#bucktommy grief group au

[perfectlysunny02]

✨✨✨✨✨💫💫💫💔💔💔💌💌💌

abigail, babe, my love, do you hate me?😭

✨- "Please," Deacon begs on his knees. "Please just let him go. He never did anything to you. He wasn't even alive, please-"

"Shut up, Kay," Mark spits out, pressing the gun tighter against Evan. "I don't give a fuck. Just shut up."

"The only thing people hate more than cop killers is a child killer," Deacon says to him, trying to buy more time. "You shoot him or me, and you'll never get what you want."

"Shut up! I said shut the fuck up! No one wants to hear you fucking talk, Kay!"

💫- "Yeah, it looks like we're going to be up here a little longer," Evan says and Tommy suddenly can't breathe. This has been the longest year and a half of his life. He doesn't even know how he and Teddy got through it this far.

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Tommy-"

"No. Are you fucking serious? God fucking damn it, Evan. Your family is drowning down here without you, and you're stuck up there for longer. You promised- you promised that the last mission was your last, and then you promised that this mission was only 6 months, and now you're saying it might be longer?!"

"Tommy, this is my dream, what do you-"

"Oh, it's your dream, huh? My mistake. I thought your family was your dream. I won't believe that again. Goodbye, Evan."

💔- "He wanted to get married, Maddie," Buck told her, his voice sounding funny. "He wanted to marry this guy; they were going to get married. And he died. He just died. I can't compete with a ghost."

"Evan-"

"He wanted to get married, Maddie, but not to me. He didn't want to marry me. I don't even think he wants to be in love with me."

"But he does love you, Evan-"

And he wouldn't be, his brain told him. Not if Sal was still alive.

💌- "What about Hockey?!" Grey snaps at him and Evan the moment his Physio therapist leaves. "I can't play hockey with this bum ass leg!"

"Language, kiddo." Evan scolds. "And you're worth so much more than hockey. Kid, you're lucky to be walking, I think-"

"God, Dad! Does it look like I give a fuck about what you think? You're never around! Just hurry up and give Pops that fucking divorce you threatened and leave us alone!"

"Greyson Kinard!" Tommy snaps.

[cafe-con-letty]

make me write <3

nobody tagged me, i just wanted to be included lmao.

rules: send an ask with the emojis (as many as you want) corresponding to the wips, and i’ll give you at least three sentences!

🌃 - to live and die in l.a. (character study, everybody-centric)

🚁 - in the darkest night hour (bucktommy helicopter crash fic)

🧃 - i wanna hold you (like it’s june in the west end) (sheddie character study)

🌤️ - what’s love besides two souls trying to heal each other ( eddietommy alternate meeting au—in the grief support group)

🍾 - i love you (but i can hate you at the same time) (toxic bucktommy honeymoon fic)

open tag :)

[perfectlysunny02]

💔💔💔 (can't wait to see what you do with this!!)

cameron!!❤️

💔- “I was here!” Evan yelled, and Tommy fell silent. “I was here for the aftermath! The terrible, achy, bloody aftermath, you were in pieces and I was here! You can’t tell me everything’s okay. You’d still be here with him if he was still alive. You wouldn’t have picked me. He was everything to you. Losing him almost killed you. Don’t act like it did anything different. I’ll never compare to Sal, and I’m sick and tired of competing with ghosts that I can’t see! I’ve done it my whole life, I’m not doing it now.’

[perfectlysunny02]

yay my favorite game 🤩

💌💌💌💌💌

💔💔💔💔💔

yay! my favorite mutual!

💌- “Okay,” the fight seems to deflate out of Evan at Tommy’s words. “Okay, you’re… you’re right, I need-“

“Forgive me, Evan, but right now, I don’t care about what you need,” Tommy snaps. “I care about what our son needs, and he needs you to go to therapy. So stop talking about going back, and actually do it. Make an appointment and go, or get the hell out of my house. I love you more than anything, but our son- my son has to come first, and if you can’t do that, I am.”

Evan studies him for a moment, as if looking for something in his facial features. He must find whatever it was because he nods.

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

“Thank you.” Tommy sighs, the anger not quite dissipating. “Thank you, now go to bed. You have work in the morning.”

💔- “And Ali?” Tommy asked.

“You can’t break up with a man whose brother just died,” Evan laughs bitterly again. “So she welcomed me into her home, she helped me through rehab, through the first few months of grief group, but you know, a few months go by, and instead of alcohol, it’s work. And instead of talking to you, I’m talking to grief group, and Ali couldn’t handle it. I knew she couldn’t handle it, so I moved out, and in with a few friends from college. And we never talked again. Last I heard, she’s got a new boyfriend and travels for work. She’s doing okay. Danny didn’t like her anyway, said she was too flighty for his taste. Guess he was right. Thank God he isn’t alive to tell me, I told you so, you know?”

[perfectlysunny02]

you know me ✨✨✨or 💔 cause I’m curious!

💔- “Get up Tommy,” Evan said, pulling back his covers. “Up, now. We’re taking a walk.”

Tommy didn’t want to get up and take a walk. He didn’t want to leave his house.

“No,” He said weakly, pushing at Evan’s reaching hands. “No, Evan, go away.”

[perfectlysunny02]

💔💔💔

i love this game 😅🫶🏻

i have a love hate relationship with it myself 😅

💔- Tommy stops talking. He isn't sure when or why, but he does. It's okay though, because Evan takes up all the talking for him. And bit by bit the lonely spaces in his apartment are filled with Evan. He's thankful for Evan. It's nice to not worry because someone else is doing it for him.

Evan fixes the holes in his wall and helps him replace his bedsheets as his grief counselor suggests. And he doesn't judge him for sleeping with them anyway. Evan is just good like that. Tommy wishes he was as good as Evan.

[perfectlysunny02]

💌💌💌

💔💔💔

💌- "I don't know what I'm going to do," Tommy whispers, leaning against Sal's cabinets. He's grateful Sal had forced him to sit down after he lost his lunch in his sink because Tommy doesn't think he could be standing now. "What am I supposed to do now? He wasn't supposed to leave me like this."

"What you always do," Sal tells him quietly. "You're going to be the best dad and the best husband, and you're going to figure out how to get your family through this. This isn't the end, Tommy. The fight's not over yet."

💔- "Sal has no hair anymore," Tommy tells Evan, interrupting his morning rant about seaweed. "He has... he has no hair."

Evan's eyes soften as he takes Tommy in but there's no pity. That's what he likes best about Evan. Evan never pities him like everyone else.

"It's been a month?" Evan asks, and Tommy isn't surprised that Evan knows that fact because it seems like Evan knows everything. He nods slightly, before going back to his eggs. He doesn't have the heart to tell Evan that they taste like sawdust.

[perfectlysunny02]

💔💔💔

sorry but i’m obsessed with this ‼️

💔- "Sorry," Evan tells him. "That was just my mom. These calls always get a little heated. She blames me for Daniel."

"Evan, oh my god-"

"She's not wrong." Evan cuts him off, his jaw set stubbornly. "She's not wrong."

[perfectlysunny02]

💔 and 💌 please and thank you 🧡

💔- "I'm worried about you," Evan tells him quietly one evening. Tommy doesn't have the heart to tell him he shouldn't be.

"I'm worried about me too."

💌- “We don’t talk about anything!” Tommy snaps. “You’re always upset and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“God damnit Tommy, I’m not a project or the monster under our son’s bed You can't fix me!”

[perfectlysunny02]

💔💔💔

i’m feeling angsty tonight, sunny !!

ahhh mac, aren't you always feeling angsty?😭😂

💔-Evan nodded again. He didn’t tell Tommy what everyone else had. Tommy was thankful.

It gets better. It hurts less. I’m so sorry. You’ll grow around it. It’ll be better. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Time heals everything. 

Tommy hoped strangely that it would never get better. He hoped he didn’t grow around this loss, because he wanted nothing more than to tuck Sal deep within the rotting parts of what’s left of his heart, nestled deep within the confines of his soul and never let go. 

They might’ve not been meant to be by whatever definition and expectations the cruel world had for them, but they’d take Sal away from him over his dead body, and if he stopped hurting like this, it meant he didn’t care.

If he didn’t care, it’d kill him. He had to care.

[perfectlysunny02]

make me write!

i’m going to be on a car for four hours tomorrow and waiting around for who knows how long before and after that because my dumbass joined the military

Rules: send me an emoji corresponding to the wip (as many as you want!) and I'll write 3 sentences per emoji and share some of what I write

✨ - half grown (deacon adopts buck)

💌 - when you love someone (bucktommy divorce)

💔- i miss you more than life (saltommy death, bucktommy grief group au)

🌈- somewhere only we know (bucktommy, buck suicide attempt and recovery)

🫀- death rattle breathing (chapter five, ED buck)

tagging: @diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @tommykinard @kinardsevan @herrmannhalsteadproduction

@bidisasterevankinard @cafe-con-letty . @desert--moonchild @merrylou-mas @bibibibuckleykinard

@lfjho @laundryandtaxesworld @tommiroccia

@kinkykinard

@drcloyd @livelaughbuck @exhaustedpirate @geniusjester @mayorjack

@itsametaphorok @keyweegirlie

@mintedwitcher @notacyborg

@ohheyitsthatlfjrfan

@prettyasadiagram @renytherat @reginamillis @tiltingheartand @whentheresidentsareevil

@swagmaster9k @sweaters-and-silly

@wilchildkyo @hyperfocusthusly @santakinard

@mmso-notlikethat @shxiao @loulou-land

@teddyeddiediaz

@thisnightcannotescapetomorrow @shyaudacity

@dearqueend @quintessenceofdust88

@thecarrott @dudedudeduda @hepbaestus

@miksterrr @sherlockismarvelous9-1-1 @loureen-may @meredith019 @nznaturalkiwi

[perfectlysunny02]

my loves!

💌💌

💔💔

mac, my love!

💔- for you, you get a whole chapter. chapter five is now out!

💌- “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean it.”

“You did mean it,” Tommy says gently, resisting the urge to reach out to Evan. He curses at himself for a brief moment. He shouldn’t have said anything. He could’ve just ignored it, but he refuses to let Evan be trapped somewhere where he’s unhappy. Even if that somewhere is with him. 

[perfectlysunny02]

✨💔

hi loren! i hope you're having a good day! i gave you a little bit more than you requested. i hope that's okay!

✨- Bright blue eyes stare unblinkingly at them the moment they entire the room, and Deacon’s heartbreak at the amount of distrust he sees glaring back at them. This kid has been burned before, and he curses whoever dared to hurt a child this small and helpless. 

His hand reaches out to touch the two pink splotches on the kid's head, trying to determine if it’s a bruise or a simple birthmark, but Evan jerks away from him as if he’s been burned, and Deacon only barely manages to stop himself from cursing out loud at his foolishness. This kid had been hurt before and Deacon shouldn’t make any sudden movements. He probably thought he was going to hit him. 

“I’m sorry,” Deacon tells him gently. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to see your forehead. My name’s David. I’m a police officer.”

💔- “Tommy,” Evan’s voice cut into his thoughts, and Tommy came back to the present. Judging by Evan’s concerned tone, he had said his name multiple times before and Tommy just hadn’t caught it. “Hey, you okay? Where’d you go?”

He blinked rapidly.

“Yeah, sorry. I just-I don’t… I don’t know. I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“I think…” Here Evan hesitated and Tommy knew that what he had to say next, he wouldn’t like. “I think you should see a grief therapist. I think you need a little bit more support than what grief group and I can give you. And that’s okay!” He must’ve seen something in Tommy’s expression and that’s why he rushed to reassure him. “That’s okay! It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling, I just think that maybe it’ll be better for you to get a little bit more support.”

[perfectlysunny02]

Hmmm I want some 💔 👀

my fbi agent probably thinks i'm some wacko after all the googling i did for this fic.

💔- It was so morbid but he couldn't stop himself from doing it as the days and months past.

His skin is falling off now.

His hair is falling out

His teeth...

Tommy couldn't stop picturing it, couldn't stop imagining it in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about it.

His beautiful boy was gone. There was nothing left in his coffin but an empty uniform and a ghost of a man.

[perfectlysunny02]

it's clear I enjoy torturing myself lol 😂 all of these pls 💜💜💜

💌💌💌🌈🌈🌈💔💔💔

hi saf!

💌- This happens several times over the next few days, and many times after shifts, Evan’s find my friends location has shown him at a bar. Tommy tries very hard to not check it, they’re separated for god’s sake, and he’s never been the type to check Evan’s location like this. But he’s so concerned.

He’s concerned and even a little mad. Sure, Evan comes home after what he’s sure that Evan assumes that he and Grey’s asleep, and sure, Grey sleeps like the dead so he doesn’t wake up, but it still pisses Tommy off.

He doesn’t want this behavior around his son, and for the first time ever, he doesn’t want Grey’s other dad around his son. The thought makes him sick.

🌈- “Hey,” Tommy says, and the rocking chair creaks again in the corner before the bed dips. Buck realizes that Tommy has night shifts, and that’s why he doesn’t see him. He has night shifts, and camps out in the corner, watching to make sure Evan doesn’t get up and-

The thought makes the already uncomfortable tightness in his throat tighter.

“Hey,” Tommy says again, running his hair through Buck’s probably matted as hell curls. He tries to remember the last time he brushed them, he can’t. “Hey, you’re okay. It’s just a dream.”

“I’m not,” Buck manages to choke out. “I’m not okay.”

“Oh baby, I know.”

💔- “It felt like I was dying, you know,” Evan says, and Tommy does know. It’s how he feels now. “And no one was giving me any space to grieve. My parents… my parents… it was awful, so it fell to me and my sister to plan everything, but she was pregnant with my niece. And she was a mess. So it was all up to me. I lived with him, so it was easy to make me the person who took care of everything. I planned the funeral, the wake. I packed up everything in our apartment, shoved it into a storage unit that I never wanted to think about again. I moved in with Ali, felt a little bad using her, but Daniel had never been in her apartment, and I could breathe there.”

“Is that… is that when you turned to alcohol?”

“Yeah,” Evan says with a bitter laugh. “I felt like the world was moving too fast, and I couldn’t keep up. It hurt too much to keep up, so I-“

[perfectlysunny02]

💔💔💔💔

wip game!

💔- Tommy felt like he was drowning. It was easier with Evan there, he had practically moved in, but Tommy still felt like he couldn’t keep his head above water.

He saw Sal everywhere, his scent lingered in places Tommy didn't dare to search out, but it was always there, lurking and unseen.

He continued to go to grief group, Evan's doing, but he didn't speak unless he had too. He guessed today was one of those days.

"I'm Tommy."

"Hi Tommy."

"My partner died."

"And how are you doing with that, Tommy?" The woman asks, Tommy has come to know her by Lily.

"Fine. I'm doing fine, Lily."