#bucky banres oneshot

[subwaysurf45]

She’s Not Mad

Summary: Bucky Barnes was a known people pleaser, it was second nature to him. After meeting you and getting close you both try to navigate his eternal stressed state, working together you try your best to tone down his obsessive ways. 

Words: 9k (if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been...)

Warnings: Bucky has mommy issues, mentions of oral sex, nudity, angst, fluff, college!bucky, slow burn

A/N: thanks for the patience! 

Masterlist

A Couple of Weeks Ago…

“So, you’re not a thing?” Bucky asked as he shoved his laptop and notebook back into his bag, grabbing the handle of his water bottle and choosing to carry it with him for the walk. 

The two boys were higher up in the rows of the lecture hall as they peered over the two girls talking to the professor. Steve had his eyes drilled into Natasha, the girl standing off to the side as her friend went over a question she had. 

“She told me she is still figuring out her feelings since her last serious relationship,” Steve sighed as he packed up as well, “and I told her I’d wait- apparently this guy’s parents had given their family engagement ring and everything.” 

Bucky pulled the corner of his lips out tight as they began to walk down the stairs, “who’s the other girl?” 

“The one that was just asking the question is Y/N,” Steve watched as both girls left the room, “good friends, met last year, live together now.” 

“She’s cute,” Bucky said purely, no smirk or innuendo.

********

You sat over your laptop in the library with both hands acting as a brim to cover your eyes from the people around you. Tears rolled down your face as you studied the practice question, you felt pathetic and you tried to sniffle as quietly as possible. If anyone saw you silently bawling you’d drop out, it was stupid enough already when the librarian walked over and dropped a tissue box off without saying a word. 

“What do you mean?” you whispered to the page for the hundredth time, hoping for some answer. 

You had done the homework, you went to the study groups, you even extended your prof's office hours because you wanted to make sure you were doing everything right. Yet here you were, sitting alone on a Friday night because you still can’t do the practice assignment. Quitting felt like the only option, it wasn’t like everything was going to click; it was too late. 

This was just going to become the thing that you could never do, simple as that. Sometimes there are subjects that no matter how hard you try, you don’t have the flair. It was a tough pill to swallow but you’d never be able to do any work if you’d continue to hold yourself to a high standard, it was a win to get the little things right, not the entire question. 

The idea of failing was new to you. The jump from high school to college was still something you never adapted to, you always expected nineties on everything and not the mindset that C’s get degrees. 

Trying to do the question was like beating a dead horse, you needed a break. You ran your hands over your face and leaned back in your chair, hearing pops from your back as you did so, until you were leaning back and looking up at the ceiling. When you looked straight you saw someone already staring at you. 

He had longer brown hair that hit his jawline, blue eyes that jumped out at you, and a very concerned look on his face. He was familiar but you didn’t know what it was from. 

“Are you Natasha’s friend?” The guy came up to your empty table. 

“Yeah?” You wiped away your tears, extremely confused as he pulled out the chair right beside you to sit at the eight sided table. 

“I’m good friends with Steve, I think the two of them have something going on- not important, but I kind of know you and I'd rather not leave someone I kinda know alone crying, so…” he rubbed the back of his neck, “are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” you rolled your eyes and faced your computer again, “the absolute last thing I need is something watching me cry, alright?” your bottom lip wobbled as you kept your eyes away from his at all times. 

He was still staring at you, “come on,” he sighed and moved his hand to comfort you but thought otherwise, “I’m not going to laugh at you or run and tell everyone I know I saw a girl crying in the library- y’know what they’d say?” You could see him tilt his head, “they’d say what’s the big deal, haven’t we all?” 

You scoffed, “no they wouldn’t.” 

“You’re calling me a liar?” 

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Bucky,” he stuck out his hand, “Bucky Barnes.” You shook his hand, “and since I am a Barnes and was raised by my ma I simply can not let this continue, it’s my obligation to either cheer you up or take you home.” 

You scoffed again and tried your best to hide your smile, “and I’m Y/N, and in my family we stress about everything and never give up so I can’t leave until I get this question, so…”

Bucky’s tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he flipped the laptop to face him a little better, “this is the class all four of us have together, alright,” he read over the question and immediately furrowed his brows before looking at you again, trying your best to hold it together. He knew the answer but couldn’t bear to see your reaction, it was painfully obvious you were beating yourself stupid over these questions. 

“Can you take a deep breath for me?” he asked like he was talking to a child. 

“I barely know you, dude,” you crossed your arms and ripped your laptop back to face you, “and I’ll have you know I don’t need a man to come in here and explain everything to me, alright, I’m going to figure this out on my own and I don’t need you, okay? So just head home, tell Steve I say hi.” 

Bucky took a deep breath himself, “that question isn’t marked on the homework, the reason you can’t get the answer is because the way to get it has most likely not been taught yet,” he paused and saw your face crumble, “and I didn’t want to freak you out because you look like you’ve been here a while and you seem to be beating yourself up and I just couldn’t-”

“Stop,” you whispered and covered your face with your hands, “just stop talking.” 

And he did. 

Trying your best to calm your breaths, it didn’t work. So fucking stupid, unbelievable, there’s no way you just spent close to an hour staring at a problem you didn’t even have to do in the first place. 

“Can you walk me home?” you squeeked. 

“Of course,” Bucky stood up right away and started helping you pack your bag, “I have some water, do you want it?” He held up his water bottle. You nodded and began drinking as you both made your way outside and towards your off-campus house. 

“Did you need to study?” you asked as you screwed on the cap. 

Bucky laughed and looked up at the night sky, “I was going for a walk because I heard there was a blood moon tonight, and there is, look,” he point up and saw the red mood looming above both of you, “and I just happened to walk past the library, I looked in the window and recognised your laptop as well as your hair, funny enough,” he laughed as he looked forward again. 

“So you just came in to see me?” you needed to make sure you were hearing this right, it’s not like it happens often. 

“I was going to introduce myself to you actually,” Bucky shrugged and looked over at you, “I know Steve and Nat are trying to figure things out and I thought friends of two people who might date should know one another. Then I saw you crying so I changed my game plan.”

You just nodded, slightly brushing into Bucky’s arm as you walked. It was hard to stay straight with the exhaustion taking over, every now and then you’d brush your knuckles past Bucky’s. He was a cute guy, and something about him being oh so caution around you made you feel important. 

“This is me,” you said later as you walked up the steps, “thanks Bucky, I hope we can be friends.” 

Bucky smiled and stood at the bottom of the steps, “if you ever get in your head again like that and need someone to pull you away, let me know- even in the middle of the night, alright?”

“Alright,” you laughed with your hand on the door handle. 

“I’m serious, Y/N. I look after the people close to me, I look after friends of friends like siblings,” there was no joking in his tone, it seemed other people doubted him on this promise. “I’ll give you my number,” he hand reached out for your phone. 

“I’ll be fine, you seemed to have good luck running into me,” you giggle and open the door to your house. Before it fully closed you felt resistance, looking over your shoulder you saw Bucky holding open your door. 

He was smiling, “then give me your number for another reason.” 

“Oh?” you turned and placed a hand on your chest, “you’re rather forward. 

“Well being cryptic didn’t work, did it?” He laughed and held out his hand again, “come on, I might need a study buddy one day- or even better, a lunch buddy.” you laughed as he tried to duck to meet your eyeline, “you don’t want to be my lunch buddy?”

“I’ll be your lunch buddy,” you giggled and handed him your phone, he wasted no time adding it in. “Goodnight,” you whispered and made it into your house, leaning back and resting against the door. You thought for a moment before breaking into a massive smile, replaying how he tried to keep eye contact with you. Or how he’d been so proud of how his mother raised him- “son of a bitch,” you whispered. 

He walked you back home and cheered you up. 

Just like he said he would. 

A Few Days Later…

Your phone must be hacked or something because your weather app said it would be completely clear today and sunny in the afternoon. As you sat in the cafe you thought it would clear up but it was only getting worse. 

All you needed to do was brave the rain and make your way home, but waiting for the perfect time when everything would let up for a moment was pointless. 

Walking as fast as you can with your head down, you saw your grey sweatpants become a darker shade instantly. It was a straight downpour with absolutely no sign of letting up, you swore you heard thunder when you waited at the crosswalk. Due to your phone lying to you, you had not brought a hooded article of clothing or umbrella so you just had to deal with everything going wrong. 

There definitely was thunder and the lightning was right above you, it seemed like you were the last person on Earth because everyone else was smart enough to stay inside right now; but not you. Down your little street you began to run, trying to get away from the lightning that was chasing you. 

If you could guess you’d say most people who had been struck by lightning most likely thought they were too far away, in denial as the sky opened up from above. It was hard to admit you were actually a little scared at that moment, rain getting in your eyes as you sprinted down to your house that was now in view. 

With your key at the ready you fell inside, slamming the door behind you. 

Natasha rounded the corner, “you idiot, I was trying to call you!” She screamed and saw your state, “Steve and Bucky are over-they drove over they could have picked you up,” Natasha got in your face to peel off the sweater, taking it off right over your head and leaving you in your bralette and those drenched sweatpants. 

“You took off my shirt when there’s boys here?” you whispered as you began to shake, covering your chest with crossed arms. 

“We guessed you were walking back so we put towels in the dryer,” as if on cue Bucky rounded the same corner with your fluffy towel ready, “thank you Bucky,” Natasha wrapped it around your shoulders. 

“Hi, Bucky,” you squeeked, “glad we keep meeting like this.”

Natasha had walked upstairs, most likely getting different pants. Bucky got down on one knee and slipped off your shoes, “like what?” he asked as he looked up, he reminded you of a little puppy somehow. He was as big as a great dane but there was an underlying softness that made you want to hug him or just let him wrap his arm around you. 

You huffed as you pulled the towel tighter, “when I’ve just done something embarrassing and you’re there to save the day.”

Bucky stood up with his arms crossed, “only you would think crying or getting caught in the rain is embarrassing,” he shook his head and reached out to rub your shoulder that was covered by the towel, “I like helping and I like making sure people I know are okay, you know this.”

“I do,” you whispered and walked further in your house. Before you could get anywhere near comfortable Natasha whisked you away to change your soggy pants as well as throw on a sweater, they had also been thrown in the drier, everything was very toasty and warm.

Steve was sitting on the couch, staring intensely at the football game going on. Natasha guided you back in and towards the couch. There was enough room for four of you but you knew thighs would be pressed up against one another, you were okay with that if Bucky was sitting beside you. Though you don’t see him often it was nice when you did even though you made it seem like it was embarrassing. Something about having someone who loves taking care of people take care of you so well caused you to crave it a little more. 

Bucky came around the couch with a mug, “hot chocolate for you,” he whispered and took the spot beside you, next to the arm rest. You thanked him and let your hand slightly burn on the mug when you held it, liking how the warmth began to spread up your arms. Natasha found her spot on the other side of you while Steve stayed on the edge, leaning forward and never looking away from the game. 

“This is really good,” you sipped it and whispered to Bucky, he just smiled and leaned into your side for a moment. 

“What were you working on?” he asked after a moment. 

“I was at the cafe for a little treat but before I was doing my elective course,” you spoke softly. It seemed like everything happened for a reason because you only got food at the cafe which left room for this hot chocolate now. 

“And that is?” Bucky giggled as he leaned forward again. 

“Art history,” suddenly, you were coy. Most people thought your elective was a bird course but to you it was actually interesting, it wasn’t often you were met with a positive response. 

His eyes got wide, “that’s sick!” Bucky readjusted himself off the couch, “I would have never even thought of that course, wow, that’s really cool. So, like, what do you-”

“Bucky, I love you, brother, I really do but-” Steve sighed, “can you please be quiet, this game is very important.” 

“I didn’t think the Big Game was on today?” you asked as you took another sip. 

“It’s not that,” Steve places his beer down, “it’s the State Cup Finals, it’s college football.” 

Natasha smiled and looked over, “his team’s the underdog and are actually on the road to winning the entire thing!” She giggled and linked an arm with Steve who was happy to cuddle up with her, “it’s actually very exciting once you learn the ins and outs of it.”

You just nodded and faced forward again, seeing Bucky out of the corner of your eyes rubbing his thumb on the neck of his beer bottle, staring off into space. The moment you leaned your head on his shoulder he looked over at you, your heart broke when you saw a sad smile. He was just trying to talk to you, he got excited for you and here he was being scolded. 

“Do you want to come look at some of my notes, or are you into this game?” you whispered and saw his eyes light up, both of you quickly stood and headed up stairs with your bag slung over your shoulder. 

The moment you walked into your room you felt everything slow down, Bucky slowly walked in and looked around. He was smiling to himself as he l took in your photos on the walls or posters, even your to do list seemingly growing on the white board you have mounted to one wall. 

You sat on the corner of your bed as he flipped through your notes, “so you’re, like, breaking down these paintings, it's not just the history of when they were painted?”

“Oh yeah,” you fiddled with the hem of your dry sweater, “most of these artist go insane and we look for that in the work or even just what was happening during the time with stuff that you’d learn in a normal history class but we look at if and when it get put into art,” this was your little thing you could talk about for ages, “very cool stuff.” 

Bucky nodded and flipped the pages, “your notes are amazing,” he whispered, “you’re a pretty good student, huh?” he looked over his shoulder and saw you sitting there, just staring at him as he made his way around your room. “What?” he giggled and made his way over to you, holding his hand out to get you to stand up. 

“Nothing,” you tucked your chin to your chest, getting coy at the attention. “You’re just…y’know, sweet.” 

Bucky just smiled and rubbed your arm, giggling as you both stared at one another for a moment. “Do you want to go back down?” 

“Sure,” you nodded and leaned forward, smiling as you both made your way back downstairs. 

The rain still worked its way down your windows as the beers and wine kept flowing. The game had ended a while ago but Steve and Bucky didn’t see a reason to leave, it was a good moment that no one wanted to end. You had finished your hot chocolate and moved onto wine, sipping it slowly as everyone talked. It was nice to be brought into this group even though it stemmed from Nat and Steve, there was good chemistry between the four of you. 

Talking to everyone was effortless, you didn’t need to act like someone else to fit in. no one was yelling over someone else to get their point across, there weren't any passive aggressive tones in anyone's jokes, it was carefree. It was relaxing to have people this easy to talk to. 

The only thing that wasn’t relaxing was the amount of times you caught Bucky staring at you. Everyone had migrated to the floor with their backs against different furniture so you could break out the board games, Bucky was sitting adjacent to you on your right and Steve adjacent on your left, Nat right in front. Every single move whether it be placing a card down or moving your little object around the board Bucky would find a reason to look at you. 

“Good one,” he’d pat your shoulder. 

“Let me move your piece for you,” he’d say before you could reach across the table. 

“Sorry…” he’d smile before taking your little object and moving it back four spots. 

He was very attentive, always watching and scanning. But the more you noticed it the more you figured out he was doing it to everyone, including Steve. Something happened whenever Bucky would either move Steve’s piece for him or go get another beer so he wouldn’t have to stand up, Steve would give this look. It seemed as though he was silently telling Bucky he knew something or he was pointing something out that had been a topic of conversation before. Bucky would try to laugh it off but Steve was very protective of Bucky, you just didn’t know why. 

The games had slowly come to a close, everyone not drunk but a little more than tipsy. Giggles flowed freely around the table as the conversation resumed again, your eyes were growing heavy as you traced the rim of your glass. 

“I’ll be back,” Bucky muttered as he headed to the washroom. 

The moment the door closed Steve sighed, “this kid.” 

“What?” you were getting protective, why was Steve about to talk shit about his best friend? 

Steve just shook his head, “It’s hard to see how badly Winnie fucked him up.” 

Your heart plummeted. Any tiredness had left your body faster than the little gasp escaped your lips. Who was this Winnie girl and why did he mess Bucky up? The thoughts circled your head, was he in an abusive relationship? Natasha looked like she didn’t know either, pouring more wine into her cup. 

When Bucky came back he sat closer to you and you couldn’t help but reach out and wrapped your arm around his. He must have been a little surprised but you rested your head on his shoulder and continued on like it was nothing. 

You were half asleep when Bucky tried to do something for Steve, maybe get him another beer but whatever it was it left Bucky looking like a sad puppy because Steve said, “Buck, relax, I can get my beers, thank you, but I got it, alright?”

Steve's tone was soft but also commanding, he wasn’t annoyed at all. With your eyes closed you pieced it together that Steve was trying to help Bucky in some way, maybe get him to relax a little more. It was out of love but Bucky was very quiet for the rest of the night. 

********

You and Bucky had started hanging out a lot more on your own. There were a lot of late night drives or study sessions, Bucky always came to the library to walk you home if you stayed late or had turned your brain into mush during your studying. 

What Steve had said stuck with you more than you thought it would, it didn’t impact how you saw Bucky but it made you more aware of his people pleasing tendencies. You wanted to do the same as Steve, tell him it was okay but you weren’t as close. You saw how hurt he was the last time and you just couldn’t do it to him. 

Currently you were both sitting on his bed, the movie was wrapping up. Half of his laptop sat on one thigh and the other half sat on Bucky’s, your arms were linked and there was a steady brushing of your thumb on his forearm. In all honesty, you thought you were lulling him to sleep when you looked up five minutes ago to see him fighting his dropping lids. 

When the movie faded to black both of you sat there for a moment, content with the sitcom that was coming up next. You looked up again to see him with his face scrunched up, his other hand was on his back. 

“What is it?” you asked and leaned over, he was rubbing a specific spot on his lower back with his thumb. 

Bucky held his breath as he leaned forward to move his hand, “I was working out this morning and there weren't any belts left for my deadlifts and I did something to my back.”

“Do you want a massage?” you offered, he’d do the same for you. 

“I’m okay, thanks,” he looked down at your head resting on his bicep. 

“I didn’t know you worked out,” you smiled, “you don’t have the, like, bodybuilder physique.”

Bucky laughed and wiped at his eyes, giggling to himself before answering. “I don’t want that look, but…” you could see the boast on the top of his tongue, he poked his tongue on the inside of his cheek. 

“Tell me!” you sat up, taking the laptop off your lap so you could fully face him now, “are you, like, ripped or something?” you both laughed as he hugged himself so you couldn’t feel or see anything, “you are, shut up!” you placed both hands on his shoulders, his face so red from laughing and embarrassment you just wanted to take a bite out of it. 

“Steve calls it a sleeper build,” Bucky managed to wheeze out, he was trying to play-fight you off of him. 

“What the fuck is that?!” you gasped as your hands reached out but he copied you and intertwined his fingers with yours. 

“It’s when someone has muscle but you can’t really see it in normal clothing,” his face was calming down as well, but that stupid smile was still on his face. “It just kinda happened, just how I am.”

You tried to move his arms around but you couldn’t, his fingers were still tightly woven with yours. You just laughed and fell back into him, cuddling up again. “I had a friend's mom who was an actual masseuse, so…” you shrugged, “I actually know what I’m doing because she’d give me massages and walk me through her process.”

“You just want to take my shirt off, don’t you?” Bucky taunted. 

“I want to make sure you’re not uncomfortable the entire time we hang out and for the rest of the week,” you giggled before snuggling into his arm again and watching the show that had come on randomly. 

It took three days before Bucky came back for that massage. 

You were hanging out again like normal and he was still trying to relieve the ache in his lower back. It was becoming sad to see him so uncomfortable so you kept reminding him of your excellent massage skills. After what you counted as his third groan of pain you just looked at him and soon enough he was asking you to turn around so he could take his shirt off and lie down. 

Choosing your angle to stand with your back to him was a science, you wanted to make sure you had the mirror to look at but you also didn’t want to make it obvious. Part of you hated yourself for wanting to catch and peek at his body but it was infamous now, you just had to look. 

And my god was it worth it. 

It wasn't an obnoxious amount of muscle that made it seem like the strength drained from his brain and into his arms. The sleeper build comment was right, you had no idea. His chest made you feel comfortable and protected, the kind of chest you’d want to fall into when the subway starts up too quick and you’re not holding onto anything. His arms were, and you already knew this, amazing at covering so much surface area for hugs. They were secure and trustworthy, you knew that when you hugged him he had you; it also helped to remember when he’d whisper it in your ear. 

“Okay,” his voice was muffled by pillows at the top of your bed. 

You turned around and were greeted by his back which was also an amazing sight, the kind of body sculptors would use and their go-to subject if no one else was there. “I have some lotion on my hands,” you warned and pressed your palms onto his back and quickly began spreading the lotion around. 

Though this wasn’t a proper table and he was resting on one cheek instead of face down you knew this was the best he’d get for a college kid. You started all over and slowly worked your way to focusing on his lower back. When you felt the knot you knew you found it, the thing was massive. The low groan Bucky let out was close to pornographic as you dug into him. 

Something about seeing him grip the sheets, making his veins pop out, did something to you. At first you only really saw Bucky as another friend or a good member of the friend group you stumbled your way into. But the more you spent one-on-one the more you realized he was your perfect guy. Any guy can be perfect physically but his personality enhanced your view for him, it made you appreciate his looks even more. 

His laugh always brought out the crinkle in his nose and those pretty teeth, the sound of him giggling was music to your ears and also was the perfect accompaniment to his squinted eyes or broad smile. The same with his little fist pumps he does when beating you at a game either around a group of friends of a video game, that stupid celebration he does every time causes him to flex his bicep but that’s secondary to the little circles he makes with his fist.  

You kept working away and looking at his rested face once in a while, seeing his eyes closed and the relieved look on his face. There was something so pure about watching the guy your slowly obsession over fall into simple relaxation all because of you, it was a treat. 

“How’s that?” you whisper, “Bucky?” trying to make sure your pressure wasn’t too hard for him you wanted to check in, but he had fallen asleep. With the opportunity in front of you, you reached out and placed your bent knuckles along his cheek, feeling the stubble tickle your fingers. 

You found him blanket on his bed and covered him up so he wouldn’t get cold with his shirt off, before leaving you placed a kiss on his forehead before heading downstairs for a snack. You also wanted to give him space, let him sleep peacefully. 

Steve was down there when you got there, another roommate of his cooking as you found Bucky’s section of snacks to choose from. 

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve asked as he looked over his shoulder, not for long due to the football playing on the TV. 

“Sleeping upstairs,” you ate the goldfish as you rounded the couch to watch the game. 

He seemed taken aback at your casualness, “what did you guys do…?” he slowly looked over, most likely trying to see if your hair was disheveled or anything was blossoming on your neck. 

“I gave him a massage,” you shrugged and fell back onto the couch, “his lower back has been killing from his workout a while ago.” 

You could see Steve look over his shoulder to see if his roommate was also hearing this, he looked over at you again and squinted. “So- and correct me if I’m wrong here- you gave Bucky a massage and put him to sleep and now you’re down here getting a snack?” 

“You would be correct,” you smiled, “would you like to do a once over of my neck for hickies or maybe rummage through the trash for condoms?” you sassed and plopped a few more goldfish in your mouth, “I was helping him.” 

That statement made Steve look over his shoulder again. The roommate just shrugged with a smile before heading down to his room in the basement, noodles steaming from the cup. You just looked at Steve as he tried to piece together everything, it was actually funny to see him try to understand. 

“Bucky doesn’t accept help from anyone,” Steve turned to face you, “it’s his thing to never want to be in debt with anyone when it comes to favours of any sort.” 

“Well,” you just sighed, “I’ve been picking up on that too but I got to him I guess, he let me do something for him.” That was all you could say because you didn’t have a full background of why Bucky didn’t accept help from anyone you just knew he didn’t; the only clues you had were Winnie and her role in this. 

“That’s good,” Steve quickly added, “I’m far from saying it’s bad, trust me, it’s just he’s been in a funk for a while when it comes to that stuff, it ebbs and flows.” 

“Do you think he’ll ever tell me?” you asked as you watched the game, too embarrassed of the question to look at Steve. It seemed there was this vital piece of information that made Bucky who he was that was dangling right in front of your face, you were falling for him but that thing that made him him was out of reach. When Steve first made the statement he siad that this Winnie girl fucked him up which implied something bad much have happened and that can also mean something isn’t necessarily right. You were never going to fix Bucky but you did want to understand so you could help be a better friend to him and not unconsciously get in the way of his mindset. 

Steve nodded, “he’ll definitely tell you,” he looked over and smiled, “I mean, you’re all he ever talks about, this kid is head over heels for you  it’s just…some guys have hard times coming to terms with their past, he’ll get there though.” 

“I know,” you nodded, “I’ll obviously never force it out but I do want him to be aware I’m here to listen, y’know?” 

“He knows,” Steve laughed and stood up, going to the cupboard and grabbing a little snack for himself as well. 

You took a deep breath before standing up and heading back upstairs, you were guessing Bucky was still fast asleep. When you opened the door you found him still laying on his bed in the exact same position, only now there was little snores coming from him. 

With a pout you crawled back onto the bed and sat next to him, placing your hand on his back and sliding it down to his arm that was bent up so his hands could rest under the pillow. Your thumb gently rubbed his arm for a moment before pulling out your phone and scrolling through it. 

The boredom ate away at you, instead of scrolling through your phone you went to his dresser to find some clothes you could change into so you could crawl under his sheets and sleep over. When you pulled open his top drawer you were met with his underwear and socks as well as a box of condoms tucked to the side, you just giggled to yourself at the painfully college male sight in front of you. 

Something about wearing his boxers made your face heat up, that was a level of intimacy you wanted to reach with him one day but you didn’t know if it was time. Looking over your shoulder after a particularly loud snore you smiled to yourself and picked up a black pair, as you held it up you remember seeing the waistband sticking out of his jeans while he reached above his head to grab something for someone - you weren’t focused on his actions at the time. 

Quickly slipping your pants off and pulling up the boxers you maneuvered to his closet, finding your favourite hoodie he wore very often. This moment of intimacy, moving around Bucky’s room while he wasn’t aware, caused a surge of confidence to shoot through you. Though you had never talked to Bucky about what the relationship between you was, you knew both of you could agree there was no room for girlfriends or boyfriends for either of you, this was the time to build the foundation for something better later. Having this idea of only being the girl in his room you took off your bralette and tucked it back in his top drawer, across from the condoms.

You didn’t choose this bra specifically but you were wearing a slightly lacey bralette, it was far from lingerie but the lace added something to it. Making sure you put it where it wouldn’t be obvious but also not hiding it, you grew giddy at the image of Bucky finding it. 

Before getting in his bed you tugged and tugged the sheets under his body before managing to get the covers fully out from under him. You scooted in and pulled the sheets up to cover both of you, it seemed he really needed the sleep because nothing was waking him up, not even the little hug you gave him before turning off the lights and falling asleep beside him. 

********

You were sitting in class aimlessly scrolling through your phone during your five minute break in your lesson, your art history professor was one of the best teachers you've ever had. She was funny but also well informed, she also had a big heart and didn’t need a eulogy as a form of proof if someone asked for an extension due to a funeral service that day. 

Bucky: What the hell is in my dresser? 

Without knowing the tone or context your heart dropped. You read the text with Bucky’s voice as if he was screaming at you, a hint of embarrassment in his tone. It was in your head, you didn’t know if it was a flirty tone either. 

You: Just my bra, when I stayed over a couple of nights ago I changed into your clothes and just absentmindedly put my bra in your top drawer. I probably was just going through the motions and thought I was at my place. 

Bucky: Can I pick you up from class, when does your lecture end?

Something about him completely disregarding your explanation - lie or not - gave you the worst feeling in the world. Ice poured down your back as you watched your prof make her way back up to the little stage she teaches on, you couldn’t keep the conversation going and just needed to deal with it later. 

You: sure, it ends in an hour. 

Bucky: I’ll be there. 

Part of you didn’t want to leave when your lecture was over, you stayed in the hallway for a moment and thought of every single end of the world situation that could happen in the car. Bucky didn’t seem like a guy who hit women but your anxiety didn’t let you leave out that thought. He also didn’t seem like the guy who’d reveal he’d been dating another girl the entire time but who knows, he could be in a three year long relationship as you stood there. 

With all these terrible situations playing out in your head you decided to face it head on, you’d walk in there and wouldn’t let him talk; just saying your apologies with your eyes closed before he could get a word out. 

You walked down the steps and to the right to find Bucky’s car parked in front, coming up in the blindspot. You took a moment to take a deep breath, opening the door and sitting down as quickly as possible. 

“Do you-”

“Bucky,” you put your hand out but kept your eyes casted down, “I am so unbelievably sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I don’t know if you already have a girlfriend and she found it and it caused a rift in your relationship, or if you like to sleep with other girls and one of them found the bra and got jealous so you lost your credit. I don’t know what made you angry but please, I am so sorry for what I did, I wasn’t thinking and I just put it in there and I-...” you just held your mouth open as you looked at the center console, you had run out of things to say. “Um,” you slowly looked up to see him frozen in shock, mouth still slightly open from when he began to say something, “sorry, you were about to say something?” 

Bucky had to physically rattle his head to get out of the shock he was in, “do you want to get some coffee?” 

Your eyes flicked up and it was your turn to stay frozen, “what?” 

Bucky pulled his brows together, “I was making a joke about the bra thing,” he seemed concerned at your extremely anxious state, “I don’t care what you leave at my place, I really don’t,” normally someone would laugh in awkward situations but Bucky didn’t, it felt like it made everything worse. “Do you want coffee?” 

“What is going on?” you couldn’t believe the situation you had put yourself in, nothing was making sense. 

“Don’t get all mad at me,” now it was time for him to scoff, “you’re the one that thought I was sleeping with multiple women while I’m actively pursuing you, you idiot.” 

“Don’t call me an idiot,” you huffed and faced the front of the car, crossing your arms after putting on your seatbelt. 

Bucky laughed as he reached over and turned your face so you’d look at him, “that’s what you took from that statement?” He giggled, “babe, I just said I was pursuing you, does that just fly over your head?” 

“Wait, what?” you grew more interested, “you want to date me?” 

Bucky nodded, “have I not made it obvious?” You just shrugged and began to feel small, curling yourself further into the seat of his car, “I would like to take you out and I would like to continue to collect little pieces of you at my place while doing the same to yours, does that make sense?” 

“Then what were those condoms for?” 

“The same reason our house keeps tampons in our main bathroom,” Bucky put the car in drive and began working towards to coffee shop, “if you ever need a tampon you go and grab one, if Steve ever needs a condom and he’s out of stock in his room he comes to me,” Bucky looked at you at the stop light. 

“Oh,” was all you could say. 

“But let me get a few things straight,” Bucky placed his hand on your thigh, “I’m not sleeping with other girls, I do not have a secret girlfriend, I am not mad you left your bra in my dresser and I tried to make the text seem flirty, and finally,” he went at the green, “I really like you and I would like you to be my girl whenever we get there.” 

“Okay,” you whispered, “I’d like that too.” 

“Then it’s settled,” it was a short drive to the cafe, “let’s celebrate over coffee, shall we?” 

You looked down at his hand on your thigh, “yeah, we shall.” 

********

Your body felt like it was floating, your legs tingled and it was hard to catch your breath. As you laid on your back with your hands on your bare stomach Bucky worked his way back up from between your legs while leaving kisses on your hip bones as well as your stomach when you lifted your hands. 

“How was that?” Bucky asked breathlessly, licking his lips before kissing you. 

You kept your answer waiting, probably because he knew it already, kissing him slowly as he wanted. He was fully in control right now, setting the pace and tone of this entire afternoon. When he pulled away for a moment you complimented him like always, your hands reached up to his shoulders and tried to push him to lay on his back but he stayed strong. 

“Flip over,” you whispered and ran your hands down his chiseled stomach, working your way up to his shoulders as your fingernails raked up his back. 

“I’m all good,” he shrugged. 

“But you’re painfully hard,” you tried again to get him to move but he just fell beside you on his stomach, not allowing you to touch him where he was in fact, extremely hard. “Come on, you always do this.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled and pulled you down with him. 

“I just want to do something nice for you, you never let me do anything for you or give you any favours,” in your head it seemed like a normal observation, it was true that Bucky didn’t let anyone do anything for him while he actively tried to help everyone in anyway he knew how. 

That seemingly struck a nerve, “alright then,” he sighed and got up from the bed, heading into the bathroom as he left you naked and alone on his bed, the most lonesome feelings in the world. 

“Where are you going?” you sat up, grabbing your shirt from the edge of the bed. 

“Going to go jerk off in the shower,” he said as he closed the door. 

“You can’t be serious,” you quickly stood and made your way to the bathroom that was connected to his room. You opened the door to see him already adjusting the tap before starting the shower. “Bucky, it’s the truth, it’s who you are but it’s the truth and as your girlfriend I want you to feel good, I want to give you pleasure like you do to me.” 

You reached forward and placed your hands on his back, slowly working your way to his shoulders so you could turn him around. There looked like shame had overtaken him as he stood before you, though he was larger in size he shrunk himself down to look small. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, he didn’t know what to say. 

“If I can’t give you head then can I come in the shower and wash your hair?” you didn’t even put on the shirt you grabbed, it was dropped to the floor. “Come on, honey, it’ll feel so good.” 

Bucky only nodded before stepping into the hot shower with you. You made sure he got most of the stream on him, you stayed in front and made sure his hair was soaked before getting any product. You could see his tenseness at first but the moment your hands made contact with his scalp his eyes rolled back, his shoulders relaxed. In that moment it occurred to you that you had actually never seen his relaxed state before. 

“Doesn’t this feel good?” you whispered, making sure you used your nails to really cleanse his scalp. “Doesn’t letting yourself relax and breathe feel so good, Buck?” 

“Yeah,” it came out quiet and broken. 

Your eyes were focused on his hair the entire time, making sure you lathered up and took your time. You needed to savor this moment for both you and Bucky, you wanted him to be relaxed for a s long as possible as well as taking advantage of doing him a favour; never knowing when your next opportunity would come up. 

Gently tapped his forehead, you got him to lean back. The water immediately took off the top layer of suds but you needed to rub out the deeper layers as well. Your fingers scrubbed until the trail of water rolling down his body was pure water and had no shampoo in it. 

“I’m going to- oh, my gosh Bucky,” you reached out and saw his red eyes, “when did you start crying?” 

“I can’t remember,” he whispered and tilted his head down, the water pushed his hair to cover his eyes. 

You pushed his hair back and pulled him out a step further so the water hit his back, your thumbs quickly wiped away a mixture of water and tears off of his face. He couldn’t stop crying as you tried your best to keep his face clear, “honey, what’s wrong?” 

“I-” he choked on his own words, “I’ve never let my guard down this much,” he admitted before breaking off into harder sobs, you swooped in and pulled him tightly against your chest. 

“I know it’s a new feeling,” you whispered, “but I want you to be able to do this all the time, let your guard down around me,” it was a shot in the dark by saying this but you did it anyways, “I promise I won’t hurt you, I’ll never take advantage of your guard down, love.” 

It must have struck something because his knees buckled, his hands gripped tighter as he desperately kept you close to him. You didn’t know if you were making him feel better or worse but the act of letting go was needed for him, you kept holding him until there was nothing left to cry. 

When he pulled away he stayed close, close enough that you kissed him under the gentle rain of the shower and played with his hair at the base of his scalp. His hands stayed on your back and held you close to him, making sure you were always touching him in some way. You tried to get a good read on him but he kept his head low and gently ran his hands up and down your sides, just feeling you. 

“You’re very safe,” you whispered. 

Bucky looked up at you for a moment before keeping his eyes down for a while, his brows pulled together and it seemed like he was trying to say something but didn’t know how. Both of you were open and vulnerable, naked in the hot shower. Tears threatened to spill over at the picture of Bucky crying in front of you. 

“It was my mom,” Bucky whispered, “the one who broke me-”

“You’re not broken,” you quickly corrected, cupping his face and stroking his cheek with your thumb, “don’t say that.” 

Bucky just shrugged, “I’m the oldest, I have four sisters younger than me - all different dads.” Bucky took a deep breath and pulled you closer, “my mom…Winnie was an interesting woman who never wanted to be pregnant but somehow always ended up pregnant anyways, it also didn’t help none of the guys wanted to stick around.” 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, giving him the easy opportunity to hug you if he needed to. Nodding along, you encouraged him to keep going. 

“When my mom realized I could do the dirty work she would take advantage of that. I basically raised my sisters and somehow she managed to worm into my head,” he let out an angry laugh, “she’d say she loved me if I did things for her and I was a bad boy if I couldn’t or wouldn’t help her, she would say I didn’t love her if I didn’t change my sister’s diapers or bathe them while she sat on the couch.” 

“Bucky,” you were the one to instigate the hug, “that’s awful.” 

“And I’m aware of how I act now, all I’ve ever known is helping other people to make sure they love me,” he laughed again, “and it sounds stupid but I can never break out of the cycle, I always think I’m doing a good job or not being overbearing but then I start to second guess myself, you know?” he pulled away and looked at you, you quickly nodded. “I start to think about what people are saying behind my back and so I keep doing what I’m doing to stay on the safe side, I know it’s fucking annoying but I can’t help it.” 

“It’s not annoying, baby” you leaned past him and turned off the water as it grew cold, “and if you’ll let me I can help with that, I don’t want to fix you or change you, I just want you to be comfortable in this relationship and not think I’m secretly mad at you because you didn’t get me a glass of water.” 

Bucky nodded, stepped out of the shower with you and grabbed two towels. The conversation had naturally ended, Bucky didn’t have anything else to say. It was hard not to think he was overthinking again, the idea that you were causing him to stress out stressed you out. You were being truthful when you said you wanted him to be relaxed in this relationship, the last thing you wanted was underlying tension. 

Back in bed Bucky rolled over and cuddled into your breasts, holding you closely as you watched his head rise with your breath. You had no idea if he was asleep or not, you knew he wouldn’t mind either way if you played with his hair. 

“Thank you,” was all he whispered before falling asleep. 

********

You all sat around the couch to watch another big game. Though you had no idea what was going on you were just as into it as Steve. Half time had just started and you all took a collective breath, the two college teams were close. 

“Want another beer?” you asked as you stood up, looking at Bucky who was sitting on the couch. Steve and Nat had already filled up, you wanted another cooler and Bucky was almost done. 

“Yeah,” he quickly downed his final sip of beer before handing the bottle off to you. 

There was this anticipation in the room, you smiled and took the bottle and walked past Steve who was already looking at Bucky. The room seemed still when Bucky didn’t move, just pulling out his phone to look at something while the commercials played. Before making it into the kitchen you looked over your shoulder and saw the back of Bucky’s head, you bit your lip to suppress the smile that was growing. 

The moment you got back and sat next to him Bucky took your hand and pulled it into his lap. He fidgeted with your finger before looking over at you, “how’d I do?” he whispered. 

You laughed and leaned into his side, “how much did that make your cringe?” 

“I was in pain for a moment,” he answered as fast as possible before giggling with you as you clink your glasses together and take a long swing. With a deep breath he looked back at the game and kept your hand in his. Bucky must have not been paying attention but his phone buzzed, illuminating and accidentally showing his lockscreen. 

It changed from the photo of the two of you to a black background with white writing on it: 

Trust me, she’s not mad at you.

********

Thanks for reading, feel free to reblog and tell me what you think!

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr​ @tylard-blog1​ @readingbooksanddrinkingtea-blog​ @linzc-reader​ @hotleaf-juice​ @honeybunchesofbucky​ @seybox​ @yaszx​ @happyt0exist​ @striving4averagegirl​ @searchf0rtheskyline​ @aya-fay​ @wbyss​ @luvrsbian​ @albertdabuttler​

[elixirfromthestars]

Lucky Day

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (College AU)

Summary: Bucky, your childhood best friend, takes you to a baseball game to thank you for helping him with his chemistry class. However, between bets and kiss cams, luck seems to be the real game being played. 

Word Count: ~800

Warning(s): nothing really it’s just a whole lot of fluff 

a/n: Here is a little fluffy drabble I’ve had in my drafts for quite some time. ❤️ Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!! 💖 

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

      “ Y/n, I caught it!” Bucky yelled grinning from ear to ear. Cheers erupted from the seats around you as he waved the baseball he caught in the air. “ There’s no way,” you grumbled staring at the baseball Bucky was twirling around in his hands. You placed a bet with Bucky earlier on whether or not he would catch one of the stray baseballs from the game. He would routinely complain about coming here and never catching one, so you thought this would be a good opportunity to make a few extra dollars. Unfortunately, for your bank account, luck was on his side today. 

     You reached into your wallet and took out a twenty, handing it to him annoyed at your loss, “Here.” Bucky was grinning smugly as he took the money from your hand, a twinkle of satisfaction in his eyes, “ Maybe you're my good luck charm, Y/n. You should come to these games more often with me.” You glared at him playfully,” And have to do more of your chemistry homework? No thanks.” He laughed at that, stealing a cheesy nacho from the container on your lap.

     “ Not chemistry. Next time it’ll be algebra.” 

     “ In your dreams, Barnes.” 

     “ Oh, so we're on last-name terms now? Well, L/n, to cheer you up I’ll buy you some of that cotton candy you wanted. Although, technically, you'll be buying it,” he cheekily remarked calling over one of the snack vendors and buying a pink fluff of candy floss with the twenty you just gave him. He handed it to you and you gladly took it,” Whatever, Barnes,” you replied holding back a grin. It was nice to see how excited Bucky was to have finally caught a baseball from his favorite team. You knew he wanted one for a long time, and no doubt would stay after just to try and get it signed by his favorite players.

     Even though you lost the bet, you were glad you came to the game with him. You usually don’t come to outings like these as you’re usually busy with coursework and Bucky tends to invite Steve or Sam to these kinds of things. However, when he was falling behind in chemistry, you helped him complete some assignments and study for an exam he ended up acing thanks to your tutoring. Tutoring is not your specialty, but when the request came from your childhood best friend, there was no way you could say no. You can’t remember the last time you genuinely said no to Bucky.   

     The people in the seats surrounding you suddenly started to get rowdy breaking you from your thoughts. You scanned the stadium confused as to what everyone was getting animated over. You knew there was a current break in the game, so it couldn’t be that. Hearing the romantic music being played over the speakers brought your attention to the giant screen in the stadium. Your heart skipped a beat as soon as you saw who was on it. 

     It was you and Bucky. 

     There the two of you were on the jumbotron with the words ‘KISS CAM’ plastered on the screen surrounded by a scatter of red hearts. You froze in your seat never been put in a position like this. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks as the people around you encouraged the two of you to kiss—including the announcer. You weren’t a stranger to any sort of public displays of affection, but this was something else in its entirety. 

     “ Y/n, you know we don’t have to do this. They’ll just switch to another couple. Relax,” Bucky spoke up from beside you, his voice gentle and kind. He must have noticed how nervous you had gotten as soon as you two showed up on that screen. You turned to him, the word couple bouncing around your mind with mixed emotions. However, as soon as you locked eyes with him the emotions were no longer mixed. 

     You wanted to kiss him.

     This came as no surprise to you, and most likely no surprise on his part either. There was a constant flirtatious dynamic between you and almost everybody you knew assumed you were a couple. It's not like they would be wrong to assume that since there were a few times you almost crossed the line between friend and lover, however, neither of you ever took the step to fully cross it. Stolen glances, lingering hugs, and near kisses were no strangers in your friendship.

     “ But I want to,” your voice came out quieter than you expected, and yet Bucky had heard you. His demeanor changed from earlier, a hopeful yet almost shy look overtook his face. A sheepish grin replaced the confident one from earlier as the reality of what could and would most likely happen, set in.

      “ You sure?” He asked coming in closer, his right hand taking your left in his as a comforting gesture. You were so entranced by the moment you only managed to nod your head before he leaned over and kissed you. You kissed back, your right hand dropping the cotton candy and instinctively holding onto his cheek. As the stadium erupted with cheers, he used the hand that was holding yours to pull you in closer by the waist.

     Today turned out to be a lucky day for both of you. 

[sacredsorceress]

Finders Keepers || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

summary: you and bucky have been dating for years and just as he finally finds the courage to pop the question, he loses your engagement ring.

a/n: happy weekend! reblogs and replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 1.9k

warnings: none, pure fluff

masterlist || request || taglist

“Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I should just wait.” Bucky said, pacing back and forth across the bridge.

Watching his friend nervously fiddle with the tiny velvet box in his hand, Sam chuckled pushing himself off of the railing.

“Buck, stop stressing out, man.” Sam laughed. “She’s going to say yes.”

Making his way over to Sam, leaning over the railing, Bucky sighed staring at the reflection of the streetlamps glowing in the water of the river beneath him.

“You don’t know that.” He said. “She could say no. She deserves better than some bridge, maybe-”

“Buck, if I know Y/n she’s going to think this is ten times better than anything else you could throw together.” Sam assured his friend. “You guys met on this bridge fighting one of the big three... that’s pretty romantic if you ask me.”

“There’s no such thing as the ‘big three’.”

“Of course there is, but because I’m such a good wingman- I’m gonna let it slide for the night.” He said, leaning over the railing beside his friend. “Do you remember the size of that android? If she didn’t find out about her mutation right then and there your ass would be dead right now.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh because he knew that he was absolutely right.

The two of you had met two years ago to that exact day in the place where he and Sam were standing right now. Bucky and some of the other Avengers, including Sam, had been fighting a ginormous Android. Just as the fight was heading increasingly south and Bucky had come to terms with the fact that his overextended life would be ending sooner than he thought, he watched as the fist that was about to pound his body into the ground halted in midair.

He was shocked. He was sure he was going to die. He was even ready to welcome it, but when he looked around, trying to find out why the android would stop so suddenly, he glanced to the side only to meet your wide eyes, arms extended outwards toward the android. Despite the fact that he could tell that the android was struggling to move, he watched as you lifted your arms, the android rising into the air until you swung your arms, throwing the it into the river beside the bridge.

Once the initial splash of water had washed over the bridge, Bucky immediately pushed himself off of the ground, running to find you. When he did, he discovered you, soaking wet on the ground, staring back up at him.

“I... I don’t-”

You scrambled to find words to say to him- to explain what had just happened even though you didn’t even understand it yourself- but Bucky didn’t even care. He was in awe.

“You- you saved my life.” Bucky said before realizing that you were still on the ground and he reached his hand out to you. “What’s your name?”

Glancing at his hand for split moment, you grabbed it, pulling yourself to your feet.

“Y/n.”

“Y/n.” He said testing the sound of your name in his mouth before smiling. “I’m Bucky.”

From that day, you and him had been inseparable, beginning to date not long after. On the day he asked you to be his, he knew that that was the last time he was ever going to be asking anyone that question because you were it for him. He was completely and utterly yours and he didn’t want anyone- or anything- else.

“Yeah, I guess you're right.” Bucky smiled, snapping himself back into the moment.

Watching the smile on his friend’s face, Sam couldn’t help but smile in return, patting his friend on the back.

“She should be coming by soon, right?” He asked. “Sure you’ve got the ring in there and everything?”

Flipping open the lid of the tiny box, Bucky picked up the ring that was sitting inside, turning it around to watch as it shined under the streetlight.

“You’re the one who helped me pick it out.” Bucky said, glancing over his shoulder at Sam. “If you change your mind now I think I’ll throw you over this bridge.”

“It’s great, Buck-”

“Hey! Buck!” They heard your familiar voice shout.

You were here early.

Shit.

Afraid you would catch him with the ring in his hand, Bucky scrambled to place it back in the box, but as he did the ring slipped from his fingers. Juggling to catch it, he leaned further over the railing. Just when he was sure that he caught the ring however, it slid off of his vibranium hand and into the water with a tiny pop.

“Shit!” He swore to himself.

“Holy shit!” Sam exclaimed in a hushed voice. “Did you just drop the ring?”

“Yes I just dropped the ring, Sam!” Bucky whisper shouted. “You’re not helping! Shit. Shit. Shit! What do I do?”

Glancing over his shoulder, watching your figure quickly approaching the both of them, Sam grabbed the box from his hands, shoving it in Bucky’s jacket pocket.

“Listen! It’s gonna be fine.” Sam assured him, patting his friend on the chest. “Just ask her, okay?”

Glaring at his friend as Sam began to back up in the opposite direction, Bucky yelled once again in a hushed voice.

“How the fuck am I supposed to do that without a ring?”

But before Sam could answer, you came up behind Bucky, resting your hand on his shoulder. When Bucky glanced back at where Sam had been, he had already taken off into the darkness.

Taking a deep breath, telling himself that everything would be okay, Bucky turned around to face you.

He didn’t have to fake the smile that immediately met his face as soon as he looked at you. 

You always managed to take his breath away.

“Hi doll.” He smiled, resting his hands on your waist.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek.

“Hi baby.” You smiled. “So, what’s the occasion? Why did you ask me to meet you here?”

Admiring the way you looked standing underneath the glow of the streetlamp above him, he tried to relax, remembering the speech he had been practicing in front of mirrors and Sam for weeks.

“Do you remember the last time we were here?” He asked.

Of course you did. How could you forget?

“Of course I do, Buck.” You laughed. “How could I forget saving the love of my life’s life?’

It was crazy how still after everything he had gone through and two years together with you, he could still feel his heart skip a beat when you called him the love of your life.

“Well I- I asked you to come here because I wanted to ask you something.” He said removing his hands from your your waist, instead taking your hands from around his neck and holding them in his.

As soon as he said that he had wanted to ask you something, your heart began to race in your chest. Was he doing it? Was he finally going to propose to you? The two of you had discussed marriage before, so it wouldn’t be a shock, but you never knew when he was going to ask. Or how.

When he backed away from you, your hands still in his, you watched as he kneeled in front of you, his eyes meeting yours.

He was doing it. He was really going to do it.

“Y/n.” He said.

“Yes?” You asked, not being able to help the smile on your face.

“Um,” Bucky began, able to hear the shakiness in his voice before he cleared his throat. “I uh... I know you’re already guessing what I’m doing right now, but I have this whole speech and everything so just bare with me okay?”

You nodded. 

“Of course, Buck.”

“When I had my mind cleared back in Wakanda and came back from the blip, I didn't think I would ever have a normal life again, you know? I thought all this dating stuff was behind me and I was just going to be that guy who fights people with a metal arm.” He chuckled. “When you saved me right here two years ago, I thought I was going to die this miserable 100 year-old guy and I just accepted it, but then you threw that dumb hunk of metal in that water and- this sounds really cheesy but Sam said I should say it anyway- you saved my life, but you also saved me. You gave me another chance at life and I don’t ever want to live it without you, so...”

You felt as his hands dropped yours and watched as he pat his jacket pockets before slipping his hands inside of one of them, pulling out a small velvet box.

“Will you marry me?”

He didn’t even have time to open the box before you nodded, a bright smile gracing your face.

“Yes.” You laughed. “Of course I’ll marry you, Buck. Is that even a question?”

Glancing between the box in his hands and you he chuckled nervously.

“Yeah?”

“What do you mean?” You asked, laughing.

Pushing himself back onto his feet once again, Bucky pulled you close to him, only the box separating the two of you.

“Save my ass one more time?” He asked.

As he did, he opened the lid of the box to reveal... nothing.

There was no ring in sight, only the empty cushion where you would have expected one to be.

Furrowing your eyebrows you looked up at your fiancé.

“Did you....” You tried to piece the situation together, taking the box in your own hands. “Did you lose it?”

“I dropped it in the water when I heard you coming.” He admitted.

Not being able to help yourself, you laughed thinking about your fiancé being so nervous he dropped your ring into the water moments before proposing to you.

“Where?” You asked.

Rather than answering, he guided you over to the bridge’s railing, pointing at the water below.

“It slipped somewhere over here.”

Rather than teasing him once again for dropping your engagement ring in the river minutes before proposing, you leaned over the ledge of the bridge, stretching your arms out. As you did so, you felt Bucky come up behind you, resting his hands on your waist while he tucked his chin into the crook of your neck, peeking over your shoulder at the water below.

Sensing the piece of metal, you pulled your arms forward, bringing the ring to the surface. When it landed in your hand, you leaned back into your fiancé’s chest, slowly opening your hand to reveal the gorgeous ring resting in your palm.

“Oh Buck.” You cooed. “It’s perfect.”

Taking the ring between your fingers, you slipped it onto your ring finger, stretching your hand out to admire the ring he had chosen for you to symbolize your commitment to one another for the rest of your lives.

“Finders keepers.” You teased him, laughing as you showed off your ring.

Wrapping his arms around your torso, you felt as he pressed a kiss to your cheek from behind.

“That’s fine by me, doll.” He hummed. “As long as I get to keep you.”

[buckydeniro]

excuse any mistakes, i’m drunk and wanted to put a dbf!bucky oneshot out

dadsbestfriend!bucky barnes x reader

“What do you think you are doing?” you whispered hissed at the long haired brunette standing before you. Smirking, leaning against the kitchen island Bucky tilts his head, “What do you mean?”

You roll your eyes, exasperated. “You!” Checking your surroundings before whisper yelling the next part, which Bucky decides to chuckle at, fully amused at your over careful behavior. “touching me and stuff!”

“And stuff?” He asks amused, the smirk turning into a grin on his face which causes you to squint your eyes at him. “You are not being subtle, Barnes. Or careful!”

He groans, throwing his head back before looking back at you, adoration in his eyes. “Careful is no fun. Besides..” He moves closer towards you, your breath hitching at the close proximity. “You can act all you want like you are bothered by it but really..” He moves even more closer towards you and your back straightens up, causing him to once again smirk. “You can act like you don’t like it.” His voice now forms into a whisper. “But really, you just don’t know what to do when i, um, what’s the word..” The smirk on his face turning even more devilish. “Get under your skin..you no longer have control..when I make you unable to function.”

Your breath was caught in your throat and he knew it.

“I-“ You begin. “Huh?” He fires back immediately. “I-“ He cuts you off with another “Huh?”

“You’re wrong.” You state matter of fact, trying your best to sound confident and like he wasn’t absolutely correct. He tries to hide his smile at your response, holding back a chuckle.

“Hmm. Okay, sweet pea. If you say.”

“Buck! The game is back on!” You hear your fathers voice yell out and Bucky maintains eye contact with you, grabbing two beers off the counter, yelling back, “On my way, Steve!”

He looks back at the counter and grabs an extra beer, popping the top off and handing it to you. “Come join us.” He lifts his own bottle to his lips, speaking before taking a sip. “Father and daughter time is very important.”

“I fucking swear-“ You try to begin but he yells out at your dad once more, walking backwards into the living room with a wink. “Alright, on my way! Got caught up. The kitchen is a very tempting place.”

[fullmarvelheart]

Enough

Pairing: Bucky x fem!Reader (College AU)

Word Count: 2,768

Warnings: +18 Only, fluff, little smut if you squint, allusions to sexual harassment, hella angst

A/N: Wow, ok so I wrote this in less than a day. But I'm not sure if that's exactly something I should be proud of in this case. This is heavily based off of a situation I'm currently in. Though, I have no idea where mine will go. There's very little dialogue in this one, it's mostly a narrative. I know I should be working on Crossing Lines or part three of When Saving an Avenger, but it's been so hard, especially lately. And I needed to write this. This wasn't an easy decision for me, at all. Mostly because while I add little parts of myself to my stories, it has never been this personal and I'm really nervous about this. But, like I said, I needed to write this. It's been a week and I can still feel myself hurting. Yes, I cried a few times writing this. My relationship hasn't gotten to where I will end this story, but I can't help but feel it's headed in that direction. Anyways, enough of my rambling. I hope you all enjoy this! Crossing Lines or part three of When Saving an Avenger should be out relatively soon.

All mistakes are my own. The gif used is not my own, credit to the original owner.

Main Masterlist

You were tired of dating apps. You were tired of the cringy flirting and the boring ass talking stage. You were tired of trying, putting yourself out there, only for it to not go anywhere, or go in a bad direction. You were this close to deleting all the apps, and chucking your phone out the nearest window. But then, then you came across his profile.

He looked good, really good. Seemed decent enough, too. And his values seemed to align with yours. So, you figured you'd give online dating another chance. Besides, you were lonely and hoping to cross off being single. What's the worst that can happen? You swiped right.

And that is how you matched with Bucky Barnes.

Granted, you rarely checked the app, which led to not replying all that often, but he still seemed interested. You started talking about things you liked to do on campus and that's when he mentioned the restaurant and you two started planning your first date.

He asked, and you gave him your phone number, and you two started texting, everyday. His car ended up breaking down on his way to your date, and he swore he wasn't trying to stand you up. He even wanted to make sure that you were comfortable meeting him at the restaurant beforehand. And you understood. He wasn't in control of those kind of things. You could have offered to pick him up, but you were already nervous about the date, you didn't think you could handle driving him too. Besides, he didn't ask, and you had a feeling that you'd be seeing him soon anyways.

You two continued texting the rest of the week. He got his battery replaced, so his car was working again m. He made you smile over text and you couldn't wait to actually meet him. You guys made plans to meet at the same restaurant that Saturday. When you first stepped out to greet him, you only felt relief.

His hair was pulled back into a cute little bun that made him look ten times better than his profile picture, he looked hot, and he actually looked like his profile picture. His shoulders were broad, a result of the workouts he did, and he had one of the friendliest smiles you'd seen in a while. Even the fact that he had a metal arm didn't bother you, you thought it was so cool. You were excited.

You two immediately sparked a conversation, the waitress had to come by twice before you were ready to order. And the conversation didn't end there. You stayed there, just talking and then the other actually listening, until ten minutes before the place closed, receiving plenty of looks from the waitstaff during that time even though you weren’t the only ones still there. But you simply didn't care, you both were enjoying yourselves too much.

You two talked about practically everything. You both offhandedly mentioned past troubles with other relationships and the trust issues it caused, but you weren't worried about it. He kept complimenting your eyes the whole time, about how beautiful they were, and you kept mentioning how you liked it when he smiled. His smile was so pretty.

At the end, he paid for dinner and walked you back to your car before giving you a hug and a simple kiss on the cheek, and making you promise to tell him when you got home safely. You could swear that was the most you smiled in what felt like forever as you were driving back to your apartment, you couldn't stop smiling. There were no red flags, he was genuine, and the perfect gentleman. You simply had to see him again. And you had that chance a week later.

While you were texting him after your first date, which you did every day, he mentioned he got another ticket to a movie you had both wanted to see. Of course, you agreed to go and date two was planned. During that week though, you both opened up to each other a bit over text. Nothing too deep, you were waiting to tell him somethings in person, but that was something you'd tell him if you ever got to the third date. And then Friday rolled around, date number two.

Once again, everything went really well. The movie was great! The conversation, just as good. And just like before, he was the perfect gentleman, not trying to steal touches in the darkness in places you weren't ready for, or anything like that. You were happy. And once again, you both walked to the parking lot where you hugged and he gave you a simple kiss on your cheek before making you promise to text him when you got home. You both later admitted that you wanted to give the other a hug before entering the theater but backed out at the last second.

Again, there were no red flags, and you were excited to see him again. You may have even found his social media accounts to make sure. You didn't follow him on anything, and you were determined not to let him find out. Later that week you ended up calling him, after getting the idea and you just couldn't let it go. The conversation didn't last that long, he had gotten back from his workout at the gym and needed to shower, but it was still good. You weren't worried about it not being too long, you both also had homework to finish before you went to sleep. But, it left you feeling giddy.

You found that he became more opened with you over text, especially at night, telling you about the panic attacks that started when he lost his arm. You understood, you told him, you'd even get them sometimes yourself. He didn't push you to talk about things, and insisted that you only tell him if you were comfortable. He specifically wanted to make sure that you were comfortable when he invited you over and you mentioned your reservations, but only because you've had bad experiences whenever you were at someone's place. But you assured him, you were ok and would tell him if you weren't.

He made dinner for you, the conversation flowing easily as you were eating. It was so good and it had been awhile since you really had a good homecooked meal. When you were both done, you finally gathered your courage and told him you needed to talk to him about something.

He led you to the couch, and sat down next to you. You told him your struggles with your mental health, that you were working on them, but felt he deserved to know. He listened the whole time, even asked what something was but told you that he could look it up if you weren't ready to talk to him about it. And you explained it. Maybe this is where you went wrong?

He opened up too, even though you told him he didn't have to, telling you about his last girlfriend that cheated on him. One of the main reasons he had trust issues. You listened and couldn't help but think who is that bad of a person to do that to someone who is so goddamn kind and caring. You both sat on the couch for a while, just holding each other, just giving the other comfort. Surely, it wasn't there.

Eventually, he got up to take care of something, and you went to check your phone. When he came back, you looked at each other for what felt like forever, your stomach twisting in anticipation, and then he kissed you.

You had never really understood what feeling weak in the knees had meant until that moment because good god, was he a good kisser. You stood there forever, just kissing each other, hands wandering slightly, and you couldn't get enough. He led you back to his couch, and laid you down, not breaking the kiss once. He asked if you were ok, and you said yes, but left out how you never felt more alive. He kept his weight off you for awhile, and then you wrapped your legs around his waist and he was lowering himself onto you. He made sure you were ok, whenever he did something new, and you never wanted to stop him. When he started moving against you, you could swear nothing felt quite as good. You stayed there for a long time, but yet not long enough, until he stopped. You almost whined, your heart pounding in your chest, heat and wetness pooling in your core, you didn't want him to stop. But you weren't ready to go further.

No questions were asked, no comments made, as he pulled you into him while you cuddled on his couch, his metal arm cooling your heated skin. However, it didn't matter if that was, by far, the best kiss and the best you've felt after something like that, you just couldn't help it when your mind wandered back to all those times that weren't like this. You knew you were thinking, and had to stop it and just relish in the moment, but you couldn't. When he noticed he asked about it. He told you that you could tell him, but only if you were comfortable. And so you told him, not everything but enough to paint the picture. Maybe it was there. He held you through it, gave you his necklace to help ground yourself, and helped wipe away your tears. He told you that you did nothing wrong, that they took advantage of you and you burrowed into him further. He didn't pressure you into doing things you didn't say no to but didn't say yes either, he just held you and you wanted to stay there forever. You felt safe there.

You two got up, and he handed you a bottle of water. And you thanked him, thinking it was cute that he did that. You two spent a little while cooling down, just talking before cuddling again on the couch. This time though, he laid on top of you while you wrapped your arms around him, scratching his back. He claimed that your hands were magic and you never wanted to move. The weight of his body was a comfort to you.

After a while, he started placing small kisses on your chest, where your shirt dipped down, and you never thought that you'd like something like that quite as much. His kisses started getting rougher and you couldn't keep that small moan in if you tried. And he started kissing you again, hungerly, like he couldn't get enough of you. And again, he didn't lower himself completely onto you until your legs were wrapped tightly around his waist. And the way he positioned himself, with the tip of his erection just brushing against your clothed core perfectly, you couldn't stop the soft moans from escaping you. He felt too good. Maybe it was there? Was it too much?

Again, he stopped after awhile, resorting to laying back down on top of you.

"You're heart is racing pretty fast." He chuckled. His voice alone sending a shiver down your spine.

"I wonder why." You quipped, causing him to chuckle a bit more.

You two stayed there for awhile, before you both checked the time. It was already 12:30 at night, and he had to leave early the next morning. You understood why, but in the end, it almost felt like he was pushing you out. You weren't completely sure, because it was late and you really had no intention on leaving sooner (you were still pretty turned on from the night), but you also didn't want to overstay your welcome. Again, he walked you to your car and gave you a hug, but not without giving you a kiss and making you promise to text him when you're home safe.

That was the last time you saw him looking at you.

You two continued to talk but it felt different. You chalked it up to your insecurities and anxiety about getting close to someone. But a few days later, he was in a sad mood, and you were trying to cheer him up, but he kept saying all these self-deprecating things. You knew he was struggling with his own demons, but it felt like he was pushing you away. Especially because he kept saying he didn't want to hurt you. Because he hurt someone badly in the past. The last thing you sent that night was asking him if he was ready to be in a relationship. Your mind had already came up with the worst possible scenarios. So when you saw his reply, it didn't surprise you.

"I don't think I can handle a relationship right now. But I still want you in my life."

You both were confused on where to go, but you agreed to take things slowly and see what would happen. You really liked him, cared for him, but didn't want to only stay friends. You talked to all your friends, and they agreed with you. You'd have to talk to him when you saw him next. Unfortunately, that would have to wait a little while. Midterms were approaching, and his family was coming into town to see him. You wondered if he told anyone about you. You continued to try and be there for him whenever he told you he had a bad day. You tried to send him support as best you could. Though it was always difficult because whenever you asked if there was anything you could do to help, he'd respond with "help yourself first".

It was Friday night when you decided to go back onto the dating app to delete some of the guys you were talking to before, but weren't quite interested in. But you froze. Bucky Barnes had updated a few of his profile pictures. You knew he did it recently, you kept deleting the screenshots you took whenever your friends asked about him and had to always go take more. He'd even used one of them on one of his social media profiles only hours earlier.

And you felt something break inside you.

He obviously was looking for a relationship with someone. Just not with you apparently.

You weren't enough.

The tears came quickly and it felt like you were being used. You felt sick, because you had let it happen again. You cared for him, may have even started falling for him, and it felt like it all got shoved back into your face.

But how is it possible to feel heartbreak if you never fell in love?

You kept it to yourself, the tears and the hurt, and acted like nothing happened. Bucky started to become more distant, but you had already locked up you heart. But you still couldn't help but care and worry for him.

He started texting you less and less, during the times he usually would. And you started to think the worst.

You were walking to the bus stop from one of your classes when you spotted him in the distance. You smiled a little and started walking towards where he was, but froze in place not even a step later. He hadn't seen you, but you had seen him. And the nausea in your gut came back tenfold.

He was talking with a group of friends, but he wasn't by himself. No, he had his arm wrapped tightly around another girl's shoulders. Her fiery red hair made her stand out from the crowd. It could be a friend, you tried to reason, but no. She was shaking their hands, bright friendly smile in place. When she finished with the group, Bucky smiled down at her before placing a tender but firm kiss on her forehead before he interlaced their fingers. No, he was introducing her to his friends.

The burn of tears shook you out of your frozen state, and you quickly turned away before practically bolting towards the bus stop, willing yourself not to cry until you got home.

You don't know where things went wrong, but like always, they did. You just were too happy to see the storm rolling in.

One minute, things for fine, they next they weren't. And of course, you were left by yourself, once again, to pick up the pieces.

Screw dating apps, screw dating in general. You should have just deleted the damned thing when you had the chance. You would have saved your dignity. But now, at least one thing was quite clear to you.

You aren’t enough.

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@broco8

@tcc-gizmachine

@miraclesoflove

@ladyacrasia

@broadwaybabe18

@xsalemx

@zellington

@w0nderw0man91

[wisteriaandwafers]

Adorbs!!! This was so pure. Both are cuties and I love them

Body, Mind, Soul

This is my @star-spangled-bingo​ entry for the prompt “hand holding”!

Summary: An evolution of becoming intertwined in all ways, shapes, and forms

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger! reader 

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Fluff, mission talk, idiots/friends to lovers

While the Avengers seemed to be one big family, there were little cliques set up amongst all of the heroes. Not that everyone didn’t like each other, or something like that. But it just happened to work out that people fit better with some more than others and acted on it. 

You were the exception, the floater almost. It worked out best for you that way. You loved staying up late in Tony’s labs to work with him but at the same time, you loved spending time in the libraries reading while Steve sketched. You loved jamming out with Wanda whenever she played guitar and you loved early morning yoga with Natasha. The lists and contrasts didn’t stop, honestly. You were a jack of all trades and a master of them all as well.  

Keep reading

[angryschnauzer]

Two Hands

Summary: A regular in your coffee shop shows you how you need two hands for bigger tasks

Pairing: Bucky Banres x Female reader (no race or body type specified)

Warnings: Drabble, Ficlet, NSFW, Smut, 18+, Public Handjobs, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Cum play.

A/N: This all started because @ourladybinxthings​ messaged me to say she’d had a filthy Seb dream. details were shared and ta-da, here, you can all have a filthy ficlet/drabble

I do not operate a tag list. If you want to be alerted each time i post a story, please follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and put that blog onto notifications. I post oneshots to Tumblr and AO3, long multichapters will be AO3 exclusives. Back catalogue/masterlist can be found on AO3 link HERE

Two Hands.

 The coffee shop was quiet. A single customer was drinking in the upstairs lounge, and only a few people coming in and out on the ground floor to get drinks to take out. You’d gone upstairs to tidy up, straighten the tables and chairs, reorganise the free books on the shelves that people could take or swap.

 That was half an hour ago, and now things were in a much different situation. 

 His name was Bucky. He was a regular, knowing his name from where he would give it as he ordered, how he would disappear upstairs and ensconce himself in the high back wing chair near the window. Occasionally you’d seen him writing in a journal, or reading something deep and complicated about science or space or history. He was always pleasant but his conversations would be short, returning to whatever he was doing. That however didn’t stop you watching him, you didn’t mean to, and not in a stalker way, but he was simply stunning. Thick dark hair and a beard, both peppered with grey hairs that only gave him a more distinguished look. His eyes as pale as a glacier would turn to the colour of a stormy sea when he was deeply engrossed in something, his soft pouty lips that were so pink you just ached to rub a cut cherry over them and lick the juices from. 

 He had invited you to sit with him today and you’d perched on the small table right next to the window, chatting briefly. A minute had turned into ten, ten into twenty, and as the conversation grew it became more open, honest. You knew the book he was reading and had with a smirk asked if he had got to the ‘good bits’ yet, of the torrid love affairs of the Tsar’s the classic detailed. He’d offered to read aloud to you...

 And then there you were, perched on the arm of the chair, your legs over his lap as his lips were on yours, the brush of his beard against your face and neck making you want to run your hands through that thick mane of salt and pepper locks of his.

 “Perhaps i should read on?” he murmured against your neck, his face turning to the book and reading quietly in his heavy accent. You slid quietly to the floor, kneeling on the old boards as you ran your hands up his thighs, feeling the thick muscle beneath. He paused his words as your fingers touched the straining zipper, biting his lip before quickly looking over the back of the chair. Your apron hung from the table next to you, further aiding your hidden spot.

“There’s no-one else here… and the first four steps up creak so we’d hear…”

 He nodded and you lowered his zip, surprised to find he was without underwear as his thick shaft unfurled from the soft denim. Wrapping your hand around the base your grasp made it two thirds of the way at most, glancing up you saw a smirk on his face;

 “You gotta use two hands”

 You did as he instructed, wrapping both hands around the thick and meaty base of his dick, your tongue lapping at the tip as you pumped the velvety foreskin over the rock hard muscle beneath.

 “Your hands look so fuckin’ tiny around my dick sweetheart, can you imagine this in your holes? Imagine how i’d stretch you out, push your pussy and ass to their limits. Could you handle me? Does it make you wet thinking about me inside you?”

 You added a twist to your efforts, feeling the low moan rumble through his spine and straight to his dick as he continued to quietly whisper;

 “I’d love to see your belly all stretched out as i’m inside you, or your throat as i split those pretty lips open. I’ve got so much cum inside me you’d struggle to swallow it all, if i came in your pussy you wouldn’t be able to get your pants fastened, your belly would be so swollen”

 His words were as filthy as you could only have imagined, how this dark and secretive man, so quiet and reserved could turn into this utter degenerate whose mind was more filthy than you could ever have known. 

 He suddenly moved, pulling you off him and yanking your white t-shirt up your body, letting out an appreciative grunt when he saw you weren’t wearing anything beneath it;

 “No Bra?”

 He fisted his dick, moving forwards in the seat as you knelt in from of him, your chest bared;

 “I don’t need one and it gets really hot when using the coffee machine… my apron hides my chest so no-one notices…”

 He merely grunted in response, pumping himself before the first rope of his release splashed onto your bared flesh, more and more streaming forth until with a shudder he released the last of it. Wrapping a hand around the back of your neck he pulled you closer to his tip, sighing as you licked him clean and he carefully tucked himself back into his jeans. 

 He sat in the chair, legs apart and arms resting on the sides, dominant and imposing, before leaning forward and with just his thumb and forefinger he pulled your t-shirt down, watching as the thin white fabric stuck to his seed that coated your skin, turning transparent as it soaked in.

 Before you could say or do anything you heard the sound of people coming up the stairs, quickly standing you grabbed your apron, pulling it over your head and tying the straps. You glanced down at Bucky as he sat calmly in the chair, lifting his empty coffee mug to you;

 “Yes, thank you, i’m done now”

 “W-would you like another?”

 “I’ll get one to take home if you don’t mind?”

 You nodded;

 “I’ll let the barista on duty know, my shift is about to finish”

 He smiled, his eyes dark with desire and a hint of mischief;

 “Perfect”

[subwaysurf45]

Don’t End Today

Summary: The day that you happily upgraded you from tutor to girlfriend all because of a few nice words.

Pairing: College Athlete!Bucky x reader

Words: 4,269

Warnings: none just fluff

note: I do have a mini series with a college!bucky but this is a different au, if you want to read the series for more college bucky click here! 

Masterlist 

As you laid in your small apartment room, hearing Wanda snore, you looked into your closet. You couldn’t seem to rip your eyes away from a small calendar. In red marker on every Friday slot, there was ‘tutor time’ written down.

You were in your fourth year, your major was English. You were also assigned the captain of the volleyball team as your student, his name was Bucky Barnes. It was obvious he didn’t want to be taught by you in the beginning, he hated the idea of missing practice time or workout time to learn how to cite. But because you had been tutoring him since second year you had created a bond. It took you a very long time to understand that he was bugging you to get a reaction, all he wanted was to waste time so nothing would get done. But as respect grew between the two of you he stopped bugging, it was now flirty comments and you’d throw some jabs back. Today was rough, all you wanted to do was sleep all day because your class got cancelled, the last you wanted was to teach. 

The walk to the study hall was short but you wished it was longer on days like there. Fall leaves scattered the ground and left the sidewalk an array of colours. With every step in your Timberland’s, the crunch made you smile a little more. A colder breeze curved around your face and made you pull your scarf higher on your nose, your jacket was done up tightly and your sweatpants rippled in the wind. The gig wasn’t too professional, you’d showed up in your pajamas before, so had Bucky - he does every time. The effects of last night’s party might be left under your eyes with your mascara you didn’t take off as you taught Bucky how to quote a journal. At one point Bucky had played a big game Thursday night and went drinking with his friends which made him run out of the study room to find the nearest bathroom. 

The only class he struggled in was English, he took it as an elective every year even though he wasn’t the best, you never knew why. But in first year he almost lost his scholarship because of how bad his GPA was tanking all due to English. The head coach of the volleyball team, Mr. Fury, found you randomly and assigned you to lift his grade, and you did. It was hard to take all the credit, Bucky actually wanted to learn but his mind would wander or he’d be too stressed about his parent’s reaction to his failing grade, so he’d give up. Bucky started reading because of you, he talked about books he’s picked up and how he added a famous line from his books into his essay; you sadly had to explain plagiarism, but it’s the thought that counts. 

As you opened the library door you were consumed by silence, everyone looked at you and then away, figuring out who disturbed their reading. The carpeted floor muffled the sounds of your boots, it made everything seem cozy. You passed by the law students whose noses were deep in their books, excessive highlighters were everywhere, sticky notes had fallen on the floor. Then you got to the small study rooms, soundproof and everything. You had to book them in advance but because you were originally assigned to Bucky by a teacher, Fury was able to get first dibs at the rooms, you only had a study session on a Thursday if Bucky had a tournament starting on Friday. 

Study room one was vacant when you walked in and it wasn’t surprising, Bucky was never on time. But it was better than him not coming at all. This gave you time to set up, you wiped down the whiteboard and set up your laptop on the table as well as a checklist. Bucky had sent a text on Wednesday saying he needed you to proofread his essay, which would take up most of the allotted time. 

The door opened, “seven minutes late isn’t a good sign, libero,” you spoke with your head down while signing into your laptop. 

“Fine, looks like I’m drinking two coffees today,” Bucky spoke and placed two cups down. Your head quickly looked up and saw two medium coffees, steam was curling out of the small hole. There were also two paper bags, most likely food. 

“Thank you,” you walked over and gave him a one-armed hug, “but we can’t eat in here, you know that.” your finger gently opened the bag and saw your favourite donut sitting perfectly, “but it looks so good…”

Bucky nudged your arm, “then eat it, we know no one comes in here and we need to celebrate,” he did a double punch on your arm again. He dropped his bag and shrugged off his jacket, piling it onto your scarf and jacket in the corner. 

“You guys had a game? I didn’t know that,” you walked over to the desk and pulled up some sheet you’d be using for the session. 

“We aren’t celebrating me,” Bucky walked over to you again, “I talked with Wanda because she came to the weekend game to see Vis’ and she said you had gotten a job at the Grand Central Library,” He paused but you gave no reaction, “y’know? The one you’ve been dreaming to work at?” Bucky paused again but you still didn’t react, “why aren’t you celebrating?” he jumped up and down, his hands grabbed your arms and flailed them around. 

“I didn’t-” your brain was short circuiting, “I didn’t think you’d remember- I haven’t talked about that in a while,” you looked over at your donut again, mouth watering. 

“And that’s how I know something was going on,” Bucky smiled triumphantly, “with the time I’ve spent with you I picked up on all the little things you do, I hope you know that.” Bucky giggled and grabbed both bags, “I know you get these donuts as a victory thing, and I know you don’t talk about something when you’re nervous about it, I know it all,” Bucky pulled out the matching donuts, “cheers, to a lovey librarian.” 

“And a lovely libero,” you could feel a blush as you gently tapped the donuts against one another before taking a bite. Right away you let out a loud groan at how good it was, “I haven’t had this in so long, oh my god!” you reached across for your coffee to wash it down, “mph!” your eyebrows raised as your cheeks were full with coffee, “you got order right this time!” you said after swallowing. 

“You think that low of me, doll?” he mused before taking a seat and pulling out a paper copy of his essay. You sat as well and continued to eat, the essay was long and slightly crinkled from sitting in his bag. 

“Perfect,” you took the package from him, “let me get my pen and stuff,” as you leaned over to get the things from your bag as Bucky took a few sips of his coffee, he also took out his laptop. When you sat up again you saw the online version of his paper. 

“Which one do you want me to edit?” You placed the editing tools in front of you. 

“So I was thinking,” Bucky leaned back in his chair, “you markup the paper one and I need to watch some video replay of our game- it won’t take long a promise,” Bucky knew your rule about no volleyball in the study room, “it really won’t take long but by the time I’m finished there will be things I can change on my paper and you can talk me through the rest of it, I’m really sorry about your rule and all that but I swear this is going to work,” Bucky had sat up and turned square to you, his palms facing you in a surrendering way. 

“Fine,” you sighed and began to read the paper. On a very low volume, you heard Bucky play his tapes. There was screaming and whistles but it wasn’t too loud, it was weird to see but he was actively taking notes. He’d flip back a couple of seconds and watch the same play over and over, a few times you heard a disapproving hum or him cheering on his teammates even though this was in the past. 

“Okay, okay, okay, wait,” Bucky tapped your shoulder, “you have to see this, just this one, I swear,” he turned his laptop to you and you put down your pen. “This is like classic stuff right here,” Bucky was smiling brightly, the play happened he talked you through what was going on, pointing at the little things he, and others, were doing. “-and boom!” he cheered, “that’s how we one the set, it was perfect,” Bucky sighed and leaned back in his seat, taking a second to reflect on how beautiful that play was. 

“That was very cool, I have to admit,” you smiled over to him. 

“That means a lot coming from someone who doesn’t know volleyball,” Bucky said absentmindedly before sitting up and resuming play. You scoffed and he looked back at you, “what?” he smirked. 

“I’ve known you for four years, Bucky, I know volleyball,” you tried to fight a smile but it came through. Both of you leaned onto one another as you laughed, your head going to his shoulder and his head sitting on yours. You stayed there as you laughed for a while, Bucky was adding extra punchlines to make you laugh more, your head turned in so your nose was right up against his neck. When you sat up again you could see a massive blush spread to his ears. 

“You’re cute,” he muttered before turning to his play. 

It didn’t take long for you to go through his essay, it also didn’t take long for you to explain the little things he did wrong. There were always a few times he’d fight you on, claiming he was right and you weren’t putting what he said in context but he normally lost that battle. Some things were just stupid and you could tell Bucky wasn’t happy that he used the wrong ‘there’ in a sentence, sometimes spelling mistakes showed up and Bucky would try to explain his laptop is broken and he couldn’t see the red squiggly line anymore, but that didn’t help his case. There were markings everywhere as well as highlights over certain things that needed to change but also things you liked. You found that Bucky got genuinely upset when you only pointed out the large amounts of errors in his writing before, in second year you heard from his team that he skipped practice, after feeling like he got berated by you, to re-write his entire essay. After that, you had begun to add little notes that made his eyes brighten. 

“I mean, Bucky…” you sighed and sat back in your chair. Bucky was on the end of his seat and waiting for you to give the feedback he so desperately wanted to hear. “I’m very impressed, this is your best work.”

Bucky smiled and covered his blush, “god, doll, you flatter me,” he whispered, “thank you,” that was what he only wanted you to hear. 

Your eyes flipped between his writing and him, then you placed the paper behind you on the desk. “I want you to listen to me,” you turned square to him, “the progress you’ve made is amazing, and I’m so proud of you, I really am,” he nodded along, “and I know you’ve put you’re entire hundred percent effort into this paper, I can really read that.” 

He started to look at you quizzically, “what are you trying to say, doll?”

“I’m trying to say,” you let out a sad sigh. The best way you could explain was through a story, “when I was in third year, last year, I wrote a paper on something very close to my heart, I wrote it with every ounce I had. When I hit submit I felt on top of the world, I told myself and everyone it was my favourite thing I’ve ever written-”

“I remember that,” Bucky nodded. 

“I got a forty percent on it,” as you told him Bucky looked like he saw something get hit by a car, his teeth were gritted together with a quick inhale. “When you hand this in, I need you to know that no matter what you get on it, it doesn’t define who you are, okay?” 

He could feel how much emotion you were putting in your speech, your eyebrows were basically touching as you pleaded to him. “Alright,” he whispered and placed his hand on your shoulder, “I won’t let it define me,” he gave a quick smile before you felt everything go back to normal. But it didn’t for Bucky, he felt the little voice inside of his head whisper this is your chance.

You had begun to pack your things but felt the hair stand up on the back of your neck, you took a quick peek out of the corner of your eye but were stunned to see Bucky looking at you. There was a faint smile ghosting his lips as his eyes stayed transfixed on yours, it seemed like he didn’t blink through his hooded eyes. The intensity was too much, you giggled and looked down to the ground, maybe hoping to make him do the same. But he didn't. You looked up again and he seemed closer this time, his forearms resting on his thighs. The soundproof room had never been quieter, there was the faint sound of the air running through the vent and soft breathing. Bucky moved forward on his chair, one arm reached out to you and gently pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear. 

“What are you doing?” Your voice faded out through the whisper. 

“We study English too much, don’t you think?” He tried to whisper but it came out a soft rumble. 

“What?” You wanted to move away from his hand cupping your cheek but it was so warm and inviting. Neither of you looked at each other’s lips, you were waiting for him. 

“I think we should study something different,” Bucky’s rumble caught you again, “how about we study your eyes?” You shyly giggle again and looked down at the floor to avoid his piercing blue eyes, “no, no, no, none of that,” Bucky giggled with you, “I need to study them, maybe I can write my next paper on how they seem to light up like embers or how they make me feel like gravity is only a suggestion.”

“Oh god,” you whispered, “where is this coming from? We were editing two seconds ago,” you tried to laugh it off yet again but Bucky didn’t budge. “When did the libero start reciting poetry?”

“I’ve spent four long years loving you from the sidelines,” Bucky laughed but it was only to push past to pain, “and you are so nice, you care about things I never thought about before. You are the reason I drink almond milk and take the west train instead of the north, you could tell me to run away and I’d be tying my shoes.” He quickly moved his chair closer to you, only then did he glance at your lips. “I don’t want to kiss you right now, that wouldn’t be fair for me to spring this on you. But just know I want to take you out and I want to kiss you very soon. I want you to wear my jersey’s and come to my home games, I want to walk down the streets holding hands and I want to tell people I’m going to study with my girlfriend rather than my tutor, I want you to myself, maybe shrink you down and put you in my little pocket for safekeeping.” 

“Bucky…” you whispered, “I-”

A loud knock on the door made you both sit up straight, “let’s go, you’re times up.” the voice sounded very impatient. 

You both quickly packed up but the tension didn’t go away, you kept sneaking glances at him to find Bucky smirking and shaking his head as he pushed his volleyball shoes to make room for his water bottle. The people on the other side weren’t happy when you walked out, they claimed you wasted five precious minutes of their study time, but Bucky waved them off. You both headed out of the library with a different aura surrounding the both of you, you really wanted to tell him how you felt, you also liked him. but in the middle of the street wasn’t the time, it needed to be perfect like how Bucky told you. 

As you walked through the library door that Bucky was holding open for you the cold gust of wind smacked you in the face. Bucky quickly put his hands deep into his pockets and lifted his shoulders to keep all his warmth in. You both stood outside the door and just looked at one another, the little rope that connected in your study room was only pulling you closer together with no intention of giving either of you slack. The wind pushed you forward, and you also let it move you, towards Bucky. Your boots were almost touching and you were so close you could smell the same cologne he was worn all four years you’ve met him. 

“I kinda don’t want to say goodbye today,” Bucky giggled and looked down at you. 

“Me either,” you spoke softly as you looked up at him. 

“We should grab lunch, that will be fun,” Bucky smiled, “although we should make it quick because I’ve heard it’s going to rain and possibly wet snow today. I do have my ride…” Bucky thought out loud. 

Your heart flattened a bit when he said ‘make it quick’ because after what he said you wanted to spend tons of time with him. “I’m fine with whatever,” you looked around at the street, “we can go to that nicer one a few blocks south, where did you park?” 

“Right there,” Bucky pointed over his shoulder. 

“I forgot…” you covered your face with your hands. 

In all of its glory stood Bucky’s motorcycle. It caught the sun perfectly and reflected a gold hue. He walked you over to it and pushed the helmet on top of your head, it was safe to say by the way you fiddled with it you had never been on of these before. He walked you over and helped you get on while quickly giving your the rules. Some of them were easy to understand, you shouldn’t move your feet from the pedals. Others were funny, you couldn’t tickle Bucky when you put your arms around him. 

“I'm being serious,” he warned as he straddled the bike, your hands quickly looping around and locking. 

As the bike began to move you gripped tighter to Bucky, your eyes were screwed shut as he turned and sped down the roads. At one point you heard him laugh and you knew something was about to go down, all at once the bike sped up and the engine roared. You screamed so loud as Bucky laughed and pulled into a parking spot. 

Your legs felt like jello when you got off, Bucky was there to hold your arm as you swayed into the nice lunch diner. You were quick to be seated, Bucky pulled out your chair before going to his own, you could feel now was the perfect time to tell Bucky how you felt, and answer his speech to you from the library. 

“Bucky,” you said after the waiter took your drinks, “I want to...respond to what you said in the library because I didn’t get a chance,” you placed the menu down. 

He immediately got nervous, his posture was fixed and his eyes were on you. “Go ahead,” he tried to sound cool. 

“I really like you too,” you smiled as he slumped back in his chair with a dramatic sigh, “and I would love to try out dating, I think we can count this one as the first?” your voice got higher as you asked. 

He shot forward and took your hands into his, “really? Yes!” everyone looked over and he quieted down, “I would love for this to be the first date, and we can go as slow as you like as we try this out but thank you,” Bucky sighed into his smile, it was like a breath of fresh air. 

“For what?” you asked as you took a sip of your water. 

“I don't know,” Bucky shook his head and looked off to the side, “you’re like the only person who really believed in me with school and stuff, of course, coach Fury wants me to get better grades but it’s only to make him less stressed about volleyball. You’re the only one in my corner for the academic department and I really appreciate that.” 

“Where is all this sap coming from, libero?” you giggled. 

“I’m just finally ready to tell you, I guess,” Bucky muttered and straightened his back as the food was served. 

You both slowly worked your way through the meals, by the end Bucky had his hand over yours. You had insisted on paying because he bought coffee and donuts but right as you were about to insert your card his tapped the machine and it rang through, making the bill covered on his part. The rest of the afternoon was spent walking around the city, your knuckles would brush against him every so often and at one point you just took hold of his hand and laced your fingers with his. The blush that man got was something you wanted to see for the rest of your life. When it began to drizzle you found your way back to his motorcycle and you were a little more comfortable with it this time, he didn’t speed down the streets but he did place one hand on your locked hands that sat comfortably on his abdomen during a red light. 

He pulled in front of his apartment and helped you off the bike again, you both walked to his steps and stood under a little cover as the rain fell. “Well,” Bucky started, “I can’t let you walk home in the rain.”

“I was about to say,” you leaned closer into him, “I kinda don’t want to say goodbye today.” Your eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips, trying to drop a hint. It seemed he was very happy with looking at you but all you wanted was to feel those puffy lips against yours. “Bucky,” you whispered and placed your palm flat on his chest, “can you kiss me,” you leaned in, “please?” you added. 

One hand cupped your cheek while the other went between your jacket and sweater to push the small of your back. It seemed he didn’t think twice as his eyes shut when he leaned in, you were almost expecting him to think for a moment. The hand that was flat against his strong chest pushed up and went around his neck to play with the shorter hair down his scalp, the bristles ticked your hand as you rubbed with the kisses. There was a quick one, then a long one, then one where he bit your bottom lip, then another long one. Both hands had secured you into pressing flat against this chest, you let yourself fall into him as the fire grew between you. Four years, forty-eight months, two hundred and eight weeks, one thousand-four hundred-and sixty days you both waited for this to happen, and Bucky wasn’t wasting a second, neither were you. 

He pulled away to catch his breath, “you have no idea how happy I am to be able to kiss you, I hope you know that.” 

You giggled at his swollen lips and red face, “I told you I didn’t want today to end,” you leaned in again and the kissing continued. 

Until the door opened and Steve, Bucky’s roommate, was standing in the doorway, “this is cute and all but our Ring doorbell,” he pointed to the camera right in front of them, “keeps telling me there’s movement and I’m trying to watch a movie, so please come in and stay awhile and leave our ring alone.” 

“Would you like to continue today in my room?” Bucky asked as you took off your jacket. You nodded and quickly followed him up the stairs, when you both were out of sight you were quickly pulled over Bucky’s shoulder, “you gotta be quiet or Steve will get mad,” you tried to quiet your laughing as Bucky ran to his room. 

Steve sat back on the couch and paused the movie on the TV, he grabbed his laptop from the counter and pulled the same movie back up but connected his headphones, on his device he switched on the noise-cancelling feature before curling up in the blanket again. “Finally,” Steve whispered. Steve finally could go a day without hearing about ‘the really cute girl who taught Bucky how to read’. Steve pressed play and watched his movie until he froze and pressed pause again. He realized he would start to hear about ‘the really cute girl who’s my girlfriend’ every day from Bucky.

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[blacktithe7updates]

Ferocity ( Bucky Barnes )

https://blacktithe7.tumblr.com/post/611243602041094144/ferocity-bucky-barnes

[subwaysurf45]

A Sunday Afternoon (epilogue)

Summary: with your first year basically finished you decide to go out to a park with Bucky for little celebration. 

Pairing: College!Bucky x Reader

Words:  3525

Warnings: body issues, relationship insecurity, fluff on fluff!

Mini-Series Masterlist      Main Masterlist

Spring had sprung. Bucky now woke up to not only you curled beside him but birds chirping outside his window, he got to see the sun that had fully risen cast a glow over your face. He never saw that in the fall and he really didn’t see it in the winter. In the winter he’d wake up in the middle of the night to find you digging through his closet for a thick sweater to wear in bed, he’d wake in the morning to find you shivering and basically on top of him. 

This morning wasn’t different, except that he was wide awake before you; it was common for you to run in the morning. He had already brewed the coffee in the kitchen and was now typing away on his computer, editing his final essay for his film studies elective. The reason you were stomach down and drooling while you slept was because you had your last exam for the year yesterday, for some reason your schedule saved the hardest for last. He’d never seen you that stressed out, it was worse than when you’d think about your parents. There were tufts of hair where you were studying in your dorm. Nat had called Bucky over because she couldn’t pull you away from the papers; even after over half a day with no breaks. 

Of course you worried for nothing, when you walked out of the exam you were jumping and bouncing towards Bucky’s car. When you opened the door your head jutted in to yell ‘I’m passing that bitch!’ as people walked past you. The exam was in the afternoon and Bucky had promised you a very expensive dinner after writing it, he had gotten a part time job with Steve and Sam at a construction company. With all the money saved up he paid off first year student debt and took you to a restaurant five minutes away that was a three star, which was high to people who live off ramen and croutons. You had dawned a tight dress Nat had leaned to you at the beginning of the year, Bucky put on a pair of dress pants with a nice button up. By the time you both got home the dress was pooling at your feet and Bucky was throwing his belt across the room. 

As Bucky read his second paragraph he glanced over to see you moving, his boxers looked nice on you. Part of him wanted you to turn over because you weren’t wearing anything on top, but he took what he got. His hand left his laptop to gently rub your bare back, half soothing you back to sleep but at the same time he wanted you to wake up. It was selfish for him to want you up and moving, you deserved to sleep for an entire day, which was most likely what you’d both do. 

His hand traveled to your back side, going up the curve and staying there. After three seconds your half awake brain realized he wasn’t going to move, so you grumbled at him. You could hear him laugh as well as feel the bed shake, his hand patted your butt which made you grumble more. 

“Grumpy pants,” he laughed. Your hand barely moved back to swat his hand away, he laughed louder at your third attempt to swat him away because you grunted like a tennis player as you swung. 

“Stop,” you said into the pillow, “I’m comfortable.”

“So am I,” Bucky leaned over and rested his head on your butt, his head looking down to your legs. One hand rubbed your back while the other held your thighs. You didn’t seem to mind so he stayed there. 

“What are you doing?” you asked, your head still in your pillow and your hair covering your face.

“I was editing my film paper but your butt looked too cute, so I had to give it some love,” he placed a chaste kiss to your butt cheek before turning up and laying his head beside you. His hand moved all the hair away so he could cup your face, his hands were warm against your skin. 

You just laid there as you felt him move closer, a few kisses in between adjustments. You body couldn’t help but heat up at the feeling of him touching you, turning back into the kid he met first in September. You’d always curl or hide away, the overload of attention still managed to make its way into your head. Bucky would always click his tongue and give you more attention and more kisses. 

After cuddling and taking a shower together you stood by the stove, moving eggs around in the pan. Bucky was sitting on the kitchen stool, just watching you. Natasha was out while Steve and Sam had a shift at the construction site, it was just you two in the house. Bucky rested his head in his hand as he watched you cook, slightly moving your entire body as you pushed around the eggs so they would scramble. His eyes scanned over you, you could feel it. Bucky took his time on your legs, seeing the dips and curves that were facing him, you were now wearing a very loose pair of blue sleep shorts you swore you lost. He couldn’t help it but he spent an extra few seconds on your ass, but you wouldn’t mind. As he made his way to your back he so desperately wanted you to turn around, the tank top you were wearing was practically see through, it showed your stomach with frayed edges and caused your boobs to almost fall out. He waited patiently for you to turn and when you did all he could do was stare. 

“Eyes up here,” you giggled as you sat next to him, the breakfast burritos were done and served. 

“Sorry,” Bucky muttered though he wasn’t at all. He couldn’t help but watch you as you ate, his eyes making their rounds over and over. 

“I can see you staring,” you placed your glass down that was now half full of juice, “is there something on my face?” 

You had fallen right into that trap. Bucky put on a smug smile before letting his hand trail to your backside, “just beauty,” he whispered before pulling you in for a kiss. There was a muffed yelp as he squeezed your butt, your hands tightened on his forearm. 

You’d be a major hypocrite if you said Bucky was the only one who checked his partner out. Ever since he started working at the construction company you had found his entire body got more and more chiseled and buff. He was a strong guy, Steve and Sam joined his almost daily workouts. To most people they didn’t see a massive difference in Bucky’s build; it would click after they saw a picture from Halloween. But for you it was instant. He’d come home from work covered in dirt with his shirt already off, sweat glistening his abs, and your knees would buckle every time. He’d noticed and used it against you, obviously. When he’d want you to cuddle he’d take his shirt off and open his arms wide, allowing you to see his v-line as well as the defined muscles on his chest. You’d zombify and fall right in without any hesitation. 

But with that came the other side to having a smoking hot boyfriend, the unhappy side. The number of women who would approach Bucky at parties or at a club had only gone up, you’d both notice for different reasons. For you it would always be when he’d go get drinks at the bar and take a seat as we waited for them, a lady would come up and drag her hand across his back before sitting on the empty stool, Bucky would shake his head and turn around to point at you, then get up quickly and leave to find your comfort again. For Bucky he had found you had gotten more insecure, he guessed you were most likely comparing yourself to the women who approached him, and he was right. You’d wrap your arms around your stomach when you were near him, not trying to close off but trying to cover yourself. Instead of curling into his touch he found you shy away, especially when he’d hold onto you by your waist. 

You both had a very painful conversation one night because of it. Bucky talked to you about you becoming more reserved around him, he wanted to know if anything was bothering you at home or if it was something different. You shook it off like it was nothing but Bucky kept pushing.

“Sweetheart, I just want to know what is going on, I want to help,” Bucky stood from the bed. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself again, “it’s nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, I know it’s not nothing,” he made his way over to you which made you shy away more, “look at you! You’re turning away, you’re not coming to parties or even just stuff with our group, Natasha doesn’t even know what’s going on- you have to tell me, please,” his hands covered his chest in sincerity as he leaned in, “please.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you tried to head to the bathroom but Bucky caught your arm. 

“I just want to help-”

“Then leave me the fuck alone!” you screamed back to him, your nose almost touching his. His hand dropped and he stood up right, head cocked to the side as he tried to figure you out. 

“What the fuck does that even mean,” his voice was strong but quiet. His hands balled into fists as he tried to hold back from yelling, “what do you want?”

“I don't-'' your hand came up to your neck, “I don’t- I’m not- I just don't…” your angry demeanor changed to a sad one, so did Bucky’s. 

“Tell me,” he was strong again, but sadness showed on his face. 

Your eyes looked at your fingers as you picked away the dirt that was under them, you were doing everything to not look at him. Bucky had not moved, you could feel him. “I’m not pretty enough for you anymore...” 

When you looked up, Bucky's eyes were full of tears and tear stains were already down his face. “...what?” he breathed in total and complete disbelief. 

You pulled away from the kiss and looked back down at your burrito and juice, Bucky’s hand was still resting on your ass. He nudged you over to him and when you didn’t understand he picked you up and placed you on his lap, “my beautiful, perfect, scrumptious, heavenly, sexy, wonderful, amazing, girl,” he muttered before showering your exposed shoulder with kisses, you tried to squirm your way out of it but Bucky held you flush against him. 

You both ate in a comfortable silence after that, slowly making your way through the meal you made. Bucky’s hand had slowly crept to your stomach, what he found was what you were most insecure about, his thumb gently rubbed the skin he loved so much. 

“Wanna go on a picnic?” you leaned back against him, he seemed shocked you even thought of that. “I have a sundress I want to wear and I think the weather is really nice, we should make some sandwiches and maybe grab some dessert from the grocery store, I don’t know.”

“Sounds great, we can go to the grass space near your dorm building,” Bucky took you off him and placed the plates in the dishwasher. 

“I was thinking off campus,” you rested your elbows on the counter. 

“Oh?” Bucky turned around. 

“There’s this park that’s a five minute drive, I was thinking we could go there because there’s trees and it might get super sunny and I don’t want you to get sunburnt and-”

“Sounds great,” Bucky lovingly cut you off. His hands found your waist as he pulled you in for a kiss, one hand moved to your back and then to your head to cup it. 

Everything was a blur when you both were getting ready for the day, it all went quickly because of how excited you were to go on a picnic with Bucky. The entire time you were doing your skin care or getting dressed into the new sundress Bucky was always hugging you or rubbing your back, his hands seemed to never leave. Soon enough you were in the car with Bucky as he played his music. His left hand held the bottom part of the steering wheel while his right rubbed your thigh that was exposed, he kept trying to push the sundress up a little bit at a time but you caught him. At the red light he just looked over to you but found you were already staring at him, ‘my pretty girl’ was all he said before the light turned to green. Bucky ran into the store to grab a few other things, you offered to join but he just wanted you to not move a muscle. 

Finally you were there. The car was parked, Bucky ran to the other side of the car to open the door. Whenever you’d go on dates he’d seem to change into this gentleman that wouldn’t let you lift a finger, he just said it was his ma who showed him. “Seeing your ma date scumbags over and over, you figure out what not to do.” he had said while you two laid in bed one night. Bucky also said he’d carry the basket and the blanket but you negotiated and carried the blanket, it was extremely light. 

Both of you walked for about five minutes before finding an open field that had trees sprouting far apart from one another, you laid the blanket down under an old oak while Bucky got the food out of the basket. 

“This is nice,” Bucky spoke softly as he stuck a fork into a watermelon chunk he got from the store, “great idea, love.” 

He could have a different pet name for every hour for an entire year. “Thank you,” you scooted closer to him. You both started sitting cross legged before finding yourself lying on your side, one hand propping your head up so you could look at one another. Bucky had gone for a chocolate covered strawberry but because of the heat some of it melted on the corner of his mouth, “you got something,” you tapped the corner of your lip, he wiped the other side. “I got it,” you said as you leaned in. your thumb flicked away the chocolate but before you could bring your hand down Bucky caught your wrist, “what, something on mine?” 

He shook his head and kissed your knuckles, “just beauty.”

“Ugh, I fell for it again!” you laughed and leaned towards him, Bucky giggled and kissed the inside of your palm again before letting you bring it back to the ground. 

You both took pictures of one another before the dessert Bucky got from the store was taken out. It was a tiny, most likely one person, cake. You practically lost your shit at how cute it was, Bucky just laughed as you took a few pictures and compared it to the size of your hand. When you looked up to look into his eyes time seemed to slow down, it felt like you were frozen. You could faintly hear kids screaming in the park as well as the wind rustling the trees, you could hear the sound of your breathing. The scene and the picture was so perfect you wanted to frame this moment forever, you wanted to make sure you remember every little detail of right now. The way Bucky looked at you needed to be saved even though he’d look at you like that if you asked him in a week, he’d look at you like that for the rest of his life. He seemed to study you, like he wanted to remember everything as well. 

Very quickly you were snapped out of it by Bucky grabbing the hem of your dress and pulling it down, “gust of wind took it,” he held it down even after the wind had stopped. 

“Oh, thanks,” you ran your hand over the fabric. 

“Lost you for a sec, everything okay?” Bucky asked, his hand moved to the dip on your waist. 

“Just thinking,” you whispered. 

“About what?” 

“You.”

Bucky giggled, “dido,” he moved his hand to your hip to give it a pat. “This has been great, we should do this all the time, I think.”

“Wanna walk around to find spots for next time?”

The blanket was tucked under your arm as you walked the gravel trail, the other hand held onto Bucky’s. Spots were saved for the next time you’d come back, the trail turned and twisted as you pointed. And soon you found yourselves in a garden. Lumps of flowers changed colour drastically from one to another, none of them repeated. You walked over to a small batch of sunflowers that matched the print on your dress, your fingers gently rubbed the petals. 

“Look at me,” Bucky muttered. You looked up and before you could think a sunflower was curled around your ear, his hand took his time coming back to his side, making a pitstop on your cheek and your chin. “There,” he whispered, his thumb rubbing your cheek. “Pretty as a picture, my love.”

“Oh, stop-”

“No, none of that,” Bucky kissed your lips, “let me compliment you, dove.” 

“Okay.”

Bucky took a deep breath, “I did say pretty as a picture but something is missing. But I just wanted to say that you’ve made my first year feel like a dream, I wish I could have dated you in high school or something so I could’ve had a head start,” Bucky dropped the basket and cupped your other cheek, “but I’m so happy where I am right now, I’m so happy I get to wake up next to you almost everyday, I so happy you’ve trusted me with things that you might not have trusted yourself with, I love you.” 

“Bucky-”

“Let me talk,” his voice was so soft you could feel the warmth, “I want to give you something, it’s very important to me, and I want to ask you something.” Bucky swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to cut you off,” Bucky laughed as you cut in, “are you proposing?”

“No,” Bucky’s eyebrows pulled close together, “I’m gonna need a few more years to do that, now.” Bucky cleared his throat, “third time’s a charm,” he reached into his back pocket, “this is my mom’s necklace, my biological mom. I want you to have it, to wear it. Before we left for the foster home she gave me this to remember her. I wore it for a very long time before wanting to keep it safe for a girl I knew I loved, and that’s you.” the necklace was silver, the chain was delicate and thin as well as the small blue pendant that rested off of a hook in the middle. 

“It’s beautiful,” you gasped and clipped it on immediately, your hand coming up and holding the pendant close. “Thank you,” you could feel yourself start to get emotional. 

“One more thing to make this a perfect picture,” Bucky took both your hands into his, “I know you haven’t found a spot to go back to next week,” school was out next week and you weren’t allowed to go to your parents, “so I talked with Becca-”

“-no-”

“And she talked with our parents,” foster parents, “and they want you to come home with me, stay for the summer,” Bucky smiled, “there’s an entire guest bedroom for you, and it’s on a really nice plot of land with a dog- they got a dog while I was gone, I know you love dogs,” Bucky held your hands tighter as you began to shake your head no, “please, doll, you don’t have anywhere to go, I gotta make sure my best girl is alright and taken care of.” 

“This is too much,” you cried, “too much.”

“It’s never enough,” Bucky countered softly, “I love you and will do anything for you, let me do this, please.”

“I can’t pay you back-no, I’ll get a job and pay rent, I’ll do that,” you began to softly mutter to yourself your plan, trying to figure everything out. 

“You can get a job, but you’re not paying a cent,” Bucky pulled you into a hug, his hands rubbed your back, you weren’t crying anymore but you were still overwhelmed. He kept you pressed close to him, the flower in your hair fell to the ground. 

You slowly pulled away, the flower made its way into your hair again. “Okay,” you smiled, “I’ll go.”

“And the picture is now complete,” Bucky whispered, “we should put you in a museum or something, a work of art.”

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[subwaysurf45]

Winter Makes Ice (Ep.5)

Summary:  you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title.

Words: 4344

Episode: five

Warning: violence, nudity, needles, descriptions of injury

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Four

Time: unknown

Date: unknown

You knew they had full control over you. There was nothing you could do even though you were conscious all the time, your body did what they wanted but your brain screamed against it. There were times where they’d ask you to do the impossible, they’d make you climb the tallest tree in the forest that surrounded the building and then make you jump down without anything to catch you, you’d land and your ankle would break; the worst was when they told you to break it back in place. 

It was like you were sat in a large chair as you watched your life unfold in the cell, your wrists were strapped to this imaginary chair so you couldn’t reach out to block the punch, ankles were clasped so you couldn’t run away. You never became lucid, it was always you watching through the shell of your body. Crying yourself to sleep wasn’t an option, you weren’t allowed to cry, or laugh, or scream, or smile; you were dead on the outside. The feeling of control was so close but yet so far away. 

There was a moment, just a moment. More I.C.E. had just been injected as you hung from the cuff restraints, you swung lightly as you dangled there. The cell door closed and the silence you were left with was getting louder by the second, your brain starting to pound like it always did and right at the back of your head near the bottom began to pulse, like you were being stabbed. The pain, hunger, exhaustion built up until that one moment, your eyes were slowly closing but as they closed you could see something right in front of you, something was moving. You couldn’t reach out to touch it because you were chained but as you crossed your eyes all you saw was a little black thing slightly swinging with you. 

It was the tip of your nose. 

Your fingers had also begun to blacken, it was about to hit your first knuckle. 

That was when you let the control fully go to the I.C.E. flowing in your veins, the power to keep yourself above water was only getting more and more tiring. No one had tried to save you so they probably were never going to come. Part of you thought Bucky would be there in less than a day, he’d break walls and towers for you, but it might have just been words to make you think he loved you, just sounds put together as a fake. 

Time: 6:10am

Date: October 3rd 2024

“Darling, It’s me, It’s Bucky, you’re safe now.” Bucky spoke softly, he flickered between your eyes and nose. You didn’t say anything, just looked right through him. “I will not fight you, but we need to get out of here, we have to go.” He urged, right when he finished talking you stepped forward, he was shocked to see you move, it was rigid and robotic. “Baby, explain what’s going on, please baby?” Bucky stepped forward and reached out, his hand lightly touched your shoulder but he studied your face as he did so. Your nose would have scrunched up but with the lack of that it was just your eyebrows that pulled together. Bucky looked around the room to try and find any sign of how to get you out of your trance; the papers he flicked through were now getting thoroughly read through. All you did was stare at him, waiting for a command. 

“Bucky, it’s all clear down here, some got away though,” Steve breathed heavily as he spoke through the coms. “There's this guy who looked to be the head and he got away, didn’t get a good look at him.” 

Bucky turned to you, “who’s the leader here?”

“No one gave their name.” You answer quickly. 

“What did he look like?” Bucky left the papers and walked to you, he grabbed a lab coat on the way to cover your scared and naked body. 

“Slick black hair. Black eyes. Heart shaped face. No facial hair. Slit through his left eyebrow. Hydra ring on his finger.” Your eyes closed as you computed the man who poured the ice water on you multiple times. “Height: six foot. Weight: around one eighty. Scars, markings, tattoos: none.” Bucky watched you in shock, “any other specifics, James?” 

“N-no, well done.” He nodded and threw the coat around you, “we’re going to leave now, okay?” Bucky took your hand and led you toward the door. 

Your feet tread silently while Bucky’s combat boots echoed three times down the grey hallway, it scared you every time he’d step. With every loud sound came a hard punch, it was a way for you to brace yourself when they’d catch you talking about your past life. As you walked closer to the doors your fingers found their way to the walls, still grey like the floor but clean, the floor was covered in dead bodies and blood from the invasion. 

The doctors and agents you knew were slumped over against the wall or splayed out in the middle of the hallways, some people’s blood had congealed while others still created a larger pool around the Hydra operatives. The smell of death didn’t read on your face but it did on Bucky’s, the smell of the inside of your cell just carried out here it seemed like. You were unaware of your smell, part of you thought it was the lack of nose but the other knew it was the lack of fresh air and being surrounded by copious amounts of blood. 

“Where to, Sergeant Barnes?” the feeling of someone holding your hand was foreign, his thumb kept swiping back and forth.

“Call me Bucky,” he looked back with sorrow in his eyes. You stopped walking and lowered your head, “what are you doing?” he asked. 

“Waiting for punishment,” you spoke softly, knowing they went easier on you if you knew you messed up. There’d be times where you’d push your luck and stare them down but once you grew tired of being tough you head would bow and you waited for the strike, it was now a reaction to any type of dissatisfactory.

“No, no punishment anymore,” his eyes filled with tears and he brought you under his arms, his lips kissed the crown of your head as he opened the doors. He kept you under his arm as he opened them, metal arm gripping right on your forearm. 

The sun was barely meeting the surface and yet you had to squint to adjust, everything had a hue of red. The grass felt foreign under your bare feet as you stepped off the tiles and into nature, your toes gripped the leaves and grass as they walked. Your lungs felt like they were about to explode with the intake of fresh air, your nose could still work but it was slightly harder to breathe, the cool wind blew into your mouth and gripped the back of your throat which made you double over to the cough. Your knee popped out of the front slit on the closed lab coat, you were used to feeling naked and vulnerable; Bucky was the one to close it again. 

Steve, Wanda, and Nat all stood by the jet.

Wanda screamed your name and ran up to you, her arms pulled you into a tight hug but you curled in and waited for the strike. She pulled away and the feeling of rigidness, “y/n?” She questioned, her hand coming to cup your cheek but you stepped back and held your hand up for protection. Wanda brought her hands into her chest, she looked between Bucky and you but Bucky just shook his head with a few tear tracks present on his face; Wanda was beginning to develop her own after she looked back at you before turning away. 

You didn’t really know why everyone was crying, “Scarlet Witch, Wanda Maximof.” your head slightly bowed, you looked over her to see the others behind her shoulder, “Captain Steve Rogers and Natasha Rominoff, a pleasure.” Their faces seemed worried and Nat looked disgusted, she brought her hand to cover her mouth as she walked up the steps to the jet. 

Wanda got your attention again, “hello, we’re going to take you home, alright?” Wanda took your hand, “do you remember me?” 

“From?” was all you said as you made it into the jet. Wanda covered sob with her hand as she turned away from you to sit beside Nat, she was also crying.

Steve didn’t even look at you, he walked straight to Bucky. Steve caught him right as Bucky’s knees were buckling, Bucky caught onto Steve and they both slowly made it to the ground. It seemed like they guided each other, both holding onto one another for dear life. It was a common understanding, grief was written on both of them. 

“She’s fucking gone, Steve!” Bucky cried into Steve’s uniform, the blue turning navy with the tears. “She called me James! She doesn’t know who I am, I can't- I don know- what did they-”

“Bucky, it’s alright,” Steve calmed him as Bucky began to hyperventilate, “we’re going to get her back, I promise.” Steve gripped onto Bucky’s shoulders and they both stood, a little wobbly but both were extremely tired and light headed. “I’ll handle everything,” they walked to the jet, “just be there for her and I figure everything else out, alright?” Steve made Bucky look at him. 

“Sure…” was all Bucky could muster. 

They all made it to the jet, you were placed in a room off to the right. Bucky went right in there to see you curled on the ground when there was an examination table in the middle of the room, he kneeled beside you and ghosted a hand down your shin to try and get your attention. 

“It’s Bucky, let’s sit up on the table, okay?” Bucky eased but you didn’t move, his eyes closed as he fought with himself. He didn’t want to abuse your injected substance, but he really needed you on the exam table to check your wounds. “On the exam table.” he didn’t speak harshly or yell, it was just Bucky’s normal tone. 

You shot up instantly and sat on the edge of the table, your legs hung off it and the lab coat was forgotten, it was still around you but it seemed you were told to be naked so often it became second nature. Bucky turned toward you and stood between your legs so he could get a good look at you, he could tell you were staring deep into his eyes, he didn’t want to look in yours yet, he wanted to look you deep in the eyes and have you pull him in for a kiss, maybe it was selfish but he needed it. 

“I’m going to do something called a head-to-toe check,” he informed but he knew you knew what this was. He slipped on the disposable gloves, “I know you have cuts and scars but I need to find active bleeding first, alright?” Bucky held up his hands to show nothing was on the gloves. “Tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“Nothing is-”

“That’s an order.” Bucky added, “I’m commanding you to tell me if you don’t want me touching somewhere,” he knew he had checked you, there might be a way you could find a loophole in his command and get him further from a checkmate but he was making progress. 

His hands gently tapped all around you, he was asking questions as he did so but you didn’t answer any of them. You were now looking straight forward, when Bucky looked to your face for any sign of his girl you’d give no hints or answer. His hands worked down to your chest, he hesitated over your breasts but you gave no indication that you were uncomfortable, when he looked for bumps, bruises, or blood he didn’t find much, just scratch marks that looked old. He did the same when he hit your waist, not a lot of touching but looking, it wasn’t thorough but he knew you wouldn’t say anything and he might trigger you again. 

His gloves weren’t picking up much, most cuts were partly healed and the bruises were very noticeable. Part of a head-to-toe check is seeing how the victim reacts to the pressure, if you tap their stomach and they flinch it could be internal bleeding or a broken rib, but you weren’t giving any sign of hurt. He knew you could feel the broken bones and the bruises but you would never tell him in the mindset you’re in. he watched for little twitches in the eye or some type of pull away from him wherever he touched, Bucky wanted to reach in and find your brain so that you could tell him what hurts; he wanted to help you so bad. 

“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?” Bucky asked as he picked up your left leg, turning and examining it. He found a deep red mark on the edge of a purple bruise on your ankle, there was the exact same one on the other and on your wrists. He pushed away your hair and moved the lab coat back to find a massive bruise with cuts all around your neck, it was impeccable your vocal chords weren’t fried after being put in that cuff contraption. 

“Gone from where?” you asked robotically, you didn’t even look at him. 

Bucky was taken back by your answer, he stumbled with his hands as he switched legs. “F-from home, y/n. Shield, home?” 

“Hydra is my home, it was where I was created.” your head turned to allow your eyes to lock with Bucky’s. 

Part of him wanted to scream and shake your head so hard it might knock a memory back in place, he wanted to tell you of your story and how you both grew. Bucky wanted to tell you about the drawings you do with Steve or the boxing in the early mornings, he wanted to overflow you with emotions but he knew they’d hit a brick wall. 

Bucky finished his exam but he needed to keep you for himself for a little longer, he pretended to check your pupils and pulse three more times but all he wanted was to feel the warmth of your skin. His eyes would catch the tip of your nose swinging as he moved you slightly, he had an entire set of questions just for that. But he just kept looking at you for no reason. He’d ask if you’re cold and you’d say no, he’d ask if you were hungry and you’d say no. he’d ask if you were thirsty, you’d say no. 

So he stopped asking, “drink this water.” He pulled the little water bottle from the back of his belt loop, the little tear drop shaped bottle fit perfectly in her hands. 

You grasped the frosted bottle, it seemed familiar to you. You never got water in your cell, you’d have to suck on the floor after the doctor left; they’d always wake you up by dumping ice water on your head. Calloused fingers gripped and felt the bottle, something was happening in your brain that you couldn't quite understand, you were feeling something deep within you. 

“Drink.” Bucky said again. 

“Wait,” you whispered, all you saw was black form shutting your eyes so tight. You didn’t see Bucky’s face as he waited to see if this water bottle would trigger something from right before you were taken, this was the water bottle you had introduced to the group. 

A picture was unfolding in your head, it was a big room with people all around. There was a couch that some were sitting on while one stood in front of them, the one standing was smiling. The people on the couch were leaned in to listen, some held their chin in their hand as they too, were also smiling. The little bottle of water you were holding was also in this picture, the one standing seemed to be presenting it like a game show host, showing it off as if it was new. The picture began to move and the people standing took a seat next to another person, they cuddled close and began whispering to each other with iggles in between. A pen made its way across the couch and ended up at the two who looked like a couple, one wrote a heart next to their name while the other did it normally. 

Your eyes shot open at the sound of the pop, you were squeezing the bottle so hard it exploded. Your eyes frantically searched around and when they landed on the other set of eyes in the room you lunged for a hug. 

“Bucky!” you screamed, “thank you!” You wrapped your arms around him so tight. Bucky hesitated before clinging to you like a life source, “I thought it would’ve taken you longer,” you sighed into his touch. 

“We left you there for too long,” Bucky whispered, his face his deep in your neck.

You pulled away with tears in your eyes, you looked to him but he kept looking down, “is there something on my nose?” you asked, Bucky was looking between your eyes and nose. Your finger went to touch but pulled away at the feeling of something dangling, “what is that?” you screamed and felt it again. 

“It’s the injection side effect, I think.” Bucky added he felt around your face to try and see if you were actually real or if this was some sick joke Wanda was playing on him. 

“What injection? They just took my blood once so far,” you shrugged and felt the back on your head, “there was a scab there before, it hurts like crazy, like a pulsing thing.'' You brought your other hand back to try and find that scab you felt what seemed like hours ago. Your hair felt dirtier than the last time you remembered, it was one big clump when you moved it.

“Sit down.” Bucky said, you moved back on the seat without a second thought.

With wide eyes you looked up to Bucky, “I didn’t want to sit...Bucky what did you do?” you asked, it looked like you were glued there as you tried to get off. 

“What day is it?” Bucky asked cautiously, his hands coming back to cup your face. 

“September twenty third, I didn’t hit my head it’s not a con-”

“It's October third.” Bucky breathed out, “oh my god…” he whispered and pulled you into another hug, he gently rubbed your back as you stayed rigid in his hold. 

The plane began to drop and Bucky knew it was just landing but with everything rushing against you like a title wave it felt like the plane was crashing. Bucky held you tight as you slashed around in his grip, pleads to any higher power you could think of to keep you alive didn’t seem to work. The plane froze and you stayed gripped to Bucky, he brought you out of the medical room. The three others just looked at you, not wanting to get their hopes up. But when you ran over to them and asked what day it was they seemed to be more disappointed, they just pulled you in for a hug and tried to calm you down like Bucky did. 

All at once medical staff open the jet doors, people rushing to you and you. Bucky was trying to cut through the crowd to get to you but medical staff were getting in the way and holding him back, he could see your frantic search for him. 

“You’re gonna trigger her, s-stop, this isn’t-”

A medical staff member flew back and knocked a few others over, everyone began to calm down and slow their moments. You were right over the person you pushed trying to help them up, apologizing profusely, they kept moving back and away from you. 

“Y-you were holding a needle, I’m sorry.” you eased. 

“Sedate her!” another yelled. 

You ran down and out of the jet to try and get away from the many needles that, what seemed like, every medical member was holding. There was just noise surrounding you, vision began to tunnel right when the pounding in your ears began, at the back of your head there seemed to be a knife stabbing you. 

“Get a gurney!” the voice cut through the shouts and chasing. 

Everything stopped and you froze from your worried state to complete your mission, someone ordered you to find a gurney, you must complete it. There was one waiting outside, you walked over with your back straight and your chin up. There was no need to look behind you shoulder but you did so anyway to make sure no threats were also in need of the gurney, everyone behind you was just still and watched you. This must be a test, after that realization you did everything quickly and efficiently to avoid punishment. 

When you brought the gurney to the voice who shouted it they told you to get on as well, Bucky was by your side and offering an arm to help get on but you didn’t take it. People were shouting orders to one another and you kept trying to get up to fulfill the command but Bucky kept holding you down. Some medical staff were trying to shove him away but he stood his ground and kept a hand holding you.

“Why do I keep wanting to do all these things?” you frantically aske as you tried to stand again.

“I’ll explain later, don’t worry,” he squeezed your hand as you made it into your exam room. Hands felt all around you, the lab coat was long forgotten so you sat on the table naked. Bucky was right against the wall and kept an eye on you, though your brain was next to scrambled eggs he could still read you like a book.

“We need to take some blood, might also need to give something to sedate her.” it was, what looked like, the head of this team that spoke.

Another picture flashed before your eyes. The needles and this blue liquid that went into you. Bucky had told you something called ‘ice’ but you didn’t know what that meant. Blood would be taken from you then without you looking, they would stick whatever serum Bucky was talking about in your arm. Voices and sounds rushed into your head as these pictures moved and changed to show that you weren’t there for as long as you thought you were, in your mind a different doctor repeated the same motions over and over and over again. You were covered in water and somebody was talking over you from inside of the cell, their voice seemed as though they too were underwater so you couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but one part stood out. They were saying how they did this all without you noticing, how you were too confident, how you were strong and yet you’d look away from the needles when they were stuck into your arm. 

All of these people who you failed to remember that were surrounding you now, all had needles and some had already taken your blood, but you were going to be cautious now, you were going to be aware because you didn’t want to forget everything again. Before anyone could stick anything else in you, your arms flew out to the side and gripped as many syringes as you could, they were smashed to the ground and the clear liquid spilled and dripped on the floor. People were beginning to hold you down but you broke free from their dead grass pushing away the velcro straps that were about to go around your ankles and wrists.

Someone managed to get a strap on your left ankle without you noticing, that sensation of being cuffed made another picture float in your mind. It was a large metal contraption with silver Cuban links and five cuffs, two around your wrists, two around your ankles, and the final one went around your neck. Once they were all attached to you, you were suspended in the air as your entire body weight was being held up by your limbs and neck, even though only one bound was attached to you now, you could still feel the weight of all of it crashing back onto you. 

With one large tug the Velcro cuff snapped, you tried to get up and off the table to run to Bucky, he was the only one left in the room that you knew and trusted. He was also trying to make his way to you simultaneously, reading the fear etched deep into your eyes. No medical staff was trying to hold him back so he ripped through all of them and got to you quickly, you couldn’t really hear what he was saying because the pounding in your head that was pinpointed right at the back of your neck was starting to pound into your ears. But you could make out his lips that were moving, you can remember faintly kissing them, the feeling was on the tip of your tongue but you couldn’t quite make out what it really felt like. He was telling you it was going to be okay, at one point he said that you could sleep now and that he’d be there when you wake up, you really didn’t want to trust him but you were so tired and your head hurt so bad.

You didn’t even see or feel the syringe plunge deep into the crook of your neck as he held your face and made your eyes look right into his.

Winter Makes Ice tag list: @small-death-and-codeine​ @commonintrest​ @buckyys-doll​  @lil-baby-nor 

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[ilikedilfs6969]

sobbing

Enough

Pairing: Bucky x fem!Reader (College AU)

Word Count: 2,768

Warnings: +18 Only, fluff, little smut if you squint, allusions to sexual harassment, hella angst

A/N: Wow, ok so I wrote this in less than a day. But I'm not sure if that's exactly something I should be proud of in this case. This is heavily based off of a situation I'm currently in. Though, I have no idea where mine will go. There's very little dialogue in this one, it's mostly a narrative. I know I should be working on Crossing Lines or part three of When Saving an Avenger, but it's been so hard, especially lately. And I needed to write this. This wasn't an easy decision for me, at all. Mostly because while I add little parts of myself to my stories, it has never been this personal and I'm really nervous about this. But, like I said, I needed to write this. It's been a week and I can still feel myself hurting. Yes, I cried a few times writing this. My relationship hasn't gotten to where I will end this story, but I can't help but feel it's headed in that direction. Anyways, enough of my rambling. I hope you all enjoy this! Crossing Lines or part three of When Saving an Avenger should be out relatively soon.

All mistakes are my own. The gif used is not my own, credit to the original owner.

Main Masterlist

You were tired of dating apps. You were tired of the cringy flirting and the boring ass talking stage. You were tired of trying, putting yourself out there, only for it to not go anywhere, or go in a bad direction. You were this close to deleting all the apps, and chucking your phone out the nearest window. But then, then you came across his profile.

He looked good, really good. Seemed decent enough, too. And his values seemed to align with yours. So, you figured you'd give online dating another chance. Besides, you were lonely and hoping to cross off being single. What's the worst that can happen? You swiped right.

And that is how you matched with Bucky Barnes.

Granted, you rarely checked the app, which led to not replying all that often, but he still seemed interested. You started talking about things you liked to do on campus and that's when he mentioned the restaurant and you two started planning your first date.

He asked, and you gave him your phone number, and you two started texting, everyday. His car ended up breaking down on his way to your date, and he swore he wasn't trying to stand you up. He even wanted to make sure that you were comfortable meeting him at the restaurant beforehand. And you understood. He wasn't in control of those kind of things. You could have offered to pick him up, but you were already nervous about the date, you didn't think you could handle driving him too. Besides, he didn't ask, and you had a feeling that you'd be seeing him soon anyways.

You two continued texting the rest of the week. He got his battery replaced, so his car was working again m. He made you smile over text and you couldn't wait to actually meet him. You guys made plans to meet at the same restaurant that Saturday. When you first stepped out to greet him, you only felt relief.

His hair was pulled back into a cute little bun that made him look ten times better than his profile picture, he looked hot, and he actually looked like his profile picture. His shoulders were broad, a result of the workouts he did, and he had one of the friendliest smiles you'd seen in a while. Even the fact that he had a metal arm didn't bother you, you thought it was so cool. You were excited.

You two immediately sparked a conversation, the waitress had to come by twice before you were ready to order. And the conversation didn't end there. You stayed there, just talking and then the other actually listening, until ten minutes before the place closed, receiving plenty of looks from the waitstaff during that time even though you weren’t the only ones still there. But you simply didn't care, you both were enjoying yourselves too much.

You two talked about practically everything. You both offhandedly mentioned past troubles with other relationships and the trust issues it caused, but you weren't worried about it. He kept complimenting your eyes the whole time, about how beautiful they were, and you kept mentioning how you liked it when he smiled. His smile was so pretty.

At the end, he paid for dinner and walked you back to your car before giving you a hug and a simple kiss on the cheek, and making you promise to tell him when you got home safely. You could swear that was the most you smiled in what felt like forever as you were driving back to your apartment, you couldn't stop smiling. There were no red flags, he was genuine, and the perfect gentleman. You simply had to see him again. And you had that chance a week later.

While you were texting him after your first date, which you did every day, he mentioned he got another ticket to a movie you had both wanted to see. Of course, you agreed to go and date two was planned. During that week though, you both opened up to each other a bit over text. Nothing too deep, you were waiting to tell him somethings in person, but that was something you'd tell him if you ever got to the third date. And then Friday rolled around, date number two.

Once again, everything went really well. The movie was great! The conversation, just as good. And just like before, he was the perfect gentleman, not trying to steal touches in the darkness in places you weren't ready for, or anything like that. You were happy. And once again, you both walked to the parking lot where you hugged and he gave you a simple kiss on your cheek before making you promise to text him when you got home. You both later admitted that you wanted to give the other a hug before entering the theater but backed out at the last second.

Again, there were no red flags, and you were excited to see him again. You may have even found his social media accounts to make sure. You didn't follow him on anything, and you were determined not to let him find out. Later that week you ended up calling him, after getting the idea and you just couldn't let it go. The conversation didn't last that long, he had gotten back from his workout at the gym and needed to shower, but it was still good. You weren't worried about it not being too long, you both also had homework to finish before you went to sleep. But, it left you feeling giddy.

You found that he became more opened with you over text, especially at night, telling you about the panic attacks that started when he lost his arm. You understood, you told him, you'd even get them sometimes yourself. He didn't push you to talk about things, and insisted that you only tell him if you were comfortable. He specifically wanted to make sure that you were comfortable when he invited you over and you mentioned your reservations, but only because you've had bad experiences whenever you were at someone's place. But you assured him, you were ok and would tell him if you weren't.

He made dinner for you, the conversation flowing easily as you were eating. It was so good and it had been awhile since you really had a good homecooked meal. When you were both done, you finally gathered your courage and told him you needed to talk to him about something.

He led you to the couch, and sat down next to you. You told him your struggles with your mental health, that you were working on them, but felt he deserved to know. He listened the whole time, even asked what something was but told you that he could look it up if you weren't ready to talk to him about it. And you explained it. Maybe this is where you went wrong?

He opened up too, even though you told him he didn't have to, telling you about his last girlfriend that cheated on him. One of the main reasons he had trust issues. You listened and couldn't help but think who is that bad of a person to do that to someone who is so goddamn kind and caring. You both sat on the couch for a while, just holding each other, just giving the other comfort. Surely, it wasn't there.

Eventually, he got up to take care of something, and you went to check your phone. When he came back, you looked at each other for what felt like forever, your stomach twisting in anticipation, and then he kissed you.

You had never really understood what feeling weak in the knees had meant until that moment because good god, was he a good kisser. You stood there forever, just kissing each other, hands wandering slightly, and you couldn't get enough. He led you back to his couch, and laid you down, not breaking the kiss once. He asked if you were ok, and you said yes, but left out how you never felt more alive. He kept his weight off you for awhile, and then you wrapped your legs around his waist and he was lowering himself onto you. He made sure you were ok, whenever he did something new, and you never wanted to stop him. When he started moving against you, you could swear nothing felt quite as good. You stayed there for a long time, but yet not long enough, until he stopped. You almost whined, your heart pounding in your chest, heat and wetness pooling in your core, you didn't want him to stop. But you weren't ready to go further.

No questions were asked, no comments made, as he pulled you into him while you cuddled on his couch, his metal arm cooling your heated skin. However, it didn't matter if that was, by far, the best kiss and the best you've felt after something like that, you just couldn't help it when your mind wandered back to all those times that weren't like this. You knew you were thinking, and had to stop it and just relish in the moment, but you couldn't. When he noticed he asked about it. He told you that you could tell him, but only if you were comfortable. And so you told him, not everything but enough to paint the picture. Maybe it was there. He held you through it, gave you his necklace to help ground yourself, and helped wipe away your tears. He told you that you did nothing wrong, that they took advantage of you and you burrowed into him further. He didn't pressure you into doing things you didn't say no to but didn't say yes either, he just held you and you wanted to stay there forever. You felt safe there.

You two got up, and he handed you a bottle of water. And you thanked him, thinking it was cute that he did that. You two spent a little while cooling down, just talking before cuddling again on the couch. This time though, he laid on top of you while you wrapped your arms around him, scratching his back. He claimed that your hands were magic and you never wanted to move. The weight of his body was a comfort to you.

After a while, he started placing small kisses on your chest, where your shirt dipped down, and you never thought that you'd like something like that quite as much. His kisses started getting rougher and you couldn't keep that small moan in if you tried. And he started kissing you again, hungerly, like he couldn't get enough of you. And again, he didn't lower himself completely onto you until your legs were wrapped tightly around his waist. And the way he positioned himself, with the tip of his erection just brushing against your clothed core perfectly, you couldn't stop the soft moans from escaping you. He felt too good. Maybe it was there? Was it too much?

Again, he stopped after awhile, resorting to laying back down on top of you.

"You're heart is racing pretty fast." He chuckled. His voice alone sending a shiver down your spine.

"I wonder why." You quipped, causing him to chuckle a bit more.

You two stayed there for awhile, before you both checked the time. It was already 12:30 at night, and he had to leave early the next morning. You understood why, but in the end, it almost felt like he was pushing you out. You weren't completely sure, because it was late and you really had no intention on leaving sooner (you were still pretty turned on from the night), but you also didn't want to overstay your welcome. Again, he walked you to your car and gave you a hug, but not without giving you a kiss and making you promise to text him when you're home safe.

That was the last time you saw him looking at you.

You two continued to talk but it felt different. You chalked it up to your insecurities and anxiety about getting close to someone. But a few days later, he was in a sad mood, and you were trying to cheer him up, but he kept saying all these self-deprecating things. You knew he was struggling with his own demons, but it felt like he was pushing you away. Especially because he kept saying he didn't want to hurt you. Because he hurt someone badly in the past. The last thing you sent that night was asking him if he was ready to be in a relationship. Your mind had already came up with the worst possible scenarios. So when you saw his reply, it didn't surprise you.

"I don't think I can handle a relationship right now. But I still want you in my life."

You both were confused on where to go, but you agreed to take things slowly and see what would happen. You really liked him, cared for him, but didn't want to only stay friends. You talked to all your friends, and they agreed with you. You'd have to talk to him when you saw him next. Unfortunately, that would have to wait a little while. Midterms were approaching, and his family was coming into town to see him. You wondered if he told anyone about you. You continued to try and be there for him whenever he told you he had a bad day. You tried to send him support as best you could. Though it was always difficult because whenever you asked if there was anything you could do to help, he'd respond with "help yourself first".

It was Friday night when you decided to go back onto the dating app to delete some of the guys you were talking to before, but weren't quite interested in. But you froze. Bucky Barnes had updated a few of his profile pictures. You knew he did it recently, you kept deleting the screenshots you took whenever your friends asked about him and had to always go take more. He'd even used one of them on one of his social media profiles only hours earlier.

And you felt something break inside you.

He obviously was looking for a relationship with someone. Just not with you apparently.

You weren't enough.

The tears came quickly and it felt like you were being used. You felt sick, because you had let it happen again. You cared for him, may have even started falling for him, and it felt like it all got shoved back into your face.

But how is it possible to feel heartbreak if you never fell in love?

You kept it to yourself, the tears and the hurt, and acted like nothing happened. Bucky started to become more distant, but you had already locked up you heart. But you still couldn't help but care and worry for him.

He started texting you less and less, during the times he usually would. And you started to think the worst.

You were walking to the bus stop from one of your classes when you spotted him in the distance. You smiled a little and started walking towards where he was, but froze in place not even a step later. He hadn't seen you, but you had seen him. And the nausea in your gut came back tenfold.

He was talking with a group of friends, but he wasn't by himself. No, he had his arm wrapped tightly around another girl's shoulders. Her fiery red hair made her stand out from the crowd. It could be a friend, you tried to reason, but no. She was shaking their hands, bright friendly smile in place. When she finished with the group, Bucky smiled down at her before placing a tender but firm kiss on her forehead before he interlaced their fingers. No, he was introducing her to his friends.

The burn of tears shook you out of your frozen state, and you quickly turned away before practically bolting towards the bus stop, willing yourself not to cry until you got home.

You don't know where things went wrong, but like always, they did. You just were too happy to see the storm rolling in.

One minute, things for fine, they next they weren't. And of course, you were left by yourself, once again, to pick up the pieces.

Screw dating apps, screw dating in general. You should have just deleted the damned thing when you had the chance. You would have saved your dignity. But now, at least one thing was quite clear to you.

You aren’t enough.

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@broco8

@tcc-gizmachine

@miraclesoflove

@ladyacrasia

@broadwaybabe18

@xsalemx

@zellington

@w0nderw0man91