was feeling, scared of getting close to someone again. I know my behavior is not to be excused but I'm being honest doll." he pleaded.

You swallowed hard, the raw honesty in his words touching something deep inside you. “I get it, Bucky. But it still hurt.”

“I know,” he said, his voice pained.

He stepped towards you, gently taking your gentle hands into his calloused ones and continuing to speak while tracing patterns on your skin with his thumb, the gesture comforting him. “And I’m so sorry for that. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. What I can do is promise to make it up to you. I want to show you that you won’t regret giving me a chance.”

Your heart fluttered at his words, a tentative hope blooming within you. “How do you plan to do that?”

He looked at you with such intensity that it took your breath away. “By being there for you, by treating you the way you deserve to be treated. I want to make you happy, sweetness. I want to be the man you see in me, the man you’ve been so kind and patient with.”

You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes, overwhelmed by the sincerity and determination in his voice. “Oh Buck…”

“I crave you, doll,” he said, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “I crave your touch, your smile, your laughter. Every part of you. I’ve tried to fight it, but I can’t anymore. I need you.”

The intensity of his confession left you breathless. You placed a hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your palm.

“I need to know you mean it,” you whispered, searching his eyes for any sign of doubt.

He covered your hand with his, his grip firm and reassuring. “I mean it, Y/N. I’ll spend every day of my life proving it to you if I have to.”

Before you could respond, he leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was both desperate and tender. More intense than the last one. His hands found your waist, pulling you closer as if he needed to feel every inch of you against him. The kiss deepened, filled with all the pent-up emotions and longing that had been building between you.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathing heavily. You looked up at him, your heart pounding in your chest. “You really want this? You really want me?”

“More than anything,” he said without hesitation. “You have no idea how much.”

A slow smile spread across your face, a mixture of relief and joy washing over you. “Well then, show me, Barnes.”

He grinned, a rare and genuine smile that made your heart soar. “With pleasure.”

He kissed you again, this time with even more passion and intensity. His hands roamed your back, pulling you impossibly closer, any distance in between being excruciating. You responded in kind, your fingers tangling in his hair as you poured all your emotions into the kiss. It was a promise, a beginning, and for the first time in a long while, you felt truly hopeful.

As the kiss ended, Bucky rested his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours. “You won’t regret this, doll. I promise.”

“I believe you,” you whispered, feeling the truth of his words in your heart.

The moment of intimacy is shattered by the sound of cheering and whooping from the doorway. Startled, you both turn to see Tony, Natasha, Steve, and Sam standing there, grinning like a bunch of mischievous teenagers who had just witnessed their friends’ first kiss.

“Finally!” Tony exclaims, clapping his hands together. “I thought I was going to have to script it out for you two. Turns out Terminator actually has the balls to confess." he snickered, seizing a snack packet of dried blueberries and munching on them.

Natasha smirks, crossing her arms over her chest. “Took you long enough, Barnes. We were beginning to think you’d never make a move.” the redhead pauses and winks at you.

Steve steps forward, a proud smile on his face. “About time, punk. I knew you had it in you.”

Sam laughs, shaking his head. “And here I was thinking the Winter Soldier was all cold and no heart. Looks like our sunshine melted the ice.”

You feel your face heat up, a mix of embarrassment and amusement washing over you. Bucky, on the other hand, rolls his eyes, his cheeks slightly flushed. “Do you guys mind?”

Tony steps forward, still grinning and munching on his snack. “Not at all. We’ve been waiting for this moment for months. I mean, the tension was practically killing us.”

Natasha nods in agreement. “It was like watching a bad rom-com where the leads are too stubborn to admit they like each other.”

Bucky sighs, shaking his head but there’s a small, genuine smile tugging at his lips. “Well, enjoy the show. It’s over now.”

Steve chuckles. “I don’t think it’s over. I think it’s just getting started.”

You laugh, feeling lighter than you have in weeks. “Alright, alright. You’ve had your fun. Now, can we have a moment?”

Tony raises his hands in mock surrender. “Fine, fine. We’ll leave you lovebirds alone. But don’t think we’re not going to talk about this later.”

He turns to you and points at the packet in his hand, "Also thanks for this sweets," and struts out.

As the group begins to disperse, Natasha gives you a wink. “We’re happy for you, babe. You deserve it.”

Steve pats Bucky on the shoulder. “Good job, Buck.”

Once they’re gone, you turn back to Bucky, who’s shaking his head, a look of exasperated affection on his face. “I swear, they’re worse than a bunch of kids.”

You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I think it’s sweet. They care about us.”

He sighs, pulling you closer. “Yeah, well, as long as I get you to myself now.”

You lean in, brushing your lips against his. “You do. And I’m not going anywhere.”

As you kiss him again, the echoes of your friends’ teasing fade away, leaving just the two of you in the warm, comforting glow of newfound love.

With that, you knew that this was the start of something new, something beautiful. It wouldn’t be easy, but together, you felt ready to face whatever came your way. And with Bucky by your side, you knew you could handle anything.

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